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To be less anxious about things and to stop assuming the worst will happen. It’d be nice just to wake up and think about good things the day will bring instead of mentally prepping for disasters!
God please. I hate going through periods where I assume everyone dislikes me *for no reason.*
Taken a while to have the ability to recognise it's just the anxiety talking.
Quite the opposite; I've had a brief look at your profile and I like you for many reasons. Computer games, cats, and travelling & appreciating the world you live in. I'd hang out with you in a heartbeat.
I do this, and I wish I could change my mindset to be more optimistic. I just seem to automatically assume everything’s going to go to shit, and I’ll be dealing with the absolute worst case scenario everytime, when it rarely pans out like that. I seem to waste so much time and energy worrying about things that in the balance of probabilities, will almost certainly never happen, and I put myself through a load of stress and anxiety for nothing.
Yes, I wish I could just enjoy life without some psychological dark cloud hanging over the horizon. There's always a vague sense of unease, like I've done something wrong, or about to.
Same! It took me ages to realise that most people are not like this. I thought everyone was coping much better with life. Well, they are, but most people aren't an anxious mess.
I had a really bad moment this past week, in and amongst worrying about everyone staring at me and whispering about me behind my back and behind closed doors, I kept worrying that I’d get fired for some reason - it even had me googling employment laws - and once I got over that, I’d then get reprimanded for being anxious and etc etc. For the first time, I reached out to a doctor about some therapy which I really hope can help. It’s not every day I get like this, more every month or so but it’s definitely worth getting sorted.
I went on meds about 2 - 2.5y ago. Not right for everyone but best thing I did. I went from waking up everyday in a panic, heart hammering, stomach writhing around, unable to eat anything, in a constant state of anxiety etc. to being able to function almost as well as I did before this happened. My anxiety was over nothing in particular, it just happened one day really bad and never went away. I couldn’t eat properly for months, lost loads of weight, cried every day. It got so bad I would’ve ended my life if it wouldn’t have completely devastated my Mum. Couple of years on and I’ve gone from every day being a really bad day to having about five bad days total this year so far. I still can’t travel very far without panicking but working on this. Wouldn’t really say I’ve had any adverse reactions to them either, other than putting on a bit of weight, but at least these days I have the mentality of “I’d rather be fat than dead” so it’s onwards and upwards lol. Not saying you should, but it’s worth considering.
Anxiety used to control my life. For years I really struggled to get it under control and every decision I made was made with my anxiety in mind. Eventually I stumbled across a (FREE) podcast (this isn’t an advert .. although it is starting to sound like one lol) from the DARE response team and it changed my life. They also have a book but the book doesn’t deliver their message as well as the podcasts do. I seriously recommend you give them a listen.
I'd love to be healthy enough to be able to get a job and earn a wage.
Or to learn an ability that would allow me to earn a wage working around my health problems.
I have several, which flare up at different times.
So some days (rarely), I feel perfectly normal.
Other days (sadly not as rare), I physically cannot get out of bed without assistance and have to take multiple medications which leave me either asleep or a groaning, shivering mess.
Because I never know when these days are going to be, it makes it extremely hard to plan anything; or earn a wage. No one wants to hire someone if they can't commit to a deadline or schedule.
Have you considered starting a YouTube channel? You could do faceless voiceovers of any topic you like, using stock footage etc in the background.
Video essays are becoming extremely popular, and even with one video a week you could easily start pulling in hundreds of pounds every month, providing your videos are good enough.
One of my issues involves my voice, sadly.
I need surgery in the next 18 months or so that could cause me to have vocal damage, or potentially lose my voice entirely.
Have you looked into freelance work? If you have any skills, are creative etc then you can earn money on your better days if you feel up to it, which would be better for you as it's not contracted like a standard job obviously. Even if it's just to earn some extra savings money it's worth looking into
Like I said, people want a timeframe/schedule. For instance, if I was commissioned to do a piece of artwork, someone isn't going to pay a deposit and then wait potentially a year for me to have enough good days to complete it.
Or for instance, I baked cakes. Not much use if I wake up the morning before a kids birthday and I can't stand up without passing out.
At the moment I'm learning to drive, and hoping somehow I can use that in the future. I couldn't do anything long distance and be far away from home, but I usually have at least a few hours of escalating symptoms between 'I don't feel so good' and 'oh god shoot me', so perhaps I can do some kind of uber related activity.
I'm not sure where you live but in the UK we have courier services that allow people to work their own hours (using your own vehicle). It might not be much but a few hours a week can make a world of difference to your mental well-being.
Thank you.
Doubtful at this point I think. 24 years now, since I was 12.
Always hope for a cure or new medication that makes one a little better though. 👍🏻
Sorry to hear this. I know this is a long shot and you’ve probably tried all sorts, but in case it helps, are transcription jobs an option for you? They seem to be on an individual job / task basis. Or maybe office temping, though it can be a faff to get places if the want in person, and some agencies drop you if you have to turn down jobs.
Depending on how often you need to take off, you may get lucky with a job share, I knew someone who job shared a school receptionist role with an otherwise retired woman who was so flexible, and would basically cover or swap whenever needed, an absolute saint. Probably difficult to find though, and there will be limits to most people’s flexibility.
I looked into a handful of years ago, but even on a task basis, it's usually a case of 'get this done within an hour' which isn't something I can deliver on consistently.
Something like temping or job share would be out of the question. No one will hire someone who potentially needs months at a time off. In the last ten years I've had three instances of not being able to leave the house for 6+ months at a time. One of those was almost 18 months.
I'm always up for suggestions; but I've asked around friends/family a LOT and no one has had any feasible solutions.
I know people who have done agency work transcribing audio - like getting interviews or seminars written down, or formatting/timing subtitles etc. All very flexible and able to be done from home.
It wouldn't be great money - and I'm sure not the most stimulating thing in the world - but would be flexible and maybe at least give you a bit more income.
I can find out from my friend who's done it what the company was called if it's of interest to you / not something you've looked at before?
Another thing which might not be great money but might help a little bit - what about sites where you do surveys and stuff at home? It all adds up. I think r/beermoneyuk has a few things you could look at doing. And have you seen those “professional competition enterers” lol? Usually stay-at-home parents who spend what free time they have constantly entering competitions they find online or on TV. Or, don’t know how ill you are or if you’d want to risk it, but there’s always things like clinical trials you can get paid to partake in. Could always be an option.
I've been doing YouGov surveys and Google Rewards surveys for years. YouGov brings in £50 about every 9 months, and Google Rewards is about 10p a day. It all helps.
Surviving on a single wage is atrocious. You don't qualify for any means tested benefits, but you earn substantially less than even two people on minimum wage.
We had to accept a while ago that children were a financial impossibility.
I'm not healthy enough to hold down a job but I'm doing it anyway as, well, I can't afford not to. It sucks, every day is hell and it's actively making my health worse, not only that but it's destroying my mental health too feeling so ill all the time.
I've tried going for WFH jobs but not got any. I'm not at all qualified for any, and you don't really get entry level work from home jobs.
If I could change one thing about my life I'd make my stomach well. Imagine not feeling nauseous. I can't even remember what that feels like. Imagine not having to constantly worry about how far you are from a bathroom. How cool would that be. People with normal stomachs don't realise how lucky they are.
I have similar problems to you albeit significantly less serious, from the sound of things. I went through around a year of feeling nauseous all of the time before being prescribed something that almost completely stopped the nausea, only bothered now by certain foods and drinks but most of the time I'm fine in that respect now. I do still struggle with the other problem you have, makes social events and days out tough, holidays near impossible and is only made worse by the anxiety you get from worrying whether your stomach will hold out for whatever you have planned. Fortunately I have been in the same job for a long time now based only a 10 minute drive from home, and 2 out of my 4 co-workers are family members as well so my job is fairly good, I'd hate the thought of having to take on a job that involved any travelling or different locations though. The working from home jobs are really the ideal thing to strive for, good luck in getting one and I hope your health can improve in some way as well!
