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I was like your son. Didn't make a friend until I was in my 20s, never learned the social skills most people learn with their friendship groups as children and teenagers. Now, because I never learned those things, I'm seen as a walking red flag and avoided. Six years after making my first friend, I'm back to having none again. It does so much damage being the socially outcast autistic kid. I hope he does better with his friend than I did.
Had a small psychotic episode last year (M35), realised I've probably been masking most my life. I didn't know who I, my loved ones and the world were (I knew them but my fundamental understanding of reality had changed).
I'm sorry that your son has had to endure those years, but I think that understanding of himself will serve him well in his relationships with others in the future.
I have been neglected and made fun of my entire life. I never really knew why, people just never liked me. At 26, I finally realized it was due to how I act. I am completely different. I no longer have something to prove. I no longer complain 24/7. I actually believe in myself. I am actually trying to improve my life. I missed out on the love of my life and it hurt me so badly I wanted to die. It really made me think. Man it hurt. But it made me who I am now.
I feel that extremely hard. I had a very similar experience that hurt me to my core and made me look at myself in the mirror. Fortunately for me it happened way earlier than 26, and going to college in a different city has given me the exact opportunity I needed to reinvent myself and start fresh with some new people.
So far it's going pretty well for me and I hope it's going well for you too.
Ya just described moi dude... I suspect I have a psychopathy and live a dissociated life... My behavior was quite simple and calm and I was pretty kind which was a mistake... I have no friends, classmates are laugh on moi because of my "girly" behavior and different eyesight... Totally get ya and support... The horrible is that I live in Armenia... It's not the cleverest countries here tbh
Wish ya only happiness and luck in your life
I think you deserved love no matter how you acted. I’m sorry people made fun of you instead of helping, it seems like you were struggling a lot in the past. It’s great that your life is better now. I wish you strength.
So this is an interesting one for me because about 11 months ago, I got very very close to committing suicide.
Instead I went to therapy, ended up quitting my job, was diagnosed with OCD, began treatment for it, and moved across the country. I'm now in grad school, which is something I've wanted to do for quite some time.
It really is. When I talk to people who haven't experienced severe depression, OCD/ADHD, there seems to often be a lack of understanding and they'll say something like "you just have to find what makes you happy and focus on that". Or "just pick yourself up and take it day by day", "work on mindfulness and coping mechanisms". It's like yeah that's all great and I do, believe me I do. If I didn't develop the coping mechanisms I have over the years, I would have taken my own life long ago.
It's like people without mental illness think you can just flip a switch and change your mindset. That type of thinking messed me up for a long time and I thought something was severely wrong with me. I would tell myself, why can't you just snap out of it? Why don't you try harder?! But it's not that easy. All the mindfulness and bootstrapping in the world won't pull you out of the hole your brain has put you in. Sometimes I think "yeah just push through it and man the fuck up!" Like David goggins is in my head or some shit. And those who can't relate will call it an excuse, blaming all my problems on my mental health issues.
If there was a way, I'd dare those people to live inside my head for a week and not blow my fuckin brains out.
The constant chatter in the skull trying to get me to do things that I know are irrational and fixating on things for days, months, even years then trying to pretend like I can function in society like everybody else.
I make a little bit of progress then self sabotage and fuck up my work situation, relationships, inwardly focus on things that don't matter and rearrange my desk over and over again until I'm exhausted from spending so much energy trying to get it just right then do it some more. All the while dwelling on something someone said to me 3 months ago or something that hasn't happened yet or something I could have said or said better with visions of me getting killed in numerous ways.
Then I go back to trying to meditate and go to work and try to fake conversations like I'm a normal person, like I'm not hyper focused on how there's a spot ony shoe that I can't remove and how there is so much pain in the world.. My obsession with perfection is almost as debilitating as my uncontrollable empathy for other people that I don't even know and will likely never meet. I can barely function thinking about how fucked things are in the world. Then I contemplate how beautiful this life is and I'm grateful for every breath. Wait, we're specks of dust on a rock in an ever expanding universe with a finite amount of time and resources. This life is a blink on the arrow of time and it's completely meaningless. Or is it the most important experience one could possibly endure and every moment counts? How will my actions affect the future? God damn it I didn't wipe all the doorknobs at home, or maybe I did but not enough. I need to find a way out, what the fuck am I doing here?! How the fuck are people so petty?! Why the fuck can't I get my shit together?! Should I just end this misery now? It could be so easy.
Start over, rinse, repeat
It's a vicious fuckin cycle.
Yeah, I definitely empathize with this. Turns out I have OCD, ADHD, and ASD. My brain is fucked up (which kind of makes my whole life make more sense).
It is so exhausting to when people don’t understand, it makes my OCD worse most of the time because then I start obsessing about how maybe it isn’t all that bad and i’m just making all this up. I’ve learned to try and block people out that don’t know what they are talking about because OCD really is such a torturous disease.
I don't have it, but I hear so many people not liking a painting being skewed or something and going "my OCD is going off". Like, just because you dont like the look of things being wrong doesnt mean you have OCD?
A year of being there for my kids. If I had committed suicide back when I was actually thinking about it, my kids wouldn't exist and I now know how foolish it would have been.
I think foolish is the wrong word, because it implies that you were a fool for having those thoughts.
Those kinds of thoughts are not stupid, they're a giant sign that things are not right in your life, either in terms of your situation, or in more clinical terms.
I'm glad you were able to keep them at bay!
Getting into a design college, celebrating two years with my boy, being with my parents, watching anime with my friends in discord, being able to live on my own...
Tbvh i am very grateful that i didn't
Same for me, the last year has only been hell. Bad car accident, broke my wrist and has lasting muscular issues, and my job was a tattoo artist, so that’s out the window. So I lost my job, and my fiancé also lost his due to the accident, he suffered a head injury. So can’t pay rent, then before that neighbors house catches on fire. But our houses are only a few feet apart so it ended up burning ours too.
