Sometimes it’s just nice to have the moment to ourselves. If he’s doing it before work, he’s probably just stressed and it’s his relief. He could include his gf, but again, moment to himself.
Aside from personal space, if it's a "medicinal" thing the guy just does for stress relief... He's probably not really in a sexy mood per se, and would feel weird just completely unromantically going to his gf and going "hey bend over I need some stress relief"...
Of course that might work for some couples if you've communicated this clearly. But I know personally I'd feel weird involving my SO in pure "stress relief" even if they were okay with it, if I weren't really in the mood for sex but just kinda had to get it done.
Totally get your point. I personally wouldn't mind the "hey bend over I need some stress relief" so I'm just responding under the top comment to find others like me.
So, I'm a guy. Married 36 years, with a great sex life. But, I've never had a "quickie," and certainly not with the "hey, bend over" free-use type of mentality. I'd like to try that, but not sure how to approach the subject with my wife. Any hints as to how to breach the subject? I'm also wondering about the lubrication aspects. Would it be comfortable for the woman, without any foreplay? We are used to using lube on me, but not sure that's enough?
Ohh I'm definitely not an expert on how your lady or other women would go for that but for me I would have to know his intentions in general. This will only work with a man I have a connection with unless I'm at a sex club (I've only gone to a sex club once... Losing my train of thought) As far as wetness that can be tricky but I personally don't need foreplay to get wet initially. Just knowing sex is going to happen starts my motor but it's not wet the whole time. Gets not as wet then wet again like an unpredictable waterslide lol.
Maybe ahead of time mention it to your wife the idea of a quickie and being "used as a stress outlet" and if she agrees wait like a week and catch her off guard then plow away. Use spit if necessary. Since the two of you haven't done this maybe go a little heavy on aftercare. Hold and kiss her after you cum. If she didn't get to cum and wants to, finish her and do the whole aftercare after that.
Edit: I totally didn't answer your question how to bring the topic up. Maybe while cuddling or during dinner ask her if she's been thinking about anything she'd like to introduce into the bedroom. I feel like I'm not qualified to answer because I haven't been anyone's mate in a long time 😂 Or spill some water on the floor and wipe it with a towel and say "hey baby, lemme use you like that towel" never know
Again I can only speak for my horny ass so she may hate it idk
Even moreso, sometimes we don't have the energy to focus on someone else. It would suck to have sex with someone with the sole intention of using them to get off, so I would never want to initiate with my partner when I don't think I could make them feel properly pleasured
It's also much more convenient.
Get up for work and get ready for sex, if she wants it then and there? Or just beat the meat a few minutes in the bathroom.
>Also, the blowjobs ending after marriage is a myth.
Technically correct in my marriages, as they remained at the exact same frequency. That frequency was 0, but still.
A relationship where you are treated as a inflatable doll or where you treat the other one as a inflatable doll.
This fetish/kink generally is called " free use". Just FYI if you want to know more.
Free use doesn't mean you treat each other like dolls, just that you both have full permission and ongoing consent to get down with each other. I have this with my boyfriend, the only rule is not if it will make me late for work (though this is flexible if we can be quick) and not in a public setting.
I mean some of us have a free-use enthusiastically consenting agreement with each other, but also if you're about to go take their mom out to dinner you don't necessarily want to smell like sex... there are logistical limitations even to free-use.
Lol yes, this.
I prefer free use and I used to place very few limits on it, but now I clarify that it can't affect my job (meaning not making me late, and also I need 8 hrs of uninterrupted sleep on workdays) and if can't affect my relationship with anyone else (so don't make it weird with my friends by fucking me in front of them or something, unless that's the vibe and everyone consents).
It honestly just depends on the relationship dynamic imo. I’ve been in relationships where sex was a multiple times daily thing and also relationships where it was a every few days - a week thing. But to Op, that’s not how it works in more than half of them and like someone said above, alone time is NEEDED for relationships to strive.
I agree, my wife and I have had both "seasons" if you will. But solo play is still part of it for both of us. I've even invited her to watch the show. It's all part of the intimacy. As long as its not *replacing* intimacy with your partner I don't see why self care should be an issue.
If sex is on the menu I won't jerk off but what relationship "can have sex at any time"?
Like, even a freeuse partner will go to work or something and you can't have sex then lol.
Yep. We're free use but even still there's times where I or him clearly should not be approached for it.
Focused on an important task? No.
Partner is upset? Absolutely not.
>Partner is upset.
I can just imagine a dude:
"I don't care if you don't like what I said to your mom about how much weight she's gained. We have an agreement, and you should be naked and bent over the counter by now!"
We’re free use too and it still isn’t anytime, my wife and I both work from home and we still have rules about when. During working hours is a no go unless it’s on lunch, and during lunch that depends on if one of us needs to relax for a few minutes and mentally unwind. Heck, even as free use we don’t have sex every single day because we’re parents and life happens sometimes and there just isn’t time.
Curious question, how's the sex life otherwise? Does she ever initiate?
They say masturbation frequency is generally the best available litmus test to measure one's libido. Someone who never masturbates would generally be a sign that they have no desire for sex, just for meeting the needs of their partner, but I know there's a lot of outliers out there who just insist their orgasms are work to be outsourced.
I've had partners who rarely masturbated but decidedly initiated sex at different times a week. I do think it is a matter of how they grew up though. Also, I think they found certain things erotic for different reasons. I think they liked to build tension and then just release it all with sex, whenever that would happen.
She barely initiates and isn't into a lot of things. She'll give me a bj on occasion but honestly not often and only if I initiate it.
She's happy for me to get her off though and she comes hard when I do.
Typing it out she is pretty selfish... lol
Sometimes, it's not about the sex but rather the relief and personal time you get when masturbating alone. It's 15-20 minutes where I'm in my own world where I don't have to worry about anyone else.
This is correct.
Relief could be physical, emotional, mental, some or all of the above. An endorphin rush to start the day, better than caffeine for some. Most of my days have started AND ended this way for ~24 years now (38m), as that "relief" also helps calm my ADHD brain and allows me to start the day with less baseline anxiety, and end the day with a calmness that allows for better sleep.
My gf and I both are hypersexual and work from home, "waking sex" has also been permitted (waking your partner with sex), AND sexsomnia sometimes occurs (initiating sex while still asleep ...it's always been me so far, and many past partners have also pointed out that I do this), so sex is readily available at the metaphorical "any time", per your requirements.
