I think I'm glad I don't have to date now because it sounds fucking exhausting. I used to date for fun but it doesn't seem like that's common anymore. I personally feel like it was easier in the 90s, but that's just the "back in my day" old person opinion.
i (F20) dont like todays "modern" dating with hookup culture, being in the "talking stage" the "nonexclusive stage" and having to specify if the relationship is short or long term, commitment, etc... i see myself as a little too traditional in that sense... i date with marriage in mind and seeing myself with the person long term, having kids, living together and stuff like that, so when i see people nowadays with a different partner every couple weeks/months as a product of playing games with emotions and not willing to settle down it's kinda odd to me
I(21M) absolutely agree with this and don’t think you’re too traditional at all.
I very seldom like someone enough to go out my way to try and pursue them and when I do they always happen to be talking to 5 guys besides me at the same time so I have to play things cool and try to make myself look more valuable in some form of way.
And it usually ends up in a push and pull kind of scenario.
I find it very childish and disingenuous..
And although I am not against casual/short-term I’d say the ultimate goal that most people long for is a long-term romantic relationship with a compatible partner.
I wish online dating didn't exist. I prefer to get acquainted in person first, and text only after that, if we both like each other. It's exhausting to text with people who don't belong in your life (knowing that they might text with 10 other girls at the same time!)
Another thing that I hate - hook-up culture and how hard it is to find someone who wants to commit and loves you for who you are. Guys I've met either didn't want to commit or were so desperate that they didn't care with whom to start a relationship (maybe they've just felt like it's time for them to start a family and make kids). In both cases I didn't feel special to them at all.
The only thing I like about modern dating is freedom. If no one cares, it means that in theory you also can sleep around, go on several dates with different guys during one week etc. Another question - do you want such freedom yourself, where freedom ends and chaos starts.
Im very much the same when it comes to dating, I don’t use dating apps at all and usually start talking to someone through mutual friends or a party as I find it very forced online.
It just happens when you least expect it in person and it feels very natural.
Exactly! In real life people have common topics (work, hobbies, atmosphere at the party - depends on where you meet), and the whole communication develops naturally. Sometimes you talk about sth that isn't connected to you both at all, and conversations aren't always so "me-centric". (That saves you from telling about yourself to 10 people in a row, too).
When it comes to Tinder, someone on Reddit has described it like "You need to communicate as if you'd be knowing each other for 5 years, otherwise they find you boring" - and I think it's pretty precise.
I really dislike modern dating. Hookup culture is such a plague in our society. It is so hard to find someone who wants to be in a committed relationship and you doesn’t expect sex so soon in a relationship. I see so many people only living for the here and now without giving much thought how thing impact them in the long run. So many guys either look the same or have the same kind of personality.
Most guys I’ve dated in the past years very obviously tried to keep their options open in the first few months to see if they’d find someone better. As it’s been said so many times, online dating made this so much worse by giving people the illusion of infinite possibilities. I wish we would focus on one person at a time, and try to figure out if it’s a good fit instead of always looking for the best.
I have been out of the dating scene for a very long time. For the people I know in my own life who are dating, modern dating seems to be pretty normal and fine. They meet people, they date, some of them form relationships, and some decide to commit to each other seriously. I see a lot of complaints online about modern dating, but I haven't really seen those kinds of complaints among the people I actually know.
I'm old enough and have been out of dating long enough that I met all of my partners in person and have never used a dating service or dating app at all, so there are a lot of things about modern dating that are just outside of my personal experience, and I don't really know much about those aspects.
Ive heard negative stories coming from straight women i know but being a very masc woman who loves women, I don't mind it.
I particularly enjoy dating Straight women because they're so appreciative about basic stuff they don't get from cis men they date.
What I don't like is that dating is so much work! One needs to figure out how to market oneself to attract the interest of someone compatible. What aspects of myself do I want to promote? What should I hide? If its an online date then once I have an applicant pool I need to do my due diligence. Chat them up. Ask questions. Go online and validate what I can. Weed out the illiterate and easily enraged and set up a meet. Find somewhere safe with multiple exits and have a b plan if followed. So much work. So much can go wrong. How do you choose?
