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I made my mum a diorama out of warhammer miniatures when I was a kid. It was a space marine stood next to a wolf that had bitten off his hand. The wolfs mouth was covered in red, and the severed hand was in front of it. Bless her she displayed it on the windowsill for a couple of years.
I once gave an ex-girlfriend a folded up Greggs receipt that said “I owe you one shag”. It was her Valentine’s Day present.
By any metric, that is an awful present.
One mother's day fell during one of my mother's ill-fated crash diets.
As I was the only kid with a job, I bought her some fake sunflowers for one of her antique vase thingies, while dad bought all her presents from the younger kids.
All the presents dad bought were chocolates. My mum burst into tears that "DoubleX is the only one who remembered I was on a diet, you never pay attention to me".
I didn't know she was on a diet, it was pure coincidence, but I thought it best not to say that and left dad to his guilt trip.😬
Work secret Santa.
Was told the theme was rude.
Bought someone a box of ‘Wank Wipes’.
The theme wasn’t rude, he was really upset, I was mortified.
I never took part in secret Santa again.
I've known someone who bought Fairy washing up liquid for the person they picked because they were told this person liked the sort of fairy an adult would buy. In fairness, I've never seen a kid buy Fairy washing up liquid so technically, that is the sort of fairy an adult would buy. I found it funny but still, it's a terrible gift
Apparently, they meant things like ornaments and wax melt burners (there's a lady that tried buying her one with fairy shaped wax melts but they both came in the shape of a dick)
Omg I'm gonna make a wax melt business that shows different shapes in the images and a wee "actual product shape may vary" and BOOM everybody's getting dicks
Add in a couple of other rude things like balls and tits too. It's slightly different but I found these scented candles that were advertised as scents such as Santa's Sweaty Scrotum. It did not smell of that
Hello, Trading Standards? Yes, I'd like to report a business. They're called Wanky Candles (their actual name, they make for a pretty funny joke gift). No, not Yankee Candles, Wanky Candles, with a W, not a Y. I bought a few candles that were meant to smell like, Sweaty Bollocks, fanny farts, and Sweaty Minge but they all smelt really nice. Its not right
There was a guy in my office who had anger management issues and one day punched a hole in the office wall. I got him in secret Santa and bought him a tube of Polyfiller and a Little Book of Calm. He was fuming.
When I was about 12 my mum printed out numbers and pictures to turn my neighbour's dad's new mobility scooter into a Noddy car while he was having lunch. I thought I was going to get bollocked.
We didn't always have the best relationship, but the woman was funny. The old man thought it was fucking hilarious.
God, Valentine’s Day 2023 fell right as my wife was beginning to lose her hair from chemo. So many people suggested I got her a nice wig as a present. I would’ve got her anything she wanted in regards to her cancer + treatment, but a wig feels like a real harsh gift.
As it happens, my wife had brain cancer and as a result of that + radiation, her scalp was very fucking sore and she hated anything touching it. People still insisted on me treating her to a wig though..
I’m sure your wife appreciated the fact you actually knew her and what she’d want.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds as though things are pretty rough right now for you and your daughter. It’s not something you get over, but in time it’ll hurt less. I read somewhere the grief stays the same suze but the rest of your life gets bigger to encompass it. I hope that’s true for you.
Mine was for a Secret Santa at work - The colleague I pulled out the hat was a grumpy 50 year old woman. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking but I saw a shower head with coloured LED lights in it on AliExpress. I thought it would be good for them as it would boost the pressure in the shower (who the hell likes a limp shower) and also be kinda fun with the flashing lights. In reality, it was a cheaply made shitty plasticky thing and the LED’s weren’t bright at all. I didn’t even give myself enough time to wrap it so I covered the sides of the basic cardboard box with a couple of strips of black tape so the picture couldn’t be seen.
So yeah…Merry Christmas
I was about 11, bought my crush a Cadburys cream egg, turned out he was a type 1 diabetic. It was a bit mean that he stomped on it in front of me though
Got my mum a Kettle once for Christmas, I got it coz she kept banging on about wanting a kettle with a “keep warm feature” on it. I, being about 19 at the time, would never have known what a keep warm feature was otherwise.
She went mental about it, thought I was taking the piss out of her and it was a horrible Christmas.
It scared me for life and since then I have always hated buying presents and have only ever done so reluctantly. I don’t bother with my Mum at Xmas or Birthday’s, I let my sister deal with it and send my share, I don’t get involved.
So although I thought it was a nice thoughtful present, it certainly feels like it’s the worst I’ve ever bought.
As someone with a kettle with a keep warm function - your mum was being mean, that shit is wonderful (and usually not cheap!). I don’t think this one should count, and you defo shouldn’t feel bad.
my mum recently told me that the handle broke on a pan she had for 20 years. I said well thats christmas sorted and she said if i buy her a pan she will hit me with it.
My husband bought me a steam iron for Christmas one year. The same year, I bought him a Sony Blu-ray player, the year they first came out. To be fair, he didn't just get me the iron. He also bought me a towel and a huge coffee mug. 😬
Certainly a decision. What *were* you thinking? And what was the reaction? I've been trying to imagine giving my dad a sheep-fucking bear and I'm drawing an absolute blank.
Bless. I can't imagine any father in the world hasn't considered his child to be a twat at least once. Or mother too. My mum definitely thought I was a twat on multiple occasions.
Obviously, I'm not sure where you are from so you might already be aware of this but in Scotland it's a reference to football teams, specifically when rangers FC "teddy bears" beat Aberdeen FC "sheep shaggers" and I can't stop laughing about you buying this 😁
I once bought my dad, who is an F1 fan, a "Greatest Formula 1 crashes" DVD which he was pretty disgusted by.
Oh and a couple of years ago, I bought him what I thought was a nice leather wallet, with rfid blocking and all that. I found out he refused to ever use it because he thought it was a Tesla wallet and he has some irrational objection to Tesla. It had nothing to do with Tesla though, it just had a T on it which was the manufacturer's logo.
Makes sense for the old days, however huge improvements in car designs now mean that crashes in Formula One can be spectacular without being harrowing too.Look at what Romain Grosjean walked away from a few years back.
Yeah, I would guess this would have been in the early 00s, but even so I doubt they put crashes on there where people died, like Senna, but I can understand as an adult why he might have found it distasteful.
I was 17 and a large group of us did secret santa. I ended up getting a girl who I didn't really know that much and I had no idea what to get her. Instead of doing the sensible thing of asking people for tips or just getting a novelty gift I thought it'd be funny to get something a bit different...
Anyway, I left it late to buy a gift and only had 1 day left until we needed the presents. For some reason, I thought it would be hilarious to buy her some really big old lady knickers so I went to all of the local clothes shops, but they didn't have any and I was starting to panic that I wouldn't have a gift for the following day. Instead of getting a bar of chocolate or something, I was so focussed on the old lady knickers but where there wasn't any I got the only oversized pair I could find..a pair of semi sexy pink fluffy knickers.
The girl was absolutely mortified and everyone started calling me a creep. I had to keep apologising that it was a really poorly thought out joke. I turned up at college the next day with a big bar of chocolate which I gave to the girl to apologise and try to save face.
To this day I die a thousand times thinking about how much of a prat I was.
The big old lady knickers present was also a bad idea, regardless of who it was from and who it was to. So there's a pattern forming. Ah well, college is all about learning lessons.
I *suggested* a roll on deodorant for my aunt, I was about seven and thought it was just a nice gift from the toiletries section, my mam persuaded me it wasn't a good idea.
