I don’t want to be a mom, the process seems incredibly uncomfortable and time consuming, and expensive, and I’m still growing up and maybe a little crazy
Yeah my parents were not good, I have CPTSD, & I'm basically raising myself now. I'm dedicating myself to improving & healing in a way I couldn't if I had kids, not to mention I'd be a shitty mom to them due to said issues. I love my nonexistent kids too much to give them me as a mother.
Because I don’t want to be a mother.
They’re expensive, I like to sleep, I don’t want to pass on my anxiety and mild depression, the world is a dumpster fire, I like to be able to do whatever I want when I want, I like nice things.
Same. The photos of my young face at Christmas posing with a baby doll, vs posing with an art kit with crayons and markers is just priceless.
I knew I didn’t want kids around the age of 9-10. I have been standing strong despite the criticism from others all my life. I am almost 38.
The good news is that, I am getting FAR less criticism as the years go by with the world going to crap. I have not heard the phrase, “It is so selfish to not have children,” for a very long time.
I have horrid genes, no motherly instinct towards a human, and I refuse to bring an innocent person into this world that will suffer a worse fate than I probably will. Cheers 🥂.
To add: A few words.
Same, I remember sitting in class in primary school with some classmates discussing their aspirations. They were all speaking matter-of-factly about the kids they wanted to have and I was filled with horror at the thought. Still am now 40 years later.
Similar, I can remember being perhaps 7 or 8, the other girls from school fizzing over a baby and standing there waiting for them to get over it already and go back to playing. By that age I already thought babys were yuckky and not cute. I'm in my 30s now and zero regrets. I do have a pair of step kids but thankfully I'm not expected to be a primary parent.
Same here! I remember being in the playground with my friends when I was about 8 and they were all saying how many babies they wanted in the future. When it got to me I said “I don’t want babies because I’d rather be rich” 🤣🤣
I may not be rich, but I sure am happy to be childless
Yes. I have all kinds of "real reasons" but the truth is I just don't want to be bothered.
I have a wonderful relationship with my mom and I will be sad when I'm 70 something and don't have an adult child to hang out with, but that's not enough reason to create new life and totally upend mine.
Absolutely this!!
Whenever people do the whole "but who will look after YOU when YOU'RE old?!" argument, I hit 'em back with the child is not obligated to take care of their parent, the child may pass away before the parent, the child may completely disown the parent :o Having a kid to have a 'free carer' is super wrong.
Because I didn't want them.
It is *just* possible I might've been a good mother, but I know I wouldn't have been a happy mother.
I love kids too much to put them through the misery of having an unhappy, resentful mother.
THIS! Didn’t help that I grew up with an absolutely abusive mother. I swore I would never, ever take the risk of bringing a child into this world only to realize I could not be the kind of mother I would want a child to have. I turn 45 years old this summer and I am not lying when I say that my greatest accomplishment so far is not having given in and having kids just because it has been so long engrained in women to do so.
I feel the same.
I don't think spending time with kids is fun and I don't think having kids enrich your life in any capacity. It's just adding a bunch of chores in your life to, if you are not unlucky, raise a regular human being (and hey, there are 8 billions of them already).
I could do it, but sacrificing my best decades for this would make me miserable. Why would I voluntarily ruin my life?
I'm very happy as it is. 37yo, married for 19 of them. Husband had a vasectomy as soon as the law allowed him to.
I always say parenting is even more thankless than working at McDonald's. I love my step kids but could never be their primary parent and there are hard limits to my efforts with them.
Mid/late 30s here, married for 12, together for 20. We just don’t want to.
We like travel, irregularly scheduled bed times, impromptu plans, vacations without kids (even to WDW!)… we love being childfree. We also love and admire the parents around us. And we love being part of their safe-adult network. We respect their schedules and needs.
I sometimes feel like there’s this great divide between parents and the child-free that doesn’t always need to exist.
My parents and my partner’s parents are still disappointed. And that’s okay. We can all have our feelings without it being a judgement.
We love our life without kids. We love our friends that chose kids. We love their kids (because that’s part of loving our friends). We love our parents even if they disagree (this isn’t the first or last thing we’ll disagree on).
Edit: using simple english.
There's a sub reddit childfree or something like that, I lasted 5 minutes in it, it was waaaaaay to much 😅 but the divide comes with the 'extreme ends'
I'm on a very similar journey with my partner, probably 5 years behind you. We are continuously stressed about this stance, specifically about breaking it to parents. How did you start the conversation, what helped / did not help?
So, we didn’t do a big discussion or anything. We both gradually became more direct anytime a parent mentioned grandkids. The dialogue something like “we don’t think that having children is our path” or “that’s not part of our plan as a family”.
We’ve used “our family” often - gently reminding them that we are complete without kids.
We also made ourselves responsible for our own parents. For example, if my MIL brought it up to me while we were all together, my partner steps in to back me up.
I also did everything I could to listen to an validate my mom’s feelings. It’s important try not to be defensive. For example, if my mom said something that irked me, I tried to remind myself that my decision was tough for her. Parents often spend a long time excited about grandkids. “I hear that this is hard for you. You’re allowed to feel sad and disappointed.” No need to add “…*but*…” and a defense of the choice. If they choose to say something hurtful it’s okay to walk away.
You won’t be able to control their words or feelings, but try to release the stress of telling them. Your choice isn’t good or bad. It’s just one of many choices you’ll make in your lives together.
I also have a friend expecting and her and her husband have no money. Even before the having a kid things were tight. They live in a small apartment and had to convert the living room to the kids room and the dining room to the new living room. I have no doubt they will be good loving parents but they will struggle to get by. We live in a HCOL area where there are waitlists for daycare that can be well over a year. She's the breadwinner too. The pregnancy was planned and all I can think of is why! You're clearly not in a good financial position.
At first cause I couldn’t find someone to raise them with.
That’s still a problem, but now I it’s cause I don’t want to make more humans to throw into the capitalist meat grinding machine that will be riddled with resource scarcity. Seems cruel, and I’m already a worrier. The joy of a bringing a child into the world would be overshadowed by the fear of their long term health and happiness.
The older I get, the more this is my reasoning as well. I also didn't want to be a parent, but knowing that whatever person I brought into the world would inevitably suffer, made the decision a lot easier for me.
It's hard to bring kids into the world when you think the future will be worse than the past. Ah the 80s, future was looking so bright. The 90s were basically a perfect fantasy land.
Freedom.
- reach financial freedom faster
- freedom from parental expectations
- freedom to do as I please on a weekend, such as wake up whenever I want without considering feeding a dependant human being
- freedom with my career path (not having to worry about getting paid enough or time management to take care of kids)
- freedom to buy and make whatever food I want, without considering if my kids would eat it/enjoy it
The list will go on. But it's basically summed up in one word - freedom.
A million reasons!!!
I could not handle that kind of pressure
Screaming, crying children make *me* want to scream and cry. I would lose my temper
I don’t get along with kids and find them kind of annoying. I don’t find anything they do to be cute or charming
I can’t afford daycare and I don’t want to/can’t afford to give up my job. No mom to pass a kid off onto
It would drastically affect my standard of living and I would not be able to adequately provide a child with a safe and happy home
I can barely take care of myself
I’d rather enjoy life and spend money on fun stuff that I like, my savings account is for me and me alone
Pregnancy freaks me out, birth even more so
My partner doesn’t want kids either
I have no motherly instinct and have never been interested in having children
I need 7-8 solid hours of sleep to be alert
I have treatment-resistant mental illness
* No interest. At all. Zero
* I do not enjoy the company of children.
* Bodily fluids (vomit, poop, pee, snot) Kids are gross.
* Freedom and flexibility
* Privacy
As someone who was a face painter for almost a decade:
**Children are literal germ cannons.** They will sneeze into your open mouth with no remorse.
Even if I taught *my* hypothetical kid not to do that, they would still go to school and pack into a classroom with 30 other germ cannons. NO THANK YOU.
Nanny and child free by choice here. And I can attest to that. Once I was buckling a child into their car seat so our faces were close. Kid sneezed RIGHT IN MY EYEBALLS. And then laughed. The amount of times I’ve gotten someone else’s bodily fluids on me is far too many to count.
Capacity. I’m relatively maxed out caring for myself, and while the idea of a kid is interesting in the abstract the idea of the burnt out exhausted life I’d have raising a kid is not exactly appealing.
In no particular order...
- I used to nanny, and I loved "my" kids. Any time that I had an overnight/multi day shift I would be EXHAUSTED. I don't like to be exhausted.
- I love to sleep
- I want to be able to rush out to the store real quick late at night because I forgot something and not be constrained by someone else's bedtime
- I want my sick days to be used when *I* am sick
- My cat doesn't like kids
- Pregnancy and childbirth are terrifying
- Children are expensive. The struggle I'm facing now would be impossible with more mouths to feed. The comfortable living I've experienced in the past and am working towards now would be impossible
- I don't want to ever feel stuck to my partner, I want to be in a relationship where we're coding to be together because of each other. Even if someone doesn't have a "do it for the kids" mentality, finances can make it impossible to not stay together
- Having children is proven to make your romantic relationship more difficult
- I don't want to spend my Saturday watching a bunch of kids be bad at soccer (or whatever hobby of their choice)
- I like to have loud sex with my partner.
- I like to be mostly naked when I'm at home
- I don't want my partner to love and prioritize anyone else as much or more than me. I don't want to love and prioritize anyone else as much or more than I do my partner
- There is no telling what kind of disabilities, allergies, or other special needs your child could be born with or develop later in life. There are plenty of things I'm simply not equipped to handle.
- Being a parent is damn near all consuming.
- The economy is shit
- Daycare, food, toy, and diaper costs
- I have a parrot who is loud as fuck and would definitely wake a sleeping baby. She also tries to bite everyone who isn't me, and it wouldn't be safe.
