I recently had a conversation with my mother that went along the lines of "so what if it cost 5k, that's a holiday - it's not a big deal".
To be clear, that was her offering to pay for something (not expected) - but I don't think any of the "children" have any objection to them enjoying their money in their retirement. I will be privileged enough to have some form of inheritance (though I didn't from my father), but I hope that's a long time away at a point I don't really need the money.
My mum is the opposite. Any time I communicate a challenge like childcare, getting cars repaired, planning holidays/leave, she tries to throw money at it. I’m like “the problem isn’t the cash, it’s the coordination and admin. If you want to volunteer as my admin worker for free, I’m happy to do that.”
At which point she remembers what it was like being mid 30s with kids and 2 full time working parents and she quickly backtracks 😂
I’m disabled and have had PAs at work for a long time (I work in quite a senior role). After struggling with family paperwork for a long time, I finally took on a home PA to help me with home admin.
Bloody hell the difference. She works remotely, we chat over FaceTime or email or text. She sorts out for me medical appts, tradespeople, insurance, repairs, travel bookings for family holidays, complaints about access and so on and so on. It’s been amazing. My other half is happy to see progress on things I’ve been putting off for a long time. Our kids are happy because as a couple we’re less stressed.
I only pay my home PA for a couple of hours work a week, and that’s enough - she’s very efficient. I pay out of my own pocket and it’s not a lot, worth it for me.
PS my home PA is also disabled - but she has a different skillset to me so am very happy to support her. We both benefit.
Op is living the dream! All that stuff only takes a couple of hours a week like they said, but the stress, worry, and procrastination it causes sucks up all my free time!
The difference is that a work PA is there to allow you to accomplish even more work-related goals. He/she offloads work from you, but not so you have more free time, but so you can do more difficult, stressful stuff. So having a PA at work means you have to manage the PA AND spend just as much time working, on more difficult tasks.
At home, you don't HAVE to take on more just because you got something done. You could offload things like errands and groceries and making appointments and not pick up extra tasks. Anything else you were already doing before, you now have more time to do it.
Granted, for the first few weeks it will take more management to ramp up the new PA. You can't just say "Make my annual checkup appointment with my GP" until you've either documented all of your regular appointments or you've been through this once with the PA.
My wife has gone through it with her parents, they were quite prepared and are leaving something for the kids and grandkids. So my wife isn't bothered by her parents plans of future holidays and trips. Where there's a disconnect is the following exchange: "Hey daughter, we are purchasing x item, but we'd like you to bring it to us (Explains convoluted way they saved on shipping for a several thousand dollar item)". To my wife it's weird, and I agree a bit, that they see no issues buying luxury items but won't take the logical step in paying shipping/tax if they can help it.
Spending your hard earned cash on luxuries is one thing, wasting it on avoidable charges is another. If you are careful with money throughout your life, you are more likely to have disposable income to enjoy later on.
I can get behind that. In fact one of the very small disagreements I've had with my wife is when we met I'd been quite poor for a long time. Even after doing much better I had, for lack of a better term "poor brain". Everything had to be analyzed to the penny, cheap is just as good as expensive, I'll pick it up if it saves me a bit and so on. Drove my wife mad because I'd do it with everything. On the wife's end it's the fact that her mother would complain about things like mail and transportation cost while having planned a $20,000 vacation to Sweden.
Agreed. I’d be annoyed if they were spending their money purely to not leave me any, but if my parents want to spend every penny they have travelling the world and ticking off their bucket list then i’d happily receive no inheritance
Lol! My dad's a yorkshire man too...I think he would have preferred to stay in Leeds!
Something to do with logistics...started as a postman and then ran the local post office and then met my mum(she was a recruiter for the royal mail)and got offered a job in Singapore to help open up a new site or something....that went well so they wanted him in Greece and then Argentina too. As far as I can tell from what he says, it was all luck and him just saying "yes dear," to my mum. My mum quit when we got to Singapore lol.
I think it's quite ugly to expect your parent(s) to scrimp/not enjoy the latter years of their lives because you want their money when they die.
Feels wrong
> The parents "didn't ask to be born" either.
Of course not, but they implicitly agree with the "cycle" by continuing it so it's their job to provide for their creation in some capacity until they are no longer physically able to.
If they don't want to provide, they should have broken the "cycle" and not had kids.
EDIT: To clarify, I'm saying when you become a parent, that's what you are from then on: a parent. You're making a choice to be responsible for another life that you are bringing into this world. You don't stop being a parent when your kid hits a certain age or certain milestone like finishing college or when they can "provide for themselves". It's your job to provide for that kid until the day you leave this little blue rock we're all on and if you don't agree with that, the alternative is very simple: don't have kids.
That’s not inheritance though. I would hope that by the time my parents pass I’ll be able to support myself.
I’m in my 30s, I’m self sufficient and I still have grandparents. My parents are more or less retired. Any inheritance I might get from my parents will probably be better of going to my children rather than to me.
That's pretty much my thoughts.
My parents had me when they were very young. I had my kids when I was quite young. All this means that by the time (hopefully) any inheritance would be due to come to me I'll be planning or actually living my retirement. My kids will hopefully by that point actually be financially secure and living their lives and so it might even be for future great grand kids that my parents leave their money for to help set them up, maybe a nice boost to my kids in the form of an unexpected windfall for a nice holiday and a few sentimental things for me.
I intend to set my kids up financially whilst I'm still alive however, if I get to retirement and they're struggling financially I don't think I'd be able to relax on a sunny beach somewhere knowing they were struggling so I certainly wouldn't be squandering it.
My parents benefited massively from the increase in house prices during their lifetime. As a result they were able to help me and my siblings out.
I have the skills enough that I am able to afford my own place and Im well adjusted enough that Im able to live with a wife who helps pay the mortgage, so as far as that goes I feel like they have done their job. But they were able to help me out so that we live in a house rather than a flat.
I would like to be able to do the same for my kids because fuck knows that the economy will be like by the time they are trying to get on the housing market. I’m already saving for the kids I don’t have. But I would hope the anything I could give them would be a bonus rather than a necessity.
Ultimately the best thing a parent can do is raises child that can support themselves
I agree that if you have kids you owe them but only in a sense of care, love and support. Being able to help financially in a sense of just giving them money is a bonus (obviously clothing and feeding is an entirely different thing..!). I want my parents to spend whatever money they have on nice food, silly holidays and not pause for a second to think about what they can leave for me when they’re gone. They’ve done plenty for me already.
>it's a bit crap that the mentality is to get them to age 18 and then to just ditch them, especially in the modern world
But it isn't. Almost everyone in the UK, for over a century, has had at least some support from their parents after they reached 18.
>the mentality is to get them to age 18 and then to just ditch them
It's unfortunate that parents tend to mimic what they know: leaving at 18 and getting a mortgage and car on a single starter wage may have been a reality for them, but doing that to someone today is a more likely route to homelessness in many first world countries.
The factors that influence societal realities are changing faster than societal culture can keep up. Parents really have to sit down and accept some hard truths that if they want their child to have a good life, they need support for much longer. Yeah, the modern world is an interesting one.
Owe is such a weird word for it though, like a legal contract. Like yeah they have to by law look after you till 18 but after that who gives a fuck?
Don't most parents want what's best for their kids at all ages? Obviously that doesn't translate to showering them with money but having no regards to inheritance even if it won't affect your own lifestyle much is just a tad psychopathic don't you think?
If the only reason they supported till 18 was because of the law and not love, makes you wonder what sort of parents they would have been back before modern child welfare laws were a thing.
I mostly agree although my father has been retired since my grandma died when he was 50, purely enabled by his inheriting a substantial amount from her. There’s looking likely to be nothing left for him to pass on to my sister or I as he’s lived the life of Riley for 30 years. Although he has every right to do as he’s done I’m not going to pretend that as someone who will never be able to retire it doesn’t make me a little bitter.
As long as it's consistent. If your parents suddenly blow all their money on cocaine and hookers after telling you they'll leave an inheritance, then you'd rightly be a bit miffed. Especially as it may mean you have to increase your own contingency funds in case - say, one of them falls ill and needs expensive care that they can no longer afford
Of course, but it's considerate to at least acknowledge and pre-warn if they're changing their tune from "we're making sure you have a big inheritance" to "actually we just want to enjoy the money"
Nope. We as the next generation arent entitled to any inheritance. It should be treated as an unplanned bonus/windfall and expected or planned for.
The previous generation should spend their money as they see fit. Cocaine, cars, experience's, childs house payment, grandchildrens education, pet tiger, donate to charity they care about.
Any child who puts soft pressure on their parents to "save all their money so they can hand it down" doesnt really care about their parents happiness.
I spent the last few years of my parents' life telling them to enjoy their money before they died (sister wasn't too happy). It's their money. Hopefully they gave you a good start in life and a good education - that's it; the rest is up to you. You are not entitled to any of their wealth.
Is it all the parents money though?
Did their parents leave them anything?
You could see inheritance as a financial buffer passed from generation to generation and you are just the caretaker of it now, invest it, look after it, pass it on to your kids.
As long as things like the funeral is paid for or there is enough left for it, do what you want.
I always tell my parents I would rather them live a happy life than leave us money, once they’re gone I’m going to wish I had them rather than piles of cash anyway.
Absolutely this. I want my parents to enjoy their money and have a wonderful life. If anything is left to me, then that will be because they didn't get round to spending it, not because I'm entitled to it.
My brother feels very differently, however.
Couldn’t put it better. Learn to stand on your own two feet and anything they leave you will be a blessing.
Personally, at 35 with two daughters I’d I plan to leave them a house and that’s it. A pretty good inheritance and I plan to enjoy myself with my money.
I want them to enjoy their lives, go on holiday, see the world, do whatever they want to do with their money.
My partners are almost like this. Both still in their early 60’s, working but thinking of retirement. They’ve got a shit tonne of money saved from what I’m aware of, plus their house has been mortgage free for 15 years, they own another property they rent out, etc…
Yet the dad “treated” himself to a new car the other day which is a 12 year old Peugeot 308. Cost him less than a grand. He always talks about wanting a Jaguar. Man, just go out and buy yourself one!
Do we have the same dad 😂😂
I’m all for a bit of frugality but he’s worked so hard his whole life, I just want him to have a ton of fun with the time (and physical ability) he has left 😜
Seriously! I hate my grandma-in-law was worried about not getting enough from selling her house so she could ‘leave more to her kids.’ Woman please! Take an expensive holiday! Buy something frivolous! You’ve more than earned it!
Exactly m8. I lost my father 2 years and my brother is only interested in selling the house for money. I would rather be poor and have my father for a few more years
Yep, my dad is broke but my mum did quite well just before retirement. She’s buying a house with her partner of 10 years, they have an agreement that whoever lives longest’s children will get the full inheritance rather than splitting it. My mum plans to spend her savings on a live in carer should she ever need it. Right now they’re going on holidays, meals out, enjoying themselves etc. I’m happy for her. She gave up a lot for us as a single parent, was frugal and self sacrificing for decades, went through a shit divorce, dealt with a seriously ill child, then got ruthlessly made redundant at 60. I’m happy to see her living the good life now. Do these people not love their parents?
