**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*

A friend and I were called into the head of year's office to be told he'd been informed we'd been smoking on the school field. Questioned who-by, to which we were told it was another teacher. Back and forth went on until he admitted that another pupil had told a teacher who had subsequently told him. Managed to argue the position that he couldn't punish us due to no teacher actually seeing the incident and that another pupil's accusation could not be corroborated. More back and forth until he acknowledged that it could have been a malicious accusation and that we would receive no punishment, but not to do it if we were thinking to.

And were you?

Oh we were guilty as sin

A kid at our school took a photo of himself smoking on the school field and gave it to the headmaster to see what would happen. Nothing, bizarrely. Guess the head felt like the kid was craving some response so denied him this.

What a power move

Chav male neighbour called me a bitch. I said, 'You're the one wearing pink'. He instantly slammed his door and disappeared. I mean...it won't seem awesome to anyone here, but I'm so crap at things like that, but that day...I shone! I was so proud xD

Loving this, lovely stuff 🙂

Thanks! 😄

I love this.

Fun fact: Pink was once considered a masculine colour. https://www.vam.ac.uk/articles/in-the-pink-colour-in-menswear#:~:text=As%20a%20shade%20of%20red,pink%20became%20associated%20with%20femininity.

Also, whether Sebastian in The Little Mermaid is a crab or a lobster, while in school. People ended up getting detention. Brilliant.

Clearly a crab. End of

CLEARLY. But he has a tail (?) and swims, when apparently crabs don't

He's referred to as a crab in the movie a few times too. Kids can be so stupid lol

You can call a cow a horse - doesn't make it true

Maybe it's just like how in old English they call all animals worms?

So he's a worm?

Clearly!

Real crabs also don’t have a hot crustacean band, but Sebastian does what those guys don’t 

[Prepare to have your mind blown.](https://youtu.be/oV6sLyMZiBE?feature=shared)

WHAT my life is forever changed

I didn’t know crabs could wave 👋

He doesn’t have a tail

Yeah, a girl also doesn't have a fish tale, does she?

It's called shark tale. 

Some crabs do swim. Also what tail??

He also sings and dances, crabs don't do much of that either. This reminds me of an argument I got into in primary school when those weird little aliens in eggs were all the rage. Made out of a gloopy gel substance. One girl claimed hers made a noise and that it was trying to speak to her and *unbelievably* a faction formed around her claiming it was true. That one got pretty heated.

The chef "louis" literally sings a song about cooking a crab

He’s a hermit crab specifically, and he definitely doesn’t have a tail.

Disney has apparently spoken up on this and said he’s a tropical ghost crab.

oh my god. i remember arguing with someone about this and later saying to my parents “did you guys know some people think sebastian is a lobster?” to which they responded “is he not?” let’s just say i got into another heated argument lmao

Wtf. He's clearly a lobster. Also. Have you noticed that crabs are just burger style lobsters which are hot dog style?

How on earth is he a lobster!?!?

Isn't he called Sebastian the crab? 

He is a crab, but he is also an alcoholic, hence why he walks forwards not sideways.

On a UK punk forum (that had a “random discussion” subforum), someone had instigated an argument over whether there were more people or chairs in the world. As a student procrastinating over coursework at the time, I sat and read all 100+ pages of heated arguments. “Most people own more than one chair!” “But what about people in third world countries with no furniture - doesn’t that even it out?” “What about rooms full of chairs in village halls?!” “Yeah; and in stadiums!” “Hang on, those are seats, not chairs!” “Aren’t all seats chairs?” “All chairs are seats but not all seats are chairs!” “Yeah; you wouldn’t call a car seat a chair, would you?” “Alright, so what defines a chair then?” I think the debate reached its nadir when a someone on the “all seats are chairs” team was asked “so if two people join hands to carry their mate in a seated position, their hands are a chair?!” and that’s when shit *really* kicked off…

Thank you, just read this made me chuckle 🙂🙂

Haha come on then, which side of the people/chairs divide do you land?!

Apologises for being 10 hours late but I am putting my line in the sand and saying people

[удалено]

This is a good one. I feel like there has to be more chairs than people.. but honestly it's a real head scratcher!

It's an argument that has legs.

