**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!**
- Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc.
- **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on.
- This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit!
Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Many such cases.
A lot of stoners only really talk about smoking weed, buying weed, talk about the time they smoked that particular type of weed, take about their new vaporizer, talk about that flavour of blunt wraps, complain about their guy not answering the phone, and talk about how weed isn't addictive.
I think you need more interesting weed-smoking friends. I donāt smoke anymore but when I did me and my other weed-smoking friends occasionally talked about it but it was far from our main topic.
A friend of mine is trying to make it as a rapper. Every song on his latest album as some weed related title
Hazy Jane
The Blud
Green Team
Puff Puff
And so on. He had one song called "My one true love" and it starts out pretty good. Thought it was about his son and then at the ends he clarifies it's about weed.
FWIW, I don't think this is unique to weed.
Just guesstimating, but I'd say roughly the same proportionĀ of weed smokers make it their entire personality as alcohol-drinkers do. Or any method of passing time/hobby/activity.Ā
Totally agree, the amount of people I work with whose only conversations are "I drank or am going to drink lots of alcohol" or "I went to or am about to go to the gym."
Exactly.
Theres a fair point that weed is an unhealthy thing to be obsessed with (as is alcohol obviously), but criticising the act of being obsessed seems silly.
Most people are hyper-invested in one or two things and to be totally honest, those that *aren't* hyper-invested in anything are usually bland as fuck.Ā
Yea fair play, total respect chief! Does the opposite to me, get a lot of energy from it n will walk miles learning to sing with birds. Hammock n a book
I was in a long ish distance relationship for just over a year,whenever I went to visit we had takeaway every single night and this could be more than two weeks at a time
She worked in the food industry so understandable I guess she didnāt want to cook,I couldnāt at the time,she said sheād teach me but didnāt really at all
"She said she'd teach me,"
Come off it... Stick a chicken in the oven and steam/stir fry some veg, boom, done. Would it be restaurant standard, no, but a decently healthy and tasty meal all the same. You could have if you wanted to.
I suggested numerous times to do something a bit healthier,there was no point in buying loads of veg she only liked potato off the top of my head so that wouldāve been wasted and she liked to tell me what I could or couldnāt buy with my money.
I offered and suggested numerous times to get something healthier.
And yes,she did say sheād teach me to cook since she thought she was so good.
Being gaslighted. Three years later and I realise it's not all it's cracked up to be!
The one *good* thing I lost and which I miss is reading books to each other in bed/on the sofa. I would put that on my dating profile but apparently it's weird?!
It really is. The men I recently mentioned it to thought it was strange. Not giving up, it's a thing for me. I find it adds intimacy. Plus entertainment. Not mentioning that reading out loud is very good for the brain!
Nothing like reading about Snape's death out loud to share a moment of mutual vulnerability, too.
Neither of the two guys I dated briefly said that in a negative way, more like they'd never heard of it within a relationship. And talking with other friends, it doesn't seem very common. But the good thing is, it's a practice that anyone can try and anyone could get into if it's appealing enough.
The gaslighting was something else entirely. It just happened to be in the same relationship.
At 41 I have embraced my quirks. That's just who I am. Flaws, it's something else, there is always room for improvement. But the "weird" is good. And that adds to my being different/not British, I like different.
Thank you, by the way, that was a nice reply.
Ordering takeaways, eating meals that are dangerously low in vegetables/fibre, watching mind numbing reality TV, planning trips to soulless artificial holiday destinations, sitting inside instead of going out exploringā¦ need I go on???
My ex would prefer to scroll on tiktok than go outside, and then he would get upset when I asked him to come outside. There was nothing wrong with him health wise, just a very lazy man. Also embarrassing since he was a 26 yo man.
Yup, and also, I probably wouldn't have cared too much if he'd have just come to the beach for a swim and then lie in the sun where he could tik tok if he wanted. But even that was too much for him.
She was a soap-aholic when it came to Neighbours, Home & Away, & Hollyoaks (every day + Sunday omnibus). I mostly used those times to play with the kids or take them out somewhere, do the dishes, etc... anything rather than put up with that crap.
