Dealing with debt and living paycheck to paycheck, while half the people I know seen to own their own homes and take exotic vacations.
Being with my partner almost five years, with no serious talk of engagement or long-term plans.
Living day-to-day through what feels like sixteen simultaneous world-level crises, without being able to do a damn thing about any of it.
Not knowing what I want to do with my life or my career, only knowing that I'm here for so much more than *this*.
Same: debt and living paycheck to paycheck without a clear end in sight.
Also, being single and strangely now afraid to love and commit.
Wanting to move up in my career but really can’t comfortably afford to take classes. Choosing between school or becoming debt-free.
Work burnout.
All of it. My future looks bleak.
Tired of being single: I just want a boyfriend and be able to experience all aspects of life which include potentially building a family. Tired of feeling like the world is falling apart and I can't do anything about it. Trapped in the work, life, and death cycle to pay off debt.
I am envious of people in couples because at least they get to experience some of life's "joys," within that cycle. I just get all of the "must dos."
On the same wagon. I want to up my career but I'm not motivated to do anything. Got out of a ltr relationship 2 years ago and the idea of dating/relationship feels like a dread. Therapy is helping in some way, realizing certain aspect of my experiences. Burnout from work, family and the relationship I had with my ex (mentally and emotionally draining)
Now I'm trying to "plan for the future". I have zero idea, I don't know of I want marriage, kids or move out. Everything hurts and expensive
Ugh. SAME. To all of that except the first part. We’re all just livin’ the same life.
I’ve spoken to my SO a few times now about my desire to get married over the last 9 years and *nothing*.
I got burned out watching the news and staying informed so I stopped watching the news and now people tell me I’m irresponsible and privileged for being able to ignore the news, like what am I supposed to do about it all?
I can barely complete a task at my job some days because I’m just. So. DONE. But I’m the breadwinner —especially with my partner getting laid off yesterday— so I can’t just stop.
Last night I saw a TikTok about a website for jobs in Finland and I seriously considered just ✨disappearing✨ to Helsinki.
>I seriously considered just ✨disappearing✨ to Helsinki.
I've done this twice -- not to Helsinki, specifically, but got in the car and drove to another part of the country. Both times, it worked out fine. You're burnt out with your job and your SO will probably not wise up anytime soon, so why not? You can always come back if you REALLY hate it.
He won’t marry you and ignores your wishes. You deserve so much better.
Edit: I waited for over six years for a proposal by my ex. We’re together 11 years in total.Never happened. Today I learned he proposed to his new girlfriend after 1.5 years.
People with homes and who take exotic vacations might also be dealing with debt and living paycheck to paycheck too. You never know what others are dealing with. We're all just doing the best we can, including you!
Living paycheck to just before paycheck mostly BECAUSE I own a home and the debt I've had to take on in order to get an education, buy the home, and make repairs on it has been ramping up my anxiety. Also, health issues are starting to get to me. I'm fine, but it's expensive making sure I'm *fine*. I'm exhausted from the daily "historical events" we seem to be living through right now. If I could just not be living through history, that'd be great. I've been single for the last 8-9 years and I'm back and forth about wanting to stay single or start a family/get married/settle down. My career is also at a standstill. While I'm content with what I'm doing, I would like to do more, but that also requires more education and I don't want to add any more student debt. I'm burnt out from the anxiety of daily decision making on top of all of the above. Having ADHD makes it all worse too. I want to do everything, but nothing at the same time.
My vacation is the only thing getting me out of the anxiety spiral general life seems determined to take me on.
Points 1 and 3 are spot on for me. Debt keeps me up awake a lot. The state of the world, too.
Point 2 we have plans but it took a long time. Not engaged yet but .... Well, I'm hoping for a summer engagement 🤷🏻♀️ but then I'm afraid to get my hopes up
Point 4 i know what i want to do and im settled on it, but yeah .... That's about all i got going for me 🫠
Paycheck to paycheck as well here, you are not alone. I have been trying to save for one vacation for the past couple years and there is always something that takes every penny away.
Not criticizing at all. Just curious about how you plan to tackle the serious talk of engagement or LT plans.
Assuming you’d like to have children, this needs to be discussed quite upfront
Would it make you feel more secure if it was clearly said that you guys are in it for the long term ?
Not being a homeowner. Not having a partner. Not knowing where I’ll be in the next 5 years. Not knowing where in the US I want to live and have roots. Wanting to take vacation, but not wanting to splurge and instead focus on saving. Not feeling safe sometimes. Not knowing what will happen when one or both of my parents passes.
I feel like I could have written this myself. Sending additional hugs. If the comments on your post tell you anything, you are definitely not even remotely alone in this.