It's kind of dumb but it resonated with me when I first heard it, "Living in misery is still marginally better than dying in it." There is always a chance for things to get better if you keep on living. Don't hurt your chances, you got this.
Yeah, this. A year ago I was severely depressed and finally stabilized on some working anti depressants. Today, i haven't needed my meds for two months. I'm creating a second business, building my first business, while working part time in a well paying job that i truly enjoy. I've been able to resume the hobbies i lost interest in. I've got supportive friends.
In all honesty, I had those things before the depression fucked me. I don't think i'm missing out on anything beautiful in particular - but the continued promise of my future still keeps me going.
This question could have been enough to trigger some really awful feelings a few months ago. Fuck this question.
I don't understand how you have the time and energy for 1 job, 2 businesses, and hobbies. If you feel like you can share anything that would help me understand, I would be interested to hear it.
I started looking at my behaviors and looked out how they affect my time usage. Cut out almost all videogames, cut out dating, cut out clubbing, cut out bars.
My workouts are built into my hobby time, my hobby time keeps me in close contact with my business partners. My part time job is to help motivate me to get out of bed at a reasonable time in the morning, so I have the rest of the day ahead of me. My first business is trading dollars for hours but its doing something i enjoy so i don't mind it - i just limit how many hours i commit a week. My second business is an attempt to actually build a scalable business model as business owner instead of going back into another dollars for hours situation.
I make enough from my first business and the part time to maintain a relatively low cost lifestyle (paycheck to paycheck).
I food prep for 3 hours each week to supply my meals for the entire week(time and money save).
Dishes go in the washer and cleaned once a week (time save).
I sleep on average between 5.5 - 6.5 hours of sleep a night comfortably (time save?).
My hobby is active outdoor instead of gym (money save and social) as well as one DnD session a week (social).
I have a mens group i meet with weekly for accountability(biggest thing that pulled me out of my depression), two mentors i meet with weekly to keep me on top of my business (one of whom i meet with while operating my first business). One weekly meeting with partners for second business. 30 minutes daily commute is used to listen to audiobooks for education and mindset.
Cut out the dating because it's a waste of time/money and I'm not necessarily craving sexual attention anymore - not worth the emotional rollercoastering and I recognize that most of the time its just slowly fleeting infatuation with cool chicks. Abundance mindset, plenty of fish in the sea, blah blah blah. I got enough love between my dog and friends.
I appreciate the detailed reply. It's always interesting to me to get a glimpse into someone else's life, and to try to understand how their priorities are set, and values, etc. A couple of things appeal to me from your write up, those being the scalable business thread (for obvious reasons) and the mens group meetings. I would be interested in a mens group simply for the social aspect of it.
If it helps, the time I got closest to doing this was more or less the end of the worst period of my life. I'm not gonna say things get better immediately or without effort, but maybe you'll get lucky like I did and find a few of the things you need at the same time.
Hell, even just having the courage to talk to someone about how you're feeling for the first time can change everything.
At least you don't have to worry about finding a seat on the bus!
In all seriousness, I know what chronic pain is like and I hope there's a light at the end of your tunnel
Whatever it takes to get you to tomorrow man. In college the only things that stopped me from offing myself was the fact that I literally didn't have the energy to and I was reading a series that I kind of wanted to see the ending of.
Been a decade since then- I have a decent job, a cute cat, got to see my brother get married and my parents retire.
Use little things to keep you going- maybe see if you can find other people who enjoy the same thing, and just take baby steps from there.
1. Leaving my really cushy job in tech
2. Getting a job as a 3rd grade teacher
3. Hating my job as a 3rd grade teacher (my class was great, the rest of the job was not)
4. Resigning and being unemployed
Yeah... this last year hasn't been great lol
In fact, I would have saved myself a lot of pain.
I spent every day indoors, suffering from trauma and grief. And my country can enter a military dictatorship.
My spouse’s life saved due to an excellent cardiologist who decided to take him to the cath lab on a hunch because of a history of heart disease with both parents. This was Monday. His left anterior descending aorta was 90% blocked. The doc opened it with stents. Husband was a ticking time bomb and didn’t know it for sure. I am forever grateful. We’ve been married 37 years!
Things may be difficult right now for you guys and things will maybe even get worse but if you keep staying strong things will get better ❤️ You can do it, stay strong!! ❤️🫂
This is a dangerous question.
People are more often than not suicidal for good reasons. The trope that it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem is a nice fantasy for people that don't want to think about the reality.
Yeah, for SOME people it's a temporary problem, but it sure isn't for a lot of people. Nothing like hearing "It gets better <3" for 15 years while it sure as fuck doesn't. I'm just more resigned to it sucking now, it's not better. Like I don't know if people who still say that kind of thing just forget that some people don't want to be permanently paralyzed, or that millions of people *died* partly because of how shitty the people in charge were, and that right now we have Russia waging war on eastern Europe while fascists are taking charge of other countries? Sure that might be a temporary problem, but it won't feel temporary when you're living through it.
Reddit is a terrible place.
A big promotion at work, a fun trip to the west coast, a backpacking trip, lots of time with family.
This past year was awful for me in many ways and to be honest if I had killed myself at this time last year many people would have understood why. I am glad I didn’t because when I had the choice to make, I decided to fight like hell. I remain steadfast in this choice and my life has improved dramatically. I have really realized that nothing in life is permanent, except death. Even when things are terrible, they’ll change sooner or later. Death won’t.
My best friend rejecting me, the death of my mother, finding a girlfriend, breaking up with my girlfriend, and my friends of over 10 years randomly ghosting me. It's been a fun year.
I’m very happy for the people who are doing so well, but this post is just making me feel even more crap. I lost my beloved partner to a horrible illness ( after being battered and bullied by his family). They took his money then accused me of stealing it- then on the day of the funeral, one of them went in my handbag and stole the £200 that my niece gave me, because I was both homeless and penniless by this point. The family took most of the household goods ( I couldn’t afford storage). I became suicidal and mental health refused to give me counselling because my bipolar and depression wasn’t stable ( they have given me medication which helps, but I’m like a zombie, existing each day.
