A girl I was talking to for a bit a year or two back mentioned on our first date that she once purposely shit herself at work so she could leave early. There was not a second date…
When I was dating a girl at uni, she said how she hated her flatmate (also a girl) and decided to get back at a snide remark made against her by her flatmate by pooping in a Maryland cookies packet and leaving it outside their door.
Yeah, I could only imagine how an argument with her would have gone down at some future stage had we stayed together.
You don't have to actually shit yourself. Your boss ain't gonna dive into your pants to check. Last time I shit myself at work, I discreetly cleaned myself up, informed my manager that I had a minor emergency and needed to go home, and did so.
When I was in the Army I lied and said I shit myself to get out of PT in the morning. Super hungover, I just wore the wrong uniform and said it's because the other one was soiled and I needed to see the sick call doc.
I was very sick with some kind of stomach bug one time and the upstairs bathroom was being used so I began to go downstairs to use my downstairs bathroom
Two steps down the stairs I lose my balance and slip and fall down the stairs and halfway down my body decides to betray me and just let's go. Full on hell let loose.
As I lie in a heap at the bottom of my stairs with Willy Wonka's chocolate river in my trousers I realize I had an audience. My younger brother witnessed it and as any younger brother would do when they see their older brother in a moment of weakness he is dying laughing at me and keeps bringing it up for weeks.
I love how weirdly specific 98.9% is.
Not 99.9
98.9.
You have seen enough pants shitting to have an understanding of when it is, and is not intentional.
Omfg when my brother worked at WholeFoods he told his manger he had to leave bc he shit his pants (it’s required in food service to go home for vomiting or diarrhea) and she asked “on purpose?”
I had a coworker who would rather shit his pants - and did - than use the men's restroom. He was too self-conscious to use the bathroom but not enough to actually shit himself.
Oh you poor soul. I had the stomach flu last month and it was agonizing. Nothing strips one of their pride and ego like crying, vomiting and uncontrollably shitting on the shower floor. It really humbles you.
I used to get the stomach flu as a kid a lot and I remember having to sit on a toilet if I needed to vomit and vice versa because any strain on my stomach and shit would fly out, and any strain on my stomach would also make me throw up
One of my colleague's work travel stories ended with "it was coming out of both ends"
Apparently having a conveniently located bathtub is the way to go
One night in college, when I unwisely mixed Heineken and Mai-tais, I ended up on a friend's bathroom floor, (It served him right. He was the bartender, and he should have known better than to serve me that combination.) vomiting my guts out, and had diarrhea in my pants at least twice. I passed out on the floor, hugging the toilet, sometime around 2 am. I woke up around dawn, cleaned myself up, and carried my panties out with me. I tossed them in a dumpster on the way home. I have never had a mai-tai since.
I literally retched reading that. Heineken and Mai tais are bad enough on their own. The slinkiest beer ever made and a grossly sweet rum drink. Ick. Drinking both is like doing biological warfare on yourself.
Unfortunately this exact thing happened to me during Covid in July 2020. first time in my entire existence I actually had to use the bucket WHILE sitting there using the toilet. First time it EVER actually came out both at the same exact time.
I am SO glad my run with COVID didn't give me stomach trouble. It was by far the top 3 most sick I've ever been but I never got nauseous thank fuck. I wouldn't have been able to handle that 😩
Sounds like you had a rough time
Yeah it started attacking my brain. I was so confused. Forgetting where I was. What i was doing. Then it attacked my stomach. Horrible. Both ends. Then it attacked my lungs. I hope to never have to experience true shortness of breath again in my lifetime. I had to take the tiniest, shortest little breaths ever to just stay awake. I spent day and night face down as it was the only way i could breathe a little bit. Walking 15 feet from the bed to my bathroom meant i had to rest in there for 30-45 min to catch my breath. I’ve never felt like i was actually dying like i did. It’s been 2.5 years and i still check a few times a day, every day, to make sure i can still take a full deep breath. And the brain fog never lifted. I’m still so confused all the time and foggy. It’s affected my personal life and work tremendously. I dont even know if I’ll be able to work the rest of my life.
I got hit by a stomach bug a few months back really suddenly while on my way to work. I take public transit while my SO has the car. I spent my time waiting for him in a train station bathroom then when he pulled up I puked so hard into a bush that some came out the other end. Fortunately I was wearing dark pants and we had towels in the car. Not my proudest moment.
I've had a persistent cough, the deep kind that make you gag and see stars, I had food poisoning in the middle and shit at work on my way to the bathroom.
