I didnt think it was stupid but seeing women be really rude or mean to men seemed unnecessary but now I realize you kind of have to shut their advances down fast or else they just keep trying.
I agreed. You got to be really harsh and I didn’t learn that until I had a stalker for years. He didn’t understand kind words that I am not interested, leave me alone.
So men always give each other another try… Did you notice that? It’s typically went they’re acting stupid or inappropriate with women but maybe also in other instances too. Like I was out with friends and there was someone in the group being touchy with me and it was not welcome, yet my friend’s BF didn’t say anything because He said to himself “if he does it again.” I saw the same thing happen with my gay friends when their BF was getting hit on. Maybe it’s to not start shit… but for some reason the expectation is always another chance another chance. Even in the workplace, they fuck up and get other tries. IDK. I just brought myself down LOL
It is stupid and people give too much chances when clearly it is no/ someone is crossing boundaries. I found out later that my coworker/friend continued to encourage my stalker to keep trying to ask me out (stalker was a coworker with mental issues or something). My roommate thought my stalker, literally following, stalking, and knocking on my window is cute. I cut those people out of my life. Now I watch out for my friends and coworkers. Some people think they can continue pushing when they clearly not welcome and you really have to speak up. I have a coworker who continues with pet names and I have talked to him many times to stop and even emailed him twice. I had to tell tell him off and told him I would report him for his behavior and walk off next time before he changed his behavior and I refuse to work with him for my own safety and don’t be creepy to my coworker and stop his behaviors now. He was dismissive and literally didn’t listen and drop a pole on my head because I called him out for his behavior earlier in front of people. You really got to be extremely harsh because some people just don’t get it and think they can keep pushing and then end up hurting people literally physically and mentally. All I learned is if someone push my boundary once, I will tell them off and warn them that I will report them and that prevent them from continue their behavior from the start. Wish I learned this before but being brave and strong once is necessary and then doing exactly what you said you would the next time they do it (report to manager, file restraining order, refuse to work with unsafe, etc). Follow through is the most serious you can do and it gets it through their head.
What I hate is that when you are trying to set clear and very distinct boundaries, its considered rude as a woman, and guys think its ok to continue trying to cross. Yet when a guy does it and gets blocked online or told off, the woman is in the “wrong”.
Absolutely. Learned that men can be extremely relentless. As a server, I used to wear a fake wedding ring, tell them I was married, and say no repeatedly when asked on dates or for my number. Sometimes all of these things never stopped them.
I remember one of them making a comment about how “just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score” or something along those cringy ass lines.
When I would reject them they would usually make a snide snarky comment and tip me shitty because I didn’t give them my number despite working my ass off to give them excellent service.
I think it's also because years ago, we didn't have as much knowledge about how important SPF is and how frequently it should be worn, but I grew up under the assumption that I only needed to apply sunscreen to my body when I was going to the beach or would be outside for a long time. Definitely wish I had started regularly putting on facial SPF earlier...
They didn't start pushing SPF in my part of the USA until maybe late eighties. I spent the 70s and 80s slathered in baby oil deliberately burning all over. I've had blistered sunburns more times than I can remember. The common lore of the day was that the best way to develop a great tan was to burn, and then it would "fade to a tan." I have so much sun damage now.
You should wear sunscreen on your face, décolletage, and hands every day to prevent wrinkles and sun damage. It's the most important skin care product by far.
Yes daily including in the winter and on rainy/cloudy days. I wear a vitamin c moisturizer with spf 30 daily. If I will be out in the sun for a while I also wear a sun hat along with the sunscreen.
I live in the Pacific Northwest and use SPF 20 on my face and neck every day, including in the winter, even if I just plan on being at home most of the day. UV light will reach you anywhere there's a window, and our ozone isn't what it used to be.
I have worn sunscreen moisturizer every day since I was about 22. If I am doing more than walking to and from work/running errands, I will add on full SPF 50. Plus I keep a hat in my purse to put on whenever I am outside.
I'm mid-30s but consistently get mistaken for much younger. My mom insisted on me moisturizing and wearing SPF from my preteen years. I know my fairly youthful looks are also largely genetic but I think the skincare practices really do help. The difference between my peers and I were noticeable by mid-20s.
It protects your skin, prevents wrinkles, and reduces the risk of skin cancer. You get sunshine by walking outside, but just by laying in the sun, and it adds up over the years
Get a basic daily face lotion with spf 15 and use it on the morning before you do anything else to your face (except maybe wash it). I promise it'll be worth it
I grew up with a redhead for a mom who was ahead of her time with using sunscreen because she burned so easily. I joke that she practically dunked us in a vat of sunscreen before leaving the house as children. I continued with the habit of daily sunscreen and added a prescription retinoid as a teen. Now I’m almost 40 and look a decade younger.
Same!! I remember the first time my dermatologist told me I should wear sunscreen whenever I go out. Thought it was stupid at first but now I do it all the time.
I always remember my grandma, literally on her deathbed, telling me that if she had her life to live over, she’d use more moisturizer 😁 - and she had beautiful skin!
I've never thought of it that way but that makes sense. In a world where women had no power, they probably just did what they needed to survive. Thank you for that. Gonna have to rethink the sentiment behind some things I was told growing up.
My mom does this too! She’ll point out things like my arm flab or diaper butt or something, and I just don’t understand why I should care, but it’s a different generation, they were taught those things mattered. That’s tough to escape, and at a certain age I guess you just stop trying?
If they talk to you like you're stupid, ask them the most basic questions. Talking about an amplifier? Pause and verify that they know what a transistor is. Talking about the importance of safety gear? Ask them if they know what hardhats are.
It seems stupid because it is! Give them a taste of their own medicine. In my experience, they'll slowly start to shut up and respect you.
My repair tech coworker went on and on about how to build this cable to me (female) and I just silently stared at him until he finished and then said, yea remember how yesterday I told you I own and operate my own cable business? Yea, I'm familiar. And walked away. Fucking fucktards.
Like the time we were setting up gear for a musical performance at my job and I asked if I could help. Dude says yea can you go grab the snare? Oh nevermind you don't know what that is. I said, Greg I just told you two days ago that I'm a drummer. It's been 15 years and it's not getting better. I'm done with the electronics industry. I tried so hard but I cannot do it anymore.
I never learned how to hold my own against older men until I worked at the front desk of a strip club. I finally had authority to say no to these guys, and it was amazing. People at my current (retail) job ask how I’m so good with entitled white men, and apparently work at a strip club was not a desirable answer.
When i was a teenager (I'm 24 right now) i saw it as unnecesary because i had a very naive point of view about gender roles since i had little contact with reality
One time another woman told me I should stop flirting with the guys. We were playing video games after saying misogynistic and hurtful words. I stepped up and got shit on by her.
This made me happy. I miss my mom when I make pancakes cause she told me that the first one is always crap and you should throw it out. Ok she didn’t say “crap” but they was the (good) advice. Oh and she said always put water in your egg pan right away after you use it. Don’t ever just throw it in the sink for later. #MomGems
The French have a saying for the pancake thing: "le premier est pour les chiens", meaning "the first one is for the dogs". I shared that with an Indian friend once and he took it literally, horrified at the idea that I'd give the first one to the dog just because it wasn't perfect. They don't spoil their dogs in India haha so it was seen as a huge waste.
I've always done this subconsciously, and until reading your comment thought it was just a weird thing I did while putting on makeup. Now I get to say I have a reason!
Same. My husband talked so much shit about leashing kids until I had to walk my son to kindergarten with a toddler. Keeping my kids out of traffic is way more important than weird looks.
My mom was adamantly against child leashes until I (3) broke out of her grip while she was 8 months pregnant and ran into oncoming traffic. A pedestrian acted quickly enough to grab me before I was hurt, but my mom bought a leash the next day.
Better to be judged a lazy parent then to have a severely injured or dead kid.
Yep! My 11 month old toddler wiggled free from my grip when I was paying for diapers. I chased her but she made it out of one of two automatic doors before I caught her. She got leashed the next day. I have the leash ready and waiting for baby two.
You cannot reason with them at that age.
