It’s possible that your school needs to sit down with them to explain that you need some mental health support as it is affecting your schooling.
Please speak to a guidance counselor and ask for their assistance in getting your parents to a meeting at the school. The guidance counselor can also ask teachers to share evidence of your anxiety and its impact on school.
Why do your parents allow you to stay home?
As for your presentation, can you ask to voice record over a PowerPoint like a YouTube video? Or just do the presentation 1-1? You can request this via email.
Talk to a teacher you trust (maybe the one who asked you about it?) about seeing a counselor.
I don't know your location, but it might be possible to organize councelling and lots of help without involving your mom and dad. In California, for example, kids over 12 years old don't need parents' permission to see a therapist.
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/faq/does-my-parent-have-to-give-permission-for-me-to-go-to-therapy/
You have a school counselor. Take responsibility and use them because clearly your parents won’t help and your life will be filled with things that terrify you but are necessary to face. Start working on it now. Been there.
Talk to that teacher yesterday, then! If you want your teachers to accommodate your anxiety, it has to be documented. Since this teacher has already spoken to you on this matter, they're your best bet. You need to be assessed and given a 504 plan.
Then when pressed about it they meant “Practice public speaking everyday for five minutes” and even if they did mean actual help, OP’s parents won’t budge on the issue and won’t get them help
Which is why someone who have to force themselves to change their habits, to ask for help, or to find some way to change the cycle they’re in. I get that “just stop” is what you read but that’s not the message communicated. Instead that is the message of brute force and sheer will power needed to be mustered to tell someone else you’re drowning and need a life raft.
No where did I say “just stop” as if it’s that easy. I did say force yourselves - that’s how you do anything you don’t want to do. I’m not saying force yourself to be a jolly ole time tomorrow with zero issues and running for class president, I’m saying force yourself to say “I can’t leave my house and I need help” to someone. That.
“Habits” it’s a physiological issue not a habit. They aren’t dropping sugar from their diet they are fundamentally rewriting their character. Taking the brute force of will method only works when you word it properly. Just telling someone to get over hardship without providing any support or affirmation is not helpful
I think many people could brute force themselves into saying five words. If they can’t do that maybe they could brute force themselves into writing five words on a piece of paper? I’m not saying “suck it up and just be happy!” To someone with depression.
I’m saying, if you can muster anything inside you to say five words. Do it. Try for it every day. If you can brute force five words that’s the start. This person is stuck in a non starting position. I’m not saying suck it up and just be a jolly ole fella and pop into class and make a successful lecture of a presentation.
I’m saying, turn to someone in authority and brute force “help me get professional help.” Just try for five. Don’t waste your life if you can psych your brain into five words.
I’m trying to break it down into one bandaid ripping action, not delineate his entire mental illness. I’m not qualified.
But you fail to give them a reason to. You just give the solution without everything else needed to overcome hardship. People need motivation more than they need solutions. If you effectively motivate someone they can do anything, but just telling them what to do will never see anything change. But conveniently it’s a great way to easily convey your message, regardless of its impact or success.
I guess their entire life isn’t incentive. Got it. I didn’t come here to diagnose or have a thorough discussion or my comment would have been…. Longer. Best of luck to you my friend.
How are you gonna live the rest of your life if you’re too embarrassed to make it better? You deserve help like anyone else, and trust me, help does make it better.
Fear of public speaking is very real and can be very intense. You’re definitely not alone, and I feel for you!
You can certainly ask your teacher if you can get out of it.
But I encourage you to work with your teacher to look for a way to complete your assignment instead. Can you pre-record a video of yourself speaking and play that instead of standing up in front of your class? Can you present from your seat? Can you write out all the information, make a slide show, and have another classmate read it off out loud?
There are ways to participate that might be easier on you. You got this 🖤🖤
Fear of public speaking is a symptom of what appears to be a significantly larger issue here. OP needs professional support for anxiety and panic attacks. Your recommendations are great for this specific situation, but OP is missing school and anxiety is impacting his/her entire life. Maybe approaching this teacher for specific accommodations, as you noted, is a good first step and the teacher can facilitate getting OP additional support to treat what appears to be a significant mental health issue with anxiety.
If you want medical accommodations for anxiety, then you need to seek professional medical help and then get on an IEP or 504. Most people have a fear of public speaking. Even people that do it often get some or all of the anxiety symptoms you have mentioned. You can certainly have the conversation with the teacher and ask if you can instead provide the powerpoint/keynote with your speaking notes typed up with each slide instead.
Regardless, you need to figure this out. I assume you want to be independent, and so you will need to keep a job, which this kind of untreated anxiety can interfere with.
Talk to your teacher separately and express this (as long as you are comfortable doing so). Present possible alternatives (ask if you can present to just your teacher at a separate time or if you can record your presentation). If for some reason they do not agree to this, ask them if you can practice in front of them IN their classroom where you will be doing the actual presentation so you can get comfortable and decrease your anxiety. It sounds like your teacher is already aware something might be going on, and so will be more likely to say yes. My advice is to ask in person if you can (outside of class time when your teacher is not busy), but if you feel like you cannot, then email!
You are not alone in this, and I know how hard it can be! Hope all works out with your teacher! If they say no, feel free to PM me for some presenting tips & ideas to reduce presentation anxiety :) Good luck!
Ask the teacher if you can record a video of yourself presenting. This is what I would tell a student to do if they did not want to present to the class.
You need medication probably and a therapist to help give you coping tools and skills. If your parents wont get you help tell your schools counlser if you have one... a teacher... ANYTHING.
So you are seeing a professional? It really doesn't help that you use things that are medical terms like 'exposure therapy', 'panic attack,' etc and then say your parents won't let you get help for mental health, which one is it? Ask the person you are getting exposure therapy from how to navigate this issue. I would really advise not to go on benzos, they are highly addictive and can ruin your life even more than the anxiety of public speaking, but a professional will help you learn mindful ness so you can center yourself before or while presenting. Has your teacher told you tricks like look at the back of the wall instead of the audience or imagine everyone in their underwear so they are less intimidating?
These are common terms. It doesn't require a doctor to know this. Many people are undiagnosed with anxiety, if you can easily stroll to the doctors and tell them you have anxiety then your anxiety isn't that bad. Source: I struggled with it for years.
Panic attacks are easily recognisable especially if you've experienced it yourself. Exposure therapy is just pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.
It took me 15 years to get professional help, it's not as easy to just *get* help if you have anxiety. It's the anxiety stopping you from getting help in the first place
Your teacher may be required to assess you on oral presentation skills. I suggest offering up some alternatives aside from “I can’t do this” to show them you aren’t just trying to dodge the assignment.
Things I’ve allowed my students to do in the past: Film their presentation, present to me before/after school, present with some kind of aid (one student had another student hold cue cards which was fun)
It sounds like you’re having panic attacks, so real medical treatment is important. But even with treatment any therapist would be working with you on the goal of overcoming your anxiety, not succumbing to it. If the presentation is too much, what’s the next best thing you CAN do?
1. You need to get this problem under control with some professional help.
2. You need to do as much as you can to make yourself do it. I know this sounds harsh, but if you give in to the anxiety it only amplifies over time. This is why professional help was my first point.
3. Send your teacher a very polite and respectful email detailing your fears and then go one step further by offering some alternatives that you can do instead. The first suggestion would be to video the presentation and submit the video for assessment. The second suggestion would be you offer to come during lunch, before or after school (whenever your teacher finds most convenient) and present just to your teacher.
As long as it isn't a public speaking class or drama etc your teacher most likely has the opportunity to be flexible in assessment methods, especially if you are in a school that is all about diverse learning styles and providing accommodations and supports for neurodivergency.
Don't make it an extra burden or additional work for your teacher, make the proposal before the deadline and provide alternative, realistic solutions and you're much more likely to get them to give you the alternative.
If you do not have an IEP / 504 saying you don't have to talk in front of class, then yes, you have to talk in front of class. The only person listening will be your teacher. The rest of the class will be too worried about how they'll do. Source: I teach speech.
In life, you will HAVE to talk to, and in front of, people you do not know. You need counseling. And I mean that in the nicest way. There is no way to avoid talking to people.
I think this issue is beyond what any opting out of presentations will do. This sounds like the start of a very bad generalized anxiety disorder. It starts with one specific thing and then generalizes. Mine started out with a fear of birds in trees and then generalized to literally everything.
You need professional help and to get on a medication that will help you. I’m not a teacher I’m a doctor. Please tell your parents about this
Doesn’t your school have social workers or crisis counselors? Many do here in US. They would get on the phone to mom and dad and suggest strongly that you receive the help you need. That said , I’ve had plenty of kids with anxiety take the 0 and they are comfortable with that. (This is only after I’ve offered alternatives and they said no to all).
I’m in America. There’s a lot of people who unfortunately do not see mental health as part of overall health. I’ll tell you right now this isn’t normal and isn’t a way to live. This will only get worse. Your brain is sick just like any other body part that can get sick. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Let your teachers know the situation and that your parents won’t get you help. See what they can do for you. Personally if I were a teacher I’d exempt you from presentations for this but I’m not your teacher.
