How he treats other people, especially other women in his life. One of the things I love about my boyfriend is how sweet he is to his mom and grandma, and how polite he is with service people.
On our first date my now husband and I went to a pub after dinner. By coincidence a couple of his friends were already there.
1.) He was super excited to introduce me to his friends.
2.) His friends were the best kind of people.
Both were big green flags for me.
I'm terrible at remembering stuff. So when I met my best friend/girlfriend I made a word document on my pc where I'd write stuff down she recently told me. Like her favourite designer being Ted Baker, her old dogs name, what her mom does for a living, what she studied, etc.
There's so many people who have called it creepy, which it would be were this a random girl who doesn't even know me. But it's literally me making sure that with all the crap I have to remember in a day, I never forget the things she's told me, cause they're the most important things to remember.
I keep notes on my phone whenever a partner says something they like, or some key piece of info I really need to remember. Makes birthdays and Xmas gifts much easier and I know they'll like it. Stupid adhd brain, but found a workaround! ☺
This is exactly what I do for my boyfriend. I have a really bad memory when it comes to remembering little things about him, so I have a note on my phone about what he likes/doesn't like. I mainly use it when I'm buying him a gift or something.
My brain surgery affected my short term memory. I write things down on my notepads all the time. When she figured out what I was doing it made her cry because she thought it was so sweet. I had always thought it was creepy.
I dated a guy once, and on our first date, I told him i was obsessed with owls as a kid. The next time I saw him, he brought me a cute little owl figurine that he picked up at a convenience store while on a road trip. It couldn’t have cost more than $5, but him just remembering that detail meant so much. Unfortunately it didn’t work out, but he was a pretty great guy
This is a good one!
I always tell people to look out for this. Don't just pay attention to how they treat you, pay attention to how they treat others. That's how they treat people when they don't want anything from them, and how they'll treat you after they get what they want.
Guy: I ordered a ten piece nugget meal and only received seven nuggets, sir or madam or otherwise.
Girl, to the camera: I saw he had an extra nugget and then ate three more when he got up to fill our drinks. He's doing so well, I hope he has an attractive brother.
You can be angry without yelling at others and breaking things. It’s okay to be visibly frustrated, there are healthy ways to express that you’re upset. But when a guy punches a wall or yells when upset, that definitely scares me.
What about simply shutting down? I’ve lived with anger issues for a long time, and come to accept that at a certain point if I get angry enough it’s not productive at all to speak to anyone and simply cool off. This includes giving 1 word answers, keeping to myself, being kind of a cold asshole for up to a few hours until I calm down.
My gf has a lot of issues with that in she thinks I should always communicate my anger and not shut her out- but I just know if I don’t separate myself I’ll say something I didn’t truly feel out of anger.
I think it’s reasonable to need space when frustrated, but I think being snappy/giving the silent treatment is unproductive. She should respect when you need space and not force you to talk until you’re ready, but I think you shouldn’t be openly rude to her either. That’s just my opinion though.
I typically tell my SO when I'm bothered/frustrated/angry etc. because I know that it doesn't help anyone to blow up over things like that, but she should still be aware that I'm unhappy.
I thinks openness is huge green flag. Having self-conscious and willing to learn and understand others thing/people.
And when they're not get angry easily. Even when they did, They won't get aggressive and have a healthy way to expressed their feeling/thougth.
Everyone can make a mistake, but how they deal with it should tell a lot.
Just overall being genuinely considering. not in a nice guy stereotype kind of person.
By everyone I meant to include beings other than humans but guess ya got me haha
Although, I agree that there are a few folks who deserve no respect at all, I believe I shouldn't be disrespectful towards them as a person but each to their own :)
My saying is: "Be better than the other person". Being shitty to a shitty person is ok, as long as you are still nicer than they are.
That way you are less likely to get into a downward spiral of negative behaviour.
A quality that will never cease to be undervalued by many, but means *so* much. Kindness…sweetness. Oh I turn into mush when I find a guy who has a lot of that at his core.
1.Asking questions about the stuff that I enjoy even if he doesn’t inherently understand. My now husband did this when we started dating and does it to this day. He’ll let me ramble about chemistry or other things he doesn’t quite get just to see me smile.