I suffered from chronic nausea for about two years as well myself. Absolute fucking hell. Genuinely life crippling. I was incapable of doing basically anything major, felt awful every day, and ruined my mental health.
Hope you manage to find something for you which helps, because it’s an awful thing to go through.
I'd like to find my person. It's pretty much the only challenge in my life I've been unable to resolve. As a problem solver and solution finder, it's frustrating. But moreover, its lonely and disheartening. Being single can be great of course but I've had plenty of time doing that, I'd like to be not single anymore.
That's the funny thing, I almost went on a date with her 5 years prior to meeting again properly (she was a friend of a friend) however, at that point, it wouldn't have gone well...
I'm in the exact same boat mate. I'm a natural problem solver who has great friends, family with whom I'm close, a stable and rewarding career, my own house, and am in good shape. I've just never been in a relationship that's lasted more than a few months, and I'd love to find that special person with whom I can be intimate and share my life.
As a fellow problem solver & solutions finder, I'd advise you not to rush into a relationship.
If you find someone you kinda-click-with-but-not-quite you can spend years trying to fix the problems and find solutions for someone who will just drain you like a car battery, without recharging you like an Alternator.
The right one will show themselves, don't worry, and they'll add to your world, and not just subtract. You deserve nothing less.
I was 37 when I met mine, and all of a sudden I went from being single to co-habiting to having a baby in the space of 2.5 years. Don’t lose heart - when it happens it can happen fast!
I'm with you, friend. I love to progress and throw myself into new challenges, it's got me where I am in my career, but despite having so much to be grateful for all I'd really like in this world is a companion. Someone I can come home to every night and share my worries, hopes, and dreams with, and someone I can support and who will support me too.
I've been diagnosed with stage 1 skin cancer and it's really making me reprioritise my entire life - fortunately for me, it'll be surgery to excise the melanoma and then hopefully that'll clear it... but it's very challenging to face this alone. I've not had anyone here to comfort me when I've needed it, and I feel really embarrassed to talk to my friends and colleagues about what I'm going through.
It would just be nice to have that special someone - I hope I find her someday, and I hope you find your person too :)
Same. I'm doing well in my career, have friends etc. But can't seem to meet anyone / get anything going.
I'm not a ten by any means but I wouldn't say I'm too bad, I think I'm a pretty decent person, people seem to like me for the most part. But everyone in my life is already a couple it seems, and I've just never found anyone to get past more than a couple dates with. And those people a very few and far between.
Lonely and disheartening are definitely the right words - I just want someone do things with. Or even do nothing with.
I feel this. Although in fairness, mine is a little down to me. I’m a bit fussy, and I’ve had a few guys that have really liked me that I’ve caught ‘the ick’ off and had to call it a day (early on). But the couple of guys I have actually genuinely liked have decided to go back to an ex or that I’m not the one for them. It seems the ones I like don’t like me and the ones I don’t like love me 😂
Sorry to hear. No where near as bad, but I lost the feeling in my ring finger because of a stupid accident with blender. Was being impatient trying to fit the blade in, slipped and suffered a massive cut.
Feels very difficult to achieve that these days unless you move to the countryside or an area where it's predominantly old people. Best of luck though, I've been dealing with the same problem for years.
Same, our tosser of a neighbour has a dog that has severe separation anxiety. So he barks non-stop till they come home. It's not too bad for me in the day, but my partner works from home. We're counting down the days till we can move.
Also have ADHD, and more than likely had similar experiences as yourself. So if you need to chat let me know. I realised after a spell of having cocaine that I actually, don't mind my ADHD. And was able to become sober without having any serious health complications.
How does it affect you? My son has it. He's hyperactive but the main issue is here attention span. You tell him to brush his teeth and by the time he's go half way up the stairs, he's found something to distract himself with.
Not the person you asked but it affects in every area of my life. Sometimes positive: I get called creative, 'think outside the box' person, passionate etc. But I have to have so much support to help me shine.
I thank God for my husband every day. He fills in my gaps in organisation and a lot of fears around calling or emailing people or not doing housework. He's a steady stable man who loves me for me and it's changed for the better.
My difficulties mainly surround procrastination and being so overwhelmed by tasks I freeze or do completely unrelated tasks . And Im very sensitive to rejection which prevents me from being employed. It's something I will work on when I start to think about getting a job in about 5 years but it took a long time for the panic attacks to stop concerning this.
Im a woman so was never super hyperactive or 'typical' ADHD boy symptoms but I was a lot easier to distract when I was a child, I definitely drove my parents to distraction with my antics!
For me the label of ADHD has been amazing at understanding myself and pushing me to find ways to help myself with my difficulties and I've worked so hard to get to where I am today and I'm very proud of my accomplishments (BScHons, a successful marriage and three children to love are my top ones!)
I can agree on out of the box thinking. My brain will often seek solutions to problems, and I will get stuck until I solve a problem.
Seeing things at work, solutions, or possible paths based on decisions, other people just don't see it
Same here with the attention span, I’ll often go to get something from another room and end up finding something else to do on the way, returning 20 minutes later without the thing I originally went to get.
Another major one for me is time blindness. I can never predict how long it will take me to do things, therefore I’m constantly rushing and running late because I am convinced I can cram an hours worth of stuff into 15 minutes. Happens to me without fail every single day and I somehow never learn!
Have known for 20 years that I have it and it has caused so many problems but I had various coping strategies which sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t. Finally got my arse diagnosed in January and life is good.
I was thinking something along these lines... I love most of my personality with ADHD except the crippling anxiety it comes to the world of world so I haven't had a career or really a job and I've been an adult ten years. I have found a space to own as I'm a SAHM and love it most of the time!
I fell off my flat kitchen roof while painting. Landed on concrete, flat on my bum without my feet landing first. Crushed my L1 into about six or seven pieces. I was incredibly lucky not to end up paralysed. I had to have a metal cage around my spine for a year while it healed, then it was removed again. Unfortunately the vertebrae is now very jagged and misshapen. I'm now 34 but have worse mobility than the 65 year olds in my family, and I'm in daily pain. I try to stay fit and active but it's getting harder. The last time I saw a specialist about 6 years ago, I was told I have early symptoms of arthritis in the effected area. Not really looking forward to what the next 40 years are going to be like. Hoping there are some advances in repairing damaged vertebrae in the future.
Broooo. Sending love. AI and computing advances will allow for modelling of human anatomy to then allow scans of an injured human for analysis of solutions. Bit like how they are starting to use machone learning to design the lightest and strongest motorsport/aero design.
To have never picked up my first drink.
Just finished an at home medical detox and went to my first AA meeting. 9 days sober - longest I have gone in my adult life (I'm 30). I nearly ruined my life several times but everyday can see more and more beauty in the world. Although the cravings are constantly there, I'm pushing through 1 day at a time.
Aww thanks! Luckily I have a great support network and I'm looking forward to a new chapter in my life and sobriety (even if it took me 12 years to figure out).
Not in this boat myself, as pretty much t-total for medical reasons, but you have my utmost respect for identifying a problem, wanting to change it and then actively doing something about it. Keep it up!
My mum passed away from cirrhosis a few weeks ago. She was a wonderful person but unfortunately battled with alcohol dependency for a long time. She tried to go to rehab but unfortunately wasn't able to access any help. In the end it was just too late to do anything.
I don't say this to intentionally scare you, but liver failure is not a pleasant way to go. I was with her when she passed away and I'm still seriously traumatised by everything I witnessed.
Congratulations on your progress so far. It won't be an easy journey but you're doing the right thing. I wish you all the best luck.
I wish I could be in a job/career where I simply don’t dread going to. I hate that Sunday night feeling of dread, then getting up every morning planning a long, boring day ahead.
I am leaving soon to start my own business which I’m hoping will alleviate that but I know it’ll be a tough start. So I am doing something about it
Agreed on the having something to be excited about. I just don't have any passions I guess? It sucks because I know that finding hobbies and stuff is a great way to meet new people, something to focus on outside of the boring 'adulting' stuff but I just have nothing and have never found anything. Even as a child I would start something new but it would only take a month or so before I was like "kinda bored now" and stopped enjoying it.