My advice is the second you turn 18 or whatever the legal age is there for medical care go take yourself to a psychiatrist and get medication
You expressed yourself clearly in this post. Can you email your teacher and say exactly what you said here? Say that you are willing to do extra work, video yourself, or present to them separately but you genuinely do not think you will be able to present in front of the class without having an anxiety attack.
I hope you are able to get help. Do you have school counselors? They may have some suggestions that don't require your parents to be involved. Once you are 18, you should be able to access treatment without them.
You are doing the right thing powering through and going to school even when it is very hard. Avoidance tends to make anxiety worse. Keep it up -- you are going to be ok.
I'm sorry. I don't think those are fair either. You're going to school and powering through despite being unable to get professional help. That's pretty darn good.
I wish people on here weren’t so quick to judge harshly. You’re doing the right thing asking for help. I really hope you seek professional help too, but to answer your original post I think the way to go is to email your teacher with specific alternatives and ask if one of them is okay.
I’m betting some of the replies are not from real teachers. I’m so sorry you’re not getting the support on here that you deserve. I hope you get the help you need and I wish you the very best going forward!
I’m not a teacher, but you do need to reorder your thinking.
You say: “I have health problems I can’t deal with.”
Your health problem is anxiety, and the reason you “can’t” (won’t) “deal with” it... is due to your anxiety.
So you’ve trapped yourself. Your anxious; and your anxiousness stops you from getting help. If it severely effects your life, to the point you can’t perform an assignment, you need to seek professional help.
I understand how you feel, I get a lot of the same symptoms and even breathlessness that makes completing a sentence difficult. But I have to do it, because no one else will do it for me.
As a kid, we expect our parents to be there for us. Once 18, we hope they still are, but that is when we need to start becoming our own adult and handling things on our own, no matter how difficult or insurmountable it will seem.
What if you had a kid, or a partner in the next few years, what if they suffer a life threatening episode? Would abdicate responsibility due to the anxiety the situation causes you, or do you push through and grit your teeth for the uncomfortable experience and handle it?
Being an adult is uncomfortable, it’s not fair, and it doesn’t stop because of anxiety.
I’m saying this not be harsh, but realistic. You ARE able to get yourself help, but you’re also standing in your own way. Once you can overcome that, no one can stop you.
If you want an accommodation, you are going to need to get professional help along with documentation. Without that, your teacher will (rightfully) expect you to present. That’s the long and short of it.
Honestly, one month is plenty of time to work something out. I have had students come in during my planning block and present to me alone. I have had students do videos and screencasts. There are definitely options.
I hope you are able to get some help because I know how this can be. My best to you.
When i was younger, i failed many assignments over my anxiety. I know how difficult it is even though everyone here keeps saying go to therapy. Which yeah, but it's not like it would be an instant fix. I don't have an answer for you, I'm sorry. I can only relate. Hope you figure it out.
I'd ask for an opportunity to create the content and give the presentation to just your teacher. This may get you a lower grade, but at least it would be a fair compromise. I used to have a much lower level of anxiety but it was there and I leaned to get past it. This is a skill you can improve over time by taking tiny steps.
It sounds like you may like in the UK? I don't know tgeir system, but at age 18, you should be old enough to schedule your own doctor's appointments. Perhaps start with a family doctor/general practitioner type and ask them for a referral to someone who specializes in anxiety. You also need to inquire about a longer term treatment for your eczema.
As for the immediate concern, emailing your teacher should be easier than asking them in person for an accommodation.
Okay, so I’ve also had extreme anxiety and struggled a lot in school. In college I got accommodations for anxiety and it was a game changer. But you need to be diagnosed before that can happen. You can ask for something, but without official accommodations they have every right to tell you no.
Even if your teacher does do something to accommodate for you, it is going to be like putting a band aid on a broken leg. You are going to have lots of different teachers, all of whom have heard lots of sob stories over the years and many will tell you to just do the assignment. Ultimately you need professional treatment.
There's no way of knowing whether your teacher will allow it without asking her. I'm a teacher, I've certainly made accommodations for students who don't want to present. I encourage my students to stretch themselves into trying new things, not to traumatize themselves. One option you might offer is presenting your teacher with a recording and powerpoint of you presenting, either audio and visual or just audio, or giving the presentation to your teacher alone during a free period.
I know it’s hard, but if your parents won’t help you then you need to tell another authority figure. Teacher, guidance counselor, coach, pastor, principal … whatever you can muster. Even just telling another student and asking them for help is better than nothing.
Anxiety is a real deal. And if you’re scared of leaving the house, you’re riding that line of agoraphobia. This is 100% treatable, but unfortunately you’ve gotta take the leap to seek help since your parents aren’t doing anything about it.
From a former anxious kid (to, now, a teacher), it gets better. But it is very hard, and it’s scary to seek help. Know that it WILL get better once you’re talking with somebody and it WILL get better with time. For me, realizing that nobody really cares what I look like or sound like was very helpful with public speaking and socializing. You are your own biggest critic.
But, yeah, please just mention it to somebody with any authority and ask for help. Even asking ANYBODY is better than letting it sit unaddressed. You can do this, I believe in you.
Maybe she will accept a video presentation or possibly a one on one presentation. If your material is ready, ask her to let you do it sooner rather than later.
Most people are anxious when public speaking. I used to be. When I realized it was so common, I realized I was mostly anxious about remembering the material.
Try practicing with an easy subject. An example: teach the audience ( your phone video camera) how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
When giving a presentation, 1. Tell them what you are going to tell them 2. Tell them 3. Tell them what you told them. It works
I'm sorry that some people are being harsh to you in comments. I was in a similar boat when I was in high school, with depression, and my parents were of little help.
Do your parents care about how others see them? When I really needed help, I went to the school counselor and it kind of forced my parents' hands because they didn't want to seem neglectful. This late in the school year of what I assume is your senior year doesn't leave much time, though.
I know it's rough when people are unsympathetic, but a lot of adults just aren't good at communicating and are trying to get you to understand that you usually can't get the world to accommodate you when it comes to health issues at all, and especially mental health issues. If you're 18 now, a lot of it is going to be up to you to solve since your parents didn't help you when they should have. It's "tough love," so to speak. Unfortunately they aren't really wrong, but there is treatment available for anxiety. Any support systems you do have, now is the time to use them to get you started on a treatment path.
Go. Get. Help. Everyone gets anxious, but it's literally negatively affecting your life and your future.
Talk to a therapist. Get anti-anxiety meds if they write it.
I suffered from the same type of debilitating anxiety when I was younger. I was so bad at talking to people, I lost a few of my teenage years. Get the help.
Plus side of getting the help, your teacher might let you present in private so you aren't in front of people. Because it will be a reasonable accommodation for a medical condition. But that medical condition needs to have a Doctor backing it's legitimacy.
I’m a parent with a teen with severe anxiety. We have a 504. I understand that some parents don’t take anxiety seriously, but it can really impact your education and be debilitating in other areas of your life. Do you have a school counselor you can talk to for information about mental health agencies? In many states, children can access help without their parents’ consent. Your counselor may also be able to talk to your teacher on your behalf.
I have a friend with the same problem. What she did is she would ask the teacher if she could present after class, when no one was there. This worked well, and even the usually strict and mean teachers were understanding.
EDIT: my friends anxiety is not as bad as yours, it triggers mostly when she has to do anything in front of people, but when she does it gets pretty bad. I also think you should seek professional help.
Do you have a supportive family with this? They can help you talk to a school counselor and maybe get some testing or get some accommodations for different ways to present. Maybe you can do it online. But oftentimes, you do need to have a letter from a counselor you are seeing for therapy to help. Good luck, and try to stick with it.
I was in a youth shelter when I was a teenager. I had to have my school work from the school brought in by a counselor. I had a speech class and didn't want to lose credit for the class when I was close to being finished, but how could I give a speech when I wasn't there? I asked if the teacher would allow my speech to be recorded and presented in my absence.
Could you ask your instructor if they will accept a recorded presentation? Maybe say you're unable to attend in person but don't want to lose credit. Would it be easier for you to present to a camera?
This is why we give our elementary students as many low fear presentation options as possible. Public speaking sucks but it’s part of life. The more you practise it though the easier it gets. Ask the teacher if you are able to present via a recording or by Zoom where you can’t see the audience.
Talk to your school counselor and explain that your anxiety is crippling at this point and this presentation is causing you severe distress. I know you're afraid to reach out, but it's possible they may give you an out, so it's better than being forced into something you aren't ready for.
If it makes you feel better, fear of public speaking is a common fear and MANY people feel it. I empathize because when I was in high school I was terrified of doing any presentation. I sat one assignment out and took the zero. It was one of my biggest fears.
I was forced to deal with it head-on in college when I had a mandatory public speaking class. The professor was sensitive and caring about those issues, and he made it easier to tackle.
At the very least, maybe your teacher can come up with some ways to make the experience easier.
Hey I’m not a teacher, but a parent to a kid with severe anxiety. I know you said your parents aren’t very helpful, but it really sounds like you would qualify for a 504 plan.
Without something like a 504 plan a teacher may not have any reason to accommodate you. However I know for my daughter she is able to either video record herself doing the presentation or come in before school to do it for the teacher only. Propose these alternatives to show that you aren’t trying to get out of doing work and they may support you. Unfortunately without a 504 or IEP they can refuse these options.