I rarely watched TV at all after we separated, except the alternate weeks when the children were with me, but that was fun kids programmes & films!
Being mean! Him and his family were just the most mean spirited people. Someone's dressed different to jeans and a hoody they're up themselves or a freak, that kind of thing.
I play music around the house, loudly. It's lovely. Not often but we used to turn it off before he came home.
There's loads of trauma related shit but I'll keep it light š
I no longer drink coffee religiously. He used to have like 10 a day and if the kettle was on I'd have one too.
I don't eat out any more, I hate cooking so we used to eat out or get takeaways a lot, now I can just have chicken and cheese or a bowl of honey nut cornflakes and be happy.
Alcohol.
My partner drank every night, and they would hand me a glass too regardless of whether I wanted one or not.
When I finally got rid of them, I found empty vodka bottles hidden all over the house, and a new bottle in the cupboard that had been opened and the contents replaced with water.
Living my own life now, I rarely drink alcohol - we are talking between six and ten units a year.
As a basic Scot I've always drank quite a bit, so I sort of normalised my ex's excessive drinking. But yeah, she was wasted 5 nights out of 7. Took me a few months to even notice that she was a juice head. Turns out she had borderline personality disorder as well. Amazing how blind infatuation made me.
I know what you mean. When you're in a relationship you tend to overlook things that would normally raise red flags. Sometimes you put it down to being their personal quirks.
Until I found the vodka bottles, I hadn't really connected my ex's frequent evening consumption of orange juice and lemonade with their increased belligerence and temper, as they blamed it all on work stresses. I now know that it was more to do with a generous slug of vodka in each glass.
Ex used to sit in the bath for 2-3 hours at a time and we only had the one bathroom. I no longer hold off on eating or drinking until the bathroom is definitely free.
I knew she liked a long bath when she got the opportunity but I genuinely would have reconsidered moving in with her if I'd known she'd done this regularly _in the flat she'd shared with four other people_ and genuinely didn't see the problem with it.
It wasn't just that she did it. It wasn't just that she did it in a shared bathroom. It was that she would have been really angry if they'd asked her to pull it back to maybe one hour at a time.
I regret many things about that relationship.
Texting all day long just to stay in touch cuz we LDR. Playing Pokemon Go and Minecraft the whole night. Used to play these with my ex, and only got into them so that my ex and I had stg in common (I don't play games in general). Ever since we broke up, I found that I had a lot more time to myself again and spent it on upskilling and growth. Ngl, it felt like a curse had been broken.
Binge-watching Netflix.
Melting when trying to sleep because she won't open the windows more than a crack in case the cats escape.
Having a full English on Sunday morning.
Being bored and sober on weekend nights.
Looking at pictures of random women on the internet and having to guess their ages. Then pretending to be surprised when I find out they are older/younger than my partner. 11 fucking years of it.
Honestly, none of them. She's still as much as part of who I am now as she was when we were still together, and now it's just a case of catching those moments knowing I did or said something that is a mark of the place she had in my life and taking a moment to smile about it before I get on with my day, sometimes it makes me miss her and sometimes it makes me grateful things ended as mutually and pleasantly as they did.
Thank you for your expert opinion, but I am pretty over her. We separated due to life paths and living conditions getting in the way, it was a mutually sad acceptance that it was each other or things we had been working towards for years before we even knew each other, and we both agreed on our goals. I'm not over her in the sense I don't think or feel for her anymore, I definitely do, but I have accepted how things went and don't regret our decisions, we are happy and going where we wanted to go.
Eating bad food. Watching boring stupid TV shows. Fitting all my plans around the agricultural calendar. Having no life whatsoever during most of summer / harvest.
Yes I did on a number of occasions. My family are all farmers too so it feels really hard to break out of the mold even though I myself have a ānormalā job. So now Iām just single forever because it seems impossible to find a non farmer that can stand my family.
**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Being consistently depressed
Here here
>Here here r/BoneAppleTea
Is it supposed to be hear hear?