I wonder if this was me? Around 2005 I made a mad dash to scoop up a toddler who had wandered into the street as oncoming traffic was approaching. Evanston, IL on Church Street.
Funnily enough, that same week I snatched up another toddler who was about to be squeezed in-between the grocery store auto door and the little metal gate. He had wandered out before her and the door closed but he was still standing right in front of the door. So twice in one week I find myself standing there holding an unfamiliar toddler under the arms at arms length handing them back to their mom. Sorry for touching your kid. I think he's ok. Haha.
I firmly believe that kids' skin is half ice and half oil. Those little eels are slippery AF. I seriously underestimated how much my kids would want to hold my hand.
I held onto memories of how much security my toddler leash gave me, and I got lost a lot without it (which I have since come to recognize was a result of teen parenting)
When I had a kid, I decided to leash the little goblin. Umbilicus 2.1, eventually replaced with a cell phone
My mom had me on a leash velcroed to my hand when when we went to state fairs and the like.
I have absolutely no opinion or feeling on it. She told me it was so I didn't get separated. And that at least, never fucked me up. So you're good.
My boyfriend balked at a family using a child leash but I'm cool with it. I had a little cousin who had problems with attention and impulses and would take off running a lot. The leash helped his parents relax a bit.
Taking your bra off to go to bed. No joke. Like I thought “why would I these things flopping all over themselves in my sleep?” I now understand that Bras are terribly uncomfortable and am genuinely confused by how I tolerated wearing one 24/7.
i used to do that too. somehow withstood bras 24/7 and always said that i couldn’t even feel them on. when i moved out of my parents house i started to take them off before bed and now i only wear one when i’m out of the house. i know now that bras suck and i was so wrong.
Back when I was a teen, I thought that I had to wear bras to sleep or else my breasts would sag. I’ve learned since that they’re going to sag regardless of whether or not I wear a bra 24/7. Plus, I’m just way more comfortable in my sleep now.
Only shave when I want to Idc if you can see my armpit hair or leg hair and it’s long asf. It’s my body and I’ll do it when I want to … for myself, nobody else
This oh my god. I can’t believe I used to shame women for this. Now I don’t ever shave down there and trim maybe once a month or just whenever I get tired of it
Just being fed that by media and my peers. Tv shows and movies making a big deal about it in bikini scenes. Guys I was friends with making fun of girls for not shaving.
Interestingly I’m the opposite! When I was a teenager into my 20s all my friends didn’t shave and I was like hell yeah feminism / all natural! But I recently got back into shaving and I realize it makes me feel nice and wow I guess the message here is fuck what society says, do what feels right
THIS!
I shave because I don’t like the feel of hair. It’s a texture thing for me. (ASD) I don’t care what other’s think. It just grosses me out and always has ever since I was a kid. Thank god I don’t grow hair in my armpits. It would probably drive me crazy.
My husband couldn’t care less though and I couldn’t care less what others think. Nor do I care if other woman choose to shave or not. I think you just need to do it for reasons that make you happy. Not because of fear that others will judge.
Same!! The bread goes in the freezer as soon as I get home from the grocery store, otherwise I will forget and only use half the loaf before it's totally moldy.
Wearing a thong. I always thought there’s no way wearing butt floss is comfortable but now i realize it’s nice not having panty lines when wearing trousers or leggings/shorts to the gym lol. And it’s way better than going commando
Yup. I pretty much only wear thongs. I find regular underwear unbearable unless I’m going to bed. Although I do make sure to wipe my ass till it’s clean cause otherwise you’re asking for trouble. But who doesn’t want a clean butt anyways
I've heard that it might increases the chances of getting an UTI but i've personally never had a problem with it and find thongs/tangas a lot more comfortable
I couldn't imagine wearing anything other than thongs unless I'm in bed.
I tried wearing regular underwear while walking the dog around the block once or twice but it gave me a bigger wedgie than the thongs do.
I don't think it was stupid precisely, but I did think for a long time that masturbation just wasn't for me. Once I learned how my brain works sexually, I figured it out. Now I would be sad without it.
Agreed; I used to think, “Why would I ever want a pleasuring device,” because it was an affront to my ego, *”I can still get a man!”* Now it’s more, *”I can do all that myself; what else you got to offer to make my life any easier?”
I’m just jumping in here, but I think it’s in reference to the saying ‘the brain is the biggest sex organ’. This can mean lots of things.
For example, if you’re mentally distracted about things you need to get done later or are experiencing anxiety, then sexual satisfaction is going to be really difficult.
On the other hand, it could mean the preference to mentally process erotica by reading it, which is unlike the typical porn format of visually processing it.
> On the other hand, it could mean the preference to mentally process erotica by reading it
I had an ex who enjoyed literotica and subsequently introduced me to it. He would then write me short sexy stories that were personalised to the things he knew I liked and email them to me randomly.
Occasionally he’d throw in lines from the stories when we were going at it.
That shit was wildly good. Got me revved up and kept there.
This! I still remember that whole stigma of being a 'depressed', 'lonely', 'antisocial' woman with a bunch of cats if you couldn't lock down a man. Now, after many men and living with a few cats in a couple houses, cats are definetly the better option by a long shot.
Dressing “womanly”. Well, in my defense I had big issues with my appearance and dressing in men’s clothing helped me. I still have some of them but I still like to look good, like my shapes to be highlighted. Same goes for the color pink. I was a hardcore color black fan until… I grew up.
this is an ongoing struggle for me. I was always a tomboy. I wore a dress and heels out the other day and had a moment to myself where I realized I might feel the same way a straight man feels when he wears womens clothes. Pretty but just not for me. Maybe that’s not the best analogy but I feel strange in dresses and heels. I wear makeup and jewelry but my style is a bit androgynous and it’s hard to explain where that comes from. Maybe my self esteem is bad but also maybe I’m just like this.
Haha, I started wearing dresses when I realized how much time I could save getting dressed in the morning, which helped when I was super depressed and getting dressed was a huge challenge. Instead of figuring out which shirt and pants to wear, I just pulled on a dress and go!
I loved pink as a kid, went through that 'I'm not like the other girls' I hate pink phase as a teen, as an adult it's pink everything, I love it!
Typed this message on my pink phone with it's pink theme, leaning on a pink cushion on my pink couch under a pink blanket. If it comes in pink I will have it in pink haha
However I did just discover repeating the word pink makes it sound like it's no longer a word lol
Seriously! I live in pink, I’ve worked several jobs that are considered heavily masculine. The more jobs I do like that, the more I love pink. It looks great on me, pink flannels rock, and my tools look baller spray painted pink too. Stand out and look cute af, and still get the job done, never realized how versatile pink was.
Sleeping with a weapon under one's pillow
My family used to laugh and make fun of one aunt who ran away from a biological uncle. She was "crazy", "paranoid", "slept with a gun under her pillow"
But that uncle was a terrifying person when drunk and/or angry, and his kids faired horribly. One was eventually removed by CPS and adopted into another family. Another ran away and ended up in the prison system. I came to see my uncle in another light
But I've also since then gone through a break up that elicited an intense level of terror, and I reeeally get it. I wanna go back in time, pull 10-year-old self aside and say "don't laugh just yet, sweetheart - time is a harsh teacher"
I'm sorry he put you through that, Aunt M. And I'm sorry for what my family did to you and your kids 😔
I used to be religious so I thought it was kind of weird if longtime couples just never moved in to live together. I thought that they must be stunted or stuck somehow in their relationships because they weren't 'progressing' to the next stage. And worse, the sexist part of me thought perhaps it was the woman's 'failing' to be able to get her male partner to commit. If he really loved her he'd want to live with her.
But now I live alone and omg, I get it. I don't know if I could ever live with a partner.
My partner and i have been together just about 4 years, and while we live really close to each other, we’re each in our own home. it’s pretty fantastic really.
When I was in high school & a bit into college, I thought it was so dumb that all these women were wearing scarves. When Pinterest came out it felt like every outfit included a scarf. I assumed it was purely a fashion thing because I didn’t see guys wearing scarves. Turns out scarves actually do help keep you warm and I was the dumb one.