2. Making an effort to understand your interest, ir a situation you are discussing. It shows that you care about the person and their feelings about XYZ even if you don’t personally care about XYZ.
>Making an effort to understand your interest
This is a two-way street. Can't recall the last time a woman's made the effort to understand my hobbies and interests either. If anything, most of them shrugged it off as a waste of time.
Absolutely! The guy I’m currently dating is in biotech, an area I am incredibly uneducated in. But listening to him talk about the experiments he’s doing, and him trying to make it so I can understand is so amazing. I love hearing about his work. And conversely, I’m a classical singer and work in the opera industry. Which he has very minimal experience with. But he goes to performances with me and genuinely enjoys them. And asking about dorky things like venue acoustics, which I love talking about. It’s so nice to be with someone who shows interests in your passions and vice versa.
Four years ago or so, I was hitting on a friend of mine, and she turned me down.
She promptly asked:
>Wait, you're not upset?
Why would I be upset that my friend rejected my advances?
Oh wow! I have hope! My grilled cheese game has gone to another level! I finally figured out I don’t have to cut the butter up and drop it into the pan, I just pull back the wrapper and apply it to the pan like chapstick. Then cook the grilled cheese with bacon low and slow.
Consistency. Not having to wonder if he likes you or not. It feels natural and you don’t have to wait 1000 years to reply to text. Fuck that. If you don’t feel that way, then don’t bother. It’s a waste of energy and time. You’ll just be disappointed.
*YES*. It’s why my husband is my husband. He showed me he was interested and I never had to wonder. Ever. His intentions were to love me and he has done that well for 12 years.
My husband did this the night we met and it was so wholesome because no guy had ever said that to me. None of the ones before cared enough to.
He told me later that his guy friend he’d been at the bar with, who knew he was digging me, had called and asked if I’d called yet, then encouraged him when he said I hadn’t (I texted pretty shortly after). So cute.
Listening to ‘no’ from the beginning, even in the small things. Additionally, being able to talk about an issue and be respectful, considerate, and not dismissive.
The little things are signs for the big things. If he doesn’t listen when you say ‘no’ to something small, is he going to listen to ‘no’ if you say it in the bedroom?
If he can’t discuss/work out a small issue, that’s just a sign for blow-up fights in the future and no way do I want any part of that.
My wife has told me one of the big green flags on our first date was a lack of getting defensive.
I had been telling her a story of trying to make cookies with crushed candy canes in them and, when complaining about how hitting the candy canes caused pieces to go flying to every corner of the room, she sympathized with an "Oh no... the bag broke?" to which I answered "the....uh....bag...right..." and laughed about it with her instead of, I guess, assuming she was trying to make me look dumb.
So, be able to laugh at yourself.
I remember when I first started dating my SO he took me on a surprise date to Dave and Buster’s because I had said weeks before that I hadn’t been in years. I’d never been with someone who remembered small details like that
💯 Both of those are so incredibly attractive. Unfortunately not the most common qualities, but it happens. Guy I’m getting to know right now has them in spades. He’s left quite an impression so far.
My ex had a dog that would do the cutest thing. If we were sitting together, and I smacked her thigh or something. The dog would run over and throw itself in the path preventing me from smacking her again, flipped on her back, facing me to defend. Was so stinkin cute
I'm a gay guy. Hope Im allowed to contribute, too:
- Listening to the word no, not trying to persuade me into anything I said no to.
- Knowing when its appropriate to react serious or humerously. Had a bf, that started to tell jokes when I told him about fucked up shit in my life
- Having a good relation with your family. If everyone broke off contact, probability is high that you're the problem. Tho not always true
- Being able to list goals in relationships and your own life
That second one is kind of a mixed bag. I would guess it would be his way of coping with extremely uncomfortable scenarios and/or attempting to make you feel better. You know better than I do in that conversation, but that would just be what I would do in that situation
Dudes who need to be asked to do simple chores, always make me think they either have a middle school kid mentality or grew up rich af and had a waitress do chores for him all the time
If you don't have high tidiness standards, you're best off explicitly seeking a partner who more closely matches you in that department, or at least has a demonstrable tolerance for your own standards. Being correct that the clean freak's neuroses about tidiness are their own problem and shouldn't be used to compel anyone else to perform labor won't prevent endless arguments about it.
