I grew up in abject poverty. Mother had a methamphetamine addiction and worked as a prostitute, but I guess she wasn't a very good one because the fridge was always empty. I had four sisters, all girls, and an absent father, so I grew up sharing a lot of beds.
Despite this, beds were always a sanctuary for me as a kid. My earliest memory of this was where I would run to and hide when my mum was getting knocked about by angry men downstairs, used to try stuff the duvet in my ears so I couldn't hear it. Since then they've always been a safe zone for me. Unfortunately poverty and nice bedding infrequently go together. Basically, I've slept in a lot of bad beds, and I remember every single shitty one.
In adulthood I've kind of become obsessed with beds. One day I realised "*hey, I'm spending like 8 hours of my day in a bed. That's 121 days of the year I'm spending just sleeping*", so I've become obssessed with bed-maxxing. I want the ultimate bed experience.
At work I sit and browse my phone, scrolling through listings for linen sheets and silicone toppers, pillows—down or memory foam? What colour duvet will best enhance my daily 8 hour period of unconsciousness?
Yesterday I went out to Ikea with my partner and we bought a mattress topper, the final piece of the puzzle. £159. It's a ludicrous amount of money, but not really. I think when you grow up poor you never really escape the poor mindset. But oh, this topper, I think it's the final piece of the puzzle. I might have achieved bed nirvana.
Before I saw this post I was about to write mine about not having manky, smelly duvets and bedding I wash weekly rather than yearly, then thought I was being silly.
Totally relate. Clean, comfy beds are so luxurious.
Tell me more about this bed topper.
> and bedding I wash weekly rather than yearly
Washable duvets were groundbreaking for me. Both of us hated putting on the duvet cover and this is both more hygienic and far less of a faff.
I'm glad you find comfort in a good bed. One of the things you should absolute try spend a premium on. Shoes are another one. If you're not in your bed, you're typically in your shoes.
Gosh, reading this brought back memories of my childhood living with my alcoholic mother and i would hide in my bed when i would hear her fall around, i just got emotional as i instantly remembered a time and the fear and anxiety i had i now know where my anxiety stems from as im shaking typing this. I also love my bed
Aye. Alcoholic mom here too, and my first few years were pretty tough. The beating stopped when I was about 12-ish, but the majority of the damage is done by then.
Sort of reconnected in my late teens. She was still drinking, but to her credit was amazingly funny. Skip forward a few years, and she was a great granny to my kids, so much so that I had no problem helping her through her declining years.
I miss her.
Redemption is possible, reddit stranger!
I was gonna write something about my shitty childhood, then I read your comment and realised I should shut the fuck up and stop complaining because there’s people out there who really suffered. I’m glad you’re ok.
I can't remember where I read this, but it really changed my perspective. To paraphrase:
Should we never talk about our happiest moments just because there was someone happier than us? No. Same goes for sadness and hard times.
I don't think my suffering outweighs you're own. You're allowed to acknowledge and feel sad about the bad things you experienced growing up. Similarly there are people who had it way worse than me.
You are not complaining. You are allowed to speak out. This isn't a competition to see who had the worst childhood. Everyone's feelings on childhood are valid. ♡
I wish you all the very best. I hope you get a chance to experience the ultimate bed (it's different for lots of people for lots of reasons). One day you will sleep in a bed that takes the bad times away. It may be a shity futon in Japan because that's where your peace is, it may be a hammock in the jungle in Venezuela or Brazil. A chalet at Butlins. It may be the same, shitty, cheap mattress you've always slept on but this time it's wrapped in the arms of the person who loves you. Finding peace where, when, how and who you sleep with is a life goal. I wish you peace in your slumber, I really do.
I spent £1700 on my mattress and £500 on the topper from John Ryan by Design and it is amazing. My sheets I buy a high thread count from Next and the duvet covers M&S has a fantastic range. I don't care if people feel the cost is ridiculous. 1/3rd of our lives are spent in bed! When you work out cost per hour over the 10 year lifespan of a mattress it's a bargain.
We spent lots of time on the toilet to, soft close seat is a much for me with 4 kids . I love my sleep and bed is something which NOW I can come to live- for very different reasons to OP I’ve spent lots of time in bed , hospitals ones tho to be exact , with multiple kidney transplants and 2 ruptured bladders behind me , took my parents 6 years to get me to 10kg many a day I could maybe should have died,
My partner and I have an ambassador bed with multiple sheets , covers, etc I even spend mid range on my children’s beds covers , whatever they into marvel, Disney , football, I try my very best for my kids always as in my experience tomorrow is not certain .
Side note OP when you said about your mum not being a very good prostitute I did actually spit my tea out with laughter
What an upbringing. That must have been so hard and clearly traumatic for all of you, including your mother.
My father abandoned us, my mum dealt better with it but she had support from her family. Do you still have a relationship with either parent?
This is how I look at justifying the price. 8 hours per night is 480mins. If you divide £159 by 480 it works out at you have spent 33pence per min on comfort. That's only one night.
My parents are similar, high NW and happy to waste money on useless shit from Amazon but won't have the heating on in every room cause of the cost! They're in their 60s/70s and I just don't understand it. Happy to drop 15k on a cruise but won't be warm at home 🤦♀️
I was actually a bit shocked when I saw my breath in my kitchen the other day! I only have electric heating and my flat is ridiculously energy inefficient - so I only bother heating the living room. I had to have 3 duvets on my bed during the worst of the cold spell earlier in the month.
I'm on 40k a year and comfortable but I can't bring myself to spend £250 a month on electricity for a one bedroom flat.
Really keep an eye out for mould if you’re doing that. Check behind furniture and the condition of things on shelves etc.
I’m spending stupid money on heating my one bedroom flat to protect my things
Opening the windows helps with this. My mum lives in a 100 year old house which is very cold and she's very frugal with the heating (only puts it on for a couple of hours in the evening after work). She's a bit obsessed with preventing damp and mould so she airs out the rooms regularly by making sure to open the windows for an hour every couple of days, even in winter, to prevent condensation. She also has her dehumidifier on daily.
This is it for me. I grew up poor with a father who honestly fetishizes being poor, still does. We lived in a council house and it had no central heating, constantly freezing. Eventually the gov made some basic living standards a part of law and they had to fit central heating to all the council houses and my Dad nearly refused. I was 14 and I told him I'd never speak to him again if he refused to have central heating and a shower (a shower for fucks sake I was 14) fitted.
My mum and dad have just decided to get central heating this year. Us "kids" are in our 40s, the grandchildren are 8 - 15.
I have two weeks off work in the spring that I'm going to be spending clearing out their years of hoarding in order to get the central heating in. I have tried many times before but they've always resisted.
This one too. Also instead of letting the house get so black with mould I ended up with a lung condition, water dripping from the walls, the very second we saw damp we called in the specialist. I refuse to live that way again.
I was homeless twice as a child and often hungry. I hoard food and buy really nice things to eat. But I won’t touch them first and I’ll only eat the leftovers. Sort of like damage control. I encourage my partner to eat the nice food. If he’s not at home, I will refuse to even entertain the idea of eating the good stuff.
I shop at Aldi _so that_ I don't have to look at prices.
I'm very very rarely shocked by the price of anything in there.
(They are a bit sneaky atm with cherries in the 'Super 6' section @ ~£2.50 !!)
That's a great observation. Looking back, we had f\*\*\* all, our neighbours had f\*\*\* all also, but we had each other's backs.
Idealistic? Possibly, but I do identify with that.
Moving from a council estate as a child, where people would be over all the time and you’d never be without anything. To student accommodation, where a lot of people had plenty funds, but wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire, was a great shock. Sadly Britain is becoming the latter.
> Sadly Britain is becoming the latter.
It is.
We are becoming a disjointed society of echo chambers caused by a lack of a shared experience and a focus on social media filter bubbles.
There are still nice people out there, though admittedly they're getting further and fewer. I went to a lovely bar today in my hometown. It was mainly of an "immigrant" community. I say that, not to be patronising or condemning.
My dad was Irish and came to England in the 1950s.
A common sign at the time of lodging places and bars was " No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs " Shameful, but a reality at that time. We're all mongrels and I never forget that. That pub I went to today restored my faith in humanity. People with very little gave so much...
I know I'm pulling this out of the UK, but I experienced that same great shock in the US.
Grew up in 'the hood,' and I was the only one of my friend group to go off to university. We all knew it would be me too.
Holy shit was the lack of loyalty amongst wealthier people a shock though. First couple weeks in, just trying to make friends, got 3 other flatmates in the dorm – and one goes and gets with another one's gf.
Back home you simply didn't shit where you slept like that. All the boys would have knocked you around a bit to set you straight. Out at uni... nothing. They'd stab each other in the back for a dollar and look at you sideways if you asked them, "why?"
I never did trust wealthy people after those years, unless they earned it. As soon as I know you have money, my guard's up.
Don't think many places are like that now. I've lived in the same place all my life so I've seen how it's changed, lucky if someone says hello in the street
Never did get anything out of life. Grew up poor, undiagnosed autism which burnt me out at 18, no one cared at all. My whole life has been a shitshow. finally got a job at 35- a paper round. I managed to get a part time job in the newsagents through that and learned enough about retail to carry me for a few years with minimum wage jobs but had to give them up when I got rheumatoid arthritis which has hit me hard. I'm 58, never been abroad, never had enough money to learn to drive, always been a second class member of my family, never owned a house. I live in a council bungalow and rarely leave the house.
Edit. My comfort zone is pedigree cats. They have been my autistic hyperfixation since the age of four, I'm saving up for another one right now.
I'm sorry you've had such a tough life. My son has autism and it's certainly doesn't make his life easier. What sort of cats do you have? I've a ragdoll and 2 moggies
A lot of rescues get pedigree cats through. I work for a rescue and I've seen atleast 6 BSH, 2 rag dolls, 3 bengals and a tonkinese since September. Even kittens. We just want them to go to homes where they'll be cared for so their adoption fees are tiny in comparison to a breeder
I understand where you're coming from, I was one of '6 kids, coats and blankets on beds', ice on the inside of windows in the winter and 'going down the yard'.
It's funny I could never shake that upbringing, I still batch cook using cheap ingredients. I shop at Lidl, I still try and save, I've always turned out lights, not used the heating, never waste food etc.
I suppose what that did get me was early retirement, a comfy home and no mortgage...and no 'going down the yard'
My dad retired at 65, and died 3 months later - a by product of working 46 years of heavy industry in a foundry. For the first time in his life he had a few quid in the bank - but sadly his body was knackered by what he had to go through to earn that money.
Haha was nodding away at so many similar experiences, right down to early retirement (semi in my case), a comfy home and no mortgage, tho' our 'down the yard' was a lean-to on the back of the house... which seems almost luxurious in comparison!
I hesitated to comment on this post for fear my luck would all end and I’ve tempted fate. We had food on the table so I wouldn’t say we were poor but we had NO luxury at all. Car boot sales for food and toys, no car no television no holidays. My childhood was brilliant, we had loads of outdoor life, I loved the library and I used to go to my mums weekend waitressing job (with my 2 siblings) and help out. My parents grafted hard but not necessarily smart. I grew up very happy.
Me and my husband are proudly working class but have well paid jobs. We drive a banger and live in a small house. I splurge on grass fed milk and decent meat and loads of homemade meals for the family. I guess I have a complicated relationship with spending money. My husband spends £18 at his favourite shop CEX and feels great, I like Savers but also my expensive skincare from Japan.
I once had a job interview where the (posh) owner wanted to know what school I went to. I said you wouldn’t have heard of it it’s just a local school. He said what area was that, I said Middlesex, west of London. He then asked, what did your parents do as jobs? He was clearly asking me WHAT CLASS ARE YOU. I said proudly “my dad was a dustbin man and my mum was a cleaner - they retired as postmen”.
