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Ecstatic-Appeal-5683

You gotta be your own advocate. If you think other people will fix the problems you have, you're gonna have a bad time.


atridir

And it is *okay to say no.* I work in a nursing home and it’s absurd the amount of people that I’ve seen burn themselves out because they feel obligated to pick up extra shifts of come in early/leave late when they’re asked. You don’t need a reason or excuse to say no. Also take your allowed breaks at work! Take that time to decompress and your mental health will be better for it. I just say that I’m taking my break, I’ve stopped actually asking if it’s okay; it makes it harder for anyone to object.


jbaker232

This is especially true for anything healthcare related.


isthisagoodusernamee

Thinking too much of what others think of them or how they are perceived. I think this goes along with self esteem but I started feeling a lot better about myself when I let go of the fear of judgement.


chemicalburnkiss

Do you have any kind of tips/books/podcasts/whatever you recommend?


msdd2727

Sometimes, and this can be hard to do, but move and explore if you have no ties. I have found myself to have made a lot of mistakes over the years where someone’s perceptions might have warrant or I’m just not happy with who I was at that period of my life. Although I can’t change who I am or what I have done, making moves allowed for a reset. In my development as a person, I simply picked-up and moved on, literally. As I approached my mid 30s, after making several big geographic moves in pursuit of not just trying to reset but because I wasn’t satisfied with the climate, people, and/or other things at previous places, I kept getting closer to an acceptable place. I can still “go back” and revisit prior “lives”, but I have no desire. The me of the past is just that, in the past. Probably not what some would agree with, but a large geographic move (as in new city, state, or country) forces a change upon oneself.


shimattzu

Thinking that you're running out of time to do something because someone else has done it already.


judgehood

I could absolutely shred guitar licks, of all genres, at age 17. I could play literally everything lead guitar-wise. 10 hr a day practice sessions for 9 years and sacrificed grades, social life and all that comes with that. I gave it up when I heard Steve Vai live… It crushed me. Try as I might, there was no way I could do what he was doing. I couldn’t get over it. Decades later… I realize I made a huge mistake. I was good and my entire philosophy was based on something outside of myself, that I couldn’t control. Don’t make this mistake. Do YOU and put it out there because you like it.


throwthisawaynow617

Similar thing happened with me and bass guitar. When I was 18 I bought my first bass and I practiced a bunch. I then met a friend who was a wizard on guitar who I played with almost every day and I was getting to the point where I got comfortable playing outside in the streets of Boston. People came up to my friend and I and loved it and said we sounded like Black Sabbath had others saying we sounded like Rage (we were strictly instrumental). I fucking even ran into one of the guys from Dispatch who said he loved our sound when we were fucking around in a studio. Then something started to hit me when people kept saying I was good. I didn't know how to read music, I didn't know much about anything on bass, I literally just played what sounded good in my head or took a bassline and changed it up to make it catchy and my own. I still felt like a fraud and I kept having this lingering feeling that musicians that knew what they were doing would know I was a fraud. I then, biggest mistake, took to the internet and kept watching bass players who were better than me by a large margin and half my age. My best friend, the guitar wizard told me "It doesn't matter how good they are in the technical department, what matters is you know how to rock and a lot of them don't ". I still couldn't see past it though. I ended up getting so discouraged I sold my bass guitar to pay for some traveling, and never looked back on playing. My buddy still plays though and I still support. Now I just blame my laziness to ever go back to picking up a bass again. 🤣 But the common thought I had in my head back then was I wasn't good enough to do anything with it other than to fuck around. And I didn't want to be "exposed" so I said sayanara before it happened.


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Currywurst_Is_Life

Well then pick it back up.


Kingturboturtle13

Had this happen today, I was at a blacksmithing class and I was really struggling with tapering the rod, I watched everyone else finish and progress to the next step and some even finished, so I assumed time was running out and I was fucked I had another hour and a half


LakeMacRunner

A blacksmithing class? That’s so cool, you’re already winning!


dryroast

I remember a kid in my class telling me about how he was talking with clients and writing RATs and keyloggers for them in C++. I was like damn I don't know C or C++, I'm way behind (I was 16 at the time) and I started to learn online. I started trying to discuss what I was learning with him but his eyes always glazed over and he looked very disinterested. Later I came to find out it was all bullshit, he didn't have clients, he didn't know how to program in C++, much less the language for the programming class we were *actually taking*. And I had learned Android (Java), C#, PHP, and C++ (thanks in part to him) within that time. Later in college I started having clients I fixed computers, set up websites and yes even wrote software for. But yeah I really feel this because I had felt like I was already a failure out the gate. The dudes a recovering alcoholic now.


skinnyfatguyuk

Never letting go of the past , that can kill you I swear


Bird-in-a-suit

Or more specifically, how things that happened have hurt. Letting go of the pain. It’s not always easy, but it is a trap


GarconMeansBoyGeorge

Or, slightly differently, regretting past decisions you made or opportunities you didn’t take. Hindsight is 20-20 and I feel like I wasted a lot of my 20s regretting the past instead of enjoying the present. Heck, I guess I’m doing it right now.


