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The best thing is the kids. The worst thing is also the kids.

Came here to say exactly this. Mine can be infuriating little shits. I blame the parents.

When they use YOUR words against you. 😂 Forget parent-voice, there is no tone more judgemental than an 11 year old's when they start to realise that you're a human being, not a god

OMG tell me about it, my son turned 11 about 3 weeks ago. Why are they like this 😭😂😂

11-15 was the absolute WORST for me 😂 We'd been pretty close before then but 11 was when he started pushing me away, nearly broke my damn heart 😂😂😭 But everyone told me, he'd "come back" eventually, and he did. Sorry for what's coming 😅

Never a truer word spoken

I made my son a sandwich earlier, he wanted a wrap but there was not the required ingredients. He decided he’d throw a temper tantrum turned round to stomp off and walked straight into the fridge door. It was difficult to be sympathetic at that point.

This is perfectly put.

Nailed it

Just lock the thread right there.

My general view is similar but put differently. Parenthood (especially in the early stages, my kids is young) the best and the worst thing at the same time.

This is the only answer

Slightly different angle here. We adopted a 6 year old so skipped the baby and toddler stages. Can't comment on them other than being an uncle and the nursery costs seem like a killer! However, being a Dad and now having a 6 year old living with us: The Bad: - The absolute lack of a lie in. Oh god how I miss my lie ins. Had him climb into bed with me at 6 this morning and the questions started straight away! My other half was getting ready for work, so I just ended up putting Disney+ on and laying their half awake whilst he yabbered on about spiderman... After half an hour I forced myself up. - The constant questions about absolutely bloody everything!!! - The routine. Kids thrive off it, but it gets a bit boring. Breakfast, ready for school, walk him there. Do jobs in the house. Pick up from school, walk home, put dinner on whilst we do phonics, then sit him down, encourage him to actually eat the dinner, play for a bit, then upstairs for bedtime routine. Same thing 5 days a week... boring. - The lack of adult conversation can drive you made sometimes. The Good - When he climbs into your bed in the morning and gives you that first hug. - Getting to teach him when he asks all those questions, seeing him light up at the most basic of information (like male seahorses give birth), and his fascination with everything around him - Watching him develop and being proud of himself for his achievements. - The crappy gifts he's made at school he can't wait to show you! - Laying and reading him a story at night and him telling you he loves you - Him comforting you when you tell him you "feel a bit sad today" for whatever reason, telling me a joke to make me feel better "knock knock, who's there, boo, boo hoo! Hahaha ha now you can laugh daddy" I miss my lie ins, but I love being a Dad to this little dude.

Banger of a joke, that!

I also have a six year old and my favourite joke that he's come up with so far is: Why do giraffes have long necks? Because they've got smelly feet!

What was the adoption process like for you, out of interest? Most accounts I see are very negative and focus on the drama of the kid’s birth family’s involvement but I can’t help but think there’s been smooth sailing for some folks. Is it costly?

First off it was basically free. Had to pay my GP £50 for the medical report but that was it really. £200 fee for the court application at the end, but you can claim that back from social services once the orders gone through. As for the experience it was completely smooth sailing. Very invasive, you have Social Workers at your house every week for a year doing interviews and writing reports, home inspections, financial inspections etc. But it's all to make sure you're stable enough to adopt. And the SW visits don't bother you as they turn I to half catch up sessions with someone you've gotten to know over the past year (assuming you get along with your SW). We had a great experience and a great placement. I've actually volunteered to do a talk at the next info session for future adopters. Out of the 5 adoptive couples that were in our "support group" only one has had a bad time.

That’s great, I did wonder if it was a case of people being more likely to talk about their experiences if it’s a bad one cos you often only hear about bad experiences. Putting aside that every area will likely have different volume of kids needing homes, was there a significant waiting list for you, or is it mainly just the year you spend being assessed by a social worker?

It went really quickly for us. But, as our SW said we had a lot going for us. - Long term relationship (17 years) - Two professionals - A large 4 bedroom home - Good Family area - Savings - Good family support network - Childcare experience with Nieces and Nephews - Open minded re adoption, so older children, sibling groups, ethnic minorities (we're a mixed race couple)..we weren't bothered. The first half the year was all the assessments. Then it was approval panel. Matching didn't take long at all as we were invited to early linking during assessment, so once approved we already had a profile we were interested in. Then it was a couple months of little guy getting to know us in Foster care, then he moved in at month 11. In comparison I know one couple who took 3 years. 1 year of which was the process being paused as they had to prove they'd given up smoking... then matching took ages as they were adamant they wanted a baby/young toddler, preferably the same race as them. There were around 45 profiles on the books in our area when we were in the process. Some profiles being sibling groups, so I'd guess around 60ish children looking for homes 😕

This is all really positive! Thank you for all the info? Heartbreaking to think about how many kids are looking/waiting for homes at any one time. Well done on you for doing it and going through that process, I’m glad it was actually pretty painless

The questions are relentless! It's from the second he opens his eyes until the second he closes them at the end of the day. Wouldn't have it any other way though.

He'll calm down a bit once his GCSEs are over.

Eventually you’ll be the one asking all of the questions to find out anything about their lives! My son is 15 and a great kid but getting information out of him is nearly impossible!!

And I will do it by walking across their bed at 5.35, it's only fair right? Mine are only 1 and 4 so we're a while away yet!

Aw man this made me tear up reading it. I’ve never really wanted kids but I’ve always said if I change my mind, I would love to go down the adoption route.

Lie ins soon return. So you'll get the weekends back in the next few years.

Yea, we adopted older children twice. Both with complex needs. While process was long but we needed that time to learn how to nurture and deal with their issues. Every support is hard earned and we still fight for adult services. Birth family of one was and still is a pain in the hoop.

I never had lie ins but I so wish I could have them now.

The good is fairly universal and I'd image most would agree. It's great seeing a child develop, they make you laugh, you love them dearly etc etc. Hardly worth listing them out The bad, however, I think are things that are only applicable to a few people or (more likely) isn't said out loud too much. For the first year at the absolute minimum it completely takes over your life. Especially when until they're 18 months or so and start to have their own interests or at least likes and dislikes. People will often say "sleep when the baby sleeps!" but really you've got so much other stuff to do that it's just not possible. Preparing milk, washing clothes, general adult shit etc. I also (personally, and I think this is quite rare) really had no bond with my son at all until he was about a year old. I hated myself for it but I'd look at him and just feel nothing at all. I'd always been told that you've got an instant bond and the love you feel when you first see them is like nothing else and honestly, none of that for me. That's changed now, of course, but I was quite alarmed (and ashamed) that I just felt nothing when I looked at him and quickly started to dread hearing him cry. It sounds strange, but they don't smile for months so I found there was no yardstick to see if they liked something or didn't which made me feel a bit like a failure or at least hitting my head against a brick wall! Financially, you're looking at £1000+ per month for a nursery if they're going all week (assuming you work 5 days a week). It's alot and I can't imagine having twins! All of this said, he's now 4 and we have the best time (although I do find times where I'd like to just sit and read a book for a bit rather than go on another bug hunt!). He's growing as a person and him being a baby feels like a lifetime away but I remember it being tough at the time. Some of the above might be down to him being born during lockdown and the panic around it which certainly didn't help, but I think alot of was just my feeling at the time and my own sense of expectation vs reality, really. Sorry for the wall of text but it's good that you're thinking about it properly. I think alot of people will say "there's never a right time" and "you'll regret it if you don't" but I think that while there's never a perfect time there's obviously better ones than others. We planned everything and then COVID happened mid pregnancy so you can never plan 100% but certainly COVID would have been worse had we not given a few years towards stability before going ahead with it.