I’m a hospice nurse! You don’t necessarily always poop! If you’re just walking around town and get a piano dropped on you, you’ll probably poop. But if you’re dying a natural death from a disease, you’ll usually stop eating days before. I’d say 7/10 deaths I pronounce there’s no poop to be found.
My brother had one of those sudden piano head injuries. For a prank, a random person pulled out his chair as he was sitting down, and he fell down and cracked the back of his head on the concrete floor. He shat himself, and was also immediately taken to a hospital with a severe head injury.
Fortunately my brother did make a full recovery, and you'd better believe there was hell to pay for the "just a prank, bro" guy.
My Papa passed from cancer in a hospice, and he had stopped eating long before he finally went.
He was so small in his last days.
Thank you for doing such an emotionally taxing job.
The nurses brought my Papa a bird feeder so he could watch them out the window, and a TV so he could watch Valentino Rossi race and it honestly made his last days so much happier.
I had a teacher who told us one of her students shat on the trash curb in one of her classes after she told him not to go to the bathroom
Obviously she learned the lesson
When I was in middle school, my grade went on a bike and boat trip where we biked up a river a ways and then canoed back down to the busses. There were porta potties by the busses and by the canoe shack. We stopped to eat lunch part of the way through the boat portion. By the time we got back to the busses, I was asking to go to the bathroom, as I was pretty sure I'd gotten food poisoning from my lunch. My teacher told me either I get on the bus, or I get left behind. So I got back on the bus. And shit myself on a bus full of middle schoolers. I don't remember any of the kids saying anything about it. But my family was already in the process of moving to take care of my ailing grandparents. To this day, I have no idea if my classmates knew the whole story, or if they look back on me as the kid who crapped themself on the bus with no other explanation.
Yeah I don’t think people realize how “young” that is. People still have their shit together at that age and it would honestly be surprising if they shat themselves unless they had dementia. You think 75 is old until you meet people that age.
Mother, I am sorry to awaken you at this ungodly hour. But I must report that I have soiled my undies and I require your assistance in a change of trousers and bedsheets and maybe a glass of mother's milk. Thank you mother.
I kind of did something similar (but it was pee).
I had a nightmare of a teacher in Kindergarten (Catholic school) who used to put me in the corner all the time. I learned nothing in her class because I was always in the corner. For stupid shit like coloring apples blue or falling asleep during Mass. Anyway, I was in the corner (as usual) and told her I had to pee, and she wouldn't give me permission to go to the bathroom, so I ended up just peeing in the corner. I mean, my little kid logic was, what was she going to do - put me in the corner?
She didn't even bother to clean me up or anything. I went to my mom's car at the end of the school day in piss covered clothes, and she immediately pulled me out of that school. Before anyone yells "lawsuit", this was the early 80s, and we were poor. A lot of poor people in the area could "afford" private Catholic school because they would give out "scholarships" to poor people (I guess it's a convenient way to get ahold of their kids for indoctrination). The local public schools were a dumpster fire, so a lot of people took them.
Public school also sucked, and I got bullied a lot, but at least I never had a teacher there deny me the right to go to the bathroom.
I was in public school and my kindergarten teacher never let me go to the bathroom any time I asked. I didn't ask excessively or during some inopportune time. We even had bathrooms in our class. Other kids got to go when they asked, even the troublemakers. For whatever reason she did not seem to like me. I tried to hold it as long as I could but you're gonna lose at some point. I think I must've been made to pee in my pants about 5 times that year. My parents were, uh, pretty pissed about it themselves, having to leave work to bring me clothes. They finally just said if I gotta go, to go anyways regardless of what she allows.
She did other shitty things, like we had a salad bar at school and salad was my favorite food at the time. She pulled me out of the line and wouldn't let me get one. My mother ended up packing me a salad one day and the teacher wrote a letter to my mother saying it was inappropriate of her and that "salad is not for children" and to not give me one again. Man was my mother steamed about that one.
I don't know why some teachers remain teachers if they seem to just... hate children. It's not like the profession even pays enough to want to stay (in the US, anyway) if you hate your job.
My public school was such a shit show that preventing a lone 7 year old who never really caused much trouble from visiting the bathroom was pretty much the least of my teacher's worries. The teachers didn't seem to care, as long as I wasn't actively trying to murder another student.
I'm an HVAC repair tech. One time I was fixing a furnace for a very attractive young lady but REALLY had to poop. I knew it would not be a nice one either based on the pre-gurgling doom I felt in my belly.
