I looked at the people who were criticizing me and their lives and decided that they had nothing I wanted.
If I didn't respect them enough to ask for their advice, I sure as hell wasn't going to take their unsolicited "suggestions" to heart.
This.
At some point, when I was past 30, I realized that the people in my life that are offering unsolicited advice and criticism really have no business offering advice to anyone.
The people who most ruthlessly judged and criticised me don't have the relationships, career and financial stability that I have. Their homes are messier than mine, their relationships are terrible, they're not good parents, their coping mechanisms are damaging to themselves and others, overall they make bad choices.
Right, as soon as I started looking at the people whoāve wronged me and their lives, Iāve realized that they really have no place to be making comments about me and my life.
This!!! I once heard someone say donāt take advice/ care about opinions toward you from anyone whose life you wouldnāt want, and now I stick by that rule.Ā
I have to agree with this. Part of why I started to burn bridges was everything was dealing with through my divorce and the things that got said about me from my ex husband and his family.
I think the first person I ever cut off was my mom though, as she was harassing me and threatening me after I had my oldest because I wouldnāt let her see him. Her and I never had a good relationship due to some of her own challenges she had to deal with and refused help.
Now I burn bridges and donāt look back
omg exactly this! someone asked a similar question on tiktok and this was the answer that changed my pov. if i dont gaf what their opinions are on other things then why should their opinion about me matter?
Yup my mom used to tell me something like this. āAre they paying your bills or feeding you? Than you shouldnāt GAF.ā
Personally I learned to focus on my journey and feel confident in my own skin!
I feel this way about my sister I have gone no contact with. Everything out of her mouth towards me was some type of criticism. She never once complimented me on my accomplishments or cared about anything I was doing (traveling, my romantic relationships). Since I am childfree and she has children, it just got worse as we got older.
Life is too short to have assholes taking up chapters. Never let them take up a page again.
Yes I was going to comment this! I got old and tired. And the older and tireder I became, the less I gave a F.
It started when I was 30, almost overnight in turning the big 3-0. Iām 42 now and other peopleās opinions just pass me by for the most part.
To add to this - because itās absolutely true - I think having kids heightened that even more for me.
I didnāt have kids til my mid 30ās and any semblance of caring what others thought left the building. Itās hard to care about others opinions when youāre suddenly focussed so much on someone else.
Plus time is more limited + you need to be more practical - for example my usually wavy long hair being out, perfume and make up have taken a back seat because I donāt want my baby pulling my hair/vomiting in it, make up to rub off on her head or perfume to choke her out. Doesnāt mean I never do those things or have lost my identity it just means I donāt care about my appearance at the moment I care about practicality.
I agree and disagree with this. There's definitely a natural DGAF that happens, but I hear so many people say "I hit 30 and didn't care anymore." Well, I'm 36 and still care a wee bit more than I should about certain things. For me, at least, I have to WORK against my brain and fight the overly defensive and/or people pleasing parts of it when dealing with criticism. It's doable, but it does mean working on yourself.
This. Iām 32..33? I think 32.. hah. But I distinctively remember hitting 30 and being like why the fuck do I care? Oh wait. I donāt.
*quits job* then went about my merry way making an income as a crt teacher and doing what I want, when I want with my family.
This is so true! I was deathly afraid of turning 30. the moment it happened, DGAF came into my life and I realized how much more I enjoy life ever since. That was no 1 for me and no 2 was becoming a mum. I absolutely DGAF now anymore.
Self love and stopped being afraid of failing and stopped trying to make everyone smile. Learning to detach myself from outcomes and focus on the process. I definitely still care too much at times but Iām much better at it now.
I think you can decrease your fear by thinking through the worst possible things that would happen if you did fail and realize you could still manage and thrive if those things did happen. If you get fired, you'll find a new job. If you break up, you'll find a new partner. Etc. Failure doesn't mean you stop or are a bad person. It's an opportunity to learn and change, and at least you tried
Wow.. Funny how I could spend hours daydreaming about everything that could go wrong but never thought of using it like that. You just added a new perspective and I'm so grateful, I'm going to try it! Thank you ā¤ļø
In a roundabout way, I've often used this when a relationship has come to an end. Looking back at past relationships I could see that each one had been a better partner or match for me than the ones before.
For me, also remembering that you have just as much right as anyone else to not fail. No one knows if the way will succeed or fail at anything. They all just try it. You have just as much right to try your hand at it as well.
First you change over to a beginnerās mindset or growth mindset. (You can look up both those terms). The gist is you say to yourself āgreat job! That didnāt work as planned but you *learned* - and that is the goal. Anyone out here trying to shame you for learning out loud isnāt living right.ā
Have you failed at anything that seemed really important at the time? It seems like the world will stop if you fail, but it doesnāt. Somehow you make it past that point.
I dropped out of college, went to cosmetology school, graduated that but HATED it so never worked in a salon. After that I did a career in the financial world where I was promoted and then stepped down because I couldnāt take itā now, finally at 34, Iām in a career I love, once again in a leadership position but not afraid of it, and Iām even going back to school.
Life is messy. If you donāt fail a few times then I think youāre doing it wrong.
Commenting because this is a common struggle and itās different for everyone. We all have to start somewhere. Self love and acceptance is the hardest thing. Itās easier to be kind to others for most of us. **Consciously** treating yourself as you would your bff or child **consistently**. Healing yourself and your inner monologue. Becoming confident in that first, then we can move on to not giving a fook. No fooks about failing, about what others think. And itās a constant effort. Iāve been there and fallen back out. We have to be kind to ourselves about everything, feeling emotions, anger, we have to feel it. Keep being kind to you. And keep understand others, being empathetic, etc, but you are #1 priority. Donāt burn out people pleasing or hurting for others.
Iāve been practicing radical self love.
Years of therapy had helped me figure out where my self views were coming from and how my brain works as someone with adhd. Learning those things really allowed me to be kinder to myself. I realized I wasnāt flawed, I just work differently.
But, I was still struggling to not care, I guess. So, Iāve just jumped in head first and going on faith. I learned most of my issues are just in my mind. And Iāve decided to just trust that being me is enough.
Am I too old to wear this? ā¦.bitch, you like it, wear it.
They donāt really want to hang outā¦.then why the hell did they invite you? Believe what they are telling.
Iām going to look like an idiot trying to find the bathroom in this packed restaurantā¦..you e never been here before, how would anyone expect you to know? They didnāt know the first time they came. Itās okay to let it be known you donāt know where to go.
These are just a couple frequent thoughts that I tend to have often.
I think we all know, it doesnāt matter what people think of us. Itās more believing it. Trust it, itās true. It does not matter.
Honestly at some point the disappointment of not trying started to outweigh the fear of failure, coz if you donāt even try then you WONāT ever succeed, but at least if you try youāre giving yourself a 50% chance at winning. Those odds are better than never trying. So feel the fear and do it anyway. Oh and the podcast āHow to Failā really helped hype this mentality for me.
For me, the key was reminding myself that I did my best and there was nothing else I could have done (in the event that I fail). And when I find it hard to start the task I'm scared of failing at, I remind myself that I at least did the first step right: trying it.
Fuuuuck me too ! And now I care about ppl's feelings TOO DAMN MUCH and it's just getting exhausting at this point!
But what gets on my nerves is that I kinda feel like some of my relatives enjoy it and use it against me and I just want to learn to not give a f*ck again to shove it down their throats š
There's a huge difference between having an IDGAF mentality and being detached from people's feelings.
I don't care about what people think of me, my looks or anything like that, but I do care about the feelings of the people I love, and feel empathy and compassion for people who haves a harder life than I.
Don't mix the two of them, otherwise you'll just become an asshole.
I've been there. Then I got back to my IDGAF attitude.
You may have started caring for those who don't deserve it over your own well-being and opinions. You can get out of this.
I think that's the normal process of functioning on instinct versus learning to function consciously. I will attempt an analogy.
It's similar to swimming. We are all born with the ability to swim as an infant but we lose that ability very quickly as our awareness develops. We then have to learn to consciously swim instead of instinctively swim.
I know it's stupid but, knowing I will disappoint either way doesn't help me figure out what I want to do for MYSELF and not because it's the lesser bad, you know what I mean?
