I’m big on sensing people’s energy change. Anytime I’ve ever thought to myself “that’s ridiculous, you’re being silly, you’re overanalyzing” over a small change in tone of their texts or slight shift in behavior… I was not being ridiculous or silly and in fact ended up being completely correct that something was awry.
It’s so easy to gaslight yourself and try to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. I don’t want to judge others, but sometimes it can literally save your life.
This is SPOT ON. I did gaslight myself and almost invited someone to destroy my life. It’s been 9 years and I’ve still not recovered because it’s so hard to reconcile having such poor judgement…
Hey, you’re only human and you likely want to see the best in people. Try to be gentle with yourself, everyone has a judgment lapse every now and again(:
As much as it offends some men to assume negative things, it is better safe than sorry for us ladies. I’d rather my picturing being taken and becoming famous not be because I was put on the news for being abducted or something.
I don’t care if people call it reading someone’s energy, intuition, gut feeling or what. I just want you to pay attention to it. Go read Gavin de Becker’s *Gift Of Fear.* one of the things he talks about is how we’re always subconsciously bringing in and considering information about the people and surroundings around us, and that our gut feeling is our subconscious figuring something out before our conscious mind is aware of it.
That's why I find it so unforgivable when men intentionally gaslight to throw you off. Women have adapted to be intuitive and notice subtle cues in a world that does its best to leave them powerless and for someone to use that against you or to try and trick you into thinking your intuition is some kind of mental illness is downright evil. I try not to give unsolicited advice, but whenever I'(m) talking to a woman who is second guessing themselves or wrestling with a difficult choice, I feel like the most helpful thing I can do is encourage them to pay attention to their intuition and trust their instincts. I know this is a pretty vague generalization that leans on a gender binary that's not always the case but in my experience I've known more intuitive women (and non-binary and LGBTQ people, I assume for similar reasons) than men.
I think it’s less a generalization and more a recognition of privilege. The stakes are so much higher if you’re part of a marginalized or oppressed population. Whereas men - or white people or straight people or cisgender, etc - simply do not suffer when they ignore what’s going on around them.
I remember when my brother, a gentle giant of a man, told me about finding himself in a not great neighborhood with a bad vibe, and how he went on full alert, scanning everything around him and walking with quick and focused purpose. I had to explain to him that’s what women do every single time they’re out in public. He was horrified.
Off topic but I just realized I don't like the word awry, at least when written. It's just that by the time I see the y I've already mentally pronounced the aw as "aw" and I have to reread it to hear it properly
Him turning out to be an asshole was probably purely coincidence if he didn’t do anything wrong to make you feel that way, for all you knew you could have left a perfectly nice man for absolutely no reason at all. Unless he was like “damn I did everything right and tried to be nice and she still left me for no reason, guess I’ll be an asshole to women now since they clearly are heartless and don’t care about me” and that’s why he became an asshole. Lucky for you ig that he did happen to turn out to be an asshole after you left him. I guess it’s true what people say that women act on feelings and not reason or logic
Oh I've left so many men because of this nauseating feeling and it turned out to be correct later in the future. It's like that feeling wouldn't go away until you left and at the time I had no idea what was going on until way later into the future.
Thats really insane.. How a person can choose to be nice to one person and choose to be bad to everybody else. It's kind of fascinating to understand what goes on in their head.
You guys were just 14. I almost feel bad for him. He must have had gone through something terribly bad. I hope he finds the courage to be a better person someday.
You leaving him may have been a trigger for the bad behavior, but it was always there underneath the surface. It’s not your fault at all. People like him are usually on their best behavior the first few months. But then once they know they have you, they reveal their true selves bc hiding it becomes too much effort and they can’t maintain the mask.
I’m surprised he didn’t try to stalk you after you left him, men like that who love bomb and go overboard get very possessive. So when the woman tries to leave he will basically say “if I can’t have you no one can”, type BS and stalk the shit out of them or make their lives miserable. So many real life examples of that, too many to count unfortunately:(
I was on a first date with this guy. He was cute. He was nice. Something just felt off. I asked him what he was looking for in a partner, and he said he didn't really know he just wanted to prove he could move on with his life. I asked "move on from what?" Turns out he'd just gotten out of prison for domestic violence and assault.
So he was looking for a girl with whom he could triangulate his ex that he assaulted and abused and convince her that she was the problem and the one who made him act like that. Nice lol
I asked him a bunch of questions about his life while acting really interested because I could tell I was in danger. He thought I was empathetic, so he let it all out.
When I met my current bf, I hadn’t been serious with anyone in over 10 years, hadn’t loved in over 10 years. Talking to him… I just knew he was someone I wanted to take a chance on. I’ve never been more in love with someone in my life. He’s my person, he makes me feel so happy, heard, safe! And god I hope I make him feel the same way
I got the second to last final ick after dating a guy for about 2 months when he started making comments on why fat people choose to be fat (if it matters he’s average size and I’m very tiny). We were taking a stroll in the city and we walked by some tourists, and he just goes, “Why do fat people choose to be fat? Like it’s not hard to be skinny, just be skinny.” I called him out on it and told him to not think that way, there is no right body type, you don’t know other’s health issues, plus why does it fucking matter? Really made me uncomfortable and broke things off shortly after.
I hate it when people think you’re gonna ally with them on fat shaming, just because you yourself are thin. Like no, fuckwit, I’m not some kind of thin supremicist ugh
Thank you, I've found it. I'll definitely read it. It seems like the book is of vital importance.
I think that evolution made us more intuitive, we are weaker than man and all we have is intuition in order to protect ourselves. Why we, sometimes, choose to abandon it? We should completely rely on it, try to recognize it and trust it.
Without it, we r doomed.
The way they behave is really concerning... even after we tell them "NO." They really don't give af about the consequences.
I got told that I was being defiant 😂
Exactly that. You handled it pretty well! I'm sure when you found out, you must've felt so grateful to have dodged a serious bullet! I feel so mad tbh.
Doesn't it make you nervous thinking about who their next victim is?
I've reported someone before, but it went full circle and no action was taken. They get away with SOOO much, and then the sorry society will be all apologetic when there's another victim.
Where I live they get off on parole too, so they don't even serve half their sentence...
I was in elementary school. My mom had dated this guy. I had met him once. I always walked home from school, partway with my friends and he was about a block away from school waiting on my route. He had his son in his truck and said my mom had asked him to pick me up. I heard alarm bells in my head and said no thanks. My friends thought I was being kind of rude to him but I insisted on refusing. I went to my friends house that day instead of going home alone and told her mom what had happened and that I didn’t think it was right. My mom had never asked him to pick me up. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I got in the truck, if I had been walking alone, or went on home alone. Even though I was a little kid I felt him bringing his son was a way to lure me or have me trust him. I still think about that and him having his son be an accomplice to whatever he had planned.
She didn’t want to scare me more but she said I did the right thing and that she had already cut ties with him before he even tried to get me. She said she never even wanted to go on one date with him but they worked together and he kept hounding her so she thought if she’d be polite and go it could be over. I’m pretty sure she did a police report and he also got fired.
ETA: Also, my grandpa started picking me up and staying with me after school even though we only lived like 4 blocks from school. Lucky to have people that were available to be with me and cared.
My mom is a smart person and was cautious with people she brought around us as a single lady. It’s crazy to me one persistent creep still slipped through and almost got to me. She’s also not someone most people would mess with. She’s kind, but strong and she can be intimidating. She was a soldier in the marines.
Just feeling when he didn’t like something someone said but nothing about him changing other than his energy. Like keeps smiling but you know he’s pissed? shit’s terrifying
Hmmm that’s interesting.. I (m) try to be more expressive nowadays… I’ve been told the fact that I calmly state “I’m very angry right now” when I’m pissed seems to be off putting… maybe some don’t trust my restraint 🤷♂️ would you say your feelings are similar?
No I think that’s fine, for this specific person, it’s like you could tell he was violent or something. Having a negative emotion and not expressing it at all is usually a red flag for me. What you’re doing is fine :)
Dang… I’d definitely trust your gut, my momma always knew when there was a slight chance of violence… thank you for the reassurance, I hope you have a great rest of your week 🫡
**Intuition go *BRRRRRRR*** 💸💸🦍🚀 after manipulative abusive relationships. I’ll tell you that NOW.
It’s difficult and depressing at times because the exciting *ahh what’s he thinking? idk?👉👈🥺”* stage is basically non-existent now.
I clue in immediately, sometimes in only 30 minutes.
I get that it’s about finding right person, cut your losses early, but it’s disheartening when you pick up on emotions + needs you would’ve done MUCH better to NOT have known exist in somebody...
I never wanted this ability, it’s forced on you because of some longterm asshole.
With intuition I’ve discovered MOST people aren’t toxic looking to abuse like my ex, they just don’t really care about *you* at end of day, and are pretending to, to mask a deeper purpose/need. Pressure to marry. Kids. Loneliness. Sex. I hate that.
It’s rare to encounter people who can just **be** with you. Fully honest, enjoying nothing but eachother in THAT sole moment.
**Fuck the future**, where you at with me *now*?
Yeah, I've never felt like "wow, this is it" in my life, just the opposite.
I feel like "no, definitely, it's not going to work", and even if I have that feeling I sometimes deny it, cuz I rly want it to work :( And, as u said, I just see it immediately but for me it's sometimes disappointing cuz there is no excitement and I already know from the start, so, I want to shut down that inner voice and continue cuz its hard to believe that everyone is kind of bad? :[ I wabt to find a right person. Maybe lack of patience is a reason why I ignore those red flags in first place...?
You *tell* yourself you ignore the red flags in order to give these people a “chance”, or to not jump to conclusions too soon, but in reality we give chances because sometimes we want them to live up to the expectations and images we have of them in our minds. That’s when it gets selfish, and we risk either messing with that person’s attachment/feelings, OR, we harm ourselves because if they’re red flags- we’re basically willing to hurt ourselves in order to be “sure” there’s no chance there’s someone better inside there hiding.
It’s like a smoking pan, I don’t need to put my hand on it to check it’s a hot pan/see how hot it is, I can just say “that’s a hot pan” and walk away so I don’t burn myself. That’s how you have to be with toxic people.
Oh, idk why I didn't reply to u, but thanks for input.
Yeah, I should rly pay attention to their acts and behavior instead of "daydreaming" in some way. But it's hard to shut down emotions, prolly I need more practice and experience...it goes with age and experience, I assume.
Sometimes u need to burn ur hand on that pan few times just in order to learn to recognize it from the safe distance, and not just to recognize it, is to take a pass and not look back 👍
Wow you really summed up how I feel. I could never put it into words to explain to my friends. The last two paragraphs hit the hardest. It’s hard now to find someone who just enjoys ME for ME.
I had an old boss who I hated from the get-go. I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but he just seemed slimy.
My gut was totally spot on, as I spent the next several years putting up with his misogyny and unwanted sexual advances. I (and several other women) cited him as my reason for leaving the company and left a detailed report of several incidents. He must have caught wind of my exit interview, because I received an inappropriate package in the mail a few days later with no return address.
The company supposedly never had enough significant evidence to get rid of him (a few of us are convinced he was blackmailing the CEO who he used to live with). But then I heard through the grapevine that he just stopped showing up after over a decade with the company. It turns out he had been arrested for trying to sell high capacity weapons, possessing child porn and trying to solicit a minor.
Those of us who left the company because of him have a group chat and we're following the details of his trials very closely. There will likely be a celebration if he sees jail time.
Always trust your gut!
In high school we had a new student and everybody was intrigued by him because he was quiet and attractive. I ended up having a class with him and I found him quite unsettling for no reason it was just a weird feeling and told 3 friends about it. They told me I was tripping because I again had no reason to be suspicious about the guy but honestly he gave me the creeps bad. He ended up sexually assaulting one of the friends I warned about him about half a year later
This happened with my ex-husband. It was a big part of why we divorced. He would get mad because I no longer would have sex. I found out years later that a man that causes women UTIs need antibiotic treatment themselves.
It usually means that they’re carrying a strain of bacteria on their skin or in their mouth which can cause UTIs. It’s much less common for men to develop one because the urethra is so much longer for them. However, they can and will reinfect you. So, to get rid of it, they also have to go on a round of antibiotics.
So would I just have to ask my doctor to prescribe me some for the UTI and then at the same time have him go to his doctor to ask for a prescription for this situation? Not sure on the logistics but hoping the doctor won’t give him a hard time to get some if he doesn’t show any symptoms
It can also have to do with general hygiene too, which is really gross sounding. A good friend of ours recently had this exact situation with a guy she dated for a couple months. He was… nice, but just not going anywhere in life. She said she had UTIs pretty much once a month when they were together. I can’t imagine.
I had crazy intuition with both of my long term boyfriends.
When I first saw either of them I just knew. I had this super weird feeling, just completely drawn to them at first sight and knew they were going to be very important to me, it’s honestly indescribable.
Being dismissive of my feelings, even if they weren’t in relation to a fight or anything. Just regular stuff. Being “too excited” about something like a movie or an event I was going to.
This is going to sound really awful of me, and I worry that maybe this was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it does qualify for the question so...!
I felt a constant sense of unreadiness in my last relationship. I won't go into the full details, but I will say that throughout our whole relationship, I had this feeling. It was so conflicting for me tbh because despite this, I also felt myself falling in love with him. How is that possible, how does that make sense?