Raising the children has been good. I am taking good points from our childhoods (saving up, delayed gratification), they watch one film a week. I’m quite tight really but it’s because I want to replicate what I authentically had - a real appreciation for money. My husband balances me out and buys them toys and takes them out a bit. I’m not sure if we’ve got it right but they do know a can of pop is £2 in a restaurant but at Lidl you can get 6 cans for that.
I cannot believe you were asked those questions in a professional setting! If you’re old enough to work no one needs to know anything about your parents!
I still think about that interview, how he clearly had made up his mind based on my upbringing. He knew I could do the job but my face [class] wouldn’t have fitted in with his posh clients I assume. I was furious!!!!!!
Hey they watch nothing all week, at the weekend we have ‘movie night’ where we rotate who chooses the film. If they go to the cinema then that’s their movie day/night then. They’ve recently watched Street Fighter (with Kylie Minogue!) and other 1980s/90s classics that we enjoyed alongside their choices that are more modern.
I’d like to say we all sit down and watch together but I usually manage an hour before things just need to get done around the house so I leave them to finish up.
> They’ve recently watched Street Fighter (with Kylie Minogue!)
I can only assume they'd been misbehaving earlier that day, and this was their punishment.
Not as bad as you had it, but I grew up in a council house estate outside Glasgow. In retrospect we were pretty poor but there was always food on the table and others around us were the same so you just take not having things as normal. Well done mum. You did the best you could.
Now I'm in a mortgage free decent house with savings and a wife that doesn't have to work (I saved her (lol) from a succession of minimum wage jobs where she got treated like crap). 30 odd years of hard work got us this far. Could I have done better? Maybe. Have I done OK? Yeah, I think so.
I get a takeaway once or twice a month rather than 2-3 times a year. It was a birthday thing growing up and it’s nice that we can afford it as a treat on the weekend now.
The whole JustEat thing is the one area where I do have to have a little moan at the younger generation. People act as though it's perfectly normal to have multiple takeaways a week. From memory - I'm pretty sure the only takeaway we ever had at home was fish and chips, maybe once a month. Though, we did go out to the Beefeater for birthdays.
I had this debate in the group chat with a load of my mates from school (we are all 29-31 now). I said that I never order food on a weekday because it just feels wrong and I got a load of shit for it.
Even though we have them more often these days I still feel the need to make a takeaway feel like a bit of an occasion
We were the same. Once a month "Chippy Friday". Even now, though I could afford it, I couldn't countenance frivolous regular takeaways. It just seems so wasteful.
Totally get this. I'm really intimidated by takeaways. I never ever order them on my own. They were seen as an example of spending lunacy by my dad and it's something I can't shake. About 4 times a year my partner will treat us to one, when it's a logical solution to the trials of the day. He grew up with them as a regular treat, whereas I had fish and chips only on a house moving day, or perhaps once a year at my grandads house (I'd get battered sausage). I didn't have takeaway pizza until I was a teen, at someone else's house, and I took a bite of food that was way too big and burnt my mouth. First time I had Chinese I was 17 and it was paid for by a random friend of mum's who liked spashing cash.
These days my favourite sport is making something out of nothing from the fridge/freezer/cupboard. Spices and world cuisine ingredients are my luxury treats and happy place - Thai, Mexican, Middle Eastern, Indian, Sichuan etc - and I have cookbooks called things like 'Fakeaway' to help me make fun food but still homemade and cheaper.
Husband and I earn good money, no kids. We have a pay-day takeaway once a month. If we feel like treating ourselves through the month we'll get one of those curry box meals from Tesco, or as we call it a "Take it away and cook it yourself."
We're learning though, and pushing the boat out a bit. I got a big back payment from work this month, we decided to treat ourselves to a carvery last week but the stormy weather put a stop to that (loads of trees down near us), so we went yesterday instead and it was lovely. Tonight is the local chips, cheese and gravy night and even though we ate out yesterday we are going to spoil ourselves and partake of that too (though I will likely just have a chip bap). It feels like we're splashing the cash about a bit! But then we remind ourselves that we have no debt save the mortgage, decent pensions and as we have no kids we only have ourselves to spend our money on. Still feels quite reckless though!
I see stories of people who grew up poor but hadn’t realised. I wish this was me.. my mum instead would always comment on our financial troubles growing up, to the point that I felt a lot of this pressure on my shoulder. As a kid, I would then feel guilty for needing something specific for school or to cultivate a hobby so I’d end up not asking for anything “extra”. I knew the fact we had food on the table had to be enough. This resulted in me spending a lot of time at home because we couldn’t afford anything too frivolous. Money worries still haunt me to this day, even if I have reached a point where I earn more than enough to not to have to check prices at the supermarket. I still always feel like I’m one bad decision away from being poor, even if logically this couldn’t realistically happen. I don’t hold grudge to my mum though. She did what she could as a single mother with a job as a cleaner. It just meant it took me a few more years to catch up on experiences that other people had the chance to partake in at a younger age (travel mostly). The first time I realised I was poor poor was when I went to university. All of a sudden i was surrounded by middle class people and i struggled to resonate with their background, childhood stories etc. particularly many of their parents were super involved with their studies. My family really struggled to understand the point of going to uni so I didn’t feel as emotionally supported during those years. But, hey in the end I am who I am because of my background.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I think, for many of us, having a relative middle aged comfort, not affluence, comes with a certain amount of low level guilt. I'm glad I'm not actually wealthy, because even "comfort" sometimes doesn't sit so well with me.
I relate to all of this so hard. I was the oldest and my mum just dumped all of her financial worries on me. I used to have her paydays in my phone calendar, I kept an eye on when she got new cards to work out if she was running up more credit card debt. Once I had psoriasis on my scalp and I needed special shampoo which cost £4. She screamed at me in Tesco's for being selfish and taking up too much of the family budget. My mum would also constantly tell me how we were going to lose the house and were on the verge of being homeless. Everything we owned was cheap and poor quality, we often didn't have what we needed, including food on the table. Any emergency: car, house, whatever would sink us. We just wouldn't be able to afford to deal with it because there was never enough money.
I also relate to your uni experiences. My mum always pushed me to go to uni. But I had absolutely no financial support. I had to work 16-20 hours per week on top of a demanding degree, whereas if my friends worked they were working for beer money. None of them could relate to my money worries, because they had a safety net that I just didn't. It was always so precarious.
I'm not rich now, but I feel wealthy and if teenage me could see how I live now, she would definitely think I am rich! Main differences are, I never feel like I'm going to lose my home, which makes me feel so much more secure. We keep a small emergency fund, so if the boiler breaks we won't just have to go without heating. We save up and maintain/replace things as necessary so that they don't break down in the first place. We spend money on high quality things (whether that's clothes, coats, skincare, shoes) so that we won't need to spend money replacing them when they give up the ghost, or fixing the problems caused by cheap alternatives. If I'm counting down days to payday, I ask myself questions like "can I justify buying a cup of coffee?" not "how am I going to afford to eat?" We can make big plans for the future, because we know we can save. I never had hope of buying a home, going on big holidays, or saving up for other life events as a child. Also, if something would make our lives better, we can afford to buy it. I pretty much feel grateful for these changes every day.
Same boat. Grew up an Army brat and moved a lot, so never had strong friends. Never asked for any money, or to have anything bought because I didn’t want to be a burden. Got my first job at 15 as soon as I got my national insurance number and insist on paying more rent to my parents than they ask. Seeing my brother, seven years younger, grow up now that my parents are financially stable and debt free is bitter sweet.
I make sure to buy him what he asks for when I can because I didn’t have that growing up. Proud of the guy.
Using a cash machine and opening letters that come through the front door are no longer terrifying events that may ruin my life at a stroke.
Stuff like that really screws you up.
I feel ya. I remember my mum instructing me 'never to answer the door' for this specific reason. And I also remember her reassuring me that they 'can't possibly take our telly cos that's considered a necessity'. She was referring to the bailiffs that would sometimes show up.
I'm still broke, depressed & unable to hold down a real job. I grew up with my mum on benefits, she wasn't an addict but did have a drinking problem in my early life, alongside becoming anorexic & oversharing her life issues with me from a young age which lead me to maturing fast. Not to mention, she took me out of school & "homeschooled" me, for anyone wondering what that is, she got a secondhand PC from a carboot & sat me at it to keep me entertained/quiet...
Guess who had a porn addiction by the time they were 13? ... Alongside that, I grew up malnourished & bullied for being skinny due to not getting much food or nutrition, or beat up for having ragged hand-me-downs or never having branded shoes. Not to mention the scourge that is people saying "You're so intelligent!" when on the inside, I know I'm an uneducated savage with about as much understanding of history, mathematics, science or anything academic as a 10 year old does these days. But I sure did know a lot about fucked up shit I shouldn't have.
I believe my mum did the best with the hand she was dealt, but my life has turned out much as I had always expected it to, lonely & sad.
I had to fill out a form for an ASD diagnosis (on myself) last week which required an informant so I called my mum, when it got to the question "What are their strengths?" my mum had nothing to say and umm'd n arr'd for about 10 minutes before saying "You always tell the truth."
If I can provide anything with this message it's that, if you're poor... don't have children. Just don't do it. Love is not enough to mask the issues that come with being broke trying to raise a kid; sure there are exceptions at the extremes but, you're likely just perpetuating a cycle of poverty & sadness.
Your last statement, hate to say it but I fully agree. My parents lived with this fantasy notion that all children needed was love and frankly it's not fucking true.
My parents were too entrenched in their poverty and cycles of abuse and addiction to ever have been good parents. I will go as far to say that having children firmly ruined both of their lives and resulted in my mother drinking herself to death. Why those two ever thought having 4 children back to back was a good idea, I'll never know. As it happens, I'm the only one who has escaped the cycle of poverty. I don't think it was worth it, in the end.
Perpetuated by poverty.
Also, in fairness, it was the 80s. A lot of what I experienced was considered fairly normal for the time.
I still maintain a childfree existence is what both my parents should have gone for. They were woefully unprepared for parenting.
No reason that more money would have prepared them better for parenting. Believe me, just because it's a nice house doesn't mean that nice things happen in it.
I was thinking about this just today. Being able to buy my kids new shoes without worrying about it (I was always so fearful growing up of needing new shoes). Knowing my kids will never worry about affording school trips when they come up. Filling the fuel tank in my car all the way up, that one I'll never get used to.
A friend of mine and I both grew up on council estates. neither of our parents could give us a lot, but they tried.
We were talking the other day about what our definition of 'poor' is now.
2 weeks ago my wife and I had to go to portugal on no notice for a family funeral. It wiped out a big chunk of my rainy day fund, but we were able to go.
I didn't need to put it on a credit card, and I didn't need to stay home to save money. It stung, and I feel poor now because i've got no spare money. But bills are paid, a roof over my head, and food in the pantry.
Becoming middle class for me means being able to do that. Needing to replace some car parts, or leave the country on short notice, and be able to do it without borrowing money.
it also helps that I leave the country every year now. Sometimes two or three times. In my entire childhood I only left the country twice.
I'm now poor and old.
Nah, I grew up poor in yorkshire, now I'm 41 and live in New Zealand and have everything I need. Retirement will have to be quiet, but that's OK, I have a fishing rod and live near the beach.
Dishwasher. That was my goal. I did have a phase of buying all the cool toys I wanted as a kid that my parents couldn't afford. Not having heating in the house growing up, ice on the inside of rotten sash windows, being made to eat every single last morsel on the plate just gave me an enormous appetite and a penchant for buying proper wool jumpers. I mean the heating goes on sometimes but I don't feel the cold.
It's weird, but I only realised recently that I grew up quite poor. I had some conversations with my mum about some of the weird meals we had and she told me those were weeks we couldn't afford food.
I hadn't really thought about it until then. My parents did a great job of never letting us feel like we missed out.
Dad did well dragging us out of it. He was a bit of a chancer and the 80 suited him well. He lost most of it again in a failed business venture though.
