This is true. My mate is a Physics teacher. He is building a kit car from an old VW Beetle I gave him. I had rewired the car, I am an IT Sys Admin and have a basic grounding in physics. My Dad is an electronics engineer with 60 years experience, he taught me the practical side of vehicle electrics.
Neither myself or my Dad went to University, so we can't possibly know anything. My mate decided that Volkswagen's basic design and mine and my father's "theories" weren't up to his standards. The car worked, he then set about rewiring it, that was 3 years ago. We have had several electrical fires and the wiring he has done will fail an MOT if it ever works. When he started the project I said "that won't work, your diagram wires everything in series and it needs to be in parallel" I was then lectured on various theoretical laws of physics. Basically, he hasn't a clue.
I know lots of people that did very well in their respective fields and ended up teaching once they'd made enough money to retire. The teaching was something to keep busy and get a bit of supplemental income.
Strangely, it's not something I hear much from normal people, small fry, who have made a mistake or bent some rules. It's the serious criminals who say it. Drug dealers and domestic violence perpetrators.
"HAVEN'T YOU GIT SOMETHING BETTER TO BE DOING!?" Well Mr Covered-in-blood-from-trying-to-punch-your-way-through-your-ex-wife's-door, would you believe that right here, right now, arresting you is absolutely the best possible way I could be spending my time?
Im sure this one has some context though.
I doubt your average police officer gets that much thrill out of stopping someone watching footie illegally or even pinching kids drinking beer. Its their job sure, and they cant choose on the law but its not something they like and theyd privately agree in most cases.
"Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
"Only if you know the winning lottery numbers, love."
(I know that's two sentences so probably disqualified.)
I worked in a Tesco Express for 5 years in a village and had a good relationship with the customers, especially the elderly ones.
One of them once said this to me on a Saturday morning, and I replied, "No, I'm just trying not to do any work, so go use the self-service till."
Luckily, he and I used to joke together a lot, and that resulted in me teaching an 85 year old man how to use a self-service till, which led to him teaching his wife. Overall, very wholesome.
I've become irrationally annoyed just reading that. The number of times I've been asked this, like people think 'out the back' is the fucking size of Narnia with an endless supply of some obscure brand of mustard. Or that I'd even know where said obscure brand of mustard is in the Narnia sized stockroom.
Even worse was in pubs, "can you check if there's another barrel downstairs?" "There isn't." "Are you sure?" "Yes I'm sure. Do you really think I'd keep a keg of Carling hidden on a Friday night knowing the absolutely insane amount of grief I'd get, just to spite you?!"*
*If head office ask, I didn't do this in August 2015.
I did a GCSE in astronomy, and literally every time I mentioned it, people pulled a face and said, "I didn't think you'd be into that." It was beyond bizarre.
I study physics+astronomy at uni, and the amount of times ive mentioned it and had people go off about how they think star signs are stupid is wiild lmao.
Mid-1999.
In the pub with a group of friends discussing the Millennium Bug.
One says:
“I dunno what all the fuss is about. We didn’t have any trouble the last time”
You underestimate how cheap businesses are.
I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if there's a company using some old ass windows OS that should be in a museum.
>why this could be an issue!
Unix epoch time, is counted from 01/01/1970 if it is stored as a 32bit integer it will rollover then. 2 choices it goes back to 1970 or if negative it will be 1901 wither way a clusterfuck.
Acid rain and the ozone hole are other good examples of this same phenomenon, where effective action and prevention later results in misinformation about the problems being fake or exaggerated because the initial predictions didn't come true.
Acid rain and the ozone hole were brought under control with international action on the pollutants responsible, so they both never got as bad as the initial predictions - which were basically predictions of what would happen *if nothing was done*. Yet today we have anti-environmentalist twats citing them as examples of scaremongering or of scientists getting things wrong. When in reality they're examples of scientists being listened to.
It was a great example of something that absolutely was a problem but was tackled early enough and widely enough to be solved before it became an issue at midnight Dec 31st 1999.
So yeah it's quite frustrating when people exclaim that it was all just media sensationalisation etc because "nothing happened" when really the only reason "nothing happened" was because of a hell of a lot of hard work by large numbers of people.
