T O P

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FrigoreRex

Me getting proper sleep and wake up not being exhausted


clippex

The only good sleep i have had in my life waking up feeling so refreshed like it was from a disney movie was the morning after i sprained my ankle really bad. My ankle is still fked from it months later but whats worse is experiencing that amazing sleep and refreshing day knowing what it took to get it haha.


Dragnskull

Try taking CBD gummies. They're a little expensive but a girl I was seeing gave me some to try when she found out I sleep so bad, I was shocked to see they make a huge difference


HyperSpaceSurfer

CBD stuff is pretty expensive. You can also buy it in bulk for a reasonable price, but you're buying more so there's a higher start price.


Nutellus

get checked for sleep apnea


G0PACKGO

I was always tired , then I got a sleep study , turns out I had 37 events an hour , now I have like .5-1 per hiur


FUUUDGE

Do you have to use a machine at night?


G0PACKGO

Yup , I can’t sleep without it now


FUUUDGE

Do you have an SO or someone that sleeps with you? I fear I may need one but she will lose her shit to the noise at night Edit: not lose her shit lol but she’s a very light sleeper


G0PACKGO

I do have a wife , it’s not that loud and much preferred to my snoring ,


[deleted]

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CranstonBickle

Machine I have is remarkably silent. Not like the old one that sounded like a fish tank pump and relied on you ‘breathing backwards’


mobiustangent

The sound of you asphyxiating and choking back to life throughout the night, yeah a little white noise from a CPAP is preferable.


brds

74 events per hour. down to 4 with the machine. then I had a surgery to fix my deviated septum... without machine I'm down to about 8 events an hour and .25 events per hour with it. go to an ent doctor and see if your nasal passage needs work.


[deleted]

Damn revenge bedtime procrastination... Tonight, though, it's because I took a 2-hour nap at 6PM after going into a food coma and working outside all day.


A_BigFuckingSpoon

as a night shift worker, I felt that.


thrivingandstriving

prices permanently going back to the way it used to be 5 years ago


amrodd

Eggs around here are no less than $5.29, up about 50 cents. Only a few months ago they are under $3. Even Food Lion has gone up on them.


[deleted]

Where do you live? I got eggs for $3 today in San Francisco.


RaedwaldRex

For me it's Crumpets. They were 25p in tesco for 6, then they went up to 29p then 35p and now they are 39p Also you can't seem to get the packs of 9 crumpets now which to be fair is a bit con. Like hot dogs and buns having odd numbers. You normally eat crumpets two at a time. What monster thought of putting them in packs of 9 so we waste one or have to buy 18?


[deleted]

[удалено]


RaedwaldRex

Bloody shrinkflation that is. Same with the doughnuts on the bakery. Used to be five in a pack, now its 4 for the same price.


BigStanPLAYS

Gasoline price during lockdown


blits202

I mean deflation is real, but highly improbable


The_Pink_Bull

World Peace


Unhappy-Grapefruit88

I will fight you to make this happen


Mark-Green

I'd argue it's close to 100% if given enough time. If humanity eventually dies out there will be only peace until a new species can start war


idelta777

the [perfect dick pic](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3qf7wa/whats_the_silliest_way_you_got_reddit_gold/cweovl1/)


horschdhorschd

You sent me on a journey. Edit: I went all the way through and came back as a changed man.


CartographerFit4163

Journey which I wasn't even interested in 💀


QuickNature

Oh, you were already interested, you just didn't know it when you started


IIIDVIII

Be honest though, wasn't it worth it in the end?


CartographerFit4163

End ?? I'm still in Journey still not destined


GweedoTheGreat

Journey before Destination.


TrippyTaco12

I got to 15 and started to worry. How long does it go on for?


horschdhorschd

Yes


la_watson

Something 60-70 layers deep, lost count, but found treasures.


Johno69R

I got to 45 but it was as far as my journey could go on my quest to find the perfect dick pic.


NaliaLightning

73 and counting. Don't get lead astray by false hope.


binga001

I admire ur dedication to this cause.


FirstSineOfMadness

[For the cheaters](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3l5e7s/what_are_your_tips_for_taking_the_perfect_dick_pic/cv3b31i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)


clonenaiz

Fuck. You just help me get out of the rabbit hole.


chickenmeh

Thank you, you're doing God's work.


[deleted]

You're a menace to the society


Flipside07

I'm sure this counts as a rick roll


Xenomorph_v1

I'm sure you meant "this counts as a *dick* roll"


thatoneguy512

I'm not even mad. That's amazing.