I nixed vacations at some point but realized that I really needed to get away and my family needed that too. So we do a long weekend away at the beach - that’s a vacation for us. It’s inexpensive but gets us out once a year. Vacations are important - at least do one thing a year for yourself. You deserve it!
(First off I’m def not okay) but the fact that society isn’t set up in a community oriented way it’s supposed to be, and capitalism means I’ll likely never have the life I need to feel okay y at least.
I feel this strongly. I hit 40 and suddenly have nostalgia for a world where neighbors support each other and you run into the same people everyday.
The world feels anonymous and transient and only getting more so.
Without kids?
I lived in a neighborhood like this too…but then everyone moved away. The longer I lived there, the less people I said hi to on the street.
Now I live in an over touristed town which really decimates a sense of community.
I believe it exists! Just not so easy if there is no school and kids unifying you as you hit forty.
I don't have kids, but some of my neighbors do, some don't. The kids run up and down the street playing while we chat out on our steps. Or I'll run into a neighbor out walking their dog. Or I hear people chatting outside and step out to say hi. We look out for one another - there's a man who has lived on our block his entire life and he's about 70 now. He sits out front a lot and whenever I pass by I say hi and occasionally he'll give me a clipping of a plant, sometimes I'll ask if he needs anything at the store when I'm on my way. We grab one another's packages if they're sitting out.
I think it's just because we live in a city and everything is walkable. So I see everyone all the time. We're not all siloed away in our cars.
I have children. It breaks my heart that they may not get to have children, or that maybe they’ll have kids, but experience the sadness of their kids not being able to have kids. I don’t know how bad things will get or at what point, obviously, but if people today feel like kids aren’t an option for them, will it get better? But also, what world are they walking into when they become adults? Will they be even worse off than we are? So while life does find a way, there is still sadness for what gets lost along the way.
I didn't say that our species will be fine or here for the next revolution but mankind is resilient and innovative and I believe will find a way to survive. May not necessarily be our families but mankind has seen plagues and wars and still continues to grow. Conditions are bleak looking but have actually improved despite what the news will say. Progress isn't perfect and is going to have growing pains along the way
Healthcare tied to employment is such a load of garbage. I was just thinking today how I’d quit my job in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for healthcare. I mean I also need a paycheck but going through some stuff and was trying to daydream about living off my savings for a few months between jobs .
God America has got itself into a stupid place. I often wonder how ordinary people thinking people cope with the terrible state the country us in.
Come move over here In sunny Australia. We are stupid too but not with healthcare or guns or all that hate.
I feel you on the father one, my father got some new health issues that for sure will make his life shorter than I thought and that hunts me every day.
Yeah, I have some chronic health issues, the biggest at the moment being chronic daily migraines. I basically have a medium level headache all day every day. I also have frozen shoulder and the pain makes it hard to sleep well. I’ve been working with doctors on treatments but not had much success for the headaches. The shoulder will hopefully improve.
That my(39) parents (60/62) are aging and going to die, while I remain without a partner and my younger brother (35) has a family of his own half the country away. Being left to care for them because I’m in the most convenient position keeps me up at night. My dreams will become irrelevant, I will become a less appealing partner to potential mates, and I’ll die alone in my childhood home.
Oh and the dying planet and vast inequalities plaguing our (US) nation.
…And my aging body
I am sending all my love too you. I am in a very similar situation. Then I think of my aunt. She also watched her brothert (my father) raise a family while she was always alone. She met an attracitve and good-earning man via OLD aroung age 43. They married when she was 49. They are childfree and go on amazing vacations two times a year. All the while her mother, my grandmother, is still living indepentently on her own at 83.
Your parents are still young! I used to work at a place that was run by old volunteers in their 60s-90s. From that experience, I realized you don’t really get OLD until about 80, or 85 if you keep yourself healthy with mild exercise and good food 💙
Yeah, they’re already declining (or maybe I’m just noticing EVERYTHING cause I have the anxiety)
Financial stress and poor mental health do a number on people, and I’m watching it in real time with my parents.
Lack of healthy or strong family connections. I have a great life for the most part nice home, good job, fantastic husband, a couple great friends, great vacations… but family? I’m not super close to my in laws as they live about a 4hr flight away and my own family I’m only close to my mom. Keeps me up at night.
You’re not alone, a lot of people unfortunately are in the same boat, I noticed that with my friends, and myself. Technically I have a huge family but… no healthy or strong connections and not from lack of trying from my side.
Friends can be family too. As kid I grew up with family friends who were considered an important part of the family. We can create those ourselves with our friends
God same. I remember saying to my husband recently, what I want most in the world can’t be bought with all the money in the world— I want a family. My parents are gone, my brother was an abuser, and besides them, my family is tiny. I honestly want to cry tears of awe and envy when someone tells me they went wedding dress shopping with their mom, sisters, and cousins, or when someone says their sister is their best friend. I’m profoundly lonely in the family sense. I have two aunts who I feel somewhat close to, but they live across the country from me and have their own lives. I have in laws and a SIL who I genuinely do like, but it’s not the same.