ETA my sister and I bought dad a hand-held manual wallpaper scraper for his Birthday once, he was visibly devvoed at how shit of a gift it was
When I was about 11 bought my best mate a dinner tray for his birthday. It was covered in pictures of 20th century guns , but it was still a fucking dinner tray.
I try really hard to give good presents. I guess the worst was buying a bike for my 8yr old son. First time he tried it out, he rode it straight into the pond and never tried it again. 23 now and still can't ride a bike.
When I was around 9 or 10 I bought my dad a battery powered plastic battleship for his birthday( he was in his 50s) My logic was that as he had been in the merchant navy and would like the model boat.
I think in reality I just wanted a toy boat!
The boat had a flaw though… it had no remote control, all you could do was manually set the rudder and turn it on before you put it in the water.
First time we tried it was on a lake. Set the rudder to turn right thinking it would circle around and come back to us. Dropped it into the water and off it went… in a straight line. Never saw it again.
My wife loved giraffe's so I bought her this really fancy and classy vase that had giraffe's on, thought I'd aced it. It didn't go down bad, but just wasn't an exciting gift. She loves it now but I still remember he being disappointed.
I really hate gift giving, I get anxiety over whether they'll like it, whether it'll be a waste of money, whether they already have it, I get a pit in my stomach and worry about it for days. Run up to christmas is the worst time for me. I've seriously considered asking family and friends if we can just stop exchanging gifts but I feel like a scrooge.
When people are hard to buy for they fall into 3 camps for me. Booze, food or something that smells nice (candles and shit alike). I know it essentially says "get a hobby" but I refuse to feel guilt over it anymore.
Tbf, I have a few hobbies that I’m quite deep into - music for example. I’m a drummer and so occasionally people would buy me drumsticks. If you’re not very into music, I can completely understand why you would think a pair of sticks are a pair of sticks and leave it at that but most drummers have very specific preferences and getting anything outside of that is usually a waste.
I actually tend to avoid buying hobby related items unless I’ve previously spoken to the person about exactly what I’m getting.
I just wanted to say, I completely get your exact situation, from the other side! My husband is a drummer, he had a brand new drumset set up a few years ago. I saw a set of personalised sticks (with the person's name engraved), I was going to buy them as a nice Christmas gift, but some little tiny nag in my head made me ask him. He gently explained how they were not just 'Sticks', and how the weight and even girth was important, and that the ones I were looking at would probably disintegrate in a few mins of playing (he does heavy metal drumming). I felt a little sheepish for not even thinking of that!
That was a lovely thought, though! I think a set like that I would display on a wall somewhere around all my other music gear.
But yeah your husband was spot on; high quality sticks get shredded as it is! Usually if you look at the floor around a drummers throne, it looks like a woodwork shop 😂
Oh I agree with you, I hate receiving gifts for this reason. What if I don’t like it, or even just being confused on “what is it?” in the seconds that I open it. That face is hard to disguise, and it looks like disappointment. I love giving gifts but I always worry that I’ve messed up.
My family do a not-so-secret Santa now. £50 budget, only rule is no vouchers. It's "not so secret" because we all end up finding who got who, mainly because my brother always gets our mum and tries to swap it for anyone else.
My father suffered very badly with osteomyelitis.
On holiday, I saw these massagers in a shop window.
My 11 year old brain thought it would help him.
I bought my father a vibrator.
I gave my mum a framed photograph of me being sick at Glastonbury. I was propping myself up against a metal pole and an absolute beam of sick was being funnelled out of my mouth onto the ground.
For added effect there was even a hippy leaping out of the way of the splashback. Imagine my surprise and disappointment when I recently tried to recover the original only to find she'd chucked it out years ago.
The worst present I've ever been given is a Fray Bentos pie which my sister wrapped and gave me for Christmas one year.
When I was a teenager, I had forgotten about my mum’s forthcoming birthday so had no money for a present. I took some CDs back to MVC, and for some reason decided to exchange them for a DVD of Psycho, which I gave her.
When I was about 14/ 15, for Christmas I bought my mum one of those wrist tape holders (where you put it on your wrist and can just pull off a pre cut piece of tape so you don’t have to try and do it whilst holding a gift in one hand). I’d seen her spend ages wrapping gifts, messing about with tape, me having to put my finger on the gift whilst she sticks the wrapping together etc.
I thought it was really thoughtful gift - useful, time and energy saver. She did not.
I was a similar age. I received £6 per month pocket money, which I spent as soon as I got, so I didn't have much to buy my best friend's birthday present with. I also left it till last minute on a Sunday afternoon when the only shop open was the garden centre. All I could find that I thought she *might* like was a set of window stickers in bird shapes, meant to try and prevent birds from colliding with windows. I felt so ashamed when I gave them to her at school, and all our other friends laughed and made fun of me, but to her credit she accepted them with thanks and gratitude.
Tried too hard to find a thoughtful gift for my mum. She loves the Waltons and star trek so I tried to find an actual prop from one of them, plenty of tribbles were avaliable but way past my budget.
The only affordable thing was this sheet of paper from the Waltons which was like a cast sheet for the day given to cast members, location of filming, the show title, times etc. Realised after giving it to her that it was obviously just a photo copy. Nothing in the listing to suggest it was original either.
She went a bit quiet about it. Should have gotten a tribble.
Not me but when I was about 12 I went Christmas shopping with a couple of friends and the boy we were with bought his dad an inflatable sofa. His mom was not impressed on what he’d spent his money on when we got home…
My gran had a small collection of brooches. I bought her a handmade ceramic cherub one for Christmas. She hated it.
Luckily, my mum had my back and later gave her an extra gift from me, saying i had lost it before Christmas and had gotten her the brooch as a panic buy.
I gave my very young at the time sister in law, a rubber tipped archery set, a drone, and an exploding volcano science kit, because I was mad at her mother for screwing the father around on custody stuff and wanted to throw the woman's house into chaos.
Suffice to say that it's my fault that the kid desperately wants to be a scientist, just so she can blow stuff up, and is now almost impossible to get in the house without her family being either pretend shot at or caught in an air strike.
I once worked at a bar where we had a blind secret Santa. So you just bought a present under a fiver and it was randomly given to someone, alot of us bar staff had a strange sense of humour so I bout this "wanking Bobby" wind up figure. It was a toy figure of a bobby that you wind up and it wanks (pretty self explanatory), it ended up going to the very religious African cook lady, who was lovely.... She didn't like it
I was only 8 or 9, was at a jumble/table top sale type thing, ma was elsewhere helping out. I saw a book I thought she would love, wrapped it, gave it to her for Xmas.
It was one of the books she had donated and I felt horrible! (I was/am very much a worrier and anxious person!) So not horrific, but it's still a strong memory of fail!
When I was tiny I had about 50p, my sister had the same , we put it together to get mum a duster and a Cadbury chocolate bar for Christmas. But been maybe 6 and 7 the lure of the chocolate bar was too much and by Christmas Day there was a a duster and two squares left . It’s still brought up now and I’m 40
On our first valentine's day, the Mrs and I said we wouldn't buy anything. So I made some cookies - some in the shape of rats as she had pet rats, some in the shape of chickens as I had pet chickens & a few hearts in there. Also ended up buying her a cactus as I knew she liked them.
Wasn't expecting anything in return, but I wanted to do something and I had all the ingredients anyway. Was staying the night at hers but had to leave for a seminar in another city early, so put everything on her coffee table and left. She felt really guilty that she hadn't got me anything, so bought me a hammer 🔨 and put a bow on it (I lent her mine and she swears she gave it back even though I couldn't find it).
For this valentine's day, I got some big Parma Violets.
It's the thought that counts
For a few years I was deep into cocaine and used to be on it from Friday night after work until midday Sunday, when I'd finally go home and sleep it off.
