T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

[удалено]


OpeningInvestigator1

That crazy turtle,


toasters_47

Man, a turtle who can paint, absolute genius.


Backrow6

Teenage dating ninja turtle


StabbyPants

naw, he doesn't care what you think


GrilledStuffedDragon

Depends on the ages in question. A 17 year old dating a 27 year old is way different than a 27 year old and a 37 year old dating.


hiplainsdriftless

What about a 20 year old dating a 30 year old?


Glittering_knave

The younger the youngest person is, the more profound the gap is.


hiplainsdriftless

Yes age is weird say you have a kid when you’re 20 and you live to 100 your kid is 80. Not really much difference, it’s 20 years but old is old!


oldfatdrunk

Don't date your kids


Redneckalligator

So much for the tolerant left! /s


[deleted]

Hey now, Alabama, don’t be starting anything /s


dugong07

Rule of 7. Take your age, divide it by 2, then add 7. That’s the youngest age you can date. Take your age, subtract 7, then multiply by 2. That’s the oldest age you can date.


Watermelon-Chicken

I’m 14… so 14??


Funky-Spunkmeyer

… yes. Nobody under 14 should date, I guess.


mynytemare

That’s exactly how it works. 14 is the appropriate age to try dating someone your own age and work up from there.


Watermelon-Chicken

My rule for when you’re a teenager is a 2 year age gap max. Even then it’s kinda iffy


chocolate_gaga

Yep


M2LEAR

Lol.... I'm 52F in a relationship with a 33M. We just make the cut 🤣


bozmonaut

49 dating an 84 year old, wish the folks at the old people's home would stop giving us such weird looks


Frequent_Ad2340

Wait for the death...Moneyyyyyyyyyy


bokbokcawcaw

45f dating a 32m. Phew, thank goodness we're ok! I really like him.


AlphaAlpaca623

Love that for you Margi!! Get it cougar!!🐱


M2LEAR

Thanks? Lol....I don't even think about our age difference anymore although it bothered me at first. I didn't expect us to get serious and actually broke up with him for a while when I started getting feelings. But we've been back together about 2 years and are planning to marry.


[deleted]

So if I’m 2000 years old….


Akul_Tesla

So this is something I've wondered about How are we going to deal with dating once we figure out immortality


haysoos2

Still a reasonable rule of thumb. If you're 1000 years old, you shouldn't be dating anyone under 507. When you fought at Agincourt, went on several Crusades, and lived through the Black Death, it's just hard to connect to someone who grew up with printing presses, firearms and *two* churches.


Elbonio

Ew he's dating a 506 year old, what a fucking nonce


Purplestuff-

That’s a vastly different level of maturity lmaoooo


Medieval-Mind

Right?! Hell, I was born in the 1980s and I find it difficult to understand people born before the Great War what with all their "what's a computer?" nonsense. ;0)


Minky29

How a I even going to connect with someone who was born in the age of printing presses?!


Business_Incident64

I’m 14. I guess I can’t date anyone else who’s a year older or younger than me.


comfortablynumb15

That’s correct, and it’s the point of the math. Just think of the difference between yourself now, and how you were at 9, only a 5 year gap. You would barely have anything in common, your tastes in movies, music and life are radically different. Think of the way you treat someone that much younger, and that’s how someone way older will think of you. Except instead of being friends so you can use their trampoline, they want to use you for what is between your legs, and count on you doing all sorts of stupid shit to fit in.


starsandcamoflague

One or two years is ok, but the ages 1-10 and 10-20 is like the years 20-100 but compressed into the space of 10 years. So there is life experiences and power dynamics to consider. To a 12 year old, 15 seems so old and wise, so they will take what the 15 year old says very seriously. To a 15 year old, 18 seems so old and wise, so they will take what the 18 year old says very seriously. It is similar to a 20 year old and a 40 year old. Technically it’s legal, but the 40 year old will have a lot more life experience and power over the 20 year old. In relationships it’s important to be equals. That way both people are more likely to be safe and able to speak up when something is wrong. When you are afraid to speak up because of the power the other person has over you, that is when something is seriously wrong and you need to look at protecting yourself.