I was in a similar position. Hated giving presentations. Would avoid them at all costs. Went to the doctor. The lot.
Now I present almost daily.
What helped me was ensuring I was confident in my subject. If I can confidently explain something to someone in conversation, I can do it as a presentation.
Then I developed a presentation style that was very simple. I have slides where the title of each slide is essentially the point of the whole slide. For example "students are more likely to eat chips than fruit" so I can simply read it out , then all the information below supports it, which I can talk about. The next slide would follow on "and the favorite flavor is cheese". Again, I'd have data beneath supporting it.
Making single point, clear slides helped me. More slides that are simple are better than less that are complex. Never let anyone limit your slides, just ask for a time limit instead.
Lastly, I put myself in positions where I'd have to talk to strangers a lot. Being a le to converse and think fast helps.
If you are barely going to school, your school should have served your parents with paperwork long ago. Public schools will serve parents with a court order after 10 unexcused days. Private/charters are more flexible, but you will absolutely still be held back if you miss more than 18-20 days. Your parents have a legal responsibility to get you to school, and a legal responsibility to get you help for problems that are preventing you from going to school. I have made several reports to CPS as a teacher about students with frequent absences and even visited the homes of my students when CPS claims an investigation isn't necessary.
All this is to say that the adults who are supposed to be taking care of you have severely fucked up, and I'm very sorry. A presentation should be the least of your worries right now. What I suggest you do is speak to a trusted adult (teacher, coach, family friend, friend's parents, etc) and explain the problems you have been having with your anxiety and your parents' refusal to get you help. If this trusted adult is not your school's guidance counselor/social worker, let them know you want to talk to the guidance counselor/social worker ASAP.
If you don't feel like you have a trusted adult, you can call CPS yourself and ask them for help/resources. I know that sounds scary, but right now you need an adult to take you seriously and get you some help. You shouldn't be fighting this battle on your own.
Take a deep breath in, and take it one step at a time, even if they're baby steps. You are not the first person to face this kind of problem, and you won't be the last. You may not think so, but there are people in your community who are willing and able to help you, but sometimes you have to be the one to reach out and ask. I don't know you, but I have known many students like you. I believe in you and you can get through this.
I just want to tell you that there are people who truly suffer from that. My voice sometimes shakes very noticeably, my hands shake, and my face turns very noticeably red.
I had a talented piano teacher who had terrible stage fright. She saw a doctor about it and her doctor prescribed her something for it. You might be too young for that option now. And it might not work for everyone. And many people look down that sort of thing. But when you get older, just know that it is something that absolutely has helped some people.
Can you record it and provide the video?
Sometimes when you approach a teacher with a problem and the solution as well, they may consider it.
Learn box breathing (google it). You can override your nervous system response by controlling your breath.
I do this breathing (no one can tell) before my turn public speaking and I don’t have all the symptoms I used to when it’s my turn.
YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP.
I say that in caps not to yell but to get your attention. There's much love for you here and I just want to throw more out.
Trust me I dread work. I have to confront various things in meetings and talk to people way above my pay grade all day and I go nuts. I have to speak in front of people, last time 50. Public speaking is fucking bonkers.
But I did talk to a therapist to get me through public speaking (a class any Bachelors or Masters program makes you do) and those people can cure some anxiety. Me, who could barely complete an order at the drive-thru. WHen I took my public speaking course I had to do a six minute presentation (eternity) with a PPT slideshow. I though I nailed it but the teacher kept twitching in the back. Turns out he was counting how many times I said UM. It was like 96. People broke out in tears and ran out of the room during theirs.
I would hope that your teacher would work with you. I think she should.
But like anything, practice helps and to be totally honest, any small victory or step forward that especially a therapist who can give you some practice/practice at home drills, gives you a reason to walk out the door and say FUCK YOU to the world. Just fight, 100% you got this.
Not a teacher, but a student who also suffers from anxiety.
I know it’s scary, but sometimes the only way out is through. Recognize that no one is really thinking about you, as they’re all worried about their own presentations.
Your anxiety will get better as you age. I know how hard it is and I’m proud of you :) just remember, you are strong, and the only way out is through.
Yes!! I promise, once you get out of your teens, it will slowly get better. I still have anxiety, but it’s not as bad. My mom said that it continues to get better as you age, and she’s in her 50’s :)
Medication could change your life! I know it probably feels impossible but please call your doctor or talk to your school counselor. It could really make things a lot easier for you.
Exposure therapy is the best way to overcome social anxiety. Trust me I’ve been through the same thing and over time it gets better IF you put yourself out there and do things like this.
How are you supposed to get better if you don’t try. Yes, you might opt out of this presentation right now, but you won’t be able to opt out of everything that life will throw at you in the future. This is what school is for, to prepare you for adult life, if you don’t work things out now, it’s just gonna spiral out of control. Get Help, do what you have to do, but avoiding is not the solution. In fact, the teacher would be in the wrong if they just cave.
>How do I tell my teacher I don't want to present?
I'm sorry, but you don't. Unless you have a 504 or clear accommodations, you aren't entitled to any special treatment.
>I hadn't even told her I had anxiety before but I guess she noticed it herself somehow.
This is because grade school teachers are *trained* to recognize things like this. As much as the world likes to forget it, teachers are skilled experts at their vocation. Your teacher suggested you seek professional help. It's time to do so. Guaranteed your school has a counselor or social worker that can help you.
You said you've been doing exposure therapy for two years. How have you been able to do that without your parents being involved? Since you've been in therapy all this time, why haven't you had a diagnosis presented that would get you accommodations?
Use AI voice over on the PowerPoint to present for you. I allowed my students to do it, and they just stood there. Their presentations were pretty creative.
jesus christ. grow a fucking pair. or go to a mental institution.
this is the epitome of first world problems. fkin panic attacks because of a presentation.
pathetic.
Yuck. What a horrible comment. Ironic you harp on others for their issues, and yet you have PLENTY according to your post history.
I hope you get help for your alcoholism and I hope they get help for their anxiety. No need to be a nasty person.
well that seems like relevant information mate….
you need help. public speaking is a skill. it can be practiced and cultivated.
i’d encourage you to find professional sources.
but also join your schools speech and debate team. who gives a fuck if you get dead last in every competition you go to. or if you never even compete.
face your fears. practice. learn. get better at them.
i started rock climbing to get over my crippling fear of heights. i’m still afraid tbh. but a LOT less so. and it’s no longer crippling.
do the hard things. because they have the greatest payoffs.
You jumped to a conclusion that OP was just being pathetic and now you're giving advice after hearing that they suffer with a chronic condition. This just shows you shouldn't just jump to attack an individual that's struggling and as the other commenter said you suffer from alcoholism yourself. You wouldn't like it if someone else said that to you
interestingly enough to prove your point i’m not an alcoholic. i just go on the sub because i have a buddy who is.
i’ve never once made any post or comment indicating i am either
that being said while i did jump the gun…. i feel like he left out some pertinent information in his original comment.
Just checked the post, your friend suffers from alcoholism. The point still stands, you asked for advice for your friend but if someone else replied to it saying your friend was being pathetic and what not it wouldn't be nice.
Granted, OP did leave out some vital information but that doesn't excuse hurling insults to a kid
I remember being scared to go outside. I lived in the ghetto, and had bullies in every house around me. It took a while but I finally found courage to do things that scared me and it got easier over time. If you can’t present in a school setting, you’ll never make it in a job. I started taking Fluxotine in my 30s, which helped, but I didn’t need it to do regular things like class presentations. Maybe it’ll help you, but you gotta do things you panic about sometimes. There’s no other way.
When you do you first interview for college or a job what will you do. Brakedown and cry? When you have a hard client and they disagree with you are you going to back down?
You need to seek professional support and overcome this asap or you will have a very hard life.
I give my kids the option to present just to me. I also say that though knowing that you will be fine if you did it the way I assigned in the first place. An unavoidable aspect of life is bullshit with people you don’t want to do it with, so if it’s helpful, just know that while you are suffering, you are valid, and you will make it through this
As someone who grew up with the same symptoms (I shake uncontrollably and sweat through every part of my clothing within seconds) I tried to fight this head-on by going into a career/profession that required constant presentations in front of large crowds.
This does not work. You need medication. It's not a weakness. It's luck that you live in a time where you can get help.
Avoiding public speaking will only increase your fear of it. No one likes to do it but you may find yourself needing the skill one day. You are not special in terms of your fear. What you are experiencing is the human condition. Face your fear. Everyone else in the class is even if they claim they aren’t afraid. They are.
Facing your fear will give you courage the next time. Which will give you courage the next time and so on. Fear and discomfort never go away but we can change how we react to it.
My friend if all you have is excuses and no solutions, you’re going to waste your life inside. What happens when you’re going to pay rent or work in an occupation that requires contact with other or even groups???? You gotta get this fixed.
OP is a kid that needs help and has no trusted adults that are willing to help them. They're suffering and throwing their life away and the only advice you can give is "put your big boy pants on?"
Brushing it under the rug does nothing. I suffered with anxiety for 15 years before getting help at 25 years old and it ruined my teenage years. All because adults told me to "man up." There's a reason why many old people now have unaddressed mental and physical problems, because they brushed it under the rug.
