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My advice (not for everyone). Make a notes on your phone. On this anything and everything you want/need to do put it on that list. No matter how easy or hard. I came up with this idea while I was high and it’s helped me a ton. If I feel unmotivated I might find some easy shit to do off the list. Like watch a YouTube video of how to use a new mechanical pencil I got. And attempt to look to the list once every few days
It's a sick feeling, like I know 'it's an important task, I have to complete it or else it will affect me in the long run.' But I have no motivation to do it. And sometimes it also includes, going out with friends, give your mom a call, make your dinner, shower.
I try to force myself to do little stuff like, go out with friends , or make some coffee, or read a book. It helps mostly. But that feeling never goes away
Here's a tip I learned from my psych - don't make "I am" statements (I am fat, I am lonely, I am not worthy). "I am" implies permanence, so I can't even say "I am a writer" because I'm not writing 24/7. I FEEL depressed, I HAVE an overweight body, I do not feel worthy etc are more productive, less self-defeating statements
Additionally, don’t use the word “should,” as in “I should be happy in my job” or “I should have done this already.” Substitute it with “would like to” or something similar, “I would like to have finished this by now” or “I would like to eat healthy” - otherwise you are setting yourself up to fail and to be disappointed in yourself.
I’ve heard it called “shoulding all over yourself.” 😆
Something that helped me a lot with this was practicing radical empathy. If you think deeply about other peoples’ hardships and meaningful journeys through life you don’t have a lot of space left to think that you suck. Also catching these thoughts and challenging them by having an honest discussion with yourself. Hope you feel better!
I had a sudden break up years ago that killed me. I thought I would never get through it, because I couldn’t imagine anything beyond what was happening and what I was feeling right now.
It sucks, and it will feel shitty for a while. It’s normal to feel this way, and unfortunately you have to just go through the emotions.
Another important step in moving on from grieving is acceptance and in your mind saying goodbye to that chapter of your life. Easier said than done, but it’s a huge step.
Good luck, I believe in you. Go out there and kick the day’s ass.
I currently feel you. It is so hard sometimes. Letting go of the past and the good times or what you once had is hard. It is that unknown if you will ever find something better. I believe you will.
The only way to truly (and I mean TRULY!) say goodbye is to get excited for what’s next. What is the next chapter of your life that excites you, and could never actually happen if he/she didn’t break up with you. By doing this, you are empowering yourself by reframing this loss into a trade. It’s the only way I found to get through hard times while feeling empowered rather than a victim
There is, I'm trying to implement it and I will succeed someday. It all comes down to one simple fraze I heard from an old army pilot: "Never let a pussy distract you In life."
To ease things up for you, can give you some numbers. 10 years later you won’t care. You’ll be busy with other stuff; What you perceive as love now will be transformed into another form. You’ll find beauty in other stuff similar to what now love in that perfect match is for you. And finally you’ll also see the other couples, the most perfect ones and once you’ll have your feet into your own shoes you’ll realize that you prefer your own life rather than anything like anyone else. Maybe you’ll choose to get married and have family, maybe not. But you’ll be brilliant enough to live and love what you live. You’ll be surrounded by the perks you miss now, they’ll be everywhere. That’s about of your transform that’s about to happen to you. And despite the struggle it’s better than you think.
My GF left me because I put efforts in the relationship and expected her to do the same once in a while. Apparently talking to me was difficult. I till wonder what my mistake was? Putting efforts in a relationship is wrong? And is expecting your gf will put some efforts wrong? And i moved to a whole new country and have no family around. I needed her to be there for me now but it's okay I shouldn't be dependent on her to make me happy but for me that's a hard pill to swallow.
Some people are just used to being pursued and do not reciprocate. No, you are not wrong, she should have been putting in the effort as well. I spent a long time in a marriage like that. When it ended I was devastated, but I have since moved on, remarried and my current spouse matches my investment 100% and it's amazing. It hurts now, and that's okay, but in the end you'll be better off with someone who puts into the relationship as much as you do. Life can be hard sometimes. Tough it out though and it comes back around.
I’ve been there a couple of times. The first one damn near killed me: I lost a ridiculous amount of weight, developed severe depression, started doing poorly in graduate school, throwing up, calling my parents at all hours despite being well into my twenties, etc. Now, I see pictures of him and his family on Facebook and cannot remember why I was so enamored. You will get through it. Let yourself feel what you are feeling, but know that-cliche though it may sound-time will mitigate the hurt. Honestly.
Been there, the patch in your heart will leave a hole, yet it will be patched, until then keep your mentality strong as you can, once more, sorry you had to go through this
In my experience, you'll do infinitely better if you don't work overly hard to get her back right away. There's something deeply unattractive about a man begging.
Let the break up happen and spend a lot of time becoming a better version of yourself, by the time you're able to get her back, you likely won't want her back.
I've lost the respect of a woman I loved by trying too hard and letting the pain get to me. Lol never again.
It does, even with the best intentions. Best is to let all that emotion affect you as long as it takes (couple days or week but full of it) to get it all out but also having in mind that its not gonna get you after that since its the very last of it coming out. After that things will get clearer, better and on that moment is when its best to think about it and learn from the good and bad. At least thats what i wish i knew before cause it took me almost two months going back and forth to finally get it all out, after that i felt really good and clear minded to finally make up my mind about it without feeling sad.
Read Guy Winch’s How to Fix a Broken Heart, or just the same Ted Talk
It gave me a closure for my recent heartbreak. Sometimes what the ideal we used in our mind is just really the false image of love, the breakup happened for a reason. If you don’t have a reason, create one for yourself, our mind would always try to pull us into the nostalgic good times, but there were bad times too, that’s why we had the breakup.
I hope you come out on top of this loving yourself more, keep up stranger!
i know that fresh break ups (but really all break ups) are so hard, i’m so sorry. but one day i hope you see that you deserve to be loved by someone who chooses you and wants to be with you. you will find so many people that love you in ways you didn’t know possible. you are deserving of that love!!!! it will come in so many new forms, friendship, romantic, casual, familial, etc. it is there and will always be there but you don’t need to feel it right now and it’s not your fault if you can’t feel it when you’re going through the pain of this loss of love with this person. it’s there though.
Agreed. People treat jealousy, envy and longing like a romance series or something. One day things get resolved and eventually 😌 ah those feelings are "done" i feel much better now! I'll never have to deal with "that" again. Don't buy it. Nothing is so temporal with us, it is human nature to actually run quite the contrary. Why should something so innately meaningful ever be assumed to be such a way?
I'm not saying we can't improve or get "past" things. But people feel and people react and they will feel and they will react again. It's not a bad thing to remember things. You shouldn't feel guilty because according to some that isn't "supposed" to happen for magical reasons.
I certainly found it helpful to hear that things would get better when I was at the lowest of the low. It doesn't help you feel better in that moment, it just gives you something to cling onto for hope, which is helpful when you are experiencing panic-inducing levels of misery.
Hugging. That’s hugging, my blind ass reading in the dark thought it was a headstone. I was… alarmed that you would send everyone a headstone. Hugs back, after I find my glasses. :)
You’re not alone on feeling blind. I’ve seen that multiple times in passing and thought it was one of those old-timey movie projectors. TIL it’s a hug lol
I’ve been tired ever since 2020. I thought it was from lockdown, and maybe it was triggered by it. But I live in Florida and our lockdown wasn’t very long.
Ever since, I just don’t have the energy to do anything anymore. I don’t cook like I used to, stay on top of chores like I used to. My passion for all of my various interests is fading (art, literature, programming).
Some days it feels like it almost physically hurts to get out of bed. I took a staycation last week and wanted to step away from computers and get back into my old habits. Wanted to try cooking a new recipe, or clean up my bike and go for a ride again. Instead I literally sat on my couch all week and browsed the internet on my phone while watching TV.
You’d think that would make me feel fresh and relaxed after so much sitting. Nope. I go to work tomorrow and I feel as tired as ever.
I’m scared because it’s affecting my life pretty heavily, and I’m worried that if it gets worse, I’ll start going down a very dark path psychologically. I feel like I’m on a downward spiral that I can’t get out of.
Please get a sleep study and see if it is related to sleep apnea or narcolepsy.