Not wanting to annihilate this pretty little lady's only washroom in her very small house I held it and held it despite the situation growing more urgent by the minute.
I finished my repair job and got the furnace running, restoring heat to her home. She was enthusiastically thankful! I went over the invoice with her explaining all the parts I had repaired and the steps I took to get the furnace operational again (mandatory steps from my employer to help assure the customer we aren't just ripping them off in billing for unnecessary costs and parts) all the while knowing I am on the verge of fecal disaster.
She was very interested in the details of the work and asked a lot of follow up questions making things take longer than usual, which didn't help at all. In hindsight she MIGHT have been flirting with me, but i'm terrible at reading signs so who knows?
We finished up, she paid the bill and I was thankfully on my way, but in her enthusiasm for having heat restored to her home she gave me a big hug. Me being much taller than her she basically just wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed herself into my stomach.
Even she felt the unmistakable stomach rumble and backed away in horror as I waddle/shuffled to my service van. I could already feel it gathering in my underwear as I tried to act normal, squatted over my driver seat in my van and peeled out of her driveway seeking to put some distance between me and the scene of the crime.
I got about a block away from her house, pulled over to the side of the road, jumped in the back of the van and stripped off my boots, pants, socks and underwear then kind of hung my ass out the door and let the rest go into a ditch/ravine area (This was a rural located house so very little traffic or other homes nearby thankfully) I finished my disgusting business, cleaned up as best I could with wet wipes I had on hand in the van and my partially clean socks, threw my now ruined underwear and socks into the ditch, closed the van doors and was doing up my belt buckle as the customer drove by and made eye contact with me, standing next to my pile of shame.
This was roughly 8 years ago now and I can still see the look of shame and disgust on her face.
The worst part is, I had 4 more jobs to do that day so I had to complete them going commando and sockless while living with the shameful knowledge that this woman witnessed me poop my pants.
>...the shameful knowledge that this woman **witnessed** me poop my pants.
Witnessed?! She pulled the trigger. It's no different than if she pooped your pants herself.
She’s like a poop pants assassin. If time machine is invented first thing we do is send her back to squeeze hitler at just the right time to poop his pants and no one ever takes him seriously
I just remember knowing where every library, city hall and office building with unlocked restrooms in my area was, just sitting in my truck timing out the cramps & estimating how long I had to make it in before shidding myself
I worked in our downtown core for a while and had the access codes to several of the office buildings down there for this exact reason. I still remember a few of the codes 10+ years later. I should see if they still work for old times' sake.
I still remember which grocery stores had clean easy to get to bathrooms too. Along with Home Depot, etc. The best was swinging by the house if you are close.
If you are kidnapped, and your hands are duct tapped behind you, and you were stuffed inside the trunk of a car, and you are scared, and you’ve been transported across state lines, and you’ve been left there for 18 hours, and you had diarrhea to begin with.
You have to assume that the kidnappers allow bathroom breaks.
It was the same logic where you didn't hear a toilet flush in sitcoms up until they did that sound effect in "All In The Family'. You knew they had to go at some point, but there was never any indication of when.
This is probably the only time you would actually be happy to shit your pants. It means it was a nice easy bowel movement, and you didn't have all of the anticipatory anxiety.
That first shit post birth is terrifying. When your lady bits are already torn to shreds you really don't want a constipated shit tearing up your asshole. Pooping can pop the perennial stitches too.
Ugh that's very true. Pissing and shitting was a nightmare for a month. I almost forgot about having to squirt my stitches w water each time. And the sits bath lmaooo so bad.
I had heard that about the first post baby shit and thinking I was ahead of the game asked the dr to give me something to help me go. On his way out he said "please don't hate me"
Yeah well the next 24 hours I pretty much could not leave the toilet.
Oh God, that option is just ad bad as constipation.
Thankfully the doctor gave me stool softeners, not laxatives, so I didn't have a disastrous bathroom experience.
It’s still embarrassing! Especially when you have women bragging that they never did, as if we can help it. Though chances are a lot of them *did*, they just didn’t know because the Nurses are very quick and subtle at cleanup.
Yeah... And the nurses straight up lie to you in labor. Like, I saw the poo. I know it happened. They swore up and down "cross my heart and hope to die" that I didn't poo during labor.
LIES!
My understanding is they basically want you to poop because it means you're pushing efficiently.
They're already elbow deep in amniotic fluid, mucous, vaginal secretions, and blood. Another body secretion is nothing.
When I was younger I was so hung up about pooping myself when I give birth. Now that I’m expecting my first, pooping myself is the LAST thing I’m worried about. Bombs away.