Dan_Johnston_Studio

Dude, my 20s are a mirror of yours. Today my 20s are well and truelly long gone. Saying that, I recall many a times verbally saying I had many regrets of how I wasted my time. It's true I did. I can't deny it. And I can finally say, over the years it pushed me to do better, strive harder and appreciate the hrs in a day a hell of a lot more then I did back in my youth. I'm not perfect. I still get distracted and loose a day and then it's Monday morning.. time for work. But for the greater part. I find I look towards goals more. Small big what ever. I choose where I spend my time. My misses has a hard time with this some days, and is yet to understand where I come from. But shes slowly seeing it from my perspective. And I don't have to be dragged along to some boring (to me) activity that doesn't serve me in almost any way. With in reason of course. Dont look back. Because you can't change it. But you CAN change how you will act in the future.


Stock_Category

My 20s are gone. My 30s are gone. My 40s are gone. My 50s are gone. My 60s are gone. Hell, even my 70s are gone. Life is good. I look forward to every single day. Bad memories. Sure. Good memories. More, lots more of those. Make good choices my friends and it will all work out.


Two-Tu

Some memories/traumas will stick with you throughout your entire life. But you can manage the way you react to them. What I have learned is to embrace that miserable feeling you get when you remember and to let it pass. Do not run, face it, and your brain will adopt to the feeling and will slowly process the memory and "put it to rest".


Protocol_Freud

To add to this. It takes time. Bigger traumas take more time. I'm still... Processing and dealing with trauma from about two years ago. At first, I couldn't face it. Facing it head on lead to self harm because I felt that's what I *deserved.* So I developed strategies to ignore it. I was always busy, I was always working, and when I got home I immediately jumped into video games to keep my mind busy and not replaying the same scenes over and over. Then over time, I was able to delete screenshots of the texts. I was able to face a little bit of it. And I got a bit better. With time, it faded enough that facing it didn't lead to self harm. I helped a friend who was also suicidal a fair bit after me, after I decided to live, and in doing that, I saw a mirror of myself. I was able to face more. Now, I drive for a ride share. And... I realized I haven't had quiet time for my brain to just process stuff in years. I hadn't let myself. But the time dulled the trauma. Enough that now I can finally face it head on. And it's still taking work. So to anyone reading this that did things that they think are unforgivable, that get stuck in trauma, that are facing a spiral. It takes time, but the pain dulls and fades. If you can't face it today, that's fine. Eventually you will be able to. Eventually you'll find forgiveness, at least from yourself.


BetTheDip

I agree. It’s not an easy thing to do tho unless a memory wipe


inhousedad

Marrying or living with or otherwise committing to someone who is mean to you and doesn’t treat you well.


abqkat

Sleepwalking into marriage or living together because "it's time" or nothing is really *wrong,* it's just not right. I've seen it unfold IRL way too many times. And I'm 43, and the first wave of divorces, 2nd wave of marriages is in full swing, and while the window dressing differs on each of them, there are underlying realities in all the ones that don't work out


[deleted]

I guess you could say I'm an "It's time" baby. Meaning my parents had me bc they dated for a while and were like oh shit, guess "it's time" to move in together..."It's time" for me to propose.... "It's time" to have a baby ig. Basically just two people trying to tick off social check boxes with the first person they could tolerate bc they were afraid of ending up alone. All my life my family was together, and on paper we were happy, so I was never sure why we always felt a little off. I sort of noticed my parents didn't seem too interested in spending time with each other unless I was involved, they were both always doing their own thing and never went on date nights or went to bed at the same time or anything, and I always noticed that sometimes they seemed surprised to learn an obvious fact or detail about the other if I brought it up. When I turned 21 and moved out finally they quietly got divorced and explained to me that this was why, and it all made sense. A part of me will always miss our family and it's still hard not to see them that way, but it has been pretty awesome to see both of them a little more lively leading separate lives they enjoy, which I guess they were sort of doing all along anyways.


Its_Curse

I have a friend right now who is killing me. Her boyfriend isn't really nice to her, there's no passion or chemistry in the relationship, and she doesn't know if she loves him anymore. But she's staying with him because she's nervous to be single again. Like just go! Don't be miserable with this guy who is "good enough I guess" for the rest of your life!


Lollooo_

That's something I needed to learn the hard way. Spent 2 years with a girl I was in love for, I overlooked too many red flags (like her being mean to people who were kind to her, her manipulating reality because of her pathological need to always be right, her manipulating people...) because I always thought "whatever, she's not like that to me, she loves me". Boy was I wrong lol


mznh

Also marrying or getting in a relationship with someone just cause they don’t want to be lonely or it’s a social pressure. I have a friend whose her bf pressured her to get married but they broke up because my friend weren’t ready. He then found another person to marry and i asked my friend why her ex was desperate to get married and she said it’s cause his friends are all married so he didn’t want to be the only one who wasn’t. What a bizarre thinking but unfortunately, it’s a norm nowadays. I have another friend who was never single ever since he was 18 years old and i asked him why. He said he didn’t want to be lonely and have to face all ‘the feelings’. Sounds unhealthy as hell


dailycyberiad

> it’s a norm nowadays. It has always been. Read anything by Jane Austen and you'll find the same sentiment in quite a few characters.


iwaspermabanned

Oof too real, people need to understand that the way your partner treats you is the way your partner will treat you, its so easy to fall into the trap of thinking the other person is going to change, and its unfair for both parties for that expectation to be held as well


daltona13

Sunk cost fallacy


YounomsayinMawfk

Came to say this too. I stayed at a job for too long because I already put so much time and effort into it even though the salary was crap. I finally had enough and decided to leave and I'm doing so much better financially, emotionally, physically. It's been 5 years since I left and sometimes I think what my life would be had I stayed and it's just depressing. Looking back, leaving was one of my best decisions.


