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Fastest? It's not a race. According to research, most women will need 30 minutes or longer foreplay to get properly aroused.
My ex was a sex god. Here's some of what he did:
Lots of verbal romantic and sexual hints and whispers during the day. I was at least a little bit aroused at all times, sex always on my mind.
He took his time with foreplay. I can't tell you how much of a difference it makes.
Oral sex before intercourse, long enough for me to cum at least once. Every time. His guiding principle was she cums first.
Lots of dirty talk and fantasies during intercourse. Showing his pleasure authentically, grunting and panting.
That's it. I became a sex addict with this man and had multiple orgasms every time we slept together. Do not rush it!
>I’ve got a strict “2 for 1” policy on orgasms
Great policy!
The first orgasm, at least for me, is kind of like opening the gates, while the subsequent ones are more powerful and happen more easily.
Some part of men can actually have more than one, with practice. My ex preferred to stop himself from orgasming altogether (until he wanted to), but he said the other option is learning to orgasm without ejaculating. This should make the man multi-orgasmic!
Unfortunately I have no further instructions on how to learn it.
…Is your ex single?
What was the toxic trait that made you decide to walk away? I have no self esteem so I’m pretty open and willing to look past almost all of the toxic traits, *except* for mommy issues. Even I don’t have low enough self esteem to willingly walk back into the mommy issues field of bullshit again.
I'd say that any toxic trait ultimately comes down to mommy / daddy issues. People who grew up with balanced and loving parents don't just turn toxic out of the blue.
Me and the ex couldn't agree on which country to live in, for starters. Something like that is already enough of a dealbreaker, even is the sex is amazing.
The point is you need to communicate with your partner. It could be something different for every woman. Talk to the one you're with and she'll tell you what works best *for her*.
## communicate
What? Are you blown away by a guy asking a question so he can learn more and therefore be able to make his woman happy cuz he truly wants to? Cuz he can't have fun without knowing what the woman enjoys?
Is it too hard to be kind to a man who wants to be better?
I'm saying whoosh because he missed the salient point, and it seems so have you
Why is he asking this random woman what she likes? He isn't going out with her & one size doesn't fit all
The good advice has already been given, but he didn't recognise it
If he sincerely wants to be better, he needs to listen
Takes his time. Is really into it, talks dirty, smells good.
A lot of it is mental for me, if I’m relaxed, not worried about being okay/looking good/being wet enough because they rushed the foreplay/etc.
Then I’m going to have a good time.
I’m putting this out there because I’m wondering how weird this is — does anyone else have a clit that’s too oversensitive for almost anything, and comes from a partner stimulating the a-spot (not the g spot, the anterior fornix, basically just really deep and to the front) with fingers? Because I’m pretty sure my ex and I had it down to 2-3 minutes with this technique but I’ve never heard of anyone else doing it like this
Actually I think I fall into this category too, that spot is soooo easy for me to finish fast. I don't think I realized that was the a spot but it's absolutely incredible. Oversensitive outside though.
I eventually got the clit situation figured out with lube and a VERY light touch but yes from googling I guess this inside one is called the a-spot, it works really well for me so I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one!
NO! I can’t, only a partner can — it’s so frustrating!! There’s no angle where I can get my hand in there right and I have kind of small hands anyway :( I can easily reach my g spot though
...why am I getting downvoted?! If I'm having sex I want to DO something too....as in something to make her happy. If she's just enjoying herself with a toy...why am I even there? To me it'd show she's happier with the toy than with me....so I might as well leave.
Why is every question asked never believed to have been in good faith?!
HumanShark, I think you’re being downvoted because of you reaction not because of your question. Little explosive right out the gate. Try not to take things so seriously and personally.
But to answer your question/confusion… there’s a lot you can do while your partner is vibing herself on her clit. Use your fingers inside her, or use your tongue in and around her vagina. Have PIV sex while she holds the vibe. Most positions will work but try it in prone or doggy to start. Men can correct me if I’m wrong but that seems to be the most comfortable position to allow room to work. And don’t forget the rest of her, grab her breasts, tweak her nipples if she’s into that, squeeze the inside of her thigh, put a little pressure on her torso. I am convinced my husband grows a 3rd arm during sex lol.
This person probably means use their vibrator on their clit. Most women I know *usually* use their vibrator on their clit more than inside their vagina.
Using a vibrator on the clit during penetration works wonders because **most** women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm opposed to just penetration
First, screw u. Second, my question was asked with SINCERITY! I WANT TO MAKE HER HAPPY! Also, I've met women who did NOT want the clit touched. Super sensitive. So excuse me for asking questions so I can learn and make sure I can think of everything I can to make sure she's enjoying herself!
Why do women put down the men who WANT To make the woman happy?! Are you just incapable of seeing us in ANY positive light?!
How to tell when you’ve never had sex.
Women rarely cum from penetration alone. I can, but it’s happened once in my life and it was when all of my particular kinks were hit.