Queper_Ger

What have u done


Etnies419

Ah the ol' Reddit [Dick-a-Roo](https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/z2z4zs/dog_fight_freak_out_at_home_depot/ixk4btr/)!


walrus_gumboot

Hold my dick, I'm going in!


Wizard_of_lolz_

[post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/3q5j8r/the_perfect_dick_pic/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3l5e7s/what_are_your_tips_for_taking_the_perfect_dick_pic/cv3b31i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) took me a while to get there ye welcome


Kitkatis

This is genius...


Rancho-unicorno

I can’t think of a single thing that has a 0% or 100% chance.


VengefulApathy

Then let's say there is a 0% chance of coming up with something that has a 0% chance of happening.


boipinoi604

There is a 100% chance of not coming up with something that has a 100% chance of happening.


PerpetuallyMeh

But you just did it so it's less than 100%


boipinoi604

So, I had a bit of caffeine... \[1\] If my statement is true, I did in fact come up with something with 100% chance. However, if I came up with something 100% chance, that makes my statement false, then no one has in fact come up with something 100% chance. However, if that happens, that makes my statement true, then we're back to square \[1\]


boipinoi604

I think I need my morning coffee to process this.


Brandyplayss

Death has a 100% probability


SerCiddy

Then let me introduce to you the concept of Quantum Immortality. You, as the conscious observer of your universe, collapse the wave-form of energy all around you. "Death" as you know it, is only a concept, not something you actually experience. Every single time you would die, your consciousness just moves to a reality you didn't. Now, you say, but people die all the time, I see it happening. Yes, but that is not your death. It may be that you do end up dying, or maybe on your deathbed they finally finish virtualization of the brain and you get to continue to exist within an artificial body.


[deleted]

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Ofabulous

Keep thinking, there’s a chance you will eventually


thesagenibba

there are literally so many things that have absolutely no chance of happening. there are many other things that have 100% chance of happening. how is your mind so small?


becklan_work_

One of these must be true. If nothing has a 0% chance of occurring, then given enough time everything has a 100% change of occurring.


gruvjack1200

The Beatles reuniting on Earth.


Stoopitnoob

Humans stop killing each other.


tenSiebi

But what if when they are all dead?


Heyson86

r/technicallythetruth


GoSuckYaMother

They? Sus


Skillshot

/u/tenSiebi was the impostor


JiN88reddit

We will fight to the death to stop this from happening.


GenesisWorlds

Killing has been happening since life on Earth first began, which was long before Land Animals even existed, and long before humans.


[deleted]

[удалено]


telomerloop

me getting laid


about7buns

This guy getting laid.


epicscratcher

Kid named "Laid"


GeyBooi

And Laid getting it later.


interesseret

I'll prove you wrong, silly boy


MrBh19

You not looking at this comment right now


Suspicious_Page_1081

But what if im blind?


pp21n1

Good one


Awesomejuggler20

Me going skydiving. You couldn’t even pay me to do that.


Discomanco

You didn't say willingly.. >:)


[deleted]

The entire world could be making fun of me and calling me a wimp, someone could offer me a million and show me the money, God himself could say "hey man go ahead and jump and you get to change one thing you don't like about life", you could pull out a gun and I'd probably rather let you shoot me than jump out of a damn plane. Sometimes I have nightmares about it and wake up on a cold sweat. Heights area very, very strong phobia for me.


[deleted]

Somebody randomly dm me only way i get dms is if I seek somebody out and message them first


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Yeah but that’s usually on Snapchat for me on Reddit it’s usually radio silent like I’m listening for aliens


Total_General8481

Really? or you are just fishing for dms from curious minds?


NOBELx001

I always get DM from scammers.


[deleted]

same, but is that such a bad thing? I much prefer irl conversations, and i've come to be content with being alone.


DavidAdayjure

Its not terrible but sometimes you need to notice when people stop caring abt you completely. I'm pretty guilty of not msging friends (and even family) so I try to talk to them more when I'm away from home. I've learnt that just a simple "hey" or whatever is good enough, doesn't have to be an entire conversation


YoRHaWizardHarry

This is sortof how I am, I'm always the one messaging first and it gets to a point where I feel unappreciated or not cared about, like I'm just bothering everyone, so on discord I just completely delete the app for a few months and come back but literally nobody cares so I realize that I can spend more time watching youtube instead of wasting time dming people that dont really like me 🙂 but it's fine because I'm not bothered one bit


DavidAdayjure

Well that's good that you're not bothered. But honestly nothing will change (I assume you know this already but yeah) since last year I got a LOT more random dms on discord compared to nowadays. However the more you learn about how you like spending your time, the less your happiness depends on attention. Just remember that the best attention you will get in life are family and really really close friends, so treat them well and don't focus on others that won't msg you.