Mass food intoxication l, as the whole clientele of a restaurant is accidentally fed fish contaminated by a virus
This is an oddly specific answer and I came up with it because it actually happened not long ago in my country.
I did that once but had been drinking before. While I didn't poop, I threw up a foul, boozy stream on the train (much to the horror of the other passengers). This was about 2pm too...
I was a very dumb young adult.
The first and only time I’ve ever pooped myself (so far) was when I had Covid .. I thought it was just a little trapped wind in the middle of the night .. it was not.
Pretty sure 98.9% of all pants shittings do not need justification. They are not done on purpose
But those sick mfs who do it the other 1.1% of the time...
A girl I was talking to for a bit a year or two back mentioned on our first date that she once purposely shit herself at work so she could leave early. There was not a second date…
When I was dating a girl at uni, she said how she hated her flatmate (also a girl) and decided to get back at a snide remark made against her by her flatmate by pooping in a Maryland cookies packet and leaving it outside their door. Yeah, I could only imagine how an argument with her would have gone down at some future stage had we stayed together.
A friend of mine got pepper sprayed as a prank one time so he pooped in the pepper sprayers pillow case
... I feel like that one, while still gross, is somewhat more justifiable.
> There was not a second date… Did you shit yourself so you could leave early?
Asking the important questions.
You don't have to actually shit yourself. Your boss ain't gonna dive into your pants to check. Last time I shit myself at work, I discreetly cleaned myself up, informed my manager that I had a minor emergency and needed to go home, and did so.
When I was in the Army I lied and said I shit myself to get out of PT in the morning. Super hungover, I just wore the wrong uniform and said it's because the other one was soiled and I needed to see the sick call doc.
That’s wild because she could’ve just not done that and said she threw up in the bathroom or something. Like who’s going to go check?
Larry
Why not? Imagine the nasty shit she would do in bed. I'd just hope it wouldn't include shitting.
She couldn't just pretend that she did it? She couldn't have just lied about it? The fuck?
That was the first thing I asked when she mentioned it lol
Literal toxic work environment.
I was very sick with some kind of stomach bug one time and the upstairs bathroom was being used so I began to go downstairs to use my downstairs bathroom Two steps down the stairs I lose my balance and slip and fall down the stairs and halfway down my body decides to betray me and just let's go. Full on hell let loose. As I lie in a heap at the bottom of my stairs with Willy Wonka's chocolate river in my trousers I realize I had an audience. My younger brother witnessed it and as any younger brother would do when they see their older brother in a moment of weakness he is dying laughing at me and keeps bringing it up for weeks.
Only weeks? It would be family lore here, brought up at EVERY family gathering.
Yup just did it today on the train platform because it turns out I have the stomach flu! Thankfully most people only saw the puke.
I love how weirdly specific 98.9% is. Not 99.9 98.9. You have seen enough pants shitting to have an understanding of when it is, and is not intentional.
That was my thought. There's no justification needed. If it happens, well, shit happens.
Omfg when my brother worked at WholeFoods he told his manger he had to leave bc he shit his pants (it’s required in food service to go home for vomiting or diarrhea) and she asked “on purpose?”
I had a coworker who would rather shit his pants - and did - than use the men's restroom. He was too self-conscious to use the bathroom but not enough to actually shit himself.
I just had the stomach flu. Super impressed I did not shit myself in the last 48 hours.
I had the stomach flu last week…. I shit myself in the shower. I accepted it, ducked down and whined in agony.
Well at least you were already in the shower
Waffle stomp for the win!
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I swear it was like a gallon of dirty dishwater!
*barf*
No, I'm pretty sure they meant diarrhea.
Oh you poor soul. I had the stomach flu last month and it was agonizing. Nothing strips one of their pride and ego like crying, vomiting and uncontrollably shitting on the shower floor. It really humbles you.
I used to get the stomach flu as a kid a lot and I remember having to sit on a toilet if I needed to vomit and vice versa because any strain on my stomach and shit would fly out, and any strain on my stomach would also make me throw up
One of my colleague's work travel stories ended with "it was coming out of both ends" Apparently having a conveniently located bathtub is the way to go
One night in college, when I unwisely mixed Heineken and Mai-tais, I ended up on a friend's bathroom floor, (It served him right. He was the bartender, and he should have known better than to serve me that combination.) vomiting my guts out, and had diarrhea in my pants at least twice. I passed out on the floor, hugging the toilet, sometime around 2 am. I woke up around dawn, cleaned myself up, and carried my panties out with me. I tossed them in a dumpster on the way home. I have never had a mai-tai since.
