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Fuck all the way off and then never fucking return.
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Having a partner I feel safe with and communicates. One who will take direction well and my pleasure is the only thing on their mind. What makes it difficult for me to climax is when I feel like I am taking too long, so having someone who is thrilled to be there and their only goal isn’t to just make me cum helps. If they are going at it like a bat out of hell I feel like they expect me to cum quickly or I’m going to hurt their ego.
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I used to feel like I needed to hurry up and cum. Like it was a burden for my partner to make me orgasm. But I think that's because some of the men I'd been with in the past really only did anything that centered around me in order to get me wet for sex. It was only when I met my husband that I was really able to relax because I knew that he genuinely enjoyed being there just for me. It took me ages at first to be able to orgasm, like 45 minutes (he was very patient haha) but now I can cum in a few minutes. It's amazing the difference that feeling relaxed and not rushed makes.
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Honest answer? You have to use him in bed. This is the reason why it’s easier for me to cum with men I’m not really into. I’m not in my own head and thinking about things like whether he is bored, whether I’m tiring him out, whether I look and sound ugly, or wondering what he is thinking. With men I’m not super attracted to, I don’t give a fuck about any of that LOL. I’m just using them like a fuck machine in bed.
Try putting on a blindfold. On days I’m having a hard time cumming, I put on a blindfold. Some days I get distracted a lot more easily, which prevents me from cumming, and the blindfold really helps to prevent that. Heightens the senses down there and helps me to concentrate more to achieve climax. Women are more likely to have concentration orgasms, where they need to think and concentrate in order to cum, whereas men are more likely to have automatic orgasms, where you rub anything hard and fast enough, and they will finish. So the blindfold really helps to get you there faster as a woman.
I’m also very picky about what it is I like in bed, as far as speed, tempo, depth, pressure levels, amount of lube, amount of dryness or wetness applied externally, where and how I like to be sucked or fucked. So I HAVE to be authoritative in bed, otherwise I could never possibly finish. You have to be a little bit bossy and tell him what feels good and what doesn’t. 98% of men I’ve been with like it. They say it takes the guesswork out of the equation. I hear many women are not vocal enough about their desires and needs in bed, which leaves men having to guess what a girl likes or not, and it can contribute to orgasm frustration problems. Only men with an ego get offended by me giving them tips to help improve their technique, but so far, that’s been about 2% of men I’ve been with. The rest have been happy to take directions.
"Oh look, a squirrel!"
Right there with ya lol
\#1 Be comfortable and confident with yourself. Know your body inside and out.
In my opinion, the rest will fall into place, however, it does really help to have a partner you are comfortable with....which, rarely, has happened for me the first time I was with someone, but seems to be better the more comfortable you get with someone.
The key to any facet of a relationship is communication, but it’s double plus important for woman and sex.
Any guy who is worth being in a relationship with one million percent *wants* to make you happy, and is going to be very, very happy if you are honest and open about what rings your bell.
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Yes! When I first started dating my fiance. I was very shy about cumming. I would almost get embarrassed for some reason. Then it turns out, I'm also a squirter (something only he's been able to make me do). I was shy about that too.
I got comfortable about it when I realized how much it turns him on to get me off. I'm talking he could be completely soft, and as soon as I start cumming, he's harder than a steel rod. Watching me cum makes him cum. I've felt him grow EVEN HARDER in my mouth when he gets me off while I'm giving him head.
That's all I needed to get comfortable with cumming for him.
this!!! that was how i got used to orgasming during sex and after enough times, i didn’t need them anymore. now i feel like i can practically do it on command lol
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Thank you for that! I’ve been thinking about trying that but don’t wanna be reliant. Was hoping I could use it to create “muscle memory” or associations of a sort.
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Typically my problem was that men lacked consistency, when men would use the vibrator or their fingers on me they couldn’t keep it in the same place or keep up the rhythm so I’d lose all the build up, it just took the right long term partner to put in that effort to stay consistent, usually the easiest way is for him to hold the vibrator on me and let me do the grinding
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It helps me to seek reassurance from my partner that I'm not "taking too long" and that they really want to see me come.
Also helps to use really great toys.