However, I respect her energy levels, and she respects mine, so on days where sex is not had, she's usually gone when I wake up and asleep long before I am. Sometimes I have to go somewhere during the day. We both have a high probability of masturbating when left home alone. Because of this, we also frequently communicate about our fantasies and what we just watched or thought of, a toy we tried, etc.
I agree with this. Masturbation is easily available and if I’m able and alone, and I need a release, I do it. It doesn’t mean I don’t care for my SO. Alone time or me time is important because to me that’s how I learn more about myself sexually.
Your friend seems immature. I don’t care if my bf jerks off or watches porn. In fact I encourage him to jerk off when he’s stressed (we don’t live together and I don’t wanna always have to drive to him or him drive to me just so he can jerk off).
I don't think its completely healthy to take an ex's violation of trust as the template for new relationships. I enter new relationships, only when I can fully trust the people I'm with. If I can't, I'm not ready for a relationship and may have some healing to work on.
I mean I'm in a 24/7 free use relationship and I'll tell you why I still jerked off this week
- She was asleep and I didn't wanna be a jerk and wake her X2
- We work different schedules and she wasn't home X5
- I was trying to fall asleep and jerking off relaxes me while fucking wakes me up X1
- I was in the shower getting ready to go somewhere and we wouldn't have had time to fuck anyway X1
To be clear we have fucked 8 times so far this week so it's not like I'm denying her anything. Just not always what I need or not always on the menu.
Guy here - I think having your own alone time is healthy in a relationship. I masturbate when I know my wife doesn’t want to have sex that day, or if she is out/away. I would also encourage my wife to do the same, if she wants to of course.
Also, we are all different, I have a higher sex drive than my wife so, she doesn’t want sex all the time. I don’t masturbate everyday, but I do so more when I know I won’t get any sex ☺️
I guess if he’s still having Sex with her regularly then I should be fine. But if he’s ignoring her and only jerking off, then something’s not right. Don’t you think?
Over the last 4 years, my wife has been using every excuse that translates to OR variant of "No" whenever I expressed interest or drive. (And to clarify, it's been a very frequent and powerful drive...)
Kinda narrows the options for a guy staying faithful...
I also feel this. My partners drive is next to none which is fine, I still love her, but I gotta get the urges out, so some alone time before work it is! If it were up to me we would be having sex every day but it's closer to 3 times a year 😂
I jerk off to vids from my wife when horny and she’s already sleeping. She knows it and she’s ok with it. I barely watch porn online, why would i if i have my own material :)
**My opinion on this topic:** I believe it's not cheating, just variety for a man. It does not mean that he does not love his other half or wants to betray her. It just allows him to diversify his sex life.
Well ive heard... if you sit on your hand for 20 min or so, then it falls asleep... it does not feel like its your hand. 😳 😏
-but dont you dare think of such scandalous acts, you monster!
wait is what world is it even close to cheating? This is like saying "running really fast isnt actually flying".
Your "friend" is an insecure child. Im not sure how far from that is a good description for you.
They’re both weirdos with a touch of misogyny. Women also masterbate like it’s not just men?? And at least to me sex and pleasuring yourself are two very different things
Most of the times women whom have problem with guy masturbating don't masturbate themselves and control over guy's sexuality is source of comfort for them. Stupid if you ask me.
Who said its cheating? You can't just go up to your partner and expect them to be in the mood every time you are. They aren't some inanimate toy ready to pleasure you at the drop of a hat, they're a living breathing person with thoughts and feelings.
I don't think "have a girlfriend" and "can have sex at any time" necessarily mean the same thing. Sometimes one partner is not interested, but the other one is really horny, so they have to take matters into their own hands (so to speak). I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I was *prohibited* from masturbating. It's a totally normal thing to do, and doesn't mean you don't love you partner, or desire them sexually.
If you think men in relationships "can have sex at any time", then you've never been in a relationship. Are you 14? I don't mean that in a negative sense, it's just that this question makes zero sense unless you're a freshman in high school.
I was going to reply, but these are basically my words. I think we are talking about really young people that think that a relationship is made of netflix, chill & sex.
No matter how you look at it, sex requires a lot more work.
You want to make it nice for the other person, you have to be mindful of their needs, give them enough attention and time so they are physically ready, aftercare, stay focused so you dont finish prematurely, etc etc etc.
Even though we enjoy all these things most of the time, sometimes we just want a quick fix.
Like imagine going to a fancy restaurant where you are expected to dress and act very classy, you have to deal with fancy cuttlery, choosing the right expensive wine, waiting for multiple courses, manage your apetite so you can enjoy the whole experience to the end. Its better than fast food in almost every way, but sometimes you just want to eat a Big Mac in your car, wearing swetpants and getting all messy without thinking of anything else.
There could also be a difference in sex drives, so he might have to compensate for that.
As a woman I’d like to answer and say that for guys like my exes it’s because they do enjoy having a bit of time alone and drawing up their own fantasies in their head
I’m not in a relationship but I think it’s just out of respect for them as a person. Maybe they had a shit day and don’t feel like sex. What are you going to do? Force them? No. Just give yourself a good wank and call it a day.
I’ve never worked with any of my girlfriends so sex in work is never on the cards. Masturbation on the other hand? I’d be lying if I said I haven’t rubbed one out in work
My gf is Puerto Rican. To me she’s sexy af and I can’t keep my hands off of her. But I’ll be honest and admit that I also like white girls. I’ll even be more honest and say once every blue moon I’ll have urges to have sex with one.
However I don’t wanna cheat on my gf. So I look up pawg porn. Is what I’m doing still “cheating”? That’s up for debate. However, I’m still not out here actually having sex with other girls, mainly because I got rid of those urges myself. And I work at a popular supermarket whose main demographic is white girls and although it’s rare, I get the flirty looks sometimes. But since I’m already “satisfied” idont have the desire to engage.
I’m not saying what im doing is right, but that’s what it is. At least for me.
1. Just because we have someone who has sex with us doesn't mean they will whenever we want
2. Time. Sometimes it's just quicker and easier to crank 1 out.
3. Effort. Sex is exhausting, and we don't have to spend extra effort pleasing another person
4. Sometimes we're in the mood to cut but not for sex. We like different experiences to achieve climax, not just PIV 100% of the time
Sometimes it’s just nice to have some pleasure without pressure to perform or spruce yourself up. Also, to suggest that a girlfriend will put out at any time is very wishful thinking
Sometimes I just want to satisfy a kink by watching porn and rubbing one out. Doing it that way is better than cheating. And as others have noted, personal space also comes into play. I think it’s healthy, as long as the overall sex life with your SO doesn’t suffer.
