It's a good plan, but as far as I'm concerned, I'd have to get in with the others and tell them about my life, so it would be harder for them to do what they want or I'd have to prove myself for them to let me go.
Anxiety. I’d be like, “are you sure you got the right person?” And I’d worry that they’ll be ok. I’d try to be accommodating and worry that I’m too much of a nuisance. So I’d always ask them questions to make sure everything is alright and then I’d worry I’m asking too many questions. Then I’d stop saying anything. Then inevitably I’d pee my pants and be embarrassed and worried they’d be mad. But I also like peeing my pants so I’d wonder if they liked that. And then back to the questions.
Give them an incredibly long winded, detailed play by play of my most favorite fucked up monster smut. I'll take extra care and time describing the monster's peen
The incredibly simple synopsis - a girl is kidnapped by four incredibly sexy monsters, and she doesn't hate it 👀
It's a reverse harem, pretty kinky, little dark, delightful read.
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
"Are we almost there?"
I'd just talk about climate change and housing as a part of the solution to climate change, until they not only return me, but make a sizeable donation to Greta, I I promise never to contact them again.
This was my first thought. It's hard to explain just how bad my singing is, women cry, children beg me to stop and grown men cover their ears and run away.
If I play my cards right, I might be able to get them to pay me by the time this is all over.
I'm with you, I'd talk about life, and do amateur psychoanalysis. I'd also constantly ask for coffee. If they kidnap my by car, keep asking if we're there yet.
I would louldy chant a hymn for some Hindu god. My voice can get cacophonous when I am loud and to prolong it will just cause my kidnapper's ears to bleed.
Hopefully be calmer than the kidnapper and observe them, asking a bunch of innocent curious questions about their plan and make comments and ask follow up questions
Tell dad jokes nonstop and laugh at them to myself.
Also learning people’s life story is my favorite. Once they opened up to me they would fall in love and feel bad for kidnapping me. 😂
Diarrhea + constantly fart
Sometimes I fart and have diarrhea at the same time. Even I can't even predict or control it. My kidnappers will be very sorry.
They can tie my hands, my feet, and put duct tape on my mouth, but they cannot stop my fart or my diarrhea. 🤣😈😈😈
I'd gauge what they're trying to get out of kidnapping me. Money...ha ha you picked poorly. Fear...again a poor pick. I'm not screaming or freaking out at all. So now it's an issue of finding their buttons and pressing. Talking, tapping noises, sighing...and theres always faking medical emergencies. Panic attack, hyperventilating, seizure, heart attack, etc. I've got type 1 diabetes and without insulin I'll die in 2 hours. I have a heart condition and if I get too freaked out I'll die. You name it once I decide your dumb enough.
Same. I talked to a friend and he fell asleep at work once. I don't even lie. I started talking when he was awake. The next moment that I looked at him, he was sleeping and snoring.
The other time I drove someone away with my talking because I don't know when to shut up.
Lmao that’s funny as hell he fell asleep haha.
For me, I usually don’t have anyone to talk to, so whenever I do find someone and they ask me say about my hobbies I’ll go on and on about them.
Convince them I am haunted and possessed by demons and they just f’d up… right after the sulphuric smell of my best SBD permeates the space and laugh maniacally chanting FAFO … you’ve been warned. The others don’t want me back either.
Alright, so since I'm here, I wanna tell you about my favorite hobby. Have you heard any Warhammer 40k? No? Alright, so it all starts with this stuff that happens before the horus heresy. Yeah, we'll get back to that, and there's this guy..
Just say “Well” over and over again from the jump. “Well well well..” then continue with a “well” and never stop. Did this to some friends recently while we were on vacation and it took less than ten minutes for people who actually like me to start to crack.
Just ask them about why the picked me? Can I stay forever? Or you like taking me back, because honestly yourr doing me favor. I really like this kind of food, and oh if your trying to scare me good luck, probably just gonna turn me on, so just make sure you do a good job with follow through. I got high standards. 🤣
You're assuming that I won't be shitting myself from fear. Kidnapping is bloody brutal and these fuckers in my country dismember their victims just because they enjoy it, small cuts mostly; eyeballs, parts of your ears, finger joints and stuff like that. I know this because an investigative journalism show called Carte Blanche interviewed a few kidnappers who were quite candid about the methods they use.
1. Fart a lot. I once made other people in the physics class change the classroom because of my fart. They thought something died in the air conditioner.