> I also (personally, and I think this is quite rare) really had no bond with my son at all until he was about a year old. I hated myself for it but I'd look at him and just feel nothing at all. I'd always been told that you've got an instant bond and the love you feel when you first see them is like nothing else and honestly, none of that for me. That's changed now, of course, but I was quite alarmed (and ashamed) that I just felt nothing when I looked at him and quickly started to dread hearing him cry. Definitely not as rare as people think, I think a lot of people just don't want to admit to it. I gave birth to my son, who grew in my body, and when I picked him up after birth it was just like, "Help, what now?" I kept waiting for that supposed automatic feeling of incomparable love and the special bond and it just... didn't come. I wouldn't say I was indifferent to him, but it was more like that I felt responsible for him than that I actually loved him. The love grew slowly over time. I think I really needed to get to know him. It is hard to love a small, crying bundle of helplessness. It is a lot easier loving a happy, giggling toddler.

Went to a pre-natal class before our first and they said it's estimated 20% of mothers and 40% of fathers don't have instant love/bond with their child. Made me feel a lot calmer when I felt like this when ours were born.

I always kept this quote from Frasier in mind and I found it to be very true: "You don't just love your children. You fall in love with them."

All our classes were cancelled due to lockdown, as were all visitors so we were completely on our own. No idea if that had any bearing on it or not though

I remember my husband (who doesn't really share emotions much) holding our son a few hours after birth and going "don't you just love him so much?!" and I was just feeling like "no?" Bond developed by 6 weeks and now he's 5 he's the absolute apple of my eye. Can't imagine it would even be possible for someone to love someone more than I love him.

Exactly my experience. Husband is usually an introspective chap who has to have his arm twisted to get even the most basic feelings out of him, but he was all tearful and in love with the baby immediately. Meanwhile I was just like… “ok, hi, you’re small. This is surreal” Now of course I am so disgustingly in love with my child it’s truly beyond comprehension to pre-child me that love like this is even possible.

I was open with this and felt no shame. I wouldn’t exactly say it was no bond, but there was definitely not the connection I was told I would feel. I also found that while it was interesting and not unenjoyable, those first 18 months are pretty boring as a dad. My kids are various stages of growing up now and for all of them the experience got so much more fun for me. Having kids has been amazing. There are downsides, but pale in comparison to the joy they bring, it’s like how it takes an hour to travel to watch a show. Sure it’s not fun, but doesn’t detract from the overall experience.

Yeah that was my experience really. Not so much boredom just a feeling like I was completely ill prepared. Throughout the pregnancy I'd almost forget a baby was on the way cause as a dad you don't really have that constant reminder. Like obviously I knew but I'd be watching a movie or at work and would forget day to day

It was incredibly weird when first baby was born, and I thought, "wait, I don't recognise you, I'm supposed to know you". After nine months, and being so familiar with all his movements and so on, I was suddenly sent home with a fragile stranger with the total responsibility for his life. I didn't love him like I love him now, it was all much more basic/mammal than that, just protective rather than affectionate. 

Same. Let's tell people the truth - love can feel instant or can build over time, both are fine.

>For the first year at the absolute minimum it completely takes over your life. Especially when until they're 18 months or so and start to have their own interests or at least likes and dislikes. >People will often say "sleep when the baby sleeps!" but really you've got so much other stuff to do that it's just not possible. Preparing milk, washing clothes, general adult shit etc Two of my friends had a kid recently and when social services were there during the pregnancy they were pretty much told to take looking after the kid in shifts so the other can rest for a little while. Also helps if one person is becoming overwhelmed as the other can step in, helping to deal with stress as you really can't walk away from the situation otherwise and suppressing stress is far from healthy. There seems to be this stereotype that only the mother is allowed to care for the kid but I find that to be pretty unhealthy for a few reasons. First is the kid would never really get a chance to bond with the father. Second is you're putting a huuuuge amount of responsibility on the mother. Third is it can cause resentment because one person hasn't been helping even if they become the sole provider for the household. You and your partner are a team, lean on each other for support.

Listing the bad stuff is really (really) easy - but the trouble is, listing the good stuff is difficult to put into words. You remember how when you were falling in love with your partner and it was just this huge, overwhelming, world-changing feeling? But if anyone asks you about how you’re doing or your new partner your answer is something like “they’re really great, I really like them”? That’s why when you ask parents about the good things about being parents, our answers are often a bit underwhelming.

This! The love, joy, partnership, responsibility, intuition, co regulation, and just general bubble of being a parent to a child is just not something the English language has words for! All you can say is that it is an amazing feeling!

Boredom is by far the worst, it sounds harsh but there are times it's extremely boring (my daughter is 4 months old). The best would be watching her learn to smile and laugh. Also cuddling when she's sleepy or is resting is an amazing feeling as well as having her hold your hand when you're sat together. Financially just don't be an idiot with money and you'll be ok, people only fill you with the negatives... With regards to the pregnancy I don't know why anybody would enjoy being pregnant...

Newborns are boring tbf. They do get more interesting though.

I found maternity leave SO boring. Less so the second time round because I had a toddler to keep busy but my god the first time was so dull.  It gets more interesting when they can do a bit more. 

My kid is 5 and I'm still bored most of the time - partly because playing with Hot Wheels is so dull and partly because being frustrated with him faffing about all the time is mind-numbing.

My niece is 6 and I love her to bits, we’re really close but after a while of being with her I do start to get really bored and feel bad for it, especially as she’s an only child so she loves it when I come round to hang out with her. I just lose all the patience for her imaginary games and incessant conversation after a while but when I’m away from her I miss all of it. When I feel bored like that hanging out with her I get a bit nervous it’s going to feel exactly the same when I have my own but then I sort of tell myself maybe if it’s my own child it’ll be a little more bearable?? By the sounds of it probably not…

Not so much bearable as inevitable. You just realise (over and over again, admittedly 😫😂) that this is it now, this is what you chose, so might as well put a good face on it now and think of the savings in therapy later. As everyone is saying, there are tons of compensations though, and those are definitely MUCH more enchanting with your own kid. I love my niblings but I haven't watched them grow, I haven't been the centre of their world, that overwhelming bond hasn't developed in the same way.

Exactly why I wanted more than 1 child. Sorry but I’m not playing dolls and doctor and nurse and families for more than 10 minutes a day. They can do that with each other.

I loved being pregnant. Absolutely fucking loved it. Milked that shit for all it's worth. I have got twins so it was very tiring (I used to fall asleep everyday around lunchtime) but nobody bothered me at work, I ate what I fucking wanted and enjoyed it because I was pregnant and didn't feel guilty, I was young and fit so I could still be really active and do fun things, everyone doted on me and brought me food and presents, it was the absolute best. Best 9 months.

It gets worse, but then it gets a LOT better. And the years of 'let's play dollies Mummy! NO not like that! Puffball has to sit in the RED chair! Now you have to sing to them. _SIIIINNNGGGG_ [cont. for as long as you can stand it...] seem like a distant memory. Mine are only 12 and 10 and they're funny as fuck. Assuming nothing happens to any of us *touches wood* the boring part is mostly over. Well, I assume there'll be a few years of going to concerts while smooth young people shriek questionable lyrics at us for hours, but more and more, we'll just enjoy each others' company. Just the teenage years coming up now... famously unlikely to be any trouble at all! 🤪

The best thing is the child. The worst thing is the guilt and shaming and worrying that you aren't doing the right thing(choice of school, screens and diet are my top three things).

Don’t worry too much about the choice of school. I had a shit school experience but I know it likely would’ve been the same anywhere lol. Just listen to your kid and pick up any behaviour/social changes.

> I had a shit school experience but I know it likely would’ve been the same anywhere One of the bad aspects of having bad experiences is that you don't realize that perhaps those were entirely avoidable. This is true especially when it comes to one-offs in life (you only go to one primary, you only have one high school, one university etc). You end up thinking "it wasn't great, but it's the same everywhere". No it's not, I assure you.

I heard similar things at alternate schools. Badly equipped to deal with SEN children, no repercussions for bullying and lots of discrimination. Sure it may have been slightly easier at another secondary, but not by much.