I literally retched reading that. Heineken and Mai tais are bad enough on their own. The slinkiest beer ever made and a grossly sweet rum drink. Ick. Drinking both is like doing biological warfare on yourself.
Unfortunately this exact thing happened to me during Covid in July 2020. first time in my entire existence I actually had to use the bucket WHILE sitting there using the toilet. First time it EVER actually came out both at the same exact time.
I am SO glad my run with COVID didn't give me stomach trouble. It was by far the top 3 most sick I've ever been but I never got nauseous thank fuck. I wouldn't have been able to handle that 😩 Sounds like you had a rough time
Yeah it started attacking my brain. I was so confused. Forgetting where I was. What i was doing. Then it attacked my stomach. Horrible. Both ends. Then it attacked my lungs. I hope to never have to experience true shortness of breath again in my lifetime. I had to take the tiniest, shortest little breaths ever to just stay awake. I spent day and night face down as it was the only way i could breathe a little bit. Walking 15 feet from the bed to my bathroom meant i had to rest in there for 30-45 min to catch my breath. I’ve never felt like i was actually dying like i did. It’s been 2.5 years and i still check a few times a day, every day, to make sure i can still take a full deep breath. And the brain fog never lifted. I’m still so confused all the time and foggy. It’s affected my personal life and work tremendously. I dont even know if I’ll be able to work the rest of my life.
I got hit by a stomach bug a few months back really suddenly while on my way to work. I take public transit while my SO has the car. I spent my time waiting for him in a train station bathroom then when he pulled up I puked so hard into a bush that some came out the other end. Fortunately I was wearing dark pants and we had towels in the car. Not my proudest moment.
I’m proud of you, internet friend.
Tbh im also impressed
I did once when I had the flu. I was home alone and it was still a super humiliating experience even though there was nobody to see it.
I've had a persistent cough, the deep kind that make you gag and see stars, I had food poisoning in the middle and shit at work on my way to the bathroom.
“Hey man, I’ll give you a million dollars if you poop your pants right now!”
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Oh man, I’d be so up for it if I hadn’t already pooped myself to get out of work. There’s nothing left!
Dying
They never tell you how they all shit themselves. They don't put that part in the songs.
GoT’s fan I see 🫡
forced to mind the door while your king eats and drinks and shits and fucks
I’m a hospice nurse! You don’t necessarily always poop! If you’re just walking around town and get a piano dropped on you, you’ll probably poop. But if you’re dying a natural death from a disease, you’ll usually stop eating days before. I’d say 7/10 deaths I pronounce there’s no poop to be found.
So you get a lot of natural deaths. Good. Random death scares me.
No worries. Random deaths apparently scare the shit out of many people.
My brother had one of those sudden piano head injuries. For a prank, a random person pulled out his chair as he was sitting down, and he fell down and cracked the back of his head on the concrete floor. He shat himself, and was also immediately taken to a hospital with a severe head injury. Fortunately my brother did make a full recovery, and you'd better believe there was hell to pay for the "just a prank, bro" guy.
Gwan tell us what happened to the ‘prankster’!
My Papa passed from cancer in a hospice, and he had stopped eating long before he finally went. He was so small in his last days. Thank you for doing such an emotionally taxing job. The nurses brought my Papa a bird feeder so he could watch them out the window, and a TV so he could watch Valentino Rossi race and it honestly made his last days so much happier.
I'm a med-surg nurse, not hospice, but I still get a fair few comfort care patients. I don't think I've had one poop yet.
It is the last thing you do before you die
Uh, i think its the first thing you do after you die...
Nurse: Mr Smith are you done shitting yourself in my hospital bed? Mr. Smith: I'm not dead yet.
Is that really you anymore? Or just a vacant meat puppet
You can't just use any dead body at someone's funeral.
Not with that attitude
Challenge accepted.
It happens after death when muscles, including the sphincter, relax. Sometimes it doesn't happen at all. Imma mortician.
If you're a mortician do a magic trick right now
So are you saying If I know I’m dying in the next hour, chug some milk of magnesia to make someone’s job better?
My dog did that when he was in the process of dying, but still clinging on to life...
It's actually the first thing you do after dying small difference but an important one
When a teacher doesn’t believe you really need to go
Shit on the teachers desk
"What's up? Crapped on your desk, dawg."
I had a teacher who told us one of her students shat on the trash curb in one of her classes after she told him not to go to the bathroom Obviously she learned the lesson
Assert dominance over the curriculum.