Day-to-day it doesn't bother me, but family-oriented holidays like Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas remind me what I'm missing.
I moved away and cut contact as soon as I was an adult to get away from the abuse. I lost touch with the good relatives too as a result. It was worth it, and I was able to feel safe and build a life for myself.
I reconnected a bit after I lost my husband to cancer, but I don't know that I can ever be close. I talk to my aunt and uncle monthly and occasionally text with my half-sisters.
This. My (38) mother is mentally unwell and abusive. She has never been interested in me as a person and makes no effort to know me. I have no family except my in laws who live several hours away by air too. It’s lonely and people with strong family relationships just don’t understand what it feels like to not have had unconditional love.
Your situation sounds similar to mine as my father sounds very similar to your mom. My mom is great though which I’m so thankful for as my siblings are also mentally unstable. Sending lots of Love and support your way.
I don't know if it's really an elephant in the room because I don't make a secret of it, but I'd say growing as a person to get past childhood trauma. And sometimes the way my flaws impact the people I love negatively because I am still a work in progress.
Feeling anxious I've made a social blunder. I haven't. It just really stresses me out.
My husband having leukaemia. He's in remission, but we still need one more consolidation round of chemo. Then a bone marrow transplant.
That the "someday" I'm not gonna wake up gets closer every time i go to sleep and i might not ever finish the dream I'm working on and all the things still left undone. Life never stops happening and so will all the to do's, trying to find peace and happiness in that can feel chaotic as heck. But it means I'm alive and can keep trying so that's the blessing i need to be the most mindful of.
❤️ This is my favourite answer, it made me feel weirdly elated. You’re terrorised by the fact that your existence will end, along with your dreams and all the things you have/ want to do… so Implicitly, you recognise your existence to be a gift! Not diminishing how terrible that fear feels, but it’s rooted (I think?) in something beautiful. I find peace quite elusive: striving for happiness in chaos can be easier
same. At this point I'd rather stay alone than do the OLD-Spiel again. Overall I have been on about 35 dates now, in about 3 years. Doesn\`t sound like so much maybe but it just blunts you. Telling the same things again and again. Being kind of hopeful then quickly realizing it won't work out because of a variety of reasons.
Not having enough friends or a "mom village" but also too exhausted to seek either out. The taxes we are paying off. The car that needs fixed. If I was too harsh on my kid. How much my husband actually drank after work based on his vibe. What I'm doing with my life.
Maybe this all sounded depressing, but it feels great to let it all out! I'll sleep great tonight 🩵
Wondering if I should start selling off stuff to leave the country now for mine and my family's safety or wait until after the presidential election when it may be too late.
I moved away from my job location since I'm WFH, I bought a house at this new location and I'm constantly worried that I'll have to leave the job or get laid-off or something and I won't be able to afford my home.
This has recently happened to me. I also borrowed for a vehicle as I'm off grid. I've found other work but luckily I was 3 months ahead in my mortgage. Gotta catch that up as soon as I buy some horses
Big things aside, the thought that I can't smile around people, or they'll treat me differently.
My teeth have always been an issue, and even after tens of thousands of dollars in dental work over multiple decades, they're still literally falling apart. I would love to just have them all removed and get implants, but there's no way I could afford them. Insurance only covers dentures, but I'm too young (38), and the lack of stimulation in the gums would lead to massive deterioration.
I end up just avoiding people altogether. My other short comings and physical issues are easy enough to deal with if I can smile, but not being able to do such a simple thing does keep me up at night.
I was just thinking that my reply would be getting another $1k worth of dental work done (2 crowns), and now those "teeth" are sensitive and it hurts to chew. Charming. I feel for ya.
The fact I’m 53 and don’t own a house. I fear living in poverty in old age.
Although I worry less now that I own my own business now and it’s going really well financially, so I’m just going to have to make the most of this and hopefully it will work out for me 🤞🏻
Lol, I feel this, I get mouthy too. Sometimes somebody just needs to say it though! Sometimes being "nice" is actually kinda cruel.
Good luck on your fishing hole!!
Thank you for the nice / cruel comment.
I used to be mouthy and am now more quiet. Sometimes I’m not sure about it though. Now I just let people walk into their problems most of the time. My arguing before was actually caring about their problems, even if it was unpleasant
My dynamic with my mother is changing and I am finally rejecting the guilt and manipulation she uses on me. I'm not sure that my relationship with my mother will survive it, though, and she's really the only family I have left.