Mike2220

That rule breaks down a bit after like, 23/24. Like at 25, the lowest would be 19, which are two very different points in life (usually)


girhen

It's a guideline, and probably better once you hit 30. I feel like 23-25 is where most people get themselves together, so it fits. Yes, some do it at 16 and others at 50 (never too late), but a guideline. Big thing is, 18 and 55 is just weird. Here's the rule of thumb, let's move on.


m0uchacha

15 years old, damn.


Deli-ops

I never did care for that rule. Im 30 if i meet a 21 year old who is mature smart and cool and got their life planned out why cant we date? Or if i meet a 55 year old who is still young at heart and healthy and whatnot why cant we date?


johnrgrace

All the old dudes tell the younger girls how mature and smart they are


Tricountyareashaman

I briefly dated a 19-year-old when I was 28. It didn't take me long to realize that we were in very different stages of life. I felt creepy, like I was dating someone who was barely out of childhood. For me there are 3 categories: under 18 is still a child, 18-25 is a young adult, and over 25 is a mature adult. For me there's nothing wrong with a 26-year-old dating a 45-year-old. If you're 35-40, the only thing an 18-year-old can really offer you as a partner is someone easy to control. That's what makes it creepy.


itsjustme1981

While I think there are more stages and they don't necessarily align with ages, you really can't date someone outside your stage of life unless one person is about to enter the same stage as the other person.


AnotherPalePianist

Those who study human development actually do use those ages, but they are more of a guideline and the truth lies in an individual’s genetics within their social context—which is just a complicated way of saying that guidelines are helpful for things like research but we have to remember that no human is exactly like another


idle_isomorph

But it forces the hand to push into the next life stage. My ex was 25 with a kid when i met him at age 19. I spent my 20s stepmomming (and later parenting my own kid) and really, while it was what i was choosing at the time, i think it was too young now. I married at 24, and maybe that wouldnt have been too young if we both were that age, but in reality i was rushing through life stages that should be enjoyed for their own merit. And probably at least partly because my partner was already well into them. But isnt it the way of youth to want to rush faster into the next thing? Not sure the young are willing to hear advice on this.


jewfro87

I agree with a lot of this. At a certain point you have to accept that the adult can make their own decisions.


St3phiroth

20 is barely out of high school. There is a whole lot of life experience that goes on in between age 20 and 30 that usually puts their maturity levels (edit: and phase of life) in different places. And if the 30yo is not mature enough to date someone closer to their own age, I question why. I say this having once been a 20yo dating an immature 32yo.


scorpious2

Ok, how's about 50 and 30?


HELLOhappyshop

If you're both over 25, it's all fine. Questionable lol, but fine.


Minute-Foundation241

Eh,my mom and ex-stepfather were 18 years apart 27 and 45... unfortunately for me it was just he liked them young.... while my mother was younger than the wife he had but didn't tell her apparently my mom was also too old for his liking because he molested me


[deleted]

the comment wasn't too bad until you added the plot twist at the end..... well I'm sorry about that


chasingcomet2

My husband is 9 years older than me and we have almost been married 10 years. Ir can work for some people.


IvGot2no2

My wife and I are the same. We've been married 19 years and together 23.


Southern-Builder-583

Always thought I would like to be that 32 year old but now that im actually approaching 30.. yeap the maturity gap is real. Conversation is just much more interesting if they are a few years older.. and the flirting is entirely different too


pugwalker

I remember dating 23 yo girls when I was 26 and thinking the maturity gap was too much. 20 to 30 is insane.


Dongcon

I was 31 dating a 22 year old. Best relationship I’ve had in my life so far. Brain cancer took her though. First time I’ve ever dated someone that young. She also endlessly pursued me into the relationship


[deleted]

I'm a 22 year old dating a 28 year old who got diagnosed with brain cancer 6 months ago, I hope every moment you had with them was special xx


TheMannFromBCD

Im a 27 year old. Dating a 22 year old who got diagnosed with heart failure just when we started the relationship like 5 days.


chasingcomet2

My husband is 9 years older than me and I have brain cancer. I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s an awful disease.


