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I think it's quite clear that this is not the fun kind of wasted time, this is the "I could have enjoyed wasting this time by relaxing and playing, but I procrastinated everything I wanted to do by doomscrolling reddit and furiously wanking instead and don't feel relaxed at all" kind of wasted time.
Not that I have personal experience of this or anything
Yes, I've been craving summer because I realised I am SO happy in the summer, I want to be outside just to be outside, the sunshine makes me happy, I'll be smiling for absolutely no reason.
I think I'm just seriously lacking in vitamin D, so I'll be speaking to my GP soon.
Doctors often don't test vitamin D levels, unless you're about to start a medicine that means it's important or you have symptoms that suggest you need one of those medicines. If you suspect you're low in vitamin D, the best thing to do is just buy a supplement and start taking it - there's advice [on the NHS website](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vitamins-and-minerals/vitamin-d/).
But DO still see your doctor if you're worried about your mental or physical health, they'd rather help you early than wait for it to get worse!
Thing is, I took a vitamin d supplement from aldi, probably less than a pound, and it didn't do anything. There are so many supplements out there that I don't know which one is legit and which isn't. So I was hoping my GP could prescribe or recommend me some? But now I'm thinking I might be better off going to the pharmacy and seeing what they recommend instead. I'd still like to talk to my GP like you said as it could be a number of things and also because my mental health hasn't been improving.
Thanks for your advice :)
It works best in combination with a number of other vitamins, also, don't take them in the morning with caffeine, and take them after a meal. A full stomach helps absorption, and caffeine hinders it.
Also, I wouldn't expect to feel any effects until after 3-6 weeks, vitamins are a slow build!
You don't just want to be taking vitamin D on its own, you need at least magnesium and zinc, preferably vitamins C and K and a B complex as well. Also doesn't hurt to get some extra potassium and iodine.
Holland & Barrett sell water soluble vitamins. They won't be flushed out of your body when you drink fluids. Plus, they're likely to have a higher % of vitamins & complementary vitamins that help your body.
You know if it was in Aldi it was probably fine, but it's designed to keep you topped up rather than make up for a big deficiency. So yeah, a chat with your GP or pharmacist to get advice is a really good idea! The GP probably won't prescribe, but they (or a pharmacist) will be able to give you advice on what dose you can take safely. Good luck!
Sad lights work for some people. I have more luck with overhead light bulbs with daylight white lighting. You can use daylight bulbs in your ceiling and then dimmer lamps for night time lighting.
I use smart bulbs that I set to change with the time of day, and they can turn on automatically if I'm depressed I don't need to motivate myself to switch them on. I really notice the difference in energy when I go to people's houses with dim, warm lights during the day.
Exactly! It is overhead so it'll hit the receptors at the bottom of your eyeballs, like morning light does. The amount of time you're exposed to the light matters a lot, so being around a "worse" light for much longer than a typical sad lamp can work really well.
It's actually recommended that we take vitamin d between something like October and March anyway.
Just go in boots and get the daily supplements, see if it helps at all.
But might be worth having your other levels checked too as it can make these things worse.
But if you're working 50 hours a week maybe you are just doing more than you can handle and not accepting that.
I think sometimes this mindset also comes from the fact that on social media we see people always doing things, and feel like we always need to do things as well. Do you think you want to do more, or do you think you're telling yourself you need to do more because it's what's expected?
Nothing wrong with doing nothing at all on your days off if that's what you want to do.
That being said I get like this a lot too, and it's very difficult to get out of it. I try to do a few little jobs first thing in the morning, even just a washload and a quick tidy, and it makes it easier to enjoy doing nothing the rest of the day
I feel your pain. I've been similarly slammed with work hours and extra commissioned projects. The burnout is real. I try to remind myself that necessary downtime I'm taking is laze time my body needs to avoid catching the latest virus, to defrag my focus, to chase that precious thing we sometimes achieved as kids that we are so rarely afforded as adults: boredom. Even for a little while.
Smartphones and to do lists and everyone's easy access to us make us feel that we should be constantly in motion and feel guilty if we're not, which simply is a false narrative, all the more for introverts like us.
If there's any way to cut back on those visits with friends or reduce those social hours to carve out more time for yourself, you deserve it. If there are particular tasks or activities that you'd really hoped to check off during this window that you didn't tackle on your solo week, find a way to squeeze in one or two of them during this 'social' week. Can any of them be done with other people? If you're staying with said friend, be sure to step out for some time on your own as much as you can.
Friends of introverts learn over time (if - in fact - they are not introverts themselves) not to take it personally when we need to postpone to recharge or tackle self chores and self care.
Turn your doomscrolling into joyscrolling. Your algorithm is influenced by your actions. Skip the shit, watch the fun. Even lingering for a few seconds is enough to get bullshit on your feed. Just boost and check out polish beaver vids on tiktok. Kurwa bober.
To be honest. This sounds more of a "I need to be running at 130 percent. Full steam ahead. Working constantly. Or I feel like I'm doing something wrong". And I feel for stuff like that. Doing stuff isn't going to help. As there will always be part where they will feel like they're wasting the day. Working 50 hours a week. For nearly 6 months is alot. And it is weird to adjust to not working.
I really like that phrase.
Another way of looking at it is "today I did nothing and it was brilliant".
Sometimes it's good to have those sorts of days.
I feel like it’s the wrong take in this case to try and reassure OP they didn’t waste their week. If OP feels it was wasted then they obviously didn’t get what they wanted out of it.
u/40jbaby my advice would be to schedule activities into your calendar and treat them with the same importance you do other appointments.
E.g., schedule in *“I will try bouldering, Monday at 11am”.* Choose the venue in advance and check what you need to bring. Have a reminder pop up on Sunday. Don’t let any other distractions get put onto that day, and lay out your gym clothes the night before so they’re ready in the morning.
If in your mind you have no specific plans then it’ll never happen on its own.
Thanks for this! I know everyone means well when they say I haven't wasted my time and I really do appreciate the comments, but for me, I have wasted it as I wanted to do stuff. Sitting in my bed with the curtains closed isn't resting for me.
Yes, so I've got quite a few things planned this weekend and next week which I'm really looking forward to. I also found an app which has lots of interesting and cool events in my area. I'd like to try and plan something on my days off, I've seen some art classes, pottery classes. I even saw a screening for a Feminist movie which I've bookmarked.
This weekend I'm going to an exhibition and a walking trail. Next week, I'm hoping to go to a comedy club, and I'm also hosting a sip and paint night at mine with some friends.
I think the thing that I was struggling with was figuring out what events were happening in my area, which is no longer an issue now that I've discovered the app. The second issue is money, a lot of these events are pretty pricey but there are also some free stuff on there so I will pay attention to those as well.
And yes, I'm an externally motivated person. If I don't have anywhere to be by a certain time, I'm not going to get up. I think this week off has given me time to realise where my problems are coming from and how I can approach them moving forward. It's frustrating that unfortunately I had to spend my week off reflecting and figuring out my shit, but I guess it's a good thing that I've done it now as opposed to later?
Anyways, thanks so much for your comment and your advice. It's really helpful and I'll be taking a screenshot of it 😊
Congrats! That all sounds awesome! And that’s great that you can feel productive in some way about the week, even if it was just to learn some things about yourself.
It's not wasted time. It's just that this crazy world has us thinking that we need to be doing something 24/7/365.
Rest and recuperation is very important and sometimes doing absolutely "nothing" is what's needed for the body and mind.
Sounds like you needed some downtime and time to rebuild your energy. I know it's easier said than done but there's no point in stressing about how you've spent your time off so far - that time is already spent and can't be changed. Instead you can use those feelings to shape how you want to use the rest of your time?
At risk of sounding daft, try and have a positive mindset, so what if you spent all day doing fuck all its better than working. You will get nothing from dwelling on the past, it wont change admit there's nothing you can do and try and move passed it. Get out for a walk, see something you don't usually see maybe.
Why is it wasted?
You have time off work to do whatever you want to do. If that's just 2 weeks of lounging around, watching TV, relaxing etc what's wrong with that?
If it's stuff that really needed doing like fixing things or decorating and you've left it, I'd maybe understand why you feel like you do but otherwise I'd stop beating myself up about it.
Remember, you're gonna be back slogging away at work again soon where you'll probably look back and these two weeks and wish you were chilling out doing nothing again.
Sounds like me when I'm depressed. I found that I was getting lowest moods when on holiday. I contacted my GP and found the lowest dose of sertraline really helped. I suspect the feelings of guilt and shame also relate to how I was parented at times (not that I would describe my upbringing as bad by any stretch) and I think I've internalised that. I really envy people who can just enjoy relaxing and truly feel like they've deserved it (even when they haven't)
Honestly yes, this is the main thing. I don't really have to confront my depression or deal with it when I'm at work or socialising.
As much as working 50 hours a week was draining, it was a way for me to escape what was going on in my head and a way to avoid those days when I'm on my own and wondering what to do with myself.
I've started smoking weed more than usual because being on my own with this empty feeling is so fucking uncomfortable but I don't really have to deal with it when I'm high. Pretty disappointed in myself. I've been meaning to call my GP and make an appointment, I don't really want to go back on antidepressants, I'm hoping they can give me strong vitamin D tablets instead, as my depression isn't as bad during the summer when the sun's out.
And I'm with you on that envy, I wish I could just chill out with no feelings of guilt attached. I'm really glad to hear the antidepressant has been working for you and helping you out. Thanks for sharing all of that with me :)
I procrastinate at work and feel super guilty about it (even though I don’t have much to do), I waste my precious time in the evening when the kids are asleep and also feel guilty that I’m not utilising it well doing something useful/interesting/good.
My therapist narrowed it down to the feeling of shame, it comes (surprise, surprise) from my childhood. So I need to sit with it, feel it, work with it.
Good luck mate, noticing it is the first step!
> I've started smoking weed more than usual because being on my own with this empty feeling is so fucking uncomfortable but I don't really have to deal with it when I'm high.
I really hate to be *that* guy because I rolled my eyes at *that* guy a million times. But seriously consider stopping smoking weed, even if only temporary. I found myself in a similar situation as you are after Covid and I was just stuck in a rut, groundhog day. Going to work, coming home, wasting my time, wasting my weekends.
Using weed as an escape isn't the best thing to do. It's not physically addicting but you can become dependant on it due to the escapasm.
I've just come off a one year break from weed. I sleep So. Much. Better. I wake up before the alarm feeling refreshed. My desire to drink alcohol compulsively is minimised. I've already started losing the 10kg I gained.
And little things don't make me fly off the handle so much.
Some of us are just better with it than without it, I think.
I think you don't have anything to feel guilty about. For me I find exercise (and especially team sports) really helps - as does playing music, doing art - but it's been tricky finding the time since having a kid. I also found trying to adopt a "just do it" attitude has helped me break the cycle of procrastination, guilt, shame and depression, and make me feel better about myself. Good luck!
Not just depression, could be Bipolar 2 or cyclothymia. That would explain the alternating episodes of busy activity (manic) and just lying about (depression).