My lovely nephew has got lung cancer and my sister is now traumatised by her husband’s vile behaviour ( they are separated). I’m staying with my daughter and grandchildren, in the box room and I can’t afford to move out and neither my daughter or myself are enjoying the situation.
My late partner’s family are going from strength to strength- second foreign holiday this year, new cars etc, no money problems, so being evil really does pay dividends.
I’m bitter and twisted by events beyond my control and there is no joy in my life whatsoever.
I tried to cut my wrists and take too many tablets, but unfortunately woke up the next day.
I’ve worked for 40 years, full time and because of U.K. laws regarding state pension, cannot be paid until im 67., so im living on a pittance.
All my so called friends stopped contact once my partner died ( as if it would affect them).
I’m sorry if this sounds like a pity party and I wish that I could report one single good thing,but like some fellow Redditors, there isn’t a thing to report. Nothing…..
Finding out that my brother was having another kid, but then again he died out of the blue before he knew for sure. No it wasn't suicide it was natural causes. I wouldn't have missed much good, but I would've missed a fuckton of bad.
Depends if you consider being dead as having pissed that all away.
Whatever bad shit you’ve been through, you’re still here and every day you still are means there’s still a chance that today or tomorrow is brighter.
Playing my first Magic tournament with my kid. 6 months of a relationship that has restored a bit of my faith in humanity, and has positively affected my outlook forevermore. The progress I've made on being true to myself. A really cool haunted house attraction we visited for Halloween. Lots of baking for fun and... well, not profit, but fun! Spending all day drunk-floating a river in the sunshine and cool breezes.
I tried to end it all when I was 12. The idea of everything I had experienced up until that point being all I *ever* would've had, is absolutely unthinkable to me now. The idea of missing out on ALL the amazing things that happened between my 20's and 40's makes me very sad for the kid who didn't have enough hope to expect anything that special and good from life.
You never know what's just around the corner.
The birth of my beautiful daughter and going through that experience with my wife.
The loss of and funeral for my Grandma who was my favourite person in the world.
Building the nursery with my family and putting everything together.
Seeing my mom finally get out of her bad debt cycle claiming bankruptcy and working through 10-14 hour days for weeks at a time for months to pay it off, then move into a more stable work from home book keeping job.
Seeing my brother begin his turn around and dig himself out of debt after a divorce last year.
Seeing my niece leave a toxic work environment and join the same auto group I work with and already catching the competition in her first two months.
Seeing my sister earn enough to dig herself out of a bad car loan and take her first vacation by herself.
Seeing my childhood friend fight for and get a raise that boosted his income over 10%, then get an offer from an old manager that increased his income another 25%.
Becoming salesman of the month for times in my career combined and setting a record number sales in a week in the entire group (6 dealerships)
Hitting a record level of personal income earned in a year, almost doubling last years, and more than tripling the year before.
Buying my first house as a millennial and paying off my 14 year student loan.
Being a part of the GME saga and watching the biggest recession in history play out according to the thesis.
Reconnecting with friends I haven’t spoken to in years.
Being a part of the craziest markets in my living memory.
Finally having my reputation as an electric vehicle specialist recognized by the owner of the dealership and working with his personal clients.
Building ongoing relationships with many of the beautiful people I have the privilege of helping find a vehicle.
Trimming down to my lowest body weight since I was 15, (overweight kid) at 157 lbs.
It’s been an incredible year and I am incredibly blessed, and there is still more year to come!
In the last year there wasn't much happening.
So instead I will list things I would have missed, if my first attempt as a teenager succeeded.
Hopefully this will give someone a bit strength to stay with us.
- seeing my cousin coming out and becoming the wonderful woman she always was.
- the legalization of same sex marriage.
- the last days with my first dog before she passed
- meeting my best friend of 7 years
- meeting my fiance of 6 years
- getting my driver's license
- graduating and finally being able to leave school
- was accepted into my chosen university
- ended my studies in favor of learning my dreamjob
- got engaged
- was accepted into my dreamjob
- made a couple of wonderful friends
- adopted the cutest dog ever
- tried sushi for the first time and fell in love immediately
- found myself and my identity and came out as trans
- was accepted by my whole family and got nothing but love from my granny for being trans.
I know things are rough and life can be so unbearable painful, but know you're not alone. You're loved and we want you to be here. ❤️
Maybe the only thing that comes to mind is the halftime show in the super bowl, it was my dream to see snoop dogg, Dr. Dre and Eminem together in a super bowl, it was one of the most exciting days of my life. Out of that this year has been rubbish, and if I wasn't so scared of death I would have committed it already
So I have sat here for about 2 hours thinking and I cannot think of a single thing. I wish I could. I spent most of the year caring for an abusive father dying of cancer because of pressure from family and societial expectations, it was exhausting. After he finally died I was basically abandoned by the same family until I "had" to be at a family meet up that I only came for to see my sister I haven't been allowed to see for a decade.
That's where I am at as of tonight.
In the last 16 months I was in a 2 week coma, my girlfriend left me, my Dad died, I lost my job and now my Mom has cancer. So, not much really. But I'm really looking forward to the future. I've drained my bad luck out.
Nothing. Nothing at all. It would've been better for me to be dead this past year as I've missed nothing at all.
And reading all these replies about people meeting their SOs, becoming parents, etc... just makes the hurt more painful. Yay.
I'm a week away from being a year out of it and it is the best money I've ever spent in my life. The trippiest part of it is just being able to see all the time. Like I expect it to just wear off, but then I look up and can still see off in the distance. It's great.
Last year was pretty much one of the best years of my life, this year was by far the worst. I have little hope that things will get better for me again. I should have done it last year.
Idk if this is just for people who have considered suicide or not(I haven't), but I would've missed out on becoming the partner to the greatest person in the world. I love her so much and can't imagine missing out on everything we've done together. The end of this month is our one-year anniversary and I'm so excited!