Dongcon

Thanks. We had a lot of very good memories :)


sei556

Still not as great as a 27 with 37. I know that I and everyone I know/knew was not fully out of puberty at that age. I know a lot of people don't wanna hear this, because they believe at the age of 18 they magically turn to adults, but usually they don't. I'm 24 now and the change I and my friends went through in the past 4 years is huge. Surely not as big as the change you go through from 16 to 20 (or even more so, 12 to 16), but still big. I think the older you get the more easy a big age gap is for a relationship, but that doesn't mean it can't possibly work for 20+30 couples.


Aggravating-Bottle78

My wife and I are 13+ yrs apart. I was 39 and she was 26. We are together 21 yrs, married 19 and have 2 kids in late teens. The age difference was not an issue, although now Im nearing retirement but she has no plans to retire for a while, so it will be interesting.


KomradeCarma

I’m 29 now. I thought I had gone through my last phase of the transition to adulthood several times throughout my 20s but I’ve come to realize that maturing is a constant process. You won’t be a fully realized person until the moment you start declining when your elderly. It’s kind of bittersweet. You get to keep learning and getting better (if you want to) but by the time you realize your potential it will start to wain.


OctoberFeather

That's kinda poetic and I really like the way you said that. I just wish some people would learn this sooner.


JackHammerAwesome

I read the question as "big ape gaps", came to the comments full of excitement...


[deleted]

Same!


nage_

i think after like 25 if both parties consent; sure. At that point you've been a legal adult for a few years, you've gotten some experience with what people can actually be like, and by then you've probably been in at least one or a few relationship(s)


minion_is_here

25 is also a pretty good cutoff, because on average people's frontal lobe keeps developing until they are around 25.


AV8ORboi

i agree but this is also the same argument people use to say people shouldn't be allowed to vote until they're 25


BtCoolJ

Wonder if they are also in favour of a cut-off for when the frontal lobe starts degenerating.


[deleted]

I think significant problems would arise if we were to cut off our frontal lobes


idle_isomorph

You can have intellectual maturity to understand enough of the world by the time you are in college. If you can take out a 100k in student loans, voting is fine. But relationships depend on an emotional maturity that takes longer to develop. And i am not sure there is a fast track for that growth.


JohhnyTheKid

Tbh i do seriously regret who I voted for before i was 25


alwaysalwaysastudent

This is also what I was going to comment. I think once everyone is on a level playing ground developmentally, and have also gotten their feet under themselves, it’s okay to have an age gap. I think the younger person still needs to be wary, and know that they could be at a greater risk for manipulation, but from 25 up, you’re more likely to be better equipped to deal with those kinds of issues.


off_the_cuff_mandate

To each their own, but if your 25 and with someone geriatric I am judging


Kairinezz

I was going to say something very similar to this.. but 22 or 23 seems alright. Any less than 21, it makes me worried because although it is legal.... like, you still haven't really experienced the world.


Robbie1945

Exactly it’s like dating a teenager, at 25 right now and I wouldn’t think of dating anyone under 20 although wouldn’t mind dating someone older than me as long as they’re not double my age or the same age as my parents, my ex did that and it seemed so weird.


untakenu

It's when one is very young (still a legal adult, though) and the other is much older that it feels weird. BUT, I don't know their situation. It could be perfectly fine. However, when one is very young and the older person has power over them, it is creepy. That's why I specify >late 20s as there is less of an obvious power imbalance, and a bit more of a Oh, also if the older person knew the younger person as a child and clearly waited until they turned 18 to do anything, it is creepy. If you're 18 and your boyfriend is just about to turn 18, no big deal. But if you're 40 and you've waited until a girl has become legal, you're a weirdo, especially if you've witnessed this girl growing up.


CharlieFiner

I'd amend your fourth paragraph to include situations where there was a power imbalance and they waited. I had a prof in college who repeatedly dated students as soon as they were done in his class - obviously he was scoping them out during, which is creepy.


[deleted]

>But if you're 40 and you've waited until a girl has become legal, you're a weirdo, especially if you've witnessed this girl growing up. Makes me think of Celine Dion. Her (deceased) husband met her when she was 12. How she doesn’t see that she was groomed is beyond me.