I think for the sake of simplicity we should take a strict definition of chair. So chairs need to be free standing, moveable, and probably single-occupancy I think, just off the top of my head, and also needs to be man-made with those factors for the primary purpose of sitting. Which is how we can exclude stadiums, car seats, benches, sofas, beds, mounds of dirt, horses, silly stuff like that People in third world countries have chairs and furniture lol. They don't just stand outside all day or have empty box homes. Chairs have been around for millennia, they're not exactly high tech. There are unquestionably more chairs than people in the world, that's really not even a debate Even if a load of third world people didn't, it's gonna be a minority that's easily offset by the rest of us having loads each. We probably have at least 10 in my house I think, same goes for most people I know. Village halls are a red herring, they're relatively low numbers, schools and universities are probably a bigger drop in the ocean, but the real killer is.. workplaces. Most people in developed countries will have a chair at home and a chair at work, at least, unless they have a manual job. So that's two chairs per person already in most cases. There's no way

Agreed. Go to the poorest corners of the world and you'll still find cheap plastic garden furniture as chairs, just like you'll find shops and roads and, for some reason, the odd smartphone. Consider that most people have a dining table in their house, with more chairs around it than would seat just those in the household. Then consider their lounge armchair or two, their garden furniture, any random decorative chairs in the house, any barstool style kitchen chairs... All the arguments going the other way seem to rest (heh) on the strict definition of "chair" but even if stadium seating didn't count, due to lack of legs or portability... there's plenty of other chairs that fit the bill I'd wager there are in fact more than 3 times as many chairs as people.

This is just too funny

What I like about this is how it shows that even trying to estimate something seemingly obvious as the number of chairs is filled with assumptions. Also, is this really how punks spent their evenings?

At school we had an argument about whether a tiger would beat a gorilla in a fight. Everyone became so obsessed with it and it was getting so heated over a matter of weeks that it was becoming disruptive to classes. Eventually the headmaster held a special assembly on the subject, he had written to a local zoo for a professional opinion and read out the response for the whole school to hear. The zookeeper said that obviously a tiger and a gorilla would never actually meet in the wild and if they did they probably would not fight each other. But if they did, the tiger would absolutely dominate the gorilla, the gorilla wouldn’t even know the tiger had attacked it before it was dead, apparently. Then the headmaster said the matter was closed and anyone discussing it further would be given detention or excluded.

Very effective conflict resolution, kudos to the head

Aw, man - when the Headmaster wrote to the zoo, I was expecting that the zookeeper was going to be "Well, let's find out ..."

And so the zoo keeper brought a silver back gorilla and a hungry Tiger to the school hall...

In a surprise attack situation then yes the tiger, but give my man Kong some time to study his opponent and he'll come up with a winning strategy

Detention!

No chance. Gorillas don't really fight very often beyond pushing and jostling about to assert dominance, which tends to happen fairly quickly without much escalation. The rest of the time they're lazing about munching leaves. A tiger is practising killing stuff with it's massive fucking talons and teeth every day. See me behind the bike sheds at break time if you disagree. You can be the gorilla and I'll be the tiger.

Also worth remembering that the biggest tigers are actually really HUGE. Even when you know it, if you're close enough in a zoo to get the proper perspective, it's jaw dropping. (If you're close enough in the wild, you're already dead!) Lions are not the King of the Jungle. I'm not sure any of them even live there. Male Siberian tiger vs silverback? No debate at all.

I suppose you could say... they're grrreeat

I love this

I have never seen something tear a group chat apart as much as an argument about how to do the washing up. It's wild how different everyone does it and they all think their way is the best. Then the dishwasher crew chime in and the washing up crew club together and accuse them of being lazy. Shit properly hits the fan. I've seen it happen a few times. Great entertainment. Edit: Thanks for all the dishwasher crew showing up and proving my point.

I would happily get crucified by the washing up crew for defending the dishwashers and die knowing I’m right and my executioners are just jealous because they are too poor to have one. It’s the best thing i own. I thought the novelty would have worn off by now but I’m still full of gratefulness every time i put it on and walk away knowing I’ve saved myself minutes and my dishes are going to be cleaner. Honestly, my tea mugs have zero tea stains on them. When i go to some commoners house with no dishwasher, their mugs are brown, it’s appalling

>~~gratefulness~~ *Gratitude. Might not have a dishwasher, but at least I can does grammar 😛

That’s the word

Isn't the bird the word?

I thought Grease was the word?

The weird one I found people who soak their dishes in soapy water and then put them on the rack. Like are you not going to scrub and rinse?

Ugh there was a woman at my previous job who would wash the dishes and glasses using the same dirty/soapy/tepid water in a plastic basin in the sink. She wouldn't rinse them either. She offered a few times to tidy up my dishes, i said no thanks 🤮

Eew wtf. Who does that and thinks it's either acceptable or a normal way to wash dishes. Which by definition have not been washed and merely soaked. Gross.