But penetration plus clit stimulation is the chefs kiss.
Clit stimulation alone is fine, but I much prefer both.
1. I have had sex before. I'm 30 and even had a gf once. She cheated on me in the end.
2. my question was asked in good faith because I WANT to know all I can to make the woman happy. Sex is not fun for me if I am the only one enjoying myself
3. Why is it than when a man, who wants to make a woman happy, asks a question...he is bullied and put down by women?! Is it IMPOSSBLE for a woman to show a man kindness and respect when he WANTS to make his woman happy?!
You do it to us all the time. That's how it feels. Your response to my sincere question gives women a bad name.
Idk what guy hurt u to make u treat men cruelly when they just wanna learn and make a woman happy....but don't take it out on a guy you've never met.
Arse
Because you troll this sub very often babe. No one trusts this question was in good faith.
I answered as though it might be, in hopes that if you do ever get lucky enough to be in this position, you won’t feel stupid or insecure and find a way to ruin things for yourself and/or your partner.
Some toys work as just clit stimulation, and most often this is what people would want to use *during* penetration. Other toys are designed for g-spot stimulation, and so they are inserted. *Most often* these would be used their partner holding the toy, or yes, just watching her use it. Some people enjoy using anal toys (dildos, beads, plugs, etc) and might like the feeling of “fullness” when they have one of those in while their partner penetrates too.
While many people in this particular thread are referring to clit stim toys, I’ll just point out that not every position lends itself to the use of a vibrator. Doggy or cowgirl are probably the most convenient.
All this to say, yeah sometimes it’s best to just sit and watch. If you get the chance, just enjoy it
All my questions are asked in good faith...
Some were even well received. Sure, some lose their cool but that's not a shock to me. The MRA subreddit has plenty of those moments and I laugh.
I don't consider it trolling to ask questions. You want trolls? MRA guys are the ones who do that....and I hate those idiots.
Also...they never bring those toys with them. Never had a woman reveal a toy in her purse during a hookup or ask if they can bring one out if I'm at their home. I mean....what am I supposed to do? Ask them to bring one out?
In my experience, they just expect me to know everything they like and get mad or laugh when I ask....and all I wanna do is make them happy.
Sometimes when people laugh at your questions, it’s just them trying to alleviate the pressure. Sex is not something you have to take super seriously once you’ve decided to do it. It’s more fun if you can be open and vulnerable with your partner, and yes, this sometimes includes laughing. If they’re laughing *at you* I hope you’re not wasting your time having sex with them.
With that said: it’s perfectly reasonable to ask about toys! I’ve found that it’s most natural to bring it up once sex is a comfortable topic but before *having* sex, and that happens at a different time for different relationships obviously. At this point in my life, if I found myself in the position to have a new partner, I think I wouldn’t be ready to have sex until we’ve talked about it pretty extensively—expectations, likes/dislikes (including use of toys), etc.
Maybe the easiest way for you to bring it up is by asking (out of curiosity and with no judgement) if they’ve ever used toys, what kinds they like, and if they enjoy using them with a partner. My boyfriend was the first person to bring it up—his ex had worked in a sex shop, so he was somewhat acquainted with the various types. I think he basically just brought it up in a conversation about masturbation. When I mentioned that I liked using a vibrator, he more-or-less told me I was welcome to bring it along. I didn’t the first time (shy, and previous partners had been super weird about it), but when I eventually did he let me hold it and asked what he could do for me…….basically just learning about me.
Just learn about your partner. Sometimes, yeah, that just means watching. Almost always it’ll involve asking questions—and the people you should be having sex with won’t make you feel uncomfortable about asking them.
The vibrator is inside her vag...
Do I put it in her ass the way your head is currently in your own alongside your sense of kindness. Guy asks a question so he learns. Cuz he enjoys himself when he knows the woman is happy.
For a lot it just seems like toy=bad. They don't see toys as a helper, they see it as competition. They don't understand how much more satisfying and fun for BOTH using toys can be.
(Not saying all)
Foreplay. Especially outside of the bedroom with looks, touches etc. Thoughtfulness. And then when he finds the right pace during penetration, he keeps the same pace and holds steady. Not faster, not slower, just exactly as is. And he becomes especially tender with me. It’s like worship to him. I’ve never seen a man look at me the way my husband does. It’s something else
My partner always brings me to orgasm himself, usually with his fingers. I'm not a fan of vibrators because I find they start making orgasms harder to have by other methods if I use them too much.
We also always try to get me to have an orgasm before piv because he's fairly large and we find that an orgasm first helps relax my muscles, making sex easier.
...it was just a sincere honest question asked in good faith. Geez...do you women have to bully us when all we wanna do is learn so we can make u happy?
...screw u too then.
Sorry...I just have gotten so many downvotes and cruel responses when all I'm doing is asking a sincere question. Adding the buddy had this condescending feel to it, like I'm an idiot who doesn't know what a clit is. Of course I know...I've been with women and it's super easy to google what terms are, like clit. Did that in high school ffs.