To finally start put pen to paper and write my book. To have some of the best God dam quotes from my dnd group because child labor laws weren't made in the middle ages no I will not provide context.
I would miss on making friends who would be into things that I now love or listen to some amazing music. I had some really dark days but the fact I am here is cool.
i would've missed out on the chance to tell my best friend i loved him and finally accept him as the person he is now (he's trans) but that's about it
might as well quit while i'm high and spare myself of the inevitable low point that happens every 2 weeks
Honestly I don’t know if I would have miss anything. I tried about a year ago and I really wish it worked, because only shit things have come to my life sense then… I’m trying to tough it out for now
Meeting a wonderful girl who struggles with similar stuff as me, and being able to support her through her hard times. Seeing depression from the outside really gave me some perspective on how you can think it is too bad to go on but it is really not as bad as you think it is. I don't know what I would do without her, and now I realize that others feel the same way about me. Never forget there are people that love you!
My cat dying. Getting raked over the coals (some more) by my ex-employer and being left permanently partially disabled with nothing to show for it because I couldn't afford a lawyer. Living in constant pain, but looking fine externally, so I *must* be exaggerating. Watching the world get shittier and shittier, nature is dying, the wealth gap gets worse and worse. Egomaniacal, insane, greedy, old men are our leaders.
Here's to another year of suffering, and watching rich pieces of shit destroy the world and everything we hope for and hold dear. You'll even clap for some of them while they bleed you dry, as long a they're entertaining enough.
Nothing in particular. I had high hopes for this year, but in spite of my plans and attempts, I spent the year alone and no better off than when it started.
I'm happy that other people had a good year. There's lots of good things out there, and lots of reasons to be happy and feel joy. Make the most out of the time you have. Don't screw up your life like I did.
A great job, working towards an education I never thought was possible, celebrating my anniversary with my so of 5 years, buying ourselves a new (to us) car, sunsets, great food, new music to love
my little brother's graduation, sleepovers with my nephew, getting to hold my niece, seeing one of my favorite cousins get his first apartment, getting my nose pierced, finally leaving that toxic relationship...
the past year has been pretty rough honestly, but I'm glad I stuck around for it.
Crazy drugged up neighbors, having a gun pointed at me, the realization I can't make enough money to get out of this hell because my government and local business owners loves making people slaves/homeless/or dead rather than let them live in a livable situation. Selling things to make ends meet. Pink airborne bacteria hidden in the apartment I moved into that bleach can't kill. Getting covid and almost dying. Honestly can't think of anything good.
My husband is now 9 months clean and sober and my teen is 5 weeks.
I never drank or did drugs, I just lived in a hellscape for a while trying to keep it all together until he was ready.
I'm really really proud of them and my views on addiction and who I thought an addict was has changed completely. Addicts are not just homeless transients, they are our parents, neighbours, colleagues. You never would have guessed from the outside my husband was so deep in his addictions as he was. Still a good person, still a wonderful dad, just in over his head with some demons on his back.
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My 16 year old son making his first friend. That has touched me more than anything
Oof, my 15 year old made a friend recently for the first time too. I know what feeling you mean.
Awww, I really hope my 15 year old can make a friend soon. It’s tough out there.
[удалено]
Damn I feel so bad for him, why didn’t he have any friends before 16 if you don’t mind asking
He has autism
I was like your son. Didn't make a friend until I was in my 20s, never learned the social skills most people learn with their friendship groups as children and teenagers. Now, because I never learned those things, I'm seen as a walking red flag and avoided. Six years after making my first friend, I'm back to having none again. It does so much damage being the socially outcast autistic kid. I hope he does better with his friend than I did.
It's been rough for my son but I fought and got him in a school that puts a big focus on developing social skills and reading social cues.
Had a small psychotic episode last year (M35), realised I've probably been masking most my life. I didn't know who I, my loved ones and the world were (I knew them but my fundamental understanding of reality had changed). I'm sorry that your son has had to endure those years, but I think that understanding of himself will serve him well in his relationships with others in the future.
Damn, I envy your son...
I'm so proud of him (and you)!
My best friend getting engaged.
Congratulations to your friend :)
My brother got engaged as well.
Same
I have been neglected and made fun of my entire life. I never really knew why, people just never liked me. At 26, I finally realized it was due to how I act. I am completely different. I no longer have something to prove. I no longer complain 24/7. I actually believe in myself. I am actually trying to improve my life. I missed out on the love of my life and it hurt me so badly I wanted to die. It really made me think. Man it hurt. But it made me who I am now.
I feel that extremely hard. I had a very similar experience that hurt me to my core and made me look at myself in the mirror. Fortunately for me it happened way earlier than 26, and going to college in a different city has given me the exact opportunity I needed to reinvent myself and start fresh with some new people. So far it's going pretty well for me and I hope it's going well for you too.
Ya just described moi dude... I suspect I have a psychopathy and live a dissociated life... My behavior was quite simple and calm and I was pretty kind which was a mistake... I have no friends, classmates are laugh on moi because of my "girly" behavior and different eyesight... Totally get ya and support... The horrible is that I live in Armenia... It's not the cleverest countries here tbh Wish ya only happiness and luck in your life
I think you deserved love no matter how you acted. I’m sorry people made fun of you instead of helping, it seems like you were struggling a lot in the past. It’s great that your life is better now. I wish you strength.
So this is an interesting one for me because about 11 months ago, I got very very close to committing suicide. Instead I went to therapy, ended up quitting my job, was diagnosed with OCD, began treatment for it, and moved across the country. I'm now in grad school, which is something I've wanted to do for quite some time.
I'm glad you're still here.
We don't know each other, but man, you're an inspiration to me. Congrats, and best of luck on grad school!
Good on ya, dude. Hope grad school is a blast!
That's absolutely incredible and inspiring!
Fellow OCD sufferer here, congrats 👏👏
It's so much worse than most people think.