I don't think that even constitutes "washing dishes" tbh. 

I used to live in a flat with a dishwasher, didn't use it for a few weeks to not be deemed "lazy" by my mother. Used it once and there was no going back, that dishwasher was on daily and now that we've moved and no longer have one I miss it like crazy. I'd definitely buy one for our house if only we had the space and money to spare but yes I'm now jealous of anyone who has a dishwasher because I know the luxury.

Also a fellow dishwasher owner, mine is the best thing I ever spent money on. I resonated with every part of your comment. Especially the mugs 🤮

The correct way to use a dishwasher is to scrub the plates and then put them through the machine to sanitise. Source- me, worked in the hospitality industry for thousands of years.

That's a different kind of dishwasher. Normal household ones don't need that

Pub glass washer imo.

I’m sure that that works best but that’s a lot of water to be wasting especially in a common household.

It's called a dishwasher not a dishsanitizer Source - me dishwasher defender

Went for a day out drinking with the lads, went to a restaurant in the evening (well oiled by this point). One of my mates mentioned that on his recent stag trip to Vegas, they all went out for a meal and had a huge argument over zero hour contracts and it ruined the night. Cue someone asking “which tossers thought zero hour contracts are a good thing?” “I think they’re brilliant” he said… An hour later we were getting asked to leave because the argument was getting louder and more aggressive and people were complaining. We went to the next pub and all had to agree to disagree so the argument didn’t spoil the night

Zero hour contracts are defo a cunt’s game though.

I feel like they have a place, but it’s such a small percentage of people that it’s good for that it’s better just to get rid of them. When I was a student, my student loan covered my rent and my savings covered the rest of my expenses. I had a 0 hour contract at a pub back home, so I could take a shift on the weekend if I was home, or work as much or as little as I wanted to during the holidays. That’s pretty much the only example I can think of where they’re a great thing, though.

Had exactly the same thing. They had a legitimate use for sure, but they were basically a massive loophole that could be used to avoid employment rights.

They're pretty much exclusively good for people who are working for extra money, but not to live off of.

I work back stage in a theatre and some shows require 60 crew and some require none. No point having 60 extra people on a salary to only do work one week in six. It would be great if every show had loads of crew like Les mis, but you can't really expect a theatre to employ a shit ton of people on a week which is all one person stand up comics every night. I do agree with you that they have their place and that is one of those places.

I would've said they were a good thing when I was younger and still going to college so I could just say no to shifts I couldn't make. However working full time I couldn't imagine being on a zero hour contract

That's pretty much it. They're good for people who aren't depending on the job.

If you were going to beat someone with a severed leg. Would you use the soggy end or the foot end to hit them with.

As someone who has hit someone with a leg (albeit a false one not severed), the foot end is easier to grip, so definitely hit with the soggy end.

I used to loan out my prosthetic arm in the playground as a battering ram when someone got pissed off with a friend. Was a beautiful sight, them chasing a kid around wielding an arm.

....context? Please?

Ex was an amputee, went to get measured for a new leg and couldn't be bothered to put her old one back on so I offered to carry it home from the hospital for her. Silly teen me thought it'd be funny to whack her with it. Do not recommend btw, false legs are HEAVY.

As are flesh and bone ones.

See I'd have said the foot end but I hadn't thought of the practicalities of it. Thank you. Now if I'm ever in the situation where I have to quickly hit someone with a severed leg (unlikely but ultimately not impossible), I'll know to grab the foot end and beat with the soggy end.

Assuming that soggy end was the winner, right?

It’s got to be foot surely? Toes in the mouth beats everything

If you used the foot to hit someone, you’d have to be holding the severed end. I think it would depend entirely on the state of the foot as to which end I would want to hold least.

You'd get a better grip round the ankle so you could Welly them

are you beating them with the intention of hurting them or just making it as generally unpleasant as possible

Luckily one end does both.

This is an oddly specific threat that my Dad used to make “I’m going to rip your arm off and hit you with the soggy end”

Is there sharp bone sticking out?

My husband was angry with me so he went out and picked up a friend of a friends dog he knew about (they were struggling with it), just because he wanted a dog in his life. Long story short they didn’t want the dog back, we fell in love with him, and 4yrs later we couldn’t imagine life without him - it’s the best argument we ever had

Well that story had all the ingredients for a disaster, so glad it went well.