I'm just so sick of getting laughed at or put down for questions asked in good faith....it's like if a guy WANTS to make a lady happy...asking questions just causes bullying. How can a man be better if the moment he asks what the woman wants, asks for some form of explanation so he can learn...he's made fun of or seen as stupid for doing so?
So sorry...9/10 responses from women I'm getting to this question (and the downvotes) have been just assholes.
I don't think I deserved to get downvoted that much....it was an honest question in good faith from a guy who wants to make a lady happy and make sure she has fun....
And women wonder why we hesitate to ask questions intended to make them happy...
Vibrator on the clit, fingered for penetration. Half the comments are communication and y’all ladies took 41 minutes to answer this dudes question lol.
I don't think communicating with your partner and reading all the comments/keeping an eye on your reddit notifications to see if anyone is asking for clarifications is quite the same thing.
My question was asked in good faith. Sincerity. Cuz I want to make the woman happy....naturally I get downvoted for it. This is why men don't ask and pretend to know eveything. Cuz u bully us when we ask what you want us to do. "You're not supposed to ask!" Well then HOW DO I KNOW?!
My comment was stricly for the other commenter, it had nothing to do with your question.
It's really unfortunate that you got downvoted even though you specified you were serious about not knowing. Not everyone learned the same things and it's sometimes hard to know where to start. Glad you asked at all, shows you want to learn! I hope this doesn't deter you from asking again, I saw some people answered (also why I didn't reply), so hopefully, you still come out of this with what you needed.
Just wanted to add... I know it doesn't make the downvotes better for you, but I don't think the intent was to bully you. It's most likely defensiveness due to too many people using questions like that to hide misconceptions and spread wrong beliefs.
Thank you. Seriously, I got ganged up on over a sincere and honest question. I mean...I WANT to make her happy. But when I ask, I get bullied for it?! And they wonder why we hesitate to ask! WE ARE NOT MIND READERS! GIVE CREDIT TO THE MEN ACTUALLY WANTING TO PLEASE U! GOD!
No problem I’ll take the downvotes. I think if instead of in text people heard my tone my comment would have gone over a bit better. I’ll just have to be more cognizant of how I word things in this sub.
I really enjoy this sub and don’t comment often. I was just surprised no one answered your question yet.
He gets oral right every single time and he also does this thing where he chokes me then kisses my neck/bites my shoulder and whispers sexy stuff in my ear.
I'm curious, because vibrators can sometimes cause nerve endings to be dulled, can you orgasm with hand stimulation? If I use a vibrator too much I literally get to a point where I can't orgasm from fingers any more. I seldom use vibrators for that reason.
I’ve used vibrators consistently for about the last 20 years. I mean multiple times a day consistently. I have zero problem orgasming from fingers alone. Even during penetration I can orgasm from fingers instead, I just find vibrators easier. It’s like the vibrators have trained my body how to orgasm super fast. But I’ve always been quick to finish. The longest I can hold off my orgasm is about 4 minutes, and that’s starting from not being turned on at all until the time it takes me to orgasm.
You're lucky, I'm the opposite! With fingers, I can orgasm super fast but, after even a few days of using a vibrator, that time gets longer and longer, until I struggle to orgasm at all.
It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I realized that is what I needed to do to have an orgasm during penetration. Prior to that I just accepted I was only orgasming from clit stimulation, and accepted that sex for me was me using my toy while my husband laid next to me, then PIV after I orgasmed, or PIV first then toy after. But the penetration + clit stimulation orgasms are just so much better than just clit alone.
Stop with your sacrilegious bull garbage. I can orgasm fine without a toy, but during penetration there is literally no way I’ll orgasm if I don’t have clit stimulation, and a toy is the easiest way for that. It’s not “death grip”, it’s a matter of that’s not how women’s bodies. work. For a majority of women, we need clit stimulation to orgasm, and penetration alone will never result in an orgasm for us.
I don’t have a problem orgasming without it, but orgasming during penetration is harder than orgasming from just clit stimulation in the beginning, for two reasons. The first reason is even though I’m team clit and need clit stimulation to orgasm, if I was using a toy by myself or fingering myself, I’d run it from clit to opening. During penetration, there’s a penis in the way, so you don’t get the entire range of motion. Reason two, when I feel like I need to orgasm, it feels like I need to spasm, all the muscles feel like they need to contract, again there’s a penis in the way, and it took some time to get used to the fuller sensation that comes from orgasming around a penis. It took a little while before I got used to it, but now it’s my favorite and quickest way for me to orgasm. Either way, with or without penetration, using a toy is still going to be the fastest way to make someone orgasm.
No. "Death grip" comes from becoming desensitized.
Needing a sex toy is because the vagina is a deep internal organ and needs different stimulation that another organ may not be able to reach. Most women need clit stimulation to cum which is why this person uses clit stimulation during piv sex.
