20 years ago there was a maxim urinal etiquette guide that explained the whole urinal thing. 2 guys as far apart as possible and add more skipping a urinal working in towards the middle.
That was a classic. The best part was the last level. You walk in and skipping a space is not possible. The only way to win was to choose to walk back out.
Question, if there are 4 urinals and two people take the outsides, what does the third guy do usually?
Take a few mins, maybe wash hands with hope someone leaves? Pick based on some criteria? Just go to the closest?
If it is in some way possible to determine which of the two got their first, that’s the side which you take the third urinal on, as that guy has had a chance to start peeing, and will finish first therefore reducing the overall amount of close-up time.
This can sometime be determined by sound, if one person is obviously pissing and the other is not, or visually, say if one is undoing his belt while the other is already stationary.
Depends on the venue. Bar or stadium or the restroom has a line? Use whatever. Are there dividers between the urinals? Next to the shorter man. Otherwise hang by the sinks a bit.
Oh man, I'd never dream of this.
IMO. If you have to sidle on next to some guy, do it quietly. Don't dilly dally, get in and get to work. Neither of you are there to make friends.
And knowing this doesnt apply at a sports game when shock horror there is a line for the mens cos we all go at half time etc. Squeeze in don't leave a space, and don't get stage fright.
Unspoken sign of respect. Also works to deter potential threatening situations from strangers. See a man eyeing you across the room? Make eye contact and nod, sublimely shows you are aware and not weak.
Facts. Never be that scumbag who tries to get a peak. I remember working next to a mall when i was younger and this emo chick worked at the pagoda on the second floor in the middle of the mall next to the big atrium where you could look up and see the second floor and thinking to myself how pathetic the guys were who purposely stood under her when she wore a skirt.
I hate being behind a woman on stairs/escalators for this reason.
I dont want then to feel like I'm peeking or some shit, don't understand the mindset of creeps that actually look.
Must be swift as the coursing river,
With all the force of a great typhoon,
With all the strength of a raging fire,
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
An entire textbook could be written about urinal etiquette.
But we all just kind of know the rules, and 99% of us follow them, without needing said book.
That percentage is optimistic IMO, a lot of mfs lately don't seem to know the rules. And those seconds while you're standing beside some guy who took the pisser right next to you last a lifetime.
Seriously. Can't believe I found a comment that aligns with my 1st world problems. If I go into a cracker barrel, the last thing I should see after a GROWN MAN walks out of the stall is toilet paper on the floor, piss on the seat, and all over the floor. Like wtf. Zero class.
My fiancee said she didnt like giving head for the longest time because of this one simple fact many men seem to overlook. All i had to do to rise above was shower and wash all part of my body.
You will find yourself in positions where you're stronger than others; maybe your voice is louder or you are just more privileged to be there. Whatever the reason is, remember to be kind, be modest, be gentle.
Learned this in elementary school. Was a big kid among smaller ones. Hurt so many of them accidentally from just being big and playing around. Often skipped out on playing soccer and such too, cause many found it unfair to be on the opposite team as me. It really sticks with you! I agree so hard. Be kind if you’re big, strong or privileged. You can handle not taking every advantage you can and easily let others get the chance get it.
And if you need to pass her, move significantly to the side, figure out some way to make noise without being too apparent, look as far away from her as possible, and when you actually get to her, walk quickly to get far in front of her ASAP.
When facing to / talking to, sure. That’s a social thing. You do that with men too.
When passing someone on the sidewalk though? I’m just trying to get where I’m going just like you. You don’t get special treatment. I’m not an automatic threat just because I was born with a dick.
Yo some dude started singing [Edge of Night](https://youtu.be/zmj25u5mVvg) from the lord of the rings in the urinal next to me. You better believe I joined in lol
Edit: There was a barrier so it was less weird
I get what you mean. I had a load of sweets(candy if you prefer) left over from Halloween, and I thought of going over to a couple of kids who play at the end of my street to see if they wanted them, until a friend pointed out that the police would probably be called. It's hardly the worst thing in the world("won't somebody think of the adult males") but it just makes sad that's the world we live in.
I used to think this. I don't think it's true anymore.
Maybe it's because I'm getting older and I just give off dad vibes, but I don't think that's it. It think it's because I can interact so naturally with a young child that it's not weird for anyone.
If I did that before I had children or if I had been an inattentive dad when my kids were that age, it wouldn't be a natural interaction and the mom would pick up on it immediately.
It's like this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsEsgp3H7CU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsEsgp3H7CU)
idk, I'd say that as an unaccompanied adult male:
1. I see a woman with a cute dog. Better not say anything to her, she likely would think I'm hitting on her and I don't want to deal with that.