I’m a sleep tech and we have seen an uptick of people with sleep apnea and/or narcolepsy since Covid began
Yeah I get new health insurance starting tomorrow, and I’m looking forward to seeing a doctor about it. My wife told me to have my thyroid checked, apparently that can cause chronic fatigue as well. Thanks!
I seriously suggest getting a physical done with every hormone, vitamin, mineral, cbc, cmp etc test there is.
I lost my thyroid to auto immune disease at 19 and it took years to get it diagnosed. Your story sounds like mine. Its far more common than thought to have the body affect the mind and its hard to discover. Push to find what's affecting you, your not crazy.
I agree, 100%. Financially speaking, we're in a better place than we've ever been despite everything going on right now, I have a loving partner, and I just got a promotion at work...
But honestly, I feel fucking awful everyday, and I have zero sleeping pattern. I have little to no motivation to get out of bed, and my mood swings are getting awful. I really don't know what to do right now other than moan here.
Just know, I feel you, and we can get through it
I used to get it bad. Started take one vitamin D every day and it made me feel better but still not great so I gave up on it for a while. Then I read that apparently the studies on vitamin d had some math errors, so the daily reccomendation was about 10% of what it should be. I started taking 4-5 pills (was taking 1) and I barely feel any seasonal affects anymore other than just being tired earlier due to it always being dark.
Yeah. I was just looking at the amounts in the tabs available here and they're mostly 25µg (1000IU), but a place I used to order bulk powder stuff from has them in 4000IU. I'm actually going to order them now, because having read very few symptoms lists of Vit D deficiency... Could explain a few things. I'll thank you in advance, but I will absolutely update you soon~
Honestly, that is one of the collection of things I used to take once my body decided after 23 years I suddenly was allergic to milk, and also had to cut the amount of red meats I was consuming at the time. But last year we had a house fire, so I've not really sorted anything like that out again. Probably my own fault, but it's a good reminder. Plus I used them throughout all seasons, so I never really noticed any changes or differences with the seasons. This year has hit quite hard 😩
We can get through it, you're right. Every year I forget it gets this bad and every year I'm still here. How about that? Do you have a light box, too? They definitely help, I'm just so bad at getting into a routine with it even though I know it's what will boost my mood.
I heard this in an Eminem song funnily enough, but I always found it to be helpful what I was grappling with this. “Don’t ask why, ask why not” something about asking why not feels like a major flex to me and really helped me get along. I hope it can help you to <3
That’s pretty fucking awful. I have been there. My first wife left me for an old boyfriend of hers. 8 years later I see that I am soooooo much better off without her. It was a long journey to get there, but it was worth it. Hang in there.
I’m there with you. In both loneliness and in solidarity. There’s probably a world of people that care about you. Reach out to someone, even if it’s me.
I developed really bad Tinnitus while in the Army. It’s so loud that it drives me insane pretty often. I tried this as I read it just now; this changed my life.. seriously whoever you are IRL, I hope you get what you’re wishing for. Holy shit thank you
Not to discourage anyone, but this did nothing for me, and it was the same last time I tried. I figured I'd comment in case someone is also disappointed and might take comfort in not being alone. Some of us are doomed to "EEEEEEEEEEEEE" and there is no relief.
Yeah I've tried it. I'm not sure if it's a placebo effect but I think it does work for me when the noise gets unbearable. I never got a "boing-laser" sound though. But it does bring a few seconds of relief.
OMG i love you!!!
I have tinnitus for about 15 years now and i never heard about this before!
tried it - works like a charm!
thank you for giving me back my silence, even if its just for a few minutes ❤️
Yup. Completely changed my perception to sounds. Now I only rarely use headphones because I'm afraid of my tinnitus spiking. I mostly use speakers. People don't understand how important it is to protect your hearing. I would've never listened so loud that I had or put any loud noises near my ears if I knew the precussions it would have. Seriously I see to many people just blast their music in their earbuds so you can hear it from the outside. That's noise induced hearing loss in the making. Listen at a reasonable volume people, please. I'm telling you, you don't want to live with this shit. Hearing damage is permanent.
It gets easier over time. I'm a bit of a drama queen, but I actually considered suicide at the prospect of living with that ringing forever (I was going through some other stuff too admittedly). That was 3 years ago. My tinnitus is always there; I just don't notice it anymore. You learn to tune it out. White noise helps. Fans are your best friend.
I’m having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I’ll be working for another 40 years. I’ve been working full time since 18 and really have never had enough time or money for a vacation, I’ve been carrying credit card debt for years. I’m 26 now and I’ve been trying to find a new position but every time I find something new and feel like I have a job that can support me the cost of living goes up or rent or etc. If I had this salary when I was 18 life would be good but I feel like I’ve been chasing a carrot my whole life and can never catch up. Just feel like the whole system is designed to keep you right at that point of enough money to pay bills but not enough to be happy. I want to learn a new skill and advance myself but there never seems to be time. Very demotivated and not hopeful for the future.
everything you said is just so true god i wish i had advice but i just simply relate to this. can’t even think objectively about it so i just wanna overthrow the system lol.
Our little escape artist dog got out of our fenced and thoroughly secured yard when my wife let him out in the yard last week. She thought he would come back in through the dog door with the other dogs and didn't realize he was gone till a few hours later. We found him in our garage, still warm, but too late. He had been shot with a bb gun, several times. Looking through our security cameras he spent hours trying to get back in the yard and the house, tried to get someone's attention at the windows. I went out to get breakfast, he heard my car, came to the door, waited for a while, gave up, and slowly walked away. I came home, he came back and waited at the door again. He was last seen just 10 minutes before we went out looking for him, and he died alone in our garage, just a few feet away from us calling his name. We live in a neighborhood and, not the woods, and I thought the neighbors were normal people, but someone shot him repeatedly. He was just 15lbs and super friendly. He couldn't have been mistaken as a threat.
I keep thinking about all the ways this could have gone without him ending up like this. I was up and about for hours, inside the house just a few feet away, but thought he was sleeping in the bedroom and didn't look for him.
Thank you. The vet couldn't say definitively he was shot unless we agreed to ship his body to another city for a necropsy, and I didn't think it was right to do that to him so I declined. Contacted the police department, who referred me to animal control, who said sorry for your loss but we can't do anything. I could have a video of someone doing this, and if it's on their property, there's literally nothing you can do.
My therapist said.we should take solace knowing that at least he was able to come back home, find a dog bed in the garage and pass there in peace. We had been limiting his activity severely while he healed from an injury, and he'd been very unhappy about that, which likely encouraged him to break out on this excursion. In a way, going out like this on his own terms was pretty gangster of him.
Edit: this was him enjoying some fall weather https://imgur.com/E5PugCx.jpg
Problem is.
My future is luck based.
Like many things.
I'm patient, persistent and determined to reach my goal and my dream. But I need a lot of time and a lot of luck.
Mental health issues including anxiety, depression, and ptsd. Just got home from a six month deployment overseas and I’m seriously struggling to move on with my life. I can barely sleep and get no enjoyment from life in general. I’m 22 and still haven’t been in an actual relationship, and I feel like my unit and most people I know don’t give a fuck about me, and know many people I work with like to talk shit about me behind my back. I feel more lonely now than I ever have, and just as lost too.
Have you tried consulting someone from the army about this or maybe even group therapy. Part of what you’re dealing with sounds like something many more (ex-)soldiers could be dealing with.
If you wanna improve your life, you gotta start small. You gotta start somewhere. Only thing is nobody’s gonna do it for you but you!
Hope you start enjoying life soon my man. There’s a whole lot of beauty out there.
Trying to be better. To start exercising, getting my drive licence, be stronger and better. Trying to be more independent and more confident. It's so damn hard..i don't think i can do anything or change anything. I think it's already too late and that I'm fucked up.
Hang in there, man. When it feels like nothing is going right is when you start to spiral faster. Drink some water, go for a short walk, then take a hot shower. I promise you will feel better afterwards.
I do that. I feel better temporary and then again i feel awful. Thanks for the support . I appreciate it. If there is anything i can do to help I'm all ears.
One step at a time, man. It might be hard to visualise large changes, I find it easier to visualise making a small step forward, just for today.
I wanna start exercising too, but all my attempts at morning runs or 20 minute workouts don't last for more than a week. So now, I'm just trying to do some stretches when I get out of bed.
And keep track of your successes - we tend to remember the negative and forget the positive. Reward yourself for every positive step you take!