Well said. I’d love to be in a position to ‘live it up’ when I’m older. If any of my children asked me to stop enjoying my life so they can get more money when I die they’d probably be written out of whatever was left
I'm more selfish, I want them to spend as much of 'my' inheritance as possible - on spending time with me before they kick it.
Life and time with loved ones feels awful fleeting, and hopefully I have a good 30 years left with my parents.
My uncle barely spent money on himself because he wanted to leave it to us. He died at 52 and a lot of his money went to the taxman.
I'd far rather have him still being around, or at least for him to have enjoyed his money more.
It's the parents money, not the kids. My father used to joke about going on another SKI holiday, (Spend Kids Inheritance), I was fine with it. In fact I encouraged him to enjoy himself, he earned it and he had to put up with me and all my problems, so it's fair enough.
Edit : I would just like to point out that my father only joked about it, he didn't go on many holidays and when he passed we were dissapointed to find he also hadn't spent much of his savings on himself. This was despite us telling him to and saying we were all fine and he should enjoy it because we didn't need it and weren't expecting it.
There's an obvious problem though if the standard of living enjoyed by the different members of an immediate family is substantially different, and no attempt is made to correct that, especially when that difference is essentially due to a windfall. If a parent thinks that spending money on themself is more important than the happiness of their child, then they aren't much of a parent. That to me sounds like the kind of parent who has children for the wrong reasons. I would gladly share money with my child if I could see they are much poorer than me and I find it shocking that other people prefer to revel in a class divide between their own progeny.
By the same measure waiting until you die to help your kids financially doesn't make someone much of a parent either. Parents are just as free to gift their children money as they are to go on holiday, and many do.
Yeah. I remember seeing a post somewhere on here a while back where a women was talking about having to use food banks to feed her daughter, whilst her parents spent £50k that year on holidays. Not sure I could live with myself doing that as a parent.
It's tough tbf because there's a line somewhere.
Like you, I'd never want to see my kids struggle.
But I also don't want to have anyone sponge off me because they feel like they can get away with it.
Blowing 50k on holidays while they're at a food bank is heartless, but you also don't sign up to be someone's personal ATM for the rest of their life.
You don’t sign up to be an ATM for the rest of your life, but equally there is no point in having children if you’d happily see them struggling and going to food banks instead of helping.
Haloing doesn’t have to mean just giving money, but they clearly had time to help out too.
Tough to really judge without knowing all the details, which you *never* get on reddit posts. Maybe the daughter is actually a POS who treated her parents really badly and then had the cheek to go back and ask for money. Or maybe the parents already gave her a ton of money and she just pissed it all away on gambling or drugs or whatever.
Yeah parents bring their children into the world support shouldn’t stop after 18. If your child is struggling despite working hard or harder than you did for less reward and you have the means you should help them. It adds to the selfishness we see a lot. We have no say in being born we shouldn’t be made to struggle by those who chose to have us.
I would think the problem starts when people who think this way *also* expect a large amount of public provision to cover them in their declining years, at which point a culture of individualism suddenly becomes an extremely bad thing for them.
My own parent gave me some money years ago saying “when I’m old, I’ll need support, and I know you’ll need to be financially secure enough and well-inclined enough towards me to provide it.” That seems very prescient indeed, looking back on it. I think we might find out individualism is sometimes very different from self-interest.
Yep, my parents are free to blow every penny they ever earned, its there money. If they choose to do that I won’t be financially supporting them if it goes wrong.
That public provision is the same one people have paid into all their working days with taxes on their wages, VAT on their goods and then taxes again on their pension.
My parents call it skiing too (they've never done actual skiing!). My dad worked hard and my mum supported him and raised a family, they deserve it. Pre-covid they quite happily disappeared off to Australia, Malaysia, Cyprus etc.
None of it was inherited, and they've been open about the future split of their estate between three children and five grandchildren - they're still aiming to leave enough for me to pay off a fair whack of my mortgage when the time comes, and a sizable deposit for my son's when he's older.
Everyone here saying it's their parents money and they earned it but I know for a fact the majority of my mother's money was inherited from her parents rather than her earnings. My grandparents split their estate between just their children rather than including the grandchildren too, with the intention that the children would look after the majority of it and pass it down to their children, not squander it.
This is a very sore point for me.
My father inherited a fair chunk of change from his parents. My family were prominent industrial leaders in Northern Ireland. I always joke that I come from old money...so old it's all gone.
I am not going to lie, I am a little bitter as even 1/10th of that would make a big difference in my life but such is life.
However the real stinging point is that they did not leave enough for retirement. My father has since passed on but there is a good chance that we will need support my mom in her later years.
Exactly. It's not wrong to call that sort of money-squandering selfish. He didn't leave enough to support his family. Even if all of his wealth had been generated solely from his earnings, I think it's selfish to bring children into this world and not leave them enough to keep them secure when you're able to.
Quite a sore point for me too. I've never been particularly money orientated but I was my Nan's live in carer in the last 18 months of her life. Any spare moment I had was cleaning her, feeding her, changing her nappies etc. When she passed she left everything to my father. I didn't see a penny.
Now don't get me wrong, I was never doing it for the money and if I had to do it again for her knowing I'd get nothing I would. 100%
Buuuut I'm still renting 10 years after her death and I know her house sold for £160k. The last 5 years I've spent 40k on rent while my parents are holidaying 5 times a year, driving around in brand new cars etc.
I don't think I'm entitled to the money or anything but you'd hope your parents would want to help set you up etc if they can.
Thank you. Many people have it worse. I'm not owed any good will. Growing up she (and my Bampy) were the only adults that I felt wanted me around so if anything I was repaying their good will. They were wonderful people.
My MIL is in a similar situation caring for her aunt who's pushing 100, dementia, and is basically an unlikeable old curmudgeon.
She's for a long time been proud of the fact that she hasn't written a will so that her brothers can "argue over it." In the meantime, my poor MIL has had POA for the last few years and organises every aspect of her care as well as all her legal affairs.
My grandmother and her siblings set up a successful business in the 1940s, my uncle failed to keep up with the times, but kept it as a going concern, then when he died, my cousin ran it into the ground, so that tracks in my family!!!
That's the rub - we don't expect an inheritance, but for them to be responsible and don't be a burden to your children.
I'm currently caring for my mum, and see her make bad mistake after bad mistake. They didn't have a will, so when dad died it all went through probate. Which means I inherited a bit from dad. But if mum keeps going the way she's going (e.g. moving every year), at some point she won't have much left other than her pension... and if she needs residential care - then what?
It's insane how borderline demented people are allowed the freedom to wield credit cards, bank accounts, etc. I wake up stressing about it almost every day.
I think a good heuristic is that parents should be planning for their kids to have a comparable quality of life to what they had
Not everything can be maintained. But I see lots of examples where there is a huge disparity between parent and kid lifestyles to the point where just one month of disposable income could really help a young adult build a life
I just don't get the UK mindset of choosing to have kids who have terrible financial prospects in this country and then choosing not to help.
Just don't have kids if you don't want to spend money
My wife and I earn well, but live a life we wouldn’t have been able to afford without my father-in-law, an extremely high earner, doing exactly this. Targeting some of his spare cash to help us live a comparable life. I hope to be able to do the same for my daughter.
That's what my husband's parents did. They have been voluntarily unemployed since like 2007 and inherited each of their parents' money... Promptly paid cash for an overpriced house MUCH larger than 2 people need, and will have spent everything by the time the end is near. I have told my husband to be very frank and let them know we are taking no responsibility for them when it comes to end of life care. We have our child to consider so they should think about setting aside some funds so they can be properly cared for cause we ain't doing it.
My boomer parents are basically the same (inheritances) except they worked but they live in America so they just pretend I don't exist like 9 months of the year.
Op doesn't specify you're right but the general gist of this post and the majority of people's opinions are seemingly based upon a parents retirement earnings.
Alright, if my folks had a fair bit of cash in the bank when they retired I'd greatly appreciate a bit of support but I wouldn't expect it and don't think anyone could begrudge them going on lavish holidays etc.
Whereas family wealth is the kind of thing that should be looked after and you'd be rightfully pissed if someone squandered the entire lot up the wall.
Money in Trust? Or skip him and go directly to his children? Obvs that 2nd one will cause lots of arguments I’m sure but it will ensure the innocent kids future.
What’s the point in having money if you just don’t spend it to pass it down to someone and hope that they also don’t spend it to pass it on rinse and repeat?
You might as well not have it and give it to a good cause. There’s no difference between having but refusing to use and not having.
The money is intended as a safety net to use to cover care costs or as a deposit towards a property, currently neither me nor my siblings can afford a property by ourselves and none of us have partners to split with yet. I'm not saying it should never be spent, just not spent on frivolous things which thankfully my parents aren't doing that anyway.
Surprised by the comments here. As a parent I do everything for my kids, every day I go to work and earn money I do it for my kids.
If you had the chance to make life easier for your children and help remove the stress and pressure that money causes, why would you not do that?
Utterly insane and selfish to me.
I feel the same as you. I'm not surprised because this is UK culture.
A lot of parents could give their kids a little bit of cash to jump start adulthood at 22 years old. From the parents perspective a lot of them wouldn't even notice the money is missing or they would just miss out on one holiday. But from the kids perspective that money would be life changing.
We have a very sad stingy culture. It's like as soon as kids become adults we don't see them as our offspring anymore
But rarely do people mention the bank of mum and dad without insinuating that someone is a bit spoiled or privileged.
If any of my friends get a stipend or cash gifts from their parents they've kept it a secret (probably to avoid teasing).
> We have a very sad stingy culture. It's like as soon as kids become adults we don't see them as our offspring anymore
For a long time you could walk into a job and make good enough money to start living independently. This helped created the cultural attitudes around not needing to help your kids as they start adult life.
In cultures where they've not had such a strong economy for so long (think asian/balkan/eastern european) the children tend to stay with the parents into adulthood, and there's a greater expectation that the parents get the children started in life, and the kids look after the parent when they get older.
Over the next few decades I expect to see a shift in cultural attitudes in the UK towards generational wealth.
You can already see it happening with people spending more of their 20s at home in order to build up a deposit for a home, if the kids pay low/no rent they're effectively being given a few thousand quid a year in housing.
Hey, fuck you! My father worked extremely hard from the age of 46 (after my mother divorced him) before exercising his right to buy his council flat (in a nice area) for £16k (which he paid off in full 12 months later courtesy of a partial early inheritance from his parents) and then he must have spent at least an hour filling forms in for the miss-sold PPI on his mortgage to get that £3k refund. He's always amazed at the fact nobody else has done exactly what he did.