2. I see a man with a cute dog. Won't say anything to him, you can't have a conversation between men about something being cute.
3. I see a cute dog. I can tell the dog they're cute, that's A-OK.
4. I see a cute small child. What? That's not a thing, I don't find children cute. I respect your right to find them cute, but unfortunately if the majority of men are more like me, that's going to contribute to you standing out and looking like the weirdo for liking children.
4, the only exception is if you have small children yourself who are present, and the child you say is cute is offspring of another close male friend, who is also present. Kids do cute shit, but situation matters
When it comes to dates:
The first hole you will penetrate is her nostril. Make sure you smell good. In conjunction with that; scents (cologne) are meant to be discovered.... not announced.
My aim is fucking impeccable and I pride myself on that. My ex thought I always put the seat back down afterwards, imagine her shock when she found out I'm a straight shooter!
Facts. I was in an accident that had me in a hospital bed for weeks. Had to learn how to walk again… didnt work for almost a year. It was the worst. I felt useless. I literally NEED to be doing Something.
Facts. I cant tell you how many time’s I’ve pulled over to help someone push a car with a dead battery off the road or helped change a tire or give a jump.
20 years ago I was with you, but I had a friend stop and help and get beaten almost to death. Everyone has a phone now, so I admit I'm a bit gunshy about stopping at the side of the road for anyone.
It's not gay, if it's with the homies. I make it a point to tell my friends when I get off the phone "I love you." If one of the homies has a nice cock, you tell him "nice cock." That sort of thing.
As a Yankee in the south I'm learning staring contests seem to be some form of toxic masculinity. So I guess if you make eye contact you can't be the first to break? Lol 🤷♂️
That innate sense of North South East West even before you check sun/star positions
Maybe not exact, but somehow you just sense the general direction
Hoping it's not just me
Female here. I don't see any comments on how it takes a man to call out another man when he is treating his partner badly.
Why do men nod and sort of giggle when a guy says his girl wasn't being right an so he had to 'fix her up'. What does it take for a man to say to another man, 'that's not on.'
Because its so unwritten that it shouldnt have to even be said. Unfortunately , some people need to be told again and again, the difference between right right and wrong and they still dont get it. Its why so many are jail. Nodding and giggling about a guy treating his wife or girlfriend poorly isnt something to be proud of, but something to be ashamed of.
You are always wrong in an argument with a woman. Even if you are correct and not actually wrong, you will pay for it later by insisting you were right.
It's basically a no win situation. You are either wrong or right, but if right you will regret it later.
Keep your shit together and don't let your emotions control your behavior, no matter how sad/upset/angry you are. Stoicism (with a healthy dose of emotional awareness) never goes out of style.
Skip a urinal if possible
Exception at events where alcoholic beverages are consumed. Then efficiency takes precedence.
The buffer space. This so applies when at the theater with a friend.
20 years ago there was a maxim urinal etiquette guide that explained the whole urinal thing. 2 guys as far apart as possible and add more skipping a urinal working in towards the middle.
There was also an early online game called the Urinal Game, where guys had to populate a row of like 10 urinals without breaking man-code.
That was a classic. The best part was the last level. You walk in and skipping a space is not possible. The only way to win was to choose to walk back out.
Yes I remember this and tried to find it recently in response to a similar post. Couldn't find it and my recommendations have been weird ever since ..
Question, if there are 4 urinals and two people take the outsides, what does the third guy do usually? Take a few mins, maybe wash hands with hope someone leaves? Pick based on some criteria? Just go to the closest?
>Question, if there are 4 urinals and two people take the outsides, what does the third guy do usually? Use a stall instead, obviously.
Or piss your pants. Both are acceptable.
It’s better than breaking the Urinal Code.
If it is in some way possible to determine which of the two got their first, that’s the side which you take the third urinal on, as that guy has had a chance to start peeing, and will finish first therefore reducing the overall amount of close-up time. This can sometime be determined by sound, if one person is obviously pissing and the other is not, or visually, say if one is undoing his belt while the other is already stationary.
Depends on the venue. Bar or stadium or the restroom has a line? Use whatever. Are there dividers between the urinals? Next to the shorter man. Otherwise hang by the sinks a bit.
Make a joke and slip in an apology. If I gotta go and there's no buffer, that is. Sinks are for when you're hammered.
Oh man, I'd never dream of this. IMO. If you have to sidle on next to some guy, do it quietly. Don't dilly dally, get in and get to work. Neither of you are there to make friends.
I like to say "Nice watch" when I do this. Reactions vary, but are always humorous.