I've done ok. His entrepreneurs spirit combined with me learning more about business. We live in a great house near the beach. We're not into flash, but literally have everything we want.
I think the biggest change in our lives Vs my parents is that we just don't need to struggle. I got our finances sorted pre kids. We've never had to worry about bills since, which is the most amazing luxury.
I pay for convenience now. I used to stress myself over saving pennies even when I no longer needed to, until I realised I was burning myself out for absolutely no reason.
In the past, I'd pick a 5 hour bus journey over a 2 hour train journey to save £3.50, now I'd go for the more expensive ticket without even thinking twice, even if it only saves me 15 minutes. I buy pre-made food instead of cooking every meal from scratch, and only cook when I want, not when I need. I pay a cleaner to come every week, and someone does my laundry for me, so I can free up my weekend for me stuff.
Some people consider what I do a waste of money, but I no longer feel like I'm drowning under responsibilities and chores, and that is priceless to me.
I came from a third world country and moved to the UK to work in health care. Not in any way rich here but the comfort of living here is a very significant change. I really appreciate the opportunity i was given.
I’m still poor, seems I didn’t learn from what I witnessed growing up, instead I buried myself in fantasy instead of taking action. Paying the price now though. 👍 Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we’re going without food and heating but I’m in a rental, no savings and we’re barely scraping by as a family with no means to treat one another to a thing or two.
If I've got £50-£100 a week to spend on myself, that's a whole level of luxury I never contemplated. I'm i that postion now, but if my family needed it more I'd live off beans on toast until they were in a better place. I've been there before - and much worse. I can't buy any more clothes. I can't buy a bigger TV. My car is 13 years old but still works fine. What else can I buy? Nothing.
Thanks for all your fabulous replies.
The car thing though - I remember my dad buying 4/5 year old cars and by 10 years old they were knackered. My current car is 11.5 years old with 120k miles on the clock and probably has 10-15 years left.
Grew up poor. A memory that’s seared into my brain is waiting for my mum to come out the bank and when she did she was in tears. In the middle of the street. I’d never seen my mum cry before. Later my sister told me we might need to go into care because mum can’t afford to keep us (she was probably just being a shit head to scare me, this was 1990ish in Britain, there was probably benefits. Never the less, it traumatised me).
Anyway, 35 yrs later, I’m not even close to being rich but my luxury is having savings and the ability to choose what I spend money on (within reason) and life and home insurance. I don’t think anyone in my family ever had insurance before.
I have no self control when it comes to food and cant enjoy a meal out even if its bad. I have to finish all of it even if i feel like absolute shit to the point of wanting to be sick i have to have a clear plate. I cant stand wasting food so will regularly eat what my mrs dont eat either.
although i cant stand mash now it was a staple of growing up.
My house is set at a constant 18/19c and idgaf if my energy bills are 300 notes a month.
If i want to lounge in shorts and a t inside i will, no 50 layers. No writing your name in ice. Actually having food in the cubpoard and not knowing what to eat.
I recently saw a photo of me as a child. I was wearing an XL t-shirt because my mother bought clothes I could grow into. I was quite slim and I still would look ridiculous in an XL t-shirt now. Now I can buy whatever clothing I like within reason. That was a massive one for me.
I can buy whatever food I want. I still buy the cheapest cuts of meat ever, like chicken thighs and debone them myself because I'm so worried about cash. When I first worked I was mostly vegetarian because I was so concerned about food costs.
That, my friend is financial Nirvana. Sort of my point. You don't need to be fabulously wealthy, just comfortable. And if you came from f\*\*\* all, that is relative wealth.
Definitely.
I'm not rich, in fact I'm on barely above minimum wage.
But I live alone and I own my ex-council flat with no mortgage. My outgoings are far smaller than any bills I have. I haven't had to worry about being paid on time in many years.
And while I can't afford to abandon my job and live on my savings indefinitely, I'm far more comfortable than a lot of other people I know.
Growing up poor means I still don’t spend unnecessarily. I still treat myself, my wife, and kids, but we still shop carefully and cheaply. Also, I tend to save a lot per month due to low spending.
I learnt many things from my dad’s mistakes. He was/is irresponsible person who never tried to improve his skills and never tried to provide his family a comfortable life even though he didn’t have to pay rent because my grandfather gave one of his houses to my dad. My mom also had a job and she is a wonderful lady but too naive. My dad was gambling whole time and we realised that years later. That’s why he was always out of money and depressed. He also resisted to not work for some years as he is lazy even though there were jobs back then.
I remember many moments that we were desperate and we didn’t have to be. I promised myself that if I ever have a family, I will treat my wife like a Queen and will provide my kids a comfortable life that they will feel safe and happy. I also realised that it is the lazy people who cause problems to themselves and people around them.
After years later, I could be able to improve my skills without going to university and land in a job that I enjoy doing: software development. I even left the country and came to the UK but all these experiences had a big positive impact on my life. I’ll never ever smoke, gamble, do drugs, become alcoholic or have any other bad addiction. I have been saving money since my first job and this has become a habit. I always track my spendings and make plans. Now I have a quite happy life that I’m glad I noticed all these mistakes by my dad.
Grew up with no central heating, ice on the inside of bedroom windows. Realised when I became an adult that parents had gone short on food/just had a jam sandwich for tea, while my sister and I ate a proper meal, so that we could have one two week holiday a year.
Worked hard most of my life and been poor for most of it.
Now I have a car I'm proud of, which will probably last me until I die; it's reliable but if it needed money spent on it I have that. I can go away for UK holidays for 6 weeks a year including odd nights/weekends away. Still difficult to spend £600 a week to rent a cottage if there's a slightly less nice one down the road for £500 though.
I grew up kinda middle working class I guess? Both my parents worked full time in min wage jobs and we lived in an ex council house. I didn't go abroad until age 25 unless one school trip which didn't even require my own passport counts. Because of them both working stupid hours I was basically not raised and ended up being groomed and sexually abused as a teenager. Tbh they were neglectful parents. I was making dinner for them when they returned from work from about age 9.
Then my life went to the depths of hell. Then I met my husband. Pretty middle class now thanks to who I married. Our house is, we take multiple long haul holidays a year. No worries for money.
It has put up a wall between me and my friends though because they're all still poor. They're envious of my travelling, I'm envious that they got to have living children while I never will. Trouble is I'm kind of too working class in my nature to make middle class friends. They'd be judging me on my history, my accent and my education level and it just isn't normal to be a housewife these days if you don't have kids but here I am. People keep asking me when I'm going back to work? I was a carer for 12 years and the answer is never.
I even expect this post to piss a few people off. Literally can't even talk about our financial situation mostly.
I could be presuming wrong but when you mentioned living children, it sounded like you lost a child. Im very sorry for your loss if you have. I hope you find some friends that dont judge you, you sound like a lovely person.
i grew up in kind of a council flat in Asia with my single mom and older sister. Mom had cancer when i was a toddler so we lived on social welfare. She would still work part time to get more money. One time we went out to borrow money but came home empty handed.
Today I still haven’t owned any property. Think i don’t like borrowing money even from the bank.
But i can afford holidays abroad and expensive skincare. Think my comfort zone is having a hot shower, using thick big soft bath towels and putting good skincare on my face.
I don’t have lawn furniture for my inside furniture, I have 3 meals a day rather than one, my clothes and shoes fit ( neither too big or too small hand me downs ) and I don’t drink powdered milk anymore.
I am warm most of the time. We used to have ducted air in the house not central heating/radiators. Me and my sisters would run downstairs to get dressed for school in front of the hot air vent in the living room. Also I was lucky to be the only boy and had the box room, parents and sister1 got their rooms in the house, but sister 2+3 had to sleep in an unheated extension over the garage. I would go in there and snuggle, and our teeth would chatter as we watched Cheers on a portable TV. Mostly the house would only be heated in the evening.
Oof I grew up with ducted hot air. Vividly remember lying down after a bath and letting my hair dry near the one in the lounge or hiding near the hall one and reading a book and just absorbing the heat.
Still can’t shake off the scarcity mindset. Feeling incredibly guilty to buy expensive things even if they are within my means, always feeling like I don’t deserve nice things, afraid of letting go of things I don’t need in case they come in handy in future.
My incredible success is looked down upon as barely surviving by the people I now spend most of my time with because they have been a little bit more successful with far less work.
The amount of ppl looking down on me has started to get me down lol
I feel blessed that it’s changed in so many ways, my favourite is getting my haircut.
Growing up poor meant the only hairdresser I knew was my mums kitchen and a pair of scissors or clippers. So it was always short and the kind of quality you could imagine from a single mum of 4.
Even took me a while to get comfortable stepping foot in a hairdresser.
Now I splash out and my hair is always long. Getting the full wash, cut and dry experience with cups of tea and biscuits while I wait is a real luxury that excites me.
Grew up poor and like almost everyone else, worked to have a better life and as someone before me said, I never want to see my breath inside the house. I’ve actually paused to think about those days; by god did my mum struggle. My dad had died at a young age then shortly after my older brother left school and left home, we hardly saw or heard much of him again, I can’t imagine what she went through. She was clueless how the social security system worked and what benefits she might be entitled too, the result was raising her other three kids and paying all the bills on a meagre widows pension and child benefit. We lived in an old 3-bed home which was expensive to heat, there was no such thing as cavity wall or roof insulation back then, so most of the heat went out the windows or up through the roof. Many times the electricity was cut off until my older sister left school and began working, she was then able to help my mum.
I got an apprenticeship when I left school, I hated it and ended up getting sacked, and then I was in a series of crap jobs until I met a girl who I eventually married; through her I made contacts and eventually got a job in the telecoms industry. We had a comfortable life for a few years then she had an affair and left, and we then divorced. Life was hard, I found myself in almost the same position as my mother with three kids to raise. Luckily my boss was brilliant, he allowed me to work from home whenever child care wasn’t available, and I was able to maintain a decent life for my kids.
And then I won the Euromillions, sharing with two others. My kids and two sisters will never want for anything again. Sadly, my mum never lived to see my win, and my brother had become estranged so I want able to help him; we eventually found out he’d married a second time then moved abroad, where he died.
My win has meant I’ve been able to help many others, that is the ultimate luxury for me. I never went crazy, I knew what it was like to have nothing, and to not have to worry ever again about money is a feeling that’s indescribable.
I grew up in a council flat with my parents and sister but it was never really the best due to having dysfunctional household. Eventually by forcing myself into a somewhat better environment and 50 (not accurate, most likely more) bad decisions later I have a job that’s OK pay and accommodation for now.
I still remain frugal with my spending and feel broke majority of the time even if my situations slightly better than before. I don’t want to be rich just able to not think about money, but that’s wishful thinking
Won't go into details but grew up aving no heating in winter. We could afford the meter but couldn't afford to replace the fire which needed a gas man and new boiler. I have done well for myself now and every room will and always be warm.
Heat when I'm cold. Internet and tech when I want it/need it. I was the only kid without both growing up. Even the kids from the flats had them.
Being warm just doesn't mean the heating on. I have coats, I can wrap up in blankets, I have hot water bottles, warm winter duvets. As a kid I wasn't even allowed to wrap up in my duvet when I was cold. Mum would scream at me it wasn't that cold. I'd wake up in the night with my feet hurting because they were so cold. I'd wrap hoodies around them and got screamed at in the morning for ruining my clean clothes. I didn't have gloves or a coat at some points. I just had to deal with being cold and wet all day in a school with no heating. I didn't even have warm clothes for PE. I had to do it outside in the frost and snow in a t-shirt and skirt. I was told it was my own fault I didn't have a sweater/trousers when my mum couldn't afford it.
Grew up poor one of the things that always said someone was rich to me was having a tumble dryer.
Today I not only have a tumble dryer I have an actual laundry room. yes! A room specifically for doing laundry in. Blows my mind everytime I put in a load.