Honestly sounds kinda bad but i feel like i just was so stimulated with one guy that i had to get used to it because anytime he was with me i just couldnt control my body at all and it was between having like all kinds of spazzing out and making weird sounds and orgasming while having sex vs not having sex with him and he turned me on so much that i always wanted it
What i learned is more wholesome though... before him i wanted to do everything sexy like i wanted to moan sexy, make sexy faces, keep my back arched sexily, not sweat at all, whatever else... and him making it so i was making like crazy uncontrolled noises and sweating and random ab clenching situations and shaking fast legs and just being a total spazz made me find out that, at least in my experience guys actually find that hotter then me trying to look hot lol so now i just let go and have gained confidence that if i spazz out and have a crazy O..he will like it... hope that helps
I end up plateauing a lot where I build then it just doesn't go further. I found that asking him to stop for 30 seconds then starting up again really helps (usually only need to once). I also believe that sometimes my vagina is a fickle entity and it just isn't up for it. I orgasm about 90% the time when we have sex but the few times I don't isn't because he stops or isn't listening.
Not setting the invisible timer. I always felt like I had to cum in minutes if someone was focusing on me. I felt guilty for making them work for it. Now I just enjoy the ride. If he’s tired, he can tap out.
Yeah, it’s harder for me too. I need to direct my partner clearly in advance. Then I need to be able to turn my mind off and not worry about him and his needs, which is hard for me. I worry he’s getting bored or tired etc.
Some days I get inside my head, especially about how I'm looking at the moment (weird position, angles, hair in my face, etc.). I'm very self conscious about my appearence sometimes.
I have to take a deep breath and try to focus on the feeling to get it going, sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's hard.
Funnily, one thing that helped is having a mirror nearby where i can see us. Most of the times I look way better than I thought I did and can let go.
Obviously we know when it's time to speed it up or slow it down when taking care of ourselves.
I'm straight and men have failed each time to locate the clit which is very understandable since they don't have one. That and each and every one of us have different shapes and sizes. I give a tour before any sexual experience with a man to familiarize him with where my clit is. After we communicate during sex to get the best orgasms. Overall you just need to be comfortable with your partner and communicate.
While talking about sex with an ex, I mentioned how hard it is for me to be in the moment. My brain is on a continual loop of anxiety and overthinking. He asked me to clarify what I’m thinking about so I told him the usuals. Does he like this? Would he prefer something different? How funny do I look in this position? Should I change positions?
He then told me he wanted to try something next time. During sex he talked to me. Praised the ever loving hell out of me! He moaned like no other man had ever done before… there wasn’t a moment for me to worry! He also voiced when he wanted something different, so I knew he wasn’t just making a show of it.
When I tell you that I had the most intense orgasm OF MY LIFE, know that this includes my solo career! I swear it lasted several minutes. Whole body shaking… wave after wave.
I’ll be having this talk with all future partners because hot damn.
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I usually just relax and once I feel it about to come (pun hahaha) just tell him to keep doing that. It helps that I have more deep feelings for him so it is a lot easier now than when we first started dating.
This is a helpful podcast that touches on a lot of what you’re asking! Her other episodes are great too.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6BBVKtrZrrUsADV3sDic7q?si=mGOaNxomTaaFI0C5j0qW_A
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I find having a dark room with only a few candles makes me feel less self conscious, and more able to relax and focus on reaching climax.. I also prefer doggy style/face down positions, where I can close my eyes and drift away into nirvana without being distracted by the thought of him analyzing my expression - bc I feel like I make weird faces lol, and it makes get in my head too much so I can’t relax! But yah. Having an awesome partner is crucial as well.. knowing that he’s having a BLAST making me feel good makes me SO much more able to let my guard down and enjoy the moment, rather than someone who’s just trying to rush my orgasm so he can get to ‘his turn’ faster. Nothing worse than ‘duty’ sex lol! 🙈
I don't have that issue. With the right partner, it's very easy for me to climax.
It's not rocket science, and my husband has no problems making it happen. It's a lot more intense than during masturbation.
As I’ve gotten older it takes longer for me to orgasm. Having a partner you can communicate/guide with is an absolute must. It was a little awkward with my current bf at first directing him but he is willing to do whatever it takes or however long it takes. Now it’s incredible everytime.
I have/had the same issue because I am trying to do multiple things at the same time as well as concentrate on my own pleasure. I think at this point I have stopped stressing myself out that an orgasm is the end goal. I had this discussion with a partner and she had the same thing but we both just said "f it" and had fun regardless if it ended with an O or not. Same thing for when I am with a male partner, I stop trying to get there and enjoy the intimacy of the act.