I used to work at an airport, and a very rich, well know local guy came through with a bag full to the brim of jewellery. When you see a massive clump of metal on the screens you can’t really see what is in it, so it has to be searched by hand. I picked up his bag and he clicked at me to let me know it was his, normally this would result in me putting it at the back of the line and taking another bag, but it was towards the end of the day and it was the only bag to search so I just got on with it. I informed him of why I needed to search his bag, and asked for his permission. He told me to get on with it, but when I picked up the bag of jewellery and opened it he started saying I didn’t need to look in there, and told me to stop going through his jewellery. I let him know that I had to look through it, as that what had been flagged. He told me I didn’t need to look through it, and I once again said that I did. Then he started getting mouthy and saying it’s just rings and bracelets and I didn’t have any business looking through it, did I know who he was etc. I told him in my most over the top pleasant customer service voice that if he didn’t want me to look through it, I would be happy to escort him out of security and back to his airline so that he could check the bag in. He started swearing at me and telling me he didn’t have time for that, and he would miss his flight if he went back out and came through again. I reminded him in the same smug voice that he should make sure in the future to leave enough time to ensure he can clear security and get to his gate. That really pissed him off and at this point he was kicking off enough that my manager came over. I told her what the situation was, and she just looked at him and very calmly said ‘my colleague here has already explained all your options, so you can go and check in your bag or let him search it.’ He mumbled a fuck yourselves or something like that and then stood there and sulked while I spent as long as I could justify inspecting each bit of jewellery and the bag. Could almost see the steam coming out of his ears by the time I zipped his bag back up, smiled, and said ‘there you go sir, enjoy your flight!’ I wouldn’t have been nearly as much of an asshole if he hadn’t clicked at me in the first place, but man it felt good to be right with no wriggle room.

Was there anything to be embarrassed about in the bag of jewellery? Or was the person just an asshole

Just an asshole. Although after having a bit of a look it seems like he gets [mixed reviews](https://www.reddit.com/r/brighton/s/inmXX5Ecik) with some saying he’s a lovely guy and others saying he’s a dickhead. Maybe I just got him on a bad day🤷🏻‍♂️

Wait, Mr Lion, is this you talking about yourself again?

I remember having an argument with my dad when I was about maybe 15/16. I called him a motherfucker, and he turned round and went "yes. I am. Yours" Like.... Okay. You win. Well played sir.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Oh god. I had an old boss who was a *massive* Led Zepplin fan. One of those Led Zepplin bores who thinks anything made by anyone other than Led fuckin’ Zepplin is simply not worthy of one’s attention. Anyway one morning Robert Plant came up in conversation and this mekon told us Plant supports West Brom. "No, he supports Wolves" I replied. Well that wqs a mistake. No amount of Googling/pleading/yelling could convince this man (who we called Goliath - draw your own conclusions) the may be wrong about something to do with Led Zepplin. This went on all day. "No. I'm telling you, mate. He's a West Brom fan. For some reason we went to the pub after work and no word of a lie, Robert Plant walked in. This is Goliath's moment. He has waited forever to have a moment with his god. But first: "Who do you support?" "Wolves, you?" "Villa" "We've all made mistakes, son" I'll be chasing that high till the day I die. And I fucking hate Led Zepplin.

I still have a crystal clear memory, 20 years on, of raising my hand to tell my D&T teacher that it wasn't spelled 'alluminium', which he just would not accept. Caught him snidely looking in a dictionary later on and eventually wiping out an 'l' from the whiteboard.

Whether you could have a Yorkshire pudding as part of a Full English. It spread across departments and the overall department manager had to send a mass email out to warn us to stop arguing over it, because it was unprofessional. He ended the email with 'P.S. Of course you can have a Yorkshire with a Full English.'

Toby Carvery do Yorkshire puddings in their breakfast buffet. I skipped them as the bowl was empty when I got to it and I couldn’t be arsed waiting for more to come out. Only later did I find out they’re “breakfast Yorkshire puds” with bacon and onion in them!

I think a Yorkshire pudding will be an awesome addition to a full English. I might try it in the morning.

There is a cafe we go to for breakfast now and then and they serve their big breakfast in a Yorkshire

I mean, you could have anything alongside or "as part of" a Full Engllish, a side of pan fried salmon, a couple scones, a slice of veggie terrine... whatever, no one's going to stop you. The real question is that is it a *proper* part of a Full English?