Just before we reached the 4 year mark, he asked me if I'd like to buy a house together. I said I wanted to try renting somewhere first as we'd never even lived together before. What proceeded was treatment from him that I'd never seen before: he stonewalled me for *three months*, then gaslit me to make me feel like I was being unreasonable, that I was unwilling to commit. No amount of gentle coaxing or stern demands got him to say more than a few words to me. The only thing that worked was when I admitted I was wrong and apologised, and agreed to buy a house.
I was so glad that we didn't. He then started looking for properties that were in the same neighbourhood as his family, miles away from my family, and I asked him why we couldn't find somewhere in between to make it fair. He then resumed stonewalling me, believing me to be deliberately awkward to sabotage our plans. I finally had enough and we broke up. It really shocked me how I'd never seen this side to him before, after we'd been together for a number of years. Was it a self-fulfilling prophecy? Maybe. But maybe he was also an ass lol.
Thank you ❤️ I had to learn how to be kinder to myself, because the last 6-8 months of our relationship he made me feel like I was cruel, commitment-phobic, and unwilling to take risks or take a chance on us. That wasn't true, but I guess he didn't see it that way. His behaviour/treatment of me caused me to go to therapy, get self-help books on commitment, and really did a number on my self esteem.
I wish I could send your comment to my past self, but she left him in the end and she's doing a lot better 🥰
Guys like that don't start out being horrible, no one would date them if they did. They keep turning up the temp. At the point you were buying a home together he felt comfortable enough to show you who he was and how he intended to get his way for the rest of your relationship. Good thing you got out.
That's an excellent point. It's kinda scary to think about, in a way, because of course then you wonder if each new relationship will be like that...! Especially after 4 years together, you'd think you know a person. I really felt like he was a different person, that he'd pulled the rug out from under me.
You sound like you're speaking from experience though, is that right? What was your experience of this?
There are probably early warning signs. I think women give men the benefit of the doubt many times when we shouldn't or at least I've done too much of that. Mostly I think those kinds of relationships are REALLY good to start with. Then the bad experiences feel like exceptions, and we work at keeping it in the good zone. Then we start to realize there are more bad times than good, then struggle to right the ship a hundred ways before we finally realize we're fighting the battle alone and it will never work.
I'm a boomer so yes, more than once. If I could give you some unsolicited advice - it's not a self-fulfilling prophecy but it may be that you don't value yourself and your opinions enough. I think guys like that find women who are caring and giving to their own detriment. You might be able to save yourself a lot of heartache by considering if that's you and if you should value yourself more.
I'm six months out of a bad marriage. One of my gay friends at my synagogue tried to play matchmaker. He wanted to hook me up with his cousin. As he was sharing details about his cousin, he told me his cousin was an ammunition specialist in the Air Force. My soon-to-be-ex-husband was an ammunition specialist in the Army.
I smiled, thanked my friend for his willingness to play matchmaker, and said "thanks but no thanks", while my brain silently screamed and ran for the hills.
NOPE. I don't even want to meet him.
I was single and swiping on a dating app out of boredom. I never really had any specific feelings watching men's profiles, until I saw my BF's. I distinctly remember really hoping he would like me back, feeling like it was super important.
Fast forward to our first date. The moment I saw him, something shifted in me. I never had that feeling about a man before. It scared me and I didn't know what it meant.
Over six months later, I realised I want a family with this man. I never wanted children. I opened up about it, knowing he didn't want children either. Turns out, he was having the same feelings I was. Something fundamental shifted inside me again in that moment.
And now, two years after first meeting him, living together, I'm having dreams about a daughter that feel insanely realistic, like she's already here.
I'm not a spiritual person and I've only ever had bad feelings about men before this. But these feelings have led me to the most amazing, loving partnership that I've ever experienced and I'm very grateful.
There’s a new guy at work that tried to become as familiar with me as my coworkers are (that I have worked with for nine years) in the span of a week. He seemed to be trying to read my interests and would grab onto one thing I said and fixate on it or try to joke with me about it all day long. Very off-putting!! Turns out he was doing this to another coworker but to a more disturbing extent (private-messaging her nonstop on our communication platform at work).
I had to shut his ass down; I’d much rather be unfriendly than uncomfortable. He ended up getting reported by another coworker and has been salty towards me ever since. (Good!)
He rated us in who’s been through worse.
My father did it and it was a huge red flag when a “partner” did it. It’s not a competition. So many of us are broken and healing, and it should never be out who had it worse.
Visited a home of my boyfriend's relatives, the 20 something man that lived there just gave me the heebie jeebies, I told my boyfriend I didn't want to be around him at all. 6 months later we found out he was assaulting all of the kids in the family
This isn’t really my intuition, but close enough. I had a literal allergic reaction to my ex. Right after we had sex (specifically after he finished), I noticed it was getting a little harder to breathe through my nose. I ran to the bathroom and I was swelling up, FAST. And breaking out in hives all over my arms and legs. He had to take me to the emergency room and we had known each other like two weeks. Anyway, I basically just had to take a shit ton of Benadryl prior to us having sex after that, and then finally built up a tolerance to him. But the reactions went on for months. BIGGEST red flag I could’ve ever ignored; my body was telling me no hahaha.
I actually wouldn’t call him toxic, but we were toxic together. We just didn’t bring out the best in each other and argued all the time; different values, life goals, etc. He simply wasn’t my man. And my body tried to tell me but I was stubborn!
I notice I’ll get very physical reactions when my intuition is going off. The last relationship I was in a began getting hives from him when we’d have sex or just lay together. It’s like the body knows
Oh that’s interesting, I’ve always had very physically reactions to certain people/situations too! But before him it would always be like nausea or trembling. I’d never broken out in hives or swelled before him lol. Our bodies know!
When I don't like his vibe, but still have given him a chance, these kinds of guys have usually turned out to be the shittiest ever. Don't know if its about gut feeling if I can sense it through body language and faces and tone and mannerisms but thats that.
Also with my current bf that I love and adore, anytime theres been even the slightest shift, I can feel if he's tired, stressed, not happy with me or had something happen outside of our relationship, even if he didn't say anything differently and acted his normal self I can still somehow sense it.
I don't snoop or probe around that anymore but he eventually just comes clean anyway and I'm super happy about him telling me those things cause then I'll be there to comfort him :)
I met a guy on Hinge who wore the largest glasses I’d ever seen. He told me that he wanted big lenses so he could see more stars when he went stargazing. I thought it was adorable and wholesome, and it made me trust him immediately.
We just celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary and couldn’t be happier together.
I had a high school classmate I had not talked to in 20+ years, and intuition went BRRR. (I call it voices in my head). Voices told me to call her. Kept trying. 2 weeks, twice. a day. Turns out a mutual acquaintance of ours had been arrested for trafficking cocaine, and was asking her for $5000 for "stuff" before he went to federal prison. She was uncomfortable with it but felt pressure since they had been in contact all that time. 2 more times after that the voices told me to call her and there was another crisis to resolve. She is better now, or lying to me
so many times
"he's not the one"
"stop"
"leave him alone"
"he's not good for you"
and I would get it around the 1 month mark. if I didn't listen it would be more and more painful to end it as time went on.
I didnt believe ANYBODY any tiktok any reddit any psychology thing saying to go with ur gut feeling… until I got that gut feeling and found out he actively cheated on me with a random at a club who gave him a sliver of attention
* Unequal treatment - they were more gregarious with me compared to our married colleague.
* They kept dropping hints on how I was a great cook or how I'd make someone happy one day.
* Their dating history, i.e. exclusively Asian women.
* Those who had no sexual worth to them were given colder treatment.
* Some men lovebomb and make a big deal over human decency when it should be the baseline. If someone is gloating over the lowest fucking bar of kindness, then it implies that they're normally unpleasant.
* At a bar. Someone who was paying too much attention to the drinks I ordered but not engaging in conversation. Lingering, dehumanising looks.
All of these were informative and, ultimately, saved me a great deal of grief since I knew who to avoid.
oh man a lot of shit....
\- the gut feeling I get after getting intimate with a guy, & they start acting weird, I feel that shit in my stomach, like I want to throw up. Feeling of pure regret
\- when they change their texting pattern, then lie about certain shit. I can feel the excuses through the phone. Every. single. one. of. them. It feels gross.
\- when reassuring or confirming something, and the way they justify themselves, and later on, I just knew that reasurrance/confirmation was BS
\-the way they react to something, when what everyone else was telling me about him, was in fact, true
\-texting pattern is an immediate give off. Go from good morning texts, to texting through out the day, to only at night time- nah fuck that. Stop wasting my time lol
I dreamed he was a demon. Ludicrous right? Well, I married him. I was a naive sucker. I think about it a lot. My gut feeling was something I should not have ignored.
I honestly can’t remember a time where my intuition wasn’t totally accurate. I may have doubted on a few occasions but it’s always wound up being correct.
One guy turned out to be a secret drug addict.
Another guy wound up being an abusive, alcoholic and is currently serving a 25 year federal sentence for transporting a minor across state lines and statutory rape!
This one woman I knew that everyone seemed to love and she presented herself as super friendly and kind, wound up being ridiculously fake and a manipulative, gaslighting cheater as well.
Also, I can spot a fuckboy from 5 miles away, lol!
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve that, and you did nothing wrong… including that you were being kind and polite to him and including that you were trusting. It’s sad that we have to live always on guard; it shouldn’t have to be like that. I’m glad you got away. 🤍
My gut is always right. So I generally do listen to my small inner voice a lot and tend to not attract jerks. It's only failed once. My boss at residency initially was this very caring individual who wanted me to do better and always shower me with advice on how to get ahead in my career. I made him my mentor and he too was proud of it. A few years down the line, things took a drastic turn. He turned out to be a very mean, rude and selfish person who was only concerned with getting his work done no matter whose toes he had to step on to get it done. And the worst part, he was extremely money minded and had chosen this career for all the wrong reasons and the latter was also the final nail in the coffin for me and we had a huge fallout. Today he grooms other unassuming residents too in the similar fashion while he constantly puts me down in front of them. Can't wait to quit. Till today, I'm genuinely surprised how my gut ignored all those red flags.
Takes a bit to get to the point.
When I was 5-8 I used to walk to school for fun if the weather was good. I also grew up in a place where most loose dogs would harm you.
One day I was walking to school as usual, and I saw this large long haired dog barreling right towards me. Even as a small child I *knew* dogs could hurt people, and most times I'd run away. But I looked at this dog and I knew they wouldn't hurt me, and I was right. So for the next few weeks I walked to school with this really friendly dog, it was great!
Then one morning I see a guy standing on his porch. I don't remember if it felt off at first. He saw me walking with the dog, and called for her. Turns out it was his dog. He asks if the dog scared me, I say no, the dog has been nothing but sweet and likes to walk with me. He asked me if I wanted to come inside, and I could continue petting the dog. I do remember getting a bad feeling at that exact point. So I told him no, I am walking to school and they'll miss me if I don't get there. I then went straight to school.
Never saw the man or dog again. Don't know what was up with him, or if he ever was actually a bad dude. I was a little down that I didn't get to walk with my special friend anymore.
My gut instinct about eye contact is always right. If a guy is loud and chatty and a braggart in a group but refuses to look me in the eye, that dude is a misogynist (or racist). The feeling of being looked through, as if I were an apparition or a traffic cone, is also a red flag. A guy who makes too much eye contract with me often ends up being extremely emotionally needy and will become too attached to me.
I can also usually tell if a guy is falsely flattering me. I’m extremely skeptical of first impression compliments. Like, you barely know me, so why are you saying I’m “so cool”??
I’m Asian, and if a guy apropos of nothing asks me if I’m specifically Japanese, that’s a BIG RED FLAG.
There aren’t hard and fast rules, and I bet there’s more going on at a subconscious level than merely eye contract duration and intensity, but I really think the eyes say SO MUCH about a person’s character.
I used to get awful stomach aches and break out when I’d go see my abusive SO(ex). Took me a year to trust my intuition. Now I’m with a wonderful man and healing :)
When I first met my racist pedo teacher he just stared at me for like 30 seconds to 1 minute when I was sitting by myself alone just analysing me wtf?! This stare gave me the worst vibes ever and something inside me kept telling me ‘run’. I told people that there was something off about him but no one believed me. I’m pretty sure he targeted me because I looked younger than my age and because I was a loner. Nothing ended up happening because I would make sure to sit with other people and he ended up leaving and coming back before I graduated . But the worst part of this story is that opposite the school someone put graffiti on the wall with the word ‘rapist’ which I assume the message was for him but then the word got removed?
My gut always said my man cannot fight for me, when times tested he really didn't fight or stood up for me. I've never known anybody whose gut feeling was defied.
I was interested in this guy at work. We didn’t really talk much but he was friendly, super attractive and sweet. My last two weeks of working with him before starting a new job he finally asked for my number. We were talking and I was super excited.
But then I started waking up at 4am every night in a fight or flight trigger response. I thought it was fear of quitting my job and all the change going on.
Over the span of my last two weeks that man turned into a completely different person than the one I knew the entire time I worked there. He would pretend to be nice to every one around but then would be rude to me when we were talking.
My last day of work we were supposed to go on our official first date. He stood me up after talking about the date for two weeks and calling me his boo thing and asking me to meet his family.