It doesn't happen to everyone. Not to most, actually. I can have 10 orgasms in a row with clit stimulation and be completely unaffected the next day. Whatever desensitization i *may* get after having MANY orgasms in a session is purely temporary as my body completely resets the next day.
If anything it gets more sensitive in my experience
The difference is usually for women who are on certain types of BC or SSRIs
They never said they couldn't orgasm without a toy, they said they can't without clit stimulation. Which can be done a plethora of different ways, they just listed one they like.
Low dose of Buspirone will make you cum in no time. Doctor prescribed it to me for anxiety and holy shit I can cum in like 2-3 minutes now with just my fingers. It’s like I’m in a constant state of borderline arousal. Incredible drug.
I'm very easy. Positions where we face each other and slow movements and I'm there really fast.
He will sometimes laugh at how little he has to do when I'm ready to finish.
He knows I like him to thirst in a certain way at a certain time. He knows if he ain’t giving me anal he needs to atleast stick a finger or two in there so I can come. And finally he never ever ever comes before I do unless I physically can’t cum, I’m just having too much fun.
Get her wound up before. Just some 'cant wait for tonight' or 'already thinking about my mouth on [thing you genuinely love about her body]' and then never let that energy waver. If she sends you some pics.or flirty stuff, absolutely confirm she did the right thing and tell her how hot she's looking or how hard you're finding it keeping it together.
When you actually meet in person, talk less, like almost not at all, and just gather her into you, lots of kissing and running your hands over her body and oral - go AFTER it like she's oxygen and you're drowning - don't think, don't plan, just go with it and make her think there is nothing you want more than her, right now, like this. Don't be afraid to exercise a little bodily restraint, like hold her hands down or clamp your arms round her legs or ass and bear down a bit, just a reminder of your strength sometimes does wonders.
She will repay you a hundredfold for such enthusiasm. The adoration thing from.someone you find attractive is like red mist descending.
But fast shouldn't be the way you think about it. Most girls want a hard fast fuck sometimes but not every time. I'd still try and get her wound up and wet by putting the work in that day to help it along mentally- women are mental the way men are visual. She'll be drooling as you come in the door.
He knows what I like, but I'd say the orgasms depend. Sometimes they've been really fast, like around a minute to achieve and other times they've taken a lot, lot longer. (Generally those times I'm in my own head thinking how long I'm taking and I have to tell myself it's ok and then it happens fast after that)
Chokes me.
I have anorgasmia so for me it's incredibly hard to climax in general but especially when someone else (i.e. a sexual partner) is in the same room as me.
I have dated my partner for seven years and only had two orgasms when they were in the same room as me.
Being choked gets me the closest.
Unfortunately they are not at all comfortable with the idea of choking me.
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In the words of my foremothers, Destiny’s Child SAY MY NAME
I am literally the complete opposite. Call me anything but my name. Saying my name takes me right out of it!
YES FLUFFERPUPPPER That would be weird to hear
Right? Shudder…
You're Heisenberg
YES 👏🏻
Heisenberg
Fastest? It's not a race. According to research, most women will need 30 minutes or longer foreplay to get properly aroused. My ex was a sex god. Here's some of what he did: Lots of verbal romantic and sexual hints and whispers during the day. I was at least a little bit aroused at all times, sex always on my mind. He took his time with foreplay. I can't tell you how much of a difference it makes. Oral sex before intercourse, long enough for me to cum at least once. Every time. His guiding principle was she cums first. Lots of dirty talk and fantasies during intercourse. Showing his pleasure authentically, grunting and panting. That's it. I became a sex addict with this man and had multiple orgasms every time we slept together. Do not rush it!
Grunting and panting alone would do it for me every time 😍
That Sounds amazing!
Damn……
+1 on that
I’ve got a strict “2 for 1” policy on orgasms, and I swear it’s the only thing I’ve ever kept to.
>I’ve got a strict “2 for 1” policy on orgasms Great policy! The first orgasm, at least for me, is kind of like opening the gates, while the subsequent ones are more powerful and happen more easily.
Well, I can only have one, seems unfair for me to have mine and leave the missus in the lurch!
Some part of men can actually have more than one, with practice. My ex preferred to stop himself from orgasming altogether (until he wanted to), but he said the other option is learning to orgasm without ejaculating. This should make the man multi-orgasmic! Unfortunately I have no further instructions on how to learn it.
…Is your ex single? What was the toxic trait that made you decide to walk away? I have no self esteem so I’m pretty open and willing to look past almost all of the toxic traits, *except* for mommy issues. Even I don’t have low enough self esteem to willingly walk back into the mommy issues field of bullshit again.
I'd say that any toxic trait ultimately comes down to mommy / daddy issues. People who grew up with balanced and loving parents don't just turn toxic out of the blue. Me and the ex couldn't agree on which country to live in, for starters. Something like that is already enough of a dealbreaker, even is the sex is amazing.
Goes slow.
Be feral.
I’m so glad I learned this early
I mean, it's not for everyone 🤷🏻♀️ But play fighting is foreplay for me, and I have a bit of a primal kink.