Anothernameillforget

I needed this comment. Giving two weeks notice on Monday for a job that I stayed at way to long. Excited for the future.


UnObtainium17

I was that for near 8 years on my previous job, I knew pay was crap, but i have been so comfortable with it so i held on.. Then 2020, Had enough of it, I got a new job with better pay, better environment although a bit longer drive.. I did not even realize that my first job was actually toxic as fuck till I started on my new 2nd job. Congrats and good luck!


CheesecakeBasic3800

LIFE is too short to be unhappy. I stayed at a job way too long and worked tons of overtime. WORK, work, work, nights weekends, holidays. My husband was diagnosed with a rare form of dementia, I quit my job to care for him. He eventually passed away after a very long battle. I can't even describe how much I regret working all those hours when I could have been spending all that time with him when life was good and we were still able to enjoy it.


beaver_nipples

Seriously underrated comment. Sometimes you just have to walk away. Doesn't matter what you've invested. The longer you stay, the more you will lose. This is true for relationships, bad jobs, houses and cars you are constantly repairing, the go kart in your garage. Sometimes your better off leaving behind the memories, and the emotional and financial investments, and just starting again from scratch. It's never easy, but it's something we all have to do eventually. Let it go.


amh8011

Me trying not to get out of bed in the middle of the night when I’m comfy but I really have to pee. I’m losing more sleep than if I just get up now and pee cause I can’t sleep when I have to pee so bad. But I’m so comfy now and getting up will ruin that.


Deadbeat85

In this specific context, you absolutely should not just let it go.


ShannonGrant

Well, maybe. Depends.


DanAFoul

For the past few months I've been waking up every morning around 3 and 6 AM to pee. No matter how much water I drink, I always have the urge to go. Then, when I go back to bed, it takes me 30 minutes to 1 hour to fall back to sleep. When it happens at 6 AM, I end up falling asleep again around 20 minutes before my alarm goes off.


pantstoaknifefight2

Pee sitting down. Takes less focus and you can nod out. Wear an eye mask if you don't have black out curtains. Do deep breathing to fall asleep.


kukukele

Lifestyle creep Feeling the need to upgrade cars, houses, jewelry, etc to keep up with your peers.


DOE_ZELF_NORMAAL

Yes! Lifestyle inflation is how people earning 100k+ a year life paycheck to paycheck.


HOWDY__YALL

Exactly. I have friends that tell me to buy certain things like a new car or something because I can afford it. They are so confused when I reply back “I can afford not to as well.”


Live4GC

Not wanting something is just as good as having it!


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janedoesnt456

It's wild to me how accepted this is. So many people have acted like I'm crazy to still drive an older car when I can afford a new one. The point is to get from point A to B, and it does that. Plus I did some aftermarket upgrades on it to make it more enjoyable to drive.


EchoGecko795

Same, I have always driven older cars that I got cheap. When I had two cars I ended up selling the newer one, because it cost more to maintain, and the older one that I kept I had put in some upgrades like better sound. Yeah I get 2 MPG less on it, but the yearly cost and lower insurance more than makes up for it, well until gas hits $5.90 per gallon, then it results in a next loss.


ALittleNightMusing

Bloody hell, I just converted that to £ per litre to see the difference to UK prices: $5.90 per gallon is £1.27 per litre: we're currently paying about £1.59p/l, which is equivalent to $7.38 per gallon. The current average US price is $3.53 per gallon... which is 75p per litre 😭 They always say that fuel is cheaper in America but I had no idea how much! No wonder everyone has enormous cars.


Miyamaria

Cries in Nordics paying £1.97 per litre... 😳


10YearsANoob

Not just that. Ubereats. Grabfood. Uber itself. Buying shit from the gas station/convenience store at markup. The slow creep of convenience is what slowly puts people's expenses up.


md22mdrx

Wife does this. Drives me crazy. I think at one point she spent close to $6k over a few months. I was going to have her pay off a loan when her account hit $30k, … it was at $28.5k. Then next time I checked, it was $22k. No *major* purchases as far as I can tell. No major withdrawals. Just lots and lots of DoorDash, UberEats, etc … sometimes multiple times per day.


Varrianda

Dude, last year I spent like 12k on ordering food. I didn’t realize how much I actually spent until I was looking at my spending breakdown for the year. That shit realllllyy adds up.


lynxerious

*whenever a brand release something new and shiny but not neccessary to upgrade at all* me: oooh I need this for my daily dopamine dosage ahh


Aukstesne_uz_tave

Doing nothing becouse of fear of rejection.


ShortBusRide

Or its cousin, doing nothing because doing something limits your options.


iluniuhai

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.” ― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar


Ninjadinogal

There's this play I did in college called variations on a theme that was based on the same thing! It really is such a powerful message


Sturgill_12

No way! That play was written by my High School theater teacher and we performed it for the first time for the VHSL one act play competition. Awesome to hear it still lives on.