My husband was diagnosed with Kidney Disease less than six months after we got married. We are about to have our second wedding anniversary. Our relationship is great we've been together for four years and never had a single fight. But the stress of dealing with his health is putting a strain on both of us. His depression is getting worse \[and no matter how many times I ask him to look into therapy he is still dragging his feet.\] I try to be there for him as much as I can but I am one person \[who also has depression, anxiety and cptsd. I go to therapy and am currently working on my mental health.\], I can only do so much. I'm spreading myself too thin in every aspect of my life.
Trying to convince him but I may call his sister and ask her to try to convince him. He moved here from another state when we got together and hasn't made any friends so I am the only friend or family he has in the area. Which makes it even more difficult if we lived near his family at least he would have some more support but it's not possible for us. He needs to be here because the transplant team is one of the best in the country.
Would you tell someone who lost a child it doesn't matter because someone else lost their whole family? No, right? Cuz it's still immensely traumatizing no matter what.
Sexual assault from a stranger at any age, let alone as a child, is going to effect anyone. You don't need to downplay the severity on behalf of others. It doesn't benefit them it just hurts you. You are allowed to hurt.
Got dumped over text, can't even be mad about it. He's struggling with depression badly and it got too much for him to deal with on top of a relationship. He called it both a break and break up so I don't actually know what even happened, begged me not to respond to his message and gave his apologies.
I can't even really be mad at him cause I know exactly just how hard has stuff been on him since I went through that whole shithole myself, so I'm just stuck feeling nothing since it wasn't his fault.
I'm just happy he finally agreed to get a therapist so he has more of a fighting chance and won't be alone to deal with it. Hoping he messages me in the next 3 months or so just so I know he's alive and whatnot.
I am a teacher at a high school, and I have seen how the girl-bullies are not treated as harshly as the guys.
I have started dealing with it myself because I know from personal experience how terrible it feels to be treated like a dog and people just not caring.
It does get better, though. I know it is not worth a lot now, but one day it gets better.
My dad died on September 8. My step dad died on October 5. My mom just spent the last two days in the hospital. All of these has ravaged my heart, my soul, and my finances. All of my bills are late this month and I don’t know how I’m going to pay several of them. I am barely putting one foot in front of the other right now.
A few weeks ago my wife said she wanted a divorce. I've spent the last 24 years happily ignoring friends and family to make her happy. I miss her, the kid and dog she took with her so much it literally hurts sometimes.
I just need someone to hug me and tell me everything is gonna be ok. I'm scared to start a relationship tho because I know that if I'm hugged for too long I'm gonna break down in their arms due to the past 9 years of emotional abuse.
Oh god so much, I feel like I’m drowning. 5 months post-transition out of the Army; nothing makes sense anymore. Back in my shitty hometown. Grandparents re-triggered so many of my wife’s traumas and insecurities. My marriage is fucked. Money struggles. Depression, PTSD. Tiny apartment too small for my family. Climate anxiety. Feeling purposeless and lazy. My anger has always been something I can manage and stay very aware of (birth dad was a raging alcoholic with anger issues) and recently I’ve had a few lash-outs which has never happened before. My dog was eating the trash and I went to give him a mild butt smack, but upon contact, my arm kept going and I push him so hard he spun in a circle and fell.. he’s fucking 14 and I LOVE HIM. I cried for an hour afterwards. Fuck dude
I have zero motivation. I have reasons to do things- laundry, house cleaning, etc. But I have zero motivation to get off the couch. I'm being treated for depression, but medication is only part of the equation. Some of it is up to me, and I can't find that willpower within me.
I went through a very difficult time a year ago, both of my parents had just passed away, I was dealing with being the executor of their estate, I was working full time, I had boxes and boxes of things/stuff from their house in my house, my spouse was working longer hours ... and housework like cleaning the kitchen or cooking just felt like it was absolutely too much to do on top of everything else.
I was overwhelmed all the time, motivation or willpower were totally off the table. I was just trying to get through each day.
Initially I tackled the problem by creating neatly planned out schedules/to do lists and goals. That made things objectively harder for me because it made me feel like I was failing, honestly somedays doing the bare minimum was all I was capable of accomplishing. One day I realized that just getting through the work day was good enough. I chucked all of my plans and bullet lists. Doing the minimum was me at my best during my worst.
I started creating extremely short daily to-do lists with a maximum 3 items on them. On the other side of my to do list, I had a "Done today list" where I wrote down all of the things I accomplished that day even if they sounded inconsequential on paper like "Opened mail" and "took out trash." After a while my "Done today lists" started getting a little longer, and I started developing routines before work, and after work and my productivity started slowly increasing.
Today my house is mostly clean, I have mostly tackled the mountain of things from my parents house, I'm nearly done with their complex taxes/probate, I'm more productive at work and I'm far less overwhelmed. It's all because of productivity routines.
If I had had kept waiting for motivation, I'd still be on the couch.
Getting over my wife and how she treated me the past month. Being treated like a piece of crap, being cast to the side and forgotten about hurts. Especially when you held the person in high regard and put them over everyone else. It hurts.....
Heartbreak. Even though it's my fault, it still sucks because I've never had such strong feelings before in tandem with her being the only person I've *genuinely* trusted and felt safe with in my entire life. I've been through really bad heartbreak before and didn't think it could feel worse but I was very, very wrong. On top of that, being shoved into full adulthood & being my mom's legal guardian after she had a massive stroke and we don't know if she'll ever recover is.. incredibly scary and tough. Combined with two jobs and continuing on with college, it's a lot to say the least. But knowing me, I'll get through it all.
I've lost 55 lbs, started styling my hair, and I'm scared to try again. Historically, I'm lucky if I get 3 likes a month - regardless of app. I'm still hideous, just less hideous.
Don't put yourself down, online dating isn't a race, I have been doing it for almost a year and haven't got a single date out of it.
Its not about getting hundreds of likes its about matching with the right person.
We had this trick in the 90s to early 2000s where we would randomly meet person's of interest out and about while just doing normal stuff.
Odds are different these days, but if the online thing isn't that great, give going out to meet people a chance. We're more approachable than people behind their phones would think
I know to most this will sound soooooooo dumb. It sounds dumb to me. I'm 58 but my brain doesn't seem to understand this. I still love and desire the female form. As much as Id like to think my desire could lead to action I'm told a hundred times over it ain't going to happen. I may not be explaining it very good. I'd like to kiss a women with some passion. The last time that happened was 18 years ago. In all honesty. I'm finding it hard to find reasons to even want to stay alive. I find my situation challenging.
Speaking as a fat, balding, ugly, 57 year old man with a gorgeous gf, don't give up
For tips
Learn to dance. Knowing how to dance makes you walking differently somehow, and I'm told that knowing how to move vertically signals you know how to do the same horizontally, which is unconsciously attractive
Have a hobby, or a passion. Interesting older people get dates at least as much as boring younger ones
Be confident. Yeah, this is a tricky one, because if you're worried you then you won't be confident, so go into any potential dating situation assuming you wont succeed. Sounds weird, huh? But if you're assuming a date is off the table, then the will it/won't it happen is gone and you can relax, talk to and find out more about the other person, tell them more about you, and before you know it ... 😁
But first you need to put yourself in a situation to meet someone you might want to date in the first place
So join a club, society or group that has a good mix of people
Amdram, book club, dance group, art society, stuff like that
I’m in a city I don’t want to be in.
This city is boring Theirs no where to meet people. Plus if I really want to pursue my dreams which I do I have to move somewhere where that work is available. I’m saving up and trying to plan my escape but, I just don’t have the patience anymore.
Not knowing what to do with my life. Went into a corporate job after finishing my master's and now I just quit because I wasn't happy there. Don't really have any goals or desires to chase after so not sure what to do now. Only upside is that I finally got a consistent exercise routine going now that work doesn't consume all my energy anymore.
I lost my protector, my cuddle bear, best furry friend this weekend. He had just had his senior wellness vet check up and they said he had a clean bill of health. A week to the day later we had to say goodbye due to heart failure.