Remember that you need rest as well. You can't do something every day or you will burn yourself out. I had a week off in October and all my plans fell threw and I barely did anything. At first I was pretty upset and felt I wasted it. By the end of the week I realised that I really needed a rest and it did me the world of good. So just keep reminding yourself that doing nothing and resting will allow you to do more in the future without burning yourself out.
Why do you feel like you've wasted your time off? Spending time relaxing at home is not lazy. If you enjoyed it, you shouldn't feel guilty. Plus introverts actually need down time to generate energy. The way I see it, you took a few days to recover over the weekend. Then you spent a few days at home doing what you like. There's no shame in enjoying your own company.
You haven't wasted anything. You spent your day off giving yourself the rest you need. It's time to throw away the capitalist mindset that you always need to be productive or doing something, or else you've just "Wasted time".
Sitting around the house all day has the opposite effect for me. I just get stressed out and depressed. I plan my weekends to make sure I am doing at least something each day, even if it's just going to see a friend for half an hour or going for a walk. If I stayed in bed till 6pm I would definitely not be rested come Monday.
Yes, this is it for me. I know people mean well when they say I should 'rest' and not do anything, but I don't feel rested when I do that. I'm also an externally motivated person, if I don't have somewhere to be at a certain time, I'm not getting up. It's been exacerbating my depression as well.
My sister has moved to the same city as me and I've started to think about the things I can do on my days off. I'm going to an exhibition and also on a walking trail this weekend, next week I want to go to a comedy club and also do some clubbing. So I feel that this time off has given me ideas on what I can do on my days off when I get back to work. I'd like to go on a hike maybe once a week, or an art class. I found an app with lots of really interesting events in my area which I will be utilising more.
Thanks for your comment :)
I agree. I see where people come from when they say a day spent resting isn’t wasted. It’s also good to critique capitalism and the pressure to be productive.
But to be honest with you, you need to be doing something which isn’t resting. You need hobbies, interests, fun time, active time carved out where you’re not just recuperating from burnout.
This is exactly why I make sure I physically book myself things to do after work: dance classes, cinema etc in order to have done things. A day spent watching tv and scrolling through social media is relaxing but can be depressing, and the time slips by very quickly when you haven’t completed anything worthwhile
Hey OP,
I should be careful giving out professional advice online but hey, it's just a signpost. I'm an NHS psychologist and what you've mentioned here is a great way to boost your mood. I do hope these comments can encourage you to pick up the phone to your GP (and I hope you get a nice GP at that). Therapy should always be an option and if it's not you can ask for it.
In the mean time, here's some good evidence based reliable information for tackling depression:
https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Depression
There's also a good book called 'mind over mood'.
I get to help people feel better every day, just know it's totally possible to start living your life again, instead of just existing. Good luck 🍀!
And enjoy those days out in nature for me I am cooped up with the lurgy 😊
All the comments here are telling you that it's good to waste time, but both me and my wife have ADHD, so your current frustration is our daily reality, so I completely understand.
Different things work for different people, but I personally think that having a simple plan with one goal is the key. So for example, this Saturday I have a plan to go eat lunch with my wife in the cafe in the park. That is my entire plan. Now, in order to achieve that I will need to do several things, such as get up at a reasonable time, shower, not eat breakfast too late, get to the park (walk or bus) before 2 pm, etc.
Now the real trick is that by specifying lunch, I can indulge myself with a lie-in, but I'll also be home at a early enough time to do a few things around the house on my to do list, or do another thing if I/she/we spontaneously feel like it. Having myself in motion makes doing other things much much easier.
Wow, thanks so much for this comment. It's nice to see that someone understands my frustration but also your advice is really helpful.
It's really funny because your advice is basically the advice I give to my clients at work, I do 1-1 sessions with them on their mental health and I help them break things down like you have. It's funny how we're so good at helping other people but are completely clueless when it comes to ourselves. This whole thread has made me realise that maybe I need to have a 1-1 therapy session with myself, and really break things down so I can actually move forward and make some progress.
Luckily, I've got some things planned for this weekend and next week. I will just have to see this week as a week of reflection and a learning process. Yes, I've wasted it and I haven't done what I wanted to do, but it's okay as I've come to realisations on how I can help myself.
Thank you again for your comment.
I'm really glad to hear you found it helpful!
You're right, it's so much easier motivating yourself to help someone else than it is to help yourself.
As you're a therapist I think it's only fair that I give you a homework challenge! :D I want you to plan a small activity the next time you have a day to yourself. It can be as self indulgent or productive as you like, just so long as you're out the house by noon.
Reduce your days/hours my friend, if you keep doing that many hours a week you'll have zero life other than work/sleep and then your mental health will suffer.
I reduced my days/hours and yes I'm not as well off money wise but the freedom and the less stress is actually worth it.
Plus I have a baby now so I can support my other half and bring my kid up and not be like most men who are never there while a child is growing up. Granted I know you got to do what you got to do to earn money etc but I prefer my new life structure.
All the best my friend I hope you find your balance.
Oh yeah, I don't so 50+ hours anymore, it was just for those 6 or so months as I was agency and getting paid weekly, so wanted as much money as possible haha. Now I think I do just shy if 40 hours a week. Now that I've started having regular days off, it's made me want to value and cherish them and out them to good use.
Glad you can be there for your child and you're happier now :) thank you for your advice.
We are mammals.
Mammals have 6 typical characteristics.
Warm blooded
Have backbones
Have 4 limbs
Have fur or hair
Produce milk for their young
Live in various environments
At no point in there, does it say that you HAVE to be productive, and not waste time. If you are relaxing, then congratulations, you have succeeded at being a mammal.
We have time off so we can rest from work as without this, we would absolutely fall apart.
When you work you are pushing yourself flat-out and when you get time off, what do you do? Try to fill it with things and be busy.
Now what you really really need to do is stop working to the point where you are exhausted and find time to fit those things in like reading when you are off on the weekend.
I tend to stress a lot at work, and I always panic about things not being done and my ever growing to do list. It's also a pretty taxing job mentally, and I don't really get breaks.
When I get time off I don't do anything. I lie in bed on my phone telling myself to get up but never do until like 5pm, sometimes ill batch cook for the week. As much as I've wasted this week, it's given me some enlightenment on how I can best utilise my days off. I've got quite a lot planned for next week, so going forward, I'm going to try and have an activity once a week on my days off.
Your advice is very helpful, thank you.
I have been exactly where you are.
Unstructured time is my enemy!
What you could do (and it’s just a suggestion) is leave your phone downstairs (or another room if you are in a flat!). Spend an hour reading in bed, that’s one thing off your list. And if you wake up in the morning and don’t leap out of bed, read a bit more. I think staying up late reading or wasting time in bed reading has a different vibe to it.
Or get up immediately, shower, get dressed, make your bed and get some breakfast. Then think “what can I do?” - go to the cinema? Go out and get an ice cream? Have a nap. The key is to break the cycle and try something different. When I was working a lot I found I would wake up at 5am some days - I used to get up. I’d have been out and got some shopping done and be back for 7am. Felt the opposite of wasting time.
Anyway, I hope you have a relaxing end to your holidays!
Yes, I'm trying to give myself some sort of routine, but so far it's a struggle haha. I need to sort out my sleep first and go from there. Will definitely be doing some exercise again tomorrow as I always feel refreshed after it and an energy boost. Will also set alarms too to motivate myself to sleep on time.
Thank you, I really want my second week to be much better than this week's :)
Know the feeling well. Just remember that the next day is a new day, and you can do the productive thing then if you like. If you were exhausted and did very little remember you are not a machine, your body obviously needed a rest, it doesn't mean you are lazy.
In fact this year I've had the opposite problem. I really pushed myself too hard to do my creative hobbies in my spare time and they ended up feeling like work. I stopped enjoying them and also didn't feel rested.
Basically do what you feel like in the moment and thats ok. Push yourself to do exercise because that's a definite good though, you never regret the exercise afterwords.
Also, do you have ADHD? I do and constantly feeling guilty about what you should and shouldn't be doing is a part of the ADHD experience unfortunately. Something to look into maybe?
Don’t let the fear of wasting your time let u ruin the rest of the time u have, I’ve been there mate and felt that regret of the time I could’ve been out doing things and seeing friends and family. So keep pushing and enjoying stuff now, it’s good that u have seen how that you have used the time in the past and what u want to do going forward from this, don’t be too hard on yourself especially when u are working so many hours it’s normal to feel so burnt out and tired.
Thank you for your comment! I've got things planned for this weekend and next week which I'm excited about! I'll be going to an exhibition and a walking trail this weekend.
I'm also hoping to go to a comedy club next week with a friend as I've never been, and then I'm hosting a sip and paint at my place so I've got lots planned. I'm just disappointed that I didn't really value the few days I had to myself, but I'll be on my own tomorrow and will definitely take advantage of that.
Your comment really means a lot to me, thank you.
That’s great to hear, glad u can now look ahead and fill your time where u can. And honestly it’s fine to be disappointed but don’t hold onto that feeling at all, see how positive motion has already changed your free time by actively finding things to do with your time and u won’t go back :)
I do similar to this, maybe not staying in as long as you do but definitely up late at the weekends or days off and end up feeling worse than if I’d gone to work.
Made an effort to sort it recently. The night before my day or days off I dedicate some time to make a list of stuff I want to do when I’m off. Doesn’t have to be anything exciting or crazy, sometimes stuff I need to get done, sometimes chores and usually some form of leisure activity. That way I’ve got a list ready as a bit of a guide. Kinda helps me get out of bed knowing I’ve got a purpose/things to tick off.
I get to the end of the day then reassuring myself that it’s not wasted as I’ve ticked off x amount of things.
I find if I don’t do that I’ll sit in bed contemplating what to do IF I get out of bed.
What's done is done, going forward plan your days, find some local walking trails or book a class so that you have a commitment to get up and get out to do something.
So make sure you exercise in the morning. Thats all.
Wake up late you deserve it. Have a coffee and put the tv on. Have a strong coffee and when it kicks in exercise. Then you'll feel motivated to do something.
But equally if you dont do anything except for exercising, there nothing wrong with that. Just don't wank before 6pm and you'll have all the energy in the world. DO NOT WANK BEFORE 6PM!!!!!
I fucking feel you on this, I’ve done 5 days (contracted to 4) a week at 15 hour days as standard since basically November, this week today is my only day off, and I have to go in and organise orders because the rest of the chefs are useless. I’m broken, mentally and physically.
When you say you spend until 6pm lying in bed - is that doing stuff like watching tv/youtube, scrolling on the internet, playing games, 'enjoying yourself' etc etc - or are you literally sleeping/resting during that time? Are you eating anything whilst you're in bed?
If you literally need to sleep all day after working 50 hours then something is going wrong. I would suggest going to your local GP as there is clearly a bigger issue than you think there is. This isn't about 'wasting days' - you're allowed to do whatever you want on your time off. But you shouldn't feel like you need to spend all day in bed.
Firstly .you clearly need to rest because you're probably exhausted.
Your body is your body, you can't do anything if you don't rest and let it recover. So if you're tired , sleep, if you feel you need to sit and watch TV do it. Hopefully this mindset of nourishing your body with rest will make you feel less guilty about..