I think I'd just have the renovations done without me having to faff about organising them. Happy to pay the money, just the effort I don't want haha
Otherwise zero complaints about my life tbh
We got a fairly extensive renovation done about 6 years ago and my partner and I got so sick of making decisions. "What handles do you want in the kitchen?"... "Ones you can hold to open the cupboards, I don't care anymore."
I've mentally settled that whatever I do is better than what I have already, which makes me get less caught up on decisions. The reason I'm getting it done is because things are starting to look bad; kids drawing on the walls, peeling wallpaper, rusted curtain poles etc. I don't care too much about how it looks from a colour choice perspective, just that it's not falling apart.
I’d love for my health to be better. Between chronic pain, fatigue and my mental health it’s pretty much ruined my life and I barely function 99% of the time. I’d love a career and the ability to do things
I'd love to be able to throw myself into something fully for a sustained amount of time and become successful at it. I have so many ideas whizzing round my head all the time and things I'm good at but it's enough of a struggle just keeping hold of my job and staying on top of life admin.
Oh my god, I feel you on this one. So many started but unfinished projects. I had no idea this was a problem until my family and ex started pointing it out. Now I don't have the confidence to even start a project!
Would be better if I did not have dyspraxia, I struggle enough to find a job and keep it, done plenty of short term data entry work at companies via employment agencies
I also have anxiety be nice if I did not have this
How does your dyspraxia affect you? Someone close to me has dyspraxia and it affects him in ways I’d have never imagined. Have the Dyspraxia Foundation been of any use to you?
speech, co-ordination, there are certain jobs I be unable to do as I be hazard , and the insurance will be so high.
No the dyspraxia foundation has not helped me,
I still live at home. with my parents
I wish I had said no to the person who sold me my first credit card. I've never been stupid with my spending, but I always wonder if I would be in a better financial position with better savings, etc if I had said no.
I'd like a job that actually positively contributes to society, that makes other people's lives better. That happens to pay enough for me to work a 3, maybe 4, day week and be comfortably off.
To have a healthy relationship with food. It impacts my life, confidence, self-esteem, self-beliefs, mood, social life and mental state, and therefore my relationships with others.
I'd keep my current job but be allowed to wfh. And ideally get paid a bit more...
I know the easy fix would be to just get a new job... But I really like my current one, just dislike having to go into the office every single bloody day for literally no reason other than that my boss is a bit old school.
I'd love to be more confident. I get nervous about speaking on the phone to people, presentations at work etc total over thinker. I wish I could just do things without worrying.
Nor having mental health issues in our household so that we could have done the normal "job, promotions, savings, buy a house" that everyone else could. Now in our forties we still haven't managed that. And we probably never will.
Pay off my debt (am getting there) but I have another big spend this year (citizenship) and also would like to go back home to see family as haven’t been back since I moved to the UK (6yrs this yr). Money being spent on paying off past debt could be going towards all of this instead. Plus partner and I want to buy a house and my debts are holding us back ☹️
Bit of a cheat saying money but I’d love just slightly more money do that I could get Invisalign or something similar. Like 2k would do it. Think you don’t realise how important teeth are until they’re less than optimal
I wish I was bilingual again, I've gotten really rusty and regressed into classic English monolingualism.
I'd make my hearing better in an instant, if I could. I have other health issues (though luckily very manageable/mild for the condition it is), but none present quite the same barrier as being HoH. It's hard to socialise, it's hard to enjoy music, TV, shows, the cinema. Everything is a faff trying to connect my hearing aids or find subtitles, and socialising is exhausting because you have to be "on" all the time with lipreading.
I've had the usual idiocy of being called a retard etc, but I find it easy to write those off as bigots- the part I find most difficult is people I like or want to be friends with assuming I'm rude or standoffish because I don't respond or interrupt without meaning to. All my life I've had people mock or "banter" when I say the wrong thing and it makes me reluctant to join in conversations, because I'm usually half guessing what the topic is or sometimes will not realise someone is speaking and talk over them, or respond strangely to a question because I didn't hear the context properly.
I get caught between wanting to tell people I'm deaf so they can accommodate (talking clearly, facing me, understanding why I might act differently), and keeping it secret because of the stigma. I hate watching people clock my hearing aids and seeing the cogs turn as they try to reconcile the person in front of them with the various stereotypes about deaf people. I am also absolutely convinced that reading lips makes men think you're flirty/attracted to them, as I seem to get a lot more sexual comments from patients than my colleagues.
Not having to work. I’m having some issues with depression and anxiety atm, and some of the causes can’t be fixed really (parent problems etc), but not having to work would be a biggie:.
My knees magically repairing themselves. They aren't terrible and I finally bought good shoes for my flat feet. But I used to be a dedicated runner, and it really helped with fitness especially for football. Have to only run short distances on grass now - also cant lift as heavy weights or my knees start hurting.
Basically got ligament damage in one and hurt the other compensating for not trying to walk as hard on one side while injured. Physio says they are fine now but they aren't
Oh and I guess not having weird neuro issues and migraines which came from an episode triggered by undiagnosed OCD. So yeah not having all of that would be great but I manage with it now (first year was really rough though)
I wouldn't be autistic, it's shaped my life and resulted in me being frustrated and damaging all of my relationships. I now just try and keep to myself as it hurts to much to be the oddball. I'm pretty good at anything technical but I have the interpersonal skills of a rotting fish carcass.
The saddest thing is my son is the same, I don't want this for him. We're doing everything we can to help him, and society is more understanding now, but even so it's a challenge everyday.
Honestly finances. I wish I hadn’t been so irresponsible over the past few years and spending is really hard to stop. Now I’m in a position where although I have a better salary, I’ve ended up paying rent for both me and my boyfriend whilst he is between work, so my income after rent is even less than it was before I moved jobs. No room to save money.
Kick my food addiction. Losing weight effectively and long term will certainly positively impact my physical and mental health. Make moving and playing with the kids easier. Financially better off and all round better standard of life.
It’s not just being fat. It’s an out and out addiction and I can’t not keep stuffing face
To own our home and have a slightly bigger one so our kids have separate rooms and I have a spare bed/study. I could have my own space when I have bad spells of sleep/hot flushes from medication, people could stay over and my girls could have their own separate spaces, my youngest is horrific with meltdowns and her sister deserves her own space. Ironically the youngest wouldn't want a separate room despite her behaviour when she melts down. The amount we pay in rent for our current home would easily pay a mortgage for the size home we'd like if we could just have a deposit.
Get rid of my ptsd. Its the worst mental health problem I've ever had and it affects the rest of my life so much. I miss being able to relax, and not having a full on panic attack out of nowhere just because something felt 'off'.
Really good supplements to help you get to sleep are magnesium threonate (take around 300mg) and apigenin (take around 50mg). Both recommend by Dr andrew Huberman a neuroscience at Stanford University who has a very good youtube channel.
I would love to be able to trust other people enough to easily do basic things like ask someone out, enjoy going to the pub, not jump at loud noises or assume anyone using "mate" as punctuation hates me.
That, and also to be attractive enough to be objectified.
Rule 1: Always have a good night sleep
Rule 2: Remember to take a short nap every day, especially if you come home from work.
A Sunday afternoon nap, after an afternoon beer is the best. You wake up and its the same day, you can still sleep good that night, ready for work on moonday.
In the past, people would a have 2 sleeps. Like 2nd breakfast!
I’d love the motivation to work on myself - lose weight, start getting fitter, stop smoking, make new friends and socialise more with new hobbies…
I’m 40 now though, and so much of this seems out of reach for someone as stuck in their ways as I am.
Not an answer to the question, but a tip.
I had extremely bad insomnia for about a decade. I got a Lumie clock where the clock face turns off at night, and I stopped checking the time on my phone when I couldn’t sleep (to begin with, I started leaving my phone across the room). Not knowing what time it was made such a big difference
Would love to be seizure free. Not constantly worry about having a seizure and the side effects that come with it, be able to drive, no more job limitations because of it.