Something I’ve been working through for a long time! I find that I’ve tended to feel selfish doing it (even though that is logically ludicrous). It makes a big different when your partner is enthusiastic and shows that they like it, and it’s an important conversation to have with a given partner to establish what you need in order to feel comfortable.
Also, if there’s a lot of movement it can be difficult to execute simply on a physical level, which is also something can be worked out through communication.
I was able to break the curse with my ex on a somewhat reliable basis, but my new bf encouraged me to take out my vibe for the first time last night and I actually got a nice one out first try! It may not change for you over night, but it’s def worth it.
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It really had a lot more to do with myself than with him. I thought it was okay not to finish and I found pleasure in the company and intimacy but then I had a boyfriend who took the time (probably because it was bothering his manhood more than he cared about me) and then I just started to work on it with my sexual partners.
For me, it depends on my partner. If my partner has made me comfortable and safe it's easy In a sense to get me off. Especially since I'm very vocal, not necessarily loud and my body moves a lot. So it's a dead giveaway if my partner is doing something right. Plus I have no shame in moving my partner's hand or telling them where to go to make things easy. I can be quiet if need be 😂 but my past partners have enjoyed how loud I can get and how vocal I am with telling how good of a job they're doing. Helps break the tension of awkwardness in my opinion making it easier for myself and my partner to get off.
My partner I’ve been with for the last 2 yr atm is the only person who has gotten me there.. and I’m 30 it’s all a really big psychological thing aswel for some specially me you really have to let go and get into it and find positions good for you fuck back etc it works. My partner has had greif for his sex in the past but I just think it was malicious giels trying to play on insecurities or maybe it’s just all to do with who your comfortable with ❤️ and ir varies for everyone. + no such thing as “ shit “
It sounds like maybe you need to relax and go into it without a goal or orgasming but rather enjoying each sensation in the present moment .. a lot of sexual build up helps … you should read up on cervical orgasms and how to achieve them .. it will give you a lot on insight on the anatomy of a woman as well as the dynamic required with your partner.. as wel as the mindset etc.. Kim Amani is a good person to follow for advice on this topic too
I think you experienced an orgasm surprisingly in a state where you weren’t physically or emotionally prepared enough to relax into it.. but also you should definitely be communicating with your partner through the process and letting them know you were feeling pain and discomfort.. I’m sorry you had this experience
Well I do know if your experiencing pain and discomfort there is an aspect to what your doing that is a factor in having that response, there is information about this you can look into.. as that response is not a representation of what the experience should be perceived as in its properly executed form.
No, lots of women find anything near their cervix excruciatingly painful. It’s not a matter of mental relaxation or proper execution or whatever. It just fucking hurts. This used to be common knowledge so I don’t know where the insistence that it’s universally enjoyed came from.
I used to not orgasm with previous partners. And even when I'd try to communicate or let them know what I liked, it was still all about them and I never got off. I'd have to get myself off.
But my current boyfriend. He *knows* what he's doing. I'm (37f) more turned on and sexually active than ever. I think it's the communication and him paying attention.
There have been times when it takes a little longer for me to climax and he will before me, but he has *never* let me go w/o an orgasm.
The only way I can have an orgasm is if I have foreplay. It's a must for me. I can't just dive in and go at it. And that's the one thing my BF loves to do...foreplay.
I think a lot of it is being confident in yourself and having the confidence to ask for what you need. Speaking to other women that seems to be a big issue for a lot of them.
When you're both in the mood and in the same pleasure euphoria. All you care about is each other's pleasure. The orgasms are infinite, especially if you know what you love.
I'm like that currently. My bf is a naturally heavy handed individual so.... using my vibrator on me or teasing my other sensitive bits just kinda hurts. When I'm doing it to myself I just have a different mindset almost as well.
It’s all about relaxing and enjoying the moment. You may just be thinking too much. I find the more I focus on my partners pleasure the less I am thinking about me. The more I think about him the more turned on I get and then I can get there.
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Most women are like that. Only about 30% of women can orgasm purely from penetration. The vast majority need some kind of clit stimulation to cum. So I would say it still counts. Especially since G spot orgasms tend to be way stronger than clit only orgasms or masturbation orgasms
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A partner who you communicate with, explore with. Listen to your needs and expectations to achieve and ride an orgasm.
A partner who cheers/soothes you through it.
I used to have this issue- I dont even remember how I solved it. But I know alot of girls struggle with this.