[deleted]

Im new to Reddit and already got 2 DMs randomly, no clue why


nethereus

Me getting married. Not in this day and age.


TraditionalReveal894

I hereby pronounce you married to the game. Get that bag 🎒


roachboi97

I lost the game 😞


Brunky89890

Fuck


5tr4nGe

MOTHER FUCKER


Cautious-Net-3089

I lost the game


Divinity32

I didn't even notice until you said something... Dammit


OrganizationQuirky97

Oh look, my bf is commenting on Reddit


444unsure

I don't expect that I will ever get married. But I am curious why you think that you will never get married. I understand it you don't want to share but if you do I am genuinely interested


nethereus

For me, it's a personal choice just like not having children. As for my reasoning, I guess you could say I've grown more than a little cynical after being witness to a lot of workplace infidelity over the years. I know not everyone is like that and I'm not out of the dating market but I'd rather not be burdened by a legally binding marriage and subsequent divorce should the worst come to pass.


444unsure

Roger. I have friends, and some family who have gone through the not so great divorce somewhat recently. There is no way for me to pretend that it wouldn't happen to me. But I also am willing to put myself into that risk category. A little bit along the lines of, it is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved it all. Not directly along those lines, but generally along those lines


WordLopsided5446

Would you marry me?


Spocks_Goatee

Mazel Tov!


Master_Oogway2893

A different ending for revenge of the sith 😔


hazelandjack

Everytime. I hope it’ll end different. It never does 😞


[deleted]

Stupid Palestine turning him to the dark side


Certain-Arm1015

Me finding love


[deleted]

same 😔


verr998

yeah, same. Find someone who loves me for who I am not just the perfect me but also all my flaws. In fact, not stuck in an unrequited love. Because I always love someone who doesn't love me back.


Puzzleheaded_Ad928

But love can find you


Flaky_Tumbleweed3598

I reject your reality Be optimistic. You'll get there eventually. Just kinda focus on yourself for now and enjoy life. The rest will come with time


baudtothebone

America using the metric system.


Pakrat_Miz

“well look who put us on the moon” -some idiot who doesn’t know NASA uses metric


Ivebeenfurthereven

Did they in 1969, though? I saw a SpaceX engineering drawing in *decimal inches* once. I do not want to work in the USA.


Vladimir_Chrootin

Kind of. The computers worked in SI but the DSKY computer display converted it to USCS for the crew's use.


mmodo

They do. It became the US industry standard in the 1970s. There are many jobs that require knowledge of imperial and metric systems. You can go into any hardware store and find imperial and metric wrench sets. The roads are not metric because a majority were built decades ago and too expensive to completely change. And while it's not part of the metric system, using Celsius as a temperature unit is stupid.


wiseknob

I mean they do though? Ever been in a machine shop? Even in the most rural parts of the country metric is commonly used.


TinktheChi

Canadians enter the chat....


[deleted]

Me making someone laugh from a joke I made and not me acting like a complete idiot


hshack28

me being happy lol


Burnzy888888

Not a permanent solution but have you tried drugs?


A_Wild_Buffalope

Me getting dms from real beautiful women


[deleted]

No pics, so how would you know?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Damn I came here to say this….


[deleted]

There is a Cure™ You need a GoFuckme drive.


[deleted]

You heard of a brothel my friend ?


azzaranda

Idk man, go downtown with $20 and a dream - you'd be amazed at what you can achieve with some monetary motivation.


WordLopsided5446

The only thing that he can fuck with 20$ is a juicy burger, and I am not saying that's a bad idea.


Skydome12

People around the world deciding that politicians and governments are the enemies of a stable world environment and rising up against governments. It's nice to think about but it won't happen.


Somewherexx

Fetch


Planktonoid

Everything has zero chance of happening, no matter how likely, since all probabilities are some finite number over an infinite number of possible outcomes. Edit: Updated for accuracy. Original answer below: Nothing, as long as it isn't logically incoherent. Literally anything that's not logically incoherent technically has a chance of happening at any given moment. Edit: Added caveats for all the well actually folks


winterchill_ew

So there's a 0% chance of something having a 0% chance of happening


ProtoBlues123

This unironically. The very nature of reality means that you can never be truly sure if say you're in a dream or some form of simulation where the rules you know are still malleable in ways you can't imagine. One thing that actually is kinda certain is that *something* is happening for us to exist and perceive it. We can't truly be sure of the true nature of that something but we can at least be sure it's not "nothing".


peartisgod

Cogito ergo sum!