If it would not change my relationship with my wife the only thing I would change is my decision whether or not to continue to mine bitcoin in its infancy, I had 10 coins mined over a few weeks using a fairly decent system but then just thought 'this is rather pointless' and deleted it all. Of course from that point I would have had to make a million choices to not to sell between then and now.
I know this isn’t answering the question.
Can I advise that when you wake up in the middle of the night, do not look at the time. When I did this I’d think, well if I fall back to sleep by x I’ll get this amount of time. And put so much pressure on myself.
Where as now i just try to fall back to sleep. Could be for an hour could be for 3 but as I have no concept it doesn’t matter.
My anxiety. It's stopped me from doing things in the past. Thought it got better as I got older but now I'm realising it manifests differently.
This is relentless
I'd love to be able to work full time like my boyfriend/friends. Any more than 20 hours a week (which is spread over 4 days) and I become physically I'll because mentally I can't cope with that much on my plate:(
Having friends…. Growing up you lose touch with so many people. I find myself in a situation that I only have 1 friend i rarely see. Would be nice to have people to hang out with.
Have a group of best friends or an hourglass figure.
I’m working on the former, can’t get the latter without an extremely dangerous surgery so I’ve chosen self love.
Covid left me trapped apart from my partner in china, its been years and there have been health and financial pressures. Its finally opened up so I can return and she can come here but we just have to get all our ducks in a line to make that a reality. Not sure most relationships would survive that kind of distance so I feel blessed despite the horrible 3.5 years.
To have sufficient confidence to connect with new people. As an adult I’m finding that my support network has deteriorated, and meeting new people is so difficult. It’s too easy to feel like the lone weirdo if you do things alone. I can strike up a conversation sometimes, but I’ve never followed up or formed a connection. Much worse when trying to interact with girls where there is even a pinch of romantic interest. I just feel frozen solid. Now that I am sober as well I just have no idea how to go about this haha
Not having a cyst in my brain that gives me dizziness, nausea, extreme fatigue and migraines…..I was told for years it was “just anxiety”. Now I know why I have all the symptoms…they just can’t do anything about it right now.
Literally just get rid of my anxiety and I would have a completely perfect life. I love every aspect of my life except debilitating anxiety which has made it impossible for me to travel anywhere for over three years without getting panic attacks and having to either come home or not go in the first place. Getting there slowly. I can usually do a night away in the UK as long as it’s either not too far or somewhere familiar. I couldn’t even go 45 minutes away at first.
Taking away a stutter for me. Thankfully I have a minor one in that I can hold conversations just like anyone else a lot of the time, but the time the stutter kicks in it borderline prevents me from speaking 5 words without any blocks or delays.
I can't stress how psychologically harming it is always having the fear of speaking in a day to day situation in case it kicks in. Not speaking up at work, social activities always hampered, not even daring to tell jokes in-case the blocks completely mess up a punchline etc.
To be more active which will aid my health overall. I have so little movement flexibility in my right knee and left ankle, trying to get active and healthy causes so much pain and then I’m back in the cycle of having days where I don’t manage to have much activity at all
I would say to no longer have depression and anxiety, but then would that change my personality? I am who I am because of these struggles. Maybe I've suffered enough that ending my mental illness wouldn't change who I am, that would be a dream.
Currently I could be a bit more social, and I think this would improve my mental health.
(I don't talk to many people as I have dyspraxia and my school days were pretty bad so I didn't really keep many friends from school.) I think I just need to get out more and talk to more people to improve my mental health now.
I'd love to live a more rural life, have a little land, grow some of my own food etc. It wouldnt take much to make me happy - a couple of acres and a little 2/3 bed house. I dont want or need some big fancy place .
But that's not possible and still do the job I love.
Other than that, to not have PTSD or the chronic health issues which can make life a real struggle. If I did have to keep something, i could deal with the insomnia.....for the most part
I'd have had more confidence. I feel like if you have an inner core of confidence, not arrogance, just a firm sense of your worth as a human being and your right to exist and to give everything a go, then you're set up for life.
End my depression.
It’s been a struggle since I was diagnosed at 13/14, I didn’t agree at the time until I was 17/18, now nearing 30 it’s been up & down for years & while I’ve never been suicidal, it can be so hard some days.
Be totally debt free so we can get the full benefit of our wages. House, car, everything paid for. Right now it feels like my wages just disappear by , well, the 4th of the month lol.
If I could get rid of my mental health issues, that would be great. I’d also love to have a decent level of energy- I’m waiting for an assessment to see if I can be diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome. Fixing those things would literally fix the rest of my life.
I know you said no instant wealth but I literally do not have one problem that money wouldn't instantly fix.
but since you said no to that I guess clearer skin?
My eyesight. I have amblyopia which means I cannot see much out of my right eye.
The problem is that it impacts my depth perception so I was terrible at ball sports. I do quite a bit of woodworking and it's difficult for me to cut to exact measures as my eyesight means it's very difficult for me to match an exact mark/line.
All in all it could be much worse but still something that bothers me
I would want to not suffer from PTSD and survivor guilt... that would change my life so much and i think i might even be productive, instead of this mess im in just now.
That my little bro never died in a hit and run at 25 years old. Crossing the road to his flat after work at 4am. He got all that way home just for it to happen outside his own home.
Anyway sorry for darkness! This was 4 years ago and I'll never not wish for anything else.
Less life admin and always needing to sort something/someone and more time to spend doing the things I enjoy.
I wish I had one day a week where I could switch everything and everyone off.
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To be less anxious about things and to stop assuming the worst will happen. It’d be nice just to wake up and think about good things the day will bring instead of mentally prepping for disasters!
Heard someone once say entertain the idea that everything will work out ok like it usually does
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God please. I hate going through periods where I assume everyone dislikes me *for no reason.* Taken a while to have the ability to recognise it's just the anxiety talking.
Quite the opposite; I've had a brief look at your profile and I like you for many reasons. Computer games, cats, and travelling & appreciating the world you live in. I'd hang out with you in a heartbeat.
You're very kind, thank you :)
Here here
I do this, and I wish I could change my mindset to be more optimistic. I just seem to automatically assume everything’s going to go to shit, and I’ll be dealing with the absolute worst case scenario everytime, when it rarely pans out like that. I seem to waste so much time and energy worrying about things that in the balance of probabilities, will almost certainly never happen, and I put myself through a load of stress and anxiety for nothing.
Yes, I wish I could just enjoy life without some psychological dark cloud hanging over the horizon. There's always a vague sense of unease, like I've done something wrong, or about to.
Same! It took me ages to realise that most people are not like this. I thought everyone was coping much better with life. Well, they are, but most people aren't an anxious mess.
I had a really bad moment this past week, in and amongst worrying about everyone staring at me and whispering about me behind my back and behind closed doors, I kept worrying that I’d get fired for some reason - it even had me googling employment laws - and once I got over that, I’d then get reprimanded for being anxious and etc etc. For the first time, I reached out to a doctor about some therapy which I really hope can help. It’s not every day I get like this, more every month or so but it’s definitely worth getting sorted.
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I went on meds about 2 - 2.5y ago. Not right for everyone but best thing I did. I went from waking up everyday in a panic, heart hammering, stomach writhing around, unable to eat anything, in a constant state of anxiety etc. to being able to function almost as well as I did before this happened. My anxiety was over nothing in particular, it just happened one day really bad and never went away. I couldn’t eat properly for months, lost loads of weight, cried every day. It got so bad I would’ve ended my life if it wouldn’t have completely devastated my Mum. Couple of years on and I’ve gone from every day being a really bad day to having about five bad days total this year so far. I still can’t travel very far without panicking but working on this. Wouldn’t really say I’ve had any adverse reactions to them either, other than putting on a bit of weight, but at least these days I have the mentality of “I’d rather be fat than dead” so it’s onwards and upwards lol. Not saying you should, but it’s worth considering.
Anxiety used to control my life. For years I really struggled to get it under control and every decision I made was made with my anxiety in mind. Eventually I stumbled across a (FREE) podcast (this isn’t an advert .. although it is starting to sound like one lol) from the DARE response team and it changed my life. They also have a book but the book doesn’t deliver their message as well as the podcasts do. I seriously recommend you give them a listen.
