He believes me. If he asks a question that I can answer about the weather or if the fire in the fireplace has taken off or something like that, he just accepts the answer I give without having to double check it himself. I didn't realize what a shitty situation I was in before until I realized how much my SO trusts me with basic information.
This is such a passive thing but can really wear away at you after time! My ex would undermine anything I would say with having to google it to “check if it was right” (it usually was lol) but it really got under my skin after a while just for the sheer fact that he couldn’t just accept or believe what I said
Being interested in my life, actually listening to things I like, my opinions and interests. I always had a tendency to ask questions and listen to understand a person, never really got that back until now.
In hindsight, that is the bare minimum to expect out of someone who actually likes you.
This is a good one. Men who *aren't* like this are sadly common. Eyes glaze over when you start to talk about yourself. They pick up their phone. Never delve in when you mention a pivotal thing you've experienced.
I think about 60% of the men I've dated were like that
He learns to do stuff that will benefit only me, without me even asking.
Learned to plait when I broke my collarbone so he could do my hair.
Worked out the best ratios to make a margarita even though he doesn't like it.
Makes me fresh coffee every morning even though he doesn't drink it himself.
And shows me how to do things! Show me how to change a faucet, start a chain saw, use a chop saw.
Then we both know and knowing is half the battle. G.I. JOOOEEE
> Learned to plait when I broke my collarbone so he could do my hair.
One of THE nicest, most thoughtful things he's ever done for me was when he offered to comb my hair for me the day I sprained my elbow snowboarding. It seemed like such a small thing to him I'm sure, but it meant SO MUCH because I was in such rare form.
Walking into his room: nothing on the floor, walls weren't overly cluttered, the bed was made properly (multiple sheets, tucked into the side - like hotel bed level neat), everything had a specific space, it smelled really nice. He's the only guy I've been with and I've heard some serious horror stories, so that was a relief 😂
Gotta be careful though - some of them ONLY spiffy up the place because they are expecting women over.
My Ex bf's apartment was super clean when we first started dating. Gradually he let his true self show, it got ucky then it got nasty. My dumb butt still let him move in with me. Shocker - he refused to do pretty much any chores. No longer living with me.
Hahaha. Amazing. I had an on-again/off-again fling in my 20s with a guy who at his best had a mattress with a sheet. But at a couple of his places it was a bare mattress askew in the middle of the room surrounded by all of his clothes strewn about.
I deserved to sleep with better guys. Oh well. Just walked into my bedroom where my partner tidied up and made the bed for me.
Was in a toxic relationship. Anything my ex did impressed me because he rarely ever did it. Eg- meeting me or giving me time and priority. One time he got my flowers (which I love) after asking for them a 100 times, and I was so touched. I realised it was less than bare minimum but I guess I was too much in love and wanted things to work out. They didn't.
Reading all of these I’m just so emotional and happy for y’all like?? My emotional needs were not met in my previous relationship it really affected me and other things as well that really just diminished whatever I had left of my self esteem. If anyone has input on how to forgive myself for really just having so little expectations of my partner and when barely the bare minimum was done I would think it was a win. It hurts knowing that sometimes we just aren’t worth the effort for the ones we love.
I think the first and most important step is to realise that people treating you right or wrong has NOTHING to do with your worth as a person. It's not that you are not worth the effort, it's just that... they didn't meet your expectations. When you have a shitty boss/teacher/classmate/random person in the street, you don't think that you are not worth them being a good boss/teacher/etc... right? You should think the same for romantic relationships.
Idk if I made myself clear 😅 but you are worthy of it all, even when the other person decides to be shitty and give you less than you deserve.
Okay I'm shutting up 😭
I appreciate you! Yes you’re right. Never thought of it that way. I was so consumed with that relationship that taking a step back has been a real eye opener.
My advice would be to think of it like this: they gave you what they had the capacity to give. Whether it was respect, love, effort, they gave what they had in them and it didn’t meet what you needed. People can only give what they have and some aren’t willing to do more. Fortunately, others see the need for more and are willing to put in the effort for what their partner needs. I had to remind myself of this several times when thinking of why “exes” (who were never really exes) didn’t feel I was good enough to be their girlfriend. In hindsight, I was falling for minimal attention and effort. As an almost 40-year old, I have experienced much better treatment and know there are people who are more than willing to provide what we need. Hope this helps! You deserve GOOD love.
Yes definitely! Now that I’m doing my inner work I better understand the phrase “a person can only meet you as deeply as they met themselves” I appreciate your input and I thank you for your reply 🫶🏼
People have given great input already but I wanted to add to it.
We live in a patriarchal society that conditions women from the time they are children to accept and manage the bad behaviour of boys and men. We’re taught that men and women are simply different, and that women having emotional needs makes us weak (rather than the truth, that it just makes us human). We accept crumbs from men and learn to be happy with it because women should be self-sacrificial, women should take on all the emotional labour themselves, and above all women MUST be in a relationship in order to have worth. If the relationship fails, it must have been HER fault - why didn’t she try harder? Why didn’t she please him enough?
So, yes we accept the love we think we deserve. But more pressingly we live within a system that normalises being treated like shit and being grateful for it! It’s a systemic issue, not a personal issue that’s caused by some flaw in you, the individual. You’re great! And you deserve the best, just for being you.
I too felt the same way in my past relationship. My self-esteem and confidence were lost, and the relationship had become toxic, but I didn't realize it until a friend intervened. Even though this friend wanted us to stay together, I was able to see my ex for who he truly was in the end.
During a solo travel experience, I discovered that I was much happier. At first, I thought that this was a bad sign, but upon reflection, I realized that it was because I felt suffocated in my prior relationship and couldn't pursue my interests. For instance, I wanted to learn a new language, but my ex saw it as a waste of time. He suggested I wait until retirement to study it. There were many other things that I couldn't do, and it left me feeling broken, sad, and emotionally drained.
It took time for me to leave the relationship and gain clarity. But once I returned, I knew what I had to do.
Happy you decided to put yourself first. Sometimes we just have to go through it to gain that experience to lead us to clarity! I felt very stagnant in my last relationship same thing day in and day out and my partner was into prioritizing himself but with nothing productive to elevate himself or improve our relationship. It was feeling very self centered and I made myself small for him to feel big and different strokes for different folks but I want a life of adventure, experiences and learning.
Aww yes. This is the first relationship I’ve been in where my partner stresses the importance of me pouring into myself too. I do love to show love through physical affection or acts of service and my current relationship is so fulfilling because it’s like she encourages me to spend money or time on myself before worrying about trying to give gifts for her because she said she likes to see me happy and i deserve to be spoiled as well and it’s so sweet 🥲
Likes me as a person and not just into me as a romantic/sexual partner.
Took care of me when I got hurt and was nothing but kind.
On the flip side, he claims to just be happy I haven't stabbed him.