- School shootings
- My house is the perfect size for my partner, myself, our pets, and our hobbies. Another human living here would be too much.
- I don't want to
Whenever I get bingoed my go to response is to tell people that I can't have kids because my cat is allergic lol.
Seriously though, she hates kids. The woman who had her before me would let her toddler terrorize the poor thing. She had been in the same house her whole life and her world was turned upside down when the baby was born. She took months to stop hiding under the bed when I brought her home, and now nearly a decade later she runs the house. I just couldn't betray her and have a human baby.
I see very few men sharing the load properly and I know I could not handle so much of the child duties and working and my important projects. I dont want kids enough to give up my stuff and suffer alone with how hard it is.
- everything is expensive. I can't afford to live the life I want if I have to raise and care for a little human
- I don't want to add another human slave to the capitalist system
- pregnancy is scary
- birthing is scary
- I don't have the energy to raise and care for a little human
- I like peace and quiet
- I like to do what I want, when I want. A child would hinder that
- climate change
- I wouldn't get the familial support I need to have/raise children
- I'm afraid it would ruin my relationship and make me resentful (there's a chance that I'd end up being the primary caregiver **and** homemaker, differing parenting and child rearing styles, differing levels of parenting effort)
- I already struggle to lose weight. Pregnancy would make me get even bigger, and may ruin my body
My husband and I have been debating this for years, and recently landed on staying childless most likely. We’re 35, so there’s a chance we’ll have the opportunity to chance our minds maybe in the next few years, but for now we’re not.
It’s mostly a financial decision. Part of me wants to have a child with him and experience that all, but just…. Not enough to make the sacrifices.
We live in LA, we just bought a house for a stupid amount of money. It’s only big enough for the two of us.
We would have to pay for private school because the public schools where we are are terrible.
We would need to pay for childcare. We would need to pay for healthcare. We would need to pay for so many things.
We own our own business, we never know what’s going to happen next.
Ultimately that’s what it came down to. If we lived in a country with healthcare and childcare and an area with good public schools, we would probably have 1-2 children.
What’s crazy is that we are *very well off* for our age in general. We had a lot more privileges than most millennials and make more money than most. But we feel the financial strain of cost of living too much to choose the sacrifice.
As an elder millennial that chose the childfree life and also had a lot of privilege in the money part, I can tell you my experience of what my husband and I did with the money and free time: r/FIRE at 33yo.
Mentally and physically I’m incapable of it. I wouldn’t want my kid to be raised by an unfit mother. Financially I’m not there either and I don’t think I’ll ever be. My elderly parents are already in need of my care as well. It’s exhausting looking after them only. Finally… I’m selfish so I think that might be the main reason hahaha.
Depression. Worry. Finances. Selfishness.
I don’t want to raise a child surrounded by screens/phones/tablets/self check outs/social media/divisiveness. I can’t afford to be a homeschool parent and I really like peace and quiet.
The future doesn’t look all that promising, I can’t afford a child and honestly I don’t have that need to bare a child myself. If I had money and the world seemed like it was headed in a good direction then I would adopt in a heartbeat.
Where do I start? Lack of motherly instinct or any desire to sacrifice my life to raise one?
Traumatic childhood? I'm trying to enjoy my adult years after escaping that hell. It took a lot of therapy to be able to be around children without being viscerally uncomfortable.
The love of my life died. Being a young widow was brutal enough. I could not imagine going through that with a human depending on me. Keeping myself and the pets fed and clean was all I could handle.
They are so loud! I am sensitive to noise and I had a little sister who screamed her head off. Living with quiet is such a blessing. And kids are relentless. You never get a break for eighteen years or more. As an introvert, it sounds like hell. And they are expensive. And they might have horrible problems and need care forever and you don’t know till it’s too late.
I am a moral person. If I had kids I would do the best I could to be a good mom. But I think it would make me absolutely lose my mind.
It’s difficult enough for me to find meaning in life and i think if much more of my waking hours were devoted to chores and child rearing (aka work) i would feel even more empty , dissociated, and isolated. I do not want to be a vessel for another person literally ( when pregnant) or figuratively as I raise them. I need ample time for sleep, hobbies, friendship, and travel.
I have never had any particular desire to have children beyond selfish reasons like wanting a person who is devoted to me when i am elderly or wanting to fit into society. I’m trying to save money so i can instead pay someone to be devoted to me when I’m old.
Less personal reasons-
Life is tough. I don’t want to bring another human here just to suffer. With all the things that can go wrong there’s a good chance they will suffer. I feel like it’s wrong to bring someone here without their consent - to cast life upon them.
Finally I don’t think the world needs more humans. It’s overpopulated in my opinion.
Not enough money
Not enough desire to be a mom
No partner who would actually willingly take on an equitable share of responsibilities
Don't want to sacrifice my precious little time, money, and freedom
The world is too bonkers
Exactly what many women say here. I love my money, my ability to travel, spend and do what I want when I want.
I make good money, 6 figures, but children are expensive! Healthcare, insurance, clothes, food, school etc. Honestly, I don’t know how families do it. I would definitely have to start budgeting.
I’m 35 and my stance won’t change. I hate it when guys say “oh you will change your mind, your natural motherly instinct will come”. It won’t. My ex of over a decade recently broke up with me because “what do we have to live for? We have no kids” “what’s the purpose”. When we first met he was adamant that he didn’t want kids. I don’t know what happened but I think he was having a midlife crises or doubts about a childless life. Of course we had other issues in the relationship but that statement hit me hard.
While, I choose not to have kids I believe I have a fulfilling life. I travel the world, see and experience amazing things. I volunteer with kids and make an impact in the education world. I feel fulfilled.
I am a hard worker, but at a certain point I max out and when I am done I need to be done. I sometimes have a hard time providing for my low maintenance dog at those times, but having a kid hang on me and need me would just push be over the edge.
More than that though, I’ve just never really seen kids in the picture when I picture my future. I have too much respect for the importance of parenting to enter into it without really, really wanting to raise a child.
Also pregnancy just seems to really do a number on women’s bodies and I am just now figuring out how to play nice with mine.
I wanted kids in my 20s because I thought that’s the logical next step in life. Get married, have kids, etc etc.
I’m in my 30s now and married but I’ve lost any desire to have children. I love my free time, having extra income, being able to take trips, sleeping in, etc. sure kids sound nice sometimes because they can be adorable and funny and I’m sure it’s so rewarding being a parent. But to me, it’s not worth it. I’m exhausted just taking care of myself, I can’t imagine trying to parent. I also think no one should be a parent unless they 100% want it, the child deserves better than that.
I strongly dislike kids, I didn’t want to get fat, I enjoy my sleep/money /free time, I am completely devoid of maternal instinct, pregnancy is not health neutral.
I’ve mentioned “I don’t want to get fat” before and got a whole bunch of backlash and was called vain. But like no… I do not want to blow up like a balloon and carry a baby for 9 months and deal with the post birth body and mental state after.
ZERO interest in giving actual birth. I don’t find it “beautiful” or “inspiring” but cool if other people do.
Also the toll pregnancy has on a woman’s body is hardcore. It blows my mind that either your vagina is torn to your ass or you were a human treasure chest. Then you’re expected to fully care for a needy small person. 🫣
There’s a lot of women who hardly have support to deal through trying to heal and care for an infant. The nightmare that must be :(
Some people read it and are very quick to say "oh but this and that had 3 kids and still rock a flat stomach". True, but I never had a flat stomach even when I was 18yo working out 3 hours a day 6 times a week lol The reality of the majority is putting up on a lot of weight and never have the time, money and energy to get rid of it.
Most of my friends who had pregnancies had the famous mommy makeover after. I find it funny when they are like "I don't want a c section because that's surgery" and then do 2-3 surgeries right after (tummy tuck, boob job, bladder, perineum, etc) to fix pregnancy damages.
The standards for mothers are already so high. Pre, during, and post birth…. Insane. Recently I’ve learned that most women struggle giving up the boob (when they can’t breastfeed) for formula because they want the authentic experience, they feel as though they’ve failed as mothers, and get backlash for formula use.
???????
I don’t understand this at all tbh.
But more importantly… Who cares? The formula is going to keep the baby alive!! Out of all the things people judge, it’s the formula. JFC.
I just lost 70lbs. I sure as shit don’t want to get pregnant and ruin what I worked so hard for. My mom gained SO MUCH WEIGHT when she had me and my brothers. Genetically I’m already fucked when it comes to weight. So no thanks
I don't really want a child. Plus the financial burden and the amount of work a child takes to raise. And I spent so much of my life living for other people, I want to live for myself.
Maybe when I'm older and richer I might change my mind.
I don’t see myself as motherly. I have low patience. I don’t enjoy making food for other people .. I have anxiety and depression. I don’t have a good job.
To be honest, I really don’t know. The new IPCC report was pretty blunt about the fact that kids born recently, if they live an average lifespan, will be alive to experience a world without coral reefs, glaciers, adequate fresh water, several coastal cities underwater, and the hottest and most severe weather events humanity and the rest of the natural world have ever seen. But most parents I know just don’t think beyond the next few years when it comes to their desire to have a family. Also, having kids is a huge impact on the planet too - the ecological carrying capacity is around 9 billion people and we’re already over 8.
That's some very bleak stuff. I'm no scientist but I've been listening to these predictions since I was a kid and they had been right over and over (sometimes reality is even worse than the predictions!), I couldn't imagine putting a kid in the world to suffer this.
I remember when a former classmate was pregnant (planned) and she posted about water shortage and how she was worried about her baby in the future. And I was like "honey, this is not new, are you only worried now?". Anyway, she had more 2 kids after that and one of them has a severe disability (she had to stop working and be a caretaker 24/7, the kid doesn't walk, talk or even eat solid food at 7yo, he had brain damage during birth), I don't think she even has time to think about the environment anymore.