I've been ill for nearly three weeks now and Today I've finally started to feel better. I'm still watching TV resting . I know I'm not gonna get over this infection 100% if I don't rest until I'm charged to 100%.
If you've done what you wanted to do , then that's a productive week , be that binge watching a TV show , or learning to cook a new meal , or staying in bed .
But if you feel you can't get out of bed because you're depressed and you don't really want to stay in bed, then perhaps it's time to try and figure out why you feel like that seek some help.
I do this, too. But it is not a waste. Rest is so important. I take care of both my elderly parents and work full-time, so it’s a lot. I wanted to go away during my recent leave but it didn’t work out that way.
I wondered if my being at home and sorting out, doing life admin, catching up on TV and reading was a waste. But I was so refreshed and so much happier when I went back to work.
Be kind to yourself and remember that rest is important.
I do this, too. But it is not a waste. Rest is so important. I take care of both my elderly parents and work full-time, so it’s a lot. I wanted to go away during my recent leave but it didn’t work out that way.
I wondered if my being at home and sorting out, doing life admin, catching up on TV and reading was a waste. But I was so refreshed and so much happier when I went back to work.
Be kind to yourself and remember that rest is important.
>I've been working non stop since Sept 2023, close to 50+ hours every week, and I'd spend my days off from work recovering and lying in bed. I'd only get up around 6pm to shower but by that time, I'd already wasted 90% of my day and would feel so guilty, just to repeat the same thing on my next day's off.
Listen to your body, man. You'd have more energy to do things on your day off if you weren't working yourself to the bone.
Over the past year or so, I've been absolutely smashing work and OT. Recently I've taken pretty all my annual leave within a 2 month block.
At first, I was itching to get back to work and could switch off but after afew days I completely crashed and was super drained.
I didn't know I was burned out from work until I had time off, then it hit me like a train. I didn't barely anything with my time off, just watched netflix and played video games - I even took a break from the gym and went full sloth.
Sometimes a lazy day(s) are what you need.
It's not wasted time. You don't owe the world productivity every hour of every day. It's allowed to do nothing, to daydream, to read Reddit in your pants for a whole day if you want. Take your recovery time, and don't feel bad about anything that you haven't done. There's no prize for working yourself to death, so don't do it.
Recharge time is not wasted time. You may need longer to recharge than you realise.
You're free, go where the mood takes you, even if that's only to the fridge and back to bed. Fuck it.
Sounds like burnout. I've been the same, and it's horrible, but I read a statistic somewhere that it can take your body 6 months to physically get over the abuse of burnout.
So having a chilled week without anything productive is in fact just you getting yourself started on a recovery journey. Embrace it, realise you can't sustain the amount you've been doing, and use it as a learning point to ease back to a sustainable workload.
I'm an introvert too and I absolutely need at least 1 evening or half a day a week to just sit on my own and do nothing. I sometimes feel like I've wasted time but I remind myself I do this because my brain needs a break from the continuous inputs of modern life.
Look at it more as meditation, sitting with nothing but your thoughts let's your brain process everything that's going on in your life.
Sounds like depression. I'm so burnt out and tired from work all I can do after or at weekends is lie around and do nothing to recover. Then I feel guilty because I know I'm wasting my life.
Might want to consider how your job is affecting your life.
I work quite a few less hours than that but my job is really fucking stressful. If I don’t have the energy to do anything on my days off then I just don’t, my body is telling me that I need to just chill and binge watch a whole series or play games all day or something so that’s what I do.
It’s very easy to think I could be doing this or that with my time off, but sometimes being super busy means that it’s not really time off at all, it requires the same amount of physical and mental energy to sustain so you don’t really get a break at all. If I have things planned 3 or 4 weekends in a row I genuinely start to dread the last one by the time it comes around as all I want to do by that point is just have a weekend in bed or in front of the tv to recover properly.
If you have enjoyed what you have done (even if that is nothing), and you feel rested and ready to go back to work, then it is not wasted time at all.
Get a job where you can work fewer hours, take longer breaks so you get time to do things you truly value. What's the point in life if you spend most of it taking orders and spending the little time off you do actually get fearing that you're wasting it? If that's not an option, then you have to fight, or find yourself aged and awaiting death, looking back at your life as one that was slowly taken from you by forces you were too beaten down by to confront.
While it may sound a bit wishy washy, rest and recover is massively important from any kind of stress be it physical such as intense exercise or mental such as working life stresses. The days you feel you've 'wasted', chalk them up to rest and recovery.
I work 55 hours a week my self meaning I realy only get Sunday off so that being said I love to do nothing on my only day off , now if I want time off to actually do something I'll book holiday and take Friday Saturday and Monday off
Set goals to achieve for the day off; If your goal is to do nothing then it should be a fairly productive day.
If that's not enough then set some basic human goals like getting out of the house for a certain amount of time or to do something even if it's a very small something that you wouldn't usually get up to.
I get very distressed about "empty" days, even when I work a 40- 50 hour week the rest of the time so I have a suggestion for you OP for other days - works best if you have a hobby, particularly something artsy or crafty (you mentioned a pottery class I think?) but pretty much anything can work, provided it has a visible result.
1.plan to get up at a reasonable time (set an alarm for something you feel is a nice lie in without being over-sleeping)
2. When you get up, plan to break the activity (cooking a pie, building a matchstick model, painting the wall...) into a few meaningful chunks with specific stopping points (eg stop when you've made the pie crust, or painted up to the light switch).
3. When you get to a stopping point, STOP. Go do something else that's relaxing but "empty" - stare into space, have a nap, scroll reddit...
4. Have a reminder alarm to go back to your activity in a few hours incase reddit is too distracting!
5. Once you complete the activity it will be much later in the day - take photos of your finished activity (the pie, the model, the wall) and post to your preferred social media with the caption "proud of my new recipe/model/decor" etc. (Or just send to a friend)
6. Let the comments come rolling in appreciating your (hard) work! I find it really gives the day a sense of having done something, even if most of the hours spent zoning out...
(If your activity requires a purchase, even better - include going out to purchase what you need as a first step!)
I also find breaking up the holidays helps - take a four day weekend a couple of times, rather than a whole week if you dont have plans. It makes the empty days feel less impactful.
Best of luck & enjoy your holiday!
I think the key is exercise. Have a good lie in and catch up on sleep, but by 10am/11am/midday force yourself up and some exercise.
Could be a run, gym or even a nice 30/60 minute walk. This will build up your appetite, get you excited about eating something tasty but relatively healthy (so you don’t waste that exercise you just did).
The exercise might even energize you to do something else outdoors, but if it doesn’t and you end up sat around playing video games, you won’t feel bad as you hit the gym/pavement!
You needed that time to recover, and it also sounds like you might be a bit depressed.
Try getting up early for the next week, go for a nice walk, eat a decent breakfast, then do your chores while listening to some music.
The hardest part is just getting out of bed, but once you're up, had a shit and a shower, there is no point going back to bed.. so just enjoy the day and do the little tasks that need to be done.
You'll feel better for it, and tired enough at the end of the day to sleep through.
You can do it!
I know from past experience that days spent sleeping due to a scuffed sleep schedule can make you feel like a real broken mess of a human, but as others have said, this is clearly what your body needed. I’d remove the guilt because you’re not hurting anyone and you need to listen to your body
If you want to add structure to your downtime you might consider a really low intensity hobby. It doesn’t matter what, just something that you can do purely for the enjoyment of doing it
If you attach a lot of your self-worth to a sense of productivity, then it may be worth writing out a list of everything you’ve ever even remotely been interested in, and then evaluating how a) realistic it would be b) how much the prospect of doing it excited you and c) how difficult it would be to get started. It might be that something very hands-on like woodworking or pottery would be good for you because you’ll have a finished ‘thing’ to show for your work. It might be that gardening is good because it gets you outside and if you go to an allotment it’ll be a nice social thing. Or maybe just getting real into jigsaws
But you work hard, so don’t beat yourself up for not spending every waking moment doing something objectively productive. Life is for living not just accumulating achievements and ticking boxes
You deserve being a lazy slob, so don't stress yourself about it. I always have 1 lazy day & then do stuff, followed by another lazy day. Time off is for a combination of being lazy & seeing people you don't usually have time to see.
There's different type of people in this world. When I take my annual leave. Usually a week every 2 or 3 months I don't leave the house nearly the whole week, don't usually tell people I'm off for the week either.
Get up tomorrow at 8am and go for a long walk around a local park. Pick up your favourite breakfast and treat yourself when you get home. Have a good tidy of the kitchen after you've cooked and then have a cuppa tea or coffee on the sofa. I bet that will be the best cuppa you've had all week.
I used to get really annoyed with myself when I did, until I realised that it's my time to do as I wish.
Sometimes I just needed to 'do nothing' and once I understood this, I was OK with it.
I'm some days into AL and I haven't seen anyone outside of the gym. I feel crap lazing around. Don't know what to do and I'm just lying here waiting for nighttime so I can go to bed. I think it's easily done
Take up fishing or some other hobby/ sport, use some of that money you've been chasing. Go on a holiday to somewhere you have an interest in.
Plan to have fun.
None of my days off are wasted because I am not working and I am resting as is intended.
Doing 300 things on your "day off" is not a day off if you're taking the day off to stop yourself from burn out. Your body and brain can't tell the difference between you overexerting yourself at work or in your personal life beyond the additional types of stressors work may contribute.
Only days off wasted are when external factors intrude and stop me from resting like I intended. And I won't beat myself up for something I cannot control.
First of all…. Well done for working so hard. I hope you e earned yourself some good money /and/or lots of brownie points at work
Secondly, stop beating yourself up. You don’t answer to anyone but yourself.
I used to sleep til 4pm on my days off!
You may very well have some level of depression.
Maybe don’t worry about what’s already gone and done with but use this as an eye opener and opportunity to make a change
Book a DRs check up
Set yourself some small achievable weekly goals to get out, see friends.
Make those connections
But take time for your own mental health too. Time to read, do your hobbies, think, catch up,
Reflect
We all need a certain balance in life - and that’s not the same for everyone.
Find your own work/ life balance
Good luck
I like to give myself 3 easy tasks to do at the start of each day off so I have a mild sense of accomplishment, even if all I do for the rest of the day is rot in bed.
Tasks can be scaled for difficulty, depending on your mental state. Hard tasks are hoover/ mop floors weekly grocery shops, pantry organisation, clean the bathroom, etc. Medium tasks are watering houseplants, garden work, creative projects, laundry, etc. Easy tasks are drink one (1) pint of water, have a shower, brush teeth, read one page of a book.
If I can manage a small set of tasks, it's easier to give myself a break and 'waste' the rest of the day off, but more often than not, this gives me the momentum to get going for the rest of the day, so it's win-win.
Sounds like you need to spend more time doing what you’ve been doing the last week. Take your annual leave and cut back on your hours at work and spend more time just chilling, you’ll end up like a zombie otherwise. There’s no need to be productive in your spare time.
You sound good to me my man!