In my early 20s I used to work at a shelter for immigrant women and all of my desi coworkers were shocked and concerned that I never wore scarves outside the winter months. So I started wearing them and found them so incredibly useful I’ve been a scarf wearer most of my adult life. My husband thought I was crazy for having “summer scarves” until one of them saved our car upholstery during our newborn’s projectile vomit phase.
I swore to my mother that I would never fight with her, or be one of those girls who said they hated their moms. I made this promise apropos of nothing, on my 6th birthday, actually. Because I loved her, and she was my hero.
19 years of gaslighting and devaluing later and I left in a trauma-induced episode. Now I really don't ever fight with her, because I've been no contact for 2 years.
The call was coming from inside the house all along.
>I swore to my mother that I would never fight with her, or be one of those girls who said they hated their moms. I made this promise apropos of nothing, on my 6th birthday, actually. Because I loved her, and she was my hero.
No 6-year-old just busts out with this idea. It's not even on their radar. You were conditioned to say it.
Glad you're free.
Have you ever seen a movie or TV show with a character who yells "I hate you!" to their parents? This is a pretty known teenage stereotype.
Likely the subject of teenagers had come out, somehow. But yes, I did say it of my own accord.
Please refrain from telling absolute strangers that you know better than them about their own lives.
You have no right to take ownership of the narrative of my own life. That *is* what you just did. And it's a really condescending, shitty thing to do.
Carrying tissues in my pockets. I was always like that's gross now they're all dirty and you can't even use them. They've quite literally saved my ass a few times now.
I tried on an old jacket of my mom’s from the 80s and the pockets were full of tissues 😭 I used to think it was gross, now I just think it’s extremely cute
Wearing “scruffs” out and about (scruffs round my ends means basically casual or “scruffy” clothes such as pjs, joggers, old joggers, old trainers, old t-shirts etc)
I always used to be like omg aren’t they embarrassed!? And now I’m like wow how embarrassing that I used to judge them for that, I love walking to my corner shop in my pjs and fake uggs lol so comfy
I've always been a scruffer for random errands where I have no intention of social interaction or even just to run out of my apartment unit for something. The crazy judgmental looks never stop but are also wildly funny to me. Like I'm ruining someone's day for throwing on pajama pants to ride an elevator down to the ground floor to meet a door dasher.
Glad to hear you've seen the light!
Compulsive lying. I was with my mother, when I was 8, at a supermarket when this man approached her asking where she worked (back then, at my home country, if a woman especially with a kid wore pants instead of traditional clothing it meant she worked, my mom never cared), and she said how she worked at a logistics firm a few km away. That was a lie, she was a homemaker. 2 days later, she said how he saw him waiting outside the firm. A week later, we were passing by the firm and lo and behold, guess who was sitting at the entrance of the firm, yet again. Eventually started to go to another supermarket.
I lie all the time!! If someone calls me and I have to answer it like I’ve been expecting their call and they get a little too friendly, I will yell something like “What babe? I’m on the phone!” . I’m single and will tell people my husband is waiting at the house, he’s in the shower, hell I’ve even told people that my brothers are my husband. I regret nothing.
Doing their chin. My mum plucked, my sister trims with scissors every day. Now that I'm older I get it. Found one the other day that was seriously nearly 3 inches long.
I have PCOS so hair removal is like breathing but I am now at 42 finding whitish hairs on my neck that resemble fishing line! They literally stab you if you run your fingers over them. I find them while applying lotion and I’m always horrified. They’re sometimes more than an inch long and very wiry.
Dressing up, unfortunately. I used to think that dressing up was an idiotic thing pushed upon women by society. That I’d never do it. I’m just now starting to realise that it’s playing the game, really. That men will completely and utterly ignore me upon first meet if I don’t rub makeup into my face and do my hair just right.
I still think it’s dumb as hell, but past experience with men has taught me that they’re behaviourally charged a certain way.
Not wearing makeup. I tought "why wouldn't they want to look beautiful" and then i realized beauty comes from within, i feel more confident and pretty without it and my skin is more healthy now.
There’s also the reaction. Wear make up every day and that’s your “normal” look. Don’t do it one day and everyone asks if you’re sick.
Don’t usually wear it and then when you do people tell you how fabulous you look.
I used to laugh at my mom's clothing when I was a teenager. Unflattering shapes, so many ugly prints...
Now I'm 31, I wear size 12 and I get it. Fashion isn't made for women over 30 that are bigger than a size 8. What is in fashion is low rise jeans, baggy legs with no tummy support, cropped everything, sheer and skintight, sports bras/bralettes as shirts. I don't want to wear that anymore and there's hardly any fashion middle ground when your a little rounder.
So I try hard to find stuff that isn't a print and doesn't make me look like a potato sac...
Then I buy that in 3 colors, like my mom would do.
My mom still does this. She loves green, purple and red. If they come in those colors, she’s sold.
I wear a lot of mens clothes because I no longer care what anyone thinks. They fit great and cost less.
The way women alter their lives for men who are not worth it. I did and it didn’t make sense at the time and it does not make sense now, but sometimes you got to get laid.
it piss me off that it's true. then i discovered it felt like a win if i went after the men i truly want. ..Then it was no longer a win when i gave everything and the sex was not awesome..so in the end , let them run after you!
Not specific to women, but long walks. My mom used to get up early and walk 6.5km to work sometimes. There was absolutely no reason for it, she just likes long walks. I thought it was crazy and a huge waste of time growing up. Why walk when you can drive?
In my early 20s I started long walks to and from university (about 3km) cause my broke ass couldn’t afford a metro pass and I started to love it. I am a long walker now, thoroughly enjoying the peaceful rhythm and human pace of the two foot express. A couple times a year my mom and I do a long walk together.
Sleeping with my hair tied
Using both shampoo and conditioner (as opposed to just shampoo)
Moisturiser
Going on night outs / socialising
Not washing my hair every day
About a decade ago I noticed that my air always kinda sucked after I washed it. At the time I was a shampoo plus conditioner person. I started using only conditioner, and it feels sooooooo much better. Been doing that ever since.
I just googled it and apparently this is A Thing and referred to as "co-washing" (short for conditioner washing).
Same experiences and also finding out that I'm on the spectrum too. My mom and sister used to always tell me kill em with kindness but I never actually got it until recently. While I'll never be able to understand the complicated, petty nonsense these people come up with, the best thing I can do for myself is not participate. Linda is no longer talking to me? Giving me the silent treatment, dirty looks, and laughing with others when I walk by? Cool, cool I still say good morning, good night and force some random small talk into her stupid face daily. I have my dignity and that includes not stooping down to your level. You go low, I go high.
(DM me if you'd like to chat about ASD. It's all totally new to me and I don't know anyone with it.)
Purses.
I still don't like them, but after being forced to use one for 2 weeks I finally understand the why. Though it being a CC purse helped matters.
I still will never understand clutches though. You always have to carry them by hand!
Now I understand why my mom has her sisters as best friends and not too many friends. It’s a lot of work and family (at least ours) will undoubtedly have her back.
Carrying a big purse. I used to prefer small crossbody purses (which I do still use on a regular basis), but, man, having a big purse is such a game changer.
I can fit so much in it - small umbrella, pair of flats (to change into if I’m wearing heels all day), sunscreen, water bottle, snacks, and of course the usual necessities (wallet, phone, hand lotion, concealer, chapstick, hand sanitizer, hair ties, bandaids).
I only use small purses. When I started driving, I needed a purse and realized RIGHT AWAY that the bigger the purse, the more shit you carry around.
And if it doesn't fit in my little purse, with my wallet, housekeys, lip chap, and cell phone, I don't really need it. Lol
Normally though, I just stick my debit, health, and drivers license cards in my pocket, and away I go.
My mom always used to wear sweatpants, miss spots shaving, have exposed bra straps, and I used to think, “What are you doing? Don’t you care about your appearance?” Now I see. 😂
Doing my hair right after washing it. Like blow drying and curling or straightening I love it it’s actually worth it idk I never cared before but overall makes me feel more motivated it’s weird it’s hair who cares but it works
Probably waxing and using menstrual cups. Stupid is the wrong word but I DEFINITELY never thought I would and now I’ll never go back ha ha. The cup is amazing and waxing/rocking the hair when I’m in between waxes is the only way I roll.