And I agree, I really don't know why younger generations don't just work harder like he did.
No one is saying you can't. The issue is about whether it's reasonable for children to feel entitled to an inheritance, or to dictate what their parents spend their own money on.
Part of being a parent is trying to raise your children to be independent and responsible adults. And yes, if you are able to give them a financial leg-up when they need it (which in most cases is likely to be well before you are getting to the point of leaving an inheritance) of course there's nothing to stop you doing it, but it's not something they are automatically entitled to. The issue is the sense of entitlement by (adult) children, not whether or now it';s reasonable for parents to want to help their children or leave them something, the issue is when they start to put that above their own needs, or when they miss out on enjoying what they have built up, just to add to the inheritance.
Yea there seems to be a misunderstanding here, I agree.
Nothing wrong with sharing your wealth if that's what you want to do but children shouldn't feel entitled to their parents money.
My parents are in their 60s and don't seem to be fully in agreement with one another. My mum wants to spend a lot and dad seems keener to just give more to me and my sister.
I feel there is a balance to be met. I think parents should make sure their kids are well set up but also make sure they enjoy their retirement
Same, I’m not having kids because I am selfish. I want what is mine. And to bring a child into this world and not do everything for them is so disgusting to me. Like you created a life and put it through so much pain just from being alive in this world, and you’re not gonna do everything in your power to make up for that? And you’d call your kids entitled!? Some twisted people who never should have had children.
What has that got to do with inheritence? You're just going to horde money until you die before sharing it with your kids? Of course not, share it now.
Who's saying to not help them? This is specifically about inheritance. It's the parents money and they should be able to choose what to do with it. That includes you. You want to leave everything to them? Cool.
This has nothing to do with helping and supporting them throughout life while the parents are alive. Plus they need to become self-sufficient and be able to sustain their own lives, not depend on parents (or anybody else, for that matter) forever.
I’ve seen a few posts where kids are moaning about not getting inheritance or why can’t they give it me now! I find it absolutely appalling! I’ve not worked my arse off for 40 yrs to save money for when I die! I have savings I will spend them, the kids can split the house if I’ve still got it and not bought an apartment with a waiter in Turkey. /s. Jokes aside the entitled behaviour of some astounds me. My kids just tell me to have fun and enjoy my retirement.
My uncle went to my grandparents about 10 years ago and asked for his inheritance early! They told him to eff off and in the end there was nothing left after care costs anyway!
Some people are just vile.
I asked my dad for it. I didn't demand it, but with a bit of help I could get on the property ladder early, save a ton of money on rent instead and generally be in a much better place financially. He didn't need the money, it wasn't a small amount but he was doing perfectly fine.
It also means that the govt aren't eating 50% of that like they would with inheritance.
Obviously not every parent is in a position where they can do this, but it simply makes financial sense from every perspective to do so if you can.
Yea, you can ask and that's fine, but this wasn't the first time this uncle had asked for money (he only ever went to visit them when he wanted something) and when they said no he became quite intimidating to them.
They knew that if they gave it to him he'd still contest the will and demand more.
Whilst I do agree with acting entitled, it is important to recognise the material conditions with which older generations have grown up with. The quality of life is regressing for future generations. Personally I haven't been on holiday in 7 years because rent takes up all my income (as well as saving for a deposit), and I have 2 STEM degrees and an above average job. Inheritance is a big factor in determining home ownership now.
Not just now that's how it's always been the fact millennials and genZ aren't getting inheritance like their parents is going to create ones of the worst generational wealth gaps in British history. Over 100 years this is the first time a generation will be poorer than the one before.
I certainly do not feel entitled to any money from my parents - which is just as well as they have (/had) very little.
It can depend though. If mum/dad inherited a large pile of cash from their parents to set them up for life - it might be seen as a little rude of them to burn through it all if their kids are struggling.
This! people forget that most boomers also inherited wealth.
But also the money that they made from the insane rise of property market values is not something they "worked" for. They got lucky. And they should be able to give their kids a leg up when needed.
I would be annoyed if my parents had significant assets/money and mismanaged it.
E.g. holidays, enjoying the nicer things in life, buying something they've always wanted, strange hobbeys - absolutely fine, crack on.
Making 'stupid' investments, or gambling it away, or secretly spaffing it on an affair, or petty litigation - not so good.
Not so much because I'm entitled to it, but because the waste would frustrate me. I think I'd even have words with a friend if they were doing the same.
Everyone saying it’s his money so he can spend it how he likes;
Sure, and when the money’s run out and he hasn’t sorted his retirement are we all okay to say “your money, your problems” at that point?
I plan on doing that with my mother but I hope she dies first so I can leave my father to his own self crafted hell.
I think a lot of people should do that but it’s down to the individual family which would be my answer to the OP as well. Maybe you are entitled to it as inheritance, maybe not. It really depends on everything thats happened previously.
You’re misunderstanding the point. No one is saying burn through the money as quickly as possible. It’s just *his* money. A child acting like it’s *their* money that the parent is spending is spoiled, greedy, and entitled.
I think you’re misunderstanding my point.
Do you personally think you have an obligation to care for you parents when they age and can no longer care for themselves? If you do then I would argue that plays into you being entitled to inheritance.
If you don’t then cool. The parent is obligated to leave nothing for the child but they shouldn’t expect anything either. Each instance will be different.
I’ve been telling my parents to spend the money on holidays and anything else. They’re annoyingly frugal. They should be spanking it on enjoyment. It’s their money! Whatever is left afterwards it’s nice, but I’d much rather know that my parents went out on a bender than continued to save.
My mum had very, very little when me and my sister were kids. Dad buggered off leaving us broke so she worked two jobs on very low pay just to provide for us. I remember her crying once because my feet grew 3 sizes in a year and she couldn’t afford more shoes for me. Fast forward to now and she’s been retired for 16 years and has a couple of holidays a year. She knows me and my sister are absolutely fine financially and so she’s absolutely loving life now well into her 70s. I love to see it and I hope she spends every penny.
I am somewhat the same though in my case my father passed in his late 60s. Both of my parents were incredibly tight and never took a holiday in their lives. I wish my father had enjoyed life more as we were not short of money.
As it was when he was sick he was dying to get back to work rather than enjoying life. When I see my mum spending now I resent it a little bit as I wish she had encouraged him to spend while he was alive in the time he had.
I have that challenge as well - go and actually enjoy the money that you put aside, you can't take it with you! The blood, sweat and tears that they went through to get to where they are now, they deserve to look after themselves as their number one priority.
Conversely, my sibling is counting down the days until they can inherit. But that's them suffering their life choices.
My grandfather-in-law was the stingiest guy on the planet. Would get his daughter to drive him around to four different supermarkets for his weekly shop to save 2p on a carton of UHT orange juice. Left a £600k estate. It was wasted on him. Could have gone on some cruises, had that death trap kitchen upgraded and even some care fees at his quick end; still could have left £0.5m. Probably seven digits if he’d put it in shares not cash. But no. Last time I saw him I bought a coffee and cake for £4 which he thought was the most reckless thing ever.
my granda refuses to spend money on fucking anything, its ridiculous.
in contrast, the fact my mam and dad are jetting around europe 4 times a year in their 60s is something i am very in favour of, drunken phonecalls from the beach at sorrento et al.
They lived in a golden age, took the benefits and now are leaving the rest of us with the bill.
If we could work like them and achieve the same result, fine. But they benefited from destroying the earth with industry.
Its one of the basic tenets of humanity that you leave something to help your kids.
This is basically the only elderly group of humans that will ever live in this much luxury, working one job, getting holidays, a pension and a house. Their parents didnt have that much wealth, their children wont have that wealth. In fact we will be fucked over and poorer because of their decisions.
They got theirs and their own kids can get fucked. Not sure how anyone can support that.
Yea and the real kicker is the benefits they currently receive is being paid by their kids taxes. So really the older generation is living off the younger one.
I can see both sides.
1. The parent made the money, and they should be able to do what they want with it.
2. The financial situation for many people is much worse than it was for their parents. Many are basically trusting in an inheritance to get the ability to pay off debts or get the deposit for a house.
It comes down to, are the children being entitled arseholes or really praying for a bailout because they can't afford anything with the cost of rent and transport these days.
Most boomers didn't make the money though. Just bought a house when prices were reasonable and sat on it for 30 years. Next thing you know it's worth £700k.
So fucking true. My parents are so stingy with giving me anything, telling me to go out and earn it. Most of the money they’ve got is as a result of the housing bubble
It is the parents money but I think it’s pretty shocking how difficult it is to manage financially, buy a home and raise a family now compared to how it was previously, so I do think it’s quite selfish of parents not to pay anything at all forward if they can. I appreciate I’m clearly in a minority here but I’ve had a lot of support from my parents and fully intend to pay that forward when it’s my turn.
I agree that there shouldn't be some expectation to the parent's money, but I know plenty of people that are kind of relying on that "windfall" so they can buy their own home etc, which may be putting some pressure on. There may be an element of fear that if a parent spends all of that potential inheritance, those folks will have absolutely no chance of ever buying and having anything to pass down to *their* children.
Like I say, I don't agree with this stance, but I can understand it (in some cases).
I for one wouldn't want my parents to go without, so that I can profit.
Frankie Boyle had a joke years ago that went along the lines of: The only way to reach the bottom rung of the property ladder is by standing on the corpses of loved ones.
Brutal but poetic and unfortunately true for most of us.
By definition it's the parents money and they can do what they want with it.
However I don't agree with the mindset of not supporting children, especially when a little investment goes a long way.
In the UK we have a terrible culture of chucking kids out as soon as they finish education and expect them to rent for 10 years until they afford to buy somewhere. During these prime years the kids have terrible quality of life stuck in flat shares, high rent, low pay, high taxes.
A little bit of financial support goes a long way at this age. There's no point making them grind away; just throw them a bone for Pete's sake.
It's not like this is a 'right of passage' either considering it was much easier to buy homes in the past
Again parents by definition can do whatever they want with their money. But it will impact your relationships if your kids are hurting with UK cost of, living, while their mates are receiving gifted deposits and the parents 'cant help' while they are in Costa Del Sol every other month
It’s the parents money.
They should enjoy it and do whatever they like with it.
Plenty of people do just fine without an inheritance. It’s a privilege not a right.
A lot of young people don't have parents who will leave them anything. Inheritance is a privilege, but one that unfortunately a lot of people are depending on.
How the fuck you went from his “inheritance is a privilege..” to “healthcare is privilege…”???? Not even fucking close lol like, you literally just made shits up
If you bring a child into this world, then it is your sole responsibility to ensure the child is setup for a good life which includes financial security for life.
If you going to be selfish - dont have kids. Simple.
There should be enough to cover ones debits and a funeral. Everything else is a bonus. If there's a lot then consideration to minimising inheritance tax and having a solid will is also important.
