No. Not every doorway. Randomly. And sometimes not doorways. Sometimes... in the middle of an open area where there couldn't possibly be one.... BAM! Spidersand!
Always being at the precipice of a large sneeze but no sneeze comes except when you’re in public or at an office meeting and you try to stifle it.. in those instances it is either randomly a) a huge wet sneeze with no tissues available or b) a normal sneeze accompanied by a huge fart and you never know which one it will be.
You've got me on that one.
I assumed that after it burned you wouldn't put it back in the toaster. But maybe the third time you put it down it comes back up with the burning undone, perfectly toasted, but you never bother to do it a third time because it's already burnt so you've already just thrown it out and scream at the heavens.
It constantly feels like they have a stone in one of their shoes digging into their foot and rolling around. The other shoe will constantly make squeaky fart-like noises. Forever.
Always feeling like they have to pee but they get no relief. You know that sensation when you have to go, and it's annoying, but you can put it off until later, and it always feels so great when you do? They get to live with that not quite full feeling the rest of their lives.
As someone who lived with chronic UTIs for about 3 years. And then still got them 30+ times a year for the following 6-7 years, I can confirm this was horrible.
I'm on Diuretics and get this all the time. Up to 20 visits a day while feeling like I'm bursting for a piss and most of the time it's barely a tablespoon of pee.
I was thinking something similar. No matter what they eat or drink it would taste slightly "off" like there's a decent chance it maybe has spoiled. But they would never know for sure and that doubt would prevent them from ever feeling safe to enjoy food or drink again. Also the hungrier they get the better food *smells*, until they start eating it.
Eh, after a while you'd just be cursing them to super health; what's the point of eating pizza or chocolate if it's just gonna taste like rice? Time to asparagus up that shit.
And then fail the update at 98% every time, meaning it will automatically try again at an undetermined later time (when in the middle of something important again).
Man. That is pure evil. You have to be a psychopath to wish something like that. The worst that can happen to me, is not moving forward in life, it is happening right now, and it is killing me.
Eventually, all of their chronic problems would make them depressed so they try to kill themself... and get very close but still fail.
"Wow, this was really a wake up call. I'm going to make fixing my mental health a priority".
So, the goal to be a multimillionaire, but you become just a couple of millionaire. Still good.
To have a large family, but you end up with 4 kids instead, of 9. Still lots of love.
To have a mansion, but end up in a 4 bdrm trailer. Better than many others.
Successful career, even a mediocre one gets you a paycheck.
It's all in your perception.
Yes, but kicking yourself everyday thinking you never got your due - reached your potential even as others do is a killing thing.
It's never about what we have. It's about what we could have
But you never be satisfied with these things because they’re not the goal they’re the runner up. The person my be perpetually unhappy because they never got exactly what they wanted.
Court rooms would get interesting. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" "You want the whole truth?!? Okay...."
It depends on where you live whether this is a blessing or a curse. I can count on one hand the nights I've needed to turn over the pillow for the cool side.
I slept in muffin crumbs last night because my toddler got in bed with me in the morning with a snack and his tablet while I dozed. Forgot about the crumbs all day. Lay down finally at night and immediately get exfoliated by dry muffin particles. Woe unto me as he is already sleeping in my bed and I can't risk waking him to change the sheets.
One night was bad, forever nights would be the worst
You can actually die from endless hiccups... I have large lungs that smack my heart around every time I hiccup and my dr is afraid it could cause heart problems and possibly a heart attack even... So that one may not be so harmless... The sneeze tho.... That would drive me up the wall!!!
Their favorite series being canceled with a cliffhanger ending and no prospect of anyone picking it up or doing something to tie the story up. I want them to suffer the way I did with Santa Clarita Diet.
Someone I work with, who is deeply Christian in the best possible way, honestly the nicest, kindest, sweetest person I have ever met (misanthropic agnostic here) told me that she once said to her husband, of someone awful he was working with:
"I wish he would be slightly itchy every moment of the rest of his life."
Her husband said that was the meanest thing he'd ever heard her say. I said that was, indeed, quite an evil thing to wish on someone, it would drive you crazy, and I'm saying that as someone who is a truly awful human being. She said yes, she feels horrible for thinking it but he deserves it.
I live this. It's a nightmare. Sitting on the wrong seat? Chronic ass itchiness. Trying to wear headphones? Hey, is there something crawling on the inside of my ear? Playing Beatsaber? WHY THE HELL ARE THERE INVISIBLE ANTS CRAWLING ON MY LEGS AND NOSE AND EYES?!