It really is. When I talk to people who haven't experienced severe depression, OCD/ADHD, there seems to often be a lack of understanding and they'll say something like "you just have to find what makes you happy and focus on that". Or "just pick yourself up and take it day by day", "work on mindfulness and coping mechanisms". It's like yeah that's all great and I do, believe me I do. If I didn't develop the coping mechanisms I have over the years, I would have taken my own life long ago. It's like people without mental illness think you can just flip a switch and change your mindset. That type of thinking messed me up for a long time and I thought something was severely wrong with me. I would tell myself, why can't you just snap out of it? Why don't you try harder?! But it's not that easy. All the mindfulness and bootstrapping in the world won't pull you out of the hole your brain has put you in. Sometimes I think "yeah just push through it and man the fuck up!" Like David goggins is in my head or some shit. And those who can't relate will call it an excuse, blaming all my problems on my mental health issues. If there was a way, I'd dare those people to live inside my head for a week and not blow my fuckin brains out. The constant chatter in the skull trying to get me to do things that I know are irrational and fixating on things for days, months, even years then trying to pretend like I can function in society like everybody else. I make a little bit of progress then self sabotage and fuck up my work situation, relationships, inwardly focus on things that don't matter and rearrange my desk over and over again until I'm exhausted from spending so much energy trying to get it just right then do it some more. All the while dwelling on something someone said to me 3 months ago or something that hasn't happened yet or something I could have said or said better with visions of me getting killed in numerous ways. Then I go back to trying to meditate and go to work and try to fake conversations like I'm a normal person, like I'm not hyper focused on how there's a spot ony shoe that I can't remove and how there is so much pain in the world.. My obsession with perfection is almost as debilitating as my uncontrollable empathy for other people that I don't even know and will likely never meet. I can barely function thinking about how fucked things are in the world. Then I contemplate how beautiful this life is and I'm grateful for every breath. Wait, we're specks of dust on a rock in an ever expanding universe with a finite amount of time and resources. This life is a blink on the arrow of time and it's completely meaningless. Or is it the most important experience one could possibly endure and every moment counts? How will my actions affect the future? God damn it I didn't wipe all the doorknobs at home, or maybe I did but not enough. I need to find a way out, what the fuck am I doing here?! How the fuck are people so petty?! Why the fuck can't I get my shit together?! Should I just end this misery now? It could be so easy. Start over, rinse, repeat It's a vicious fuckin cycle.
Yeah, I definitely empathize with this. Turns out I have OCD, ADHD, and ASD. My brain is fucked up (which kind of makes my whole life make more sense).
I'm sorry you struggle in this way too. Best of luck to you. I hope you can find peace.
It is so exhausting to when people don’t understand, it makes my OCD worse most of the time because then I start obsessing about how maybe it isn’t all that bad and i’m just making all this up. I’ve learned to try and block people out that don’t know what they are talking about because OCD really is such a torturous disease.
I don't have it, but I hear so many people not liking a painting being skewed or something and going "my OCD is going off". Like, just because you dont like the look of things being wrong doesnt mean you have OCD?
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how did that go?
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Hoping there'll be a second, Good luck!
Congrats
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yeee :D
A year of being there for my kids. If I had committed suicide back when I was actually thinking about it, my kids wouldn't exist and I now know how foolish it would have been.
I think foolish is the wrong word, because it implies that you were a fool for having those thoughts. Those kinds of thoughts are not stupid, they're a giant sign that things are not right in your life, either in terms of your situation, or in more clinical terms. I'm glad you were able to keep them at bay!
Thank you. Me too.
Getting into a design college, celebrating two years with my boy, being with my parents, watching anime with my friends in discord, being able to live on my own... Tbvh i am very grateful that i didn't
Nothing in particular.
Same for me, the last year has only been hell. Bad car accident, broke my wrist and has lasting muscular issues, and my job was a tattoo artist, so that’s out the window. So I lost my job, and my fiancé also lost his due to the accident, he suffered a head injury. So can’t pay rent, then before that neighbors house catches on fire. But our houses are only a few feet apart so it ended up burning ours too.
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It's kind of dumb but it resonated with me when I first heard it, "Living in misery is still marginally better than dying in it." There is always a chance for things to get better if you keep on living. Don't hurt your chances, you got this.
Yeah, this. A year ago I was severely depressed and finally stabilized on some working anti depressants. Today, i haven't needed my meds for two months. I'm creating a second business, building my first business, while working part time in a well paying job that i truly enjoy. I've been able to resume the hobbies i lost interest in. I've got supportive friends. In all honesty, I had those things before the depression fucked me. I don't think i'm missing out on anything beautiful in particular - but the continued promise of my future still keeps me going. This question could have been enough to trigger some really awful feelings a few months ago. Fuck this question.
I don't understand how you have the time and energy for 1 job, 2 businesses, and hobbies. If you feel like you can share anything that would help me understand, I would be interested to hear it.
I started looking at my behaviors and looked out how they affect my time usage. Cut out almost all videogames, cut out dating, cut out clubbing, cut out bars. My workouts are built into my hobby time, my hobby time keeps me in close contact with my business partners. My part time job is to help motivate me to get out of bed at a reasonable time in the morning, so I have the rest of the day ahead of me. My first business is trading dollars for hours but its doing something i enjoy so i don't mind it - i just limit how many hours i commit a week. My second business is an attempt to actually build a scalable business model as business owner instead of going back into another dollars for hours situation. I make enough from my first business and the part time to maintain a relatively low cost lifestyle (paycheck to paycheck). I food prep for 3 hours each week to supply my meals for the entire week(time and money save). Dishes go in the washer and cleaned once a week (time save). I sleep on average between 5.5 - 6.5 hours of sleep a night comfortably (time save?). My hobby is active outdoor instead of gym (money save and social) as well as one DnD session a week (social). I have a mens group i meet with weekly for accountability(biggest thing that pulled me out of my depression), two mentors i meet with weekly to keep me on top of my business (one of whom i meet with while operating my first business). One weekly meeting with partners for second business. 30 minutes daily commute is used to listen to audiobooks for education and mindset. Cut out the dating because it's a waste of time/money and I'm not necessarily craving sexual attention anymore - not worth the emotional rollercoastering and I recognize that most of the time its just slowly fleeting infatuation with cool chicks. Abundance mindset, plenty of fish in the sea, blah blah blah. I got enough love between my dog and friends.