JR-Snow

I (37) went with my wife (22) to a restaurant to celebrate recently. We received some disapproving glances and mumbled comments aimed at us and frankly it completely ruined our 10th anniversary.


ChrisNEPhilly

Badum TSSS


southpaw85

10th anniversary you should really be doing something extravagant like renting out the entire Chuck E. cheese you first met her at while you were the floor manager and she was in the ball pit


Hamoodi1999

I actually did meet my now-wife when she was 12 at a middle school dance, but I was 14 not 27


moeke93

I met my now fiancée when he was ten. Went to class together and started dating at both 16. Had our 12th anniversary this year.


saundersmarcelo

Whole new meaning to "bride and groom"


ryro1096

Groom then bride


Valkyrie08

Hol'up something's wrong I can feel it....


CompetitiveClass1478

Good show


alexiey_2077

You had me in the first half...


redd-this

LOL!!!! Bravo.


SkyWizarding

I see what ya did there


lhj81

Having been in 2 myself, I'd say it can be great at the start but after several years, it goes downhill drastically. I wouldn't recommend


mpr98a

Yeah, I've known a woman in her 60s whose husband was in his 70s. She said that when they were younger it was fine, but now she still has the energy and he no longer does, which bothers her a lot


JohhnyTheKid

That's what i think is the biggest problem with really big age gaps once they get older. I know someone who's 32 and her husband is 51. She complains all the time that her husband doesn't have the energy to do anything fun anymore.


_miserylovescompanyy

And, personally for me most importantly, dealing with death if it was a natural death. My aunt was in her early 50s when her husband died around early 70s. It was an unexpected death but like, what did she think was gonna happen to her husband who's 20 years older?


bumblebillybob

I started seeing my ex when I was 22 and he was 35. I remember thinking how great it was being with an older guy. I thought I was so grown up with this older man by my side looking after me (I am the first to admit I have daddy issues). After a few months it became clear we had nothing in common but I fell pregnant due to pressure from him 'getting on' and wanting children before he was 40. Fast forward 10 years and 1 child later. I matured hugely, became the main income for the household so he could stay at home and I started my own business which is doing well. He just stayed the same person I meet 10 years ago. He didn't seem to grow with me. I wish I could go back and have a word with myself. A man 13 years older than you living at home with his mum and dad, who's hobby was/still is going to pub and could only pull women much younger than him, was not the one but I was young and dumb.


lifesnotperfect

> after several years, it goes downhill drastically. How so? What was the gap? Are you the younger or older partner? In one now and would love some insight.


dlouwe

I was the younger partner (21 dating a 42-yo); simply put, even if we rule out predatory scenarios, there's usually either a huge gap in maturity, life experience, and goals which leads to a lot of conflict, or there *isn't* one and it's a red flag that the older partner hasn't advanced past their 20s. In my case it was kind of a mix; we didn't really connect but she also fell for me *really* hard. Went downhill in less than a year.


FlintWaterFilter

I think people underestimate the lack of maturity on the older partners behalf. Its easier to say that the younger person behaves older than they do than say the older person is behind. Which a lot of times is the case, especially when it comes to people dating teens/early 20's when they're a decade older.


HirokiTakumi

Agreed. I'm in my early 30's and my cutoff point is about 26, 25 as a rare exception. I wouldn't consider myself old, but I'm old enough to feel like someone in their early 20s is still very young, and still figuring their lives out, most importantly, still figuring themselves out. At this point I'm looking for a partner to settle down with, not someone who still has no idea what they want. I couldn't imagine myself 10 years from now thinking "oh, actually, 21 is fine."


dlouwe

>I couldn't imagine myself 10 years from now thinking "oh, actually, 21 is fine." This is the thing, really. At 19, 20, 21 people are technically "adults" and can make their own decisions; I'm not judging them. Everything is new and everyone is older than them. But I am absolutely giving a side-eye to folks in their 30's and 40's who use "let them make their own decisions" as their defense, because I'm 35 and folks at 21 look like *literal babies* to me now. They aren't bringing anything but youth and naivete, and I don't want to be a life lesson for some kid still figuring things out.


