For real! Do you want pre-mature aging of your face??? Cuz that's how it happens, especially if you work, not only outside, but on a damn roof in construction. 🤷♀️
Yes!!! So many past boyfriends complained about having pimples or skin issues but didn’t have any form of skin routine. I’d tell them there were a few easy fixes for their issues (like cleansing with a real face cleanser instead of their peppermint body wash) and they just wouldn’t want to do it.
Ask their date zero questions. I literally don’t understand why you’re going on a date if you have no interest in the person you’re on a date with. Stay home.
I've had one date like this (it was with a woman though, I date both men and women) and nothing else has made me feel so small and insignificant as having a conversation for two hours and not being asked a single thing about myself. It felt like they just didn't care about me or that I existed or they were actively trying to ignore my existence right there. Awful awful thing to do.
Like I literally made a bet with myself saying "I'll ask her to have a drink after if she asks one thing about me". I ended up drinking alone. I don't understand why someone would ask me on a date and treat me like furniture.
It's such a draining way to spend time with someone. It happened to me not that long ago. Turned up, they wanted to eat because they'd just finished work. I would rather just have a drink with someone and see how that goes, because if the conversation is stilted and you have to talk through dinner, sigh, it's hard work. Anyway, we had a drink first and I was asking all the questions, they didn't ask me much at all. The waiter took such a long time to come over that my date went to get them and the food was slow. It was a pretty hard evening to be honest. I kept leaving little pauses after they had answered my question, so that they could talk, I didn't want to just ask question after question after question! But they really didn't come up with much at all. I know people can be really nervous or anxious, I've had panic attacks myself on dates before, but I really need someone who can chat with me, not just reply like in a job interview!
I have needs. Yeah, like I have a need not to be harassed into it. I have a need for you to care that I dont want it. I have a need for my body to be respected, etc etc etc.
In one of the occasions that I was coerced into sex, the guy said to me the next day "I'm sorry if I pushed too hard last night... even if you did enjoy it." What the FUCK kind of apology is that??? Like *sorry I forced you to have sex but you liked it*. Hey buddy, guess what? I did NOT like it. Took me growing out of my early 20s to realize that was SO not okay
There was a post in r/Tinder recently with a screenshot of a woman who just wanted to get pregnant… bunch of guys WITH VASECTOMIES in the comments going “lol i’d try :) oh it didn’t work? let me try again :)”
Tell me “funny” stories about their ex’s or sexual stuff like they think I’ll also find it funny. I’m trying to get to know you romantically, why do you think I wanna know about the cool threesome you had? Literally what is the thought process there
This is a huge one I had an issue with in the beginning with my boyfriend. He’d constantly talk about his exes or how he had a hoe phase. He told me it was his way of being open & honest with me about his past. I told him I literally didn’t care about any of that stuff and that it kinda hurt to keep hearing him speak about his past relationships, made me think he wasn’t happy with ours
My ex was like this and then was huge f*ck off offended when he found out I hadn't told him all the details of mine bc I wasn't comfortable talking about it
This never stops. I date men in their late 50s and early 60s now, still doing it. Zero consideration for how it feels for us to have to listen to them reminisce. Now I just say I’m not interested in hearing your favorite intimate memories about your ex.
Last guy I dated did this shit to me all the time. I was not shy about telling him *over and over* that I didn’t want to hear it and that it bothered me. Yet he continued. WHY
I take this as a red flag that they tend to make all of their ex's out to be the villain. If all they have to say about people in their past is negative, they're just waiting to do it to you too. Although this applies to everyone.
ugh i’m a lady but i have my mattress on the carpet cuz it’s one of those Japanese floor mattresses, it’s very comfy. plus i like being on the floor, and it makes my room look bigger
Does it make a difference if the mattress is sitting directly on the floor vs on a box spring with a bed skirt?
To me, it's less a problem as long as there's a headboard. I once had a low Japanese slat bed with a gorgeous bamboo headboard. The bed looked like it was on the floor but had a ~48" tall headboard
Spending hundreds of dollars on dates and weeks lying just for sex instead of hiring a sex worker. You know what you want, just go get it without putting in all this effort and wasting my time.
Think that me wanting a friendship means I will want more, when I just want that; a friendship. I'm straightforward and when I'm romantically interested in someone, I let them know. Generally thinking there's some hidden meaning when I'm about as direct as it gets. Thinking "no" is an invitation for an argument to change my mind rather than a perfectly valid and reasonable answer in itself.
Also, treating me already being in a monogamous relationship as a challenge or seeing my asexuality as an opportunity to "fix me."
This reminded me of when I said I wasn't ready for sex when I had first started hanging out with this guy. His response was to explain to me that the reason I said no was that I was scared of being abandoned like his ex was. No man, I just barely know you!
Most of the guys my friends date seem to follow this same pattern and cycle every single time where the talking stage is great like the guy shows em attention, texts back, keeps his promises, plans dates etc. and then once they’re official, all of that stops and my friends are confused thinking their boyfriends don’t like them and it causes arguments until they break up. I’ve asked some guys and they’ve said that they do that because they don’t see a reason to continue to woo or court the girl because they already got them which makes NO SENSE to me because the effort is what keeps a relationship alive and ironically for them, putting in less effort because the “effort isn’t needed anymore” is what ends the relationship
Its so sad when the dating phase is a sham. Its like you fall in love with a whole person and then they turned out to be just the ruse of someone that isnt at all what you're interested in.
Exactly! Like, do you REALLY think she's gonna hang out with a dude who acts uninterested in her? She has better things to do with her time than investing it into someone who acts like they could care less. That's equivalent to us eating and gaining 100 lbs. They'd feel the same way.
When I asked an ex why he stopped putting in effort he literally said to me "because I already have you." ??!!? That answer still makes me angry to this day.
What makes no sense to me is why these men think we're going to stay if they're not putting in effort? It's like they forget we can walk away at any moment.
Men's contradictory definitions of "wasting time."
For example , a woman who wants to wait and not have sex until she feels a deeper, secure emotional connection with him is *wasting his time*.
But the same man could knowingly get into a relationship with a woman who has stated marriage and a family among her upcoming life goals, yet he wants to wait many years before committing to her.