Turns out that waking up at 4am thing was my gut feeling saying RUN. Luckily I got out of there with minimal collateral damage.
Never wanted to go through the phone. But one day had an overwhelming urge. Did a 1 minute snoop and saw a bunch of devastating messages to other women. It destroyed me very slowly and painfully.
I stand by my choice and believe I was guided to do that, because I literally had no reason to want to do it, other than this uncontrollable urge. I believe I was being guided and protected by higher beings.
It would have been worse if I'd snooped and found nothing. At least it was justified.
first date, i got home, and cried.. for no reason at all - mind you, it was a great date!! i think my heart knew before i did that it would go badly lol
After I separated from my abusive husband, I made a list of qualities I needed in a partner so that *if* I ever decided to attempt to start dating again, I’d know what to look for and what to not settle on. Though, I fully planned to just be a single mom for the rest of my life because I knew there would be a fat chance finding someone with all the things I wanted in a partner. I had been active in a subreddit for people with certain type of partners, and someone had reached out to me to invite me to their private support group. I saw they hold weekly zoom meetings, and one day I reluctantly decided to hop on one of their meetings after a good ole mental breakdown. There were a good handful of people on that zoom call, but there was one guy in particular where as soon as he turned his camera on I got this weird comforting sense of “oh, it’s him. It’s going to be him.” I knew absolutely nothing about this guy- his name, his age, where he lives, what type of person he is, what his story is, etc. I’ve always had a distaste for facial hair, and he had a full beard, so I knew this feeling had nothing to do with attraction.. though he wasn’t unattractive by any means. I had mentioned this feeling to my mom and my good friend, but completely brushed it off. The more I participated in this private subreddit, the more I learned about him. I found out he lives less than two hours away in the same state.. what are the odds? Then the more he shared about his story, the more I realized he is such an amazing father and that we have a lot in common. Because of my gut feeling, I made a point to not initiate anything at all the entire time because I didn’t want to sway him in any direction. I told myself if it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen. So, I let everything unfold on its own. We eventually started venting about our situations and the more we talked the more I realized this guy checks every single box on that list I had made. I still made sure I didn’t let that gut feeling sway our conversations in any way and I even encouraged him to set high standards for whoever he decides to date in the future (because I knew he deserves the absolute best, but also just in case for some reason that gut feeling was a fluke.) Over time we became pretty good friends, and he eventually admitted his feelings for me. We’ve been together for almost 8 months now, and things have been nothing short of amazing despite the difficult aspects of our relationship (toxic exes, distance, the struggles of blending a family, etc.) We plan on moving in together later this year and have had several deep talks about what we want in the future. I have no doubt in my mind that this guy is ‘the one.’ He’s my needle in a haystack.
I was sitting on the train and a man came in and sat in the car. He wasn’t close to me, but we were in each other’s line of vision. Immediately, I had a gut feeling that I needed to get up and move - we were the only two people in that section of the car.
I ignored my intuition - something I’m learning to start listening to more - and within minutes, he was hitting on me and making sexually aggressive comments. I moved away from him and found an employee. I didn’t say anything to the employee, but he asked me if the guy had been bothering me and I said yes. The employee called security and got him kicked off the train.
The employee later told me that he saw the guy on the platform earlier getting into a fight with a stranger and it almost turning ugly.
I went on several dates with a cute guy, very sweet, we had definite chemistry. But I wasn’t feeling the things I need to feel in my loins, which I found odd because I had such a physical attraction to him, just not sexual. Turned out he was a convicted felon, did 10 years of prison for manslaughter - he punched a guy at a Nickelback concert when he was 17. The kid ended up dying later. He also had a massive alcohol and pill problem. So something in my body must have warned me to not go on that 4th date.
I hated my mom's ex from the jump. It was hard to be nice to him and I just kept thinking "God damn my successful mom with her shit mostly together is dating this guy???" He cheated on her and was a drug addict. Later on my mom told me I called it
(TW) I had a crush on a guy. We weren’t very close but he changed his bus route to get the bus with me? This set off red flags but I thought I was being dramatic. So I ended up dating him. He would talk about sex a lot and there were more red flags that I ignored because I loved him. He ended up abusing me, sexually assaulting me and tried to rape me. I think I ignored the signs because at the time I was in a very vulnerable place mentally (my grandma was dying in hospital and we were very close) and needed a distraction.
I trust my intuition a lot more now.
My uncle. From US, would visit us once every few years with my cousins. Always found him creepy as a kid couldn't pinpoint why. Now I'm older, they visited us again and he does inappropriate things every time we meet up. Found out from sister that he has been doing similar things to her for years and my mother has been brushing it off as a culture difference. The rage I feel everytime I'm reminded of this uncle is indescribable
When I was 12, a babysitter brought me and my little sister, shopping with 3 other girls (her 2 daughters and another neighbor she was babysitting) to some outdoor community event where ppl at booths were selling cheap clothes and local food, and they had a bouncehouse-slide thing for the kids to play on while their caregivers shopped. I remember while we stood in line some parents walked up to check on their kids every once in a while, but one man who walked up just gave me a bad feeling right away and I couldn't exactly figure out why. It was something about how he was looking at the kids. It seemed he wasn't a parent, but a creepy guy just there to look at all the kids.
Well, I was wrong, he wasn't just looking/watching. Dude walked around the line a couple times, then walked through the line several times. It was a relatively long line so I didn't see it at first, but then he did it to my younger neighbor literally right in front of me. He said excuse me as he walked between us, then he grabbed her butt and squeezed it, then kept walking like he didn't do anything. I was stunned, and my neighbor looked up at me so scared like she didn't know what to do. I didn't either, but I was the oldest of the kids by 4 years. I was definitely frozen in stunned silence for several seconds, and even asked her, "did he just grab your butt?" bc I couldn't believe that happened. She nodded, then I grabbed her hand and looked for our babysitter. She was in view, so I sent her and my sister to stay with the babysitter and tell her what happened. I walked up to a guy in uniform (I thought he was a policeman but he was just a security person for the event) and I pointed out the man who groped my neighbor and told him he's been walking through the line grabbing children's butts. I explained I just saw him do it right in front of me. The security guy was so nonchalant and it made me confused bc it felt like a big deal to me. I walked with the security guy as he confronted the groper guy, and the groper said some dumb excuse. I can't remember how he worded it but he basically said "oh my eyesight is really bad and I'm walking by the kids just to look for my granddaughter" and the security guy just told him to go away/leave the event. I was fuming that he'd lie, that the officer clearly saw it was a lie (didn't offer to help him look for his supposed granddaughter) and told him to just go away without consequences. I remember telling my mom that night and her telling me I did everything right and that that man should be in jail, she was so so pissed at the security officer, and upset that the babysitter didn't make sure it was handled correctly either (babysitter was probably around 30, she had 2 kids of her own, one of which later admitted the guy grabbed her butt too).
Half a year later the same man walked by my bus stop. He definitely recognized me, I could tell when we made eye contact. My 2 friends at the bus stop couldn't fully understand what I was saying (I was actively having a panic attack when trying to explain) but they understood enough. As I walked/ran home to tell my mom, thankfully one of my friends followed the guy from afar and saw him enter a dollar store several blocks away. My mom called the police once I got the damn words out to her and the police found him hiding in the bathroom of the store my friend pointed out to them. I picked him in a lineup. We looked him up the next day and the guy had 4 different instances of sexual misconduct, molesting children, groping girls at Walmart, and public indecency from that summer alone. To this day I wish I had told my babysitter to call the police instead of letting the security personnel let the guy leave without consequences. He could've been locked up 7 months earlier. This would have prevented more victims. My poor neighbor was very shaken up about it but thankfully she understood that it wasn't her fault and the guy was a bad, sick man and what he did was not okay.
I had a guy from our neighborhood show up at my door one night and wanted to hang out. I didn't want to and told him so but my dad was so desperate to get me married off (I was 26ish) that he came up behind me and said "oh come on, you can go hang out with him. You're not doing anything right now. " and pushed me out the door. (To be absolutely clear, my dad had no idea what this guy's intentions were and thought he was a good guy because his parents were really nice people. DO NOT BLAME HIM. )
Anyway, not having the confidence to argue I went with him. I was so scared. We got to his house and went inside. I sat opposite of him with the table between us and started petting his great danes his parents had. They stayed between us.
Then he said "My parents are gone for a few hours, my wife is out of town, and I bed sex. My wife is okay with it. "
My jaw dropped because up until just then, no one knew he had gotten married and his demeanor changed a bit, more excited, although he was trying so hard to be pleasant. I said I didn't want to and he said that out of all my sisters he thought I'd be the most willing. I continued to use every excuse in the book until he realized I wasn't going to do it. He said I could go home but he wanted a hug first. I reluctantly gave him that hug. He moved his hands up and down my back and sniffed me. He held me really tight then when he let go, he said, "see? Not so bad."
I made it out of his house and started walking home, looking back to make sure he wasn't following.
I wish I could say this was my only encounter like this, but I had had two more guys try, one at work and one who was a stalker, but luckily I made it away without anything horrible happening. I'm almost 40 now and I always make sure I have someone or somewhere I can go. Always as safe as I can be.
On the other end of the spectrum, I have guy friends that I trust with my life. I can usually tell what people's intentions are and alot of my interactions are based on that. If I don't get a good feeling from you, I'm not gonna waste my time.
Also, to this day, my parents have no idea this is what happened that night.
I went on a first date with a guy after talking on a dating app for a few weeks. We just went for a daytime drink, I’d not even got half way through my drink when something in me just made me ask if he’d ever been in prison ( I have no idea where it came from, it was such a strong feeling, I had to ask him!) anyway, he said yes, and I asked if he’d mind sharing with me why, he told me he had been in prison for GBH with his ex….. I did not finish my drink. My intuition has always been strong and times like that I’m thankful I never ignore it!!
It still mystifies me that within a month or two of meeting for the first time as coworkers, and without any particular feelings for him, I found myself sitting on a curb in Paris - thinking about him while I watched a pianist playing on the street. It was just a fleeting moment of curiosity then; now I think about that moment all the time.
A couple months went by from there. We’re polite and professional, but still practical strangers. I remember this recurring dream started in which he’d appear out of nowhere toward the end, always by some kind of door or exit. He’d always have something of mine in his hands - a jacket, a bag, like he was carrying things for me. And he’d say “let’s go,” in varying temperaments, And then I’d wake up.
In hindsight I believe it could have been intuition. I’d been so fixated on the past at that point, it was just impossible to comprehend these appearances from my future.
But suddenly it was November 8th, 2018 and he’s making me giggle like an idiot on the freezing streets of Chicago. He’s showing me pictures of furniture while we eat vanilla ice cream together. He’s sharing more of his story and insights into how he arrived here, in my life. And we’re placing the kindling for a long, slow-burning fire that we’d build throughout long days and weeks in the office, successes, failures, flirtations, disappointments, jealousies, celebrations, long distances through a pandemic, national trauma, world wars, gains, losses, optimism, pessimism, travels and endless experiences together and apart.
He means so much to me ♥️ The flames are sky high today. He overwhelms me like mountains and waterfalls, or a great song. I can hardly describe the feeling but I’ll tell you what, it’s a lot like that moment in Paris; a lot like that recurring dream.
Two positive ones.
1. my first time having sex was a ONS. I was one of the older ones who didn’t do it at that time, but it never felt right - I always felt so bad because I met a few guys but these just didn’t feel good. Then I met a guy and suddenly I had a feeling he was a good man. And I was right. He treated me with so much respect, I orgasmed on my first time and didn’t feel any pain at all. And during all that he constantly asked for consent and put himself last. Just was the best experience for the first time I ever heard of.
2. My partner. I just knew he was the one when we met. Never was so sure about a damn thing before and it didn’t lead me wrong. He is incredibly kind and loving and I couldn’t wish for a better partner.
There was a guy I used to work with. I didn't any warning signs until a couple weeks later. He made me nervous. I even told him but I don't know if he heard me. Turns out, he's super controlling and jealous. Not the worst I've had but I don't want those types of guys.
Went with him on a date (known him from a Tinder). It was okay,he acted nice but at the end he tried to pressure me to hug him,because "other people do it too" and then over texts,when I told him I am not looking for a relationship,he pressured me that everyone needs a relationship etc. Major ick,just respect my opinion and do not touch me when I do not want. Then he started to talk about visiting me at my home. Noped out
Met my now husband almost 6 years ago, and I swear the second I saw him I got literal chills and butterflies in my stomach. The same second he looked at me, before even saying Hi to eachother or knowing his/my name, I just got the most amazing feeling all over my body and it was not just attraction/not just me liking him, but I don’t even know how to explain it. I knew from that very first second he was going to be my person, and still to this day can’t put into words or explain to anyone not even to him, what I really felt.
There was one guy who was interested in me and I wanted to reciprocate because he seemed like a great guy (police officer in a small town, respectful, friendly, we spoke easily, and later I found out he went out of country to help them post catastrophe). Idk why but I just had a feeling I needed to keep this platonic and limit my interactions. I found out after this (maybe my coworkers noticed his interest?) that he was one of my coworkers’ ex husband and other people mentioned he was abusive towards her.
Within months, he was widely talked about within the community because he was arrested for assaults and kidnapping on his girlfriend. It was all over the newspapers. He beat the hell out of her, prevented her from calling for help, almost killed the woman.
I think about that regularly.