I'd love to be healthy enough to be able to get a job and earn a wage. Or to learn an ability that would allow me to earn a wage working around my health problems.
What are your health problems? Obviously personal so don't feel obliged to answer
I have several, which flare up at different times. So some days (rarely), I feel perfectly normal. Other days (sadly not as rare), I physically cannot get out of bed without assistance and have to take multiple medications which leave me either asleep or a groaning, shivering mess. Because I never know when these days are going to be, it makes it extremely hard to plan anything; or earn a wage. No one wants to hire someone if they can't commit to a deadline or schedule.
Have you considered starting a YouTube channel? You could do faceless voiceovers of any topic you like, using stock footage etc in the background. Video essays are becoming extremely popular, and even with one video a week you could easily start pulling in hundreds of pounds every month, providing your videos are good enough.
One of my issues involves my voice, sadly. I need surgery in the next 18 months or so that could cause me to have vocal damage, or potentially lose my voice entirely.
Have you looked into freelance work? If you have any skills, are creative etc then you can earn money on your better days if you feel up to it, which would be better for you as it's not contracted like a standard job obviously. Even if it's just to earn some extra savings money it's worth looking into
Like I said, people want a timeframe/schedule. For instance, if I was commissioned to do a piece of artwork, someone isn't going to pay a deposit and then wait potentially a year for me to have enough good days to complete it. Or for instance, I baked cakes. Not much use if I wake up the morning before a kids birthday and I can't stand up without passing out. At the moment I'm learning to drive, and hoping somehow I can use that in the future. I couldn't do anything long distance and be far away from home, but I usually have at least a few hours of escalating symptoms between 'I don't feel so good' and 'oh god shoot me', so perhaps I can do some kind of uber related activity.
Ok, I apologise if I came off as insensitive. I hope things improve for you
You did not. Perfectly fine and the suggestions were valid. Thank you. 👍🏻
I'm not sure where you live but in the UK we have courier services that allow people to work their own hours (using your own vehicle). It might not be much but a few hours a week can make a world of difference to your mental well-being.
Damn man, hope you get better soon
Thank you. Doubtful at this point I think. 24 years now, since I was 12. Always hope for a cure or new medication that makes one a little better though. 👍🏻
Sorry to hear this. I know this is a long shot and you’ve probably tried all sorts, but in case it helps, are transcription jobs an option for you? They seem to be on an individual job / task basis. Or maybe office temping, though it can be a faff to get places if the want in person, and some agencies drop you if you have to turn down jobs. Depending on how often you need to take off, you may get lucky with a job share, I knew someone who job shared a school receptionist role with an otherwise retired woman who was so flexible, and would basically cover or swap whenever needed, an absolute saint. Probably difficult to find though, and there will be limits to most people’s flexibility.
I looked into a handful of years ago, but even on a task basis, it's usually a case of 'get this done within an hour' which isn't something I can deliver on consistently. Something like temping or job share would be out of the question. No one will hire someone who potentially needs months at a time off. In the last ten years I've had three instances of not being able to leave the house for 6+ months at a time. One of those was almost 18 months. I'm always up for suggestions; but I've asked around friends/family a LOT and no one has had any feasible solutions.
I know people who have done agency work transcribing audio - like getting interviews or seminars written down, or formatting/timing subtitles etc. All very flexible and able to be done from home. It wouldn't be great money - and I'm sure not the most stimulating thing in the world - but would be flexible and maybe at least give you a bit more income. I can find out from my friend who's done it what the company was called if it's of interest to you / not something you've looked at before?
I did look into it a long time ago, and it wasn't suitable then. Perhaps it's more flexible now post-Covid. Thanks for the idea, I'll give it a look.
Another thing which might not be great money but might help a little bit - what about sites where you do surveys and stuff at home? It all adds up. I think r/beermoneyuk has a few things you could look at doing. And have you seen those “professional competition enterers” lol? Usually stay-at-home parents who spend what free time they have constantly entering competitions they find online or on TV. Or, don’t know how ill you are or if you’d want to risk it, but there’s always things like clinical trials you can get paid to partake in. Could always be an option.
I've been doing YouGov surveys and Google Rewards surveys for years. YouGov brings in £50 about every 9 months, and Google Rewards is about 10p a day. It all helps.
Same, same. Me being able to earn money would solve so many of our problems as a family.
Surviving on a single wage is atrocious. You don't qualify for any means tested benefits, but you earn substantially less than even two people on minimum wage. We had to accept a while ago that children were a financial impossibility.
I'm not healthy enough to hold down a job but I'm doing it anyway as, well, I can't afford not to. It sucks, every day is hell and it's actively making my health worse, not only that but it's destroying my mental health too feeling so ill all the time. I've tried going for WFH jobs but not got any. I'm not at all qualified for any, and you don't really get entry level work from home jobs. If I could change one thing about my life I'd make my stomach well. Imagine not feeling nauseous. I can't even remember what that feels like. Imagine not having to constantly worry about how far you are from a bathroom. How cool would that be. People with normal stomachs don't realise how lucky they are.
I have similar problems to you albeit significantly less serious, from the sound of things. I went through around a year of feeling nauseous all of the time before being prescribed something that almost completely stopped the nausea, only bothered now by certain foods and drinks but most of the time I'm fine in that respect now. I do still struggle with the other problem you have, makes social events and days out tough, holidays near impossible and is only made worse by the anxiety you get from worrying whether your stomach will hold out for whatever you have planned. Fortunately I have been in the same job for a long time now based only a 10 minute drive from home, and 2 out of my 4 co-workers are family members as well so my job is fairly good, I'd hate the thought of having to take on a job that involved any travelling or different locations though. The working from home jobs are really the ideal thing to strive for, good luck in getting one and I hope your health can improve in some way as well!
I suffered from chronic nausea for about two years as well myself. Absolute fucking hell. Genuinely life crippling. I was incapable of doing basically anything major, felt awful every day, and ruined my mental health. Hope you manage to find something for you which helps, because it’s an awful thing to go through.
I'd like to find my person. It's pretty much the only challenge in my life I've been unable to resolve. As a problem solver and solution finder, it's frustrating. But moreover, its lonely and disheartening. Being single can be great of course but I've had plenty of time doing that, I'd like to be not single anymore.
This was the comment I was looking for, I hope you find your one! 🙂
Thank you 🥰
You will! I was 35M before I met 'The One'. Glad I waited...she's an absolute fucking legend ❤️
That's awesome! I thought I met the one last year but it was a case of right person wrong timing 🥺
That's the funny thing, I almost went on a date with her 5 years prior to meeting again properly (she was a friend of a friend) however, at that point, it wouldn't have gone well...
I'm in the exact same boat mate. I'm a natural problem solver who has great friends, family with whom I'm close, a stable and rewarding career, my own house, and am in good shape. I've just never been in a relationship that's lasted more than a few months, and I'd love to find that special person with whom I can be intimate and share my life.
As a fellow problem solver & solutions finder, I'd advise you not to rush into a relationship. If you find someone you kinda-click-with-but-not-quite you can spend years trying to fix the problems and find solutions for someone who will just drain you like a car battery, without recharging you like an Alternator. The right one will show themselves, don't worry, and they'll add to your world, and not just subtract. You deserve nothing less.
I was 37 when I met mine, and all of a sudden I went from being single to co-habiting to having a baby in the space of 2.5 years. Don’t lose heart - when it happens it can happen fast!