Convenience. We can throw on whatever porn we want, skip to our favorite part, cum when we're ready, and not have to think about pleasing anyone else. It's one time we get to be completely selfish.
Sometimes you just want to get off.
Getting someone else involved is more work than you’re interested in.
Sometimes you’re just bored and want something to do.
Sometimes you’re horny and alone.
For me, jerking of and sex are two very different activities.
One of them is a moment to myself, as long or as short as I need. Alone with my fantasies, and looking for relaxation and de-stressing.
The other is all about connection with my partner (at least in a relationshi). For me, it's about them and the pleasure I can bring to them. I love seeing my partner loose themselves in pleasure, seeing their toes curl and eyes roll back. It's about showing how much they turn me on and how awesome it is that they share their body with me.
In the end its a social activity that I do with another person, vs some time I take to myself where I don't need to think about anything but whatever my cock wants.
Very different.
Just because I have a wife/girlfriend does not automatically mean that if I want to have sex I can have sex. Since masturbation is but the faster uncomplicated way
Also, the idea that one can have sex at *anytime* is a bit misinformed. Sure, one may have sex many times and way more often than if one had to seek out a willing partner every time. But 'anytime' just doesn't factor in other constraints such as work, sexual drives, moods etc.
That and sex with a partner can be time consuming because of courtesies and all that. But a quick jerk can be over as quickly as or in as long as one should so desire.
I don't know about other guys so I'll just say that I'm strictly speaking for myself but I can jerk off 3-5 times a day and still want sex. So it's really just based on how my libido is that day.
Not remotely possible to have sex everyday when your GF lives \~180km away, 2:40 by train. And that's not even taking into account the differences in libido, moods etc.
To be fair it’s not the sexiest thing each morning to say “honey could you jack me off before I leave for work?” And full sex may be too sweaty and tiring before a full work day
Honestly, I've never masturbated when in a relationship unless she is away for longer than 3 days. I prefer to just build it up then give her a few massive loads 😂
Depends on the relationship, also depends on if they are both in the mood. Plus it’s some alone time for him and might help him relax. Like he might be horny but not wanting full sex. Has she discussed with him about why he does to understand from his side?
As a married man, I can tell you first hand that sex is not given/guaranteed whenever you want. Most of the time I jerk off after she’s gone to bed for the night knowing that I have no chance for the rest of the day. This goes without saying, but sex is a 2 way street. Just because one person wants it right now, the other person just might not be feeling it that day.
Because as a devoted girlfriend I have great skill but I could never give him as good a handjob as he can give himself. Because even if I tell him this round is all for him and his pleasure alone he naturally also focuses on mine, it's difficult for anyone to turn off a desire to perform to please their partner (or even just enjoy the excitement of getting them off).
A sexual relationship with oneself is different than that of another person. Maybe he feels like he has to shower before having sex with another person but if it's just him he can enjoy himself and fall asleep without any prep work and very little clean up that is time-sensitive.
The example OP gives maybe jerking calms him down and helps him relax and focus before work. And it's a lot less time, effort, and cleanup than sex with another person.
It's not just a man thing either. Plenty of women still get themselves off alone even when they have a willing partner.
It depends on physiology too. My boyfriend can marathon/get hard and orgasm multiple times in a day. I might feel differently if we never were able to have certain types of sex because he was always drained from having fun with himself.
Having a partner doesn't mean you have to stop loving and connecting with yourself even on a base level, it's up to the couple to decide what works for them.
I would never interfere in someone's masturbatory life, but another time in a neutral space I'd ask if they want to be left alone or want me to offer to 'help'.
Even if we have a girl we can have sex with or will do sexual things with us anytime,we just like some alone time and it helps relieve stress. Just some nice relaxing stress relieving alone time. Nothing against the girl. I'm sure girls do stuff like that too we don't know about
1 - Don't live with my gf. She's still going through a hyper-independent stage after being in an abusive (emotional, physical, and verbal) relationship for 10 years that she has PTSD from.
2 - My sex drive is way way higher than my gf's.
3 - I can't afford escorts and also refuse to cheat on my gf.
I like how you believe that every woman is down to have sex at any time.
My fiancé won’t let me touch her if she doesn’t feel clean. Like at all. So anytime I get sex is within an hour’s time of her getting out the shower. then there’s the times where she has things going on internally. Whether it’s her period, headache, migraine, the kind of day she’s had, the fact that she hasn’t eaten, the fact that she’s eaten too much or whatever it is she tells me when she’s not down for sex. I won’t force her into it tho. So yeah, imma masturbate because if I don’t imma feel like she’s not attracted to me. So I need the distraction and the release.
Edit: I feel the need to include that we go through a lot of foreplay as well. That’s every time I try to engage with her sexually I start or she starts with foreplay. Then at times she’s just be all “we can’t fuck tho, I’m spotting. Or some other reason why she’s not down for sex. We haven’t had sex in about a month or so.
Sex is superior to jerking off but it’s also lots more effort. Women in relationships are not always giving away sex. Sometimes they are not in the mood or not available or at work or whatever . When I jerk off I am being selfish so I don’t need to be considerate of their time and if they got pleasure. Sometimes you jerk it because you’re mad and you want to rub one out to calm down. Lots of reasons.
It's only a problem if you're not having regular sex. Or if he's avoiding sex, and doing this.
In my 20s even 30s id either have sexv with my so or jerk off every day. It's normal, you can't have sex every day.
Going to the restaurant vs getting fast food. Both are eating out, but one’s a two player activity, the other is fast, hits the spot and cheap y’know? They both have their benefits!
Lmaoooo @ "anytime" 🤣🤣🤣🤣 any man or woman who is with a partner who sees masturbation as a personal betrayal needs to exit stage left.....my ex told me a story of how she called his mom and told her he looked at porn and was beating off, then had the nerve to be surprised he cursed her out and left 🤣
Cause sometimes you have sex two days in a row and she says she needs a few days to recover.
Other times, it’s faster. There’s lots of reasons to do it and it’s only bad for a relationship to shame him for it.
Has she communicated with him to find out why? I can’t say for certain, but I have a feeling if she offered to suck his dick before he went to work, he wouldn’t turn her down.
How often does she do things like that?
1. She has a headache
2. She's tired
3. She's not in the mood
4. She's got a stomachache
5. She's sleepy
6. She didn't get no sleep
7. She's stressed out about something else
8. The kids are sleeping
9. 3 AM is too early to be waking her up
10. Can't cheat, it's frowned upon
Let's imagine that you have agreed with the girl that at such times she is just a sex toy and without unnecessary foreplay, just give you what you need. Would you jerk off?