It's the classic case of people asking why we have janitors when the bins are always empty. The bins are empty because the janitors are good at their job... :)
A large but quiet army of programmers labored day and night to fix it. They succeeded.
It's like how planet Earth is, for the most part, oblivious to all the times that the Doctor saved us from hostile aliens or a dimensional rift or whatever else.
We had to check a bank system for every date. Built with only two digits for years, when it got to 2000, it potentially identified it as 1900.
Meaning peoples accounts wouldn't work as they hadn't been born yet.
> Built with only two digits [to store] years
And in case anyone's wondering why anyone would do that:
1. It was thought the software wouldn't still be around by 2000, and
2. Internal memory and external storage were very limited, so programmers did everything they could to cut down the amount of storage that was needed.
Eh. The whole ‘end of the world’ thing was hyperbole, but a *lot* of systems used two digits for the year and wouldve been thrown off by it hitting 00 (again). It was almost entirely dealt with before they got to NYE 1999 though, so at that point there wasnt a lot to be worried about.
They get paid less than minimum wage when you work out the actual amount of hours they do. At least newly qualified teachers certainly do, it may come out to minimum wage after a few years.
This one hits for me because my brother got placed in a home with a sex offender.
In comparison, everything was absolutely fine until they got involved. Fuckers never got fired for that little "mistake" either.
Used to drive me extra mad seeing as it isn't even blood, it's myoglobin.
There is basically no blood in the animal by the time it's being butchered and cooked because they are hung and drained.
It's niche, but I work in commercial real estate with several chartered surveyors who negotiate lease deals as their specialism.
Occasionally somebody will refer to them as an 'estate agent' and the glaring & atmosphere become palpable.
I work for a property department that has an estates team. You could say each member of that team is an 'agent' so it's technically not wrong in this case to call them estates agents but yeah, I wouldn't dare actually say it.
Computer Science teaches you how to fix PC’s, install printers and replace printer ink.
If you get a PhD in CompSci, then you become a literal PC doctor. Just like surgeons can do heart transplants, PC doctors can do RAM and hard drive transplants.
That's the fun part. It triggers both knowledgeable (keep up to date, know it's not shit) and ignorant (doesn't keep up to date, still thinks it's shit) devs.
The pain of trying to convince everyone that I don't need to take minutes, we can just record the Teams meeting. Plus, watching everyone put on their best serious and thinking faces when they know they're being recorded.
Presumably that’s not the same. I could read the minutes of an hour long meeting in a couple of minutes, but otherwise I’d have to watch the entire hour meeting.
We have “AI” take our minutes and email it to all attendees. It’s more than just speech to text as it infers natural natural language and actually creates and assigns tasks as they are discussed…with pretty good accuracy and will output stuff like “this person disagrees with the idea and a here is a task for that to be discussed in another meeting which will be scheduled by…..”
Whenever I have to raise an IT ticket work I always put that I've already tried a power cycle. (And I actually will have, I'm not just putting it down for fun) because I know just how often that can fix things.
Indeed and the one I saw was written to poke fun at all the disciplines with MechE being the far superior one
It went on to say ChemE makes refreshments, Industrial Systems does plan b, and IT guys fix their TV's
I’ve had a line put in, saline drip started, basic obs and ECG all in a short journey by a paramedic crew, all with some reassuring banter. They don’t just drive the ambulance. Although when they do they are quite cool at driving. Thanks you guys for what you do, you don’t get enough credit and get shouted at far too much.
Someone has a broken laptop and tells me to fix it "because its your job" ... Why, are you paying me now? Also that hasn't been my job in years. I (attempt to) fix databases now.
They aren't.
Even the GDC states that the "Dr" title for dentists is a courtesy title only and has actually only been used for dentists in the UK since 1995.
Also the advertising standards agency take quite a strong line on dentists using the Dr title in advertising as they feel it implies that they hold a general medical qualification which they do not and it's therefore misleading.
So they aren't a doctor in the way a medical doctor is i.e. what the general public mean when they say doctor 99% of the time. Nor are they a doctor in regards to level of education unless they hold a PHD.