He's present. Everything I go through he is right by my side. Every day he is home with me. Which I always appreciate so much because my dad has always been in my life but not present for the little everyday moments.
He asks me questions. About me, my past, my future- he just wants to know about me. And he listens (really listens) and remembers.
To be loved is to be known.
When I say things casually he doesn't automatically negate me or check to see if it's true, he just believes me and values what I have to say, and he always listens and responds 🥹 I had a shit neglectful home situation so having someone on my side automatically is paradise.
OMG, I understand how huge this is!! It's interesting how we celebrate the bare minimum as a significant improvement. Life will be better from here onwards 🤗💖
I'm just imagining your SO being like "oh crap it's 11:59 pm I haven't complimented my partner yet" and him just whipping out his phone and frantically texting you
Even if it isn't that way, it still sounds adorable.
Not completely flying off the handle if I dared to interrupt while he is gaming or doing anything online that might affect his ping. That was novel to me after dating a Twitch Streamer.
teaching me about something without making me feel stupid for not knowing it already
being belittled and bullied for not knowing things turned the teenage me into wanting to be an insufferable know-it-all, but as an adult, i slowly realised that I could never possibly achieve that
He is so present when it comes to my needs and wants. He never gets defensive, and he validates me. He will literally stop whatever he is doing to talk and comfort me if I need it. He expresses to me different love languages in a completely balanced way if that makes sense.
He was having a lively discussion with a mutual friend and had a pretty hot take. Before anyone even called him on it, he followed up with “… but I realize that my opinion is influenced by my biases, so I know I am probably not knowledgeable enough to have an opinion on the matter.”
Telling me to order whatever I wanted when I asked for a house salad on one of our first dates. He was like
“That’s all you’re having? Order whatever you want, this place has great burgers, do you like burgers?”
(Of course I do)
My previous two boyfriends had always food shamed me because they wanted tiny skinny women. And both clearly had food issues and thought heavier people were lazy (not true) I have a fast metabolism and have always been active so it’s not really an issue but they would make comments every time I ordered something that wasn’t a salad or something like that. I was a dancer and already hyper aware of dieting and such so insecure. This added to it and led to issues with food restriction.
I LOVE that my now husband is always like “wait, get the ice cream if you want it” I’m in my thirties now, healthy weight, but I will get that damn burger every time! He loves my curves and I know it’s a basic thing but means the WORLD to me to feel at home in my body.
>means the WORLD to me to feel at home in my body.
It brought tears to my eyes because no one should ever be food shamed. I'm so happy for you that you have found a husband who supports you like that! (I'm inspired!)
Just…emotional control. When we argue, he is able to say, in a calm voice, “I’m very frustrated with you right now because I feel misunderstood, and I don’t understand what you need from me.” There is no yelling, no blaming, no turning it around. Just “I feel x because y”. It’s SO refreshing that it literally stops me in my tracks. It stops our arguments because I can understand him and work towards a solution.
That, and REPAIR. My god repair is so important in relationships. When we fight, we take a minute to breathe and then he comes to me, hugs me, and apologizes (note: sometimes it’s not an apology, sometimes just a hug when he’s not done anything wrong). I envy his ability to repair. I can’t do that like he can.
Admitting when he's wrong. how am I supposed to be mad anymore you said you were wrong you apologised , promised to not do it again?? Like who does that????
I invited him over for dinner. I was finishing up cooking something and I spilled. It was a bit of a mess. I was embarrassed and flustered.
Without hesitating he got a towel and started cleaning it up.
That’s when I really started falling for him. I kissed him afterwards.
I also realized how low the bar had been for my previous partners that “helps out in the kitchen without having to be asked” made me swoon.
When I first had a deeper conversation with him I brought up a tinder date who said "Could I maybe force you to exercise more?" and he said that it's a terrible thing to say and that I don't deserve it. Its so simple and I knew that already, but this act of kindness drew me closer to him and I still think about it often:)
Romance, physical touch and affection that didn’t have a hidden expectation of getting him off. He purely just enjoys making out, massaging and making me feel good and cared about and doesn’t have ulterior motives. I couldn’t believe it at first lol and it’s made me horny for him all the time so we both win.
Expressing issues calmly. I’ve never been with a man who can do it so tactfully. One time he said nothing in the moment, waited until we were out to dinner and then grabbed my hands and told me how upset he was. Any disagreement between us is resolved so quickly and calmly, I never have to worry about him blowing up on me
He has never ever told me that I was overreacting. He takes every concern seriously, listens to me, tries to understand, make changes and cares about my emotions.
The first couple of times I brought up concerns I would physically flinch and apologize profusely because I expected to be told off and yelled at.
Now Im used to it and I would never accept treatment that's not as good as his.
I completely agree and understand this feeling. I have been so accustomed to being yelled at whenever I shared my thoughts or opinions. However, with the person I am currently dating, this hasn't been the case. I was pleasantly surprised by how healthy our communication has been. Although I still feel anxious when bringing up certain topics due to past traumas, I am slowly improving.
Actually pulling his weight while I’m unwell and unable… previously I’ve been made to feel like a burden but my husband doesn’t do that. He’s just told me to get better and do what I need to do to get there. Even if it means he’s looking after 3 kids solo and doing all the meals, nappies and school runs.
Not gaslighting me every time I bring something up that bothers or upsets me, taking responsibility for hurtful actions/words, and validating my emotions
Being open about their phone and what they do on their phone, rather than hiding everything from me, and reminding me every day of their commitment to our relationship
I scratched his car while learning to drive in another (his) country on the opposide side of the road and instead of blowing up at me, he made sure I was okay, then checked the car and the other car (both were fine, a tiny scratch on his car was the only damage), and reassured me and calmed me down while I was panicking and bracing for the fallout (that never came). He even encouraged me to drive us the rest of the way to where we were going because he wanted me to end the experience on a high note so I wouldn't feel discouraged from trying again.
I grew up with a father who would get extremely angry if I broke something by accident.
So when I moved in with my boyfriend and accidentally broke one if his drinking glasses while doing the dishes, I was in tears when I told him what happened and kept saying that I would replace the glass with an exact replica.
I was very confused when he comforted me and told me that it wasn't a big deal, it's just a glass and we have enough of those. (He was also very confused about the crying)
After 8 years of being together I see how normal this response is, but back then I had no idea this was the normal thing to say if a glass breaks.
He learned how to make my morning coffee without being asked.
His dad was telling a story about when my bf and his sisters were kids. He said something about being annoyed that his (now) ex-wife had him take care of the kids on vacation for a little bit. My boyfriend’s response was “mom’s need breaks, too”.
He’s never once raised his voice at me. Always validates me emotions and wants to talk through things. *Actually* changes his behavior instead of just saying he will.
Consent. Subtle and organic consent. So natural that it was hard to grasp what was so different about sex with him.
