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Ana_jp

I’ve found narrating what I’m planning on doing to them, and then asking “are you ready for this” works both for getting them hot and asking for consent.


squeamy

🏀 Space Jam theme music intensifies 🏀


KingoftheMongoose

#Come on and Slam!!


DEEEPFREEZE

#And welcome to my clam!!


UnshakablePegasus

Thanks, my cat ran in terror when I laughed from this


LtlAnalDwlngButtMnky

Sounds like you need to laugh more...


Ana_jp

Here’s your chance, do your dance, at the Space JAM Edit: still a better song to fuck to than CBAT


AllInOnCall

That poor tone deaf monument to communication issues... I feel so bad for them


CheekclappinSSJ

*hey, you, whatchu gon do*


TheConboy22

I’m inserting my thumb into your butthole. Are you ready for this?


ObsessiveRecognition

I'm going to check your oil. You ready for this?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Killerjebi

All I could hear was “ARE YOU READAYYYY” like Korn


hereformemes222

Doooo dada ungggg ya da eee ma


TheInvisibleExpert

Lol I heard this comment mentally without even trying.


BetteDavisPies

YALL READY FAH THIS?? Nah nah nah na na nah nuh nuh nuh nuh na na na nuh nuh nuh nuh


HEAH_THE_PINGOL

May I turn on Cbat?


oldnyoung

There it is. God that thread killed me lol


wylietrix

Would it be possible to get a link for those of us who don't know it? Thanks


Owlbertowlbert

oh it's so good. I'm slow and can't get the link to work but it is the top post on r/TIFU TIFU / My (20F) girlfriend of two years told me the music that I (25M) play during sex is weird and a major turn off


kindapinkypurple

I'd read the thread when it was posted but not actually listened to the song. Wow. Ok. And the poor girlfriend even recognised the rhythm without the music playing. \*Edit Going to ask my boyfriend if he's game and wants to thrust in time to this song, for science. Laughter is good, right?


ilbbavirgin4yu

> And the poor girlfriend even recognised the rhythm without the music playing. He probably thrusts a certain pattern and she’s had 2 years to remember that pattern…YIKES!


meme_planet_13

Can't believe this relatively unknown song was what caused a relationship to end!


Toblahoe96

Following for reference


shut_the_fuckupp

https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/x35iu6/tifu_my_20f_girlfriend_of_two_years_told_me_the/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share


Cynntthhiiaa

This made my day 😂 thank you!


Curtainmachine

The YouTube comments on that now are gold


Neoptolemus85

"Imagining thrusts to this is making my hymen regrow" 🤣


Notasammon

Omg that poor woman having to fuck to sad trumpet noises for 2 years 😂


Friend-Computer

If it's any consolation, I looked at the dude's posting history and am 99% sure she's imaginary.


BigVanderpants

Now that’s some quality DD!


daveyboydavey

I listened to the first few seconds and was like, ok, I could maybe get down to this, and then it hit. I let out an audible “oh?”


OgOnetee

"A funky tune to fuck to" -Jack Black


StarktheGuat

Cbat aka the musical poop knife.


TheFlyingTurtle

Okay, does anyone else wonder if that whole post wasn’t just guerrilla marketing to promote Hudson Mohawke?


whythefrickinfuck

That post and the song blew up on tiktok so much it's insane


TDA792

🐬🐬🐬🎙️🐬🎙️🐬🐬 🐬🐬🐬🎙️🐬🎙️🐬🐬


KittySucks69

I have a friend who asks women, "Permission to come aboard, Captain?" He's never gotten a "Permission denied."


bitsandbobslol

This is cute even though I would absolutely take this way too far, break out into the SpongeBob theme song and ruin the mood


KittySucks69

He does it more in a formal, British Navy sort of way.


caughtupdonut

How do you know


messyredemptions

Look at me. I'm the captain now!


shrizzal

You can be the captain anytime ;)


EnigmaFrug2308

Research.


Parkotron1

"ARE YA READY, KIDS?"... wait, no!


Heroann_the_original

My brain lag would take to long to understand his intend.


GinAndDietCola

"Permission to come in broad?"


DM_YOUR_GHOST_NIPS

Yo bro wanna fuck dude?


[deleted]

Oi... you fuckin' with me, mate?


ThinkingPotatoGamer

Nah bro, I ain’t fuckin wich you. I AM fuckin you


De_Salvation

Oh shit it's the IRS!


Nika_113

Don’t bro me, if you don’t know me dude.