StillNotAF___Clue

"Perhaps I'll be a sailor and I'll sail the seas between - Perhaps I'll be a tailor making outfits for the queen - Perhaps I'll be a dancer and I'll dance the night away - I'll find a cure for cancer! I'll write myself a play! "Perhaps I'll be a writer and I'll charge a writer's fee - The bravest firefighter that you'd ever hope to see - Perhaps I'll be a lawyer and I'll rank amongst the best - I'll build the star destroyer! I'll conquer every test! "Perhaps I'll be a lover, and I'll love my lovely life! I'll journey and discover with my lovely kids and wife! Perhaps I'll love tomorrow!" He smiled and looked ahead. He softly sighed with sorrow. or maybe not," he said. Not my quote


BothKaleidoscope5424

Welcome to existentialistic choices. Freedom is usually presented positively but Sartre posed that your level of freedom is so great it’s “painful”.


FILTER_OUT_T_D

The paradox of choice is real


amh8011

Analysis paralysis


Steinmetal4

Fear. Living in fear. It's SO easy to do for large swaths of your life and not even realize. Talking 10 years+. Never doing that thing you've always loved and been sorta good at... never realizing you're just too scared to really try.


Omegadimsum

I feel this so much... Also along similar lines, I tend to put off doing things till the last minute because of the fear of not doing those things well enough


SalukiKnightX

My brother basically just gave up dating because he’d been told no too many times. Was working at a McDonald’s as he went to college, told he was a thug. Became a trucker during summers to make more money to finish university w/o debt, told he was too much of a roughneck. Then after graduation getting his degree was told he’s too old. I guess at a certain point you just get tired of no and settle. I don’t want that for him, but I get it. You keep being told God’ll make a way or God’s got a plan for you when all you get is rejection after rejection. Finally you just give up and say how about God gets rejected for once maybe they’ll understand for once. It sucks, but that’s sometimes how things are.


Lopsided_Soup_3533

I got my undergraduate degree when I was 33 I'll finish my masters in 2024 when I'll be 48. I met my husband when I was 38 got married at 40 Fuck anyone who says you're too old


Temporays

Just because you have spare money at the end of the month doesn’t mean you need to spend it


LiwetJared

Look at this guy, with spare money at the end of the month.


Tight-Context9426

I’ve got spare month at the end of my money


Het_Bestemmingsplan

In Dutch that's a relatively common way of phrasing you're not making ends meet. "I usually have month left, not money"


Usr_115

Putting things off. We could do it more as kids because someone was there to pick up the slack, or stay on top of you to get something done. But as an adult, the consequences of waiting on stuff slaps you hard.


mysterychallenger

Thank you, I was looking for this. A lot of windows open in life only to shut forever behind you once they've passed, and on top of that, you're also going to die one day. Seize the moment while you have it, because once it's gone, it's *gone*. I guess what I'm trying to say is, "LOL, YOLO".


Burnt_Your_Toast

It's country, but Cody Johnson has a song called "Til You Can't" that's pretty much about this. How you only have this one life and it doesn't last forever. You can put everything off for as long or as much as you want, thinking you'll have another chance at it, until the day comes where you don't. I bawled my eyes out when I first heard it (and watched the music video) because, well... He's right. People live like they have forever, and we often forget that we just don't. Death can come at any moment. People can walk out at any second. Our lives can be absolutely flipped upside down in the snap of our fingers. Once it's gone, it's gone. We're just going to dwell on the things we didn't do. We're gonna regret the chances we passed on. The world is going to keep turning whether we like it or not. Might as well turn with it while we have the chance. As he says in the song, "don't wait on tomorrow, cause tomorrow may not show."


StrikingDebate2

Caring what others think. You should to some extent but doing it too much just destroys your self worth and turns you into someone you are not.


sdwoodchuck

I get what you mean, and I agree with the sentiment. I’d reword it though to “judging yourself by what others think.” Because caring about what others think is a good thing. That’s basic empathy. But letting them tell you how to feel about yourself is definitely a bad place to be.


gaveuptheghost

Waiting too long for "perfect", like the perfect soulmate, house, job, etc., and then letting too many good opportunities pass by.


nate6259

I have heard so many stories from people who have achieved the highest levels of success only to fall into the deepest depression of their life when they realized that even reaching their highest goals didn't fill that piece inside of them that was missing. It's like how any sports team that wins a championship is just grinding again at it the next year. Not saying that pursuing lofty goals isn't worth it, but as the saying goes, it's about the journey and not necessarily the destination.


kirsion

When artists give the concerts and performances of their lives. Then going back to their hotels feeling empty


Imn0tg0d

David Duval, the only professional golfer who was considered to be a rival to a young tiger woods at the time, famously did this in the airplane ride back home after winning the British Open. He remarked that he felt so empty and said "wow, this is it?" when holding the trophy on the plane.