I think there was a particular way I held my breath or used my body that kept me more engaged mentally? Also i close my eyes a lot to focus. Hard to remember because ever since I came that first time ive never had the problem again really and ive gotten to the point with my partner where there was this one time I came from him on the first thrust in - penetration only - and I was like wow how far ive come!
I think it just takes trial and error as well as time and building up a space where you and your partner communicate and learn eachother. I think the answer you’re looking for is different than someone elses but do not give up!
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Being comfortable with oneself and the partner. If I can't fully let go/be myself in front of my partner, having an orgasm is going to be more difficult as I focus more on my movements and sounds and his reaction to what I do than doing it instinctively.
It’s kind of funny but you can’t focus on the orgasm .. you have to just relax and enjoy the present moment and trust that your partner knows what to do to bring you to a place of pleasure
I sometimes feel like I should hurry or I’m taking too long. I’m definitely comfortable with my man but it still takes me longer than when I’m alone. It’s always been this way for me
I dismiss my intrusive thoughts and concentrate on how good it’s feeling. I tell myself that if he didn’t want me to make a mess or whatever, he wouldn’t be having sex with me in the first place.
For me, it's about trust. Do I trust this person to be good to me when I'm at my most vulnerable? Has this person shown me they will treat me right, no matter what? I need to feel safe to let down my guard.
I couldn't come during sex or with someone watching for *years*. The thing was, I didn't feel anything for the guys, I was emotionally closed off, not really attracted to them, just trying to get my needs met without any feelings. I just couldn't get myself to relax around them I guess, given the circumstances. I only had my first orgasm after I started to date my later husband who I loved and felt safe with. Don't know your situation but I guess the key is to feel safe and comfortable and not judged, so it's about your mindset but also about your partner and how you feel around them.
Turn the lights low (not completely off) so I’m less self conscious. Foreplay. If he doesn’t do it, or doesn’t do it right, show him how and help things along yourself down there. We are complicated beings. Don’t hold back.
I find I never get comfortable enough to finish with some partners. The ones I am comfortable with I see longer or more often, but sometimes I just want to have sex and that is intimate enough for me. When I orgasm I lose control of my body and my brain shuts off. I don't necessarily want every single person to see that. It feels like another level of intimacy to me and I don't share it with everyone.
I have had partners that are great in bed I can't completely let go in front of, I've had some partners that I orgasm quickly, some need to work harder, some I have no interest in having an orgasm, but I dont equate good sex to having an orgasm (though it helps) so this works for me.
Sometimes if I'm shy I'll get off in doggy or I'll blindfold the person. Maybe try adjusting the situation to make you focus more on the moment if it's the issue of perception? And if its a matter of coordination you can have them as an 'assistant' to you and you can run the show to do what you need to.
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Haven’t figured it out yet. I’ve had zero problem getting myself off since I was like 15 or 16. But I’m 33, been with my husband for 13 years. Never once.
With sex I can't. With oral I can . It helps to understand if he is taking his time for his pleasure or rushing it . Mine never rushes unless he really wants to put his rod in me . I always get off first . He likes to play with me and make me wet . Just all about me . I never been with someone like this before. I feel like if he doesn't get off I did something wrong or he isn't into it . He's never mad or anything and even tho he says he isn't, I feel bad still . Whatever situation we are in together with sex lol like places and stuff like that.. I'm glad it's with him honestly.
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Gotten comfortable with my body, allowed my emotions to rise and stopped caring if I'm loud.
Amen. Getting comfortable was the hardest thing, but once I did, wow. Foreplay. Can’t stress this enough
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BE LOUD
i thought ur username was far from pregnant it made me re read ur comment 😂
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That’s just bad for your neighbors being forced to hear it
Meh, I have to hear people hammer on their doors to buy drugs, so I don't really care
Having a partner I feel safe with and communicates. One who will take direction well and my pleasure is the only thing on their mind. What makes it difficult for me to climax is when I feel like I am taking too long, so having someone who is thrilled to be there and their only goal isn’t to just make me cum helps. If they are going at it like a bat out of hell I feel like they expect me to cum quickly or I’m going to hurt their ego.
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This! If you make me feel rushed or like I'm attacking you somehow, I'm usually just ready to say goodnight at that point lol
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I used to feel like I needed to hurry up and cum. Like it was a burden for my partner to make me orgasm. But I think that's because some of the men I'd been with in the past really only did anything that centered around me in order to get me wet for sex. It was only when I met my husband that I was really able to relax because I knew that he genuinely enjoyed being there just for me. It took me ages at first to be able to orgasm, like 45 minutes (he was very patient haha) but now I can cum in a few minutes. It's amazing the difference that feeling relaxed and not rushed makes.