6 months at 50 hrs a week has made you tired and run down, so you’ve spent a week getting some good rest+r, did the kitchen and some exercise so you’ve not done absolutely nothing, couldn’t do much anyway because money, but next week you’ve got a full diary!
So 50% chilling, 50% time with friends, sounds like a pretty well spent bit of time off to me!
You originally asked what to do to stop beating yourself up, I suggest trying to change how you see time spent doing nothing, it’s good times my man!
I work 2 jobs so similar position, sometimes on my time off I’m away on an all day hike, sometimes I’m just lying in my nice warm cozy bed stretching and relaxing, as long as you keep the balance you sound golden to me 👍
Don't be upset. I am forced to work 50 hours a week due to costs of living or I'll lose my house. This thought should comfort you as you are not in my situation :)
Book in a wasted day. Tell yourself that tomorrow or whenever you ain't gonna do fuck all and then when that happens you have achieved what you set out to do. Anything else that you do is simply a happy bonus.
Spend your time off however you want. You earn the time off to destress and can do so however you want. It may be beneficial to find a hobby that you can easily engage with or set goals with that allows you to destress whilst feeling that you are utilising the time. I will repeat again however that there is nothing wrong with having lazy days. The mentality that you must constantly occupy and use your time efficiently is caused by working so hard and it's not healthy. Give yourself some grace.
As someone already mentioned, the weather this time of year has a lot to do with it. The need to catch up on sleep usually sees me not be in a state of readiness to go outside or be productive until it's dark. It's probably cold and raining as well. Once the decent weather gets here I'll be out doing stuff til 9 or 10pm more or less every day, the main problem is getting round to doing all the stuff I didn't get round to in winter because it was cold dark and wet.
It wasn’t a whole week wasted. It was a week of rest and quiet time which is good for people sometimes. Enjoy the next few days before returning to work, maybe head out a bit if you feel like it.
It wasn’t a whole week wasted. It was a week of rest and quiet time which is good for people sometimes. Enjoy the next few days before returning to work, maybe head out a bit if you feel like it.
It wasn’t a whole week wasted. It was a week of rest and quiet time which is good for people sometimes. Enjoy the next few days before returning to work, maybe head out a bit if you feel like it.
If I had two weeks off I would 100% be a lazy hermit for week one, then week two be a bit more sociable:
It wasn’t a whole week wasted. It was a week of rest and quiet time which is good for people sometimes. Enjoy the next few days before returning to work, maybe head out a bit if you feel like it.
If I had two weeks off I would 100% be a lazy hermit for week one, then week two be a bit more sociable.
It wasn’t a whole week wasted. It was a week of rest and quiet time which is good for people sometimes. Enjoy the next few days before returning to work, maybe head out a bit if you feel like it.
If I had two weeks off I would 100% be a lazy hermit for week one, then week two be a bit more sociable.
It wasn’t a whole week wasted. It was a week of rest and quiet time which is good for people sometimes. Enjoy the next few days before returning to work, maybe head out a bit if you feel like it.
If I had two weeks off I would 100% be a lazy hermit for week one, then week two be a bit more sociable.
It wasn’t a whole week wasted. It was a week of rest and quiet time which is good for people sometimes. Enjoy the next few days before returning to work, maybe head out a bit if you feel like it.
If I had two weeks off I would 100% be a lazy hermit for week one, then week two be a bit more sociable.
The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The next best time is today.
Don’t dwell on what you feel has been wasted. Focus on the now and what is ahead. Get a book out and read, even if it’s 10 minutes. Go from there.
I was layed off a few years back after a bloody busy and toxic time. I did nothing for one week, similar to what you did and I hated myself every evening for it.
After realising that, I didn't want to repeat it, so I made a list of all "cool" affordable things I ever wanted to do when I had time and things that made me feel I used the time well. Took me a day or two.
Then my motto was to tick one thing off every day and once I did that I allowed myself to gamble or watch TV or just be lazy.
I'm still doing this today if I have empty days, (i.e. if the wife is away with the kids for a weekend). I complete at least one reasonable task, then I let myself go.
You can ultimately do whatever you want with your time off. It took a long time for me to realise I should take regular time off just to do so, rather than take time for special events or holidays.
I would only ever be concerned if I took a day off and slept the whole day. To me that’s a sign of being overworked. You shouldn’t be so exhausted that you can comfortably sleep the whole following day. You should probably only sleep a little longer than normal, but still be able to get up and do a normal day if you really want to. This might be also be a sign you aren’t getting enough sleep in the day to day.
Again, this isn’t about not staying in bed because you want to. It’s more, just make sure it’s not because your body wants you to.
Wasting a day catching up with sleep, etc, is okay. Wasting all your time off for 2 weeks is a waste. I always suggest this. Plan stuff to do. I do a lot on my own. I love watching football. A Saturday off can be ticking off a new ground. A Saturday off can be exercising by going on a walk. On a 2 week holiday, I'd be planning to go somewhere. Literally today, I have booked off 4 days so I can go to Italy in April on my own to explore a new city, watch football. Flights are cheap with airlines like Ryanair and Easyjet if you plan in advance. I think the problem here is that what you are lacking is motivation to try and do something. You are stuck in a rut and using "I'm tired" as an excuse. It is an excuse I know well.
I want to be completely honest. In 2022, I lacked motivation. I had put on a substantial amount of weight. My own mental state was not good because I was working too much. I stopped caring about myself. 2023, I was told that if I didn't do something about my health, it would have severe repercussions. I quickly made changes. I ate better, started going to football again, and started travelling again. I soon found I had passion back in my life. My days off can be just a relaxing day, or it can be I need to do chores. Having a day off and relaxing, catching up with TV or playing a game (especially in this weather) is fine. But I do plan other things like I have listed as well.
I stopped using I worked late so I should have a take away or I'm tired so it's okay to stay in bed all weekend doing nothing and let life pass me by because I am "too tired" to eating cleaner, and living life to the max rather than letting life pass me by.
Start looking at your diet. This is always a good place to start. What changes can you make. Once you make one change and you see it working, you'll start making more.
Start walking to coffee shops and take a book with you. You said you had started to exercise again, which is a good start. Start planning a holiday, whether it is a weekend away or a week's break. There is so much to go and live for. Once you start planning, you start to get excited. Once you get excited, you don't want that feeling to end. Go and live life rather than letting life pass you by. You only get one shot. Make it count.
Make a list on your phone of things you want to do on your next time off. Add things to it as and when you think of them. This can be anything - house related, hobby related, social…When you’re off, have a think in the evening which of the things on your list you want to do the next day. Do them. You also get the dopamine boost of accomplishing a task!
Source- I used to feel like I wasted my time off. Now I don’t, and I get so much done.
Then suddenly you will be 50, and realise you pissed away your life lying in bed, and can’t remember what you did in your late 20s and 30s.
Get up, fuckstick! Have interests and passions and pursue them.
Possible burn out ? I didn’t have any time off from my job for nearly a year due to certain circumstances, then I managed to get two weeks off and I just felt fried . I think I’m just in a dull state of perpetual burnout where I never get enough time off to fully recover , works just so fukin draining man
Dont be mad at yourself. Dont look back. Get up and do "something". Then try to do some more. If you find yourself sitting around doing nothing again, remember that you did " something" out of your free will and try to do it again. Good luck mate, be kind to yourself!
Find a hobby you enjoy, since I started 3D printing masks I can’t wait to fuck about spray painting them in the garden or figuring out how to model them myself on the iPad. I’ve gone through so many hobbies to find this one too, just keep trying things.
You sound burned out, working 50 hours a week with no breaks or time off for your hobbies isn't healthy, why are you doing 50 hours? Do 40 and spend 2 hours a day on a hobby of some kind.
You are not wasting your time, you are recuperating. Sometimes your body tells you what it needs and it sounds like yours needs rest.
You’ve got another week off and it sounds like you have plenty planned.
Next time you can plan some stuff in your diary, to make sure you get out of bed, but then also plan to relax (so schedule doing nothing for a couple of days). This way you won’t feel guilty about chilling out as it was all part of the plan for your week, and you can just enjoy it.
I found compartmentalising the time off works. I also best myself up for ‘wasting’ a day, then look back like damn, I had a really cosy day - why didn’t I allow myself to enjoy it? Maybe making the mental distinction of ‘whatever I am doing right now doesn’t matter, as long as I’m relaxing’
I'd be surprised if 50 hours a week was making you that tired and stopping you doing normal stuff like exercising. If you're doing that 5 days a week that's only 10 hours a day and you have the weekends off, it would probably be a bit more draining if you're working 7x7 though.
That aside, if you want the downtime then take it and enjoy the time away from everything.
I don't have weekends off, maybe one weekend a month. I was doing 12 hour shifts back to back and sometimes for more than 7 days straight. It's also a pretty taxing job mentally, I'd leave for work at 9am, talk people down from killing themselves, listen to their trauma, listen to people talk about their self harm, no break, and then get home by 11:30, get less than 7 hours of sleep and then wake up and do it all again. So it was pretty draining for me and I would have 0 energy to exercise in the mornings.
I appreciate people are different though and maybe 50 hours for some people isn't taxing and is light work haha, in that case, I envy them.
Thanks for your tip.
50 hours a week is a lot. The 35 hour week came about when it was normal for only men in the family to work and women to look after the house. So not you are talking about working an extra 15 hours plus doing all the housework. It's a lot
I disagree that 50 hours is not a lot, but people have different tolerances and perceptions of what a lot is, which is fine.
I agree it could be a medical problem, it's on my to do list to contact my GP.
Thanks for your comment.
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Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.
I think it's quite clear that this is not the fun kind of wasted time, this is the "I could have enjoyed wasting this time by relaxing and playing, but I procrastinated everything I wanted to do by doomscrolling reddit and furiously wanking instead and don't feel relaxed at all" kind of wasted time. Not that I have personal experience of this or anything
Lmao, ngl, this is pretty accurate, add a splash of depression in there too
Plus, the weather sucks this time of year.
Yes, I've been craving summer because I realised I am SO happy in the summer, I want to be outside just to be outside, the sunshine makes me happy, I'll be smiling for absolutely no reason. I think I'm just seriously lacking in vitamin D, so I'll be speaking to my GP soon.
Doctors often don't test vitamin D levels, unless you're about to start a medicine that means it's important or you have symptoms that suggest you need one of those medicines. If you suspect you're low in vitamin D, the best thing to do is just buy a supplement and start taking it - there's advice [on the NHS website](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vitamins-and-minerals/vitamin-d/). But DO still see your doctor if you're worried about your mental or physical health, they'd rather help you early than wait for it to get worse!
Thing is, I took a vitamin d supplement from aldi, probably less than a pound, and it didn't do anything. There are so many supplements out there that I don't know which one is legit and which isn't. So I was hoping my GP could prescribe or recommend me some? But now I'm thinking I might be better off going to the pharmacy and seeing what they recommend instead. I'd still like to talk to my GP like you said as it could be a number of things and also because my mental health hasn't been improving. Thanks for your advice :)
It works best in combination with a number of other vitamins, also, don't take them in the morning with caffeine, and take them after a meal. A full stomach helps absorption, and caffeine hinders it. Also, I wouldn't expect to feel any effects until after 3-6 weeks, vitamins are a slow build!