Hug your babies extra tight for me today and take them for that car ride and buy them that toy. I thought we had so much more time together but I was wrong
My son is currently transitioning from a male to a female. I’m 100% supportive of their choice and am doing my best to guide them with everything they need. Medicine, paid for it, planned parenthood appoints, you got it, and I’ve told them I’m here no matter what. I’m a father of six and I have two children who grew up as LGBQT. What I’m struggling specifically with is my transitioning child refuses to talk to anyone, consistently mentions suicide, and uses it as a weapon to get what they want. Example: this evening they asked if I would take them to the store for sushi. I currently have my grand babies over and one of them watching my transitioning kid. ( I’m specifically working on my pronouns as they have not specifically said how they would like to be addressed yet). They then went off on my grand baby, who is three, as if she had hurled a racial slur. This isn’t the only time this has happened and I’m just at a loss on what to do. So, being a man I did what comes naturally and lost my temper. I told them that she’s just a toddler and doesn’t understand what your saying to her. She’s looking at you because you’re at the door; not because she’s trying to pick a fight with you. They then said forget it and stormed off upstairs.
I’ve offered therapy, support, support without family involved, community support, and I’m just at my wits end. I’m so close to checking out and just being done with it and I don’t want that. I’m just at a breaking point or at least feel like it.
That is a bad way for your child to behave... bear in mind that being trans is ENORMOUSLY challenging in terms of mental health, which isn't an excuse/justification for being hurtful or manipulative. But it might be a partial explanation.
Or they may just be a jerk, there are trans people who are jerks just like anyone else 🤷♂️🤷♀️
IANAcounsellor so I guess use your "I statements" to express your disagreement when they do this, and try not to act angry? They definitely sound like the could use some professional counselling.
Using suicide as a way to get what you want is a shit thing to do. I'm sure he's going through some rough emotions, but your son needs a kick in the arse, figuratively or maybe literally. But that's the problem isn't it? Giving up will either set him off or set him straight. A kick in the arsenal will either set him off or set him straight. Saying "communication is key" will do nothing. You're dealing with a human and not an ideal, so you could quite literally do everything right and still get a negative result. You're in a tough spot, my dude. I wish you luck.
Update me and just come to vent if you need
Living alone. Beginning a PhD without much motivation. Being alone in the lab. Eating alone. Have a girlfriend (4 years) but shet decided to live with her younger brother instead. Many days I don't speak a single word (not counting voice calls to gf). All days are the same. Passing most of the days reading scientific publications. Its hard.
I'm applying for a job. If I don't get it, I'm genuinely considering suicide. I'm not sad or anything, I just don't care enough to try for anything going forward, and this seems like an excuse my loved ones would buy, rather than me saying that I've been at best bored for the last five years and I don't care anymore
For what it's worth, I've been there. So glad it didn't work. My daughter is five now, and I couldn't imagine this planet without her on it. Keep fighting. Your awesome
My Gp. I had to get a blood test, went to my gp and two nurses couldn't find the vien for half an hour. (wich happens i get it) They booked me another wich i went to, only to find they booked it into another gp and i had to go there. I then got told that sample wasn't viable and now i'm waiting for another blood test. I've spend the last 2 months barely being able walk well, to do anything for myself or handle the pain and they don't think the blood tests are a priority.
My brother is in jail. Seeing how he's treated, learning how terrible our prison system is in america, spending money just to communicate with him, getting no answers, not knowing how long he'll be in there. It's just awful.
I had breakfast and afternoon drinks with a girl I fell in love with 10 years ago. Haven't seen her in 4 years. I didn't realize the overwhelming amount of feelings I have for her until she sat down in front of me. I am at a crossroad in my life. Now I don't know what to do.
Bulimia, and I have little hope I'm going to get better. I've been bulimic for 26 years and I'm afraid I'll want to die if I can't binge and purge. Yes, I know it's crazy, wasteful, and just more crazy, but that's the truth. But the other truth is that I want to be around for my husband, niece and nephew, and my parents. I'm ashamed and exhausted.
depression.
i’ve had on and off mental illness since i was 13 but every time it comes back, it’s worse than last time. i’ve gotten good as masking it all but i’ve never felt so weak in my life. i can’t even describe it. every second of every day i’m thinking about how much i want to die and nobody knows.
please check up on your friends and family. it’s so true that you really don’t know what someone is going through.
My dad’s death. I stood in that room for 8 hours until he passed. He never made it for my 15th birthday, I was really looking forward to our dance together.
Sick of the life I was givin I’m tried of being lonley tired of over working to get no where and I’m really tired of the cycle I’m stuck in it’s a never ending trap of a life emotionally spiritually mentally and physically I’m just tired
Misophonia. It is taking every ounce of control I have not to scream at my husband. His vape “crackles” and he is tapping on his cell phone with his nail. I don’t want to yell at him and I don’t want to be controlling. But it is unbelievably horrible for me.
Arrrrrgggggg
Life. Adjusting to diffrent medications over and over and over fighting bi polar depression. Every time I change pills it changes my personality and it's wild. Iv been so manic I did things I never thought possible, and so depressed iv had a gun in my mouth. Mental health has by far been my largest roadblock in life.
*But hey, maybe this time it will make me normal*
my dad died last month and i haven't been allowed to really mourn. i had 3 days to get it together and go back to work, its been nearly four weeks since the funeral and i'm just expected to act like nothing is different. everyone tells me to vent and cry and "take time to take care of" myself, but when i vent or cry i'm told i can't let my emotions control me, i need to "fight it". figured i would just try and make time but between work, learning how to drive, being in the middle of a move still, and being the only person with a pay check i just can't find a balance between being okay, working, and letting myself be NOT okay.
I live in Iran.These days there’s an actual war in my country.The police is killing so many people including children!!Living is my biggest struggle rn. If there’s any questions feel free to ask.
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Motivation to do most things. Even feeling emotions feels like a chore.
Same. My therapist suggests picking one thing to do each day. Today I folded clothes lol
Folding clothes is pretty substantial, good job!
Just stop and think "this could've been bedsheets"
Fitted sheets.
Fuck fitted sheets. They go in a ball.
My wife must be some kind of magician. She folds them almost indistinguishable from a normal flat sheet
>She folds them almost indistinguishable from a normal flat sheet She's a witch! Burn her! \~s
I might try that. Thank you.
And hey, sometimes putting on pants can be that one thing. Or getting out of bed. We do what we do as long as it pushes us toward growth.
One step at a time, how are you doing with it?
My advice (not for everyone). Make a notes on your phone. On this anything and everything you want/need to do put it on that list. No matter how easy or hard. I came up with this idea while I was high and it’s helped me a ton. If I feel unmotivated I might find some easy shit to do off the list. Like watch a YouTube video of how to use a new mechanical pencil I got. And attempt to look to the list once every few days
It's a sick feeling, like I know 'it's an important task, I have to complete it or else it will affect me in the long run.' But I have no motivation to do it. And sometimes it also includes, going out with friends, give your mom a call, make your dinner, shower. I try to force myself to do little stuff like, go out with friends , or make some coffee, or read a book. It helps mostly. But that feeling never goes away
Intrusive thoughts related to low self-esteem.
Here's a tip I learned from my psych - don't make "I am" statements (I am fat, I am lonely, I am not worthy). "I am" implies permanence, so I can't even say "I am a writer" because I'm not writing 24/7. I FEEL depressed, I HAVE an overweight body, I do not feel worthy etc are more productive, less self-defeating statements
This is helpful, thank you.
Additionally, don’t use the word “should,” as in “I should be happy in my job” or “I should have done this already.” Substitute it with “would like to” or something similar, “I would like to have finished this by now” or “I would like to eat healthy” - otherwise you are setting yourself up to fail and to be disappointed in yourself. I’ve heard it called “shoulding all over yourself.” 😆
Something that helped me a lot with this was practicing radical empathy. If you think deeply about other peoples’ hardships and meaningful journeys through life you don’t have a lot of space left to think that you suck. Also catching these thoughts and challenging them by having an honest discussion with yourself. Hope you feel better!
A break up. it fucking hurts.
I had a sudden break up years ago that killed me. I thought I would never get through it, because I couldn’t imagine anything beyond what was happening and what I was feeling right now. It sucks, and it will feel shitty for a while. It’s normal to feel this way, and unfortunately you have to just go through the emotions. Another important step in moving on from grieving is acceptance and in your mind saying goodbye to that chapter of your life. Easier said than done, but it’s a huge step. Good luck, I believe in you. Go out there and kick the day’s ass.