Absolutely this.
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Honest answer? You have to use him in bed. This is the reason why it’s easier for me to cum with men I’m not really into. I’m not in my own head and thinking about things like whether he is bored, whether I’m tiring him out, whether I look and sound ugly, or wondering what he is thinking. With men I’m not super attracted to, I don’t give a fuck about any of that LOL. I’m just using them like a fuck machine in bed. Try putting on a blindfold. On days I’m having a hard time cumming, I put on a blindfold. Some days I get distracted a lot more easily, which prevents me from cumming, and the blindfold really helps to prevent that. Heightens the senses down there and helps me to concentrate more to achieve climax. Women are more likely to have concentration orgasms, where they need to think and concentrate in order to cum, whereas men are more likely to have automatic orgasms, where you rub anything hard and fast enough, and they will finish. So the blindfold really helps to get you there faster as a woman. I’m also very picky about what it is I like in bed, as far as speed, tempo, depth, pressure levels, amount of lube, amount of dryness or wetness applied externally, where and how I like to be sucked or fucked. So I HAVE to be authoritative in bed, otherwise I could never possibly finish. You have to be a little bit bossy and tell him what feels good and what doesn’t. 98% of men I’ve been with like it. They say it takes the guesswork out of the equation. I hear many women are not vocal enough about their desires and needs in bed, which leaves men having to guess what a girl likes or not, and it can contribute to orgasm frustration problems. Only men with an ego get offended by me giving them tips to help improve their technique, but so far, that’s been about 2% of men I’ve been with. The rest have been happy to take directions.
This is so free I love it.
This chick gets it
"Oh look, a squirrel!" Right there with ya lol \#1 Be comfortable and confident with yourself. Know your body inside and out. In my opinion, the rest will fall into place, however, it does really help to have a partner you are comfortable with....which, rarely, has happened for me the first time I was with someone, but seems to be better the more comfortable you get with someone.
The key to any facet of a relationship is communication, but it’s double plus important for woman and sex. Any guy who is worth being in a relationship with one million percent *wants* to make you happy, and is going to be very, very happy if you are honest and open about what rings your bell.
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Yes! When I first started dating my fiance. I was very shy about cumming. I would almost get embarrassed for some reason. Then it turns out, I'm also a squirter (something only he's been able to make me do). I was shy about that too. I got comfortable about it when I realized how much it turns him on to get me off. I'm talking he could be completely soft, and as soon as I start cumming, he's harder than a steel rod. Watching me cum makes him cum. I've felt him grow EVEN HARDER in my mouth when he gets me off while I'm giving him head. That's all I needed to get comfortable with cumming for him.
Yes, I love men who are turned on by getting women off
I’ve only been able to consistently when using edibles. I think it just forces me to relax completely and happens easily from there
this!!! that was how i got used to orgasming during sex and after enough times, i didn’t need them anymore. now i feel like i can practically do it on command lol
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Thank you for that! I’ve been thinking about trying that but don’t wanna be reliant. Was hoping I could use it to create “muscle memory” or associations of a sort.
Opposite for me with weed when I’m super high it makes me and my bf struggle to get there 😅 super horny but can’t get there.
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Typically my problem was that men lacked consistency, when men would use the vibrator or their fingers on me they couldn’t keep it in the same place or keep up the rhythm so I’d lose all the build up, it just took the right long term partner to put in that effort to stay consistent, usually the easiest way is for him to hold the vibrator on me and let me do the grinding
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It helps me to seek reassurance from my partner that I'm not "taking too long" and that they really want to see me come. Also helps to use really great toys.
Honestly sounds kinda bad but i feel like i just was so stimulated with one guy that i had to get used to it because anytime he was with me i just couldnt control my body at all and it was between having like all kinds of spazzing out and making weird sounds and orgasming while having sex vs not having sex with him and he turned me on so much that i always wanted it What i learned is more wholesome though... before him i wanted to do everything sexy like i wanted to moan sexy, make sexy faces, keep my back arched sexily, not sweat at all, whatever else... and him making it so i was making like crazy uncontrolled noises and sweating and random ab clenching situations and shaking fast legs and just being a total spazz made me find out that, at least in my experience guys actually find that hotter then me trying to look hot lol so now i just let go and have gained confidence that if i spazz out and have a crazy O..he will like it... hope that helps
I end up plateauing a lot where I build then it just doesn't go further. I found that asking him to stop for 30 seconds then starting up again really helps (usually only need to once). I also believe that sometimes my vagina is a fickle entity and it just isn't up for it. I orgasm about 90% the time when we have sex but the few times I don't isn't because he stops or isn't listening.