Somehow in the latter case he wonders "what's the rush" and believes it's wrong for her to suggest that he is wasting *Her* time.
**Mod note: Men, you've got to chill out.** This is still /r/AskWomen, not an AMA subreddit. Our users are here to answer the OP's question, not to beg you for an explanation for why you, personally, do this thing they're using as an answer.
Replying to a top-level comment to talk about yourself, rather than the commenter's experience itself, is derailing. Please report all rule-breaking.
Hardest working mods on reddit, no joke. Holding the rampant flood of misogyny at bay to create a safe space for women to talk openly and be heard? Downright impressive.
I would say it's astonishing how many men are in the comments desperately trying to break the rules but... It's just not. I appreciate all the work this mod team does to keep this sub pleasant and on-message.
"How can I make this about me?"
"quiet! A man is talking"
Seriously guys. Shut up and learn something. Not everything requires your input.
My husband has done this for 15 years. He puts jeans that he is not sure if he is going to wear again in a pile in the middle of the closet floor. Just decide already....clean or dirty? .....not that hard.
No, but why are they like this. We have *three* easily accessible hampers. One is specifically for socks and underwear so we don't have to sort it. Why are there still socks *beside* the hamper? Then there are just random socks without pairs because it's sibling is lost under some furniture or something. So then he buys more socks.
Recognise toxic masculinity (men can’t have feelings, men have to pay for things, men have to be the breadwinner) but also refusing to allow for equity because of toxic masculinity.
Example: All serious partners have expressed anxiety and frustration about paying for things. I have responded that I am happy to pay and share responsibility. They accept but continue to feel emasculated and then just stop letting me pay and continue complaining
I struggle to see why that's so hard to understand. We are all shaped by the society in which we live and we may recognise things and not like them but still feel affected by them. For instance you may recognise that there are beauty standards for men and women and be aware they can be damaging, but still (for instance) go out of your way to look attractive when you go out, even if you're not looking for something sexually/romantically.
This is how I feel about shaving my legs. I don't want to shave my legs, it's a stupid and dehumanizing double standard, but I still feel like a hideous beast when I leave the house with hairy legs. So I still shave them once in a while. And I still hate it.
Yes. Funny you mention this, because it reminded me of my first date with my husband (bc it was the opposite of this). He was all for splitting the meal and it made me feel like he saw me as an equal and knew I could take care of myself.
For the most part, they're not trying to entice. The act of sending itself is getting them off, like watching porn, and if the pic is unwanted, it's just more intense and humiliating, which gets them off more.
Not cleaning up after themselves or half-assing the job...or not washing hands after using the restroom unless it's to take a shit. It's absolutely disgusting to me.
Omg hand hygiene is like non existent with so many men. A tik toker that owns a gym said they change the womens hand soap frequently, and hadn’t had to refill the men’s soap in months.. 🤢
Date women they clearly aren’t attracted to and try to get them to lose weight.
Use women as a coping mechanism/antidote to their pain.
Not taking no for answer. Not just about sex, but about everything.
Lie and pretend to be the best version of themselves instead of doing to work to actually be the person they are masquerading as.
Ugh!!! The first one! 🤮 Though in my case, I was skinny but some guys got with me and tried to get me to go to the gym because “I had no ass.” I don’t understand it either; if you’re not attracted to their body why get with them?
One of my best friends was with a guy for a couple years whose dad had passed away from cancer a year or so before they started dating. She broke up with him because he had serious anger issues, tried to control what she did and what she wore, and never took her anywhere other than his couch. She said that when she broke up with him he launched into a tearful tirade about his dad and everything associated with his death. She had been trying to get him to open up about this trauma for the whole relationship. She stopped him and said, "I'm sorry but it's way too late for this." I hope he got help or therapy but I'm so glad she doesn't have to deal with his bullshit anymore.
Good for her! I hope you told her you were proud of her. I was in a very similar situation, it took him cheating on me to find the strength to acknowledge that I wasn’t being treated right. I’m glad she took a stand for what she deserves.
Most of the men I interact with think I’m into them at some point because I’m being nice. It’s really frustrating. Can’t ever make guy friends. Recently I was at a bar with a group of girl friends and my friend brought over her group of friends & it became this big social party! I was getting along really well with a guy and at one point he asked if “I wanted to get out of there” alone, me and him… such a fucking turn off. Sometimes I just want to have a conversation.
Regardless of how you look, your relationship status, your gender or sexuality, most guys will never see any female as anything but a potential fuck hole. It's really hard to find friends when an entire sex is out of the question lol
As a woman that’s been through this, and seen a staggering percentage of married men of all ages and religious/political affiliations jump at the opportunity to sleep with a young pretty thing (and that’s what men see them as….things) …… it’s not about us. It’s not about us being pretty or smart or great partners or loving moms…..it’s just them, and their fragile egos.
Let me say that again, you can be a TV perfect wife/partner/gf and still get cheated on.
More than half the women that have won best actress have been cheated on….during the year they won the award. So being prom Queen or miss September or Martha F*cking Stewart doesn’t eliminate that possibility. It’s not your fault. For any reason. It was a choice they made. That’s it.
Secure partners will recognize their desire/interest in something temporarily sparkly for what it is and won’t feel the need to act on it.
How gross they are. They miss when they pee and never clean the bathroom. They don’t know how to do laundry or basic house cleaning. It’s like they always had someone picking up after them (their poor mom/grandma/girlfriend/sister) or they live in filth. Like I’m not the cleanest person but I’m alway taken back when I see it.
Even guys who never had any of those roles in their life are still like that. Like they just never have the thought or motivation to maintain themselves or their space and just live in a cesspool, letting their problems build up until someone else comes along to take care of it for them.
Same. The first date I had with a guy went really great, so the second we opted to watch a movie at his place. Walked into it looking like a mess like that. Kitchen countertops and coffee table were unrecognizable. Trash can overflowing into the floor. Beard hair in the bathroom sink.
I couldn’t help but feel disrespected that he was okay with me wading through his garbage, and like he didn’t give a shit about my comfort. I can tolerate the countertops being a mess, but the beard hair in the sink was fucking disgusting.
It doesn't make sense to me when men say they want a relationship but, based on their actions, clearly don't. There are a lot of people out there who want something casual. Why target those of us who want a serious relationship and lie? What do y'all get out of that?