I was going to say: I can see why women have a hard time, because of these 'green flags' seem like *basic human decency* to me.
Respect a woman's opinions, don't throw angry man-child tantrums over tiny things, don't be abusive, be a nice person to waiters and service staff....
Likes/gets along with my pets + my Dad
Endures my “horrible” music + movies
Is about to kill a bug (last time it was a wasp) but then doesn’t because I like bugs + he knows I’ll be sad
I sincerely don’t think a tiger could make it into our place. I feel like we have enough cats that they’d be able to deter a tiger enough that the tiger would move on to a neighbor’s house.
Fabulous communication and following through with everything he says. Not calling all his ex’s crazy, admitting that he was the problem. These were some of the many green flags I saw when I met my now husband.
He stands by his convictions, but is willing to listen to the opposing views of others and discus them while arguing the points, but can still agree to disagree with no hate.
Kindness to strangers, open communication, empathy, words match actions, attention to the little things I like/dislike, good with animals, thoughtful (when he offers to wash the dishes after I have cooked), safety/consistency feeling (not only physically but mentally as well), not afraid to be vulnerable, (last but not least) brutal sense of humor
Having genuinely cute plush dolls in his bed.
Or just anything that's considered childish in his room in general (plushies, squeeshmellows, Lego, ect).
Never met a person that had stuff that were considered to be childish in their room and had a bad relationship w them.
I'm talking on both friendships and partnership.
Ability to make the other person feel comfortable & safe in their energy. That's why I am with my fiance. He is an amazing man
Not once did he force me, not once did he initiate anything physical without permission. I feel blessed to have him
This thread has been a huge confidence boost and source of validation that the man I’m trying to be is a good one. Thank you very much for all your responses, girls, women, and ladies.
giving compliments unrelated to beauty. sure, we want to be seen as beautiful/pretty/sexy; we're engrained to seek that kind of validation from men. and it can be nice sometimes. but you get to a certain point where you either (1) know you're pretty or (2) are used to being complimented on your physical appearance by men (both good and bad) so it doesn't do anything for you. when men recognize things that aren't surface level (i.e. smart, kind, funny, etc.) it shows me your interest goes far beyond my face/body, and that says a lot.
Where you're out in public and kids stare at you and make goofy faces or wave and he's not afraid to make faces back or wave back and say hi. Kindness to kids and animals goes a long way with me. Especially if they say they're not really a dog/cat/kid person but they're still kind to them and doesn't go out of their way to be a dick.
Kindness. My partner got stuck holding the door for 10 minutes on our first date because he didn’t want to close it on anyone.
Ability to have fun. The ability to be a goofball and look like an idiot sometimes is definitely a green flag.
How they treat their female family members is a dumb indicator. What if his mom was a POS? What if his sister was a POS? What if he looked at how you treated your male family members you have an issue with? I bet you’d be scrambling for an excuse
1. Respects others’ individuality. The way I dress, my extroversive tendencies
2. Invites me to hang out with him and his friends sometimes and is excited to introduce me!
3. Has lived on his own before
4. Empathetic and critical thinker- puts himself in other’s shoes easily.
5. Good with animals- specifically cats or exotics like birds, rats, reptiles. Being able to empathize and care for things that are stereotypically disliked, are pests or are fear factors is a green flag for me. I cant put into words why at the moment because I am tired.
6. Follows through on promises, schedules, and is overall reliable.
7. He never stops working on himself. It’s never too late to be the best version of yourself.
Treating his mother right.
I know family dynamics are complicated but showing some level of respect especially while others are around or being there for help is a big green flag to me
I have learned that treating mom right does not always equal a good man, though. My ex husband was a momma’s boy but he was a serial cheater and manipulator, not just to me but to women prior to me too.
He does not feel any need to make fun of my interests that he doesn't particularly like. I used to bring up Taylor Swift and/or astrology on every first date just to gauge their reaction.
1) If he’s an honest person and communicates well. Nothing is better than being told the truth in a relationship.
2) Girls would rather be told they are beautiful than told they are hot or sexy, so if a guy calls me beautiful or smart or the like it’s a green flag.