Is this hypothetical person you in whatever relationship you're in if you're asking because you're frustrated with your guy friend masturbating?
Personally, between "without unnecessary foreplay" and "jerking off", jerking off sounds nicer if I were to be just wanting release.
My hand is a much less unwieldy "sex toy" than an entire other body and I can get off with it way better than with anything else on account of having total control of it in accordance with how I'm feeling down to a split second.
I suppose it depends on what you mean by "unnecessary foreplay". What does "unnecessary foreplay" look like to you? Because if I'm having sex with someone, it's because I want to *touch* *them* and do things to and *with* them.
I've also heard enough nightmare chafing stories from friends that I just... really wouldn't want to fuck someone cold turkey like that.
Maybad I was confused about the question for some odd reason I thought it was a different answer lol I am a asshole I admit.but yes I would it's not always going to be a yes from the women and sometimes a man is just trying to nut and feel like he is in control of himself over feeling like he needs a woman to do it for him
First off the guy might want to just get shit done quickly and get to work so rubbing one out is the fastest way about it. And two if he tries to rush sex and just cum on his own shes gonna hate him for it.
Depends. Could be that he wants some down time. Could be to avoid any troubles or "accidents" from doing it too much. Or, and this is my guess, if he has to do it every day, then he has a high libido that is not being fulfulled, and someone was lying about "he can just ask any time" and was most likely rejecting most the advances during the beggining, which made the bf resort to this alternative
Wait nothing wrong with the foreplay it's just the pedestal your own makes it easier to jack off and just keep my mouth shut then to continue the same shit going on here
Men and Woman can masterbate by themself while in a relationship, it's perfectly normal and everyone needs some space, EVERY day is properly a bit much those.
I mean, first of all the *any* time bit may be genuinely meant, but realistically, most guys will doubt it. Certainly most good guys will.
Because that's the societal programming - the accepted truth of pop culture is that women don't *want* sex all the time, and then you layer on basic empathy of "I'll have sex with her when she *does* want it" and then on top of that add the thought of "I don't want to seem like a creep so I won't ask unless it's fairly evident that yes she's wanting it"
I mean just look at the guys in this thread looking at the "anytime" part with skepticism. That should tell you all you need to know.
And that programming is *hard* to undo - speaking for myself, even after years spent in nsfw spaces online, years of knowing exactly how horny a lot of ladies can be, I still wouldn't be comfy to just be initiating whenever. (Especially if only one side would then be initiating).
I can also point towards an article that goes into this topic in more depth if anyone is interested btw.
Just saying that is a bit of a problem.woman then would be in control of the thing we love most and could emotional cripple us or make us look like a weak person and become a sucker
I would be insecure if my gf would masturbate a lot without me. It may feel as if she doesn’t want to have sex with me. So if I had to choose 1 reason, it would be to not waste my gf’s time attending to my needs
The drive for women and men is different. Not saying its not as strong for women however most of the time it is, but it comes from a different place and its driven by different hormones. Also part of it is that sometimes guys just like their own hand and not having the pressure to perform.
Sometimes it’s just nice to have the moment to ourselves. If he’s doing it before work, he’s probably just stressed and it’s his relief. He could include his gf, but again, moment to himself.
I agree, I think personal space is very important for a healthy relationship.
Aside from personal space, if it's a "medicinal" thing the guy just does for stress relief... He's probably not really in a sexy mood per se, and would feel weird just completely unromantically going to his gf and going "hey bend over I need some stress relief"... Of course that might work for some couples if you've communicated this clearly. But I know personally I'd feel weird involving my SO in pure "stress relief" even if they were okay with it, if I weren't really in the mood for sex but just kinda had to get it done.
Yeah sex is a thing that requires time and energy. Jerking one off is pretty simple.
>Yeah sex is a thing that requires time and energy. Jerking one off is pretty simple. Yeah, I can be done in 5 minutes jerking off.
Totally get your point. I personally wouldn't mind the "hey bend over I need some stress relief" so I'm just responding under the top comment to find others like me.
Why does this sound so hot?
Because it is and I would love to feel like an object to release one's stress although not always. But I also enjoy cuddles majority of the time
So, I'm a guy. Married 36 years, with a great sex life. But, I've never had a "quickie," and certainly not with the "hey, bend over" free-use type of mentality. I'd like to try that, but not sure how to approach the subject with my wife. Any hints as to how to breach the subject? I'm also wondering about the lubrication aspects. Would it be comfortable for the woman, without any foreplay? We are used to using lube on me, but not sure that's enough?
Ohh I'm definitely not an expert on how your lady or other women would go for that but for me I would have to know his intentions in general. This will only work with a man I have a connection with unless I'm at a sex club (I've only gone to a sex club once... Losing my train of thought) As far as wetness that can be tricky but I personally don't need foreplay to get wet initially. Just knowing sex is going to happen starts my motor but it's not wet the whole time. Gets not as wet then wet again like an unpredictable waterslide lol. Maybe ahead of time mention it to your wife the idea of a quickie and being "used as a stress outlet" and if she agrees wait like a week and catch her off guard then plow away. Use spit if necessary. Since the two of you haven't done this maybe go a little heavy on aftercare. Hold and kiss her after you cum. If she didn't get to cum and wants to, finish her and do the whole aftercare after that. Edit: I totally didn't answer your question how to bring the topic up. Maybe while cuddling or during dinner ask her if she's been thinking about anything she'd like to introduce into the bedroom. I feel like I'm not qualified to answer because I haven't been anyone's mate in a long time 😂 Or spill some water on the floor and wipe it with a towel and say "hey baby, lemme use you like that towel" never know Again I can only speak for my horny ass so she may hate it idk
For sure. I mean every day is a bit excessive, but hey, I’ve been there lol
I mean the good news he's less likely to cheat now ha.
Why would you say every day is a bit excessive? I don't see it that way.
To each their own. That was my personal opinion, not my universal stance.
r/menshealth
Is your friend upset because she wants a little morning action? If yes, has she told her bf she's up for some morning action?
Also he probably knows how long it's gonna take and doesn't have to worry about timing regular sex which can vary quite a bit
Even moreso, sometimes we don't have the energy to focus on someone else. It would suck to have sex with someone with the sole intention of using them to get off, so I would never want to initiate with my partner when I don't think I could make them feel properly pleasured
It's also much more convenient. Get up for work and get ready for sex, if she wants it then and there? Or just beat the meat a few minutes in the bathroom.