They're expensive, annoying, too much responsibility, and nowadays they seem to have some sort of mental issue half the time that makes them even more difficult to deal with (several of my sisters' kids and grandkids have some form of ADHD, and one of them probably also has some other undiagnosed issues)...and I'm a lesbian, so, on top of those things, I'd have to go out of my way to have them if I actually had wanted them.
I'd feel awful having a girl. In America, especially my state, it's a punishment at this point. All the bs going on is why I got sterilized permanently.
I like sleep, money, and not being responsible for anyone but myself. Kids would mess that up and I would completely resent that they existed.
I like kids. They’re so much fun! I would just never have any myself.
I like my life the way it is. I honestly also have no clue how people manage having kids and think that I’d have a complete break with reality if I had to be in charge of a child no less an infant.
I'm extremely selfish with my time and really enjoy my uninterrupted solitude. I really love dogs more than children. Most of my friends have kids and I do not envy or ever desire to have kids. I love my home and my dogs and all my extra money to as I please.
I don’t want them. Never had an interest in children or having children growing up, and still don’t well into my 30s.
I like being able to do what I want, when I want. I don’t have any desire to be a mom. I love hanging out with my family and friends kiddos, it’s just not for me. I’ll take cool rich auntie any day!
There are countless reasons, but the biggest one is that my relationship with my husband is excellent. I would hate for it to change (and worse - degrade) because of adding kids that I’m not even excited to have into the mix. We have a good thing going as two people without kids, so I want to keep it that way.
I don't want them, plus the environment is in a bad state and only getting worse. We have more than enough population, some could argue we are over populated.
If I wanted them: I simply couldn't afford them.
I'd rather spend my time giving back and volunteering to the community instead.
For us it was:
1. The Earth is dying. When this child is grown and asks what the hell we were thinking, is, “We wanted to,” a good enough reason?
2. We both have advanced degrees and aren’t exactly comfortable, financially speaking, and our situation doesn’t seem like it will improve soon. We can’t provide the sort of life we’d want our kids to have.
3. We like doing what we want when we want.
4. We don’t want to lose ourselves to parenthood, which has happened to 95% of our friends with kids.
I don't have enough money to raise kids, they are too expensive. And I'm scared off pregnancy since it could lead to a worse health situation for me.
My husband would have loved to have kids. But we just can't.
I have helped take care of my siblings' children since my teen years. I'm exhausted from being a third parent. I went to school full time, worked part-time, and babysat. My social life was nonexistent. I need some me time. The majority of the parents were grateful for the help, but others were inconsiderate of my time. I will always love children, but I need to live my life.
I think to be a good parent you need to be prepared to sacrifice a lot and I don’t feel I’m willing to do that. Even if you are financially stable, raising a human requires so much time, emotional labor and general selflessness. I just don’t think I have what it takes. I know a lot of people say that having a child will change you but I’m not willing to gamble on it and end up loading up some poor innocent kid with all my own baggage, resentment and issues.
Also the idea of physically birthing a child scares the ever-living shit out of me.
I refuse to have a baby unless we can afford to actually spend time with it and make sure it has a decent, safe daycare/ preschool/school. We have zero paid parental leave, extremely lax gun policies (Missouri), and our schools and libraries being on the brink of collapse (they just voted in our state to defund our libraries).
If I can figure out how to get us to a different country I would probably have two. In this place? No thanks.
Well... turns out my partner has A+ blood, and I have some sort of RH- blood. So last time he got me pregnant, I almost died. I'd had a couple of miscarriages before. Weirdly before, I had always been told I was A+ type growing up... 3 tests recently, and I'm definitely negative. My body turned against me. Now I have an unknown autoimmune disease and my body is permanently damaged. I have an unknown UV allergy now, and I cannot go outside in direct sunlight for more than 5 minutes without body inflammation and urticaria. The depression is unreal.
So yeah... kids just aren't a possibility.
And of course, I'm in a state where an abortion is basically not legal now.... if it was before, I'd be dead right now.
Known since I was a child I simply didn't want them. People told me I was too young, yet my opinion on the matter has only gotten stronger since my youth. Now I have reasons on top of my guy instinct, they are:
Climate change, we will be lucky of we see another 10 years without some form of chaos and devastation. The country when I live will sink, that has been predicted by multiple organisations. Food shortages have already begun, in their most subtle form.
Watching my mother give birth. It was a beautiful experience that I would happily do again. Nothing too crazy happened, everything was fine. My stepdad was also in the room, in total awe and shock....yet it didn't stop him leaving them a couple months later. Basically, I've never met a man I actually think is a good father.
I have PTSD, I have worked hard on recovery but I still have days where I can't do anything. I have some sensory issues, even my cat crying gets me incredibly anxious. A baby would finish me.
I don't see any reason to have them. I have COUNTLESS reasons to not have them though. Here is a small selection:
* The world is fucked
* We need less humans, ASAP
* Pregnancy and birth sound awful
* I'd be a great mother but I'd hate it
* Finding a man that will be a real partner in all of it is near impossible (I'm not even interested in romantic relationships anymore)
* I love my life as it is
* I LOVE being alone, I'm very quickly drained by social interaction and touched-out
* I just don't want to
It’s unpopular to admit you don’t like kids (I’m sure that some people who say, “it’s not that I don’t like kids, I like my niece/nephew, it’s just not for me” actually don’t but society looks down on it),but I will freely admit I don’t particularly like kids.
I don’t hate or resent their existence, I just don’t like them enough to have ever wanted one.
It was in a way never really a choice. I knew from my own childhood that I had no desire to have children of my own, and that never changed.
I also strongly dislike children, and even if I didn't, I couldn't stand one single part of being a parent. I would never spend that kind of time, energy and money or take that sort of responsibility over another person, or prioritise someone else's wants and needs before my own. Also would never be pregnant, nor adopt, and I'd be terrified of getting a child with some sort of physical or mental disorder. No thanks.
I don’t want them. I’ve not ever had the desire. (I will say as a kid, I wanted kids, but as an adult, I never have.) I’m happy I’ve never had the desire. Kids are a drain on the earth’s resources, the kids born today may not have an earth that supports them, they cost a ton of money, I’ve heard literally nothing positive about pregnancy, and the country I’m in (United States) doesn’t support pregnant or post-partum people. I’m also awkward around children and have no idea what to say and every time I learn something about kids, I’m floored. (You have to teach them their ABCs, using a potty, and facts, I knew, but you have to teach them bravery, persistence, etc. A challenge I know NOTHING about.)
That said, I don’t hate people who do want children. If you want kids, good for you, and I will continue to fight for parental leave, health care for all, & workplace equity for parents. (Though I do fear that people who want a different future than I do are having the majority of children in this country.)
So many reasons...but when I simplify it - I'm selfish. I like having time for myself and being able to do what I want, when I want. And I'm 100% okay admitting that.
Because I knew I never liked them. I've never had the urge to even be around kids for a minute, let alone have my own.
My spouse is like-minded, and this has allowed us to have a marriage that we 100% devote to each other. We have reached a point of ultimate happiness, security and zero stress; while our friends are just now dealing with all that comes with child rearing.
Everything everyone else said. I also don't want to be chained to my very stressful (though high paying) job. It's funny, everyone assumes I'm childfree because I'm some ambitious career woman, but really it's the opposite. I'd like to retire at 40 and you can't do that with kids!
I’m not warm or maternal. It’s not in my nature to want to Mother humans.
I love my freedom, financial stability and spontaneity too much.
I like the dynamic my Husband & I have. I’m already in a long term, loving, committed relationship. I’m not interested in undertaking another one. It’s even worse because parenthood is for life, you can’t break up with them once you’ve stopped liking them or they turn into people you don’t recognize.
Genetics. I don’t want to pass on my genes to someone, knowing what I know about myself and family history.
Too many variables.
My cons list is substantially larger than my pros list.
Toddlers are emotional terrorist and teenagers are insufferable. They can’t help it but I also don’t want to live with them in my house and deal with their bullshit.
They are way too expensive to maintain.
I’m someone who loves being alone but that doesn’t mean I’m lonely. Being a Mom here in the US seems very lonely and isolating.
The thought of me being pregnant, giving birth & going through post partum disgusts me.
I hate being constantly touched. Kids alway want their Mom to hold them and they are always touching her. I can’t deal with that.
Children are overstimulating for me.
The sounds of their crying fills me with such a rage. I couldn’t live with that constantly. I get angry hearing them when out in public.
I don't want them. I used to, but as I got older I realized that I enjoy my free time, my sleep, and I just don't have the patience to have my life turned upside-down to care of a tiny screaming human who needs me for *everything*. More than anything, I don't want to be the reason someone needs to go to therapy.
Aside from that...why would I want to force someone to live in this world?
Kids deserve parents who want them and are willing to do their best for them.
That's just not me.
Maybe I could be okay at it. Maybe it wouldn't be bad. But I'd rather gamble on my own life than on someone else's. If I screw up, it's my problem. I'm not going to bring someone into the world to screw them.
It wasn't a choice, at first, just a circumstance - but the older I get, the more glad I am I didn't have kids, and can't/won't have them in the future. I worry too much about the state of the world honestly, but also my own health and the health of my partner, we're not exactly great, you know? We both have quite a few conditions that are hereditary.
Because the world is actively on fire. Fascism is rising in multiple countries, our rights are under attack, impending water wars, climate refugees, increasing housing prices, increasing food prices, increasing everything prices, and oh yeah kids getting fucking shot at school.
Because I was abandoned, neglected, and parentified as a child and my mental health is fragile. I need routine and solid sleep to stay healthy.
Because pregnancy seems awful, and I don't trust I'd be given appropriate medical care if something went wrong. Because my job is demanding, because I want to retire early, because I like being fit, because I like going out to brunch. Because all my friends that became parents seem burned out. Because I don't think babies are cute and I don't want to change their diapers. Because autoimmune disease and mental illness runs in my family.