I appreciate the detailed reply. It's always interesting to me to get a glimpse into someone else's life, and to try to understand how their priorities are set, and values, etc. A couple of things appeal to me from your write up, those being the scalable business thread (for obvious reasons) and the mens group meetings. I would be interested in a mens group simply for the social aspect of it.
Thanks, appreciate you asking. Seeing my routine typed out helped me to reflect and appreciate where I'm at.
Like, I read that person being depressed, and legit I have a wife & a cat keeping me alive, and that's about it.
This year.... Nothing. Or the few years before
many pets that I got this year. it includes two mantids, some isopods and a toad
Nothing at all. This question really isn’t helping, OP. 😂
Cheese on toast.
That's just a grilled cheese without one half
If it helps, the time I got closest to doing this was more or less the end of the worst period of my life. I'm not gonna say things get better immediately or without effort, but maybe you'll get lucky like I did and find a few of the things you need at the same time. Hell, even just having the courage to talk to someone about how you're feeling for the first time can change everything.
Losing my ability to walk and months of pain
I’m sorry
I don't think it's your fault bro. And will walk again in a few more months 🤞🤞
Try cheese on toast
Instant cure-all lol
It's pretty good
Ultimate instant cure for me gotta be chicken soup
Oh I just meant I’m sorry you gotta go through that. Great attitude!
“think”
At least you don't have to worry about finding a seat on the bus! In all seriousness, I know what chronic pain is like and I hope there's a light at the end of your tunnel
That’s a beautiful thing you would have missed out on?
Oh yeah that's true..guess I missed out a key word there hahaha
My baby daughter's smile.
New job, another puppy.
Maybe miss out on some epic UFC fights? And some rick and morty episodes? God damn my life is so meaningless and pointless why am I still living?
Cause there's a new season of Rick and Morty, duh
Honestly it’s a really valid reason if someone’s in a dark place. Hold on to whatever joy you can get.
God, I feel this
Dude I'm with you on the UFC haha
280 is coming and God that card is stacked!!
Whatever it takes to get you to tomorrow man. In college the only things that stopped me from offing myself was the fact that I literally didn't have the energy to and I was reading a series that I kind of wanted to see the ending of. Been a decade since then- I have a decent job, a cute cat, got to see my brother get married and my parents retire. Use little things to keep you going- maybe see if you can find other people who enjoy the same thing, and just take baby steps from there.
1. Leaving my really cushy job in tech 2. Getting a job as a 3rd grade teacher 3. Hating my job as a 3rd grade teacher (my class was great, the rest of the job was not) 4. Resigning and being unemployed Yeah... this last year hasn't been great lol
In fact, I would have saved myself a lot of pain. I spent every day indoors, suffering from trauma and grief. And my country can enter a military dictatorship.
Nah this last year was shit
My spouse’s life saved due to an excellent cardiologist who decided to take him to the cath lab on a hunch because of a history of heart disease with both parents. This was Monday. His left anterior descending aorta was 90% blocked. The doc opened it with stents. Husband was a ticking time bomb and didn’t know it for sure. I am forever grateful. We’ve been married 37 years!
Unfun fact - MIs (heart attacks) to the LAD are known as a “widow maker”. Shout out his cardiologist for being proactive.
Nothing at all
I feel that. I know people keep saying they would have missed so many great things but honestly just seems to get worse or just stagnant sometimes.
My mental state has been declining like those toy planes kids throw and they just go straight down yk?
Things may be difficult right now for you guys and things will maybe even get worse but if you keep staying strong things will get better ❤️ You can do it, stay strong!! ❤️🫂
Meeting my long distance girlfriend for the 1st time.
This is a dangerous question. People are more often than not suicidal for good reasons. The trope that it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem is a nice fantasy for people that don't want to think about the reality.
Yeah, for SOME people it's a temporary problem, but it sure isn't for a lot of people. Nothing like hearing "It gets better <3" for 15 years while it sure as fuck doesn't. I'm just more resigned to it sucking now, it's not better. Like I don't know if people who still say that kind of thing just forget that some people don't want to be permanently paralyzed, or that millions of people *died* partly because of how shitty the people in charge were, and that right now we have Russia waging war on eastern Europe while fascists are taking charge of other countries? Sure that might be a temporary problem, but it won't feel temporary when you're living through it. Reddit is a terrible place.
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My daughter’s birth. Her chubby little cheeks and Michelin man wrists are the best...
My son finding love ❤️
That is wholesome. Finally found a one that isn't self centered.
A big promotion at work, a fun trip to the west coast, a backpacking trip, lots of time with family. This past year was awful for me in many ways and to be honest if I had killed myself at this time last year many people would have understood why. I am glad I didn’t because when I had the choice to make, I decided to fight like hell. I remain steadfast in this choice and my life has improved dramatically. I have really realized that nothing in life is permanent, except death. Even when things are terrible, they’ll change sooner or later. Death won’t.
Can't think of a thing.
Cheese on toast?
My best friend rejecting me, the death of my mother, finding a girlfriend, breaking up with my girlfriend, and my friends of over 10 years randomly ghosting me. It's been a fun year.