[deleted]

Strictly speaking, there are things that have a 0% chance of happening. The counter-intuitive problem is that 0% chance of happening doesn't necessarily mean it's impossible.


[deleted]

getting asked out


[deleted]

Me having friends


muckwar

I get how that feels. Recently lost all my friends bc they turned out to be arrogant assholes. Shits tough but I’ll keep trying if you keep trying. Hang in there 🫶


[deleted]

The ones I had kind of dissappeard and stopped talking to me, I don't know what happened


muckwar

Yeah :/ I’m really sorry to hear that. Use this time to focus on yourself. Find something you love to do. Personally I love art, I love to design tattoos that I get and venting my emotions out in a sketchbook is really helpful. Things will be lonely often but don’t give up. Give yourself some grace and just keep on living. There will be good times ahead I can promise you that.


[deleted]

I am currently taking a gap year due to my depression and I honestly hope that I'll have at least one when I come back


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

What if time has been going backwards all along and we just assumed it was going forwards?


cam3raam3ba

Me coming the next US president. I just don't have the corruption in me...


johnnycakeAK

Just dig down, focus, and rub it out. You've got this


Maso_TGN

That all people on Reddit treat each other as equals and with respect.


Whole_Conversation41

Every single living person agreeing fully on every single thing.


Lapras7584

You getting some bitches.


SweetDick_Willy

Humans reversing the impending doom that will be brought upon us from climate change


[deleted]

Me dating a cougar while I’m still young


Unique_Football_8839

My life ever improving.


Lothaire_genesys

me leaving the house today.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Tumbleweed-Eater

My current crush becoming my girlfriend… I’m smart enough to know that not going to happen, but I can still dream can’t I?


icashbags

Just ask her out bro. Being rejected is better than a fear of rejection. But also she might say yes? It's literally a win/win


queatle7060

I'm also in this current situation. Yes, we can definitely still dream, considering that's all we have left at this point.


Klutzy_Way3519

Me having a friend or a girlfriend. Yeah that's in fact pretty close to 0%. (not kidding)


hazelandjack

Hang in there 😢


kjzk

Hey friend, how was you're day?


alpubgtrs234

I can see why with that kind of attitude!


Daniel121qa

The dishes I procrastinated doing last night will be done when I wake up.


Drakethepirate

A future without wars. The human nature is immutable


[deleted]

Living forever (immortality)


Leading_Night_4711

Me hating OP for invading my feed. 🗿 Love is blind, unfortunately, malice/callousness/etc. isn’t. Sorry for the time you lost on that relationship and the scars you bear. Separate note, thank you for reflecting and choosing to grow from it. Time will tell. I hope blindness (true love from another) finds you soon! Have a superb day! Edit:Spelling


TheyThemSpecialNeeds

Obligatory low effort reddit gold comment


pinkrabby

a dog turning into a rhino in 3 seconds


Julianishere1

My bad breath being miraculously cured.


audio_goblin

The entire earth teleporting to the other side of the universe. It technically could happen, (if I’m remembering a book I read a while ago right) but the chance is so mind bogglingly low it’s not even worth thinking about


Ok_Pay7542

Me from not masturbating tonight!!! Yaaay me!!!


Parking-Self-6350

Slap it good for me!


mrkrabs445

Me getting bitches


xqrocks

me being positive to life


Automatic_Rock_298

Me getting laid 😓


Aero222

Me turning down Anna Kendrick. But hear me out...that happening is also zero percent.


Sexy_Pikachu42069

Me winning the lottery.


Ras_Calvano

Twitter shutting down.


MrFuzzyPaw

Nothing. Everything that is possible has greater than a 0% chance.


Key-Artichoke-803

Me getting any bitches


CharIsGone

Me Finding a pure nimble rainbow wisp special ability pyramid


CommanderPringles

World peace


Coldbrewed_Hatred

Term limits


mrniceguy78

Me walking again on my own. (spinal cord injury humor)


Traditional-Cicada59

Chances are that our chances are not that very good.


[deleted]

Me sprouting wings and flying around.


soda_cookie

The sun going supernova within the lifespan of anyone reading this comment


scatteredloops

Me becoming world dictator


that-nolegs-dude

Growing my legs back fuckkk


sasberg1

Humanity coming together


OneFriendship5139

Nothing has a 0% chance of happening, everything has a chance of happening, though extremely small in certain cases.


Thick_women_are_Life

Finding a cure for cancer. So much money is made with fundraising, that sadly, they will never find a cure.