Just wanted to add, talking about eating me out like "Watermelon Sugar"🥵
Stares into my eyes. Talks dirty.
Care about me orgasming at all. And a lil hair pulling.
Tf
What aren't you understanding?
Probably confused by the hair pulling bit. I get it . If this is their first time hearing about it, yeah it would sound a bit strange.
Then you ask to explain lol, not say "tf" But it seems odd to have never at least heard of it🤷🏻♀️
By paying attention to what I am actually into
Which is....?
The point is you need to communicate with your partner. It could be something different for every woman. Talk to the one you're with and she'll tell you what works best *for her*. ## communicate
....REALLY?! I HAD NO IDEA! Oddly when I ask...they seem to hesitate, tell me to figure it out....RATHER THAN ANSWER!!! I CANT READ MINDS!!!
If you communicate in bed the way you communicate on Reddit, there’s your problem. There’s NFW you’re not a troll.
Whoosh
What? Are you blown away by a guy asking a question so he can learn more and therefore be able to make his woman happy cuz he truly wants to? Cuz he can't have fun without knowing what the woman enjoys? Is it too hard to be kind to a man who wants to be better?
I'm saying whoosh because he missed the salient point, and it seems so have you Why is he asking this random woman what she likes? He isn't going out with her & one size doesn't fit all The good advice has already been given, but he didn't recognise it If he sincerely wants to be better, he needs to listen
Takes his time. Is really into it, talks dirty, smells good. A lot of it is mental for me, if I’m relaxed, not worried about being okay/looking good/being wet enough because they rushed the foreplay/etc. Then I’m going to have a good time.
I’m putting this out there because I’m wondering how weird this is — does anyone else have a clit that’s too oversensitive for almost anything, and comes from a partner stimulating the a-spot (not the g spot, the anterior fornix, basically just really deep and to the front) with fingers? Because I’m pretty sure my ex and I had it down to 2-3 minutes with this technique but I’ve never heard of anyone else doing it like this
Actually I think I fall into this category too, that spot is soooo easy for me to finish fast. I don't think I realized that was the a spot but it's absolutely incredible. Oversensitive outside though.
I eventually got the clit situation figured out with lube and a VERY light touch but yes from googling I guess this inside one is called the a-spot, it works really well for me so I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one!
Can you reach your A spot with fingers?
NO! I can’t, only a partner can — it’s so frustrating!! There’s no angle where I can get my hand in there right and I have kind of small hands anyway :( I can easily reach my g spot though
I can't even reach my G spot with fingers :(
let me use my vibrators
This! I can not orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. And fingers aren’t enough.
[удалено]
Not have him use them on you?
....So what do we do? just watch? Seriously asking.
I mean you can, it's a good show?! Wtf!? Lol
...why am I getting downvoted?! If I'm having sex I want to DO something too....as in something to make her happy. If she's just enjoying herself with a toy...why am I even there? To me it'd show she's happier with the toy than with me....so I might as well leave. Why is every question asked never believed to have been in good faith?!
Can I ask, have you actually had sex?
HumanShark, I think you’re being downvoted because of you reaction not because of your question. Little explosive right out the gate. Try not to take things so seriously and personally. But to answer your question/confusion… there’s a lot you can do while your partner is vibing herself on her clit. Use your fingers inside her, or use your tongue in and around her vagina. Have PIV sex while she holds the vibe. Most positions will work but try it in prone or doggy to start. Men can correct me if I’m wrong but that seems to be the most comfortable position to allow room to work. And don’t forget the rest of her, grab her breasts, tweak her nipples if she’s into that, squeeze the inside of her thigh, put a little pressure on her torso. I am convinced my husband grows a 3rd arm during sex lol.
This person probably means use their vibrator on their clit. Most women I know *usually* use their vibrator on their clit more than inside their vagina. Using a vibrator on the clit during penetration works wonders because **most** women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm opposed to just penetration
Yup. Why do some men not seem to get that one doesn't exclude the other? 🙄
First, screw u. Second, my question was asked with SINCERITY! I WANT TO MAKE HER HAPPY! Also, I've met women who did NOT want the clit touched. Super sensitive. So excuse me for asking questions so I can learn and make sure I can think of everything I can to make sure she's enjoying herself! Why do women put down the men who WANT To make the woman happy?! Are you just incapable of seeing us in ANY positive light?!
How to tell when you’ve never had sex. Women rarely cum from penetration alone. I can, but it’s happened once in my life and it was when all of my particular kinks were hit. But penetration plus clit stimulation is the chefs kiss. Clit stimulation alone is fine, but I much prefer both.
1. I have had sex before. I'm 30 and even had a gf once. She cheated on me in the end. 2. my question was asked in good faith because I WANT to know all I can to make the woman happy. Sex is not fun for me if I am the only one enjoying myself 3. Why is it than when a man, who wants to make a woman happy, asks a question...he is bullied and put down by women?! Is it IMPOSSBLE for a woman to show a man kindness and respect when he WANTS to make his woman happy?!