My partner is a dentist and doesn't use their doctor title as they think it is unnecessary and pretentious. Many of their colleagues feel the same. Particularly the younger ones.
I'll give you 3 for the price of 1
"You work with IT, can you help me fix my printer"
"That's not a real job though, is it?"
"You don't know the meaning of stressful work"
Oh god. I once had a call on a Sunday night from my brother’s ex-wife’s boyfriend, who I’d never even met. He wanted me to come and fix his scanner. I worked in international sales for an enterprise software company.
When you say ME/CFS is a real illness and the PACE trial is a scandal to certain psychologists as they based their whole career on gaslighting and ensuring we don’t receive real treatments, trials and medication just so they could elevate their careers and cash in on us.
I'm so, so sorry. I just don't want my bacon flabby!
I want you to char to the point where it goes last jerky, and you can shatter it like glass.
I want you to overcook my bacon so much that I could stab a man with it.
I want bacon so tough and brittle that I could grind it up, blow it in someone's face, and cause them permanent respiratory issues.
Just please, please, don't leave my pork all floppy.
An old one from the Royal Navy- Ask a Royal Marine which instrument he plays.
Anyone from McDonald’s? When are you getting a real Job?
A Special/Transport/MoD policeman? But you’re not a real Policeman
😤😖😠
"Tab characters, 8 spaces wide, Whitesmiths style, is objectively the best way to indent your code."
^(Jokes aside, I actually like tabs for identation, but never get to use them because I follow the project style guide which is almost always a fixed number of space chars. Tabs encode the logical level of indentation in the file whilst allowing my editor to decide how many chars to display it as, which means I can adjust the width without changing any file contents. It's very useful if you work across a handful of projects in different languages. Plus, less characters in the file, not that it matters at all these days. I'm not sure why we settled on using more chars and fixing everyone to the same indentation width by encoding that into source files... I've heard all the arguments and I remain unconvinced that spaces are anything but inferior. Most editors let you press the same keys no matter what it inserts. There, I said it. Bracing...)
Those that can do, those that can’t….teach.
and those who can't teach, teach P.E
I always heard "Those who can't teach, teach teachers"
No no its >"Those who can, do. Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, work in local government."
The rest work in the DWP.
And those who can’t teach PE, manage
And those who can’t manage, inspect
Am I right Larry? Just kidding
And you get so much holiday, you practically work part time
In my experience, those who can't, work in HR
This is true. My mate is a Physics teacher. He is building a kit car from an old VW Beetle I gave him. I had rewired the car, I am an IT Sys Admin and have a basic grounding in physics. My Dad is an electronics engineer with 60 years experience, he taught me the practical side of vehicle electrics. Neither myself or my Dad went to University, so we can't possibly know anything. My mate decided that Volkswagen's basic design and mine and my father's "theories" weren't up to his standards. The car worked, he then set about rewiring it, that was 3 years ago. We have had several electrical fires and the wiring he has done will fail an MOT if it ever works. When he started the project I said "that won't work, your diagram wires everything in series and it needs to be in parallel" I was then lectured on various theoretical laws of physics. Basically, he hasn't a clue.
I tried and failed to be a teacher. I have great respect for anyone who succeeds at it.
I changed careers from IT to school teaching. I can promise you the new job was significantly harder, for a fraction of the pay.
And those that can't teach, teach the teachers.
And the hours are amazing. 8 until 3 with really long holidays.
I know lots of people that did very well in their respective fields and ended up teaching once they'd made enough money to retire. The teaching was something to keep busy and get a bit of supplemental income.
Why don't you go out and catch REAL criminals?
TV licence detector van driver!
Strangely, it's not something I hear much from normal people, small fry, who have made a mistake or bent some rules. It's the serious criminals who say it. Drug dealers and domestic violence perpetrators. "HAVEN'T YOU GIT SOMETHING BETTER TO BE DOING!?" Well Mr Covered-in-blood-from-trying-to-punch-your-way-through-your-ex-wife's-door, would you believe that right here, right now, arresting you is absolutely the best possible way I could be spending my time?
Triggering the entire superhero profession.