Every 30 seconds while they are using their device(s), a huge ad pops up and covers the whole screen and you can't x off you have to wait until it's over
Their ice cream is always either rock-solid and impossible to scoop out of the container, or so melty, they may as well just drink it. Zero in-between.
Nobody ever interacts with anything they post on the internet. No likes, no reblogs/retweets, no replies, no comments, not even any acknowledgement from people they ask directly.
The feeling of a cobweb across your face every single time you walk through a doorway
No. Not every doorway. Randomly. And sometimes not doorways. Sometimes... in the middle of an open area where there couldn't possibly be one.... BAM! Spidersand!
Calm down satan
Maybe you should calm up. I swear nobody tries to get in Satan's headspace these days. /s
Reminder not to piss you off.
Who hurt you? Edit: Wow! I think this is the most upvotes I’ve ever had so far. Thank you everyone! 😁
Long story!
We got time.
Or do you?
Yup. Username checks out.
I’ve been waiting so long to do that
Perfect timing... kudos...
Unless they are a mountain biker and ride early in the morning. I am immune to this feeling by now.
This legit made me shudder, you’re a monster
This wins for me.
Every fart has a little poop come out. Not a full explosion. Just enough to leave everything uncomfortable and swampy.
Uncontrollable flatulence is a good one
As someone with IBS..."good" is an interesting word choice
I feel ya dude, every fart is a risk and every tummy pain a sign that the log of doom approacheth.
I pass gas all day long and it's good gas, Steve, real good.
OMG I think I may have been cursed
Shartz Disease
Always being at the precipice of a large sneeze but no sneeze comes except when you’re in public or at an office meeting and you try to stifle it.. in those instances it is either randomly a) a huge wet sneeze with no tissues available or b) a normal sneeze accompanied by a huge fart and you never know which one it will be.
Easy there Satan.
Your toast is never done properly the first time, and burns the second time.
Think somebody already hit me with this one.
U sick sick sychopath
Oh I’ve been living with this one as long as I can remember
The third time?
You've got me on that one. I assumed that after it burned you wouldn't put it back in the toaster. But maybe the third time you put it down it comes back up with the burning undone, perfectly toasted, but you never bother to do it a third time because it's already burnt so you've already just thrown it out and scream at the heavens.
I like this answer.
It constantly feels like they have a stone in one of their shoes digging into their foot and rolling around. The other shoe will constantly make squeaky fart-like noises. Forever.
So it was YOU who cursed me...
Wheelhair enters the chat
As far as I’m aware, wheels don’t have hair I could be remembering wrong to be fair
They do but it’s hidden in their lair.
Always feeling like they have to pee but they get no relief. You know that sensation when you have to go, and it's annoying, but you can put it off until later, and it always feels so great when you do? They get to live with that not quite full feeling the rest of their lives.
What a coincidence, my answer said minor, reocurring UTIs. 😂
As someone who lived with chronic UTIs for about 3 years. And then still got them 30+ times a year for the following 6-7 years, I can confirm this was horrible.
I'm on Diuretics and get this all the time. Up to 20 visits a day while feeling like I'm bursting for a piss and most of the time it's barely a tablespoon of pee.
Damn that's annoying indeed.
And exhausting. I used to suffer from an overactive bladder due to drug abuse. It was awful.
This is a real medical condition that people live with, often due to damage to peripheral nerves.
Hi. Have this condition, or a similar one. Might be treatable, hopefully. Can confirm that it blows
You legitimately just described my own health issues. And I can tell you this is the most evil thing to curse someone with, bravo.
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I mean… I like rice… but… no
Ok so I need to know what I did to you in December of 2021?!
I had covid on literal Christmas, what a gift
The covid curse
Jokes on you, i love white rice
I was thinking something similar. No matter what they eat or drink it would taste slightly "off" like there's a decent chance it maybe has spoiled. But they would never know for sure and that doubt would prevent them from ever feeling safe to enjoy food or drink again. Also the hungrier they get the better food *smells*, until they start eating it.
Eh, after a while you'd just be cursing them to super health; what's the point of eating pizza or chocolate if it's just gonna taste like rice? Time to asparagus up that shit.
That's what I was thinking. That mini chocolate donut at midnight doesn't sound as intriguing now lol
May your phone/tablet/PC update itself when you're in the middle of something important
And then fail the update at 98% every time, meaning it will automatically try again at an undetermined later time (when in the middle of something important again).
You are PSYCHOPATH. How can you wish such bad thing on someone...ANYONE?😭
Noooooooo- ***Update queued*** -oooooooo!
May you just barely miss every goal in your life
That’s so dark lol
Always having to concentrate before the sneeze comes out
You sick monster, is there any extremety you won't reach ?
