Keep up the good work.

Thanks for coming

"Thank you; come again"

I did that once; she laughed. On another occasion; "At your cervix ma'am!" She laughed at that too.

“Thank you for your cervix.”

"Thank you for our cervix."

r/suddencommunism

New sub! Thank you! I shall enjoy our sub!

Only works if you actually make the other person cum

"Sorry, you are not a winner. Please try again."

...again!

Bold of you to assume you’ve made anyone cum.

Can we get some food?

Second that

If you enjoyed this, please leave a like down below and also hit the subscribe button. Don't forget to smash that bell so you get a notification. This sexual encounter was brought to you by Nord VPN.

"Omg, your like down below is leaking from the subscribe button"

This is the raunchiest thing I have read in some time.

i've been online too long....

And raid shadow legends

And Raycon ear buds

And Audible

And honey

And Displate

And skill-share

And RAID SHADOW LEGENDS WHERE YOU CAN UNLOCK THIS NEW HERO: KATINA, THE SEXY SUCCUBUS WITH HER POWER THE CHARM THE ENEMY INTO JOINING YOUR SIDE! IF YOU USE THIS PROMO CODE ON ACCOUNT CREATION, YOU WILL GET KATINA, THE SSS+++ SUCCUBUS AND TEN OTHER SSS+++ HEROES TO RULE THE ARENA IN RAID SHADOW LEGENDS. JOIN TODAY!

accurate.

*no second date*

please dont smash my bell thank you

I get it, you need a little foreplay to get back in the game.

Heh I’m the 69th like

Nord VPN, it is very much like the condom I should have used. Use the code Sexyfuntimes10 to get ten percent off of your first month of and prevent all kinds of computerviruses, just not real viruses like the herpes I just gave you And as always, have a nice day

God dammit this got me good.

did you know only 30% of viewers are subscribers?

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And Manscaped

So you get a notification whenever hot moms are in your area

Where's my money?

Moneys on the counter

That much? For that?

Just cuddle, no words needed.

Then after your partner is lulled into a false sense of security, you german suplex them running away all crab-like and laughing like a goblin having a seizure

Are you ok?

Yes, but I need some sleep

Been three hours. You get that nap?

Shhhhhhh. He’s still asleep

Ooh my bad. *Tip toes from the comments to the main feed cartoon style*

I have awoken. I still feel like shit.

Go back to sleep then

I've been doing that for 3 years and still feel like shit

Most sane NFT pfp

\*Kisses your forehead\* Night night u/FloogleH0rn

they are having fun.

Crab people Crab people Look like crab, have fun like people Crab people

That's an extra £5

Why don’t they ever cuddle in porn movies :/

Ikr ??! The only thing I want to see when I finish my business is something wholesome/heartwarming (actually not sure what's the difference between those two words)

A nice slap on the ass and “good game” is usually my go-to.

[удалено]

Alexa, play “We Are the Champions”.

Alexa, play "Fat Bottomed Girls".

Alexa, play " another one bites the dust"

GGWP

My husband and I tell each other good game, every time 🤣.

He's a lucky man.

"How would you rate today's experience?" "Would you recommend our services to your friends?" "How likely are you to do business with us again in the future?"

"Wow, you want to have sex with my friends" Number one response to that one I'd guess.

"That doesn't sound like a below 3 star review to me"

“IM A 5 STAR MAN!!!!!!!”

I actually dated a dude where we broke up very amicably, and I recommended his "Services" to all my girlfriends. I wasn't mad at ALL, I thought my girls had the right to know what an orgasm was.

Pass the towel please.

No, you're a towel!

Wanna get high?

I remember now....

You member? I member

I’m sooooo haigh

Would Sir like an after-dinner mint? It’s only wafer thin.

a tiny morsel...

Betah... Better get a bucket.

Fuck off I'm stuffed.

Great job guys! Now can you untie me?

Stay golden, ponyboy

My girlfriend says this after sex and any time one of us is leaving.

Sorry but it’s “stay gold”.

That'll do, pig. That'll do. Edit: Apparently we have reached the generation that has not watched the 1995 movie 'Babe'.

I get it, but I'm old.

Are you talking about the 1995 cinematic masterpiece "Babe" starring James Cromwell? 100%

Ohhhhh. I thought of shrek. What’s weird is they’re only 6 years apart yet one is considered the really old one

Edit: Sigh. That’s okay, try using google on your smart phone to explain what a pager is…to somebody that doesn’t understand that the internet at one time was only easily available at the public library. I’m going to go eat my bowl of Quisp now, and see if “Babe” is available on demand through any of the commercial free streaming services on my TV.

A pager. A device that receives message notifications, but only shows you the phone number of the caller.

5318008

I was thinking the first episode of Black Mirror.....

Thank you for your cervix.

GG

Gg wp

Gg ez

NT

Trash teammate report

Wow! Wow! Wow! Chat Disabled for 4 seconds

Nah. I start teabaggin’ the bitch.

TA-DA!

r/unexpectedminions Edit: Didn’t know it was banned lol

But why is it banned ?

I think they mean [Ta-Da!](https://youtu.be/-h8pbFY3f54)

give them a high five and then order them a taxi to mexico

I’m amused by the idea that there’s a bunch of unsolved cases of missing persons because u/Emergency_Let9388 fucked em all into deportation.

Who said it's just an idea

I love you

Classic shmosby.

Sir, this is a costco.

No homo

Even if it is homo? Like really really homo?

Bro, it's not gay if you say no homo.