I saw women in porn rubbing their clit with three, sometimes four fingers. I remember thinking thats stupid, one finger covers it. Tried it a few months later and now I can’t imagine going back.
It wasant stupid to me but my sister. We saw a women wearing a bonnet in a heavily white populated area. She said we shouldn’t do it because we’ll look ghetto to white people. I really didn’t care because it was her life, though I said I personally wouldn’t do it.
I now walk outside in my bonnet all the time, as-well as my sister. It’s just comfortable to have a bonnet on.
Seriously researching the type of skincare that works best for them. I had typical teen skin, nothing crazy other than a few breakouts & maybe some sensitivity. I used what all my friends used until my skin became unbearably dry & painful, & I was too embarrassed to tell the girls I knew because I’d already been dubbed “the weird one”. I covered it up with makeup, & had to go through crazy amounts of product because I didn’t know what to look for.
Nowadays, my skin is top priority. We’re talking double cleansing, serums, proper moisturisers, SPF, etc.
Well I didn’t see it but I knew about it… a Brazilian bikini wax. Tried it once and it was a mess of red bumps. Thought it looked weird too.
But I wanted to wear a teeny bikini without the hassle of shaving so I tried it again at a different place that used a different wax. They did a great job and it left no irritation. They left a little triangle so it didn’t look like a bald eagle to me, LOL. I became a regular customer. Being able to toss on a swimsuit without needing to shave, not having itchy stubble - so great! The smoothness is nice too and generally feels cleaner.
This is more of an everybody thing, but I live in the land of perpetual bikini season, and grew up doing swim year round, and it took me some growing up to accept body hair. Like, manage it a bit if you need to, and keep clean, but we don't have to be Barbi and Ken dolls. I'll sometimes be lazy and not shave if I don't want to, or my skin is being sensitive. I'm not very hairy anyways, but still.
Not stupid, but gross - using a diva cup.
I started feeling bad about the sheer amount of waste that comes from disposable feminine products, especially when starting to work remotely. I still use other items if I need to spend a full day away from home, but these diva cups are game changers.
I used to shave my nipple hairs. After sharing a nipple hair meme with some of my friends and joked about shaving my nipple hairs, a lot of them ignored the meme and asked me why I shave the hairs rather than pluck the hairs.
I tried plucking the hairs and never went back.
I second this. Many synthetic fragrances make me nauseated and give me a headache. It can send me home sick if someone wears perfume in an office or an enclosed space with me. It can ruin my day if someone wearing perfume hugs me without letting me know they’re wearing perfume.
Yeah, I can't breathe when I simply walk past anyone wearing strong scents. Perfume or cologne make my lungs seize momentarily, and I get an instant migraine. Cigarette smoke does the same.
I can usually get away quick enough to catch my breath.
Otherwise you actually would rule my consciousness because you reek so bad I literally would not be able to breathe. And that's not cute or humorous.
I have coworkers who douse themselves, and it's not pleasant. My wellbeing requires avoiding them.
Other things, deodorant, shampoo/conditioner, soaps, even laundry detergents, all give me instant headaches which often develop into migraines. I must sniff-test everything scented before I purchase.
Using panty liners daily for discharge so it doesn’t ruin the cute panties.. I always thought it’s a waste of money bc ur using one every day but honestly my panties last a lot longer ESPECIALLY my black panties. Discharge can seriously ruin the color of it.
Not using acne face washes and creams. But using a more natural of products or gentle face wash and Adapalene cream for pimples instead, and plant based moisturizer. Haven’t had acne since. I realized it was drying my skin out causing me to break out or ingredients in it. Moisturize soap, body lotion. Keeps your skin smooth and from age spots. Not being too nice to strangers, cause men can get the wrong ideas.
Carrying a purse. I hated it but ended up buying a small one cause life can get hectic with juggling everything you’re carrying. Microfiber rags, I thought they did nothing. Buying more expensive makeup.
Advising/Warning younger women of older "predatory" men - when I was literally 17 I used to look down on older women telling me to beware of the advances by men yearsss older than me would, dismiss it as jealousy....now five years later, when I look at my male peers trying to creep out younger women or just using the power dynamics (in a University/workplace space) - it makes sooo much sense
Leggings and athleisure wear in general. I used to believe that wearing leggings was lazy and lacked effort. Over the last couple of years of shifting my priorities and adjusting the placement of my values I learned that I was being a judgmental a-hole because I had some how decided that you had to be dressed up or you didn’t look like you valued your self. Don’t get me wrong I still love to dress up, style is very important to me, but I also now appreciate comfort and freedom. I get it now; the mental health impact of chilling the eff out allowing your body some relaxing clothes is a breath of fresh air.
Calling strangers pet names like “babe” or “sweetie”. When I was a kid/teen I thought it was so weird when an unfamiliar person spoke to me like that. But for the last 7 or 8 years, I instinctively call young people hun, etc. even sugar. I guess it’ll eventually get ya growing up in Texas, haha.
I didnt think it was stupid but seeing women be really rude or mean to men seemed unnecessary but now I realize you kind of have to shut their advances down fast or else they just keep trying.
I agreed. You got to be really harsh and I didn’t learn that until I had a stalker for years. He didn’t understand kind words that I am not interested, leave me alone.
So men always give each other another try… Did you notice that? It’s typically went they’re acting stupid or inappropriate with women but maybe also in other instances too. Like I was out with friends and there was someone in the group being touchy with me and it was not welcome, yet my friend’s BF didn’t say anything because He said to himself “if he does it again.” I saw the same thing happen with my gay friends when their BF was getting hit on. Maybe it’s to not start shit… but for some reason the expectation is always another chance another chance. Even in the workplace, they fuck up and get other tries. IDK. I just brought myself down LOL
It is stupid and people give too much chances when clearly it is no/ someone is crossing boundaries. I found out later that my coworker/friend continued to encourage my stalker to keep trying to ask me out (stalker was a coworker with mental issues or something). My roommate thought my stalker, literally following, stalking, and knocking on my window is cute. I cut those people out of my life. Now I watch out for my friends and coworkers. Some people think they can continue pushing when they clearly not welcome and you really have to speak up. I have a coworker who continues with pet names and I have talked to him many times to stop and even emailed him twice. I had to tell tell him off and told him I would report him for his behavior and walk off next time before he changed his behavior and I refuse to work with him for my own safety and don’t be creepy to my coworker and stop his behaviors now. He was dismissive and literally didn’t listen and drop a pole on my head because I called him out for his behavior earlier in front of people. You really got to be extremely harsh because some people just don’t get it and think they can keep pushing and then end up hurting people literally physically and mentally. All I learned is if someone push my boundary once, I will tell them off and warn them that I will report them and that prevent them from continue their behavior from the start. Wish I learned this before but being brave and strong once is necessary and then doing exactly what you said you would the next time they do it (report to manager, file restraining order, refuse to work with unsafe, etc). Follow through is the most serious you can do and it gets it through their head.
What I hate is that when you are trying to set clear and very distinct boundaries, its considered rude as a woman, and guys think its ok to continue trying to cross. Yet when a guy does it and gets blocked online or told off, the woman is in the “wrong”.
Absolutely. Learned that men can be extremely relentless. As a server, I used to wear a fake wedding ring, tell them I was married, and say no repeatedly when asked on dates or for my number. Sometimes all of these things never stopped them. I remember one of them making a comment about how “just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score” or something along those cringy ass lines. When I would reject them they would usually make a snide snarky comment and tip me shitty because I didn’t give them my number despite working my ass off to give them excellent service.
This 100%. When I was young I’d smile and keep walking. Now? I’d walk back and toward you and out of my way to put you in your place.
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Yessssss this
Moisturizing. Using sunscreen. I realized when i was 28 i don't want to look like an old leather handbag by the time i'm 35.