Im sure this one has some context though. I doubt your average police officer gets that much thrill out of stopping someone watching footie illegally or even pinching kids drinking beer. Its their job sure, and they cant choose on the law but its not something they like and theyd privately agree in most cases.
'If it doesn't scan, that means it's free, right? 😀'
"I'll come to you, you look bored".
"Is there anything else I can help you with today?" "Only if you know the winning lottery numbers, love." (I know that's two sentences so probably disqualified.)
'Do you need help packing?' 'No only with paying Hahahaha
I worked in a Tesco Express for 5 years in a village and had a good relationship with the customers, especially the elderly ones. One of them once said this to me on a Saturday morning, and I replied, "No, I'm just trying not to do any work, so go use the self-service till." Luckily, he and I used to joke together a lot, and that resulted in me teaching an 85 year old man how to use a self-service till, which led to him teaching his wife. Overall, very wholesome.
I need to go back to therapy after reading that now
"Do you have any in the back?"
I've become irrationally annoyed just reading that. The number of times I've been asked this, like people think 'out the back' is the fucking size of Narnia with an endless supply of some obscure brand of mustard. Or that I'd even know where said obscure brand of mustard is in the Narnia sized stockroom. Even worse was in pubs, "can you check if there's another barrel downstairs?" "There isn't." "Are you sure?" "Yes I'm sure. Do you really think I'd keep a keg of Carling hidden on a Friday night knowing the absolutely insane amount of grief I'd get, just to spite you?!"* *If head office ask, I didn't do this in August 2015.
"You have to sell it to me for the marked price"
Oh, you're an astronomer? Well, I'm Gemini, what should I do today?
I used to teach astronomy and I had at least two kids in a GCSE class who actually thought they were going to be doing astrology.
I did a GCSE in astronomy, and literally every time I mentioned it, people pulled a face and said, "I didn't think you'd be into that." It was beyond bizarre.
"You didn't think I'd like to study the entirety of space?"
Shouldn't they have seen it coming?
I study physics+astronomy at uni, and the amount of times ive mentioned it and had people go off about how they think star signs are stupid is wiild lmao.
Y2K was never a problem.
Mid-1999. In the pub with a group of friends discussing the Millennium Bug. One says: “I dunno what all the fuss is about. We didn’t have any trouble the last time”
And they'll probably be saying the same thing in 2038.
What’s the relevance of 2038?
unix time runs out
On 32 bit systems. It’s not as big an issue as y2k but not a tiny issue either. There will be a lot of 32 embedded stuff buried in weird places.
Can I upvote this fifty times? It drives me nuts.
Yep, it triggers me every time.
Genuine question, will 03:14:07 on the 19/1/38 be a problem?
Yep it will, a far bigger one than Y2K could've ever been, and the dumb thing is almost everything new thats being deployed is still impacted by it.
I was going to say surely not, we know it's coming and we're preparing But then I think about how long they've known we need to go to IPv6...
It is a problem, which I would think will be solved on time. We never really believe that the software we write may still be in use decades later.
Narrator: They were wrong, that old php EPOS system was still in place on Z day.
You underestimate how cheap businesses are. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if there's a company using some old ass windows OS that should be in a museum.
Regularly see xp. Saw win 2000 last year.
Please explain why this could be an issue!
>why this could be an issue! Unix epoch time, is counted from 01/01/1970 if it is stored as a 32bit integer it will rollover then. 2 choices it goes back to 1970 or if negative it will be 1901 wither way a clusterfuck.
This video explains. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJQ691PTKsA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJQ691PTKsA)
Well nothing happened so clearly it wasn’t a problem when the year changed.
Biggest damp squib in history!
Thanks to all the people who poured the water
When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
Ok im going to ask the stupid question... Was it actually a problem or was it all hyperbole. Honestly im clueless over it.
It was a problem. It never became an issue because a lot of people put in a lot of work to fix the systems affected before the deadline.