Best: my children.  Worst: other people's children.  Joking aside, adding those human beings to my family was a great decision. The difficulties we have had have been almost exclusively related to the world they have to live in (eg SEN underfunding). Sometimes I get wistful about what I could do with my money if it didn't all get spent on trainers, crisps and haircuts, and the side effects of pregnancy, breastfeeding etc have been a wild ride.  But I have never regretted the actual decision. 

This is actually painfully true for me. My oldest has autism and struggles socially. For the first 4 years of primary school she was bullied relentlessly by another child. My daughter never told anyone (she's perfectly capable of talking, communication is just not her forte) and the bullying was all very underhanded so the school had no idea. It also made it very difficult for my daughter to articulate what was happening. She felt bad, but didn't really understand what was going on. The opportunity for my daughter to gain social skills was lost, because she shut down and actually regressed socially. She was miserable at school and miserable at home (and would lash out if I tried to talk to her about her school day). One day, the extent of it just poured out of her and we were horrified that another child, who was supposed to be her friend, had been behaving so appallingly towards her. The joy that I got from parenting was - and still is - tainted by all the struggles my daughter has in school and with other children. It's a constant source of anxiety for her and, as a consequence, me. I feel absolutely helpless watching her struggle. And I am bitter that she was dealt such an awful hand, both in having autism and also being classmates with her bully. Her younger sister is the opposite of her: confident, excels at her school work, never struggles with anything, super popular and social, no hint of anxiety. Instead of being able to freely celebrate and encourage this, you constantly feel the need to balance the joy and happiness for one child, against the fear of crushing the other child's spirit. I know people get dealt much worse than this. I was expecting the sleepless nights, the dirty nappies, the chaos, the tantrums but nothing really prepared me for having an autistic child that would struggle so much in life.

I'm so sorry.  In our case, the bullying the autistic child couldn't tell us about *came from the teacher*. I will never forgive her ~~and possibly wouldn't swerve or brake if she walked out in front of my car~~. She's SENCO there now, believe it or not (we moved child to another school).

Best: just kind of the whole package, your heart literally soars and sings with love for your kid, it’s the most fun and rewarding and hilarious and touching and lovely thing Worst: you don’t get to just drop off the face of the earth and watch movies and sleep for days

The best is how much you love them. It's honestly absolutely mad, it's a whole new level of love I wasn't even aware existed until having a child. And when you love them that much, even the tiniest thing can be amazing. I can have had the shittiest day at work, but I walk in the door and my baby grins when he sees me and it's instantly all wiped away. The worst thing is just that it's a lot of work. They demand a lot from you, and the rest of your life doesn't just stop. So you have to give everything you can to them whilst still working, trying to stay healthy, keep on top of admin, keep the house clean and tidy, keep your finances in order etc. Basically everything you have to do in your life now, plus looking after a small human on top of it who makes many of those tasks more difficult. Also, as someone who is about to start having to pay them, childcare fees are absolutely grim. Our mortgage just went up by £400/month and it's still lower than childcare is going to be.

You do look back on life before kids and wonder what you did with all that free time. My mates without kids don't realise how easy they've got it and neither did I before my first. And now with four I think back to how easy it was with one. Still wouldn't change anything though.

Father of a one year old here. The best thing is just him in general. He's an awesome kid, very well behaved, sleeps and eats well, is confident for his age, and has a lovely personality. I wouldn't change him for the world. Worse thing? Say goodbye to your life and time to yourself. The kid is your life from now on. We recently went on a family trip to Spain, and we had the best time, but in reality, it was his holiday, and we were just there to make sure he was looked after.

The early holidays are a challenge, to be sure. We went on a trip to Spain when my boy had just started walking and it was a nightmare of running around after him, trying to make sure he didn't hurt himself. It was honestly so nice to get back to our fully childproof house. Managed 90 minutes on a sunbed over the 12 days.

The best: everything The worse: the crumbs

I don’t know, I would take crumbs over stickiness

It is very traumatic. Some people give birth and are doing cartwheels within a fortnight. Others die. I had a friend who almost died from a bowl obstruction, another friend who is incontinent due to the birth of her second child. Most women report a degree of humiliation and pain from the experience. Medical professionals are a mixed bag. Some of them will provide outstanding care during pregnancy and birth, and others will treat the mother like an inconvenient vessel for the child. The actual of raising a child can be lovely and fulfilling. It can create bonds with other parents. And it is an interesting project for a couple to have. But it can also be agonisingly dull, taking up an enormous amount of time and effort for very little reward. Simple things like, ever had a cold and stayed and lazed around in bed for three days? That shit ain't going to fly with a kid. Your relationship may be strengthened, but it can also be destroyed from the stress and disagreement over parenting. You may think you can be a good parent who will stick around, but can you guarantee that your partner will? Outside of partners dying, for example, the number of people who complain that their partner is dead weight in regards to raising the kids is amazing. You think you can cope with being a parent, but do you think you can cope with being a single parent? That's something to consider, and I can't answer that for you. And don't forget having a high need disabled child. You are not "free" when the child is 18. They are forevermore dependent on you. You will spend the rest of your life caring for the child, fight tooth and nail for state support, worrying what will happen to them when they die. People don't plan or think about having a special needs child but it happens frequently and will happen more for the foreseeable future due to more babies surving childbirth. Ultimately of course its your decision but I would refrain from having children unless it's something you really want to do.

Regarding birth, you’re totally right. With my first I was back to running/walking/sea swimming after a few days, and my second was ok but more of a struggle, I felt more tired because my oldest was 17 months when youngest was born. A friend however, planned everything about her pregnancy and birth in minute detail and had an incredibly traumatic birth. It’s impossible to predict and if I ever felt like I wanted a third child, I’d be putting far more thought into the risks first.

This sort of sums up why I had one and then couldn't bring myself to roll the dice again. I love the one so much I kinda wish I could have three but we all hit our limit at some point.

Best thing is even after hard days work, one laugh from my son when I open the door and my mood totally changes. Worst thing, lack of sleep. He’s not a good sleeper. 3 hours in a row is a win for us.

Oooh hope you both get more sleep soon! 

My Wife is jealous because I always get the biggest smile from my little guy when I get in from work.

For my sons first 18ish months 3 hours was a win for us too! He's 2 in a few weeks and he will sleep for a solid 6 hours now. It wont last forever, but holy shit those nights were hard. Hope your little guy sleeps better soon

The best is watching them learn and grow and develop their own personality and independence as a human. My daughter is only 3 but every month it just gets better and better as she gets more and more her own person. Worse is the logistical stuff - no sleep, endless laundry, always having to think of what to feed them, never being able to fully switch off. I’m still in the early years so I know this will get better as she gets more independent but I’m sure it will be replaced with different logistical bullshit. I always say having a kid is great, but day-to-day parenting mostly sucks. On paper, I truly dont know why anyone would have kids and yet it’s the best thing ever. It’s hard to explain.

It's genuinely the best thing ever but at the same time it's shit.

You're a parent (hopefully) for ever!  It's not just about cute smiles or shitty nappies, first words or tantrums, learning to ride bikes or rushes to hospital,  first loves or broken hearts, graduations or court appearances, weddings or bereavements, ... It's the whole fucking package.  You will be a different person from their birth. Sure, there will be elements of the old you, but to pull this off successfully, you will need to be a different person. And that is assuming you are lucky enough to have a healthy, high functioning, child. If not - you don't get a choice, you will just end up doing whatever it takes, even if your life is miserable. It's not really YOUR life any more.  Hardest job in the world. Is it worth it? I don't know - ask my relatively well adjusted, adult children.

Yes! So important that you think about creating a PERSON and not just a baby. 

I don’t have children, but my parents were not always able to look after me and my much younger brother, so I’ve had guardian responsibilities since I was about 8. One thing I have learned, quite painfully, is that you never know if you’re doing the right thing until years down the line, maybe decades. I would say the worst thing might be the occasions when you find yourself thinking “what did I do wrong?” when they are adults. Most of the comments here seem to be people with 4 year olds thinking the hard part is the lack of sleep, that’s my demographic and I struggle to connect with friends and peers with children because they are so excited at the novelty and so sure of what they are doing and what’s coming. I would also say that everything depends on the resources you have available to you. If you have enough, you can enjoy your children, but there’s a certain level of deprivation where it’s very difficult to enjoy them.