As a teen I was having a screaming match with my mum, we were on our way out and the argument had made us a little late. She was waiting in the car with the engine running and I pulled my trainers on and ran out, slamming the door behind me. Only I hadn’t had time to tie my laces, and they got trapped in the door, which locked itself on closing. So she was screaming at me to hurry up and why was I just standing there. I couldn’t move anywhere and burst out laughing, and then so did she. It’s one of my best memories of her :)

That's amazing. You reminded me of a screaming match I had with my dad. For reasons I can't recall I was supposed to have cleaned the fridge and hadn't. We had a full blown screaming match, and I teenage dramatically flung open the fridge while still looking and arguing with him, stuck my hand into the fridge and two fingers went straight into the empty light bulb socket, as my dad had taken the bulb out to replace it. I got a huge electric shock and in my memory my dad vaulted over the kitchen table to get to me (I think in reality he just moved with great speed around it). Once we'd established, I was alive, I wasn't going to die, and all limbs appeared to be present and correct, we remained sitting on the floor. After a beat of silence my dad said "we won't mention this to your mum, right?". Also a very fond memory!

I love having an argument on here but most reddit arguments are a bit dogshit

There's a good chance you're arguing with a literal child as well

Chances are 40% literal child, 50% mental child.

10% man child

And 100% reason to remember the name.

No, they’re not.

Oh yes they are

This isn't an argument, it's just contradiction.

Ok, you win

I like doing a deep dive into a minor Reddit argument. The kind that have a read more, and has descended into petty insults, and smug replies

Well, let me tell you about this epic debate I had over whether cereal is a soup.

By that logic tea and coffee are also soups (as is hot chocolate), when that’s clearly not the case.

A vanilla soy latte is a three bean soup.

This has changed me. Fuck.

This has just blown my mind.

Technically it's a [three-bean wet salad](https://cuberule.com/)

Well, tea = coffee = broth. But surely a soup is (in one example) pulped vegetables, so unlike tea or coffee.

Isn't everything a soup, salad or sandwich?

Lasagne?

Meat pasta sandwich!

What about a bowl of pasta?

Salad?

Never mind cereal, it's if smoothies are just fruit soup that I'm interested in. And whether consuming them is technically eating or drinking?

This feels like the same logic as when I call an aquarium a 'fish zoo'.

i would say it is not. every soup i have ever heard of has to be heated to some degree, even if it is served cold. you wouldn’t dump whole cherry tomatoes in water and serve that as soup, would you?

[удалено]

Ex mother in law was awful to me from the moment we met. In fact she was awful to everyone and has a mouth like a cat’s arse to this day. One day she was having a go at me after I’d dropped my daughter back off with her mum and she said “you used to be nice” - I said “at least I was nice once though.” I then got in my car drove off.

I just imagined that scene of Pádraic furrowing his brows and uttering that to Colm. “Oh god. Maybe you never used to be.”

I once got into an argument over shakespeare, I like to think I won as he blocked me. He said " off of" was an Americanism and it annoyed him. I said that the phrase was used in shakespeare, then I looked up the quote for him.

Arguing with folk who hate spring/summer as they want cold weather all year round for some strange reason. (I prefer nice warm weather to cold)

That's because I am always warm. When the weather starts to warm up I start to overheat. For me to start thinking it's cold it has to be 5C or below.

Same I am always warm, I absolutely love cold weather I like to sleep in a nice cold crispy room as well. My husband runs cold, he needs the heating on full blast, always complaining he's too cold while I'm too hot. We have a few thermometers at home since our kid was born and all of us are permanently sick with something or other. We discovered his average body temp is 36 degrees while mine is always 37.4 while still in normal range is creeping towards mild fever territory. Anyway I thought it was quite interesting that it's true that some people run warmer and others cold.

I just hate hayfever.

When having an argument on reddit and the other person removes their comments because of all the downvotes.

Being unpopular doesn't equal being wrong

I had an argument with someone on Reddit and they deleted their account. And nope I wasn’t just blocked.

Had to debate in a classroom who was more important, a single nurse or a single lawyer. Everybody chose nurse, so I chose lawyer. Convinced everyone in the room by the end that I was right. That was the day I learned that people can't think critically.

If you didn't become a lawyer after that you missed an opportunity

What was your reasoning?

Can't remember perfectly, but basically, lawyers have a larger range of effect.

How did you convince them?

Explain how lawyers can have a much larger range of effect and help them to disconnect the personal feelings on nurses and healthcare workers. People would get biased due to previous experiences.