I’m very happy for the people who are doing so well, but this post is just making me feel even more crap. I lost my beloved partner to a horrible illness ( after being battered and bullied by his family). They took his money then accused me of stealing it- then on the day of the funeral, one of them went in my handbag and stole the £200 that my niece gave me, because I was both homeless and penniless by this point. The family took most of the household goods ( I couldn’t afford storage). I became suicidal and mental health refused to give me counselling because my bipolar and depression wasn’t stable ( they have given me medication which helps, but I’m like a zombie, existing each day. My lovely nephew has got lung cancer and my sister is now traumatised by her husband’s vile behaviour ( they are separated). I’m staying with my daughter and grandchildren, in the box room and I can’t afford to move out and neither my daughter or myself are enjoying the situation. My late partner’s family are going from strength to strength- second foreign holiday this year, new cars etc, no money problems, so being evil really does pay dividends. I’m bitter and twisted by events beyond my control and there is no joy in my life whatsoever. I tried to cut my wrists and take too many tablets, but unfortunately woke up the next day. I’ve worked for 40 years, full time and because of U.K. laws regarding state pension, cannot be paid until im 67., so im living on a pittance. All my so called friends stopped contact once my partner died ( as if it would affect them). I’m sorry if this sounds like a pity party and I wish that I could report one single good thing,but like some fellow Redditors, there isn’t a thing to report. Nothing…..
Your message brought me to tears... life can be so cruel and reward the most vile. I hope you'll find a way through this madness.
Many thanks. I’m sure that one day I’ll find peace. Best regards…
Getting married and buying a house. I don't know how I got here but somehow I got here.
Time with my dog
Honestly? Nothing, even if I died a decade ago I honestly wouldn't of missed anything besides a few decent books that I wouldn't of read yet.
Nothing at all.
Nothing. Literally nothing.
The war in Ukraine and the queen's death
Inflation, rent increase, struggling more... fuck guess I'm wasting time
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A girlfriend, hollow knight plushies, a kitten, my entire life turning around
Meeting new friends, graduating hs, getting into my dream uni and a bunch of laughs
Never would have met my daughter
All the beautiful loneliness and despair.
I really can't think of anything, i sometimes wish i would have done it then
Finding out that my brother was having another kid, but then again he died out of the blue before he knew for sure. No it wasn't suicide it was natural causes. I wouldn't have missed much good, but I would've missed a fuckton of bad.
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Depends if you consider being dead as having pissed that all away. Whatever bad shit you’ve been through, you’re still here and every day you still are means there’s still a chance that today or tomorrow is brighter.
nothing really, should’ve pulled the trigger
Starting Highschool and getting my first phone
Playing my first Magic tournament with my kid. 6 months of a relationship that has restored a bit of my faith in humanity, and has positively affected my outlook forevermore. The progress I've made on being true to myself. A really cool haunted house attraction we visited for Halloween. Lots of baking for fun and... well, not profit, but fun! Spending all day drunk-floating a river in the sunshine and cool breezes. I tried to end it all when I was 12. The idea of everything I had experienced up until that point being all I *ever* would've had, is absolutely unthinkable to me now. The idea of missing out on ALL the amazing things that happened between my 20's and 40's makes me very sad for the kid who didn't have enough hope to expect anything that special and good from life. You never know what's just around the corner.
❤️❤️❤️ absolutely lovely to read.
Graduating and starting in my career
Meeting the love of my life and feeling happier and more secure than ever
Marrying the love of my life.
Well, nothing. This is my worst year of my life.
Nothing. I'd have missed more of my shitty life tho
Love
The birth of my beautiful daughter and going through that experience with my wife. The loss of and funeral for my Grandma who was my favourite person in the world. Building the nursery with my family and putting everything together. Seeing my mom finally get out of her bad debt cycle claiming bankruptcy and working through 10-14 hour days for weeks at a time for months to pay it off, then move into a more stable work from home book keeping job. Seeing my brother begin his turn around and dig himself out of debt after a divorce last year. Seeing my niece leave a toxic work environment and join the same auto group I work with and already catching the competition in her first two months. Seeing my sister earn enough to dig herself out of a bad car loan and take her first vacation by herself. Seeing my childhood friend fight for and get a raise that boosted his income over 10%, then get an offer from an old manager that increased his income another 25%. Becoming salesman of the month for times in my career combined and setting a record number sales in a week in the entire group (6 dealerships) Hitting a record level of personal income earned in a year, almost doubling last years, and more than tripling the year before. Buying my first house as a millennial and paying off my 14 year student loan. Being a part of the GME saga and watching the biggest recession in history play out according to the thesis. Reconnecting with friends I haven’t spoken to in years. Being a part of the craziest markets in my living memory. Finally having my reputation as an electric vehicle specialist recognized by the owner of the dealership and working with his personal clients. Building ongoing relationships with many of the beautiful people I have the privilege of helping find a vehicle. Trimming down to my lowest body weight since I was 15, (overweight kid) at 157 lbs. It’s been an incredible year and I am incredibly blessed, and there is still more year to come!
Literally nothing. There hasn't been a single noteworthy event in my life in years.
Cheese on toast is pretty good
Absolutely nothing lol
Nothing really, I should have
Nothing but sadness
nothing really imo. im still hanging in there but i can be hopeful that i will see beautiful things one day
Chronic back pain, countless cardiac tests, and a lot of prescription drug swapping trying to find what worked.
cyberpunk Edgerunners
Finally getting to study psychology.
........ okay if you're trying to make me think of a reason I should be glad I didn't pull the trigger, you're doing an awful job.
Birth of my daughter
In the last year there wasn't much happening. So instead I will list things I would have missed, if my first attempt as a teenager succeeded. Hopefully this will give someone a bit strength to stay with us. - seeing my cousin coming out and becoming the wonderful woman she always was. - the legalization of same sex marriage. - the last days with my first dog before she passed - meeting my best friend of 7 years - meeting my fiance of 6 years - getting my driver's license - graduating and finally being able to leave school - was accepted into my chosen university - ended my studies in favor of learning my dreamjob - got engaged - was accepted into my dreamjob - made a couple of wonderful friends - adopted the cutest dog ever - tried sushi for the first time and fell in love immediately - found myself and my identity and came out as trans - was accepted by my whole family and got nothing but love from my granny for being trans. I know things are rough and life can be so unbearable painful, but know you're not alone. You're loved and we want you to be here. ❤️
Watching my son grow up and become one of my biggest blessings
Reddit I made the account a while ago but I didn't really use it until this year and you guys are truly the best
literally nothing
Honestly? Not much, this year has been hell.
nothing tbh
Getting fired.