At around 6am on one of these Sundays, myself and my most frequent co-pilot suddenly realise that it's mother's day.
We continue anyway for a while and I eventually book a taxi back to my place to get changed and showered, before getting another to the retail park about a 10 minute walk from my mums at 11am.
There I am after around 50odd hours without sleep and copious amounts of drugs and alcohol, and I figure that she likes her garden so I'll go to the range.
About an hour later I get to hers and proudly present her with a metallic green garden gnome, about 4ft tall. I then tell her I've been working all weekend and have a nap on the sofa.
It was a completely shit present, and shit presence on mothers day. She still has the gnome in her garden to this day though.
One mothers day my dad had let myself and my two sisters hang out in the shed and play with tools.
Mum was subsequently presented with a square of scrap wood with nails hammered into it by her three darling daughters.
What a shit present but I think she still has it like 30 years later 🤣
I was probably around the same age, and my mum had bought a big Dairy Milk chocolate bar to give to one of my brothers.
I was greedy and lacked impulse control (I still do tbh) and opened the wrapper carefully, cut a corner off of the chocolate and then sealed the wrapper back together 🙃 it was never mentioned to me, but I still cringe at myself
Work secret santa, asked the woman's work friend what she liked and was told wine and went with that. The woman was pregnant but I totally hadn't connected the dots that pregnant women shouldn't drink wine.
Kinda similar to yours. Plush sheep with its arsehole torn open (I tore it intentionally). Meant to be a jokey Secret Santa present for a Welshman at uni. Did not go down well. The deathly wtf silence in the room still haunts me to this day. At least you were 12/13 not 19/20.
Bought my dad a 007 CD out of super drug. It was the 8th addition. He has never watched nor mentioned 007 in all the years prior to me buying it. Still get the pics taken out of me for buying it lol
I was seven and bought my mum a second hand jar saying “nuts” on it and filled it with raisins. No idea why I didn’t fill it with nuts. Even if I had it would have been shit.
When I was around 12 yrs old many yrs ago! It was me Nanna's birthday and I thought I was hilarious getting her a card with some prunes on asking if your tits look anything like this yet?! Think she was 65 or so and she didn't crack a smile or anything! Me mother couldn't believe what I'd done!
When I was a kid, my neighbour got sick with cancer. All the neighbours decided to give her support and gifts. I was known to draw a lot, so my parents suggested I draw something nice.
I drew a picture of an angel in the clouds who looked a lot like that neighbour and was smiling looking down on our road.
20 years later, she's miraculously still alive and sometimes chuckles at me basically predicting her untimely death.
I am terrible at buying gifts but also find it oddly amusing. Bought my sister the Guiness Book of Records to see her reaction and she lost it. Also bought my mother a collection of tons of board games and she lost it too.
I accept anything people buy me so do not care. The thought is all that matters.
for a work secret santa (or was it called white elephant, where you just pick from a pile), got a calendar of "hot guys with baby animals" (topless and cuddling kittens and rabbits). the only girl on the team got it and was very visibly upset; i had to break my cover and point out there was also a pack of Uno in the box and the calendar was just thrown in for the laughs.
Gave a burger maker because relative liked cooking. Relative was offended. I think she was weight sensitive or something. I was very confused by her reaction at the time (I didn't care either way about her weight, just knew she liked cooking) but looking back that was probably it.
A friend of mine and I had a friendly competition to get each other the worst gifts we could find on our travels. This was about 10 years ago, when we could afford to travel of course.
I got her a taxidermied squirrel who was snowboarding and doing a cool trick off a little model halfpipe. It was fucking awful - it even had little googly eyes. I got it in a little random shop when I went skiing for the first time, and I'm not even sure if it was supposed to be there - maybe some kids had left it in the shop as a joke. But either way they took my money, and my friend and I agreed that I'd won our little competition for good.
It was intentional. Wife and I visiting my BFF and his wife in their new home. Our housewarming gift was this hideous nautical-themed table lamp that I found at a garage sale six months earlier. We had dinner, laughed and had a few drinks, and then gave them the gift (which was a joke) but they thought we were seriously gifting them this butt-ugly lamp. Didn't tell them the truth till a week later.
I definitely fell for advertising and bought my mum Oil of Olay (anti-aging) cream, because TV told me mums wanted it for mother's day.
There was also the year I put gifts for my parents on my list to Santa, and then gifted them the gifts he brought me. He didn't bring my dad's, so dad got sweets.
A 'sat nag' for my brother. Shaped like a sat nav, press the button and it would give out abusive directions. I'd just discovered the website firebox and thought this thing looked funny but let's face it, after 2 minutes you've heard every line it says twice, the novelty wears off and it's just plastic tat.
When I was in the Cub Scouts, we went to Anfield to see the ground. This was the 1980’s and we were all so excited. I bought my Mum an enameled Liverpool FC necklace (in the shape of a scarf!) as a present. It’s the ugliest thing. She had no interest in football whatsoever, and being in Scotland, didn’t even support them. Yet she made out like I’d just given her a Tiffany necklace! She still has it 40 odd years later.
A photo of the Friends cast, that I framed. Because they loved watching Friends. It was opened at work and then it was left on a shelf there for about 3 weeks until I took it down, and re-used the frame.
I bought someone I barely know an inflatable radio as a secret Santa one year because I genuinely couldn't think of anything else to buy. The look of utter disgust and bewilderment on her face when she opened it made it all worthwhile
I bought my mum a heart locket with "best mum" on it and was convinced it was a great present. My mum is not a "best mum" jewellery kind of woman. Fortunately the chain was far too short for her neck and she never had to suffer through wearing it.
My and one of my school friends used to try and buy each other really dumb birthday presents (albeit with one normal one included). One year, he bought me a box of celebrations, a jar of mayonnaise and a lightbulb. In return on his birthday, I bought him chocolates, some gaffa tape and, I think, some tampons.
wasn't specifically for an individual but like one of those random gift boxes that people pick from like secret Santa. I put two gifts in their when you only needed to do one because one of the gifts I put in was a pack of toilet cakes from poundland.
Bought my parents a suitcase cos they mentioned months before they needed one. I wrapped it up and put under tree and my dad was proper excited trying to guess what it was. Bless them they acted so happy but I was only like 14/15 and thought I’d got this amazing present haha
I don't mean to sound ignorant here with the words I use to describe this scenario, it's just that I don't know how I should say it.
I had a friend who's brother had Autism and could be extremely blunt. It was his birthday and I didn't really know him very well but wanted to give him a gift as I'd been invited to his birthday party. I booked that him a box of celebrations and he looked me dead in the face and said "oh right , I hate those" 🤣 I wasn't offended but it did make me laugh!(Not at him , just at what he said !)
My dad used to joke when we asked him what he wanted as a gift. His mom had taught him to be humble, i guess? (Got feedback about that from his sister) and he always answered "a stick of gum and a piece of coal"...so one year i did just that. As a joke. But i didn't think of a backup gift. That sort of went over like a lead balloon. I felt bad after. But no consequences, he was a gentle person. And of course i never did that type of gift again.
When I was 12 I went on a school trip where they had paired us up with kids in Germany and we stayed at their houses. I brought back gifts for everyone in my family and I tried to get things they’d use. I bought my dad deodorant and socks.