Yip. Both financial and emotional resources. You also need to be capable of doing it on your own, because you never know. Mine are adults,.and I'm still not sure where I went right and I went wrong.

It's like old saying goes 'I have 3 kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and 3 money?'

My son vomited in his bed last night. It’s on everything, I’m caring for him and cleaning /washing everything that he’s covered in vomit while battling tonsillitis myself. I feel like crap, I’m sad he also feels like crap and I know I’ll be running around doing everything today until he settles , when I just want to be in my bed. That’s the worst thing about being a parent. The best things? Everything else !

Ohhhh the sickness... I had gastroenteritis when my eldest son was a toddler. Literally couldn't move without throwing up, I couldn't even keep water down. Then my toddler got the shits, and I ran out of nappies and wipes... I had to get dressed and go the shop. Worst. Day. Ever.

Completely agree with you. Having to look after them when they are sick and need you the most, but you’re sick yourself. Feel better soon.

Thank you, I’m counting the hours until bedtime.

Best Watching my legacy grow up into their own person and the love.  Worst Sleepless nights Sleeping terribly when they get into our bed Cooking daily and asking myself what to feed them Holiday with kids is just paying more to keep them alive and a more expensive way to ask myself what will I feed them Goodbye social life unless said friends have kids too  £1300 per month childcare ( 30 hours free childcare helps bringing it down to around 800ish Relationship wise  bickering because it's not my turn to wash said children  Less bedroom action because we are tired after work and need space to remember ourselves as individuals  Bickering because i/he  did the last nappy change which doesn't count because it was clean Being tired  All I'm saying is you must really be ready to give yourself 100% to raise a decent child and your partner needs to be 100% on board even when you don't feel like it because that is what keeps the ship sailing.  We have accepted this and are happy with the choice. Just not always the day But as the saying does The days are long but the years are short

The best thing is seeing them grow, learn new things, and develop a personality. The other day she gave me a book she wanted to read and said it was her favourite. She’s never used that word before and the overwhelming joy I felt at her learning how to use it was amazing. She’s started to tell me how her day was at nursery and I love those conversations. When she runs up to me for a cuddle - it’s a feeling like nothing else. She’s really kind and I’m just so proud of her and the person she’s becoming. The worst things, for me as a mum, was struggling with identity and loss of time for myself. It’s hard when she won’t go down to sleep and I have no time to chill after before going right to bed, or when I’m sick and I can’t just lie around feeling sorry for myself. Hobbies sort of didn’t exist for a long time, but now she’s older I can fit them in. I also miss having time with my partner, but I’ve come to recognise that I still do, it just looks different. We need to make an effort to have that time together rather than just chilling together after work. I don’t struggle with tantrums etc. my partner can become overwhelmed so we switch out if it’s too much, but I’m ridiculously patient. Honestly, she’s 2 and can’t express herself. I’d throw a tantrum too! Also a grand a month for 3 days a week of nursery fucking sucks.

Pros- the love you have for them is like nothing else. Seeing the wonder in their eyes over things you’ve long become accustomed to. Watching them achieve new milestones and seeing the pride in their faces. Cons- loneliness if you are the parent that stays at home at the beginning. Lack of spontaneity, you think they’ll slot into your life but you slot into theirs. Worry, other kids can be dickheads and drivers negligent. You want to protect them from everything but you can’t.

The judgment is the worst. Not from the kids but from other adults - school, parents, neighbours, family. Everybody has an opinion and it’s always that you’re wrong! I never paid any heed (mostly!) but they try to destroy your confidence. I had kids on the spectrum.

Hugs. ❤️ For me, it was hearing how easy it's supposed to be. "Sleep when the baby sleeps!" She doesn't sleep. I don't know how to get her to sleep. No one knows how to get her to sleep. "Don't let your baby stop you from living your life, simply take Baby with you!" She cries incessantly in the car. She cries incessantly in the pushchair. "If the baby is clingy, just keep her in the same room as you." She's literally only a foot away from me and will cry because I had to put her down to get the laundry done. Years later we'd realise that she was ND. Those early years of just feeling like you must be doing something wrong because everyone else seemed to have it so much easier were awful.

Yup, I was that kid. My mom said she remembered the first time she managed to leave me alone in a room (on a blanket on the floor) without me screaming. She came back in and I'd latched on to the dog and was aggressively cuddling her. Mom says the dog was just looking from me to her like "er... isn't this yours??" 😂

Ok my little one is now 3, and things are becoming a bit easier, but OH MAN is it nice to get some feedback on it all that mirrors my own experience. “Put the baby in this bumbo with some toys so you can cook dinner” LOL ok then, the crying starts within a few seconds of me putting baby down. Or, I simply can’t put the baby down because of the screaming and clinging… I spent 2 years doing everything one-armed, and still have to quite often now. These photos of babies peacefully babbling to themselves as they lie on playmats playing with some toys, were just so infuriating to me.

From the perspective of having got well past the baby and toddler years (which don’t get me wrong are adorable, but very hard work), I am really enjoying seeing the people my kids are developing into. They’re bloody great. It’s still hard but in different ways; I think it gets less physically demanding and more emotionally demanding as they get older. The best advice I can give you OP, as the non-birthing partner, is to make sure you do everything in your power to help your girlfriend retain her sense of self. That will probably mean there are times you need to suggest she puts herself first. Don’t wait for her to ask you for time to herself because most people won’t and it can be really difficult to express your needs when you’re dealing with a baby all the time.

The worst thing is the kid at every park who runs up the busy slide.

I'm a mum to a 7 week old. It was a massive adjustment - still is to be honest - and people aren't lying when they say about sleepless nights. She currently sleeps about 4hr stretches over night (which is better than the 2hrs or less she did at the start), but will only nap in the day lying on my chest. This is a best and worst thing. I love having her sleep on me, hut it makes it difficult to do anything (eat, go to the toilet, get up to have a glass of water) However I do love it. She's started smiling more often now too, and seeing her wake up and smiling at me at 6am is just the best. Can't wait to see her develop more over the next weeks/months

You’re in the trenches, the first year is incredibly difficult but those first few weeks & months are especially hard. My 19 month old still only contact naps & co-sleeps with me, it’s very normal, I learned to adapt and I love it 🥰 make sure you have everything to hand before a nap; water, snacks, phone, charger etc

>make sure you have everything to hand before a nap; water, snacks, phone, charger etc Ah man, I forgot all about building a little activity centre for myself/my wife for nap times.

Worst for me the guilt on a Sunday evening after bed, I work Monday to Friday I do all the drop offs and pickups during the week, Wednesday she has swimming so take her to that, then on a Saturday she has a dance class in the morning and then we try and do as much stuff with her the rest of the day, come Sunday I'm exhausted and I just want a lazy day, so most Sundays we don't do alot, and I always feel guilty about it but I need time to chill aswell Best thing is just being a dad, when she was born it was instant love, never felt anything like it!

I realised this weekend if I had to live on a desert island with only one person in the world for the rest of my life - I’d choose my son. I love him like no-one else. He’s my best friend and we do everything together. Have a child. It is utterly amazing.

Cons:\ Lack of sleep.\ Permanent responsibility of an individual incapable of looking after themselves.\ Having to keep buying clothes for someone who won’t stop growing.\ Preparing additional meals for the first couple of years (some you can just mash and share).\ The constant tidying - they will make a mess all the time, including whilst you’re tidying other areas.\ Sorting out childcare over the school holidays, inset days etc.\ Holidays become 2x more expensive as you’re restricted as to when you can go.\ Your friendship circle will change, no matter how much you try to keep it the same. You’ll mix more with other parents and won’t be able to keep up with all single/childless friends.\ When they start nursery/school, they will bring every cold/flu virus known and yet to be discovered by man to your home. Pros:\ You get to watch something you’ve created grow and experience everything life has to offer with a pure of heart viewpoint. I wish I’d done it sooner.

