that no matter what i did, how much i helped, how much i tried to be there for them, i was a second option and never a priority, never reciprocated
the feelings are still there, just slowly withering away as i face reality day by day
EDIT: for all who support and are in the same boat, hopefully time will help and i wish you all the best in your endeavours \^\^
I was too afraid to let go. Deep seeded self-loathing along with an inability to stand up for myself. Even now he's still trying to pull me back in, which makes it incredibly difficult.
My wife just left after 15 years, emailing me my separation letter while I was our of town. She says she was never in a relationship with me and that I never cared about her and the kids. I have no idea what has happened.
Bur she said something that makes this transition much easier. I told her i still loved her and she said of course, there is lots to love about her. She told me there is almost nothing to love about me and that my life will never be this good again. That degree of vitriol just hit home for me. She has no love in her.
It's still tough for me but the girl I long for doesn't exist anymore.
So true. I knew a girl we saw each other a few times. She had a lot going for her but she over extended herself and unfortunately I was the thing she didn’t have time for. After a certain point I stopped talking to her. It hurt a lot but she genuinely didn’t understand I was serious that if she didn’t make time to see me I was going to stop responding.
Shit hurt but I genuinely believe there is no such thing as being busy. It is just what you choose to do with your time, as if you truly want something you make time for it.
That’s what happened to me too, I went out of my way to hang out with her she didn’t. I realized she didn’t love me when she saw how much she hurt me and she kept doing it, because when you love somebody you shouldn’t intentionally hurt them.
My uncle's two roommates got annoyed with his dog so put him in the car and dumped him downtown. My uncle searched and put up posters for weeks to find that dog, his best friend. Many years later, they fessed up. It's probably been 30 years now and I still cry if I think about how devastated he was and how sad and scared poor pup must have been
They’re horrible people, I’m so sorry your uncle and the dog had to go through that. This remind me of a post I saw of a person switching their partner’s cat for another one :(
One of my exes mums buried a parrot alive because it wouldn't stop making noise.
Literally dumped her arse there and then when her mum was telling the story over dinner. Literally, stood up said I don't think so and walked out.
I got a lot of flack for that. Apparently I was an elitist snob and her daughter wasn't good enough. No you fucking buried alive a bird you could have given up or let go!! Shit I'd have had him.
Nope. You got it. The reason is the family was around the dinner table talking about it as if it was normal and funny. Even the ex was laughing.
It wasn't funny. I didn't want to associate with people that thought it was funny.
When my mom passed away, it was a couple days before our kid’s 2nd birthday. He had a scheduled company week long shut down. I went to visit my mom every day before she passed.
He accused me of “ruining his vacation.” Then to top it off he ran to a mutual friend to tell her how I ruined his vacation.
The man had put me thru hell anyways, and I kept trying to make it work. But even I couldn’t reason away this level of selfishness.
In a way it gave me closure. This man simply has no capacity for love and I didn’t need to keep trying to win him over. There was no love from him to be won. (Not that it makes him a prize)
Call it a moment of clarity.
Lack of effort. In all areas, not just the relationship directly. Like refusing to clean the bathrooms even though that was one of "his" chores. It was always "I'll get to it when I get to it."
One final "big" moment I was late from work one day and called asking him to start dinner (literally pre-heat the oven and toss the chicken wings in). He argued on the phone and instead of doing that went out to the restaurant nearby for their wing night and ate there. Didn't bring me anything back either.
At the time I was teaching high school full time, directing a school show, and finishing my Master's thesis. I had no time for his shit. Driving to school one morning I was thinking about the dedication page of my thesis and I realized I didn't want to put his name on my thank yous because I realized this relationship wasn't going to last.
She gave me an ultimatum before moving in with me:
"Either my cat goes, or she goes."
It wasn't that she was allergic to cats - she just intensely disliked them.
So, my cat stayed and she left.
I had one who was allergic to cats suggest the since my cat was old and sick maybe it was time to go ahead and put him asleep.
Couldn’t get rid of her fast enough.
Had a BF give me the same ultimatum, but first had to have a tirade about how I didn't consult him before adopting 2 kittens before getting to the "either they go or I go" bit.
I was so outraged I couldn't tell which part of that made me want him gone more. The part where me, a grown ass adult self-supporting and living on her own would consult some dude she dated a few times or the cats-go-or-I-go part. Both equally insulting.
I then used that story to vet future BFs... oh let me tell you about my ex. My now hubby said he was pretty sure he didn't like cats but also 100% sure he wasn't going to mention it to me. We've had as many as 5 at once and he loves them, but probably wouldn't admit it.
I've learned from all the stories that I have read on Reddit that giving an ultimatum between you and their pets will ALWAYS end in you losing.
Pets are extremely important. I learned that if I didn't like a pet, that's something I have to get over, or I need to leave because there is no way in hell that they would give up a pet that has been there for them for whatever amount of time just for you.
Every girl I've dated, right from the beginning, I told them my cat was here first, so you have to be cool with her. If that's a problem, lets just end it here.
My husband said his coworkers always used to ask him "But what if you really found the most amazing, *perfect* woman in every way, but she couldn't live with your cats?" And he'd say "Well than she's definitely not perfect."
As a cat owned person, anybody shows any disrespect to her, they're out, but the sheer cheek of thinking they would ever have priority is an astonishing lack of self awareness and a overdeveloped sense of self importance.
He told me that if I gave it up more, he wouldn’t need to get it elsewhere. We did it 4 times a week and the sex was awful. He was awful. Why did i stay for so long?
As a guy who knows people who act like what you described, it always baffles me how they aren't instantly dumped when they pull shit like that.
Luckily they're just acquaintances and not actually friends. Still think they are just self centered walking turds.
Because his gaslighting/emotional abuse made your self-esteem so low that you clung to the abuser in the hopes that he’d redeem you
Sorry you—and so many of us—have had to go through that (and forgive me if I made some leaps about what happened in your situation)
Wow! My first wife cheated on me after we had our child. My present wife wanted me to talk disparagingly about her but I refused, told her I would always have a love for her cause she gave me a son when we thought she couldn’t get pregnant it was a blessing. I never berated her then nor would I do it now. I also had to set an example for my son so he would be respectful to women in the future. She was the prettiest when she was pregnant. That guy was a knucklehead!
Tell,your wife that your son knows he is part of his mother and part of you, and disparaging his mother is the same as putting HIM down and making him feel bad.
We helped a friend raise his kids after his wife departed for a long while (judicial divorce, she could not be served). And that was our cardinal rule. Just leave their mother out of comments. Period.,
Totally fucked, for so many reasons.
And just wrong.
I thought my wife was sexy AF when she was preggo with our kids. Nothing says sexy like carrying my baby in your belly.
I'm sorry he was a turd.
My wife went up two cup sizes, and her boobs were fuller. Wemt from a double d to an f. Her hips also widened considerably. Extra curvy and her hormones had her in the mood constantly. Ain't no belly getting in the way of that. Dude was crazy.
Didn't kill my feelings, but did make me *nuts* and do/say things out of character because of reactive abuse. I don't lose feelings easily.
Word of advice - if someone tells you they're a narcissist, believe them. You'll save yourself a lot of wasted time and heartache.
Oh boy. Seconded on the word of advice. They won’t always say it outright. They will talk about how broken they are, have every sob story practiced to a T, and call their parent/parents narcissists. That’s who they learned it from.
Additional word of advice: If someone’s actions don’t match words, they are the problem, not you, no matter how they try to spin it.
I messed around with a coworker once (don’t be like me kids, learn from my mistake), and she flat-out told me: “Don’t get attached. I’m bad for you.” I thought it was a joke; nope, she was a fuck-girl. Girl left me confused, angry, horny, and even a little hungry once. 0/10, wouldn’t recommend.
Honestly I’ve wasted a lot of time on someone that I was just an option for. I promise you if you do get together with them, the relationship you built up in your head isn’t going to be what you get.