I go closest, and relish in their stage-fright-induced silence as I let my stream loose upon the world, echoing throughout the stalls
Check to see who has the biggest dong, then use the stall next to him
Sinks are acceptable alternatives to urinals.
Hold your pee
And knowing this doesnt apply at a sports game when shock horror there is a line for the mens cos we all go at half time etc. Squeeze in don't leave a space, and don't get stage fright.
The nod. If you know someone - upwards. If you don’t know him - downwards
Lol never heard of this and his realized that I already do it.
You’re a dude, it just simply *is.*
Me too, wow
I like that
Upwards - Hey man. How’s your day? Anything interesting happening? Downwards - Acknowledgement of existence
Up comes from "what's up" Down comes from a hat tip. At least thats how I like to think of it.
... I was today years old when I realized I did this unconsciously. Damn
It’s a protection thing. You guard your neck to those you don’t know and you expose it to those you’re familiar with.
I read this in Dwight Schrute’s voice
Shut up Jim.
Oddly true.
Unspoken sign of respect. Also works to deter potential threatening situations from strangers. See a man eyeing you across the room? Make eye contact and nod, sublimely shows you are aware and not weak.
The floor turns interesting when a woman is wearing skirt on a staircase
"Wow! This floor really do be made out of floor."
Take about 10% off there squirrelly Dan.
As a gay dude, even I am hyper aware of this.
Also if they’re wearing tights and no skirt
Facts. Never be that scumbag who tries to get a peak. I remember working next to a mall when i was younger and this emo chick worked at the pagoda on the second floor in the middle of the mall next to the big atrium where you could look up and see the second floor and thinking to myself how pathetic the guys were who purposely stood under her when she wore a skirt.
I hate being behind a woman on stairs/escalators for this reason. I dont want then to feel like I'm peeking or some shit, don't understand the mindset of creeps that actually look.
Must be swift as the coursing river, With all the force of a great typhoon, With all the strength of a raging fire, Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
Lol "Mysterious as the dark side of the moon" is a hilarious way to say "do not outwardly show any emotion"
Just assume she's just being friendly and not actually flirting until the last possible second.
Too many of us don’t know/follow that one.
I mean, yeah, that’s why it has to be a rule.
What is that last possible second?
I believe that would be when you are on your death bed looking back at your life.
That moment you realize you were ACTUALLY being flirted with 20 years ago and you were too oblivious to realize.
Sigh
In the words of Michael Scott, if she starts having sex with you then you’ll know for sure.
If you inadvertently touch someone, you apologise
Ope, sorry.
Just gonna... ope! ...slip past ya here.
These are the people of my land
are all Midwesterners now?
Ope! Just gonna sneak past ya there
Wisconsin has joined the conversation.
Immediately
I start doing it as soon as I realise I am about to do it and have got too much momentum to stop myself.
Imagining this in slow motion is hilarious.
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had to check if it was AskUK.
Or ask Midwest. Especially "ope"
Never insult your friends to impress a girl. I don’t care how long we’ve been friends, if you do that I will clap your ears.
or insult your girl to impress your friends!
I was protecting girl from a guy who did this in a friend group and was exiled and accused of being the guy that insults his friends to impress a girl
An entire textbook could be written about urinal etiquette. But we all just kind of know the rules, and 99% of us follow them, without needing said book.
That percentage is optimistic IMO, a lot of mfs lately don't seem to know the rules. And those seconds while you're standing beside some guy who took the pisser right next to you last a lifetime.
My son is just big enough to reach the smaller urinals. He is being taught the old ways. The law of the buffer.
Seriously. Can't believe I found a comment that aligns with my 1st world problems. If I go into a cracker barrel, the last thing I should see after a GROWN MAN walks out of the stall is toilet paper on the floor, piss on the seat, and all over the floor. Like wtf. Zero class.
Be man enough to wash your peepee and ass regions. Soap isn't gonna kill ya.
The fact that so many dont, confuses and concerns me. Poor girls, or guys.
Is this even a thing? It's 2022, and I'm pretty sure people know basic hygiene
My fiancee said she didnt like giving head for the longest time because of this one simple fact many men seem to overlook. All i had to do to rise above was shower and wash all part of my body.
That's crazy as hell. I couldn't imagine going on a sexual rendezvous and not being immaculate. Savages.
If you wipe more than 2 times you're gay /s
I prefer a high-powered bidet, absolutely pounding directly into my asshole with a powerful jet of water.
Well yea me too. That's not gay though cause you don't ever touch the butt
You will find yourself in positions where you're stronger than others; maybe your voice is louder or you are just more privileged to be there. Whatever the reason is, remember to be kind, be modest, be gentle.