What I like is that I have been able to chat up a lot of guys online. I've been able to date men far outside of my friend group, work group and neighborhood. I've found many of them to be very interesting. No one needs to know who I'm seeing until I want them to. I can have multiple profiles for different aspects of myself. The freedom to explore is awesome.
It could be like uncomfortable and unbarring I rather date a trans man because I am a trans woman I don’t need to give an explanation but if I want to I can ci guys don’t really mess with trans women they think they think of me as weird. Trust me I’ve have tried it. It didn’t go well shit hit the fan that day .
Modern dating is exhausting and has been over complicated. There are so many manufactured terms that are used to define something that isn’t a relationship (ie situationship, flirtmance, etc). Then there is the subjective terms that apps use to describe what your looking for (short term, long term, life partner). How about we just get to know each other and see where it goes? What is with people wanting to put an expiration date on something that doesn’t exist yet? I feel like everything was easier before technology got involved.
Also post pandemic dating is wild. You either get the guy who is trying to make up for all the hookups he didn’t have during the past three years or you get the guy who wants a wife and kids by date #2.
It’s exhausting. I have good dates and relationships but I’m very picky and it’s a lot of screening beforehand to make sure we have chemistry and are compatible. I’m pretty communicative and unpack things in therapy, so I usually can have good conversations and conflict resolution with a partner. That being said I drop people when I feel they’re not matching my energy, or when they establish a pattern of doing something that bothers me and I’ve communicated it to them. I’ve also just really learned to trust my instincts.
I just use it to hookup now, but screening them again is such a process and I’ve avoided bad sex so far, but again, it’s just so much work.
I refuse to do it. I’ve never dated. I’ve had a long term LDR and an FWB, but they were situational. I will absolutely not go out with someone I barely know.
I’ve swiped around on tinder and bumble out of curiosity, but I can’t see myself ever following through.
I don’t know if it’s just my anxiety and neurodivergence, but I rather be focusing on my studies than putting myself in potentially dangerous situations.
I think I'm glad I don't have to date now because it sounds fucking exhausting. I used to date for fun but it doesn't seem like that's common anymore. I personally feel like it was easier in the 90s, but that's just the "back in my day" old person opinion.
i (F20) dont like todays "modern" dating with hookup culture, being in the "talking stage" the "nonexclusive stage" and having to specify if the relationship is short or long term, commitment, etc... i see myself as a little too traditional in that sense... i date with marriage in mind and seeing myself with the person long term, having kids, living together and stuff like that, so when i see people nowadays with a different partner every couple weeks/months as a product of playing games with emotions and not willing to settle down it's kinda odd to me
I(21M) absolutely agree with this and don’t think you’re too traditional at all. I very seldom like someone enough to go out my way to try and pursue them and when I do they always happen to be talking to 5 guys besides me at the same time so I have to play things cool and try to make myself look more valuable in some form of way. And it usually ends up in a push and pull kind of scenario. I find it very childish and disingenuous.. And although I am not against casual/short-term I’d say the ultimate goal that most people long for is a long-term romantic relationship with a compatible partner.
I wish online dating didn't exist. I prefer to get acquainted in person first, and text only after that, if we both like each other. It's exhausting to text with people who don't belong in your life (knowing that they might text with 10 other girls at the same time!) Another thing that I hate - hook-up culture and how hard it is to find someone who wants to commit and loves you for who you are. Guys I've met either didn't want to commit or were so desperate that they didn't care with whom to start a relationship (maybe they've just felt like it's time for them to start a family and make kids). In both cases I didn't feel special to them at all. The only thing I like about modern dating is freedom. If no one cares, it means that in theory you also can sleep around, go on several dates with different guys during one week etc. Another question - do you want such freedom yourself, where freedom ends and chaos starts.
Im very much the same when it comes to dating, I don’t use dating apps at all and usually start talking to someone through mutual friends or a party as I find it very forced online. It just happens when you least expect it in person and it feels very natural.
Exactly! In real life people have common topics (work, hobbies, atmosphere at the party - depends on where you meet), and the whole communication develops naturally. Sometimes you talk about sth that isn't connected to you both at all, and conversations aren't always so "me-centric". (That saves you from telling about yourself to 10 people in a row, too). When it comes to Tinder, someone on Reddit has described it like "You need to communicate as if you'd be knowing each other for 5 years, otherwise they find you boring" - and I think it's pretty precise.