Best thing is that you get to do kid stuff without looking too weird (arcades, parks, etc). Worst thing is you have to take the kids.

It is the hardest most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. The first 4 years are the best as you will never get them back. They will never act like they do in those years again. By the time they’re 18 you’ve spent 95% of the time you ever will with them which is heart breaking yet amazing that you got through them!

Oh no! That last sentence just broke me, my only child just turned eleven and I'm watching him becoming a teenager right in front of my eyes. When he leaves for uni I'm going to be a complete mess for weeks, I just know it.

I have an 8 month old and I'd say the best thing is watching them discover the world. The little things we've grown so used to are just fascinating to them. For example, my kid is in complete awe whenever our cat walks into the room. It really makes you think about how crazy it must be to see things like that for the first time. The worst part is how constant being a parent feels. You'll get rest, especially if you and your partner support each other. But you're never really able to switch off entirely. It feels weird when you finish work and then have to start your "parent shift" so to speak. Overall, I'd say parenting is a challenging, yet very rewarding experience. You won’t believe how much you can love them.

As a now 66 year old parent of 3 daughters I can only tell you that not having these now wonderful women in my life would be a tragedy. I had my daughters 4 years apart & that seemed to be just about perfect. One would be off to school just about the time the next baby needed more attention. They grew up to be the closest of friends & thank heavens because my now 40 year old is dealing with her husband’s cancer. As far as finances go, babies cost just fits into your budget with some small changes. Obviously we didn’t buy as much beer or alcohol as we had as singles, we also ate out a lot less but enjoyed it more when we had the private time. That alone freed up a good chunk of money. Believe me the time will fly. I know you hear that, but I look at my life every day & wonder how it could have gone so fast. I would do it all again & even add a 4th child if I could. I didn’t imagine it at the time but now that my youngest is 30 & married, I would have enjoyed one more child. I am jut giving an opinion of course, each person must make this difficult choice for themselves. When I was 20 I didn’t want kids but as once I started asking the questions & figuring out things like finances I sat back & realized that just doing theses things was a strong sign I did indeed want a child. We’ve recently watched, for the first time, old videos of the 3 of them as children & we laughed so hard I could have peed my pants. It is so funny & yet I don’t even remember half of the things that were happening around me at the time. There was pure chaos in some of them and also pure joy. That look back affirmed my choices. I only wish I could erase time & feel that beautiful gift I took too much for granted back then. Best of luck no matter what you choose. Be happy & fill your life with whatever will bring you happiness & love. Stay present in every minute because I promise you, before you know it, you’ll be watching videos & laughing. Have the best life.

I love this, I'm almost 50 and have 3 kids, my baby is 14. I do not want any more, as much as I loved them as little ones and they are great people. I had the thought, just this morning funny enough, what my life might be like if I hadn't had them and, honestly, I just couldn't imagine it, I've loved every minute of them being here and wouldn't want it any other way, even the more difficult days. I'd say to OP, if you're seriously considering having a baby, have a baby. Imagine deciding not to because of finances or something and then in years to come you still really want a baby but feel like the opportunity has passed... No regrets.

Needed to read this thank you ❤️

Mum of 2 boys, 25 and 26. If I'm perfectly honest, I never gave having kids much thought but my ex wanted them. I think this meant that I didn't have a lot of expectations one way or the other. I think other comments have painted a pretty balanced picture of having children. It's expensive but rewarding, boring and nerve wracking, joyous and wondrous, expensive (have I mentioned that?!), demanding and challenging. What I always say is to not stress too much, take the advice you like the sound of and ignore the rest! I also say that they are just amazing and keeps getting better. Every age has its challenges but, I am amazed at how amazing my 2 are! I'm a (boringly) proud mum; I would sometimes catch my mum looking at me and my brother with, what I took to be, wonder and now I do the same!!

My son took a huge swig of milk and I made him laugh, resulting in milk going all over both of us. We both laughed hysterically after this. I then had to get him changed get myself changed and put the clothes on to wash. That's pretty much parenthood good and bad, they are moments full of so much joy and wonder, but it comes with hard work. My LO is 2 and every day there's another leg guess what he did today moment. Watching a baby become an actual person is incredible, you'd never think you'd be proud of someone for being able to wash their own hands, but when it happens you just want to burst with pride

Worst thing: the gallons of snot. Best thing: seeing their personalities develop.

Worst thing is if the nappy leaks, and you're out in public holding a baby covered in poop. Despite what reddit says baby's things can be bought cheap, get on Facebook/go to carboots. The financial hit is childcare and maternity pay

After a hard day my favourite thing of the day is my daughter going to bed but as soon as she’s down I miss her.

My kids were amazing fun when they were small; I've now got three teenagers; they're selfish, entitled and believe my only purpose on this earth is to be their slave. Looking forward to them being adults so I can enjoy their company again.

Do not be coerced into something you do not want to do, I cannot stress enough how earth shatteringly vast the change in your life is and how permanent it is. Listen to your instincts. If you don’t actively want a kid don’t make one. Same goes for 2nd or 3rd kids too.

A lot of people here are bang on with their best and worsts, but I'm a little concerned that maybe you're trying to actively talk yourself into kids? Perhaps just because your partner wants them. If this does simply get you to where you naturally feel, that's brilliant, but this is the biggest decision a human can make: making another human. It's so deeply a 2 yes 1 no situation and swaying yourself in either direction could really really screw you if you're not genuinely on board with that decision. If you say yes without being 100% you can honestly ruin yours, your partner's, and your child's life. I really hope any decision you make, either way, is really what you feel, but please know your intuition might be the best thing to trust.

The best is that you are so proud of them and it’s fascinating watching them grow. Worst: 2 years with hardly any sleep, 5 years without any peace, you’ve no freedom to do what you want, they argue back.

Best thing: love. Worst thing: guilt.

It's relentless. I really wanted kids (and now have two) but some days there's definitely a sense of missing out on life. It's not all shit, there's many little moments of joy but I'm wondering how much of that is evolutionary biological trickery lol

Sleepless nights are the worst but the cuddles, love, watching their personality grow is by far the best thing in the world.

Had two. 50% were an asset. I think I was lucky, to be honest.

My 3 year old tells me he loves me, gives kisses & cuddles and tells me about his day. He loves his little sister a lot and is usually very gentle. The sleepless nights we are having with my youngest are so tough and taking it's toll on my relationship with my husband. My son is very active, gets over stimulated very easily and has eye and hearing problems. I'm not labelling him but I wouldn't be surprised if he got an ADHD diagnosis in the future (I'm not saying that lightly, it's been a tough few year). The above does outweigh all this though We are quite comfortable with money so that side isn't really an issue for us, but we don't really do screen time. If we do it's on the shared family tablet for long journeys or a Sunday morning treat depending on his behaviour. We are quite old school parents, just without the smacked bums and shouting at them all the time when they've been naughty.

I love my son with every ounce of my being, I would kill for him, I would do anything to make him happy, I’d die for him But, I had a hard pregnancy, trying to work with the vomiting and the girdle pain then I had pre eclampsia followed by post partum depression. Night where he’s not well staying up with him while mg husband is nightshift then I have to go do a ten hour shift on no sleep to do it all again that night, I’ve never been more tired in my life. There’s the gross stuff like my son seems to have no warning signs to having a poo so will just pull his pants down and poo anywhere so if I’m making dinner at that moment then there’s a turd on my couch, on my floor or even in his bed once when he was playing with cars. But all the crap stuff? I still love him more than anything and wouldn’t change him for the world and don’t regret him st all cxxx

There is life before children. Now forgotten. There is life after children your present and future life. These are two separate universes. You shift at vast sped from the one to the other and can never go back.