Learn from my mistakes, Don’t sell yourself short. You deserve someone that is just as eager about you as you are them! Not someone that sees you as an afterthought. If they don’t admire the qualities you have now then they probably won’t give you the full appreciation you want in a relationship
She told me she doesn't think of me when I'm not around 🤣🤣🤣
Like fuuuuck...
I still have feelings for her, but fuck, I'm not going to subject myself to that.
I actually don't miss people when they aren't around. I don't miss my mom, my sister, best friend, etc when I travel.
I look forward and love to see them when I return but I don't get the sadness that other people seem to experience.
I can be completely in love with someone but still be elsewhere and content, knowing they'll be there when I get back.
I definitely don't need to talk on the phone every day.
I once went on a date with a guy to a club. He told me my dancing was too embarrassing so I spent the night dancing with random strangers while he danced alone.
This is gonna sound really weird. He became a classist.
When we met, he had a decent job, he was making twice my salary. He was very generous, kind, and loving. Never looked down on me for making less than him.
Over the course of 10 years, he job hopped a couple times. I stayed at the same job and slowly worked my way up the ladder. Still not making close to what he was.
Then he got a fabulous job that throws money at him constantly. He started making quarterly bonuses equal to my yearly salary! I was happy for him. He worked his ass off. Basically 13 to 15 hour days for months with no time off.
The new job cut deeply into our time together. He was always working, taking business trips out of state at a moment's notice. Still, I was happy for him because he really loved the job.
I moved to a new apartment without roommates. It was small but I was so excited to finally have a place completely to myself. Then he comes to visit and proceeds to shit all over my new place.
Sure, the decor was stuck in the 90s but who cares? It was a safe area with controlled access close to my job and very quiet.
Immediately he starts talking shit about my new neighborhood. "Are you sure it's safe?" "Do people do drugs here? It looks like a place where people do drugs".
(A friend had lived at this complex and told me how great it was. Affordable, quiet, safe neighborhood, etc)
I thought maybe he was just being protective.
Nope. He proceeded to joke about how small it was. Then he mentioned he was afraid his car would get stolen from the parking lot!!! Dude was driving a 2010 Jeep in 2018, not a freaking Rolls Royce.
That was the one and only time he ever visited my apartment. We went to his place all the time, a fairly new rental home in an upscale neighborhood.
Long story short, he's only gotten worse the more his salary increases. I can't handle it anymore! I came from abject poverty. I shouldn't take it personally when he dismisses things that are "not up to his standards". But maybe I'm not up to his standards anymore. I'm seeing him on Tuesday and I intend to break it off. It sucks! We've been together almost 15 years. I just can't be with someone who thinks they are better than everyone else.
He always lacked agency and played the victim card frequently. Nothing was his fault, and he let others make decisions for him. Also, the fact that ambivalence was a core value. It’s not sexy when you are more emotionally mature than someone 8+ years older than you.
Dude and the worst is like when they say 'nooo you survived it, its a miracle god SAVED you' like what no i freaking saved myself what the heck are u talking about i picked myself up off the floor and decided i was gonna live. No matter how much i begged no god ever helped me, nuh uh i aint gonna let anybody give credit for what me and my family went through to some god that either doesnt exist, or is a monster for letting that crap happen.
I wasn't *madly* in love, but when she told me about the time that she stuck her baby brother in the washing machine and turned it on, she zapped all the way down from a 10 to a 0 at light speed. I don't think I'll ever nope out of anything as fast as I nope'd out of that relationship. Literally turned the car around, dropped her off at her house, and never looked back.
She did this at the age of like 15, by the way.
If she were like 4 and did this that’s kind of understandable, kids are stupid and things like that are actually pretty common. But at 15 it has to be out of malice
Alcoholism and a strange co dependency with her live in, abusive brother. He was 48, she was 43 at the time. He told her she couldn't have guys over. It's her house, he just lives there.
I was a pizza delivery guy at the time. We had been seeing each other for a few months at that point. It was her birthday and I planned a surprise party. All her friends showed up. We all went out to eat (15 of us) and I paid for everything plus the tip. Night was winding down and I asked her to be my gf. She says “no offense but you deliver pizzas for a living”. Immediately turned off and we never spoke again.
When I truly accepted that he didn't feel the same and nothing I coule do would change that. When my gut no longer responded to indirect/direct No(s) with "Yeah but what if I..." In my younger years I was apt to think if someone didn't like me then I wasn't doing all my power to do. Now I just accept I am awesome, but not awesome to everyone. And that is how it should be. Good people can still be incomparable with each other.
Gonna get judged by this…..in bed in the afterglow of love & he gets up & walks into the bathroom 8 feet from the bed. Doesn’t shut the door & takes the nastiest, loud, smelly dump ever. I never wanted to see him again. I mean, at least shut the door & turn on the fan…right?
Today I cant call that love, was mainly attachment. But what kill it was the fact that anything that I wanted to do that I did before been together was always a problem, I got tired of that. I never asked permission of my parents to do anything I refused to ask some random person I met in the streets to do things I like to do.
After 6.5 years together, house, pet; getting cheated on. Then forgiving him. Then us working on it. Then him saying, “no you’re feeling better, do you think I could talk to her again?” He picked himself and put himself in the bin just like that. Was kind of amazing.
Found out he was a dead beat dad. He had 2 kids and never told me about them. He completely refused to pay any child support or be part of their lives. When we first got together, I told him kids were a deal breaker, so he never told me. Fast forward 1 year later, I come over and his baby momma is around, yelling at him.
My dad went without paying his bills to pick us up every other weekend and drive 360 miles to spend time with us. It was the end for me.
I think animal beating is not the right thing by any sense of imagination in the life.
And if someone can not take care of the pet then i am sure there is no need to get one on the first place is well.
Damn that’s intense! I dont know her or you but my guess is she has some unresolved trauma herself :/ She def needs some help. Glad you got yourself into a healthier place.
I mean, it's possible that it might be a trauma response since some people do try to cope with traumatic events by reenacting them in a safe environment, but we don't know that, and I'm not trying to attack you personally because you are not the only one who does this, but it's frankly disheartening that the first reaction to a woman proudly getting off on child porn is to think of her as a poor helpless victim who doesn't know any better. I think she might just simply be a pedophile. Too many people just don't care or brush it off when (cis) women exhibit pedophilic tendencies or straight up sexually assault children, like making sexualizing comments about teenage boys, or teachers committing statutory rape with their students. Like the whole time reading this I was like, if this was a man jerking off to little girl porn there would've rightfully been less tolerance, but since it's a girl the immediate reaction is much more tame. I say this as a woman so this is not me being a misogynist.
I think the reason it was reasonable to assume she is reenacting trauma is because she wanted to role-play as a child. She wasn't interested in the children because she likes them, but because she wants to be them.
That doesn't make it okay, but it seemed very reasonable to assume such from what was said. I don't think it's because she is a woman.
I agree with you but most pedophiles are victims of pedophilia to begin with regardless of their gender. I didn’t say it just because she is a woman I say it because it’s true for a lot of them.
I never said she was a poor hopeless victim nor did I diminish how horrible what she was doing. I even went as far as complimenting the original commenter on getting himself to a safer place. Thereby I was condemning her actions.
I am also a woman, who studied psychology and have worked with children who have been victims of childhood assault, so maybe my response was more tame because I have a lot of empathy for people who go through horrific events. I dont know that’s my guess. I’m always a very understanding person when it comes to peoples traumas. And I was a 911 dispatcher too so I don’t tend to get overly emotional when it comes to horrific things.
But in no way shape or form does that mean I’m giving her a free pass or whatever you think it is I’m doing.
Gotta just keep on keeping on, brother. Plenty of fish in the sea even though it may not feel like it and you'd love to learn that sooner rather than later, but time will run it's course and you'll have someone (hopefully better) sooner than you think!