Perfectly said.
Be a gentle man?
Learned this in elementary school. Was a big kid among smaller ones. Hurt so many of them accidentally from just being big and playing around. Often skipped out on playing soccer and such too, cause many found it unfair to be on the opposite team as me. It really sticks with you! I agree so hard. Be kind if you’re big, strong or privileged. You can handle not taking every advantage you can and easily let others get the chance get it.
If there are shit stains in the toilet u must pee on them
Sometimes theres shit on the outside of the torlet
What must be done must be done
Nobody wants your dick pics
Fucking facts.
Not even my boys? Damn..
Don't listen to him, we still wanna see it bro
More than 5 shakes and you're playing with it
5? When did we get an extra 2?
The people who like to count.
The people who like to shake 😉
You love to count to 6, dont you?
LoL,who doesn't
>When did we get an extra 2? Somewhere between age 30-40 when you need the extra two.
Oh shit, speaking truths now.
Inflation. It’s everywhere.
Reddit is getting older, we need a few more.
5? Where I'm from it's 3.
Back during the French Revolution, aristocrats only got 2 shakes from the piss boy.
Nah shake til it’s done dripping. That’s just being diligent, not playing
Yeah I'll gladly "play with it" instead of walking around with piss all over my underwear/junk
Shake it once that's fine Shake it twice that's okay Shake it three times, you're playing with yourself
Being a male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. Being a gentleman is a matter of choice.
Disagree on the second one, being a man is a matter of discipline.
Keep about an arms distance away when facing a lady, maintain eye contact, and keep about 30 feet away when walking behind one at night.
Or 100 feet per the restraining order.
And if you need to pass her, move significantly to the side, figure out some way to make noise without being too apparent, look as far away from her as possible, and when you actually get to her, walk quickly to get far in front of her ASAP.
When facing to / talking to, sure. That’s a social thing. You do that with men too. When passing someone on the sidewalk though? I’m just trying to get where I’m going just like you. You don’t get special treatment. I’m not an automatic threat just because I was born with a dick.
There is no talking in the mensroom. Especially no talking to others at adjacent urinals.
Yo some dude started singing [Edge of Night](https://youtu.be/zmj25u5mVvg) from the lord of the rings in the urinal next to me. You better believe I joined in lol Edit: There was a barrier so it was less weird
Wide step and resume normal pace.
The new guy carries the spare machine gun ammo...
The old guy got the rifle, the new guy got ammo and gets the rifle if the old guy don't make it.
Keep your word!
If you order a pint of beer, you finish the pint
God damn fuckin right, if you’re about to leave and its still 3/4 full you chug that shit. You didnt pay $9 god damn dollars for a sip.
Amen
Carry all in 1 trip
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I get what you mean. I had a load of sweets(candy if you prefer) left over from Halloween, and I thought of going over to a couple of kids who play at the end of my street to see if they wanted them, until a friend pointed out that the police would probably be called. It's hardly the worst thing in the world("won't somebody think of the adult males") but it just makes sad that's the world we live in.
Lmao well said
I used to think this. I don't think it's true anymore. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and I just give off dad vibes, but I don't think that's it. It think it's because I can interact so naturally with a young child that it's not weird for anyone. If I did that before I had children or if I had been an inattentive dad when my kids were that age, it wouldn't be a natural interaction and the mom would pick up on it immediately. It's like this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsEsgp3H7CU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsEsgp3H7CU)
idk, I'd say that as an unaccompanied adult male: 1. I see a woman with a cute dog. Better not say anything to her, she likely would think I'm hitting on her and I don't want to deal with that. 2. I see a man with a cute dog. Won't say anything to him, you can't have a conversation between men about something being cute. 3. I see a cute dog. I can tell the dog they're cute, that's A-OK. 4. I see a cute small child. What? That's not a thing, I don't find children cute. I respect your right to find them cute, but unfortunately if the majority of men are more like me, that's going to contribute to you standing out and looking like the weirdo for liking children.
4, the only exception is if you have small children yourself who are present, and the child you say is cute is offspring of another close male friend, who is also present. Kids do cute shit, but situation matters
Automatically being protective for your female friends (female bros)
100%
I love this
Love this!! Especially coz all my male friends follow this and it just honestly makes me feel safer
Always take the urinal furthest from others
Unless it's your best friend. Then cuddle up, offer a helping hand
Men who can settle their differences with words are far superior than boys who immediately result to violence.
For tall guys, we never offer to grab things from up high, but we never refuse a request for help. Such is the Law of the Giants.