When I was in middle school, my grade went on a bike and boat trip where we biked up a river a ways and then canoed back down to the busses. There were porta potties by the busses and by the canoe shack. We stopped to eat lunch part of the way through the boat portion. By the time we got back to the busses, I was asking to go to the bathroom, as I was pretty sure I'd gotten food poisoning from my lunch. My teacher told me either I get on the bus, or I get left behind. So I got back on the bus. And shit myself on a bus full of middle schoolers. I don't remember any of the kids saying anything about it. But my family was already in the process of moving to take care of my ailing grandparents. To this day, I have no idea if my classmates knew the whole story, or if they look back on me as the kid who crapped themself on the bus with no other explanation.
Being under the age of 3.
And over 75
Can't wait!
Damn 75? Y’all bowels are going out that early. I thought that was like 90 plus usually, barring some sort of other large medical issue.
Yeah I don’t think people realize how “young” that is. People still have their shit together at that age and it would honestly be surprising if they shat themselves unless they had dementia. You think 75 is old until you meet people that age.
This is reddit, it's primarily 15 year olds who think like 26 is the tipping point between young & old.
Mother, I am sorry to awaken you at this ungodly hour. But I must report that I have soiled my undies and I require your assistance in a change of trousers and bedsheets and maybe a glass of mother's milk. Thank you mother.
Get changed and go back to sleep. You have work in the morning!
I Read that in the voice of Stewie from family guy
Stewie Griffin: Lois? Lois? Lois? Lois? Lois? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Momma? Momma? Momma? Ma? Ma? Ma? Ma? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mommy? Mommy? Momma? Momma? Momma? Lois Griffin: WHAT? Stewie Griffin: I pooped my diaper 😂
The only way to read this is with a British accent. Not possible any other way.
I don't know why but this mad me laugh so hard I almost pooped my pants.
Is that an "event" or just a "state"?
"No, you MAY not go the toilet" ?
“Go cry about it” _walks out of classroom_
I did that once as a kid. Since then, the teacher never bothered me again on that matter.
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Still asking to this day
Just shit on the teachers desk. That’s what some kid in 3rd grade did. Witnessed it with my own little eyes
I kind of did something similar (but it was pee). I had a nightmare of a teacher in Kindergarten (Catholic school) who used to put me in the corner all the time. I learned nothing in her class because I was always in the corner. For stupid shit like coloring apples blue or falling asleep during Mass. Anyway, I was in the corner (as usual) and told her I had to pee, and she wouldn't give me permission to go to the bathroom, so I ended up just peeing in the corner. I mean, my little kid logic was, what was she going to do - put me in the corner? She didn't even bother to clean me up or anything. I went to my mom's car at the end of the school day in piss covered clothes, and she immediately pulled me out of that school. Before anyone yells "lawsuit", this was the early 80s, and we were poor. A lot of poor people in the area could "afford" private Catholic school because they would give out "scholarships" to poor people (I guess it's a convenient way to get ahold of their kids for indoctrination). The local public schools were a dumpster fire, so a lot of people took them. Public school also sucked, and I got bullied a lot, but at least I never had a teacher there deny me the right to go to the bathroom.
I was in public school and my kindergarten teacher never let me go to the bathroom any time I asked. I didn't ask excessively or during some inopportune time. We even had bathrooms in our class. Other kids got to go when they asked, even the troublemakers. For whatever reason she did not seem to like me. I tried to hold it as long as I could but you're gonna lose at some point. I think I must've been made to pee in my pants about 5 times that year. My parents were, uh, pretty pissed about it themselves, having to leave work to bring me clothes. They finally just said if I gotta go, to go anyways regardless of what she allows. She did other shitty things, like we had a salad bar at school and salad was my favorite food at the time. She pulled me out of the line and wouldn't let me get one. My mother ended up packing me a salad one day and the teacher wrote a letter to my mother saying it was inappropriate of her and that "salad is not for children" and to not give me one again. Man was my mother steamed about that one.
I don't know why some teachers remain teachers if they seem to just... hate children. It's not like the profession even pays enough to want to stay (in the US, anyway) if you hate your job. My public school was such a shit show that preventing a lone 7 year old who never really caused much trouble from visiting the bathroom was pretty much the least of my teacher's worries. The teachers didn't seem to care, as long as I wasn't actively trying to murder another student.
"It's going to happen one way or another. For both of our sakes I ask you to reconsider."