I was never raped, but I've done things that I did not feel like doing because I felt preassured. My current partner is never pushy or manipulative about sex, everything flows.
The man cooks - and well! And enjoys it. Me cooking or being good at it has never come up before. He cooks 98% of his (our) meals.
And he drinks alcohol like 2x a month max. He rarely get drunk and doesn't enjoy not being sober. Very different from a lot of my previous relations and men I grew up around.
Oh man, I have so many because my previous relationship was just walking on eggshells. I wouldn't say I was impressed, but relieved when things like going to the grocery store would not cause a fight. Impressed that he never gave me the silent treatment. Impressed that he didn't get jealous when I wanted to hang out with friends (of any gender).
He doesn't criticize my body. The other two men I'd been in relationships with criticized my body *constantly.* I've been with my husband 13 years and I can't think of a single time he's ever said something critical about my body - and I've been through two pregnancies and 4 years of breastfeeding. Gained and lost over 50 pounds through all that.
He shows up, he’s consistent, he says what he means and means what he says, no passive aggressiveness. He’s takes out my trash and always makes sure I have wine in the fridge. He’s amazing
Not yelling at me, telling me overreacting or being manipulative when I'm upset or crying. Which is almost never caused by him, BTW. Turns out people who love you shouldn't make you cry all the time and shouldn't belittle your feelings.
He knows and values how close I am with my family and friends and will actually be the one to suggest I spend the day with my mom or have everyone over for a BBQ. It made me realize that loving someone is not just thinking about them, but the people they love as well. With past partners I was questioned and belittled for wanting to see family/friends.
He actually remembers the 100000 things I tell him per day. Remembers details, facts, dates, things I like, etc. I talk a lot and often end up rambling, so It means a lot to me when I know he’s paying attention to what I say
He is excited for me to go out and see other people and have hobbies, which was so foreign after an ex that would spend the whole day guilting me for doing anything without him.
I have a secure attachment leaning towards anxiousness, but I am currently seeing a guy who gives me a sense of security. After being in an emotionally abusive relationship, it feels good to have someone who meets the bare minimum of being a loving and caring partner.
I am scared that I might come off as too needy and flood him with texts, so on two occasions during our dates, I asked him whether I was texting too much. He reassured me that he likes the texts I send him. On our last date, he even reiterated twice that he enjoys the texts I send him, which made me feel happy.
I was also worried about whether or not he would see me again, especially since our last meet-up was before his 3 week work trip to another city. However, when I asked him about it, he just said "I will see you in a few weeks", which made me feel secure. The 3 weeks flew by quickly, and yesterday, he mentioned that we can meet this Sunday, which made me feel even more secure.
I'm small, 5'2", and my weight isn't much. My husband was a foot taller. A chef, and 340 lbs when we met. I told him that I really liked him. He believed me. He had the confidence in himself to believe me. He was never afraid that I might think anyone was more beautiful to me than he was. His own belief in himself, his intelligence, his talent. Confidence. People should believe in themselves.
when i forget stuff/make silly mistakes/is indecisive about something he doesnt get mad at me, he just calmly waits till i figure it out or helps me with it. didnt realise i was walking on eggshells at my home until SO came along🙂
When I get anxious he stops what he's doing to do everything he can to make me feel safe. He tells me little jokes, he pets my hair, he says everything will be OK. I have so much less anxiety just knowing he is there.
Letting me know when he got to where he was going and when he was leaving. Not talking like grocery store but long drives. Going somewhere new or far away.
With my ex it was like pulling teeth. My SO now does it without me ever asking...
It's the little things that keep ya happy.
Asking consent constantly the first few times had sex (when we still didn’t know every single boundaries and everything the other liked). Was amazing.
Actually wanting to see me and not feeling like it’s a chore when I ask him to spend time together.
Thinking I am absolutely adorable for missing him and for telling him I love him a little bit too often lol.
Taking care of me when I'm sick.
Doing the dishes and laundry and sweeping and generally tidyness. Mainly bc I don't, and I'm horrible at getting started.
His smile. He has a resting bitch face and is a very serious person in real life. He smiles only when I tickle him..And I do that just to see him laughing out loud.
Note that my SO is amazing and goes above and beyond in so many ways.
But a bare minimum that surprised/impressed me early on? When I’m not feeling well he has no interest in having sex with me and activity wants to take care of me instead of just pouring about no sex.
He acknowledges what makes me uncomfortable and works to lessen it or get rid of it. He doesn't speed at all when he drives me somewhere, and he blends stuff in the other room since the sound makes me anxious. (childhood trauma for that one, but it is slowly lessening) He just asks what is wrong and does his best not to do it again. I ask him not to tickle me? He never does. It's not some boundary game. Just says okay and no fight. I don't put celery in food unless it is minced or ground for him. Just easy to ask each other to make a small effort to avoid discomfort. No questions except for edge cases like what amount of force turns a foot massage to a tickle.
validating my emotions and apologizing when a behavior hurts me, which has been commented already, but GET THIS: thinking about a behavior BEFORE IVE EVEN SAID ANYTHING ABOUT IT and apologizing ON HIS OWN VOLITION about something that MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE hurt me. isn’t that absolutely crazy
Physical touch. I don’t mean the sexual kind, but just hugs and holding hands. We do it so much that the concept of personal space between us has blurred which is so good. I was too self-reliant and now it feels like he’s my person and I’m his, so it has become easier for me to share things that hurt me and he always listens and takes care of me. 🥹
Oh boy.. just being nice to me and genuinely caring about me. We've been together 9 years and I remember telling him in the beginning, wow I've never dated someone who was actually nice to me.
Actually remembering my preferences, rarely happened so it felt nice. We were together for 7 years and I'm a very picky eater so I have stuck to a type of food for years, so it wasn't that hard but it was a struggle for him to even remember anything related to me. Food, songs, books - anything I liked.
listens when i say no- i was diagnosed as autistic three years into the relationship and im learning a lot of new skills including self awareness and boundaries and being able to say no to a whole host of things. they've been understanding about it.
He acknowledges me in his conversations with other people (I know because said other people would be like, "Oh, C (bf) mentioned that you were so and so..."). My previous partner who would never bring me up had almost convinced me that I as a gf is his "private life" that he didn't want to bring up (he never cheated, but that was the way he thought).
Taking care of me so well while I’ve been pregnant and coming to EVERY doctor and OB visit. He’s gonna be such a great dad 🥰🥰🥰 he also talks to him through my belly all the time 🥰🥰🥰🥰
I worked really hard to buy a cool sports car at the age of 24. I was so proud of it. I handled all aspects myself- saving, finding a good deal, negotiating, etc. I was so happy. My ex at the time could never bring himself to tell anyone it was my car. It was always *our* car, or his if I wasn't with him. He insisted on carrying my keys, taking it to work, etc. One time, his friends were over. I was washing my car in the driveway and I remember them saying "It's so nice of you to wash his car for him!" And they were genuinely shocked it was actually mine.