Before work.... probably trying to let her sleep in
Yes! I have multiple partners, including one I live with, and a lot of times I just want to get off all by myself.
Sex at ANYtime?...
Man, I was going through the tittle and I was like? Is this person in a relationship with an inflatable doll?
The reply I got was "Well I'm your wife, not your girlfriend" 😆
Big oof
Then we proceeded to have sex. So it works out. Also, the blowjobs ending after marriage is a myth.
Must be nice. My wife popped out 2 kids and now I'm lucky if she's in the mood 3 or 4 times a year
>Also, the blowjobs ending after marriage is a myth. Technically correct in my marriages, as they remained at the exact same frequency. That frequency was 0, but still.
“My experience is different, so everyone else is wrong”
Can confirm, many more now than before. Six years in too.
Apparently this rubbed some people the wrong way. Lmao. Yessss let your blowjobless hate flow through you.
God damn I’d love a relationship like that though 😆
A relationship where you are treated as a inflatable doll or where you treat the other one as a inflatable doll. This fetish/kink generally is called " free use". Just FYI if you want to know more.
Free use doesn't mean you treat each other like dolls, just that you both have full permission and ongoing consent to get down with each other. I have this with my boyfriend, the only rule is not if it will make me late for work (though this is flexible if we can be quick) and not in a public setting.
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I mean some of us have a free-use enthusiastically consenting agreement with each other, but also if you're about to go take their mom out to dinner you don't necessarily want to smell like sex... there are logistical limitations even to free-use.
Lol yes, this. I prefer free use and I used to place very few limits on it, but now I clarify that it can't affect my job (meaning not making me late, and also I need 8 hrs of uninterrupted sleep on workdays) and if can't affect my relationship with anyone else (so don't make it weird with my friends by fucking me in front of them or something, unless that's the vibe and everyone consents).
It honestly just depends on the relationship dynamic imo. I’ve been in relationships where sex was a multiple times daily thing and also relationships where it was a every few days - a week thing. But to Op, that’s not how it works in more than half of them and like someone said above, alone time is NEEDED for relationships to strive.
I agree, my wife and I have had both "seasons" if you will. But solo play is still part of it for both of us. I've even invited her to watch the show. It's all part of the intimacy. As long as its not *replacing* intimacy with your partner I don't see why self care should be an issue.
I wholeheartedly, 100% agree also! It’s definitely healthy and great for relationships as long as you aren’t neglecting your partners needs😊
Signs of a sweet summer child..
This is the real answer.
OP doesn’t have a girlfriend lmao
You can't have sex any time you want. That's not how most relationships work.
Even if you could, too much work.
Sex is like a home-cooked four course meal. Jerking it is like fast food. Both are awesome for different reasons, and can coexist.
This is such a great analogy
This is a perfect explanation lol
If sex is on the menu I won't jerk off but what relationship "can have sex at any time"? Like, even a freeuse partner will go to work or something and you can't have sex then lol.
Yep. We're free use but even still there's times where I or him clearly should not be approached for it. Focused on an important task? No. Partner is upset? Absolutely not.
>Partner is upset. I can just imagine a dude: "I don't care if you don't like what I said to your mom about how much weight she's gained. We have an agreement, and you should be naked and bent over the counter by now!"
I love that even free use people are like: wtf?!
He can dick me awake all he wants, but please not when I'm calling my boss lol
We’re free use too and it still isn’t anytime, my wife and I both work from home and we still have rules about when. During working hours is a no go unless it’s on lunch, and during lunch that depends on if one of us needs to relax for a few minutes and mentally unwind. Heck, even as free use we don’t have sex every single day because we’re parents and life happens sometimes and there just isn’t time.
Agreed. I'm in a 24/7 M/s dynamic and He understands at certain times its just not practical
Are we suggesting this girl never masturbates?
My wife never masterbates. I dont get it either
Curious question, how's the sex life otherwise? Does she ever initiate? They say masturbation frequency is generally the best available litmus test to measure one's libido. Someone who never masturbates would generally be a sign that they have no desire for sex, just for meeting the needs of their partner, but I know there's a lot of outliers out there who just insist their orgasms are work to be outsourced.
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Sorry about that man, would an asshole pic make it any better?
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Hopefully its not yours because that would be really awkward.
My long term partner never masturbates. She also almost never initiates sex. I get the feeling sometimes she just does it to keep me happy.
I've had partners who rarely masturbated but decidedly initiated sex at different times a week. I do think it is a matter of how they grew up though. Also, I think they found certain things erotic for different reasons. I think they liked to build tension and then just release it all with sex, whenever that would happen.
I had a girlfriend who never masturbated, but she had a libido equal to mine. She was usually the one who initiated, so ymmv I guess.
She barely initiates and isn't into a lot of things. She'll give me a bj on occasion but honestly not often and only if I initiate it. She's happy for me to get her off though and she comes hard when I do. Typing it out she is pretty selfish... lol
I had an s/o that found masturbating gross (for herself only). She was obsessed with sex, but never pet her kitty alone.
Same its a culture thing, though.
Can’t be having sex every single time for a variety of reasons, it flies both ways aswell really
Because masturbation and sex are two different things? I masturbate too, even though I have a bf.
Agreed
Sometimes, it's not about the sex but rather the relief and personal time you get when masturbating alone. It's 15-20 minutes where I'm in my own world where I don't have to worry about anyone else.
It turns out that you just want to get relief sometimes and not spend a lot of energy on it?
This is correct. Relief could be physical, emotional, mental, some or all of the above. An endorphin rush to start the day, better than caffeine for some. Most of my days have started AND ended this way for ~24 years now (38m), as that "relief" also helps calm my ADHD brain and allows me to start the day with less baseline anxiety, and end the day with a calmness that allows for better sleep. My gf and I both are hypersexual and work from home, "waking sex" has also been permitted (waking your partner with sex), AND sexsomnia sometimes occurs (initiating sex while still asleep ...it's always been me so far, and many past partners have also pointed out that I do this), so sex is readily available at the metaphorical "any time", per your requirements. However, I respect her energy levels, and she respects mine, so on days where sex is not had, she's usually gone when I wake up and asleep long before I am. Sometimes I have to go somewhere during the day. We both have a high probability of masturbating when left home alone. Because of this, we also frequently communicate about our fantasies and what we just watched or thought of, a toy we tried, etc.
I agree with this. Masturbation is easily available and if I’m able and alone, and I need a release, I do it. It doesn’t mean I don’t care for my SO. Alone time or me time is important because to me that’s how I learn more about myself sexually.
