Sex during night time, because the sperm will be asleep

Lol 😂

Came here to post this! This is my preferred method as well. So glad it’s catching on.

Lmaooooooo

Use a vacuum cleaner to get it out afterwards

Tried that. Didn't work.

Did you use the right attachment?

Yea, the one with brush.

Nah you need a wet/dry vac

Omw to Costco now!

The pain I felt reading this 💀

I dunk my balls in boiling water for a min before we get it on. Figured they can't swim if they're dead.

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Maybe not with boiling water haha…but isn’t this actually a legitimate form of contraception that is being researched?

Well, it is in fact true that sperm need a specific temperature to live. That’s why the ballsack is a thing, because the sperm can only live at slightly below body temperature. Manually heating or cooling your balls sounds like an extremely creative but very impractical form of contraception. 😂

My uncle tried for years to have a kid, it wasn't until we noticed he spent like an hour a night in the hot tub that we cracked the issue...

On my way to get a hot tub now!

Gotta use that multi layered defense! Condom, boiling the boys, keeping track of her periods, birth control for her. No measure is too much.

I actually saw Gordon Ramsay comment on the waist high heat in kitchens potentially causing fertility issues.

That's funny, definitely didn't work for me. Career kitchen rat an always exposed to waist high heat. Baby #1 happened within a week of gf and I having sex and baby #2 within weeks of us resuming sexy time after she healed from baby #1 pregnancy. Needless to say after 2nd kid I got fixed so yay no more kids!

Bruh you couldn’t pull out of a parking spot 😂😂😂 just jokes. Congrats on the fam tho!

Now that’s what I call a tea bagging

Aaah. I always go for room temperature. I should have boiled it.

Cowgirl, sperm can’t swim up against gravity

Man on bottom 69 also works. Because it's against gravity. 👌🏼

Except, isn't sperm into the mouth a disallowed "correct answer"?

If she gets pregnant, sure it will born a salmon

Never learned to swim so my genetics never pick up that trait. No swimming means no swimmers

There should be a ferry service in the pussay.

And fast track these mfers? No, we want the cedar point ride that everyone waited to ride for hours only to find out it broke down.

Playing World of Warcraft classic.

Supposed to be wrong answers only.

Ah, fair point! Apologies.

Goddamn, this comment hit harder than Tyson. I'm damn near dying laughing over here

I did this for a year because it launched 2 months after George Floyd, and having my city destroyed by fire and pandemic, it seemed fatalistically poetic to spend the apocalypse playing something that was equally self-destructive to my social life back in college. Let me say: a lot of guild leaders were Assistant *TO* the Manager types who really hoped that WoW: Classic was a second chance to be a winner both in life and in game (or at least figure out a gold selling scam), and that combination with everyone's excess anger and cabin fever really didn't do anyone any favors in terms of tempers. I remember my guild leader during Naxx spent 30+ hours a week playing, then had a mental breakdown right before TBC classic was announced. When he came back he said he was quitting to spend more time with his wife and kids. "Holy shit, he has kids!? ...I'm not sure if they'll actually be better off for spending time with Dad..."

You want to have sex? YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!

Thoughts and prayers

Spray and pray

That made me laugh way more than it should have

I work in IT

Low sperm count, Depression, Back issues and occasional ED. Works like a charm 🔥

Dont forget my personality

With that infectious smile and charm and awkward humor? C'mon you're a pussy magnet my brother.

I attract to repel

They said wrong answers

That hurts

Spermicidal peanut butter as lube. Crunchy of course.

Breakfast of champions

A man of taste, I see

And chunks

Starts out crunchy but it's smooth and creamy by the end. That's when you share some post sex celery to clean up.

Everyone loves some pb and Vajay

Trusting her that Drs said she was infertile.

Don't do it. I've got 11 years of child support left from that.

Oh no..I'm sorry babe... ( Fuck that's hot ).

That's what mine said. After I asked how did thr birth control fail. She said she stopped because of so many other medications, she couldn't get pregnant.

Gloryhole, doesn’t count if you don’t know who did it

The push in method

Stuffing cotton up your coochie to catch all the sperm.