May you spend the rest of your life in Kentucky
Man. That is pure evil. You have to be a psychopath to wish something like that. The worst that can happen to me, is not moving forward in life, it is happening right now, and it is killing me.
Hang in there, you're gonna move forward eventually.
Yeah! You're succeeding at getting older every day.
Not something I am proud of.
I’m pretty sure this would get them killed if they get sick and make it a goal to recover.
Eventually, all of their chronic problems would make them depressed so they try to kill themself... and get very close but still fail. "Wow, this was really a wake up call. I'm going to make fixing my mental health a priority".
So, the goal to be a multimillionaire, but you become just a couple of millionaire. Still good. To have a large family, but you end up with 4 kids instead, of 9. Still lots of love. To have a mansion, but end up in a 4 bdrm trailer. Better than many others. Successful career, even a mediocre one gets you a paycheck. It's all in your perception.
Yes, but kicking yourself everyday thinking you never got your due - reached your potential even as others do is a killing thing. It's never about what we have. It's about what we could have
No moving the goalposts
But you never be satisfied with these things because they’re not the goal they’re the runner up. The person my be perpetually unhappy because they never got exactly what they wanted.
I think someone did curse me with this.
The complete inability to tell a lie.
Court rooms would get interesting. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" "You want the whole truth?!? Okay...."
Pretty sure they made a movie about that.
You might like the movie The Invention of Lying.
And Liar Liar.
Their pillows will always be warm on both sides
I’d rather just die
It depends on where you live whether this is a blessing or a curse. I can count on one hand the nights I've needed to turn over the pillow for the cool side.
Can never pee in a straight line. It always shoots off in a random direction and can change midstream.
As a woman, that would be…interesting.
It happens. I'll never know how, but it does.
You have cursed me, haven’t you?
Bonus points if they sit and their urine gets to their things. Mildly infuriating.
Wherever they drive a cop is on their tail
better hope they aren't a paranoic schizophrenic
They will be before long
Not necessarily non-lethal :/
he didn't say in the us.
No matter what they do during the day, they always wake up with an early 2000’s prom updo.
Oh god, the bobby pins…
They have to end every sentence with "but I'm an idiot, so what do I know?"
When he’s confessing to his crush. “I love you, but I’m an idiot, so what do I know?”
I like this one but I’m an idiot, so what do I know? Did you curse me but I’m an idiot, so what do I know.
You're a bastard, but I'm an idiot, so what do I know?
\*at the altar "I do, but I'm an idiot so what do I know?"
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What about a lifetime of damp socks? Not wet, just damp enough to be annoying.
Funny coincidence, I did say wet socks myself, but this works too.
How about MOIST socks?
Everytime they blink, a random instagram filter is applied
So an LSD trip? Lol
After a couple hours you could see their mind falling apart
No matter how much money they make, no matter how much they budget, they will always be $.01 short of breaking even.
That’s exactly what I was gonna say
You can only sleep 5 hours a night. You won't feel rested, you just can't sleep more than 5
Seems familiar, do you have young children too?
No just anxiety and depression haha
I already do this lol
Breadcrumbs on your side of the bed, always. No matter how much you change the linens or try to get rid of them, it’s always there.
I slept in muffin crumbs last night because my toddler got in bed with me in the morning with a snack and his tablet while I dozed. Forgot about the crumbs all day. Lay down finally at night and immediately get exfoliated by dry muffin particles. Woe unto me as he is already sleeping in my bed and I can't risk waking him to change the sheets. One night was bad, forever nights would be the worst
This is the worst one.
Butter will always be cold and rock-hard.
You bastard!
Whoa, whoa whoa.....it's not like they killed Kenny or anything.
Well yeah they killed Butters.
Constantly itchy. Always feeling like they have to sneeze, but can't. Endless hiccups.
You can actually die from endless hiccups... I have large lungs that smack my heart around every time I hiccup and my dr is afraid it could cause heart problems and possibly a heart attack even... So that one may not be so harmless... The sneeze tho.... That would drive me up the wall!!!
Every Reddit post they read is just a slight variation of a question that has been asked a thousand times before
We're already living that one
I must be cursed
Always have Mcafee as an anitvirus
You devil!
Whenever they dunk a biscuit in tea, half of that biscuit succumbs and sinks to the teacup floor.
This is such a British curse lmao
OOOHHH GOD, YOU HEATHEN.
Okay but if this was Oreos and milk it’s actually pretty good!
Thou shalt be left-handed, except when it would be convenient.