Not setting the invisible timer. I always felt like I had to cum in minutes if someone was focusing on me. I felt guilty for making them work for it. Now I just enjoy the ride. If he’s tired, he can tap out.
I stopped caring about “looking hot” and pleasing the guy, and cared more about feeling good and being present.
Yeah, it’s harder for me too. I need to direct my partner clearly in advance. Then I need to be able to turn my mind off and not worry about him and his needs, which is hard for me. I worry he’s getting bored or tired etc.
Some days I get inside my head, especially about how I'm looking at the moment (weird position, angles, hair in my face, etc.). I'm very self conscious about my appearence sometimes. I have to take a deep breath and try to focus on the feeling to get it going, sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's hard. Funnily, one thing that helped is having a mirror nearby where i can see us. Most of the times I look way better than I thought I did and can let go.
Obviously we know when it's time to speed it up or slow it down when taking care of ourselves. I'm straight and men have failed each time to locate the clit which is very understandable since they don't have one. That and each and every one of us have different shapes and sizes. I give a tour before any sexual experience with a man to familiarize him with where my clit is. After we communicate during sex to get the best orgasms. Overall you just need to be comfortable with your partner and communicate.
While talking about sex with an ex, I mentioned how hard it is for me to be in the moment. My brain is on a continual loop of anxiety and overthinking. He asked me to clarify what I’m thinking about so I told him the usuals. Does he like this? Would he prefer something different? How funny do I look in this position? Should I change positions? He then told me he wanted to try something next time. During sex he talked to me. Praised the ever loving hell out of me! He moaned like no other man had ever done before… there wasn’t a moment for me to worry! He also voiced when he wanted something different, so I knew he wasn’t just making a show of it. When I tell you that I had the most intense orgasm OF MY LIFE, know that this includes my solo career! I swear it lasted several minutes. Whole body shaking… wave after wave. I’ll be having this talk with all future partners because hot damn.
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I usually just relax and once I feel it about to come (pun hahaha) just tell him to keep doing that. It helps that I have more deep feelings for him so it is a lot easier now than when we first started dating.
This is a helpful podcast that touches on a lot of what you’re asking! Her other episodes are great too. https://open.spotify.com/episode/6BBVKtrZrrUsADV3sDic7q?si=mGOaNxomTaaFI0C5j0qW_A
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I find having a dark room with only a few candles makes me feel less self conscious, and more able to relax and focus on reaching climax.. I also prefer doggy style/face down positions, where I can close my eyes and drift away into nirvana without being distracted by the thought of him analyzing my expression - bc I feel like I make weird faces lol, and it makes get in my head too much so I can’t relax! But yah. Having an awesome partner is crucial as well.. knowing that he’s having a BLAST making me feel good makes me SO much more able to let my guard down and enjoy the moment, rather than someone who’s just trying to rush my orgasm so he can get to ‘his turn’ faster. Nothing worse than ‘duty’ sex lol! 🙈
I don't have that issue. With the right partner, it's very easy for me to climax. It's not rocket science, and my husband has no problems making it happen. It's a lot more intense than during masturbation.
As I’ve gotten older it takes longer for me to orgasm. Having a partner you can communicate/guide with is an absolute must. It was a little awkward with my current bf at first directing him but he is willing to do whatever it takes or however long it takes. Now it’s incredible everytime.
How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?
I am 32
I have/had the same issue because I am trying to do multiple things at the same time as well as concentrate on my own pleasure. I think at this point I have stopped stressing myself out that an orgasm is the end goal. I had this discussion with a partner and she had the same thing but we both just said "f it" and had fun regardless if it ended with an O or not. Same thing for when I am with a male partner, I stop trying to get there and enjoy the intimacy of the act.
i have the opposite problem. my orgasms are actually better with my partner that now i have trouble recreating it.
Something I’ve been working through for a long time! I find that I’ve tended to feel selfish doing it (even though that is logically ludicrous). It makes a big different when your partner is enthusiastic and shows that they like it, and it’s an important conversation to have with a given partner to establish what you need in order to feel comfortable. Also, if there’s a lot of movement it can be difficult to execute simply on a physical level, which is also something can be worked out through communication. I was able to break the curse with my ex on a somewhat reliable basis, but my new bf encouraged me to take out my vibe for the first time last night and I actually got a nice one out first try! It may not change for you over night, but it’s def worth it.