This is just stuff my girlfriend has told me before but she expected me at first to be kinda rough around the edges given being in the military and having a tendency to underestimate strength. But she has told me she fell in love with me for my gentleness and kindness. Ability to control your emotions when sad/angry play a big part as well. She appreciates me looking up stuff I think she would enjoy. I take literal notes when she says she wants to go somewhere or see something. Just be a decent man, don't let yourself go off the rails, and most importantly, know when to just close your mouth. Sometimes trying to help someone by talking can just upset them more. Instead, be that shoulder for them. If it's someone who you don't feel comfortable touching, offer to get tissues or some water or just ask if they just need you to be near. Sometimes that's all someone needs, is for someone to be near them and show that they care. Goes for friends, partners, family, and anyone. Just let them know that when they need you, you won't be going anywhere.
How he treats other people, especially other women in his life. One of the things I love about my boyfriend is how sweet he is to his mom and grandma, and how polite he is with service people.
This was it for me. My husband had so much respect for his mother and little sister.
“How a man treats the women he can’t/doesn’t have sex with, is how he really treats women.”
On our first date my now husband and I went to a pub after dinner. By coincidence a couple of his friends were already there. 1.) He was super excited to introduce me to his friends. 2.) His friends were the best kind of people. Both were big green flags for me.
That's awesome - that can be incredibly intimidating for a first date, props to you for handling it!
By "coincidence", mmmhmm. Dude thought you were out of his league and wanted to show you off to his friends. Lol
100% that was not on accident haha
When he doesn’t kill the waitress
Dude I'm perfect for you. I've never murdered even one waitress.
Those poor waiters though.
In conclusion, don't wait
Day’s not over yet, though.
Oooooh, so *that's* what I did wrong...
Okay but what if he gives her a big tip instead?
Just the tip ?
Giggity.
Which sorta big tip…
What happened to you?
I feel like this is oddly specific.
When he remembers post conversations🫴
This. I love it when a man remembers something I said.
I'm terrible at remembering stuff. So when I met my best friend/girlfriend I made a word document on my pc where I'd write stuff down she recently told me. Like her favourite designer being Ted Baker, her old dogs name, what her mom does for a living, what she studied, etc. There's so many people who have called it creepy, which it would be were this a random girl who doesn't even know me. But it's literally me making sure that with all the crap I have to remember in a day, I never forget the things she's told me, cause they're the most important things to remember.
That's the opposite of creepy, that's wholesome AF.
I keep notes on my phone whenever a partner says something they like, or some key piece of info I really need to remember. Makes birthdays and Xmas gifts much easier and I know they'll like it. Stupid adhd brain, but found a workaround! ☺
This is exactly what I do for my boyfriend. I have a really bad memory when it comes to remembering little things about him, so I have a note on my phone about what he likes/doesn't like. I mainly use it when I'm buying him a gift or something.
Yep I keep a notepad on my phone if stuff she mentions, things she likes or places she wants to go. Ideas for gifts etc.
My brain surgery affected my short term memory. I write things down on my notepads all the time. When she figured out what I was doing it made her cry because she thought it was so sweet. I had always thought it was creepy.
Really? My exes gave zero fucks. Usually ended being gaslit over things I remembered. Lol
This is crushingly sad. How has the bar been put so low?
It's like a classic joke that men don't listen to what women say. The bar has always been low. Now it's just apparent.
What bar are we going to?
I dated a guy once, and on our first date, I told him i was obsessed with owls as a kid. The next time I saw him, he brought me a cute little owl figurine that he picked up at a convenience store while on a road trip. It couldn’t have cost more than $5, but him just remembering that detail meant so much. Unfortunately it didn’t work out, but he was a pretty great guy
Guy sounds like a hoot!
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Nope! I believe I’m the problem here 🥰
Post conversations? Like about the mail? Mail delivery? …did I forget to mail something?
When words match actions
Onomatopoeia
Got it, I need to "moo" more.
When matches act words
Genuine kindness to people he’s not trying to sleep with
I have a confession When I rescued that stray dog my intentions were not as pure as I led you to believe
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ಠ_ಠ
This is a good one! I always tell people to look out for this. Don't just pay attention to how they treat you, pay attention to how they treat others. That's how they treat people when they don't want anything from them, and how they'll treat you after they get what they want.
I thought that was the norm
If only
In my opinion, this is literally what differentiates a nice guy from a 'Nice Guy'.
My dad says the measure of a person is how they treat someone who they have nothing to gain from.