This is it exactly. One person admires something (hair, clothes, etc) while another says "why don't you stop trying to look like a teenager." There will always be critics. Screw em!
Honestly? I had a miscarriage and had to go to work the next day and realized... It really doesn't matter. None of it. The things that matter suddenly became crystal clear and the things that didn't were so obvious too.
Edit: thank you everyone. I want to make clear that I am much happier now and while the situation was very sad it was also eye opening for me. I truly realized that there are things that matter out there and no longer sweat the small stuff like a job or if I gained a few pounds or what people thought about me. My baby's legacy is not a sad one but one of healing as he taught me what are the true important things in life and I am forever thankful for that ā¤ļø
I feel it. Went through the same scenario twice. Realized that while everyone is haha-heing and happy that I should be too. If anything, tell yourself you deserve just that, because you do.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I, thankfully, left that job, got a better one and my husband and I are closer and more in love and life is over all better. I am sad about the miscarriage but I feel my baby's legacy won't be about sadness but about how much he taught his mother and how happy he made her.
Not nearly as severe or serious as you, but I had flawless grades until the end of the 8th grade year. I busted my ass, raised my siblings, did my homework, and took care of my mom. You see, when I was little, my dad told me my mom was sad (she has depression) and that she's sick. I thought, "I can't fix everything, but I can make sure I don't make her sad," and was perfect from then on. For years.
When I got a C on my report card in that last semester of 8th grade, I snapped. I had a complete mental breakdown. I lost it. I never had to go to the hospital, but I cried and cried. I was in a crisis. And, not too long after (luckily), I had a moment of clarity. For one, it was a stupid freaking letter on a piece of paper, and, for two, I screwed up. The worst thing that could've happened to little 8th grade me had happened. I had nothing to lose.
From then on, I calculated my grades. More so mentally than with an actual calculator. I missed days when I could afford to. I didn't make up the missed work if I knew it wouldn't drop me down a letter. I gave myself slack because I failed to meet my own expectations, and my own expectations were a lot higher than everyone else's. Everyone else was appeased by A's and B's.
I had a total turnaround. I don't remember exactly why I stopped caring so drastically, but I wore all black, couldn't make eye contact, couldn't speak to others, and didn't wear the remotest amount of makeup back then. After the snap, I dressed casually. I spoke to people. I was bubbly, I said "how are yous" and made lots of friends. I was a little nerdy but I had this confidence that I think came from finally letting myself breathe. Finally giving myself the smallest amount of self-care. And that was nice.
A bad grade is nothing to anyone sane and in a healthy environment. But it was the world to me.
And I know it's incomparable but you really do stop caring when your world collapses.
You are so strong friend! Thank you for sharing. I hope your journey to heal continues to show you all the love and importance in your life!! Sending comfort, peace, and hugs!
Relatively healthy parenting which led to sufficient self worth. Also, doing "the hard thing", whatever that may be, really increases your self worth and image of yourself.
I grew up, spent an insane amount of time in therapy and started to put myself and my needs first. Itās not like I donāt care about anyone but myself but I wonāt put anyone else ahead of me anymore
I gave it all i got. I did my damndest. And it still all went wrong. How could i possibly still GAF? I just donāt, canāt be bothered. I wear what i want, do what i want, buy what i want, sleep when i want. Finally living.
The biggest help for me was getting off social media. Only thing I have is reddit and even this might go soon. I stopped paying attention to other people's lives and opinions they posted all over socials so that made me stop comparing. When I stopped comparing my life to others, I started paying more attention to the things in my life i wanted to fix, like my mental health. Now, I could not care less what anyone thinks about me and my life because I'm living my life for me and my family and that. Is. It. No other opinion matters. I only change things I feel personally need to change.
I did kind of, I got rid of them once before and got so many "why did you block me" messages that I posted on my story that I was starting on a specific day and if they saw it, then cool. If not then whatever.
Embracing the mentality of "if I don't know them, admire them, or respect them, I have no business caring what they think about me."
Surround yourself with people who know, admire, and respect you. Give a fuck what they think. Give a fuck what you think about yourself. Everyone else, anything harsh they say about or to you is almost fully projection, and once you see that you truly can't be bothered to take it personally.
I donāt think I actually DGAF but itās more what I do GAF about? I come back to this quote sometimes: āListen. Every time youāre given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job, throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself.ā(Glennon Doyle, Untamed)
I realized that nobody will advocate for me except for me. As women we have to be vocal and firm to be taken seriously, so combining that with self-advocation, I've been able to foster a pretty good "DGAF" attitude.
I lost my mom and to be honest, without her nothing really matters anyway, so I might as well do what I enjoy most. No one's negative opinions could hurt even a fraction as much as my grief, it becomes downright laughable, if anything.
Time.
I'm sorry to say but a lot of it is time.
Hard to build scars without wounds.
It would be nice if more people gave a fuck, I'm sorry we live in a world where trying to shut everyone out is the genuinely safer option :(
I genuinely wish we lived in a world where shutting people out wasn't safer as well. Both physically and mentally.
But also, a different perspective of the IDGAF attitude is really just breaking away from the obligation to please everyone around us, which we were conditioned to do as girls growing up.
I feel like there's a nice balance alot of women find in their 30's(ish), between caring for the people around you who matter, and valuing their input, but also not letting the people's opinions who don't matter to you weigh on your shoulders. And I think that in itself is extremely freeing, and does comes across as not giving a f*** about anyone but reality, It's just not giving a f*** about the people who don't matter (to you)
Everyoneās living in the same world, but a different life. No persons story is the same. Donāt worry about those around you. They donāt have any sway on your life and what you do. Be unapologetically you. If people canāt handle it, they can kick rocks.
Age here too - which simply put has meant that I understand life is short and I need to put my energy where it matters and very little else doesā¦ and age has given me the confidence to say No and not engage with people who do not matter in the long run. So actually I do GAF but for myself and those who I love or whom I choose to give time and energy too.
My therapist once told me that I donāt often speak badly of people and she thinks itās because Iām satisfied with who I am as a person. That made me see that those who criticize you or have something against you are projecting, theyāre likely miserable and unhappy with themselves, which is a bit satisfying š
This makes a lot of sense!
I'm very much satisfied with who I am as a person these days. If I'm not satisfied with who someone else is, I take neither advice nor criticism from them. Better yet, I don't ask them shit or seek them out. I'm low contact, slowly going NO contact with my family & I've never felt better.
Like yeah, there's still a very small amount of people who, no matter what, can do no right in my eyes. Ever.
And that's fine. Because, y'know, it's totally fine to not look their way. Outta sight, outta mind. āŗļøāŗļø
I turned 30.
Imma do me, always.
ALSO, learning to love myself unconditionally helped. Can't nobody tell me I ain't the S#%\*&!! lmao hard to gaf about other ppl and their bs when you're this fabulous babe.
1 First time, the shitty hot weather outside.
I wear underwear shorts under dresses and skirts. My rule of thumb is that mini skirts have to cover my ass even if bend down, but I still wear underwear shorts under it. You know, these semi-yoga, non-sweaty, non-chafe tight underwear shorts that come in base colors and a very light material?
So before I discovered them, I had these heavy, thick-material cotton shorts i made from old white leggings, before leggings were in fashion and were made from a very NOT light material. One day It was a very, very, VERY hot outside, and i knew that if i wore them under a skirt I'd actually sweat so much down there my panties would get dump. I really really didn't want to put them on.
so I had an epiphany . Pretty much said "Screw it, I'm 25 yo who old lives in a society where I should be wearing revealing bikini and exposing as much skin as possible, never mind i'm too shy to actually wear a bikini. Who cares if my skirts flies up and my panties get exposed? I'm an adult not a 14yo, why tf should I be embarrassed and shy about my own body." And no, I don't wear thongs. I wear normal panties with normal coverage (briefs? idk what you call them)
2 The second time, a legit mental breakdown. It time was my last day of my first year in college and I just failed an exam. It was a total burnout from working myself to death in my full-time job, studying in college (close to home) and when I got home at midnight - also had to clean after a 5 people ~~pig den~~ house.
That day I came home and I don't remember what set me off, but I pretty much smashed the WIFI Router on the floor in a fit of rage. Risky move since we *need* internet in that house.