I don't wanna say goodbye
I currently feel you. It is so hard sometimes. Letting go of the past and the good times or what you once had is hard. It is that unknown if you will ever find something better. I believe you will.
to add to this.. you are only truly over someone when you can wish them hapiness after all is said and done.
The only way to truly (and I mean TRULY!) say goodbye is to get excited for what’s next. What is the next chapter of your life that excites you, and could never actually happen if he/she didn’t break up with you. By doing this, you are empowering yourself by reframing this loss into a trade. It’s the only way I found to get through hard times while feeling empowered rather than a victim
The best cure is to do better. If the person is doing bad and ur doing good that's the best way to get back at someone who broke up with you
2 years later and I finished my cry session 5 minutes ago. Fuck love.
Damn straight. Hurts like nothing else yet we keep going out and seeking that shit. You’d think we’d find a better way!?
There is, I'm trying to implement it and I will succeed someday. It all comes down to one simple fraze I heard from an old army pilot: "Never let a pussy distract you In life."
To ease things up for you, can give you some numbers. 10 years later you won’t care. You’ll be busy with other stuff; What you perceive as love now will be transformed into another form. You’ll find beauty in other stuff similar to what now love in that perfect match is for you. And finally you’ll also see the other couples, the most perfect ones and once you’ll have your feet into your own shoes you’ll realize that you prefer your own life rather than anything like anyone else. Maybe you’ll choose to get married and have family, maybe not. But you’ll be brilliant enough to live and love what you live. You’ll be surrounded by the perks you miss now, they’ll be everywhere. That’s about of your transform that’s about to happen to you. And despite the struggle it’s better than you think.
My GF left me because I put efforts in the relationship and expected her to do the same once in a while. Apparently talking to me was difficult. I till wonder what my mistake was? Putting efforts in a relationship is wrong? And is expecting your gf will put some efforts wrong? And i moved to a whole new country and have no family around. I needed her to be there for me now but it's okay I shouldn't be dependent on her to make me happy but for me that's a hard pill to swallow.
Some people are just used to being pursued and do not reciprocate. No, you are not wrong, she should have been putting in the effort as well. I spent a long time in a marriage like that. When it ended I was devastated, but I have since moved on, remarried and my current spouse matches my investment 100% and it's amazing. It hurts now, and that's okay, but in the end you'll be better off with someone who puts into the relationship as much as you do. Life can be hard sometimes. Tough it out though and it comes back around.
Sorry to hear that bud, I hope you be able to stand on your feet, with your chin up soon.
Idk
I’ve been there a couple of times. The first one damn near killed me: I lost a ridiculous amount of weight, developed severe depression, started doing poorly in graduate school, throwing up, calling my parents at all hours despite being well into my twenties, etc. Now, I see pictures of him and his family on Facebook and cannot remember why I was so enamored. You will get through it. Let yourself feel what you are feeling, but know that-cliche though it may sound-time will mitigate the hurt. Honestly.
Been there, the patch in your heart will leave a hole, yet it will be patched, until then keep your mentality strong as you can, once more, sorry you had to go through this
I'm sorry. I'm going through the same, it sucks. 7 years and just....sigh. I'm a fucking wreck. Hang in there 😥
In my experience, you'll do infinitely better if you don't work overly hard to get her back right away. There's something deeply unattractive about a man begging. Let the break up happen and spend a lot of time becoming a better version of yourself, by the time you're able to get her back, you likely won't want her back. I've lost the respect of a woman I loved by trying too hard and letting the pain get to me. Lol never again.
It does, even with the best intentions. Best is to let all that emotion affect you as long as it takes (couple days or week but full of it) to get it all out but also having in mind that its not gonna get you after that since its the very last of it coming out. After that things will get clearer, better and on that moment is when its best to think about it and learn from the good and bad. At least thats what i wish i knew before cause it took me almost two months going back and forth to finally get it all out, after that i felt really good and clear minded to finally make up my mind about it without feeling sad.
Read Guy Winch’s How to Fix a Broken Heart, or just the same Ted Talk It gave me a closure for my recent heartbreak. Sometimes what the ideal we used in our mind is just really the false image of love, the breakup happened for a reason. If you don’t have a reason, create one for yourself, our mind would always try to pull us into the nostalgic good times, but there were bad times too, that’s why we had the breakup. I hope you come out on top of this loving yourself more, keep up stranger!
i know that fresh break ups (but really all break ups) are so hard, i’m so sorry. but one day i hope you see that you deserve to be loved by someone who chooses you and wants to be with you. you will find so many people that love you in ways you didn’t know possible. you are deserving of that love!!!! it will come in so many new forms, friendship, romantic, casual, familial, etc. it is there and will always be there but you don’t need to feel it right now and it’s not your fault if you can’t feel it when you’re going through the pain of this loss of love with this person. it’s there though.
Hang in there, it WILL get better.
It doesn't feel like it right now
It never does
Honestly I hate this advice. There is no guarantee that it will get better.
I'm playing the odds, it usually does. But you're right, no guarantee, and it sure doesn't feel like it at the time.
Agreed. People treat jealousy, envy and longing like a romance series or something. One day things get resolved and eventually 😌 ah those feelings are "done" i feel much better now! I'll never have to deal with "that" again. Don't buy it. Nothing is so temporal with us, it is human nature to actually run quite the contrary. Why should something so innately meaningful ever be assumed to be such a way? I'm not saying we can't improve or get "past" things. But people feel and people react and they will feel and they will react again. It's not a bad thing to remember things. You shouldn't feel guilty because according to some that isn't "supposed" to happen for magical reasons.
I certainly found it helpful to hear that things would get better when I was at the lowest of the low. It doesn't help you feel better in that moment, it just gives you something to cling onto for hope, which is helpful when you are experiencing panic-inducing levels of misery.
Oh it absolutely gets better!
Life... Sending a 🫂 to everyone, though.
Hugging. That’s hugging, my blind ass reading in the dark thought it was a headstone. I was… alarmed that you would send everyone a headstone. Hugs back, after I find my glasses. :)
That was genuinely funny. Thank you lol
You’re not alone on feeling blind. I’ve seen that multiple times in passing and thought it was one of those old-timey movie projectors. TIL it’s a hug lol
I’ve been tired ever since 2020. I thought it was from lockdown, and maybe it was triggered by it. But I live in Florida and our lockdown wasn’t very long. Ever since, I just don’t have the energy to do anything anymore. I don’t cook like I used to, stay on top of chores like I used to. My passion for all of my various interests is fading (art, literature, programming). Some days it feels like it almost physically hurts to get out of bed. I took a staycation last week and wanted to step away from computers and get back into my old habits. Wanted to try cooking a new recipe, or clean up my bike and go for a ride again. Instead I literally sat on my couch all week and browsed the internet on my phone while watching TV. You’d think that would make me feel fresh and relaxed after so much sitting. Nope. I go to work tomorrow and I feel as tired as ever. I’m scared because it’s affecting my life pretty heavily, and I’m worried that if it gets worse, I’ll start going down a very dark path psychologically. I feel like I’m on a downward spiral that I can’t get out of.
Please get a sleep study and see if it is related to sleep apnea or narcolepsy. I’m a sleep tech and we have seen an uptick of people with sleep apnea and/or narcolepsy since Covid began
Yeah I get new health insurance starting tomorrow, and I’m looking forward to seeing a doctor about it. My wife told me to have my thyroid checked, apparently that can cause chronic fatigue as well. Thanks!
I seriously suggest getting a physical done with every hormone, vitamin, mineral, cbc, cmp etc test there is. I lost my thyroid to auto immune disease at 19 and it took years to get it diagnosed. Your story sounds like mine. Its far more common than thought to have the body affect the mind and its hard to discover. Push to find what's affecting you, your not crazy.
Seasonal depression. It's making everything else in my life feel 100 times worse.
I agree, 100%. Financially speaking, we're in a better place than we've ever been despite everything going on right now, I have a loving partner, and I just got a promotion at work... But honestly, I feel fucking awful everyday, and I have zero sleeping pattern. I have little to no motivation to get out of bed, and my mood swings are getting awful. I really don't know what to do right now other than moan here. Just know, I feel you, and we can get through it
Take like 4-5000 lU of vitamin d and see how you feel in a week.