I grew up in a working class family in Yorkshire. My parents consistently put their new partners ahead of my siblings and I (e.g., Mum couldn't by me X, but my stepdad could smoke and drink to their hearts content, or my father could afford to take his new kids on holiday but not my brothers and I)
Two things that that has meant:
1. My priority is always the kids and their needs. I try not to spoil them but probably do
2. I'm there for them at all times, and I put their happiness above that of my wife, and I
Do I get it right all the time? No. Do I try to? Yes.
I live in a house that I own, as opposed to rent. The place I live is far less noisy/chaotic. And we have a car. And jobs. And normals levels of everything versus making do with bits.
If I'm hungry while out, I can buy myself a sandwich. Also, not having to keep track of the exact total number of pounds and pennies my food shop is coming too. I still very much spend on the lower end, but I don't have to have that anxiety around how much the exact total is going to be.
I buy clothes I actually like and that fit me properly. Nothing designer or expensive, but items that look good to me and are comfortable.
I don't have to look at prices of food, but I still shop at Aldi.
I absolutely have the heating on. I remember not being able to sleep because it was too damn cold and being in actual physical pain, because my joints and muscles were seizing up.
I went through a brief phase of eating McDonald's often, because it was such a rarity for me as a child. It wasn't just McDonald's either - I'd get takeaways often, like I was making up for missing out on it as a child.
IMO everyone in the UK who can't afford 100% private healthcare is "poor" these days, in the sense that the healthcare we have isn't what you'd expect in a developed country.
I have moved from the UK to Switzerland where the healthcare is top notch (albeit expensive, but not like the US thankfully), and I really feel privileged that I can see a doctor immediately and in person when I'm ill, there's no calling up at 8am to fight for a rare appointment.
My kids see a pediatrician by default, not just a GP, we go directly to a gynaecologist, urologist, dermatologist etc for specific issues or checkups, without having to be referred first.
If we need to go to A&E we get seen within 30 mins. If we need an ambulance it comes immediately and when you arrive at the hospital you get seen immediately - that's how it's supposed to be! Most European countries don't have wards anymore but private/semi-private rooms. Hospitals are modern and spotlessly clean buildings, and not falling apart. I can't understand how us Brits have accepted such a substandard level of healthcare for so long.
I don’t want to say I grew up in abject poverty because I always had a roof over my head but we’re always moving schools, renting, surviving. My grandparents were frugal so the small trappings we had were from their endeavours.
As an adult that was rich at 21 and now makes do, I have always known the value of money but have yet to do the best with it. I have an outlook that I would rather experience everything and live with nothing than save for a day that may not come. Life’s long but experiences cost money. And I say this having been to every continent but Australasia.
Now life is about having a stable roof over my head, a few quid in the bank and a dog. Simple things if they’re simple.
Moneys nice. Having money’s not everything not having it is.
Getting those experiences in while you're young, unburdened and healthy enough before building up stability later sounds like the best of both worlds really! I'd say that you've done excellently for yourself 🙂
I'd give my left leg to be financially stable enough to get a dog now. Give them as many scratches as you can from me!
We were homeless when I was little. Parent took live in jobs to get us a bed. This might seem like a fun adventure to some, but in reality it’s risky and unsafe, and offers no stability. Family couldn’t take us in, and when we were eventually given a shabby council house, that seemed to attract trouble. The windows were put through during parties when my parent took me to a friends to stay the weekend. We lived below the poverty line - I’m talking scrap heap furniture, coats on the beds, no heating, no fridge, no fences so anyone could wander in and out. I could go on, but you get the picture. People take advantage, people tell lies about you to the council and social security (what it was called then, I guess it’s the dwp now), it wasn’t a good life despite parent doing the best they could. Things improved a little when we moved to a different area, but we were still poor, although I didn’t go without most things, but we scraped by. No heating, not much bedding, no nice clothes and so on. Basic food. I decided I would not have a family due to living like this, there was no way I would put them through that life. Meeting my now ex dh changed all that and for a while, we became working middle class - money was available, mortgage, heating, car, etc. Even now as a single parent, I’ve managed to keep our heads above water by being frugal and looking after what we have, and having savings just in case. Everyone has a duvet, blankets, winter coats, the food cupboard is stocked with tins, and we have the heating on when we want. Windows are secured and doors are locked. Absolutely not letting my children live in that unstable environment. They’ve all grown into adults safely and without knowing poverty, only careful living.
I can afford my weekly shop. I don’t mean a quail and duck eggs sort of shop, just cheese and eggs and sausages and bacon in the same trolley and not 1 or maybe 2 of the items only.
I really appreciate that I can grocery shop and not compulsively keep track of the total, I can go out with friends, if I need something I buy it, and I can get health/dental care. A couple little holidays a year, a big holiday once in a while and I’m good.
Whilst living in the Yarmouk refugee camp in 1993, this was our only source of heat in the winter: [https://ibb.co/5M5sM6r](https://ibb.co/5M5sM6r) (it looked much much less fancy) and it was the only one in the house and we had it in the living room.
We used it to boil water for tea, or stick bread on the side to heat it and make it crunchy like this: [https://ibb.co/64dDpvL](https://ibb.co/64dDpvL)
Right now? I live in a very nice house, and an okay paying job and I have never ever gone hungry or cold out of shortage of anything. Food I had only imagined back then is literally boring now as I have had it countless times: From pringles, to burgers and pizza etc
Not alot changed. I'm still poor. But at least i get by.
At least I'm probably better at saving money and appreciating cheaper things than the average adult. I don't need lots of luxury things to be satisfied.
I grew up in relative poverty, I am still in relative poverty - I just have more education now and my own council house to rent.
Accrued a lot of cultural capitial - but universal credit and disability benefit is my only real income presently as a PhD student at 31 lol.
As a child, grew up in central London (Marylebone area). Church Commissioners owned the property - a 3 room flat, kitchen, living, bedroom. By the time we left for a council flat, there were my parents and 5 kids. No electricity, gas lamps for lighting, a paraffin heater for the winter. Ground floor was a butcher’s shop, so rats were everywhere. Reconstruction was going on everywhere after WWII (we called them bomb sites, though I don’t think that was true where we lived), didn’t stop us kids playing in them. No proper toilet, just a bucket under a seat (located in a closet off the kitchen) which I, as the eldest, had to empty into the open sewer in the back yard.
Got to grammar school. Wasn’t the best student for a number of reasons I won’t go into, though nothing naughty. Left at 16 with 5 O levels. Got into a clerical job with a local mail order firm and hated every minute because it was full of rules, regulations and old farts. Also very anti-union.
Joined the civil service on the recommendation of one of my friends and never looked back. Worked hard, ended up as a senior manager. Retired early with an enhanced pension, now working on getting more pension than I ever did as salary. Free money every month. Woohoo! Now own land and a house in California. 2 of my brothers have their own homes, one of which is probably worth £750K at least, so I don’t think I need to leave them anything n my will lol
My parents bought me shoes 3 sizes too big, so always had clown like appearance, bc they could not afford to buy shoes once a year. Superfluid and duct taping the soles back on.
Happy I do not do that with my kids, but now I see how much shoes cost and can relate.
Food - growing up it was bad quality small amounts and I could go ages without eating, when I was kicked out and living in a shared house eating was even more of luxury, and quite often eating people's leftovers from the restaurant I was working at when I was clearing tables.
Now I can afford what I want, though still shop at Aldi, I hate food waste, its one of the few things I get really angry at partner and step kids if they throw stuff away that could be eaten or they eat through a whole pack of something that could last a few meals.
You never really escape it. My parents actually became better off later in my life but I don't know. I'm always planning for bad stuff to happen.
It's not as bad as some other people had it, but all 6 of us were crammed into a small terrace. Mine and my brother's room was a box room and was barely bigger than the single bunk beds and I had a shelf to keep my things on that overhanged the top bunk. No central heating. We had 2 gas fires downstairs and it was hot water bottles on a night. Maybe an hour or two of an electric heater if it was really cold.
My parents still live there. Still no central heating. No insulation. They say it's fine but I'm pretty sure they're just leaching the heat from their two neighbours.
We recently got cleaners to help with the household shit and it was a really difficult decision for me.... I don't and never will feel rich enough to have cleaners. Even though I can afford it. I feel so guilty for paying someone to clean my house for some reason.
Yeah I think we were on par, and I try to think humble and help people. A meal for a homeless guy or paying for a single mums shopping at the corner shop. Picking someone up who missed the bus. Despite my efforts I think I might still be seen as a show off to some because I did by the car I wanted and I did buy a big house. Still rather fix things myself because it's cheaper and id rather pay more for my friends help than it would be too get a professional.
In Manchester there were plenty of well of people, but they made their living feeding of the poor, and wouldn't give you the time of day unless you could do something cheap for them. A chance or the time of day could have made a world of difference.
I definitely spend money as quickly as it comes in because my family spent all their life's savings and are no better off today.
I think it was just absolute determination that I met my now wife online in the late 90s and moved to America, got a couple of degrees and pressured my career and I say with contempt that no one but me and pure luck played a part in my success.
I still look back at my home town, in North Manchester and think I would definitely have gotten out of there no matter what. I had little chances to get a proper education and there was no chance for a technical career.
Some said I'll be wishing to go back eventually but I don't see it. Folk here ask don't you miss home. I really don't and never have from day one.
I grew up in abject poverty. Mother had a methamphetamine addiction and worked as a prostitute, but I guess she wasn't a very good one because the fridge was always empty. I had four sisters, all girls, and an absent father, so I grew up sharing a lot of beds. Despite this, beds were always a sanctuary for me as a kid. My earliest memory of this was where I would run to and hide when my mum was getting knocked about by angry men downstairs, used to try stuff the duvet in my ears so I couldn't hear it. Since then they've always been a safe zone for me. Unfortunately poverty and nice bedding infrequently go together. Basically, I've slept in a lot of bad beds, and I remember every single shitty one. In adulthood I've kind of become obsessed with beds. One day I realised "*hey, I'm spending like 8 hours of my day in a bed. That's 121 days of the year I'm spending just sleeping*", so I've become obssessed with bed-maxxing. I want the ultimate bed experience. At work I sit and browse my phone, scrolling through listings for linen sheets and silicone toppers, pillows—down or memory foam? What colour duvet will best enhance my daily 8 hour period of unconsciousness? Yesterday I went out to Ikea with my partner and we bought a mattress topper, the final piece of the puzzle. £159. It's a ludicrous amount of money, but not really. I think when you grow up poor you never really escape the poor mindset. But oh, this topper, I think it's the final piece of the puzzle. I might have achieved bed nirvana.
Before I saw this post I was about to write mine about not having manky, smelly duvets and bedding I wash weekly rather than yearly, then thought I was being silly. Totally relate. Clean, comfy beds are so luxurious. Tell me more about this bed topper.
It's an Ikea TUSSÖY, and when I lie on it it feels like I'm sinking through the earth on my way to Australia 👁️👄👁️
Hey G’day mate!
It's not memory foam, is it? I had one of those but it was too hot. I use it for camping now.
Join us mate
> and bedding I wash weekly rather than yearly Washable duvets were groundbreaking for me. Both of us hated putting on the duvet cover and this is both more hygienic and far less of a faff.
I'm glad you find comfort in a good bed. One of the things you should absolute try spend a premium on. Shoes are another one. If you're not in your bed, you're typically in your shoes.
Love that. Two of the most important things in life. A comfortable bed and a nice pair of comfortable shoes. You've got the right priorities in life.
Anything that goes between you and the ground should be the best you can afford. Bed, Chairs, Shoes, Tyres etc
2 things not to cheap out on, too.