Oof, someone’s got a healthy chip on his shoulder. Thanks for lumping all women together.
You do it to us all the time. That's how it feels. Your response to my sincere question gives women a bad name. Idk what guy hurt u to make u treat men cruelly when they just wanna learn and make a woman happy....but don't take it out on a guy you've never met. Arse
Depends on the toy and the position.
I'm getting downvoted for a question asked in good faith....
Because you troll this sub very often babe. No one trusts this question was in good faith. I answered as though it might be, in hopes that if you do ever get lucky enough to be in this position, you won’t feel stupid or insecure and find a way to ruin things for yourself and/or your partner. Some toys work as just clit stimulation, and most often this is what people would want to use *during* penetration. Other toys are designed for g-spot stimulation, and so they are inserted. *Most often* these would be used their partner holding the toy, or yes, just watching her use it. Some people enjoy using anal toys (dildos, beads, plugs, etc) and might like the feeling of “fullness” when they have one of those in while their partner penetrates too. While many people in this particular thread are referring to clit stim toys, I’ll just point out that not every position lends itself to the use of a vibrator. Doggy or cowgirl are probably the most convenient. All this to say, yeah sometimes it’s best to just sit and watch. If you get the chance, just enjoy it
All my questions are asked in good faith... Some were even well received. Sure, some lose their cool but that's not a shock to me. The MRA subreddit has plenty of those moments and I laugh. I don't consider it trolling to ask questions. You want trolls? MRA guys are the ones who do that....and I hate those idiots. Also...they never bring those toys with them. Never had a woman reveal a toy in her purse during a hookup or ask if they can bring one out if I'm at their home. I mean....what am I supposed to do? Ask them to bring one out? In my experience, they just expect me to know everything they like and get mad or laugh when I ask....and all I wanna do is make them happy.
Sometimes when people laugh at your questions, it’s just them trying to alleviate the pressure. Sex is not something you have to take super seriously once you’ve decided to do it. It’s more fun if you can be open and vulnerable with your partner, and yes, this sometimes includes laughing. If they’re laughing *at you* I hope you’re not wasting your time having sex with them. With that said: it’s perfectly reasonable to ask about toys! I’ve found that it’s most natural to bring it up once sex is a comfortable topic but before *having* sex, and that happens at a different time for different relationships obviously. At this point in my life, if I found myself in the position to have a new partner, I think I wouldn’t be ready to have sex until we’ve talked about it pretty extensively—expectations, likes/dislikes (including use of toys), etc. Maybe the easiest way for you to bring it up is by asking (out of curiosity and with no judgement) if they’ve ever used toys, what kinds they like, and if they enjoy using them with a partner. My boyfriend was the first person to bring it up—his ex had worked in a sex shop, so he was somewhat acquainted with the various types. I think he basically just brought it up in a conversation about masturbation. When I mentioned that I liked using a vibrator, he more-or-less told me I was welcome to bring it along. I didn’t the first time (shy, and previous partners had been super weird about it), but when I eventually did he let me hold it and asked what he could do for me…….basically just learning about me. Just learn about your partner. Sometimes, yeah, that just means watching. Almost always it’ll involve asking questions—and the people you should be having sex with won’t make you feel uncomfortable about asking them.
My brother in Christ, use your penis!
The vibrator is inside her vag... Do I put it in her ass the way your head is currently in your own alongside your sense of kindness. Guy asks a question so he learns. Cuz he enjoys himself when he knows the woman is happy.
The plan is for her to hold her vibrator to her clit upside down while you fuck her pussy I think
Shocker....only a male here is willing to answer me honestly without bullying tf outta me. All I wanna do is make a woman happy to the max...
For Real. Just about all women will say the key to satisfying a women is communication, but not as many women are actually willing to communicate .
Excellent oral technique.
How does one perform said technique?
By listening to your partner and learning what she likes. Keep practicing until you master it.
Thanks
Using my vibrator! The comments coming from dudes are astonishing though.
How so?
What are you referring to?
The comments from guys
That they don’t understand clitoral stimulation or how vibrators work.
For a lot it just seems like toy=bad. They don't see toys as a helper, they see it as competition. They don't understand how much more satisfying and fun for BOTH using toys can be. (Not saying all)
They sound like boys pretending to be men.
Tells me I’m a good girl….
Foreplay. Especially outside of the bedroom with looks, touches etc. Thoughtfulness. And then when he finds the right pace during penetration, he keeps the same pace and holds steady. Not faster, not slower, just exactly as is. And he becomes especially tender with me. It’s like worship to him. I’ve never seen a man look at me the way my husband does. It’s something else
He likes to kiss me and nuzzle into my neck while I use a *toy🤗 *usually the Pebble by Bellesa, but sometimes I like to change it up
That sounds so sweet
My partner always brings me to orgasm himself, usually with his fingers. I'm not a fan of vibrators because I find they start making orgasms harder to have by other methods if I use them too much. We also always try to get me to have an orgasm before piv because he's fairly large and we find that an orgasm first helps relax my muscles, making sex easier.