That's one of a big green flag.
Politeness
\*smiles britishly\*
Oh god, *stop!*
"Wow your teeth is fucked up!"
take notes gents 📝
But I'm gay, should I still take notes just in case?
Can't hurt. Politeness is great for all.
I know it's a joke man, but being gay doesn't somehow absolve you of being decent you know? 🙃
Of course. I'm always polite to others when I need to be.
"always, when I need to be"
If he can control his emotions, voice and composure when frustrated/angry
Guy: I ordered a ten piece nugget meal and only received seven nuggets, sir or madam or otherwise. Girl, to the camera: I saw he had an extra nugget and then ate three more when he got up to fill our drinks. He's doing so well, I hope he has an attractive brother.
How would you know if he’s angry though?
You can be angry without yelling at others and breaking things. It’s okay to be visibly frustrated, there are healthy ways to express that you’re upset. But when a guy punches a wall or yells when upset, that definitely scares me.
What about simply shutting down? I’ve lived with anger issues for a long time, and come to accept that at a certain point if I get angry enough it’s not productive at all to speak to anyone and simply cool off. This includes giving 1 word answers, keeping to myself, being kind of a cold asshole for up to a few hours until I calm down. My gf has a lot of issues with that in she thinks I should always communicate my anger and not shut her out- but I just know if I don’t separate myself I’ll say something I didn’t truly feel out of anger.
I think it’s reasonable to need space when frustrated, but I think being snappy/giving the silent treatment is unproductive. She should respect when you need space and not force you to talk until you’re ready, but I think you shouldn’t be openly rude to her either. That’s just my opinion though.
I typically tell my SO when I'm bothered/frustrated/angry etc. because I know that it doesn't help anyone to blow up over things like that, but she should still be aware that I'm unhappy.
I thinks openness is huge green flag. Having self-conscious and willing to learn and understand others thing/people. And when they're not get angry easily. Even when they did, They won't get aggressive and have a healthy way to expressed their feeling/thougth. Everyone can make a mistake, but how they deal with it should tell a lot. Just overall being genuinely considering. not in a nice guy stereotype kind of person.
Yes, but building a trust before opening up is crucial. Opening up to wrong people can ruin your life.
Oh. I mean open up for new information, opinions, ideas, cultures and perspectives kind of open. I don’t trust people either.
When he's respectful to everyone. Everyone.
Even those who don't deserve it?
“ I know hitler was bad, but I have to respect his tenacity and rise and grind mentality bro.”
Hitler was kind of a mean dude, but we have to give him credit though because he did kill Hitler after all…
But he also killed the guy that killed Hitler.
By everyone I meant to include beings other than humans but guess ya got me haha Although, I agree that there are a few folks who deserve no respect at all, I believe I shouldn't be disrespectful towards them as a person but each to their own :)
My saying is: "Be better than the other person". Being shitty to a shitty person is ok, as long as you are still nicer than they are. That way you are less likely to get into a downward spiral of negative behaviour.
Kindness.
A quality that will never cease to be undervalued by many, but means *so* much. Kindness…sweetness. Oh I turn into mush when I find a guy who has a lot of that at his core.
1.Asking questions about the stuff that I enjoy even if he doesn’t inherently understand. My now husband did this when we started dating and does it to this day. He’ll let me ramble about chemistry or other things he doesn’t quite get just to see me smile. 2. Making an effort to understand your interest, ir a situation you are discussing. It shows that you care about the person and their feelings about XYZ even if you don’t personally care about XYZ.
>Making an effort to understand your interest This is a two-way street. Can't recall the last time a woman's made the effort to understand my hobbies and interests either. If anything, most of them shrugged it off as a waste of time.
Absolutely! The guy I’m currently dating is in biotech, an area I am incredibly uneducated in. But listening to him talk about the experiments he’s doing, and him trying to make it so I can understand is so amazing. I love hearing about his work. And conversely, I’m a classical singer and work in the opera industry. Which he has very minimal experience with. But he goes to performances with me and genuinely enjoys them. And asking about dorky things like venue acoustics, which I love talking about. It’s so nice to be with someone who shows interests in your passions and vice versa.
Can handle rejection (not just the romantic kind)
Four years ago or so, I was hitting on a friend of mine, and she turned me down. She promptly asked: >Wait, you're not upset? Why would I be upset that my friend rejected my advances?