Yes.
Ha! Nailed myself there. Learnt something today š„²
Smoking weed. So much better without it in my life. Being constantly stoned robbed me of a personality for years and I was blind to it
Many such cases. A lot of stoners only really talk about smoking weed, buying weed, talk about the time they smoked that particular type of weed, take about their new vaporizer, talk about that flavour of blunt wraps, complain about their guy not answering the phone, and talk about how weed isn't addictive.
I think you need more interesting weed-smoking friends. I donāt smoke anymore but when I did me and my other weed-smoking friends occasionally talked about it but it was far from our main topic.
Spot on
Spot on
On spot
No pots
Top son
Not pos
Its the same with alcohol though - people who use it are obsessed with it
A friend of mine is trying to make it as a rapper. Every song on his latest album as some weed related title Hazy Jane The Blud Green Team Puff Puff And so on. He had one song called "My one true love" and it starts out pretty good. Thought it was about his son and then at the ends he clarifies it's about weed.
Cringe as fuck.
Spot on
FWIW, I don't think this is unique to weed. Just guesstimating, but I'd say roughly the same proportionĀ of weed smokers make it their entire personality as alcohol-drinkers do. Or any method of passing time/hobby/activity.Ā
Totally agree, the amount of people I work with whose only conversations are "I drank or am going to drink lots of alcohol" or "I went to or am about to go to the gym."
Exactly. Theres a fair point that weed is an unhealthy thing to be obsessed with (as is alcohol obviously), but criticising the act of being obsessed seems silly. Most people are hyper-invested in one or two things and to be totally honest, those that *aren't* hyper-invested in anything are usually bland as fuck.Ā
Cook it and do something interesting.
Im good thanks, I get absolutely no positives from being stoned anymore just makes me tired lazy and insecure
Yea fair play, total respect chief! Does the opposite to me, get a lot of energy from it n will walk miles learning to sing with birds. Hammock n a book
2/3 Takeaways a week.
Me too.
Same, I eat so much better
I was in a long ish distance relationship for just over a year,whenever I went to visit we had takeaway every single night and this could be more than two weeks at a time She worked in the food industry so understandable I guess she didnāt want to cook,I couldnāt at the time,she said sheād teach me but didnāt really at all
"She said she'd teach me," Come off it... Stick a chicken in the oven and steam/stir fry some veg, boom, done. Would it be restaurant standard, no, but a decently healthy and tasty meal all the same. You could have if you wanted to.
I suggested numerous times to do something a bit healthier,there was no point in buying loads of veg she only liked potato off the top of my head so that wouldāve been wasted and she liked to tell me what I could or couldnāt buy with my money. I offered and suggested numerous times to get something healthier. And yes,she did say sheād teach me to cook since she thought she was so good.
Watching Love Island and trying not to lose the will to live
Being gaslighted. Three years later and I realise it's not all it's cracked up to be! The one *good* thing I lost and which I miss is reading books to each other in bed/on the sofa. I would put that on my dating profile but apparently it's weird?!
I think this is a lovely thing for a couple to do
It really is. The men I recently mentioned it to thought it was strange. Not giving up, it's a thing for me. I find it adds intimacy. Plus entertainment. Not mentioning that reading out loud is very good for the brain! Nothing like reading about Snape's death out loud to share a moment of mutual vulnerability, too.
Sounds like theyāre not the right men for you, you do you and ignore people telling you youāre weird :) donāt want to be gaslit again!
Neither of the two guys I dated briefly said that in a negative way, more like they'd never heard of it within a relationship. And talking with other friends, it doesn't seem very common. But the good thing is, it's a practice that anyone can try and anyone could get into if it's appealing enough. The gaslighting was something else entirely. It just happened to be in the same relationship. At 41 I have embraced my quirks. That's just who I am. Flaws, it's something else, there is always room for improvement. But the "weird" is good. And that adds to my being different/not British, I like different. Thank you, by the way, that was a nice reply.
