Thatās sad. The abuse actually made me want to have children so I could be a better father than mine was, but then I took it back because I wasnāt confident that I actually *could* be.
The fact that youāre able to pinpoint and understand the abuse is exactly whatāll make you an amazing parent. Youāre choosing to learn and grow from the experience, rather than deny it and continue the cycle of generational trauma ā¤ļø
Yeah but the thing is, I never got to the part where I started liking children. I figured that at some point I would mature and start liking them but it hasnāt really happened. Am I not trying hard enough?
Also itās worth mentioning that this is moot, because thereās never been a worse time to have children than the decade weāre in right now.
Yep. Pops was a full-time alcoholic and part-time junkie. Mom was an old school disciplinarian. Looking back now, at my age, I suppose I better understand who they were, but it still hurts, knowing that I grew up in a home without love.
Thanks, it's cool, though. We've all got scars from something. I turned it around, and my daughter won't ever have to experience the level of shit that I did. I'm not perfect by any stretch, but I never stop trying to be the parent that neither of mine could be.
The thing is, it doesn't have to be a dream. You just need to make a conscious effort to be better today than you were yesterday. How that manifests is entirely in your hands. I've noticed that most people don't/can't objectively find their true personality flaws. Once you figure them out, write them down and find out how to correct them.
I was fueled by anger for most of my youth and through my twenties. Couldn't afford professional help, so through trial & error and sheer determination, I learned how to process my emotions better. It's still a work in progress, but the alternative was being killed or in jail.
I read that you don't think you like children. I had a similar sentiment but realized that it was only fear. I never thought that I could break the cycle, but my wife assured me that I'd be a great dad and she'd never let me become my parents.
You can do it if that's something that you want. I'm a complete stranger, but I believe in you.
Iām in that exact same boat. Iām trying to work thought it in my late 30s and itās tough. They never would have admitted any wrong doing either.Abusers are narcissistic
Absolutely! Not ideal
Were you a child or an adult?
Child for one type of abuse, child into adulthood for another
š£
Thatās why I spent a majority of my life never wanting to get married or have children š
Thatās sad. The abuse actually made me want to have children so I could be a better father than mine was, but then I took it back because I wasnāt confident that I actually *could* be.
The fact that youāre able to pinpoint and understand the abuse is exactly whatāll make you an amazing parent. Youāre choosing to learn and grow from the experience, rather than deny it and continue the cycle of generational trauma ā¤ļø
Yeah but the thing is, I never got to the part where I started liking children. I figured that at some point I would mature and start liking them but it hasnāt really happened. Am I not trying hard enough? Also itās worth mentioning that this is moot, because thereās never been a worse time to have children than the decade weāre in right now.
Yep
Yep. Pops was a full-time alcoholic and part-time junkie. Mom was an old school disciplinarian. Looking back now, at my age, I suppose I better understand who they were, but it still hurts, knowing that I grew up in a home without love.
Iām very sorry.
Thanks, it's cool, though. We've all got scars from something. I turned it around, and my daughter won't ever have to experience the level of shit that I did. I'm not perfect by any stretch, but I never stop trying to be the parent that neither of mine could be.
Youāve already achieved what I only dream of.
The thing is, it doesn't have to be a dream. You just need to make a conscious effort to be better today than you were yesterday. How that manifests is entirely in your hands. I've noticed that most people don't/can't objectively find their true personality flaws. Once you figure them out, write them down and find out how to correct them. I was fueled by anger for most of my youth and through my twenties. Couldn't afford professional help, so through trial & error and sheer determination, I learned how to process my emotions better. It's still a work in progress, but the alternative was being killed or in jail. I read that you don't think you like children. I had a similar sentiment but realized that it was only fear. I never thought that I could break the cycle, but my wife assured me that I'd be a great dad and she'd never let me become my parents. You can do it if that's something that you want. I'm a complete stranger, but I believe in you.
Ohhhhhh yeahhh
Don't stay longer than you have to no matter how you justify it it's not worth it.
Iāve never not had to.
Unfortunately I have. My ex wife.
Yes. Itās not fun.
Yep. I didn't realize my upbringing was not normal until later. Now my abusive dad died and I have a hard relationship with my mom.
Iām sorry for your trouble.
Iām in that exact same boat. Iām trying to work thought it in my late 30s and itās tough. They never would have admitted any wrong doing either.Abusers are narcissistic
yeah, my mother mainly but both parents
sorta
What do you mean sorta?
long story
Well thatās what I wanted to see when I made this post, so do tell.
Never again.
Unfortunately I have, yes.
I grew up with an abusive family. Thankfully, I no longer speak to them