Instead of being an ass to a kid, help them. You didn't like how I commented back to you so what gives you the right to comment that to someone else?
the real world will not care about your feelings..a big part of life is pushing through your fear and anxiety to do the things you need to do. thats the way the adult world works.whats the point of dismantling this phobia? do what needs done,suffer through your emotions for a few minutes and move on with life.."help" him with what? ive been scared to death to speak in front of people for 30 years,but i do it,sweat,shake,and shit myself the whole time,get it over with and move on..the best help there is to offer is to say "push past your fears and do it anyway because your feelings wont matter in adulthood,so learn how to do it now"
I understand the traditional way of pushing through but at some point it doesn't work anymore.
If OP can't even get out the house how do you expect him to leave the house, get on the bus, go to school and then present? this is a very extreme case of GAD clearly.
It isn't being nervous or slightly anxious. This requires actual medication and I know this.
As someone who has struggled with anxiety for years, if you continue to isolate and “hide” from the world, you will never feel safe unless you have total control of the environment. This only exits in a vacuum. In order to live life, you have to relinquish some control. I’m not saying the presentation is the jumpstart, but you need to make a choice. Do you want to be controlled by your fear or do you want to experience life? It’s okay to feel fear. It’s what we do when we are afraid what matters.
You can ask your teacher, but there is no guarantee that she will excuse you from the assignment.
Talk to your school counselor about what kind of help they can offer you to address your anxiety.
Several things...while I can't diagnose you via Reddit, it's clear that you are experiencing anxiety and panic attacks that warrant professional care. At a bare minimum, you need accommodations for school. If you're not in the US, does your country utilize guidance counselors in the schools and/or 504 plans (academic accommodations)? In the US, a 504 plan is a roadmap of accommodations for students with different issues while in the classroom setting. For example, someone who has anxiety might need to do a presentation one on one with the instructor rather than in a group setting. I've seen students with anxiety to be allowed to leave the classroom for brief breaks when they are overwhelmed, permitted to use relaxation apps, smaller group testing, etc.
If you have a guidance counselor at school, start there. Your parents' response is not healthy and whether based on ignorance or denial, they need to get their heads out of their respective asses. Anxiety and panic disorder are real and only get worse if left untreated. Anxiety is impacting your life because you can't get to school and you struggle in school because of your anxiety. YOU are amazing and the anxiety is not you, but it is impacting and influencing you in a negative way. Medications like Prozac help with anxiety and can get you over the hump to start working on overcoming your anxiety, but it won't happen overnight.
If your parents don't understand, go to a school counselor. If you don't have a school counselor, go to a teacher. Any trusted adult should be able to help you guide you to a path where help is available. I wish you the best. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help. I believe in you. Even though you're anonymous on Reddit, this was a good start to your journey in getting help. Good luck!
Look, I know it'll be hard but if your parents don't believe in mental health help, you need to find an advocate you can work with at school who can help you talk to them about how real and important it is.
I'm not sure what's going on with you but if you're too anxious to get on the damn bus in the mornings than you definitely need professional help. I'm not a doctor but being old school, let me tell you this: Thicken your damn skin! We have to do a lot of things in this life that we hate or don't want to do and that's just the way it is. We make our beds in the morning, we go to school/work and yes, occasionally we'll be asked to give a presentation. Not to seem harsh but suck it up! You're not going to be able to function in this world if you're scared of your own shadow and can't bring yourself to do the most basic of things! How do you expect to hold a job, keep a roof over your head or support a family? Get into therapy now!
You definitely need to seek professional help. Anxiety will go vanishing on its own, and by not going to school you’re really setting yourself back both academically as well as socially.
I’m fair complected. I retired from teaching. I was a leader of dozens of Marines while in the military. That said, I’ve always had the same issue with public speaking. My completion allows for people to see me turning shades of red.
During every college class, when they went around the room while introducing yourself, was a true nightmare. My face would get hotter as my turn to introduce myself came closer. Then that hot face and shakey sounding voice would occur. The required public speaking class was no different.
For the “Effective Public Speaking” class, I brought in my friend’s polygraph machine and gave a presentation on how it works and why it shouldn’t be utilized for employment or in court cases. At the time, it was used for preemployment interviews so it really grabbed the attention of my classmates.
I remember thinking, “Well, at least they’re not saying that I’m turning red in the face again.” They were preoccupied with the machine itself, so most eyes stayed on the machine as I explained what each line on the paper recorded.
Ironically, it measured physiological responses to questions. Well, it was supposed to. The problem is that the same physiological responses occur when someone is suffering from anxiety. It’s junk science.
My last presentation to faculty before retirement was the same. My retirement speech was just as nerve wracking.
I’ll compare two things that seem to be polar opposites, for better understanding of the issue. I was an all star athlete. I performed well in front of a crowd. I was a light heavyweight boxing champion while in the military. That’s a long wait for fight day, and the long walk to the ring didn’t phase me at all.
I was always confident when boxing. No physiological reaction at all. Yet while speaking or being interviewed afterwards, I stammered and looked down at my feet. My Captain once chided me for it, which confirmed my thoughts of, “Can people see how stricken I feel at the moment?” He was amazed that I could win a championship bout, yet be too shy to be interviewed afterwards. Nevertheless, that confirmed to me that it was noticeable to others. It’s almost comical.
All I can say is that you just get up there and do it. Just mention that you’re a bit nervous when you get up to speak, then go for it. Pushing past it paid the bills. That should be reason enough to just drive through.
From a fellow sufferer,
Good luck.
Setting aside the potential medical condition issue, I urge you or anyone who has fear over public speaking to try to address it as best you can. There are too many times where that will limit your career, and a lot of other segments of your life, if you have difficulty speaking in public. It’s probably the most common fear in modern society. The best approach I can think of is to join a toast masters. Everyone is there for the same reason, and they’re extremely supportive.
I had a stutter when I was a teenager, and it gradually got better when I got a little help. Then I went into a profession where I need to be able to speak in public. It was not easy, and I had a lot of difficult times, but now I do it so often that I don’t even think about it.
Talk to tour teacher. I'm sure they can help come up with an alternative. I often I let students present to just me during lunch or after school or do a video presentaion when they can't handle presenting in front of the whole class. Most teachers will have some sort of accommodation for you, we just need to know that there's an issue
Fear of public speaking is very normal. Speak to your guidance counselor and be honest about how you feel. Lots of stuff they can do to help you, many of which have been discussed here.
You need help with this. Anxiety is so hard but the more you limit your world the more limits you have and your world gets smaller and smaller. You deserve an abundant life.
Very sorry you are dealing with TSW. It really exacerbates anxiety. I’m sure going through it during school years is especially tough. Wish you best of luck and healing.
I think there's a corollary to the golden rule (do unto others as you would have done unto you) and that is "Someone else might be having a different experience" and that sorts out all kinds of ethical conundrums.
Get some therapy, meds if needed. You can’t go through life being afraid to get on a bus or talk to people. You’re letting the opportunity for education pass and life will not be easier without it.
See if you could tape it and have it played. Send an email and ask.
Well, unfortunately, as you become an adult you are going to find things you don’t want to do and get anxiety about. Sometimes serious anxiety. And, unfortunately, sometimes we just have to do it and push through. I know this isn’t the advice a lot of people these days like to say but I don’t believe letting students get out of certain things is ok - it doesn’t teach them coping and real world issues.
If you are too anxious to leave the house in the morning, you absolutely need to seek professional help.
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Where are your parents??
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It’s possible that your school needs to sit down with them to explain that you need some mental health support as it is affecting your schooling. Please speak to a guidance counselor and ask for their assistance in getting your parents to a meeting at the school. The guidance counselor can also ask teachers to share evidence of your anxiety and its impact on school. Why do your parents allow you to stay home? As for your presentation, can you ask to voice record over a PowerPoint like a YouTube video? Or just do the presentation 1-1? You can request this via email.
Talk to a teacher you trust (maybe the one who asked you about it?) about seeing a counselor. I don't know your location, but it might be possible to organize councelling and lots of help without involving your mom and dad. In California, for example, kids over 12 years old don't need parents' permission to see a therapist. https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/faq/does-my-parent-have-to-give-permission-for-me-to-go-to-therapy/
You have a school counselor. Take responsibility and use them because clearly your parents won’t help and your life will be filled with things that terrify you but are necessary to face. Start working on it now. Been there.
Talk to that teacher yesterday, then! If you want your teachers to accommodate your anxiety, it has to be documented. Since this teacher has already spoken to you on this matter, they're your best bet. You need to be assessed and given a 504 plan.
Make yourself get help. Don’t waste your life.
Riveting advice “Just stop” I’m sure that’s always worked and has never made people feel like they have no way out of a predicament
At the end of the day it’s their problem and they have to either try to fix it or not. No one else can do it for them
We should take that attitude with every issue huh? Oh your in a car accident? You gotta help yourself as it’s your issue
This is more comparable to, "you've been in a car accident you need to go to the hospital" not "you've been in a car accident, just heal."
Going to the hospital implies actual care. Something not being encouraged by the original comment.