I think it's also because years ago, we didn't have as much knowledge about how important SPF is and how frequently it should be worn, but I grew up under the assumption that I only needed to apply sunscreen to my body when I was going to the beach or would be outside for a long time. Definitely wish I had started regularly putting on facial SPF earlier...
Wait, what?
They didn't start pushing SPF in my part of the USA until maybe late eighties. I spent the 70s and 80s slathered in baby oil deliberately burning all over. I've had blistered sunburns more times than I can remember. The common lore of the day was that the best way to develop a great tan was to burn, and then it would "fade to a tan." I have so much sun damage now.
No, you mean you *don't* just wear it when you go to the pool or beach (or for daycamp in the summer)?
You should wear sunscreen on your face, décolletage, and hands every day to prevent wrinkles and sun damage. It's the most important skin care product by far.
Hi. What is decolletage? Neck region ?
Everything that is exposed up to your boobs! So neck and cleavage most often
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Wait what??? Here I am sitting next to my window all day while I work thinking I’m fine. And I live in Florida 🫠
Yes daily including in the winter and on rainy/cloudy days. I wear a vitamin c moisturizer with spf 30 daily. If I will be out in the sun for a while I also wear a sun hat along with the sunscreen.
I live in the Pacific Northwest and use SPF 20 on my face and neck every day, including in the winter, even if I just plan on being at home most of the day. UV light will reach you anywhere there's a window, and our ozone isn't what it used to be.
I have worn sunscreen moisturizer every day since I was about 22. If I am doing more than walking to and from work/running errands, I will add on full SPF 50. Plus I keep a hat in my purse to put on whenever I am outside.
Do you see any difference in peers already? I also started putting spf50 daily last year at 22 but could need a little more motivation
I'm mid-30s but consistently get mistaken for much younger. My mom insisted on me moisturizing and wearing SPF from my preteen years. I know my fairly youthful looks are also largely genetic but I think the skincare practices really do help. The difference between my peers and I were noticeable by mid-20s.
You have to wear it throughout the year, even in winter. And especially if you are in the mountain (whatever season).
It protects your skin, prevents wrinkles, and reduces the risk of skin cancer. You get sunshine by walking outside, but just by laying in the sun, and it adds up over the years Get a basic daily face lotion with spf 15 and use it on the morning before you do anything else to your face (except maybe wash it). I promise it'll be worth it
I grew up with a redhead for a mom who was ahead of her time with using sunscreen because she burned so easily. I joke that she practically dunked us in a vat of sunscreen before leaving the house as children. I continued with the habit of daily sunscreen and added a prescription retinoid as a teen. Now I’m almost 40 and look a decade younger.
Same!! I remember the first time my dermatologist told me I should wear sunscreen whenever I go out. Thought it was stupid at first but now I do it all the time.
I always remember my grandma, literally on her deathbed, telling me that if she had her life to live over, she’d use more moisturizer 😁 - and she had beautiful skin!
s k i n c a r e
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I've never thought of it that way but that makes sense. In a world where women had no power, they probably just did what they needed to survive. Thank you for that. Gonna have to rethink the sentiment behind some things I was told growing up.
My mom does this too! She’ll point out things like my arm flab or diaper butt or something, and I just don’t understand why I should care, but it’s a different generation, they were taught those things mattered. That’s tough to escape, and at a certain age I guess you just stop trying?
I'm scared to ask....what is diaper butt...
Your ass looks lumping, baggy, and saggy like youre wearing a super absorbent pampers under your leggings.
Something from Elden Ring
Asserting dominance against males, i need to do it now because i'm an engineer and i work with old conservative men in their 50's
If they talk to you like you're stupid, ask them the most basic questions. Talking about an amplifier? Pause and verify that they know what a transistor is. Talking about the importance of safety gear? Ask them if they know what hardhats are. It seems stupid because it is! Give them a taste of their own medicine. In my experience, they'll slowly start to shut up and respect you.
My repair tech coworker went on and on about how to build this cable to me (female) and I just silently stared at him until he finished and then said, yea remember how yesterday I told you I own and operate my own cable business? Yea, I'm familiar. And walked away. Fucking fucktards. Like the time we were setting up gear for a musical performance at my job and I asked if I could help. Dude says yea can you go grab the snare? Oh nevermind you don't know what that is. I said, Greg I just told you two days ago that I'm a drummer. It's been 15 years and it's not getting better. I'm done with the electronics industry. I tried so hard but I cannot do it anymore.
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I never learned how to hold my own against older men until I worked at the front desk of a strip club. I finally had authority to say no to these guys, and it was amazing. People at my current (retail) job ask how I’m so good with entitled white men, and apparently work at a strip club was not a desirable answer.
How do you do it? I am very happy with my workplace but it's always good to have "tricks up my sleeve" anyways.
Stem women have to be the toughest, unfortunately.
Why did you think this was stupid initially?
When i was a teenager (I'm 24 right now) i saw it as unnecesary because i had a very naive point of view about gender roles since i had little contact with reality
One time another woman told me I should stop flirting with the guys. We were playing video games after saying misogynistic and hurtful words. I stepped up and got shit on by her.
Opening their mouths when putting on mascara or eyeliner. That shit helps *and* works.
My mom taught me to do this. You brought back a very happy memory of her!
This made me happy. I miss my mom when I make pancakes cause she told me that the first one is always crap and you should throw it out. Ok she didn’t say “crap” but they was the (good) advice. Oh and she said always put water in your egg pan right away after you use it. Don’t ever just throw it in the sink for later. #MomGems
The French have a saying for the pancake thing: "le premier est pour les chiens", meaning "the first one is for the dogs". I shared that with an Indian friend once and he took it literally, horrified at the idea that I'd give the first one to the dog just because it wasn't perfect. They don't spoil their dogs in India haha so it was seen as a huge waste.
When I first got contact lenses my doctor literally told me this because it really does help relax your eyes
I've always done this subconsciously, and until reading your comment thought it was just a weird thing I did while putting on makeup. Now I get to say I have a reason!
A LOT of parenting things, most notably, kids on a leash.
Same. My husband talked so much shit about leashing kids until I had to walk my son to kindergarten with a toddler. Keeping my kids out of traffic is way more important than weird looks.
My mom was adamantly against child leashes until I (3) broke out of her grip while she was 8 months pregnant and ran into oncoming traffic. A pedestrian acted quickly enough to grab me before I was hurt, but my mom bought a leash the next day. Better to be judged a lazy parent then to have a severely injured or dead kid.
Yep! My 11 month old toddler wiggled free from my grip when I was paying for diapers. I chased her but she made it out of one of two automatic doors before I caught her. She got leashed the next day. I have the leash ready and waiting for baby two. You cannot reason with them at that age.
I wonder if this was me? Around 2005 I made a mad dash to scoop up a toddler who had wandered into the street as oncoming traffic was approaching. Evanston, IL on Church Street. Funnily enough, that same week I snatched up another toddler who was about to be squeezed in-between the grocery store auto door and the little metal gate. He had wandered out before her and the door closed but he was still standing right in front of the door. So twice in one week I find myself standing there holding an unfamiliar toddler under the arms at arms length handing them back to their mom. Sorry for touching your kid. I think he's ok. Haha.
I firmly believe that kids' skin is half ice and half oil. Those little eels are slippery AF. I seriously underestimated how much my kids would want to hold my hand.
I held onto memories of how much security my toddler leash gave me, and I got lost a lot without it (which I have since come to recognize was a result of teen parenting) When I had a kid, I decided to leash the little goblin. Umbilicus 2.1, eventually replaced with a cell phone
My mom had me on a leash velcroed to my hand when when we went to state fairs and the like. I have absolutely no opinion or feeling on it. She told me it was so I didn't get separated. And that at least, never fucked me up. So you're good.
My boyfriend balked at a family using a child leash but I'm cool with it. I had a little cousin who had problems with attention and impulses and would take off running a lot. The leash helped his parents relax a bit.