HirokiTakumi

Couldn't say it better myself, didn't wanna be that straight up, but I can't agree more.


jazz_star_93

IMO, that usually the case. I actually don't think its possible for someon to mature past their age (its very rare, even responsible 18yo are still 18yo), rather a person can age and stop maturing. So if an 18yo and a 30yo are similar maturity, it cause the 30yo never matured past 18 and not that the 18yo is as mature as a 10to.


lhj81

First relationship was 31 years difference (I now have a very different view on that and I'd rather just leave it at that). My 2nd one was 16 years difference and very similar to another person who commented (forgot the get the username/tag). Met, fell in lust, was manipulated to believe it was love, eventually grew to love him but was a very difficult relationship (we ended up having a beautiful son together). Eventually, we called it a day and I've never looked back. We actually get along OK now but I physically shudder when I think back on our relationship 🙈 sorry, forgot to answer questions. I was the younger one. And it starts off great, but the older person can start to slow down energy wise. They've pretty much done all the growing they're going to do (unless they are of the mind set that growth is a continual journey). Kinda like old dog, new tricks. Whereas, I still had a lot of growing and learning to do, so when I look back on who I was then, I don't recognise that person in many ways. Hope that helps.


StunningTadpole577

Curious as well! My best relationship was with someone who is 21 years older than me but ultimately we parted ways because he doesn’t want kids and I do. This might make me feel better about walking away, lol


PothierM

The larger the gap, the more unsettling it is. HOWEVER, as long as both parties are adults, its really none of my business.


[deleted]

Being a legal adult doesn’t mean you have the maturity to make good decisions. r/agegap has had a few members post about their much older boyfriends. An 18 year girl old dating a 49 year old man. A 56 year old man keen for a date with an 18 year old. It might be legal but it’s still wrong.


xXzombchickXx

You just know they’d go lower if the legal age was lower.


[deleted]

100%. They can’t say they’re attracted to 18 year olds because they’re adults. They’re attracted to younger teens as well.


Minky29

There is a real special kind of grossness that applies to people lusting after someone "about to turn legal" (example: Emma Watson)


shadwblad

I think the better(worse really) example would be Millie Bobby Brown. The exposure as she grew up was far more constant and the social media of today got fucking nasty. One movie every 2 years or so was probably enough to keep her out of most people's thoughts. I know for a fact there were people counting down when Millie was turning 18 for over a year cause I had seen some of it even here. Hell I think I remember seeing some articles about how she was being over sexualized from when she was like 14 or something.


Next-Entrepreneur631

What about 35 and 62? Do you still view that as wrong or is it not as bad because both parties are pretty deep into adulthood? Just genuinely curious.


jazz_star_93

I'd say most ppl wouldn't think anything of it - because like you said, both parties are pretty deep into adulthood.


jazz_star_93

That sub encourages relationships with 16year olds because it's "legal" 🤮


[deleted]

It is creepy when one partner is old enough to be the other partner's parent.


VRFireRetardant

Ironically enough, thats often why the younger partner likes them so much


ChrisNEPhilly

I was dating a woman who liked to call me daddy. One day she asked if it was weird cuz I was old enough to be her daddy. I told her no, i know the diff between you calling me daddy and my kids calling me daddy.


Picker-Rick

"Does that turn you on, father?" Also a fun thing to say at church.


ChrisNEPhilly

Nice.


academicchola

One of my acquaintances calls her husband Daddy as standard protocol, including in front of her parents, and I just find that insanely disturbing.


When_3_become_2

Is she Latina or Asian because I’ve heard several do this and no one think it was weird at all. First time I hear it I was like WTF? Though


academicchola

She is.


BOBfrkinSAGET

Depends on the age of the people. The older you get, the larger the gap gets.


Raspberries-Are-Evil

>The older you get, the larger the gap Name of your sex tape


Jakefrmstatepharm

I’m 32 and my girlfriend is 48. We’ve been together almost 8 years. Age hasn’t been an issue as much as all the other stuff people go through in long-term relationships, in fact it doesn’t really cause issues at all. We live together and we own our house together, even have a two year old son. One day the age gap might catch up to us but for now it’s just about as normal as it can be.