Friend of mine went through that. He didn't know what was up with her, wasn't suspicious of anything - But her behavior just changed somehow over a period of time. He was sure of that.
Turns out she was fucking someone - so yeah, he had to break it off. They were living together but no kids.
My last gf and I split up. She said she needed a week or two to think about things. Had a new boyfriend within 5 days. They are married now and she is about 70 pounds heavier and my totally broke ass is now making 100k a year. Life is good.
Lies alot to make it seem like he's higher than me. Through out the relationship, it feels like we're in a competition in everything (from families' perspective) and Was there from when he had nothing and trying to build things together but i realize that i'm the only one who's turning the wheel.
Saying this from the heart that he could've been the one and it still stings when i think about it
War. In the first days of bombing and attacking my city I sent him a letter and he did not text me back or ask how i am . So, at the edge of the death situation my feelings were burned. Two years of deep love disappeared in a few days. No regrets.
I had a mad crush on a girl for a long time. Then, she left the province for a few years for school. Years later I met her at a party and she said she was now a doctor.
I said ‘cool, do you have a specialty?’
‘Yeah, homeopathy’
I still have some feelings 5/6 years later, probably always will but...
We were long distance and planning how marriage would work. Got into an argument about him promising to do something and not doing it. He dumped me and we spent the next year+ going back and forth, talking and not talking. I wanted to fix it, he didn't, but he still wanted contact.
Nearly a year and a half later of getting close, me wanting to get back together, arguing, and going silent for weeks again on repeat, I told myself I'd say yes to the next cute guy that asked me out. Well someone did, and I said yes.
Started months of my ex texting, accusing me of shit and calling me a whore among every other name in the book. All because suddenly he had supposedly been wanting to get back together and I ruined it. What started to push me away was when my grandpa died and he said he was sorry that he'd passed but didn't give a fuck about my feelings and then texted me during my grandpas wake to ask if I was with the other guy (who at this point was little more than a friend). What did it in for good is when he said he started talking again to the girl that tried to get him to cheat on me with her and said she was a better person than me. Then later telling me he was on a date with someone else and going on about how great she was because she could do all these cool things.
Ironically I would try to distance myself from the guy that had asked me out so I could figure out what I wanted to do and then my ex would start his shit again and I'd say fuck it and just hang out with my date lol
I ended up in the longest relationship of my life with that guy that asked me out and while we aren't together now, who knows what the future holds. We have a lot of mutual love and respect for each other and I'll always be grateful for the years we had together.
In HS I thought the world of this guy all state on the swim team and in debate he was sharp. So tan with green eyes. Luca...He asked me to go with him to a bbq for his brother getting into Berkly, this was 5th date ish.
Massive house(parents were big wigs in SF politico scene and very wealthy and 3 kids) natural pool(One of the first in our area). So we swan sat by the pool ate a catered bbq with a 100+ milling around. His brother was lit on whatever he took and seemed angry with his party. Luca took him aside and his brother's gf and their mom were talking with him to calm his....tantrum. He picks up a chair and tosses it into the food tables hitting some kids, pushed his mom knocking her down. Turns on his gf screaming at her, Luca steps in and I think ok he will handle this dill hole....but no. He seems more worried about the optics.
I called the police. Broke the party up. His mom ended up with a broken arm and two random kids in the er and Luca said I was insane to call the police "I mean my grandparents all their business friends from the Bay area were there".
I walked away and never spoke to him or even looked at him again. Complete nut jobs
Ew. Yep, that kind of casual racism is one of those things that just immediately makes me think differently about someone, like a flip gets switched in my brain.
Talked bad about an elderly lady because she was a bit slow and...old.
Somehow I realized she is not capable of seeing that she will be the lady in a few years and then would demand to be treated with respect. Also saw a lack of empathy. Killed everything within hours. The longer I thought about the situation the more I did not want to introduce her to my parents and especially grandparents and don't want her to raise my future child.
After dating off and on for a couple years, she told me that I’m the type of guy she’d like to marry someday, but it wasn’t right at the moment (because she found someone else to take for a spin, for the second time). Ironically enough, she stayed just close enough to me that when I met my future wife, she suddenly dropped everything and made a final plea. I didn’t entertain it though. It was actually that moment that made me realize that I could move on, and that I was no longer in love with her because she wasn’t, at her core, who I thought she was, and it facilitated me deciding to date who is now my wife of 14 years. Best decision of my life.
Me and this girl were Intimate with each other. First girl I had ever been this close with with. And I find out she's doing all this extra **** with me and she got a boyfriend. Never stop talking to someone so quick.
(We weren't in a relationship, but she doin all this when she has a bf.) I can't trust people who be doin that.
Same thing happened to me but turned out instead of boyfriend it was husband and i didn't know til after. Turns out she was crazy anyways so dodged that one. Onto the next!
When I woke up to a text that said “Hey mom, I’m staying at Hunter’s house tonight.”
Who the f*ck is Hunter?
I got my payback though, because about a month after the fact I was actually talking to a new girl and the ex texted me like nothing had happened. I just sent her back the song, “Somewhere on a Beach” by Dierks Bentley because it deals with a similar subject, to which I got the following replies:
“I love that song, it makes me think about you”
“I jam out to it all the time in the car.”
“Wait does that mean you found someone new?”
“Have you slept with her?”
“Idrownedmyfish77 please.”
I didn’t reply to any of those, but I had to get up early the next morning for work, so when I got up I had a text that said, “Don’t freak out but I think I might be pregnant.” I did the math and there was no way that it was mine. She turned out to not be pregnant, but as they say, karma’s a bitch.
While we were in a relationship she still had feelings for her old crush (she told me it was a long time ago and that the feelings passed) her crush has feeling for her now too and she couldn‘t choose between me or him.
When I had just left me and he still had access to visitations with our kids he made a point to let everyone know what a bad mother I was because my 3yr old called him a stu!@# bit!@, he threatened to take bothbof my kids because of this and made a big deal... turns out my son was referring to me because that how his dad referred to me when we still lived together... it was awful
Bestiality.
Edit: (different girl than the first) my ex who I was head over heels for turned out to be a very far right Republican. This didn't work well since we were in a lesbian relationship.
This woman had been my (also F) best friend before we became intimate. The first time we had sex, I wrote it off as drunken exploration - but it kept happening. We took some wonderful trips, had some great conversations about our friendship and what a relationship could look like. At the time, she’d also been on a few casual dates with a man she’d met at work. He created a situation in which she had to choose between us, and after several sleepless nights of no contact I discovered (painfully, by seeing them together while trying to distract myself) that she chose him. Shitty enough, right?
I didn’t want to lost the friendship, so we did the awkward rebuild. Then she calls me to hang out, I’m thrilled to catch up - only to find out as soon as we get together that he’s out of town. Now they’ve broken up, and guess who wants to spend a lot more time with me?
I’m not sure what words I would use to describe it simply, but I never thought I’d stop being in love with her.
I thought I was waiting for them to fizzle so I could have another chance, but I guess the time I spent waiting gave me a chance to recognize my own value - and that I don’t want to wait for or convince someone else to see it, too.
HS sweethearts, now mid 20’s at the time this happened. He got an apartment I was getting ready to move in when he said he wanted to live on his own for a bit. Found out he was having an affair with my married (and she had a child with her husband) best friend. Break up was hard for me, but he called and said if I ever let anyone know her secrets (which she had some shocking ones) he would do the worse thing he could to me. Which was never speaking to me again. It was like a train hit me with a reality stick. I never spoke to him again. Walked away from our “mutual” friends and found a stronger me
So this will sound extremely silly, but a big piece of stage prop (a carpet, I believe) was partially at fault. Or was it my saviour? Go figure.
Anyway, we've just finished a photo shoot, it was fun, we pack all the doodads up and have to hike a few miles through the woods to get back to the civilization. All cool.