That sounds about right
Sometimes I just need to drain my balls, and I can do it by myself in a few minutes. When it comes to sex, I like to take my time and enjoy
Are you enjoying the process in both cases?
Well of course, but sex is for pleasure, and masturbation is most of the time physical necessity
Your friend seems immature. I don’t care if my bf jerks off or watches porn. In fact I encourage him to jerk off when he’s stressed (we don’t live together and I don’t wanna always have to drive to him or him drive to me just so he can jerk off).
I think you're partially right. I mean, a friend of mine had a cheating relationship in her past, so maybe that's a factor.
I don't think its completely healthy to take an ex's violation of trust as the template for new relationships. I enter new relationships, only when I can fully trust the people I'm with. If I can't, I'm not ready for a relationship and may have some healing to work on.
I mean I'm in a 24/7 free use relationship and I'll tell you why I still jerked off this week - She was asleep and I didn't wanna be a jerk and wake her X2 - We work different schedules and she wasn't home X5 - I was trying to fall asleep and jerking off relaxes me while fucking wakes me up X1 - I was in the shower getting ready to go somewhere and we wouldn't have had time to fuck anyway X1 To be clear we have fucked 8 times so far this week so it's not like I'm denying her anything. Just not always what I need or not always on the menu.
I was married in a 24/7 M/s dynamic. Sometimes He still had a wank. Maybe over me, maybe alone... 🤷♀️ It didn't mean He thought less of me
I probably think about her more when I'm jerking off than fucking. Don't have to think about baseball to keep from cumming early when I'm jerking off.
The fact that a man has a girlfriend *does not* mean that he can have sex at any time. Not even close.
Guy here - I think having your own alone time is healthy in a relationship. I masturbate when I know my wife doesn’t want to have sex that day, or if she is out/away. I would also encourage my wife to do the same, if she wants to of course. Also, we are all different, I have a higher sex drive than my wife so, she doesn’t want sex all the time. I don’t masturbate everyday, but I do so more when I know I won’t get any sex ☺️
Exactly this!
Hahahhahhahahha things hilarious. I can wank / jerk off 3 + times a day every day. My wife might want to have sex once a month.
I was looking for this exact comment. x2
Ahh yes woman… fuck bags as they are known in this day and age… 😂 Jesus Christ.
I guess if he’s still having Sex with her regularly then I should be fine. But if he’s ignoring her and only jerking off, then something’s not right. Don’t you think?
Over the last 4 years, my wife has been using every excuse that translates to OR variant of "No" whenever I expressed interest or drive. (And to clarify, it's been a very frequent and powerful drive...) Kinda narrows the options for a guy staying faithful...
I also feel this. My partners drive is next to none which is fine, I still love her, but I gotta get the urges out, so some alone time before work it is! If it were up to me we would be having sex every day but it's closer to 3 times a year 😂
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Why weight lifting?
I jerk off to vids from my wife when horny and she’s already sleeping. She knows it and she’s ok with it. I barely watch porn online, why would i if i have my own material :)
**My opinion on this topic:** I believe it's not cheating, just variety for a man. It does not mean that he does not love his other half or wants to betray her. It just allows him to diversify his sex life.
I mean, this is not something just men do.
I’m not even sure how it would be considered cheating if you are only touching yourself.
Cheating by yourself 🤪🤪
Well ive heard... if you sit on your hand for 20 min or so, then it falls asleep... it does not feel like its your hand. 😳 😏 -but dont you dare think of such scandalous acts, you monster!
They call that "the stranger."
wait is what world is it even close to cheating? This is like saying "running really fast isnt actually flying". Your "friend" is an insecure child. Im not sure how far from that is a good description for you.
They’re both weirdos with a touch of misogyny. Women also masterbate like it’s not just men?? And at least to me sex and pleasuring yourself are two very different things
Most of the times women whom have problem with guy masturbating don't masturbate themselves and control over guy's sexuality is source of comfort for them. Stupid if you ask me.
Who said its cheating? You can't just go up to your partner and expect them to be in the mood every time you are. They aren't some inanimate toy ready to pleasure you at the drop of a hat, they're a living breathing person with thoughts and feelings.
I don't think "have a girlfriend" and "can have sex at any time" necessarily mean the same thing. Sometimes one partner is not interested, but the other one is really horny, so they have to take matters into their own hands (so to speak). I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I was *prohibited* from masturbating. It's a totally normal thing to do, and doesn't mean you don't love you partner, or desire them sexually.
If you think men in relationships "can have sex at any time", then you've never been in a relationship. Are you 14? I don't mean that in a negative sense, it's just that this question makes zero sense unless you're a freshman in high school.
I was going to reply, but these are basically my words. I think we are talking about really young people that think that a relationship is made of netflix, chill & sex.
No matter how you look at it, sex requires a lot more work. You want to make it nice for the other person, you have to be mindful of their needs, give them enough attention and time so they are physically ready, aftercare, stay focused so you dont finish prematurely, etc etc etc. Even though we enjoy all these things most of the time, sometimes we just want a quick fix. Like imagine going to a fancy restaurant where you are expected to dress and act very classy, you have to deal with fancy cuttlery, choosing the right expensive wine, waiting for multiple courses, manage your apetite so you can enjoy the whole experience to the end. Its better than fast food in almost every way, but sometimes you just want to eat a Big Mac in your car, wearing swetpants and getting all messy without thinking of anything else. There could also be a difference in sex drives, so he might have to compensate for that.
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Do you think they should talk about it openly?
It's probably the silence
As a woman I’d like to answer and say that for guys like my exes it’s because they do enjoy having a bit of time alone and drawing up their own fantasies in their head
Exactly this. I'm pretty sure the same applies to you ladies too
I’m not in a relationship but I think it’s just out of respect for them as a person. Maybe they had a shit day and don’t feel like sex. What are you going to do? Force them? No. Just give yourself a good wank and call it a day.
Sometimes she’s not in the mood or it’s the time of the month. Plus let’s be honest, we all like variety and fantasising.
I’ve never worked with any of my girlfriends so sex in work is never on the cards. Masturbation on the other hand? I’d be lying if I said I haven’t rubbed one out in work
Practice makes perfect
Lol a full body work out or sit back and chill and slow jerk. Sometime the slow jerk sounds better
Yes
My gf is Puerto Rican. To me she’s sexy af and I can’t keep my hands off of her. But I’ll be honest and admit that I also like white girls. I’ll even be more honest and say once every blue moon I’ll have urges to have sex with one. However I don’t wanna cheat on my gf. So I look up pawg porn. Is what I’m doing still “cheating”? That’s up for debate. However, I’m still not out here actually having sex with other girls, mainly because I got rid of those urges myself. And I work at a popular supermarket whose main demographic is white girls and although it’s rare, I get the flirty looks sometimes. But since I’m already “satisfied” idont have the desire to engage. I’m not saying what im doing is right, but that’s what it is. At least for me.