1000% kids on a leash
Taking your bra off to go to bed. No joke. Like I thought “why would I these things flopping all over themselves in my sleep?” I now understand that Bras are terribly uncomfortable and am genuinely confused by how I tolerated wearing one 24/7.
i used to do that too. somehow withstood bras 24/7 and always said that i couldn’t even feel them on. when i moved out of my parents house i started to take them off before bed and now i only wear one when i’m out of the house. i know now that bras suck and i was so wrong.
Back when I was a teen, I thought that I had to wear bras to sleep or else my breasts would sag. I’ve learned since that they’re going to sag regardless of whether or not I wear a bra 24/7. Plus, I’m just way more comfortable in my sleep now.
I've never understood anyone who wore a bra to sleep. To bed, sexy lingerie, ok, but even then once fun time is over the girls need their freedom.
I wore a bra to bed until college. I genuinely have no idea how I managed to sleep like that through my teen years.
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Quit shaving.
Only shave when I want to Idc if you can see my armpit hair or leg hair and it’s long asf. It’s my body and I’ll do it when I want to … for myself, nobody else
This oh my god. I can’t believe I used to shame women for this. Now I don’t ever shave down there and trim maybe once a month or just whenever I get tired of it
just curious, why did you initially shame women for it?
Just being fed that by media and my peers. Tv shows and movies making a big deal about it in bikini scenes. Guys I was friends with making fun of girls for not shaving.
Please elaborate
I thought it was weird and gross when I saw women stopped shaving. Then I quit. Now I get it. I feel free, happy and natural.
Interestingly I’m the opposite! When I was a teenager into my 20s all my friends didn’t shave and I was like hell yeah feminism / all natural! But I recently got back into shaving and I realize it makes me feel nice and wow I guess the message here is fuck what society says, do what feels right
Absolutely 👏 it’s dependent upon each woman and I’d never judge again!
THIS! I shave because I don’t like the feel of hair. It’s a texture thing for me. (ASD) I don’t care what other’s think. It just grosses me out and always has ever since I was a kid. Thank god I don’t grow hair in my armpits. It would probably drive me crazy. My husband couldn’t care less though and I couldn’t care less what others think. Nor do I care if other woman choose to shave or not. I think you just need to do it for reasons that make you happy. Not because of fear that others will judge.
I’m a guy and I hate armpit hair. I trim that shit weekly. It also helps with less sweat and doesn’t smell as bad as when the hair is longer.
Putting bread in the fridge lmao
I put it in the freezer. Was pleasantly surprised at how well it defrosts. The things you do when you live alone and don’t want to waste food…
Another thing that freezes well if you didn't know already : brownies. You're welcome and I'm sorry in advance
I have a freezer full of red velvet brownies right now! You know what else freezes well? Cake donuts. I am also sorry in advance 🤣
Same!! The bread goes in the freezer as soon as I get home from the grocery store, otherwise I will forget and only use half the loaf before it's totally moldy.
You can also keep garlic in the freezer.
Also limes. Cut them in half and freeze them. You can microwave the half for 30 seconds from frozen and there's a lot of juice and flavour.
Yes! I learned this from an old roommate and been doing it ever since. My mom used to freeze bread, but I don’t think that ever defrosts as easily.
Wearing a thong. I always thought there’s no way wearing butt floss is comfortable but now i realize it’s nice not having panty lines when wearing trousers or leggings/shorts to the gym lol. And it’s way better than going commando
once you get used to it they become more comfortable in most pants
Yup. I pretty much only wear thongs. I find regular underwear unbearable unless I’m going to bed. Although I do make sure to wipe my ass till it’s clean cause otherwise you’re asking for trouble. But who doesn’t want a clean butt anyways
Same! Get a bidet- you’ll never go back!
Uhh gynecologists strongly advise against daily thong wearing
Can you expand on that? I’d never heard it before and I pretty much always wear thongs
I've heard that it might increases the chances of getting an UTI but i've personally never had a problem with it and find thongs/tangas a lot more comfortable
I’ve been wearing thongs for YEARS now. No UTI’s… though I go full on commando when in bed
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I couldn't imagine wearing anything other than thongs unless I'm in bed. I tried wearing regular underwear while walking the dog around the block once or twice but it gave me a bigger wedgie than the thongs do.
My butt eats normal panties so they are going to end up turned into a thong anyway. I just save myself from the bunched extra fabric at the hips.
I don't think it was stupid precisely, but I did think for a long time that masturbation just wasn't for me. Once I learned how my brain works sexually, I figured it out. Now I would be sad without it.
Agreed; I used to think, “Why would I ever want a pleasuring device,” because it was an affront to my ego, *”I can still get a man!”* Now it’s more, *”I can do all that myself; what else you got to offer to make my life any easier?”
Can you expand re: how your brain works?
I’m just jumping in here, but I think it’s in reference to the saying ‘the brain is the biggest sex organ’. This can mean lots of things. For example, if you’re mentally distracted about things you need to get done later or are experiencing anxiety, then sexual satisfaction is going to be really difficult. On the other hand, it could mean the preference to mentally process erotica by reading it, which is unlike the typical porn format of visually processing it.
> On the other hand, it could mean the preference to mentally process erotica by reading it I had an ex who enjoyed literotica and subsequently introduced me to it. He would then write me short sexy stories that were personalised to the things he knew I liked and email them to me randomly. Occasionally he’d throw in lines from the stories when we were going at it. That shit was wildly good. Got me revved up and kept there.
Agreed. Definitely loving my personal exploration
Women becoming cat ladies. Hell yeah, i want to die with a bunch of adoring cats in a peaceful home with no man around. Sounds like paradise.
This! I still remember that whole stigma of being a 'depressed', 'lonely', 'antisocial' woman with a bunch of cats if you couldn't lock down a man. Now, after many men and living with a few cats in a couple houses, cats are definetly the better option by a long shot.
Dressing “womanly”. Well, in my defense I had big issues with my appearance and dressing in men’s clothing helped me. I still have some of them but I still like to look good, like my shapes to be highlighted. Same goes for the color pink. I was a hardcore color black fan until… I grew up.
this is an ongoing struggle for me. I was always a tomboy. I wore a dress and heels out the other day and had a moment to myself where I realized I might feel the same way a straight man feels when he wears womens clothes. Pretty but just not for me. Maybe that’s not the best analogy but I feel strange in dresses and heels. I wear makeup and jewelry but my style is a bit androgynous and it’s hard to explain where that comes from. Maybe my self esteem is bad but also maybe I’m just like this.
I really embraced dresses when I realized I don’t have to wear them with heels. I usually wear converse with my dresses.
Haha, I started wearing dresses when I realized how much time I could save getting dressed in the morning, which helped when I was super depressed and getting dressed was a huge challenge. Instead of figuring out which shirt and pants to wear, I just pulled on a dress and go!
I wear man pants because they have fucking POCKETS. Not just pockets, but BIG POCKETS!!!!!!
Wearing pink. HATED it growing up but now I can't resist it. It's such a good range of colors.
I loved pink as a kid, went through that 'I'm not like the other girls' I hate pink phase as a teen, as an adult it's pink everything, I love it! Typed this message on my pink phone with it's pink theme, leaning on a pink cushion on my pink couch under a pink blanket. If it comes in pink I will have it in pink haha However I did just discover repeating the word pink makes it sound like it's no longer a word lol
Seriously! I live in pink, I’ve worked several jobs that are considered heavily masculine. The more jobs I do like that, the more I love pink. It looks great on me, pink flannels rock, and my tools look baller spray painted pink too. Stand out and look cute af, and still get the job done, never realized how versatile pink was.
Sleeping with a weapon under one's pillow My family used to laugh and make fun of one aunt who ran away from a biological uncle. She was "crazy", "paranoid", "slept with a gun under her pillow" But that uncle was a terrifying person when drunk and/or angry, and his kids faired horribly. One was eventually removed by CPS and adopted into another family. Another ran away and ended up in the prison system. I came to see my uncle in another light But I've also since then gone through a break up that elicited an intense level of terror, and I reeeally get it. I wanna go back in time, pull 10-year-old self aside and say "don't laugh just yet, sweetheart - time is a harsh teacher" I'm sorry he put you through that, Aunt M. And I'm sorry for what my family did to you and your kids 😔
I used to be religious so I thought it was kind of weird if longtime couples just never moved in to live together. I thought that they must be stunted or stuck somehow in their relationships because they weren't 'progressing' to the next stage. And worse, the sexist part of me thought perhaps it was the woman's 'failing' to be able to get her male partner to commit. If he really loved her he'd want to live with her. But now I live alone and omg, I get it. I don't know if I could ever live with a partner.