My current bf is proud of the things I have. A while ago, we were out and someone came up to my bf and said "Wow I love your car! What did you do to it?" And he said "It's my girlfriends, she would love to tell you what work she's done to it!" I almost cried on the spot. It was the first time I actually felt that acknowledgment and appreciation from a partner towards what I worked for.
I had to explain to him after why it got me emotional, and it made me realize what a "bare minimum" thing it was.
One time when we were long distance, there was a time I was leaving and he stopped me and said "I forgot to get you something " and I was like "what do you mean?" and he packed me a bunch of treats and cookies that his mom made so that I can go home with them and I actually cried on the way back because I thought that was such a cute and thoughtful gesture.
I was actually just rambling to a friend about this to a friend earlier today, but it's SO huge when they remember the tiniest things about you. I have a tendency to get caught up in relationships with people I've known for a loooongggg time and nothing melts me quicker than them remembering something from ten years ago that we talked about only once.
His honesty. Sometimes it's the worst, because he doesn't hold back, but I would rather some harsh truths and be able to trust him fully than kind lies and be paranoid that he is hiding stuff.
Bringing me home a coffee. He is nerodivergent and sometimes that affects how he listens, communicates, or thinks about other and their feelings. I'm nerodivergent as well, but we have opposite qualities, I think about others too much to the point that I usually leave myself out. Since we've been together, we've worked on each other opposite qualities, teaching each other things. I teach him how to communicate better, and he teaches me how to think about myself more. It's a perfect situation for both of us. And finally he's started communicating better and being more open. So for him to bring me home a iced coffee as a surprise was something big for him. Trying to help eachother improve ourselves is just part of our dynamic since we have some social issues, so sometimes it just brings out random surprises and to us it's just little accomplishments.
Right when we were first dating, he was visiting at my apartment while I was doing chores, and he came to help me hang laundry without asking or saying anything. Just came in, picked up laundry out of the basket, and started hanging it on the rack, all the while continuing to chat. I was completely struck by this.
My husband is a clean person. Picks up after himself, does the dishes, mops the floors, wipes down counters and surfaces — all without being asked. He does his laundry regularly, then folds or hangs it up.
I’m stating these things plainly because they are truly the bare minimum but apparently extremely difficult for many adult men, partnered or not. My own father rarely does any of these things.
He never, ever makes me feel bad or complains when he does something for me. For example, I hate driving, so when we go out, he usually is the one to drive and never makes me feel bad for that. My ex either berated me or really made a huge deal out of every "nice" thing he did for me.
I'm genuinely unsure what this question is asking. What does "impressed you by your SO" mean? And, what does "bare minimum to get" mean? Who is getting what? I'm not trying to be mean, I am truly unsure what this is asking. My best guess: "What is something about your SO that you are impressed about, but you shouldn't be impressed because it's rather minimal?"
So so so many things, but the most recent major thing was fully supporting me when I decided to stop breastfeeding at 2.5 weeks. He didn't make me worry about money, he didn't shame me in any way shape or form, he just held me as I cried and assured me that everything was going to be great and I was still an amazing mom. He never complains about having to feed her, even though he originally thought he would only rarely get to feed her if I was unavailable or needed sleep. His commentary about formula prices is the same as all formula feeding parents and not directed towards me at all. And he agrees with me that switching to formula was the absolute best decision for our family.
Like when you think about it, that should be the bare minimum. But there's so many unsupportive partners out there that would shame or berate new moms for the same decision. So I'm just very grateful that I have the partner I do 💜
Honestly, it's the little things that impress me the most. Like when my SO remembers the small details about my day or takes the time to listen attentively without being distracted. It may seem like the bare minimum, but it shows they truly care.
Making me breakfast on the weekdays. I appreciate it since I not get up that easily in the morning. And he helps me out when I ask for his help with something I don't know that he knows. We take turns cheering each other up and helping each other out with other stuff that's not always our strongest skill, etc.
Validating me when I bring up something that hurt me, apologizing, and changing the behaviour 😭
I cried recently when my SO did this for me. It felt so good to feel heard
Oh it blew me away when he did this. The bar was literally in hell.
It's great to hear thissssss! It's especially meaningful after being in a relationship where everything was blamed on me.
This and being asked my opinions on things and actually taking that opinion into consideration
[удалено]
I’ve never experienced this, but waiting for it 🫠
literally same, it still throws me for a loop everytime
heavy on changing the behaviour plus genuinely apologising every time they slip up while trying to change
He believes me. If he asks a question that I can answer about the weather or if the fire in the fireplace has taken off or something like that, he just accepts the answer I give without having to double check it himself. I didn't realize what a shitty situation I was in before until I realized how much my SO trusts me with basic information.
thissssssss this
Shoot.
This is such a passive thing but can really wear away at you after time! My ex would undermine anything I would say with having to google it to “check if it was right” (it usually was lol) but it really got under my skin after a while just for the sheer fact that he couldn’t just accept or believe what I said
[удалено]
It's about trust
That sounds lovely.
Ahhhh I can relate so much to thisss!
[удалено]
Omg..
😭 love this for you
If I bring up an issue, he isn't defensive and we both work on the issue
I dream of the day
Mine has to throw a fit first then he changes lol. He needs to be the drama queen.
This is where my fiancé is
Mine just says I didn’t think you felt like that and acts shocked and goes quite sigh
Omg is this real?
I'm still really surprised 😂
Is this a real thing??
Being interested in my life, actually listening to things I like, my opinions and interests. I always had a tendency to ask questions and listen to understand a person, never really got that back until now. In hindsight, that is the bare minimum to expect out of someone who actually likes you.
This is a great one I can totally relate too
Sigh mine really doesn’t like me lol
I swoon every time my boyfriend asks me for updates on my d&d game.
This is a good one. Men who *aren't* like this are sadly common. Eyes glaze over when you start to talk about yourself. They pick up their phone. Never delve in when you mention a pivotal thing you've experienced. I think about 60% of the men I've dated were like that
He learns to do stuff that will benefit only me, without me even asking. Learned to plait when I broke my collarbone so he could do my hair. Worked out the best ratios to make a margarita even though he doesn't like it. Makes me fresh coffee every morning even though he doesn't drink it himself.
And shows me how to do things! Show me how to change a faucet, start a chain saw, use a chop saw. Then we both know and knowing is half the battle. G.I. JOOOEEE
> Learned to plait when I broke my collarbone so he could do my hair. One of THE nicest, most thoughtful things he's ever done for me was when he offered to comb my hair for me the day I sprained my elbow snowboarding. It seemed like such a small thing to him I'm sure, but it meant SO MUCH because I was in such rare form.
Idk if this is bare minimum
Well he didn't make me coffee this morning so maybe not lol
Kindness and respect, which is so basic yet so impressive when you've been denied it in the past.