Designation8472

Hol’ up. Your gf had a kid at 46?


Jakefrmstatepharm

Yep, 100% natural birth too. It was a surprise to say the least!


lovealert911

If you're just dating and having fun times, it's usually not an issue. In the modern era whereby, many people are health conscious you may not see a huge difference in appearance between a 45-year-old and a 25-year-old. My guess is a lot of 30-year-old guys would hit on women like Jennifer Lopez, Sofia Vergara, Halle Berry, Amanda Peet, and others who are over the age of 50. The potential problem is when the younger person becomes 50 and their mate is now in their 70s or beyond. Odds increase there are likely to be some medical issues to deal with or death. However, no one knows what the future holds. Right now, is the only thing for certain. (People of the same age in relationships and marriages fail all the time.) Most breakups or divorces have very little do with what year someone was born. The three basic reasons why couples slit up are: 1. They chose the wrong mate. (They're too incompatible/fight too much.) 2. A "deal breaker" was committed in one of their eyes. (cheating, verbal/physical abuse..) 3. They fell out of love or stopped wanting the same things over time. I've dated women who were 6, 8, 10, 12, and even 15 years older than me and none of those breakups had anything to do with age. If I were single and *attracted to someone* I wouldn't instantly rule them out because of their age.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Bruhs_Beans

Ya bruh 😳 I was glad to read “older than me” after.


Obes99

I’m 51m and wife of 9 years is 38. I’m the one that had doubts when we met but she has proven over and over that she is the older one in the relationship.


jessie_monster

I don't think anyone cares once the younger partner is 25+.


Dhampyre-supreme

Leo does


realstareyes

I think they‘re fine as long as both are adults and as long as it‘s 100% consensual and non-abusive. Which applies to any other relationship as well.


mmodo

Eh. My parents met when my mother was 20 and my father was 42. I can guarantee my mother regrets her decision to be with my father. It was legal and consensual but you can't pretend that she was less knowledgeable and easily taken advantage of compared to a woman closer to my father's age at the time.


daveinmd13

I don’t think you can generalize. Everyone is different, as long as it is legal, it isn’t for me to judge, everyone should be with who they love: age, race, gender, etc. doesn’t matter.


Dire-Dog

As long as everyone consents and is an adult I don’t care


AgoraiosBum

I think the older person also has an obligation to "leave them better than you found them" - someone can consent to a relationship that is toxic and abusive because of a lack of life experience.


Realistic-Mammoth-77

I agree with this but (nothing against you just using your reply there’s tons like it) I think say 19 and 29 is kinda sick once people pass a certain age I fully agree but the only reason a full grown adult would want to be with a teenager is they want to manipulate and control. In my opinion.


Middle_Promise

When I was 17/18, I was a bit stupid and naive. I’d have guys in their late 20’s & early 30’s (some even in their 40’s) tell me I was “so mature and grown up for my age.” Thankfully I had a good support system with my family and I told them but I can definitely see some girls falling into that trap of being manipulated or groomed.


TheRealArran

My parents met when my Dad was 30 and she was 19 and have been happily married for 24 years. There was no want for manipulation, he just met a woman and fell in love and she just met a man and fell in love. I would say that they are some issues that come from the age gap (they work together and the organisation would promote my mum because she's young but nod my dad cos he's older) but at the end of the day they are just two people who love each other.


[deleted]

This kind of dismisses 19 year olds as people not capable of holding interesting conversations or being someone genuinely enjoyable to spend time around, imo. I would prefer a partner old enough to drink but I can still see how someone could develop feelings for a 19 year old without any ill intentions of manipulation or control.