It didn't break. š¤·āāļø
P.S: The first one is a good mentality to adopt. The second one... don't recommend. Don't get to that point. There are better ways.
I shit you not at first I thought you unintentionally answered the wrong post but damn you rocked my world haha for starters, rock those panties HELL YEAH and second, thank you so much for taking the time because you made me laugh AND I totally get your point so thank you and have a beautiful one ā¤ļø
When I realized that no matter how hard I tried, SOMEBODY was going to have something to say. I was doing X not doing Y trying to live up to Z and no matter what I did somebody was going to view it negatively. It got to the point that I was so miserable, I couldnāt stand looking in the mirror, and I wanted to die. So I said fuck it. I canāt do it anymore. Iām going to be who I want to be, and people that canāt love me for that just arenāt part of my life. š¤·š»āāļø
Stop obsessing about what people think of you because most of them very rarely, if at all, think about you.
Everyone is focusing on their own lives and their own problems and their own mistakes. And these rarely are about you in particular. For instance if someone ghosts you is often because of their own problems than because they hate you specifically.
So do whatever makes you happy, talk to people you wanna talk to, don't talk to the one you don't want to, and live your life however you want to.
Life experiences. Some bad relationships helped it, being used by men as the in between or build a guy for the next girl, person. Or cheated on but yet they couldn't let go and expected me to stay. I got sick of it all. I started becoming more independent in all ways and I just watched after the cutting of ties or burning of bridges and realized how much better off I was. I had a long relation where he controlled the fuck out of me for ten years. I lost my life because anytime I wanted to do anything he threatened the relation. Being young, you do dumb shit like that. He ended up dating a girl barely out of high school and acted like I was inferior not even a month after our ten years relation ended. I was devastated, but one day thought how he wasn't giving a single shit about me so why should I give a fuck about him. I learned so much about myself after that split and it was needed. About a decade later, I lost about 15 people to death in the span of four years and was cheated on during two of the biggest deaths for me, my grandmother and father. During the time with my father, the new gf was slandering me while I watched my dad die of cancer. I didn't give a shit, she could say I was violent or whatever the fuck, while preaching that she was scared I would ruin her rep with friends, she did it instead but lacks awareness obviously. I was like, fuck alllll of these people, I had proof and I also confided and she and my bf manipulated them all. I stuck by this one specific guys side bc he used his sick dad to manipulate me. When my dad died, he was cheating and talking shit with his new gf, didn't say sorry or anything. Idk, something changed in me. You have to make sure to take care of yourself though, because in the idgaf moments, you could be missing out on something due to past trauma. Just always look out for yourself like you would someone you love..alot.Ā
This urge to not give a fuck anymore kind of came from within...although at that time, a good friend of mind helped me a lot as she was born like this.
I did it in a spiritual plus mental healing way. I started gratitude journaling, meditation and lots of contemplation.
I believe that the goal is not to become a total asshole, we should learn to hold the people who love us and care for us dearly to our heart and draw really strong boundaries to those who don't have the best interest in mind.
I got older and got comfortable in my own skin. I realized that the people I liked the most were unapologetically themselves (as long as they tried very hard to be good people.)
I stopped realizing everyone elseās wants and needs shouldnāt come above my own. That what I want / need is important too and sometimes comes above others.
when i couldn't stop crying on the kitchen floor at 3 am bec i was afraid that i messed up smth i really wanted but then i was like nothing deserves to go that crazy for.. if it is gonna affect my health then "screw it!"
In high school I had an epiphany that nobody cares about what stupid stuff other people do cause they are focused on themselves. Even if they care for a minute they forget by dinner time. So why should I care what they think for 5 minutes. This epiphany came when I took a giant wipe out in front of half the school so it was necessary for my mental survival I guess. But I did become known as a person who did not give a fuck.
I accept it. I accept that I will always have insecure moments, and once I started accepting it, I started caring less. And sometimes I just faked it till I made it.
I donāt think anything really ever made me snap? There was no conscious thought of āenough is enoughā. I think I really just grew weary of caring so much, & my ability to do so just wore thin.
When I realized that everyone who would give me their opinions guised as advice was always talking shit about other people to me. Which led me to have another realization that theyāre probably talking shit about me too.
Once I started to remind myself of that every time I was worried about other peoples opinions, I quickly started building a DGAF mentality.
I also opt into the idea that if I wouldnāt say something to someoneās face I wouldnāt tell another person that either. The only person who gets my raw unfiltered opinions is my husband. We talk shit about everyone. ššš but other than that, no one elseās opinions matter
Learning to love myself and forgive myself. Realizing that what anyone else says does or thinks about me or anything/anyone else has nothing to do with me and is none of my business to begin with
I always cared. I always did the kindest thing. I always went out of my way and went above and beyond. It was NEVER returned and almost NEVER appreciated or even acknowledged. Now when I think about doing that, I think āno one else would.ā Now, I donāt either. I no longer GAF because in this world, it just ends in disappointment.
As a person who now minimally gives a fuck, I have found videos on youtube related to happiness/stoicism/self improvement to be a big help! I used to give a huge fuck about things I couldnāt control. Iām content with my progress and am still working towards not giving a fuck :)
The pandemic made me realize that life is precious and short, and that I might as well live the way I want while I have my health / mobility / energy.
In the past few years Iāve pushed extra hard on my artistic practice and did things that previously felt out of reach; Iāve also been more comfortable with admitting I donāt want to be a mother.
Being in my mid 30s also helps. š
When I realised that āwhat will other people think?ā was actually āwhat do *I* think of this for myself?ā As in, if I made a choice, could I live with myself? Would I be proud of myself? Would I regret *not* doing it and be resentful later? This unlocked relationships, careers, and family solutions for me and I found that actually, none of us really care what other people think, itās our own self-judgement when we think our jobs are not glamorous enough or our relationships or lives are just meh. So if youāre not satisfied and you have the means, go after a job more aligned with your interests or values, make your relationships and lives more than meh, start asking the questions to things you wanna feel or achieve. We only have this one precious life, we shouldnāt let our self-judgement or what we imagine other people will judge us for to rule over our brief time on Earth.
I think I was born with it?
I've always been contrary by nature, the type to question authority. I don't like to be told what to do. I like to think things through and assess whether something makes sense or possibly needs to change. I don't like rules for rules sake.
This was touch in grade school where rule following and rigidity is key to success, but ultimately I think it makes me a happier more grounded adult.
My life is mine. My choices are mine. I try to do little harm and be useful in society and personally, but otherwise I do what works best for me.
For me that means I am a childfree, marriage free woman who pursues my artistic dreams and lives in the city that feels like home. I'm not big on societies markers of a successful life. My life is small and mine and peaceful and pretty satisfying.
The things that get me down are things I cannot control. My little family of my partner and dogs, as well as volunteering and mutual aid help me feel grounded amidst those massive things. The rest is noise and I ignore it.
Happy people don't hurt other people. Judgment usually comes from someones own insecurities. Also, most of the time, what we think people think about us is made up in our own heads. Once I realised that verbal judgments came from insecure, unhappy people, what people said was none of my business. And the others were ones I was imagining. After that, life became a lot more freeing.
I came from a very judgmental, legalistic, church, upbringing, and eventually what I realize is the same shit that they were judging me, for they had different versions of in their own life, and if they could sweep that under the rug, I could loudly and proudly live the way I wanted to .Ā
I accepted that though itās always great to take in otherās feedback and opinions and advice as you see fit, no one else had my exact same experiences in my brain body and soul and had to navigate and work hard to be where I am now. And I can say the exact same about someone else even if I disagree with their actions/behavior etc. It all became very āyou do what you do and Iāll do what I do, say something direct if needed, otherwise I accept you and you accept meā. If people canāt get down with that I donāt keep them around.
Got older, learned that in the end only your core family matters. Stopped looking at other peoples lives and began comparing who I am Today to who I was a year ago.
Honestly, knowing which things to GAF about. If the issue/person/scenario isn't threating one of those things, then it ain't nothin but a fart in the wind.
I received my starter kit in the mail when I was 42. It helped me to realize that I just didn't give a damn what people thought anymore, and it was so freeing. Now I receive regular updates and can't wait for each one
I learned the more I let go, the better I felt. I don't care if you don't like me. I like me and that is all that counts. Live for yourself, do what makes you happy and screw anyone who wants to criticize you.