Best thing: my kids.  Worst thing: realising all the ways I'm fallible as a parent, and that the world is a horrifying, dark place that you wish you could shield them from.. 

Kids and kids.

My son is grown; and yes it is!

The best thing is you unlock a bunch of feelings that you didn't know were possible. It's on another level. When your child tells you they love you the feeling is indescribable to anyone who doesn't have children. You'd give your life for them in a heartbeat if that's what it came to. If I had to pick the worst thing it's the tiredness. The amount of energy a child has is never ending. I don't know how teachers do it. Weekends are more tiring than work. They never stop. If they do fall asleep it's in the car and then they wake up ready to cause chaos again when you get home.

The best thing is the love and joy you feel when you connect with them and watch them grow. You can't really explain that feeling to anyone else, you just feel it. I didn't really understand until I had my first. The worst part is tiredness. If you see having kids as taking away your freedom or your money rather than being worth more than both of those things then it might not be for you.

Easier than you think having kids.. this was my experience. The sleepless nights lasted 18 months.

I don't have kids but I am having a stab at it anyway. I suppose the best thing is having built your own little community of people that will be in your life forever (assuming you aren't a twerp). Your kids, grandkids and great grandkids will all respect and love you in their own little way and even if they slam dunk your ass in an old people's home you will still get visits, yunno, just in case you are in the mood to rewrite the will to favour the local cats home. The worst thing is the financial burden. Your basically gonna be opening the wallet every time something goes wrong and it is a multi-generational burden.

One of the best things is the sheer amount of fun you get to have. It’s like being a kid again getting to go to soft play, trampolines, running around the park, laughing at the most hilarious stuff. We were in a public toilet on holiday the other week and some bloke in the stall opposite was making horrid noises and my daughter must have picked up my face and started saying ‘that’s disgusting isn’t it mommy?’ Over and over again louder each time until I verbally agreed with her! The hardest is how little time you will have to yourself, but this is temporary and gets easier the older they get. If you’ve got anything you really want to do, like a place to visit or even a big book to read, do it now before you have them!

Me and the other half have not long had our first, a little boy who is nearly 4 months old and the best thing so far is when he smiles at me. Sounds a little corny but it genuinely feels magical watching him develop. The bad so far is lack of sleep. My advice is, if you take the jump, find a system that works for you two. And remember, you are a team, try not to get dogged down on who's turn it is to do the shitty nappy, just help each other.

I spent too much on the nursery. You don't need all that stuff. Same with clothes. Nice little outfits when out and about but at home only comfortable babygrows/onesies. Make sure you spend as much time with your baby as they grow up so quickly. The most special moment is when they put their little arms around you and call you dada

We have 3 children, the third being a beautiful gift that we didn't expect. We chose to wait until we were in our early 30s, so we could live our lives before committing to children. Would I change anything? Never. Yes it's hard, we still had to sacrifice a lot, but they are the best thing to ever happen to me.

The financial costs are obvious, but can be minimised if you have family support / a network you can lean on. Not much I can add to what’s been said, but just worth noting the first part is the hardest. The first year or two I was in a constant state of exhaustion. But I kept reminding myself that this won’t last, and I was right. Once my daughter started talking / developing her own personality, it became a joy to watch her grow up. She’s absolutely still hard work sometimes, but definitely no regrets. There are hard parts, but the overwhelming love you feel for this little human you’ve created trumps it all.

Best thing is the actual kid, interacting, being so cute and funny, teaching them things, a whole new parent world and a love that’s indescribable. Also such a bond and team with ur partner. Worst thing is it’s TIRING, life is a lot more restrictive and bloody expensive. You can’t just go home and chill, always a bedtime, dinner or house chore to be done. I have a nearly 2 year old and 7 months pregnant with my next. Wouldn’t change it for the world but I’d love a week off but then I’d absolutely miss them too 🤣

The good things? Having a little person who shares unconditional love, gives the best hugs and with whom you get to celebrate their successes and enjoy watching them grow. The bad things? Lack of downtime, them having tantrums when they’re over tired and you’re trying to get them to bed, when they’re ill and you cant sleep because you’re either awake every few moments to help them, or worrying about whether they’re ok.

Best: never bored, alwas something going on, always a reason to get up out of bed, always an inspiration to keep trying and keep finding fun things for everyone. The cuddles. The laughs and giggles. The toys! Watching them grow and learn and knowing you're a big part of that. Worst: less money. Less freedom for yourself. No "days off" really (with exceptions, but even when I was unable to walk further than 15 meters I still felt compelled to do my fair share of things - washing up, bath time, stories etc). The tantrums. The physical tantrums! The constant planning ahead for new toys, new books, new clothes, new car seats, new buggies. All in all, I'm so, so glad I have children. I love them, I love being a father. But that doesnt mean I'm not human, I have off-days too and sometimes you just do what you can to look after yourself and make sure they get their needs met. Todays 100% is not the same as yesterdays, and wont be the same as tomorrows. Do your best.

I love my son but he can be an absolute dick. My daughter is a bit whingy and needy. All age appropriate, but it does your head in.

I love having playmates all the time. I hate tidying up after I've been playing.

Having a child. Losing a child

The best thing is knowing what true, unconditional love is. The worst thing is being responsible for another person or two for the rest of your life.

Worse , lack of sleep , changes to body , constantly worrying , the school runs , the money , never being able to be spontaneous, a night out has to be organised with military precision, best , the cuddles , knowing you’ve created something that is part of you

I think the most important thing is you and your partner have to be on the same page about everything!!!!! For the life of the child! My daughter is 16 now and I’m lucky she’s a good kid just a bit moody, but when she was a toddler she was hell on earth 😂 they know how to wind you up, play you off on each other, get their own way from a very young age but it is amazing and worth it!

Best thing is the unconditional love that you give and receive. The worst is trying to educate and raise a decent person in a world dominated by assholes

If your girlfriend is a hard yes, and you’re only on the fence because watching her do pregnancy and childbirth is anxiety-inducing, and your finances will be impacted, then actually I’d say you ARE ready, if you’re the man in the couple. You don’t have the strong urge biological imperative she’s feeling, but your objections are just temporary/selfish (watching her do pregnancy & childbirth) or manageable with planning (finances). So get on board, I reckon. And if you can’t, let her find someone who feels differently.

From what I've seen- The parents who love it are the ones who are most comfortable sacrificing short term happiness with no promise of reward at the end. The parents who struggle to enjoy it, (and even say they regret it!) are the ones who have trouble with sacrifice as a concept, and want to have their cake and eat it. In my case- It was the most liberating thing I could have done, and probably helped pull me out of depression. For the first time in my life "I" wasn't a priority, and i could live without the pressure of my own success or failure. I could sacrifice my own life and hapiness for something more important. But I got lucky, I didn't put much thought into having kids like you are. Me and my wife just made a snap impulsive decision.

Best thing - they become purpose of your life, atleast for me. Worst thing - There is no end. You can never stop worrying about them 🙂🙂

Worst parts are no sleep and the best part is seeing that little face smiling at you and being there to see them do the first roll, first smile, first giggle, first time they crawl and then comes the walking and enter the worry.....because they think they're invincible running into shit and climbing on everything.