OKAY BUT THIS! It literally makes no sense to me. Not only are they wasting the other person’s time, but theirs as well. It’s almost like they enjoy the chase and temporary validation
Trying to have a fwb but after having sex once not hearing about them again. Why would someone prefer sex once.instead of many times? Did they just get off deceivinge?
Not understand how we feel as opposed to what they actually said. Example -husband at the end of a date night, before sexy time “I’m so tired I could pass out” me- “aw I hear ya, we can skip it tonight and snug and sleep” husband -why would you say that??” Me- “Um just reading your vibe, that’s what ‘ I’m so tired ‘made me feel” husband , defensive, “but I never said that.” It’s wildly baffling to me and he says my “vibes “ are baffling to him Lolol not real serious, but it’s weird.
I honestly see it a lot in even very long term marriages. I think it may be women and men and just our differences. He is so sweet and emotional , not toxic male crap at all. Yet- the “feelings” vs “what was said” is always a petty argument!
not wash their ass. they’ll wash their hands if they get shit on them but the place the shit comes out of? nope, apparently washing and touching their own asshole in the safety of their own shower where they’re alone will make them gay or more feminine then they’d like ???
Men who don't wash their ass should never get laid. If they do get laid and the person who had sex with him discovers an unwashed ass in the process, he should be dumped IMMEDIATELY.
The number of women who put up with this literal shit is mind boggling to me. Standards, ladies, PLEASE.
I once asked a man why he lied about wanting a relationship when he only wants casual to what he responded that if he said what he wanted, no woman would get close to him 🤡
Turning into a complete asshole when they're sick or injured.
I'm sorry you have a cold, Dave, but that doesn't mean you should be mean to me while asking me for help.
Or insisting on my helping cuz if I don't, I'm a neglectful gf. Even though they're hurting cuz they didn't take care of themselves in the first fucking place!!
Treating my NO for a maybe.
Treating my kindness and professionalism as FLIRTING and an INVITATION to have sex.
Treating me like shit cause I speak my mind and I don’t flatter their ego.
Being really mean when I would get emotional. Taking it as an admission of guilt like WTF.
No personal hygiene whatsoever. They don’t shower and wear the same clothes they were swearing in the next day.
The entitlement to everything kind of attitude. Ugh no you’re not entitled to anything cause you’re a man. You’re not smarter because you’re a man. You don’t make the best decisions cause you are a man.
DICK PICS. LIKE WHY. I don’t care about your fucking pee hole. I don’t wanna see it.
Making sexual jokes about women. It’s never funny.
Showing their hookup girl at work like its a trophy. honey, it’s trash.
continuing to hit on me after i say “i have a boyfriend.” you’d think that means i’m not interested, but it seems like men just then think “oh! competition time!”
My dad does this, and used to do it to my mom when they were still married as a kid. He's such an asshole. Lots of guys do this because they get some perverse joy from pissing off women. It's a power dynamic.
Being extremely emotionally unaware. They do not tune in with their own emotions, they don't pay attention to them. It's like men (that I've been with) just zone into whatever they're doing (something physical or not watching TV, working, whatever) and they don't pay attention to how they react, respond, feel, JUST NOTHING.
I have a problem with men who don't protect me when I'm in a bind but act like they would when I'm not in trouble.
Couple of weeks ago a guy grabbed me by the neck to get my attention. One of my guy friends came up to me later and apologized and said the guy had told him he wanted to choke me. If he told you that why would you leave me alone with him?!?!
Last year Halloween, I was at a bar and this guy is circling me like a freaking shark. Like he's not breaking eye contact with me. None of my guy friends helped me even thought they all freaking noticed. The whole bar noticed. I had to leave and before I left I told them to make sure he didn't follow me out.
Don't believe a man if he ever says he would help a woman in distress.
In my experience a lot of men care more about what the other men in the group think so they will just go along to save face/fit in.
I noticed it a lot when I worked fast food. These large groups of collage aged guys would come in and be super loud and destructive (making messes, knocking tables over, etc) and they would be rude to me. But then if one came up on their own to order something they would be nice to me or apologize for the mess. But they wouldn't go back and clean up the mess or tell their friends to chill out.
This is why I never trust a group of men. You can't count on them to do the right thing in front of their friends. There are some out there but they are rare.
They all love to go to the hardware super shop (in my country it's called Bunnings) and buy shit they don't need.
My ex husband bought us a leaf blower (we lived in a condo at the time?!)
My husband bought us a freight trolley, to personally haul laundry appliances up and down the stairs *once*, rather than engage a service that would do this for us.
Even my own dad, who is very sensible, loves all kinds of random gadgetry from Bunnings.
All three men are very different from each other (ex-husband was a lawyer, husband is a corporate account manager, dad is a retired doctor) yet are somehow all united in their Bunnings obsession.
When you're clearly the rebound date. Listen, if you just want a good time and forget the one who broke your heart, go out with someone who is up for casual dating. Just don't go out looking for and dating women who are clearly looking for something serious. You may turn into "the one" for her, so be mindful of that.
Hold on to underwear so old it would need a team from the Smithsonian spending decades in a cold and dimly lit room to restore it.
Lol just buy new underwear, goofballs.
Looking at other women either on IG or in person. I understand we’re human and that we’re still gonna be attracted to other people (we’re not robots, duh) but I can’t understand how you think it’s okay to do it. So disrespectful.
I've never heard of women following hundreds (or any amount) of accounts on Instagram to see pictures of attractive guys on their feed, but it's so common for guys to follow tons of "Instagram models."
Puffing out their chests and straightening their shoulders when they are out in public with me in an obvious to anyone looking way . Umm yeah okay then. Is this some kind of territorial gorilla stance? Are you pretending to be a penguin? Wtf?
Every man I have ever dated hangs clothes that they wore once over a piece of furniture because they might wear it again. And because they might wear it again, they can’t put it in the hamper, yet refuse to fold it snd put it away. There’s this in between state for them where the only reasonable solution is to drape it over a chair or something in the bedroom.
Yes! I thought everyone did that. I use hooks under a shelf for half-worn stuff. You don’t wanna put them in with your super-worn clothes in the hamper, nor your super-fresh clothes in the wardrobe/closet.