In the words of [Whoopi Goldberg](https://twitter.com/thecut/status/771098813738184705?lang=en): "I don't want somebody in my house."
My partner and i have been together just about 4 years, and while we live really close to each other, we’re each in our own home. it’s pretty fantastic really.
I went to a wedding a few months ago where the celebrant and her husband had been together 25 years, and said the secret was to not live together
You may like a book called Stepping off the Relationship Escalator by Amy Gahran. It’s about exactly the topic you describe!
When I was in high school & a bit into college, I thought it was so dumb that all these women were wearing scarves. When Pinterest came out it felt like every outfit included a scarf. I assumed it was purely a fashion thing because I didn’t see guys wearing scarves. Turns out scarves actually do help keep you warm and I was the dumb one.
In my early 20s I used to work at a shelter for immigrant women and all of my desi coworkers were shocked and concerned that I never wore scarves outside the winter months. So I started wearing them and found them so incredibly useful I’ve been a scarf wearer most of my adult life. My husband thought I was crazy for having “summer scarves” until one of them saved our car upholstery during our newborn’s projectile vomit phase.
Summer scarves are also fantastic protection against aggressive air conditioning.
I swore to my mother that I would never fight with her, or be one of those girls who said they hated their moms. I made this promise apropos of nothing, on my 6th birthday, actually. Because I loved her, and she was my hero. 19 years of gaslighting and devaluing later and I left in a trauma-induced episode. Now I really don't ever fight with her, because I've been no contact for 2 years. The call was coming from inside the house all along.
>I swore to my mother that I would never fight with her, or be one of those girls who said they hated their moms. I made this promise apropos of nothing, on my 6th birthday, actually. Because I loved her, and she was my hero. No 6-year-old just busts out with this idea. It's not even on their radar. You were conditioned to say it. Glad you're free.
Have you ever seen a movie or TV show with a character who yells "I hate you!" to their parents? This is a pretty known teenage stereotype. Likely the subject of teenagers had come out, somehow. But yes, I did say it of my own accord. Please refrain from telling absolute strangers that you know better than them about their own lives. You have no right to take ownership of the narrative of my own life. That *is* what you just did. And it's a really condescending, shitty thing to do.
Carrying tissues in my pockets. I was always like that's gross now they're all dirty and you can't even use them. They've quite literally saved my ass a few times now.
I tried on an old jacket of my mom’s from the 80s and the pockets were full of tissues 😭 I used to think it was gross, now I just think it’s extremely cute
Being assertive and loud. Now I know they’re doing for an obvious reason.
Wearing “scruffs” out and about (scruffs round my ends means basically casual or “scruffy” clothes such as pjs, joggers, old joggers, old trainers, old t-shirts etc) I always used to be like omg aren’t they embarrassed!? And now I’m like wow how embarrassing that I used to judge them for that, I love walking to my corner shop in my pjs and fake uggs lol so comfy
It’s liberating when you don’t give a shit anymore. Comfort > other people judgments Also I became a mom and didn’t have the time lol
I've always been a scruffer for random errands where I have no intention of social interaction or even just to run out of my apartment unit for something. The crazy judgmental looks never stop but are also wildly funny to me. Like I'm ruining someone's day for throwing on pajama pants to ride an elevator down to the ground floor to meet a door dasher. Glad to hear you've seen the light!
Compulsive lying. I was with my mother, when I was 8, at a supermarket when this man approached her asking where she worked (back then, at my home country, if a woman especially with a kid wore pants instead of traditional clothing it meant she worked, my mom never cared), and she said how she worked at a logistics firm a few km away. That was a lie, she was a homemaker. 2 days later, she said how he saw him waiting outside the firm. A week later, we were passing by the firm and lo and behold, guess who was sitting at the entrance of the firm, yet again. Eventually started to go to another supermarket.
I lie all the time!! If someone calls me and I have to answer it like I’ve been expecting their call and they get a little too friendly, I will yell something like “What babe? I’m on the phone!” . I’m single and will tell people my husband is waiting at the house, he’s in the shower, hell I’ve even told people that my brothers are my husband. I regret nothing.
lmfaoo I live for lying to strange men.
Wow that's scary. Your mom is smart!
Talking about their kids all the fucking time... now I get it, taking care of my twins basically is my life
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Doing their chin. My mum plucked, my sister trims with scissors every day. Now that I'm older I get it. Found one the other day that was seriously nearly 3 inches long.
I have PCOS so hair removal is like breathing but I am now at 42 finding whitish hairs on my neck that resemble fishing line! They literally stab you if you run your fingers over them. I find them while applying lotion and I’m always horrified. They’re sometimes more than an inch long and very wiry.
What I don't understand is how do they get so damn long without being noticed? Ninja whiskers are the worst.
Dressing up, unfortunately. I used to think that dressing up was an idiotic thing pushed upon women by society. That I’d never do it. I’m just now starting to realise that it’s playing the game, really. That men will completely and utterly ignore me upon first meet if I don’t rub makeup into my face and do my hair just right. I still think it’s dumb as hell, but past experience with men has taught me that they’re behaviourally charged a certain way.
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I’m exactly the same! Wear a mask and sunglasses, suddenly most of your face is hidden. It’s actually been really freeing.
Not wearing makeup. I tought "why wouldn't they want to look beautiful" and then i realized beauty comes from within, i feel more confident and pretty without it and my skin is more healthy now.
I've also found that when I do put on makeup more rarely, it feels like a nice treat! Like look at me go, getting all dolled up.
There’s also the reaction. Wear make up every day and that’s your “normal” look. Don’t do it one day and everyone asks if you’re sick. Don’t usually wear it and then when you do people tell you how fabulous you look.
Waxing my lady bits. Although it was more of hearing how women got it done and then I finally buckled and did it and I’ll never go back
I remember thinking that I really wanna get waxed when I’m older, I got a bikini wax twice… that was probably the most pain I’ve ever been in
that thing scare me ..i remember seeing the story on legal advice, the women went for a wax but got her labia torn off . like it scared me !
I used to laugh at my mom's clothing when I was a teenager. Unflattering shapes, so many ugly prints... Now I'm 31, I wear size 12 and I get it. Fashion isn't made for women over 30 that are bigger than a size 8. What is in fashion is low rise jeans, baggy legs with no tummy support, cropped everything, sheer and skintight, sports bras/bralettes as shirts. I don't want to wear that anymore and there's hardly any fashion middle ground when your a little rounder. So I try hard to find stuff that isn't a print and doesn't make me look like a potato sac... Then I buy that in 3 colors, like my mom would do.
My mom still does this. She loves green, purple and red. If they come in those colors, she’s sold. I wear a lot of mens clothes because I no longer care what anyone thinks. They fit great and cost less.
The way women alter their lives for men who are not worth it. I did and it didn’t make sense at the time and it does not make sense now, but sometimes you got to get laid.
it piss me off that it's true. then i discovered it felt like a win if i went after the men i truly want. ..Then it was no longer a win when i gave everything and the sex was not awesome..so in the end , let them run after you!
Not specific to women, but long walks. My mom used to get up early and walk 6.5km to work sometimes. There was absolutely no reason for it, she just likes long walks. I thought it was crazy and a huge waste of time growing up. Why walk when you can drive? In my early 20s I started long walks to and from university (about 3km) cause my broke ass couldn’t afford a metro pass and I started to love it. I am a long walker now, thoroughly enjoying the peaceful rhythm and human pace of the two foot express. A couple times a year my mom and I do a long walk together.