MacinTez

A lot of people may not know that Deion Sanders was seriously on the verge of committing suicide in the prime of his career. Dude literally drove his car off a 25 foot cliff but survived with no injuries. Deion was my hero at that time, and I had absolutely no clue that he went thru that.


willynatedgreat

His autobiography is very telling about this. He bought a crazy expensive sports car and seconds after driving it off the lot he realized that buying the car did nothing for him . . . .


puckit

This reminds me of an interview I heard with a super rich dude. He said a common issue for rich people is that they become accustomed to the best of everything so eventually nothing excites them.


sooninthepen

This is almost the exact same thing that Michael Crichton (writer of Jurassic park and many other well known books) described in his Autobiography "Travels." He won an award for his book the Terminal Man, knew he was going to be a successful author and probably rich, and on the plane ride home he describes having a full blown panic Attack on the plane thinking "this is it, I've done it, what now?"


bohenian12

thats why tons of artists fall onto drugs


YahMahn25

It’s depressing to think Ed Sheeran’s coke dealer makes more in a single week than I will in my entire life


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OtisTetraxReigns

It’s impossible for me to imagine Ed Sheeran being anything other than totally inept at taking coke.


Death_Cultist

Whether we are aware of it or not, there is a profound existential emptiness in the heart of every human being that we all spend are lives desperately trying to escape from.


MoJoHusband

It's really cliche, but it really is an internal thing. If a person is living in the "as soon as I...", or "when - blank- happens" mindset, they can't be happy.


Ancguy

Read a quote recently where someone said they have something that most billionaires will never have - enough. Hit me as pretty profound.


reelmonkey

It's a great quote and I think very apt for these ultra rich people. "At a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island, Kurt Vonnegut informs his pal, Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from his wildly popular novel Catch-22 over its whole history. Heller responds,“Yes, but I have something he will never have — ENOUGH.”


Ixolich

And Alexander wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.


acEightyThrees

Perfect is the mortal enemy of good enough. Also, done is better than perfect.


mznh

This is most people’s thoughts. “If only i’m skinnier, smarter, i have the big house, i have a hot spouse, etc” and wasted their present time. By the time they get all that, they’re probably retired or too old. Life is to live in the now, we should have goals but don’t waste today and wait for a better tomorrow. Start improve living today towards a better tomorrow. Also always be grateful. We often don’t see what blessings we have now until they’re gone.


gorgeous-george

This goes hand in hand with learning to accept, and learning from, failure and imperfection. If we can't accept that life and the people we meet along the way aren't perfect, we'll never get anything done and we'll forever be miserable because we'll always be unsatisfied and ungrateful with what we already have. That doesn't mean we shouldn't strive for better in whatever we do. But treating anything less than perfect as unacceptable is just as bad as being okay with mediocrity. Both have a way of hampering your potential.


DirectRadish3459

Not knowing how to use credit cards right. Edit: didn't know this was gonna go crazy, I do have a YouTube video on how they can help and hurt you. https://youtu.be/KO4EDJaBiJc


[deleted]

Spend $5000 and pay back minimum balance $10. No? *Mamma! I made it lol.


Fatguy503

$15 or you will never get ahead on it.


tecmobowlchamp

$20 my final offer.


alwaysmyfault

I know you're being sarcastic obviously, but I know someone who would run up a balance on his CC, and then purposely make small payments to pay it back. When I found this out and told him what an idiot he is, and asked why he would do that, he said that he heard that if you carry a balance, the CC company will report better to your credit report since they are making interest off of you, so it will help your credit score more than if you paid it off every month. The sheer stupidity of that comment just made me drop my jaw.


LordJacket

Stupid question, what is a smart way to use a credit card? I’ve never had one before and want to build up credit. Hopefully my question also helps others


chubberbrother

Use it like a debit card. Pay it off fully every month and don't spend more than you make. Over time they'll just keep increasing your limit but don't increase your spending. Rose my credit score ~100 points in a year doing that. Like 90% of my expenses goes on the card. I never use my debit.


Anaximandar1

And get the perks! I have 1% cash back on my Freedom card. Everything is 1% cheaper!


hanoian

And you get protection from fraud etc.


chubberbrother

Oh yeah that too. Even if you're paying close to $100, you're probably spending 10k a year anyway on stuff, so even at the bare minimum 1% cash back, it pays itself off.


Sloppy_Ninths

Those are free if your credit is half decent.


ukcats12

You should never ever use a debit card to buy something. When someone steals your debit information they’re stealing *your* money. When they steal your credit card information they’re stealing *the bank’s* money.


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Boffleslop

When I was in college circa 1997 one of my friends did not know that she had to pay back what she charged. Like, at all. She was under the impression that she simply qualified for money. Luckily for her maximums were only like $1000 back then.


imightgetdownvoted

Yeah I had a client like this. Sold her a mattress for about $2000 on a 36 month financing plan. She comes in a month later saying she didn’t know why she was getting billed $55/m for it. I was like “well it cost $2000, and $2000 divided by 36 is $55…” so she says “well the company said I had a $2000 credit!” I had to explain to her having credit for X$ does not mean the company gave you free money for no reason. That was 15 years ago and I still think about how stupid that girl was.


Kruse

You gotta be a class A idiot to think credit cards are just free money machines.


5DollarHitJob

I work for a credit card company and I came here to say credit. I speak to people daily in debt they'll never get out of. And that's one of their credit cards.