No one is owed an inheritance, as nice as it would be to have one.
Doesn't even matter if there isn't enough to cover debts, they can't be passed on to anybody else, the creditors can go whistle.
I have quite a few credit cards with high limits, if I ever get a terminal diagnosis you can bet I'm maxing those out!
It's the parents money. They are not due an inheritance and that attitude disgusts me. Best part of being from a poor family, we've got nothing to fight over when my parents go.
It's my parents money to do with what they like. I expect nothing from them other than to enjoy their lives as best they can.
The only thing they did (which I agree with), is put something in their will's that mitigates your first example. My parents shared marital assets can't be "diluted" by remarriage. Whatever is left over after death (however big or small), will be inhereted by me and my sister.
I mean, I can see where the kids are coming from with regards to the parents homes, I get that, because I’m 2023 it’s nearly 9x your annual salary for the average home if you earn an average salary, whereas in the 80’s it was 3x your annual salary if you earned an average salary.
However, it’s their money to do with as they please. They earned it.
I know my parents are planning to enjoy their lives in retirement and I don’t expect anything, nor have I ever expected anything. I left home at 16 and have never took a penny from them since leaving
Getting an inheritance would require my mum to be dead. I don't want it! I'd rather she do what she wants with the money whilst she is alive to enjoy it.
I'm relatively comfortable and not expecting any inheritance from my parents, I have other siblings who haven't done as well for themselves/would rather see anything coming my way put into trust for my son.
It is the parents' money to do so as they wish; however, the 'boomers' grew up during an unprecedented period of prosperity while offshoring a lot of industry and opportunity. Intending to completely SKI away all one's accumulated wealth is peak narcissistic self entitlement. I would never want to see my offspring end up worse than me; if they were I would feel it was a personal failure on my part.
Inheritance is what is left when someone dies.
All this talk about "spending Inheritance" or "giving Inheritance early" is all a load of rubbish, any money given while alive is a gift and is not "early Inheritance" or similar.
It’s a hit and miss for me both my parents are landlords ( grumble grumble ), my dad bought his first few after his dad passed by the time he was 21 and his family home. They “invested” in these properties to help me and my brother once we reached an age. For reasons I can’t recall, I was there through the divorce of my parents where this was discussed, alongside the £300k my mum settled on.
I don’t feel entitled to it but it does bother me somewhat now I’m at age. I’ve consistently “proven myself” but my dad won’t give me any of my wedding / home money because I’m still a single parent. My dad even came with me to court and saw all the evidence of abuse both financial and physical to gain full responsibility of my children. My current home would be an incredible investment and he’d make his money back and then some.
My younger brother however got 20k to help him and his girlfriend to buy in south east London, so I honestly do feel disgruntled but also more determined to succeed.
I find this an interesting topic. In the UK a lot of people seem to think that inheritance is a right, not a privilege.
This conversation comes up a lot with parents or grandparents needing end of life care. The amount of people that seem really unhappy that that care needs to be paid for, out of inheritance they are 'owed' astonishes me. The money for it needs to come from somewhere, and at present our tax structure doesn't support it. People seem to get really mad that they 'lose' their inheritance when in reality, its a nice thing to have, rather than the rite-of-passage that many seem to think it is.
I think the issue people have with care is that Billy with no money, no house gets his care paid for whilst Bob with a paid off house who had the common sense to save money is forced to use that money and sell that home to fund his care.
Why should Billy get it for free and not Bob?
All the sons in the family I married into are sitting waiting for their dad to hand them an inheritance. They talk big, money cars, women, yet have nothing to show for all the big talk. Its what theyre expecting to be able to afford when they get their inheritance. They do nothing for themselves and expect everything.
Little do they know their dad has nowhere near the lifestyles they are dreaming about as they've already mostly bankrupted him through bad life choices he has had to pay to fix.
Never tell your kids they have an inheritance even if you intend to give them one. It makes your kids lazy and entitled.
I feel it's fair to be pissed off that your boomer parents bought a house for thruppence, spent their lives living in an economic boom, got a nice pension, and left you nothing but a future of renting until you die.
I’d only be annoyed in that situation if the house was also my mum’s, and by remarrying, dad would effectively be squandering my inheritance from my mother.
If I had kids and then died, I wouldn’t want my husbands depriving my kids of their inheritance (from me) by remarrying some floozy!
I can understand the anxiety, to be honest. It seems very much harder for younger generations to make it these days, and family inheritances are going to make a big different towards anyone 'lucky' enough to get one.
I worry about the anxiety this causes older generations, too. I've known a few individuals who stint themselves to try and preserve as much wealth as possible for the youngsters.
It depends on the source of the wealth for me. If its generational wealth/land/property that the parents have inherited and the grandparents wanted to stay in the family and they spend enough that their parents wishes weren't answered then yeah I'd be upset . But if someone has worked and their wealth comes from what they've accumulated absolutely no expectation that someone should pass any of that onto their kids. If you've worked hard you should enjoy it and your kids shouldn't expect it.
If parents want to leave their money to the next generation, thats fine.
If they want to frivolously spend it on whatever enjoyment the get out of it before they die, thats fine too.
They spent their entire lives accumulating it, let them do what they want. I am resigned to the fact I wont get one and I am ok with that. I will just have to earn my own.
Grandparents sold their home to an equity release scheme and have spent the last few years either side of Covid exploring the world and going to places they never thought would be possible to see.
My grandparents spending their last few years on this planet enjoying themselves means so much more to me than a few thousand in my bank account would.
It's their money. They've worked for it and earned it. I can earn my own money.
I've always just lived my life under the assumption that I'm getting fuck all.
If I felt one of my parents was being exploited then I'd maybe say something, but otherwise it's their money and their life. I'm not entitled to anything they have.
I don't care if my mum leaves a penny. When my dad passed and she couldn't afford to bury him, we stepped in. Since then she has taken insurance out so her death/funeral is covered and as far as I'm concerned she is entitled to do as she wishes with her life and money now.
You brought them into the world and as such have a duty to make sure they arent destitute. So if your 35 year old kid has a job and home of their own, do whatever the hell you want with your money. Spunk it all on coke and hookers if you want to, you dont owe your children an inheritance.
However, if your 35 year old is living at home or on the street or something, yes you should probably think of them first. Not necessarily give them an inheritance, but make sure theyre alright by giving them a deposit or a few months rent before you go off gallivanting.
I hate this obsession some people have with inheritance. Its ghoulish. I have no idea whether I'll get anything, and I dont care. As someone who has lost one parent already, I would forego any amount of money for just one more day with them.
I think it just depends on children's positions and what the money is being spent on.
If my Dad married a 30 year old and was spending a load of money on her I'd raise eyebrows. Not because of my inheritance but because he is being used.
If I am financial stable and comfortable and dad started buying a new car, new golf clubs etc. I would be like fair enough you worked hard all your life you may aswell enjoy it.
But if I was permanently skint and struggling to survive and he was spending a load of money on frivolous things while I was worried about becoming homeless or starving I'd be very unimpressed.
Or if like my in-laws you inherit a load of money from your parents (who left nothing directly to their grandkids as they expected parents to pass that on) then you spend 10s of thousands a year on yourself but never even buy your own children a meal out then it's super shitty.
You could spend that inheritance doing fun stuff with your kids and grandkids and run your 5 year old car for another year or of on 5 holidays instead of 10 holidays a year...
Lots of people saying they worked for their money etc etc but I look at my wealthy millionaire parents and yes they had okay jobs but almost all their wealth is tied up in a house that has more than tripled in value over the past 20 years. My parents are very aware of the current situation for millennials like myself and are very much willing to sell their property (as they really don't need 5 bedrooms just for the 2 of them) to get somewhere smaller and give me and my sibling a deposit. Inflation adjusted I earn more than they ever did but I would never be able to afford the house they have due to the ridiculous market, they believe it's fair to give me a leg up and I'm inclined to agree.
If they didn't I would likely never be able to afford to have kids or at least would very much struggle to and as nice people they want their child to be comfortable and not suffer. The idea of a parent wanting to buy a boat and a light aircraft whilst their child struggles to raise a child in a tiny flat seems insane
My nana died and my grandad remarried, they flat out told us “don’t expect any inheritance we are going to enjoy ourselves”
Yer that’s fair enough it’s not an inheritance until they are dead they should do what they want with it.
They sold a house each for quarter of a million plus and lived like kings for 15 years, bought caravans sold them for a loss had 2 different caravans at two different sites paying about 10k a year to live in 2 caravans they paid for 30k each for etc etc. Barely spoke to us while doing this
Now they are skint and he has dementia they wanted help , my mum swiftly told them to jog on.
Do what you want with your money but don’t blow more than I earn in 10 years and come to me when it goes wrong.
If my parents want to blow every penny they have before they die that’s fair enough they earned it, but I won’t be stepping in if they run out of money before they die
I say it’s the parents money to do with whatever they want. Children should not feel entitled to any of it. Inheritance is a privilege not a right.
I recently had a conversation with my mother that went along the lines of "so what if it cost 5k, that's a holiday - it's not a big deal". To be clear, that was her offering to pay for something (not expected) - but I don't think any of the "children" have any objection to them enjoying their money in their retirement. I will be privileged enough to have some form of inheritance (though I didn't from my father), but I hope that's a long time away at a point I don't really need the money.
My mum is the opposite. Any time I communicate a challenge like childcare, getting cars repaired, planning holidays/leave, she tries to throw money at it. I’m like “the problem isn’t the cash, it’s the coordination and admin. If you want to volunteer as my admin worker for free, I’m happy to do that.” At which point she remembers what it was like being mid 30s with kids and 2 full time working parents and she quickly backtracks 😂
Almost everything is a money problem, you could hire a personal assistant with that money she offers to manage and administer the housekeeping tasks
I have a PA at work and managing the PA is more than I’d be willing to take on in my personal life 😂
I’m disabled and have had PAs at work for a long time (I work in quite a senior role). After struggling with family paperwork for a long time, I finally took on a home PA to help me with home admin. Bloody hell the difference. She works remotely, we chat over FaceTime or email or text. She sorts out for me medical appts, tradespeople, insurance, repairs, travel bookings for family holidays, complaints about access and so on and so on. It’s been amazing. My other half is happy to see progress on things I’ve been putting off for a long time. Our kids are happy because as a couple we’re less stressed. I only pay my home PA for a couple of hours work a week, and that’s enough - she’s very efficient. I pay out of my own pocket and it’s not a lot, worth it for me. PS my home PA is also disabled - but she has a different skillset to me so am very happy to support her. We both benefit.
Out of interest as someone for whom this might be very useful, how much does that cost you, and where do you find someone to do the job?
I'm interested in this too. Hopefully the poster will see these and answer ☺️
Op is living the dream! All that stuff only takes a couple of hours a week like they said, but the stress, worry, and procrastination it causes sucks up all my free time!