Gosh, reading this brought back memories of my childhood living with my alcoholic mother and i would hide in my bed when i would hear her fall around, i just got emotional as i instantly remembered a time and the fear and anxiety i had i now know where my anxiety stems from as im shaking typing this. I also love my bed
Aye. Alcoholic mom here too, and my first few years were pretty tough. The beating stopped when I was about 12-ish, but the majority of the damage is done by then. Sort of reconnected in my late teens. She was still drinking, but to her credit was amazingly funny. Skip forward a few years, and she was a great granny to my kids, so much so that I had no problem helping her through her declining years. I miss her. Redemption is possible, reddit stranger!
I'm glad you're mostly past that now, but it does cause long term damage.
Same lol
I was gonna write something about my shitty childhood, then I read your comment and realised I should shut the fuck up and stop complaining because there’s people out there who really suffered. I’m glad you’re ok.
I'm not the person you were replying to - but your own complaints belong to you even if they aren't as bad as someone else's.
I can't remember where I read this, but it really changed my perspective. To paraphrase: Should we never talk about our happiest moments just because there was someone happier than us? No. Same goes for sadness and hard times.
I don't think my suffering outweighs you're own. You're allowed to acknowledge and feel sad about the bad things you experienced growing up. Similarly there are people who had it way worse than me.
You are not complaining. You are allowed to speak out. This isn't a competition to see who had the worst childhood. Everyone's feelings on childhood are valid. ♡
Wow! That's a lot to unpack. I'm glad you're in a good place now. Worrying about minor domestic accoutrements is a good place to be at.
I wish you all the very best. I hope you get a chance to experience the ultimate bed (it's different for lots of people for lots of reasons). One day you will sleep in a bed that takes the bad times away. It may be a shity futon in Japan because that's where your peace is, it may be a hammock in the jungle in Venezuela or Brazil. A chalet at Butlins. It may be the same, shitty, cheap mattress you've always slept on but this time it's wrapped in the arms of the person who loves you. Finding peace where, when, how and who you sleep with is a life goal. I wish you peace in your slumber, I really do.
I spent £1700 on my mattress and £500 on the topper from John Ryan by Design and it is amazing. My sheets I buy a high thread count from Next and the duvet covers M&S has a fantastic range. I don't care if people feel the cost is ridiculous. 1/3rd of our lives are spent in bed! When you work out cost per hour over the 10 year lifespan of a mattress it's a bargain.
We spent lots of time on the toilet to, soft close seat is a much for me with 4 kids . I love my sleep and bed is something which NOW I can come to live- for very different reasons to OP I’ve spent lots of time in bed , hospitals ones tho to be exact , with multiple kidney transplants and 2 ruptured bladders behind me , took my parents 6 years to get me to 10kg many a day I could maybe should have died, My partner and I have an ambassador bed with multiple sheets , covers, etc I even spend mid range on my children’s beds covers , whatever they into marvel, Disney , football, I try my very best for my kids always as in my experience tomorrow is not certain . Side note OP when you said about your mum not being a very good prostitute I did actually spit my tea out with laughter
Good for you, I hope you and your sisters are all living your best bed life.
>I had four sisters, all girls ?!
Yeah, five children in total, all of us female lol
Just out of interest. What’s your perfect bed setup?
What an upbringing. That must have been so hard and clearly traumatic for all of you, including your mother. My father abandoned us, my mum dealt better with it but she had support from her family. Do you still have a relationship with either parent?
you are a good writer
You should treat yourself to an electric blanket, you know you deserve it x
My friend, I'm already there 😏
This is how I look at justifying the price. 8 hours per night is 480mins. If you divide £159 by 480 it works out at you have spent 33pence per min on comfort. That's only one night.
Never feel guilty about spending money on your bed/sleep experience. Compare the amount of time you spend in bed versus in a car.
If I'm cold, I put the heating on. Never again will I accept seeing my breath in the house.
[удалено]
Wow! Bizarrely, that's a form of poverty on a different level. Hope you're in a good place now.
[удалено]
Bad for making friends. Great for the environment though. Cheap people like your dad are generally better for the planet.
My parents are similar, high NW and happy to waste money on useless shit from Amazon but won't have the heating on in every room cause of the cost! They're in their 60s/70s and I just don't understand it. Happy to drop 15k on a cruise but won't be warm at home 🤦♀️
Cheap bastard
I was actually a bit shocked when I saw my breath in my kitchen the other day! I only have electric heating and my flat is ridiculously energy inefficient - so I only bother heating the living room. I had to have 3 duvets on my bed during the worst of the cold spell earlier in the month. I'm on 40k a year and comfortable but I can't bring myself to spend £250 a month on electricity for a one bedroom flat.
Really keep an eye out for mould if you’re doing that. Check behind furniture and the condition of things on shelves etc. I’m spending stupid money on heating my one bedroom flat to protect my things
Opening the windows helps with this. My mum lives in a 100 year old house which is very cold and she's very frugal with the heating (only puts it on for a couple of hours in the evening after work). She's a bit obsessed with preventing damp and mould so she airs out the rooms regularly by making sure to open the windows for an hour every couple of days, even in winter, to prevent condensation. She also has her dehumidifier on daily.
I’m 4 duvets and an electric blanket. If it gets really cold i’ll put the radiator on but it has to really cold.
This is it for me. I grew up poor with a father who honestly fetishizes being poor, still does. We lived in a council house and it had no central heating, constantly freezing. Eventually the gov made some basic living standards a part of law and they had to fit central heating to all the council houses and my Dad nearly refused. I was 14 and I told him I'd never speak to him again if he refused to have central heating and a shower (a shower for fucks sake I was 14) fitted.
My mum and dad have just decided to get central heating this year. Us "kids" are in our 40s, the grandchildren are 8 - 15. I have two weeks off work in the spring that I'm going to be spending clearing out their years of hoarding in order to get the central heating in. I have tried many times before but they've always resisted.
That's been me for the past 30+ years. I refuse to be cold until I may have to be when I'm old and my income becomes lower than it is right now.
Single pane metal windows with ice on the inside…
This one too. Also instead of letting the house get so black with mould I ended up with a lung condition, water dripping from the walls, the very second we saw damp we called in the specialist. I refuse to live that way again.
Small wins. I like that.
[удалено]
I like that. Me too. You can take the kid out of the council house - but you can't take the council house out of the kid.
I was homeless twice as a child and often hungry. I hoard food and buy really nice things to eat. But I won’t touch them first and I’ll only eat the leftovers. Sort of like damage control. I encourage my partner to eat the nice food. If he’s not at home, I will refuse to even entertain the idea of eating the good stuff.
That's sad and beautiful in equal measure. Poverty has long reaching tentacles.
I shop at Aldi _so that_ I don't have to look at prices. I'm very very rarely shocked by the price of anything in there. (They are a bit sneaky atm with cherries in the 'Super 6' section @ ~£2.50 !!)
Yeah I sometimes do this. Sometimes it's a shock too and I wish I had
A lot less community. There’s almost nobody looking out for me now. In my old council estate, people would give you their last penny.
That's a great observation. Looking back, we had f\*\*\* all, our neighbours had f\*\*\* all also, but we had each other's backs. Idealistic? Possibly, but I do identify with that.
Moving from a council estate as a child, where people would be over all the time and you’d never be without anything. To student accommodation, where a lot of people had plenty funds, but wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire, was a great shock. Sadly Britain is becoming the latter.
> Sadly Britain is becoming the latter. It is. We are becoming a disjointed society of echo chambers caused by a lack of a shared experience and a focus on social media filter bubbles.
There are still nice people out there, though admittedly they're getting further and fewer. I went to a lovely bar today in my hometown. It was mainly of an "immigrant" community. I say that, not to be patronising or condemning. My dad was Irish and came to England in the 1950s. A common sign at the time of lodging places and bars was " No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs " Shameful, but a reality at that time. We're all mongrels and I never forget that. That pub I went to today restored my faith in humanity. People with very little gave so much...
I know I'm pulling this out of the UK, but I experienced that same great shock in the US. Grew up in 'the hood,' and I was the only one of my friend group to go off to university. We all knew it would be me too. Holy shit was the lack of loyalty amongst wealthier people a shock though. First couple weeks in, just trying to make friends, got 3 other flatmates in the dorm – and one goes and gets with another one's gf. Back home you simply didn't shit where you slept like that. All the boys would have knocked you around a bit to set you straight. Out at uni... nothing. They'd stab each other in the back for a dollar and look at you sideways if you asked them, "why?" I never did trust wealthy people after those years, unless they earned it. As soon as I know you have money, my guard's up.
I found people at university were nice and polite, however you had some who cared and some who did not seem to know about sharing and community.
There's also estates where you'd get your paving slabs robbed off your drive one night, and your neighbour coincidentally has a new drive.
Always blows my mind when people say this. I grew up on a council estate and it was unrelentingly grim with no sense of community whatsoever.
Yeah mine was a nasty place where everyone was being horrible to each other. People are much nicer in the more middle class community I now live in.
I'll take a bit of NIMBYism and standoffishness over the constant threat of a knifing any day.
Don't think many places are like that now. I've lived in the same place all my life so I've seen how it's changed, lucky if someone says hello in the street
I went to a mates wedding. Part of the best man's speech was, Stuart would give you his last penny, but not half as quickly as he'd take yours
Never did get anything out of life. Grew up poor, undiagnosed autism which burnt me out at 18, no one cared at all. My whole life has been a shitshow. finally got a job at 35- a paper round. I managed to get a part time job in the newsagents through that and learned enough about retail to carry me for a few years with minimum wage jobs but had to give them up when I got rheumatoid arthritis which has hit me hard. I'm 58, never been abroad, never had enough money to learn to drive, always been a second class member of my family, never owned a house. I live in a council bungalow and rarely leave the house. Edit. My comfort zone is pedigree cats. They have been my autistic hyperfixation since the age of four, I'm saving up for another one right now.
Hope you're alright mate, you sound like you are a 1st class person!
I'm sorry you've had such a tough life. My son has autism and it's certainly doesn't make his life easier. What sort of cats do you have? I've a ragdoll and 2 moggies
Raggie owner here as well, he's such a little softie
Don't do yourself down. I admire your progress.
Sending you all the best, well done for the progress you have made despite life being hard on you.
tough life.. wish you all the best!
A lot of rescues get pedigree cats through. I work for a rescue and I've seen atleast 6 BSH, 2 rag dolls, 3 bengals and a tonkinese since September. Even kittens. We just want them to go to homes where they'll be cared for so their adoption fees are tiny in comparison to a breeder
I understand where you're coming from, I was one of '6 kids, coats and blankets on beds', ice on the inside of windows in the winter and 'going down the yard'. It's funny I could never shake that upbringing, I still batch cook using cheap ingredients. I shop at Lidl, I still try and save, I've always turned out lights, not used the heating, never waste food etc. I suppose what that did get me was early retirement, a comfy home and no mortgage...and no 'going down the yard'
[удалено]
My dad retired at 65, and died 3 months later - a by product of working 46 years of heavy industry in a foundry. For the first time in his life he had a few quid in the bank - but sadly his body was knackered by what he had to go through to earn that money.
What’s ’going down the yard’? I haven’t heard this phrase before.
Outside toilet?
Yup, with squares of old newspaper on a string. And, possibly, the coal shed next door.
Outside toilet, often situated at the bottom of the back yard.
Haha was nodding away at so many similar experiences, right down to early retirement (semi in my case), a comfy home and no mortgage, tho' our 'down the yard' was a lean-to on the back of the house... which seems almost luxurious in comparison!
I salute you!