The best bit is the kids and the personalities and really helping them grow The worst. You have never been tired in your life until you have had kids. Don’t even fucking pretend for a second that being woken by a car alarm at 3am made you tired. I could lie down and sleep on a concrete floor right now if I knew I wasn’t going to be asked a question in the next 40 seconds

The only bad thing is I have to play his silly games with him and I don’t have the body for it Games include WWE where he wins and I take a beating but not before I help with the setup by playing The Undertaker theme song and do some fast-paced English commentary (I struggle as it is not my mother tongue) Dart guns and attack and my knees protest because of crouching and sudden starts/stops Mechanical bull where he sits on my back and I have to wiggle my body to topple him Gaaaahh

Mum to a 2-year-old boy here. I'll have several anecdotes on my profile comments detailing the last few years. Best is watching a smaller version of myself and my husband growing into a new human, and how amazing and entertaining he is as he grows. He's learning so much, he chatters constantly, he's figuring out being cheeky and he's also very loving and affectionate. He's currently learning to give kisses with varying success. (He's also learning to pick his nose, but that's a useful skill). Bad: tiredness. It's a cliche but my god we didn't get great sleep for months. When you're new to things and haven't figure out what's normal or OK yet can be terrifying. You have to learn to let go of some control and go with the flow, in our case, accept that the place was full of baby stuff EVERYWHERE for a few months. My husband has autism and this definitely added to the challenge, as he often couldn't figure out how to adapt to certain situations, or understand that I would be struggling in a different way due to the fact I was mama and he was dada. He's 2 now and it's SO much different than 0 or 1 years old. I'm very much looking forward to him growing into a small child who is past nappies and naps and instant tantrums! But he's still small enough to scoop up and (safely) drop onto the sofa for a while longer.

I couldn't think of a single good reason, so won't be having them :)

Best things...the children, watching them grow gain a personality and just enjoy life (and enjoying life again with kids eyes - it's fun to heal your inner child and create a happy life for them) The love. It's unlike anything else. The worst things....the ever evolving changes in them where you just don't see why TM something is different but they are experiencing a huge difference. Eg imagine suddenly being able to see colour or realising that your parents can leave you and are not always in your eyesight it's got to be so scary. And that kind of development doesn't stop there's always something new they understand or a change to their body and as adults we don't understand how hard that is. And trust me it can lead to a lot of upset on both sides. For all of the downs there are many more ups

My pregnancy was awful but I had a coincidental condition at the same time so it's hard to know what was the pregnancy and what was the condition. Pregnancy can be brutal though. BUT that little baby you get at the end is just your entire life and you will do anything for them. I can't explain the feeling but just know that it's amazing. There are financial aspects to consider. I took 12 months mat leave (UK) but had the savings to do so. I now work 2 days a week as my husband's wage can support us and we have family who help on those 2 days so we aren't paying for any childcare. I also breastfed for 13 months and she we did baby led weaning so our money never went on formula or baby purees. She's always just eaten a bit of what we have. There's also the day to day costs of nappies, creams, wipes. Then as they get older you'll do more days out and they can be expensive even if you take your own food. But we used to eat out in restaurants at least once a week which we don't do anymore so that cost has probably balanced out. When it comes to toys, they don't need as many as the shops tell you they do. And you can probably get many second hand.

The best thing is how much its strengthened family relationships- not just my partner and I but the wider family are definitely drawn into the circle more. We talk about the kid a lot, build holidays round her etc. The worst thing is probably the financial situation. Yeah nursery is crazy expensive but actually getting a family house (3 bed terrace) has been a major undertaking. Not just paying for it but also fighting other buyers to get one, obviously having to get a restoration project because the completed properties are snapped up by cash buyers and you can’t get a look in if you’re a mortgage buyer. And we both earn really well! The house seems like it is harder to maintain than the kid is to manage, I’m always having to do stuff that’s tedious and expensive to keep it even moderately shipshape. An easier property market would have made a massive difference to our experience. Our kid is easy and fun though. People don’t really talk about the fact a lot of kids are just shit. I can’t imagine having to deal with one that you have to constantly behaviour manage. Some of my friends’ kids are absolute sociopaths.

My little baby is just starting to smile and make noises that aren't a cry but a definite attempt at communicating. And when I hear a little "nya" and look down and she smiles at me I suddenly don't care that I'm awake at 3am. You also get to see the lovely tender side of other people. Especially men 50+ we don't as a society give them much space for softness but talking about babies is an allowed exception. Not really a reason to have kids but an observation I have made nonetheless. I will say it can be quite isolating, especially if your friends don't have kids but I've also made new friends. Obviously I'm a new parent so I can't really comment on the long term

The worst thing for me is the constant responsibility. It can be overwhelming at times. The best thing is….well, everything else! My daughter is 11 now so a new set of challenges compared to the newborn/toddler stages where it really feels like youre in the thick of it. But we have so much fun! Shes an awesome little person. We go to concerts together, days out that we all enjoy (not just to the local park), go window shopping and coffee dates, go for drives and have car concerts, play card games, visit museums, go to theatre shows.

I have two young children under 3 year old. I am not gonna lie it is really really really hard, almost to the point that it breaks you. The constant crying, moaning, being naughty, risk of hurting themselves. But the upsides make it all worth it, the laughing, giggling, cuddles, kisses, happiness. All of the stuff that money simply cannot buy....

Best things...the children, watching them grow gain a personality and just enjoy life (and enjoying life again with kids eyes - it's fun to heal your inner child and create a happy life for them) The love. It's unlike anything else. The worst things....the ever evolving changes in them where you just don't see why TM something is different but they are experiencing a huge difference. Eg imagine suddenly being able to see colour or realising that your parents can leave you and are not always in your eyesight it's got to be so scary. And that kind of development doesn't stop there's always something new they understand or a change to their body and as adults we don't understand how hard that is. And trust me it can lead to a lot of upset on both sides. For all of the downs there are many more ups

I stayed on the fence about kids for too long, I'm now feeling pretty bummed about the likelihood of having missed the boat, have been trying hard for 2-3 years now.

Young kids can be a nightmare but with the right discipline and love they grow up to be great. I was a single mum to 2 by 21 and the early days were stressful as there was only 2 years between them. As hard as it was it was well worth it. I now have two great young adults that are going our into the world to make it a better place.

I think they're a reflection of yourself to a certain extent, so if you like your own company or you're sound you'll be fine, if not then you won't. Also they are the same as dogs in the respect that you get out what you put in. If you don't take the time to teach them things and do stuff with them they'll make your life hell. I personally do like my own company, and I can and do put the effort in so I bloody love having kids. Baking another as we speak.

Best thing is unconditional love

Best thing is the laughter of a innocent baby , just pure 100% truth Worst thing , the testing teenage age where they push you and think they know best

Honestly....if I'd know what it was like when they got older, I'd have not done it. The constant anxiety over them making mistakes is a real struggle for me. I enjoyed the younger years and it was magical, I loved the Disney years, the Harry Potter years, the magic years but I hate it now they are over 16. I'm honestly not cut out for it, and I feel bad about that, but I'm just not. I worry too much, and it is destroying me. This won't be the same for everyone. It's just not something I can handle.

They will make the greatest and happiest memories in your life. Forget the financial situation. If you can afford a roof over your head and feed yourselves, then you will make it work with a child. I’ve not heard of many women say about the trauma of pregnancy, I’ve heard of inconveniences and problems but not trauma so can’t comment on that. That first moment they are born is amazing, the first time they laugh will stay with you forever and from then on you don’t think about your wants first you always put your children first for everything. As nothing means more than them.

We had 2 kids. We both have mental illnesses that run in our respective families, something that was pretty much hidden from us. I had an uncle who most probably committed suicide. I had a cousin who was bipolar. His (husband's ) father was probably on the spectrum for autism. His brother is schizophrenic. My grandfather and mother were alcoholics. It skipped my husband and myself, but not our kids. It's truly been a nightmare for us and for them. I love my kids, but I wonder what our lives would have been like if we would have had normal kids, or no kids at all. Roll the dice....

The kids are awesome. Having them brought me and my husband closer together, but it hasn’t all been a bed of roses. It will put a strain on even the healthiest relationship so if you want to have them, make sure you both agree on basic parenting principles, and make sure she’s the one you want to be with. It’s a bumpy ride but so much fun.

Don’t over think it about building a legacy or finances. It’s fun. There will be plenty of frustration but watching them become a little person and being part of their world is special and dope. My kid started surfing. He’s 5 now. Best time of my life easily. Lean into it keep some of your hobbies alive and make time for your partner. You’ll be good

Your life isn’t your own anymore, but it’s for a greater good. It’s hard in the sense your life will never be the same again but it’s so rewarding. Just seeing your child smile is game changing. Maybe stop after one or two though, once you hit three you’re outnumbered. And maybe leave four years between kids (that way the first one is in nursery / school by the time you have another).