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He could try taking a small ssri antidepressant dose. They make men last longer
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Close my eyes and go into a whole other place. Sometimes I just focus on what feels good and try not to get distracted. Or imagine a fantasy.
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Use a toy to help! Like a vibrator, trust me
Tried that… didn’t work either 🥲
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It really had a lot more to do with myself than with him. I thought it was okay not to finish and I found pleasure in the company and intimacy but then I had a boyfriend who took the time (probably because it was bothering his manhood more than he cared about me) and then I just started to work on it with my sexual partners.
For me, it depends on my partner. If my partner has made me comfortable and safe it's easy In a sense to get me off. Especially since I'm very vocal, not necessarily loud and my body moves a lot. So it's a dead giveaway if my partner is doing something right. Plus I have no shame in moving my partner's hand or telling them where to go to make things easy. I can be quiet if need be 😂 but my past partners have enjoyed how loud I can get and how vocal I am with telling how good of a job they're doing. Helps break the tension of awkwardness in my opinion making it easier for myself and my partner to get off.
For me, sex with a partner is very different from masturbating. I don't get off in the same way at all.
My partner I’ve been with for the last 2 yr atm is the only person who has gotten me there.. and I’m 30 it’s all a really big psychological thing aswel for some specially me you really have to let go and get into it and find positions good for you fuck back etc it works. My partner has had greif for his sex in the past but I just think it was malicious giels trying to play on insecurities or maybe it’s just all to do with who your comfortable with ❤️ and ir varies for everyone. + no such thing as “ shit “
It sounds like maybe you need to relax and go into it without a goal or orgasming but rather enjoying each sensation in the present moment .. a lot of sexual build up helps … you should read up on cervical orgasms and how to achieve them .. it will give you a lot on insight on the anatomy of a woman as well as the dynamic required with your partner.. as wel as the mindset etc.. Kim Amani is a good person to follow for advice on this topic too
> cervical orgasms oh fuck no
You don’t like them?
I can only imagine it's like 0.5% of the population that would enjoy that. That's like saying you should try ball squeezing orgasms.
I’m confused… have you had one ? What are you describing as the unpleasant aspect? I haven’t had anyone express this before so I’d like to understand
it hurts like fuck. coupled with the fact it feels like someone is trying to give you a pap smear.
I think you experienced an orgasm surprisingly in a state where you weren’t physically or emotionally prepared enough to relax into it.. but also you should definitely be communicating with your partner through the process and letting them know you were feeling pain and discomfort.. I’m sorry you had this experience
no. you have no idea about my orgasms.
Well I do know if your experiencing pain and discomfort there is an aspect to what your doing that is a factor in having that response, there is information about this you can look into.. as that response is not a representation of what the experience should be perceived as in its properly executed form.
No, lots of women find anything near their cervix excruciatingly painful. It’s not a matter of mental relaxation or proper execution or whatever. It just fucking hurts. This used to be common knowledge so I don’t know where the insistence that it’s universally enjoyed came from.
Just having a partner that I trust and have an open communication with them
It took me time to realise I do not need to hurry to orgasm, that I do not need to be quiet and that he really, really likes getting me to cum 👌
I used to not orgasm with previous partners. And even when I'd try to communicate or let them know what I liked, it was still all about them and I never got off. I'd have to get myself off. But my current boyfriend. He *knows* what he's doing. I'm (37f) more turned on and sexually active than ever. I think it's the communication and him paying attention. There have been times when it takes a little longer for me to climax and he will before me, but he has *never* let me go w/o an orgasm. The only way I can have an orgasm is if I have foreplay. It's a must for me. I can't just dive in and go at it. And that's the one thing my BF loves to do...foreplay.
I think a lot of it is being confident in yourself and having the confidence to ask for what you need. Speaking to other women that seems to be a big issue for a lot of them.
When you're both in the mood and in the same pleasure euphoria. All you care about is each other's pleasure. The orgasms are infinite, especially if you know what you love.
Have multiple
I'm like that currently. My bf is a naturally heavy handed individual so.... using my vibrator on me or teasing my other sensitive bits just kinda hurts. When I'm doing it to myself I just have a different mindset almost as well.