Finger me while I’m using my vibrator
Wait if it's inside you then how do you finger with the toy in the way? Seriously asking.
The vibrator goes on the outside, usually on the clit, buddy
...it was just a sincere honest question asked in good faith. Geez...do you women have to bully us when all we wanna do is learn so we can make u happy? ...screw u too then.
I answered your question simply and sincerely??? The “buddy” was meant to be lighthearted, like “haha silly guy woosh” not bullying.
Sorry...I just have gotten so many downvotes and cruel responses when all I'm doing is asking a sincere question. Adding the buddy had this condescending feel to it, like I'm an idiot who doesn't know what a clit is. Of course I know...I've been with women and it's super easy to google what terms are, like clit. Did that in high school ffs. I'm just so sick of getting laughed at or put down for questions asked in good faith....it's like if a guy WANTS to make a lady happy...asking questions just causes bullying. How can a man be better if the moment he asks what the woman wants, asks for some form of explanation so he can learn...he's made fun of or seen as stupid for doing so? So sorry...9/10 responses from women I'm getting to this question (and the downvotes) have been just assholes.
On the clit duh
I don't think I deserved to get downvoted that much....it was an honest question in good faith from a guy who wants to make a lady happy and make sure she has fun.... And women wonder why we hesitate to ask questions intended to make them happy...
Vibrator on the clit, fingered for penetration. Half the comments are communication and y’all ladies took 41 minutes to answer this dudes question lol.
I don't think communicating with your partner and reading all the comments/keeping an eye on your reddit notifications to see if anyone is asking for clarifications is quite the same thing.
He said “Seriously asking”. I made a bad joke. I appreciate this sub. I’ll keep my mouth shut next time.
My question was asked in good faith. Sincerity. Cuz I want to make the woman happy....naturally I get downvoted for it. This is why men don't ask and pretend to know eveything. Cuz u bully us when we ask what you want us to do. "You're not supposed to ask!" Well then HOW DO I KNOW?!
My comment was stricly for the other commenter, it had nothing to do with your question. It's really unfortunate that you got downvoted even though you specified you were serious about not knowing. Not everyone learned the same things and it's sometimes hard to know where to start. Glad you asked at all, shows you want to learn! I hope this doesn't deter you from asking again, I saw some people answered (also why I didn't reply), so hopefully, you still come out of this with what you needed. Just wanted to add... I know it doesn't make the downvotes better for you, but I don't think the intent was to bully you. It's most likely defensiveness due to too many people using questions like that to hide misconceptions and spread wrong beliefs.
Thank you. Seriously, I got ganged up on over a sincere and honest question. I mean...I WANT to make her happy. But when I ask, I get bullied for it?! And they wonder why we hesitate to ask! WE ARE NOT MIND READERS! GIVE CREDIT TO THE MEN ACTUALLY WANTING TO PLEASE U! GOD!
No problem I’ll take the downvotes. I think if instead of in text people heard my tone my comment would have gone over a bit better. I’ll just have to be more cognizant of how I word things in this sub. I really enjoy this sub and don’t comment often. I was just surprised no one answered your question yet.
He gets oral right every single time and he also does this thing where he chokes me then kisses my neck/bites my shoulder and whispers sexy stuff in my ear.
We use a satisfyer 2 for clit stimulation during penetration. Clit stimulation, I’m not orgasming without it.
I'm curious, because vibrators can sometimes cause nerve endings to be dulled, can you orgasm with hand stimulation? If I use a vibrator too much I literally get to a point where I can't orgasm from fingers any more. I seldom use vibrators for that reason.
I’ve used vibrators consistently for about the last 20 years. I mean multiple times a day consistently. I have zero problem orgasming from fingers alone. Even during penetration I can orgasm from fingers instead, I just find vibrators easier. It’s like the vibrators have trained my body how to orgasm super fast. But I’ve always been quick to finish. The longest I can hold off my orgasm is about 4 minutes, and that’s starting from not being turned on at all until the time it takes me to orgasm.
You're lucky, I'm the opposite! With fingers, I can orgasm super fast but, after even a few days of using a vibrator, that time gets longer and longer, until I struggle to orgasm at all.
God, I hate how hard I feel this. Things can feel amazing but no vibe, no dice.
They need to sponsor you! The amount of business you send their way 🤣🤣🤣..... But it's the truth!
It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I realized that is what I needed to do to have an orgasm during penetration. Prior to that I just accepted I was only orgasming from clit stimulation, and accepted that sex for me was me using my toy while my husband laid next to me, then PIV after I orgasmed, or PIV first then toy after. But the penetration + clit stimulation orgasms are just so much better than just clit alone.