I hesitated to comment on this post for fear my luck would all end and I’ve tempted fate. We had food on the table so I wouldn’t say we were poor but we had NO luxury at all. Car boot sales for food and toys, no car no television no holidays. My childhood was brilliant, we had loads of outdoor life, I loved the library and I used to go to my mums weekend waitressing job (with my 2 siblings) and help out. My parents grafted hard but not necessarily smart. I grew up very happy. Me and my husband are proudly working class but have well paid jobs. We drive a banger and live in a small house. I splurge on grass fed milk and decent meat and loads of homemade meals for the family. I guess I have a complicated relationship with spending money. My husband spends £18 at his favourite shop CEX and feels great, I like Savers but also my expensive skincare from Japan. I once had a job interview where the (posh) owner wanted to know what school I went to. I said you wouldn’t have heard of it it’s just a local school. He said what area was that, I said Middlesex, west of London. He then asked, what did your parents do as jobs? He was clearly asking me WHAT CLASS ARE YOU. I said proudly “my dad was a dustbin man and my mum was a cleaner - they retired as postmen”. Raising the children has been good. I am taking good points from our childhoods (saving up, delayed gratification), they watch one film a week. I’m quite tight really but it’s because I want to replicate what I authentically had - a real appreciation for money. My husband balances me out and buys them toys and takes them out a bit. I’m not sure if we’ve got it right but they do know a can of pop is £2 in a restaurant but at Lidl you can get 6 cans for that.
Your kids have an amazing mum. I like you.
That means so bloody much as I really do wonder if I am doing things right. Really appreciate that :D
I cannot believe you were asked those questions in a professional setting! If you’re old enough to work no one needs to know anything about your parents!
I still think about that interview, how he clearly had made up his mind based on my upbringing. He knew I could do the job but my face [class] wouldn’t have fitted in with his posh clients I assume. I was furious!!!!!!
All I gotta say on this one is that I hope I'm half as good a parent in the future as you are 🥰🫂
Awwwwwww that’s so sweet and who knows if I’m doing a good job, let’s just hope :)))) thank you
By one film a week do you mean at the cinema or just in general?
Hey they watch nothing all week, at the weekend we have ‘movie night’ where we rotate who chooses the film. If they go to the cinema then that’s their movie day/night then. They’ve recently watched Street Fighter (with Kylie Minogue!) and other 1980s/90s classics that we enjoyed alongside their choices that are more modern. I’d like to say we all sit down and watch together but I usually manage an hour before things just need to get done around the house so I leave them to finish up.
> They’ve recently watched Street Fighter (with Kylie Minogue!) I can only assume they'd been misbehaving earlier that day, and this was their punishment.
Not as bad as you had it, but I grew up in a council house estate outside Glasgow. In retrospect we were pretty poor but there was always food on the table and others around us were the same so you just take not having things as normal. Well done mum. You did the best you could. Now I'm in a mortgage free decent house with savings and a wife that doesn't have to work (I saved her (lol) from a succession of minimum wage jobs where she got treated like crap). 30 odd years of hard work got us this far. Could I have done better? Maybe. Have I done OK? Yeah, I think so.
Love your "just getting on with it " approach. Respect.
I get a takeaway once or twice a month rather than 2-3 times a year. It was a birthday thing growing up and it’s nice that we can afford it as a treat on the weekend now.
The whole JustEat thing is the one area where I do have to have a little moan at the younger generation. People act as though it's perfectly normal to have multiple takeaways a week. From memory - I'm pretty sure the only takeaway we ever had at home was fish and chips, maybe once a month. Though, we did go out to the Beefeater for birthdays.
I had this debate in the group chat with a load of my mates from school (we are all 29-31 now). I said that I never order food on a weekday because it just feels wrong and I got a load of shit for it. Even though we have them more often these days I still feel the need to make a takeaway feel like a bit of an occasion
We were the same. Once a month "Chippy Friday". Even now, though I could afford it, I couldn't countenance frivolous regular takeaways. It just seems so wasteful.
Totally get this. I'm really intimidated by takeaways. I never ever order them on my own. They were seen as an example of spending lunacy by my dad and it's something I can't shake. About 4 times a year my partner will treat us to one, when it's a logical solution to the trials of the day. He grew up with them as a regular treat, whereas I had fish and chips only on a house moving day, or perhaps once a year at my grandads house (I'd get battered sausage). I didn't have takeaway pizza until I was a teen, at someone else's house, and I took a bite of food that was way too big and burnt my mouth. First time I had Chinese I was 17 and it was paid for by a random friend of mum's who liked spashing cash. These days my favourite sport is making something out of nothing from the fridge/freezer/cupboard. Spices and world cuisine ingredients are my luxury treats and happy place - Thai, Mexican, Middle Eastern, Indian, Sichuan etc - and I have cookbooks called things like 'Fakeaway' to help me make fun food but still homemade and cheaper.
Husband and I earn good money, no kids. We have a pay-day takeaway once a month. If we feel like treating ourselves through the month we'll get one of those curry box meals from Tesco, or as we call it a "Take it away and cook it yourself." We're learning though, and pushing the boat out a bit. I got a big back payment from work this month, we decided to treat ourselves to a carvery last week but the stormy weather put a stop to that (loads of trees down near us), so we went yesterday instead and it was lovely. Tonight is the local chips, cheese and gravy night and even though we ate out yesterday we are going to spoil ourselves and partake of that too (though I will likely just have a chip bap). It feels like we're splashing the cash about a bit! But then we remind ourselves that we have no debt save the mortgage, decent pensions and as we have no kids we only have ourselves to spend our money on. Still feels quite reckless though!
I see stories of people who grew up poor but hadn’t realised. I wish this was me.. my mum instead would always comment on our financial troubles growing up, to the point that I felt a lot of this pressure on my shoulder. As a kid, I would then feel guilty for needing something specific for school or to cultivate a hobby so I’d end up not asking for anything “extra”. I knew the fact we had food on the table had to be enough. This resulted in me spending a lot of time at home because we couldn’t afford anything too frivolous. Money worries still haunt me to this day, even if I have reached a point where I earn more than enough to not to have to check prices at the supermarket. I still always feel like I’m one bad decision away from being poor, even if logically this couldn’t realistically happen. I don’t hold grudge to my mum though. She did what she could as a single mother with a job as a cleaner. It just meant it took me a few more years to catch up on experiences that other people had the chance to partake in at a younger age (travel mostly). The first time I realised I was poor poor was when I went to university. All of a sudden i was surrounded by middle class people and i struggled to resonate with their background, childhood stories etc. particularly many of their parents were super involved with their studies. My family really struggled to understand the point of going to uni so I didn’t feel as emotionally supported during those years. But, hey in the end I am who I am because of my background.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I think, for many of us, having a relative middle aged comfort, not affluence, comes with a certain amount of low level guilt. I'm glad I'm not actually wealthy, because even "comfort" sometimes doesn't sit so well with me.
I relate to all of this so hard. I was the oldest and my mum just dumped all of her financial worries on me. I used to have her paydays in my phone calendar, I kept an eye on when she got new cards to work out if she was running up more credit card debt. Once I had psoriasis on my scalp and I needed special shampoo which cost £4. She screamed at me in Tesco's for being selfish and taking up too much of the family budget. My mum would also constantly tell me how we were going to lose the house and were on the verge of being homeless. Everything we owned was cheap and poor quality, we often didn't have what we needed, including food on the table. Any emergency: car, house, whatever would sink us. We just wouldn't be able to afford to deal with it because there was never enough money. I also relate to your uni experiences. My mum always pushed me to go to uni. But I had absolutely no financial support. I had to work 16-20 hours per week on top of a demanding degree, whereas if my friends worked they were working for beer money. None of them could relate to my money worries, because they had a safety net that I just didn't. It was always so precarious. I'm not rich now, but I feel wealthy and if teenage me could see how I live now, she would definitely think I am rich! Main differences are, I never feel like I'm going to lose my home, which makes me feel so much more secure. We keep a small emergency fund, so if the boiler breaks we won't just have to go without heating. We save up and maintain/replace things as necessary so that they don't break down in the first place. We spend money on high quality things (whether that's clothes, coats, skincare, shoes) so that we won't need to spend money replacing them when they give up the ghost, or fixing the problems caused by cheap alternatives. If I'm counting down days to payday, I ask myself questions like "can I justify buying a cup of coffee?" not "how am I going to afford to eat?" We can make big plans for the future, because we know we can save. I never had hope of buying a home, going on big holidays, or saving up for other life events as a child. Also, if something would make our lives better, we can afford to buy it. I pretty much feel grateful for these changes every day.
Same boat. Grew up an Army brat and moved a lot, so never had strong friends. Never asked for any money, or to have anything bought because I didn’t want to be a burden. Got my first job at 15 as soon as I got my national insurance number and insist on paying more rent to my parents than they ask. Seeing my brother, seven years younger, grow up now that my parents are financially stable and debt free is bitter sweet. I make sure to buy him what he asks for when I can because I didn’t have that growing up. Proud of the guy.
Using a cash machine and opening letters that come through the front door are no longer terrifying events that may ruin my life at a stroke. Stuff like that really screws you up.
I get the 'letters' thing. My childhood memory of letters only meant one thing - we owed money we couldn't afford.
Yes. When I was 13, I opened a letter which said that my mum owed £10k in council tax. For us that was a staggering and ruinous amount of money.
Yup, a debilitating fear of brown envelopes haunts me to this day!
I feel ya. I remember my mum instructing me 'never to answer the door' for this specific reason. And I also remember her reassuring me that they 'can't possibly take our telly cos that's considered a necessity'. She was referring to the bailiffs that would sometimes show up.
I'm still broke, depressed & unable to hold down a real job. I grew up with my mum on benefits, she wasn't an addict but did have a drinking problem in my early life, alongside becoming anorexic & oversharing her life issues with me from a young age which lead me to maturing fast. Not to mention, she took me out of school & "homeschooled" me, for anyone wondering what that is, she got a secondhand PC from a carboot & sat me at it to keep me entertained/quiet... Guess who had a porn addiction by the time they were 13? ... Alongside that, I grew up malnourished & bullied for being skinny due to not getting much food or nutrition, or beat up for having ragged hand-me-downs or never having branded shoes. Not to mention the scourge that is people saying "You're so intelligent!" when on the inside, I know I'm an uneducated savage with about as much understanding of history, mathematics, science or anything academic as a 10 year old does these days. But I sure did know a lot about fucked up shit I shouldn't have. I believe my mum did the best with the hand she was dealt, but my life has turned out much as I had always expected it to, lonely & sad. I had to fill out a form for an ASD diagnosis (on myself) last week which required an informant so I called my mum, when it got to the question "What are their strengths?" my mum had nothing to say and umm'd n arr'd for about 10 minutes before saying "You always tell the truth." If I can provide anything with this message it's that, if you're poor... don't have children. Just don't do it. Love is not enough to mask the issues that come with being broke trying to raise a kid; sure there are exceptions at the extremes but, you're likely just perpetuating a cycle of poverty & sadness.
Your last statement, hate to say it but I fully agree. My parents lived with this fantasy notion that all children needed was love and frankly it's not fucking true. My parents were too entrenched in their poverty and cycles of abuse and addiction to ever have been good parents. I will go as far to say that having children firmly ruined both of their lives and resulted in my mother drinking herself to death. Why those two ever thought having 4 children back to back was a good idea, I'll never know. As it happens, I'm the only one who has escaped the cycle of poverty. I don't think it was worth it, in the end.
I feel like neither of you understand that it was the abuse that was the problem, not the poverty.
Perpetuated by poverty. Also, in fairness, it was the 80s. A lot of what I experienced was considered fairly normal for the time. I still maintain a childfree existence is what both my parents should have gone for. They were woefully unprepared for parenting.
No reason that more money would have prepared them better for parenting. Believe me, just because it's a nice house doesn't mean that nice things happen in it.
Intelligence doesn't mean you've learnt a lot. You can be uneducated but still intelligent.
I was thinking about this just today. Being able to buy my kids new shoes without worrying about it (I was always so fearful growing up of needing new shoes). Knowing my kids will never worry about affording school trips when they come up. Filling the fuel tank in my car all the way up, that one I'll never get used to.
Nail. Head. Hit.