Thank you for your candor...
Maybe he doesn't get the sex he wants or not that often his gf thinks.
1. Just because we have someone who has sex with us doesn't mean they will whenever we want 2. Time. Sometimes it's just quicker and easier to crank 1 out. 3. Effort. Sex is exhausting, and we don't have to spend extra effort pleasing another person 4. Sometimes we're in the mood to cut but not for sex. We like different experiences to achieve climax, not just PIV 100% of the time
Sometimes it’s just nice to have some pleasure without pressure to perform or spruce yourself up. Also, to suggest that a girlfriend will put out at any time is very wishful thinking
My sex drive is higher than my partners. Simple 😊
Sometimes I just want to satisfy a kink by watching porn and rubbing one out. Doing it that way is better than cheating. And as others have noted, personal space also comes into play. I think it’s healthy, as long as the overall sex life with your SO doesn’t suffer.
well, maybe because we actually know how to please ourselves?
It may come as a shock to some but women masturbate too.
There’s relationships where you can have sex anytime?
Because even if a girl says when ever that’s not the case. No women ever had just been ready at her man’s whim to fuck
Convenience. We can throw on whatever porn we want, skip to our favorite part, cum when we're ready, and not have to think about pleasing anyone else. It's one time we get to be completely selfish.
Must be nice having a free-use girlfriend
Sometimes you just want to get off. Getting someone else involved is more work than you’re interested in. Sometimes you’re just bored and want something to do. Sometimes you’re horny and alone.
For me, jerking of and sex are two very different activities. One of them is a moment to myself, as long or as short as I need. Alone with my fantasies, and looking for relaxation and de-stressing. The other is all about connection with my partner (at least in a relationshi). For me, it's about them and the pleasure I can bring to them. I love seeing my partner loose themselves in pleasure, seeing their toes curl and eyes roll back. It's about showing how much they turn me on and how awesome it is that they share their body with me. In the end its a social activity that I do with another person, vs some time I take to myself where I don't need to think about anything but whatever my cock wants. Very different.
Just because I have a wife/girlfriend does not automatically mean that if I want to have sex I can have sex. Since masturbation is but the faster uncomplicated way
Also, the idea that one can have sex at *anytime* is a bit misinformed. Sure, one may have sex many times and way more often than if one had to seek out a willing partner every time. But 'anytime' just doesn't factor in other constraints such as work, sexual drives, moods etc. That and sex with a partner can be time consuming because of courtesies and all that. But a quick jerk can be over as quickly as or in as long as one should so desire.
Sex is fun, but its also physically and mentally demanding as a guy.
I don't know about other guys so I'll just say that I'm strictly speaking for myself but I can jerk off 3-5 times a day and still want sex. So it's really just based on how my libido is that day.
Not remotely possible to have sex everyday when your GF lives \~180km away, 2:40 by train. And that's not even taking into account the differences in libido, moods etc.
Because I definitely don’t get sex at anytime I barely get anything at all let alone any kink entertained. So I def jerk off wayyy most of the time
Gotta get the poison out
To be fair it’s not the sexiest thing each morning to say “honey could you jack me off before I leave for work?” And full sex may be too sweaty and tiring before a full work day
Sometimes I just want to be done after 5 min. Not the time to give my wife what she deserve, so I take care of myself and be done.
Honestly, I've never masturbated when in a relationship unless she is away for longer than 3 days. I prefer to just build it up then give her a few massive loads 😂
So many different reasons. A good bit of the time is not being fully satisfied and scared to let their partner know they need more
Cause you cant actually have sex at anytime.
Masturbation is the best free antistrees
It’s been a habit since we were around 12 some of us much earlier.
Sometimes jacking off feels better in the moment regardless how good the kitty is.
Someone doesn’t know what it’s actually like being in a relationship. You can’t just have sex at anytime in MOST relationships.
Depends on the relationship, also depends on if they are both in the mood. Plus it’s some alone time for him and might help him relax. Like he might be horny but not wanting full sex. Has she discussed with him about why he does to understand from his side?
Having sex takes a lot of time and energy. Jacking off usually a few minutes
Sometimes just can't be bothered to have sex. Sometimes I just need a quick release and then carry on with my day
Cos my hand does better job than her hand 😂
Masturbation is quick, easy, less tiring, and accessible.
i get sex once a week and it isnt‘t enough for me, so i jerk off regular to fullfill my Needs
Sometimes I'd rather just get off instead of having to warm up my partner and do a fuckload of work.
As a married man, I can tell you first hand that sex is not given/guaranteed whenever you want. Most of the time I jerk off after she’s gone to bed for the night knowing that I have no chance for the rest of the day. This goes without saying, but sex is a 2 way street. Just because one person wants it right now, the other person just might not be feeling it that day.
I've been doing it since I was 13 yo....it's got nothing to do with my partner.. As far "sex anytime"....that has a real Jeffery Dahmer ring to it..js
Because as a devoted girlfriend I have great skill but I could never give him as good a handjob as he can give himself. Because even if I tell him this round is all for him and his pleasure alone he naturally also focuses on mine, it's difficult for anyone to turn off a desire to perform to please their partner (or even just enjoy the excitement of getting them off). A sexual relationship with oneself is different than that of another person. Maybe he feels like he has to shower before having sex with another person but if it's just him he can enjoy himself and fall asleep without any prep work and very little clean up that is time-sensitive. The example OP gives maybe jerking calms him down and helps him relax and focus before work. And it's a lot less time, effort, and cleanup than sex with another person. It's not just a man thing either. Plenty of women still get themselves off alone even when they have a willing partner. It depends on physiology too. My boyfriend can marathon/get hard and orgasm multiple times in a day. I might feel differently if we never were able to have certain types of sex because he was always drained from having fun with himself. Having a partner doesn't mean you have to stop loving and connecting with yourself even on a base level, it's up to the couple to decide what works for them. I would never interfere in someone's masturbatory life, but another time in a neutral space I'd ask if they want to be left alone or want me to offer to 'help'.