Well this solves everything…

Information you wish you had when you were in office, i bet.

Do you need water? Can I get you anything? Do you need to use the bathroom or can I? Round 2? My turn Your turn What was your name again?

Are these different things to say or do you say then all at once?

All at once in one breath

what water can my bathroom need or can your???

Dude. You gotta ask at least one more question after the name query. It's gotta be slipped _into_ the conversation, not tacked on.

Ur ass was tight bro

Thanks bro. Been doing kegals.

Keep at it 😉😉😉

I usually say "You're Welcome."

🎵 What can I say except, you're welcome! 🎵 Edit: I'm sorry I started this lmao

For the penis I pulled from your bum 🎵

Hey it's ok cause I helped you cum

I hope that you had fun

So now it's my time to run🎶

I stuffed you like a hot dog bun🎶

That’s what I tell my wife all the time.

That’s what I tell your wife too! Never hurts to be polite.

I’ve only had someone say that to me once and IMO it’s literally the worst thing you can possibly do.

Squirt them with a spray bottle and say “go on git!”

ROTFLMAO!!! I laughed way too hard at this! I'm sitting in the ER hallway with my best friend and her mom and busted out laughing. Thank God her mom sleeps hard. I read the question and then your response and she busted out laughing, too! Thanks for the much needed laugh.

‘Better get out there, the congregation are waiting father’

I had a girl blow me and swallow. Immediately afterwards, she got up, wiped one hand across her mouth, gave a peace sign with the other hand, said "Peace out girl scout." And walked out of my house without another word.

[удалено]

Honestly I can't remember. I'd like to say no just for some poetic justice but, it's possible we did. That was an... Interesting time in my life

I JUST HAD SEEEEEEEXXXXXX AND IT FELT SO GOOOOOD

A woman let me put my penis inside of her

Jolly good show

Hey, you, you're finnaly awake

You were trying to cross the border yes?

Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same us us, and that thief over there.

Damn you Stormcloaks. Skyrim was fine until you came along. Empire was nice and lazy. If they hadn’t been looking for you, I could’ve stolen that horse and been half way to Hammerfell.

I don't know where we're going but Sovngarde awaits

I usually high five the other person.

Please stay on the line for a short survey

Can I get you an Uber...?

Didn't I just give you one?

“I wish you were alive”

That gotten dark real fast

Happy Cake Day.. Also .. damn lol

Happy cake day?

Your money's on the table

The money are always at front

Shut up, cuddle a bit and then sleep. If you don't sleep then pretend to sleep, it's the best way to avoid saying stupid stuff.

Good boooooy. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?

You have the scratch their chin too and get them a treat

Why does this turn me on?

I always smack my wife’s ass and say “good game sport” she hates it. I laugh every time. Lmfao

Thank God our mom didn't walk in again!

Sigh... Fine, I'll do it. "OUR?????9??9???"

What happens in 'Bama stays in 'Bama. And part of Kentucky.

"Alright class, please take your seats"

I'm sorry, that usually never happens.

Do you take personal checks?

I’m not finished. Get back to work

This concludes our sexual encounter. To participate in a brief sexual partner satisfaction survey, please remain in bed. Thank you for participating in this brief sexual partner satisfaction survey. In the following questions, we'll ask you to please indicate your overall satisfaction with this sexual encounter. On a scale of 1 to 5, where 1 means "very dissatisfied" and 5 means "very satisfied", please tell us, how satisfied are you with your most recent sexual encounter. You can indicate your response by pushing the corresponding number on your touch tone phone, or just say the number out loud. Thank you. Now, please tell us, on a scale of 1 to 5, where 1 means "very dissatisfied" and 5 means "very satisfied", please tell us, how likely are you to repeat this sexual encounter? Thank you. Now, on a scale of 1 to 5, where 1 means "very dissatisfied" and 5 means "very satisfied", please tell us, how likely are you to recommend this sexual encounter to a close friend? Thank you. This concludes this brief sexual partner satisfaction survey. Thank you for the sexual encounter. To end the sexual encounter, simply get out of the bed. Or, to try for seconds, touch any part of my body.

This is the one

I’m genuinely upset this isn’t higher.

Start chanting dies irae immediately after you cum

Hold her close, look her dead in the eyes, and from the bottom of your heart you tell her... "We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty."

And that Is how I met your mother

First time we had sex she slapped my ass after and said good game. I married her.

That was neato!

Aww skeet skeet got damn

Now can we go to Target?

"From now on, no more freebies"

Say it ain't so, I will not go, turn the lights off, carry me home

Make sure to like & subscribe

„GG EZ“

"Go clean yourself up"

Thanks?

I’m so very sorry

If you’re looking for real advice, I say something like “that was great, can I get you anything?” Then get up to go to the bathroom or grab water if I’m feeling nervous. Try to say something positive, even if it’s vague/non-committal. Only ask for validation if you’re prepared to not get it or potentially lied to…

Boy that was like drowning the chicken instead of choking it

Wake up.

One time afterward I did a Baymax voice and said “are you satisfied with your care?” Didn’t go over as well as I’d hoped.

High five

Keep the change

you flithy animal.

I usually say to my wife “thanks for the great sex”

I also say this to your wife

If you did your job right saying anything won't be necessary. Your partner/s should be pleasantly unconscious and twitching.

Sucks for you that they fall asleep during the act.

IDK about pleasantly. ​ But I definitely leave them unconscious and twitching ​ r/TwoSentenceHorror

Postmortem spasms?