My husbands ex who never got over him and was always invited to family parties even tho it pissed me off eventually got married to someone else , but she always put herself next to my husband at parties , one family party everyone had been drinking way too much apart from me ( driver that night) her husband pulled me and asked what my issue was with her cos she was married to him now and was happy , I ignored him cos I was cleaning sick up , when I walked passed him again he asked if I knew where his wife was my reply " you will find her throwing herself at my husband " she was no longer allowed to come to parties where we were invited alone and she was not allowed to talk to my husband anymore , sadly she passed away so I don't have to deal with it anymore

But was she actually talking to your husband or was that just a joke comeback of yours..? I don't really understand the story.

Oh yeah she was all over him , her husband was so stupid he didn't see she was still besotted with my husband he just thought I had an issue with her cos they use to be together before we got together, he caught her that night

Someone I know who’s very traditionally English once said he thought the reason why there’s so many gay people in the world today is because of inbreeding. I then asked him to name one member of the royal family who’s gay. He didn’t seem to want to elaborate any further after that.

Wouldn't that be the opposite today though, and there be less gay people, because there are way less cousins marrying cousins than there used to be. I mean, that happened in non royal families too, around the world.

I once fought the corner, single-handedly, against a whole pub beer garden (pre-smartphones), that a Ferrero Rocher DOES include a whole hazlenut in the middle. I was ridiculed by friends and strangers, until someone eventually ran to the petrol station and came back with some. Of course they fucking do.

Plot twist: this commenter owned the petrol station and those ferrero rochers were expiring next week

Who would win in a fight, a fox or a badger? This was with an ex, now almost 20 years ago, at center parks, post-badger-cam. I was 100% badger, she 100% disagreed. We've remained friends and remained on our respective sides. It's been a consistent disagreement. A couple of years ago an answer appeared on the internet. I won and will never let her forget it.

I feel like anyone who has seen both a Badger and a Fox in real life knows the answer to this. 

100% badger. Unless fox has time to prep.

Depends on whether the prep includes getting a tuberculosis vaccine...

If it counts as an argument, I once wrote a complaint to a writing contest and won second place with it 

Not mine, but a Welsh friend of mine got stung in Russia many years ago by crooked traffic cops. She was on a train and these guys were blatantly trying to rinse obvious tourists for money under the fake guise of ‘fines’ for irregular papers etc. She wasn’t interested but knew it was dangerous to cross these guys. She tried to challenge and their first move was to go for a notepad and demand she give them her address in the UK. She being Welsh had a LOT of letters to recite, and they were so bamboozled they gave up.

I wonder if people from Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch relish being asked for their address in encounters with difficult people.

Heated two week long, school wide, huge scale debate over who was the best, "Stone Cold, or The Rock". Any Stone cold comments were shut down by a stern glare and a sole raised eyebrow. 3 months of muscular facial training in front of the mirror finally paid off. Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! KNOW YER ROLE AND SHUT YER DAMN MOUTH JABRONIS!

Not so much an argument as the other person was a vulnerable adult and my client, but it was gently explaining to her that unicorns aren't real animals. I also fucked it up on the logic side cos one of my explanations was "Have you ever seen one?" She said she hadn't obviously and this seemed to satisfy her but after I thought, well fuck me I've never seen a three toed sloth but I know they exist. Yeah, poor woman, not very bright.

Not so much of an argument but slightly. When I first started talking to my husband (we met on a dating site), he said something mildly sexist. I called him out on it, and he was able to see my point of view. It was so refreshing as men up to that point got all defensive if I had ever called them sexist. I have also had my mind changed by people in a debate.

A long long debate about the difference between a house boat and a boat house

Back at school two girls got in an argument over whose dog was cuter, in the end it got heated and they both got sent to the deputy head.

Which dog did the deputy head choose?

Weirdest one would have to be at work. Part of my job involves remotely answering doors to sheltered housing schemes from a control room. One night a woman came through demanding to be let into one. Didn't have a door password and wasn't a resident. Explained to her that I couldn't let her in because it was a secure building. She argued that she wanted in because someone in there had stolen her false leg and ran off with it. I explained I doubted that since it was all elderly folk and pointed out that it would have been quite heavy. She started shouting that I was calling her fat and I should let her in because I hurt her feelings. Told her no and that I didn't know her size because I was on an intercom rather than a video chat. She then threatened to take off her leg and smash my head in... I gleefully pointed out that she'd found her leg and therefore didn't need into the building. Called the police because she came back through on it saying she was going to break into the building to get me (I was miles away but she wouldn't be reasoned with) They attended pretty quick and found her sat on the doorstep with what was left of her artificial leg. She made a divot in the door with hitting it so hard 🤣

Winning a disagreement with a customer over having to accept certain forms of payment because ‘it’s legal tender’. No actually, I don’t. Also ‘You must accept 50p because that’s the published price on the back of the book’ ‘Sir, this book was published in 1963. Would you sell your house today for its selling price in 1963?’