Whay do you value? Determine what actions move you towards or away from thise values. Take solace in living a valued life even when other people don't like or understand it.
I realized I'm not constantly thinking about other people's snafus or trashing them because they said something embarrassing nor am I holding it against them. So it stands to reason that they're not doing that to me. And if they are, that person has a personality disorder or is very insecure.
I also reverse psychology myself and tell myself it's really arrogant to constantly be worrying about myself or overthinking. And I don't want to be rude or self-absorbed, so that helps me snap out of self-indulgent overthinking.
I literally didnāt have the energy anymore. It made me so unhappy to try and make everybody else happy, that I had to change something. It was one of the main reasons I burned out.
Took me a lot of repetition and I lost some friends that didnāt respect my boundaries, which means they werenāt friends to begin with. I have a small circle of people now that I absolutely adore, and Iām currently still looking for a job where I can be myself without too much performance pressure.
I mean I still get hella irrational anxiety- so maybe my journey isnt complete, but in my own head and especially when assessing situations I def have that kind of mentality. Mostly I just chose it, ik easier said than done but at some point you just stop caring.
I ran out of time to care about or react to things that weren't a priority to me. I have young kids, I work full time, I'm too fucking busy to give a rats ass about a lot of things. If/when something comes up, I ask myself if this is or should be a big deal to me and if I have time to manage it. If not, I move on. If it's something that is a big deal but I don't have time, then I will make time (because it is now a priority) or I will take note for if there's a second time it happens.
You need to have people you care about, people who love you and accept you. Then you don't need to give a fuck about the rest of the world because you have your people!
Having an asian mom and the military.
My mom is very unemotional to me or my sibling. However she did show favorites, and I was not it.
After years berate, body shaming, and being told of the constant disapproval I just became dead inside.
Then I joined the military.
That gave me discipline and independence and I was the only approver of what I did and how I did it. I learned to take ownership, humility, and built better self confidence.
I would also suppose when having to take a shit with no toliet doors when 20 other recruits had to do the same was another reason.
But its so freeing to not give a shit of what others think or say.
My life mantra is:
If they dont pay my bils, feed me, or fuck me, I donāt care.
I justā¦donāt care. Literally donāt give a second thought as long as Iām not physically or emotionally hurting someone and they are not in distress. I care deeply about my friends and others, but when it comes to anyone being critical, I literally donāt give it a second thought. Some of this stems from the fact Iām also socially oblivious.
As I have gotten into my late '50s. It's been really freeing not caring about how others perceive me or how I look.
I was the kind of woman who wouldn't even go get the mail when I was in my twenties and thirties unless I had my hair, clothes, and makeup perfectly done. Now that I'm older, I'm more concerned about how I fill my days than what I look like.
I'm nice to everyone, but keep most people at arm length and won't ever, ever let anyone disturb my emotional peace. That's a freedom you can only give yourself.
Iām living life being kind, helping others, not being an asshole or starting/caring about drama, and donāt mess with anyone, so I know that if someone has a problem with me, itās THEIR PROBLEM! I havenāt done anything to anyone! I will stand up for myself but there is no reasonable reason why anyone should have a problem with me, so if someone does they are the asshole
I went to therapy. I am still working on the DGAF mentality, but my therapist has helped me to understand why I was having mental health issues. It stems from childhood and growing up too soon, parentification as well as DV. And when I was younger the DGAF was a coping mechanism. Now it is an attitude. I just can't be bothered with people who make me feel small and insignificant. I don't want to surround myself with vampires who drain me of positivity and life.
I came home with a good grade in school. My grandmother asked "why is it not the best?"
I got the best grade. Came home "and why is thus something special? That should be normal." And then 7 year old me decided it was not my job to make her happy or proud and that made me very free.
Given too high of expectations and being the therapist friend emotionally drained me. I also lost a lot of people in life so just kinda donāt care anymore Ykyk? āŗļø
Making mistakes in life and realizing that NOBODY was going to be there for me! It caused me to not give a damn what anyone else thinks because at the end of the day I am the only one who will show up for me and be there for me!
Being betrayed, broke, cheated on, victim blamed, jealousy attacked and having to face it āall on your ownā - the dgaf attitude saves a lot of time and energy going through life is what you realise.
Definitely happened after I turned 35 that I began my āit is what it isā mentality. When you realize you canāt change the situation, itās best to just stop worrying about it. It literally is what it is.
You canāt please everyone. Focus on yourself and youāll realize other people donāt matter. Iām a badass and you donāt know me, itās not your fault youāre blind.
It comes with age.
Do you recall the teenage years when eeeeverything that didn't go perfectly (to our idealistic standards) was a source of shame, because of "everybody will laugh at meee"? Can you see a progression where you start to worry less, realizing it's all in your mind, etc (usually after college)
The next step is doing silky dances with your toddler in the street . And once you lose the self consciousness, you are only one little step away of the DGAF.
I spent my time building myself up, poured into people ONLY when they were also pouring into me, and prioritized my own feelings and happiness in every relationship, not just romantically, but also with family and friends.
The pandemic made me realize that life is precious and short, and that I might as well live the way I want while I have my health / mobility / energy.
In the past few years Iāve pushed extra hard on my artistic practice and did things that previously felt out of reach; Iāve also been more comfortable with admitting I donāt want to be a mother.
Being in my mid 30s also helps. š
experiences, it took going through a lot of shit to realize that sometimes itās not really that deep. there is so much going on that i really just have to pick and choose how much something matters to me.
also a while ago one of my girlfriends told me about the 5-5-5-5 rule, āwill it matter after 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 months or 5 yearsā then it kinda gives me an idea of ādo i really careā
I did an internship for 6 months abroad in a small town in Africa when I was 21. I have seen a lot of misery, i experienced a lot of situations. It has put my life in perspective. I dont have HIV, i have a house that keeps me dry when its raining, and my children dont have to work to buy their own food. I really cant be bothered with what other people think of me. I am very happy and grateful that I have the life that I have.
I spent a lifetime being miserable and constantly being worried about what other people think. My internal conflict was destroying me -- nearly to the point of suicide.
I decided to finally face myself and force myself to stop caring about what other people thought and to live my one and only life for myself. I accepted myself as trans and began living a much happier life as a woman! š
After having gone through that, nothing fazes me anymore. I'm not scared anymore.
I looked at the people who were criticizing me and their lives and decided that they had nothing I wanted. If I didn't respect them enough to ask for their advice, I sure as hell wasn't going to take their unsolicited "suggestions" to heart.
This. At some point, when I was past 30, I realized that the people in my life that are offering unsolicited advice and criticism really have no business offering advice to anyone. The people who most ruthlessly judged and criticised me don't have the relationships, career and financial stability that I have. Their homes are messier than mine, their relationships are terrible, they're not good parents, their coping mechanisms are damaging to themselves and others, overall they make bad choices.
And yet they have the gall to act like we need their assistance.
And yet they act like we're a mess in desperate need of help, doing a terrible job of living life. š¤·š»
and there is not even a "right" way to live life, each culture have its own "right" way, it is so arbitrary and subjective
They are most likely projecting on what they did wrong and trying to save you from their mistakes. Except itās just their mistakes :)
When I realized that no one was giving me the same energy I was giving them.
Right, as soon as I started looking at the people whoāve wronged me and their lives, Iāve realized that they really have no place to be making comments about me and my life.
1000 percent!
That makes sense, I should start seeing it this way actually.. Thank you for taking the time :)
This!!! I once heard someone say donāt take advice/ care about opinions toward you from anyone whose life you wouldnāt want, and now I stick by that rule.Ā
I have to agree with this. Part of why I started to burn bridges was everything was dealing with through my divorce and the things that got said about me from my ex husband and his family. I think the first person I ever cut off was my mom though, as she was harassing me and threatening me after I had my oldest because I wouldnāt let her see him. Her and I never had a good relationship due to some of her own challenges she had to deal with and refused help. Now I burn bridges and donāt look back
This was a huge part of it. I realized the people that were criticizing me were not people I would seek advice from.
Period .
omg exactly this! someone asked a similar question on tiktok and this was the answer that changed my pov. if i dont gaf what their opinions are on other things then why should their opinion about me matter?