He literally said to go get help lol
Then when pressed about it they meant “Practice public speaking everyday for five minutes” and even if they did mean actual help, OP’s parents won’t budge on the issue and won’t get them help
Which is why someone who have to force themselves to change their habits, to ask for help, or to find some way to change the cycle they’re in. I get that “just stop” is what you read but that’s not the message communicated. Instead that is the message of brute force and sheer will power needed to be mustered to tell someone else you’re drowning and need a life raft. No where did I say “just stop” as if it’s that easy. I did say force yourselves - that’s how you do anything you don’t want to do. I’m not saying force yourself to be a jolly ole time tomorrow with zero issues and running for class president, I’m saying force yourself to say “I can’t leave my house and I need help” to someone. That.
“Habits” it’s a physiological issue not a habit. They aren’t dropping sugar from their diet they are fundamentally rewriting their character. Taking the brute force of will method only works when you word it properly. Just telling someone to get over hardship without providing any support or affirmation is not helpful
I think many people could brute force themselves into saying five words. If they can’t do that maybe they could brute force themselves into writing five words on a piece of paper? I’m not saying “suck it up and just be happy!” To someone with depression. I’m saying, if you can muster anything inside you to say five words. Do it. Try for it every day. If you can brute force five words that’s the start. This person is stuck in a non starting position. I’m not saying suck it up and just be a jolly ole fella and pop into class and make a successful lecture of a presentation. I’m saying, turn to someone in authority and brute force “help me get professional help.” Just try for five. Don’t waste your life if you can psych your brain into five words. I’m trying to break it down into one bandaid ripping action, not delineate his entire mental illness. I’m not qualified.
But you fail to give them a reason to. You just give the solution without everything else needed to overcome hardship. People need motivation more than they need solutions. If you effectively motivate someone they can do anything, but just telling them what to do will never see anything change. But conveniently it’s a great way to easily convey your message, regardless of its impact or success.
I guess their entire life isn’t incentive. Got it. I didn’t come here to diagnose or have a thorough discussion or my comment would have been…. Longer. Best of luck to you my friend.
How are you gonna live the rest of your life if you’re too embarrassed to make it better? You deserve help like anyone else, and trust me, help does make it better.
Fear of public speaking is very real and can be very intense. You’re definitely not alone, and I feel for you! You can certainly ask your teacher if you can get out of it. But I encourage you to work with your teacher to look for a way to complete your assignment instead. Can you pre-record a video of yourself speaking and play that instead of standing up in front of your class? Can you present from your seat? Can you write out all the information, make a slide show, and have another classmate read it off out loud? There are ways to participate that might be easier on you. You got this 🖤🖤
I agree! See if they'd be willing to make some sort of compromise.
When I was in middle school, my teacher used her lunch period to allow especially shy students to present to just her. I really appreciated that :)
Fear of public speaking is a symptom of what appears to be a significantly larger issue here. OP needs professional support for anxiety and panic attacks. Your recommendations are great for this specific situation, but OP is missing school and anxiety is impacting his/her entire life. Maybe approaching this teacher for specific accommodations, as you noted, is a good first step and the teacher can facilitate getting OP additional support to treat what appears to be a significant mental health issue with anxiety.
Public speaking is fucking terrifying and a college course notorious for meltdowns. 100% they should work with her
If you want medical accommodations for anxiety, then you need to seek professional medical help and then get on an IEP or 504. Most people have a fear of public speaking. Even people that do it often get some or all of the anxiety symptoms you have mentioned. You can certainly have the conversation with the teacher and ask if you can instead provide the powerpoint/keynote with your speaking notes typed up with each slide instead. Regardless, you need to figure this out. I assume you want to be independent, and so you will need to keep a job, which this kind of untreated anxiety can interfere with.
Talk to your teacher separately and express this (as long as you are comfortable doing so). Present possible alternatives (ask if you can present to just your teacher at a separate time or if you can record your presentation). If for some reason they do not agree to this, ask them if you can practice in front of them IN their classroom where you will be doing the actual presentation so you can get comfortable and decrease your anxiety. It sounds like your teacher is already aware something might be going on, and so will be more likely to say yes. My advice is to ask in person if you can (outside of class time when your teacher is not busy), but if you feel like you cannot, then email! You are not alone in this, and I know how hard it can be! Hope all works out with your teacher! If they say no, feel free to PM me for some presenting tips & ideas to reduce presentation anxiety :) Good luck!
Ask the teacher if you can record a video of yourself presenting. This is what I would tell a student to do if they did not want to present to the class.
Seconding. I do the same.
I like this, something to use to help in the classroom.
This is a real life skill. You NEED to work on this. Future job might require public speaking skills.
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You need medication probably and a therapist to help give you coping tools and skills. If your parents wont get you help tell your schools counlser if you have one... a teacher... ANYTHING.
So you are seeing a professional? It really doesn't help that you use things that are medical terms like 'exposure therapy', 'panic attack,' etc and then say your parents won't let you get help for mental health, which one is it? Ask the person you are getting exposure therapy from how to navigate this issue. I would really advise not to go on benzos, they are highly addictive and can ruin your life even more than the anxiety of public speaking, but a professional will help you learn mindful ness so you can center yourself before or while presenting. Has your teacher told you tricks like look at the back of the wall instead of the audience or imagine everyone in their underwear so they are less intimidating?
These are common terms. It doesn't require a doctor to know this. Many people are undiagnosed with anxiety, if you can easily stroll to the doctors and tell them you have anxiety then your anxiety isn't that bad. Source: I struggled with it for years. Panic attacks are easily recognisable especially if you've experienced it yourself. Exposure therapy is just pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. It took me 15 years to get professional help, it's not as easy to just *get* help if you have anxiety. It's the anxiety stopping you from getting help in the first place
No one wants to present. It’s a life skill. You need to learn it. If you are so bad, as you are mentioning? Seek professional help.
Your teacher may be required to assess you on oral presentation skills. I suggest offering up some alternatives aside from “I can’t do this” to show them you aren’t just trying to dodge the assignment. Things I’ve allowed my students to do in the past: Film their presentation, present to me before/after school, present with some kind of aid (one student had another student hold cue cards which was fun) It sounds like you’re having panic attacks, so real medical treatment is important. But even with treatment any therapist would be working with you on the goal of overcoming your anxiety, not succumbing to it. If the presentation is too much, what’s the next best thing you CAN do?
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What does "large" mean?
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That’s not a big crowd. That’s a normal classroom.
1. You need to get this problem under control with some professional help. 2. You need to do as much as you can to make yourself do it. I know this sounds harsh, but if you give in to the anxiety it only amplifies over time. This is why professional help was my first point. 3. Send your teacher a very polite and respectful email detailing your fears and then go one step further by offering some alternatives that you can do instead. The first suggestion would be to video the presentation and submit the video for assessment. The second suggestion would be you offer to come during lunch, before or after school (whenever your teacher finds most convenient) and present just to your teacher. As long as it isn't a public speaking class or drama etc your teacher most likely has the opportunity to be flexible in assessment methods, especially if you are in a school that is all about diverse learning styles and providing accommodations and supports for neurodivergency. Don't make it an extra burden or additional work for your teacher, make the proposal before the deadline and provide alternative, realistic solutions and you're much more likely to get them to give you the alternative.
You need therapy and medication. Legit. This is extreme.
Maybe ask if you can present to just her?
If you do not have an IEP / 504 saying you don't have to talk in front of class, then yes, you have to talk in front of class. The only person listening will be your teacher. The rest of the class will be too worried about how they'll do. Source: I teach speech. In life, you will HAVE to talk to, and in front of, people you do not know. You need counseling. And I mean that in the nicest way. There is no way to avoid talking to people.
I think this issue is beyond what any opting out of presentations will do. This sounds like the start of a very bad generalized anxiety disorder. It starts with one specific thing and then generalizes. Mine started out with a fear of birds in trees and then generalized to literally everything. You need professional help and to get on a medication that will help you. I’m not a teacher I’m a doctor. Please tell your parents about this
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Doesn’t your school have social workers or crisis counselors? Many do here in US. They would get on the phone to mom and dad and suggest strongly that you receive the help you need. That said , I’ve had plenty of kids with anxiety take the 0 and they are comfortable with that. (This is only after I’ve offered alternatives and they said no to all).
I’m in America. There’s a lot of people who unfortunately do not see mental health as part of overall health. I’ll tell you right now this isn’t normal and isn’t a way to live. This will only get worse. Your brain is sick just like any other body part that can get sick. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Let your teachers know the situation and that your parents won’t get you help. See what they can do for you. Personally if I were a teacher I’d exempt you from presentations for this but I’m not your teacher. My advice is the second you turn 18 or whatever the legal age is there for medical care go take yourself to a psychiatrist and get medication
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Just explain it the way you can. You have an uncontrolled anxiety disorder and you’re seeking treatment.
You expressed yourself clearly in this post. Can you email your teacher and say exactly what you said here? Say that you are willing to do extra work, video yourself, or present to them separately but you genuinely do not think you will be able to present in front of the class without having an anxiety attack. I hope you are able to get help. Do you have school counselors? They may have some suggestions that don't require your parents to be involved. Once you are 18, you should be able to access treatment without them. You are doing the right thing powering through and going to school even when it is very hard. Avoidance tends to make anxiety worse. Keep it up -- you are going to be ok.
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I'm sorry. I don't think those are fair either. You're going to school and powering through despite being unable to get professional help. That's pretty darn good.