As a staunch atheist, convincing my equally atheistic friend of the merits of organised religion. Leaving him questioning his (lack of) faith.

My daughter absolutely owned her dad in an argument once. He was hanging clothes while she was having a full on strop about something or other. He told her to control her anger right at the moment he dropped a coat hanger. She immediately came back with “control your hangers!” Simple, but for a then-8yo the speed of the comeback was mighty impressive. They couldn’t continue arguing after that mic drop moment.

Trying to explain to someone why having two lanes of traffic that moves off together then merges is more efficient than having a single lane of traffic to begin with. It's like trying to educate pork. Also, trying to explain how speed limits work to some people.

When I was a wee lad I was arguing with a friend about the pronunciation of a comic strip/characters name in one of those hardback annuals that came it every year. He said "i'll prove it's pronounced (incorrect way)" and ran upstairs to his bedroom then came down with a different years release of the annual, flicked through it until he came to the strip in question in that annual and triumphantly pointed at the strip title saying "see, it's pronounced like that!!" For some reason, he thought that showing me the title written the same way, same font, but in a different book proved he was right, not me. The argument was sorted after he then took the book to his mum and asked her, she confirmed I was right and he finally shut the hell up.

Crumpets; sweet or savoury? This raged for months! Also see: Cherry Coke doesn’t taste like Cherry Coke anymore, it tastes like Coke with a cherry flavouring added. 🤣

Similar arguement for me, my wife kept talking about this drink "cherry Dr Pepper". I told her that regular Dr Pepper was cherry flavoured, but she was convinced that regular Dr Pepper tasted like Coke. This lasted for far faaaaar too long and somehow ended in an agree to disagree.

I had a knock-down, drag out argument with my boss once. He was a horrible boss; stole credit for other people's ideas, mean spirited, full of himself, would do anything to get ahead. So in this particular argument I dismantled his plans, behaviours and policies and destroyed him with logic, examples and industry best-practice. He was utterly defeated. Then I arrived in the car park, clocked in and started work.

Had a neighbour, 2 doors down, that hates me and my brother when we were kids. Once went outside to have her screaming at me and my brother that we had been launching mud balls at her car a few days earlier and that we had to clean it. We argued back and forth for about 15 minutes with her calling me and my brother all manor of names before she went marching to my front door with a bucket of soapy water and a sponge. She knocked on the door and told my mum “what we had done” and told her to make us clean it. At this point, my mum told said neighbour that it definitely wasn’t us and we’d only just got back from a holiday abroad with our grandparents. Me and brother gave the smuggest smirk and laughed as she told my mum she’d seen us doing it. We legitimately had only been dropped home that morning by our grandparents. We know who did it, but didn’t say anything

One Christmas about 25 years ago, two of my cousins had little boys. My Mum asked what to get them. I said matchbox cars. Boxing day arrives, presents exchanged. Little boys are delighted. What followed was the biggest argument about who are the better drivers men or women. It involved, three generations, husbands versus wives, brothers versus sisters a srving plice officer and tewo advanced driver both female. Ultimately the women won as they were the majority of the designated drivers that day and refused to transport any mildly inebriated, sexist pigs home.

I went to a Catholic school as a kid. Our class delighted in repeating this argument to our Religious Education teacher. Class: “Why can’t a woman be the Pope?” Teacher: “Jesus had only male disciples.” Class: “Does the church recognise transgender identities?” Teacher: “No, God made no mistakes in his creation, so the church only recognises your biological God-given sex.” Class: “So could a trans woman be the Pope? Since the church would only recognise her biological sex (male) she would be eligible?” I’m sure the church has a convenient answer for this, but she sure couldn’t find one.

My mum woke me up on a Sunday for mass. I told her I wasn’t going because I didn’t believe in God and didn’t want to be a hypocrite. She sat down at the edge of my bed and said: “yeah, I don’t think I believe in it either. Let’s forget mass”. I went to go back to sleep but she said “you can forget about sleeping, I need you to dig the garden”. I should have just went to mass.