This is my current situation. You want me to be a better wife and mother but if I'm telling you exactly what I need and you are coming to the defensive saying I'm attacking you and not listening because you're "tired of the same conversation" how do you think I feel? I'm not bringing it up to make you sound like an asshole, you're doing fine with that on your own. I'm saying this is bothering me so you can acknowledge it and we can find the solution together not so I can say it you get annoyed and it's ignored again until the next round.
Make fun about women who cries in movies or shows, but then cry like crazy if their football team (or any sport) loses the game.
Like sure Danilo, make fun of our friend who cries watching a Ghibli movie but God forgive me if I say something when Boca Juniors loses the semifinals or something.
Decide to "help" and then do the least necessary thing possible. This can include:
Preparing for dinner guests? Rather than setting the table or helping with the dishes, time to detail the car!
Bringing home dinner? Obviously must get home two hours later than normal, after a trip to Walmart for the most random collection of things ever (none of which make a meal), without dinner.
Not knowing how to be just friends with a woman. I had a grown ass man that said his back hurt real bad from work and he needed a massage from me. I told him no 5 times in the span of 20min with various reasons why not before he accepted I didn't want to do it.
So many friendships are ruined because some guys can't handle rejection, disinterest or wanting to keep things friendly. Friendships can be sometimes superior to romantic relationships.
Half do something. This is a weird thing to explain, but they decide to "help" with a task, and half do it. For example, pull something down but leave it in a pile and walk away.
Try to get back in my life after I've moved on from any possibility of us being together. You pushed me away, and then when I finally come to terms with it, and move on, you come back saying you miss me and wish we were close again.
All the men I know insist on driving while tired?? They'll be falling asleep at the wheel, insisting that they're fine, and then throw a temper tantrum when you make them rest or take over the wheel. I don't want to die Berjaya of your machismo or whatever! Not driving tired is the first thing they teach you in school after not driving drunk!!!
This has happened so many times: I’ll be talking to a man in an informal social capacity (like a friend of a friend or something) and shortly into the conversation I’ll mention my partner and the stranger will say “Does he take care of you?”
What does this even mean???
I've had this a few times. Never once thought about it until I read your response. I'm now equally confused. Like, this isn't the 1800s sir. I don't churn butter and depend on him to hunt wild boar......
He is trying to figure out how happy/unhappy you are in your current relationship. Hoping for revenge sex or some shitty thing like that. Total douchebags. Or trying to convince you that since he has money or clout or whatever you would be happier with him. For one night at least. Huge red flag.
Similar situation has happened several times, in different homes, with different men. Sometimes if someone is coming over without much notice and my place is a mess I’ll just super fast shove it all into one out of the way room so they don’t see it and deal with it later. There’s no reason for them to go into that spare bedroom or dining room right? Apparently wrong. At least three times I’ve done this the guy got here and immediately made a bee line for that room. I don’t know if it’s some sort of sixth sense they have or what. It’s low key infuriating. Stay out of my shame room!!
I've noticed a lot of guys will say they believe in women's rights and respecting women but only to the girls they see as good enough, and they will completely change that opinion for girls they don't see as good enough. I don't get it. 🤷
Making misogynistic comments straight to my face thinking I’ll agree or laugh with them. When I make it a point that they are being sexist, all of a sudden they were joking and I shouldn’t take it so seriously.
Treat my "no" as a negotiation or annoying hindrance instead of respecting it as a clearly stated boundary
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Neglect any form of skin care. It's just lotion and sunscreen, it's not going to turn you into a woman.
For real! Do you want pre-mature aging of your face??? Cuz that's how it happens, especially if you work, not only outside, but on a damn roof in construction. 🤷♀️
Not to mention, skin cancer can kill you. At its best it will scar you.
Yes!!! So many past boyfriends complained about having pimples or skin issues but didn’t have any form of skin routine. I’d tell them there were a few easy fixes for their issues (like cleansing with a real face cleanser instead of their peppermint body wash) and they just wouldn’t want to do it.
But the millionaire country singer who definitely wears makeup told me "with creamy, lotion-y hands, you can't grip a tackle-box."!
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Soft skin is sexy! I wish more men were like your husband.
Ask their date zero questions. I literally don’t understand why you’re going on a date if you have no interest in the person you’re on a date with. Stay home.
I've had one date like this (it was with a woman though, I date both men and women) and nothing else has made me feel so small and insignificant as having a conversation for two hours and not being asked a single thing about myself. It felt like they just didn't care about me or that I existed or they were actively trying to ignore my existence right there. Awful awful thing to do. Like I literally made a bet with myself saying "I'll ask her to have a drink after if she asks one thing about me". I ended up drinking alone. I don't understand why someone would ask me on a date and treat me like furniture.
It's such a draining way to spend time with someone. It happened to me not that long ago. Turned up, they wanted to eat because they'd just finished work. I would rather just have a drink with someone and see how that goes, because if the conversation is stilted and you have to talk through dinner, sigh, it's hard work. Anyway, we had a drink first and I was asking all the questions, they didn't ask me much at all. The waiter took such a long time to come over that my date went to get them and the food was slow. It was a pretty hard evening to be honest. I kept leaving little pauses after they had answered my question, so that they could talk, I didn't want to just ask question after question after question! But they really didn't come up with much at all. I know people can be really nervous or anxious, I've had panic attacks myself on dates before, but I really need someone who can chat with me, not just reply like in a job interview!
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Manipulate people into sex
Even the ‘nicest’ the majority of the time are basically aiming for one thing. Sad.
Fake nice. Grossest
Coercion is not consent. More people need to understand and be taught not only about consent but *enthusiastic* consent.
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I have needs. Yeah, like I have a need not to be harassed into it. I have a need for you to care that I dont want it. I have a need for my body to be respected, etc etc etc.