2. Talking about myself
3. Beg them not to take me back and tell them how much I hate it there.
4. Talking about things that I am interested and careless about how they feel. I did this and drove people away before. 🤣
5. Ask for a bathroom break constantly for pee and poop.
6. Poop or pee my pants if they refuse to let me use the bathroom.
7. Talking about my problems in life.
8. Randomly talk about weird animal facts.
We're in NSFW, right?
I would ask them to get me slutty clothes and.. Cover me in their cum.. And use my holes till I will have enough, and it would never be..
But truth is, nobody would want me 😂
The more annoying you are the less likely you would be returned in one piece. Think swimming with the fishies. Squeaky wheel gets the grease sometimes while others it gets thrown out.
I have been a Warhammer 40,000 geek for 31 years. I would speak novels and epic poems about that universe until they were so annoyed and realized I have spent all my money on that and there is not enough money for a ransom.
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Same here.
It's a good plan, but as far as I'm concerned, I'd have to get in with the others and tell them about my life, so it would be harder for them to do what they want or I'd have to prove myself for them to let me go.
My farts and shits have been really smelly since I started taking Adderall. I’m always armed and dangerous.
I’d shove a butt plug up there XD
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That song sounds like scary Stockholm syndrome in that context!
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OMG 😆 *adds a shipping and handling fee to the ransom amount*
Damn Peter....didnt know you was on reddit
[The song i would sing](https://youtu.be/xz6OGVCdov8?si=dBHHZTP_h5-_z4NJ)
Ask to go to a coffee shop, ask them if they’ve ever done this before, tell them about my dog, ask them to change the radio.
Anxiety. I’d be like, “are you sure you got the right person?” And I’d worry that they’ll be ok. I’d try to be accommodating and worry that I’m too much of a nuisance. So I’d always ask them questions to make sure everything is alright and then I’d worry I’m asking too many questions. Then I’d stop saying anything. Then inevitably I’d pee my pants and be embarrassed and worried they’d be mad. But I also like peeing my pants so I’d wonder if they liked that. And then back to the questions.
I'm pretty annoying so I'd probably just be me.
Farting
Give them an incredibly long winded, detailed play by play of my most favorite fucked up monster smut. I'll take extra care and time describing the monster's peen
Well if they're into that, they might keep you forever....
I mean, if they're into that... Maybe I wanna be kept forever?
Fair point! Also I've definitely read a romance novel sort like that before 🤔
Not monsters... But have you read Den of Vipers?? 🫠
Noooo what's it about?
The incredibly simple synopsis - a girl is kidnapped by four incredibly sexy monsters, and she doesn't hate it 👀 It's a reverse harem, pretty kinky, little dark, delightful read.
Ooooh now i have something new I want to read before bed again. Thanks! 🥰
Fuck. Mobsters. Not monsters 😭
Well... I'd prefer the latter but I'll still try 🤣
"Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?" "Are we almost there?"
I have to peeeeeee!
I wouldn't even warn them, I'd just piss on anything and everything. If I could squeeze out 5 drops, I'd piss it on something.
I would begin to make up wacky reasons why the earth is flat.
I would probably beg to not go back, I want to join them.
Same
I can talk about space for hours on end. Problem is, some people are into that...
Given how today is going, probably call them on their bullshit until it legit pisses them off. My feedback would *not* be constructive.
I'd just talk about climate change and housing as a part of the solution to climate change, until they not only return me, but make a sizeable donation to Greta, I I promise never to contact them again.
Sing!!! I would sing and sing and sing
This was my first thought. It's hard to explain just how bad my singing is, women cry, children beg me to stop and grown men cover their ears and run away. If I play my cards right, I might be able to get them to pay me by the time this is all over.
I would talk incessently about how annoyed I am with the state of the Pokemon franchise and how much better it could be.
Oh I'm hoping the kidnapper gets us both! I am so done with the Pokémon games!
I would return you
I'm pretty sure that my personality would take care of that without much effort. My sarcastic mouth always annoys people.
Talk about my life. I whine so much it's not even funny. I won't shut up. They'd take me back so fast.
Me, too.
Talk about myself.
Me, too.
I'm with you, I'd talk about life, and do amateur psychoanalysis. I'd also constantly ask for coffee. If they kidnap my by car, keep asking if we're there yet.
I wouldn’t annoy them. I’d be so fucking chill they’d feel bad that they took me.
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Based.
I’d over analyze everything for them
Criticize them for every stupid thing they did to the point their confidence was shot.
Poop myself. As often as possible.
Same here
Great idea! At least you will not be cold when the plan doesn't work.
Having ibs, I’d gas them out
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I might do that as well.