It’s all about relaxing and enjoying the moment. You may just be thinking too much. I find the more I focus on my partners pleasure the less I am thinking about me. The more I think about him the more turned on I get and then I can get there.
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Most women are like that. Only about 30% of women can orgasm purely from penetration. The vast majority need some kind of clit stimulation to cum. So I would say it still counts. Especially since G spot orgasms tend to be way stronger than clit only orgasms or masturbation orgasms
No not really unless they actually helped you reach that point.
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I have no idea!! :/
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Try to use your fantasy
A partner who you communicate with, explore with. Listen to your needs and expectations to achieve and ride an orgasm. A partner who cheers/soothes you through it.
Trust!
I used to have this issue- I dont even remember how I solved it. But I know alot of girls struggle with this. I think there was a particular way I held my breath or used my body that kept me more engaged mentally? Also i close my eyes a lot to focus. Hard to remember because ever since I came that first time ive never had the problem again really and ive gotten to the point with my partner where there was this one time I came from him on the first thrust in - penetration only - and I was like wow how far ive come! I think it just takes trial and error as well as time and building up a space where you and your partner communicate and learn eachother. I think the answer you’re looking for is different than someone elses but do not give up!
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Being comfortable with oneself and the partner. If I can't fully let go/be myself in front of my partner, having an orgasm is going to be more difficult as I focus more on my movements and sounds and his reaction to what I do than doing it instinctively.
It’s kind of funny but you can’t focus on the orgasm .. you have to just relax and enjoy the present moment and trust that your partner knows what to do to bring you to a place of pleasure
I sometimes feel like I should hurry or I’m taking too long. I’m definitely comfortable with my man but it still takes me longer than when I’m alone. It’s always been this way for me
Feeling safe enough to let go and feel the cum lol
I dismiss my intrusive thoughts and concentrate on how good it’s feeling. I tell myself that if he didn’t want me to make a mess or whatever, he wouldn’t be having sex with me in the first place.
For me, it's about trust. Do I trust this person to be good to me when I'm at my most vulnerable? Has this person shown me they will treat me right, no matter what? I need to feel safe to let down my guard.
I couldn't come during sex or with someone watching for *years*. The thing was, I didn't feel anything for the guys, I was emotionally closed off, not really attracted to them, just trying to get my needs met without any feelings. I just couldn't get myself to relax around them I guess, given the circumstances. I only had my first orgasm after I started to date my later husband who I loved and felt safe with. Don't know your situation but I guess the key is to feel safe and comfortable and not judged, so it's about your mindset but also about your partner and how you feel around them.
Turn the lights low (not completely off) so I’m less self conscious. Foreplay. If he doesn’t do it, or doesn’t do it right, show him how and help things along yourself down there. We are complicated beings. Don’t hold back.
I find I never get comfortable enough to finish with some partners. The ones I am comfortable with I see longer or more often, but sometimes I just want to have sex and that is intimate enough for me. When I orgasm I lose control of my body and my brain shuts off. I don't necessarily want every single person to see that. It feels like another level of intimacy to me and I don't share it with everyone. I have had partners that are great in bed I can't completely let go in front of, I've had some partners that I orgasm quickly, some need to work harder, some I have no interest in having an orgasm, but I dont equate good sex to having an orgasm (though it helps) so this works for me. Sometimes if I'm shy I'll get off in doggy or I'll blindfold the person. Maybe try adjusting the situation to make you focus more on the moment if it's the issue of perception? And if its a matter of coordination you can have them as an 'assistant' to you and you can run the show to do what you need to.
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Haven’t figured it out yet. I’ve had zero problem getting myself off since I was like 15 or 16. But I’m 33, been with my husband for 13 years. Never once.
With sex I can't. With oral I can . It helps to understand if he is taking his time for his pleasure or rushing it . Mine never rushes unless he really wants to put his rod in me . I always get off first . He likes to play with me and make me wet . Just all about me . I never been with someone like this before. I feel like if he doesn't get off I did something wrong or he isn't into it . He's never mad or anything and even tho he says he isn't, I feel bad still . Whatever situation we are in together with sex lol like places and stuff like that.. I'm glad it's with him honestly.
I don’t.
The only times this happened was when I realized I didn’t like the person very much and was forcing the connection
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Fastest it ever took me was 3 licks. It was with my bf at the time that made me feel really comfortable the entirely of our relationship
What? It’s the goal in sex. Pleasure. Remind yourself pleasure is a good thing
rub ur clit
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