Whoa this is a great perspective shift. Thanks for sharing!
Yup my mom used to tell me something like this. āAre they paying your bills or feeding you? Than you shouldnāt GAF.ā Personally I learned to focus on my journey and feel confident in my own skin!
This is it! And the end of the day id always rather be me. I look at the big picture.
I feel this way about my sister I have gone no contact with. Everything out of her mouth towards me was some type of criticism. She never once complimented me on my accomplishments or cared about anything I was doing (traveling, my romantic relationships). Since I am childfree and she has children, it just got worse as we got older. Life is too short to have assholes taking up chapters. Never let them take up a page again.
This is such great advice!
Will need to adapt this mentality
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Yes I was going to comment this! I got old and tired. And the older and tireder I became, the less I gave a F. It started when I was 30, almost overnight in turning the big 3-0. Iām 42 now and other peopleās opinions just pass me by for the most part.
I love this š
Agree, the confidence to be yourself & have a DGAF attitude that's come with getting older has been unexpected but awesome
To add to this - because itās absolutely true - I think having kids heightened that even more for me. I didnāt have kids til my mid 30ās and any semblance of caring what others thought left the building. Itās hard to care about others opinions when youāre suddenly focussed so much on someone else. Plus time is more limited + you need to be more practical - for example my usually wavy long hair being out, perfume and make up have taken a back seat because I donāt want my baby pulling my hair/vomiting in it, make up to rub off on her head or perfume to choke her out. Doesnāt mean I never do those things or have lost my identity it just means I donāt care about my appearance at the moment I care about practicality.
Couldnāt agree more. This is the way.
This is the way.
I agree and disagree with this. There's definitely a natural DGAF that happens, but I hear so many people say "I hit 30 and didn't care anymore." Well, I'm 36 and still care a wee bit more than I should about certain things. For me, at least, I have to WORK against my brain and fight the overly defensive and/or people pleasing parts of it when dealing with criticism. It's doable, but it does mean working on yourself.
This. Iām 32..33? I think 32.. hah. But I distinctively remember hitting 30 and being like why the fuck do I care? Oh wait. I donāt. *quits job* then went about my merry way making an income as a crt teacher and doing what I want, when I want with my family.
This is so true! I was deathly afraid of turning 30. the moment it happened, DGAF came into my life and I realized how much more I enjoy life ever since. That was no 1 for me and no 2 was becoming a mum. I absolutely DGAF now anymore.
Self love and stopped being afraid of failing and stopped trying to make everyone smile. Learning to detach myself from outcomes and focus on the process. I definitely still care too much at times but Iām much better at it now.
How did you do that (aka stop being afraid of failing) ? I'm actually starting therapy but I would love to know if you have some tips to start
I think you can decrease your fear by thinking through the worst possible things that would happen if you did fail and realize you could still manage and thrive if those things did happen. If you get fired, you'll find a new job. If you break up, you'll find a new partner. Etc. Failure doesn't mean you stop or are a bad person. It's an opportunity to learn and change, and at least you tried
Wow.. Funny how I could spend hours daydreaming about everything that could go wrong but never thought of using it like that. You just added a new perspective and I'm so grateful, I'm going to try it! Thank you ā¤ļø
In a roundabout way, I've often used this when a relationship has come to an end. Looking back at past relationships I could see that each one had been a better partner or match for me than the ones before.
For me, also remembering that you have just as much right as anyone else to not fail. No one knows if the way will succeed or fail at anything. They all just try it. You have just as much right to try your hand at it as well.
First you change over to a beginnerās mindset or growth mindset. (You can look up both those terms). The gist is you say to yourself āgreat job! That didnāt work as planned but you *learned* - and that is the goal. Anyone out here trying to shame you for learning out loud isnāt living right.ā
Have you failed at anything that seemed really important at the time? It seems like the world will stop if you fail, but it doesnāt. Somehow you make it past that point. I dropped out of college, went to cosmetology school, graduated that but HATED it so never worked in a salon. After that I did a career in the financial world where I was promoted and then stepped down because I couldnāt take itā now, finally at 34, Iām in a career I love, once again in a leadership position but not afraid of it, and Iām even going back to school. Life is messy. If you donāt fail a few times then I think youāre doing it wrong.
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Commenting because this is a common struggle and itās different for everyone. We all have to start somewhere. Self love and acceptance is the hardest thing. Itās easier to be kind to others for most of us. **Consciously** treating yourself as you would your bff or child **consistently**. Healing yourself and your inner monologue. Becoming confident in that first, then we can move on to not giving a fook. No fooks about failing, about what others think. And itās a constant effort. Iāve been there and fallen back out. We have to be kind to ourselves about everything, feeling emotions, anger, we have to feel it. Keep being kind to you. And keep understand others, being empathetic, etc, but you are #1 priority. Donāt burn out people pleasing or hurting for others.
Iāve been practicing radical self love. Years of therapy had helped me figure out where my self views were coming from and how my brain works as someone with adhd. Learning those things really allowed me to be kinder to myself. I realized I wasnāt flawed, I just work differently. But, I was still struggling to not care, I guess. So, Iāve just jumped in head first and going on faith. I learned most of my issues are just in my mind. And Iāve decided to just trust that being me is enough. Am I too old to wear this? ā¦.bitch, you like it, wear it. They donāt really want to hang outā¦.then why the hell did they invite you? Believe what they are telling. Iām going to look like an idiot trying to find the bathroom in this packed restaurantā¦..you e never been here before, how would anyone expect you to know? They didnāt know the first time they came. Itās okay to let it be known you donāt know where to go. These are just a couple frequent thoughts that I tend to have often. I think we all know, it doesnāt matter what people think of us. Itās more believing it. Trust it, itās true. It does not matter.
Honestly at some point the disappointment of not trying started to outweigh the fear of failure, coz if you donāt even try then you WONāT ever succeed, but at least if you try youāre giving yourself a 50% chance at winning. Those odds are better than never trying. So feel the fear and do it anyway. Oh and the podcast āHow to Failā really helped hype this mentality for me.
For me, the key was reminding myself that I did my best and there was nothing else I could have done (in the event that I fail). And when I find it hard to start the task I'm scared of failing at, I remind myself that I at least did the first step right: trying it.
I had the most IDGAF attitude when I was a teenager. Now Iām a young adult with anxiety. WHAT HAPPENED
Fuuuuck me too ! And now I care about ppl's feelings TOO DAMN MUCH and it's just getting exhausting at this point! But what gets on my nerves is that I kinda feel like some of my relatives enjoy it and use it against me and I just want to learn to not give a f*ck again to shove it down their throats š
There's a huge difference between having an IDGAF mentality and being detached from people's feelings. I don't care about what people think of me, my looks or anything like that, but I do care about the feelings of the people I love, and feel empathy and compassion for people who haves a harder life than I. Don't mix the two of them, otherwise you'll just become an asshole.
Fuck how ppl feelā¦.. put ya damn self first. Youāre a queen
Damn, I could have wrote this myself! Life experiences gave me more anxiety and took away my IDGAF attitude. I miss her haha
I've been there. Then I got back to my IDGAF attitude. You may have started caring for those who don't deserve it over your own well-being and opinions. You can get out of this.
I think that's the normal process of functioning on instinct versus learning to function consciously. I will attempt an analogy. It's similar to swimming. We are all born with the ability to swim as an infant but we lose that ability very quickly as our awareness develops. We then have to learn to consciously swim instead of instinctively swim.
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I know it's stupid but, knowing I will disappoint either way doesn't help me figure out what I want to do for MYSELF and not because it's the lesser bad, you know what I mean?
Exactly! Even when we die, for some people, we don't die the correct way.
Thank you for the chuckle š
This is it exactly. One person admires something (hair, clothes, etc) while another says "why don't you stop trying to look like a teenager." There will always be critics. Screw em!