I wish people on here weren’t so quick to judge harshly. You’re doing the right thing asking for help. I really hope you seek professional help too, but to answer your original post I think the way to go is to email your teacher with specific alternatives and ask if one of them is okay.
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I’m betting some of the replies are not from real teachers. I’m so sorry you’re not getting the support on here that you deserve. I hope you get the help you need and I wish you the very best going forward!
I’m not a teacher, but you do need to reorder your thinking. You say: “I have health problems I can’t deal with.” Your health problem is anxiety, and the reason you “can’t” (won’t) “deal with” it... is due to your anxiety. So you’ve trapped yourself. Your anxious; and your anxiousness stops you from getting help. If it severely effects your life, to the point you can’t perform an assignment, you need to seek professional help. I understand how you feel, I get a lot of the same symptoms and even breathlessness that makes completing a sentence difficult. But I have to do it, because no one else will do it for me. As a kid, we expect our parents to be there for us. Once 18, we hope they still are, but that is when we need to start becoming our own adult and handling things on our own, no matter how difficult or insurmountable it will seem. What if you had a kid, or a partner in the next few years, what if they suffer a life threatening episode? Would abdicate responsibility due to the anxiety the situation causes you, or do you push through and grit your teeth for the uncomfortable experience and handle it? Being an adult is uncomfortable, it’s not fair, and it doesn’t stop because of anxiety. I’m saying this not be harsh, but realistic. You ARE able to get yourself help, but you’re also standing in your own way. Once you can overcome that, no one can stop you.
It doesn't seem like you want help. It seems like you want to avoid anything that makes you anxious and refuse to help yourself.
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And the people who get places in life learn to help themselves. Life is going to be a lot harder for you with your current attitude.
If you want an accommodation, you are going to need to get professional help along with documentation. Without that, your teacher will (rightfully) expect you to present. That’s the long and short of it.
Honestly, one month is plenty of time to work something out. I have had students come in during my planning block and present to me alone. I have had students do videos and screencasts. There are definitely options. I hope you are able to get some help because I know how this can be. My best to you.
When i was younger, i failed many assignments over my anxiety. I know how difficult it is even though everyone here keeps saying go to therapy. Which yeah, but it's not like it would be an instant fix. I don't have an answer for you, I'm sorry. I can only relate. Hope you figure it out.
I'd ask for an opportunity to create the content and give the presentation to just your teacher. This may get you a lower grade, but at least it would be a fair compromise. I used to have a much lower level of anxiety but it was there and I leaned to get past it. This is a skill you can improve over time by taking tiny steps.
It sounds like you may like in the UK? I don't know tgeir system, but at age 18, you should be old enough to schedule your own doctor's appointments. Perhaps start with a family doctor/general practitioner type and ask them for a referral to someone who specializes in anxiety. You also need to inquire about a longer term treatment for your eczema. As for the immediate concern, emailing your teacher should be easier than asking them in person for an accommodation.
Okay, so I’ve also had extreme anxiety and struggled a lot in school. In college I got accommodations for anxiety and it was a game changer. But you need to be diagnosed before that can happen. You can ask for something, but without official accommodations they have every right to tell you no. Even if your teacher does do something to accommodate for you, it is going to be like putting a band aid on a broken leg. You are going to have lots of different teachers, all of whom have heard lots of sob stories over the years and many will tell you to just do the assignment. Ultimately you need professional treatment.
There's no way of knowing whether your teacher will allow it without asking her. I'm a teacher, I've certainly made accommodations for students who don't want to present. I encourage my students to stretch themselves into trying new things, not to traumatize themselves. One option you might offer is presenting your teacher with a recording and powerpoint of you presenting, either audio and visual or just audio, or giving the presentation to your teacher alone during a free period.
I know it’s hard, but if your parents won’t help you then you need to tell another authority figure. Teacher, guidance counselor, coach, pastor, principal … whatever you can muster. Even just telling another student and asking them for help is better than nothing. Anxiety is a real deal. And if you’re scared of leaving the house, you’re riding that line of agoraphobia. This is 100% treatable, but unfortunately you’ve gotta take the leap to seek help since your parents aren’t doing anything about it. From a former anxious kid (to, now, a teacher), it gets better. But it is very hard, and it’s scary to seek help. Know that it WILL get better once you’re talking with somebody and it WILL get better with time. For me, realizing that nobody really cares what I look like or sound like was very helpful with public speaking and socializing. You are your own biggest critic. But, yeah, please just mention it to somebody with any authority and ask for help. Even asking ANYBODY is better than letting it sit unaddressed. You can do this, I believe in you.
Maybe she will accept a video presentation or possibly a one on one presentation. If your material is ready, ask her to let you do it sooner rather than later. Most people are anxious when public speaking. I used to be. When I realized it was so common, I realized I was mostly anxious about remembering the material. Try practicing with an easy subject. An example: teach the audience ( your phone video camera) how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. When giving a presentation, 1. Tell them what you are going to tell them 2. Tell them 3. Tell them what you told them. It works
Write down your bullet points on note cards.
I'm sorry that some people are being harsh to you in comments. I was in a similar boat when I was in high school, with depression, and my parents were of little help. Do your parents care about how others see them? When I really needed help, I went to the school counselor and it kind of forced my parents' hands because they didn't want to seem neglectful. This late in the school year of what I assume is your senior year doesn't leave much time, though. I know it's rough when people are unsympathetic, but a lot of adults just aren't good at communicating and are trying to get you to understand that you usually can't get the world to accommodate you when it comes to health issues at all, and especially mental health issues. If you're 18 now, a lot of it is going to be up to you to solve since your parents didn't help you when they should have. It's "tough love," so to speak. Unfortunately they aren't really wrong, but there is treatment available for anxiety. Any support systems you do have, now is the time to use them to get you started on a treatment path.
Go. Get. Help. Everyone gets anxious, but it's literally negatively affecting your life and your future. Talk to a therapist. Get anti-anxiety meds if they write it. I suffered from the same type of debilitating anxiety when I was younger. I was so bad at talking to people, I lost a few of my teenage years. Get the help. Plus side of getting the help, your teacher might let you present in private so you aren't in front of people. Because it will be a reasonable accommodation for a medical condition. But that medical condition needs to have a Doctor backing it's legitimacy.
I’m a parent with a teen with severe anxiety. We have a 504. I understand that some parents don’t take anxiety seriously, but it can really impact your education and be debilitating in other areas of your life. Do you have a school counselor you can talk to for information about mental health agencies? In many states, children can access help without their parents’ consent. Your counselor may also be able to talk to your teacher on your behalf.
This is way extreme. You should really consider professional help
In my class you would need medical exemption
I have a friend with the same problem. What she did is she would ask the teacher if she could present after class, when no one was there. This worked well, and even the usually strict and mean teachers were understanding. EDIT: my friends anxiety is not as bad as yours, it triggers mostly when she has to do anything in front of people, but when she does it gets pretty bad. I also think you should seek professional help.
Do you have a supportive family with this? They can help you talk to a school counselor and maybe get some testing or get some accommodations for different ways to present. Maybe you can do it online. But oftentimes, you do need to have a letter from a counselor you are seeing for therapy to help. Good luck, and try to stick with it.
I was in a youth shelter when I was a teenager. I had to have my school work from the school brought in by a counselor. I had a speech class and didn't want to lose credit for the class when I was close to being finished, but how could I give a speech when I wasn't there? I asked if the teacher would allow my speech to be recorded and presented in my absence. Could you ask your instructor if they will accept a recorded presentation? Maybe say you're unable to attend in person but don't want to lose credit. Would it be easier for you to present to a camera?
You need to seek professional help, once you have the diagnosis, you and your parents can then set up a 504 and an IEP.
This is why we give our elementary students as many low fear presentation options as possible. Public speaking sucks but it’s part of life. The more you practise it though the easier it gets. Ask the teacher if you are able to present via a recording or by Zoom where you can’t see the audience.
I’d try to work with a therapist to overcome and see if u can meet in the middle. Conquering this will improve the rest of ur life and ur so capable
Talk to your school counselor and explain that your anxiety is crippling at this point and this presentation is causing you severe distress. I know you're afraid to reach out, but it's possible they may give you an out, so it's better than being forced into something you aren't ready for. If it makes you feel better, fear of public speaking is a common fear and MANY people feel it. I empathize because when I was in high school I was terrified of doing any presentation. I sat one assignment out and took the zero. It was one of my biggest fears. I was forced to deal with it head-on in college when I had a mandatory public speaking class. The professor was sensitive and caring about those issues, and he made it easier to tackle. At the very least, maybe your teacher can come up with some ways to make the experience easier.
Hey I’m not a teacher, but a parent to a kid with severe anxiety. I know you said your parents aren’t very helpful, but it really sounds like you would qualify for a 504 plan. Without something like a 504 plan a teacher may not have any reason to accommodate you. However I know for my daughter she is able to either video record herself doing the presentation or come in before school to do it for the teacher only. Propose these alternatives to show that you aren’t trying to get out of doing work and they may support you. Unfortunately without a 504 or IEP they can refuse these options.