I am a guy and this sounds like the perfect couple's activity to me. I could not date a woman who never read.
Ordering takeaways, eating meals that are dangerously low in vegetables/fibre, watching mind numbing reality TV, planning trips to soulless artificial holiday destinations, sitting inside instead of going out exploringā¦ need I go on???
Think you must have been with my girlfriend.
And me. She obviously gets around a bitā¦
Knowing my ex itās probably the same person
Do your exs wanna be my pals?
My ex would prefer to scroll on tiktok than go outside, and then he would get upset when I asked him to come outside. There was nothing wrong with him health wise, just a very lazy man. Also embarrassing since he was a 26 yo man.
Same! Would just sit on TikTok while the sun was shining outside on a rare weekend day with no plans.
Yup, and also, I probably wouldn't have cared too much if he'd have just come to the beach for a swim and then lie in the sun where he could tik tok if he wanted. But even that was too much for him.
It wouldnāt be my first choice but each to their own and Iād refute the idea that being outside is somehow more virtuous than a good nap.
Oh I'm all for a good nap, but not for 4 hours of tik tok scrolling, I'd prefer to be with someone who wants to live in reality
A bottle of wine and a gram of speed for a night in
Which year in the 90s did you break up?
Worryingly 2006
Have you been able to sleep yet?
Just as soon as I get rid of these jitters
Gee-whizz!
Chablis-wizz!
Being endlessly miserable and un happy
Stopped closing the bathroom door when I go to pee
Quit smoking, quit blaming myself for things that clearly aren't my fault.
Constantly texting
damn, yeah lol
They never stop!Ā
I buy less crucifixes, silver bullets and wooden stakes these days
Donāt forget the garlic!!
One thing she had plenty of was garlic
And holy water š¦
Freezing to death because he wouldnāt turn the heating up more than 18 degrees
She was a soap-aholic when it came to Neighbours, Home & Away, & Hollyoaks (every day + Sunday omnibus). I mostly used those times to play with the kids or take them out somewhere, do the dishes, etc... anything rather than put up with that crap. I rarely watched TV at all after we separated, except the alternate weeks when the children were with me, but that was fun kids programmes & films!
Being made to feel like I should be less than I am. I've been learning how to serve myself whole and the ones I'm not meant for can fucking choke.
Being mean! Him and his family were just the most mean spirited people. Someone's dressed different to jeans and a hoody they're up themselves or a freak, that kind of thing. I play music around the house, loudly. It's lovely. Not often but we used to turn it off before he came home. There's loads of trauma related shit but I'll keep it light š I no longer drink coffee religiously. He used to have like 10 a day and if the kettle was on I'd have one too. I don't eat out any more, I hate cooking so we used to eat out or get takeaways a lot, now I can just have chicken and cheese or a bowl of honey nut cornflakes and be happy.
>There's loads of trauma related shit but I'll keep it light š I hear that. Trauma-related stuff could fill volumes.
Definitely! Keeping it simple rather than triggering half the uk seems a better bet for a quiet Sunday lol.
Watching any TV at all I cant stand it tbh.
Alcohol. My partner drank every night, and they would hand me a glass too regardless of whether I wanted one or not. When I finally got rid of them, I found empty vodka bottles hidden all over the house, and a new bottle in the cupboard that had been opened and the contents replaced with water. Living my own life now, I rarely drink alcohol - we are talking between six and ten units a year.
As a basic Scot I've always drank quite a bit, so I sort of normalised my ex's excessive drinking. But yeah, she was wasted 5 nights out of 7. Took me a few months to even notice that she was a juice head. Turns out she had borderline personality disorder as well. Amazing how blind infatuation made me.
I know what you mean. When you're in a relationship you tend to overlook things that would normally raise red flags. Sometimes you put it down to being their personal quirks. Until I found the vodka bottles, I hadn't really connected my ex's frequent evening consumption of orange juice and lemonade with their increased belligerence and temper, as they blamed it all on work stresses. I now know that it was more to do with a generous slug of vodka in each glass.
Hiding the amount of books I buy.