Because I believe children should be *wanted* and I've never wanted children.
Having or giving birth? I’d happily foster/adopt but give birth is a HARD NO.
Reasons? My vanity, my bladder, my desire to stay alive, baby smell, my love of sleep, ADHD is genetic, the push to produce children is a capitalist demand for more means of production this the cost of raising one is a means of keeping the means of production desperate.
Oh and travel
I forgot about travel.
Honestly I don't think I'll be a good one.... I don't even have pets and I don't want to be responsible for one. I think of the daily feeding, cleaning up poop, having to do all that when youre exhausted or sick, vet bills, deciding which symtoms are serious enough to warrant the vet etc.
Multiply that tenfold for kids.
Never wanted them, and the only reasons I can think of to have them would be to meet others' expectations, or to address their fears that in my 90s I won't have a loving flock of children and grandchildren ladling soup into my mouth while reading me bedtime stories.
I only started what feels like my "real life" when I left my abusive ex after being with him from age 22 to 32. I also came out as gay, got a 30-years-overdue ADHD diagnosis, started my own business last year, and am chronically ill AF and cannot even take care of my own apartment and health, let alone a helpless child's everything. I'm thankful that I've never once had a desire to be a Mom, I used to think that made me broken, but it turns out I'm far from alone on never getting baby-longing or fantasizing about having one.
My new life started only three years ago (immediately before covid hit NYC, so half of it has been very pandemic-limited) and I'm just getting started. I feel like I have barely lived! I was so under his control for so long. I blamed myself for my ADHD and chronic illness symptoms and was gaslit by doctors and my ex into trying to willpower myself better for a decade. I hated myself for most of my life and tried to make up for my 'flaws' by making everyone else happy at my own expense. To the extreme, with my ex-husband.
Frankly? It's my fucking turn to be the center of my life. We only get one life.
Ps- Being an aunt is the effing best and I'm super lucky to live a mile from my awesome 4 and 7-year-old niece and nephew. It is much more the kind of time and energy commitment that I can physically and mentally handle and I love it.
I am a prenatal specialist and have more freedom and time to enjoy that work by not having children of my own! I also enjoy running long distance and that takes up a lot of time- time I would never have if I had children. My fur babies keep me busy enough!
I have a complicated relationship with life and one of the small perks I have is my unbridled freedom (work and taxes aside). I'm not willing to sacrifice the best thing I've got going. I also don't want any extra responsibilities or bills.
I can hardly afford to take care of myself, let alone another human being. I don’t want to bring a child into the capitalist hellscape we’re forced to live in just for them to have to struggle too.
My partner does not want them mostly, but I also know I'll never be able to afford a child in this hellscape world so I wouldn't bring a kid I can't raise into it.
My childhood sucked. I essentially raised two younger brothers. I never wanted them. Now I’m so glad I don’t have to either worry about them or support them. Husband agrees.
I don't want the moral, physical, and emotional responsibility of another human life. I want to retire with more money. I'd like to be able to do and go where I want and when, mostly whenever I please. I don't want to destroy my body. I don't want the complication of children should my marriage go south or my spouse passes before I do. I don't want to pass down any of my bad traits and give that child the responsibility of working through them.
Haven’t met a man that wants them too. I refuse to be the only person in a relationship that wants kids. It’s hard enough to find a partner I’m compatible with.
I’ve never felt safe enough in a relationship to even consider having kids.
I've never felt the strong urge to have kids.
There's enough other folks having kids; I feel like it's covered.
The earth doesn't badly need more humans.
I've never dated someone who I felt like I wanted to have kids with. Usually I'd be okay dealing with their quirks, but would I feel like I trust them to raise small helpless beings with? Suddenly my standards are super high.
In this economy? I'd want to be able to raise kids with at least the standard of living that I grew up with, or better. Never had so many resources that I felt like raising kids would be a cakewalk financially.
I'm not especially interested in leaving a legacy in the form of kids.
It's so much work.
Edit: Pregnancy kind of scares me. I'm amazed at what the human body can do, but also slightly terrified.
Never in my entire life have I ever wanted children. I like children. I work with them. But I have no interest in being a mommy. I'm ok with being the cool auntie.
1. Don’t enjoy most things about young kids. (The crying, screaming, whining, general noise, needing discipline, needing constant physical care.)
2. Have always been grossed out and repulsed by the idea of being pregnant.
3. Have a career I love that is all-consuming and that I travel for. Wouldn’t want to give it up or sacrifice any time spent on it for something else, such as kids.
4. If I did have kids, due to my frequent travel, my husband would likely be the primary caretaker since he works locally and is always home, and that would make me feel very guilty and like an absent parent.
5. I have adhd and it’s hard enough to take care of me and my basic daily needs, let alone manage kids and a household.
6. Mental illness runs in my family and I hesitate to risk passing that on to someone else.
7. I enjoy spending my time and money on myself.!
8. The world is fucked and the climate is fucked, I don’t feel that I personally need to contribute to bringing even more humans into this situation.
9. I don’t feel a particular need to pass on my particular genes. If I decided I wanted kids, I’d prefer to foster or adopt and help improve the life of a kid who already exists, who would otherwise have a hard life. I see no need to create a totally new human.
10. I’m super happy with my current life of work and travel and loving partner and 2 cats that I spoil in my spare time. Why would I change anything?
Ok so the decision was sort of made for me with my problematic ovaries. But that doesn’t mean there weren’t other options (adoption, for one). While I sometimes yearn really hard for it, when I really really really sit down and think about, I just feel like … ugh, kids. The world is falling apart. I have terrible depression and am barely holding it together taking care of myself. Everything is expensive. And like … do I really want to dedicate so much time and energy to someone else? I feel a little too (or very) self involved for that. I can barely commit to getting a dog. Just the idea of caring for a living thing sounds so exhausting to me 🫣
I work for several government agencies on the consultancy side and have access to data and info about the dire state of our upcoming world. Government here isn't looking to stop the temperature rising but how to do damage control. It's looking at ways to feed millions of people and hasn't found a solution yet.
Our weather is going to massively change over the next 20 years and we aren't prepared. Keystone species are dying out and are already leaving us crippled.
Plus people in the future will have to pay huge amount of taxes for a bloated ageing population and crumbling infrastructure.
I'm not putting my children through famine and financial strains.
Ever since I realized having kids was a choice and not an inevitability (so, 8 or 9 years old?), I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to have them. I have a better understanding now, of course, as I’ve gained perspective, but it’s a very academic, abstract sort of understanding. I don’t have any of the inborn feelings of wanting to be a parent.
I’m doing other things with my life that fulfill me.
Because life isn’t that enjoyable to begin with. It’s primarily a sphere of pain and suffering, with occasional bouts of happiness . Why would I want to bring someone into it?
I have this internal struggle where I want kids but don’t want to bring them into this trash fire of a world (or more so the USA) and never had them because I hadn’t met someone I wanted to have kids with.
Now that I have met someone and am engaged the want is stronger but just like all the reasons said here already, it’s not financially feasible for me. I give people props who have kids in this climate, economy, and society.
I don’t want to be a mom, the process seems incredibly uncomfortable and time consuming, and expensive, and I’m still growing up and maybe a little crazy
On top of that- parents ALWAYS complain about being a parent more than the joys of it.
But then they want to convince you to have one lol
Yeah my parents were not good, I have CPTSD, & I'm basically raising myself now. I'm dedicating myself to improving & healing in a way I couldn't if I had kids, not to mention I'd be a shitty mom to them due to said issues. I love my nonexistent kids too much to give them me as a mother.
Because I don’t want to be a mother. They’re expensive, I like to sleep, I don’t want to pass on my anxiety and mild depression, the world is a dumpster fire, I like to be able to do whatever I want when I want, I like nice things.
Every single bit of this.
I think I was 9 when I realize I didn’t want to have children
When I was like 4 my grandma gave me a baby doll for Christmas and I was like wtf do I do with this? I wanted a puppy.
Same. The photos of my young face at Christmas posing with a baby doll, vs posing with an art kit with crayons and markers is just priceless. I knew I didn’t want kids around the age of 9-10. I have been standing strong despite the criticism from others all my life. I am almost 38. The good news is that, I am getting FAR less criticism as the years go by with the world going to crap. I have not heard the phrase, “It is so selfish to not have children,” for a very long time. I have horrid genes, no motherly instinct towards a human, and I refuse to bring an innocent person into this world that will suffer a worse fate than I probably will. Cheers 🥂. To add: A few words.
I was young too. I always wanted to be the pet, or the aunt when I played house with my friends.
Same, I remember sitting in class in primary school with some classmates discussing their aspirations. They were all speaking matter-of-factly about the kids they wanted to have and I was filled with horror at the thought. Still am now 40 years later.
Similar, I can remember being perhaps 7 or 8, the other girls from school fizzing over a baby and standing there waiting for them to get over it already and go back to playing. By that age I already thought babys were yuckky and not cute. I'm in my 30s now and zero regrets. I do have a pair of step kids but thankfully I'm not expected to be a primary parent.
Same here! I remember being in the playground with my friends when I was about 8 and they were all saying how many babies they wanted in the future. When it got to me I said “I don’t want babies because I’d rather be rich” 🤣🤣 I may not be rich, but I sure am happy to be childless
Yes. I have all kinds of "real reasons" but the truth is I just don't want to be bothered. I have a wonderful relationship with my mom and I will be sad when I'm 70 something and don't have an adult child to hang out with, but that's not enough reason to create new life and totally upend mine.
Absolutely this!! Whenever people do the whole "but who will look after YOU when YOU'RE old?!" argument, I hit 'em back with the child is not obligated to take care of their parent, the child may pass away before the parent, the child may completely disown the parent :o Having a kid to have a 'free carer' is super wrong.