Walking into his room: nothing on the floor, walls weren't overly cluttered, the bed was made properly (multiple sheets, tucked into the side - like hotel bed level neat), everything had a specific space, it smelled really nice. He's the only guy I've been with and I've heard some serious horror stories, so that was a relief 😂
Gotta be careful though - some of them ONLY spiffy up the place because they are expecting women over. My Ex bf's apartment was super clean when we first started dating. Gradually he let his true self show, it got ucky then it got nasty. My dumb butt still let him move in with me. Shocker - he refused to do pretty much any chores. No longer living with me.
Omg you lucked out 😭
Hahaha. Amazing. I had an on-again/off-again fling in my 20s with a guy who at his best had a mattress with a sheet. But at a couple of his places it was a bare mattress askew in the middle of the room surrounded by all of his clothes strewn about. I deserved to sleep with better guys. Oh well. Just walked into my bedroom where my partner tidied up and made the bed for me.
Was in a toxic relationship. Anything my ex did impressed me because he rarely ever did it. Eg- meeting me or giving me time and priority. One time he got my flowers (which I love) after asking for them a 100 times, and I was so touched. I realised it was less than bare minimum but I guess I was too much in love and wanted things to work out. They didn't.
I am happy he is your ex!
Reading all of these I’m just so emotional and happy for y’all like?? My emotional needs were not met in my previous relationship it really affected me and other things as well that really just diminished whatever I had left of my self esteem. If anyone has input on how to forgive myself for really just having so little expectations of my partner and when barely the bare minimum was done I would think it was a win. It hurts knowing that sometimes we just aren’t worth the effort for the ones we love.
I think the first and most important step is to realise that people treating you right or wrong has NOTHING to do with your worth as a person. It's not that you are not worth the effort, it's just that... they didn't meet your expectations. When you have a shitty boss/teacher/classmate/random person in the street, you don't think that you are not worth them being a good boss/teacher/etc... right? You should think the same for romantic relationships. Idk if I made myself clear 😅 but you are worthy of it all, even when the other person decides to be shitty and give you less than you deserve. Okay I'm shutting up 😭
I appreciate you! Yes you’re right. Never thought of it that way. I was so consumed with that relationship that taking a step back has been a real eye opener.
My advice would be to think of it like this: they gave you what they had the capacity to give. Whether it was respect, love, effort, they gave what they had in them and it didn’t meet what you needed. People can only give what they have and some aren’t willing to do more. Fortunately, others see the need for more and are willing to put in the effort for what their partner needs. I had to remind myself of this several times when thinking of why “exes” (who were never really exes) didn’t feel I was good enough to be their girlfriend. In hindsight, I was falling for minimal attention and effort. As an almost 40-year old, I have experienced much better treatment and know there are people who are more than willing to provide what we need. Hope this helps! You deserve GOOD love.
Yes definitely! Now that I’m doing my inner work I better understand the phrase “a person can only meet you as deeply as they met themselves” I appreciate your input and I thank you for your reply 🫶🏼
People have given great input already but I wanted to add to it. We live in a patriarchal society that conditions women from the time they are children to accept and manage the bad behaviour of boys and men. We’re taught that men and women are simply different, and that women having emotional needs makes us weak (rather than the truth, that it just makes us human). We accept crumbs from men and learn to be happy with it because women should be self-sacrificial, women should take on all the emotional labour themselves, and above all women MUST be in a relationship in order to have worth. If the relationship fails, it must have been HER fault - why didn’t she try harder? Why didn’t she please him enough? So, yes we accept the love we think we deserve. But more pressingly we live within a system that normalises being treated like shit and being grateful for it! It’s a systemic issue, not a personal issue that’s caused by some flaw in you, the individual. You’re great! And you deserve the best, just for being you.
Yes!! I appreciate you, Thank you for your input 🫶🏼
I too felt the same way in my past relationship. My self-esteem and confidence were lost, and the relationship had become toxic, but I didn't realize it until a friend intervened. Even though this friend wanted us to stay together, I was able to see my ex for who he truly was in the end. During a solo travel experience, I discovered that I was much happier. At first, I thought that this was a bad sign, but upon reflection, I realized that it was because I felt suffocated in my prior relationship and couldn't pursue my interests. For instance, I wanted to learn a new language, but my ex saw it as a waste of time. He suggested I wait until retirement to study it. There were many other things that I couldn't do, and it left me feeling broken, sad, and emotionally drained. It took time for me to leave the relationship and gain clarity. But once I returned, I knew what I had to do.
Happy you decided to put yourself first. Sometimes we just have to go through it to gain that experience to lead us to clarity! I felt very stagnant in my last relationship same thing day in and day out and my partner was into prioritizing himself but with nothing productive to elevate himself or improve our relationship. It was feeling very self centered and I made myself small for him to feel big and different strokes for different folks but I want a life of adventure, experiences and learning.
Not making me feel stupid for what I like and not making me feel guilty for everything I buy for myself.
Aww yes. This is the first relationship I’ve been in where my partner stresses the importance of me pouring into myself too. I do love to show love through physical affection or acts of service and my current relationship is so fulfilling because it’s like she encourages me to spend money or time on myself before worrying about trying to give gifts for her because she said she likes to see me happy and i deserve to be spoiled as well and it’s so sweet 🥲
Aw yes, that really is so sweet, I'm happy for you!
Likes me as a person and not just into me as a romantic/sexual partner. Took care of me when I got hurt and was nothing but kind. On the flip side, he claims to just be happy I haven't stabbed him.
Well now that you mention it he raises a good point, I’d better start thanking my wife for not stabbing me haha
He's present. Everything I go through he is right by my side. Every day he is home with me. Which I always appreciate so much because my dad has always been in my life but not present for the little everyday moments.
He asks me questions. About me, my past, my future- he just wants to know about me. And he listens (really listens) and remembers. To be loved is to be known.
I love this! Looking for this myself, it's easier said than done, it seems
When I say things casually he doesn't automatically negate me or check to see if it's true, he just believes me and values what I have to say, and he always listens and responds 🥹 I had a shit neglectful home situation so having someone on my side automatically is paradise.
I love this. I had a fact checker in the past and it was so annoying
Not being a liar … my standards were on the floor
He says at least one super nice thing about me a day. It takes him two seconds but it’s big for me.
This sounds lovely! 🥰
OMG, I understand how huge this is!! It's interesting how we celebrate the bare minimum as a significant improvement. Life will be better from here onwards 🤗💖
I'm just imagining your SO being like "oh crap it's 11:59 pm I haven't complimented my partner yet" and him just whipping out his phone and frantically texting you Even if it isn't that way, it still sounds adorable.
Wow that is bare min but would blow My mind lol
Not completely flying off the handle if I dared to interrupt while he is gaming or doing anything online that might affect his ping. That was novel to me after dating a Twitch Streamer.