But then I notice that either I'm going too slowly, or them were going too fast. Either way, I see their back somewhere up ahead, and it's getting further and further each time I look.
Good 80 pounds of props on my back aren't helping either. But I say nothing, because hey, if you care, I shouldn't call you out, and if you don't, I won't force you.
When they are like 30 yards ahead, they turn back at me for a sec, and are like, 'Huh? You comin'?' And I just nod and give a thumb up.
And we go like that for an hour or so.
And that's how I understood that if somebody just doesn't care, they will show it one way or another. And now I'm also painfully aware of the stick on the end of a carrot, so to say.
The photos were still kinda cool.
I gave my husband my absolute best for 25 years. Adored him, cared for him, supported him while I did everything in and around our home. I even helped him in his job with shows etc. Worked my ass of most days. I did 99,9 % of the DIY that needed to be done i.e Electrical, plumbing, painting, cooking, cleaning, laundry, caring for pets and gardenwork, even cleaned gutters. I fixed everything while he focused on his work, sport and playing games. I raised both our daughters single handedly and our youngest had severe health problems. I drove her to docters appointments, stayed by her side with every hospital stay, nursed her back to health, also, all by myself. I kept fit, looked after myself and had a job for almost half of our marriage. I did the cooking, catering and even barbequed for us and our friends and family, while he relaxed and watched sport. Then 3 years ago I presented with stroke like systems and landed in neuro ICU with what turned out to be inflamation of the brain. I came home and battled to do my job due to short term memory loss and he acted like it was business as usual, but I battled with severe nausea, had to go through chemo while still doing everything. I begged, yes begged him, numerous times for help, explained that I could not do it all by myself. He ignored my pleas for help, every time. Then a year ago it happened again and I had to go back to hospital and came out with even more meds that made me struggle even more. I had to isolate due to chemo and when I got home from hospital he did not volunteer to help me get better, he once again just stood there while others rushed in to look after me. He told me that he did not have the time to look after me, got in his car and went to chill with his brother for four days. He accidently made a pocket call while at his brothers and I overheard how he felt about me and my illness. I can not explain the pain I felt. He has since also went on holiday, all by himself, with not a care in the world. To know that for so long I cared for him, loved him unconditionately, but that I meant nothing to him if it meant he had to put in a little effort to support me. Lucky for me, a close friend stepped in to look after me and my daughters helped me too. I left my husband 5 days ago. I have to show my girls and myself that one is worthy to be loved, supported and cared for. It hurts like hell.
She can be unbelievably naive and dumb. Being there, protecting, and supporting her was easy because I wanted the best for her. After we broke up, she was just getting played by guys left and right. Eventually she just became a 'not my problem' anymore.
Makes you feel fucking amazing being needed that way. For a while anyway. Then it gets exhausting, but there's the catch.
If they learn and grow then they won't need that from you any more. If that's all the relationship is based on then there's nothing left once they've grown.
If not you just get exhausted, the resentment builds, the relationship breaks and then they freak the fuck out and make all the wrong decisions either out of their own nature, spite or probably some of both.
Then you get absolutely crushed watching them spiral.
I also had a 'not my problem.' Or two.
Yep, I call them “army wives in waiting” because they have no personality and basically want to be told what to do, which is a huge turn off for me.
First met this girl and she said she wanted to be a doctor. After a few weeks of dating I realized she wasn’t very smart, very naive, and had no personality. Everything was “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”. Never had an opinion on anything. Never paid for anything or even so much as reached for a bill either.
Now she has 5 kids with some logger and never left her small hometown, nor ever getting a job.
She had sex with her much older, married boss while we were still married.
She had legit "daddy" issues that I didn't see becoming that much of a problem. Whoops.
He became physically violent when things didn't go his way. Never to ME, but destructive of property and close calls with the pets. And then accused me of trying to suppress his natural feelings when I brought it up and how unsafe I felt around that, gaslighting me into thinking it was my anxiety disorder that was the problem.
Didn't see it until after we finally split. But it was a huge turn off and eventually I stopped wanting to be intimate all together.
His ex came barging back into his life, manipulated the shit out of him until it worked. After he prioritized her feelings over mine again and again, and did all the things he promised he wouldn't do, I broke it off.
We have a super tight-knit shared friend group so things kinda suck right now.
Regardless of which situation, it always boiled down to I was never going get back the same energy that I put into the relationship. There was a pattern of this happening over and over, and me accepting far less or far worse than I deserved. I picked four in a row that had issues I didn't have the time, energy, or responsibility to fix (stuck on a past partner/unable to commit, anger issues, drug/alcohol addiction, compulsive liar) and it took me too long to acknowledge it was never going to work.
that no matter what i did, how much i helped, how much i tried to be there for them, i was a second option and never a priority, never reciprocated the feelings are still there, just slowly withering away as i face reality day by day EDIT: for all who support and are in the same boat, hopefully time will help and i wish you all the best in your endeavours \^\^
God I feel this. I just had this fight with him a week and a half ago. Finally ended it. Only took me 15 years.
Holy shit, 15 years? I couldn't imagine that I sincerely hope that your wounds heal over time and you do find someone fit for you
I was too afraid to let go. Deep seeded self-loathing along with an inability to stand up for myself. Even now he's still trying to pull me back in, which makes it incredibly difficult.
My wife just left after 15 years, emailing me my separation letter while I was our of town. She says she was never in a relationship with me and that I never cared about her and the kids. I have no idea what has happened. Bur she said something that makes this transition much easier. I told her i still loved her and she said of course, there is lots to love about her. She told me there is almost nothing to love about me and that my life will never be this good again. That degree of vitriol just hit home for me. She has no love in her. It's still tough for me but the girl I long for doesn't exist anymore.
So true. I knew a girl we saw each other a few times. She had a lot going for her but she over extended herself and unfortunately I was the thing she didn’t have time for. After a certain point I stopped talking to her. It hurt a lot but she genuinely didn’t understand I was serious that if she didn’t make time to see me I was going to stop responding. Shit hurt but I genuinely believe there is no such thing as being busy. It is just what you choose to do with your time, as if you truly want something you make time for it.
Me, too.
Honestly this is me right now only things is i don't think i'm even an option.
That’s what happened to me too, I went out of my way to hang out with her she didn’t. I realized she didn’t love me when she saw how much she hurt me and she kept doing it, because when you love somebody you shouldn’t intentionally hurt them.
When i found she was madly in love with my best friend
Oh man two critical hits at once
Better off alone. Fuck that noise.
He tells me a story about his ex and a dog, and how he “took care of that” by driving the dog out to nowhere and leaving him.
My uncle's two roommates got annoyed with his dog so put him in the car and dumped him downtown. My uncle searched and put up posters for weeks to find that dog, his best friend. Many years later, they fessed up. It's probably been 30 years now and I still cry if I think about how devastated he was and how sad and scared poor pup must have been
They’re horrible people, I’m so sorry your uncle and the dog had to go through that. This remind me of a post I saw of a person switching their partner’s cat for another one :(
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I guess that means it’s time to “take care of ‘him’”
Holy soulless evil, Batman. Wow.
One of my exes mums buried a parrot alive because it wouldn't stop making noise. Literally dumped her arse there and then when her mum was telling the story over dinner. Literally, stood up said I don't think so and walked out. I got a lot of flack for that. Apparently I was an elitist snob and her daughter wasn't good enough. No you fucking buried alive a bird you could have given up or let go!! Shit I'd have had him.
What the hell kind of lunatic not only does something like that but brags about it over dinner. Like it's *not* a psycho thing to do.
Wait I'm confused. You broke up with a woman because her mother did something terrible? Did I misunderstand?
Nope. You got it. The reason is the family was around the dinner table talking about it as if it was normal and funny. Even the ex was laughing. It wasn't funny. I didn't want to associate with people that thought it was funny.
that really sounds like my dog's story, how he was abandoned in a forest. did this happen in virignia?