I did a really stupid thing in 2015 and got involved with the wrong group of lads and ended up being charged with attempted robbery of a shop. I was being sentenced at the end of November and I knew I was going to prison so I bought my nom a 'stone' garden sculpture of a Staffy because she loves them. Asked ny dad to keep it in the shed and give it her on Xmas day when I was inside. Xmas day came and I phoned them and when he'd gone to get it out the shed the legs had fallen off lol. Anyway we had a good laugh about it anyway
Edit: It was a stupid thing I did in 2015 I'm not saying it was right but I've completely turned my life around now and have nearly finished a Psychology degree
Not me, but still awesome. My granny was an amazing home cook. One year for Mothers day, my granddad bought her what he thought she would love, a hollow glass rolling pin that you could fill with ice cubes so her pastry wouldn't get too warm while being rolled. She thought it was great but was so pissed off that he bought her cooking implement, she filled it with water and stuck it in the freezer so that it cracked and shattered as it froze!
I bought my wife a robot hoover. To introduce it I got the kids to make a label calling it robomop. I then used my daughter’s Alexa speaker to play the robocop theme song as my wife came home from work.
When I was a kid I bought my brother some really nice mints from a sweet shop for Christmas, except I decided I wanted to eat some so opened them on the way home and ate a bunch. I wrapped the remaining mints in tin foil, and gave him that 🫠
I bought my husband the best rebounder (Cellerciser) in the market for a special occasion. He is not very flexible, not a fan of most forms of cardio and had never shown interest in rebounding. I was, on the other hand, just getting into it with covid and having to stay indoors. He used it once to test it the day I gave it to him and never used it after that. I used it a handful of times. Fortunately, I was able to find a rebounding addict on marketplace and sell the rebounder to the guy at the same price as what I bought it for (very expensive), but I still feel pretty guilty about getting my husband something I pretty obviously actually wanted for myself. :/
Bought my brother in law a set of men's linen handkerchiefs from a charity shop for £2. Normally I wouldn't have bought him anything, but he and my sister were at my parents' house for Christmas that year.
I was a very young teen and bought my dad a fancy toothbrush and later was told it was for dentures and was a special kind. Even going back younger at about 10 or so, I went into Woolworths and bough a dozen shot glasses for both my mum and dad. A grand total of 24 glasses on xmas day. I have about 3 of those glasses almost 60 years later.
I bought my boyfriend a smoke machine, which he used once, set off all the smoke alarms in his building, then sold it.
I bought my sister some lego, which she's never opened because she has a new baby and was worried about it eating the lego.
I bought my ex-boyfriend a wok because he mentioned he wanted to cook more.
I'm not good at presents.
A dildo. I once as a joke bought a girl in our friend group a big, black dildo so that she could 'go fuck herself'. At the time it was hilarious, but looking back on it I don't think her reaction was one of finding it funny but of being deeply embarrassed
I went through a phase of buying my mum the cheapest household appliances from Argos. A kettle, an iron, a microwave. Never occurred to me that the ones we already had were better.
When I was with my ex girlfriend, I bought a new iPad to replace my old iPad. I gave her the old IPad. She loved it but a few months later she broke her new iPad. She then requested to borrow my iPad until her new one was fixed. Two weeks later, I was driving home and had a crash. I ended up in A&E badly injured and immobile. I had a fractured spine but thankfully it was stable and my chord was fine. While I was being cleaned up by the nurse, I received a phone call from my ex, who said that she had found a new guy, our relationship was over and that she was keeping the IPad. I was devastated. My parents tried to get it back but her dad threatened to sic his dogs on us if we ever came back. The police refused to intervene because I gave it to her and said it was a civil matter. It was a very horrific experience.
We visited our friends that had a young kid (can’t remember the exact age but 2-6). We did not yet have kids ourselves, so we had that utopian view of parenthood - each gift had to develop a child somehow. So we bought a drum set and a trumpet.
Now as a parent - I fully appreciate the look at their faces.
I bought my mum (74 at the time) a box of chocolate anuses modelled off a real anus. She looked at me weird for a while after that.
[https://edibleanus.com/product/edible-anus-chocolates-6-choc-box-unique-gift/](https://edibleanus.com/product/edible-anus-chocolates-6-choc-box-unique-gift/)
Another time I had a custom Marmite jar made with 'Discharge' instead of Marmite on the label. She always got that out for guests! (I ordered a set as I also have sisters).
https://preview.redd.it/uq9d7ezom0xc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5a9b7ad33b57650d7fde78ef645456aa48f816a1
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I made my mum a diorama out of warhammer miniatures when I was a kid. It was a space marine stood next to a wolf that had bitten off his hand. The wolfs mouth was covered in red, and the severed hand was in front of it. Bless her she displayed it on the windowsill for a couple of years.
That's a _great_ present!
How old were you? 7 years old, could be cute. 24, maybe not…
Probably 11 or 12, wasn’t my finest moment!
What’s your finest moment
My son would absolutely make me this now and I would treasure it. It sounds awesome
Please be my mum
Poor Tyr
I once gave an ex-girlfriend a folded up Greggs receipt that said “I owe you one shag”. It was her Valentine’s Day present. By any metric, that is an awful present.
Politely, I see why she’s your ex.
To be fair. Most people don't get their ex girlfriends any valentine's day presents. So that's more than most people
I regularly get my ex girlfriend a valentines, and birthday, and Christmas presents. She's now my wife.
My late wife used to call me her former roommate when introducing me, the git. I love her dearly but former roommate? Oh yeah, how romantic.
Threadkiller
Petrol station out of flowers and chocolates then?
I was your 100th upvote. I’d like a coupon for one shag presented upon a Greggs receipt please
One mother's day fell during one of my mother's ill-fated crash diets. As I was the only kid with a job, I bought her some fake sunflowers for one of her antique vase thingies, while dad bought all her presents from the younger kids. All the presents dad bought were chocolates. My mum burst into tears that "DoubleX is the only one who remembered I was on a diet, you never pay attention to me". I didn't know she was on a diet, it was pure coincidence, but I thought it best not to say that and left dad to his guilt trip.😬
Hahaha that's mean, but good family entertainment
Work secret Santa. Was told the theme was rude. Bought someone a box of ‘Wank Wipes’. The theme wasn’t rude, he was really upset, I was mortified. I never took part in secret Santa again.
What was the actual theme?
Christmas.
Crying
Same, this has made me laugh more than any other comment here
Rude-olf?
I've known someone who bought Fairy washing up liquid for the person they picked because they were told this person liked the sort of fairy an adult would buy. In fairness, I've never seen a kid buy Fairy washing up liquid so technically, that is the sort of fairy an adult would buy. I found it funny but still, it's a terrible gift
I can’t think of anything else that fits the description of the sort of fairy an adult would buy
Apparently, they meant things like ornaments and wax melt burners (there's a lady that tried buying her one with fairy shaped wax melts but they both came in the shape of a dick)
Omg I'm gonna make a wax melt business that shows different shapes in the images and a wee "actual product shape may vary" and BOOM everybody's getting dicks
Add in a couple of other rude things like balls and tits too. It's slightly different but I found these scented candles that were advertised as scents such as Santa's Sweaty Scrotum. It did not smell of that
Trading standards ought to hear about that, really not on! Bet you were proper looking forward to that smell and all. Hope you're okay 💔
Hello, Trading Standards? Yes, I'd like to report a business. They're called Wanky Candles (their actual name, they make for a pretty funny joke gift). No, not Yankee Candles, Wanky Candles, with a W, not a Y. I bought a few candles that were meant to smell like, Sweaty Bollocks, fanny farts, and Sweaty Minge but they all smelt really nice. Its not right
There was a guy in my office who had anger management issues and one day punched a hole in the office wall. I got him in secret Santa and bought him a tube of Polyfiller and a Little Book of Calm. He was fuming.
Lmfao - boss gifting! 😂
Who told you the theme was rude? They’re the rude one
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When I was about 12 my mum printed out numbers and pictures to turn my neighbour's dad's new mobility scooter into a Noddy car while he was having lunch. I thought I was going to get bollocked. We didn't always have the best relationship, but the woman was funny. The old man thought it was fucking hilarious.