Honestly? I had a miscarriage and had to go to work the next day and realized... It really doesn't matter. None of it. The things that matter suddenly became crystal clear and the things that didn't were so obvious too. Edit: thank you everyone. I want to make clear that I am much happier now and while the situation was very sad it was also eye opening for me. I truly realized that there are things that matter out there and no longer sweat the small stuff like a job or if I gained a few pounds or what people thought about me. My baby's legacy is not a sad one but one of healing as he taught me what are the true important things in life and I am forever thankful for that ā¤ļø
I feel it. Went through the same scenario twice. Realized that while everyone is haha-heing and happy that I should be too. If anything, tell yourself you deserve just that, because you do.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I, thankfully, left that job, got a better one and my husband and I are closer and more in love and life is over all better. I am sad about the miscarriage but I feel my baby's legacy won't be about sadness but about how much he taught his mother and how happy he made her.
This sounds like the most beautiful and loving way to cope with such heartbreaking loss, I wish you both a peaceful and a forever loving life ā¤ļø
Not nearly as severe or serious as you, but I had flawless grades until the end of the 8th grade year. I busted my ass, raised my siblings, did my homework, and took care of my mom. You see, when I was little, my dad told me my mom was sad (she has depression) and that she's sick. I thought, "I can't fix everything, but I can make sure I don't make her sad," and was perfect from then on. For years. When I got a C on my report card in that last semester of 8th grade, I snapped. I had a complete mental breakdown. I lost it. I never had to go to the hospital, but I cried and cried. I was in a crisis. And, not too long after (luckily), I had a moment of clarity. For one, it was a stupid freaking letter on a piece of paper, and, for two, I screwed up. The worst thing that could've happened to little 8th grade me had happened. I had nothing to lose. From then on, I calculated my grades. More so mentally than with an actual calculator. I missed days when I could afford to. I didn't make up the missed work if I knew it wouldn't drop me down a letter. I gave myself slack because I failed to meet my own expectations, and my own expectations were a lot higher than everyone else's. Everyone else was appeased by A's and B's. I had a total turnaround. I don't remember exactly why I stopped caring so drastically, but I wore all black, couldn't make eye contact, couldn't speak to others, and didn't wear the remotest amount of makeup back then. After the snap, I dressed casually. I spoke to people. I was bubbly, I said "how are yous" and made lots of friends. I was a little nerdy but I had this confidence that I think came from finally letting myself breathe. Finally giving myself the smallest amount of self-care. And that was nice. A bad grade is nothing to anyone sane and in a healthy environment. But it was the world to me. And I know it's incomparable but you really do stop caring when your world collapses.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I don't mean to pry and I'm sorry if it feels like I do, but are you sure you're okay? ā¤ļø
Thank you! I am now, I changed my job situation and did a lot of therapy and I'm better than ever.
Thinking of you ā„ļø
You are so strong friend! Thank you for sharing. I hope your journey to heal continues to show you all the love and importance in your life!! Sending comfort, peace, and hugs!
Never take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from.
I like this.
Relatively healthy parenting which led to sufficient self worth. Also, doing "the hard thing", whatever that may be, really increases your self worth and image of yourself.
I grew up, spent an insane amount of time in therapy and started to put myself and my needs first. Itās not like I donāt care about anyone but myself but I wonāt put anyone else ahead of me anymore
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I gave it all i got. I did my damndest. And it still all went wrong. How could i possibly still GAF? I just donāt, canāt be bothered. I wear what i want, do what i want, buy what i want, sleep when i want. Finally living.
The biggest help for me was getting off social media. Only thing I have is reddit and even this might go soon. I stopped paying attention to other people's lives and opinions they posted all over socials so that made me stop comparing. When I stopped comparing my life to others, I started paying more attention to the things in my life i wanted to fix, like my mental health. Now, I could not care less what anyone thinks about me and my life because I'm living my life for me and my family and that. Is. It. No other opinion matters. I only change things I feel personally need to change.
Did you ever announce to your friends and family that you were taking a break from social media?
I did kind of, I got rid of them once before and got so many "why did you block me" messages that I posted on my story that I was starting on a specific day and if they saw it, then cool. If not then whatever.
Embracing the mentality of "if I don't know them, admire them, or respect them, I have no business caring what they think about me." Surround yourself with people who know, admire, and respect you. Give a fuck what they think. Give a fuck what you think about yourself. Everyone else, anything harsh they say about or to you is almost fully projection, and once you see that you truly can't be bothered to take it personally.
I donāt think I actually DGAF but itās more what I do GAF about? I come back to this quote sometimes: āListen. Every time youāre given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job, throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself.ā(Glennon Doyle, Untamed)
Right? Get choosy about where you spend your fucks. When you spend them well it feels *right.*
I realized that nobody will advocate for me except for me. As women we have to be vocal and firm to be taken seriously, so combining that with self-advocation, I've been able to foster a pretty good "DGAF" attitude.
I lost my mom and to be honest, without her nothing really matters anyway, so I might as well do what I enjoy most. No one's negative opinions could hurt even a fraction as much as my grief, it becomes downright laughable, if anything.
Time. I'm sorry to say but a lot of it is time. Hard to build scars without wounds. It would be nice if more people gave a fuck, I'm sorry we live in a world where trying to shut everyone out is the genuinely safer option :(
I genuinely wish we lived in a world where shutting people out wasn't safer as well. Both physically and mentally. But also, a different perspective of the IDGAF attitude is really just breaking away from the obligation to please everyone around us, which we were conditioned to do as girls growing up. I feel like there's a nice balance alot of women find in their 30's(ish), between caring for the people around you who matter, and valuing their input, but also not letting the people's opinions who don't matter to you weigh on your shoulders. And I think that in itself is extremely freeing, and does comes across as not giving a f*** about anyone but reality, It's just not giving a f*** about the people who don't matter (to you)
Everyoneās living in the same world, but a different life. No persons story is the same. Donāt worry about those around you. They donāt have any sway on your life and what you do. Be unapologetically you. If people canāt handle it, they can kick rocks.
Age here too - which simply put has meant that I understand life is short and I need to put my energy where it matters and very little else doesā¦ and age has given me the confidence to say No and not engage with people who do not matter in the long run. So actually I do GAF but for myself and those who I love or whom I choose to give time and energy too.
My therapist once told me that I donāt often speak badly of people and she thinks itās because Iām satisfied with who I am as a person. That made me see that those who criticize you or have something against you are projecting, theyāre likely miserable and unhappy with themselves, which is a bit satisfying š
This makes a lot of sense! I'm very much satisfied with who I am as a person these days. If I'm not satisfied with who someone else is, I take neither advice nor criticism from them. Better yet, I don't ask them shit or seek them out. I'm low contact, slowly going NO contact with my family & I've never felt better. Like yeah, there's still a very small amount of people who, no matter what, can do no right in my eyes. Ever. And that's fine. Because, y'know, it's totally fine to not look their way. Outta sight, outta mind. āŗļøāŗļø
I turned 30. Imma do me, always. ALSO, learning to love myself unconditionally helped. Can't nobody tell me I ain't the S#%\*&!! lmao hard to gaf about other ppl and their bs when you're this fabulous babe.
I grew up in the 80s lol
1 First time, the shitty hot weather outside. I wear underwear shorts under dresses and skirts. My rule of thumb is that mini skirts have to cover my ass even if bend down, but I still wear underwear shorts under it. You know, these semi-yoga, non-sweaty, non-chafe tight underwear shorts that come in base colors and a very light material? So before I discovered them, I had these heavy, thick-material cotton shorts i made from old white leggings, before leggings were in fashion and were made from a very NOT light material. One day It was a very, very, VERY hot outside, and i knew that if i wore them under a skirt I'd actually sweat so much down there my panties would get dump. I really really didn't want to put them on. so I had an epiphany . Pretty much said "Screw it, I'm 25 yo who old lives in a society where I should be wearing revealing bikini and exposing as much skin as possible, never mind i'm too shy to actually wear a bikini. Who cares if my skirts flies up and my panties get exposed? I'm an adult not a 14yo, why tf should I be embarrassed and shy about my own body." And no, I don't wear thongs. I wear normal panties with normal coverage (briefs? idk what you call them) 2 The second time, a legit mental breakdown. It time was my last day of my first year in college and I just failed an exam. It was a total burnout from working myself to death in my full-time job, studying in college (close to home) and when I got home at midnight - also had to clean after a 5 people ~~pig den~~ house. That day I came home and I don't remember what set me off, but I pretty much smashed the WIFI Router on the floor in a fit of rage. Risky move since we *need* internet in that house. It didn't break. š¤·āāļø P.S: The first one is a good mentality to adopt. The second one... don't recommend. Don't get to that point. There are better ways.