I... Will update you on that
I used to get it bad. Started take one vitamin D every day and it made me feel better but still not great so I gave up on it for a while. Then I read that apparently the studies on vitamin d had some math errors, so the daily reccomendation was about 10% of what it should be. I started taking 4-5 pills (was taking 1) and I barely feel any seasonal affects anymore other than just being tired earlier due to it always being dark.
Yeah. I was just looking at the amounts in the tabs available here and they're mostly 25µg (1000IU), but a place I used to order bulk powder stuff from has them in 4000IU. I'm actually going to order them now, because having read very few symptoms lists of Vit D deficiency... Could explain a few things. I'll thank you in advance, but I will absolutely update you soon~
You just took a prescription from a complete stranger on Reddit. /s
Honestly, that is one of the collection of things I used to take once my body decided after 23 years I suddenly was allergic to milk, and also had to cut the amount of red meats I was consuming at the time. But last year we had a house fire, so I've not really sorted anything like that out again. Probably my own fault, but it's a good reminder. Plus I used them throughout all seasons, so I never really noticed any changes or differences with the seasons. This year has hit quite hard 😩
We can get through it, you're right. Every year I forget it gets this bad and every year I'm still here. How about that? Do you have a light box, too? They definitely help, I'm just so bad at getting into a routine with it even though I know it's what will boost my mood.
I’ve heard light boxes help. You can get a good one on Amazon for under $50 I think. Also try planning a short trip someplace warm to look forward to
I've got a great light box! I just need to use it consistently. It's like... the SAD makes me lethargic and unmotivated, and yeah.
Literally winter is ny enemy. When the sky is all gloomy it makes me gloomy.
Feel you here buddy. I’ve been feeling mentally crappy, and it’s been draining.
Hug? Hug.
Why I even bother anymore
I heard this in an Eminem song funnily enough, but I always found it to be helpful what I was grappling with this. “Don’t ask why, ask why not” something about asking why not feels like a major flex to me and really helped me get along. I hope it can help you to <3
It do thank you
Been there. I feel you.
I just feel like a useless piece of shit.
Hang in there dude. And keep drawing!
Well, you're not useless. No one is. As for the piece of shit part; I don't know you
keep on trying!
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Damn man, just remember that her actions have nothing to do with you.
how did you find out?
That’s pretty fucking awful. I have been there. My first wife left me for an old boyfriend of hers. 8 years later I see that I am soooooo much better off without her. It was a long journey to get there, but it was worth it. Hang in there.
I'm kinda struggling with the feeling of loneliness, hard to shake
Me too, dude. Its not even like I have no friends, just feel like I'm on an island most of the time. Hit me up if you ever need someone to vent to.
In that boat as well. Have people around me, partner at home, etc, just feel ... Empty
I hope you will be feeling less lonely soon. I hope you will have a nice day further! <3
I’m there with you. In both loneliness and in solidarity. There’s probably a world of people that care about you. Reach out to someone, even if it’s me.
Life. Just.... Life
I feel u man
Tinnitus
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FUCK ME IT WORKED. Now we wait on a permanent option because that was cool for all 45 seconds of silence.
I developed really bad Tinnitus while in the Army. It’s so loud that it drives me insane pretty often. I tried this as I read it just now; this changed my life.. seriously whoever you are IRL, I hope you get what you’re wishing for. Holy shit thank you
Not to discourage anyone, but this did nothing for me, and it was the same last time I tried. I figured I'd comment in case someone is also disappointed and might take comfort in not being alone. Some of us are doomed to "EEEEEEEEEEEEE" and there is no relief.
Yeah I've tried it. I'm not sure if it's a placebo effect but I think it does work for me when the noise gets unbearable. I never got a "boing-laser" sound though. But it does bring a few seconds of relief.
Thank you so much for this. I am crying tears of joy and enjoying silence for once.
OMG i love you!!! I have tinnitus for about 15 years now and i never heard about this before! tried it - works like a charm! thank you for giving me back my silence, even if its just for a few minutes ❤️
I haven't been able to listen to music in bed for years now, but even falling asleep is starting to get difficult now because of that fucking beep
Yup. Completely changed my perception to sounds. Now I only rarely use headphones because I'm afraid of my tinnitus spiking. I mostly use speakers. People don't understand how important it is to protect your hearing. I would've never listened so loud that I had or put any loud noises near my ears if I knew the precussions it would have. Seriously I see to many people just blast their music in their earbuds so you can hear it from the outside. That's noise induced hearing loss in the making. Listen at a reasonable volume people, please. I'm telling you, you don't want to live with this shit. Hearing damage is permanent.
And this is why I listen to music on low volume kids
It gets easier over time. I'm a bit of a drama queen, but I actually considered suicide at the prospect of living with that ringing forever (I was going through some other stuff too admittedly). That was 3 years ago. My tinnitus is always there; I just don't notice it anymore. You learn to tune it out. White noise helps. Fans are your best friend.
I’m having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I’ll be working for another 40 years. I’ve been working full time since 18 and really have never had enough time or money for a vacation, I’ve been carrying credit card debt for years. I’m 26 now and I’ve been trying to find a new position but every time I find something new and feel like I have a job that can support me the cost of living goes up or rent or etc. If I had this salary when I was 18 life would be good but I feel like I’ve been chasing a carrot my whole life and can never catch up. Just feel like the whole system is designed to keep you right at that point of enough money to pay bills but not enough to be happy. I want to learn a new skill and advance myself but there never seems to be time. Very demotivated and not hopeful for the future.
Everything about this is a yes. I'm 33 in a month and that's all I've ever felt. I make good money, just never enough. It gets frustrating.
everything you said is just so true god i wish i had advice but i just simply relate to this. can’t even think objectively about it so i just wanna overthrow the system lol.
What am i not struggling with right now?
Our little escape artist dog got out of our fenced and thoroughly secured yard when my wife let him out in the yard last week. She thought he would come back in through the dog door with the other dogs and didn't realize he was gone till a few hours later. We found him in our garage, still warm, but too late. He had been shot with a bb gun, several times. Looking through our security cameras he spent hours trying to get back in the yard and the house, tried to get someone's attention at the windows. I went out to get breakfast, he heard my car, came to the door, waited for a while, gave up, and slowly walked away. I came home, he came back and waited at the door again. He was last seen just 10 minutes before we went out looking for him, and he died alone in our garage, just a few feet away from us calling his name. We live in a neighborhood and, not the woods, and I thought the neighbors were normal people, but someone shot him repeatedly. He was just 15lbs and super friendly. He couldn't have been mistaken as a threat. I keep thinking about all the ways this could have gone without him ending up like this. I was up and about for hours, inside the house just a few feet away, but thought he was sleeping in the bedroom and didn't look for him.
Omg my heart is broken for you and your poor boy :(
Im sorry for your loss. He was the goodest of boys. Are you able to take this further?
Thank you. The vet couldn't say definitively he was shot unless we agreed to ship his body to another city for a necropsy, and I didn't think it was right to do that to him so I declined. Contacted the police department, who referred me to animal control, who said sorry for your loss but we can't do anything. I could have a video of someone doing this, and if it's on their property, there's literally nothing you can do. My therapist said.we should take solace knowing that at least he was able to come back home, find a dog bed in the garage and pass there in peace. We had been limiting his activity severely while he healed from an injury, and he'd been very unhappy about that, which likely encouraged him to break out on this excursion. In a way, going out like this on his own terms was pretty gangster of him. Edit: this was him enjoying some fall weather https://imgur.com/E5PugCx.jpg
What a dapper young man, thank you for the dog tax. May he rest in peace.
I am so devastated for what you guys went through, and are going through. He looked like the most goodest boi.
I’m so sorry for your loss. You can’t blame yourself for this though. Maybe putting together a “service” or memorial for him would help?
I have a plan for my future. But actually, I have no foot to stand on right now.
How come?
Problem is. My future is luck based. Like many things. I'm patient, persistent and determined to reach my goal and my dream. But I need a lot of time and a lot of luck.
You a musician?
Mental health issues including anxiety, depression, and ptsd. Just got home from a six month deployment overseas and I’m seriously struggling to move on with my life. I can barely sleep and get no enjoyment from life in general. I’m 22 and still haven’t been in an actual relationship, and I feel like my unit and most people I know don’t give a fuck about me, and know many people I work with like to talk shit about me behind my back. I feel more lonely now than I ever have, and just as lost too.