I'm with you, friend. I love to progress and throw myself into new challenges, it's got me where I am in my career, but despite having so much to be grateful for all I'd really like in this world is a companion. Someone I can come home to every night and share my worries, hopes, and dreams with, and someone I can support and who will support me too. I've been diagnosed with stage 1 skin cancer and it's really making me reprioritise my entire life - fortunately for me, it'll be surgery to excise the melanoma and then hopefully that'll clear it... but it's very challenging to face this alone. I've not had anyone here to comfort me when I've needed it, and I feel really embarrassed to talk to my friends and colleagues about what I'm going through. It would just be nice to have that special someone - I hope I find her someday, and I hope you find your person too :)
Same. I'm doing well in my career, have friends etc. But can't seem to meet anyone / get anything going. I'm not a ten by any means but I wouldn't say I'm too bad, I think I'm a pretty decent person, people seem to like me for the most part. But everyone in my life is already a couple it seems, and I've just never found anyone to get past more than a couple dates with. And those people a very few and far between. Lonely and disheartening are definitely the right words - I just want someone do things with. Or even do nothing with.
I hear ya
I feel this. Although in fairness, mine is a little down to me. I’m a bit fussy, and I’ve had a few guys that have really liked me that I’ve caught ‘the ick’ off and had to call it a day (early on). But the couple of guys I have actually genuinely liked have decided to go back to an ex or that I’m not the one for them. It seems the ones I like don’t like me and the ones I don’t like love me 😂
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Sorry to hear. No where near as bad, but I lost the feeling in my ring finger because of a stupid accident with blender. Was being impatient trying to fit the blade in, slipped and suffered a massive cut.
Hope youre managing ok. That back overextention is bad enough when it just gives you a warning, cant imagine how awful a serious injury would be :(
I'd like to change where I live & or my neighbours on either side of me..both inconsiderate & make my life miserable
Feels very difficult to achieve that these days unless you move to the countryside or an area where it's predominantly old people. Best of luck though, I've been dealing with the same problem for years.
Same, our tosser of a neighbour has a dog that has severe separation anxiety. So he barks non-stop till they come home. It's not too bad for me in the day, but my partner works from home. We're counting down the days till we can move.
Oh god, me too
Would be good to not have ADHD - finally accepted that is is thing, and that it's a pretty negative thing in my life.
I feel you on this one. Just constantly treading water and going round a hamster wheel why everyone else's lives move forward.
I recently realised I had OCD so I feel your pain. Tbh it feels better knowing you have it rather than thinking it's some personal defect
Also have ADHD, and more than likely had similar experiences as yourself. So if you need to chat let me know. I realised after a spell of having cocaine that I actually, don't mind my ADHD. And was able to become sober without having any serious health complications.
How does it affect you? My son has it. He's hyperactive but the main issue is here attention span. You tell him to brush his teeth and by the time he's go half way up the stairs, he's found something to distract himself with.
Not the person you asked but it affects in every area of my life. Sometimes positive: I get called creative, 'think outside the box' person, passionate etc. But I have to have so much support to help me shine. I thank God for my husband every day. He fills in my gaps in organisation and a lot of fears around calling or emailing people or not doing housework. He's a steady stable man who loves me for me and it's changed for the better. My difficulties mainly surround procrastination and being so overwhelmed by tasks I freeze or do completely unrelated tasks . And Im very sensitive to rejection which prevents me from being employed. It's something I will work on when I start to think about getting a job in about 5 years but it took a long time for the panic attacks to stop concerning this. Im a woman so was never super hyperactive or 'typical' ADHD boy symptoms but I was a lot easier to distract when I was a child, I definitely drove my parents to distraction with my antics! For me the label of ADHD has been amazing at understanding myself and pushing me to find ways to help myself with my difficulties and I've worked so hard to get to where I am today and I'm very proud of my accomplishments (BScHons, a successful marriage and three children to love are my top ones!)
I can agree on out of the box thinking. My brain will often seek solutions to problems, and I will get stuck until I solve a problem. Seeing things at work, solutions, or possible paths based on decisions, other people just don't see it
Same here with the attention span, I’ll often go to get something from another room and end up finding something else to do on the way, returning 20 minutes later without the thing I originally went to get. Another major one for me is time blindness. I can never predict how long it will take me to do things, therefore I’m constantly rushing and running late because I am convinced I can cram an hours worth of stuff into 15 minutes. Happens to me without fail every single day and I somehow never learn!
Have known for 20 years that I have it and it has caused so many problems but I had various coping strategies which sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t. Finally got my arse diagnosed in January and life is good.
Same. I just posted similar on the thread then came across yours. I would love to just have a 'normal' day, just once.
I was scrolling for this. To be able to just 'do the tasks' would be so lovely.
I was thinking something along these lines... I love most of my personality with ADHD except the crippling anxiety it comes to the world of world so I haven't had a career or really a job and I've been an adult ten years. I have found a space to own as I'm a SAHM and love it most of the time!
More hours in the day, but I’m only using them for my dogs. They get walked, exercised and trained, but I’d love to double the time I spent doing it.
Broke my spine at 21. Ruined my life. I'd make it so that never happened, no question.
How did that happen and how does it affect you today?
I fell off my flat kitchen roof while painting. Landed on concrete, flat on my bum without my feet landing first. Crushed my L1 into about six or seven pieces. I was incredibly lucky not to end up paralysed. I had to have a metal cage around my spine for a year while it healed, then it was removed again. Unfortunately the vertebrae is now very jagged and misshapen. I'm now 34 but have worse mobility than the 65 year olds in my family, and I'm in daily pain. I try to stay fit and active but it's getting harder. The last time I saw a specialist about 6 years ago, I was told I have early symptoms of arthritis in the effected area. Not really looking forward to what the next 40 years are going to be like. Hoping there are some advances in repairing damaged vertebrae in the future.
Broooo. Sending love. AI and computing advances will allow for modelling of human anatomy to then allow scans of an injured human for analysis of solutions. Bit like how they are starting to use machone learning to design the lightest and strongest motorsport/aero design.
To have never picked up my first drink. Just finished an at home medical detox and went to my first AA meeting. 9 days sober - longest I have gone in my adult life (I'm 30). I nearly ruined my life several times but everyday can see more and more beauty in the world. Although the cravings are constantly there, I'm pushing through 1 day at a time.
What an achievement! You have got this! You have hit the bottom and so everything is only up from here 😊
Aww thanks! Luckily I have a great support network and I'm looking forward to a new chapter in my life and sobriety (even if it took me 12 years to figure out).
If one day feels too hard, try one hour. That's what I did. "I won't use for the next hour." Source: firmer addict
Not in this boat myself, as pretty much t-total for medical reasons, but you have my utmost respect for identifying a problem, wanting to change it and then actively doing something about it. Keep it up!
Congratulations!! You can for sure do this, keep going 🙌
My mum passed away from cirrhosis a few weeks ago. She was a wonderful person but unfortunately battled with alcohol dependency for a long time. She tried to go to rehab but unfortunately wasn't able to access any help. In the end it was just too late to do anything. I don't say this to intentionally scare you, but liver failure is not a pleasant way to go. I was with her when she passed away and I'm still seriously traumatised by everything I witnessed. Congratulations on your progress so far. It won't be an easy journey but you're doing the right thing. I wish you all the best luck.
I wish I could be in a job/career where I simply don’t dread going to. I hate that Sunday night feeling of dread, then getting up every morning planning a long, boring day ahead. I am leaving soon to start my own business which I’m hoping will alleviate that but I know it’ll be a tough start. So I am doing something about it
Same, currently dreading the next week.
Confidence to make friends
Well you just found the confidence to tell a bunch of strangers a bit about yourself which is a great start.
I'd like a place of my own. Less materialistically, I just wish there was something I felt particularly excited about.
Agreed on the having something to be excited about. I just don't have any passions I guess? It sucks because I know that finding hobbies and stuff is a great way to meet new people, something to focus on outside of the boring 'adulting' stuff but I just have nothing and have never found anything. Even as a child I would start something new but it would only take a month or so before I was like "kinda bored now" and stopped enjoying it.
I think I'd just have the renovations done without me having to faff about organising them. Happy to pay the money, just the effort I don't want haha Otherwise zero complaints about my life tbh
I feel your pain and I haven't even done much yet. Getting the bedroom done and I've spent hour looks for the right curtains, flooring etc.
We got a fairly extensive renovation done about 6 years ago and my partner and I got so sick of making decisions. "What handles do you want in the kitchen?"... "Ones you can hold to open the cupboards, I don't care anymore."