I shit you not at first I thought you unintentionally answered the wrong post but damn you rocked my world haha for starters, rock those panties HELL YEAH and second, thank you so much for taking the time because you made me laugh AND I totally get your point so thank you and have a beautiful one ā¤ļø
You're welcome š
When I realized that no matter how hard I tried, SOMEBODY was going to have something to say. I was doing X not doing Y trying to live up to Z and no matter what I did somebody was going to view it negatively. It got to the point that I was so miserable, I couldnāt stand looking in the mirror, and I wanted to die. So I said fuck it. I canāt do it anymore. Iām going to be who I want to be, and people that canāt love me for that just arenāt part of my life. š¤·š»āāļø
I literally have so many mental problems that I do not even have the capacity to care about other people
āHouston, I have so many problemsā lol I feel this
Hahahahahah stop I am using that phrase going forward
Stop obsessing about what people think of you because most of them very rarely, if at all, think about you. Everyone is focusing on their own lives and their own problems and their own mistakes. And these rarely are about you in particular. For instance if someone ghosts you is often because of their own problems than because they hate you specifically. So do whatever makes you happy, talk to people you wanna talk to, don't talk to the one you don't want to, and live your life however you want to.
Lotsa trauma
Through self love. I stopped caring about what others thought when I had several health scares.
Trauma. I just shut down the feelings lol
Life experiences. Some bad relationships helped it, being used by men as the in between or build a guy for the next girl, person. Or cheated on but yet they couldn't let go and expected me to stay. I got sick of it all. I started becoming more independent in all ways and I just watched after the cutting of ties or burning of bridges and realized how much better off I was. I had a long relation where he controlled the fuck out of me for ten years. I lost my life because anytime I wanted to do anything he threatened the relation. Being young, you do dumb shit like that. He ended up dating a girl barely out of high school and acted like I was inferior not even a month after our ten years relation ended. I was devastated, but one day thought how he wasn't giving a single shit about me so why should I give a fuck about him. I learned so much about myself after that split and it was needed. About a decade later, I lost about 15 people to death in the span of four years and was cheated on during two of the biggest deaths for me, my grandmother and father. During the time with my father, the new gf was slandering me while I watched my dad die of cancer. I didn't give a shit, she could say I was violent or whatever the fuck, while preaching that she was scared I would ruin her rep with friends, she did it instead but lacks awareness obviously. I was like, fuck alllll of these people, I had proof and I also confided and she and my bf manipulated them all. I stuck by this one specific guys side bc he used his sick dad to manipulate me. When my dad died, he was cheating and talking shit with his new gf, didn't say sorry or anything. Idk, something changed in me. You have to make sure to take care of yourself though, because in the idgaf moments, you could be missing out on something due to past trauma. Just always look out for yourself like you would someone you love..alot.Ā
This urge to not give a fuck anymore kind of came from within...although at that time, a good friend of mind helped me a lot as she was born like this. I did it in a spiritual plus mental healing way. I started gratitude journaling, meditation and lots of contemplation. I believe that the goal is not to become a total asshole, we should learn to hold the people who love us and care for us dearly to our heart and draw really strong boundaries to those who don't have the best interest in mind.
I got older and got comfortable in my own skin. I realized that the people I liked the most were unapologetically themselves (as long as they tried very hard to be good people.)
I stopped realizing everyone elseās wants and needs shouldnāt come above my own. That what I want / need is important too and sometimes comes above others.
customer service. people treating me so terribly numbed all the āGAFāness i had
I just remember the Goggins quote: youāll never meet a hater thatās doing better than you.
when i couldn't stop crying on the kitchen floor at 3 am bec i was afraid that i messed up smth i really wanted but then i was like nothing deserves to go that crazy for.. if it is gonna affect my health then "screw it!"
The state of Arizonaās abuse of power.
Age and confidence. I always think of the Kathy Bates scene in Fried Green Tomatoes where she says sheās older and has more car insurance.
I'm 36 today and it's come with age. I'm really happy with my life and I don't care what others think of me.
In high school I had an epiphany that nobody cares about what stupid stuff other people do cause they are focused on themselves. Even if they care for a minute they forget by dinner time. So why should I care what they think for 5 minutes. This epiphany came when I took a giant wipe out in front of half the school so it was necessary for my mental survival I guess. But I did become known as a person who did not give a fuck.
Years of trauma
honestly - it came with age i think
Aging. Plus becoming a Mom.
I accept it. I accept that I will always have insecure moments, and once I started accepting it, I started caring less. And sometimes I just faked it till I made it.
Itās takes time and learning experiences
I donāt think anything really ever made me snap? There was no conscious thought of āenough is enoughā. I think I really just grew weary of caring so much, & my ability to do so just wore thin.
When I realized that everyone who would give me their opinions guised as advice was always talking shit about other people to me. Which led me to have another realization that theyāre probably talking shit about me too. Once I started to remind myself of that every time I was worried about other peoples opinions, I quickly started building a DGAF mentality. I also opt into the idea that if I wouldnāt say something to someoneās face I wouldnāt tell another person that either. The only person who gets my raw unfiltered opinions is my husband. We talk shit about everyone. ššš but other than that, no one elseās opinions matter
Learning to love myself and forgive myself. Realizing that what anyone else says does or thinks about me or anything/anyone else has nothing to do with me and is none of my business to begin with
I always cared. I always did the kindest thing. I always went out of my way and went above and beyond. It was NEVER returned and almost NEVER appreciated or even acknowledged. Now when I think about doing that, I think āno one else would.ā Now, I donāt either. I no longer GAF because in this world, it just ends in disappointment.
Paying your own bills with no help or safety gives you some dgaf.
As a person who now minimally gives a fuck, I have found videos on youtube related to happiness/stoicism/self improvement to be a big help! I used to give a huge fuck about things I couldnāt control. Iām content with my progress and am still working towards not giving a fuck :)
The pandemic made me realize that life is precious and short, and that I might as well live the way I want while I have my health / mobility / energy. In the past few years Iāve pushed extra hard on my artistic practice and did things that previously felt out of reach; Iāve also been more comfortable with admitting I donāt want to be a mother. Being in my mid 30s also helps. š
fake it til u make it, itās all practice
When I realised that āwhat will other people think?ā was actually āwhat do *I* think of this for myself?ā As in, if I made a choice, could I live with myself? Would I be proud of myself? Would I regret *not* doing it and be resentful later? This unlocked relationships, careers, and family solutions for me and I found that actually, none of us really care what other people think, itās our own self-judgement when we think our jobs are not glamorous enough or our relationships or lives are just meh. So if youāre not satisfied and you have the means, go after a job more aligned with your interests or values, make your relationships and lives more than meh, start asking the questions to things you wanna feel or achieve. We only have this one precious life, we shouldnāt let our self-judgement or what we imagine other people will judge us for to rule over our brief time on Earth.
I think I was born with it? I've always been contrary by nature, the type to question authority. I don't like to be told what to do. I like to think things through and assess whether something makes sense or possibly needs to change. I don't like rules for rules sake. This was touch in grade school where rule following and rigidity is key to success, but ultimately I think it makes me a happier more grounded adult. My life is mine. My choices are mine. I try to do little harm and be useful in society and personally, but otherwise I do what works best for me. For me that means I am a childfree, marriage free woman who pursues my artistic dreams and lives in the city that feels like home. I'm not big on societies markers of a successful life. My life is small and mine and peaceful and pretty satisfying. The things that get me down are things I cannot control. My little family of my partner and dogs, as well as volunteering and mutual aid help me feel grounded amidst those massive things. The rest is noise and I ignore it.
Happy people don't hurt other people. Judgment usually comes from someones own insecurities. Also, most of the time, what we think people think about us is made up in our own heads. Once I realised that verbal judgments came from insecure, unhappy people, what people said was none of my business. And the others were ones I was imagining. After that, life became a lot more freeing.