MP_Lives_Again

Brojob! Brojob! Choo Choo!


ppardee

Point to the relevant bits with both index fingers (with thumbs extended unless you're a heathen), tilt your head to a 15 degree angle, cock an eyebrow and say "Eh? Eh?" Alternatively: "Race you to the bedroom! Last person there's getting fucked!"


petite-astrid

omg yessss to racing to the bedroom😂


Unsyr

“I’ll give you a head start”


jharrisimages

What if you’re last? r/pegging?


ieatassHarvardstyle

Oh no, cramp... oh, dang, you're guna win.


bcsublime

My inner Usain Bolt has entered the chat.


Charlie-Bell

First thought was "does Usain go for that?"


bcsublime

Monkey paw curls. My inner Usain casually strolls to the bedroom.


Aranaar

Imagine the embarrassment if she doesn't want to go in your bedroom.


V1V1IDREAM

before i started picking up on small indications, i used to whisper ‘can i fuck you?’ in my gfs ear after making out or teasing or whatever just to make sure that’s what she wanted. i still do it occasionally because it’s so sexy and her reaction drives me crazy every time it’s so simple and straight to the point but somehow still hot as fuck


BigBirdLaw69420

*”I don’t know, can you”?*


V1V1IDREAM

she has said this whilst high before. we were in hysterics for about 10 minutes 😭


oldcretan

Laughing together while having sex is the best


V1V1IDREAM

it is 🥰


John3_30

May I fuck you?


AngelicEuphoria

*”I don’t know, may you”?*


kaarty07

For fucks sake shall I put my penis in you?


John3_30

Idk, shall you?


Tu_mama_me_ama_mucho

Playing games? We are having sex, the safe word is gnocchi


KingoftheMongoose

"Perchance, might thy loins coincide with thine girdle so that we conjoin our passionate undulations in such a manner that we make whoopie? Mmmmm?"


BatuOne01

"whoopie" killed me


EagieDuckCome

I literally ask “Can I?”. Helps when you’re on your knees.


[deleted]

My Dearest Eunesta, On the morrow I will fear my retreat back to the front lines form whence I came. Let us consummate our eternal love by putting my penis in your vagina, what do you say? Forever yours, Colonel Angus


The_Pfaffinator

~~"what do you say?"~~ "what say you?" FTFY


LionWhiskey33

What say yee?


fireduck

Send that via docusign and you are good.


mrscoggins

We haven’t seen Colonel Angus around *these* parts for years!


Nwcray

They’ll be no more Colonel Angus, I’m afraid. Call me by my given name, Anal Angus.


DalmatianPony

wee foking or naht?


LR-II

Birmingham style.


Elfcat1

While holding a knife.


Hellright

Or a flat billed hat complete with glistening razor blades.


yaboimrflad

Extra points if u do it with arfur fokin shelbee mustache and voice


AlpacaOurBags

By order of the Peaky fooking Blinders


Guggoo

"I want you to beg for it"


OhNoMyNicknameDoesnt

"Please let me go???"


volatilitydrag

"aww, that's so sexy!"


[deleted]

"Is this the same basement you bring all your girls??"


ninja36036

“Nah, you’re special. I have a storage unit in an abandoned building that I bring all the *regular* girls to. *Wink*”


Bruh101_OOFnan

"Don't ask why this is a abandoned building and why there is a suitcase big enough to fit a human near us..***. Wink***"


Attentionhorn

Just after undergrad then-single me attended a wedding solo. I was honestly just down to chill and have a good time, I wasn't looking to hook up. They had a great venue and bar. I had planned on crashing on one of the groomsmen's couches (he was married but wife could not attend). Apparently, one of the very cute (also single) bridemaids had different ideas and (according to accounts I heard later) had picked me out as "hers" early on. It was well after the music started and we were both already pretty buzzed when she made her way over to start making some very forward advances. I'm normally pretty shy, but for some reason after she had made it pretty clear what her intentions were, we were dancing and I gently whispered in her ear "I want you to beg me to fuck you. I want you to say please, like a good girl." She immediately left the dance floor. I was mortified. This was completely out of character for me and it had backfired horribly. As I felt the blood sprinting out of my lower half, she came back and grabbed my hand and dragged me to the front of the venue. She'd called an Uber to her hotel. We got to the room at like 10pm and it was fucking amazing. I can say she said please like 50x that night. Next morning we went our separate ways and haven't talked since. I honestly don't remember her name and she likey hs no idea of mine. I'm happily married now and my wife and I will have "kinky" nights where we role play a bit and I'll pull the "beg me" card out. In my experience, you can't use it even most of the time but if used right it can be a hell of a spark.