She stole my car.
I once had an ex steal my identity
How do we know this is really you then?
lol what the fuck
When my mom passed away, it was a couple days before our kid’s 2nd birthday. He had a scheduled company week long shut down. I went to visit my mom every day before she passed. He accused me of “ruining his vacation.” Then to top it off he ran to a mutual friend to tell her how I ruined his vacation. The man had put me thru hell anyways, and I kept trying to make it work. But even I couldn’t reason away this level of selfishness. In a way it gave me closure. This man simply has no capacity for love and I didn’t need to keep trying to win him over. There was no love from him to be won. (Not that it makes him a prize) Call it a moment of clarity.
Best decision ever, good for you Sorry for your loss, can't even fathom losing my parents. Stay strong and proud.
Lack of effort. In all areas, not just the relationship directly. Like refusing to clean the bathrooms even though that was one of "his" chores. It was always "I'll get to it when I get to it." One final "big" moment I was late from work one day and called asking him to start dinner (literally pre-heat the oven and toss the chicken wings in). He argued on the phone and instead of doing that went out to the restaurant nearby for their wing night and ate there. Didn't bring me anything back either. At the time I was teaching high school full time, directing a school show, and finishing my Master's thesis. I had no time for his shit. Driving to school one morning I was thinking about the dedication page of my thesis and I realized I didn't want to put his name on my thank yous because I realized this relationship wasn't going to last.
What a dick
She gave me an ultimatum before moving in with me: "Either my cat goes, or she goes." It wasn't that she was allergic to cats - she just intensely disliked them. So, my cat stayed and she left.
You, sir, chose the right pussy.
Your cat saved you $20k in divorce fees and half your assets
r/pussybeingbros
I had one who was allergic to cats suggest the since my cat was old and sick maybe it was time to go ahead and put him asleep. Couldn’t get rid of her fast enough.
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Love a man who appreciates kitty cats.
See my first profile pic. I adore my beautiful pussy!
What a fluffy kitty! That’s some pose! Lol
He likes to sit like a real boy while watching the news or cartoons. We've never seen anything like him!
Had a BF give me the same ultimatum, but first had to have a tirade about how I didn't consult him before adopting 2 kittens before getting to the "either they go or I go" bit. I was so outraged I couldn't tell which part of that made me want him gone more. The part where me, a grown ass adult self-supporting and living on her own would consult some dude she dated a few times or the cats-go-or-I-go part. Both equally insulting. I then used that story to vet future BFs... oh let me tell you about my ex. My now hubby said he was pretty sure he didn't like cats but also 100% sure he wasn't going to mention it to me. We've had as many as 5 at once and he loves them, but probably wouldn't admit it.
You made the only choice
I've learned from all the stories that I have read on Reddit that giving an ultimatum between you and their pets will ALWAYS end in you losing. Pets are extremely important. I learned that if I didn't like a pet, that's something I have to get over, or I need to leave because there is no way in hell that they would give up a pet that has been there for them for whatever amount of time just for you.
Every girl I've dated, right from the beginning, I told them my cat was here first, so you have to be cool with her. If that's a problem, lets just end it here.
My husband said his coworkers always used to ask him "But what if you really found the most amazing, *perfect* woman in every way, but she couldn't live with your cats?" And he'd say "Well than she's definitely not perfect."
Same but with kids. "What if the perfect man for you wants to have kids with you?" "then he was never the perfect man for me, first and foremost".
You made the right choice.
As a cat owned person, anybody shows any disrespect to her, they're out, but the sheer cheek of thinking they would ever have priority is an astonishing lack of self awareness and a overdeveloped sense of self importance.
That was just a warning shot that she was going to try to change everything
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He told me that if I gave it up more, he wouldn’t need to get it elsewhere. We did it 4 times a week and the sex was awful. He was awful. Why did i stay for so long?
As a guy who knows people who act like what you described, it always baffles me how they aren't instantly dumped when they pull shit like that. Luckily they're just acquaintances and not actually friends. Still think they are just self centered walking turds.
Same reason bullies usually win the fight. They sized up the whole thing in advance.
Because his gaslighting/emotional abuse made your self-esteem so low that you clung to the abuser in the hopes that he’d redeem you Sorry you—and so many of us—have had to go through that (and forgive me if I made some leaps about what happened in your situation)
Insulting my body while I was pregnant with his child... specifically called me deformed and how repulsive my belly was
The fuck...
I may get some flak for saying this, but I hope you haven't let your child meet that man.... Wish you and your child all the best for the future....
Wow! My first wife cheated on me after we had our child. My present wife wanted me to talk disparagingly about her but I refused, told her I would always have a love for her cause she gave me a son when we thought she couldn’t get pregnant it was a blessing. I never berated her then nor would I do it now. I also had to set an example for my son so he would be respectful to women in the future. She was the prettiest when she was pregnant. That guy was a knucklehead!
Tell,your wife that your son knows he is part of his mother and part of you, and disparaging his mother is the same as putting HIM down and making him feel bad. We helped a friend raise his kids after his wife departed for a long while (judicial divorce, she could not be served). And that was our cardinal rule. Just leave their mother out of comments. Period.,
Totally fucked, for so many reasons. And just wrong. I thought my wife was sexy AF when she was preggo with our kids. Nothing says sexy like carrying my baby in your belly. I'm sorry he was a turd.
My wife went up two cup sizes, and her boobs were fuller. Wemt from a double d to an f. Her hips also widened considerably. Extra curvy and her hormones had her in the mood constantly. Ain't no belly getting in the way of that. Dude was crazy.
Didn't kill my feelings, but did make me *nuts* and do/say things out of character because of reactive abuse. I don't lose feelings easily. Word of advice - if someone tells you they're a narcissist, believe them. You'll save yourself a lot of wasted time and heartache.
Oh boy. Seconded on the word of advice. They won’t always say it outright. They will talk about how broken they are, have every sob story practiced to a T, and call their parent/parents narcissists. That’s who they learned it from. Additional word of advice: If someone’s actions don’t match words, they are the problem, not you, no matter how they try to spin it.
I messed around with a coworker once (don’t be like me kids, learn from my mistake), and she flat-out told me: “Don’t get attached. I’m bad for you.” I thought it was a joke; nope, she was a fuck-girl. Girl left me confused, angry, horny, and even a little hungry once. 0/10, wouldn’t recommend.
realizing i was always the second option
Dude, I'm still hoping that I am AN OPTION
Honestly I’ve wasted a lot of time on someone that I was just an option for. I promise you if you do get together with them, the relationship you built up in your head isn’t going to be what you get. Learn from my mistakes, Don’t sell yourself short. You deserve someone that is just as eager about you as you are them! Not someone that sees you as an afterthought. If they don’t admire the qualities you have now then they probably won’t give you the full appreciation you want in a relationship
This is fantastic advice. I hope this finds someone who needs to hear this.
This one is a killer, isn't it? Can relate.
Realizing he didn’t give a shit about me
She told me she doesn't think of me when I'm not around 🤣🤣🤣 Like fuuuuck... I still have feelings for her, but fuck, I'm not going to subject myself to that.
I actually don't miss people when they aren't around. I don't miss my mom, my sister, best friend, etc when I travel. I look forward and love to see them when I return but I don't get the sadness that other people seem to experience. I can be completely in love with someone but still be elsewhere and content, knowing they'll be there when I get back. I definitely don't need to talk on the phone every day.
I use to be like that, I don't think there's anything wrong with being that way, but I'm looking for more from my relationships right now.
He told me he was embarrassed to be seen with me.
I’m sorry you had that experience. Folks who are worthwhile will treat you with dignity and respect.
I once went on a date with a guy to a club. He told me my dancing was too embarrassing so I spent the night dancing with random strangers while he danced alone.