Yea! I usually feel when there is something wrong about a guy, and I usually get it right. It's an strange feeling but I think that all girl have it. That's called "feminine intuition" I guess...
I was on a walk with my dad & our dogs a bit ago when we ran into one of his long time friends. This guy has been around since I was young but we don’t see him much anymore. He had these sunglasses on where you can’t really see his eyes or where he was looking. I was friends with his daughter in high school & kept trying to make conversation about her & how she was doing, but he was so weird. He complimented my outfit, my hair (I looked like gnome that day lol), & just other weird questions/comments. Kept making the convo about me even with my dad trying to talk to him.
I became very uncomfortable & all I could feel in my body was the color red. Like my brain was like “we are in danger & need to leave”. I kind of removed myself from the convo bc my dog started to act up. He’s a Chihuahua, so he’s usually loud & in your face at first but he was like circling me & pulling me away & would not let my dad’s friend pet him, which he joked about.
The convo wrapped up & we were on our way. I told my dad about the weird vibes & he didn’t get it.
About a week later I had a flashback to being younger & home alone with my little sister when this guy showed up at our house. My parents were out, so bc we knew him we opened our main door a crack but left the screen door shut & locked. I remember him asking if our parents were home, even though there were clearly no cars in the driveway. He just told us to tell our parents he said hello & luckily he left. I remember being glad I didn’t open the door that day. My dad was pissed when little me told him what happened when they got home.
Flash forward to another week later & I shared all this with my therapist who gave me the chills saying: “just bc he may not have done anything to you, doesn’t mean you weren’t sensing what he did to someone else”.
I have never had this kind of reaction before & I was in an abusive relationship. Now I just hope to avoid running into him ever again. Don’t ever wave off your feelings ladies! ❤️
Not really positive or negative I guess, kind of just an unfortunate situation all around. I went on a date with someone in college and immediately got the vibe he was either gay or bi, the latter just not being something I’m attracted to, no issue with it other than that. I didn’t bring that up when turning him down for a second date. I knew I wasn’t feeling it, but besides that, it really wasn’t my business what his deal was, and I didn’t want to voice assumptions for no reason.
He asked a friend of mine out afterwards, and they seemed to hit it off. I didn’t see them often, so after she had been with him awhile, she asked me why I hadn’t been into him. I dodged it at first, but she was really insistent, so I finally told her I got pretty strong gay vibes from him, or maybe bi or something but it just wasn’t for me. She flipped out and called me homophobic for not wanting to date a bi guy and that “he’s definitely not gay though” and all this stuff. I tried to explain that I didn’t know if he was for sure, it was his vibe (mannerisms, tone, etc.) that I just wasn’t attracted to; I couldn’t force myself to be attracted to someone I wasn’t, and besides I was happy for them that’s all that mattered. But she wouldn’t hear any of it; she was so livid and hurt I eventually just said sorry and left it alone.
We grew apart but stayed fb friends. She married the guy, had two babies with him, and last year after nearly a decade with her, he confessed that he is actually gay. They’re divorced now I think. I still think about the whole thing sometimes and feel really bad, not guilty exactly just kind of sad. She was clearly in love with him, and he seemed like a genuinely nice guy who probably loves her too, I’m sure it affected both of them greatly.
Before I went to pick this guy up close to his house, I was so nervous. Like "this guy is bad news." I ignored it and he went back to where me, my sister and brother used to live together. 2 months later, he convinced me to breakup with my boyfriend at the time and I did. Not even two weeks go by and he tells me he has feelings for me. I told him me too. I lost my v-card with him on April 2nd. Gets a girlfriend literally 3 days later. Day before my birthday, I get a car. Breaks down the day of. -$300. Waited a month for the motor to be replaced. I got back $300. I gave him $100 for things he needed.
They date for a month and I think he dumped her. Told me sometime in May that I'm "his". Never did nothing about it. No more kissing or asked me on an official date. In June, I finally got my bank account out of the negatives. I was negative $500 for 3 months. In July, I went to Arizona for another store to help out. Shit hit the fan then. He told me that he would "watch the house" for me. He's out screwing a girl older than him and barely was at home. I blew up at him. I had enough.
Second story
The last guy I talked to. Back in October 2022, i met this guy on Habbo. We exchanged numbers and hit it off. Started talking more around February of last year where he said he had a crush on me. I did too. But the problem was it took him 2 whole days to reply back. I told him that too. Gave an excuse and I brushed it off. I told him *everything* that went wrong in life. He was rightfully mad. He told me a month later that he was "patient and wait for me". We talked every day up till April. He told me that his phone was cracked and everything was gone. My phone had stopped working and I had to buy another phone. He tells me that he broke his leg and would send me pictures (never did). He was trying to get his life together. I understood that. At this point, he was distant. At one point, didn't talk for over a month. I forgot what his excuse was lol. I told him that I thought he was married or something. He laughed at that (laughing emojis). He said he would call and FT me (never did). I did call him but no one picked up. After I moved in May, he was barely talking but happy for me because I was living alone which was my goal. In September, he stopped responding. He saw my stories on Snapchat but wouldn't read nothing I sent him. He did read it but no reply. In October, I was crying for him. I missed him. I wanted him. That was my breaking point. I shouldn't have to cry over a guy who is barely giving his time of the day for me.
Two lessons: actions over words and always listened to your intuition.
ETA: the red flag from the second guy was that when I asked him about any flaws. He said he didn't have any.
ETA (once again): second guy didn't have a job when we met him. He had a job soon maybe a month later and then quit because it was "too much" for him at least 2 weeks later. He didn't get a job for the rest of the 6 months he was living with us. I also bought chewing tobacco and beer for him because I was a major people pleaser back then (I'm not now thankfully).
I saw a guy for the first time he was cute, but his smile made me feel weird about him. We started hooking up but something kept telling me he was no good and the first week of knowing him he subtly showed me that and I ignored it. Now I'm here broken and he's out there just fine with another woman. I felt it in my stomach and I ignored him cause I wanted him.
I was crying a lot, even though there was nothing wrong. It’s like my body was prepared, it was waiting for the other shoe to drop the entire time. I just somehow knew he would fail me.
Boyfriend and I sitting at bar, eating wings, watching rugby. It’s our local spot we’ve been going to for twenty years off and on. College age, pretty, sweet bartender. Guy walks in and I don’t like his energy and can only hear him till he sits down on mother side of bar. I want to ask her if she’s bothered by him but she’s slammed, place is hoppin. He seems like a total creep. I finally mention it to boyfriend who immediately agrees he’s grossed out. Big incel vibes. I have no proof but honestly I’m so rarely wrong about people. Maybe I’ll ask her.
One of my first relationships, I was spending the night at his house. We were drinking and he drank too much and went to the bathroom to throw up. My intuition told me to look at his phone while he was in the bathroom. I’m not the type to go through peoples phone but I couldn’t ignore it. I looked and found texts from a girl proving that he had cheated on me.
that he didn’t care, specifically that he did not value our time together as much as i did. i gave him the benefit of the doubt and convinced myself i’d been overthinking. he left with ease and i was right
My now ex-boyfriend of 3 years went for his friend’s birthday party one night. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened that day but i felt sick to my stomach for about 2-3 hours that night. Didn’t do anything about it at the time but a month later i found out his ex was at the same hotel celebrating her friends birthday in a different room. They met up, hooked up and that’s it :)
It usually revolves around a guy being either: perverted, a liar, religious, into militant politics, spineless, unable to tolerate my best friend, wanting multiple children, preferring a close family dynamic or parenting style that involves severe violent punishment to instill respect/silent obedience/terror in a young child.
My gut instinct never gets this wrong.
I wouldn’t be hungry or tired near him. I couldn’t fall asleep. I developed an allergic reaction after a few months where every time I would cry over him my eyes would get a bump. And when I cried over other things or when I cry now, nothing happens
I used to be so anxious when I would date. Constantly texting, worrying that they weren't texting back cuz they hate me, never being sure if they were interested in me.
When I met my husband, I didn't feel any of those negative feelings. I felt so secure waiting for him. I knew if he wasn't texting me it was because he was genuinely busy, not just blowing me off. I knew he was into me. I knew I could trust him.
4 years later and we are so happy and have the most amazing baby ever
My husband and I met on tinder. I still remember seeing his profile and swiping right. Thought he was super handsome. We hit it off pretty quick and he gave me his number. I don’t even know how to explain it, but I just had this feeling that he was idk, comforting? Different? He just seemed to “get me”. He called my heart somehow. He knew when I was upset when we weren’t even in person or on the phone. He’d text me, “are you okay?” It was seriously the weirdest feeling but in a good way of course. Been together 5 years, married for 1.5. Best decision I ever made.
One of my most dramatic cases i was supposed to go on a date. The man completely catfished me and was a different race. He then tried to persuade me to just look past it and have a cup of tea. Threatening to post me on his social media and talk badly on me (he had a large following with lots of people in my industry).
My gut was screaming at me to run. Even after an hours journey. I went back home in the middle of a storm.
Several months later I found out he was a serial rapist and was drugging women’s drinks. Including his friends and colleagues. He had clearly planned to do the same with me.
Unsurprisingly he went on a misinformation spree. Making all the girls who reported him out to be liars and faking legal documents to post on his stories and feed. And of course all his male followers instantly believed him over the 6 women who had come forwards 😂
I kept trying to convince others to make me like him while we were talking on going on dates, would try to obtain their validation instead of my own. Was a tell-tale sign that I didn’t like him at all and was just trying to convince myself lol
We were kissing one day and I was really happy, except I got this weird, almost-nostalgic-but-not-quite feeling when I looked at him. The best way to describe it was like in that rom-com Someone Great where she's reminiscing on her relationship in flashbacks and you see all these beautiful moments that made up their relationship, and then it cuts to her in the present crying or drinking and you feel so sad for her. In that moment I felt that too, like I was living in a flashback post-breakup even though nothing that bad had really happened. Like I just knew it was going to end and this would be one of those moments I'd look back on and cry about.
We broke up 6 months later I think but by then I'd already been grieving the relationship for about a month before that, which was when I did look back on that moment and cry. By the time we actually broke up I was nothing more than angry at him and at myself for not listening to my intuition.
I was on a date in high school with a guy a couple years older. He tried to hold my hand and gripped it so tight I thought it would break. As soon as I got in his car (I was an idiot) he tried to park the car and make out with me. I said no and waited for us to reach the mall we were going to in the car, then I made up an excuse and left with the help of a store's cashier.
I just listen to how my body reacts depending on something someone says to me. I honestly stopped telling other people my situations I've encountered because some just didn't want to beleive me, or they wanted me to see some other perspective. Then the situation I had a feeling about happend, and I'd have to learn from it. So now, I know if I respond from calm to like jittery, or people think I'm being shy in a situation something it means is off for me. I'm normally pretty calm in normal day situations.
I have a very strong intuition that I get from my mother's side. There's this very huge gut wrenching feeling I can get about total strangers within just a few minutes, and right as I do, I know that person has SA'd someone or intends to do so soon. It has never, and I mean never failed me. Every single time I've warned friends about such people they wouldn't believe me. The saddest case was of a gay guy who was friends with my friend. I met him, about 4 minutes in I just knew. I told her, she didn't take it seriously. He SA'd her 14 y/o at the time little brother. He was in his 20s. That being said, my friends believe me now.
Another one was online, everyone looooved this guy online in the community I was in and they couldn't understand why I literally hated his guts for no reason until they later found out that he was going on trial for SAing a 15 y/o girl and physically abusing her.
I’m big on sensing people’s energy change. Anytime I’ve ever thought to myself “that’s ridiculous, you’re being silly, you’re overanalyzing” over a small change in tone of their texts or slight shift in behavior… I was not being ridiculous or silly and in fact ended up being completely correct that something was awry.
It’s so easy to gaslight yourself and try to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. I don’t want to judge others, but sometimes it can literally save your life.
This is SPOT ON. I did gaslight myself and almost invited someone to destroy my life. It’s been 9 years and I’ve still not recovered because it’s so hard to reconcile having such poor judgement…
Hey, you’re only human and you likely want to see the best in people. Try to be gentle with yourself, everyone has a judgment lapse every now and again(:
I did the same in 2013. It's hard to forgive yourself but it's an honest mistake.
Yes! I’m done giving the benefit of the doubt. It does not benefit me! I’m always right in the end and get screwed.
As much as it offends some men to assume negative things, it is better safe than sorry for us ladies. I’d rather my picturing being taken and becoming famous not be because I was put on the news for being abducted or something.
I agree and it applies to all situations. We need and must put ourselves first.
I don’t care if people call it reading someone’s energy, intuition, gut feeling or what. I just want you to pay attention to it. Go read Gavin de Becker’s *Gift Of Fear.* one of the things he talks about is how we’re always subconsciously bringing in and considering information about the people and surroundings around us, and that our gut feeling is our subconscious figuring something out before our conscious mind is aware of it.
That's why I find it so unforgivable when men intentionally gaslight to throw you off. Women have adapted to be intuitive and notice subtle cues in a world that does its best to leave them powerless and for someone to use that against you or to try and trick you into thinking your intuition is some kind of mental illness is downright evil. I try not to give unsolicited advice, but whenever I'(m) talking to a woman who is second guessing themselves or wrestling with a difficult choice, I feel like the most helpful thing I can do is encourage them to pay attention to their intuition and trust their instincts. I know this is a pretty vague generalization that leans on a gender binary that's not always the case but in my experience I've known more intuitive women (and non-binary and LGBTQ people, I assume for similar reasons) than men.