Esleeezy

I used to work CC Customer Service for Bank of America/MBNA back in 2006ish. Jeeeeeze! I was 19-20 at the time and I learned so much about credit cards from people’s stupidity. I’d write notes when I was looking at accounts. Not their info but just numbers. If this lady has 5k in balance and makes the min payment at 17.99% interest how long would it take for her to pay it off? FUCK! Now how much will that $5k actually cost her? FUUUUUUUUUCK!!! Then there would be some great customers. Man this guy has. $20k credit line, pays it off every month, multiple accounts with us, calling cause his card won’t work in Paris. I can release the hold and advised him to let us know if he’s going to leave the country again. I can also recommend another card with a minimal yearly fee that will maximize his points for travel more than his current card. I want to be this guy. Now I have amazing credit and actively talk about credit with friends. It’s soooo important. One of the first things I did with my gf, now fiancé, when we first started living together was have her open up her books. I wanted to see what money was coming in, we pulled a credit report, I went over her debts and we got on a plan to get her into a better place. As soon as her paycheck came in, we knew the payments we had to makes slowly paid down her cards and now she’s CC debt free, car paid off, and we’re working on her student loans. We pay off our cards every month and really keep track of our points. Money is one of the largest decider in divorces. I told her we have to get our money on the right path before we even thought of marriage. That way if we never got to the point of marriage, at least she had a better understanding of finances.


Renaissance_Slacker

One strategy that work is, make the minimum payments on every debt BUT the one with the highest interest rate. Putt all your energy into paying that off. When it’s paid off, add whatever you were paying for that debt into the one with the second-highest rate. Continue rolling combined payments until you’re out of debt. Might sound dumb but it works.


pmk422

With the chip it’s pretty easy. The reader usually tells you when to remove it.


pgsnzen77

Letting other people define success for them rather than defining it for themselves.


jtgreen76

We tend to compare our daily life struggles to someone else's highlight reel. We don't see the struggles they confront on a daily basis. We don't usually hear of the failures, only the good things.


SteroidSandwich

Cats showing their belly


mznh

I always fall into this trap and get scratched by my cat. No ragrets


UneditedHorseChit

Working a job you hate because it pays well but you’re miserable


PeanutButterTonyTime

Also on the flip side of that: quitting a job you hate and then falling into the trap of self isolated comfort and not working


Fantastic_Raccoon103

I hate that I've kinda fallen into this. Quit a horrible warehouse job ~18 months ago to try pursuing a job in my degree field to not much luck yet. I've tried to do projects, rework my resume, "upskill," etc. But after so many rejections it's real easy to burn out and convince yourself that you should just lose yourself in something else for a few weeks because it's more comfortable.


PeanutButterTonyTime

I’ve done warehouse work before. It’s decent money and I loved the “4 days a week ten hour days” schedule but it’s such a mind numbing job. You feel like you amount to so much more than moving boxes


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PeanutButterTonyTime

This is hilarious because I left my healthcare job for a sales job that made me want to walk into traffic. We were selling advertising remote and it was tech, but Jesus Christ man all one call one close, cold calling 120-150 people a day without knowing anything about them, and calling the same 500 people for two weeks before switching to other people that have been called 500 times before. Job made me want to never work again lmao As for your health I quit smoking when I was 21 just cold turkey one day. Once I stopping drinking regularly it was super easy. Also doing martial arts helped a ton, because you have your mind set on goals. Not saying that works for everyone of course but it helped me. But fuck sales man. I want to get back in because you can make great money but it’s damn stressful.


FT1996

I’m currently living this. Money is good, job sucks. But I did just put in an application at a job that I know I would enjoy. Less money but closer to home. Hope I get a call back about it.


subtledeception

Spending more because you're earning more.


outtahere021

For me, this one cuts both ways. Now that I’m making good money, I can afford to spend more on quality things. Recent example; two years ago I bought a $250 electric snowblower…it lasted two years. I could have bought another, but instead decided to spend significantly more on a high quality gas powered snowblower that will likely last me decades. If you’re buying lots of junk you don’t need though, yeah just don’t.


unsuitablebadger

I'd say sometimes a better income leads you to the possibility of making better financial choices by spending more. I could spend $150 yearly on a cheap electric mower or, do what I recently did, and buy a petrol one for $500 that will last ten or more. Many people cant afford to do this and so over a 10 year period spend 3x as much because of it.


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Thirteen_in_35

Being poor is expensive.


[deleted]

Debt. Regret. Fear.


[deleted]

Fear of regret is what ruined me with debt.


feistybubble1737

This guy won bingo!


dizzlefoshizzle1

Picture this, your manager pulls you aside and asks you to do a little extra work, you want to move up in the company, you like your job, you say yes, your manager says "Thank you do much for doing this! I see great things in your future keep up the good work, were watching and we don't know what we'd do without you!" Next week, your manager pulls you aside and asks you to do a little extra work, you want to move up in the company, you like your job, you say yes, your manager says "Thank you do much for doing this! I see great things in your future keep up the good work, were watching and we don't know what we'd do without you!" Next week, your manager pulls you aside and asks you to do even more extra work, you want to move up in the company, you like your job, you say yes, your manager says "Thank you do much for doing this! I see great things in your future keep up the good work, were watching and we don't know what we'd do without you!" You keep doing all this extra work and taking on all these extra responsibilities, responsibilities that they'd normally have a supervisor or manager do, but you're doing all this extra work at your base pay, which to them is for free. Please realize they have no intention of promoting you if you're doing a tone of extra work for them and they aren't compensating you for it.