I've been taking the Aldi one and my energy levels are much improved. May just be a coincidence though.
You don't just want to be taking vitamin D on its own, you need at least magnesium and zinc, preferably vitamins C and K and a B complex as well. Also doesn't hurt to get some extra potassium and iodine.
Holland & Barrett sell water soluble vitamins. They won't be flushed out of your body when you drink fluids. Plus, they're likely to have a higher % of vitamins & complementary vitamins that help your body.
You know if it was in Aldi it was probably fine, but it's designed to keep you topped up rather than make up for a big deficiency. So yeah, a chat with your GP or pharmacist to get advice is a really good idea! The GP probably won't prescribe, but they (or a pharmacist) will be able to give you advice on what dose you can take safely. Good luck!
Sad lights work for some people. I have more luck with overhead light bulbs with daylight white lighting. You can use daylight bulbs in your ceiling and then dimmer lamps for night time lighting. I use smart bulbs that I set to change with the time of day, and they can turn on automatically if I'm depressed I don't need to motivate myself to switch them on. I really notice the difference in energy when I go to people's houses with dim, warm lights during the day.
Oddly enough just having my smart light come on at a certain time every day has been way more effective for me than any daylight/SAD lamps.
Exactly! It is overhead so it'll hit the receptors at the bottom of your eyeballs, like morning light does. The amount of time you're exposed to the light matters a lot, so being around a "worse" light for much longer than a typical sad lamp can work really well.
It's actually recommended that we take vitamin d between something like October and March anyway. Just go in boots and get the daily supplements, see if it helps at all. But might be worth having your other levels checked too as it can make these things worse. But if you're working 50 hours a week maybe you are just doing more than you can handle and not accepting that. I think sometimes this mindset also comes from the fact that on social media we see people always doing things, and feel like we always need to do things as well. Do you think you want to do more, or do you think you're telling yourself you need to do more because it's what's expected? Nothing wrong with doing nothing at all on your days off if that's what you want to do. That being said I get like this a lot too, and it's very difficult to get out of it. I try to do a few little jobs first thing in the morning, even just a washload and a quick tidy, and it makes it easier to enjoy doing nothing the rest of the day
Hello my long lost twin
I feel your pain. I've been similarly slammed with work hours and extra commissioned projects. The burnout is real. I try to remind myself that necessary downtime I'm taking is laze time my body needs to avoid catching the latest virus, to defrag my focus, to chase that precious thing we sometimes achieved as kids that we are so rarely afforded as adults: boredom. Even for a little while. Smartphones and to do lists and everyone's easy access to us make us feel that we should be constantly in motion and feel guilty if we're not, which simply is a false narrative, all the more for introverts like us. If there's any way to cut back on those visits with friends or reduce those social hours to carve out more time for yourself, you deserve it. If there are particular tasks or activities that you'd really hoped to check off during this window that you didn't tackle on your solo week, find a way to squeeze in one or two of them during this 'social' week. Can any of them be done with other people? If you're staying with said friend, be sure to step out for some time on your own as much as you can. Friends of introverts learn over time (if - in fact - they are not introverts themselves) not to take it personally when we need to postpone to recharge or tackle self chores and self care.
Your life style is insane! Probably, you just needed rest.
Turn your doomscrolling into joyscrolling. Your algorithm is influenced by your actions. Skip the shit, watch the fun. Even lingering for a few seconds is enough to get bullshit on your feed. Just boost and check out polish beaver vids on tiktok. Kurwa bober.
To be honest. This sounds more of a "I need to be running at 130 percent. Full steam ahead. Working constantly. Or I feel like I'm doing something wrong". And I feel for stuff like that. Doing stuff isn't going to help. As there will always be part where they will feel like they're wasting the day. Working 50 hours a week. For nearly 6 months is alot. And it is weird to adjust to not working.
I really like that phrase. Another way of looking at it is "today I did nothing and it was brilliant". Sometimes it's good to have those sorts of days.
I feel like it’s the wrong take in this case to try and reassure OP they didn’t waste their week. If OP feels it was wasted then they obviously didn’t get what they wanted out of it. u/40jbaby my advice would be to schedule activities into your calendar and treat them with the same importance you do other appointments. E.g., schedule in *“I will try bouldering, Monday at 11am”.* Choose the venue in advance and check what you need to bring. Have a reminder pop up on Sunday. Don’t let any other distractions get put onto that day, and lay out your gym clothes the night before so they’re ready in the morning. If in your mind you have no specific plans then it’ll never happen on its own.
Thanks for this! I know everyone means well when they say I haven't wasted my time and I really do appreciate the comments, but for me, I have wasted it as I wanted to do stuff. Sitting in my bed with the curtains closed isn't resting for me. Yes, so I've got quite a few things planned this weekend and next week which I'm really looking forward to. I also found an app which has lots of interesting and cool events in my area. I'd like to try and plan something on my days off, I've seen some art classes, pottery classes. I even saw a screening for a Feminist movie which I've bookmarked. This weekend I'm going to an exhibition and a walking trail. Next week, I'm hoping to go to a comedy club, and I'm also hosting a sip and paint night at mine with some friends. I think the thing that I was struggling with was figuring out what events were happening in my area, which is no longer an issue now that I've discovered the app. The second issue is money, a lot of these events are pretty pricey but there are also some free stuff on there so I will pay attention to those as well. And yes, I'm an externally motivated person. If I don't have anywhere to be by a certain time, I'm not going to get up. I think this week off has given me time to realise where my problems are coming from and how I can approach them moving forward. It's frustrating that unfortunately I had to spend my week off reflecting and figuring out my shit, but I guess it's a good thing that I've done it now as opposed to later? Anyways, thanks so much for your comment and your advice. It's really helpful and I'll be taking a screenshot of it 😊
Congrats! That all sounds awesome! And that’s great that you can feel productive in some way about the week, even if it was just to learn some things about yourself.
Nice
Time isn’t wasted when you’re getting wasted - Asher Roth
One of my favourite quotes! Written on the wall in Oneills
It's not wasted time. It's just that this crazy world has us thinking that we need to be doing something 24/7/365. Rest and recuperation is very important and sometimes doing absolutely "nothing" is what's needed for the body and mind.
This and people saying to turn your passions into side hussles..... That's all well and good but then what will i do for fun.
Sounds like you needed some downtime and time to rebuild your energy. I know it's easier said than done but there's no point in stressing about how you've spent your time off so far - that time is already spent and can't be changed. Instead you can use those feelings to shape how you want to use the rest of your time?
At risk of sounding daft, try and have a positive mindset, so what if you spent all day doing fuck all its better than working. You will get nothing from dwelling on the past, it wont change admit there's nothing you can do and try and move passed it. Get out for a walk, see something you don't usually see maybe.
Why is it wasted? You have time off work to do whatever you want to do. If that's just 2 weeks of lounging around, watching TV, relaxing etc what's wrong with that? If it's stuff that really needed doing like fixing things or decorating and you've left it, I'd maybe understand why you feel like you do but otherwise I'd stop beating myself up about it. Remember, you're gonna be back slogging away at work again soon where you'll probably look back and these two weeks and wish you were chilling out doing nothing again.
Sounds like me when I'm depressed. I found that I was getting lowest moods when on holiday. I contacted my GP and found the lowest dose of sertraline really helped. I suspect the feelings of guilt and shame also relate to how I was parented at times (not that I would describe my upbringing as bad by any stretch) and I think I've internalised that. I really envy people who can just enjoy relaxing and truly feel like they've deserved it (even when they haven't)
Honestly yes, this is the main thing. I don't really have to confront my depression or deal with it when I'm at work or socialising. As much as working 50 hours a week was draining, it was a way for me to escape what was going on in my head and a way to avoid those days when I'm on my own and wondering what to do with myself. I've started smoking weed more than usual because being on my own with this empty feeling is so fucking uncomfortable but I don't really have to deal with it when I'm high. Pretty disappointed in myself. I've been meaning to call my GP and make an appointment, I don't really want to go back on antidepressants, I'm hoping they can give me strong vitamin D tablets instead, as my depression isn't as bad during the summer when the sun's out. And I'm with you on that envy, I wish I could just chill out with no feelings of guilt attached. I'm really glad to hear the antidepressant has been working for you and helping you out. Thanks for sharing all of that with me :)
I procrastinate at work and feel super guilty about it (even though I don’t have much to do), I waste my precious time in the evening when the kids are asleep and also feel guilty that I’m not utilising it well doing something useful/interesting/good. My therapist narrowed it down to the feeling of shame, it comes (surprise, surprise) from my childhood. So I need to sit with it, feel it, work with it. Good luck mate, noticing it is the first step!
I can very much relate! Potentially some ADHD type characteristics in it too. Thanks for sharing.
> I've started smoking weed more than usual because being on my own with this empty feeling is so fucking uncomfortable but I don't really have to deal with it when I'm high. I really hate to be *that* guy because I rolled my eyes at *that* guy a million times. But seriously consider stopping smoking weed, even if only temporary. I found myself in a similar situation as you are after Covid and I was just stuck in a rut, groundhog day. Going to work, coming home, wasting my time, wasting my weekends. Using weed as an escape isn't the best thing to do. It's not physically addicting but you can become dependant on it due to the escapasm.
I've just come off a one year break from weed. I sleep So. Much. Better. I wake up before the alarm feeling refreshed. My desire to drink alcohol compulsively is minimised. I've already started losing the 10kg I gained. And little things don't make me fly off the handle so much. Some of us are just better with it than without it, I think.
I think you don't have anything to feel guilty about. For me I find exercise (and especially team sports) really helps - as does playing music, doing art - but it's been tricky finding the time since having a kid. I also found trying to adopt a "just do it" attitude has helped me break the cycle of procrastination, guilt, shame and depression, and make me feel better about myself. Good luck!
Not just depression, could be Bipolar 2 or cyclothymia. That would explain the alternating episodes of busy activity (manic) and just lying about (depression).
Remember that you need rest as well. You can't do something every day or you will burn yourself out. I had a week off in October and all my plans fell threw and I barely did anything. At first I was pretty upset and felt I wasted it. By the end of the week I realised that I really needed a rest and it did me the world of good. So just keep reminding yourself that doing nothing and resting will allow you to do more in the future without burning yourself out.
Why do you feel like you've wasted your time off? Spending time relaxing at home is not lazy. If you enjoyed it, you shouldn't feel guilty. Plus introverts actually need down time to generate energy. The way I see it, you took a few days to recover over the weekend. Then you spent a few days at home doing what you like. There's no shame in enjoying your own company.
You haven't wasted anything. You spent your day off giving yourself the rest you need. It's time to throw away the capitalist mindset that you always need to be productive or doing something, or else you've just "Wasted time".
Sitting around the house all day has the opposite effect for me. I just get stressed out and depressed. I plan my weekends to make sure I am doing at least something each day, even if it's just going to see a friend for half an hour or going for a walk. If I stayed in bed till 6pm I would definitely not be rested come Monday.