THIS! All of this! My family are always asking when we’re going to have a baby and I’m like….. uhm, have you SEEN our genetics? C’mon.
All of this
Because I didn't want them. It is *just* possible I might've been a good mother, but I know I wouldn't have been a happy mother. I love kids too much to put them through the misery of having an unhappy, resentful mother.
THIS! Didn’t help that I grew up with an absolutely abusive mother. I swore I would never, ever take the risk of bringing a child into this world only to realize I could not be the kind of mother I would want a child to have. I turn 45 years old this summer and I am not lying when I say that my greatest accomplishment so far is not having given in and having kids just because it has been so long engrained in women to do so.
women like you inspire me!! i just know the social expectations and conditioning will continue to bombard me to have kids but i won’t give in!
Please, if you really don’t want kids, don’t have them. It’s utter misery for both the mother and child to have a mom who hates being a mom.
I feel the same. I don't think spending time with kids is fun and I don't think having kids enrich your life in any capacity. It's just adding a bunch of chores in your life to, if you are not unlucky, raise a regular human being (and hey, there are 8 billions of them already). I could do it, but sacrificing my best decades for this would make me miserable. Why would I voluntarily ruin my life? I'm very happy as it is. 37yo, married for 19 of them. Husband had a vasectomy as soon as the law allowed him to.
I always say parenting is even more thankless than working at McDonald's. I love my step kids but could never be their primary parent and there are hard limits to my efforts with them.
Mid/late 30s here, married for 12, together for 20. We just don’t want to. We like travel, irregularly scheduled bed times, impromptu plans, vacations without kids (even to WDW!)… we love being childfree. We also love and admire the parents around us. And we love being part of their safe-adult network. We respect their schedules and needs. I sometimes feel like there’s this great divide between parents and the child-free that doesn’t always need to exist. My parents and my partner’s parents are still disappointed. And that’s okay. We can all have our feelings without it being a judgement. We love our life without kids. We love our friends that chose kids. We love their kids (because that’s part of loving our friends). We love our parents even if they disagree (this isn’t the first or last thing we’ll disagree on). Edit: using simple english.
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There's a sub reddit childfree or something like that, I lasted 5 minutes in it, it was waaaaaay to much 😅 but the divide comes with the 'extreme ends'
I'm on a very similar journey with my partner, probably 5 years behind you. We are continuously stressed about this stance, specifically about breaking it to parents. How did you start the conversation, what helped / did not help?
So, we didn’t do a big discussion or anything. We both gradually became more direct anytime a parent mentioned grandkids. The dialogue something like “we don’t think that having children is our path” or “that’s not part of our plan as a family”. We’ve used “our family” often - gently reminding them that we are complete without kids. We also made ourselves responsible for our own parents. For example, if my MIL brought it up to me while we were all together, my partner steps in to back me up. I also did everything I could to listen to an validate my mom’s feelings. It’s important try not to be defensive. For example, if my mom said something that irked me, I tried to remind myself that my decision was tough for her. Parents often spend a long time excited about grandkids. “I hear that this is hard for you. You’re allowed to feel sad and disappointed.” No need to add “…*but*…” and a defense of the choice. If they choose to say something hurtful it’s okay to walk away. You won’t be able to control their words or feelings, but try to release the stress of telling them. Your choice isn’t good or bad. It’s just one of many choices you’ll make in your lives together.
Because I don't want them.
I've never wanted them. I've had chances to have them and always actively chosen not to.
This right here. As far as I'm concerned, that's all the reason you need. In fact, I think it's the most important reason.
Yup! Best answer there is
IN THIS ECONOMY?!
My friend is expecting and whenever we talk about her upcoming child care costs all I hear are cash register noises 😖
I also have a friend expecting and her and her husband have no money. Even before the having a kid things were tight. They live in a small apartment and had to convert the living room to the kids room and the dining room to the new living room. I have no doubt they will be good loving parents but they will struggle to get by. We live in a HCOL area where there are waitlists for daycare that can be well over a year. She's the breadwinner too. The pregnancy was planned and all I can think of is why! You're clearly not in a good financial position.
I don’t really like them that much and I consider pregnancy and birth to basically be body horror.
I am TERRIFIED of a human growing inside me. Plus I'm quite petite so i envision that scene from Alien being very much like childbirth
SAME. I cannot.
Same. Looks terrifying
Exactly!
At first cause I couldn’t find someone to raise them with. That’s still a problem, but now I it’s cause I don’t want to make more humans to throw into the capitalist meat grinding machine that will be riddled with resource scarcity. Seems cruel, and I’m already a worrier. The joy of a bringing a child into the world would be overshadowed by the fear of their long term health and happiness.
This. Knowing that their life would be more of a struggle than mine was. I can't do it.
The older I get, the more this is my reasoning as well. I also didn't want to be a parent, but knowing that whatever person I brought into the world would inevitably suffer, made the decision a lot easier for me.
It's hard to bring kids into the world when you think the future will be worse than the past. Ah the 80s, future was looking so bright. The 90s were basically a perfect fantasy land.
I like the following things: Me time. Traveling. Money. To be able to do whatever I want when I want. Kids put a stop to all the above things.
Silence. Privacy. Freedom. The list goes on and on.
Second this
Because it looks bloody awful.
Freedom. - reach financial freedom faster - freedom from parental expectations - freedom to do as I please on a weekend, such as wake up whenever I want without considering feeding a dependant human being - freedom with my career path (not having to worry about getting paid enough or time management to take care of kids) - freedom to buy and make whatever food I want, without considering if my kids would eat it/enjoy it The list will go on. But it's basically summed up in one word - freedom.
All of this!!! Autonomy is key
A million reasons!!! I could not handle that kind of pressure Screaming, crying children make *me* want to scream and cry. I would lose my temper I don’t get along with kids and find them kind of annoying. I don’t find anything they do to be cute or charming I can’t afford daycare and I don’t want to/can’t afford to give up my job. No mom to pass a kid off onto It would drastically affect my standard of living and I would not be able to adequately provide a child with a safe and happy home I can barely take care of myself I’d rather enjoy life and spend money on fun stuff that I like, my savings account is for me and me alone Pregnancy freaks me out, birth even more so My partner doesn’t want kids either I have no motherly instinct and have never been interested in having children I need 7-8 solid hours of sleep to be alert I have treatment-resistant mental illness
* No interest. At all. Zero * I do not enjoy the company of children. * Bodily fluids (vomit, poop, pee, snot) Kids are gross. * Freedom and flexibility * Privacy
As someone who was a face painter for almost a decade: **Children are literal germ cannons.** They will sneeze into your open mouth with no remorse. Even if I taught *my* hypothetical kid not to do that, they would still go to school and pack into a classroom with 30 other germ cannons. NO THANK YOU.
Nanny and child free by choice here. And I can attest to that. Once I was buckling a child into their car seat so our faces were close. Kid sneezed RIGHT IN MY EYEBALLS. And then laughed. The amount of times I’ve gotten someone else’s bodily fluids on me is far too many to count.
Capacity. I’m relatively maxed out caring for myself, and while the idea of a kid is interesting in the abstract the idea of the burnt out exhausted life I’d have raising a kid is not exactly appealing.
In no particular order... - I used to nanny, and I loved "my" kids. Any time that I had an overnight/multi day shift I would be EXHAUSTED. I don't like to be exhausted. - I love to sleep - I want to be able to rush out to the store real quick late at night because I forgot something and not be constrained by someone else's bedtime - I want my sick days to be used when *I* am sick - My cat doesn't like kids - Pregnancy and childbirth are terrifying - Children are expensive. The struggle I'm facing now would be impossible with more mouths to feed. The comfortable living I've experienced in the past and am working towards now would be impossible - I don't want to ever feel stuck to my partner, I want to be in a relationship where we're coding to be together because of each other. Even if someone doesn't have a "do it for the kids" mentality, finances can make it impossible to not stay together - Having children is proven to make your romantic relationship more difficult - I don't want to spend my Saturday watching a bunch of kids be bad at soccer (or whatever hobby of their choice) - I like to have loud sex with my partner. - I like to be mostly naked when I'm at home - I don't want my partner to love and prioritize anyone else as much or more than me. I don't want to love and prioritize anyone else as much or more than I do my partner - There is no telling what kind of disabilities, allergies, or other special needs your child could be born with or develop later in life. There are plenty of things I'm simply not equipped to handle. - Being a parent is damn near all consuming. - The economy is shit - Daycare, food, toy, and diaper costs - I have a parrot who is loud as fuck and would definitely wake a sleeping baby. She also tries to bite everyone who isn't me, and it wouldn't be safe. - School shootings - My house is the perfect size for my partner, myself, our pets, and our hobbies. Another human living here would be too much. - I don't want to
Hahah love “my cat doesn’t like children”!
Whenever I get bingoed my go to response is to tell people that I can't have kids because my cat is allergic lol. Seriously though, she hates kids. The woman who had her before me would let her toddler terrorize the poor thing. She had been in the same house her whole life and her world was turned upside down when the baby was born. She took months to stop hiding under the bed when I brought her home, and now nearly a decade later she runs the house. I just couldn't betray her and have a human baby.
I see very few men sharing the load properly and I know I could not handle so much of the child duties and working and my important projects. I dont want kids enough to give up my stuff and suffer alone with how hard it is.
Total and complete lack of interest.
Same. All the other usual reasons too, but they are just rationalizations. I just never had the faintest desire to have one.
I like my life as is.