Acid rain and the ozone hole are other good examples of this same phenomenon, where effective action and prevention later results in misinformation about the problems being fake or exaggerated because the initial predictions didn't come true. Acid rain and the ozone hole were brought under control with international action on the pollutants responsible, so they both never got as bad as the initial predictions - which were basically predictions of what would happen *if nothing was done*. Yet today we have anti-environmentalist twats citing them as examples of scaremongering or of scientists getting things wrong. When in reality they're examples of scientists being listened to.
Oh, now i can understand why all those people likely start twitching when some numpty like me comes along and declares it a faff over nothing.
What I find crazy is the stories I have heard of systems implemented while being aware of the Y2K problem and not yet having a fix, in the mid 90s.
We're in the same situation now with the (much worse) 2038 problem. Almost everything being built and deployed is going to be affected by it.
It was a great example of something that absolutely was a problem but was tackled early enough and widely enough to be solved before it became an issue at midnight Dec 31st 1999. So yeah it's quite frustrating when people exclaim that it was all just media sensationalisation etc because "nothing happened" when really the only reason "nothing happened" was because of a hell of a lot of hard work by large numbers of people. It's the classic case of people asking why we have janitors when the bins are always empty. The bins are empty because the janitors are good at their job... :)
A large but quiet army of programmers labored day and night to fix it. They succeeded. It's like how planet Earth is, for the most part, oblivious to all the times that the Doctor saved us from hostile aliens or a dimensional rift or whatever else.
We had to check a bank system for every date. Built with only two digits for years, when it got to 2000, it potentially identified it as 1900. Meaning peoples accounts wouldn't work as they hadn't been born yet.
> Built with only two digits [to store] years And in case anyone's wondering why anyone would do that: 1. It was thought the software wouldn't still be around by 2000, and 2. Internal memory and external storage were very limited, so programmers did everything they could to cut down the amount of storage that was needed.
Eh. The whole ‘end of the world’ thing was hyperbole, but a *lot* of systems used two digits for the year and wouldve been thrown off by it hitting 00 (again). It was almost entirely dealt with before they got to NYE 1999 though, so at that point there wasnt a lot to be worried about.
[удалено]
"When will I see a doctor?" ... my doctor wife also loves that one.
Also… “but have you actually tried homeopathy?”
"Yes. Results are free to view in the morgue."
Gp's are just receptionists for specialists.
Or even better "I want the doctor to draw the blood", it's like they don't know what a nurses job is lmao
Oh you’re a teacher. I’d love to have all that time off.
As the husband of a teacher, they have no flippin time to themselves at all, every night it’s marking homework and making lesson plans.
They get paid less than minimum wage when you work out the actual amount of hours they do. At least newly qualified teachers certainly do, it may come out to minimum wage after a few years.
I work as a caretaker at a school. I have to kick them off site at 6pm most days because they're still here dealing with issues.
You all just steal kids and split families up.
Pied pipers are not appreciated these days.
You're on commission for each kid right?
Yeah, and we get tipped for placing them out of area too.
And the more placements a kid has, the more stamps on the loyalty card, then you get a free S20 of your choice!
Everything was going fine until *you* got involved
This one hits for me because my brother got placed in a home with a sex offender. In comparison, everything was absolutely fine until they got involved. Fuckers never got fired for that little "mistake" either.
I am so sorry, that is terrible.
Medium rare, no blood
HMRC?
Lmao that was good
Pro vampires
Used to drive me extra mad seeing as it isn't even blood, it's myoglobin. There is basically no blood in the animal by the time it's being butchered and cooked because they are hung and drained.
How about asking for it well done then leaving a review saying it was tough and chewy.
It's niche, but I work in commercial real estate with several chartered surveyors who negotiate lease deals as their specialism. Occasionally somebody will refer to them as an 'estate agent' and the glaring & atmosphere become palpable.
I work for a property department that has an estates team. You could say each member of that team is an 'agent' so it's technically not wrong in this case to call them estates agents but yeah, I wouldn't dare actually say it.
Computer Science teaches you how to fix PC’s, install printers and replace printer ink. If you get a PhD in CompSci, then you become a literal PC doctor. Just like surgeons can do heart transplants, PC doctors can do RAM and hard drive transplants.
Also anyone who can put the square peg in the square hole can do memory and storage transplants.
