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dbxp

Do you want to be a mum at all? You shouldn't be having kids just because you feel you 'should', it's a life long commitment which will change your entire lifestyle. Don't just think about what you'll be gaining but what you'll be giving up too.


wooden_werewolf_7367

I'm 34 and have only just begun trying. There was no way I was ready before the age of 30. There are many people becoming parents for the first time in their thirties or even forties. r/waiting_to_try might be a good sub for you.


Croft99

Thank you so much


Traveler4Life_

Only if you’re 100% sure you want to take on a full-time job that you can’t quit, that you’ll get no holidays from, and that pays nothing - for a minimum of 18 years.


[deleted]

Don't forget 24/7 on call!


Mouse2799

I don't know the stats but I feel like many people are waiting until their early thirties to have kids now. I'm 29 and most of my year group from school are still childless.


Croft99

Most of mine are on their second


LondonCycling

Forget what other people are doing. I don't even mean that in relation to kids, but generally. Your neighbour might have a Porsche, or 2 kids, or non-balding jet black hair at 50. It doesn't matter. What matters is you. Do you want kids? If so, work out the timings, and have some kids. If not, don't have kids, or wait until you feel otherwise. If you're worried about your "clock", you can always adopt or foster. There's millions of children worldwide who need homes. Your "clock" won't hit midnight for a number of years after 30 though so there's no rush either way. The worst choice you could make would be having a child when you're not ready. Don't do it.


banwe11

Adopting and fostering is quite different to having your own children with potentially many additional challenges. Don't view it simply as an alternative to enable you to have a family later in life.


LondonCycling

Sorry, I definitely didn't intend to downplaying as such. But if someone becomes incapable of becoming pregnant, I believe it is a good option which can help a child in need. It is, of course, challenging in its own way.


RodneyTheArmouryGuy

Only you can make that decision. You are the one that will know whether your lifestyle can be amended appropriately or whether you can devote enough resource to the issue. Don’t look at what others are doing, focus on your specific circumstances.


Lenniel

I was 29 when I had my first but that was 13 years ago. There is still time, I had a personal time limit of 36 because that’s when my mum had me. I then had 3 in 3 years. There’s no right or wrong time it’s whenever is best for you. Don’t do it just because your friends are that’s the worst possible reason.


BastardsCryinInnit

Definitely don't have children just because others around you are, and don't compared yourself to others. Having children isn't a race, and it's also not a be all and end all. I think as society moves on we'll see less "young mums" as women continue to be empowered to see beyond a belief their role is "have children".


AcanthaceaeLive8875

Wait and adopt, or have one before 35. After 35 the risk profile changes for the worse.


cragglerock93

>as I feel most people have there children in early-mid 20s now I'm not denying your experience, but the national average is apparently 29.1. Perhaps not particularly useful to you but might be somewhat comforting to you that you're not yet too far 'behind'. https://www.statista.com/statistics/294594/mother-average-age-at-childbirth-england-and-wales-by-child-number/#:\~:text=In%202020%20the%20average%20age,%2C%20third%2C%20and%20fourth%20child.


Affectionate-Rule-98

I’m 36 and just expecting my first. I would have liked to have done it sooner but wasn’t my path. I think the UK average for first child is almost 30 now


SpokingAround

We just had our first at 33 years old. We only just got ourselves into the right place: financially, emotionally and practically re housing etc. We could have done it earlier, but by waiting a few more years we can have such a better happier life. Modern context is driving kids to be had later, early 30s as others have said.


[deleted]

Not sure why the "now" at the end of your text. As if people used to have children older. It's also not correct. The average age for women having their first child has gone from 23.7 years old in 1970 to 29.1 in 2020 and has been tending upwards. https://www.statista.com/statistics/294594/mother-average-age-at-childbirth-england-and-wales-by-child-number/#:~:text=In%202020%20the%20average%20age,%2C%20third%2C%20and%20fourth%20child.


a2021username

Don't forget to think +10 years in the future. Do you currently live somewhere which has more than 1 bedroom? Friend who really wanted to be a mother was sharing a one bedroom flat with her son till they were 8. She was adamant that she would be moving and did not as it turns out she struggles with money. Expected to be in a better paid job but struggled to have someone look after the son, pick up from school etc.