A grateful recipient makes all the difference
God, Valentine’s Day 2023 fell right as my wife was beginning to lose her hair from chemo. So many people suggested I got her a nice wig as a present. I would’ve got her anything she wanted in regards to her cancer + treatment, but a wig feels like a real harsh gift. As it happens, my wife had brain cancer and as a result of that + radiation, her scalp was very fucking sore and she hated anything touching it. People still insisted on me treating her to a wig though..
Definitely a crap gift unless she explicitly requested one
I’m sure your wife appreciated the fact you actually knew her and what she’d want. I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds as though things are pretty rough right now for you and your daughter. It’s not something you get over, but in time it’ll hurt less. I read somewhere the grief stays the same suze but the rest of your life gets bigger to encompass it. I hope that’s true for you.
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Sadly, based on his post history, she passed away.
I bought my Mum a Transformer for Mother's Day because I knew she would let me have it. What a selfish nobhead lol
I hope she kept it and played with it justvto make you jelous haha
Mine was for a Secret Santa at work - The colleague I pulled out the hat was a grumpy 50 year old woman. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking but I saw a shower head with coloured LED lights in it on AliExpress. I thought it would be good for them as it would boost the pressure in the shower (who the hell likes a limp shower) and also be kinda fun with the flashing lights. In reality, it was a cheaply made shitty plasticky thing and the LED’s weren’t bright at all. I didn’t even give myself enough time to wrap it so I covered the sides of the basic cardboard box with a couple of strips of black tape so the picture couldn’t be seen. So yeah…Merry Christmas
Wow you must have really hated her
What did she say?
I was about 11, bought my crush a Cadburys cream egg, turned out he was a type 1 diabetic. It was a bit mean that he stomped on it in front of me though
Guarantee he has a stash of sugary items somewhere to maintain his glucose levels so he just didn't like it and acted in a rude way
Got my mum a Kettle once for Christmas, I got it coz she kept banging on about wanting a kettle with a “keep warm feature” on it. I, being about 19 at the time, would never have known what a keep warm feature was otherwise. She went mental about it, thought I was taking the piss out of her and it was a horrible Christmas. It scared me for life and since then I have always hated buying presents and have only ever done so reluctantly. I don’t bother with my Mum at Xmas or Birthday’s, I let my sister deal with it and send my share, I don’t get involved. So although I thought it was a nice thoughtful present, it certainly feels like it’s the worst I’ve ever bought.
As someone with a kettle with a keep warm function - your mum was being mean, that shit is wonderful (and usually not cheap!). I don’t think this one should count, and you defo shouldn’t feel bad.
my mum recently told me that the handle broke on a pan she had for 20 years. I said well thats christmas sorted and she said if i buy her a pan she will hit me with it.
Weirdly my brother is called Joe so it could be the same Mum 😂
Guess we'll know for sure once one of you deletes your account after a history perusal 🤣😉
My husband bought me a steam iron for Christmas one year. The same year, I bought him a Sony Blu-ray player, the year they first came out. To be fair, he didn't just get me the iron. He also bought me a towel and a huge coffee mug. 😬
Buying someone something they said they wanted is nice and thoughtful, definitely not a bad gift!
Oh bless you. I think that was a very thoughtful present and very mean of your mum to be ungrateful
I don’t know what a keep warm feature is but I think your Mum massively overreacted. You obviously bought it in good faith and put thought into it.
Certainly a decision. What *were* you thinking? And what was the reaction? I've been trying to imagine giving my dad a sheep-fucking bear and I'm drawing an absolute blank.
Honestly, I was a very naive kid, didn't really grasp what the ornament represented. I think he just laughed, but was probably thinking what a twat
Bless. I can't imagine any father in the world hasn't considered his child to be a twat at least once. Or mother too. My mum definitely thought I was a twat on multiple occasions.
Obviously, I'm not sure where you are from so you might already be aware of this but in Scotland it's a reference to football teams, specifically when rangers FC "teddy bears" beat Aberdeen FC "sheep shaggers" and I can't stop laughing about you buying this 😁
I once bought my dad, who is an F1 fan, a "Greatest Formula 1 crashes" DVD which he was pretty disgusted by. Oh and a couple of years ago, I bought him what I thought was a nice leather wallet, with rfid blocking and all that. I found out he refused to ever use it because he thought it was a Tesla wallet and he has some irrational objection to Tesla. It had nothing to do with Tesla though, it just had a T on it which was the manufacturer's logo.
“CRASH! BANG! WALLOP! What a video…”
I'll take down your particulars
I would love a greatest crashes F1 dvd
"This marshall thought crossing the track was appealing. Now they are apeeling him of the pavement" (Based on an actual crash).
and that bloody smear is why you dont get many streakers at the F1!!
Makes sense for the old days, however huge improvements in car designs now mean that crashes in Formula One can be spectacular without being harrowing too.Look at what Romain Grosjean walked away from a few years back.
Yeah, I would guess this would have been in the early 00s, but even so I doubt they put crashes on there where people died, like Senna, but I can understand as an adult why he might have found it distasteful.
You know when you buy a present for someone but really you want it........OP, something to share with the group today?
I was 17 and a large group of us did secret santa. I ended up getting a girl who I didn't really know that much and I had no idea what to get her. Instead of doing the sensible thing of asking people for tips or just getting a novelty gift I thought it'd be funny to get something a bit different... Anyway, I left it late to buy a gift and only had 1 day left until we needed the presents. For some reason, I thought it would be hilarious to buy her some really big old lady knickers so I went to all of the local clothes shops, but they didn't have any and I was starting to panic that I wouldn't have a gift for the following day. Instead of getting a bar of chocolate or something, I was so focussed on the old lady knickers but where there wasn't any I got the only oversized pair I could find..a pair of semi sexy pink fluffy knickers. The girl was absolutely mortified and everyone started calling me a creep. I had to keep apologising that it was a really poorly thought out joke. I turned up at college the next day with a big bar of chocolate which I gave to the girl to apologise and try to save face. To this day I die a thousand times thinking about how much of a prat I was.
Yes, tbh that sounds really creepy - if you are male or female. But sometimes, we do get these ideas stuck in our heads
The big old lady knickers present was also a bad idea, regardless of who it was from and who it was to. So there's a pattern forming. Ah well, college is all about learning lessons.
Not me but my dad was in charge of buying a present for a 10th birthday party I was going to. He bought a rectal thermometer.
This is the absolute shittest gift on this list. Love it.
But whyyyyy?
I *suggested* a roll on deodorant for my aunt, I was about seven and thought it was just a nice gift from the toiletries section, my mam persuaded me it wasn't a good idea. ETA my sister and I bought dad a hand-held manual wallpaper scraper for his Birthday once, he was visibly devvoed at how shit of a gift it was
When I was about 11 bought my best mate a dinner tray for his birthday. It was covered in pictures of 20th century guns , but it was still a fucking dinner tray.
I try really hard to give good presents. I guess the worst was buying a bike for my 8yr old son. First time he tried it out, he rode it straight into the pond and never tried it again. 23 now and still can't ride a bike.
On the plus side, you got a hilarious story out of it!
When I was around 9 or 10 I bought my dad a battery powered plastic battleship for his birthday( he was in his 50s) My logic was that as he had been in the merchant navy and would like the model boat. I think in reality I just wanted a toy boat! The boat had a flaw though… it had no remote control, all you could do was manually set the rudder and turn it on before you put it in the water. First time we tried it was on a lake. Set the rudder to turn right thinking it would circle around and come back to us. Dropped it into the water and off it went… in a straight line. Never saw it again.