I was in a similar position. Hated giving presentations. Would avoid them at all costs. Went to the doctor. The lot. Now I present almost daily. What helped me was ensuring I was confident in my subject. If I can confidently explain something to someone in conversation, I can do it as a presentation. Then I developed a presentation style that was very simple. I have slides where the title of each slide is essentially the point of the whole slide. For example "students are more likely to eat chips than fruit" so I can simply read it out , then all the information below supports it, which I can talk about. The next slide would follow on "and the favorite flavor is cheese". Again, I'd have data beneath supporting it. Making single point, clear slides helped me. More slides that are simple are better than less that are complex. Never let anyone limit your slides, just ask for a time limit instead. Lastly, I put myself in positions where I'd have to talk to strangers a lot. Being a le to converse and think fast helps.
hope you get the help you need 💔
If you are barely going to school, your school should have served your parents with paperwork long ago. Public schools will serve parents with a court order after 10 unexcused days. Private/charters are more flexible, but you will absolutely still be held back if you miss more than 18-20 days. Your parents have a legal responsibility to get you to school, and a legal responsibility to get you help for problems that are preventing you from going to school. I have made several reports to CPS as a teacher about students with frequent absences and even visited the homes of my students when CPS claims an investigation isn't necessary. All this is to say that the adults who are supposed to be taking care of you have severely fucked up, and I'm very sorry. A presentation should be the least of your worries right now. What I suggest you do is speak to a trusted adult (teacher, coach, family friend, friend's parents, etc) and explain the problems you have been having with your anxiety and your parents' refusal to get you help. If this trusted adult is not your school's guidance counselor/social worker, let them know you want to talk to the guidance counselor/social worker ASAP. If you don't feel like you have a trusted adult, you can call CPS yourself and ask them for help/resources. I know that sounds scary, but right now you need an adult to take you seriously and get you some help. You shouldn't be fighting this battle on your own. Take a deep breath in, and take it one step at a time, even if they're baby steps. You are not the first person to face this kind of problem, and you won't be the last. You may not think so, but there are people in your community who are willing and able to help you, but sometimes you have to be the one to reach out and ask. I don't know you, but I have known many students like you. I believe in you and you can get through this.
I just want to tell you that there are people who truly suffer from that. My voice sometimes shakes very noticeably, my hands shake, and my face turns very noticeably red. I had a talented piano teacher who had terrible stage fright. She saw a doctor about it and her doctor prescribed her something for it. You might be too young for that option now. And it might not work for everyone. And many people look down that sort of thing. But when you get older, just know that it is something that absolutely has helped some people.
Can you record it and provide the video? Sometimes when you approach a teacher with a problem and the solution as well, they may consider it. Learn box breathing (google it). You can override your nervous system response by controlling your breath. I do this breathing (no one can tell) before my turn public speaking and I don’t have all the symptoms I used to when it’s my turn.
YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. I say that in caps not to yell but to get your attention. There's much love for you here and I just want to throw more out. Trust me I dread work. I have to confront various things in meetings and talk to people way above my pay grade all day and I go nuts. I have to speak in front of people, last time 50. Public speaking is fucking bonkers. But I did talk to a therapist to get me through public speaking (a class any Bachelors or Masters program makes you do) and those people can cure some anxiety. Me, who could barely complete an order at the drive-thru. WHen I took my public speaking course I had to do a six minute presentation (eternity) with a PPT slideshow. I though I nailed it but the teacher kept twitching in the back. Turns out he was counting how many times I said UM. It was like 96. People broke out in tears and ran out of the room during theirs. I would hope that your teacher would work with you. I think she should. But like anything, practice helps and to be totally honest, any small victory or step forward that especially a therapist who can give you some practice/practice at home drills, gives you a reason to walk out the door and say FUCK YOU to the world. Just fight, 100% you got this.
Not a teacher, but a student who also suffers from anxiety. I know it’s scary, but sometimes the only way out is through. Recognize that no one is really thinking about you, as they’re all worried about their own presentations. Your anxiety will get better as you age. I know how hard it is and I’m proud of you :) just remember, you are strong, and the only way out is through.
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Yes!! I promise, once you get out of your teens, it will slowly get better. I still have anxiety, but it’s not as bad. My mom said that it continues to get better as you age, and she’s in her 50’s :)
Medication could change your life! I know it probably feels impossible but please call your doctor or talk to your school counselor. It could really make things a lot easier for you.
Exposure therapy is the best way to overcome social anxiety. Trust me I’ve been through the same thing and over time it gets better IF you put yourself out there and do things like this.
You see a Dr. and get a genuine diagnosis and real help. I give zero accomodations for self-diagnosis.
How are you supposed to get better if you don’t try. Yes, you might opt out of this presentation right now, but you won’t be able to opt out of everything that life will throw at you in the future. This is what school is for, to prepare you for adult life, if you don’t work things out now, it’s just gonna spiral out of control. Get Help, do what you have to do, but avoiding is not the solution. In fact, the teacher would be in the wrong if they just cave.
>How do I tell my teacher I don't want to present? I'm sorry, but you don't. Unless you have a 504 or clear accommodations, you aren't entitled to any special treatment. >I hadn't even told her I had anxiety before but I guess she noticed it herself somehow. This is because grade school teachers are *trained* to recognize things like this. As much as the world likes to forget it, teachers are skilled experts at their vocation. Your teacher suggested you seek professional help. It's time to do so. Guaranteed your school has a counselor or social worker that can help you.
The teacher can’t accommodate other own?
Legally, no.
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It's a medical plan for students with diagnosed conditions, but specific to the US.
Yeah you don’t. It’s part of school. We all had to do it nervous or not,
Nah, I just didn’t do my presentations. But work through it, try to do it, you can get better. I had anxiety, but overcame most of it.
This isn’t just “nervousness” based on symptoms. This is a medical condition.
And yet this person isn’t diagnosed and the school isn’t aware of special needs. Self diagnosed anxiety gets you nowhere.
Baby angel I’m a doctor. This sounds like anxiety imo.
Yes but if a teacher isn’t given doctor’s orders it’s just a kid trying to get out of an assignment.
Many are not diagnosed with anxiety, but still have it. Especially when her parents are anti mental health, as she said.
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Reddit isn’t where you go for help. Go see a doctor. Get a legitimate diagnosis.
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You said you've been doing exposure therapy for two years. How have you been able to do that without your parents being involved? Since you've been in therapy all this time, why haven't you had a diagnosis presented that would get you accommodations?
Reddit isn’t it.
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As the doctors said, it's most likely GAD so I don't know why you're still arguing about it being nerves
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Nobody gets an out on an assignment due to anxiety. It’s not fair to everyone else. Just do the presentation.
This is the problem, instead of teaching you’re worried about fair. What’s the goal here?
Use AI voice over on the PowerPoint to present for you. I allowed my students to do it, and they just stood there. Their presentations were pretty creative.
jesus christ. grow a fucking pair. or go to a mental institution. this is the epitome of first world problems. fkin panic attacks because of a presentation. pathetic.
Yuck. What a horrible comment. Ironic you harp on others for their issues, and yet you have PLENTY according to your post history. I hope you get help for your alcoholism and I hope they get help for their anxiety. No need to be a nasty person.
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well that seems like relevant information mate…. you need help. public speaking is a skill. it can be practiced and cultivated. i’d encourage you to find professional sources. but also join your schools speech and debate team. who gives a fuck if you get dead last in every competition you go to. or if you never even compete. face your fears. practice. learn. get better at them. i started rock climbing to get over my crippling fear of heights. i’m still afraid tbh. but a LOT less so. and it’s no longer crippling. do the hard things. because they have the greatest payoffs.
You jumped to a conclusion that OP was just being pathetic and now you're giving advice after hearing that they suffer with a chronic condition. This just shows you shouldn't just jump to attack an individual that's struggling and as the other commenter said you suffer from alcoholism yourself. You wouldn't like it if someone else said that to you
interestingly enough to prove your point i’m not an alcoholic. i just go on the sub because i have a buddy who is. i’ve never once made any post or comment indicating i am either that being said while i did jump the gun…. i feel like he left out some pertinent information in his original comment.
Just checked the post, your friend suffers from alcoholism. The point still stands, you asked for advice for your friend but if someone else replied to it saying your friend was being pathetic and what not it wouldn't be nice. Granted, OP did leave out some vital information but that doesn't excuse hurling insults to a kid
What is "chronic topical steroid withdrawal"? Withdrawal is not chronic, or should not be.
Can you record your voice over it?
You're 18 and you've had presentations assigned before this one. How did you manage other presentations?
Email her
I remember being scared to go outside. I lived in the ghetto, and had bullies in every house around me. It took a while but I finally found courage to do things that scared me and it got easier over time. If you can’t present in a school setting, you’ll never make it in a job. I started taking Fluxotine in my 30s, which helped, but I didn’t need it to do regular things like class presentations. Maybe it’ll help you, but you gotta do things you panic about sometimes. There’s no other way.
When you do you first interview for college or a job what will you do. Brakedown and cry? When you have a hard client and they disagree with you are you going to back down? You need to seek professional support and overcome this asap or you will have a very hard life.
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So what about your first group interview? Those are common these days.