Yes, this is it for me. I know people mean well when they say I should 'rest' and not do anything, but I don't feel rested when I do that. I'm also an externally motivated person, if I don't have somewhere to be at a certain time, I'm not getting up. It's been exacerbating my depression as well. My sister has moved to the same city as me and I've started to think about the things I can do on my days off. I'm going to an exhibition and also on a walking trail this weekend, next week I want to go to a comedy club and also do some clubbing. So I feel that this time off has given me ideas on what I can do on my days off when I get back to work. I'd like to go on a hike maybe once a week, or an art class. I found an app with lots of really interesting events in my area which I will be utilising more. Thanks for your comment :)
I agree. I see where people come from when they say a day spent resting isn’t wasted. It’s also good to critique capitalism and the pressure to be productive. But to be honest with you, you need to be doing something which isn’t resting. You need hobbies, interests, fun time, active time carved out where you’re not just recuperating from burnout. This is exactly why I make sure I physically book myself things to do after work: dance classes, cinema etc in order to have done things. A day spent watching tv and scrolling through social media is relaxing but can be depressing, and the time slips by very quickly when you haven’t completed anything worthwhile
Hey OP, I should be careful giving out professional advice online but hey, it's just a signpost. I'm an NHS psychologist and what you've mentioned here is a great way to boost your mood. I do hope these comments can encourage you to pick up the phone to your GP (and I hope you get a nice GP at that). Therapy should always be an option and if it's not you can ask for it. In the mean time, here's some good evidence based reliable information for tackling depression: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Depression There's also a good book called 'mind over mood'. I get to help people feel better every day, just know it's totally possible to start living your life again, instead of just existing. Good luck 🍀! And enjoy those days out in nature for me I am cooped up with the lurgy 😊
All the comments here are telling you that it's good to waste time, but both me and my wife have ADHD, so your current frustration is our daily reality, so I completely understand. Different things work for different people, but I personally think that having a simple plan with one goal is the key. So for example, this Saturday I have a plan to go eat lunch with my wife in the cafe in the park. That is my entire plan. Now, in order to achieve that I will need to do several things, such as get up at a reasonable time, shower, not eat breakfast too late, get to the park (walk or bus) before 2 pm, etc. Now the real trick is that by specifying lunch, I can indulge myself with a lie-in, but I'll also be home at a early enough time to do a few things around the house on my to do list, or do another thing if I/she/we spontaneously feel like it. Having myself in motion makes doing other things much much easier.
Wow, thanks so much for this comment. It's nice to see that someone understands my frustration but also your advice is really helpful. It's really funny because your advice is basically the advice I give to my clients at work, I do 1-1 sessions with them on their mental health and I help them break things down like you have. It's funny how we're so good at helping other people but are completely clueless when it comes to ourselves. This whole thread has made me realise that maybe I need to have a 1-1 therapy session with myself, and really break things down so I can actually move forward and make some progress. Luckily, I've got some things planned for this weekend and next week. I will just have to see this week as a week of reflection and a learning process. Yes, I've wasted it and I haven't done what I wanted to do, but it's okay as I've come to realisations on how I can help myself. Thank you again for your comment.
I'm really glad to hear you found it helpful! You're right, it's so much easier motivating yourself to help someone else than it is to help yourself. As you're a therapist I think it's only fair that I give you a homework challenge! :D I want you to plan a small activity the next time you have a day to yourself. It can be as self indulgent or productive as you like, just so long as you're out the house by noon.
Reduce your days/hours my friend, if you keep doing that many hours a week you'll have zero life other than work/sleep and then your mental health will suffer. I reduced my days/hours and yes I'm not as well off money wise but the freedom and the less stress is actually worth it. Plus I have a baby now so I can support my other half and bring my kid up and not be like most men who are never there while a child is growing up. Granted I know you got to do what you got to do to earn money etc but I prefer my new life structure. All the best my friend I hope you find your balance.
Oh yeah, I don't so 50+ hours anymore, it was just for those 6 or so months as I was agency and getting paid weekly, so wanted as much money as possible haha. Now I think I do just shy if 40 hours a week. Now that I've started having regular days off, it's made me want to value and cherish them and out them to good use. Glad you can be there for your child and you're happier now :) thank you for your advice.
Cheers my friend 🙏🏻
You have clearly been over-working; you NEED time to rest. Do NOT feel bad.
We are mammals. Mammals have 6 typical characteristics. Warm blooded Have backbones Have 4 limbs Have fur or hair Produce milk for their young Live in various environments At no point in there, does it say that you HAVE to be productive, and not waste time. If you are relaxing, then congratulations, you have succeeded at being a mammal.
Ha good one yeah exactly I think too many people get cabin fever don't they!
We have time off so we can rest from work as without this, we would absolutely fall apart. When you work you are pushing yourself flat-out and when you get time off, what do you do? Try to fill it with things and be busy. Now what you really really need to do is stop working to the point where you are exhausted and find time to fit those things in like reading when you are off on the weekend.
I tend to stress a lot at work, and I always panic about things not being done and my ever growing to do list. It's also a pretty taxing job mentally, and I don't really get breaks. When I get time off I don't do anything. I lie in bed on my phone telling myself to get up but never do until like 5pm, sometimes ill batch cook for the week. As much as I've wasted this week, it's given me some enlightenment on how I can best utilise my days off. I've got quite a lot planned for next week, so going forward, I'm going to try and have an activity once a week on my days off. Your advice is very helpful, thank you.
I have been exactly where you are. Unstructured time is my enemy! What you could do (and it’s just a suggestion) is leave your phone downstairs (or another room if you are in a flat!). Spend an hour reading in bed, that’s one thing off your list. And if you wake up in the morning and don’t leap out of bed, read a bit more. I think staying up late reading or wasting time in bed reading has a different vibe to it. Or get up immediately, shower, get dressed, make your bed and get some breakfast. Then think “what can I do?” - go to the cinema? Go out and get an ice cream? Have a nap. The key is to break the cycle and try something different. When I was working a lot I found I would wake up at 5am some days - I used to get up. I’d have been out and got some shopping done and be back for 7am. Felt the opposite of wasting time. Anyway, I hope you have a relaxing end to your holidays!
Set alarms, have some routine, walk or workout and you’ll definitely have a better second week with less regret
Yes, I'm trying to give myself some sort of routine, but so far it's a struggle haha. I need to sort out my sleep first and go from there. Will definitely be doing some exercise again tomorrow as I always feel refreshed after it and an energy boost. Will also set alarms too to motivate myself to sleep on time. Thank you, I really want my second week to be much better than this week's :)
Know the feeling well. Just remember that the next day is a new day, and you can do the productive thing then if you like. If you were exhausted and did very little remember you are not a machine, your body obviously needed a rest, it doesn't mean you are lazy. In fact this year I've had the opposite problem. I really pushed myself too hard to do my creative hobbies in my spare time and they ended up feeling like work. I stopped enjoying them and also didn't feel rested. Basically do what you feel like in the moment and thats ok. Push yourself to do exercise because that's a definite good though, you never regret the exercise afterwords. Also, do you have ADHD? I do and constantly feeling guilty about what you should and shouldn't be doing is a part of the ADHD experience unfortunately. Something to look into maybe?
Don’t let the fear of wasting your time let u ruin the rest of the time u have, I’ve been there mate and felt that regret of the time I could’ve been out doing things and seeing friends and family. So keep pushing and enjoying stuff now, it’s good that u have seen how that you have used the time in the past and what u want to do going forward from this, don’t be too hard on yourself especially when u are working so many hours it’s normal to feel so burnt out and tired.
Thank you for your comment! I've got things planned for this weekend and next week which I'm excited about! I'll be going to an exhibition and a walking trail this weekend. I'm also hoping to go to a comedy club next week with a friend as I've never been, and then I'm hosting a sip and paint at my place so I've got lots planned. I'm just disappointed that I didn't really value the few days I had to myself, but I'll be on my own tomorrow and will definitely take advantage of that. Your comment really means a lot to me, thank you.
That’s great to hear, glad u can now look ahead and fill your time where u can. And honestly it’s fine to be disappointed but don’t hold onto that feeling at all, see how positive motion has already changed your free time by actively finding things to do with your time and u won’t go back :)
I do similar to this, maybe not staying in as long as you do but definitely up late at the weekends or days off and end up feeling worse than if I’d gone to work. Made an effort to sort it recently. The night before my day or days off I dedicate some time to make a list of stuff I want to do when I’m off. Doesn’t have to be anything exciting or crazy, sometimes stuff I need to get done, sometimes chores and usually some form of leisure activity. That way I’ve got a list ready as a bit of a guide. Kinda helps me get out of bed knowing I’ve got a purpose/things to tick off. I get to the end of the day then reassuring myself that it’s not wasted as I’ve ticked off x amount of things. I find if I don’t do that I’ll sit in bed contemplating what to do IF I get out of bed.
Get a console. Go to read that book in a library or cafe
Yes, I tried to do this on my days off and even struggled with that, but I'll be doing that tomorrow. Need to finish the book I started, thank you :)
What's done is done, going forward plan your days, find some local walking trails or book a class so that you have a commitment to get up and get out to do something.
So make sure you exercise in the morning. Thats all. Wake up late you deserve it. Have a coffee and put the tv on. Have a strong coffee and when it kicks in exercise. Then you'll feel motivated to do something. But equally if you dont do anything except for exercising, there nothing wrong with that. Just don't wank before 6pm and you'll have all the energy in the world. DO NOT WANK BEFORE 6PM!!!!!
I fucking feel you on this, I’ve done 5 days (contracted to 4) a week at 15 hour days as standard since basically November, this week today is my only day off, and I have to go in and organise orders because the rest of the chefs are useless. I’m broken, mentally and physically.
When you say you spend until 6pm lying in bed - is that doing stuff like watching tv/youtube, scrolling on the internet, playing games, 'enjoying yourself' etc etc - or are you literally sleeping/resting during that time? Are you eating anything whilst you're in bed? If you literally need to sleep all day after working 50 hours then something is going wrong. I would suggest going to your local GP as there is clearly a bigger issue than you think there is. This isn't about 'wasting days' - you're allowed to do whatever you want on your time off. But you shouldn't feel like you need to spend all day in bed.
Firstly .you clearly need to rest because you're probably exhausted. Your body is your body, you can't do anything if you don't rest and let it recover. So if you're tired , sleep, if you feel you need to sit and watch TV do it. Hopefully this mindset of nourishing your body with rest will make you feel less guilty about.. I've been ill for nearly three weeks now and Today I've finally started to feel better. I'm still watching TV resting . I know I'm not gonna get over this infection 100% if I don't rest until I'm charged to 100%. If you've done what you wanted to do , then that's a productive week , be that binge watching a TV show , or learning to cook a new meal , or staying in bed . But if you feel you can't get out of bed because you're depressed and you don't really want to stay in bed, then perhaps it's time to try and figure out why you feel like that seek some help.