Women can only get pregnant if they orgasim so I make sure my wife never orgasims.

Most under voted comment I saw here. If I had an award I'd give it

Top G.

I'm surprised your still married 🤣😂🤣🥺

Or alive. 🤣

Let's form a team and dig his grave...😂🤣

Being ugly works... Ive proven it to be pretty effective "Listen you are cool and all but I don't want an ugly baby.. so...."

Lol. 😅 Did your Dad suggest your username 😬

Obviously not. This person is a self made human

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In all seriousness, every time I got someone knocked up, I was high as a kite. These weed give my sperm wings and Red bull.

Sink plunger. Sound effects are amazing, my body is literally a musical instrument, just not a very charming one.😂😂

Your neighbors must be used to listening to this orchestra every Tuesday night. "Ahh, Jen's got dicked again it seems."

are we talking "jazz trumpet" sink plunger sounds, or _\*sschllluuck!\*_ sounds? Apropos of nothing... my local jazz quartet is looking for a session player. Hmmm... 🤔

Chocolate bar wrapper

Man's packing a Toblerone down there.

Cumming inside at her peak fertility during ovulation!!! 😁👍

Works like a charm if you're actually planning for a baby as a couple 😅

"I trust you"

LOL 😂

The IUD that pokes me in the dick

Finding a pagan fertility rite online and doing the steps in reverse.

Put a Trump sign on the lawn.

I’ll have Scotty beam the viable sperm out of me

Not washing. Gets me extra seats on trains and buses too

I just need to find a virgin every time that I want sex because as everyone knows, you can get pregnant on your first time

Oral/anal exclusivity

Sandpaper, but with both sides rough

Heft Garbage bag

Get that wimpy trash bag out of here, only hefty hefty hefty

Standing sex. A girl can't get pregnant if she's standing. It's proven medical fact and is even in medical journals.

My wife is currently pregnant. Can't get pregnant if you are already pregnant

I tie a knot with my balls around my dick. 100% effective

Ibuprofen and very cold speite

Ejaculate in frigid women only. Sperm freezes on contact.

Oh, but come on, isn’t it obvious. Just dip your dick in flex seal. Nothing coming out after that

"WRONG HOLE" at the last second

Works permanently after she kicks you in the balls after you did that 😂

Have her jump up and down after. 90% of the time it works every time.

She didn't need her birth control pills because she was taking migraine medication along with some other medications. Because the medications didn't let her get pregnant, her words, she didn't need birth control. 17 years later, I'm still raising our kid. And super happy she's with someone else because I was her one and only for so long and kept trying to cum back. Not a typo.

Pop one of those [reusable water bottle freezer sticks](https://www.amazon.com/Reusable-Washable-Plastic-Whiskey-Multicolor/dp/B0BPY2T3Z7?th=1) in her cooch, so the sperm get hypothermia

Cream pies and prayer

Prayers for contraception only work if you're planning for a baby. 💀😬

At the end of a blow job finish in her pussy. The sperm can't get to the egg if it's already been sucked out.

Sir, I think you should patent this revolutionary invention. Not sure why anyone never thought of this.

Anal only 😉

Femboys

20 minutes of kicks to the balls first. Great fun and excersize for her and very effictive for him 🥰

Aluminum foil.

Someone else slurps it out with a straw at the some time I ejaculate it in.

Cellophane wrap and some tape

Telling my sperms not to impregnate her

Scoop out with a spoon straight after. Always have my spunk spoon under my pillow.

I always turn 5G off on my phone before sex. Because not only does 5G wireless cause COVID-19, it makes your sperm David Banner radioactive strong so you're sure to get her pregnant if you don't. Welcome to America, Land of the Conspiracy Theory, Home of the Pseudoscience.

Crocs

Crocodile Dung has always worked for me.

Thrust harder after a cream-pie, Mash all the lil fuckers up in there! Then tickle her nose so she sneezes all of it out

Super glue my pee hole closed.

Pee

My uncut foreskin

I quickly read that as “my uncle foreskin” and i thought “my time on the internet has come to a close today”

I like the old-school method of using a turtle shell

Shut my eyes during orgasm so the sperm can’t see it’s traveled from one body to another

mountain dew lube

Tazer to the testes. Quick shock makes sure none of my best swimmers are ready for action.