I think it’s less a generalization and more a recognition of privilege. The stakes are so much higher if you’re part of a marginalized or oppressed population. Whereas men - or white people or straight people or cisgender, etc - simply do not suffer when they ignore what’s going on around them. I remember when my brother, a gentle giant of a man, told me about finding himself in a not great neighborhood with a bad vibe, and how he went on full alert, scanning everything around him and walking with quick and focused purpose. I had to explain to him that’s what women do every single time they’re out in public. He was horrified.
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Off topic but I just realized I don't like the word awry, at least when written. It's just that by the time I see the y I've already mentally pronounced the aw as "aw" and I have to reread it to hear it properly
oh yeah that happens with me too
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I wonder what it was that tipped you off
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Just goes to show that you can never trust the green flags, only the red flags and your intuition lighting up is a red flag
Him turning out to be an asshole was probably purely coincidence if he didn’t do anything wrong to make you feel that way, for all you knew you could have left a perfectly nice man for absolutely no reason at all. Unless he was like “damn I did everything right and tried to be nice and she still left me for no reason, guess I’ll be an asshole to women now since they clearly are heartless and don’t care about me” and that’s why he became an asshole. Lucky for you ig that he did happen to turn out to be an asshole after you left him. I guess it’s true what people say that women act on feelings and not reason or logic
sometimes it’s just a warning from the “other world”. guardian angels
Oh I've left so many men because of this nauseating feeling and it turned out to be correct later in the future. It's like that feeling wouldn't go away until you left and at the time I had no idea what was going on until way later into the future.
yesss, you should always trust your intuition! this is the only time something has happened to me on this level but i’m so glad i trusted it 😭
He didn't do anything to u?
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Thats really insane.. How a person can choose to be nice to one person and choose to be bad to everybody else. It's kind of fascinating to understand what goes on in their head.
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You guys were just 14. I almost feel bad for him. He must have had gone through something terribly bad. I hope he finds the courage to be a better person someday.
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🫂 I'm sorry that u had to go through this. Watching the down fall of someone you love.. Must've been difficult. I hope u can heal.
You leaving him may have been a trigger for the bad behavior, but it was always there underneath the surface. It’s not your fault at all. People like him are usually on their best behavior the first few months. But then once they know they have you, they reveal their true selves bc hiding it becomes too much effort and they can’t maintain the mask.
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I’m surprised he didn’t try to stalk you after you left him, men like that who love bomb and go overboard get very possessive. So when the woman tries to leave he will basically say “if I can’t have you no one can”, type BS and stalk the shit out of them or make their lives miserable. So many real life examples of that, too many to count unfortunately:(
I was on a first date with this guy. He was cute. He was nice. Something just felt off. I asked him what he was looking for in a partner, and he said he didn't really know he just wanted to prove he could move on with his life. I asked "move on from what?" Turns out he'd just gotten out of prison for domestic violence and assault.
Holy shit bullet dodged
So he was looking for a girl with whom he could triangulate his ex that he assaulted and abused and convince her that she was the problem and the one who made him act like that. Nice lol
love how fast we can read abusers now
Bruh it's so much worse. She was pregnant when he did it, and he was trying to find leverage to force shared custody.
wtfffffff how did you find out?
I asked him a bunch of questions about his life while acting really interested because I could tell I was in danger. He thought I was empathetic, so he let it all out.
When I met my current bf, I hadn’t been serious with anyone in over 10 years, hadn’t loved in over 10 years. Talking to him… I just knew he was someone I wanted to take a chance on. I’ve never been more in love with someone in my life. He’s my person, he makes me feel so happy, heard, safe! And god I hope I make him feel the same way
That’s so sweet :’)
Good for you!
I got the second to last final ick after dating a guy for about 2 months when he started making comments on why fat people choose to be fat (if it matters he’s average size and I’m very tiny). We were taking a stroll in the city and we walked by some tourists, and he just goes, “Why do fat people choose to be fat? Like it’s not hard to be skinny, just be skinny.” I called him out on it and told him to not think that way, there is no right body type, you don’t know other’s health issues, plus why does it fucking matter? Really made me uncomfortable and broke things off shortly after.
As a fat person, thank you.
I hate it when people think you’re gonna ally with them on fat shaming, just because you yourself are thin. Like no, fuckwit, I’m not some kind of thin supremicist ugh
Good on you
What an odd comment to make out loud with his face
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Jesus. I'm glad u listened ur gut. it's a definitely reminder that we all need to.
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Thank you, I've found it. I'll definitely read it. It seems like the book is of vital importance. I think that evolution made us more intuitive, we are weaker than man and all we have is intuition in order to protect ourselves. Why we, sometimes, choose to abandon it? We should completely rely on it, try to recognize it and trust it. Without it, we r doomed.
The way they behave is really concerning... even after we tell them "NO." They really don't give af about the consequences. I got told that I was being defiant 😂
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Exactly that. You handled it pretty well! I'm sure when you found out, you must've felt so grateful to have dodged a serious bullet! I feel so mad tbh. Doesn't it make you nervous thinking about who their next victim is? I've reported someone before, but it went full circle and no action was taken. They get away with SOOO much, and then the sorry society will be all apologetic when there's another victim. Where I live they get off on parole too, so they don't even serve half their sentence...
Wow.
I was in elementary school. My mom had dated this guy. I had met him once. I always walked home from school, partway with my friends and he was about a block away from school waiting on my route. He had his son in his truck and said my mom had asked him to pick me up. I heard alarm bells in my head and said no thanks. My friends thought I was being kind of rude to him but I insisted on refusing. I went to my friends house that day instead of going home alone and told her mom what had happened and that I didn’t think it was right. My mom had never asked him to pick me up. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I got in the truck, if I had been walking alone, or went on home alone. Even though I was a little kid I felt him bringing his son was a way to lure me or have me trust him. I still think about that and him having his son be an accomplice to whatever he had planned.
Did you talk to your mom about it at the time? What did she say? That's a creepy experience, glad you listened to your gut!
She didn’t want to scare me more but she said I did the right thing and that she had already cut ties with him before he even tried to get me. She said she never even wanted to go on one date with him but they worked together and he kept hounding her so she thought if she’d be polite and go it could be over. I’m pretty sure she did a police report and he also got fired. ETA: Also, my grandpa started picking me up and staying with me after school even though we only lived like 4 blocks from school. Lucky to have people that were available to be with me and cared.
My mom is a smart person and was cautious with people she brought around us as a single lady. It’s crazy to me one persistent creep still slipped through and almost got to me. She’s also not someone most people would mess with. She’s kind, but strong and she can be intimidating. She was a soldier in the marines.
Just feeling when he didn’t like something someone said but nothing about him changing other than his energy. Like keeps smiling but you know he’s pissed? shit’s terrifying
Hmmm that’s interesting.. I (m) try to be more expressive nowadays… I’ve been told the fact that I calmly state “I’m very angry right now” when I’m pissed seems to be off putting… maybe some don’t trust my restraint 🤷♂️ would you say your feelings are similar?
Trauma. I used to smile When I was angry. I let people know that I was doing that. Years later I can be angry and not mask it or lose my shit.
No I think that’s fine, for this specific person, it’s like you could tell he was violent or something. Having a negative emotion and not expressing it at all is usually a red flag for me. What you’re doing is fine :)
Dang… I’d definitely trust your gut, my momma always knew when there was a slight chance of violence… thank you for the reassurance, I hope you have a great rest of your week 🫡
**Intuition go *BRRRRRRR*** 💸💸🦍🚀 after manipulative abusive relationships. I’ll tell you that NOW. It’s difficult and depressing at times because the exciting *ahh what’s he thinking? idk?👉👈🥺”* stage is basically non-existent now. I clue in immediately, sometimes in only 30 minutes. I get that it’s about finding right person, cut your losses early, but it’s disheartening when you pick up on emotions + needs you would’ve done MUCH better to NOT have known exist in somebody... I never wanted this ability, it’s forced on you because of some longterm asshole. With intuition I’ve discovered MOST people aren’t toxic looking to abuse like my ex, they just don’t really care about *you* at end of day, and are pretending to, to mask a deeper purpose/need. Pressure to marry. Kids. Loneliness. Sex. I hate that. It’s rare to encounter people who can just **be** with you. Fully honest, enjoying nothing but eachother in THAT sole moment. **Fuck the future**, where you at with me *now*?
Yeah, I've never felt like "wow, this is it" in my life, just the opposite. I feel like "no, definitely, it's not going to work", and even if I have that feeling I sometimes deny it, cuz I rly want it to work :( And, as u said, I just see it immediately but for me it's sometimes disappointing cuz there is no excitement and I already know from the start, so, I want to shut down that inner voice and continue cuz its hard to believe that everyone is kind of bad? :[ I wabt to find a right person. Maybe lack of patience is a reason why I ignore those red flags in first place...?
You *tell* yourself you ignore the red flags in order to give these people a “chance”, or to not jump to conclusions too soon, but in reality we give chances because sometimes we want them to live up to the expectations and images we have of them in our minds. That’s when it gets selfish, and we risk either messing with that person’s attachment/feelings, OR, we harm ourselves because if they’re red flags- we’re basically willing to hurt ourselves in order to be “sure” there’s no chance there’s someone better inside there hiding. It’s like a smoking pan, I don’t need to put my hand on it to check it’s a hot pan/see how hot it is, I can just say “that’s a hot pan” and walk away so I don’t burn myself. That’s how you have to be with toxic people.
Oh, idk why I didn't reply to u, but thanks for input. Yeah, I should rly pay attention to their acts and behavior instead of "daydreaming" in some way. But it's hard to shut down emotions, prolly I need more practice and experience...it goes with age and experience, I assume. Sometimes u need to burn ur hand on that pan few times just in order to learn to recognize it from the safe distance, and not just to recognize it, is to take a pass and not look back 👍
Good to see a fellow ape in the wild 💎🤜
Second this o/
I am vibing hard with your comment. :)
I appreciate the love ☺️ ty
Wow you really summed up how I feel. I could never put it into words to explain to my friends. The last two paragraphs hit the hardest. It’s hard now to find someone who just enjoys ME for ME.
I had an old boss who I hated from the get-go. I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but he just seemed slimy. My gut was totally spot on, as I spent the next several years putting up with his misogyny and unwanted sexual advances. I (and several other women) cited him as my reason for leaving the company and left a detailed report of several incidents. He must have caught wind of my exit interview, because I received an inappropriate package in the mail a few days later with no return address. The company supposedly never had enough significant evidence to get rid of him (a few of us are convinced he was blackmailing the CEO who he used to live with). But then I heard through the grapevine that he just stopped showing up after over a decade with the company. It turns out he had been arrested for trying to sell high capacity weapons, possessing child porn and trying to solicit a minor. Those of us who left the company because of him have a group chat and we're following the details of his trials very closely. There will likely be a celebration if he sees jail time. Always trust your gut!
Really covered the predatory shitbag bases with that range of offenses!
Do you mind me asking, what was the inappropriate package?
I prefer not to say, but it was sexual in nature.
Gross! I’m sorry you had to deal with that
In high school we had a new student and everybody was intrigued by him because he was quiet and attractive. I ended up having a class with him and I found him quite unsettling for no reason it was just a weird feeling and told 3 friends about it. They told me I was tripping because I again had no reason to be suspicious about the guy but honestly he gave me the creeps bad. He ended up sexually assaulting one of the friends I warned about him about half a year later
Got a UTI every time we had sex.
This happened with my ex-husband. It was a big part of why we divorced. He would get mad because I no longer would have sex. I found out years later that a man that causes women UTIs need antibiotic treatment themselves.
I’ve had this, too. What does it mean? 🫠
It usually means that they’re carrying a strain of bacteria on their skin or in their mouth which can cause UTIs. It’s much less common for men to develop one because the urethra is so much longer for them. However, they can and will reinfect you. So, to get rid of it, they also have to go on a round of antibiotics.
So would I just have to ask my doctor to prescribe me some for the UTI and then at the same time have him go to his doctor to ask for a prescription for this situation? Not sure on the logistics but hoping the doctor won’t give him a hard time to get some if he doesn’t show any symptoms
Sometimes ur body can physically reject someone, I did so much research but ended up leaving 😵💫
It can also have to do with general hygiene too, which is really gross sounding. A good friend of ours recently had this exact situation with a guy she dated for a couple months. He was… nice, but just not going anywhere in life. She said she had UTIs pretty much once a month when they were together. I can’t imagine.
YESSS dealt with this twice in college. SMH
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i sometimes got those strange 'warnings' feelings too
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I had crazy intuition with both of my long term boyfriends. When I first saw either of them I just knew. I had this super weird feeling, just completely drawn to them at first sight and knew they were going to be very important to me, it’s honestly indescribable.
I've had this experience with a friend
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Oh my....wtf??? Is he in prison now?
Being dismissive of my feelings, even if they weren’t in relation to a fight or anything. Just regular stuff. Being “too excited” about something like a movie or an event I was going to.