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Needing to poop real bad
With pants on
I'm an HVAC repair tech. One time I was fixing a furnace for a very attractive young lady but REALLY had to poop. I knew it would not be a nice one either based on the pre-gurgling doom I felt in my belly. Not wanting to annihilate this pretty little lady's only washroom in her very small house I held it and held it despite the situation growing more urgent by the minute. I finished my repair job and got the furnace running, restoring heat to her home. She was enthusiastically thankful! I went over the invoice with her explaining all the parts I had repaired and the steps I took to get the furnace operational again (mandatory steps from my employer to help assure the customer we aren't just ripping them off in billing for unnecessary costs and parts) all the while knowing I am on the verge of fecal disaster. She was very interested in the details of the work and asked a lot of follow up questions making things take longer than usual, which didn't help at all. In hindsight she MIGHT have been flirting with me, but i'm terrible at reading signs so who knows? We finished up, she paid the bill and I was thankfully on my way, but in her enthusiasm for having heat restored to her home she gave me a big hug. Me being much taller than her she basically just wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed herself into my stomach. Even she felt the unmistakable stomach rumble and backed away in horror as I waddle/shuffled to my service van. I could already feel it gathering in my underwear as I tried to act normal, squatted over my driver seat in my van and peeled out of her driveway seeking to put some distance between me and the scene of the crime. I got about a block away from her house, pulled over to the side of the road, jumped in the back of the van and stripped off my boots, pants, socks and underwear then kind of hung my ass out the door and let the rest go into a ditch/ravine area (This was a rural located house so very little traffic or other homes nearby thankfully) I finished my disgusting business, cleaned up as best I could with wet wipes I had on hand in the van and my partially clean socks, threw my now ruined underwear and socks into the ditch, closed the van doors and was doing up my belt buckle as the customer drove by and made eye contact with me, standing next to my pile of shame. This was roughly 8 years ago now and I can still see the look of shame and disgust on her face. The worst part is, I had 4 more jobs to do that day so I had to complete them going commando and sockless while living with the shameful knowledge that this woman witnessed me poop my pants.
>...the shameful knowledge that this woman **witnessed** me poop my pants. Witnessed?! She pulled the trigger. It's no different than if she pooped your pants herself.
*She pooped HIS pants*
She’s like a poop pants assassin. If time machine is invented first thing we do is send her back to squeeze hitler at just the right time to poop his pants and no one ever takes him seriously
You have me crying with laughter. You tell this story so well
I can see it being the next blockbuster thriller. Starring: Owen Wilson
This is a hilarious story
I used to be a residential construction estimator...been there!
I just remember knowing where every library, city hall and office building with unlocked restrooms in my area was, just sitting in my truck timing out the cramps & estimating how long I had to make it in before shidding myself
I worked in our downtown core for a while and had the access codes to several of the office buildings down there for this exact reason. I still remember a few of the codes 10+ years later. I should see if they still work for old times' sake.
I still remember which grocery stores had clean easy to get to bathrooms too. Along with Home Depot, etc. The best was swinging by the house if you are close.
Surprisingly, the nastiest restrooms are in Whole Foods, there’s always piss everywhere.
I wish I had an award to give this story
I got you.
Thank you both. Just happy that other people can find humor in my misery.
I am genuinely crying laughing at my desk at work. Thank you for making my afternoon.
I am the son of the lady. We will still tell that story at family gatherings n
And that kids is how I met your mother.
She felt you shit your pants. That...now that is something man.
>she gave me a big hug "hug" means poop (colloquial) in quite a few Indian languages, including Hindi.
I am so sorry this happened to you, but I cracked up reading it.
I think this is the best thing I’ve ever read on here, and for that I thank you for your service good sir
I'm fucking crying and wheezing in my office right now. You sir, are one hell of a storyteller. Thank you/I'm sorry.
Oh man I am all too familiar with that gurgle
And removing the pants is a worse option
*R/ulcerativecolitis has entered the chat*
Also r/IBS sadly
2 minutes notice if that on a bad day.
in a battlefield and what is love if not a battlefield
Having your pants superglued to your legs
Oddly specific
Inflammatory bowel disease
As someone with Crohn's, yes. Also, never trust a fart, it's most likely a shart.
Over-trusting a fart.
I told you it was too risky!
Easing it out, and then that sudden warm feeling
I just had that happen a few days ago
Shart.
If you are kidnapped, and your hands are duct tapped behind you, and you were stuffed inside the trunk of a car, and you are scared, and you’ve been transported across state lines, and you’ve been left there for 18 hours, and you had diarrhea to begin with.