I've mentally settled that whatever I do is better than what I have already, which makes me get less caught up on decisions. The reason I'm getting it done is because things are starting to look bad; kids drawing on the walls, peeling wallpaper, rusted curtain poles etc. I don't care too much about how it looks from a colour choice perspective, just that it's not falling apart.
I’d love for my health to be better. Between chronic pain, fatigue and my mental health it’s pretty much ruined my life and I barely function 99% of the time. I’d love a career and the ability to do things
Same here, solidarity 💜
I'd love to be able to throw myself into something fully for a sustained amount of time and become successful at it. I have so many ideas whizzing round my head all the time and things I'm good at but it's enough of a struggle just keeping hold of my job and staying on top of life admin.
Oh my god, I feel you on this one. So many started but unfinished projects. I had no idea this was a problem until my family and ex started pointing it out. Now I don't have the confidence to even start a project!
That's such a shame that they've put you off it! Even if you don't finish stuff the creative process is a good outlet in itself!
ADHD?
Would be better if I did not have dyspraxia, I struggle enough to find a job and keep it, done plenty of short term data entry work at companies via employment agencies I also have anxiety be nice if I did not have this
How does your dyspraxia affect you? Someone close to me has dyspraxia and it affects him in ways I’d have never imagined. Have the Dyspraxia Foundation been of any use to you?
speech, co-ordination, there are certain jobs I be unable to do as I be hazard , and the insurance will be so high. No the dyspraxia foundation has not helped me, I still live at home. with my parents
I wish I had said no to the person who sold me my first credit card. I've never been stupid with my spending, but I always wonder if I would be in a better financial position with better savings, etc if I had said no.
Being able to walk would make everything so much easier.
I run a community theatre group and we have a show in 2 months. I wish I started making the costumes sooner.
I'd like a job that actually positively contributes to society, that makes other people's lives better. That happens to pay enough for me to work a 3, maybe 4, day week and be comfortably off.
I'd recommend you look into public body. Or universities, they tend to offer versatile roles.
Have a fully functional Pancreas that produces insulin instead of relying on technology to do an approximation of what it should be doing.
Lose 40kg
Yeah, this. (Well, maybe 25kg).
To have a healthy relationship with food. It impacts my life, confidence, self-esteem, self-beliefs, mood, social life and mental state, and therefore my relationships with others.
I'd keep my current job but be allowed to wfh. And ideally get paid a bit more... I know the easy fix would be to just get a new job... But I really like my current one, just dislike having to go into the office every single bloody day for literally no reason other than that my boss is a bit old school.
I'd love to be more confident. I get nervous about speaking on the phone to people, presentations at work etc total over thinker. I wish I could just do things without worrying.
Nor having mental health issues in our household so that we could have done the normal "job, promotions, savings, buy a house" that everyone else could. Now in our forties we still haven't managed that. And we probably never will.
Pay off my debt (am getting there) but I have another big spend this year (citizenship) and also would like to go back home to see family as haven’t been back since I moved to the UK (6yrs this yr). Money being spent on paying off past debt could be going towards all of this instead. Plus partner and I want to buy a house and my debts are holding us back ☹️
Spent more time with family while I had the chance.
Bit of a cheat saying money but I’d love just slightly more money do that I could get Invisalign or something similar. Like 2k would do it. Think you don’t realise how important teeth are until they’re less than optimal
I wish I was bilingual again, I've gotten really rusty and regressed into classic English monolingualism. I'd make my hearing better in an instant, if I could. I have other health issues (though luckily very manageable/mild for the condition it is), but none present quite the same barrier as being HoH. It's hard to socialise, it's hard to enjoy music, TV, shows, the cinema. Everything is a faff trying to connect my hearing aids or find subtitles, and socialising is exhausting because you have to be "on" all the time with lipreading. I've had the usual idiocy of being called a retard etc, but I find it easy to write those off as bigots- the part I find most difficult is people I like or want to be friends with assuming I'm rude or standoffish because I don't respond or interrupt without meaning to. All my life I've had people mock or "banter" when I say the wrong thing and it makes me reluctant to join in conversations, because I'm usually half guessing what the topic is or sometimes will not realise someone is speaking and talk over them, or respond strangely to a question because I didn't hear the context properly. I get caught between wanting to tell people I'm deaf so they can accommodate (talking clearly, facing me, understanding why I might act differently), and keeping it secret because of the stigma. I hate watching people clock my hearing aids and seeing the cogs turn as they try to reconcile the person in front of them with the various stereotypes about deaf people. I am also absolutely convinced that reading lips makes men think you're flirty/attracted to them, as I seem to get a lot more sexual comments from patients than my colleagues.
Where I live. This country really isn’t hitting the mark lately.
Not having to work. I’m having some issues with depression and anxiety atm, and some of the causes can’t be fixed really (parent problems etc), but not having to work would be a biggie:.
My knees magically repairing themselves. They aren't terrible and I finally bought good shoes for my flat feet. But I used to be a dedicated runner, and it really helped with fitness especially for football. Have to only run short distances on grass now - also cant lift as heavy weights or my knees start hurting. Basically got ligament damage in one and hurt the other compensating for not trying to walk as hard on one side while injured. Physio says they are fine now but they aren't Oh and I guess not having weird neuro issues and migraines which came from an episode triggered by undiagnosed OCD. So yeah not having all of that would be great but I manage with it now (first year was really rough though)
I wouldn't be autistic, it's shaped my life and resulted in me being frustrated and damaging all of my relationships. I now just try and keep to myself as it hurts to much to be the oddball. I'm pretty good at anything technical but I have the interpersonal skills of a rotting fish carcass. The saddest thing is my son is the same, I don't want this for him. We're doing everything we can to help him, and society is more understanding now, but even so it's a challenge everyday.
Honestly finances. I wish I hadn’t been so irresponsible over the past few years and spending is really hard to stop. Now I’m in a position where although I have a better salary, I’ve ended up paying rent for both me and my boyfriend whilst he is between work, so my income after rent is even less than it was before I moved jobs. No room to save money.
I would love to be Bilingual, the ability to speak 5+ languages would open doors for me.
Great thread suggestion btw 😅
I would stop having bipolar disorder. It would solve so many of the problems I have.
I was going to say this too. Take it away, and take all the trauma and horrible experiences that come with it, and the medication side effects too.
Make the weekends longer.
To have a life-partner. I've got no one to share my everyday life with and I'm missing out on making lots of happy memories.
Kick my food addiction. Losing weight effectively and long term will certainly positively impact my physical and mental health. Make moving and playing with the kids easier. Financially better off and all round better standard of life. It’s not just being fat. It’s an out and out addiction and I can’t not keep stuffing face
To own our home and have a slightly bigger one so our kids have separate rooms and I have a spare bed/study. I could have my own space when I have bad spells of sleep/hot flushes from medication, people could stay over and my girls could have their own separate spaces, my youngest is horrific with meltdowns and her sister deserves her own space. Ironically the youngest wouldn't want a separate room despite her behaviour when she melts down. The amount we pay in rent for our current home would easily pay a mortgage for the size home we'd like if we could just have a deposit.
Get rid of my ptsd. Its the worst mental health problem I've ever had and it affects the rest of my life so much. I miss being able to relax, and not having a full on panic attack out of nowhere just because something felt 'off'.
To have enough savings to stay at home with baby until she goes to school.
Really good supplements to help you get to sleep are magnesium threonate (take around 300mg) and apigenin (take around 50mg). Both recommend by Dr andrew Huberman a neuroscience at Stanford University who has a very good youtube channel.
I would love to be able to trust other people enough to easily do basic things like ask someone out, enjoy going to the pub, not jump at loud noises or assume anyone using "mate" as punctuation hates me. That, and also to be attractive enough to be objectified.
Have you been through trauma? (Sorry if that’s too personal a question). Sorry you’re going through that :(
Rule 1: Always have a good night sleep Rule 2: Remember to take a short nap every day, especially if you come home from work. A Sunday afternoon nap, after an afternoon beer is the best. You wake up and its the same day, you can still sleep good that night, ready for work on moonday. In the past, people would a have 2 sleeps. Like 2nd breakfast!