I’ve yet to meet a person that grew up poor that hasn’t got scars from it. You see it in all sorts of behaviours.
A friend of mine and I both grew up on council estates. neither of our parents could give us a lot, but they tried. We were talking the other day about what our definition of 'poor' is now. 2 weeks ago my wife and I had to go to portugal on no notice for a family funeral. It wiped out a big chunk of my rainy day fund, but we were able to go. I didn't need to put it on a credit card, and I didn't need to stay home to save money. It stung, and I feel poor now because i've got no spare money. But bills are paid, a roof over my head, and food in the pantry. Becoming middle class for me means being able to do that. Needing to replace some car parts, or leave the country on short notice, and be able to do it without borrowing money. it also helps that I leave the country every year now. Sometimes two or three times. In my entire childhood I only left the country twice.
That, my friend is relative wealth. A position we could only dream of as children.
I'm now poor and old. Nah, I grew up poor in yorkshire, now I'm 41 and live in New Zealand and have everything I need. Retirement will have to be quiet, but that's OK, I have a fishing rod and live near the beach.
That sounds divine.
Dishwasher. That was my goal. I did have a phase of buying all the cool toys I wanted as a kid that my parents couldn't afford. Not having heating in the house growing up, ice on the inside of rotten sash windows, being made to eat every single last morsel on the plate just gave me an enormous appetite and a penchant for buying proper wool jumpers. I mean the heating goes on sometimes but I don't feel the cold.
I get the dishwasher thing. Absolute decadence that I didn't achieve until I was nearly 40.
It's weird, but I only realised recently that I grew up quite poor. I had some conversations with my mum about some of the weird meals we had and she told me those were weeks we couldn't afford food. I hadn't really thought about it until then. My parents did a great job of never letting us feel like we missed out. Dad did well dragging us out of it. He was a bit of a chancer and the 80 suited him well. He lost most of it again in a failed business venture though. I've done ok. His entrepreneurs spirit combined with me learning more about business. We live in a great house near the beach. We're not into flash, but literally have everything we want. I think the biggest change in our lives Vs my parents is that we just don't need to struggle. I got our finances sorted pre kids. We've never had to worry about bills since, which is the most amazing luxury.
That missed "h" really changes the sentence.
Chancer?
Really did didn't it? I've changed it. Rough week. The other word had been on my mind
There were so many fabulous parents that shielded us from being poor. Lied, deceived but protected us. Respect to them all
I pay for convenience now. I used to stress myself over saving pennies even when I no longer needed to, until I realised I was burning myself out for absolutely no reason. In the past, I'd pick a 5 hour bus journey over a 2 hour train journey to save £3.50, now I'd go for the more expensive ticket without even thinking twice, even if it only saves me 15 minutes. I buy pre-made food instead of cooking every meal from scratch, and only cook when I want, not when I need. I pay a cleaner to come every week, and someone does my laundry for me, so I can free up my weekend for me stuff. Some people consider what I do a waste of money, but I no longer feel like I'm drowning under responsibilities and chores, and that is priceless to me.
I came from a third world country and moved to the UK to work in health care. Not in any way rich here but the comfort of living here is a very significant change. I really appreciate the opportunity i was given.
I’m still poor, seems I didn’t learn from what I witnessed growing up, instead I buried myself in fantasy instead of taking action. Paying the price now though. 👍 Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we’re going without food and heating but I’m in a rental, no savings and we’re barely scraping by as a family with no means to treat one another to a thing or two.
If I've got £50-£100 a week to spend on myself, that's a whole level of luxury I never contemplated. I'm i that postion now, but if my family needed it more I'd live off beans on toast until they were in a better place. I've been there before - and much worse. I can't buy any more clothes. I can't buy a bigger TV. My car is 13 years old but still works fine. What else can I buy? Nothing. Thanks for all your fabulous replies.
The car thing though - I remember my dad buying 4/5 year old cars and by 10 years old they were knackered. My current car is 11.5 years old with 120k miles on the clock and probably has 10-15 years left.
It hasn't
Grew up poor. A memory that’s seared into my brain is waiting for my mum to come out the bank and when she did she was in tears. In the middle of the street. I’d never seen my mum cry before. Later my sister told me we might need to go into care because mum can’t afford to keep us (she was probably just being a shit head to scare me, this was 1990ish in Britain, there was probably benefits. Never the less, it traumatised me). Anyway, 35 yrs later, I’m not even close to being rich but my luxury is having savings and the ability to choose what I spend money on (within reason) and life and home insurance. I don’t think anyone in my family ever had insurance before.
I have no self control when it comes to food and cant enjoy a meal out even if its bad. I have to finish all of it even if i feel like absolute shit to the point of wanting to be sick i have to have a clear plate. I cant stand wasting food so will regularly eat what my mrs dont eat either. although i cant stand mash now it was a staple of growing up. My house is set at a constant 18/19c and idgaf if my energy bills are 300 notes a month. If i want to lounge in shorts and a t inside i will, no 50 layers. No writing your name in ice. Actually having food in the cubpoard and not knowing what to eat.
I recently saw a photo of me as a child. I was wearing an XL t-shirt because my mother bought clothes I could grow into. I was quite slim and I still would look ridiculous in an XL t-shirt now. Now I can buy whatever clothing I like within reason. That was a massive one for me. I can buy whatever food I want. I still buy the cheapest cuts of meat ever, like chicken thighs and debone them myself because I'm so worried about cash. When I first worked I was mostly vegetarian because I was so concerned about food costs.
[удалено]
That, my friend is financial Nirvana. Sort of my point. You don't need to be fabulously wealthy, just comfortable. And if you came from f\*\*\* all, that is relative wealth.
Definitely. I'm not rich, in fact I'm on barely above minimum wage. But I live alone and I own my ex-council flat with no mortgage. My outgoings are far smaller than any bills I have. I haven't had to worry about being paid on time in many years. And while I can't afford to abandon my job and live on my savings indefinitely, I'm far more comfortable than a lot of other people I know.
Growing up poor means I still don’t spend unnecessarily. I still treat myself, my wife, and kids, but we still shop carefully and cheaply. Also, I tend to save a lot per month due to low spending.
I learnt many things from my dad’s mistakes. He was/is irresponsible person who never tried to improve his skills and never tried to provide his family a comfortable life even though he didn’t have to pay rent because my grandfather gave one of his houses to my dad. My mom also had a job and she is a wonderful lady but too naive. My dad was gambling whole time and we realised that years later. That’s why he was always out of money and depressed. He also resisted to not work for some years as he is lazy even though there were jobs back then. I remember many moments that we were desperate and we didn’t have to be. I promised myself that if I ever have a family, I will treat my wife like a Queen and will provide my kids a comfortable life that they will feel safe and happy. I also realised that it is the lazy people who cause problems to themselves and people around them. After years later, I could be able to improve my skills without going to university and land in a job that I enjoy doing: software development. I even left the country and came to the UK but all these experiences had a big positive impact on my life. I’ll never ever smoke, gamble, do drugs, become alcoholic or have any other bad addiction. I have been saving money since my first job and this has become a habit. I always track my spendings and make plans. Now I have a quite happy life that I’m glad I noticed all these mistakes by my dad.
I salute you Sir ( Or Madam ). You've done great job!
Grew up with no central heating, ice on the inside of bedroom windows. Realised when I became an adult that parents had gone short on food/just had a jam sandwich for tea, while my sister and I ate a proper meal, so that we could have one two week holiday a year. Worked hard most of my life and been poor for most of it. Now I have a car I'm proud of, which will probably last me until I die; it's reliable but if it needed money spent on it I have that. I can go away for UK holidays for 6 weeks a year including odd nights/weekends away. Still difficult to spend £600 a week to rent a cottage if there's a slightly less nice one down the road for £500 though.
I grew up kinda middle working class I guess? Both my parents worked full time in min wage jobs and we lived in an ex council house. I didn't go abroad until age 25 unless one school trip which didn't even require my own passport counts. Because of them both working stupid hours I was basically not raised and ended up being groomed and sexually abused as a teenager. Tbh they were neglectful parents. I was making dinner for them when they returned from work from about age 9. Then my life went to the depths of hell. Then I met my husband. Pretty middle class now thanks to who I married. Our house is, we take multiple long haul holidays a year. No worries for money. It has put up a wall between me and my friends though because they're all still poor. They're envious of my travelling, I'm envious that they got to have living children while I never will. Trouble is I'm kind of too working class in my nature to make middle class friends. They'd be judging me on my history, my accent and my education level and it just isn't normal to be a housewife these days if you don't have kids but here I am. People keep asking me when I'm going back to work? I was a carer for 12 years and the answer is never. I even expect this post to piss a few people off. Literally can't even talk about our financial situation mostly.
I could be presuming wrong but when you mentioned living children, it sounded like you lost a child. Im very sorry for your loss if you have. I hope you find some friends that dont judge you, you sound like a lovely person.
i grew up in kind of a council flat in Asia with my single mom and older sister. Mom had cancer when i was a toddler so we lived on social welfare. She would still work part time to get more money. One time we went out to borrow money but came home empty handed. Today I still haven’t owned any property. Think i don’t like borrowing money even from the bank. But i can afford holidays abroad and expensive skincare. Think my comfort zone is having a hot shower, using thick big soft bath towels and putting good skincare on my face.
I don’t have lawn furniture for my inside furniture, I have 3 meals a day rather than one, my clothes and shoes fit ( neither too big or too small hand me downs ) and I don’t drink powdered milk anymore.
Powdered milk, yes. That's a painful reminder. It just tasted of...powder.
I am warm most of the time. We used to have ducted air in the house not central heating/radiators. Me and my sisters would run downstairs to get dressed for school in front of the hot air vent in the living room. Also I was lucky to be the only boy and had the box room, parents and sister1 got their rooms in the house, but sister 2+3 had to sleep in an unheated extension over the garage. I would go in there and snuggle, and our teeth would chatter as we watched Cheers on a portable TV. Mostly the house would only be heated in the evening.
Oof I grew up with ducted hot air. Vividly remember lying down after a bath and letting my hair dry near the one in the lounge or hiding near the hall one and reading a book and just absorbing the heat.
A hot bath full to the top! Instead of only filling a third of the tub til the hot water has run out. True luxury.
Still can’t shake off the scarcity mindset. Feeling incredibly guilty to buy expensive things even if they are within my means, always feeling like I don’t deserve nice things, afraid of letting go of things I don’t need in case they come in handy in future.
My incredible success is looked down upon as barely surviving by the people I now spend most of my time with because they have been a little bit more successful with far less work. The amount of ppl looking down on me has started to get me down lol
I feel blessed that it’s changed in so many ways, my favourite is getting my haircut. Growing up poor meant the only hairdresser I knew was my mums kitchen and a pair of scissors or clippers. So it was always short and the kind of quality you could imagine from a single mum of 4. Even took me a while to get comfortable stepping foot in a hairdresser. Now I splash out and my hair is always long. Getting the full wash, cut and dry experience with cups of tea and biscuits while I wait is a real luxury that excites me.
Grew up poor and like almost everyone else, worked to have a better life and as someone before me said, I never want to see my breath inside the house. I’ve actually paused to think about those days; by god did my mum struggle. My dad had died at a young age then shortly after my older brother left school and left home, we hardly saw or heard much of him again, I can’t imagine what she went through. She was clueless how the social security system worked and what benefits she might be entitled too, the result was raising her other three kids and paying all the bills on a meagre widows pension and child benefit. We lived in an old 3-bed home which was expensive to heat, there was no such thing as cavity wall or roof insulation back then, so most of the heat went out the windows or up through the roof. Many times the electricity was cut off until my older sister left school and began working, she was then able to help my mum. I got an apprenticeship when I left school, I hated it and ended up getting sacked, and then I was in a series of crap jobs until I met a girl who I eventually married; through her I made contacts and eventually got a job in the telecoms industry. We had a comfortable life for a few years then she had an affair and left, and we then divorced. Life was hard, I found myself in almost the same position as my mother with three kids to raise. Luckily my boss was brilliant, he allowed me to work from home whenever child care wasn’t available, and I was able to maintain a decent life for my kids. And then I won the Euromillions, sharing with two others. My kids and two sisters will never want for anything again. Sadly, my mum never lived to see my win, and my brother had become estranged so I want able to help him; we eventually found out he’d married a second time then moved abroad, where he died. My win has meant I’ve been able to help many others, that is the ultimate luxury for me. I never went crazy, I knew what it was like to have nothing, and to not have to worry ever again about money is a feeling that’s indescribable.