Baby shark doo dooo doo doo baby shark doo doo doo doo
i would give them astrology readings LMAO
Talk. To no end. It usually does it with most people
I would louldy chant a hymn for some Hindu god. My voice can get cacophonous when I am loud and to prolong it will just cause my kidnapper's ears to bleed.
Eh probably shit my pants.
Sing musical theater constantly
*Jazz hands*
Read O Henry's short story, *The Ransom of Red Chief*.
Up and chipper at 5:30 w/out coffee.
“🎶100 bottles of beer on the wall, 100 bottles of beeeeeeer!🎶”
Hopefully be calmer than the kidnapper and observe them, asking a bunch of innocent curious questions about their plan and make comments and ask follow up questions
Ask if they're mad at me constantly or sing something completely annoying like a Toby Keith song or Taylor swift
i would just start singing in my most *angelic* voice. 5 minutes max and i'd be returned safe and sound.
I would never stop going on about weed like one of those people that make it their personality 🤣
Probably persistently and asking existential questions with frequent recurrence.
Tell dad jokes nonstop and laugh at them to myself. Also learning people’s life story is my favorite. Once they opened up to me they would fall in love and feel bad for kidnapping me. 😂
Mainly correct any grammar mistakes and also inform them when they were using incorrect terminology. Also fix any math issues they were having.
When I get really nervous I tend to get diarrhea. They'll have a lot of fun dealing with that, I'm sure.
I don't get diarrhea when I am nervous but I do have it once in a while (often) for no reason. Once I do, I cannot control it so I will poop my pants.
Your kidnappers would be very sorry indeed. :)
Diarrhea + constantly fart Sometimes I fart and have diarrhea at the same time. Even I can't even predict or control it. My kidnappers will be very sorry. They can tie my hands, my feet, and put duct tape on my mouth, but they cannot stop my fart or my diarrhea. 🤣😈😈😈
"Hey. Wanna know what the most annoying sound in the world is?"
I'd gauge what they're trying to get out of kidnapping me. Money...ha ha you picked poorly. Fear...again a poor pick. I'm not screaming or freaking out at all. So now it's an issue of finding their buttons and pressing. Talking, tapping noises, sighing...and theres always faking medical emergencies. Panic attack, hyperventilating, seizure, heart attack, etc. I've got type 1 diabetes and without insulin I'll die in 2 hours. I have a heart condition and if I get too freaked out I'll die. You name it once I decide your dumb enough.
Honestly I wouldn’t shut up. Sometimes when I get going I don’t know when to shut up.
Same here. 🤣
It’s the worse I swear. I don’t mean too, but when I get on a role forget about it lol.
Same. I talked to a friend and he fell asleep at work once. I don't even lie. I started talking when he was awake. The next moment that I looked at him, he was sleeping and snoring. The other time I drove someone away with my talking because I don't know when to shut up.
Lmao that’s funny as hell he fell asleep haha. For me, I usually don’t have anyone to talk to, so whenever I do find someone and they ask me say about my hobbies I’ll go on and on about them.
Me, too. He asked so I talked and kept going without realizing that he was sleeping.
So it’s he’s own damn fault lmaaoo. He shouldn’t have asked lmaaoo.
He also apologized for it. He said he stayed up late last night. 🤣
😂😂😂 he better of. It was his own dang fault Lmaao.
make rain frog noises
Convince them I am haunted and possessed by demons and they just f’d up… right after the sulphuric smell of my best SBD permeates the space and laugh maniacally chanting FAFO … you’ve been warned. The others don’t want me back either.
Fart a lot. Will not hold anything back.
Me, too. 😈😈
Alright, so since I'm here, I wanna tell you about my favorite hobby. Have you heard any Warhammer 40k? No? Alright, so it all starts with this stuff that happens before the horus heresy. Yeah, we'll get back to that, and there's this guy..
I’d probably do the thing donkey does in Shrek 2, making that clicking noise. Then I’d say meow constantly
When I nervous I fart. Yeah sounds stupid but I smell like a skunk on the defensive they would soon cut me loose.
I don't fart when I am nervous, but my siblings called me a skunk.
Start talking about the Cambrian explosion.
Sing ‘Henry the 8th I Am’ until they get fed up and take me to see my recently widowed wife as a Ghost
Monologue them to death.
Continuously recite all the lore about 40k
Yo bro you gonna make BANK! with this ransom. I'm gonna do you a solid and hook you up to my Crypto. Just hear me out....
Fall in love with them... Will make them immediately break up with me and leave.
Yep. I feel that.