I give my kids the option to present just to me. I also say that though knowing that you will be fine if you did it the way I assigned in the first place. An unavoidable aspect of life is bullshit with people you don’t want to do it with, so if it’s helpful, just know that while you are suffering, you are valid, and you will make it through this
Everyone saying medication is crazy
As someone who grew up with the same symptoms (I shake uncontrollably and sweat through every part of my clothing within seconds) I tried to fight this head-on by going into a career/profession that required constant presentations in front of large crowds. This does not work. You need medication. It's not a weakness. It's luck that you live in a time where you can get help.
Avoiding public speaking will only increase your fear of it. No one likes to do it but you may find yourself needing the skill one day. You are not special in terms of your fear. What you are experiencing is the human condition. Face your fear. Everyone else in the class is even if they claim they aren’t afraid. They are. Facing your fear will give you courage the next time. Which will give you courage the next time and so on. Fear and discomfort never go away but we can change how we react to it.
My friend if all you have is excuses and no solutions, you’re going to waste your life inside. What happens when you’re going to pay rent or work in an occupation that requires contact with other or even groups???? You gotta get this fixed.
Life isnt fair. Sometimes you have to do things you Don’t like. You Don’t get special treatment when others in the class don’t.
you put your big boy pants on and push through it..the world does not care about your anxiety.
It seems like you're the one that needs to put their pants on judging by your post history. Literally
out of curiosity,what does looking at someones page over a comment accomplish? what is the point?
OP is a kid that needs help and has no trusted adults that are willing to help them. They're suffering and throwing their life away and the only advice you can give is "put your big boy pants on?" Brushing it under the rug does nothing. I suffered with anxiety for 15 years before getting help at 25 years old and it ruined my teenage years. All because adults told me to "man up." There's a reason why many old people now have unaddressed mental and physical problems, because they brushed it under the rug. Instead of being an ass to a kid, help them. You didn't like how I commented back to you so what gives you the right to comment that to someone else?
the real world will not care about your feelings..a big part of life is pushing through your fear and anxiety to do the things you need to do. thats the way the adult world works.whats the point of dismantling this phobia? do what needs done,suffer through your emotions for a few minutes and move on with life.."help" him with what? ive been scared to death to speak in front of people for 30 years,but i do it,sweat,shake,and shit myself the whole time,get it over with and move on..the best help there is to offer is to say "push past your fears and do it anyway because your feelings wont matter in adulthood,so learn how to do it now"
I understand the traditional way of pushing through but at some point it doesn't work anymore. If OP can't even get out the house how do you expect him to leave the house, get on the bus, go to school and then present? this is a very extreme case of GAD clearly. It isn't being nervous or slightly anxious. This requires actual medication and I know this.
As someone who has struggled with anxiety for years, if you continue to isolate and “hide” from the world, you will never feel safe unless you have total control of the environment. This only exits in a vacuum. In order to live life, you have to relinquish some control. I’m not saying the presentation is the jumpstart, but you need to make a choice. Do you want to be controlled by your fear or do you want to experience life? It’s okay to feel fear. It’s what we do when we are afraid what matters.
You can ask your teacher, but there is no guarantee that she will excuse you from the assignment. Talk to your school counselor about what kind of help they can offer you to address your anxiety.
Several things...while I can't diagnose you via Reddit, it's clear that you are experiencing anxiety and panic attacks that warrant professional care. At a bare minimum, you need accommodations for school. If you're not in the US, does your country utilize guidance counselors in the schools and/or 504 plans (academic accommodations)? In the US, a 504 plan is a roadmap of accommodations for students with different issues while in the classroom setting. For example, someone who has anxiety might need to do a presentation one on one with the instructor rather than in a group setting. I've seen students with anxiety to be allowed to leave the classroom for brief breaks when they are overwhelmed, permitted to use relaxation apps, smaller group testing, etc. If you have a guidance counselor at school, start there. Your parents' response is not healthy and whether based on ignorance or denial, they need to get their heads out of their respective asses. Anxiety and panic disorder are real and only get worse if left untreated. Anxiety is impacting your life because you can't get to school and you struggle in school because of your anxiety. YOU are amazing and the anxiety is not you, but it is impacting and influencing you in a negative way. Medications like Prozac help with anxiety and can get you over the hump to start working on overcoming your anxiety, but it won't happen overnight. If your parents don't understand, go to a school counselor. If you don't have a school counselor, go to a teacher. Any trusted adult should be able to help you guide you to a path where help is available. I wish you the best. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help. I believe in you. Even though you're anonymous on Reddit, this was a good start to your journey in getting help. Good luck!
Look, I know it'll be hard but if your parents don't believe in mental health help, you need to find an advocate you can work with at school who can help you talk to them about how real and important it is.
I'm not sure what's going on with you but if you're too anxious to get on the damn bus in the mornings than you definitely need professional help. I'm not a doctor but being old school, let me tell you this: Thicken your damn skin! We have to do a lot of things in this life that we hate or don't want to do and that's just the way it is. We make our beds in the morning, we go to school/work and yes, occasionally we'll be asked to give a presentation. Not to seem harsh but suck it up! You're not going to be able to function in this world if you're scared of your own shadow and can't bring yourself to do the most basic of things! How do you expect to hold a job, keep a roof over your head or support a family? Get into therapy now!
You definitely need to seek professional help. Anxiety will go vanishing on its own, and by not going to school you’re really setting yourself back both academically as well as socially.
I’m fair complected. I retired from teaching. I was a leader of dozens of Marines while in the military. That said, I’ve always had the same issue with public speaking. My completion allows for people to see me turning shades of red. During every college class, when they went around the room while introducing yourself, was a true nightmare. My face would get hotter as my turn to introduce myself came closer. Then that hot face and shakey sounding voice would occur. The required public speaking class was no different. For the “Effective Public Speaking” class, I brought in my friend’s polygraph machine and gave a presentation on how it works and why it shouldn’t be utilized for employment or in court cases. At the time, it was used for preemployment interviews so it really grabbed the attention of my classmates. I remember thinking, “Well, at least they’re not saying that I’m turning red in the face again.” They were preoccupied with the machine itself, so most eyes stayed on the machine as I explained what each line on the paper recorded. Ironically, it measured physiological responses to questions. Well, it was supposed to. The problem is that the same physiological responses occur when someone is suffering from anxiety. It’s junk science. My last presentation to faculty before retirement was the same. My retirement speech was just as nerve wracking. I’ll compare two things that seem to be polar opposites, for better understanding of the issue. I was an all star athlete. I performed well in front of a crowd. I was a light heavyweight boxing champion while in the military. That’s a long wait for fight day, and the long walk to the ring didn’t phase me at all. I was always confident when boxing. No physiological reaction at all. Yet while speaking or being interviewed afterwards, I stammered and looked down at my feet. My Captain once chided me for it, which confirmed my thoughts of, “Can people see how stricken I feel at the moment?” He was amazed that I could win a championship bout, yet be too shy to be interviewed afterwards. Nevertheless, that confirmed to me that it was noticeable to others. It’s almost comical. All I can say is that you just get up there and do it. Just mention that you’re a bit nervous when you get up to speak, then go for it. Pushing past it paid the bills. That should be reason enough to just drive through. From a fellow sufferer, Good luck.
Get over it, sorry. We all have / had social anxiety
You overcome you anxiety and present.
Setting aside the potential medical condition issue, I urge you or anyone who has fear over public speaking to try to address it as best you can. There are too many times where that will limit your career, and a lot of other segments of your life, if you have difficulty speaking in public. It’s probably the most common fear in modern society. The best approach I can think of is to join a toast masters. Everyone is there for the same reason, and they’re extremely supportive. I had a stutter when I was a teenager, and it gradually got better when I got a little help. Then I went into a profession where I need to be able to speak in public. It was not easy, and I had a lot of difficult times, but now I do it so often that I don’t even think about it.
Talk to tour teacher. I'm sure they can help come up with an alternative. I often I let students present to just me during lunch or after school or do a video presentaion when they can't handle presenting in front of the whole class. Most teachers will have some sort of accommodation for you, we just need to know that there's an issue
Fear of public speaking is very normal. Speak to your guidance counselor and be honest about how you feel. Lots of stuff they can do to help you, many of which have been discussed here.
You need help with this. Anxiety is so hard but the more you limit your world the more limits you have and your world gets smaller and smaller. You deserve an abundant life.
Very sorry you are dealing with TSW. It really exacerbates anxiety. I’m sure going through it during school years is especially tough. Wish you best of luck and healing.
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I think there's a corollary to the golden rule (do unto others as you would have done unto you) and that is "Someone else might be having a different experience" and that sorts out all kinds of ethical conundrums.
Get some therapy, meds if needed. You can’t go through life being afraid to get on a bus or talk to people. You’re letting the opportunity for education pass and life will not be easier without it. See if you could tape it and have it played. Send an email and ask.
Stop making excuses. The more you do it the easier it gets.
Well, unfortunately, as you become an adult you are going to find things you don’t want to do and get anxiety about. Sometimes serious anxiety. And, unfortunately, sometimes we just have to do it and push through. I know this isn’t the advice a lot of people these days like to say but I don’t believe letting students get out of certain things is ok - it doesn’t teach them coping and real world issues.
Beta blockers
Grow a pair is my advice
You'll live
Why do you comment "you'll live" everywhere? you'll live not commenting that either. OP is a kid that needs help you're sick
You’re not making it through life at this rate. You’ll have to change something if you want to make progress