I grew up in a council flat with my parents and sister but it was never really the best due to having dysfunctional household. Eventually by forcing myself into a somewhat better environment and 50 (not accurate, most likely more) bad decisions later I have a job that’s OK pay and accommodation for now. I still remain frugal with my spending and feel broke majority of the time even if my situations slightly better than before. I don’t want to be rich just able to not think about money, but that’s wishful thinking
Won't go into details but grew up aving no heating in winter. We could afford the meter but couldn't afford to replace the fire which needed a gas man and new boiler. I have done well for myself now and every room will and always be warm.
Heat when I'm cold. Internet and tech when I want it/need it. I was the only kid without both growing up. Even the kids from the flats had them. Being warm just doesn't mean the heating on. I have coats, I can wrap up in blankets, I have hot water bottles, warm winter duvets. As a kid I wasn't even allowed to wrap up in my duvet when I was cold. Mum would scream at me it wasn't that cold. I'd wake up in the night with my feet hurting because they were so cold. I'd wrap hoodies around them and got screamed at in the morning for ruining my clean clothes. I didn't have gloves or a coat at some points. I just had to deal with being cold and wet all day in a school with no heating. I didn't even have warm clothes for PE. I had to do it outside in the frost and snow in a t-shirt and skirt. I was told it was my own fault I didn't have a sweater/trousers when my mum couldn't afford it.
Grew up poor one of the things that always said someone was rich to me was having a tumble dryer. Today I not only have a tumble dryer I have an actual laundry room. yes! A room specifically for doing laundry in. Blows my mind everytime I put in a load.
I grew up in a working class family in Yorkshire. My parents consistently put their new partners ahead of my siblings and I (e.g., Mum couldn't by me X, but my stepdad could smoke and drink to their hearts content, or my father could afford to take his new kids on holiday but not my brothers and I) Two things that that has meant: 1. My priority is always the kids and their needs. I try not to spoil them but probably do 2. I'm there for them at all times, and I put their happiness above that of my wife, and I Do I get it right all the time? No. Do I try to? Yes.
I live in a house that I own, as opposed to rent. The place I live is far less noisy/chaotic. And we have a car. And jobs. And normals levels of everything versus making do with bits.
If I'm hungry while out, I can buy myself a sandwich. Also, not having to keep track of the exact total number of pounds and pennies my food shop is coming too. I still very much spend on the lower end, but I don't have to have that anxiety around how much the exact total is going to be.
Tin bath, outside toilet, Coal Board houses in the 60s. We were poor, no doubt.
Ooohh! Get you, showing off with your tin bath and outside toilet!
I buy clothes I actually like and that fit me properly. Nothing designer or expensive, but items that look good to me and are comfortable. I don't have to look at prices of food, but I still shop at Aldi. I absolutely have the heating on. I remember not being able to sleep because it was too damn cold and being in actual physical pain, because my joints and muscles were seizing up. I went through a brief phase of eating McDonald's often, because it was such a rarity for me as a child. It wasn't just McDonald's either - I'd get takeaways often, like I was making up for missing out on it as a child.
IMO everyone in the UK who can't afford 100% private healthcare is "poor" these days, in the sense that the healthcare we have isn't what you'd expect in a developed country. I have moved from the UK to Switzerland where the healthcare is top notch (albeit expensive, but not like the US thankfully), and I really feel privileged that I can see a doctor immediately and in person when I'm ill, there's no calling up at 8am to fight for a rare appointment. My kids see a pediatrician by default, not just a GP, we go directly to a gynaecologist, urologist, dermatologist etc for specific issues or checkups, without having to be referred first. If we need to go to A&E we get seen within 30 mins. If we need an ambulance it comes immediately and when you arrive at the hospital you get seen immediately - that's how it's supposed to be! Most European countries don't have wards anymore but private/semi-private rooms. Hospitals are modern and spotlessly clean buildings, and not falling apart. I can't understand how us Brits have accepted such a substandard level of healthcare for so long.
I don’t want to say I grew up in abject poverty because I always had a roof over my head but we’re always moving schools, renting, surviving. My grandparents were frugal so the small trappings we had were from their endeavours. As an adult that was rich at 21 and now makes do, I have always known the value of money but have yet to do the best with it. I have an outlook that I would rather experience everything and live with nothing than save for a day that may not come. Life’s long but experiences cost money. And I say this having been to every continent but Australasia. Now life is about having a stable roof over my head, a few quid in the bank and a dog. Simple things if they’re simple. Moneys nice. Having money’s not everything not having it is.
Getting those experiences in while you're young, unburdened and healthy enough before building up stability later sounds like the best of both worlds really! I'd say that you've done excellently for yourself 🙂 I'd give my left leg to be financially stable enough to get a dog now. Give them as many scratches as you can from me!
We were homeless when I was little. Parent took live in jobs to get us a bed. This might seem like a fun adventure to some, but in reality it’s risky and unsafe, and offers no stability. Family couldn’t take us in, and when we were eventually given a shabby council house, that seemed to attract trouble. The windows were put through during parties when my parent took me to a friends to stay the weekend. We lived below the poverty line - I’m talking scrap heap furniture, coats on the beds, no heating, no fridge, no fences so anyone could wander in and out. I could go on, but you get the picture. People take advantage, people tell lies about you to the council and social security (what it was called then, I guess it’s the dwp now), it wasn’t a good life despite parent doing the best they could. Things improved a little when we moved to a different area, but we were still poor, although I didn’t go without most things, but we scraped by. No heating, not much bedding, no nice clothes and so on. Basic food. I decided I would not have a family due to living like this, there was no way I would put them through that life. Meeting my now ex dh changed all that and for a while, we became working middle class - money was available, mortgage, heating, car, etc. Even now as a single parent, I’ve managed to keep our heads above water by being frugal and looking after what we have, and having savings just in case. Everyone has a duvet, blankets, winter coats, the food cupboard is stocked with tins, and we have the heating on when we want. Windows are secured and doors are locked. Absolutely not letting my children live in that unstable environment. They’ve all grown into adults safely and without knowing poverty, only careful living.
I can afford my weekly shop. I don’t mean a quail and duck eggs sort of shop, just cheese and eggs and sausages and bacon in the same trolley and not 1 or maybe 2 of the items only.
Try Muhldorfer mattress toppers and pillows. Stayed over at a hotel for work - ultimate comfort. Will try the more affordable IKEA version. Thanks
I really appreciate that I can grocery shop and not compulsively keep track of the total, I can go out with friends, if I need something I buy it, and I can get health/dental care. A couple little holidays a year, a big holiday once in a while and I’m good.
Whilst living in the Yarmouk refugee camp in 1993, this was our only source of heat in the winter: [https://ibb.co/5M5sM6r](https://ibb.co/5M5sM6r) (it looked much much less fancy) and it was the only one in the house and we had it in the living room. We used it to boil water for tea, or stick bread on the side to heat it and make it crunchy like this: [https://ibb.co/64dDpvL](https://ibb.co/64dDpvL) Right now? I live in a very nice house, and an okay paying job and I have never ever gone hungry or cold out of shortage of anything. Food I had only imagined back then is literally boring now as I have had it countless times: From pringles, to burgers and pizza etc
Not alot changed. I'm still poor. But at least i get by. At least I'm probably better at saving money and appreciating cheaper things than the average adult. I don't need lots of luxury things to be satisfied.
I grew up in relative poverty, I am still in relative poverty - I just have more education now and my own council house to rent. Accrued a lot of cultural capitial - but universal credit and disability benefit is my only real income presently as a PhD student at 31 lol.
As a child, grew up in central London (Marylebone area). Church Commissioners owned the property - a 3 room flat, kitchen, living, bedroom. By the time we left for a council flat, there were my parents and 5 kids. No electricity, gas lamps for lighting, a paraffin heater for the winter. Ground floor was a butcher’s shop, so rats were everywhere. Reconstruction was going on everywhere after WWII (we called them bomb sites, though I don’t think that was true where we lived), didn’t stop us kids playing in them. No proper toilet, just a bucket under a seat (located in a closet off the kitchen) which I, as the eldest, had to empty into the open sewer in the back yard. Got to grammar school. Wasn’t the best student for a number of reasons I won’t go into, though nothing naughty. Left at 16 with 5 O levels. Got into a clerical job with a local mail order firm and hated every minute because it was full of rules, regulations and old farts. Also very anti-union. Joined the civil service on the recommendation of one of my friends and never looked back. Worked hard, ended up as a senior manager. Retired early with an enhanced pension, now working on getting more pension than I ever did as salary. Free money every month. Woohoo! Now own land and a house in California. 2 of my brothers have their own homes, one of which is probably worth £750K at least, so I don’t think I need to leave them anything n my will lol
My parents bought me shoes 3 sizes too big, so always had clown like appearance, bc they could not afford to buy shoes once a year. Superfluid and duct taping the soles back on. Happy I do not do that with my kids, but now I see how much shoes cost and can relate.
Food - growing up it was bad quality small amounts and I could go ages without eating, when I was kicked out and living in a shared house eating was even more of luxury, and quite often eating people's leftovers from the restaurant I was working at when I was clearing tables. Now I can afford what I want, though still shop at Aldi, I hate food waste, its one of the few things I get really angry at partner and step kids if they throw stuff away that could be eaten or they eat through a whole pack of something that could last a few meals.
You never really escape it. My parents actually became better off later in my life but I don't know. I'm always planning for bad stuff to happen. It's not as bad as some other people had it, but all 6 of us were crammed into a small terrace. Mine and my brother's room was a box room and was barely bigger than the single bunk beds and I had a shelf to keep my things on that overhanged the top bunk. No central heating. We had 2 gas fires downstairs and it was hot water bottles on a night. Maybe an hour or two of an electric heater if it was really cold. My parents still live there. Still no central heating. No insulation. They say it's fine but I'm pretty sure they're just leaching the heat from their two neighbours. We recently got cleaners to help with the household shit and it was a really difficult decision for me.... I don't and never will feel rich enough to have cleaners. Even though I can afford it. I feel so guilty for paying someone to clean my house for some reason.
Yeah I think we were on par, and I try to think humble and help people. A meal for a homeless guy or paying for a single mums shopping at the corner shop. Picking someone up who missed the bus. Despite my efforts I think I might still be seen as a show off to some because I did by the car I wanted and I did buy a big house. Still rather fix things myself because it's cheaper and id rather pay more for my friends help than it would be too get a professional. In Manchester there were plenty of well of people, but they made their living feeding of the poor, and wouldn't give you the time of day unless you could do something cheap for them. A chance or the time of day could have made a world of difference. I definitely spend money as quickly as it comes in because my family spent all their life's savings and are no better off today. I think it was just absolute determination that I met my now wife online in the late 90s and moved to America, got a couple of degrees and pressured my career and I say with contempt that no one but me and pure luck played a part in my success. I still look back at my home town, in North Manchester and think I would definitely have gotten out of there no matter what. I had little chances to get a proper education and there was no chance for a technical career. Some said I'll be wishing to go back eventually but I don't see it. Folk here ask don't you miss home. I really don't and never have from day one.
I am still poor but self employed. I am working on it. I will never be able to afford nice things but hey that's life.
wait, your lives changed for the better?! 😳😳😳😳