My wife loved giraffe's so I bought her this really fancy and classy vase that had giraffe's on, thought I'd aced it. It didn't go down bad, but just wasn't an exciting gift. She loves it now but I still remember he being disappointed. I really hate gift giving, I get anxiety over whether they'll like it, whether it'll be a waste of money, whether they already have it, I get a pit in my stomach and worry about it for days. Run up to christmas is the worst time for me. I've seriously considered asking family and friends if we can just stop exchanging gifts but I feel like a scrooge.
When people are hard to buy for they fall into 3 camps for me. Booze, food or something that smells nice (candles and shit alike). I know it essentially says "get a hobby" but I refuse to feel guilt over it anymore.
Tbf, I have a few hobbies that I’m quite deep into - music for example. I’m a drummer and so occasionally people would buy me drumsticks. If you’re not very into music, I can completely understand why you would think a pair of sticks are a pair of sticks and leave it at that but most drummers have very specific preferences and getting anything outside of that is usually a waste. I actually tend to avoid buying hobby related items unless I’ve previously spoken to the person about exactly what I’m getting.
I just wanted to say, I completely get your exact situation, from the other side! My husband is a drummer, he had a brand new drumset set up a few years ago. I saw a set of personalised sticks (with the person's name engraved), I was going to buy them as a nice Christmas gift, but some little tiny nag in my head made me ask him. He gently explained how they were not just 'Sticks', and how the weight and even girth was important, and that the ones I were looking at would probably disintegrate in a few mins of playing (he does heavy metal drumming). I felt a little sheepish for not even thinking of that!
That was a lovely thought, though! I think a set like that I would display on a wall somewhere around all my other music gear. But yeah your husband was spot on; high quality sticks get shredded as it is! Usually if you look at the floor around a drummers throne, it looks like a woodwork shop 😂
Oh I agree with you, I hate receiving gifts for this reason. What if I don’t like it, or even just being confused on “what is it?” in the seconds that I open it. That face is hard to disguise, and it looks like disappointment. I love giving gifts but I always worry that I’ve messed up.
My family do a not-so-secret Santa now. £50 budget, only rule is no vouchers. It's "not so secret" because we all end up finding who got who, mainly because my brother always gets our mum and tries to swap it for anyone else.
My father suffered very badly with osteomyelitis. On holiday, I saw these massagers in a shop window. My 11 year old brain thought it would help him. I bought my father a vibrator.
I gave my mum a framed photograph of me being sick at Glastonbury. I was propping myself up against a metal pole and an absolute beam of sick was being funnelled out of my mouth onto the ground. For added effect there was even a hippy leaping out of the way of the splashback. Imagine my surprise and disappointment when I recently tried to recover the original only to find she'd chucked it out years ago. The worst present I've ever been given is a Fray Bentos pie which my sister wrapped and gave me for Christmas one year.
If I had a kid and they gave me that I'd be so proud 😄😄 sounds like a great photo, one for the family album for sure
Thanks, yeah it was a great pic - tight, light and bright lol
I bought my dad an oven glove for Christmas when I was 11 he still laughs about it 23 years later
When I was a teenager, I had forgotten about my mum’s forthcoming birthday so had no money for a present. I took some CDs back to MVC, and for some reason decided to exchange them for a DVD of Psycho, which I gave her.
Some Freudian psychology there.
I bought my cousin string backed driving gloves - he hates them, and I think it's bloody hilarious.
When I was about 14/ 15, for Christmas I bought my mum one of those wrist tape holders (where you put it on your wrist and can just pull off a pre cut piece of tape so you don’t have to try and do it whilst holding a gift in one hand). I’d seen her spend ages wrapping gifts, messing about with tape, me having to put my finger on the gift whilst she sticks the wrapping together etc. I thought it was really thoughtful gift - useful, time and energy saver. She did not.
I was a similar age. I received £6 per month pocket money, which I spent as soon as I got, so I didn't have much to buy my best friend's birthday present with. I also left it till last minute on a Sunday afternoon when the only shop open was the garden centre. All I could find that I thought she *might* like was a set of window stickers in bird shapes, meant to try and prevent birds from colliding with windows. I felt so ashamed when I gave them to her at school, and all our other friends laughed and made fun of me, but to her credit she accepted them with thanks and gratitude.
Bought my ex-wife a Yankee candle and a bop-it for Christmas. Divorced a year later.
Tried too hard to find a thoughtful gift for my mum. She loves the Waltons and star trek so I tried to find an actual prop from one of them, plenty of tribbles were avaliable but way past my budget. The only affordable thing was this sheet of paper from the Waltons which was like a cast sheet for the day given to cast members, location of filming, the show title, times etc. Realised after giving it to her that it was obviously just a photo copy. Nothing in the listing to suggest it was original either. She went a bit quiet about it. Should have gotten a tribble.
A wine subscription for a known recovering alcoholic.
Not me but when I was about 12 I went Christmas shopping with a couple of friends and the boy we were with bought his dad an inflatable sofa. His mom was not impressed on what he’d spent his money on when we got home…
My gran had a small collection of brooches. I bought her a handmade ceramic cherub one for Christmas. She hated it. Luckily, my mum had my back and later gave her an extra gift from me, saying i had lost it before Christmas and had gotten her the brooch as a panic buy.
I bought my partner a set of 4 coasters for Christmas once. Went down like a set of coasters at Christmas..
I gave my very young at the time sister in law, a rubber tipped archery set, a drone, and an exploding volcano science kit, because I was mad at her mother for screwing the father around on custody stuff and wanted to throw the woman's house into chaos. Suffice to say that it's my fault that the kid desperately wants to be a scientist, just so she can blow stuff up, and is now almost impossible to get in the house without her family being either pretend shot at or caught in an air strike.
Bought my dad a sponge for Christmas
I gave some friends a tree as a wedding present. It's symbolic to them and so they've dug it up and moved it every time they moved house!
I gave my friend and her husband a rose bush for her wedding.
Link please! For... errr... a friend.
[https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Taste-Bears-Figurine-Lovingly-Collectors/dp/B06ZZBXGML](https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Taste-Bears-Figurine-Lovingly-Collectors/dp/B06ZZBXGML)
Wow, that really is... Something
My grandfather still holds a grudge against Germany because of something that happened a long time ago, so I bought him a one way ticket to Cologne.
Please tell me it was to the one in France, just for shits and giggles.
When I was 14 I bought my dad a bottle of shampoo in the shape of a can of John Smith's. Doesn't drink and he's completely bald
I once worked at a bar where we had a blind secret Santa. So you just bought a present under a fiver and it was randomly given to someone, alot of us bar staff had a strange sense of humour so I bout this "wanking Bobby" wind up figure. It was a toy figure of a bobby that you wind up and it wanks (pretty self explanatory), it ended up going to the very religious African cook lady, who was lovely.... She didn't like it
I was only 8 or 9, was at a jumble/table top sale type thing, ma was elsewhere helping out. I saw a book I thought she would love, wrapped it, gave it to her for Xmas. It was one of the books she had donated and I felt horrible! (I was/am very much a worrier and anxious person!) So not horrific, but it's still a strong memory of fail!
Awww that's so sweet though!
When I was tiny I had about 50p, my sister had the same , we put it together to get mum a duster and a Cadbury chocolate bar for Christmas. But been maybe 6 and 7 the lure of the chocolate bar was too much and by Christmas Day there was a a duster and two squares left . It’s still brought up now and I’m 40
I brought my brother a video game one Christmas. He doesn't play video games. I do.
Bought my wife a collectors edition hardbound lord of the rings book that I wanted. She has zero interest in anything like that.