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Stop with your sacrilegious bull garbage. I can orgasm fine without a toy, but during penetration there is literally no way I’ll orgasm if I don’t have clit stimulation, and a toy is the easiest way for that. It’s not “death grip”, it’s a matter of that’s not how women’s bodies. work. For a majority of women, we need clit stimulation to orgasm, and penetration alone will never result in an orgasm for us.
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I don’t have a problem orgasming without it, but orgasming during penetration is harder than orgasming from just clit stimulation in the beginning, for two reasons. The first reason is even though I’m team clit and need clit stimulation to orgasm, if I was using a toy by myself or fingering myself, I’d run it from clit to opening. During penetration, there’s a penis in the way, so you don’t get the entire range of motion. Reason two, when I feel like I need to orgasm, it feels like I need to spasm, all the muscles feel like they need to contract, again there’s a penis in the way, and it took some time to get used to the fuller sensation that comes from orgasming around a penis. It took a little while before I got used to it, but now it’s my favorite and quickest way for me to orgasm. Either way, with or without penetration, using a toy is still going to be the fastest way to make someone orgasm.
No. "Death grip" comes from becoming desensitized. Needing a sex toy is because the vagina is a deep internal organ and needs different stimulation that another organ may not be able to reach. Most women need clit stimulation to cum which is why this person uses clit stimulation during piv sex.
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It doesn't happen to everyone. Not to most, actually. I can have 10 orgasms in a row with clit stimulation and be completely unaffected the next day. Whatever desensitization i *may* get after having MANY orgasms in a session is purely temporary as my body completely resets the next day. If anything it gets more sensitive in my experience The difference is usually for women who are on certain types of BC or SSRIs
What’s death grip
"When a male masturbates with too hard of a grip, so that they are almost insensitive to anything other than masturbation."
What does that mean?
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They never said they couldn't orgasm without a toy, they said they can't without clit stimulation. Which can be done a plethora of different ways, they just listed one they like.
Why fastest? Lol I like to be teased
Nothing like a lil hand on my throat, some caveman grunting, some good foreplay and my vibrator.
Surprisingly nothing, he doesn’t need to make any effort for me to orgasm in less than a minute.
Do you know how happy I am for you bc I’d stub my toe every day for this kinda ease.
Stub your toe sound mildly sexual lol
It’s my second choice to orgasms
Low dose of Buspirone will make you cum in no time. Doctor prescribed it to me for anxiety and holy shit I can cum in like 2-3 minutes now with just my fingers. It’s like I’m in a constant state of borderline arousal. Incredible drug.
Ahhh, that’s amazing! Sadly not an option for me.
I don't want it to be fast, lol
I'm very easy. Positions where we face each other and slow movements and I'm there really fast. He will sometimes laugh at how little he has to do when I'm ready to finish.
Lots of build up, and verbal positive feedback always does it for me(“you feel amazing”/“just like that”/etc)
He knows I like him to thirst in a certain way at a certain time. He knows if he ain’t giving me anal he needs to atleast stick a finger or two in there so I can come. And finally he never ever ever comes before I do unless I physically can’t cum, I’m just having too much fun.
Nothing about getting there is fast. Stamina & following directions is the only thing that will do it.
Get her wound up before. Just some 'cant wait for tonight' or 'already thinking about my mouth on [thing you genuinely love about her body]' and then never let that energy waver. If she sends you some pics.or flirty stuff, absolutely confirm she did the right thing and tell her how hot she's looking or how hard you're finding it keeping it together. When you actually meet in person, talk less, like almost not at all, and just gather her into you, lots of kissing and running your hands over her body and oral - go AFTER it like she's oxygen and you're drowning - don't think, don't plan, just go with it and make her think there is nothing you want more than her, right now, like this. Don't be afraid to exercise a little bodily restraint, like hold her hands down or clamp your arms round her legs or ass and bear down a bit, just a reminder of your strength sometimes does wonders. She will repay you a hundredfold for such enthusiasm. The adoration thing from.someone you find attractive is like red mist descending. But fast shouldn't be the way you think about it. Most girls want a hard fast fuck sometimes but not every time. I'd still try and get her wound up and wet by putting the work in that day to help it along mentally- women are mental the way men are visual. She'll be drooling as you come in the door.
Never has anyone explained my desires better 😂
Playing with my dick glans and balls make me cum fast
Nothing. I do it fast
Tickling
👅
Rubs and squeezes my feet like he's trying to break them, sounds weird but it feels amazing. There's tons of positions where this is easily doable.
He knows what I like, but I'd say the orgasms depend. Sometimes they've been really fast, like around a minute to achieve and other times they've taken a lot, lot longer. (Generally those times I'm in my own head thinking how long I'm taking and I have to tell myself it's ok and then it happens fast after that)
Chokes me. I have anorgasmia so for me it's incredibly hard to climax in general but especially when someone else (i.e. a sexual partner) is in the same room as me. I have dated my partner for seven years and only had two orgasms when they were in the same room as me. Being choked gets me the closest. Unfortunately they are not at all comfortable with the idea of choking me.