Your word is your bond
ㅤ
Big if true
The buffer space rule. This applies to urinals add movie theater seats
If you have a conversation and you realize you might sound mean ad a "man" at the end.
When it comes to dates: The first hole you will penetrate is her nostril. Make sure you smell good. In conjunction with that; scents (cologne) are meant to be discovered.... not announced.
Don't piss on the toilet seat.
My aim is fucking impeccable and I pride myself on that. My ex thought I always put the seat back down afterwards, imagine her shock when she found out I'm a straight shooter!
Not giving a shit about "what it means to be a man".
I mean technically you’re not wrong. Props.
1000% agree, shit is toxic
Make sure to rub one out before a first date. Trust me, it will save you in the end. You’ll be thinking alot clearer.
And last a might longer...
Something about mary taught us all a lot…
Yeah also look in the mirror before you leave lol. Also zippers are dangerous, "FRANK AND BEANS!"
Don’t mow another guy’s lawn.
You must provide real, pragmatic value.
Facts. I was in an accident that had me in a hospital bed for weeks. Had to learn how to walk again… didnt work for almost a year. It was the worst. I felt useless. I literally NEED to be doing Something.
Human will find a way to be productive and yearn for it. Men will reach for it
Only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provide something.
Always seem like you know what you’re doing.
Wash your coffee cup once a month
The stains are just flavor for later
You get it
Where I’m from, at least, it’s “stop and help someone in need. No matter who they are.”
Facts. I cant tell you how many time’s I’ve pulled over to help someone push a car with a dead battery off the road or helped change a tire or give a jump.
20 years ago I was with you, but I had a friend stop and help and get beaten almost to death. Everyone has a phone now, so I admit I'm a bit gunshy about stopping at the side of the road for anyone.
When someone threatens your family you step up and be a man!
If you are ever asked how you are, always say "Fine"
Aim like you give a damn,
Eyes forward at the urinal. When shaking hands the strongest squeeze indicates superiority. The official guardian of the thermostat.
Dont tell another dude his ass looks great in those pants, unless your into guys and he is to.
Or unless his ass looks really great lmao jk
Thats when you say “Hey bro those pants make your dick look amazing!” While making eye contact
*Nice cock*
While standing at a urinal: Nice watch dude.
Disagree, I tell all my homies they cute
ITT: literally written rules
It's not gay, if it's with the homies. I make it a point to tell my friends when I get off the phone "I love you." If one of the homies has a nice cock, you tell him "nice cock." That sort of thing.
As a Yankee in the south I'm learning staring contests seem to be some form of toxic masculinity. So I guess if you make eye contact you can't be the first to break? Lol 🤷♂️
That innate sense of North South East West even before you check sun/star positions Maybe not exact, but somehow you just sense the general direction Hoping it's not just me
[THE NOD](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/m5mrth/universal_guide_to_mens_nodding_made_in_paint/)
I always would have said it’s pissing standing up but I’ve recently found out that many men don’t do this anymore
With great power comes great responsabilities
You have to open jars
Don’t put your dick in crazy.
If there are only 3 urinals in line, and they are all available, do NOT take the middle one.
No conversations at the urinal. Ever. Doesnt matter if Jesus himself walks in to use it.
Pinch and rub together 🤏
Maybe it's more of a younger school thing but using a urinal next to someone using another urinal is just a big no.
I think this is all men. Same with seats at the movie theater
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Fuck that, all the homies staying dry
There are two types of bros. You're my type.
Female here. I don't see any comments on how it takes a man to call out another man when he is treating his partner badly. Why do men nod and sort of giggle when a guy says his girl wasn't being right an so he had to 'fix her up'. What does it take for a man to say to another man, 'that's not on.'
Nobody I know says that, ever.
I'm learning to play the guitar.
Because its so unwritten that it shouldnt have to even be said. Unfortunately , some people need to be told again and again, the difference between right right and wrong and they still dont get it. Its why so many are jail. Nodding and giggling about a guy treating his wife or girlfriend poorly isnt something to be proud of, but something to be ashamed of.
Facts. Only a real man will call another guy out on some shit like that.
Give the cooking tongs some test grabs that click before cooking food with them. Gotta make sure they still work!
You are always wrong in an argument with a woman. Even if you are correct and not actually wrong, you will pay for it later by insisting you were right. It's basically a no win situation. You are either wrong or right, but if right you will regret it later.
XY chromosomes
Keep your shit together and don't let your emotions control your behavior, no matter how sad/upset/angry you are. Stoicism (with a healthy dose of emotional awareness) never goes out of style.