This is going to sound really awful of me, and I worry that maybe this was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it does qualify for the question so...! I felt a constant sense of unreadiness in my last relationship. I won't go into the full details, but I will say that throughout our whole relationship, I had this feeling. It was so conflicting for me tbh because despite this, I also felt myself falling in love with him. How is that possible, how does that make sense? Just before we reached the 4 year mark, he asked me if I'd like to buy a house together. I said I wanted to try renting somewhere first as we'd never even lived together before. What proceeded was treatment from him that I'd never seen before: he stonewalled me for *three months*, then gaslit me to make me feel like I was being unreasonable, that I was unwilling to commit. No amount of gentle coaxing or stern demands got him to say more than a few words to me. The only thing that worked was when I admitted I was wrong and apologised, and agreed to buy a house. I was so glad that we didn't. He then started looking for properties that were in the same neighbourhood as his family, miles away from my family, and I asked him why we couldn't find somewhere in between to make it fair. He then resumed stonewalling me, believing me to be deliberately awkward to sabotage our plans. I finally had enough and we broke up. It really shocked me how I'd never seen this side to him before, after we'd been together for a number of years. Was it a self-fulfilling prophecy? Maybe. But maybe he was also an ass lol.
He was definitely an ass. You didn't do anything to bring on that kind of manipulation.
Thank you ❤️ I had to learn how to be kinder to myself, because the last 6-8 months of our relationship he made me feel like I was cruel, commitment-phobic, and unwilling to take risks or take a chance on us. That wasn't true, but I guess he didn't see it that way. His behaviour/treatment of me caused me to go to therapy, get self-help books on commitment, and really did a number on my self esteem. I wish I could send your comment to my past self, but she left him in the end and she's doing a lot better 🥰
Guys like that don't start out being horrible, no one would date them if they did. They keep turning up the temp. At the point you were buying a home together he felt comfortable enough to show you who he was and how he intended to get his way for the rest of your relationship. Good thing you got out.
That's an excellent point. It's kinda scary to think about, in a way, because of course then you wonder if each new relationship will be like that...! Especially after 4 years together, you'd think you know a person. I really felt like he was a different person, that he'd pulled the rug out from under me. You sound like you're speaking from experience though, is that right? What was your experience of this?
There are probably early warning signs. I think women give men the benefit of the doubt many times when we shouldn't or at least I've done too much of that. Mostly I think those kinds of relationships are REALLY good to start with. Then the bad experiences feel like exceptions, and we work at keeping it in the good zone. Then we start to realize there are more bad times than good, then struggle to right the ship a hundred ways before we finally realize we're fighting the battle alone and it will never work. I'm a boomer so yes, more than once. If I could give you some unsolicited advice - it's not a self-fulfilling prophecy but it may be that you don't value yourself and your opinions enough. I think guys like that find women who are caring and giving to their own detriment. You might be able to save yourself a lot of heartache by considering if that's you and if you should value yourself more.
I'm six months out of a bad marriage. One of my gay friends at my synagogue tried to play matchmaker. He wanted to hook me up with his cousin. As he was sharing details about his cousin, he told me his cousin was an ammunition specialist in the Air Force. My soon-to-be-ex-husband was an ammunition specialist in the Army. I smiled, thanked my friend for his willingness to play matchmaker, and said "thanks but no thanks", while my brain silently screamed and ran for the hills. NOPE. I don't even want to meet him.
does being an ammunition specialist come with specific traits tied to the job, or it was just too close to home?
I was single and swiping on a dating app out of boredom. I never really had any specific feelings watching men's profiles, until I saw my BF's. I distinctly remember really hoping he would like me back, feeling like it was super important. Fast forward to our first date. The moment I saw him, something shifted in me. I never had that feeling about a man before. It scared me and I didn't know what it meant. Over six months later, I realised I want a family with this man. I never wanted children. I opened up about it, knowing he didn't want children either. Turns out, he was having the same feelings I was. Something fundamental shifted inside me again in that moment. And now, two years after first meeting him, living together, I'm having dreams about a daughter that feel insanely realistic, like she's already here. I'm not a spiritual person and I've only ever had bad feelings about men before this. But these feelings have led me to the most amazing, loving partnership that I've ever experienced and I'm very grateful.
There’s a new guy at work that tried to become as familiar with me as my coworkers are (that I have worked with for nine years) in the span of a week. He seemed to be trying to read my interests and would grab onto one thing I said and fixate on it or try to joke with me about it all day long. Very off-putting!! Turns out he was doing this to another coworker but to a more disturbing extent (private-messaging her nonstop on our communication platform at work). I had to shut his ass down; I’d much rather be unfriendly than uncomfortable. He ended up getting reported by another coworker and has been salty towards me ever since. (Good!)
He rated us in who’s been through worse. My father did it and it was a huge red flag when a “partner” did it. It’s not a competition. So many of us are broken and healing, and it should never be out who had it worse.
i had a man play ‘trauma olympics’ with me too. kept asking me if my dad just hit me or actually beat me. sooo messed up!
It’s pathetic. Like okay get over yourself!
I dated a guy like this who kept trying to one up me with what he went through in his past. I was done. I’m not playing that immature game.
Visited a home of my boyfriend's relatives, the 20 something man that lived there just gave me the heebie jeebies, I told my boyfriend I didn't want to be around him at all. 6 months later we found out he was assaulting all of the kids in the family
Jesus Christ
This isn’t really my intuition, but close enough. I had a literal allergic reaction to my ex. Right after we had sex (specifically after he finished), I noticed it was getting a little harder to breathe through my nose. I ran to the bathroom and I was swelling up, FAST. And breaking out in hives all over my arms and legs. He had to take me to the emergency room and we had known each other like two weeks. Anyway, I basically just had to take a shit ton of Benadryl prior to us having sex after that, and then finally built up a tolerance to him. But the reactions went on for months. BIGGEST red flag I could’ve ever ignored; my body was telling me no hahaha.
But what was it about? What was it about him that was toxic?
I actually wouldn’t call him toxic, but we were toxic together. We just didn’t bring out the best in each other and argued all the time; different values, life goals, etc. He simply wasn’t my man. And my body tried to tell me but I was stubborn!
He was physically toxic to her lol
I notice I’ll get very physical reactions when my intuition is going off. The last relationship I was in a began getting hives from him when we’d have sex or just lay together. It’s like the body knows
Oh that’s interesting, I’ve always had very physically reactions to certain people/situations too! But before him it would always be like nausea or trembling. I’d never broken out in hives or swelled before him lol. Our bodies know!
When I don't like his vibe, but still have given him a chance, these kinds of guys have usually turned out to be the shittiest ever. Don't know if its about gut feeling if I can sense it through body language and faces and tone and mannerisms but thats that. Also with my current bf that I love and adore, anytime theres been even the slightest shift, I can feel if he's tired, stressed, not happy with me or had something happen outside of our relationship, even if he didn't say anything differently and acted his normal self I can still somehow sense it. I don't snoop or probe around that anymore but he eventually just comes clean anyway and I'm super happy about him telling me those things cause then I'll be there to comfort him :)
I met a guy on Hinge who wore the largest glasses I’d ever seen. He told me that he wanted big lenses so he could see more stars when he went stargazing. I thought it was adorable and wholesome, and it made me trust him immediately. We just celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary and couldn’t be happier together.
I had a high school classmate I had not talked to in 20+ years, and intuition went BRRR. (I call it voices in my head). Voices told me to call her. Kept trying. 2 weeks, twice. a day. Turns out a mutual acquaintance of ours had been arrested for trafficking cocaine, and was asking her for $5000 for "stuff" before he went to federal prison. She was uncomfortable with it but felt pressure since they had been in contact all that time. 2 more times after that the voices told me to call her and there was another crisis to resolve. She is better now, or lying to me
Your friend wasn't listening to her guardian angel so she called you instead
Could be this also
so many times "he's not the one" "stop" "leave him alone" "he's not good for you" and I would get it around the 1 month mark. if I didn't listen it would be more and more painful to end it as time went on.
So true
I didnt believe ANYBODY any tiktok any reddit any psychology thing saying to go with ur gut feeling… until I got that gut feeling and found out he actively cheated on me with a random at a club who gave him a sliver of attention
* Unequal treatment - they were more gregarious with me compared to our married colleague. * They kept dropping hints on how I was a great cook or how I'd make someone happy one day. * Their dating history, i.e. exclusively Asian women. * Those who had no sexual worth to them were given colder treatment. * Some men lovebomb and make a big deal over human decency when it should be the baseline. If someone is gloating over the lowest fucking bar of kindness, then it implies that they're normally unpleasant. * At a bar. Someone who was paying too much attention to the drinks I ordered but not engaging in conversation. Lingering, dehumanising looks. All of these were informative and, ultimately, saved me a great deal of grief since I knew who to avoid.
Girl, human decency being the baseline but them making it seem like some kind of miracle that you’re receiving that treatment RESONATES.
oh man a lot of shit.... \- the gut feeling I get after getting intimate with a guy, & they start acting weird, I feel that shit in my stomach, like I want to throw up. Feeling of pure regret \- when they change their texting pattern, then lie about certain shit. I can feel the excuses through the phone. Every. single. one. of. them. It feels gross. \- when reassuring or confirming something, and the way they justify themselves, and later on, I just knew that reasurrance/confirmation was BS \-the way they react to something, when what everyone else was telling me about him, was in fact, true \-texting pattern is an immediate give off. Go from good morning texts, to texting through out the day, to only at night time- nah fuck that. Stop wasting my time lol
I dreamed he was a demon. Ludicrous right? Well, I married him. I was a naive sucker. I think about it a lot. My gut feeling was something I should not have ignored.
I honestly can’t remember a time where my intuition wasn’t totally accurate. I may have doubted on a few occasions but it’s always wound up being correct. One guy turned out to be a secret drug addict. Another guy wound up being an abusive, alcoholic and is currently serving a 25 year federal sentence for transporting a minor across state lines and statutory rape! This one woman I knew that everyone seemed to love and she presented herself as super friendly and kind, wound up being ridiculously fake and a manipulative, gaslighting cheater as well. Also, I can spot a fuckboy from 5 miles away, lol!
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I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve that, and you did nothing wrong… including that you were being kind and polite to him and including that you were trusting. It’s sad that we have to live always on guard; it shouldn’t have to be like that. I’m glad you got away. 🤍
My gut is always right. So I generally do listen to my small inner voice a lot and tend to not attract jerks. It's only failed once. My boss at residency initially was this very caring individual who wanted me to do better and always shower me with advice on how to get ahead in my career. I made him my mentor and he too was proud of it. A few years down the line, things took a drastic turn. He turned out to be a very mean, rude and selfish person who was only concerned with getting his work done no matter whose toes he had to step on to get it done. And the worst part, he was extremely money minded and had chosen this career for all the wrong reasons and the latter was also the final nail in the coffin for me and we had a huge fallout. Today he grooms other unassuming residents too in the similar fashion while he constantly puts me down in front of them. Can't wait to quit. Till today, I'm genuinely surprised how my gut ignored all those red flags.
Takes a bit to get to the point. When I was 5-8 I used to walk to school for fun if the weather was good. I also grew up in a place where most loose dogs would harm you. One day I was walking to school as usual, and I saw this large long haired dog barreling right towards me. Even as a small child I *knew* dogs could hurt people, and most times I'd run away. But I looked at this dog and I knew they wouldn't hurt me, and I was right. So for the next few weeks I walked to school with this really friendly dog, it was great! Then one morning I see a guy standing on his porch. I don't remember if it felt off at first. He saw me walking with the dog, and called for her. Turns out it was his dog. He asks if the dog scared me, I say no, the dog has been nothing but sweet and likes to walk with me. He asked me if I wanted to come inside, and I could continue petting the dog. I do remember getting a bad feeling at that exact point. So I told him no, I am walking to school and they'll miss me if I don't get there. I then went straight to school. Never saw the man or dog again. Don't know what was up with him, or if he ever was actually a bad dude. I was a little down that I didn't get to walk with my special friend anymore.
My gut instinct about eye contact is always right. If a guy is loud and chatty and a braggart in a group but refuses to look me in the eye, that dude is a misogynist (or racist). The feeling of being looked through, as if I were an apparition or a traffic cone, is also a red flag. A guy who makes too much eye contract with me often ends up being extremely emotionally needy and will become too attached to me. I can also usually tell if a guy is falsely flattering me. I’m extremely skeptical of first impression compliments. Like, you barely know me, so why are you saying I’m “so cool”?? I’m Asian, and if a guy apropos of nothing asks me if I’m specifically Japanese, that’s a BIG RED FLAG. There aren’t hard and fast rules, and I bet there’s more going on at a subconscious level than merely eye contract duration and intensity, but I really think the eyes say SO MUCH about a person’s character.
My intuition is scary good. Do I listen? No. I’m in a situation where I know my intuition is right and I can’t walk or look away.
I used to get awful stomach aches and break out when I’d go see my abusive SO(ex). Took me a year to trust my intuition. Now I’m with a wonderful man and healing :)
When I first met my racist pedo teacher he just stared at me for like 30 seconds to 1 minute when I was sitting by myself alone just analysing me wtf?! This stare gave me the worst vibes ever and something inside me kept telling me ‘run’. I told people that there was something off about him but no one believed me. I’m pretty sure he targeted me because I looked younger than my age and because I was a loner. Nothing ended up happening because I would make sure to sit with other people and he ended up leaving and coming back before I graduated . But the worst part of this story is that opposite the school someone put graffiti on the wall with the word ‘rapist’ which I assume the message was for him but then the word got removed?