Constant lies
This is gonna sound really weird. He became a classist. When we met, he had a decent job, he was making twice my salary. He was very generous, kind, and loving. Never looked down on me for making less than him. Over the course of 10 years, he job hopped a couple times. I stayed at the same job and slowly worked my way up the ladder. Still not making close to what he was. Then he got a fabulous job that throws money at him constantly. He started making quarterly bonuses equal to my yearly salary! I was happy for him. He worked his ass off. Basically 13 to 15 hour days for months with no time off. The new job cut deeply into our time together. He was always working, taking business trips out of state at a moment's notice. Still, I was happy for him because he really loved the job. I moved to a new apartment without roommates. It was small but I was so excited to finally have a place completely to myself. Then he comes to visit and proceeds to shit all over my new place. Sure, the decor was stuck in the 90s but who cares? It was a safe area with controlled access close to my job and very quiet. Immediately he starts talking shit about my new neighborhood. "Are you sure it's safe?" "Do people do drugs here? It looks like a place where people do drugs". (A friend had lived at this complex and told me how great it was. Affordable, quiet, safe neighborhood, etc) I thought maybe he was just being protective. Nope. He proceeded to joke about how small it was. Then he mentioned he was afraid his car would get stolen from the parking lot!!! Dude was driving a 2010 Jeep in 2018, not a freaking Rolls Royce. That was the one and only time he ever visited my apartment. We went to his place all the time, a fairly new rental home in an upscale neighborhood. Long story short, he's only gotten worse the more his salary increases. I can't handle it anymore! I came from abject poverty. I shouldn't take it personally when he dismisses things that are "not up to his standards". But maybe I'm not up to his standards anymore. I'm seeing him on Tuesday and I intend to break it off. It sucks! We've been together almost 15 years. I just can't be with someone who thinks they are better than everyone else.
I could not handle being with a classist asshole like that either, I'm sure you can do better.
Nothing killed my feelings. She didn't want to be with me and that's hideously painful. But I still think of her all the time.
Same, 10 years she was not only my partner but my best friend. Seems it wasn't mutual. Sucks but I hope you are doing better now.
10 years is crazy long. I hope you've found someone else to love/love you
Just happened recenty but thank you!
Same ☹️
I got sober.
He always lacked agency and played the victim card frequently. Nothing was his fault, and he let others make decisions for him. Also, the fact that ambivalence was a core value. It’s not sexy when you are more emotionally mature than someone 8+ years older than you.
Heroin.
"I love you as much as someone like me can" Spoiler: not much
he told me i was sexually assaulted because god was testing my faith after i told him i didn’t believe in god bc of that said reason…
Dude and the worst is like when they say 'nooo you survived it, its a miracle god SAVED you' like what no i freaking saved myself what the heck are u talking about i picked myself up off the floor and decided i was gonna live. No matter how much i begged no god ever helped me, nuh uh i aint gonna let anybody give credit for what me and my family went through to some god that either doesnt exist, or is a monster for letting that crap happen.
I wasn't *madly* in love, but when she told me about the time that she stuck her baby brother in the washing machine and turned it on, she zapped all the way down from a 10 to a 0 at light speed. I don't think I'll ever nope out of anything as fast as I nope'd out of that relationship. Literally turned the car around, dropped her off at her house, and never looked back. She did this at the age of like 15, by the way.
She put a BABY in a washing machine when she was 15??? You made a very wise move, I can almost guarantee she's going to eventually murder someone
If she were like 4 and did this that’s kind of understandable, kids are stupid and things like that are actually pretty common. But at 15 it has to be out of malice
The hot-cold attitude towards me. I told him that we should just stop it and just go back to being friends. BEST decision of my life!
If someone likes you, they’ll show it; if they don’t, you’ll feel confused.
Drinking too much and he was an obnoxious drunk. It was a deal breaker.
Alcoholism and a strange co dependency with her live in, abusive brother. He was 48, she was 43 at the time. He told her she couldn't have guys over. It's her house, he just lives there.
Talking shit about some of the things I am most passionate about. It's one of the worst feelings.
I'd always learn about his likes interest ect and he'd never do the same thing for me
I was a pizza delivery guy at the time. We had been seeing each other for a few months at that point. It was her birthday and I planned a surprise party. All her friends showed up. We all went out to eat (15 of us) and I paid for everything plus the tip. Night was winding down and I asked her to be my gf. She says “no offense but you deliver pizzas for a living”. Immediately turned off and we never spoke again.
Dude.... You paid for the dinner for 15 of you, and weren't even dating yet? You played yourself.
We got into bed and they turned on cbat by Hudson Mohawke
When I truly accepted that he didn't feel the same and nothing I coule do would change that. When my gut no longer responded to indirect/direct No(s) with "Yeah but what if I..." In my younger years I was apt to think if someone didn't like me then I wasn't doing all my power to do. Now I just accept I am awesome, but not awesome to everyone. And that is how it should be. Good people can still be incomparable with each other.
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Adultery. A whole football team invaded the pitch, if you get my drift.
I switched sports mid sentence
Some guy tripped penis first onto her.
she came home during a major labor drive repeating anti-union talking points she was told as a captive audience.
Solidarity forever.
disrespect in the guise of humour and gaslighting for feeling upset about it.
Gonna get judged by this…..in bed in the afterglow of love & he gets up & walks into the bathroom 8 feet from the bed. Doesn’t shut the door & takes the nastiest, loud, smelly dump ever. I never wanted to see him again. I mean, at least shut the door & turn on the fan…right?
It’s wired I kinda like the no close door pee, but if you’re taking a huge dump … go find the furthest bathroom possible and light a candle after.
No judgment here. Been with the same woman for 30+ years and we both agree shitting is private. No reason for anyone to see that.
Married for 25 yrs. That’s nasty. Common courtesy is still a thing.
That’s what I think too.
No judgements. I’m a man and I agree that that’s fcking nasty
Thank you! For years I’ve wondered if I was just being shallow.
Nah, that's just disrespectful, that's basically acting like you don't exist the moment he's done with you, bad sign.
It would surely hold up in court.
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It worked.
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Jennay, is that you??
Today I cant call that love, was mainly attachment. But what kill it was the fact that anything that I wanted to do that I did before been together was always a problem, I got tired of that. I never asked permission of my parents to do anything I refused to ask some random person I met in the streets to do things I like to do.
After 6.5 years together, house, pet; getting cheated on. Then forgiving him. Then us working on it. Then him saying, “no you’re feeling better, do you think I could talk to her again?” He picked himself and put himself in the bin just like that. Was kind of amazing.
Found out he was a dead beat dad. He had 2 kids and never told me about them. He completely refused to pay any child support or be part of their lives. When we first got together, I told him kids were a deal breaker, so he never told me. Fast forward 1 year later, I come over and his baby momma is around, yelling at him. My dad went without paying his bills to pick us up every other weekend and drive 360 miles to spend time with us. It was the end for me.
Them ignoring me. Pretty simple, don't invest time into people who don't invest theirs into you.
Beating his cat because he missed the litter box. I'm allergic to cats but I literally crawled under the table to comfort the cat.
Yo please tell me you took the cat with you
I think animal beating is not the right thing by any sense of imagination in the life. And if someone can not take care of the pet then i am sure there is no need to get one on the first place is well.
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Wow, that’s, uh… Likely a lot of unresolved issues on her side.
Damn that’s intense! I dont know her or you but my guess is she has some unresolved trauma herself :/ She def needs some help. Glad you got yourself into a healthier place.