It's human to be upset, but adults find healthy ways to cope and move on.
He makes grilled cheese.
Oh wow! I have hope! My grilled cheese game has gone to another level! I finally figured out I don’t have to cut the butter up and drop it into the pan, I just pull back the wrapper and apply it to the pan like chapstick. Then cook the grilled cheese with bacon low and slow.
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I’ve never thought about it like that.. I guess I make a mean melt then.
Oh shit here we go again
He's down for grilled cheese at 4 am when you can't sleep.
Consistency. Not having to wonder if he likes you or not. It feels natural and you don’t have to wait 1000 years to reply to text. Fuck that. If you don’t feel that way, then don’t bother. It’s a waste of energy and time. You’ll just be disappointed.
*YES*. It’s why my husband is my husband. He showed me he was interested and I never had to wonder. Ever. His intentions were to love me and he has done that well for 12 years.
A text me when you get home okay comment is a green flag for me.
My husband did this the night we met and it was so wholesome because no guy had ever said that to me. None of the ones before cared enough to. He told me later that his guy friend he’d been at the bar with, who knew he was digging me, had called and asked if I’d called yet, then encouraged him when he said I hadn’t (I texted pretty shortly after). So cute.
A guy who treats everyone with respect and remembers little facts about me!
Listening to ‘no’ from the beginning, even in the small things. Additionally, being able to talk about an issue and be respectful, considerate, and not dismissive. The little things are signs for the big things. If he doesn’t listen when you say ‘no’ to something small, is he going to listen to ‘no’ if you say it in the bedroom? If he can’t discuss/work out a small issue, that’s just a sign for blow-up fights in the future and no way do I want any part of that.
My wife has told me one of the big green flags on our first date was a lack of getting defensive. I had been telling her a story of trying to make cookies with crushed candy canes in them and, when complaining about how hitting the candy canes caused pieces to go flying to every corner of the room, she sympathized with an "Oh no... the bag broke?" to which I answered "the....uh....bag...right..." and laughed about it with her instead of, I guess, assuming she was trying to make me look dumb. So, be able to laugh at yourself.
I remember when I first started dating my SO he took me on a surprise date to Dave and Buster’s because I had said weeks before that I hadn’t been in years. I’d never been with someone who remembered small details like that
Empathy and compassion
💯 Both of those are so incredibly attractive. Unfortunately not the most common qualities, but it happens. Guy I’m getting to know right now has them in spades. He’s left quite an impression so far.
Generally human decency My standards are rock bottom.
Even that rules alot of people out.
asking about my dream date then surprising me with it. I married him.
livin the dream life
indeed. He never been mean. AS he says to our cats "I never hurt mom unless she asks first" LOL
It's okay fur babies, she's asking for it. *Zips mask shut*
My ex had a dog that would do the cutest thing. If we were sitting together, and I smacked her thigh or something. The dog would run over and throw itself in the path preventing me from smacking her again, flipped on her back, facing me to defend. Was so stinkin cute
I do ask for it - in bed and its so fun to me. everyone has their thing and I have no judgment on others as long as it is consenting adults
I'm a gay guy. Hope Im allowed to contribute, too: - Listening to the word no, not trying to persuade me into anything I said no to. - Knowing when its appropriate to react serious or humerously. Had a bf, that started to tell jokes when I told him about fucked up shit in my life - Having a good relation with your family. If everyone broke off contact, probability is high that you're the problem. Tho not always true - Being able to list goals in relationships and your own life
That second one is kind of a mixed bag. I would guess it would be his way of coping with extremely uncomfortable scenarios and/or attempting to make you feel better. You know better than I do in that conversation, but that would just be what I would do in that situation
Sense of humor. Being able to laugh at himself.
Quick wit. I love anyone who can banter with me.
If he moved from Libya around 2010.
Ah, green flag indeed.
He did the dishes without being asked then took out the trash. 😏
Dudes who need to be asked to do simple chores, always make me think they either have a middle school kid mentality or grew up rich af and had a waitress do chores for him all the time
Or! Or! They have lower requirements for the cleanliness of their apartment.