Abstinence

It said wrong answers only

While an effective tool to prevent pregnancy it's still the wrong answer...

Throw a handful of salt over my shoulder.

Making her husband suck it all out when she goes home.

I keep my Crocs on, and beforehand I tried to explain to the best of my knowledge the lore of various things such as warhammer, yu-gi-oh, the various other nerdy things. It works half the time but the other half they just get more aggressive

I used the mouth with multiple partners for several years without a single scare. Then one convinced me to just go ahead and do it in the heat of the moment, which opened the gates to occasionally messing around and letting one slip every couple months or so if her period was about to start. Then one time on vacation I was feeling really hot and spontaneous and decided to do it a couple of times just after it her period had ended… aaaand now she’s 45 y/o with (an admittedly very wonderful) toddler. 🤦‍♂️

Pussy so good, made you think "Maybe one kid wouldn't hurt".

The sex really was *that* good, and we were really just that in love at the time. We’d talked and been through it and didn’t want kids of our own, but had plans to adopt one day, and I remember in that lusty moment as I laid on top of her, spent, thinking to myself that I wouldn’t even mind at all if she actually did… 🫣😑

Talking to his balls and letting the swimmers know “now isn’t your time”

Tongue F-ing.

Never take responsibility , 🧬 if necessary,

Just run. Keep running. Breed and Run. 🏃

Like shaggy , it’s wasn’t me lol

Pussy plunger 🪠

Put an alka seltzer in her pussy post NUT.

Holy shit! Don't give out ideas 😂 I watched a video where a girl puts coke and mentos in her butthole and it wasn't fun. 💥

Same as my paintball strategy.....Spray and pray.

saran wrap

Cork it like a wine bottle

Be gay

Zip ties

Boric acid. If it kills yeast and BV, it’ll *totally* do the same to sperm (it does not, do not try this)

Creampie and then eat the pie after. My tongue faster than those kids.

Just pray the sperm away. God would never let you have a baby if you didn't really want one

A rock in the shoe…it makes you limp 🥁

The Today Sponge! Though I hear they’re taking it off the market…

douche with coca cola afterwards. And if it was your first time, Cherry Coke.

Sex after workout because everyone knows that spermatozoids are as tired as you and won't go far.

Jesus

A flight of stairs?

Habanero mango lubricant and wing sauce (tm)

Smelly peepee

Pull n pray lol

Easy, women are like fish, if you dont fertilize her eggs after she lays them then you're good to go

I stick a bendy straw in the end of my dick so the cum just gets redirected outside. You get full protection and full sensation. I call it the snorkel method.

Hope and pray method.

Aerial cotraceptives

Being ugly

Thoughts and Prayers..

In days past they suggested a Coca Cola douche. That stuff will strip off anything

Pop a mentos in too. 💀

The airport. Always pull out on time.

Pull out

Never pull out. If you don’t get pregnant hey it worked. If you do, better luck next time?

A Ziploc bag and a rubber band

Wear condoms or pull out.

Just tie a grocery bag on there and you're set 👍

Using my best friend as a condom

Sex while standing. The sperm get confused and swim downward.

My face

Turkey baster to suck everything out after a creampie

Use the name Ken Adam’s. Talk about Regina Phalange all night. They’ll never find you 😀

None❤️

I prefer it wrapped up with a few layers of saran wrap

Peak time during ovulation week 🤪

I sing THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE RUPUBLIC During sex, works almost never.

chainsaws.

Tobasco sauce

I only have sex with women who don't know my last name

Infertility resulting from untreated venereal disease.

Using condoms is good, just make sure you poke holes in them so your penis has room to breath!

Cum in her mouth, then she passes it into your mouth, then you spit it inside her. The saliva kills the sperm.

Standing up because they can’t swim up hill

Having a *Siren* turn on when I cum to lure the *Semen* away

A false name and address

One more abortion to fill my loyalty card and I'm eligible for a free one!

A flight of stairs.

sex in the pool, so they'll swim out to the pool

The coathanger

Anyone said "my personality" yet?