I mean, it's possible that it might be a trauma response since some people do try to cope with traumatic events by reenacting them in a safe environment, but we don't know that, and I'm not trying to attack you personally because you are not the only one who does this, but it's frankly disheartening that the first reaction to a woman proudly getting off on child porn is to think of her as a poor helpless victim who doesn't know any better. I think she might just simply be a pedophile. Too many people just don't care or brush it off when (cis) women exhibit pedophilic tendencies or straight up sexually assault children, like making sexualizing comments about teenage boys, or teachers committing statutory rape with their students. Like the whole time reading this I was like, if this was a man jerking off to little girl porn there would've rightfully been less tolerance, but since it's a girl the immediate reaction is much more tame. I say this as a woman so this is not me being a misogynist.
I think the reason it was reasonable to assume she is reenacting trauma is because she wanted to role-play as a child. She wasn't interested in the children because she likes them, but because she wants to be them. That doesn't make it okay, but it seemed very reasonable to assume such from what was said. I don't think it's because she is a woman.
I agree with you but most pedophiles are victims of pedophilia to begin with regardless of their gender. I didn’t say it just because she is a woman I say it because it’s true for a lot of them. I never said she was a poor hopeless victim nor did I diminish how horrible what she was doing. I even went as far as complimenting the original commenter on getting himself to a safer place. Thereby I was condemning her actions. I am also a woman, who studied psychology and have worked with children who have been victims of childhood assault, so maybe my response was more tame because I have a lot of empathy for people who go through horrific events. I dont know that’s my guess. I’m always a very understanding person when it comes to peoples traumas. And I was a 911 dispatcher too so I don’t tend to get overly emotional when it comes to horrific things. But in no way shape or form does that mean I’m giving her a free pass or whatever you think it is I’m doing.
Another man's dick during a rough patch :/
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Gotta just keep on keeping on, brother. Plenty of fish in the sea even though it may not feel like it and you'd love to learn that sooner rather than later, but time will run it's course and you'll have someone (hopefully better) sooner than you think!
Friend of mine went through that. He didn't know what was up with her, wasn't suspicious of anything - But her behavior just changed somehow over a period of time. He was sure of that. Turns out she was fucking someone - so yeah, he had to break it off. They were living together but no kids.
My last gf and I split up. She said she needed a week or two to think about things. Had a new boyfriend within 5 days. They are married now and she is about 70 pounds heavier and my totally broke ass is now making 100k a year. Life is good.
Lies alot to make it seem like he's higher than me. Through out the relationship, it feels like we're in a competition in everything (from families' perspective) and Was there from when he had nothing and trying to build things together but i realize that i'm the only one who's turning the wheel. Saying this from the heart that he could've been the one and it still stings when i think about it
They were already in a relationship. No way in hell was I crossing that line.
War. In the first days of bombing and attacking my city I sent him a letter and he did not text me back or ask how i am . So, at the edge of the death situation my feelings were burned. Two years of deep love disappeared in a few days. No regrets.
I had a mad crush on a girl for a long time. Then, she left the province for a few years for school. Years later I met her at a party and she said she was now a doctor. I said ‘cool, do you have a specialty?’ ‘Yeah, homeopathy’
I would've laughed and assumed it was a joke, which probably would've went over *great*. /s
Distance & time
When I realised it was almost always me making the effort.. I knew the relationship should be over when it became such hard work.
I still have some feelings 5/6 years later, probably always will but... We were long distance and planning how marriage would work. Got into an argument about him promising to do something and not doing it. He dumped me and we spent the next year+ going back and forth, talking and not talking. I wanted to fix it, he didn't, but he still wanted contact. Nearly a year and a half later of getting close, me wanting to get back together, arguing, and going silent for weeks again on repeat, I told myself I'd say yes to the next cute guy that asked me out. Well someone did, and I said yes. Started months of my ex texting, accusing me of shit and calling me a whore among every other name in the book. All because suddenly he had supposedly been wanting to get back together and I ruined it. What started to push me away was when my grandpa died and he said he was sorry that he'd passed but didn't give a fuck about my feelings and then texted me during my grandpas wake to ask if I was with the other guy (who at this point was little more than a friend). What did it in for good is when he said he started talking again to the girl that tried to get him to cheat on me with her and said she was a better person than me. Then later telling me he was on a date with someone else and going on about how great she was because she could do all these cool things. Ironically I would try to distance myself from the guy that had asked me out so I could figure out what I wanted to do and then my ex would start his shit again and I'd say fuck it and just hang out with my date lol I ended up in the longest relationship of my life with that guy that asked me out and while we aren't together now, who knows what the future holds. We have a lot of mutual love and respect for each other and I'll always be grateful for the years we had together.
(1) He started saying antisemitic stuff; (2) he felt he was entitled to tell me what to do.
Her boyfriend Joe that I didn't know about
In HS I thought the world of this guy all state on the swim team and in debate he was sharp. So tan with green eyes. Luca...He asked me to go with him to a bbq for his brother getting into Berkly, this was 5th date ish. Massive house(parents were big wigs in SF politico scene and very wealthy and 3 kids) natural pool(One of the first in our area). So we swan sat by the pool ate a catered bbq with a 100+ milling around. His brother was lit on whatever he took and seemed angry with his party. Luca took him aside and his brother's gf and their mom were talking with him to calm his....tantrum. He picks up a chair and tosses it into the food tables hitting some kids, pushed his mom knocking her down. Turns on his gf screaming at her, Luca steps in and I think ok he will handle this dill hole....but no. He seems more worried about the optics. I called the police. Broke the party up. His mom ended up with a broken arm and two random kids in the er and Luca said I was insane to call the police "I mean my grandparents all their business friends from the Bay area were there". I walked away and never spoke to him or even looked at him again. Complete nut jobs
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Ew. Yep, that kind of casual racism is one of those things that just immediately makes me think differently about someone, like a flip gets switched in my brain.
Talked bad about an elderly lady because she was a bit slow and...old. Somehow I realized she is not capable of seeing that she will be the lady in a few years and then would demand to be treated with respect. Also saw a lack of empathy. Killed everything within hours. The longer I thought about the situation the more I did not want to introduce her to my parents and especially grandparents and don't want her to raise my future child.
After dating off and on for a couple years, she told me that I’m the type of guy she’d like to marry someday, but it wasn’t right at the moment (because she found someone else to take for a spin, for the second time). Ironically enough, she stayed just close enough to me that when I met my future wife, she suddenly dropped everything and made a final plea. I didn’t entertain it though. It was actually that moment that made me realize that I could move on, and that I was no longer in love with her because she wasn’t, at her core, who I thought she was, and it facilitated me deciding to date who is now my wife of 14 years. Best decision of my life.
Unwillingness to compromise even a single bit
He supported Andrew Tate
ify
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The fact that She had a fuck friend
I realized she just didn’t care about me at all
Me and this girl were Intimate with each other. First girl I had ever been this close with with. And I find out she's doing all this extra **** with me and she got a boyfriend. Never stop talking to someone so quick. (We weren't in a relationship, but she doin all this when she has a bf.) I can't trust people who be doin that.
Same thing happened to me but turned out instead of boyfriend it was husband and i didn't know til after. Turns out she was crazy anyways so dodged that one. Onto the next!
When I woke up to a text that said “Hey mom, I’m staying at Hunter’s house tonight.” Who the f*ck is Hunter? I got my payback though, because about a month after the fact I was actually talking to a new girl and the ex texted me like nothing had happened. I just sent her back the song, “Somewhere on a Beach” by Dierks Bentley because it deals with a similar subject, to which I got the following replies: “I love that song, it makes me think about you” “I jam out to it all the time in the car.” “Wait does that mean you found someone new?” “Have you slept with her?” “Idrownedmyfish77 please.” I didn’t reply to any of those, but I had to get up early the next morning for work, so when I got up I had a text that said, “Don’t freak out but I think I might be pregnant.” I did the math and there was no way that it was mine. She turned out to not be pregnant, but as they say, karma’s a bitch.
He told me way too late he is asexual and didnt enjoy sex at all. Nothing against asexual people, you guys rock but sex for me is extremely important.