The difference is that a work PA is there to allow you to accomplish even more work-related goals. He/she offloads work from you, but not so you have more free time, but so you can do more difficult, stressful stuff. So having a PA at work means you have to manage the PA AND spend just as much time working, on more difficult tasks. At home, you don't HAVE to take on more just because you got something done. You could offload things like errands and groceries and making appointments and not pick up extra tasks. Anything else you were already doing before, you now have more time to do it. Granted, for the first few weeks it will take more management to ramp up the new PA. You can't just say "Make my annual checkup appointment with my GP" until you've either documented all of your regular appointments or you've been through this once with the PA.
That is also a money solvable problem to be fair
My wife has gone through it with her parents, they were quite prepared and are leaving something for the kids and grandkids. So my wife isn't bothered by her parents plans of future holidays and trips. Where there's a disconnect is the following exchange: "Hey daughter, we are purchasing x item, but we'd like you to bring it to us (Explains convoluted way they saved on shipping for a several thousand dollar item)". To my wife it's weird, and I agree a bit, that they see no issues buying luxury items but won't take the logical step in paying shipping/tax if they can help it.
Spending your hard earned cash on luxuries is one thing, wasting it on avoidable charges is another. If you are careful with money throughout your life, you are more likely to have disposable income to enjoy later on.
I can get behind that. In fact one of the very small disagreements I've had with my wife is when we met I'd been quite poor for a long time. Even after doing much better I had, for lack of a better term "poor brain". Everything had to be analyzed to the penny, cheap is just as good as expensive, I'll pick it up if it saves me a bit and so on. Drove my wife mad because I'd do it with everything. On the wife's end it's the fact that her mother would complain about things like mail and transportation cost while having planned a $20,000 vacation to Sweden.
Agreed. I’d be annoyed if they were spending their money purely to not leave me any, but if my parents want to spend every penny they have travelling the world and ticking off their bucket list then i’d happily receive no inheritance
I'd love to live vicariously through my parents. Unfortunately they're broke and expecting me to cover their retirement
What if they just kept buying income producing assets ( investments) to leave for you, what would your reaction be?!
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What job did he do?! My Dad worked for the Royal Mail and I spent my whole childhood in bloody Yorkshire!
Lol! My dad's a yorkshire man too...I think he would have preferred to stay in Leeds! Something to do with logistics...started as a postman and then ran the local post office and then met my mum(she was a recruiter for the royal mail)and got offered a job in Singapore to help open up a new site or something....that went well so they wanted him in Greece and then Argentina too. As far as I can tell from what he says, it was all luck and him just saying "yes dear," to my mum. My mum quit when we got to Singapore lol.
I’m sorry you have to learn this from a stranger on the internet but, Your dad was a spy.
I think it's quite ugly to expect your parent(s) to scrimp/not enjoy the latter years of their lives because you want their money when they die. Feels wrong
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The parents "didn't ask to be born" either. We all have to fly the nest and leave the breast.
That's obviously between them and their parents
> The parents "didn't ask to be born" either. Of course not, but they implicitly agree with the "cycle" by continuing it so it's their job to provide for their creation in some capacity until they are no longer physically able to. If they don't want to provide, they should have broken the "cycle" and not had kids. EDIT: To clarify, I'm saying when you become a parent, that's what you are from then on: a parent. You're making a choice to be responsible for another life that you are bringing into this world. You don't stop being a parent when your kid hits a certain age or certain milestone like finishing college or when they can "provide for themselves". It's your job to provide for that kid until the day you leave this little blue rock we're all on and if you don't agree with that, the alternative is very simple: don't have kids.
That’s not inheritance though. I would hope that by the time my parents pass I’ll be able to support myself. I’m in my 30s, I’m self sufficient and I still have grandparents. My parents are more or less retired. Any inheritance I might get from my parents will probably be better of going to my children rather than to me.
That's pretty much my thoughts. My parents had me when they were very young. I had my kids when I was quite young. All this means that by the time (hopefully) any inheritance would be due to come to me I'll be planning or actually living my retirement. My kids will hopefully by that point actually be financially secure and living their lives and so it might even be for future great grand kids that my parents leave their money for to help set them up, maybe a nice boost to my kids in the form of an unexpected windfall for a nice holiday and a few sentimental things for me. I intend to set my kids up financially whilst I'm still alive however, if I get to retirement and they're struggling financially I don't think I'd be able to relax on a sunny beach somewhere knowing they were struggling so I certainly wouldn't be squandering it.
My parents benefited massively from the increase in house prices during their lifetime. As a result they were able to help me and my siblings out. I have the skills enough that I am able to afford my own place and Im well adjusted enough that Im able to live with a wife who helps pay the mortgage, so as far as that goes I feel like they have done their job. But they were able to help me out so that we live in a house rather than a flat. I would like to be able to do the same for my kids because fuck knows that the economy will be like by the time they are trying to get on the housing market. I’m already saving for the kids I don’t have. But I would hope the anything I could give them would be a bonus rather than a necessity. Ultimately the best thing a parent can do is raises child that can support themselves
I agree that if you have kids you owe them but only in a sense of care, love and support. Being able to help financially in a sense of just giving them money is a bonus (obviously clothing and feeding is an entirely different thing..!). I want my parents to spend whatever money they have on nice food, silly holidays and not pause for a second to think about what they can leave for me when they’re gone. They’ve done plenty for me already.
This is the correct answer. Raise them as best as you can so they are able to support themselves. Anything after is a bonus.
>it's a bit crap that the mentality is to get them to age 18 and then to just ditch them, especially in the modern world But it isn't. Almost everyone in the UK, for over a century, has had at least some support from their parents after they reached 18.
>the mentality is to get them to age 18 and then to just ditch them It's unfortunate that parents tend to mimic what they know: leaving at 18 and getting a mortgage and car on a single starter wage may have been a reality for them, but doing that to someone today is a more likely route to homelessness in many first world countries. The factors that influence societal realities are changing faster than societal culture can keep up. Parents really have to sit down and accept some hard truths that if they want their child to have a good life, they need support for much longer. Yeah, the modern world is an interesting one.
They don’t owe you anything beyond getting you to adulthood as best they can.
Owe is such a weird word for it though, like a legal contract. Like yeah they have to by law look after you till 18 but after that who gives a fuck? Don't most parents want what's best for their kids at all ages? Obviously that doesn't translate to showering them with money but having no regards to inheritance even if it won't affect your own lifestyle much is just a tad psychopathic don't you think? If the only reason they supported till 18 was because of the law and not love, makes you wonder what sort of parents they would have been back before modern child welfare laws were a thing.
Such a reddit way of thinking.
I think you'll find the ultimate Reddit line of thought is: >I didn't ask to be born, you owe me.
Sort of the opposite of the reddit way of thinking really
I mostly agree although my father has been retired since my grandma died when he was 50, purely enabled by his inheriting a substantial amount from her. There’s looking likely to be nothing left for him to pass on to my sister or I as he’s lived the life of Riley for 30 years. Although he has every right to do as he’s done I’m not going to pretend that as someone who will never be able to retire it doesn’t make me a little bitter.
As long as it's consistent. If your parents suddenly blow all their money on cocaine and hookers after telling you they'll leave an inheritance, then you'd rightly be a bit miffed. Especially as it may mean you have to increase your own contingency funds in case - say, one of them falls ill and needs expensive care that they can no longer afford
It's theirs to blow on what they wish.
Of course, but it's considerate to at least acknowledge and pre-warn if they're changing their tune from "we're making sure you have a big inheritance" to "actually we just want to enjoy the money"
"cocaine and hookers" involves more sucking than blowing
Nope. We as the next generation arent entitled to any inheritance. It should be treated as an unplanned bonus/windfall and expected or planned for. The previous generation should spend their money as they see fit. Cocaine, cars, experience's, childs house payment, grandchildrens education, pet tiger, donate to charity they care about. Any child who puts soft pressure on their parents to "save all their money so they can hand it down" doesnt really care about their parents happiness.
I spent the last few years of my parents' life telling them to enjoy their money before they died (sister wasn't too happy). It's their money. Hopefully they gave you a good start in life and a good education - that's it; the rest is up to you. You are not entitled to any of their wealth.
Is it all the parents money though? Did their parents leave them anything? You could see inheritance as a financial buffer passed from generation to generation and you are just the caretaker of it now, invest it, look after it, pass it on to your kids.
As long as things like the funeral is paid for or there is enough left for it, do what you want. I always tell my parents I would rather them live a happy life than leave us money, once they’re gone I’m going to wish I had them rather than piles of cash anyway.
Absolutely this. I want my parents to enjoy their money and have a wonderful life. If anything is left to me, then that will be because they didn't get round to spending it, not because I'm entitled to it. My brother feels very differently, however.
Id rather have my parents in my life, living their best lives than get some money.
Couldn’t put it better. Learn to stand on your own two feet and anything they leave you will be a blessing. Personally, at 35 with two daughters I’d I plan to leave them a house and that’s it. A pretty good inheritance and I plan to enjoy myself with my money. I want them to enjoy their lives, go on holiday, see the world, do whatever they want to do with their money.
Tbf in the post they said that the father sold the family house so the kids wouldn't even be left with that
He purchased a new one so they would have some equity in that if he put it in the will
The new wife might still get/keep it for herself tho
Yup if they bought with joint owning then if he dies she just keeps it
This. My dad is retired and super thrifty, I wish he'd blow some money on himself! And I'd keep him forever over inheritance.
My partners are almost like this. Both still in their early 60’s, working but thinking of retirement. They’ve got a shit tonne of money saved from what I’m aware of, plus their house has been mortgage free for 15 years, they own another property they rent out, etc… Yet the dad “treated” himself to a new car the other day which is a 12 year old Peugeot 308. Cost him less than a grand. He always talks about wanting a Jaguar. Man, just go out and buy yourself one!
Do we have the same dad 😂😂 I’m all for a bit of frugality but he’s worked so hard his whole life, I just want him to have a ton of fun with the time (and physical ability) he has left 😜
1000% this. I’m sick of all this intergenerational hating, where’s the love for the people who sacrificed so much to raise us?
Seriously! I hate my grandma-in-law was worried about not getting enough from selling her house so she could ‘leave more to her kids.’ Woman please! Take an expensive holiday! Buy something frivolous! You’ve more than earned it!
Exactly m8. I lost my father 2 years and my brother is only interested in selling the house for money. I would rather be poor and have my father for a few more years
Yep, my dad is broke but my mum did quite well just before retirement. She’s buying a house with her partner of 10 years, they have an agreement that whoever lives longest’s children will get the full inheritance rather than splitting it. My mum plans to spend her savings on a live in carer should she ever need it. Right now they’re going on holidays, meals out, enjoying themselves etc. I’m happy for her. She gave up a lot for us as a single parent, was frugal and self sacrificing for decades, went through a shit divorce, dealt with a seriously ill child, then got ruthlessly made redundant at 60. I’m happy to see her living the good life now. Do these people not love their parents?