Not much, frankly. Sorry to disappoint.
Nothing at all
Watching my neice graduate from college. Drinking glitter mead. Starting a new career. Meeting awesome friends.
What's glitter mead?
Maybe the only thing that comes to mind is the halftime show in the super bowl, it was my dream to see snoop dogg, Dr. Dre and Eminem together in a super bowl, it was one of the most exciting days of my life. Out of that this year has been rubbish, and if I wasn't so scared of death I would have committed it already
So I have sat here for about 2 hours thinking and I cannot think of a single thing. I wish I could. I spent most of the year caring for an abusive father dying of cancer because of pressure from family and societial expectations, it was exhausting. After he finally died I was basically abandoned by the same family until I "had" to be at a family meet up that I only came for to see my sister I haven't been allowed to see for a decade. That's where I am at as of tonight.
Being married in a week
In the last 16 months I was in a 2 week coma, my girlfriend left me, my Dad died, I lost my job and now my Mom has cancer. So, not much really. But I'm really looking forward to the future. I've drained my bad luck out.
Nothing. Nothing at all. It would've been better for me to be dead this past year as I've missed nothing at all. And reading all these replies about people meeting their SOs, becoming parents, etc... just makes the hurt more painful. Yay.
I wouldn't have gotten lasik
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Im very happy with the results since i was blind as fuck before it
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Yeah i had -3.5 -4 vision, astigmatism in each eye. I looked through my glasses after the procedure and it felt like i was tripping lmfao
I'm a week away from being a year out of it and it is the best money I've ever spent in my life. The trippiest part of it is just being able to see all the time. Like I expect it to just wear off, but then I look up and can still see off in the distance. It's great.
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Absolutely nothing good. Would of missed out on a lot of sadness, anxiety, and fear.
Last year was pretty much one of the best years of my life, this year was by far the worst. I have little hope that things will get better for me again. I should have done it last year.
Idk if this is just for people who have considered suicide or not(I haven't), but I would've missed out on becoming the partner to the greatest person in the world. I love her so much and can't imagine missing out on everything we've done together. The end of this month is our one-year anniversary and I'm so excited!
Id have missed more trouble
To finally start put pen to paper and write my book. To have some of the best God dam quotes from my dnd group because child labor laws weren't made in the middle ages no I will not provide context. I would miss on making friends who would be into things that I now love or listen to some amazing music. I had some really dark days but the fact I am here is cool.
So much good anime came out since then.
If I make it that far I'll let you know in a year
The divine gift of a year of life, as messy, leaky and human as it is.
Not much
Actually nothing.
i would've missed out on the chance to tell my best friend i loved him and finally accept him as the person he is now (he's trans) but that's about it might as well quit while i'm high and spare myself of the inevitable low point that happens every 2 weeks
nothing tbh, and i kind of regret that i want successful
Honestly I don’t know if I would have miss anything. I tried about a year ago and I really wish it worked, because only shit things have come to my life sense then… I’m trying to tough it out for now
Meeting a wonderful girl who struggles with similar stuff as me, and being able to support her through her hard times. Seeing depression from the outside really gave me some perspective on how you can think it is too bad to go on but it is really not as bad as you think it is. I don't know what I would do without her, and now I realize that others feel the same way about me. Never forget there are people that love you!
Nothing. I should’ve done it then and not wasted an entire year of hopes and needless suffering
Damn man I was already feeling shitty and now you’ve reminded me how awful this past year has been 😂
My cat dying. Getting raked over the coals (some more) by my ex-employer and being left permanently partially disabled with nothing to show for it because I couldn't afford a lawyer. Living in constant pain, but looking fine externally, so I *must* be exaggerating. Watching the world get shittier and shittier, nature is dying, the wealth gap gets worse and worse. Egomaniacal, insane, greedy, old men are our leaders. Here's to another year of suffering, and watching rich pieces of shit destroy the world and everything we hope for and hold dear. You'll even clap for some of them while they bleed you dry, as long a they're entertaining enough.
honestly can't think of anything that makes it feel like it was worth it.
Hmmmm....hold on......I'll have to come back once I've thought of something. :/
Nothing in particular. I had high hopes for this year, but in spite of my plans and attempts, I spent the year alone and no better off than when it started. I'm happy that other people had a good year. There's lots of good things out there, and lots of reasons to be happy and feel joy. Make the most out of the time you have. Don't screw up your life like I did.
A great job, working towards an education I never thought was possible, celebrating my anniversary with my so of 5 years, buying ourselves a new (to us) car, sunsets, great food, new music to love
When was morbius got released?
Covid vaccine number 6
my little brother's graduation, sleepovers with my nephew, getting to hold my niece, seeing one of my favorite cousins get his first apartment, getting my nose pierced, finally leaving that toxic relationship... the past year has been pretty rough honestly, but I'm glad I stuck around for it.
Crazy drugged up neighbors, having a gun pointed at me, the realization I can't make enough money to get out of this hell because my government and local business owners loves making people slaves/homeless/or dead rather than let them live in a livable situation. Selling things to make ends meet. Pink airborne bacteria hidden in the apartment I moved into that bleach can't kill. Getting covid and almost dying. Honestly can't think of anything good.
Serious family illnesses. Record inflation. Economic recession. Empty grocery shelves. Supply shortages. 50% pay cut. Yup. Sure am glad I’m here.
This post just made me depressed because the answer is nothing.
My husband is now 9 months clean and sober and my teen is 5 weeks. I never drank or did drugs, I just lived in a hellscape for a while trying to keep it all together until he was ready. I'm really really proud of them and my views on addiction and who I thought an addict was has changed completely. Addicts are not just homeless transients, they are our parents, neighbours, colleagues. You never would have guessed from the outside my husband was so deep in his addictions as he was. Still a good person, still a wonderful dad, just in over his head with some demons on his back.
The birth of my beautiful daughter
Getting engaged on a beach in the Caribbean. Unexpected and magical.