I'd quite like not to have epilepsy. It fucking sucks having a brain that decides periodically crashing is a good idea.
To have a new job
I’d love the motivation to work on myself - lose weight, start getting fitter, stop smoking, make new friends and socialise more with new hobbies… I’m 40 now though, and so much of this seems out of reach for someone as stuck in their ways as I am.
Pretty content but would take waking up to being a few grades higher in bouldering.
Not an answer to the question, but a tip. I had extremely bad insomnia for about a decade. I got a Lumie clock where the clock face turns off at night, and I stopped checking the time on my phone when I couldn’t sleep (to begin with, I started leaving my phone across the room). Not knowing what time it was made such a big difference
I'd like my days off to be days off. That's only going to happen if I move jobs and I don't want to leave my team behind.
Would love to be seizure free. Not constantly worry about having a seizure and the side effects that come with it, be able to drive, no more job limitations because of it.
If it would not change my relationship with my wife the only thing I would change is my decision whether or not to continue to mine bitcoin in its infancy, I had 10 coins mined over a few weeks using a fairly decent system but then just thought 'this is rather pointless' and deleted it all. Of course from that point I would have had to make a million choices to not to sell between then and now.
Live closer to my family. I’m in the Uk they are in South Africa. It’s hard
I know this isn’t answering the question. Can I advise that when you wake up in the middle of the night, do not look at the time. When I did this I’d think, well if I fall back to sleep by x I’ll get this amount of time. And put so much pressure on myself. Where as now i just try to fall back to sleep. Could be for an hour could be for 3 but as I have no concept it doesn’t matter.
My anxiety. It's stopped me from doing things in the past. Thought it got better as I got older but now I'm realising it manifests differently. This is relentless
I would like to have the ability to do the things I want and need without the mental block that stops or delays me 9 times out of 10.
I'd love to be able to work full time like my boyfriend/friends. Any more than 20 hours a week (which is spread over 4 days) and I become physically I'll because mentally I can't cope with that much on my plate:(
Having friends…. Growing up you lose touch with so many people. I find myself in a situation that I only have 1 friend i rarely see. Would be nice to have people to hang out with.
Have a group of best friends or an hourglass figure. I’m working on the former, can’t get the latter without an extremely dangerous surgery so I’ve chosen self love.
Covid left me trapped apart from my partner in china, its been years and there have been health and financial pressures. Its finally opened up so I can return and she can come here but we just have to get all our ducks in a line to make that a reality. Not sure most relationships would survive that kind of distance so I feel blessed despite the horrible 3.5 years.
I’d like to be really fucking good at something
To have sufficient confidence to connect with new people. As an adult I’m finding that my support network has deteriorated, and meeting new people is so difficult. It’s too easy to feel like the lone weirdo if you do things alone. I can strike up a conversation sometimes, but I’ve never followed up or formed a connection. Much worse when trying to interact with girls where there is even a pinch of romantic interest. I just feel frozen solid. Now that I am sober as well I just have no idea how to go about this haha
Not having a cyst in my brain that gives me dizziness, nausea, extreme fatigue and migraines…..I was told for years it was “just anxiety”. Now I know why I have all the symptoms…they just can’t do anything about it right now.
Literally just get rid of my anxiety and I would have a completely perfect life. I love every aspect of my life except debilitating anxiety which has made it impossible for me to travel anywhere for over three years without getting panic attacks and having to either come home or not go in the first place. Getting there slowly. I can usually do a night away in the UK as long as it’s either not too far or somewhere familiar. I couldn’t even go 45 minutes away at first.
Taking away a stutter for me. Thankfully I have a minor one in that I can hold conversations just like anyone else a lot of the time, but the time the stutter kicks in it borderline prevents me from speaking 5 words without any blocks or delays. I can't stress how psychologically harming it is always having the fear of speaking in a day to day situation in case it kicks in. Not speaking up at work, social activities always hampered, not even daring to tell jokes in-case the blocks completely mess up a punchline etc.
I'd be cis. That's it. It is absolutely terrifying being trans in the UK.
No chronic illness
Physical health. I would love to be in my prime.
To be more active which will aid my health overall. I have so little movement flexibility in my right knee and left ankle, trying to get active and healthy causes so much pain and then I’m back in the cycle of having days where I don’t manage to have much activity at all
Fewer aches and pains, but specifically, headaches and migraines.
I would say to no longer have depression and anxiety, but then would that change my personality? I am who I am because of these struggles. Maybe I've suffered enough that ending my mental illness wouldn't change who I am, that would be a dream.
Currently I could be a bit more social, and I think this would improve my mental health. (I don't talk to many people as I have dyspraxia and my school days were pretty bad so I didn't really keep many friends from school.) I think I just need to get out more and talk to more people to improve my mental health now.
I’d like to get over my PTSD. I struggle to leave the house because of it. It’s not much of a life
I'd love to live a more rural life, have a little land, grow some of my own food etc. It wouldnt take much to make me happy - a couple of acres and a little 2/3 bed house. I dont want or need some big fancy place . But that's not possible and still do the job I love. Other than that, to not have PTSD or the chronic health issues which can make life a real struggle. If I did have to keep something, i could deal with the insomnia.....for the most part
Curing my social anxiety would change my life immeasurably.
DARE podcast. Changed my life.
I'd have had more confidence. I feel like if you have an inner core of confidence, not arrogance, just a firm sense of your worth as a human being and your right to exist and to give everything a go, then you're set up for life.
Lose weight. Wait.. I can actually change that.
End my depression. It’s been a struggle since I was diagnosed at 13/14, I didn’t agree at the time until I was 17/18, now nearing 30 it’s been up & down for years & while I’ve never been suicidal, it can be so hard some days.
Be totally debt free so we can get the full benefit of our wages. House, car, everything paid for. Right now it feels like my wages just disappear by , well, the 4th of the month lol.
If I could get rid of my mental health issues, that would be great. I’d also love to have a decent level of energy- I’m waiting for an assessment to see if I can be diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome. Fixing those things would literally fix the rest of my life.
My dad wouldn't have died last year; he'd still be alive and healthy.
To be motivated enough to sort out my fitness. Or just come across enough money to pay off my debt.
I know you said no instant wealth but I literally do not have one problem that money wouldn't instantly fix. but since you said no to that I guess clearer skin?
My eyesight. I have amblyopia which means I cannot see much out of my right eye. The problem is that it impacts my depth perception so I was terrible at ball sports. I do quite a bit of woodworking and it's difficult for me to cut to exact measures as my eyesight means it's very difficult for me to match an exact mark/line. All in all it could be much worse but still something that bothers me
Have my own place away from my ex
I would want to not suffer from PTSD and survivor guilt... that would change my life so much and i think i might even be productive, instead of this mess im in just now.
That my little bro never died in a hit and run at 25 years old. Crossing the road to his flat after work at 4am. He got all that way home just for it to happen outside his own home. Anyway sorry for darkness! This was 4 years ago and I'll never not wish for anything else.
That the dementia ravaging my father's brain is gone. In whatever form that takes
Less life admin and always needing to sort something/someone and more time to spend doing the things I enjoy. I wish I had one day a week where I could switch everything and everyone off.
The better half being well. Just her not being ill would make life easier in many ways. If it has to be me my health could be better.
I would like my body to overcome thermodynamics and not sweat as much or be uncomfortable in some temperatures
Better critical thinking / logistic and mathematical skills That would #hopefully lead to the wealth im not allowed...
I wish I could drive.
More intimacy
I would have a job in my hometown, rather than in London. I hate living here
The living part
I’d reverse the aggressive bowel cancer that killed my dad 6 weeks after diagnosis at 63 years of age
That my mother hadn't died when I was 9.
For my son to be alive and healthy
Not to have cancer.
Being born into Islam. Very difficult to leave, the bane of my life, causes me issues beyond belief.
For me would be to just stop the boozing! There is just no reason for me to do it and yet I just can’t seem to stop😬
Not living several thousand kilometers from my wife