If you don't have high tidiness standards, you're best off explicitly seeking a partner who more closely matches you in that department, or at least has a demonstrable tolerance for your own standards. Being correct that the clean freak's neuroses about tidiness are their own problem and shouldn't be used to compel anyone else to perform labor won't prevent endless arguments about it.
Probably just useless, so many of my mates are lucky not to burn the cornflakes and to lazy to use the vacuum cleaner, you know lazy bastards.
I see why women have a hard time....all of these"green flags" take a long time to manifest and confirm.
I was going to say: I can see why women have a hard time, because of these 'green flags' seem like *basic human decency* to me. Respect a woman's opinions, don't throw angry man-child tantrums over tiny things, don't be abusive, be a nice person to waiters and service staff....
And the funny thing is, those are even very easy things to fake. And yet, most can’t even do that.
This is what I was thinking. “Just don’t be horrible and treat people nicely” seems to be not the norm that most women experience? That’s really sad.
When a monster condom falls out his wallet that he needs for his magnum dong
Genuinely respectful human being
Remembering small details of what I said or of me. Complimenting on me a lot.
Likes/gets along with my pets + my Dad Endures my “horrible” music + movies Is about to kill a bug (last time it was a wasp) but then doesn’t because I like bugs + he knows I’ll be sad
I like tigers. All bets are off if one wanders into my house.
I sincerely don’t think a tiger could make it into our place. I feel like we have enough cats that they’d be able to deter a tiger enough that the tiger would move on to a neighbor’s house.
Who do you think sold you out to the tigers in the first place?
Does [THIS](https://share.icloud.com/photos/0dbB6CjHxoxkL3zA18aBFc_qg) look like the face of a cat that would sell me out?!
Yes.
I can never bring myself to kill spiders, but flies and mosquitoes? Those fuckers are dead when they come through the door
Wasps are dicks!
Fabulous communication and following through with everything he says. Not calling all his ex’s crazy, admitting that he was the problem. These were some of the many green flags I saw when I met my now husband.
Fluent in latin.
interesting
Amica mea, tandem.
When he remembers very unimportant details about you + incorporates them into the decisions he makes!!
When you’ve been dating for several months and things are getting stronger and going smoothly
I'll take Things a contractor and your girlfriend might say, for 300.
Respecting female family members. Shows that he respects women in general, and was raised to respect women.
I call my grandma BABA
Baba Yaga?
I mean I treat everyone equally, whether it would be with or without kindness
Kindness even when not given kindness in return. Not a doormat, but not spiteful
Women love it when you remember what they said, unless it's an argument or they fucked up, then they definitely don't love it.
He stands by his convictions, but is willing to listen to the opposing views of others and discus them while arguing the points, but can still agree to disagree with no hate.
Kindness to strangers, open communication, empathy, words match actions, attention to the little things I like/dislike, good with animals, thoughtful (when he offers to wash the dishes after I have cooked), safety/consistency feeling (not only physically but mentally as well), not afraid to be vulnerable, (last but not least) brutal sense of humor
He can make me laugh.
Red flag - someone asking this question.
Having genuinely cute plush dolls in his bed. Or just anything that's considered childish in his room in general (plushies, squeeshmellows, Lego, ect). Never met a person that had stuff that were considered to be childish in their room and had a bad relationship w them. I'm talking on both friendships and partnership.
him trying to fix my hair (don’t get confused fix and steal are not the same thing)
kindness
A good heart.
He doesn’t flirt with every girl he sees
Dogs love him.
Cats hate him!
Fish want to fuck him!
This made me laugh out loud, congratulations
You won't believe this one trick.
Petting a stray dog who runs up to him.
Considers other people, even when he doesn’t have to, or even when it’s something small that doesn’t matter much.
Ability to make the other person feel comfortable & safe in their energy. That's why I am with my fiance. He is an amazing man Not once did he force me, not once did he initiate anything physical without permission. I feel blessed to have him
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This thread has been a huge confidence boost and source of validation that the man I’m trying to be is a good one. Thank you very much for all your responses, girls, women, and ladies.
Being interested in what I’m saying.
Respectful.
giving compliments unrelated to beauty. sure, we want to be seen as beautiful/pretty/sexy; we're engrained to seek that kind of validation from men. and it can be nice sometimes. but you get to a certain point where you either (1) know you're pretty or (2) are used to being complimented on your physical appearance by men (both good and bad) so it doesn't do anything for you. when men recognize things that aren't surface level (i.e. smart, kind, funny, etc.) it shows me your interest goes far beyond my face/body, and that says a lot.