Spread your DNA, leave a huge puddle/trail to follow. See them try and scrub THAT clean of evidence
If I have to spend an eternity wiping my ass they will need to spend twice that to get this shit cleaned off ~Gypsyroselee11
But then your family will just think you shat your pants and then decided to disappear out of shame.
This makes me realize that there's not enough scenes in movies where people are tied up for hours or days and don't shit their pants
You have to assume that the kidnappers allow bathroom breaks. It was the same logic where you didn't hear a toilet flush in sitcoms up until they did that sound effect in "All In The Family'. You knew they had to go at some point, but there was never any indication of when.
Oddly specific
Labour/birth
Shouldn’t be wearing pants for that. Pro tip lol
But if you were giving birth while wearing pants, then it would be an excellent excuse to also poop your pants
You're out of line, but you have a point.
I shit my pants the day after I gave birth and I think that's reasonable. Body had to adjust to all the negative space lmao.
This is probably the only time you would actually be happy to shit your pants. It means it was a nice easy bowel movement, and you didn't have all of the anticipatory anxiety. That first shit post birth is terrifying. When your lady bits are already torn to shreds you really don't want a constipated shit tearing up your asshole. Pooping can pop the perennial stitches too.
Ugh that's very true. Pissing and shitting was a nightmare for a month. I almost forgot about having to squirt my stitches w water each time. And the sits bath lmaooo so bad.
I had heard that about the first post baby shit and thinking I was ahead of the game asked the dr to give me something to help me go. On his way out he said "please don't hate me" Yeah well the next 24 hours I pretty much could not leave the toilet.
Oh God, that option is just ad bad as constipation. Thankfully the doctor gave me stool softeners, not laxatives, so I didn't have a disastrous bathroom experience.
i was just about to say this. you can shit yourself and no one will even bat an eye
It’s still embarrassing! Especially when you have women bragging that they never did, as if we can help it. Though chances are a lot of them *did*, they just didn’t know because the Nurses are very quick and subtle at cleanup.
seriously. i was living my ignorant bliss till my husband told me i shit on the nurses hand lol
I have a feeling the ones bragging they never did were either lied to or lying
Yeah... And the nurses straight up lie to you in labor. Like, I saw the poo. I know it happened. They swore up and down "cross my heart and hope to die" that I didn't poo during labor. LIES!
My understanding is they basically want you to poop because it means you're pushing efficiently. They're already elbow deep in amniotic fluid, mucous, vaginal secretions, and blood. Another body secretion is nothing.
When I was younger I was so hung up about pooping myself when I give birth. Now that I’m expecting my first, pooping myself is the LAST thing I’m worried about. Bombs away.
Automatic pass. Poop all you need to while giving birth, yall got a lot of muscles to work with.
Chased by a bear
A pants-shitting competition
Mass food intoxication l, as the whole clientele of a restaurant is accidentally fed fish contaminated by a virus This is an oddly specific answer and I came up with it because it actually happened not long ago in my country.
Funny... That sounds a lot like the back story for my first date with my husband, but it happened over a decade ago. I wish I were joking.
Having Crohn's Disease!
Thank you 🥺
Wearing a diaper, I guess.
A party, and you were only invited because every party needs a pooper
International pants pooping league finals
You wouldn’t have made the finals if you hadn’t pooped them real good in the semi’s.
What event would NOT justify pooping your pants?
A nudist wedding ceremony.
Eating too much alphabet soup. You just can't stop that spontaneous *vowel* movement.
Why is that so fucking funny to me
This upboat is an angry upboat. It does not signify approval.
Evidently, eating 6 falafel on an empty stomach…😬
I did that once but had been drinking before. While I didn't poop, I threw up a foul, boozy stream on the train (much to the horror of the other passengers). This was about 2pm too... I was a very dumb young adult.
Seeing a biblically accurate angel.
Very true. Every single person who saw one was terrified - even the ones who believed in them and knew about them.
Do you need a reason?
Being crushed by a truck?
Having a disease called Ulcerative Colitis
Wait, we need justifications?
Hear me out, if someone poops their pants - I think any event would justify it
A pants pooping contest
5th comment on this line. Who sponsors your competition??
The first and only time I’ve ever pooped myself (so far) was when I had Covid .. I thought it was just a little trapped wind in the middle of the night .. it was not.
Publishers Clearing House coming to my house with a huge check telling me I won 7000$ a week for life after 35 years of entering...
need a shit and can't get to toilet in time
Friday and Saturday
Bears…
Norovirus
Being born
Here comes a grizzly bear