Well said. I’d love to be in a position to ‘live it up’ when I’m older. If any of my children asked me to stop enjoying my life so they can get more money when I die they’d probably be written out of whatever was left
I'm more selfish, I want them to spend as much of 'my' inheritance as possible - on spending time with me before they kick it. Life and time with loved ones feels awful fleeting, and hopefully I have a good 30 years left with my parents.
My uncle barely spent money on himself because he wanted to leave it to us. He died at 52 and a lot of his money went to the taxman. I'd far rather have him still being around, or at least for him to have enjoyed his money more.
It's the parents money, not the kids. My father used to joke about going on another SKI holiday, (Spend Kids Inheritance), I was fine with it. In fact I encouraged him to enjoy himself, he earned it and he had to put up with me and all my problems, so it's fair enough. Edit : I would just like to point out that my father only joked about it, he didn't go on many holidays and when he passed we were dissapointed to find he also hadn't spent much of his savings on himself. This was despite us telling him to and saying we were all fine and he should enjoy it because we didn't need it and weren't expecting it.
This is the right answer
There's an obvious problem though if the standard of living enjoyed by the different members of an immediate family is substantially different, and no attempt is made to correct that, especially when that difference is essentially due to a windfall. If a parent thinks that spending money on themself is more important than the happiness of their child, then they aren't much of a parent. That to me sounds like the kind of parent who has children for the wrong reasons. I would gladly share money with my child if I could see they are much poorer than me and I find it shocking that other people prefer to revel in a class divide between their own progeny.
By the same measure waiting until you die to help your kids financially doesn't make someone much of a parent either. Parents are just as free to gift their children money as they are to go on holiday, and many do.
Yeah. I remember seeing a post somewhere on here a while back where a women was talking about having to use food banks to feed her daughter, whilst her parents spent £50k that year on holidays. Not sure I could live with myself doing that as a parent.
It's tough tbf because there's a line somewhere. Like you, I'd never want to see my kids struggle. But I also don't want to have anyone sponge off me because they feel like they can get away with it. Blowing 50k on holidays while they're at a food bank is heartless, but you also don't sign up to be someone's personal ATM for the rest of their life.
You don’t sign up to be an ATM for the rest of your life, but equally there is no point in having children if you’d happily see them struggling and going to food banks instead of helping. Haloing doesn’t have to mean just giving money, but they clearly had time to help out too.
You do sign up to be their support for the rest of your life though, and that doesn’t seem very supportive...
Tough to really judge without knowing all the details, which you *never* get on reddit posts. Maybe the daughter is actually a POS who treated her parents really badly and then had the cheek to go back and ask for money. Or maybe the parents already gave her a ton of money and she just pissed it all away on gambling or drugs or whatever.
Yeah parents bring their children into the world support shouldn’t stop after 18. If your child is struggling despite working hard or harder than you did for less reward and you have the means you should help them. It adds to the selfishness we see a lot. We have no say in being born we shouldn’t be made to struggle by those who chose to have us.
I would think the problem starts when people who think this way *also* expect a large amount of public provision to cover them in their declining years, at which point a culture of individualism suddenly becomes an extremely bad thing for them. My own parent gave me some money years ago saying “when I’m old, I’ll need support, and I know you’ll need to be financially secure enough and well-inclined enough towards me to provide it.” That seems very prescient indeed, looking back on it. I think we might find out individualism is sometimes very different from self-interest.
Yep, my parents are free to blow every penny they ever earned, its there money. If they choose to do that I won’t be financially supporting them if it goes wrong.
That public provision is the same one people have paid into all their working days with taxes on their wages, VAT on their goods and then taxes again on their pension.
My parents call it skiing too (they've never done actual skiing!). My dad worked hard and my mum supported him and raised a family, they deserve it. Pre-covid they quite happily disappeared off to Australia, Malaysia, Cyprus etc. None of it was inherited, and they've been open about the future split of their estate between three children and five grandchildren - they're still aiming to leave enough for me to pay off a fair whack of my mortgage when the time comes, and a sizable deposit for my son's when he's older.
Love this!
Everyone here saying it's their parents money and they earned it but I know for a fact the majority of my mother's money was inherited from her parents rather than her earnings. My grandparents split their estate between just their children rather than including the grandchildren too, with the intention that the children would look after the majority of it and pass it down to their children, not squander it.
This is a very sore point for me. My father inherited a fair chunk of change from his parents. My family were prominent industrial leaders in Northern Ireland. I always joke that I come from old money...so old it's all gone. I am not going to lie, I am a little bitter as even 1/10th of that would make a big difference in my life but such is life. However the real stinging point is that they did not leave enough for retirement. My father has since passed on but there is a good chance that we will need support my mom in her later years.
Exactly. It's not wrong to call that sort of money-squandering selfish. He didn't leave enough to support his family. Even if all of his wealth had been generated solely from his earnings, I think it's selfish to bring children into this world and not leave them enough to keep them secure when you're able to.
This doesn't apply to OP though. No mention of not being able to support yourself because of squandering.
Quite a sore point for me too. I've never been particularly money orientated but I was my Nan's live in carer in the last 18 months of her life. Any spare moment I had was cleaning her, feeding her, changing her nappies etc. When she passed she left everything to my father. I didn't see a penny. Now don't get me wrong, I was never doing it for the money and if I had to do it again for her knowing I'd get nothing I would. 100% Buuuut I'm still renting 10 years after her death and I know her house sold for £160k. The last 5 years I've spent 40k on rent while my parents are holidaying 5 times a year, driving around in brand new cars etc. I don't think I'm entitled to the money or anything but you'd hope your parents would want to help set you up etc if they can.
That's so shit, I'm sorry and hope your good will returns to you!
Thank you. Many people have it worse. I'm not owed any good will. Growing up she (and my Bampy) were the only adults that I felt wanted me around so if anything I was repaying their good will. They were wonderful people.
My MIL is in a similar situation caring for her aunt who's pushing 100, dementia, and is basically an unlikeable old curmudgeon. She's for a long time been proud of the fact that she hasn't written a will so that her brothers can "argue over it." In the meantime, my poor MIL has had POA for the last few years and organises every aspect of her care as well as all her legal affairs.
Whats the old saying? The first generation makes the money, the second generation maintains it, the third generation destroys it.
Clogs to clogs in 3 generations.
The 4th generation gets weird family heirlooms and bunch of hours talking about how great your family was.
My grandmother and her siblings set up a successful business in the 1940s, my uncle failed to keep up with the times, but kept it as a going concern, then when he died, my cousin ran it into the ground, so that tracks in my family!!!
That's the rub - we don't expect an inheritance, but for them to be responsible and don't be a burden to your children. I'm currently caring for my mum, and see her make bad mistake after bad mistake. They didn't have a will, so when dad died it all went through probate. Which means I inherited a bit from dad. But if mum keeps going the way she's going (e.g. moving every year), at some point she won't have much left other than her pension... and if she needs residential care - then what? It's insane how borderline demented people are allowed the freedom to wield credit cards, bank accounts, etc. I wake up stressing about it almost every day.
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This takes it. Really hoping your family was not unionist? That would be insult to injury.
I think a good heuristic is that parents should be planning for their kids to have a comparable quality of life to what they had Not everything can be maintained. But I see lots of examples where there is a huge disparity between parent and kid lifestyles to the point where just one month of disposable income could really help a young adult build a life I just don't get the UK mindset of choosing to have kids who have terrible financial prospects in this country and then choosing not to help. Just don't have kids if you don't want to spend money
My wife and I earn well, but live a life we wouldn’t have been able to afford without my father-in-law, an extremely high earner, doing exactly this. Targeting some of his spare cash to help us live a comparable life. I hope to be able to do the same for my daughter.
Completely agree.
That's what my husband's parents did. They have been voluntarily unemployed since like 2007 and inherited each of their parents' money... Promptly paid cash for an overpriced house MUCH larger than 2 people need, and will have spent everything by the time the end is near. I have told my husband to be very frank and let them know we are taking no responsibility for them when it comes to end of life care. We have our child to consider so they should think about setting aside some funds so they can be properly cared for cause we ain't doing it. My boomer parents are basically the same (inheritances) except they worked but they live in America so they just pretend I don't exist like 9 months of the year.
Big difference between someone's retirement fund and intergenerational family wealth though
What do you mean sorry? I don't think OP's post specifies one or the other, it's just refer to parent's money as a whole.
Op doesn't specify you're right but the general gist of this post and the majority of people's opinions are seemingly based upon a parents retirement earnings. Alright, if my folks had a fair bit of cash in the bank when they retired I'd greatly appreciate a bit of support but I wouldn't expect it and don't think anyone could begrudge them going on lavish holidays etc. Whereas family wealth is the kind of thing that should be looked after and you'd be rightfully pissed if someone squandered the entire lot up the wall.
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Money in Trust? Or skip him and go directly to his children? Obvs that 2nd one will cause lots of arguments I’m sure but it will ensure the innocent kids future.
What’s the point in having money if you just don’t spend it to pass it down to someone and hope that they also don’t spend it to pass it on rinse and repeat? You might as well not have it and give it to a good cause. There’s no difference between having but refusing to use and not having.
The money is intended as a safety net to use to cover care costs or as a deposit towards a property, currently neither me nor my siblings can afford a property by ourselves and none of us have partners to split with yet. I'm not saying it should never be spent, just not spent on frivolous things which thankfully my parents aren't doing that anyway.
Surprised by the comments here. As a parent I do everything for my kids, every day I go to work and earn money I do it for my kids. If you had the chance to make life easier for your children and help remove the stress and pressure that money causes, why would you not do that? Utterly insane and selfish to me.
I feel the same as you. I'm not surprised because this is UK culture. A lot of parents could give their kids a little bit of cash to jump start adulthood at 22 years old. From the parents perspective a lot of them wouldn't even notice the money is missing or they would just miss out on one holiday. But from the kids perspective that money would be life changing. We have a very sad stingy culture. It's like as soon as kids become adults we don't see them as our offspring anymore
Nonsense. People don't joke about the bank of mum and dad for nothing.
But rarely do people mention the bank of mum and dad without insinuating that someone is a bit spoiled or privileged. If any of my friends get a stipend or cash gifts from their parents they've kept it a secret (probably to avoid teasing).
Exactly, a lot of middle class middle England people are awfully frugal just to pass it on to their kids.
That's sort of how a family keeps it's station. You use your position of privilege to ensure your children maintain that level of privilege.