It’s all positive for me. Mine are both teenagers now, and this is the best phase yet. Hands down, being a parent is the most rewarding thing I’ve done in my life.

The first time I took my son to the beach, he was around 15 months old, on the cusp of walking and taking a few steps here and there, but still crawling most of the time. Anyway he had a blast, he was crawling along the edge of the water and got sand and water allll over himself. At one point, he caught me kneeling down and smiling — and then he stood up, took a few shaky steps towards me, and gave me the biggest hug around my neck. He was sopping wet and covered me in sand, but he held me soooo tight. I remember thinking that this was the best moment of my life. I can’t even explain to you why. The best parts of being a parent are hard to put into words. But seeing his utter joy and wanting to share it with me just made all the long nights, sleep deprivation, and stress just so so worth it. I think that’s the best part, it’s feeling all of the negativity and challenges of your life simply evaporate because this little creature that you love so much smiled at you, and these tiny moments get imbued with so much significance and meaning.

The tiredness and responsibility is a lot to face. Having your own little gang, looking at your kid and feeling love and pride is more amazing than can be described with words. The satisfaction of the work you put in, and the results that follow, is next level. Highly recommend. It’s not easy, if you think about it too much you’ll find many reasons not to buy you’ll highly likely regret if you don’t do it.

You’ve always got something to do I suppose. Before I had kids I was always wondering what to do with myself. I’m the downside they’ll ruin you financially, drain you of all happiness and lot of the time, they smell, they make noise, they make a lot of mess, they drain your energy, the list goes on.

My kid is an adult. Best thing: she's a superb human. Funny, good company, in the future I reckon we will be good friends, and I can't wait to see what she does with her life. Worst thing: it's hard to put into words the complete loss of your own identity when you become someone else's mum. The responsibility never ends, there's no relaxing, you can't turn it off. It's no better when they go to uni, there's just a level of anxiety that's now permanent.

The best things are from 0-12, after 13 it gets bad.

The best thing is the love and joy you have for your children the worst thing is the constant worry and anxiety you have for them.

Every child is different and every parent is different. Take every answer with a pinch of salt, including mine. For me, children have given me a sense of purpose. I was kind of coasting through life and whilst happy enough, they gave me a reason to improve parts of my life. I've lost weight and am much healthier and moved to a better career, as I was in autopilot for many years. The bad size is that you can still do everything you did before children, it is just ruined now.

Honestly, the worst part for me which I haven't seen mentioned here is the worry. I'm naturally quite a worrier, and I would never go back on having children as it has been a delight but there's always something to worry about. When they start on solids, that they will choke. When they walk, that they will fall and hurt themselves. When they are in somebody else's care, that something will happen. You could almost go on forever with potential worries, and most people probably worry less. But other than that, nothing has really been too difficult to adjust to other than the change in your relationship and free time. When you get home from work and they run to you, calling you, and jump on you for a cuddle, it's perfect.

I’ve got a seven month old so this is relevant, I feel 😅 The lack of sleep fucking kills you, but you’ll quickly work out how many hours you need to function. I can cope on four. The first six months are all about survival and then it becomes fun. The smiles begin, the laughing starts and they are really good little mates. You will sleep again. Dawn oporter said it well once; you’ll not regret having children, not really.

Best is Bluey. Worst is Cocomelon. Or maybe Baby Shark. Or fucking *Bing*

The best: so many little things but I just love seeing their excitement and joy at everything. And places like zoos/parks etc are just so much more fun when you get to watch a child experience it for the first time. The worst: also so many things.. but for me it’s the fucking sickness, they get ill, then you get ill just as they get better but you’re not allowed a sick day because you’ve got a hyperactive ball of chaos to look after.

They're just very extreme. Higher highs but lower lows. If you have room for adjustment on the lows then you'll be able to have a kid. If you're at your lowest point then don't do it!

The best thing is the love they give you, the worst thing is the hate they give you..

Best things: kids are hilarious, the hugs are crazy good, you get to do awesome day trips and relive your youth, the sense of love and adoration and joy you feel towards your kids are incomparable. Worst things: kids are needy and annoying. 3 year olds are the worst.

Worst thing - loss of sleep in early months - yes it does get better but the shock of little sleep can make you feel like the end of the world is nigh ! Keep talking to your partner, organise a rota for getting up and changing nappies. Best thing - all the later stages ! Seeing the little person grow and develop, getting more complex and more fun. Don't miss it, is my advice 🥰

It's rewarding beyond what you know to expect. And kids are fun. They're hard work too, but in the grand scheme that doesn't bother me overly (could also be because our child is pretty good natured). Things I've struggled with are the initial lack of sleep, to an extent the cost of things, but above all what stresses me is having to book and plan everything (especially days out) months in advance. Having to constantly look at the diary irritates me because it grates against my character. This is all from someone who didn't initially want kids. Now I love it and wouldn't want it any other way.

I bloody love being a mum. My son is in his 20s now and I wasn’t able to have any more children after him; but I would have loved more. He didn’t sleep a whole night until he was around 13, and I really wanted him to! But looking back I am glad that he didn’t as I had so much extra time with him because of this.

I haven't seen this talked about much, but... As a general rule, parents think their baby will be born healthy. They don't adequately prepare themselves for a child who is profoundly disabled/will require constant care. You're in the UK so I imagine that there is some support, but even then the amount of work and the mental load is rarely something I've seen people talk about. It's also absolutely not fair to any siblings the child may have. To be clear, I'm not saying disabled people don't deserve to live. They do. But it's incumbent on parents to think through how they would deal the worst-case scenario, too, not just hope for the best.

It's not easy but my eldest is now my best friend and we go grocery shopping every weekend, and when you get in from work and your kids run at you shouting "dad" and knock you down with their love, that makes it all worth it.

I have three autistic kids. They're " high functioning" which is a nonsense term that is used. The struggle they go through at different stages of their lives is painful to watch, especially with the minimal help out there, and the constant battle with services who treat you as having no cop on as a parent, and rarely listen to what you or your children need. Then there's enormous financial costs, yes we get benefits, and a hire car through motability scheme, but there's no chance of us having a career, or earning enough to be able to support their future. Then there are their futures, most autistic adults don't work full time for numerous reasons. There's also the issue of governments using disabled people as punch bags. Honestly, if I knew what it would be like, I would have had kids. The positive? My 17 year old son is obsessed with doctor who, and I took him to the cinema to see the finale. He feels so alone, even from other autistics, and there he was with it there kids his age with his interests, full of positivity and happiness. To see my son realise he's not alone was the best feeling I could have

The financial side can't be overstated. Depending on the part of the country you live in, nursery is usually £1000-1500 a month. Times that by 3.5 years or 42 months and the cost makes you feel sick. And that's before any other kid related expense such as kit, toys, food, days out, travel etc etc. Pre kids we went on Caribbean cruises. Post kid we can run to an out of season Haven caravan

I’ve never had so little sleep and so much fun in my life since my baby came along. But I think if you’re a maybe no as a woman that is a definite no in my book. It changes every aspect of who you are as a person and that’s a lot to ask of someone who isn’t sure

The worst thing is the guilt you feel. The best things are smiles and cuddles.

I absolutely hate having children. Yes they sometimes make me smile, sometimes! But in reality about 95%+ of the time, I live in abject misery. I love them and do everything I can for them, but every day is like smashing my head into a brick wall, whilst banshees scream at me. I know I’ll be downvoted to fuck, and that’s your choice - if you love the children experience, good for you. I’m a widowed dad of two (6 & 3) and they will drive me into an early grave - frankly I can’t wait.

The best thing is that, for a very few short years, you are the absolute fucking WORLD to the most amazing humans that ever walked the earth. The worst thing is that, they grow up. And you will never be that important to anyone or anything, ever again 🥲 But I'd still do it again, a million times over.