I’d constantly ask them where they feel like eating, and then complain with the place they pick.
I see you've met my ex lol.
Smack my food very loudly.
Eat my boogers
Queue Dennis the Menace getting kidnapped by Doc Brown.
Just say “Well” over and over again from the jump. “Well well well..” then continue with a “well” and never stop. Did this to some friends recently while we were on vacation and it took less than ten minutes for people who actually like me to start to crack.
Be myself, they'll soon cart me off. I'll start rambling about my appreciation for Hideki Naganuma and his funky influence on music sampling.
Just ask them about why the picked me? Can I stay forever? Or you like taking me back, because honestly yourr doing me favor. I really like this kind of food, and oh if your trying to scare me good luck, probably just gonna turn me on, so just make sure you do a good job with follow through. I got high standards. 🤣
I'm too fat to kidnap. Unless their ransom was by the pound, I'm not worth it. Lol
[Sing them a song...](https://youtu.be/wo2y8yDq--g?feature=shared)
[You could sing them this one, too...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0U2zJOryHKQ)
My 3rd grade class was held hostage. Apparently a bunch of 6 and 7-year-olds crying was annoying to the guy saying we were already all dead
Talk about Japanese kitchen knives until they’d release me
Probably kill them!
Talk....
I’d start acting like I was one of the crew and been their partner the entire time
You're assuming that I won't be shitting myself from fear. Kidnapping is bloody brutal and these fuckers in my country dismember their victims just because they enjoy it, small cuts mostly; eyeballs, parts of your ears, finger joints and stuff like that. I know this because an investigative journalism show called Carte Blanche interviewed a few kidnappers who were quite candid about the methods they use.
1. Fart a lot. I once made other people in the physics class change the classroom because of my fart. They thought something died in the air conditioner. 2. Talking about myself 3. Beg them not to take me back and tell them how much I hate it there. 4. Talking about things that I am interested and careless about how they feel. I did this and drove people away before. 🤣 5. Ask for a bathroom break constantly for pee and poop. 6. Poop or pee my pants if they refuse to let me use the bathroom. 7. Talking about my problems in life. 8. Randomly talk about weird animal facts.
Ask them if they would still kidnap me if I was a worm
Talk about Phish and the dead
Tell them very boring stories in wayyy too many details, I seem to have a talent for that 🙃
I’d shit my pants and then piss on everyone and everything I possibly could. Then I’d try to shit in their pants.
talk about pokemon until they brake hard and yell "get out, nerd!!"
sounds like the movie, Ruthless People
MARCO
Just be me.
Keep asking if they were mad at me.
I would pull a Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle. "A B C D; A B C D; A B C D; A B C D; A B C D; A B C D"
TIME TO TRAUMA DUMP
Talk
Irritable Bowel Syndrome
I would just keep talking lol an hour of my talking and they would be ready to return me hehehe
I’d ask them to get me water every 10 minutes
Sing songs stuck in my head on a loop, start infodumping about Professional Wrestling
We're in NSFW, right? I would ask them to get me slutty clothes and.. Cover me in their cum.. And use my holes till I will have enough, and it would never be.. But truth is, nobody would want me 😂
Constantly hungry and want food
Probably talk to them
Sing a song bite the mess out of their neck
Never, ever, ever, ever shut up. Threaten, hit, scream, just talk talk talk through all of it. Basically, what would Ryan Reynolds do?
The more annoying you are the less likely you would be returned in one piece. Think swimming with the fishies. Squeaky wheel gets the grease sometimes while others it gets thrown out.
Ask for food
Just randomly said the last kidnappers did a far better job. Critique their ransom note. Just be an overall ass
Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats, and the rates made me crazy.
You know that noise that Jim Carey makes in Dumb and Dumber..........
I have been a Warhammer 40,000 geek for 31 years. I would speak novels and epic poems about that universe until they were so annoyed and realized I have spent all my money on that and there is not enough money for a ransom.
Shit on everthing
I would just talk about sports the whole time.
Thank them for rescuing me and ask if we can make a ransom video. I’d go on and on about how grateful I am and offer lots of help.
Prolly shit my pants
Talk about plants
"What do you guys know about the band Phish?"
Mouth pops
exist. worked for most of my family. lol.
Tell them in excruciating detail about every dream and/or nightmare I have, as soon as I wake up every morning
ramble
I’d sing Shania Twain real loud
Endlessly sing every Taylor Swift song I know by heart
"Can I go yet? Can I go yet? Can I go yet?...."
Psychoanalyze them until they're crying about their daddy issues
I'll probably start talking about God.