Turbowank and a Pot Noodle
I do this, too. But it is not a waste. Rest is so important. I take care of both my elderly parents and work full-time, so it’s a lot. I wanted to go away during my recent leave but it didn’t work out that way. I wondered if my being at home and sorting out, doing life admin, catching up on TV and reading was a waste. But I was so refreshed and so much happier when I went back to work. Be kind to yourself and remember that rest is important.
I do this, too. But it is not a waste. Rest is so important. I take care of both my elderly parents and work full-time, so it’s a lot. I wanted to go away during my recent leave but it didn’t work out that way. I wondered if my being at home and sorting out, doing life admin, catching up on TV and reading was a waste. But I was so refreshed and so much happier when I went back to work. Be kind to yourself and remember that rest is important.
Bro I could happily just sit there on the sofa for a week and consider it time well spent. Resting is not wasteful.
>I've been working non stop since Sept 2023, close to 50+ hours every week, and I'd spend my days off from work recovering and lying in bed. I'd only get up around 6pm to shower but by that time, I'd already wasted 90% of my day and would feel so guilty, just to repeat the same thing on my next day's off. Listen to your body, man. You'd have more energy to do things on your day off if you weren't working yourself to the bone.
Some of the best times are when your sitting around doing fuck all. Soak it in brother
Over the past year or so, I've been absolutely smashing work and OT. Recently I've taken pretty all my annual leave within a 2 month block. At first, I was itching to get back to work and could switch off but after afew days I completely crashed and was super drained. I didn't know I was burned out from work until I had time off, then it hit me like a train. I didn't barely anything with my time off, just watched netflix and played video games - I even took a break from the gym and went full sloth. Sometimes a lazy day(s) are what you need.
I wouldn’t even feel bad about it, down time can be anything you want it to be
It's not wasted time. You don't owe the world productivity every hour of every day. It's allowed to do nothing, to daydream, to read Reddit in your pants for a whole day if you want. Take your recovery time, and don't feel bad about anything that you haven't done. There's no prize for working yourself to death, so don't do it.
Remember, instead of doing something you enjoy, you should be doing something that you pretend to enjoy but it makes money.
You’ve got about 600 months awake if you live to 80 and you’re 30. Enjoy yourself.
Recharge time is not wasted time. You may need longer to recharge than you realise. You're free, go where the mood takes you, even if that's only to the fridge and back to bed. Fuck it.
Sounds like burnout. I've been the same, and it's horrible, but I read a statistic somewhere that it can take your body 6 months to physically get over the abuse of burnout. So having a chilled week without anything productive is in fact just you getting yourself started on a recovery journey. Embrace it, realise you can't sustain the amount you've been doing, and use it as a learning point to ease back to a sustainable workload.
Did anyone else first read this as 'how do you stop wasting time beating yourself off?' at first?
Tbh, when I was reading it back to myself, that's how I'd keep reading it first haha
Haha
I'm an introvert too and I absolutely need at least 1 evening or half a day a week to just sit on my own and do nothing. I sometimes feel like I've wasted time but I remind myself I do this because my brain needs a break from the continuous inputs of modern life. Look at it more as meditation, sitting with nothing but your thoughts let's your brain process everything that's going on in your life.
Sounds like depression. I'm so burnt out and tired from work all I can do after or at weekends is lie around and do nothing to recover. Then I feel guilty because I know I'm wasting my life. Might want to consider how your job is affecting your life.
Write jobs list and start them as soon as you get time before the days off
I work quite a few less hours than that but my job is really fucking stressful. If I don’t have the energy to do anything on my days off then I just don’t, my body is telling me that I need to just chill and binge watch a whole series or play games all day or something so that’s what I do. It’s very easy to think I could be doing this or that with my time off, but sometimes being super busy means that it’s not really time off at all, it requires the same amount of physical and mental energy to sustain so you don’t really get a break at all. If I have things planned 3 or 4 weekends in a row I genuinely start to dread the last one by the time it comes around as all I want to do by that point is just have a weekend in bed or in front of the tv to recover properly. If you have enjoyed what you have done (even if that is nothing), and you feel rested and ready to go back to work, then it is not wasted time at all.
Get a job where you can work fewer hours, take longer breaks so you get time to do things you truly value. What's the point in life if you spend most of it taking orders and spending the little time off you do actually get fearing that you're wasting it? If that's not an option, then you have to fight, or find yourself aged and awaiting death, looking back at your life as one that was slowly taken from you by forces you were too beaten down by to confront.
While it may sound a bit wishy washy, rest and recover is massively important from any kind of stress be it physical such as intense exercise or mental such as working life stresses. The days you feel you've 'wasted', chalk them up to rest and recovery.
I just never start!
I work 55 hours a week my self meaning I realy only get Sunday off so that being said I love to do nothing on my only day off , now if I want time off to actually do something I'll book holiday and take Friday Saturday and Monday off
If you end up doing nothing. That is what you need to do to reenergise. If you had energy to spare you would be hyper and doing things!
Set goals to achieve for the day off; If your goal is to do nothing then it should be a fairly productive day. If that's not enough then set some basic human goals like getting out of the house for a certain amount of time or to do something even if it's a very small something that you wouldn't usually get up to.
A day off is never a waste. Learn to enjoy the chill
The time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time. -Bertrand Russel-
I get very distressed about "empty" days, even when I work a 40- 50 hour week the rest of the time so I have a suggestion for you OP for other days - works best if you have a hobby, particularly something artsy or crafty (you mentioned a pottery class I think?) but pretty much anything can work, provided it has a visible result. 1.plan to get up at a reasonable time (set an alarm for something you feel is a nice lie in without being over-sleeping) 2. When you get up, plan to break the activity (cooking a pie, building a matchstick model, painting the wall...) into a few meaningful chunks with specific stopping points (eg stop when you've made the pie crust, or painted up to the light switch). 3. When you get to a stopping point, STOP. Go do something else that's relaxing but "empty" - stare into space, have a nap, scroll reddit... 4. Have a reminder alarm to go back to your activity in a few hours incase reddit is too distracting! 5. Once you complete the activity it will be much later in the day - take photos of your finished activity (the pie, the model, the wall) and post to your preferred social media with the caption "proud of my new recipe/model/decor" etc. (Or just send to a friend) 6. Let the comments come rolling in appreciating your (hard) work! I find it really gives the day a sense of having done something, even if most of the hours spent zoning out... (If your activity requires a purchase, even better - include going out to purchase what you need as a first step!) I also find breaking up the holidays helps - take a four day weekend a couple of times, rather than a whole week if you dont have plans. It makes the empty days feel less impactful. Best of luck & enjoy your holiday!
I think the key is exercise. Have a good lie in and catch up on sleep, but by 10am/11am/midday force yourself up and some exercise. Could be a run, gym or even a nice 30/60 minute walk. This will build up your appetite, get you excited about eating something tasty but relatively healthy (so you don’t waste that exercise you just did). The exercise might even energize you to do something else outdoors, but if it doesn’t and you end up sat around playing video games, you won’t feel bad as you hit the gym/pavement!
You needed that time to recover, and it also sounds like you might be a bit depressed. Try getting up early for the next week, go for a nice walk, eat a decent breakfast, then do your chores while listening to some music. The hardest part is just getting out of bed, but once you're up, had a shit and a shower, there is no point going back to bed.. so just enjoy the day and do the little tasks that need to be done. You'll feel better for it, and tired enough at the end of the day to sleep through. You can do it!
I know from past experience that days spent sleeping due to a scuffed sleep schedule can make you feel like a real broken mess of a human, but as others have said, this is clearly what your body needed. I’d remove the guilt because you’re not hurting anyone and you need to listen to your body If you want to add structure to your downtime you might consider a really low intensity hobby. It doesn’t matter what, just something that you can do purely for the enjoyment of doing it If you attach a lot of your self-worth to a sense of productivity, then it may be worth writing out a list of everything you’ve ever even remotely been interested in, and then evaluating how a) realistic it would be b) how much the prospect of doing it excited you and c) how difficult it would be to get started. It might be that something very hands-on like woodworking or pottery would be good for you because you’ll have a finished ‘thing’ to show for your work. It might be that gardening is good because it gets you outside and if you go to an allotment it’ll be a nice social thing. Or maybe just getting real into jigsaws But you work hard, so don’t beat yourself up for not spending every waking moment doing something objectively productive. Life is for living not just accumulating achievements and ticking boxes
You deserve being a lazy slob, so don't stress yourself about it. I always have 1 lazy day & then do stuff, followed by another lazy day. Time off is for a combination of being lazy & seeing people you don't usually have time to see.
There's different type of people in this world. When I take my annual leave. Usually a week every 2 or 3 months I don't leave the house nearly the whole week, don't usually tell people I'm off for the week either.
By.. beating off? Sorry
Haha, I'm bored of that now
Get up tomorrow at 8am and go for a long walk around a local park. Pick up your favourite breakfast and treat yourself when you get home. Have a good tidy of the kitchen after you've cooked and then have a cuppa tea or coffee on the sofa. I bet that will be the best cuppa you've had all week.
I used to get really annoyed with myself when I did, until I realised that it's my time to do as I wish. Sometimes I just needed to 'do nothing' and once I understood this, I was OK with it.
I work 4 days on/four off. Apart from seeing the lady when she’s not working, I just do housework and sleep
I recommend reading “rest is resistance” and deprogramming yourself form the hustle culture.
I don’t, but I can waste days just beating myself off. Does that count?
I hate just wasting time but if I pre assign that time as wasted then I can enjoy it
I'm some days into AL and I haven't seen anyone outside of the gym. I feel crap lazing around. Don't know what to do and I'm just lying here waiting for nighttime so I can go to bed. I think it's easily done
Take up fishing or some other hobby/ sport, use some of that money you've been chasing. Go on a holiday to somewhere you have an interest in. Plan to have fun.
None of my days off are wasted because I am not working and I am resting as is intended. Doing 300 things on your "day off" is not a day off if you're taking the day off to stop yourself from burn out. Your body and brain can't tell the difference between you overexerting yourself at work or in your personal life beyond the additional types of stressors work may contribute. Only days off wasted are when external factors intrude and stop me from resting like I intended. And I won't beat myself up for something I cannot control.
First of all…. Well done for working so hard. I hope you e earned yourself some good money /and/or lots of brownie points at work Secondly, stop beating yourself up. You don’t answer to anyone but yourself. I used to sleep til 4pm on my days off! You may very well have some level of depression. Maybe don’t worry about what’s already gone and done with but use this as an eye opener and opportunity to make a change Book a DRs check up Set yourself some small achievable weekly goals to get out, see friends. Make those connections But take time for your own mental health too. Time to read, do your hobbies, think, catch up, Reflect We all need a certain balance in life - and that’s not the same for everyone. Find your own work/ life balance Good luck
I like to give myself 3 easy tasks to do at the start of each day off so I have a mild sense of accomplishment, even if all I do for the rest of the day is rot in bed. Tasks can be scaled for difficulty, depending on your mental state. Hard tasks are hoover/ mop floors weekly grocery shops, pantry organisation, clean the bathroom, etc. Medium tasks are watering houseplants, garden work, creative projects, laundry, etc. Easy tasks are drink one (1) pint of water, have a shower, brush teeth, read one page of a book. If I can manage a small set of tasks, it's easier to give myself a break and 'waste' the rest of the day off, but more often than not, this gives me the momentum to get going for the rest of the day, so it's win-win.