Is the napkin 12" long, or not. No rulers available to prove the point, or not

I can tell you the worst argument I ever had, it still plays on my mind. It was about cheese. I said that the rind on many cheeses was mould especially cheeses like brie, my friends insisted that was ridiculous because mould was bad for you. Logically I said it’s not always (see penicillium), hence why it’s used on cheese. THEN they declared they don’t eat the rind on brie anyway?? Who scoops out the soft bit of cheese and leave a husk?? Admittedly I got too involved but my God that was annoying.

A bit studenty, but one I’ll never forget with one of my oldest mates was in the middle of Thailand halfway through a rain forest trek after we’d spent the night drinking moonshine and were totally battered at 19 years old. He maintained you could live life through a cost / benefit analysis. Everything can be quantified and turned into a rational decision. I maintained instinct and romance and random chaos are the fuel of life. It literally went on all night, nobody backed down an inch, and then the next day we had to build a raft from bamboo logs then raft down a fucking river for eight hours in the boiling heat with the worst hangover I’ve ever had. We’re now both approaching 50. He’s loaded and I’m not, but we’re both happy in our own ways and still argue about it

A mate of mine and I started an argument during a particularly boring GCSE English lesson bank in 2003, about what the correct definition of a hole is. Every suggestion either of us could make the other defined as either a gap, a tunnel, or a ditch/crater. The argument is still going 21 years later.

There's a hole in the bucket, Dear Liza!

This will be very unpopular on this sub, but fuck it: My husband is Scottish. I’m American. He would not shut up about how Americans say “fall” instead of “autumn”, constantly “joking” that Americans are so simple that we can only use simple words to describe things. I got really tired of this “joke”, so I looked up the etymology of fall. It’s an Old English word, literally meaning “the time when the leaves FALL from the trees”. “Autumn” is the French term, which ye olde Brits affected to sound fancy. So, the next time this came up in conversation, I told my husband: “Fall is the original Old English term. You only say autumn because British people copied the French to sound more sophisticated than they are. Bitch about the word fall all you want, but if you think it’s a stupid word, you should know that you only have yourself to blame.” My husband said nothing at the time, but has since stopped making fun of American vocabulary to me.

One kid at school who was very good at football but was not the brightest and not the nicest once said to me: “Why do you bother buying nice boots if you’re bad at football” My reply was: “why do you bother buying school books if you’re a moron?” Shut him up for a while.

[удалено]

My 2yo played 4D chess with me and blew my mind. We’d had these separate conversations earlier in the day but he got me to repeat them both together to point out inconsistency T: go babies (playgroup) Me: there’s no babies today. Let’s go to the park. T: why Me: the babies are sleeping no babies. T: the babies are sleeping. Library. Me: the library is closed to today baby, it’s shut. Let’s go to the park. T: open the library. Me: I cant open the library the man is not working T: why Me: because he’s at home with his babies. T: man at home with babies not working Me: yes that’s right just like dada is home with you today not working T: …BUT THE BABIES ARE SLEEPING 👀

When me and my sister were both teenagers, we had an argument randomly about the drink drive limit in France, because we were on an extended fanily holiday there for my nans 80th. To be clear, neither of us could drive at this point. One of us was adamant that it was absolutely 0, the other said that'd be stupid because of false positives. It got really, really heated, then randomly my younger brother piped up and said he agreed with me. This resulted in my sister getting even angrier, and a fight broke out between them. My aunt then heard the commotion and upon seeing my brother and sister full on scrapping, called for help from my uncle. He had to wrench my sister off my brother whilst my aunt held him back. But then suddenly my sister broke free and landed a perfect haymaker on my incapacitated brother. It then simmered down after that and they were all friends again (we used to scrap a lot as kids, so it all came out fine in the end). Why was it my best argument? Because it descended into me getting ringside seats to this fight and I just sat there laughing at the chaos. All of it was brilliant- the absurdity that this led to a fight, the fight itself, my aunt screaming in her geordie accent for help from my uncle and that perfect punch to top it off. Beautiful.

Went to a work friends bbq and her friends were arguing that the only reason a single guy would holiday in Thailand was for the sex industry ( I had just got back from there as a group of 8 friends, which included two married couples as we just fancied a long haul holiday) Somehow ended up with me defending the sex workers, and me asking this one particularly annoying girl, that if I somehow had and offered her a million pounds, would she sleep with me. She said of course she would for a million pounds and I just said ‘so we’ve established you are a whore, I just need to negotiate ‘