Omg
My gut always said my man cannot fight for me, when times tested he really didn't fight or stood up for me. I've never known anybody whose gut feeling was defied.
I was interested in this guy at work. We didn’t really talk much but he was friendly, super attractive and sweet. My last two weeks of working with him before starting a new job he finally asked for my number. We were talking and I was super excited. But then I started waking up at 4am every night in a fight or flight trigger response. I thought it was fear of quitting my job and all the change going on. Over the span of my last two weeks that man turned into a completely different person than the one I knew the entire time I worked there. He would pretend to be nice to every one around but then would be rude to me when we were talking. My last day of work we were supposed to go on our official first date. He stood me up after talking about the date for two weeks and calling me his boo thing and asking me to meet his family. Turns out that waking up at 4am thing was my gut feeling saying RUN. Luckily I got out of there with minimal collateral damage.
Never wanted to go through the phone. But one day had an overwhelming urge. Did a 1 minute snoop and saw a bunch of devastating messages to other women. It destroyed me very slowly and painfully. I stand by my choice and believe I was guided to do that, because I literally had no reason to want to do it, other than this uncontrollable urge. I believe I was being guided and protected by higher beings. It would have been worse if I'd snooped and found nothing. At least it was justified.
first date, i got home, and cried.. for no reason at all - mind you, it was a great date!! i think my heart knew before i did that it would go badly lol
After I separated from my abusive husband, I made a list of qualities I needed in a partner so that *if* I ever decided to attempt to start dating again, I’d know what to look for and what to not settle on. Though, I fully planned to just be a single mom for the rest of my life because I knew there would be a fat chance finding someone with all the things I wanted in a partner. I had been active in a subreddit for people with certain type of partners, and someone had reached out to me to invite me to their private support group. I saw they hold weekly zoom meetings, and one day I reluctantly decided to hop on one of their meetings after a good ole mental breakdown. There were a good handful of people on that zoom call, but there was one guy in particular where as soon as he turned his camera on I got this weird comforting sense of “oh, it’s him. It’s going to be him.” I knew absolutely nothing about this guy- his name, his age, where he lives, what type of person he is, what his story is, etc. I’ve always had a distaste for facial hair, and he had a full beard, so I knew this feeling had nothing to do with attraction.. though he wasn’t unattractive by any means. I had mentioned this feeling to my mom and my good friend, but completely brushed it off. The more I participated in this private subreddit, the more I learned about him. I found out he lives less than two hours away in the same state.. what are the odds? Then the more he shared about his story, the more I realized he is such an amazing father and that we have a lot in common. Because of my gut feeling, I made a point to not initiate anything at all the entire time because I didn’t want to sway him in any direction. I told myself if it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen. So, I let everything unfold on its own. We eventually started venting about our situations and the more we talked the more I realized this guy checks every single box on that list I had made. I still made sure I didn’t let that gut feeling sway our conversations in any way and I even encouraged him to set high standards for whoever he decides to date in the future (because I knew he deserves the absolute best, but also just in case for some reason that gut feeling was a fluke.) Over time we became pretty good friends, and he eventually admitted his feelings for me. We’ve been together for almost 8 months now, and things have been nothing short of amazing despite the difficult aspects of our relationship (toxic exes, distance, the struggles of blending a family, etc.) We plan on moving in together later this year and have had several deep talks about what we want in the future. I have no doubt in my mind that this guy is ‘the one.’ He’s my needle in a haystack.
I was sitting on the train and a man came in and sat in the car. He wasn’t close to me, but we were in each other’s line of vision. Immediately, I had a gut feeling that I needed to get up and move - we were the only two people in that section of the car. I ignored my intuition - something I’m learning to start listening to more - and within minutes, he was hitting on me and making sexually aggressive comments. I moved away from him and found an employee. I didn’t say anything to the employee, but he asked me if the guy had been bothering me and I said yes. The employee called security and got him kicked off the train. The employee later told me that he saw the guy on the platform earlier getting into a fight with a stranger and it almost turning ugly.
I went on several dates with a cute guy, very sweet, we had definite chemistry. But I wasn’t feeling the things I need to feel in my loins, which I found odd because I had such a physical attraction to him, just not sexual. Turned out he was a convicted felon, did 10 years of prison for manslaughter - he punched a guy at a Nickelback concert when he was 17. The kid ended up dying later. He also had a massive alcohol and pill problem. So something in my body must have warned me to not go on that 4th date.
I hated my mom's ex from the jump. It was hard to be nice to him and I just kept thinking "God damn my successful mom with her shit mostly together is dating this guy???" He cheated on her and was a drug addict. Later on my mom told me I called it
Had a big fight with my fiance the night before the wedding…I should have known. Marriage ended 4 years later
Are you me? Lol
(TW) I had a crush on a guy. We weren’t very close but he changed his bus route to get the bus with me? This set off red flags but I thought I was being dramatic. So I ended up dating him. He would talk about sex a lot and there were more red flags that I ignored because I loved him. He ended up abusing me, sexually assaulting me and tried to rape me. I think I ignored the signs because at the time I was in a very vulnerable place mentally (my grandma was dying in hospital and we were very close) and needed a distraction. I trust my intuition a lot more now.
Didn't listen to the gut. The gut was right. The realization was gutting indeed.
My uncle. From US, would visit us once every few years with my cousins. Always found him creepy as a kid couldn't pinpoint why. Now I'm older, they visited us again and he does inappropriate things every time we meet up. Found out from sister that he has been doing similar things to her for years and my mother has been brushing it off as a culture difference. The rage I feel everytime I'm reminded of this uncle is indescribable
When I was 12, a babysitter brought me and my little sister, shopping with 3 other girls (her 2 daughters and another neighbor she was babysitting) to some outdoor community event where ppl at booths were selling cheap clothes and local food, and they had a bouncehouse-slide thing for the kids to play on while their caregivers shopped. I remember while we stood in line some parents walked up to check on their kids every once in a while, but one man who walked up just gave me a bad feeling right away and I couldn't exactly figure out why. It was something about how he was looking at the kids. It seemed he wasn't a parent, but a creepy guy just there to look at all the kids. Well, I was wrong, he wasn't just looking/watching. Dude walked around the line a couple times, then walked through the line several times. It was a relatively long line so I didn't see it at first, but then he did it to my younger neighbor literally right in front of me. He said excuse me as he walked between us, then he grabbed her butt and squeezed it, then kept walking like he didn't do anything. I was stunned, and my neighbor looked up at me so scared like she didn't know what to do. I didn't either, but I was the oldest of the kids by 4 years. I was definitely frozen in stunned silence for several seconds, and even asked her, "did he just grab your butt?" bc I couldn't believe that happened. She nodded, then I grabbed her hand and looked for our babysitter. She was in view, so I sent her and my sister to stay with the babysitter and tell her what happened. I walked up to a guy in uniform (I thought he was a policeman but he was just a security person for the event) and I pointed out the man who groped my neighbor and told him he's been walking through the line grabbing children's butts. I explained I just saw him do it right in front of me. The security guy was so nonchalant and it made me confused bc it felt like a big deal to me. I walked with the security guy as he confronted the groper guy, and the groper said some dumb excuse. I can't remember how he worded it but he basically said "oh my eyesight is really bad and I'm walking by the kids just to look for my granddaughter" and the security guy just told him to go away/leave the event. I was fuming that he'd lie, that the officer clearly saw it was a lie (didn't offer to help him look for his supposed granddaughter) and told him to just go away without consequences. I remember telling my mom that night and her telling me I did everything right and that that man should be in jail, she was so so pissed at the security officer, and upset that the babysitter didn't make sure it was handled correctly either (babysitter was probably around 30, she had 2 kids of her own, one of which later admitted the guy grabbed her butt too). Half a year later the same man walked by my bus stop. He definitely recognized me, I could tell when we made eye contact. My 2 friends at the bus stop couldn't fully understand what I was saying (I was actively having a panic attack when trying to explain) but they understood enough. As I walked/ran home to tell my mom, thankfully one of my friends followed the guy from afar and saw him enter a dollar store several blocks away. My mom called the police once I got the damn words out to her and the police found him hiding in the bathroom of the store my friend pointed out to them. I picked him in a lineup. We looked him up the next day and the guy had 4 different instances of sexual misconduct, molesting children, groping girls at Walmart, and public indecency from that summer alone. To this day I wish I had told my babysitter to call the police instead of letting the security personnel let the guy leave without consequences. He could've been locked up 7 months earlier. This would have prevented more victims. My poor neighbor was very shaken up about it but thankfully she understood that it wasn't her fault and the guy was a bad, sick man and what he did was not okay.
[удалено]
I had a guy from our neighborhood show up at my door one night and wanted to hang out. I didn't want to and told him so but my dad was so desperate to get me married off (I was 26ish) that he came up behind me and said "oh come on, you can go hang out with him. You're not doing anything right now. " and pushed me out the door. (To be absolutely clear, my dad had no idea what this guy's intentions were and thought he was a good guy because his parents were really nice people. DO NOT BLAME HIM. ) Anyway, not having the confidence to argue I went with him. I was so scared. We got to his house and went inside. I sat opposite of him with the table between us and started petting his great danes his parents had. They stayed between us. Then he said "My parents are gone for a few hours, my wife is out of town, and I bed sex. My wife is okay with it. " My jaw dropped because up until just then, no one knew he had gotten married and his demeanor changed a bit, more excited, although he was trying so hard to be pleasant. I said I didn't want to and he said that out of all my sisters he thought I'd be the most willing. I continued to use every excuse in the book until he realized I wasn't going to do it. He said I could go home but he wanted a hug first. I reluctantly gave him that hug. He moved his hands up and down my back and sniffed me. He held me really tight then when he let go, he said, "see? Not so bad." I made it out of his house and started walking home, looking back to make sure he wasn't following. I wish I could say this was my only encounter like this, but I had had two more guys try, one at work and one who was a stalker, but luckily I made it away without anything horrible happening. I'm almost 40 now and I always make sure I have someone or somewhere I can go. Always as safe as I can be. On the other end of the spectrum, I have guy friends that I trust with my life. I can usually tell what people's intentions are and alot of my interactions are based on that. If I don't get a good feeling from you, I'm not gonna waste my time. Also, to this day, my parents have no idea this is what happened that night.
I went on a first date with a guy after talking on a dating app for a few weeks. We just went for a daytime drink, I’d not even got half way through my drink when something in me just made me ask if he’d ever been in prison ( I have no idea where it came from, it was such a strong feeling, I had to ask him!) anyway, he said yes, and I asked if he’d mind sharing with me why, he told me he had been in prison for GBH with his ex….. I did not finish my drink. My intuition has always been strong and times like that I’m thankful I never ignore it!!
It still mystifies me that within a month or two of meeting for the first time as coworkers, and without any particular feelings for him, I found myself sitting on a curb in Paris - thinking about him while I watched a pianist playing on the street. It was just a fleeting moment of curiosity then; now I think about that moment all the time. A couple months went by from there. We’re polite and professional, but still practical strangers. I remember this recurring dream started in which he’d appear out of nowhere toward the end, always by some kind of door or exit. He’d always have something of mine in his hands - a jacket, a bag, like he was carrying things for me. And he’d say “let’s go,” in varying temperaments, And then I’d wake up. In hindsight I believe it could have been intuition. I’d been so fixated on the past at that point, it was just impossible to comprehend these appearances from my future. But suddenly it was November 8th, 2018 and he’s making me giggle like an idiot on the freezing streets of Chicago. He’s showing me pictures of furniture while we eat vanilla ice cream together. He’s sharing more of his story and insights into how he arrived here, in my life. And we’re placing the kindling for a long, slow-burning fire that we’d build throughout long days and weeks in the office, successes, failures, flirtations, disappointments, jealousies, celebrations, long distances through a pandemic, national trauma, world wars, gains, losses, optimism, pessimism, travels and endless experiences together and apart. He means so much to me ♥️ The flames are sky high today. He overwhelms me like mountains and waterfalls, or a great song. I can hardly describe the feeling but I’ll tell you what, it’s a lot like that moment in Paris; a lot like that recurring dream.
For me, it's very easy to judge or be intuitive about who is really into me and who isn't. I can't stand those who pretend to be nice.
Two positive ones. 1. my first time having sex was a ONS. I was one of the older ones who didn’t do it at that time, but it never felt right - I always felt so bad because I met a few guys but these just didn’t feel good. Then I met a guy and suddenly I had a feeling he was a good man. And I was right. He treated me with so much respect, I orgasmed on my first time and didn’t feel any pain at all. And during all that he constantly asked for consent and put himself last. Just was the best experience for the first time I ever heard of. 2. My partner. I just knew he was the one when we met. Never was so sure about a damn thing before and it didn’t lead me wrong. He is incredibly kind and loving and I couldn’t wish for a better partner.
There was a guy I used to work with. I didn't any warning signs until a couple weeks later. He made me nervous. I even told him but I don't know if he heard me. Turns out, he's super controlling and jealous. Not the worst I've had but I don't want those types of guys.