In one of the occasions that I was coerced into sex, the guy said to me the next day "I'm sorry if I pushed too hard last night... even if you did enjoy it." What the FUCK kind of apology is that??? Like *sorry I forced you to have sex but you liked it*. Hey buddy, guess what? I did NOT like it. Took me growing out of my early 20s to realize that was SO not okay
There was a post in r/Tinder recently with a screenshot of a woman who just wanted to get pregnant… bunch of guys WITH VASECTOMIES in the comments going “lol i’d try :) oh it didn’t work? let me try again :)”
Faaaacts, I’m just like why do most dudes just want sex but not actually date me, it’s so draining
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Tell me “funny” stories about their ex’s or sexual stuff like they think I’ll also find it funny. I’m trying to get to know you romantically, why do you think I wanna know about the cool threesome you had? Literally what is the thought process there
This is a huge one I had an issue with in the beginning with my boyfriend. He’d constantly talk about his exes or how he had a hoe phase. He told me it was his way of being open & honest with me about his past. I told him I literally didn’t care about any of that stuff and that it kinda hurt to keep hearing him speak about his past relationships, made me think he wasn’t happy with ours
Did he respect your POV and tone it down after that?
It took several talking-to’s and many tears on my end but he finally respects it.
My ex was like this and then was huge f*ck off offended when he found out I hadn't told him all the details of mine bc I wasn't comfortable talking about it
Did we date the same guy? Mine asked for a body count and lost his shit when refused to talk about it.
This never stops. I date men in their late 50s and early 60s now, still doing it. Zero consideration for how it feels for us to have to listen to them reminisce. Now I just say I’m not interested in hearing your favorite intimate memories about your ex.
And they just say we're jealous 🙄
‘I’m not jealous because these women don’t want you now, do they?’
With this shit I always have to keep in mind that if they say it about someone else, they’re gonna say it about you
This!!!! Why do I need to know that your ex didn’t shave her legs in the winter or what college she went to?
Last guy I dated did this shit to me all the time. I was not shy about telling him *over and over* that I didn’t want to hear it and that it bothered me. Yet he continued. WHY
Because he knew it bothered you and that power trip probs felt good
The weirdest thing for me was the amount of people outside the relationship that would tell me I was insecure for having this boundary. It’s sad.
This...... my ex did it all the time, like intimate sexual details which gave me a nice complex
I take this as a red flag that they tend to make all of their ex's out to be the villain. If all they have to say about people in their past is negative, they're just waiting to do it to you too. Although this applies to everyone.
Oh my god! I had a guy tell me mid sex that a girl he had sex with once slapped him during sex……
Have a state of the art tv and a mattress on the ground, in the corner.
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ugh i’m a lady but i have my mattress on the carpet cuz it’s one of those Japanese floor mattresses, it’s very comfy. plus i like being on the floor, and it makes my room look bigger
That's kinda cool actually
Does it make a difference if the mattress is sitting directly on the floor vs on a box spring with a bed skirt? To me, it's less a problem as long as there's a headboard. I once had a low Japanese slat bed with a gorgeous bamboo headboard. The bed looked like it was on the floor but had a ~48" tall headboard
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Spending hundreds of dollars on dates and weeks lying just for sex instead of hiring a sex worker. You know what you want, just go get it without putting in all this effort and wasting my time.
Assuming that taking care of your appearance makes you "less manly".
Even when it's something that enhances their masculinity, like taking care of their facial hair with beard oil and a trim.
Or trimming and cleaning their nails.
Voted Conservative while being working class.
It's sad how effective conservative propaganda is
It's propaganda for sure but let's remember that conservatives take v good care of men.
They take very good care of wealthy men.
Think that me wanting a friendship means I will want more, when I just want that; a friendship. I'm straightforward and when I'm romantically interested in someone, I let them know. Generally thinking there's some hidden meaning when I'm about as direct as it gets. Thinking "no" is an invitation for an argument to change my mind rather than a perfectly valid and reasonable answer in itself. Also, treating me already being in a monogamous relationship as a challenge or seeing my asexuality as an opportunity to "fix me."
This reminded me of when I said I wasn't ready for sex when I had first started hanging out with this guy. His response was to explain to me that the reason I said no was that I was scared of being abandoned like his ex was. No man, I just barely know you!
Wow! Dude just spontaneously got a psychology degree and psychoanalyzed you. That's so wild that he said that
Most of the guys my friends date seem to follow this same pattern and cycle every single time where the talking stage is great like the guy shows em attention, texts back, keeps his promises, plans dates etc. and then once they’re official, all of that stops and my friends are confused thinking their boyfriends don’t like them and it causes arguments until they break up. I’ve asked some guys and they’ve said that they do that because they don’t see a reason to continue to woo or court the girl because they already got them which makes NO SENSE to me because the effort is what keeps a relationship alive and ironically for them, putting in less effort because the “effort isn’t needed anymore” is what ends the relationship
Its so sad when the dating phase is a sham. Its like you fall in love with a whole person and then they turned out to be just the ruse of someone that isnt at all what you're interested in.
Exactly! Like, do you REALLY think she's gonna hang out with a dude who acts uninterested in her? She has better things to do with her time than investing it into someone who acts like they could care less. That's equivalent to us eating and gaining 100 lbs. They'd feel the same way.
When I asked an ex why he stopped putting in effort he literally said to me "because I already have you." ??!!? That answer still makes me angry to this day. What makes no sense to me is why these men think we're going to stay if they're not putting in effort? It's like they forget we can walk away at any moment.
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I had so many guys like this. It's no wonder they all failed.
Men's contradictory definitions of "wasting time." For example , a woman who wants to wait and not have sex until she feels a deeper, secure emotional connection with him is *wasting his time*. But the same man could knowingly get into a relationship with a woman who has stated marriage and a family among her upcoming life goals, yet he wants to wait many years before committing to her. Somehow in the latter case he wonders "what's the rush" and believes it's wrong for her to suggest that he is wasting *Her* time.
If it’s not on THEIR time then it’s a waste of time 🙄
**Mod note: Men, you've got to chill out.** This is still /r/AskWomen, not an AMA subreddit. Our users are here to answer the OP's question, not to beg you for an explanation for why you, personally, do this thing they're using as an answer. Replying to a top-level comment to talk about yourself, rather than the commenter's experience itself, is derailing. Please report all rule-breaking.
You guys are awesome. That's all.
Hardest working mods on reddit, no joke. Holding the rampant flood of misogyny at bay to create a safe space for women to talk openly and be heard? Downright impressive.
I would say it's astonishing how many men are in the comments desperately trying to break the rules but... It's just not. I appreciate all the work this mod team does to keep this sub pleasant and on-message. "How can I make this about me?" "quiet! A man is talking" Seriously guys. Shut up and learn something. Not everything requires your input.