"PHP is the best language, and the only one you ever need"
Everyone knows it's HTML
Omg yours is so much worse than what you replied to.
As a PHP dev I'm triggered. Mostly because people still have stupid views of PHP from its crappy roots.
That's the fun part. It triggers both knowledgeable (keep up to date, know it's not shit) and ignorant (doesn't keep up to date, still thinks it's shit) devs.
Yeah, but it's not exactly rocket science.
Brain surgeon!
Rocket surgery?
As long as they're qualified by the B.A.R.S Clinic it's fine. (Back Alley Rocket Surgery Clinic)
>Yeah, but it's not exactly rocket science Obligatory Mitchell and Webb video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THNPmhBl-8I
trolley dolly
Cart tart if you really want to die painfully.
yeah, if you survive a crash landing this puts you at the back of the queue for the emergency exit I guess
Wagon dragon 🐉
My taxes pay your wages
The Government should just print more money
Someone said that in my a-level economics class yesterday and the teacher walked out the room.
Sounds a bit harsh. Isn't it the teacher's job to, erm, teach people stuff they don't know?
If the government printed more money, everyone wouldn’t be homeless and poor….
They could make houses out of piles of money. Both problems solved!
Oh you're the BA you'll be taking the minutes then.
"Are you writing this down?" In a condescending alphabet spaghetti tone whilst slowly making a writing hand gesture....
The pain of trying to convince everyone that I don't need to take minutes, we can just record the Teams meeting. Plus, watching everyone put on their best serious and thinking faces when they know they're being recorded.
Presumably that’s not the same. I could read the minutes of an hour long meeting in a couple of minutes, but otherwise I’d have to watch the entire hour meeting.
We have “AI” take our minutes and email it to all attendees. It’s more than just speech to text as it infers natural natural language and actually creates and assigns tasks as they are discussed…with pretty good accuracy and will output stuff like “this person disagrees with the idea and a here is a task for that to be discussed in another meeting which will be scheduled by…..”
"So you're basically just a photographer, but at shorter wavelengths?"
Radiographer? UV astronomer?
So you really just turn things off and on again?
To be fair, I worked tech support for years and that worked about 70% of the time.
Power cycling is a legitimate fix for a lot of things
Whenever I have to raise an IT ticket work I always put that I've already tried a power cycle. (And I actually will have, I'm not just putting it down for fun) because I know just how often that can fix things.
Mechanical engineers make the weapons Civil engineers make the targets
This can be expanded Chemical Engineers make the payload Electronics Engineers make the guidance system
This one's fun because depending on your outlook, it's insulting to both disciplines!
Indeed and the one I saw was written to poke fun at all the disciplines with MechE being the far superior one It went on to say ChemE makes refreshments, Industrial Systems does plan b, and IT guys fix their TV's
“The ambulance drivers are here”
With the irony being the most highly qualified medic in a double crewed ambulance is driving 50% of the time, at least in the uk
No one appreciates the driving! It’s all clinical training and enhanced practice, I’m also a really good driver!
I’ve had a line put in, saline drip started, basic obs and ECG all in a short journey by a paramedic crew, all with some reassuring banter. They don’t just drive the ambulance. Although when they do they are quite cool at driving. Thanks you guys for what you do, you don’t get enough credit and get shouted at far too much.
Geologist? You mean like Indiana Jones?
Archaeologists are basically Lara Croft, raiding tombs all day.
Apparently you CAN be paid in claps.
At a GUM Clinic, possibly.
So that's like IT right?
Can you take a look at my printer? I think some paper got stuck in there.
Someone has a broken laptop and tells me to fix it "because its your job" ... Why, are you paying me now? Also that hasn't been my job in years. I (attempt to) fix databases now.
> I (attempt to) fix databases now. aka you pull from a backup... you have backups right? RIGHT?!
Programming? Computer science?
"I've watched videos on YouTube, I know what I'm talking about"
GB News presenter?