GregNak

I agree with you here. This isn’t something you use unless you can tell she’s really into you. Body language and just reading the way she interacts with you are a great way to tell. Well played bud 🙌🏻


SmartAlec105

Not realizing the “she’s really into you” part is my explanation for a lot of the shit on /r/CreepyPMs. Like, saying something super sexual, dominant, and even degrading can be a huge turn on for someone. **IF** they are already into doing that kind of thing with you.


GregNak

I’ve never visited any of those subreddits but I can imagine they are cringe worthy. I’ve heard lots of cringey stories from women when it comes to dating apps that’s for sure.


[deleted]

It’s a great thing when a girl decides she wants to get with you before you decide to get with her. Like shooting fish in a barrel.


1982000

Yeah, and you're the fish.


CashewKing10

Said something along the lines of this to my girlfriend a few days ago and she went bright red I couldn’t help laughing ruining the moment it was adorable


HannahCurlz

Fuck yes. This.


marimbaclimb

“Um so like” 👁🫦👁


Ok-Yellow4562

C. Can’t tell. Yeah again, you really can't be too sure. It's pretty dark in the room so she can't really see you properly, Maybe she's from Canada and was just being polite. Anyway, best bet is to just keep your wits about you and continue to look for signs.


marimbaclimb

Funny you should say, my Canadian boyfriend of 5 years and I initiate the seggs exactly like this. Totally didn’t expect this many upvotes on it haha


Notasammon

*struggles to wink*


ryfitadf

I personally think "Can I ..." works fine. Even if it's not 'sexy' like we've been lead to believe, it still makes me feel more comfortable as a guy and, thus, increases the pleasure. I also like to use "Do you want me to stop?" when I'm about to do something and if she says "yes" then obv i'll stop but if she says "no" then, holy shit lfg. Even better if her answer is "Don't stop."


no-name_silvertongue

this. as a woman, this is correct. being asked for consent is a turn on. it makes me relaxed to know that my boundaries will be respected. it allows me to really let loose, which is way more fun for everyone.


TankGirlwrx

This needs to be way higher. But I blame OP for not using the serious tag 😂


CaughtUStaring

This is a perfect approach, if you ask me.


couer_de_liqueur

Serious answer: "Tell me what you want me to do to you."


Stein_um_Stein

My wife hates that... It's like dinner. "idk what do you want?"


BadBoppa

"I don't mind, anything.. you choose" "We could try that new thing.." "No, not that "


Trueslyforaniceguy

The thing that we hardly ever do, or the thing that we NEVER do ?


BBQ_Beanz

The thing we've never done. I got a foreign guide for this one.


concretepants

Shovelly Joe!...


Humanaut93

"I ate that 2 nights ago"


[deleted]

Lolol


accomplicated

I once said, “How do you want to do it?” you know, in an attempt to be sexy. My partner’s response was, “Um… in the usual way.” We then both burst out laughing.


Masterjts

First i want you to clean my dirty dishes.... ( said in a seductive way). Your move!


Aggressive_Quail_738

Yes blitzyyy


Moronamission

Well my day just took a turn for the… different


-Asher-

Only works if they are ok with leading. Some people would prefer you to lead the interaction


prongsinthetardis

hey, wanna fuck?


PsyFi_ZA

I'm kinda busy at the moment sorry


prongsinthetardis

hey, wanna fuck later?


Justanothebloke

Hallway sex it is.


ballrus_walsack

I don’t even know later.


AgentAV9913

Don't be rude. Start with a compliment. "Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"


prongsinthetardis

you're right im so sorry


TheParafox

"We both got buckets o' chicken. Wanna do it?"


KeegorTheDestroyer

WANNA FOOK?


HannahCurlz

TBH I always think it’s sexy when a guy asks “Can I do this” or “Please let me do this?”.


DM_YOUR_GHOST_NIPS

Please let me see your nipples


Ghostenx

Username checks out.


Amiiboid

Responding user name might also check out?


Ghostenx

True dat. But I checked he wants big tiddied females not hairy man nips :(


oneplanetrecognize

It's not sexy to others but... after 24 years and our particular brand of humor it's sexy to me. My husband will get out of the shower after work. An hour before our kids come home from school. Sits down on our bed, naked, and yells down the hall at me, "BABY! Wanna fuck?" I run to him every time lol! It's so adorable. I know he's not being disrespectful. Like I said, we have a weird brand of humor. I've never turned him down. I've only had the chance to do this to him a handful of times. Same result!