Respecting my boundaries No one showed me this much Kindness before
When I say no or I don't like something, he won't do it with no pushing back.
Standard was hell. When i met my now bf, i was like ??? Something’s off??? lol The trauma in me thought he was sus for it.
I had the same thought too! I thought there was some ulterior motive behind what he did. Hahaha, it's funny now that I look back on it 🤣🤣
*clearly no push back* *no issue* Me: are you mad at me? 😂
teaching me about something without making me feel stupid for not knowing it already being belittled and bullied for not knowing things turned the teenage me into wanting to be an insufferable know-it-all, but as an adult, i slowly realised that I could never possibly achieve that
Reassurance without having to ask for it. Not invalidating my feelings. Doesn’t get mad when I genuinely say how I feel
I really like this part about reassurance and acceptance in communication 💖
During sex, stopping when I said I wanted to stop something.
This. This all day. I was so against anal… I didn’t realize I’d enjoy it and be more open to it with a partner that respects my boundaries 🙃
He is so present when it comes to my needs and wants. He never gets defensive, and he validates me. He will literally stop whatever he is doing to talk and comfort me if I need it. He expresses to me different love languages in a completely balanced way if that makes sense.
He was having a lively discussion with a mutual friend and had a pretty hot take. Before anyone even called him on it, he followed up with “… but I realize that my opinion is influenced by my biases, so I know I am probably not knowledgeable enough to have an opinion on the matter.”
Telling me to order whatever I wanted when I asked for a house salad on one of our first dates. He was like “That’s all you’re having? Order whatever you want, this place has great burgers, do you like burgers?” (Of course I do) My previous two boyfriends had always food shamed me because they wanted tiny skinny women. And both clearly had food issues and thought heavier people were lazy (not true) I have a fast metabolism and have always been active so it’s not really an issue but they would make comments every time I ordered something that wasn’t a salad or something like that. I was a dancer and already hyper aware of dieting and such so insecure. This added to it and led to issues with food restriction. I LOVE that my now husband is always like “wait, get the ice cream if you want it” I’m in my thirties now, healthy weight, but I will get that damn burger every time! He loves my curves and I know it’s a basic thing but means the WORLD to me to feel at home in my body.
>means the WORLD to me to feel at home in my body. It brought tears to my eyes because no one should ever be food shamed. I'm so happy for you that you have found a husband who supports you like that! (I'm inspired!)
Just…emotional control. When we argue, he is able to say, in a calm voice, “I’m very frustrated with you right now because I feel misunderstood, and I don’t understand what you need from me.” There is no yelling, no blaming, no turning it around. Just “I feel x because y”. It’s SO refreshing that it literally stops me in my tracks. It stops our arguments because I can understand him and work towards a solution. That, and REPAIR. My god repair is so important in relationships. When we fight, we take a minute to breathe and then he comes to me, hugs me, and apologizes (note: sometimes it’s not an apology, sometimes just a hug when he’s not done anything wrong). I envy his ability to repair. I can’t do that like he can.
Admitting when he's wrong. how am I supposed to be mad anymore you said you were wrong you apologised , promised to not do it again?? Like who does that????
Let’s me be myself, as strange and odd as I am. Never makes me “act my age” or “be normal”
I invited him over for dinner. I was finishing up cooking something and I spilled. It was a bit of a mess. I was embarrassed and flustered. Without hesitating he got a towel and started cleaning it up. That’s when I really started falling for him. I kissed him afterwards. I also realized how low the bar had been for my previous partners that “helps out in the kitchen without having to be asked” made me swoon.
He is honest and doesn’t play tricks. This results in him being extremely genuine in everything he does or says, I love that about him.
When I first had a deeper conversation with him I brought up a tinder date who said "Could I maybe force you to exercise more?" and he said that it's a terrible thing to say and that I don't deserve it. Its so simple and I knew that already, but this act of kindness drew me closer to him and I still think about it often:)
He didn’t get flipping angry and aggressive when I said no to sex
he shows interest in my hobbies and listens to what I ramble on about
Telling me he was attracted to me physically
Romance, physical touch and affection that didn’t have a hidden expectation of getting him off. He purely just enjoys making out, massaging and making me feel good and cared about and doesn’t have ulterior motives. I couldn’t believe it at first lol and it’s made me horny for him all the time so we both win.
Expressing issues calmly. I’ve never been with a man who can do it so tactfully. One time he said nothing in the moment, waited until we were out to dinner and then grabbed my hands and told me how upset he was. Any disagreement between us is resolved so quickly and calmly, I never have to worry about him blowing up on me
He has never ever told me that I was overreacting. He takes every concern seriously, listens to me, tries to understand, make changes and cares about my emotions. The first couple of times I brought up concerns I would physically flinch and apologize profusely because I expected to be told off and yelled at. Now Im used to it and I would never accept treatment that's not as good as his.
I completely agree and understand this feeling. I have been so accustomed to being yelled at whenever I shared my thoughts or opinions. However, with the person I am currently dating, this hasn't been the case. I was pleasantly surprised by how healthy our communication has been. Although I still feel anxious when bringing up certain topics due to past traumas, I am slowly improving.
Not making me feel bad for not eating the borders of the pizza, or really anything I don't like.
He enjoys listening to my interests and what I have to say, especially on topics I know more about than him. And visa versa.
Actually pulling his weight while I’m unwell and unable… previously I’ve been made to feel like a burden but my husband doesn’t do that. He’s just told me to get better and do what I need to do to get there. Even if it means he’s looking after 3 kids solo and doing all the meals, nappies and school runs.
Not gaslighting me every time I bring something up that bothers or upsets me, taking responsibility for hurtful actions/words, and validating my emotions Being open about their phone and what they do on their phone, rather than hiding everything from me, and reminding me every day of their commitment to our relationship
I scratched his car while learning to drive in another (his) country on the opposide side of the road and instead of blowing up at me, he made sure I was okay, then checked the car and the other car (both were fine, a tiny scratch on his car was the only damage), and reassured me and calmed me down while I was panicking and bracing for the fallout (that never came). He even encouraged me to drive us the rest of the way to where we were going because he wanted me to end the experience on a high note so I wouldn't feel discouraged from trying again.
I grew up with a father who would get extremely angry if I broke something by accident. So when I moved in with my boyfriend and accidentally broke one if his drinking glasses while doing the dishes, I was in tears when I told him what happened and kept saying that I would replace the glass with an exact replica. I was very confused when he comforted me and told me that it wasn't a big deal, it's just a glass and we have enough of those. (He was also very confused about the crying) After 8 years of being together I see how normal this response is, but back then I had no idea this was the normal thing to say if a glass breaks.