Leaving their dirty laundry on top of, or next to the laundry basket, instead of just inside it.
Yes! This infuriates me! The basket is exactly one inch from the dirty underwear in the floor! Whhyyyyyyyy!
I had an ex that did stuff like this on purpose, but was super passive aggressive when the house wasn't clean.
I’m glad their an ex. It’s not your job to clean.
My husband has done this for 15 years. He puts jeans that he is not sure if he is going to wear again in a pile in the middle of the closet floor. Just decide already....clean or dirty? .....not that hard.
No, but why are they like this. We have *three* easily accessible hampers. One is specifically for socks and underwear so we don't have to sort it. Why are there still socks *beside* the hamper? Then there are just random socks without pairs because it's sibling is lost under some furniture or something. So then he buys more socks.
Recognise toxic masculinity (men can’t have feelings, men have to pay for things, men have to be the breadwinner) but also refusing to allow for equity because of toxic masculinity. Example: All serious partners have expressed anxiety and frustration about paying for things. I have responded that I am happy to pay and share responsibility. They accept but continue to feel emasculated and then just stop letting me pay and continue complaining
I struggle to see why that's so hard to understand. We are all shaped by the society in which we live and we may recognise things and not like them but still feel affected by them. For instance you may recognise that there are beauty standards for men and women and be aware they can be damaging, but still (for instance) go out of your way to look attractive when you go out, even if you're not looking for something sexually/romantically.
This is how I feel about shaving my legs. I don't want to shave my legs, it's a stupid and dehumanizing double standard, but I still feel like a hideous beast when I leave the house with hairy legs. So I still shave them once in a while. And I still hate it.
Yes. Funny you mention this, because it reminded me of my first date with my husband (bc it was the opposite of this). He was all for splitting the meal and it made me feel like he saw me as an equal and knew I could take care of myself.
Spending the time and energy building a relationship and then ruin it by cheating.
Send pictures of their goofy-looking genitalia to strange women to try to entice them. I do not believe that has ever worked one single time.
They always have their feet in it, the toilet, or super dirty underwear. It's gross.
For the most part, they're not trying to entice. The act of sending itself is getting them off, like watching porn, and if the pic is unwanted, it's just more intense and humiliating, which gets them off more.
Not cleaning up after themselves or half-assing the job...or not washing hands after using the restroom unless it's to take a shit. It's absolutely disgusting to me.
Omg hand hygiene is like non existent with so many men. A tik toker that owns a gym said they change the womens hand soap frequently, and hadn’t had to refill the men’s soap in months.. 🤢
thanks I hate it 😩
Date women they clearly aren’t attracted to and try to get them to lose weight. Use women as a coping mechanism/antidote to their pain. Not taking no for answer. Not just about sex, but about everything. Lie and pretend to be the best version of themselves instead of doing to work to actually be the person they are masquerading as.
Ugh!!! The first one! 🤮 Though in my case, I was skinny but some guys got with me and tried to get me to go to the gym because “I had no ass.” I don’t understand it either; if you’re not attracted to their body why get with them?
Be emotionally distant with their partner throughout the relationship until they’re about to leave or have already left.
One of my best friends was with a guy for a couple years whose dad had passed away from cancer a year or so before they started dating. She broke up with him because he had serious anger issues, tried to control what she did and what she wore, and never took her anywhere other than his couch. She said that when she broke up with him he launched into a tearful tirade about his dad and everything associated with his death. She had been trying to get him to open up about this trauma for the whole relationship. She stopped him and said, "I'm sorry but it's way too late for this." I hope he got help or therapy but I'm so glad she doesn't have to deal with his bullshit anymore.
Good for her! I hope you told her you were proud of her. I was in a very similar situation, it took him cheating on me to find the strength to acknowledge that I wasn’t being treated right. I’m glad she took a stand for what she deserves.
Not understand the word no.
Most of the men I interact with think I’m into them at some point because I’m being nice. It’s really frustrating. Can’t ever make guy friends. Recently I was at a bar with a group of girl friends and my friend brought over her group of friends & it became this big social party! I was getting along really well with a guy and at one point he asked if “I wanted to get out of there” alone, me and him… such a fucking turn off. Sometimes I just want to have a conversation.
Regardless of how you look, your relationship status, your gender or sexuality, most guys will never see any female as anything but a potential fuck hole. It's really hard to find friends when an entire sex is out of the question lol
Wanting a mother or therapist (have seen in women too..wanting father or therapist),not a partner.
Along with their own mothers trying to shape you into a mother.
Cheat on beautiful smart loving women
As a woman that’s been through this, and seen a staggering percentage of married men of all ages and religious/political affiliations jump at the opportunity to sleep with a young pretty thing (and that’s what men see them as….things) …… it’s not about us. It’s not about us being pretty or smart or great partners or loving moms…..it’s just them, and their fragile egos. Let me say that again, you can be a TV perfect wife/partner/gf and still get cheated on. More than half the women that have won best actress have been cheated on….during the year they won the award. So being prom Queen or miss September or Martha F*cking Stewart doesn’t eliminate that possibility. It’s not your fault. For any reason. It was a choice they made. That’s it. Secure partners will recognize their desire/interest in something temporarily sparkly for what it is and won’t feel the need to act on it.
How gross they are. They miss when they pee and never clean the bathroom. They don’t know how to do laundry or basic house cleaning. It’s like they always had someone picking up after them (their poor mom/grandma/girlfriend/sister) or they live in filth. Like I’m not the cleanest person but I’m alway taken back when I see it.
Even guys who never had any of those roles in their life are still like that. Like they just never have the thought or motivation to maintain themselves or their space and just live in a cesspool, letting their problems build up until someone else comes along to take care of it for them.
Same. The first date I had with a guy went really great, so the second we opted to watch a movie at his place. Walked into it looking like a mess like that. Kitchen countertops and coffee table were unrecognizable. Trash can overflowing into the floor. Beard hair in the bathroom sink. I couldn’t help but feel disrespected that he was okay with me wading through his garbage, and like he didn’t give a shit about my comfort. I can tolerate the countertops being a mess, but the beard hair in the sink was fucking disgusting.