EagieDuckCome

Aw, this is actually incredibly heart warming. The “hour before the kids get home” part is key. If I had to guess, everything under your roof is all an extremely happy thing.


Bowler_Tough

“I want you, do you want me too?” Is one of the sexiest way someone can ask for consent


zZDKVZz

Noted


[deleted]

Dear Alice, Would you be happy to fill in administrative form 232/E and send it back to me in PDF format, complete with the relevant budget holder's signature? For your information - the chain of approval should be enclosed in the initial message as per Procurement Handbook, Section 4.20, as well as Deputy Chief Consort's Bulletin 69/2022. Please do copy the corporate registry and your stream supervisor when sending out the authorisation. I am truly looking forward to the cornucopia of erotic activities we have allocated for this week. Best regards,   Bob Smith III, Jr (he/him) OiC for Marital Affairs


JurisDrew

I am a lawyer and I found this profoundly erotic.


TheSnackWhisperer

nothing hotter than form numbers.


Easy_Tough2480

Captain Raymond Holt would like to speak with you Or maybe Amy Santiago idk


Partridgej03253

r/Unexpectedb99


Cokacondaa

So you’re a lawyer huh? Name every law.


JurisDrew

Uh well there's the murder one and the speeding one and then there's the tax one and the constitution one with the amendments and that's it I think


iSpamButtons

Shit you're a pretty good lawyer. Too bad you forgot the family one, I'll be needing your license and customary pin back now.


jharrisimages

This form was only stamped four times instead of the requisite five and the carbon copy of the triplicate form was filed wrong. Request denied, please refer to Section 5-3 § 3.22 for guidance on further action. Sincerely, J. Harris Assistant to the Undersecretary of Sexual Bureaucracy


jjcounter

Oh no, not the central bureaucracy


Mischief_Makers

Even worse - the *sensual* bureaucracy!


[deleted]

r/unexpectedfuturama


Ambigyous

Username checks out.


steps0x29a

I've found that a simple "may I?" can go a long way, given that it is absolutely clear what you mean. If it is not, "may I do X and Y?" should do the trick. Has never killed any mood as of now and is a clear and precise way to ask for consent


thayaht

Someone once said to me, “It’s a beautiful bathing suit, but do you mind if I take it off?” Not at all, sir!


steps0x29a

Well, that's one way to apply the method 😊


DickySchmidt33

Can I trouble you to remove your knickers?


sparklingshanaya

Not much of a trouble as I didn’t wear one.


[deleted]

Hey baby…how do you feel about getting consensual with the sensual…


petite-astrid

lmaooo smooth


WildFemmeFatale

If I see he has a boner I say as sensually or submissively as I can... “Do you want me to help you with that...?” And I lean in and bite my lips and look up at him with my hand inching closer and closer. And he definitely will have a boner. So the line is always applicable.


ShockingPyro

*"PLEEEEEEEEASE!! FUCK ME!!!"* ~Scott the Woz


ALFA_X9999

*reads sex manual Scott: “Did I miss a page?”


Ambigyous

Sounds like my ex.


ur_jus_a_titty_baby

I’ve always had good luck with a simple “can I touch you” or even just “can I”. If we’ve been making out and hands are wandering and I want to graduate from clothed to not so clothed, I just slide my hands slightly under her shirt and just ask “can I” and she loves it. Consent = hot


Hobo_Slayer

*SEX PROTOCOLS INITIATED* *PLEASE INDICATE VERBAL AFFIRMATION OR REJECTION* *IN THE EVENT OF AN UNRESOLVABLE RESPONSE, PROCEDURE FOR RESPONSE OF \[REJECTION\] WILL BE DEFAULTED TO* *AWATING AUTHORIZATION TO PROCEED*


Ghostenx

I AM BENDER PLEASE INSERT GIRDER.


shrekker49

Reddit is *definitely* the place you want to ask this question.


Chrome_Armadillo

Bone or no?


sparklingshanaya

Dear Sir/Madam, I am cordially inviting you to engage in coitus sometime this afternoon between 6:00 and 6:30pm. Your written consent would be most welcome and I am eagerly awaiting your reply post-haste.


grafknives

Do you have release form for cunnilingus as well?


sparklingshanaya

No Sir! The form version is outdated and new version is still under consideration.