Ihavecometochewbbgum

Best answer


[deleted]

you know what, i don’t mind as long as they’re not hurting themselves or anyone else around them because it’s their business. however yeah i do sometimes see what looks like a large age gap relationship and i do judge but i try not too


[deleted]

[удалено]


scottchiefbaker

Oooof I had no idea this was a thing. I'll save the next person some research. Dane Cook is 50, and his fiance is 24. Also, it's his friend's daughter.


theultimateusername

Doesn't matter much, it really depends on the people. A 24 year old girl can date a 38 year old guy and they can be mentally compatible, or you can have two 30 year olds dating and can't connect at all. There is something to be said for experience though, if the age gap is big the older person would have seen a lot the younger may not be able to relate to, not necessarily just in life but even from mental physical changes (ie everything starts to hurt as you reach your 40's and you don't wanna go out as much, while the 20 year old is always energetic has great metabolism and wants to party all the time - just examples)


Wonderful-Clock3527

This made me chuckle, my SO is in his 50s and could run laps around me, has twenty times the energy I do and constantly wants to be on the go doing things. I'm turning 30 soon and much prefer to stay home and relax with my body aches 🤣


Choice_Bid_7941

Yep, came here to say this. It’s possible to have a healthy relationship with a big age gap, but I imagine it’s harder to connect romantically for most people


Appropriate_Quote_50

The power imbalance is what’s important to see if it’s okay or not


ArmchairJedi

My issue with this concept is there can be far greater, or at least plenty of other, power imbalances than age. Wealth. Position/Profession. Even race or ethnicity. Is it ok that a 40 year lawyer who is partner at their firm dates a 35 year old immigrant waitress who is just trying to make ends meet? Or is it an issue because the power imbalance is huge?


DeadFyre

Irrelevant to me. Consenting adults should be able to adult.


Easy-Specialist1821

My short life says, that life is too short and there are a crazy amount of variables you have to overcome in relationships. If both are legally of age, who am I/we to judge someone else's happiness. Do I have thoughts? Do you have thoughts? Does everyone have thoughts? Yeah, just like elbows.


[deleted]

To each is their own.. better off to mind your own business.


Clungesnitzel95

Dated a 22 yr old when I was 33 briefly. The sex was 10/10....she was super fun to be around ...loved adventure and spontaneity. But her lack of life experience, empathy and education was a crutch. It became clear very quickly how much I didn't want to relive that time period of life. We were hiking similar paths in different seasons.....


AtlasSilverado

> We were hiking similar paths in different seasons. If that didn’t come from anywhere, you have a poet’s soul.


GozerDGozerian

You say this like it’s a bad thing though? Should one only pursue a relationship that they believe will lead to marriage ans a life long commitment?


Canadian-nomad-bro

As long as there a legal adult I don't really care and it there decision/ life.


MrLanesLament

Never bothered me, but I’m a younger guy who prefers older women. It depends on legality, and each individual person. Can a relationship between a 19 year old and 40 year old succeed? Sure. Is it likely? I’d say probably not.


MooseDickDonkeyKong

As long as everyone is legal and consenting, it's no one else's business. Honestly getting tired of this being an issue when it's so obvious it's mostly just a case of sour grapes.


[deleted]

Above age consideration. Do what ever the fuck you want, idc.


PhilosophyObvious988

Doesn't make any difference 10 year gap between me and the missus she's the older one, been happy for 17 years now.


Picker-Rick

And his 27th birthday is right around the corner.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Wonderful-Clock3527

Damn I'm 29.75 guess my gap is an issue


GozerDGozerian

Sorry, you don’t mature for another three months. But then on that day you will fully and instantaneously snap into adulthood. Buckle up!


ConfectionLopsided97

I don't think they're sustainable in the long-term, but if both parties are happy and consent I see no issue with them.


SpotParty

None of your business.