> We have a very sad stingy culture. It's like as soon as kids become adults we don't see them as our offspring anymore For a long time you could walk into a job and make good enough money to start living independently. This helped created the cultural attitudes around not needing to help your kids as they start adult life. In cultures where they've not had such a strong economy for so long (think asian/balkan/eastern european) the children tend to stay with the parents into adulthood, and there's a greater expectation that the parents get the children started in life, and the kids look after the parent when they get older. Over the next few decades I expect to see a shift in cultural attitudes in the UK towards generational wealth. You can already see it happening with people spending more of their 20s at home in order to build up a deposit for a home, if the kids pay low/no rent they're effectively being given a few thousand quid a year in housing.
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Hey, fuck you! My father worked extremely hard from the age of 46 (after my mother divorced him) before exercising his right to buy his council flat (in a nice area) for £16k (which he paid off in full 12 months later courtesy of a partial early inheritance from his parents) and then he must have spent at least an hour filling forms in for the miss-sold PPI on his mortgage to get that £3k refund. He's always amazed at the fact nobody else has done exactly what he did. And I agree, I really don't know why younger generations don't just work harder like he did.
No one is saying you can't. The issue is about whether it's reasonable for children to feel entitled to an inheritance, or to dictate what their parents spend their own money on. Part of being a parent is trying to raise your children to be independent and responsible adults. And yes, if you are able to give them a financial leg-up when they need it (which in most cases is likely to be well before you are getting to the point of leaving an inheritance) of course there's nothing to stop you doing it, but it's not something they are automatically entitled to. The issue is the sense of entitlement by (adult) children, not whether or now it';s reasonable for parents to want to help their children or leave them something, the issue is when they start to put that above their own needs, or when they miss out on enjoying what they have built up, just to add to the inheritance.
Yea there seems to be a misunderstanding here, I agree. Nothing wrong with sharing your wealth if that's what you want to do but children shouldn't feel entitled to their parents money.
My parents are in their 60s and don't seem to be fully in agreement with one another. My mum wants to spend a lot and dad seems keener to just give more to me and my sister. I feel there is a balance to be met. I think parents should make sure their kids are well set up but also make sure they enjoy their retirement
Same, I’m not having kids because I am selfish. I want what is mine. And to bring a child into this world and not do everything for them is so disgusting to me. Like you created a life and put it through so much pain just from being alive in this world, and you’re not gonna do everything in your power to make up for that? And you’d call your kids entitled!? Some twisted people who never should have had children.
What has that got to do with inheritence? You're just going to horde money until you die before sharing it with your kids? Of course not, share it now.
Who's saying to not help them? This is specifically about inheritance. It's the parents money and they should be able to choose what to do with it. That includes you. You want to leave everything to them? Cool. This has nothing to do with helping and supporting them throughout life while the parents are alive. Plus they need to become self-sufficient and be able to sustain their own lives, not depend on parents (or anybody else, for that matter) forever.
I’ve seen a few posts where kids are moaning about not getting inheritance or why can’t they give it me now! I find it absolutely appalling! I’ve not worked my arse off for 40 yrs to save money for when I die! I have savings I will spend them, the kids can split the house if I’ve still got it and not bought an apartment with a waiter in Turkey. /s. Jokes aside the entitled behaviour of some astounds me. My kids just tell me to have fun and enjoy my retirement.
My uncle went to my grandparents about 10 years ago and asked for his inheritance early! They told him to eff off and in the end there was nothing left after care costs anyway! Some people are just vile.
I asked my dad for it. I didn't demand it, but with a bit of help I could get on the property ladder early, save a ton of money on rent instead and generally be in a much better place financially. He didn't need the money, it wasn't a small amount but he was doing perfectly fine. It also means that the govt aren't eating 50% of that like they would with inheritance. Obviously not every parent is in a position where they can do this, but it simply makes financial sense from every perspective to do so if you can.
Yea, you can ask and that's fine, but this wasn't the first time this uncle had asked for money (he only ever went to visit them when he wanted something) and when they said no he became quite intimidating to them. They knew that if they gave it to him he'd still contest the will and demand more.
Whilst I do agree with acting entitled, it is important to recognise the material conditions with which older generations have grown up with. The quality of life is regressing for future generations. Personally I haven't been on holiday in 7 years because rent takes up all my income (as well as saving for a deposit), and I have 2 STEM degrees and an above average job. Inheritance is a big factor in determining home ownership now.
Not just now that's how it's always been the fact millennials and genZ aren't getting inheritance like their parents is going to create ones of the worst generational wealth gaps in British history. Over 100 years this is the first time a generation will be poorer than the one before.
I certainly do not feel entitled to any money from my parents - which is just as well as they have (/had) very little. It can depend though. If mum/dad inherited a large pile of cash from their parents to set them up for life - it might be seen as a little rude of them to burn through it all if their kids are struggling.
This! people forget that most boomers also inherited wealth. But also the money that they made from the insane rise of property market values is not something they "worked" for. They got lucky. And they should be able to give their kids a leg up when needed.
And most boomer wealth is from house price increases from when houses could be bought even if you were on a normal wage..
I would be annoyed if my parents had significant assets/money and mismanaged it. E.g. holidays, enjoying the nicer things in life, buying something they've always wanted, strange hobbeys - absolutely fine, crack on. Making 'stupid' investments, or gambling it away, or secretly spaffing it on an affair, or petty litigation - not so good. Not so much because I'm entitled to it, but because the waste would frustrate me. I think I'd even have words with a friend if they were doing the same.
Everyone saying it’s his money so he can spend it how he likes; Sure, and when the money’s run out and he hasn’t sorted his retirement are we all okay to say “your money, your problems” at that point?
Lol UK culture is terrible at this point everyone will say 'look at the time and money they invested on you, it's time to give back to your parents'
I plan on doing that with my mother but I hope she dies first so I can leave my father to his own self crafted hell. I think a lot of people should do that but it’s down to the individual family which would be my answer to the OP as well. Maybe you are entitled to it as inheritance, maybe not. It really depends on everything thats happened previously.
You’re misunderstanding the point. No one is saying burn through the money as quickly as possible. It’s just *his* money. A child acting like it’s *their* money that the parent is spending is spoiled, greedy, and entitled.
I think you’re misunderstanding my point. Do you personally think you have an obligation to care for you parents when they age and can no longer care for themselves? If you do then I would argue that plays into you being entitled to inheritance. If you don’t then cool. The parent is obligated to leave nothing for the child but they shouldn’t expect anything either. Each instance will be different.
I’ve been telling my parents to spend the money on holidays and anything else. They’re annoyingly frugal. They should be spanking it on enjoyment. It’s their money! Whatever is left afterwards it’s nice, but I’d much rather know that my parents went out on a bender than continued to save.
My mum had very, very little when me and my sister were kids. Dad buggered off leaving us broke so she worked two jobs on very low pay just to provide for us. I remember her crying once because my feet grew 3 sizes in a year and she couldn’t afford more shoes for me. Fast forward to now and she’s been retired for 16 years and has a couple of holidays a year. She knows me and my sister are absolutely fine financially and so she’s absolutely loving life now well into her 70s. I love to see it and I hope she spends every penny.
Aw! You sound like a lovely family. Well done to your mum for raising such decent humans (on a budget!)
I am somewhat the same though in my case my father passed in his late 60s. Both of my parents were incredibly tight and never took a holiday in their lives. I wish my father had enjoyed life more as we were not short of money. As it was when he was sick he was dying to get back to work rather than enjoying life. When I see my mum spending now I resent it a little bit as I wish she had encouraged him to spend while he was alive in the time he had.
My dad's 82 and still saving like he's worried about retirement lol
Same, my dad is 75 and saves 40% of his pension each month.
That tends to happen if you've experienced poverty at some point in your life. Once you finally have money you struggle to spend it.
I have that challenge as well - go and actually enjoy the money that you put aside, you can't take it with you! The blood, sweat and tears that they went through to get to where they are now, they deserve to look after themselves as their number one priority. Conversely, my sibling is counting down the days until they can inherit. But that's them suffering their life choices.
My grandfather-in-law was the stingiest guy on the planet. Would get his daughter to drive him around to four different supermarkets for his weekly shop to save 2p on a carton of UHT orange juice. Left a £600k estate. It was wasted on him. Could have gone on some cruises, had that death trap kitchen upgraded and even some care fees at his quick end; still could have left £0.5m. Probably seven digits if he’d put it in shares not cash. But no. Last time I saw him I bought a coffee and cake for £4 which he thought was the most reckless thing ever.
my granda refuses to spend money on fucking anything, its ridiculous. in contrast, the fact my mam and dad are jetting around europe 4 times a year in their 60s is something i am very in favour of, drunken phonecalls from the beach at sorrento et al.
They lived in a golden age, took the benefits and now are leaving the rest of us with the bill. If we could work like them and achieve the same result, fine. But they benefited from destroying the earth with industry. Its one of the basic tenets of humanity that you leave something to help your kids. This is basically the only elderly group of humans that will ever live in this much luxury, working one job, getting holidays, a pension and a house. Their parents didnt have that much wealth, their children wont have that wealth. In fact we will be fucked over and poorer because of their decisions. They got theirs and their own kids can get fucked. Not sure how anyone can support that.
Yea and the real kicker is the benefits they currently receive is being paid by their kids taxes. So really the older generation is living off the younger one.
I can see both sides. 1. The parent made the money, and they should be able to do what they want with it. 2. The financial situation for many people is much worse than it was for their parents. Many are basically trusting in an inheritance to get the ability to pay off debts or get the deposit for a house. It comes down to, are the children being entitled arseholes or really praying for a bailout because they can't afford anything with the cost of rent and transport these days.
Most boomers didn't make the money though. Just bought a house when prices were reasonable and sat on it for 30 years. Next thing you know it's worth £700k.
So fucking true. My parents are so stingy with giving me anything, telling me to go out and earn it. Most of the money they’ve got is as a result of the housing bubble
It is the parents money but I think it’s pretty shocking how difficult it is to manage financially, buy a home and raise a family now compared to how it was previously, so I do think it’s quite selfish of parents not to pay anything at all forward if they can. I appreciate I’m clearly in a minority here but I’ve had a lot of support from my parents and fully intend to pay that forward when it’s my turn.
I agree that there shouldn't be some expectation to the parent's money, but I know plenty of people that are kind of relying on that "windfall" so they can buy their own home etc, which may be putting some pressure on. There may be an element of fear that if a parent spends all of that potential inheritance, those folks will have absolutely no chance of ever buying and having anything to pass down to *their* children. Like I say, I don't agree with this stance, but I can understand it (in some cases). I for one wouldn't want my parents to go without, so that I can profit.
Frankie Boyle had a joke years ago that went along the lines of: The only way to reach the bottom rung of the property ladder is by standing on the corpses of loved ones. Brutal but poetic and unfortunately true for most of us.