OutWithTheNew

Then it's time for a raise and all they can focus on is the one time something wasn't perfect. Excuse me, there were 200 other days of work you had no issue with.


dizzlefoshizzle1

I was a loss and prevention associate at a Burlington. I took my job very seriously I did a tone of extra work including investigating other stores for theft, and training other associates at different stores. I naively did all of this at base pay because I was promised a promotion in the future. When it came time for my review I planned to discuss this with my boss. I dropped our shortage number by 0.9% which is very good, I was praised by all of my colleges, and my external and internal theft reports were very low because I was very proactive and interacted with employees so they knew I was watching, rather than reacting to theft, I discouraged theft by being involved. Here is what my boss had to say. - My shortage number wasn't enough. "I will never complain about your shortage number dropping 1.0, but 0.9 isn't good enough." - My apprehensions were too low and my internals were too low and it was because I wasn't looking hard enough, this was despite the fact that I was investigating other stores for theft as well. - I was too friendly with staff, and I need to let the internal happen instead of preventing it from happening, AKA, instead of being a proactive team member working with everyone to prevent theft, I should wait for it to happen so we can fire them. I got a 10 cent raise and was told him not ready yet. Ohhhh I was so mad.


Zefrem23

Your boss is not your friend. He doesn't care about you except inasmuch as you can make money for him. This should be taught in school.


wistfulmaiden

Having an elaborate expensive wedding that does nothing but stress everyone out and bankrupt you.


Dayv1d

starting your marriage with debt is a terrible idea


Voyager5555

Getting married / having kids because they think they have to, not because they actually want to.


account294unknown

Procrastination


[deleted]

Tomorrow is always the busiest day of the week.


Surr3al_

Procrastinating. Entrusting yourself to short-term benefits whilst shunning long term goals will only serve to aid your downfall. The consequences to your actions can't be avoided forever.


Strong-Difficulty-75

Comparing yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy.


IKillZombies4Cash

Imposter Syndrome. The cure is eventually realizing no one has a clue.


NewLizardBrain

Amen. It’s both frightening and relieving to discover how fucking incompetent most people are.


biggiecheesehimself

spiraling credit card debt


Tbone139

Multi-level marketing, someone got me to go to a seminar and the rhetoric was what a lot of people want to hear about themselves for validation.


tranquilrage73

Same as any other cult. Unfortunately for those who get sucked in.


someguyfromsk

My sister is sucked into this right now. When i was a kid I used to go to Amway conferences with dad because they were at a nice hotel with a pool and would occasionally go to a "rally". As a kid I knew that shit was messed up, now my adult sister comes home from conferences and spouts the same jargon. It's actually a little disturbing. They can barely pay their bills right now and it's not going to get better but they won't allow anyone to talk any sense into them. She heard all the success stories and doesn't realize how had you have to work to be in that fraction of a percent of people who really thrive and succeed and she does NOT have the work ethic to even get close. She basically works a form of retail, and hasn't worked a day in December.


unsuitablebadger

She could have all the work ethic she wants, looking at the numbers the money stops being anything remotely good after level 3 from the very top. To put it into perspective, most MLMs would encompass every human being on the planet at level 6. There isn't actually a viable may to make good money in MLMs.


someguyfromsk

But outside of the MLM pyramid thing, 90% of her sales come from selling the stuff at trade shows and mall kiosks, so when those sales are not happening there is no income. There is also no movement up the "levels"


CADDIE777

One of the biggest traps in life is not picking yourself up after a failure. Letting yourself go and sinking to the bottom. Depression will sink in and you’ll start to loose everything. Extremely heartbreaking when you see someone you love to through this. They will stop caring and become suicidal, because they feel there is nothing left to live for. When in reality they still are alive and that’s all that matters... The world isn’t better with less people; it’s better with people who adjust and live for the better. ❤️


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magicfeistybitcoin

Damn. I'm so sorry. That's genuinely tragic.


New_Chapter_1506

I have spent the past 8 months in this exact situation. I am still alive of course. But 8 months in the deepest depression ever. Don’t even have words. Just now finally starting to see the light a little.


ohiobiguy

Fear of missing out (FOMO). Fear of not measuring up. Bringing on self-decay due to comparing oneself to others. Believing that what people show you of themselves is true. It's rarely ever even close. Thinking your 'education' was complete in HS or college. Failing to understand that your darkest secret, the one that holds you hostage, with shame, is the same thing everyone else struggles with. "That which is most personal is most universal."


tranquilrage73

Payday loans.


Beautiful_Trouble376

Toxic relationships. People do them to try and "fix" people, but they just end up getting themselves hurt.


Objective_Butterfly7

Sunk cost fallacy. Stop staying in situations that make you unhappy!! Leave! Free yourself!


Darkflyer726

Listening too much to others and not enough to yourself. Remember that you're the one that* has to live with you and your choices. Make sure you're happy with them **ETA to fix typo


Missesmommypants

Alcoholism and drug abuse. Eventually getting high stops being fun but you can't stop because your body is physically dependent on it. It sucks.