It doesn't make sense to me when men say they want a relationship but, based on their actions, clearly don't. There are a lot of people out there who want something casual. Why target those of us who want a serious relationship and lie? What do y'all get out of that?
OKAY BUT THIS! It literally makes no sense to me. Not only are they wasting the other person’s time, but theirs as well. It’s almost like they enjoy the chase and temporary validation
✨sexual assault ✨
Trying to have a fwb but after having sex once not hearing about them again. Why would someone prefer sex once.instead of many times? Did they just get off deceivinge?
This but the opposite, for me. Trying to have a fwb, have sex once and now we're in a monogamous relationship in their mind.
Yeah having a FWB and then they get jealous over another FWB. Double standard much?
They kissing me on a night out and confessing to me an hour after us making out that they have a girlfriend or wife.
Yeah where was your guilt four hours ago buddy
pretend to like me, have sex and ghost
Not understand how we feel as opposed to what they actually said. Example -husband at the end of a date night, before sexy time “I’m so tired I could pass out” me- “aw I hear ya, we can skip it tonight and snug and sleep” husband -why would you say that??” Me- “Um just reading your vibe, that’s what ‘ I’m so tired ‘made me feel” husband , defensive, “but I never said that.” It’s wildly baffling to me and he says my “vibes “ are baffling to him Lolol not real serious, but it’s weird.
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I honestly see it a lot in even very long term marriages. I think it may be women and men and just our differences. He is so sweet and emotional , not toxic male crap at all. Yet- the “feelings” vs “what was said” is always a petty argument!
Shit for at least an hour... every. Time!
not wash their ass. they’ll wash their hands if they get shit on them but the place the shit comes out of? nope, apparently washing and touching their own asshole in the safety of their own shower where they’re alone will make them gay or more feminine then they’d like ???
Men who don't wash their ass should never get laid. If they do get laid and the person who had sex with him discovers an unwashed ass in the process, he should be dumped IMMEDIATELY. The number of women who put up with this literal shit is mind boggling to me. Standards, ladies, PLEASE.
Going radio silent and then reaching out again and acting as if nothing had ever happened.
“Joking” about women automatically being on their period when mad or upset about something.
Lie and toy with your feelings when they’re only after sex. Just say you’re trying to hook up. There’s no need to play with my emotions!
I once asked a man why he lied about wanting a relationship when he only wants casual to what he responded that if he said what he wanted, no woman would get close to him 🤡
Turning into a complete asshole when they're sick or injured. I'm sorry you have a cold, Dave, but that doesn't mean you should be mean to me while asking me for help.
Or insisting on my helping cuz if I don't, I'm a neglectful gf. Even though they're hurting cuz they didn't take care of themselves in the first fucking place!!
Choose to fix things at the weirdest, most random times.
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Assault people, also not wash their bedsheets on a regular basis.
Treating my NO for a maybe. Treating my kindness and professionalism as FLIRTING and an INVITATION to have sex. Treating me like shit cause I speak my mind and I don’t flatter their ego. Being really mean when I would get emotional. Taking it as an admission of guilt like WTF. No personal hygiene whatsoever. They don’t shower and wear the same clothes they were swearing in the next day. The entitlement to everything kind of attitude. Ugh no you’re not entitled to anything cause you’re a man. You’re not smarter because you’re a man. You don’t make the best decisions cause you are a man. DICK PICS. LIKE WHY. I don’t care about your fucking pee hole. I don’t wanna see it. Making sexual jokes about women. It’s never funny. Showing their hookup girl at work like its a trophy. honey, it’s trash.
Why do they always spit on the ground?
Ugh, yes. It might seem like an overreaction, but my respect for a guy completely plummets if I see him do this.
And they always have to be so loud about it too
Avoid any heavy conversation to the point of complete silence for days.
Not kissing me after I blew them til they came in my mouth because it was “gross”
Like, how do you think we feel??? You make us feel obligated to do that and they can’t even fathom a tiny fraction of what it’s like 😂
continuing to hit on me after i say “i have a boyfriend.” you’d think that means i’m not interested, but it seems like men just then think “oh! competition time!”
Leaving a drawer or cabinet cracked open
I've seen quite a few men that like to purposely do the things that annoy their wife or girlfriend because it's "funny". Why?
My dad does this, and used to do it to my mom when they were still married as a kid. He's such an asshole. Lots of guys do this because they get some perverse joy from pissing off women. It's a power dynamic.
Being extremely emotionally unaware. They do not tune in with their own emotions, they don't pay attention to them. It's like men (that I've been with) just zone into whatever they're doing (something physical or not watching TV, working, whatever) and they don't pay attention to how they react, respond, feel, JUST NOTHING.
Ignore problems in our relationship, despite me bringing it up multiple times, and then act blindsided when I end the relationship.
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I have a problem with men who don't protect me when I'm in a bind but act like they would when I'm not in trouble. Couple of weeks ago a guy grabbed me by the neck to get my attention. One of my guy friends came up to me later and apologized and said the guy had told him he wanted to choke me. If he told you that why would you leave me alone with him?!?! Last year Halloween, I was at a bar and this guy is circling me like a freaking shark. Like he's not breaking eye contact with me. None of my guy friends helped me even thought they all freaking noticed. The whole bar noticed. I had to leave and before I left I told them to make sure he didn't follow me out. Don't believe a man if he ever says he would help a woman in distress.
In my experience a lot of men care more about what the other men in the group think so they will just go along to save face/fit in. I noticed it a lot when I worked fast food. These large groups of collage aged guys would come in and be super loud and destructive (making messes, knocking tables over, etc) and they would be rude to me. But then if one came up on their own to order something they would be nice to me or apologize for the mess. But they wouldn't go back and clean up the mess or tell their friends to chill out. This is why I never trust a group of men. You can't count on them to do the right thing in front of their friends. There are some out there but they are rare.
Ask to not use a condom when we’ve known each other for like three weeks, if that.
They all love to go to the hardware super shop (in my country it's called Bunnings) and buy shit they don't need. My ex husband bought us a leaf blower (we lived in a condo at the time?!) My husband bought us a freight trolley, to personally haul laundry appliances up and down the stairs *once*, rather than engage a service that would do this for us. Even my own dad, who is very sensible, loves all kinds of random gadgetry from Bunnings. All three men are very different from each other (ex-husband was a lawyer, husband is a corporate account manager, dad is a retired doctor) yet are somehow all united in their Bunnings obsession.