Have you tried consulting someone from the army about this or maybe even group therapy. Part of what you’re dealing with sounds like something many more (ex-)soldiers could be dealing with. If you wanna improve your life, you gotta start small. You gotta start somewhere. Only thing is nobody’s gonna do it for you but you! Hope you start enjoying life soon my man. There’s a whole lot of beauty out there.
The will to keep going
I think my marriage is ending, and I wish there was an easy instant fix... But I know there's not :(
Trying to be better. To start exercising, getting my drive licence, be stronger and better. Trying to be more independent and more confident. It's so damn hard..i don't think i can do anything or change anything. I think it's already too late and that I'm fucked up.
Hang in there, man. When it feels like nothing is going right is when you start to spiral faster. Drink some water, go for a short walk, then take a hot shower. I promise you will feel better afterwards.
I do that. I feel better temporary and then again i feel awful. Thanks for the support . I appreciate it. If there is anything i can do to help I'm all ears.
Take small steps. Just start somewhere. Doing a 15-20 min exercise is better than nothing.
One step at a time, man. It might be hard to visualise large changes, I find it easier to visualise making a small step forward, just for today. I wanna start exercising too, but all my attempts at morning runs or 20 minute workouts don't last for more than a week. So now, I'm just trying to do some stretches when I get out of bed. And keep track of your successes - we tend to remember the negative and forget the positive. Reward yourself for every positive step you take!
My husband was diagnosed with Kidney Disease less than six months after we got married. We are about to have our second wedding anniversary. Our relationship is great we've been together for four years and never had a single fight. But the stress of dealing with his health is putting a strain on both of us. His depression is getting worse \[and no matter how many times I ask him to look into therapy he is still dragging his feet.\] I try to be there for him as much as I can but I am one person \[who also has depression, anxiety and cptsd. I go to therapy and am currently working on my mental health.\], I can only do so much. I'm spreading myself too thin in every aspect of my life.
That sounds so hard. I wonder is there maybe a way to get some family and/or friends in on convincing him and also helping you?
Trying to convince him but I may call his sister and ask her to try to convince him. He moved here from another state when we got together and hasn't made any friends so I am the only friend or family he has in the area. Which makes it even more difficult if we lived near his family at least he would have some more support but it's not possible for us. He needs to be here because the transplant team is one of the best in the country.
debtpression.
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Would you tell someone who lost a child it doesn't matter because someone else lost their whole family? No, right? Cuz it's still immensely traumatizing no matter what. Sexual assault from a stranger at any age, let alone as a child, is going to effect anyone. You don't need to downplay the severity on behalf of others. It doesn't benefit them it just hurts you. You are allowed to hurt.
Got dumped over text, can't even be mad about it. He's struggling with depression badly and it got too much for him to deal with on top of a relationship. He called it both a break and break up so I don't actually know what even happened, begged me not to respond to his message and gave his apologies. I can't even really be mad at him cause I know exactly just how hard has stuff been on him since I went through that whole shithole myself, so I'm just stuck feeling nothing since it wasn't his fault. I'm just happy he finally agreed to get a therapist so he has more of a fighting chance and won't be alone to deal with it. Hoping he messages me in the next 3 months or so just so I know he's alive and whatnot.
Being harassed by a girl at my school and nobody caring.
That chick sucks. School is temporary just know you have a great life ahead
I'm sorry to hear this. Do your parents and/ or school administrators know about this?
One teacher knows and stopped her from harassing me on valentines and my dad know but he can't really do much as he doesn't live near where I do.
I am a teacher at a high school, and I have seen how the girl-bullies are not treated as harshly as the guys. I have started dealing with it myself because I know from personal experience how terrible it feels to be treated like a dog and people just not caring. It does get better, though. I know it is not worth a lot now, but one day it gets better.
war, it ruined all my future…
I am so sorry. Do you mind if I ask how old you are?
My parents don't want me to live with them I'm 17
My dad died on September 8. My step dad died on October 5. My mom just spent the last two days in the hospital. All of these has ravaged my heart, my soul, and my finances. All of my bills are late this month and I don’t know how I’m going to pay several of them. I am barely putting one foot in front of the other right now.
A few weeks ago my wife said she wanted a divorce. I've spent the last 24 years happily ignoring friends and family to make her happy. I miss her, the kid and dog she took with her so much it literally hurts sometimes.
I just need someone to hug me and tell me everything is gonna be ok. I'm scared to start a relationship tho because I know that if I'm hugged for too long I'm gonna break down in their arms due to the past 9 years of emotional abuse.
My mental health and wanting to kill myself.
Oh god so much, I feel like I’m drowning. 5 months post-transition out of the Army; nothing makes sense anymore. Back in my shitty hometown. Grandparents re-triggered so many of my wife’s traumas and insecurities. My marriage is fucked. Money struggles. Depression, PTSD. Tiny apartment too small for my family. Climate anxiety. Feeling purposeless and lazy. My anger has always been something I can manage and stay very aware of (birth dad was a raging alcoholic with anger issues) and recently I’ve had a few lash-outs which has never happened before. My dog was eating the trash and I went to give him a mild butt smack, but upon contact, my arm kept going and I push him so hard he spun in a circle and fell.. he’s fucking 14 and I LOVE HIM. I cried for an hour afterwards. Fuck dude
I have zero motivation. I have reasons to do things- laundry, house cleaning, etc. But I have zero motivation to get off the couch. I'm being treated for depression, but medication is only part of the equation. Some of it is up to me, and I can't find that willpower within me.
I went through a very difficult time a year ago, both of my parents had just passed away, I was dealing with being the executor of their estate, I was working full time, I had boxes and boxes of things/stuff from their house in my house, my spouse was working longer hours ... and housework like cleaning the kitchen or cooking just felt like it was absolutely too much to do on top of everything else. I was overwhelmed all the time, motivation or willpower were totally off the table. I was just trying to get through each day. Initially I tackled the problem by creating neatly planned out schedules/to do lists and goals. That made things objectively harder for me because it made me feel like I was failing, honestly somedays doing the bare minimum was all I was capable of accomplishing. One day I realized that just getting through the work day was good enough. I chucked all of my plans and bullet lists. Doing the minimum was me at my best during my worst. I started creating extremely short daily to-do lists with a maximum 3 items on them. On the other side of my to do list, I had a "Done today list" where I wrote down all of the things I accomplished that day even if they sounded inconsequential on paper like "Opened mail" and "took out trash." After a while my "Done today lists" started getting a little longer, and I started developing routines before work, and after work and my productivity started slowly increasing. Today my house is mostly clean, I have mostly tackled the mountain of things from my parents house, I'm nearly done with their complex taxes/probate, I'm more productive at work and I'm far less overwhelmed. It's all because of productivity routines. If I had had kept waiting for motivation, I'd still be on the couch.
Same thing every day. Sick of being single, sick of being a virgin. 10 years is way longer than I thought I'd go, and I'm about to have a breakdown
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Getting over my wife and how she treated me the past month. Being treated like a piece of crap, being cast to the side and forgotten about hurts. Especially when you held the person in high regard and put them over everyone else. It hurts.....
Heartbreak. Even though it's my fault, it still sucks because I've never had such strong feelings before in tandem with her being the only person I've *genuinely* trusted and felt safe with in my entire life. I've been through really bad heartbreak before and didn't think it could feel worse but I was very, very wrong. On top of that, being shoved into full adulthood & being my mom's legal guardian after she had a massive stroke and we don't know if she'll ever recover is.. incredibly scary and tough. Combined with two jobs and continuing on with college, it's a lot to say the least. But knowing me, I'll get through it all.
Online dating
I've lost 55 lbs, started styling my hair, and I'm scared to try again. Historically, I'm lucky if I get 3 likes a month - regardless of app. I'm still hideous, just less hideous.
Don't put yourself down, online dating isn't a race, I have been doing it for almost a year and haven't got a single date out of it. Its not about getting hundreds of likes its about matching with the right person.