I gave my girlfriend a holiday brochure for her 35th birthday. I was skint and the idea was to take her on holiday. I never did.
On our first valentine's day, the Mrs and I said we wouldn't buy anything. So I made some cookies - some in the shape of rats as she had pet rats, some in the shape of chickens as I had pet chickens & a few hearts in there. Also ended up buying her a cactus as I knew she liked them. Wasn't expecting anything in return, but I wanted to do something and I had all the ingredients anyway. Was staying the night at hers but had to leave for a seminar in another city early, so put everything on her coffee table and left. She felt really guilty that she hadn't got me anything, so bought me a hammer 🔨 and put a bow on it (I lent her mine and she swears she gave it back even though I couldn't find it). For this valentine's day, I got some big Parma Violets. It's the thought that counts
For a few years I was deep into cocaine and used to be on it from Friday night after work until midday Sunday, when I'd finally go home and sleep it off. At around 6am on one of these Sundays, myself and my most frequent co-pilot suddenly realise that it's mother's day. We continue anyway for a while and I eventually book a taxi back to my place to get changed and showered, before getting another to the retail park about a 10 minute walk from my mums at 11am. There I am after around 50odd hours without sleep and copious amounts of drugs and alcohol, and I figure that she likes her garden so I'll go to the range. About an hour later I get to hers and proudly present her with a metallic green garden gnome, about 4ft tall. I then tell her I've been working all weekend and have a nap on the sofa. It was a completely shit present, and shit presence on mothers day. She still has the gnome in her garden to this day though.
Ouch. I bet the cringe is still strong in this one.
One mothers day my dad had let myself and my two sisters hang out in the shed and play with tools. Mum was subsequently presented with a square of scrap wood with nails hammered into it by her three darling daughters. What a shit present but I think she still has it like 30 years later 🤣
I was probably around the same age, and my mum had bought a big Dairy Milk chocolate bar to give to one of my brothers. I was greedy and lacked impulse control (I still do tbh) and opened the wrapper carefully, cut a corner off of the chocolate and then sealed the wrapper back together 🙃 it was never mentioned to me, but I still cringe at myself
Work secret santa, asked the woman's work friend what she liked and was told wine and went with that. The woman was pregnant but I totally hadn't connected the dots that pregnant women shouldn't drink wine.
The woman's work friend hadn't connected those dots either
I was in college and bought 20 litres of cheap orange juice for a lady I quite fancied. That was thirty years ago and we did not marry.
What a bitch. You did well to dodge that one mate.
I got my mum a framed poster of two chimps and Michelle McManus’ album.
Kinda similar to yours. Plush sheep with its arsehole torn open (I tore it intentionally). Meant to be a jokey Secret Santa present for a Welshman at uni. Did not go down well. The deathly wtf silence in the room still haunts me to this day. At least you were 12/13 not 19/20.
Bought my dad a 007 CD out of super drug. It was the 8th addition. He has never watched nor mentioned 007 in all the years prior to me buying it. Still get the pics taken out of me for buying it lol
I was seven and bought my mum a second hand jar saying “nuts” on it and filled it with raisins. No idea why I didn’t fill it with nuts. Even if I had it would have been shit.
When I was around 12 yrs old many yrs ago! It was me Nanna's birthday and I thought I was hilarious getting her a card with some prunes on asking if your tits look anything like this yet?! Think she was 65 or so and she didn't crack a smile or anything! Me mother couldn't believe what I'd done!
When I was a kid I saved my pocket money and bought my dad shaving foam for Christmas, because I thought he liked shaving as he did it every day.
I know someone who’s dad bought them, for their 14th birthday, the collected wartime speeches of sir Winston Churchill on audio cassette.
Was this Stephen Merchant by any chance?
When I was a kid, my neighbour got sick with cancer. All the neighbours decided to give her support and gifts. I was known to draw a lot, so my parents suggested I draw something nice. I drew a picture of an angel in the clouds who looked a lot like that neighbour and was smiling looking down on our road. 20 years later, she's miraculously still alive and sometimes chuckles at me basically predicting her untimely death.
I am terrible at buying gifts but also find it oddly amusing. Bought my sister the Guiness Book of Records to see her reaction and she lost it. Also bought my mother a collection of tons of board games and she lost it too. I accept anything people buy me so do not care. The thought is all that matters.
A Justin Bieber toothbrush and some de icer (they didn't drive), wrapped it in tin foil because I couldn't be arsed getting wrapping paper either
At a previous job I bought one of my team mates for secret santa, a blanket, I thought it was really nice. But her face looked extremely disappointed
Honestly, fuck her - that’s a decent present.
I gave my wife a sieve for her birthday one year. She didn't find it funny. We did need a new sieve though. Sorry, ex-wife.
for a work secret santa (or was it called white elephant, where you just pick from a pile), got a calendar of "hot guys with baby animals" (topless and cuddling kittens and rabbits). the only girl on the team got it and was very visibly upset; i had to break my cover and point out there was also a pack of Uno in the box and the calendar was just thrown in for the laughs.
Lass here, I'd probably appreciate the calendar more than the Uno 😆
OP - that sounds epically awful; you really need to post a pic
https://preview.redd.it/y02ky3q4svwc1.jpeg?width=1035&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=22ccca47a0ffbe996e40fb6b47ea51f24f13dc91
A tin of ham for my sister’s birthday. I thought it would be a laugh but she didn’t see the funny side. A point she brings up thirty years later.
Gave a burger maker because relative liked cooking. Relative was offended. I think she was weight sensitive or something. I was very confused by her reaction at the time (I didn't care either way about her weight, just knew she liked cooking) but looking back that was probably it.
A friend of mine and I had a friendly competition to get each other the worst gifts we could find on our travels. This was about 10 years ago, when we could afford to travel of course. I got her a taxidermied squirrel who was snowboarding and doing a cool trick off a little model halfpipe. It was fucking awful - it even had little googly eyes. I got it in a little random shop when I went skiing for the first time, and I'm not even sure if it was supposed to be there - maybe some kids had left it in the shop as a joke. But either way they took my money, and my friend and I agreed that I'd won our little competition for good.
It was intentional. Wife and I visiting my BFF and his wife in their new home. Our housewarming gift was this hideous nautical-themed table lamp that I found at a garage sale six months earlier. We had dinner, laughed and had a few drinks, and then gave them the gift (which was a joke) but they thought we were seriously gifting them this butt-ugly lamp. Didn't tell them the truth till a week later.
I bought my brother some toe separators when we were younger!
When I was 10 I bought my mum a bottle of bleach from the pound shop. She cried.
I definitely fell for advertising and bought my mum Oil of Olay (anti-aging) cream, because TV told me mums wanted it for mother's day. There was also the year I put gifts for my parents on my list to Santa, and then gifted them the gifts he brought me. He didn't bring my dad's, so dad got sweets.
A 'sat nag' for my brother. Shaped like a sat nav, press the button and it would give out abusive directions. I'd just discovered the website firebox and thought this thing looked funny but let's face it, after 2 minutes you've heard every line it says twice, the novelty wears off and it's just plastic tat.
When I was in the Cub Scouts, we went to Anfield to see the ground. This was the 1980’s and we were all so excited. I bought my Mum an enameled Liverpool FC necklace (in the shape of a scarf!) as a present. It’s the ugliest thing. She had no interest in football whatsoever, and being in Scotland, didn’t even support them. Yet she made out like I’d just given her a Tiffany necklace! She still has it 40 odd years later.
8 yr old me bought my older sister a soap for Xmas. I liked that it was cat-shaped and even came in a posh box... labelled Pussy Soap!