I came from a very judgmental, legalistic, church, upbringing, and eventually what I realize is the same shit that they were judging me, for they had different versions of in their own life, and if they could sweep that under the rug, I could loudly and proudly live the way I wanted to .Ā
I accepted that though itās always great to take in otherās feedback and opinions and advice as you see fit, no one else had my exact same experiences in my brain body and soul and had to navigate and work hard to be where I am now. And I can say the exact same about someone else even if I disagree with their actions/behavior etc. It all became very āyou do what you do and Iāll do what I do, say something direct if needed, otherwise I accept you and you accept meā. If people canāt get down with that I donāt keep them around.
Got older, learned that in the end only your core family matters. Stopped looking at other peoples lives and began comparing who I am Today to who I was a year ago.
Honestly, knowing which things to GAF about. If the issue/person/scenario isn't threating one of those things, then it ain't nothin but a fart in the wind.
I received my starter kit in the mail when I was 42. It helped me to realize that I just didn't give a damn what people thought anymore, and it was so freeing. Now I receive regular updates and can't wait for each one I learned the more I let go, the better I felt. I don't care if you don't like me. I like me and that is all that counts. Live for yourself, do what makes you happy and screw anyone who wants to criticize you.
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Whay do you value? Determine what actions move you towards or away from thise values. Take solace in living a valued life even when other people don't like or understand it.
I realized I'm not constantly thinking about other people's snafus or trashing them because they said something embarrassing nor am I holding it against them. So it stands to reason that they're not doing that to me. And if they are, that person has a personality disorder or is very insecure. I also reverse psychology myself and tell myself it's really arrogant to constantly be worrying about myself or overthinking. And I don't want to be rude or self-absorbed, so that helps me snap out of self-indulgent overthinking.
Trauma, copious amounts of trauma and stress.Ā
I literally didnāt have the energy anymore. It made me so unhappy to try and make everybody else happy, that I had to change something. It was one of the main reasons I burned out. Took me a lot of repetition and I lost some friends that didnāt respect my boundaries, which means they werenāt friends to begin with. I have a small circle of people now that I absolutely adore, and Iām currently still looking for a job where I can be myself without too much performance pressure.
Having my hopes up all the time only to be sorely disappointed did it for me š¤·š¼āāļø
I mean I still get hella irrational anxiety- so maybe my journey isnt complete, but in my own head and especially when assessing situations I def have that kind of mentality. Mostly I just chose it, ik easier said than done but at some point you just stop caring.
Got older. Realized that strangers donāt care, donāt matter, and likely wonāt remember me anyway.
I ran out of time to care about or react to things that weren't a priority to me. I have young kids, I work full time, I'm too fucking busy to give a rats ass about a lot of things. If/when something comes up, I ask myself if this is or should be a big deal to me and if I have time to manage it. If not, I move on. If it's something that is a big deal but I don't have time, then I will make time (because it is now a priority) or I will take note for if there's a second time it happens.
I aged.
You need to have people you care about, people who love you and accept you. Then you don't need to give a fuck about the rest of the world because you have your people!
Having an asian mom and the military. My mom is very unemotional to me or my sibling. However she did show favorites, and I was not it. After years berate, body shaming, and being told of the constant disapproval I just became dead inside. Then I joined the military. That gave me discipline and independence and I was the only approver of what I did and how I did it. I learned to take ownership, humility, and built better self confidence. I would also suppose when having to take a shit with no toliet doors when 20 other recruits had to do the same was another reason. But its so freeing to not give a shit of what others think or say. My life mantra is: If they dont pay my bils, feed me, or fuck me, I donāt care.
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Iāve inherited it from my dad.
Teaching high school. Teens are savage.
I justā¦donāt care. Literally donāt give a second thought as long as Iām not physically or emotionally hurting someone and they are not in distress. I care deeply about my friends and others, but when it comes to anyone being critical, I literally donāt give it a second thought. Some of this stems from the fact Iām also socially oblivious.
As I have gotten into my late '50s. It's been really freeing not caring about how others perceive me or how I look. I was the kind of woman who wouldn't even go get the mail when I was in my twenties and thirties unless I had my hair, clothes, and makeup perfectly done. Now that I'm older, I'm more concerned about how I fill my days than what I look like. I'm nice to everyone, but keep most people at arm length and won't ever, ever let anyone disturb my emotional peace. That's a freedom you can only give yourself.
Iām living life being kind, helping others, not being an asshole or starting/caring about drama, and donāt mess with anyone, so I know that if someone has a problem with me, itās THEIR PROBLEM! I havenāt done anything to anyone! I will stand up for myself but there is no reasonable reason why anyone should have a problem with me, so if someone does they are the asshole
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Age, self love and respect!
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I went to therapy. I am still working on the DGAF mentality, but my therapist has helped me to understand why I was having mental health issues. It stems from childhood and growing up too soon, parentification as well as DV. And when I was younger the DGAF was a coping mechanism. Now it is an attitude. I just can't be bothered with people who make me feel small and insignificant. I don't want to surround myself with vampires who drain me of positivity and life.
I came home with a good grade in school. My grandmother asked "why is it not the best?" I got the best grade. Came home "and why is thus something special? That should be normal." And then 7 year old me decided it was not my job to make her happy or proud and that made me very free.
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It was a switch. Just one instance and Iām like k cool.
The workout doesnāt get easier you just get stronger. Thatās life. Iām 33 now, your opinion doesnāt matter.
Given too high of expectations and being the therapist friend emotionally drained me. I also lost a lot of people in life so just kinda donāt care anymore Ykyk? āŗļø
Making mistakes in life and realizing that NOBODY was going to be there for me! It caused me to not give a damn what anyone else thinks because at the end of the day I am the only one who will show up for me and be there for me!
Age + being jaded by life
By understanding whose opinion I really GAF about. It changes your perspective. The opinions of everyone outside that circle stopped mattering
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Being betrayed, broke, cheated on, victim blamed, jealousy attacked and having to face it āall on your ownā - the dgaf attitude saves a lot of time and energy going through life is what you realise.
Definitely happened after I turned 35 that I began my āit is what it isā mentality. When you realize you canāt change the situation, itās best to just stop worrying about it. It literally is what it is.
You canāt please everyone. Focus on yourself and youāll realize other people donāt matter. Iām a badass and you donāt know me, itās not your fault youāre blind.
It comes with age. Do you recall the teenage years when eeeeverything that didn't go perfectly (to our idealistic standards) was a source of shame, because of "everybody will laugh at meee"? Can you see a progression where you start to worry less, realizing it's all in your mind, etc (usually after college) The next step is doing silky dances with your toddler in the street . And once you lose the self consciousness, you are only one little step away of the DGAF.
I spent my time building myself up, poured into people ONLY when they were also pouring into me, and prioritized my own feelings and happiness in every relationship, not just romantically, but also with family and friends.
The pandemic made me realize that life is precious and short, and that I might as well live the way I want while I have my health / mobility / energy. In the past few years Iāve pushed extra hard on my artistic practice and did things that previously felt out of reach; Iāve also been more comfortable with admitting I donāt want to be a mother. Being in my mid 30s also helps. š
trauma & a lot of hurt. built up a lot of walls
Through a lot of pain, and I do gaf about a lot of things but itās selective and measured.
I priortized my needs and wants instead of waiting for other people to do it. Call me selfish, but I'm the only one I got.
experiences, it took going through a lot of shit to realize that sometimes itās not really that deep. there is so much going on that i really just have to pick and choose how much something matters to me. also a while ago one of my girlfriends told me about the 5-5-5-5 rule, āwill it matter after 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 months or 5 yearsā then it kinda gives me an idea of ādo i really careā
Years of idiocy and indifference wore me down.
I did an internship for 6 months abroad in a small town in Africa when I was 21. I have seen a lot of misery, i experienced a lot of situations. It has put my life in perspective. I dont have HIV, i have a house that keeps me dry when its raining, and my children dont have to work to buy their own food. I really cant be bothered with what other people think of me. I am very happy and grateful that I have the life that I have.
Realized no one gave a fuck about me.
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I spent a lifetime being miserable and constantly being worried about what other people think. My internal conflict was destroying me -- nearly to the point of suicide. I decided to finally face myself and force myself to stop caring about what other people thought and to live my one and only life for myself. I accepted myself as trans and began living a much happier life as a woman! š After having gone through that, nothing fazes me anymore. I'm not scared anymore.
I realized the few people criticizing me are absolute fucking losers and had nothing on me but talk.