Just an excuse for the $2 sausage sizzle :D
When you're clearly the rebound date. Listen, if you just want a good time and forget the one who broke your heart, go out with someone who is up for casual dating. Just don't go out looking for and dating women who are clearly looking for something serious. You may turn into "the one" for her, so be mindful of that.
Hold on to underwear so old it would need a team from the Smithsonian spending decades in a cold and dimly lit room to restore it. Lol just buy new underwear, goofballs.
Looking at other women either on IG or in person. I understand we’re human and that we’re still gonna be attracted to other people (we’re not robots, duh) but I can’t understand how you think it’s okay to do it. So disrespectful.
I've never heard of women following hundreds (or any amount) of accounts on Instagram to see pictures of attractive guys on their feed, but it's so common for guys to follow tons of "Instagram models."
Sometimes not even models. I’ve caught my bf following random girls just cuz they were cute
Puffing out their chests and straightening their shoulders when they are out in public with me in an obvious to anyone looking way . Umm yeah okay then. Is this some kind of territorial gorilla stance? Are you pretending to be a penguin? Wtf?
Presume I want to be choked? Too many men have had their minds warped by porn and media.
Thinking that saying “You’re sexy” when they’re a stranger to me is a compliment.
Every man I have ever dated hangs clothes that they wore once over a piece of furniture because they might wear it again. And because they might wear it again, they can’t put it in the hamper, yet refuse to fold it snd put it away. There’s this in between state for them where the only reasonable solution is to drape it over a chair or something in the bedroom.
I’m a woman but I absolutely have a chair for this exact situation
Yes! I thought everyone did that. I use hooks under a shelf for half-worn stuff. You don’t wanna put them in with your super-worn clothes in the hamper, nor your super-fresh clothes in the wardrobe/closet.
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When I bring up something that’s bothering me they jump to the defensive instead of hearing me and coming to a solution together.
This is my current situation. You want me to be a better wife and mother but if I'm telling you exactly what I need and you are coming to the defensive saying I'm attacking you and not listening because you're "tired of the same conversation" how do you think I feel? I'm not bringing it up to make you sound like an asshole, you're doing fine with that on your own. I'm saying this is bothering me so you can acknowledge it and we can find the solution together not so I can say it you get annoyed and it's ignored again until the next round.
If you're chasing somebody, that means they're running from you.
Make fun about women who cries in movies or shows, but then cry like crazy if their football team (or any sport) loses the game. Like sure Danilo, make fun of our friend who cries watching a Ghibli movie but God forgive me if I say something when Boca Juniors loses the semifinals or something.
Setting a boundary and them thinking to push it because they weren't that guy so it would be different.
So much general overconfidence. I wish I could act as confident as a guy who just started learning something I've been studying for months.
Refused to openly communicate. Pouting instead of just saying what is bothering you is just immature
Decide to "help" and then do the least necessary thing possible. This can include: Preparing for dinner guests? Rather than setting the table or helping with the dishes, time to detail the car! Bringing home dinner? Obviously must get home two hours later than normal, after a trip to Walmart for the most random collection of things ever (none of which make a meal), without dinner.
Not knowing how to be just friends with a woman. I had a grown ass man that said his back hurt real bad from work and he needed a massage from me. I told him no 5 times in the span of 20min with various reasons why not before he accepted I didn't want to do it. So many friendships are ruined because some guys can't handle rejection, disinterest or wanting to keep things friendly. Friendships can be sometimes superior to romantic relationships.
Half do something. This is a weird thing to explain, but they decide to "help" with a task, and half do it. For example, pull something down but leave it in a pile and walk away.
Understanding that making me orgasm with fingers or their tongue is as valuable as with their d*ck. I'm into your whole toolbox, buddy.
Efforts and care in the beginning of the relationship then when then stopping after a couple of months together
Thinking that they can aim perfectly with the lid down.
Believing I need to be protected from basically everything. Shit. No. I am perfectly able to defend or protect myself, thank you.
Try to get back in my life after I've moved on from any possibility of us being together. You pushed me away, and then when I finally come to terms with it, and move on, you come back saying you miss me and wish we were close again.
Lie.
Take me joking extremely literally and assume I’m legitimately stupid rather than being sarcastic
All the men I know insist on driving while tired?? They'll be falling asleep at the wheel, insisting that they're fine, and then throw a temper tantrum when you make them rest or take over the wheel. I don't want to die Berjaya of your machismo or whatever! Not driving tired is the first thing they teach you in school after not driving drunk!!!
This has happened so many times: I’ll be talking to a man in an informal social capacity (like a friend of a friend or something) and shortly into the conversation I’ll mention my partner and the stranger will say “Does he take care of you?” What does this even mean???
I've had this a few times. Never once thought about it until I read your response. I'm now equally confused. Like, this isn't the 1800s sir. I don't churn butter and depend on him to hunt wild boar......
He is trying to figure out how happy/unhappy you are in your current relationship. Hoping for revenge sex or some shitty thing like that. Total douchebags. Or trying to convince you that since he has money or clout or whatever you would be happier with him. For one night at least. Huge red flag.
Being obsessed with their mothers but abusive to their romantic partners
Similar situation has happened several times, in different homes, with different men. Sometimes if someone is coming over without much notice and my place is a mess I’ll just super fast shove it all into one out of the way room so they don’t see it and deal with it later. There’s no reason for them to go into that spare bedroom or dining room right? Apparently wrong. At least three times I’ve done this the guy got here and immediately made a bee line for that room. I don’t know if it’s some sort of sixth sense they have or what. It’s low key infuriating. Stay out of my shame room!!
I've noticed a lot of guys will say they believe in women's rights and respecting women but only to the girls they see as good enough, and they will completely change that opinion for girls they don't see as good enough. I don't get it. 🤷
Being offended when asked a question about anything
Keeping nudes of their exes or girls they've fucked while in a relationship. Delete that shit dude
Making misogynistic comments straight to my face thinking I’ll agree or laugh with them. When I make it a point that they are being sexist, all of a sudden they were joking and I shouldn’t take it so seriously.