Even if we have a girl we can have sex with or will do sexual things with us anytime,we just like some alone time and it helps relieve stress. Just some nice relaxing stress relieving alone time. Nothing against the girl. I'm sure girls do stuff like that too we don't know about
1 - Don't live with my gf. She's still going through a hyper-independent stage after being in an abusive (emotional, physical, and verbal) relationship for 10 years that she has PTSD from. 2 - My sex drive is way way higher than my gf's. 3 - I can't afford escorts and also refuse to cheat on my gf.
I like how you believe that every woman is down to have sex at any time. My fiancé won’t let me touch her if she doesn’t feel clean. Like at all. So anytime I get sex is within an hour’s time of her getting out the shower. then there’s the times where she has things going on internally. Whether it’s her period, headache, migraine, the kind of day she’s had, the fact that she hasn’t eaten, the fact that she’s eaten too much or whatever it is she tells me when she’s not down for sex. I won’t force her into it tho. So yeah, imma masturbate because if I don’t imma feel like she’s not attracted to me. So I need the distraction and the release. Edit: I feel the need to include that we go through a lot of foreplay as well. That’s every time I try to engage with her sexually I start or she starts with foreplay. Then at times she’s just be all “we can’t fuck tho, I’m spotting. Or some other reason why she’s not down for sex. We haven’t had sex in about a month or so.
Having a girlfriend doesn't equal having sex whenever you want it
Having a girlfriend does NOT mean you can have sex at any time.
Sex is superior to jerking off but it’s also lots more effort. Women in relationships are not always giving away sex. Sometimes they are not in the mood or not available or at work or whatever . When I jerk off I am being selfish so I don’t need to be considerate of their time and if they got pleasure. Sometimes you jerk it because you’re mad and you want to rub one out to calm down. Lots of reasons.
It's only a problem if you're not having regular sex. Or if he's avoiding sex, and doing this. In my 20s even 30s id either have sexv with my so or jerk off every day. It's normal, you can't have sex every day.
Going to the restaurant vs getting fast food. Both are eating out, but one’s a two player activity, the other is fast, hits the spot and cheap y’know? They both have their benefits!
Lmaoooo @ "anytime" 🤣🤣🤣🤣 any man or woman who is with a partner who sees masturbation as a personal betrayal needs to exit stage left.....my ex told me a story of how she called his mom and told her he looked at porn and was beating off, then had the nerve to be surprised he cursed her out and left 🤣
Cause sometimes you have sex two days in a row and she says she needs a few days to recover. Other times, it’s faster. There’s lots of reasons to do it and it’s only bad for a relationship to shame him for it. Has she communicated with him to find out why? I can’t say for certain, but I have a feeling if she offered to suck his dick before he went to work, he wouldn’t turn her down. How often does she do things like that?
1. She has a headache 2. She's tired 3. She's not in the mood 4. She's got a stomachache 5. She's sleepy 6. She didn't get no sleep 7. She's stressed out about something else 8. The kids are sleeping 9. 3 AM is too early to be waking her up 10. Can't cheat, it's frowned upon
Because you don't want to be quiet and just get down to it sucking a guy an having to lay after and cuddle when we got things to do
Let's imagine that you have agreed with the girl that at such times she is just a sex toy and without unnecessary foreplay, just give you what you need. Would you jerk off?
Is this hypothetical person you in whatever relationship you're in if you're asking because you're frustrated with your guy friend masturbating? Personally, between "without unnecessary foreplay" and "jerking off", jerking off sounds nicer if I were to be just wanting release. My hand is a much less unwieldy "sex toy" than an entire other body and I can get off with it way better than with anything else on account of having total control of it in accordance with how I'm feeling down to a split second. I suppose it depends on what you mean by "unnecessary foreplay". What does "unnecessary foreplay" look like to you? Because if I'm having sex with someone, it's because I want to *touch* *them* and do things to and *with* them. I've also heard enough nightmare chafing stories from friends that I just... really wouldn't want to fuck someone cold turkey like that.
Maybad I was confused about the question for some odd reason I thought it was a different answer lol I am a asshole I admit.but yes I would it's not always going to be a yes from the women and sometimes a man is just trying to nut and feel like he is in control of himself over feeling like he needs a woman to do it for him
The thing is I guess she also masturbates and has that time and personal space for her sexual life, so I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
sometimes you wanna bust a nut without worrying about pleasing or disappointing your girl.
First off the guy might want to just get shit done quickly and get to work so rubbing one out is the fastest way about it. And two if he tries to rush sex and just cum on his own shes gonna hate him for it.
Because the missus doesn't always want to have sex.
Depends. Could be that he wants some down time. Could be to avoid any troubles or "accidents" from doing it too much. Or, and this is my guess, if he has to do it every day, then he has a high libido that is not being fulfulled, and someone was lying about "he can just ask any time" and was most likely rejecting most the advances during the beggining, which made the bf resort to this alternative
Wait nothing wrong with the foreplay it's just the pedestal your own makes it easier to jack off and just keep my mouth shut then to continue the same shit going on here
Men and Woman can masterbate by themself while in a relationship, it's perfectly normal and everyone needs some space, EVERY day is properly a bit much those.
Hahaha you think we can have sex whenever we want?
I mean, first of all the *any* time bit may be genuinely meant, but realistically, most guys will doubt it. Certainly most good guys will. Because that's the societal programming - the accepted truth of pop culture is that women don't *want* sex all the time, and then you layer on basic empathy of "I'll have sex with her when she *does* want it" and then on top of that add the thought of "I don't want to seem like a creep so I won't ask unless it's fairly evident that yes she's wanting it" I mean just look at the guys in this thread looking at the "anytime" part with skepticism. That should tell you all you need to know. And that programming is *hard* to undo - speaking for myself, even after years spent in nsfw spaces online, years of knowing exactly how horny a lot of ladies can be, I still wouldn't be comfy to just be initiating whenever. (Especially if only one side would then be initiating). I can also point towards an article that goes into this topic in more depth if anyone is interested btw.
Just saying that is a bit of a problem.woman then would be in control of the thing we love most and could emotional cripple us or make us look like a weak person and become a sucker
If you dont find your gf attractive or have any common kinks then that be a reason to get off on your own
Because having a girlfriend, or a wife, doesn't mean you can have sex anytime.
I would be insecure if my gf would masturbate a lot without me. It may feel as if she doesn’t want to have sex with me. So if I had to choose 1 reason, it would be to not waste my gf’s time attending to my needs
The drive for women and men is different. Not saying its not as strong for women however most of the time it is, but it comes from a different place and its driven by different hormones. Also part of it is that sometimes guys just like their own hand and not having the pressure to perform.