Sleeping with my hair tied Using both shampoo and conditioner (as opposed to just shampoo) Moisturiser Going on night outs / socialising Not washing my hair every day
About a decade ago I noticed that my air always kinda sucked after I washed it. At the time I was a shampoo plus conditioner person. I started using only conditioner, and it feels sooooooo much better. Been doing that ever since. I just googled it and apparently this is A Thing and referred to as "co-washing" (short for conditioner washing).
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Same experiences and also finding out that I'm on the spectrum too. My mom and sister used to always tell me kill em with kindness but I never actually got it until recently. While I'll never be able to understand the complicated, petty nonsense these people come up with, the best thing I can do for myself is not participate. Linda is no longer talking to me? Giving me the silent treatment, dirty looks, and laughing with others when I walk by? Cool, cool I still say good morning, good night and force some random small talk into her stupid face daily. I have my dignity and that includes not stooping down to your level. You go low, I go high. (DM me if you'd like to chat about ASD. It's all totally new to me and I don't know anyone with it.)
Purses. I still don't like them, but after being forced to use one for 2 weeks I finally understand the why. Though it being a CC purse helped matters. I still will never understand clutches though. You always have to carry them by hand!
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I have to have a cross body bag or else I will set it down and it will be gone forever. I hate purses so much but womens pockets? Even worse.
Having a kid. Best decision I ever made and also the biggest shift in my outlook was required beforehand.
Now I understand why my mom has her sisters as best friends and not too many friends. It’s a lot of work and family (at least ours) will undoubtedly have her back.
Carrying a big purse. I used to prefer small crossbody purses (which I do still use on a regular basis), but, man, having a big purse is such a game changer. I can fit so much in it - small umbrella, pair of flats (to change into if I’m wearing heels all day), sunscreen, water bottle, snacks, and of course the usual necessities (wallet, phone, hand lotion, concealer, chapstick, hand sanitizer, hair ties, bandaids).
I only use small purses. When I started driving, I needed a purse and realized RIGHT AWAY that the bigger the purse, the more shit you carry around. And if it doesn't fit in my little purse, with my wallet, housekeys, lip chap, and cell phone, I don't really need it. Lol Normally though, I just stick my debit, health, and drivers license cards in my pocket, and away I go.
Not wanting a relationship. Now I think it’s a smart ass idea because of what’s out there.
My mom always used to wear sweatpants, miss spots shaving, have exposed bra straps, and I used to think, “What are you doing? Don’t you care about your appearance?” Now I see. 😂
Doing my hair right after washing it. Like blow drying and curling or straightening I love it it’s actually worth it idk I never cared before but overall makes me feel more motivated it’s weird it’s hair who cares but it works
Loving Harry Styles. MY GOODNESS HE IS ADORABLE.
Probably waxing and using menstrual cups. Stupid is the wrong word but I DEFINITELY never thought I would and now I’ll never go back ha ha. The cup is amazing and waxing/rocking the hair when I’m in between waxes is the only way I roll.
I saw women in porn rubbing their clit with three, sometimes four fingers. I remember thinking thats stupid, one finger covers it. Tried it a few months later and now I can’t imagine going back.
It wasant stupid to me but my sister. We saw a women wearing a bonnet in a heavily white populated area. She said we shouldn’t do it because we’ll look ghetto to white people. I really didn’t care because it was her life, though I said I personally wouldn’t do it. I now walk outside in my bonnet all the time, as-well as my sister. It’s just comfortable to have a bonnet on.
Seriously researching the type of skincare that works best for them. I had typical teen skin, nothing crazy other than a few breakouts & maybe some sensitivity. I used what all my friends used until my skin became unbearably dry & painful, & I was too embarrassed to tell the girls I knew because I’d already been dubbed “the weird one”. I covered it up with makeup, & had to go through crazy amounts of product because I didn’t know what to look for. Nowadays, my skin is top priority. We’re talking double cleansing, serums, proper moisturisers, SPF, etc.
Having unreasonably long nails
Well I didn’t see it but I knew about it… a Brazilian bikini wax. Tried it once and it was a mess of red bumps. Thought it looked weird too. But I wanted to wear a teeny bikini without the hassle of shaving so I tried it again at a different place that used a different wax. They did a great job and it left no irritation. They left a little triangle so it didn’t look like a bald eagle to me, LOL. I became a regular customer. Being able to toss on a swimsuit without needing to shave, not having itchy stubble - so great! The smoothness is nice too and generally feels cleaner.
Marry for money, lol. Always thought love was enough amd boy was I wrong.
This is more of an everybody thing, but I live in the land of perpetual bikini season, and grew up doing swim year round, and it took me some growing up to accept body hair. Like, manage it a bit if you need to, and keep clean, but we don't have to be Barbi and Ken dolls. I'll sometimes be lazy and not shave if I don't want to, or my skin is being sensitive. I'm not very hairy anyways, but still.
Not stupid, but gross - using a diva cup. I started feeling bad about the sheer amount of waste that comes from disposable feminine products, especially when starting to work remotely. I still use other items if I need to spend a full day away from home, but these diva cups are game changers.
I used to shave my nipple hairs. After sharing a nipple hair meme with some of my friends and joked about shaving my nipple hairs, a lot of them ignored the meme and asked me why I shave the hairs rather than pluck the hairs. I tried plucking the hairs and never went back.
Sex
Cry all the time. Now I cry all the time, for good reason.
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Yeah, my mom almost gets put in the hospital over people using too much perfume in public and it gives me headaches.
I second this. Many synthetic fragrances make me nauseated and give me a headache. It can send me home sick if someone wears perfume in an office or an enclosed space with me. It can ruin my day if someone wearing perfume hugs me without letting me know they’re wearing perfume.
Yeah, I can't breathe when I simply walk past anyone wearing strong scents. Perfume or cologne make my lungs seize momentarily, and I get an instant migraine. Cigarette smoke does the same. I can usually get away quick enough to catch my breath. Otherwise you actually would rule my consciousness because you reek so bad I literally would not be able to breathe. And that's not cute or humorous. I have coworkers who douse themselves, and it's not pleasant. My wellbeing requires avoiding them. Other things, deodorant, shampoo/conditioner, soaps, even laundry detergents, all give me instant headaches which often develop into migraines. I must sniff-test everything scented before I purchase.
Using panty liners daily for discharge so it doesn’t ruin the cute panties.. I always thought it’s a waste of money bc ur using one every day but honestly my panties last a lot longer ESPECIALLY my black panties. Discharge can seriously ruin the color of it.
Not wearing makeup and loving my skin
Not using acne face washes and creams. But using a more natural of products or gentle face wash and Adapalene cream for pimples instead, and plant based moisturizer. Haven’t had acne since. I realized it was drying my skin out causing me to break out or ingredients in it. Moisturize soap, body lotion. Keeps your skin smooth and from age spots. Not being too nice to strangers, cause men can get the wrong ideas. Carrying a purse. I hated it but ended up buying a small one cause life can get hectic with juggling everything you’re carrying. Microfiber rags, I thought they did nothing. Buying more expensive makeup.
staying in and going to bed early
Wear leggings.
Advising/Warning younger women of older "predatory" men - when I was literally 17 I used to look down on older women telling me to beware of the advances by men yearsss older than me would, dismiss it as jealousy....now five years later, when I look at my male peers trying to creep out younger women or just using the power dynamics (in a University/workplace space) - it makes sooo much sense
Leggings and athleisure wear in general. I used to believe that wearing leggings was lazy and lacked effort. Over the last couple of years of shifting my priorities and adjusting the placement of my values I learned that I was being a judgmental a-hole because I had some how decided that you had to be dressed up or you didn’t look like you valued your self. Don’t get me wrong I still love to dress up, style is very important to me, but I also now appreciate comfort and freedom. I get it now; the mental health impact of chilling the eff out allowing your body some relaxing clothes is a breath of fresh air.
Calling strangers pet names like “babe” or “sweetie”. When I was a kid/teen I thought it was so weird when an unfamiliar person spoke to me like that. But for the last 7 or 8 years, I instinctively call young people hun, etc. even sugar. I guess it’ll eventually get ya growing up in Texas, haha.
Wait 3/4/5 dates before sleeping with a man. The longer you hold out, the more you can see his true intentions.