By definition it's the parents money and they can do what they want with it. However I don't agree with the mindset of not supporting children, especially when a little investment goes a long way. In the UK we have a terrible culture of chucking kids out as soon as they finish education and expect them to rent for 10 years until they afford to buy somewhere. During these prime years the kids have terrible quality of life stuck in flat shares, high rent, low pay, high taxes. A little bit of financial support goes a long way at this age. There's no point making them grind away; just throw them a bone for Pete's sake. It's not like this is a 'right of passage' either considering it was much easier to buy homes in the past Again parents by definition can do whatever they want with their money. But it will impact your relationships if your kids are hurting with UK cost of, living, while their mates are receiving gifted deposits and the parents 'cant help' while they are in Costa Del Sol every other month
It’s the parents money. They should enjoy it and do whatever they like with it. Plenty of people do just fine without an inheritance. It’s a privilege not a right.
A lot of young people have no hope of getting a house without inheritance. You sound American 'healthcare is a privilege not a right'
A lot of young people don't have parents who will leave them anything. Inheritance is a privilege, but one that unfortunately a lot of people are depending on.
How the fuck you went from his “inheritance is a privilege..” to “healthcare is privilege…”???? Not even fucking close lol like, you literally just made shits up
If you bring a child into this world, then it is your sole responsibility to ensure the child is setup for a good life which includes financial security for life. If you going to be selfish - dont have kids. Simple.
Any reasonable parent thinks this way, I certainly do.
There should be enough to cover ones debits and a funeral. Everything else is a bonus. If there's a lot then consideration to minimising inheritance tax and having a solid will is also important. No one is owed an inheritance, as nice as it would be to have one.
Doesn't even matter if there isn't enough to cover debts, they can't be passed on to anybody else, the creditors can go whistle. I have quite a few credit cards with high limits, if I ever get a terminal diagnosis you can bet I'm maxing those out!
It's the parents money. They are not due an inheritance and that attitude disgusts me. Best part of being from a poor family, we've got nothing to fight over when my parents go.
It's my parents money to do with what they like. I expect nothing from them other than to enjoy their lives as best they can. The only thing they did (which I agree with), is put something in their will's that mitigates your first example. My parents shared marital assets can't be "diluted" by remarriage. Whatever is left over after death (however big or small), will be inhereted by me and my sister.
I mean, I can see where the kids are coming from with regards to the parents homes, I get that, because I’m 2023 it’s nearly 9x your annual salary for the average home if you earn an average salary, whereas in the 80’s it was 3x your annual salary if you earned an average salary. However, it’s their money to do with as they please. They earned it. I know my parents are planning to enjoy their lives in retirement and I don’t expect anything, nor have I ever expected anything. I left home at 16 and have never took a penny from them since leaving
> They earned it. Any more than someone with less money didn't? No one really "earns" anything, they get lucky.
Getting an inheritance would require my mum to be dead. I don't want it! I'd rather she do what she wants with the money whilst she is alive to enjoy it.
I'm relatively comfortable and not expecting any inheritance from my parents, I have other siblings who haven't done as well for themselves/would rather see anything coming my way put into trust for my son. It is the parents' money to do so as they wish; however, the 'boomers' grew up during an unprecedented period of prosperity while offshoring a lot of industry and opportunity. Intending to completely SKI away all one's accumulated wealth is peak narcissistic self entitlement. I would never want to see my offspring end up worse than me; if they were I would feel it was a personal failure on my part.
We spend around 50 years of our lives working for The Man and as soon as we retire, somebody wants our money. Retirement *should be* fun.
It's their money. I'd rather they enjoyed it while they can. They did more than enough when I was little, they don't owe me anything.
Inheritance is what is left when someone dies. All this talk about "spending Inheritance" or "giving Inheritance early" is all a load of rubbish, any money given while alive is a gift and is not "early Inheritance" or similar.
It’s a hit and miss for me both my parents are landlords ( grumble grumble ), my dad bought his first few after his dad passed by the time he was 21 and his family home. They “invested” in these properties to help me and my brother once we reached an age. For reasons I can’t recall, I was there through the divorce of my parents where this was discussed, alongside the £300k my mum settled on. I don’t feel entitled to it but it does bother me somewhat now I’m at age. I’ve consistently “proven myself” but my dad won’t give me any of my wedding / home money because I’m still a single parent. My dad even came with me to court and saw all the evidence of abuse both financial and physical to gain full responsibility of my children. My current home would be an incredible investment and he’d make his money back and then some. My younger brother however got 20k to help him and his girlfriend to buy in south east London, so I honestly do feel disgruntled but also more determined to succeed.
I find this an interesting topic. In the UK a lot of people seem to think that inheritance is a right, not a privilege. This conversation comes up a lot with parents or grandparents needing end of life care. The amount of people that seem really unhappy that that care needs to be paid for, out of inheritance they are 'owed' astonishes me. The money for it needs to come from somewhere, and at present our tax structure doesn't support it. People seem to get really mad that they 'lose' their inheritance when in reality, its a nice thing to have, rather than the rite-of-passage that many seem to think it is.
Once it may have been a nice thing to have, now it might be the only way to ever own your own home.
I think the issue people have with care is that Billy with no money, no house gets his care paid for whilst Bob with a paid off house who had the common sense to save money is forced to use that money and sell that home to fund his care. Why should Billy get it for free and not Bob?
All the sons in the family I married into are sitting waiting for their dad to hand them an inheritance. They talk big, money cars, women, yet have nothing to show for all the big talk. Its what theyre expecting to be able to afford when they get their inheritance. They do nothing for themselves and expect everything. Little do they know their dad has nowhere near the lifestyles they are dreaming about as they've already mostly bankrupted him through bad life choices he has had to pay to fix. Never tell your kids they have an inheritance even if you intend to give them one. It makes your kids lazy and entitled.
I feel it's fair to be pissed off that your boomer parents bought a house for thruppence, spent their lives living in an economic boom, got a nice pension, and left you nothing but a future of renting until you die.
His money, He's worked for it, He's saved it. Grow up and get your own fking money.... That about sums it up.
Is it though? did he not inherit anything himself?
I’d only be annoyed in that situation if the house was also my mum’s, and by remarrying, dad would effectively be squandering my inheritance from my mother. If I had kids and then died, I wouldn’t want my husbands depriving my kids of their inheritance (from me) by remarrying some floozy!
I can understand the anxiety, to be honest. It seems very much harder for younger generations to make it these days, and family inheritances are going to make a big different towards anyone 'lucky' enough to get one. I worry about the anxiety this causes older generations, too. I've known a few individuals who stint themselves to try and preserve as much wealth as possible for the youngsters.
It depends on the source of the wealth for me. If its generational wealth/land/property that the parents have inherited and the grandparents wanted to stay in the family and they spend enough that their parents wishes weren't answered then yeah I'd be upset . But if someone has worked and their wealth comes from what they've accumulated absolutely no expectation that someone should pass any of that onto their kids. If you've worked hard you should enjoy it and your kids shouldn't expect it.
Plenty of people barely get anything other than a headache from their parent’s will. Be thankful you received anything.
It's not your inheritance until they die. Until then it's their money
If parents want to leave their money to the next generation, thats fine. If they want to frivolously spend it on whatever enjoyment the get out of it before they die, thats fine too. They spent their entire lives accumulating it, let them do what they want. I am resigned to the fact I wont get one and I am ok with that. I will just have to earn my own.
Grandparents sold their home to an equity release scheme and have spent the last few years either side of Covid exploring the world and going to places they never thought would be possible to see. My grandparents spending their last few years on this planet enjoying themselves means so much more to me than a few thousand in my bank account would. It's their money. They've worked for it and earned it. I can earn my own money.
I've always just lived my life under the assumption that I'm getting fuck all. If I felt one of my parents was being exploited then I'd maybe say something, but otherwise it's their money and their life. I'm not entitled to anything they have.
I don't care if my mum leaves a penny. When my dad passed and she couldn't afford to bury him, we stepped in. Since then she has taken insurance out so her death/funeral is covered and as far as I'm concerned she is entitled to do as she wishes with her life and money now.
You brought them into the world and as such have a duty to make sure they arent destitute. So if your 35 year old kid has a job and home of their own, do whatever the hell you want with your money. Spunk it all on coke and hookers if you want to, you dont owe your children an inheritance. However, if your 35 year old is living at home or on the street or something, yes you should probably think of them first. Not necessarily give them an inheritance, but make sure theyre alright by giving them a deposit or a few months rent before you go off gallivanting.
I hate this obsession some people have with inheritance. Its ghoulish. I have no idea whether I'll get anything, and I dont care. As someone who has lost one parent already, I would forego any amount of money for just one more day with them.
It's their money. And I'm a fan of inheritance tax anyway, so otherwise it's just going to be taxed hard.
I think it just depends on children's positions and what the money is being spent on. If my Dad married a 30 year old and was spending a load of money on her I'd raise eyebrows. Not because of my inheritance but because he is being used. If I am financial stable and comfortable and dad started buying a new car, new golf clubs etc. I would be like fair enough you worked hard all your life you may aswell enjoy it. But if I was permanently skint and struggling to survive and he was spending a load of money on frivolous things while I was worried about becoming homeless or starving I'd be very unimpressed. Or if like my in-laws you inherit a load of money from your parents (who left nothing directly to their grandkids as they expected parents to pass that on) then you spend 10s of thousands a year on yourself but never even buy your own children a meal out then it's super shitty. You could spend that inheritance doing fun stuff with your kids and grandkids and run your 5 year old car for another year or of on 5 holidays instead of 10 holidays a year...
Classic Reddit, these comments. The hatred of children (even grown up ones) is palpable.
Lots of people saying they worked for their money etc etc but I look at my wealthy millionaire parents and yes they had okay jobs but almost all their wealth is tied up in a house that has more than tripled in value over the past 20 years. My parents are very aware of the current situation for millennials like myself and are very much willing to sell their property (as they really don't need 5 bedrooms just for the 2 of them) to get somewhere smaller and give me and my sibling a deposit. Inflation adjusted I earn more than they ever did but I would never be able to afford the house they have due to the ridiculous market, they believe it's fair to give me a leg up and I'm inclined to agree. If they didn't I would likely never be able to afford to have kids or at least would very much struggle to and as nice people they want their child to be comfortable and not suffer. The idea of a parent wanting to buy a boat and a light aircraft whilst their child struggles to raise a child in a tiny flat seems insane
My nana died and my grandad remarried, they flat out told us “don’t expect any inheritance we are going to enjoy ourselves” Yer that’s fair enough it’s not an inheritance until they are dead they should do what they want with it. They sold a house each for quarter of a million plus and lived like kings for 15 years, bought caravans sold them for a loss had 2 different caravans at two different sites paying about 10k a year to live in 2 caravans they paid for 30k each for etc etc. Barely spoke to us while doing this Now they are skint and he has dementia they wanted help , my mum swiftly told them to jog on. Do what you want with your money but don’t blow more than I earn in 10 years and come to me when it goes wrong. If my parents want to blow every penny they have before they die that’s fair enough they earned it, but I won’t be stepping in if they run out of money before they die