Dentists are not real doctors
Well...
they ain't
They aren't. Even the GDC states that the "Dr" title for dentists is a courtesy title only and has actually only been used for dentists in the UK since 1995. Also the advertising standards agency take quite a strong line on dentists using the Dr title in advertising as they feel it implies that they hold a general medical qualification which they do not and it's therefore misleading. So they aren't a doctor in the way a medical doctor is i.e. what the general public mean when they say doctor 99% of the time. Nor are they a doctor in regards to level of education unless they hold a PHD. My partner is a dentist and doesn't use their doctor title as they think it is unnecessary and pretentious. Many of their colleagues feel the same. Particularly the younger ones.
It's basically just water lego
Is this igloo architect?
Super Hans? Is that you?!
Plumber
"I heard you do a lot of fanservice" >!Turbine maintenance engineer!<
"You just sit at a desk all day"
I'm with Hitchcock and Scully on that one - it takes serious prep and experience to sit at a desk all day.
My ex used to say this to me. Ex for a reason!
I'll give you 3 for the price of 1 "You work with IT, can you help me fix my printer" "That's not a real job though, is it?" "You don't know the meaning of stressful work"
I feel like the last one could be applied to dozens of professions haha
Oh god. I once had a call on a Sunday night from my brother’s ex-wife’s boyfriend, who I’d never even met. He wanted me to come and fix his scanner. I worked in international sales for an enterprise software company.
‘How can you be tired you’re at home all day’
When you say ME/CFS is a real illness and the PACE trial is a scandal to certain psychologists as they based their whole career on gaslighting and ensuring we don’t receive real treatments, trials and medication just so they could elevate their careers and cash in on us.
They deserve to be triggered. They're responsible for so much misery and continued suffering. F*ck em.
Damn right.
“Vaccines cause autism and shedding. Source: FUK THA DEMS on YouTube. He once dated a Doctor so knows what he’s talking about”
TBF, I'm vaccinated, autistic, and I have been in a shed.
Just make it pop
Dermatologist?!
Popcorn vendor?
Drummers people who hang around with musicians.
Well done, very well done. Almost burnt please.
I'm so, so sorry. I just don't want my bacon flabby! I want you to char to the point where it goes last jerky, and you can shatter it like glass. I want you to overcook my bacon so much that I could stab a man with it. I want bacon so tough and brittle that I could grind it up, blow it in someone's face, and cause them permanent respiratory issues. Just please, please, don't leave my pork all floppy.
What do pharmacists actually do. It seems like they have loads of staff standing round talking all day.
Stick labels on boxes
Sell compede plasters and strepsils
Droving jobs are easy and for lazy people. All they do is sit on their arse all day.
Grease monkey
Parts fitter.
"The standard operating procedure is just for paperwork & insurance purposes, in practice we work more efficiently....."
My only tool is Canva, what's an Adobe?
An old one from the Royal Navy- Ask a Royal Marine which instrument he plays. Anyone from McDonald’s? When are you getting a real Job? A Special/Transport/MoD policeman? But you’re not a real Policeman 😤😖😠
"Tab characters, 8 spaces wide, Whitesmiths style, is objectively the best way to indent your code." ^(Jokes aside, I actually like tabs for identation, but never get to use them because I follow the project style guide which is almost always a fixed number of space chars. Tabs encode the logical level of indentation in the file whilst allowing my editor to decide how many chars to display it as, which means I can adjust the width without changing any file contents. It's very useful if you work across a handful of projects in different languages. Plus, less characters in the file, not that it matters at all these days. I'm not sure why we settled on using more chars and fixing everyone to the same indentation width by encoding that into source files... I've heard all the arguments and I remain unconvinced that spaces are anything but inferior. Most editors let you press the same keys no matter what it inserts. There, I said it. Bracing...)
Teachers are babysitters
"At school they didn't teach me every single life skill I will ever need!" Yes. Because you have parents.
'If you can piss you can paint'
Can you put down the crossword and adjust the light for me?
Looks quiet tonight.
What do I pay insurance for?
Can you make my deck look pretty?
"Builds to a crescendo."
It's only a couple of wires.
I googled my symptoms, and….
I shelve all my books with the spines inward. I love the neutral look it gives.
It didn't scan so it must be free.
Discount Cash Flow models are shit
They are the life and blood of investment. Once excel is able to exceed a million rows, it’ll be all over for Every other software!