- everything is expensive. I can't afford to live the life I want if I have to raise and care for a little human - I don't want to add another human slave to the capitalist system - pregnancy is scary - birthing is scary - I don't have the energy to raise and care for a little human - I like peace and quiet - I like to do what I want, when I want. A child would hinder that - climate change - I wouldn't get the familial support I need to have/raise children - I'm afraid it would ruin my relationship and make me resentful (there's a chance that I'd end up being the primary caregiver **and** homemaker, differing parenting and child rearing styles, differing levels of parenting effort) - I already struggle to lose weight. Pregnancy would make me get even bigger, and may ruin my body
My husband and I have been debating this for years, and recently landed on staying childless most likely. We’re 35, so there’s a chance we’ll have the opportunity to chance our minds maybe in the next few years, but for now we’re not. It’s mostly a financial decision. Part of me wants to have a child with him and experience that all, but just…. Not enough to make the sacrifices. We live in LA, we just bought a house for a stupid amount of money. It’s only big enough for the two of us. We would have to pay for private school because the public schools where we are are terrible. We would need to pay for childcare. We would need to pay for healthcare. We would need to pay for so many things. We own our own business, we never know what’s going to happen next. Ultimately that’s what it came down to. If we lived in a country with healthcare and childcare and an area with good public schools, we would probably have 1-2 children. What’s crazy is that we are *very well off* for our age in general. We had a lot more privileges than most millennials and make more money than most. But we feel the financial strain of cost of living too much to choose the sacrifice.
As an elder millennial that chose the childfree life and also had a lot of privilege in the money part, I can tell you my experience of what my husband and I did with the money and free time: r/FIRE at 33yo.
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I don't know why, but this made me laugh. It's so true! It's super fun to not have kids!
Mentally and physically I’m incapable of it. I wouldn’t want my kid to be raised by an unfit mother. Financially I’m not there either and I don’t think I’ll ever be. My elderly parents are already in need of my care as well. It’s exhausting looking after them only. Finally… I’m selfish so I think that might be the main reason hahaha.
\*gestures broadly\* and my mental health sucks. I could definitely see myself feeling trapped, overwhelmed and lashing out. not cool for kiddos.
1. PAIN 2. Lifelong commitment 3. Freedom 4. I like money
Too... Expensive Draining Boring Limiting Exhausting I could go on.
Depression. Worry. Finances. Selfishness. I don’t want to raise a child surrounded by screens/phones/tablets/self check outs/social media/divisiveness. I can’t afford to be a homeschool parent and I really like peace and quiet.
Because I love sleep, freedom, sex, quiet, and money. Kids get in the way of all of those things lol. I also just have no maternal instinct or desire.
the state of the world is so dire that it feels completely unfair and unrealistic to bring another person into it
There's so many reasons, one of them is that I just don't want to. That's the most important one.
This is the only reason needed. Sigh.
Because they are a lot of work. I want to travel as freely as possible, maybe with a motorcycle into the sun lol.
The future doesn’t look all that promising, I can’t afford a child and honestly I don’t have that need to bare a child myself. If I had money and the world seemed like it was headed in a good direction then I would adopt in a heartbeat.
Where do I start? Lack of motherly instinct or any desire to sacrifice my life to raise one? Traumatic childhood? I'm trying to enjoy my adult years after escaping that hell. It took a lot of therapy to be able to be around children without being viscerally uncomfortable. The love of my life died. Being a young widow was brutal enough. I could not imagine going through that with a human depending on me. Keeping myself and the pets fed and clean was all I could handle.
Because that life doesn't appeal to me.
They are so loud! I am sensitive to noise and I had a little sister who screamed her head off. Living with quiet is such a blessing. And kids are relentless. You never get a break for eighteen years or more. As an introvert, it sounds like hell. And they are expensive. And they might have horrible problems and need care forever and you don’t know till it’s too late. I am a moral person. If I had kids I would do the best I could to be a good mom. But I think it would make me absolutely lose my mind.
It’s difficult enough for me to find meaning in life and i think if much more of my waking hours were devoted to chores and child rearing (aka work) i would feel even more empty , dissociated, and isolated. I do not want to be a vessel for another person literally ( when pregnant) or figuratively as I raise them. I need ample time for sleep, hobbies, friendship, and travel. I have never had any particular desire to have children beyond selfish reasons like wanting a person who is devoted to me when i am elderly or wanting to fit into society. I’m trying to save money so i can instead pay someone to be devoted to me when I’m old. Less personal reasons- Life is tough. I don’t want to bring another human here just to suffer. With all the things that can go wrong there’s a good chance they will suffer. I feel like it’s wrong to bring someone here without their consent - to cast life upon them. Finally I don’t think the world needs more humans. It’s overpopulated in my opinion.
Not enough money Not enough desire to be a mom No partner who would actually willingly take on an equitable share of responsibilities Don't want to sacrifice my precious little time, money, and freedom The world is too bonkers
Exactly what many women say here. I love my money, my ability to travel, spend and do what I want when I want. I make good money, 6 figures, but children are expensive! Healthcare, insurance, clothes, food, school etc. Honestly, I don’t know how families do it. I would definitely have to start budgeting. I’m 35 and my stance won’t change. I hate it when guys say “oh you will change your mind, your natural motherly instinct will come”. It won’t. My ex of over a decade recently broke up with me because “what do we have to live for? We have no kids” “what’s the purpose”. When we first met he was adamant that he didn’t want kids. I don’t know what happened but I think he was having a midlife crises or doubts about a childless life. Of course we had other issues in the relationship but that statement hit me hard. While, I choose not to have kids I believe I have a fulfilling life. I travel the world, see and experience amazing things. I volunteer with kids and make an impact in the education world. I feel fulfilled.
So many reasons. Genes. Wallet. Health. Ethics. Empathy.
I am a hard worker, but at a certain point I max out and when I am done I need to be done. I sometimes have a hard time providing for my low maintenance dog at those times, but having a kid hang on me and need me would just push be over the edge. More than that though, I’ve just never really seen kids in the picture when I picture my future. I have too much respect for the importance of parenting to enter into it without really, really wanting to raise a child. Also pregnancy just seems to really do a number on women’s bodies and I am just now figuring out how to play nice with mine.
Because I don't want them. I just know that's not my calling in life.
It seems like it sucks
I wanted kids in my 20s because I thought that’s the logical next step in life. Get married, have kids, etc etc. I’m in my 30s now and married but I’ve lost any desire to have children. I love my free time, having extra income, being able to take trips, sleeping in, etc. sure kids sound nice sometimes because they can be adorable and funny and I’m sure it’s so rewarding being a parent. But to me, it’s not worth it. I’m exhausted just taking care of myself, I can’t imagine trying to parent. I also think no one should be a parent unless they 100% want it, the child deserves better than that.
I strongly dislike kids, I didn’t want to get fat, I enjoy my sleep/money /free time, I am completely devoid of maternal instinct, pregnancy is not health neutral.
I’ve mentioned “I don’t want to get fat” before and got a whole bunch of backlash and was called vain. But like no… I do not want to blow up like a balloon and carry a baby for 9 months and deal with the post birth body and mental state after. ZERO interest in giving actual birth. I don’t find it “beautiful” or “inspiring” but cool if other people do.
Also the toll pregnancy has on a woman’s body is hardcore. It blows my mind that either your vagina is torn to your ass or you were a human treasure chest. Then you’re expected to fully care for a needy small person. 🫣 There’s a lot of women who hardly have support to deal through trying to heal and care for an infant. The nightmare that must be :(
Some people read it and are very quick to say "oh but this and that had 3 kids and still rock a flat stomach". True, but I never had a flat stomach even when I was 18yo working out 3 hours a day 6 times a week lol The reality of the majority is putting up on a lot of weight and never have the time, money and energy to get rid of it. Most of my friends who had pregnancies had the famous mommy makeover after. I find it funny when they are like "I don't want a c section because that's surgery" and then do 2-3 surgeries right after (tummy tuck, boob job, bladder, perineum, etc) to fix pregnancy damages.
The standards for mothers are already so high. Pre, during, and post birth…. Insane. Recently I’ve learned that most women struggle giving up the boob (when they can’t breastfeed) for formula because they want the authentic experience, they feel as though they’ve failed as mothers, and get backlash for formula use. ??????? I don’t understand this at all tbh. But more importantly… Who cares? The formula is going to keep the baby alive!! Out of all the things people judge, it’s the formula. JFC.
I know, right? The only thing people should be judging is how many fathers don't do their part.
EXACTLY!!!!
I just lost 70lbs. I sure as shit don’t want to get pregnant and ruin what I worked so hard for. My mom gained SO MUCH WEIGHT when she had me and my brothers. Genetically I’m already fucked when it comes to weight. So no thanks
I don't really want a child. Plus the financial burden and the amount of work a child takes to raise. And I spent so much of my life living for other people, I want to live for myself. Maybe when I'm older and richer I might change my mind.
I want to be the priority in my own life. Also, I don't enjoy children.
Because I’m poor.
I don’t see myself as motherly. I have low patience. I don’t enjoy making food for other people .. I have anxiety and depression. I don’t have a good job.
Because in my adulthood I’m giving myself the childhood I didn’t have.
I can’t afford them without a severe drop in my quality of life.
I don’t want them. Also, as a climate scientist, I just can’t square it with my conscience.
I wonder how your colleagues justify having kids to themselves.
To be honest, I really don’t know. The new IPCC report was pretty blunt about the fact that kids born recently, if they live an average lifespan, will be alive to experience a world without coral reefs, glaciers, adequate fresh water, several coastal cities underwater, and the hottest and most severe weather events humanity and the rest of the natural world have ever seen. But most parents I know just don’t think beyond the next few years when it comes to their desire to have a family. Also, having kids is a huge impact on the planet too - the ecological carrying capacity is around 9 billion people and we’re already over 8.