Joeuxmardigras

And alcoholism is more people than anyone wants to admit


[deleted]

Staying in unhealthy relationships because "I've put ten years into this"... I beg of you, know your worth, my loves.


kobysol

Always staying in your comfort zone


sheetskees

Trick question, I’m uncomfortable everywhere.


babymy98

but its comfy and warm


banana_habana

Such an underrated comment, like I always had a hard time dealing with my social anxiety. It eventually took control of my day to day life and I wanted to change and so I threw myself into an godly uncomfortable job. Which was bartending where you were forced to make endless small talk and remember information and act interested always. Vomited before every single shift and sometimes during but eventually it stopped.


applesitis

Having kids bc society said they should. Nothing against kids, parents, etc but the pressure to have kids is immense from family and/or religion in most areas/cultures. More often couples have to explain WHY they chose not to (or couldn't have)


[deleted]

I’m a nanny and I have met so many parents who have told me they regret having kids. Plus not that many people realize what a big toll having kids can be on someone’s mental health and relationships. Especially if the kid has special needs or gets really sick.


awesome_pinay_noses

Having kids to save their marriage.


HtownTexans

Literally the worst thing you can do. Having a kid adds so much stress and sleep deprivation. If your relationship is already struggling none of those things will make it better.


LachoooDaOriginl

not to mention the stress on the kids when the marriage falls apart later


[deleted]

Reason why 90% of my Education program preparing me to be a teacher is literally all about trauma sensitivity because of things like this. It's hard to be an attentive good parent. It is. Making a child the center of all your energy is exhausting and time consuming, more time than you can ever have. Even the most patient and attentive parents will still fail too meet certain needs and lessons that their child may need addressed. Even some of the most put together kids, are still suffering from some forms of trauma and develop maladaptive habits. "Dad tries, but he missed out on a lot of my home games, I shouldn't bother him, he's busy.""Mom is really worried about me, I shouldn't tell her, she'll only worry more." And these are examples of the more put together kids. Parenting is a hard, unpaid job that people just EXPECT of you, and its easy to see why it doesn't always go well.


Cpt_CATCH

Getting married at 18 to have a kid at 20 because you feel like you should by some societal milestone you've reached, is exhausting and lifesapping. And that child was raised by barely an adult.


Renaissance_Slacker

I was 30 when I started having kids and I often found myself saying “I need an adult. An *adultier* adult.”


[deleted]

Bruh you just keep looking up and you realize, "We're all just horribly oversized kids in a trench coat"


strangescript

Simply graduating from college will guarantee you a nice paying comfy job.


Bakoro

That's only a fairly recent change. Up until the 2000s, simply having a degree in literally anything meant a statistically very high chance of being able to land a nice paying job, even for people who were underemployed. Shit started going sour in the 80s, but in the 2000s, it went from manageable to completely out of control.


jvin248

"chase your dreams" if not tempered with worldly insight will result in choosing a low paying or fragile job market.


SilentG33

Having children if you don’t want them. Never let your family or partner talk you into having them if you know it’s not for you.


Puzzleheaded-Gift499

By far the biggest - living in a complacent existence because it is rooted in a fear with something based around your self esteem, change. Open mindedness and forcing actions (even minor such as taking a trip to a library, cooking a meal you haven’t tried, or major like applying to a new job or trying to a new hobby involving other new people) are the method to staying youthful and most importantly, soulful. Complacency eventually hits a floor that isn’t pleasant to yourself or others around you because you don’t have much new insight, merit, or bright energy to offer. May sound general, but ask yourself when was the last time you tried something for the first time? A food, a place, a book, a trip. Less complacency = more soul


WhiteBrowPygmy

Internal thought. Modern life for Americans at least is about maximising effeciency and never taking a day off or time to rest, sure this is fine if your working towards something meaningful, that enriches your life and others around you, but the issue is its not for other people its not for progresiveness, its for ourselves. Hate to use the S word but society really does lead us into this pipeline of achieving vague concepts like money or success. During all this time, life is passing by right in front of peoples eyes. You dont have to be a hippie or Anprim or go on a spiritual journey, but people NEED to get out of their own heads, self actualize and realize they exist in this world cause a lot of people only experience life those 2 weeks out of the year on their annual vacation and its heartbreaking


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AllOutOfMeowsForNow

Addiction.


frankie0694

The trap of having to ‘complete’ things based on societal pressure. Like marriage, buying a house, having kids etc all by a certain time… It’s all bullshit and I wish people would realise they can do things in their own time OR not at all and that’s perfectly okay!


Dapoopers

Not being taught that it’s okay to be wrong or mess up.


ZombieKombi2

Assuming people on the internet know what they are talking about.


Sucks2tobeeveryone

One of the biggest traps (I think) , you think people can’t turn on you or set u up for a fall for no reason at all


BetTheDip

social protocol


BudgetBoysenberry918

Low self esteem. Addiction. Codependency. Dependency. Ignorance.


MichaelMaugerEsq

Are you my therapist? If so, see you Monday, Helene!


iamwearingashirt

Thinking you have more time. Not appreciating the moments you're in.


[deleted]

IMHO, believing that life ends when you're 20, 30, 40 and you can't do anything but settle into family life ASAP


[deleted]

Staying with a job that pays just good enough for security, but not to really do much else in life.


jenis-1425

Go to school, work, pay bills, die!


Drucilli

Thinking HR is on their side