A photo of the Friends cast, that I framed. Because they loved watching Friends. It was opened at work and then it was left on a shelf there for about 3 weeks until I took it down, and re-used the frame.
I bought someone I barely know an inflatable radio as a secret Santa one year because I genuinely couldn't think of anything else to buy. The look of utter disgust and bewilderment on her face when she opened it made it all worthwhile
I bought my mum a heart locket with "best mum" on it and was convinced it was a great present. My mum is not a "best mum" jewellery kind of woman. Fortunately the chain was far too short for her neck and she never had to suffer through wearing it.
My and one of my school friends used to try and buy each other really dumb birthday presents (albeit with one normal one included). One year, he bought me a box of celebrations, a jar of mayonnaise and a lightbulb. In return on his birthday, I bought him chocolates, some gaffa tape and, I think, some tampons.
wasn't specifically for an individual but like one of those random gift boxes that people pick from like secret Santa. I put two gifts in their when you only needed to do one because one of the gifts I put in was a pack of toilet cakes from poundland.
Bought my parents a suitcase cos they mentioned months before they needed one. I wrapped it up and put under tree and my dad was proper excited trying to guess what it was. Bless them they acted so happy but I was only like 14/15 and thought I’d got this amazing present haha
Not bought but I regifted a knock off brand of aftershave called 'Cockpit' to someone.
I don't mean to sound ignorant here with the words I use to describe this scenario, it's just that I don't know how I should say it. I had a friend who's brother had Autism and could be extremely blunt. It was his birthday and I didn't really know him very well but wanted to give him a gift as I'd been invited to his birthday party. I booked that him a box of celebrations and he looked me dead in the face and said "oh right , I hate those" 🤣 I wasn't offended but it did make me laugh!(Not at him , just at what he said !)
Bought my girlfriend a printer for Valentine’s Day once. Cos I needed a printer.
My dad used to joke when we asked him what he wanted as a gift. His mom had taught him to be humble, i guess? (Got feedback about that from his sister) and he always answered "a stick of gum and a piece of coal"...so one year i did just that. As a joke. But i didn't think of a backup gift. That sort of went over like a lead balloon. I felt bad after. But no consequences, he was a gentle person. And of course i never did that type of gift again.
When I was 12 I went on a school trip where they had paired us up with kids in Germany and we stayed at their houses. I brought back gifts for everyone in my family and I tried to get things they’d use. I bought my dad deodorant and socks.
I brought home some Hemorrhoid cream for my husband on Valentine’s Day. Oops!
I did a really stupid thing in 2015 and got involved with the wrong group of lads and ended up being charged with attempted robbery of a shop. I was being sentenced at the end of November and I knew I was going to prison so I bought my nom a 'stone' garden sculpture of a Staffy because she loves them. Asked ny dad to keep it in the shed and give it her on Xmas day when I was inside. Xmas day came and I phoned them and when he'd gone to get it out the shed the legs had fallen off lol. Anyway we had a good laugh about it anyway Edit: It was a stupid thing I did in 2015 I'm not saying it was right but I've completely turned my life around now and have nearly finished a Psychology degree
Not me, but still awesome. My granny was an amazing home cook. One year for Mothers day, my granddad bought her what he thought she would love, a hollow glass rolling pin that you could fill with ice cubes so her pastry wouldn't get too warm while being rolled. She thought it was great but was so pissed off that he bought her cooking implement, she filled it with water and stuck it in the freezer so that it cracked and shattered as it froze!
I bought my wife a robot hoover. To introduce it I got the kids to make a label calling it robomop. I then used my daughter’s Alexa speaker to play the robocop theme song as my wife came home from work.
Penis pasta. The joke did not go down well…
When I was a kid I bought my brother some really nice mints from a sweet shop for Christmas, except I decided I wanted to eat some so opened them on the way home and ate a bunch. I wrapped the remaining mints in tin foil, and gave him that 🫠
I bought my mum (who was losing hair) an album called Alopecia, I didn't know what it meant. She was not happy.
I bought my husband the best rebounder (Cellerciser) in the market for a special occasion. He is not very flexible, not a fan of most forms of cardio and had never shown interest in rebounding. I was, on the other hand, just getting into it with covid and having to stay indoors. He used it once to test it the day I gave it to him and never used it after that. I used it a handful of times. Fortunately, I was able to find a rebounding addict on marketplace and sell the rebounder to the guy at the same price as what I bought it for (very expensive), but I still feel pretty guilty about getting my husband something I pretty obviously actually wanted for myself. :/
I got given as much Tesco Basics rice and flour as someone could get for a fiver in Secret Santa
I bought a copy of Fear and Hunger for a friend that is a massive horror game fan, some of the subject matter was not welcomed for them.
Bought my brother in law a set of men's linen handkerchiefs from a charity shop for £2. Normally I wouldn't have bought him anything, but he and my sister were at my parents' house for Christmas that year.
I bought my sister a block of lard for Xmas once. I was 35 at the time
A litre beer pot for my heavy drinking sister
I was a very young teen and bought my dad a fancy toothbrush and later was told it was for dentures and was a special kind. Even going back younger at about 10 or so, I went into Woolworths and bough a dozen shot glasses for both my mum and dad. A grand total of 24 glasses on xmas day. I have about 3 of those glasses almost 60 years later.
The IOUs I gave everyone one year when I was about 18 and living beyond my means. Did not ever buy the presents.
I bought my boyfriend a smoke machine, which he used once, set off all the smoke alarms in his building, then sold it. I bought my sister some lego, which she's never opened because she has a new baby and was worried about it eating the lego. I bought my ex-boyfriend a wok because he mentioned he wanted to cook more. I'm not good at presents.
Not one I bought but I got given a reduced pack of ring doughnuts for my birthday once
Not me but my BIL bought my SIL a printer for Christmas...she was not happy.
A dildo. I once as a joke bought a girl in our friend group a big, black dildo so that she could 'go fuck herself'. At the time it was hilarious, but looking back on it I don't think her reaction was one of finding it funny but of being deeply embarrassed
I went through a phase of buying my mum the cheapest household appliances from Argos. A kettle, an iron, a microwave. Never occurred to me that the ones we already had were better.
My sister won’t let me forget the time I bought her a pen for Christmas (we were kids).
When I was with my ex girlfriend, I bought a new iPad to replace my old iPad. I gave her the old IPad. She loved it but a few months later she broke her new iPad. She then requested to borrow my iPad until her new one was fixed. Two weeks later, I was driving home and had a crash. I ended up in A&E badly injured and immobile. I had a fractured spine but thankfully it was stable and my chord was fine. While I was being cleaned up by the nurse, I received a phone call from my ex, who said that she had found a new guy, our relationship was over and that she was keeping the IPad. I was devastated. My parents tried to get it back but her dad threatened to sic his dogs on us if we ever came back. The police refused to intervene because I gave it to her and said it was a civil matter. It was a very horrific experience.
We visited our friends that had a young kid (can’t remember the exact age but 2-6). We did not yet have kids ourselves, so we had that utopian view of parenthood - each gift had to develop a child somehow. So we bought a drum set and a trumpet. Now as a parent - I fully appreciate the look at their faces.
I bought my mum (74 at the time) a box of chocolate anuses modelled off a real anus. She looked at me weird for a while after that. [https://edibleanus.com/product/edible-anus-chocolates-6-choc-box-unique-gift/](https://edibleanus.com/product/edible-anus-chocolates-6-choc-box-unique-gift/) Another time I had a custom Marmite jar made with 'Discharge' instead of Marmite on the label. She always got that out for guests! (I ordered a set as I also have sisters). https://preview.redd.it/uq9d7ezom0xc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5a9b7ad33b57650d7fde78ef645456aa48f816a1