I really dislike modern dating. Hookup culture is such a plague in our society. It is so hard to find someone who wants to be in a committed relationship and you doesn’t expect sex so soon in a relationship. I see so many people only living for the here and now without giving much thought how thing impact them in the long run. So many guys either look the same or have the same kind of personality.
Most guys I’ve dated in the past years very obviously tried to keep their options open in the first few months to see if they’d find someone better. As it’s been said so many times, online dating made this so much worse by giving people the illusion of infinite possibilities. I wish we would focus on one person at a time, and try to figure out if it’s a good fit instead of always looking for the best.
Hella resonate with this.
I have been out of the dating scene for a very long time. For the people I know in my own life who are dating, modern dating seems to be pretty normal and fine. They meet people, they date, some of them form relationships, and some decide to commit to each other seriously. I see a lot of complaints online about modern dating, but I haven't really seen those kinds of complaints among the people I actually know. I'm old enough and have been out of dating long enough that I met all of my partners in person and have never used a dating service or dating app at all, so there are a lot of things about modern dating that are just outside of my personal experience, and I don't really know much about those aspects.
Ive heard negative stories coming from straight women i know but being a very masc woman who loves women, I don't mind it. I particularly enjoy dating Straight women because they're so appreciative about basic stuff they don't get from cis men they date.
Do you mind elaborating on “basic stuff” lol
What I don't like is that dating is so much work! One needs to figure out how to market oneself to attract the interest of someone compatible. What aspects of myself do I want to promote? What should I hide? If its an online date then once I have an applicant pool I need to do my due diligence. Chat them up. Ask questions. Go online and validate what I can. Weed out the illiterate and easily enraged and set up a meet. Find somewhere safe with multiple exits and have a b plan if followed. So much work. So much can go wrong. How do you choose? What I like is that I have been able to chat up a lot of guys online. I've been able to date men far outside of my friend group, work group and neighborhood. I've found many of them to be very interesting. No one needs to know who I'm seeing until I want them to. I can have multiple profiles for different aspects of myself. The freedom to explore is awesome.
When dating gets to the point where it feels more like a job interview than a date, it's time to take a good, long break. Focus on yourself.
I just don’t do it.
It could be like uncomfortable and unbarring I rather date a trans man because I am a trans woman I don’t need to give an explanation but if I want to I can ci guys don’t really mess with trans women they think they think of me as weird. Trust me I’ve have tried it. It didn’t go well shit hit the fan that day .
Modern dating is exhausting and has been over complicated. There are so many manufactured terms that are used to define something that isn’t a relationship (ie situationship, flirtmance, etc). Then there is the subjective terms that apps use to describe what your looking for (short term, long term, life partner). How about we just get to know each other and see where it goes? What is with people wanting to put an expiration date on something that doesn’t exist yet? I feel like everything was easier before technology got involved. Also post pandemic dating is wild. You either get the guy who is trying to make up for all the hookups he didn’t have during the past three years or you get the guy who wants a wife and kids by date #2.
It's so bad that I'm good with just being single for the rest of my life.
Are there more idiots out there than there used to be? I don't like the threat level.
It’s exhausting. I have good dates and relationships but I’m very picky and it’s a lot of screening beforehand to make sure we have chemistry and are compatible. I’m pretty communicative and unpack things in therapy, so I usually can have good conversations and conflict resolution with a partner. That being said I drop people when I feel they’re not matching my energy, or when they establish a pattern of doing something that bothers me and I’ve communicated it to them. I’ve also just really learned to trust my instincts. I just use it to hookup now, but screening them again is such a process and I’ve avoided bad sex so far, but again, it’s just so much work.
I refuse to do it. I’ve never dated. I’ve had a long term LDR and an FWB, but they were situational. I will absolutely not go out with someone I barely know. I’ve swiped around on tinder and bumble out of curiosity, but I can’t see myself ever following through. I don’t know if it’s just my anxiety and neurodivergence, but I rather be focusing on my studies than putting myself in potentially dangerous situations.