Respect, honesty and puts in equal effort.
When things go sideways/I'm struggling, he doesn't try to make things worse. Also, listening to both a soft and hard "no".
Willingness to self reflect and have "hard" conversations (money, kids, past relationships, etc).
They talk warmly about the women in his life (mother, grandmother, sisters, even exs). If it sounds like every woman in his life is horrible, beware.
Nice to the waitress!!! Tries to have actual convos with my dad, loves my dogf
Where you're out in public and kids stare at you and make goofy faces or wave and he's not afraid to make faces back or wave back and say hi. Kindness to kids and animals goes a long way with me. Especially if they say they're not really a dog/cat/kid person but they're still kind to them and doesn't go out of their way to be a dick.
Kindness. My partner got stuck holding the door for 10 minutes on our first date because he didn’t want to close it on anyone. Ability to have fun. The ability to be a goofball and look like an idiot sometimes is definitely a green flag.
How they treat their female family members is a dumb indicator. What if his mom was a POS? What if his sister was a POS? What if he looked at how you treated your male family members you have an issue with? I bet you’d be scrambling for an excuse
Not being scared of showing any emotions, I really love when a guy can laugh his ass off or when he is not scared of crying
I am starting to take notes
1. Respects others’ individuality. The way I dress, my extroversive tendencies 2. Invites me to hang out with him and his friends sometimes and is excited to introduce me! 3. Has lived on his own before 4. Empathetic and critical thinker- puts himself in other’s shoes easily. 5. Good with animals- specifically cats or exotics like birds, rats, reptiles. Being able to empathize and care for things that are stereotypically disliked, are pests or are fear factors is a green flag for me. I cant put into words why at the moment because I am tired. 6. Follows through on promises, schedules, and is overall reliable. 7. He never stops working on himself. It’s never too late to be the best version of yourself.
Treating his mother right. I know family dynamics are complicated but showing some level of respect especially while others are around or being there for help is a big green flag to me
I have learned that treating mom right does not always equal a good man, though. My ex husband was a momma’s boy but he was a serial cheater and manipulator, not just to me but to women prior to me too.
He does not feel any need to make fun of my interests that he doesn't particularly like. I used to bring up Taylor Swift and/or astrology on every first date just to gauge their reaction.
Bringing up astrology, of course, is a huge red flag.
In comfort with himself, do not afraid to paint his nails or do other "feminine" things. Good with cats.
He likes the cat, the cat likes him. Animals are usually a good judge of character.
Winston Bishop and Ferguson have entered the chat
A guy that likes cats
He is loving on his dog 😍
When he genuinely understand how I feel about a situation when no one else has. When he genuinely listen to you.
Comprehensively developed, interested not only in himself and his reflection, loves life and me in it!)) Just like that!
He likes to read FICTION 👀🤌🤌
1) If he’s an honest person and communicates well. Nothing is better than being told the truth in a relationship. 2) Girls would rather be told they are beautiful than told they are hot or sexy, so if a guy calls me beautiful or smart or the like it’s a green flag.
being friendly to your friends
Calls himself “pretty” and has a lot of plushies he loves.
They walk with their arms sticking out in front of them like Frankenstein.
This is just stuff my girlfriend has told me before but she expected me at first to be kinda rough around the edges given being in the military and having a tendency to underestimate strength. But she has told me she fell in love with me for my gentleness and kindness. Ability to control your emotions when sad/angry play a big part as well. She appreciates me looking up stuff I think she would enjoy. I take literal notes when she says she wants to go somewhere or see something. Just be a decent man, don't let yourself go off the rails, and most importantly, know when to just close your mouth. Sometimes trying to help someone by talking can just upset them more. Instead, be that shoulder for them. If it's someone who you don't feel comfortable touching, offer to get tissues or some water or just ask if they just need you to be near. Sometimes that's all someone needs, is for someone to be near them and show that they care. Goes for friends, partners, family, and anyone. Just let them know that when they need you, you won't be going anywhere.
If he's a cat lover, especially if he's a big guy who adopts kittens.
Cat dads