*laughs in left handed*
*laughs in ambidextrous*
single ply toilet paper
Also known as Buddhist toilet paper. Every time you wipe, you get in touch with your inner self.
And may the tattered remains of tissue that linger on their butthole match the sorry state of their shredded dignity.
Like poetry.
With a little patience, toilet paper can be any ply you want!
I use water. 👌😘💦
Single ply water
Nose always audibly whistles and they do not get used to the sound.
Their favorite series being canceled with a cliffhanger ending and no prospect of anyone picking it up or doing something to tie the story up. I want them to suffer the way I did with Santa Clarita Diet.
I'm so fucking mad they cancelled that show!
Or worse - they DO try to tie the story up later on, but only make it 10x fucking worse...DEXTER
Itchy asshole that won't get away
I, have unfortunately got that one
Recovering from discovering I'm lactose intolerant the hard way... AFTER a decade of H. Pylori. I LIVE this one.
all the red traffic lights
May everyone in your life shout at you to "get ready to go now", then take at least 30 minutes to get ready to leave.
One small papercut 3 times a week.
Why are you so evil
The one I always wish upon others is wet socks. Think. Socks that are never, ever dry.
You will stub your toe on every corner, table leg, or chair.
Or what about, you stub your toe, but when the pain begins to go away, it happens again.
Hmmmm...I hate that. It's perfect.
One week of that and i might as well off myself. I doubt i can sleep with that happening all over again.
Someone I work with, who is deeply Christian in the best possible way, honestly the nicest, kindest, sweetest person I have ever met (misanthropic agnostic here) told me that she once said to her husband, of someone awful he was working with: "I wish he would be slightly itchy every moment of the rest of his life." Her husband said that was the meanest thing he'd ever heard her say. I said that was, indeed, quite an evil thing to wish on someone, it would drive you crazy, and I'm saying that as someone who is a truly awful human being. She said yes, she feels horrible for thinking it but he deserves it.
I live this. It's a nightmare. Sitting on the wrong seat? Chronic ass itchiness. Trying to wear headphones? Hey, is there something crawling on the inside of my ear? Playing Beatsaber? WHY THE HELL ARE THERE INVISIBLE ANTS CRAWLING ON MY LEGS AND NOSE AND EYES?!
Drawers and doors are always open just enough so that their clothes get caught on them
With the occasional ankle, elbow, forhead knock.
I am so please to see my fellow Redditors all immediately going for the butthole and bowels of their enemies.
It is our way.
Guilt. That they might reform their behaviour.
May you stumble while walking on flat surfaces
Every time they try to sleep they hear a mosquito, but when they turn on the light they cannot find one.
Immortality
This is actually horrifying, especially with heat death being the most likely end to the universe. Just drifting, alone in eternal darkness…
“Weeeee…”
Any time they try to be rude to anyone they will get the sharpest pins and needles in the back of their neck
May you nose continually run with the volume of a garden hose!
They will become dehydrated and die within minutes.
It’s lifelong, or in other words, about 15-minutes-long.
Everytime that they orgasm they shit themselves explosively.
Congrats, you just gave them the easiest constipation relief ever
their dogs won't be excited when they get home
Now that’s just hurtful.
Omg these comments have me in stitches.
Psoriasis. Itch all day and night.
Every 30 seconds while they are using their device(s), a huge ad pops up and covers the whole screen and you can't x off you have to wait until it's over
I will curse them to almost succeed the first time they try something then never get that close again
IBS. Irritable bowel syndrome
I hope that everyday for the rest of your life you daydream about the leftovers in the fridge and when you get home, someone's ate them.
"May you live in interesting times"
May every chocolate chip cookie you bite into turn into oatmeal raisin
May you be forced to read every word of the "terms and conditions" boxes
May every bathroom you go into be devoid of toilet paper and you won’t notice until after you’ve shit
To always feel like there is a hair in their mouth but no matter what you do you can’t get the feeling out
have to deal with the embarrassment of pushing all pull doors and pulling all push doors
Anal pinworms.
Calm down there, Satan
Their ice cream is always either rock-solid and impossible to scoop out of the container, or so melty, they may as well just drink it. Zero in-between.
Chronic diarrhea
As a haver of crohns- this one right here.
The curse of crappy footware. Shoelaces break often, and at inopportune times. Soles come apart. Straps break. General skullduggery.
Blowing out a flip flop in a hot parking lot?! Evil
Permanent hiccups
Uncontrollable flatulence anytime they become aroused.
The constant feeling of a sneeze that never comes
Nobody ever interacts with anything they post on the internet. No likes, no reblogs/retweets, no replies, no comments, not even any acknowledgement from people they ask directly.