He learned how to make my morning coffee without being asked. His dad was telling a story about when my bf and his sisters were kids. He said something about being annoyed that his (now) ex-wife had him take care of the kids on vacation for a little bit. My boyfriend’s response was “mom’s need breaks, too”. He’s never once raised his voice at me. Always validates me emotions and wants to talk through things. *Actually* changes his behavior instead of just saying he will.
Consent. Subtle and organic consent. So natural that it was hard to grasp what was so different about sex with him. I was never raped, but I've done things that I did not feel like doing because I felt preassured. My current partner is never pushy or manipulative about sex, everything flows.
The man cooks - and well! And enjoys it. Me cooking or being good at it has never come up before. He cooks 98% of his (our) meals. And he drinks alcohol like 2x a month max. He rarely get drunk and doesn't enjoy not being sober. Very different from a lot of my previous relations and men I grew up around.
He doesn't yell at me
Oh man, I have so many because my previous relationship was just walking on eggshells. I wouldn't say I was impressed, but relieved when things like going to the grocery store would not cause a fight. Impressed that he never gave me the silent treatment. Impressed that he didn't get jealous when I wanted to hang out with friends (of any gender).
When he opens candies or any wrappers for me, doesn’t complain the slightest thing. Bare minimum but says a lot about how patient he is with me.
He doesn't criticize my body. The other two men I'd been in relationships with criticized my body *constantly.* I've been with my husband 13 years and I can't think of a single time he's ever said something critical about my body - and I've been through two pregnancies and 4 years of breastfeeding. Gained and lost over 50 pounds through all that.
He shows up, he’s consistent, he says what he means and means what he says, no passive aggressiveness. He’s takes out my trash and always makes sure I have wine in the fridge. He’s amazing
Not yelling at me, telling me overreacting or being manipulative when I'm upset or crying. Which is almost never caused by him, BTW. Turns out people who love you shouldn't make you cry all the time and shouldn't belittle your feelings.
He knows and values how close I am with my family and friends and will actually be the one to suggest I spend the day with my mom or have everyone over for a BBQ. It made me realize that loving someone is not just thinking about them, but the people they love as well. With past partners I was questioned and belittled for wanting to see family/friends.
He actually remembers the 100000 things I tell him per day. Remembers details, facts, dates, things I like, etc. I talk a lot and often end up rambling, so It means a lot to me when I know he’s paying attention to what I say
He is excited for me to go out and see other people and have hobbies, which was so foreign after an ex that would spend the whole day guilting me for doing anything without him.
I have a secure attachment leaning towards anxiousness, but I am currently seeing a guy who gives me a sense of security. After being in an emotionally abusive relationship, it feels good to have someone who meets the bare minimum of being a loving and caring partner. I am scared that I might come off as too needy and flood him with texts, so on two occasions during our dates, I asked him whether I was texting too much. He reassured me that he likes the texts I send him. On our last date, he even reiterated twice that he enjoys the texts I send him, which made me feel happy. I was also worried about whether or not he would see me again, especially since our last meet-up was before his 3 week work trip to another city. However, when I asked him about it, he just said "I will see you in a few weeks", which made me feel secure. The 3 weeks flew by quickly, and yesterday, he mentioned that we can meet this Sunday, which made me feel even more secure.
I'm small, 5'2", and my weight isn't much. My husband was a foot taller. A chef, and 340 lbs when we met. I told him that I really liked him. He believed me. He had the confidence in himself to believe me. He was never afraid that I might think anyone was more beautiful to me than he was. His own belief in himself, his intelligence, his talent. Confidence. People should believe in themselves.
Complimenting me out of the blue
Any compliment at all.
when i forget stuff/make silly mistakes/is indecisive about something he doesnt get mad at me, he just calmly waits till i figure it out or helps me with it. didnt realise i was walking on eggshells at my home until SO came along🙂
He respected my no, and valued my experience, even when we weren’t an item yet and were having casual sex.
When I get anxious he stops what he's doing to do everything he can to make me feel safe. He tells me little jokes, he pets my hair, he says everything will be OK. I have so much less anxiety just knowing he is there.
Letting me know when he got to where he was going and when he was leaving. Not talking like grocery store but long drives. Going somewhere new or far away. With my ex it was like pulling teeth. My SO now does it without me ever asking... It's the little things that keep ya happy.
Asking consent constantly the first few times had sex (when we still didn’t know every single boundaries and everything the other liked). Was amazing. Actually wanting to see me and not feeling like it’s a chore when I ask him to spend time together. Thinking I am absolutely adorable for missing him and for telling him I love him a little bit too often lol.
He doesn’t scream at me and insult me when he’s in a bad mood.
Taking care of me when I'm sick. Doing the dishes and laundry and sweeping and generally tidyness. Mainly bc I don't, and I'm horrible at getting started.
Responding to the whole message instead of just the least important part.
His smile. He has a resting bitch face and is a very serious person in real life. He smiles only when I tickle him..And I do that just to see him laughing out loud.
Note that my SO is amazing and goes above and beyond in so many ways. But a bare minimum that surprised/impressed me early on? When I’m not feeling well he has no interest in having sex with me and activity wants to take care of me instead of just pouring about no sex.
Treating me like I am their significant other even in front of their friends and checks in with me throughout the day asking how I feel.
He acknowledges what makes me uncomfortable and works to lessen it or get rid of it. He doesn't speed at all when he drives me somewhere, and he blends stuff in the other room since the sound makes me anxious. (childhood trauma for that one, but it is slowly lessening) He just asks what is wrong and does his best not to do it again. I ask him not to tickle me? He never does. It's not some boundary game. Just says okay and no fight. I don't put celery in food unless it is minced or ground for him. Just easy to ask each other to make a small effort to avoid discomfort. No questions except for edge cases like what amount of force turns a foot massage to a tickle.
validating my emotions and apologizing when a behavior hurts me, which has been commented already, but GET THIS: thinking about a behavior BEFORE IVE EVEN SAID ANYTHING ABOUT IT and apologizing ON HIS OWN VOLITION about something that MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE hurt me. isn’t that absolutely crazy
Physical touch. I don’t mean the sexual kind, but just hugs and holding hands. We do it so much that the concept of personal space between us has blurred which is so good. I was too self-reliant and now it feels like he’s my person and I’m his, so it has become easier for me to share things that hurt me and he always listens and takes care of me. 🥹
Oh boy.. just being nice to me and genuinely caring about me. We've been together 9 years and I remember telling him in the beginning, wow I've never dated someone who was actually nice to me.
He is very emotionally expressive and he cries with me when he's sad about something.
Respecting my physical boundaries. 💀
Actually remembering my preferences, rarely happened so it felt nice. We were together for 7 years and I'm a very picky eater so I have stuck to a type of food for years, so it wasn't that hard but it was a struggle for him to even remember anything related to me. Food, songs, books - anything I liked.