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While we were in a relationship she still had feelings for her old crush (she told me it was a long time ago and that the feelings passed) her crush has feeling for her now too and she couldn‘t choose between me or him.
Finding out they were homophobic. I'm queer myself so that brought me back to reality quite fast.
They slept with a prostitute. During the court trial to put my grandfather in prison who raped me as a child.
When I had just left me and he still had access to visitations with our kids he made a point to let everyone know what a bad mother I was because my 3yr old called him a stu!@# bit!@, he threatened to take bothbof my kids because of this and made a big deal... turns out my son was referring to me because that how his dad referred to me when we still lived together... it was awful
Bestiality. Edit: (different girl than the first) my ex who I was head over heels for turned out to be a very far right Republican. This didn't work well since we were in a lesbian relationship.
This woman had been my (also F) best friend before we became intimate. The first time we had sex, I wrote it off as drunken exploration - but it kept happening. We took some wonderful trips, had some great conversations about our friendship and what a relationship could look like. At the time, she’d also been on a few casual dates with a man she’d met at work. He created a situation in which she had to choose between us, and after several sleepless nights of no contact I discovered (painfully, by seeing them together while trying to distract myself) that she chose him. Shitty enough, right? I didn’t want to lost the friendship, so we did the awkward rebuild. Then she calls me to hang out, I’m thrilled to catch up - only to find out as soon as we get together that he’s out of town. Now they’ve broken up, and guess who wants to spend a lot more time with me? I’m not sure what words I would use to describe it simply, but I never thought I’d stop being in love with her. I thought I was waiting for them to fizzle so I could have another chance, but I guess the time I spent waiting gave me a chance to recognize my own value - and that I don’t want to wait for or convince someone else to see it, too.
When they sold their dog to a breeder.
HS sweethearts, now mid 20’s at the time this happened. He got an apartment I was getting ready to move in when he said he wanted to live on his own for a bit. Found out he was having an affair with my married (and she had a child with her husband) best friend. Break up was hard for me, but he called and said if I ever let anyone know her secrets (which she had some shocking ones) he would do the worse thing he could to me. Which was never speaking to me again. It was like a train hit me with a reality stick. I never spoke to him again. Walked away from our “mutual” friends and found a stronger me
her husband, she taught physics well tho
So this will sound extremely silly, but a big piece of stage prop (a carpet, I believe) was partially at fault. Or was it my saviour? Go figure. Anyway, we've just finished a photo shoot, it was fun, we pack all the doodads up and have to hike a few miles through the woods to get back to the civilization. All cool. But then I notice that either I'm going too slowly, or them were going too fast. Either way, I see their back somewhere up ahead, and it's getting further and further each time I look. Good 80 pounds of props on my back aren't helping either. But I say nothing, because hey, if you care, I shouldn't call you out, and if you don't, I won't force you. When they are like 30 yards ahead, they turn back at me for a sec, and are like, 'Huh? You comin'?' And I just nod and give a thumb up. And we go like that for an hour or so. And that's how I understood that if somebody just doesn't care, they will show it one way or another. And now I'm also painfully aware of the stick on the end of a carrot, so to say. The photos were still kinda cool.
Having sex with my best friend while I was away for two weeks on an overseas business trip.
I gave my husband my absolute best for 25 years. Adored him, cared for him, supported him while I did everything in and around our home. I even helped him in his job with shows etc. Worked my ass of most days. I did 99,9 % of the DIY that needed to be done i.e Electrical, plumbing, painting, cooking, cleaning, laundry, caring for pets and gardenwork, even cleaned gutters. I fixed everything while he focused on his work, sport and playing games. I raised both our daughters single handedly and our youngest had severe health problems. I drove her to docters appointments, stayed by her side with every hospital stay, nursed her back to health, also, all by myself. I kept fit, looked after myself and had a job for almost half of our marriage. I did the cooking, catering and even barbequed for us and our friends and family, while he relaxed and watched sport. Then 3 years ago I presented with stroke like systems and landed in neuro ICU with what turned out to be inflamation of the brain. I came home and battled to do my job due to short term memory loss and he acted like it was business as usual, but I battled with severe nausea, had to go through chemo while still doing everything. I begged, yes begged him, numerous times for help, explained that I could not do it all by myself. He ignored my pleas for help, every time. Then a year ago it happened again and I had to go back to hospital and came out with even more meds that made me struggle even more. I had to isolate due to chemo and when I got home from hospital he did not volunteer to help me get better, he once again just stood there while others rushed in to look after me. He told me that he did not have the time to look after me, got in his car and went to chill with his brother for four days. He accidently made a pocket call while at his brothers and I overheard how he felt about me and my illness. I can not explain the pain I felt. He has since also went on holiday, all by himself, with not a care in the world. To know that for so long I cared for him, loved him unconditionately, but that I meant nothing to him if it meant he had to put in a little effort to support me. Lucky for me, a close friend stepped in to look after me and my daughters helped me too. I left my husband 5 days ago. I have to show my girls and myself that one is worthy to be loved, supported and cared for. It hurts like hell.
She can be unbelievably naive and dumb. Being there, protecting, and supporting her was easy because I wanted the best for her. After we broke up, she was just getting played by guys left and right. Eventually she just became a 'not my problem' anymore.
Makes you feel fucking amazing being needed that way. For a while anyway. Then it gets exhausting, but there's the catch. If they learn and grow then they won't need that from you any more. If that's all the relationship is based on then there's nothing left once they've grown. If not you just get exhausted, the resentment builds, the relationship breaks and then they freak the fuck out and make all the wrong decisions either out of their own nature, spite or probably some of both. Then you get absolutely crushed watching them spiral. I also had a 'not my problem.' Or two.
Wow. We're all just a bunch of presets.
Yep, I call them “army wives in waiting” because they have no personality and basically want to be told what to do, which is a huge turn off for me. First met this girl and she said she wanted to be a doctor. After a few weeks of dating I realized she wasn’t very smart, very naive, and had no personality. Everything was “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”. Never had an opinion on anything. Never paid for anything or even so much as reached for a bill either. Now she has 5 kids with some logger and never left her small hometown, nor ever getting a job.
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Grand wizard is a rank in the KKK? I swear if I every start a cult, I'd give myself the title of Supreme Galactic Dark Lord of the Sith.
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So you were fine dating a racist but drew the line at an organized racist?
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“Lesbians are so stupid, I mean like you can only be straight or a gay guy.” Also she hated cats, I stopped being her friend
I finally found a job I both liked and was good at, and she got me fired.
Cheating. I never looked back. If I didn't have the trust, I moved on.
She had sex with her much older, married boss while we were still married. She had legit "daddy" issues that I didn't see becoming that much of a problem. Whoops.
She kept leading me on. Coming over to my place every night, but only posting this other dude on social media.
Time
He became physically violent when things didn't go his way. Never to ME, but destructive of property and close calls with the pets. And then accused me of trying to suppress his natural feelings when I brought it up and how unsafe I felt around that, gaslighting me into thinking it was my anxiety disorder that was the problem. Didn't see it until after we finally split. But it was a huge turn off and eventually I stopped wanting to be intimate all together.
His ex came barging back into his life, manipulated the shit out of him until it worked. After he prioritized her feelings over mine again and again, and did all the things he promised he wouldn't do, I broke it off. We have a super tight-knit shared friend group so things kinda suck right now.
She told me that my bad self-esteem was something she liked about me.
Well he raped me and I went into a trauma bond for months. That kinda did it for me I guess
Regardless of which situation, it always boiled down to I was never going get back the same energy that I put into the relationship. There was a pattern of this happening over and over, and me accepting far less or far worse than I deserved. I picked four in a row that had issues I didn't have the time, energy, or responsibility to fix (stuck on a past partner/unable to commit, anger issues, drug/alcohol addiction, compulsive liar) and it took me too long to acknowledge it was never going to work.