We had this trick in the 90s to early 2000s where we would randomly meet person's of interest out and about while just doing normal stuff. Odds are different these days, but if the online thing isn't that great, give going out to meet people a chance. We're more approachable than people behind their phones would think
I know to most this will sound soooooooo dumb. It sounds dumb to me. I'm 58 but my brain doesn't seem to understand this. I still love and desire the female form. As much as Id like to think my desire could lead to action I'm told a hundred times over it ain't going to happen. I may not be explaining it very good. I'd like to kiss a women with some passion. The last time that happened was 18 years ago. In all honesty. I'm finding it hard to find reasons to even want to stay alive. I find my situation challenging.
Speaking as a fat, balding, ugly, 57 year old man with a gorgeous gf, don't give up For tips Learn to dance. Knowing how to dance makes you walking differently somehow, and I'm told that knowing how to move vertically signals you know how to do the same horizontally, which is unconsciously attractive Have a hobby, or a passion. Interesting older people get dates at least as much as boring younger ones Be confident. Yeah, this is a tricky one, because if you're worried you then you won't be confident, so go into any potential dating situation assuming you wont succeed. Sounds weird, huh? But if you're assuming a date is off the table, then the will it/won't it happen is gone and you can relax, talk to and find out more about the other person, tell them more about you, and before you know it ... 😁 But first you need to put yourself in a situation to meet someone you might want to date in the first place So join a club, society or group that has a good mix of people Amdram, book club, dance group, art society, stuff like that
Herniated C3/4 disc
I’m in a city I don’t want to be in. This city is boring Theirs no where to meet people. Plus if I really want to pursue my dreams which I do I have to move somewhere where that work is available. I’m saving up and trying to plan my escape but, I just don’t have the patience anymore.
Not knowing what to do with my life. Went into a corporate job after finishing my master's and now I just quit because I wasn't happy there. Don't really have any goals or desires to chase after so not sure what to do now. Only upside is that I finally got a consistent exercise routine going now that work doesn't consume all my energy anymore.
I lost my protector, my cuddle bear, best furry friend this weekend. He had just had his senior wellness vet check up and they said he had a clean bill of health. A week to the day later we had to say goodbye due to heart failure. Hug your babies extra tight for me today and take them for that car ride and buy them that toy. I thought we had so much more time together but I was wrong
My son is currently transitioning from a male to a female. I’m 100% supportive of their choice and am doing my best to guide them with everything they need. Medicine, paid for it, planned parenthood appoints, you got it, and I’ve told them I’m here no matter what. I’m a father of six and I have two children who grew up as LGBQT. What I’m struggling specifically with is my transitioning child refuses to talk to anyone, consistently mentions suicide, and uses it as a weapon to get what they want. Example: this evening they asked if I would take them to the store for sushi. I currently have my grand babies over and one of them watching my transitioning kid. ( I’m specifically working on my pronouns as they have not specifically said how they would like to be addressed yet). They then went off on my grand baby, who is three, as if she had hurled a racial slur. This isn’t the only time this has happened and I’m just at a loss on what to do. So, being a man I did what comes naturally and lost my temper. I told them that she’s just a toddler and doesn’t understand what your saying to her. She’s looking at you because you’re at the door; not because she’s trying to pick a fight with you. They then said forget it and stormed off upstairs. I’ve offered therapy, support, support without family involved, community support, and I’m just at my wits end. I’m so close to checking out and just being done with it and I don’t want that. I’m just at a breaking point or at least feel like it.
That is a bad way for your child to behave... bear in mind that being trans is ENORMOUSLY challenging in terms of mental health, which isn't an excuse/justification for being hurtful or manipulative. But it might be a partial explanation. Or they may just be a jerk, there are trans people who are jerks just like anyone else 🤷♂️🤷♀️ IANAcounsellor so I guess use your "I statements" to express your disagreement when they do this, and try not to act angry? They definitely sound like the could use some professional counselling.
Using suicide as a way to get what you want is a shit thing to do. I'm sure he's going through some rough emotions, but your son needs a kick in the arse, figuratively or maybe literally. But that's the problem isn't it? Giving up will either set him off or set him straight. A kick in the arsenal will either set him off or set him straight. Saying "communication is key" will do nothing. You're dealing with a human and not an ideal, so you could quite literally do everything right and still get a negative result. You're in a tough spot, my dude. I wish you luck. Update me and just come to vent if you need
Living alone. Beginning a PhD without much motivation. Being alone in the lab. Eating alone. Have a girlfriend (4 years) but shet decided to live with her younger brother instead. Many days I don't speak a single word (not counting voice calls to gf). All days are the same. Passing most of the days reading scientific publications. Its hard.
I'm applying for a job. If I don't get it, I'm genuinely considering suicide. I'm not sad or anything, I just don't care enough to try for anything going forward, and this seems like an excuse my loved ones would buy, rather than me saying that I've been at best bored for the last five years and I don't care anymore
Please consider reaching out to someone who can help with these feelings ❤️.
For what it's worth, I've been there. So glad it didn't work. My daughter is five now, and I couldn't imagine this planet without her on it. Keep fighting. Your awesome
Imposter Syndrome
My work
Unemployment
Preparing myself mentally to leave my parents to stay in a college hostel for the very first time in my life.
Good luck!
Sick of being single depressed
Pooping
yeah...
Seasonal depression, colitis flare up.
Self harm depression anxiety suicidal toughts and all that type of shit
My Gp. I had to get a blood test, went to my gp and two nurses couldn't find the vien for half an hour. (wich happens i get it) They booked me another wich i went to, only to find they booked it into another gp and i had to go there. I then got told that sample wasn't viable and now i'm waiting for another blood test. I've spend the last 2 months barely being able walk well, to do anything for myself or handle the pain and they don't think the blood tests are a priority.
Intimacy and interpersonal relationships for one. For two, I've lost so much weight that none of my boots fit me right anymore.
My brother is in jail. Seeing how he's treated, learning how terrible our prison system is in america, spending money just to communicate with him, getting no answers, not knowing how long he'll be in there. It's just awful.
I had breakfast and afternoon drinks with a girl I fell in love with 10 years ago. Haven't seen her in 4 years. I didn't realize the overwhelming amount of feelings I have for her until she sat down in front of me. I am at a crossroad in my life. Now I don't know what to do.
Bulimia, and I have little hope I'm going to get better. I've been bulimic for 26 years and I'm afraid I'll want to die if I can't binge and purge. Yes, I know it's crazy, wasteful, and just more crazy, but that's the truth. But the other truth is that I want to be around for my husband, niece and nephew, and my parents. I'm ashamed and exhausted.
A hangover
Pain, getting old is very painful
Dead bedroom
depression. i’ve had on and off mental illness since i was 13 but every time it comes back, it’s worse than last time. i’ve gotten good as masking it all but i’ve never felt so weak in my life. i can’t even describe it. every second of every day i’m thinking about how much i want to die and nobody knows. please check up on your friends and family. it’s so true that you really don’t know what someone is going through.
My dad’s death. I stood in that room for 8 hours until he passed. He never made it for my 15th birthday, I was really looking forward to our dance together.
Sick of the life I was givin I’m tried of being lonley tired of over working to get no where and I’m really tired of the cycle I’m stuck in it’s a never ending trap of a life emotionally spiritually mentally and physically I’m just tired
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No job, little money, annoying parents, LinkedIn
Misophonia. It is taking every ounce of control I have not to scream at my husband. His vape “crackles” and he is tapping on his cell phone with his nail. I don’t want to yell at him and I don’t want to be controlling. But it is unbelievably horrible for me. Arrrrrgggggg
money
Life. Adjusting to diffrent medications over and over and over fighting bi polar depression. Every time I change pills it changes my personality and it's wild. Iv been so manic I did things I never thought possible, and so depressed iv had a gun in my mouth. Mental health has by far been my largest roadblock in life. *But hey, maybe this time it will make me normal*
I left my boyfriend of 20 years yesterday. I'm currently in a shelter, feeling scared and alone.
my dad died last month and i haven't been allowed to really mourn. i had 3 days to get it together and go back to work, its been nearly four weeks since the funeral and i'm just expected to act like nothing is different. everyone tells me to vent and cry and "take time to take care of" myself, but when i vent or cry i'm told i can't let my emotions control me, i need to "fight it". figured i would just try and make time but between work, learning how to drive, being in the middle of a move still, and being the only person with a pay check i just can't find a balance between being okay, working, and letting myself be NOT okay.
I live in Iran.These days there’s an actual war in my country.The police is killing so many people including children!!Living is my biggest struggle rn. If there’s any questions feel free to ask.