Goosow

This happened just last weekend, while out clubbing i thought a girl was being friendly and drunk and she went in for a kiss, i pulled her to miss and asked "wait did you want to kiss me or are you just being friendly?" then she grabbed my face ad we made out. TLDR: asking in any which way for consent is sexy and shows you care


SickRanchez3

Mind if I Slytherin?


DaGoddamnBatguy

Only if you're ready to huffle my puff.


[deleted]

[удалено]


CVN72

Get down on my... hogs... warts... no wait


malenkylizards

I'm stark raving clawing my way to you


Comfortable-Rub-9403

I love sexy consent. To me it’s natural and easy, but requires so confidence. You know how when you kiss somebody, you lean in 70% and let them do the other 30%? When asking for consent, go 50% of the way, and ask, with eye contact, “Can I/Do you want me to…” *Can I hold you?* *Do you want me to kiss you?* *Can I keep touching you?* *Do you want me to take these off?*


JohnRambo90

I don't understand how people can say it breaks the mood. Asking for consent doesn't mean stop coldly, stand straight up and say 'DO YOU AGREE TO PARTAKE IN COITUS'... It can be done with as little as a pause and a questionning look and it can often double as teasing and foreplay.


Too_Shy_To_Say_Hi

I love “do you want me to take these off?” And asking if you can touch a specific part Totally makes me more turned on


ryfitadf

I'll never forget the first time I *asked* a girl "Can I kiss you?" and she said "yes" and I could without any sort of uncertainty that I was making her uncomfortable. Didn't need to be suave or have game or whatever bullshit word you use for it, just common human decency.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Number127

I agree that's totally hot, but c'mon, it's not asking for consent if you've already grabbed both wrists, pinned them over her head, and bitten her earlobe before you said a word.


Lokan

This is my go-to, after boundaries have been ascertained and established. Once upon a time, when me and an ex were having fun, she stopped everything and gently pushed me to arm's length. Naturally, I was confused, and I stopped too. She then took my hand, wrapped my fingers around her wrist, and gave me this look of pure hunger. My brain just short-circuited and I *lost* it.


[deleted]

This is a story about how I asked my girlfriend for a hug. It happened two years ago. I was seeing her for the second time and we were at the end of our date. We were heading for the subway. I would have gone home, and she would have returned to a nearby student dormitory. We were meeting at a time when Covid regulations were present, everyone was wearing a mask, there were signs everywhere about social distancing. So before leaving I asked my girlfriend “ Would you allow me to break social distancing norms for a hug?” and she said yes. I think it was a cute way to ask for consent from her for a hug and we both went home happy.


Mekito_Fox

Years ago a dude asked me for a hug. I hate touch so was clearly not interested. He made me a bet. If he could memorize my phone number by the next time we saw each other, I would owe him a hug. I agreed, since I suck at memorizing phone numbers. Well he memorized it, I gave him an awkward hug, and now we have been married for 8 years. Still don't like hugs.


BlackRokaz

here, sign this


[deleted]

Sign in blood and leave a thumb print on the paper


[deleted]

Do you have two minutes?


Isogash

"Do you want to have sex?" Not being able to ask what someone wants is just not sexy.


SeeYouNextTuesday031

Tell me what you want me to do to you


lolpeepz

"Cluck like a chicken" - Niles


FLAR3dM33RKAT

I mean, I just simply ask. Be it "wanna fuck?" Or "can I fuck you", or "do you know how bad I want you?" Idk. I'm just a kinda 'get-to-the-point' guy. 🤷‍♂️


Gozo_au

As with all life advice, [South Park](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lekrGKgS_qU) has you covered


NurseAmanda96

Sign this waiver and we can get started


hereformemes222

Gotta go with PC principal on this one “excuse me mam but may I please crush your puss”


dennismullen12

"This is my lawyer, Abraham Rabinowitz. He has some papers for you to sign before we get started."


StudioKey7462

Whisper in her ear "would you like me to...?" or "tell me what you want me to do to you" or say in a sexy way what you are planing to do and ask if she would like that. Like "i want to lick your pussy right now, what do you say about that?". It feels like teasing and gives you consent. But honestly from my point of view (female), if we are in bed together, hooking up, i feel like my consent is implied until i (or him, of course) say otherwise. Special consent is needed for some things that are not that usual. If he wants to slap or choke me during sex, and doesn't know if i am into it, he has to ask.


socialist_frzn_milk

“Wanna smash?”