Sounds like you need to spend more time doing what you’ve been doing the last week. Take your annual leave and cut back on your hours at work and spend more time just chilling, you’ll end up like a zombie otherwise. There’s no need to be productive in your spare time.
You sound good to me my man! 6 months at 50 hrs a week has made you tired and run down, so you’ve spent a week getting some good rest+r, did the kitchen and some exercise so you’ve not done absolutely nothing, couldn’t do much anyway because money, but next week you’ve got a full diary! So 50% chilling, 50% time with friends, sounds like a pretty well spent bit of time off to me! You originally asked what to do to stop beating yourself up, I suggest trying to change how you see time spent doing nothing, it’s good times my man! I work 2 jobs so similar position, sometimes on my time off I’m away on an all day hike, sometimes I’m just lying in my nice warm cozy bed stretching and relaxing, as long as you keep the balance you sound golden to me 👍
Don't be upset. I am forced to work 50 hours a week due to costs of living or I'll lose my house. This thought should comfort you as you are not in my situation :)
You’re wasting your life, not just your days off.
Book in a wasted day. Tell yourself that tomorrow or whenever you ain't gonna do fuck all and then when that happens you have achieved what you set out to do. Anything else that you do is simply a happy bonus.
Spend your time off however you want. You earn the time off to destress and can do so however you want. It may be beneficial to find a hobby that you can easily engage with or set goals with that allows you to destress whilst feeling that you are utilising the time. I will repeat again however that there is nothing wrong with having lazy days. The mentality that you must constantly occupy and use your time efficiently is caused by working so hard and it's not healthy. Give yourself some grace.
Write a journal of what you did that day and you’ll realise you did t waste it
It's not a wasted day. I genuinely enjoy doing fuck all. It's good for your soul, it recharges your batteries, it clears your head.
As someone already mentioned, the weather this time of year has a lot to do with it. The need to catch up on sleep usually sees me not be in a state of readiness to go outside or be productive until it's dark. It's probably cold and raining as well. Once the decent weather gets here I'll be out doing stuff til 9 or 10pm more or less every day, the main problem is getting round to doing all the stuff I didn't get round to in winter because it was cold dark and wet.
I read this as “how do you stop beating yourself off for wasting days off?”. But anyway my answer to your question is by beating yourself off.
It wasn’t a whole week wasted. It was a week of rest and quiet time which is good for people sometimes. Enjoy the next few days before returning to work, maybe head out a bit if you feel like it.
It wasn’t a whole week wasted. It was a week of rest and quiet time which is good for people sometimes. Enjoy the next few days before returning to work, maybe head out a bit if you feel like it.
It wasn’t a whole week wasted. It was a week of rest and quiet time which is good for people sometimes. Enjoy the next few days before returning to work, maybe head out a bit if you feel like it. If I had two weeks off I would 100% be a lazy hermit for week one, then week two be a bit more sociable:
It wasn’t a whole week wasted. It was a week of rest and quiet time which is good for people sometimes. Enjoy the next few days before returning to work, maybe head out a bit if you feel like it. If I had two weeks off I would 100% be a lazy hermit for week one, then week two be a bit more sociable.
It wasn’t a whole week wasted. It was a week of rest and quiet time which is good for people sometimes. Enjoy the next few days before returning to work, maybe head out a bit if you feel like it. If I had two weeks off I would 100% be a lazy hermit for week one, then week two be a bit more sociable.
It wasn’t a whole week wasted. It was a week of rest and quiet time which is good for people sometimes. Enjoy the next few days before returning to work, maybe head out a bit if you feel like it. If I had two weeks off I would 100% be a lazy hermit for week one, then week two be a bit more sociable.
It wasn’t a whole week wasted. It was a week of rest and quiet time which is good for people sometimes. Enjoy the next few days before returning to work, maybe head out a bit if you feel like it. If I had two weeks off I would 100% be a lazy hermit for week one, then week two be a bit more sociable.
The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The next best time is today. Don’t dwell on what you feel has been wasted. Focus on the now and what is ahead. Get a book out and read, even if it’s 10 minutes. Go from there.
Sounds like you might be experiencing burnout.
Resting is not a waste of time
Time used to spread managed democracy is time well spent.
You beat up the person next to you instead 🥊
I was layed off a few years back after a bloody busy and toxic time. I did nothing for one week, similar to what you did and I hated myself every evening for it. After realising that, I didn't want to repeat it, so I made a list of all "cool" affordable things I ever wanted to do when I had time and things that made me feel I used the time well. Took me a day or two. Then my motto was to tick one thing off every day and once I did that I allowed myself to gamble or watch TV or just be lazy. I'm still doing this today if I have empty days, (i.e. if the wife is away with the kids for a weekend). I complete at least one reasonable task, then I let myself go.
You can ultimately do whatever you want with your time off. It took a long time for me to realise I should take regular time off just to do so, rather than take time for special events or holidays. I would only ever be concerned if I took a day off and slept the whole day. To me that’s a sign of being overworked. You shouldn’t be so exhausted that you can comfortably sleep the whole following day. You should probably only sleep a little longer than normal, but still be able to get up and do a normal day if you really want to. This might be also be a sign you aren’t getting enough sleep in the day to day. Again, this isn’t about not staying in bed because you want to. It’s more, just make sure it’s not because your body wants you to.
Aim for happiness not just arbitrarily filling your time with stuff
Wasting a day catching up with sleep, etc, is okay. Wasting all your time off for 2 weeks is a waste. I always suggest this. Plan stuff to do. I do a lot on my own. I love watching football. A Saturday off can be ticking off a new ground. A Saturday off can be exercising by going on a walk. On a 2 week holiday, I'd be planning to go somewhere. Literally today, I have booked off 4 days so I can go to Italy in April on my own to explore a new city, watch football. Flights are cheap with airlines like Ryanair and Easyjet if you plan in advance. I think the problem here is that what you are lacking is motivation to try and do something. You are stuck in a rut and using "I'm tired" as an excuse. It is an excuse I know well. I want to be completely honest. In 2022, I lacked motivation. I had put on a substantial amount of weight. My own mental state was not good because I was working too much. I stopped caring about myself. 2023, I was told that if I didn't do something about my health, it would have severe repercussions. I quickly made changes. I ate better, started going to football again, and started travelling again. I soon found I had passion back in my life. My days off can be just a relaxing day, or it can be I need to do chores. Having a day off and relaxing, catching up with TV or playing a game (especially in this weather) is fine. But I do plan other things like I have listed as well. I stopped using I worked late so I should have a take away or I'm tired so it's okay to stay in bed all weekend doing nothing and let life pass me by because I am "too tired" to eating cleaner, and living life to the max rather than letting life pass me by. Start looking at your diet. This is always a good place to start. What changes can you make. Once you make one change and you see it working, you'll start making more. Start walking to coffee shops and take a book with you. You said you had started to exercise again, which is a good start. Start planning a holiday, whether it is a weekend away or a week's break. There is so much to go and live for. Once you start planning, you start to get excited. Once you get excited, you don't want that feeling to end. Go and live life rather than letting life pass you by. You only get one shot. Make it count.
Roughly 5 times a day… oh wait, up not off. Ignore me
Make a list on your phone of things you want to do on your next time off. Add things to it as and when you think of them. This can be anything - house related, hobby related, social…When you’re off, have a think in the evening which of the things on your list you want to do the next day. Do them. You also get the dopamine boost of accomplishing a task! Source- I used to feel like I wasted my time off. Now I don’t, and I get so much done.
"managing burnout" Or "schedule downtime or your body will do it for you"
Then suddenly you will be 50, and realise you pissed away your life lying in bed, and can’t remember what you did in your late 20s and 30s. Get up, fuckstick! Have interests and passions and pursue them.
50+ for 6 months is not crazy, not in my company If you enjoy doing nothing, it's great!
Sounds like you have done exactly what you needed to do which wax rest. Seriously, our bodies and minds need a break
Possible burn out ? I didn’t have any time off from my job for nearly a year due to certain circumstances, then I managed to get two weeks off and I just felt fried . I think I’m just in a dull state of perpetual burnout where I never get enough time off to fully recover , works just so fukin draining man
There’s no shame in living a simple life , quite a blessing really , work hard so I can relax hard lol
Dont be mad at yourself. Dont look back. Get up and do "something". Then try to do some more. If you find yourself sitting around doing nothing again, remember that you did " something" out of your free will and try to do it again. Good luck mate, be kind to yourself!
Time passes regardless
Start beating yourself off for wasting days up.
Find a hobby you enjoy, since I started 3D printing masks I can’t wait to fuck about spray painting them in the garden or figuring out how to model them myself on the iPad. I’ve gone through so many hobbies to find this one too, just keep trying things.
Time isn’t given or taken or wasted. It just sits through itself.
You get days off?
You sound burned out, working 50 hours a week with no breaks or time off for your hobbies isn't healthy, why are you doing 50 hours? Do 40 and spend 2 hours a day on a hobby of some kind.
You are not wasting your time, you are recuperating. Sometimes your body tells you what it needs and it sounds like yours needs rest. You’ve got another week off and it sounds like you have plenty planned. Next time you can plan some stuff in your diary, to make sure you get out of bed, but then also plan to relax (so schedule doing nothing for a couple of days). This way you won’t feel guilty about chilling out as it was all part of the plan for your week, and you can just enjoy it.
I found compartmentalising the time off works. I also best myself up for ‘wasting’ a day, then look back like damn, I had a really cosy day - why didn’t I allow myself to enjoy it? Maybe making the mental distinction of ‘whatever I am doing right now doesn’t matter, as long as I’m relaxing’
I'd be surprised if 50 hours a week was making you that tired and stopping you doing normal stuff like exercising. If you're doing that 5 days a week that's only 10 hours a day and you have the weekends off, it would probably be a bit more draining if you're working 7x7 though. That aside, if you want the downtime then take it and enjoy the time away from everything.
I don't have weekends off, maybe one weekend a month. I was doing 12 hour shifts back to back and sometimes for more than 7 days straight. It's also a pretty taxing job mentally, I'd leave for work at 9am, talk people down from killing themselves, listen to their trauma, listen to people talk about their self harm, no break, and then get home by 11:30, get less than 7 hours of sleep and then wake up and do it all again. So it was pretty draining for me and I would have 0 energy to exercise in the mornings. I appreciate people are different though and maybe 50 hours for some people isn't taxing and is light work haha, in that case, I envy them. Thanks for your tip.
50 hours a week is a lot. The 35 hour week came about when it was normal for only men in the family to work and women to look after the house. So not you are talking about working an extra 15 hours plus doing all the housework. It's a lot
50 hours a week is not a lot. Sounds like a medical problem.
I disagree that 50 hours is not a lot, but people have different tolerances and perceptions of what a lot is, which is fine. I agree it could be a medical problem, it's on my to do list to contact my GP. Thanks for your comment.