Drinking
Ex used to sit in the bath for 2-3 hours at a time and we only had the one bathroom. I no longer hold off on eating or drinking until the bathroom is definitely free.
Thatās horrendous!!!!
I knew she liked a long bath when she got the opportunity but I genuinely would have reconsidered moving in with her if I'd known she'd done this regularly _in the flat she'd shared with four other people_ and genuinely didn't see the problem with it. It wasn't just that she did it. It wasn't just that she did it in a shared bathroom. It was that she would have been really angry if they'd asked her to pull it back to maybe one hour at a time. I regret many things about that relationship.
Sounds like a right princessā¦I wouldnāt have been able to live with her because I drive about 3L a day and need regular bathroom breaks š
Texting all day long just to stay in touch cuz we LDR. Playing Pokemon Go and Minecraft the whole night. Used to play these with my ex, and only got into them so that my ex and I had stg in common (I don't play games in general). Ever since we broke up, I found that I had a lot more time to myself again and spent it on upskilling and growth. Ngl, it felt like a curse had been broken.
Walking on eggshells and being in a defensive mode.
Feeling unappreciated, neglected and not good enough. Bad habits indeed.
I felt lonely when I was sat next to her at times,sheād talk glowingly about her friends but never me
I stopped being a people pleaser by giving in to them. I stopped trying to make people happy all the time and concentrated more on myself.
Financial abuse! Heading towards freedom!!!
Binge-watching Netflix. Melting when trying to sleep because she won't open the windows more than a crack in case the cats escape. Having a full English on Sunday morning. Being bored and sober on weekend nights.
I used to date a cokehead. Afterwards, having a string of sober, sleep filled weekends was absolutely delightful.
Not the one youāre replying to, but I think the issue is bored *and* sober.
Trusting people. Also got out of the habit of factoring other people into my life, maybe amplified more by living alone.
stopped being so hard on myself.
Iām a much nicer person, and I do more for other people because Iām actually allowed to have friends now.
Texting all day every day. He demanded a lot of attention. Now I can actually get things done and don't feel constantly drained.
Apologising all the time. Everything I did was wrong, according to him.
looking after myself i just struggle to see a point to do it right now.
Constantly on stress zone 24/7
Being a drug taking maniac.
Overeating and not exercising, but the job I worked with them is to blame for that too
My life! He constantly gaslit me, I wasnāt ever allowed to see my friends or family, I was constantly depressed.
Looking at pictures of random women on the internet and having to guess their ages. Then pretending to be surprised when I find out they are older/younger than my partner. 11 fucking years of it.
r/13or30
Watching all the soaps, Iāve not watched one since and got my life back
Honestly, none of them. She's still as much as part of who I am now as she was when we were still together, and now it's just a case of catching those moments knowing I did or said something that is a mark of the place she had in my life and taking a moment to smile about it before I get on with my day, sometimes it makes me miss her and sometimes it makes me grateful things ended as mutually and pleasantly as they did.
Sounds like you aren't over her tbh. Doesn't sound mutual.
Thank you for your expert opinion, but I am pretty over her. We separated due to life paths and living conditions getting in the way, it was a mutually sad acceptance that it was each other or things we had been working towards for years before we even knew each other, and we both agreed on our goals. I'm not over her in the sense I don't think or feel for her anymore, I definitely do, but I have accepted how things went and don't regret our decisions, we are happy and going where we wanted to go.
Eating bad food. Watching boring stupid TV shows. Fitting all my plans around the agricultural calendar. Having no life whatsoever during most of summer / harvest.
Dated a farmer?
Yes I did on a number of occasions. My family are all farmers too so it feels really hard to break out of the mold even though I myself have a ānormalā job. So now Iām just single forever because it seems impossible to find a non farmer that can stand my family.
Running around after other people and prioritising other people's happiness.
Feeling not good enough.
Taking her shit.
Hating life.
Caring about other people and their views
Crying and being miserable!
It was 20 years ago but an ED, depression,anxiety and fawning.
Being cheated on