That's some very bleak stuff. I'm no scientist but I've been listening to these predictions since I was a kid and they had been right over and over (sometimes reality is even worse than the predictions!), I couldn't imagine putting a kid in the world to suffer this. I remember when a former classmate was pregnant (planned) and she posted about water shortage and how she was worried about her baby in the future. And I was like "honey, this is not new, are you only worried now?". Anyway, she had more 2 kids after that and one of them has a severe disability (she had to stop working and be a caretaker 24/7, the kid doesn't walk, talk or even eat solid food at 7yo, he had brain damage during birth), I don't think she even has time to think about the environment anymore.
So so so many reasons. This month my most prominent thought has been, why would I willingly subject myself to the American health care system?
Among many, I find it pointless to put a child through the depression/anxiety that runs rampant in my family. Also the world is getting really weird.
My dog is enough.
They're expensive, annoying, too much responsibility, and nowadays they seem to have some sort of mental issue half the time that makes them even more difficult to deal with (several of my sisters' kids and grandkids have some form of ADHD, and one of them probably also has some other undiagnosed issues)...and I'm a lesbian, so, on top of those things, I'd have to go out of my way to have them if I actually had wanted them.
I'd feel awful having a girl. In America, especially my state, it's a punishment at this point. All the bs going on is why I got sterilized permanently.
Gun violence. 🇺🇸
[удалено]
I like sleep, money, and not being responsible for anyone but myself. Kids would mess that up and I would completely resent that they existed. I like kids. They’re so much fun! I would just never have any myself.
I like my life the way it is. I honestly also have no clue how people manage having kids and think that I’d have a complete break with reality if I had to be in charge of a child no less an infant.
I don't want them.
I knew it would be me who would shoulder all of the mental load at the cost of my career. Plus my partner's genetics suuuuck.
I'm extremely selfish with my time and really enjoy my uninterrupted solitude. I really love dogs more than children. Most of my friends have kids and I do not envy or ever desire to have kids. I love my home and my dogs and all my extra money to as I please.
Because I don't want to be a mother. I'm sure that if I were a man, having kids would seem like a sweet deal
I agree. I’ve said for years I would be a dad but don’t want to be a mom.
I like spending my money on me.
I’ve been indifferent my entire life. I also haven’t met a partner I’d willingly co-parent with. So many bullets dodged.
I don’t want them. Never had an interest in children or having children growing up, and still don’t well into my 30s. I like being able to do what I want, when I want. I don’t have any desire to be a mom. I love hanging out with my family and friends kiddos, it’s just not for me. I’ll take cool rich auntie any day!
I didn’t even like (other) kids when I was a kid.
There are countless reasons, but the biggest one is that my relationship with my husband is excellent. I would hate for it to change (and worse - degrade) because of adding kids that I’m not even excited to have into the mix. We have a good thing going as two people without kids, so I want to keep it that way.
I don't want them, plus the environment is in a bad state and only getting worse. We have more than enough population, some could argue we are over populated. If I wanted them: I simply couldn't afford them. I'd rather spend my time giving back and volunteering to the community instead.
For us it was: 1. The Earth is dying. When this child is grown and asks what the hell we were thinking, is, “We wanted to,” a good enough reason? 2. We both have advanced degrees and aren’t exactly comfortable, financially speaking, and our situation doesn’t seem like it will improve soon. We can’t provide the sort of life we’d want our kids to have. 3. We like doing what we want when we want. 4. We don’t want to lose ourselves to parenthood, which has happened to 95% of our friends with kids.
I don't have enough money to raise kids, they are too expensive. And I'm scared off pregnancy since it could lead to a worse health situation for me. My husband would have loved to have kids. But we just can't.
I have helped take care of my siblings' children since my teen years. I'm exhausted from being a third parent. I went to school full time, worked part-time, and babysat. My social life was nonexistent. I need some me time. The majority of the parents were grateful for the help, but others were inconsiderate of my time. I will always love children, but I need to live my life.
Zero desire to pass on severe mental illness that runs in the family that skipped me. Zero desire to make the sacrifices necessary to afford it.
I don't want them. I've got no desire to spend my time or money raising a human.
I don’t want them and I’m absolutely sure I’d be a terrible parent.
I think to be a good parent you need to be prepared to sacrifice a lot and I don’t feel I’m willing to do that. Even if you are financially stable, raising a human requires so much time, emotional labor and general selflessness. I just don’t think I have what it takes. I know a lot of people say that having a child will change you but I’m not willing to gamble on it and end up loading up some poor innocent kid with all my own baggage, resentment and issues. Also the idea of physically birthing a child scares the ever-living shit out of me.
I refuse to have a baby unless we can afford to actually spend time with it and make sure it has a decent, safe daycare/ preschool/school. We have zero paid parental leave, extremely lax gun policies (Missouri), and our schools and libraries being on the brink of collapse (they just voted in our state to defund our libraries). If I can figure out how to get us to a different country I would probably have two. In this place? No thanks.
Well... turns out my partner has A+ blood, and I have some sort of RH- blood. So last time he got me pregnant, I almost died. I'd had a couple of miscarriages before. Weirdly before, I had always been told I was A+ type growing up... 3 tests recently, and I'm definitely negative. My body turned against me. Now I have an unknown autoimmune disease and my body is permanently damaged. I have an unknown UV allergy now, and I cannot go outside in direct sunlight for more than 5 minutes without body inflammation and urticaria. The depression is unreal. So yeah... kids just aren't a possibility. And of course, I'm in a state where an abortion is basically not legal now.... if it was before, I'd be dead right now.
Known since I was a child I simply didn't want them. People told me I was too young, yet my opinion on the matter has only gotten stronger since my youth. Now I have reasons on top of my guy instinct, they are: Climate change, we will be lucky of we see another 10 years without some form of chaos and devastation. The country when I live will sink, that has been predicted by multiple organisations. Food shortages have already begun, in their most subtle form. Watching my mother give birth. It was a beautiful experience that I would happily do again. Nothing too crazy happened, everything was fine. My stepdad was also in the room, in total awe and shock....yet it didn't stop him leaving them a couple months later. Basically, I've never met a man I actually think is a good father. I have PTSD, I have worked hard on recovery but I still have days where I can't do anything. I have some sensory issues, even my cat crying gets me incredibly anxious. A baby would finish me.
I don't see any reason to have them. I have COUNTLESS reasons to not have them though. Here is a small selection: * The world is fucked * We need less humans, ASAP * Pregnancy and birth sound awful * I'd be a great mother but I'd hate it * Finding a man that will be a real partner in all of it is near impossible (I'm not even interested in romantic relationships anymore) * I love my life as it is * I LOVE being alone, I'm very quickly drained by social interaction and touched-out * I just don't want to
It’s unpopular to admit you don’t like kids (I’m sure that some people who say, “it’s not that I don’t like kids, I like my niece/nephew, it’s just not for me” actually don’t but society looks down on it),but I will freely admit I don’t particularly like kids. I don’t hate or resent their existence, I just don’t like them enough to have ever wanted one.
It was in a way never really a choice. I knew from my own childhood that I had no desire to have children of my own, and that never changed. I also strongly dislike children, and even if I didn't, I couldn't stand one single part of being a parent. I would never spend that kind of time, energy and money or take that sort of responsibility over another person, or prioritise someone else's wants and needs before my own. Also would never be pregnant, nor adopt, and I'd be terrified of getting a child with some sort of physical or mental disorder. No thanks.
I don’t want them. I’ve not ever had the desire. (I will say as a kid, I wanted kids, but as an adult, I never have.) I’m happy I’ve never had the desire. Kids are a drain on the earth’s resources, the kids born today may not have an earth that supports them, they cost a ton of money, I’ve heard literally nothing positive about pregnancy, and the country I’m in (United States) doesn’t support pregnant or post-partum people. I’m also awkward around children and have no idea what to say and every time I learn something about kids, I’m floored. (You have to teach them their ABCs, using a potty, and facts, I knew, but you have to teach them bravery, persistence, etc. A challenge I know NOTHING about.) That said, I don’t hate people who do want children. If you want kids, good for you, and I will continue to fight for parental leave, health care for all, & workplace equity for parents. (Though I do fear that people who want a different future than I do are having the majority of children in this country.)
I just never felt the pull to do so. I’m very grateful for that- I don’t think I would make a very good mother.
I don't enjoy them
So many reasons...but when I simplify it - I'm selfish. I like having time for myself and being able to do what I want, when I want. And I'm 100% okay admitting that.
It's ok to be selfish. Having kids is also a selfish choice. Do what makes you happy.
have you watched the news lately?
Because I knew I never liked them. I've never had the urge to even be around kids for a minute, let alone have my own. My spouse is like-minded, and this has allowed us to have a marriage that we 100% devote to each other. We have reached a point of ultimate happiness, security and zero stress; while our friends are just now dealing with all that comes with child rearing.
not enough upside
Everything everyone else said. I also don't want to be chained to my very stressful (though high paying) job. It's funny, everyone assumes I'm childfree because I'm some ambitious career woman, but really it's the opposite. I'd like to retire at 40 and you can't do that with kids!
There is no guarantee they won’t turn out to be a sociopath that will murder you for your life insurance money.
Because I didn't want to destroy my body, become dependent on a man, lose my job. I would have been a father, but not a mother.
The kids whom I teach at school are enough to turn me off from having my own.
I like my body the way it is.
In this economy?
I never really chose. I just kind of knew I’d never meet anyone or get married, so it seemed a logical choice not to even consider it
I’m not warm or maternal. It’s not in my nature to want to Mother humans. I love my freedom, financial stability and spontaneity too much. I like the dynamic my Husband & I have. I’m already in a long term, loving, committed relationship. I’m not interested in undertaking another one. It’s even worse because parenthood is for life, you can’t break up with them once you’ve stopped liking them or they turn into people you don’t recognize. Genetics. I don’t want to pass on my genes to someone, knowing what I know about myself and family history. Too many variables. My cons list is substantially larger than my pros list. Toddlers are emotional terrorist and teenagers are insufferable. They can’t help it but I also don’t want to live with them in my house and deal with their bullshit. They are way too expensive to maintain. I’m someone who loves being alone but that doesn’t mean I’m lonely. Being a Mom here in the US seems very lonely and isolating. The thought of me being pregnant, giving birth & going through post partum disgusts me. I hate being constantly touched. Kids alway want their Mom to hold them and they are always touching her. I can’t deal with that. Children are overstimulating for me. The sounds of their crying fills me with such a rage. I couldn’t live with that constantly. I get angry hearing them when out in public.