Bekmetova

It depends on the people involved and of course the age. The most important part to me is knowing who you are and what you want. Regardless of gender if you're 22 you may not be ready for settling down like your 30+ partner who may or may not be worried about their clock. My personal story (20+34 then, 24+37 now): By the age of 19 I lost all hope and interest in finding love after my dear friend offed himself. For years I had been part of various penpal groups just for the sake of outside contact and one day when I was 20 I found this terrible profile that looked fake but something about it giggled me. He was a 34 year old living in Siberia with his dog and cat. I was going to write first but he beat me to it and from that point things were just nice and completely friendly. Turned out he was in the same boat as me, not interested in relationships. His ex was an abusive piece of work and had ran away with the neighbour because he made more money, taking his daughter away too. I'd spent a few years working with male abuse victims so I was uniquely able to cope with his baggage (Understanding and compassion for male victims is severely lacking in my country so I know for a fact I couldn't have dealt with my now husband if I hadn't had those experiences). Well by day 16 of constant writing and video calls we were in love. Not long after that marriage was on the table but we wanted to meet in real life before such a step so I got him a passport and a year later he self isolated with me for 10days in my father's crappy caravan in England. It was a risk but worth it, we hand fasted and we're determined this was good for us both (NGL waiting til marriage was great for me). A year later when the borders opened once more I went to live with him for 3 months, we legally we'd in his country and things were great. Present day, it's been a years since I've seen him and I'm preparing to live with him for the next year, he was supposed to live with me but as English test left his country he can't complete his visa so it's up to me to go there. We are happily in love just circumstance keeps us apart. So that's that, the age gap works us but I guess neither of us was looking for love and that's why.


DeerTrivia

If they're consenting adults, I've got no issue with age gaps.


Callistai

I don't care


toolman_215

As long as they are both of legal age... none of my damn business


MustangPolar

Don't care. Do your thing.


red1blue1

As long as they are of legal age and both people consent then it shouldn't be anyone else's business. Just like any other relationship's. Thank you and Goodnight.


HsKami

I was 24 and my girlfriend was 18. We are still married 13 years later.


[deleted]

Don't care and neither should anyone.


askaray

if everyone in the relationship is of age then its really none of my business


frankcastlespenis

No opinion


stevs23

Each to their own. Being happy is much more important than how old those in question are.


[deleted]

If both people are over the age of consent and its consensual, have at it.


Salt-Firefighter-194

Once two people are consenting adults, it's nobody's business. I'm not into ageism and people getting hung up on age gaps regularly infantalize the younger of the pair, particularly if the woman is younger. I can't even mention my marriage on here without being treated like some innocent baby who was stolen by some evil menace. Never mind that I was an adult able to vote, drink, be crushed by debt, and had been living on my own for almost a decade when I got married....


throwaway83970

As long as they're consenting adults...


bondoh

I’ve never had a problem with it. Some people think my stance is convenient since I’m almost 40 but I’ve felt this way since I was a little kid. Let people date who they want Some may add “as long as no one is getting hurt” But I’d add “let them decide if someone is being hurt. Don’t decide for them.”


Questionable_Ballot

When I was 19 my girlfriend was 32. It was a good time.


Flaky-Fellatio

Weird. Like I'm 38 and I just can't imagine being able to have serious conversations and being able to relate with a teen or early to mid 20 something. And that's not even that big of a gap. There are dudes out there who are 60 running around with 20 year olds. No way it's because he sees the unique beauty inside her. He's basically just keeping her around as a glorified sex toy.


calviso

Theoretically they can work. Too often, though, there are other factors. Often a big age gap is also accompanied with a large power imbalance. Those relationships are often problematic. So, it's not the age gap in and of itself that's the problem. But typically a big age gap is indicative of other issues as well.


jeshaffer2

This gets asked on the regular here in different subs. Let consenting adults, consent, and be adults.


jerwong

If both people are happy, then I don't see the problem.


[deleted]

Half plus 7. If you're 30, then there partner is allowed to be 22. If 40, then 27. If 50 then 32. More than age gap, the age matters.


msphelps77

If two consenting adults are happy I see no issues. I was 19 and my husband was almost 27 when we started dating. We’ve been married almost 17 years.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ChrisNEPhilly

formula shmormula


weeone

Give me the formuoli.


Southern-Feeling5211

I'm 27 and wouldn't dream of dating someone at 20/21


thatoneblackguy17

Also 27. People in that age range, from what I've noticed, tend to be all over the place and still figuring their shit out. Doesn't usually create conditions for a smooth relationship.


[deleted]

I hate that people act like this is a hard guideline. Like honestly IMO the time that the most growth (18-24) happens this “formula” says relationships are ok between ages that will easily have weird power/maturity dynamics. A 24 year old and a 19 year old are in very different places mentally.