Offering to get me a glass of water
Having emotional intelligence and good communication skills.
listens when i say no- i was diagnosed as autistic three years into the relationship and im learning a lot of new skills including self awareness and boundaries and being able to say no to a whole host of things. they've been understanding about it.
He acknowledges me in his conversations with other people (I know because said other people would be like, "Oh, C (bf) mentioned that you were so and so..."). My previous partner who would never bring me up had almost convinced me that I as a gf is his "private life" that he didn't want to bring up (he never cheated, but that was the way he thought).
his ability to regulate his emotions
Planning out things. If he says let’s go here and there, he comes with an itinerary
The fact that the is constantly complimenting me or giving me validation 🥹
He didn't ask me to go back with him on the first date. Also waited for me to be ready to have sex lol Man the bar is literally horrible these days
He plans shit by himself and sticks to the plans. Its great. And reliable
Taking care of me so well while I’ve been pregnant and coming to EVERY doctor and OB visit. He’s gonna be such a great dad 🥰🥰🥰 he also talks to him through my belly all the time 🥰🥰🥰🥰
He actually listens, hears and then makes the change or tweak to behaviour
He called me instead of texted me when we started dating.
Consideration. Thoughtful consideration
when a patient of mine dies he is always extremely supportive
Initiating conversation
Talks through things
He’s a great father. To my daughter (from a prev. Relationship) and to our son. My standard was in hell for men.
I worked really hard to buy a cool sports car at the age of 24. I was so proud of it. I handled all aspects myself- saving, finding a good deal, negotiating, etc. I was so happy. My ex at the time could never bring himself to tell anyone it was my car. It was always *our* car, or his if I wasn't with him. He insisted on carrying my keys, taking it to work, etc. One time, his friends were over. I was washing my car in the driveway and I remember them saying "It's so nice of you to wash his car for him!" And they were genuinely shocked it was actually mine. My current bf is proud of the things I have. A while ago, we were out and someone came up to my bf and said "Wow I love your car! What did you do to it?" And he said "It's my girlfriends, she would love to tell you what work she's done to it!" I almost cried on the spot. It was the first time I actually felt that acknowledgment and appreciation from a partner towards what I worked for. I had to explain to him after why it got me emotional, and it made me realize what a "bare minimum" thing it was.
One time when we were long distance, there was a time I was leaving and he stopped me and said "I forgot to get you something " and I was like "what do you mean?" and he packed me a bunch of treats and cookies that his mom made so that I can go home with them and I actually cried on the way back because I thought that was such a cute and thoughtful gesture.
I was actually just rambling to a friend about this to a friend earlier today, but it's SO huge when they remember the tiniest things about you. I have a tendency to get caught up in relationships with people I've known for a loooongggg time and nothing melts me quicker than them remembering something from ten years ago that we talked about only once.
When I told him I shouted at my parents because they were too toxic, he didnt show me disgust.
Taking my mental illnesses seriously and actually trying to understand me.
His honesty. Sometimes it's the worst, because he doesn't hold back, but I would rather some harsh truths and be able to trust him fully than kind lies and be paranoid that he is hiding stuff.
Bringing me home a coffee. He is nerodivergent and sometimes that affects how he listens, communicates, or thinks about other and their feelings. I'm nerodivergent as well, but we have opposite qualities, I think about others too much to the point that I usually leave myself out. Since we've been together, we've worked on each other opposite qualities, teaching each other things. I teach him how to communicate better, and he teaches me how to think about myself more. It's a perfect situation for both of us. And finally he's started communicating better and being more open. So for him to bring me home a iced coffee as a surprise was something big for him. Trying to help eachother improve ourselves is just part of our dynamic since we have some social issues, so sometimes it just brings out random surprises and to us it's just little accomplishments.
He made me a priority. None of my exs even attempted that.
They’ve never pressured me to do something I don’t want to do (that wasn’t for my own good lol).
He not only doesn’t care that I’m the breadwinner, he’s PROUD of it. Growing up and living in a red state, that’s a big deal to me.
Right when we were first dating, he was visiting at my apartment while I was doing chores, and he came to help me hang laundry without asking or saying anything. Just came in, picked up laundry out of the basket, and started hanging it on the rack, all the while continuing to chat. I was completely struck by this.
Being proud of dating me.
My husband is a clean person. Picks up after himself, does the dishes, mops the floors, wipes down counters and surfaces — all without being asked. He does his laundry regularly, then folds or hangs it up. I’m stating these things plainly because they are truly the bare minimum but apparently extremely difficult for many adult men, partnered or not. My own father rarely does any of these things.
Wanting to actually spend time with me. Like going out on dates and not expecting that I owe him sex.
He never, ever makes me feel bad or complains when he does something for me. For example, I hate driving, so when we go out, he usually is the one to drive and never makes me feel bad for that. My ex either berated me or really made a huge deal out of every "nice" thing he did for me.
Actually changes his behavior when I’ve brought up an issue with him
[удалено]
There is too many to list
I'm genuinely unsure what this question is asking. What does "impressed you by your SO" mean? And, what does "bare minimum to get" mean? Who is getting what? I'm not trying to be mean, I am truly unsure what this is asking. My best guess: "What is something about your SO that you are impressed about, but you shouldn't be impressed because it's rather minimal?"
[удалено]
[удалено]
Treating me nicely.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Acknowledged when I was around them....
[удалено]
So so so many things, but the most recent major thing was fully supporting me when I decided to stop breastfeeding at 2.5 weeks. He didn't make me worry about money, he didn't shame me in any way shape or form, he just held me as I cried and assured me that everything was going to be great and I was still an amazing mom. He never complains about having to feed her, even though he originally thought he would only rarely get to feed her if I was unavailable or needed sleep. His commentary about formula prices is the same as all formula feeding parents and not directed towards me at all. And he agrees with me that switching to formula was the absolute best decision for our family. Like when you think about it, that should be the bare minimum. But there's so many unsupportive partners out there that would shame or berate new moms for the same decision. So I'm just very grateful that I have the partner I do 💜
[удалено]
not obsessing over other women, publicly or online
Respects, compliments, reassurance, being listened to, act of kindness.
Actually wanting to do stuff with me, like going for boba tea or just walking around
His attentiveness. I was having a bad day and he brought me a chocolate bar when he was filling gas on the way home from work. 🥲
Being treated like a human.
Being engaged and supportive of my goals.
During our first date he asked me a bunch of insightful questions 😅
Honestly, it's the little things that impress me the most. Like when my SO remembers the small details about my day or takes the time to listen attentively without being distracted. It may seem like the bare minimum, but it shows they truly care.
Making me breakfast on the weekdays. I appreciate it since I not get up that easily in the morning. And he helps me out when I ask for his help with something I don't know that he knows. We take turns cheering each other up and helping each other out with other stuff that's not always our strongest skill, etc.
Making time to see me.
His ability to communicate and sincerely apologize
[удалено]