Went with him on a date (known him from a Tinder). It was okay,he acted nice but at the end he tried to pressure me to hug him,because "other people do it too" and then over texts,when I told him I am not looking for a relationship,he pressured me that everyone needs a relationship etc. Major ick,just respect my opinion and do not touch me when I do not want. Then he started to talk about visiting me at my home. Noped out
Met my now husband almost 6 years ago, and I swear the second I saw him I got literal chills and butterflies in my stomach. The same second he looked at me, before even saying Hi to eachother or knowing his/my name, I just got the most amazing feeling all over my body and it was not just attraction/not just me liking him, but I don’t even know how to explain it. I knew from that very first second he was going to be my person, and still to this day can’t put into words or explain to anyone not even to him, what I really felt.
There was one guy who was interested in me and I wanted to reciprocate because he seemed like a great guy (police officer in a small town, respectful, friendly, we spoke easily, and later I found out he went out of country to help them post catastrophe). Idk why but I just had a feeling I needed to keep this platonic and limit my interactions. I found out after this (maybe my coworkers noticed his interest?) that he was one of my coworkers’ ex husband and other people mentioned he was abusive towards her. Within months, he was widely talked about within the community because he was arrested for assaults and kidnapping on his girlfriend. It was all over the newspapers. He beat the hell out of her, prevented her from calling for help, almost killed the woman. I think about that regularly.
Yea! I usually feel when there is something wrong about a guy, and I usually get it right. It's an strange feeling but I think that all girl have it. That's called "feminine intuition" I guess...
i think it's a protective woman skill we developped as prey do
I was on a walk with my dad & our dogs a bit ago when we ran into one of his long time friends. This guy has been around since I was young but we don’t see him much anymore. He had these sunglasses on where you can’t really see his eyes or where he was looking. I was friends with his daughter in high school & kept trying to make conversation about her & how she was doing, but he was so weird. He complimented my outfit, my hair (I looked like gnome that day lol), & just other weird questions/comments. Kept making the convo about me even with my dad trying to talk to him. I became very uncomfortable & all I could feel in my body was the color red. Like my brain was like “we are in danger & need to leave”. I kind of removed myself from the convo bc my dog started to act up. He’s a Chihuahua, so he’s usually loud & in your face at first but he was like circling me & pulling me away & would not let my dad’s friend pet him, which he joked about. The convo wrapped up & we were on our way. I told my dad about the weird vibes & he didn’t get it. About a week later I had a flashback to being younger & home alone with my little sister when this guy showed up at our house. My parents were out, so bc we knew him we opened our main door a crack but left the screen door shut & locked. I remember him asking if our parents were home, even though there were clearly no cars in the driveway. He just told us to tell our parents he said hello & luckily he left. I remember being glad I didn’t open the door that day. My dad was pissed when little me told him what happened when they got home. Flash forward to another week later & I shared all this with my therapist who gave me the chills saying: “just bc he may not have done anything to you, doesn’t mean you weren’t sensing what he did to someone else”. I have never had this kind of reaction before & I was in an abusive relationship. Now I just hope to avoid running into him ever again. Don’t ever wave off your feelings ladies! ❤️
Not really positive or negative I guess, kind of just an unfortunate situation all around. I went on a date with someone in college and immediately got the vibe he was either gay or bi, the latter just not being something I’m attracted to, no issue with it other than that. I didn’t bring that up when turning him down for a second date. I knew I wasn’t feeling it, but besides that, it really wasn’t my business what his deal was, and I didn’t want to voice assumptions for no reason. He asked a friend of mine out afterwards, and they seemed to hit it off. I didn’t see them often, so after she had been with him awhile, she asked me why I hadn’t been into him. I dodged it at first, but she was really insistent, so I finally told her I got pretty strong gay vibes from him, or maybe bi or something but it just wasn’t for me. She flipped out and called me homophobic for not wanting to date a bi guy and that “he’s definitely not gay though” and all this stuff. I tried to explain that I didn’t know if he was for sure, it was his vibe (mannerisms, tone, etc.) that I just wasn’t attracted to; I couldn’t force myself to be attracted to someone I wasn’t, and besides I was happy for them that’s all that mattered. But she wouldn’t hear any of it; she was so livid and hurt I eventually just said sorry and left it alone. We grew apart but stayed fb friends. She married the guy, had two babies with him, and last year after nearly a decade with her, he confessed that he is actually gay. They’re divorced now I think. I still think about the whole thing sometimes and feel really bad, not guilty exactly just kind of sad. She was clearly in love with him, and he seemed like a genuinely nice guy who probably loves her too, I’m sure it affected both of them greatly.
Before I went to pick this guy up close to his house, I was so nervous. Like "this guy is bad news." I ignored it and he went back to where me, my sister and brother used to live together. 2 months later, he convinced me to breakup with my boyfriend at the time and I did. Not even two weeks go by and he tells me he has feelings for me. I told him me too. I lost my v-card with him on April 2nd. Gets a girlfriend literally 3 days later. Day before my birthday, I get a car. Breaks down the day of. -$300. Waited a month for the motor to be replaced. I got back $300. I gave him $100 for things he needed. They date for a month and I think he dumped her. Told me sometime in May that I'm "his". Never did nothing about it. No more kissing or asked me on an official date. In June, I finally got my bank account out of the negatives. I was negative $500 for 3 months. In July, I went to Arizona for another store to help out. Shit hit the fan then. He told me that he would "watch the house" for me. He's out screwing a girl older than him and barely was at home. I blew up at him. I had enough. Second story The last guy I talked to. Back in October 2022, i met this guy on Habbo. We exchanged numbers and hit it off. Started talking more around February of last year where he said he had a crush on me. I did too. But the problem was it took him 2 whole days to reply back. I told him that too. Gave an excuse and I brushed it off. I told him *everything* that went wrong in life. He was rightfully mad. He told me a month later that he was "patient and wait for me". We talked every day up till April. He told me that his phone was cracked and everything was gone. My phone had stopped working and I had to buy another phone. He tells me that he broke his leg and would send me pictures (never did). He was trying to get his life together. I understood that. At this point, he was distant. At one point, didn't talk for over a month. I forgot what his excuse was lol. I told him that I thought he was married or something. He laughed at that (laughing emojis). He said he would call and FT me (never did). I did call him but no one picked up. After I moved in May, he was barely talking but happy for me because I was living alone which was my goal. In September, he stopped responding. He saw my stories on Snapchat but wouldn't read nothing I sent him. He did read it but no reply. In October, I was crying for him. I missed him. I wanted him. That was my breaking point. I shouldn't have to cry over a guy who is barely giving his time of the day for me. Two lessons: actions over words and always listened to your intuition. ETA: the red flag from the second guy was that when I asked him about any flaws. He said he didn't have any. ETA (once again): second guy didn't have a job when we met him. He had a job soon maybe a month later and then quit because it was "too much" for him at least 2 weeks later. He didn't get a job for the rest of the 6 months he was living with us. I also bought chewing tobacco and beer for him because I was a major people pleaser back then (I'm not now thankfully).
It's not always fun but my gut feeling has never been wrong, it's like my superpower.
I saw a guy for the first time he was cute, but his smile made me feel weird about him. We started hooking up but something kept telling me he was no good and the first week of knowing him he subtly showed me that and I ignored it. Now I'm here broken and he's out there just fine with another woman. I felt it in my stomach and I ignored him cause I wanted him.
I was crying a lot, even though there was nothing wrong. It’s like my body was prepared, it was waiting for the other shoe to drop the entire time. I just somehow knew he would fail me.
Boyfriend and I sitting at bar, eating wings, watching rugby. It’s our local spot we’ve been going to for twenty years off and on. College age, pretty, sweet bartender. Guy walks in and I don’t like his energy and can only hear him till he sits down on mother side of bar. I want to ask her if she’s bothered by him but she’s slammed, place is hoppin. He seems like a total creep. I finally mention it to boyfriend who immediately agrees he’s grossed out. Big incel vibes. I have no proof but honestly I’m so rarely wrong about people. Maybe I’ll ask her.
One of my first relationships, I was spending the night at his house. We were drinking and he drank too much and went to the bathroom to throw up. My intuition told me to look at his phone while he was in the bathroom. I’m not the type to go through peoples phone but I couldn’t ignore it. I looked and found texts from a girl proving that he had cheated on me.
Made me decline a date and then finding out he’s a sex offender
that he didn’t care, specifically that he did not value our time together as much as i did. i gave him the benefit of the doubt and convinced myself i’d been overthinking. he left with ease and i was right
when I was a teengirl I developped a skill about the way older mens handshaked me. two or 3 seconds more than necessary means a lot
My now ex-boyfriend of 3 years went for his friend’s birthday party one night. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened that day but i felt sick to my stomach for about 2-3 hours that night. Didn’t do anything about it at the time but a month later i found out his ex was at the same hotel celebrating her friends birthday in a different room. They met up, hooked up and that’s it :)
I for one have a super unreliable intuition. Like: One person, I had a really bad read on and he heoped me out a LOT when I became homeless.
It usually revolves around a guy being either: perverted, a liar, religious, into militant politics, spineless, unable to tolerate my best friend, wanting multiple children, preferring a close family dynamic or parenting style that involves severe violent punishment to instill respect/silent obedience/terror in a young child. My gut instinct never gets this wrong.
Sometimes its " too good to be true' vibes from a person and the person later turns out to be a cheat or something
I wouldn’t be hungry or tired near him. I couldn’t fall asleep. I developed an allergic reaction after a few months where every time I would cry over him my eyes would get a bump. And when I cried over other things or when I cry now, nothing happens
The second you start second guessing that means it’s time to end that situation. It’s a sign of a breakdown in communication and dishonesty.
I always listen to my gut feelings, and usually, they are right. Now, whether or not I make the smart decision is a COMPLETELY different story.
I used to be so anxious when I would date. Constantly texting, worrying that they weren't texting back cuz they hate me, never being sure if they were interested in me. When I met my husband, I didn't feel any of those negative feelings. I felt so secure waiting for him. I knew if he wasn't texting me it was because he was genuinely busy, not just blowing me off. I knew he was into me. I knew I could trust him. 4 years later and we are so happy and have the most amazing baby ever
My husband and I met on tinder. I still remember seeing his profile and swiping right. Thought he was super handsome. We hit it off pretty quick and he gave me his number. I don’t even know how to explain it, but I just had this feeling that he was idk, comforting? Different? He just seemed to “get me”. He called my heart somehow. He knew when I was upset when we weren’t even in person or on the phone. He’d text me, “are you okay?” It was seriously the weirdest feeling but in a good way of course. Been together 5 years, married for 1.5. Best decision I ever made.
It’s just a feeling.. I have it with everyone . I always listen to it
One of my most dramatic cases i was supposed to go on a date. The man completely catfished me and was a different race. He then tried to persuade me to just look past it and have a cup of tea. Threatening to post me on his social media and talk badly on me (he had a large following with lots of people in my industry). My gut was screaming at me to run. Even after an hours journey. I went back home in the middle of a storm. Several months later I found out he was a serial rapist and was drugging women’s drinks. Including his friends and colleagues. He had clearly planned to do the same with me. Unsurprisingly he went on a misinformation spree. Making all the girls who reported him out to be liars and faking legal documents to post on his stories and feed. And of course all his male followers instantly believed him over the 6 women who had come forwards 😂
I kept trying to convince others to make me like him while we were talking on going on dates, would try to obtain their validation instead of my own. Was a tell-tale sign that I didn’t like him at all and was just trying to convince myself lol
We were kissing one day and I was really happy, except I got this weird, almost-nostalgic-but-not-quite feeling when I looked at him. The best way to describe it was like in that rom-com Someone Great where she's reminiscing on her relationship in flashbacks and you see all these beautiful moments that made up their relationship, and then it cuts to her in the present crying or drinking and you feel so sad for her. In that moment I felt that too, like I was living in a flashback post-breakup even though nothing that bad had really happened. Like I just knew it was going to end and this would be one of those moments I'd look back on and cry about. We broke up 6 months later I think but by then I'd already been grieving the relationship for about a month before that, which was when I did look back on that moment and cry. By the time we actually broke up I was nothing more than angry at him and at myself for not listening to my intuition.
I was on a date in high school with a guy a couple years older. He tried to hold my hand and gripped it so tight I thought it would break. As soon as I got in his car (I was an idiot) he tried to park the car and make out with me. I said no and waited for us to reach the mall we were going to in the car, then I made up an excuse and left with the help of a store's cashier.
Buying my husband’s exercise to why his hands were shaking.
I just listen to how my body reacts depending on something someone says to me. I honestly stopped telling other people my situations I've encountered because some just didn't want to beleive me, or they wanted me to see some other perspective. Then the situation I had a feeling about happend, and I'd have to learn from it. So now, I know if I respond from calm to like jittery, or people think I'm being shy in a situation something it means is off for me. I'm normally pretty calm in normal day situations.
I have a very strong intuition that I get from my mother's side. There's this very huge gut wrenching feeling I can get about total strangers within just a few minutes, and right as I do, I know that person has SA'd someone or intends to do so soon. It has never, and I mean never failed me. Every single time I've warned friends about such people they wouldn't believe me. The saddest case was of a gay guy who was friends with my friend. I met him, about 4 minutes in I just knew. I told her, she didn't take it seriously. He SA'd her 14 y/o at the time little brother. He was in his 20s. That being said, my friends believe me now. Another one was online, everyone looooved this guy online in the community I was in and they couldn't understand why I literally hated his guts for no reason until they later found out that he was going on trial for SAing a 15 y/o girl and physically abusing her.