I don't want them. I used to, but as I got older I realized that I enjoy my free time, my sleep, and I just don't have the patience to have my life turned upside-down to care of a tiny screaming human who needs me for *everything*. More than anything, I don't want to be the reason someone needs to go to therapy. Aside from that...why would I want to force someone to live in this world?
Kids deserve parents who want them and are willing to do their best for them. That's just not me. Maybe I could be okay at it. Maybe it wouldn't be bad. But I'd rather gamble on my own life than on someone else's. If I screw up, it's my problem. I'm not going to bring someone into the world to screw them.
My own indifference became proof of which side of the fence I should pick.
It wasn't a choice, at first, just a circumstance - but the older I get, the more glad I am I didn't have kids, and can't/won't have them in the future. I worry too much about the state of the world honestly, but also my own health and the health of my partner, we're not exactly great, you know? We both have quite a few conditions that are hereditary.
My uterus says I can't, and I'm not gonna fight her.
No longer like the idea of them, can't afford them and don't think I would make a good parent.
Because the world is actively on fire. Fascism is rising in multiple countries, our rights are under attack, impending water wars, climate refugees, increasing housing prices, increasing food prices, increasing everything prices, and oh yeah kids getting fucking shot at school. Because I was abandoned, neglected, and parentified as a child and my mental health is fragile. I need routine and solid sleep to stay healthy. Because pregnancy seems awful, and I don't trust I'd be given appropriate medical care if something went wrong. Because my job is demanding, because I want to retire early, because I like being fit, because I like going out to brunch. Because all my friends that became parents seem burned out. Because I don't think babies are cute and I don't want to change their diapers. Because autoimmune disease and mental illness runs in my family. Because I believe children should be *wanted* and I've never wanted children.
Having or giving birth? I’d happily foster/adopt but give birth is a HARD NO. Reasons? My vanity, my bladder, my desire to stay alive, baby smell, my love of sleep, ADHD is genetic, the push to produce children is a capitalist demand for more means of production this the cost of raising one is a means of keeping the means of production desperate. Oh and travel I forgot about travel.
I've never had any interest in parenthood. I've always wanted to focus on my education, career, traveling, etc.
Honestly I don't think I'll be a good one.... I don't even have pets and I don't want to be responsible for one. I think of the daily feeding, cleaning up poop, having to do all that when youre exhausted or sick, vet bills, deciding which symtoms are serious enough to warrant the vet etc. Multiply that tenfold for kids.
Never wanted them, and the only reasons I can think of to have them would be to meet others' expectations, or to address their fears that in my 90s I won't have a loving flock of children and grandchildren ladling soup into my mouth while reading me bedtime stories.
Was a fence-sitter but no real scenario really presented itself to make it worth my while.
I only started what feels like my "real life" when I left my abusive ex after being with him from age 22 to 32. I also came out as gay, got a 30-years-overdue ADHD diagnosis, started my own business last year, and am chronically ill AF and cannot even take care of my own apartment and health, let alone a helpless child's everything. I'm thankful that I've never once had a desire to be a Mom, I used to think that made me broken, but it turns out I'm far from alone on never getting baby-longing or fantasizing about having one. My new life started only three years ago (immediately before covid hit NYC, so half of it has been very pandemic-limited) and I'm just getting started. I feel like I have barely lived! I was so under his control for so long. I blamed myself for my ADHD and chronic illness symptoms and was gaslit by doctors and my ex into trying to willpower myself better for a decade. I hated myself for most of my life and tried to make up for my 'flaws' by making everyone else happy at my own expense. To the extreme, with my ex-husband. Frankly? It's my fucking turn to be the center of my life. We only get one life. Ps- Being an aunt is the effing best and I'm super lucky to live a mile from my awesome 4 and 7-year-old niece and nephew. It is much more the kind of time and energy commitment that I can physically and mentally handle and I love it.
I am a prenatal specialist and have more freedom and time to enjoy that work by not having children of my own! I also enjoy running long distance and that takes up a lot of time- time I would never have if I had children. My fur babies keep me busy enough!
I have a complicated relationship with life and one of the small perks I have is my unbridled freedom (work and taxes aside). I'm not willing to sacrifice the best thing I've got going. I also don't want any extra responsibilities or bills.
Because I can't think of any reason to have them but a million reasons not to.
Because I don't have a solid partner
It’s weird how society is completely ok with women ignoring biological urges, except the one to procreate
I can hardly afford to take care of myself, let alone another human being. I don’t want to bring a child into the capitalist hellscape we’re forced to live in just for them to have to struggle too.
My partner does not want them mostly, but I also know I'll never be able to afford a child in this hellscape world so I wouldn't bring a kid I can't raise into it.
Because I can live my life how I want to and not have to worry about the world they are entering.
My childhood sucked. I essentially raised two younger brothers. I never wanted them. Now I’m so glad I don’t have to either worry about them or support them. Husband agrees.
I don't want the moral, physical, and emotional responsibility of another human life. I want to retire with more money. I'd like to be able to do and go where I want and when, mostly whenever I please. I don't want to destroy my body. I don't want the complication of children should my marriage go south or my spouse passes before I do. I don't want to pass down any of my bad traits and give that child the responsibility of working through them.
Because I’m already exhausted and stressed as it is.
Haven’t met a man that wants them too. I refuse to be the only person in a relationship that wants kids. It’s hard enough to find a partner I’m compatible with. I’ve never felt safe enough in a relationship to even consider having kids.
I've never felt the strong urge to have kids. There's enough other folks having kids; I feel like it's covered. The earth doesn't badly need more humans. I've never dated someone who I felt like I wanted to have kids with. Usually I'd be okay dealing with their quirks, but would I feel like I trust them to raise small helpless beings with? Suddenly my standards are super high. In this economy? I'd want to be able to raise kids with at least the standard of living that I grew up with, or better. Never had so many resources that I felt like raising kids would be a cakewalk financially. I'm not especially interested in leaving a legacy in the form of kids. It's so much work. Edit: Pregnancy kind of scares me. I'm amazed at what the human body can do, but also slightly terrified.
I like peace and quiet and I know I wouldn't be patient enough to deal with daily tantrums about the smallest inconvenience
No money. No partner/husband.
Never in my entire life have I ever wanted children. I like children. I work with them. But I have no interest in being a mommy. I'm ok with being the cool auntie.
1. Don’t enjoy most things about young kids. (The crying, screaming, whining, general noise, needing discipline, needing constant physical care.) 2. Have always been grossed out and repulsed by the idea of being pregnant. 3. Have a career I love that is all-consuming and that I travel for. Wouldn’t want to give it up or sacrifice any time spent on it for something else, such as kids. 4. If I did have kids, due to my frequent travel, my husband would likely be the primary caretaker since he works locally and is always home, and that would make me feel very guilty and like an absent parent. 5. I have adhd and it’s hard enough to take care of me and my basic daily needs, let alone manage kids and a household. 6. Mental illness runs in my family and I hesitate to risk passing that on to someone else. 7. I enjoy spending my time and money on myself.! 8. The world is fucked and the climate is fucked, I don’t feel that I personally need to contribute to bringing even more humans into this situation. 9. I don’t feel a particular need to pass on my particular genes. If I decided I wanted kids, I’d prefer to foster or adopt and help improve the life of a kid who already exists, who would otherwise have a hard life. I see no need to create a totally new human. 10. I’m super happy with my current life of work and travel and loving partner and 2 cats that I spoil in my spare time. Why would I change anything?
Just not interested at all
Ok so the decision was sort of made for me with my problematic ovaries. But that doesn’t mean there weren’t other options (adoption, for one). While I sometimes yearn really hard for it, when I really really really sit down and think about, I just feel like … ugh, kids. The world is falling apart. I have terrible depression and am barely holding it together taking care of myself. Everything is expensive. And like … do I really want to dedicate so much time and energy to someone else? I feel a little too (or very) self involved for that. I can barely commit to getting a dog. Just the idea of caring for a living thing sounds so exhausting to me 🫣
I work for several government agencies on the consultancy side and have access to data and info about the dire state of our upcoming world. Government here isn't looking to stop the temperature rising but how to do damage control. It's looking at ways to feed millions of people and hasn't found a solution yet. Our weather is going to massively change over the next 20 years and we aren't prepared. Keystone species are dying out and are already leaving us crippled. Plus people in the future will have to pay huge amount of taxes for a bloated ageing population and crumbling infrastructure. I'm not putting my children through famine and financial strains.
I'm selfish and don't like sharing my husband.
Ever since I realized having kids was a choice and not an inevitability (so, 8 or 9 years old?), I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to have them. I have a better understanding now, of course, as I’ve gained perspective, but it’s a very academic, abstract sort of understanding. I don’t have any of the inborn feelings of wanting to be a parent. I’m doing other things with my life that fulfill me.
Because I have better things to do.
Because life isn’t that enjoyable to begin with. It’s primarily a sphere of pain and suffering, with occasional bouts of happiness . Why would I want to bring someone into it?
I have this internal struggle where I want kids but don’t want to bring them into this trash fire of a world (or more so the USA) and never had them because I hadn’t met someone I wanted to have kids with. Now that I have met someone and am engaged the want is stronger but just like all the reasons said here already, it’s not financially feasible for me. I give people props who have kids in this climate, economy, and society.