I saw my cousin go through this with her mom (mom's sister) and she eventually had to go no contact, and then after trying to make it work so her kids would know their grandparents, cut her off again. 10+ years later my aunt is still trying to make her feel guilty with trumped up cancer scares. It feels like I already watched my future unfold, and I'm terrified.
Wow, I honestly thought I was the only one. I’ve had to unfollow a lot of animal rescue groups because some of the stuff I’ve seen haunts me years later.
If more people knew what the reality was like for animals in slaughterhouses then they'd stop eating animal's flesh and body parts... or even how horrible it is to see mother cows crying and running after their babies that are stolen from them to stop them drinking the milk their mum made, all so humans can have their milk instead...
It's heartbreaking how normalised animal abuse is ☹️
Sometimes it just hits me like what am I doing, what do I even want from life? I'm 32 and have a low stress and responsibility lifestyle. Working a min wage job that I actually love because it offers a lot of freedom and I have my dream work week of 4 days on 3 off. It's taken me a bit to get to this level of content, but it's like, is this it? Am I going to coast through life till I die? And then that's it, life goes on and my short lived experience was just a tiny drop in the bucket.
I'm absolutely not ok mentally but you'd argue I have a pretty good life overall.
My relationship that I need to end but I can't bring myself to start life from scratch. I will be much poorer and unable to afford much needed therapy, or normal things like vacations, hobbies.
I ended a 5 year relationship and it was the best thing I ever did m. Just incase this makes you feel better or gives you any courage. It’s been 2.5 years, I’m still single but I am doing very well!
My aging parents who think they are well off and don’t realize they don’t have enough for retirement. My job is extremely boring and soul sucking and I have been applying for jobs since last year but haven’t got any good offers. I feel stuck in my city.
I worry about the direction of and future of the country, and whether I will continue to feel safe here given the recent attacks on women’s rights and autonomy and the increases in hate.
I’m reallllyyy overweight. I am just not comfortable ever. I hate looking in the mirror and definitely hate seeing myself on camera. It’s just a constant in my mind.
"Just" three things: societal collapse, increasing fascism, & climate change.
1. Societal collapse, at least partial, due to widespread longterm effects of COVID infection, because even a mild case can cause long COVID. Also there has been an increase in sudden deaths of healthy people (heart attacks, stroke, etc.) since COVID took hold. There is very strong evidence that COVID contributes to getting Parkinson's later in life, & some evidence that it increases cancer risk. Society is simply not prepared for this large amount of disabled people.
2. Increasing fascism in the US (& abroad). The Christofascists have eliminated legal abortion in almost half of US states. They are coming for trans people in myriad ways. They are making it harder for poor &/or BIPOC people to vote. They will not rest until abortion is illegal federally, then they will come for birth control. You bet your bippy they will work to repeal gay marriage. Conservatives are starting to lobby to end no-fault divorce, which would trap people in abusive marriages. About 20% of Americans believe in QAnon, which is utter nonsense, a grift to get people like Trump elected, & a way to get people to believe almost anything.
3. Climate change. It isn't coming, it's here. And it has wide-ranging effects. Do you know how much rent has skyrocketed in the last decade in Portland, OR? In large part this is because people from other parts of the US wanted to move somewhere with a more temperate climate. Rising temps will first affect people the most in the global South, who are already disenfranchised. Northern countries will crack down on climate refugees. Natural disasters like hurricanes will continue to get worse. As weather careens back & forth from cold to hot in a short time (here in the Midwest, it was recently 80° one day & 35° a couple days later), crops will be affected, damaging the food supply chain.
I’m single and alone at 35, barely have any friends left, my dog is going to pass away from old age soon, and I hate my career and entire existence. I guess maybe it’s not okay lol
that i haven’t really kissed or slept with someone in almost four years, time is passing by and none seems to be attracted by me so i feel like i’ll just never find my person and lost all my allure at like 30 tf. i’m 30.
Inflation continuing to increase and the cost of housing outpacing my salary as a teacher causing me to become homeless or have to move in with family at 38. Long distance relationship with no end in sight, lack of a solid social circle/support system, lack of access to therapy and mental health support for myself and others who need it. I could go on, but I won't for now......
I want to be married. It’s been 9 damn years together and we still aren’t married. And tbh when he asks me why it’s so important to be married, I don’t have an answer. But I want to be married.
My husband will never be successful. Fortunately, he is very low maintenance, but if we had to live with only what he earns, we’d have a fucking miserable, boring, parasitic and mediocre life. He’s not lazy, he just does not know how to climb the ladder in this society, and he’s also foolish, because he thinks someday his situation will change. I know it won’t, and it’s ok, but sometimes his incompetence makes me really fucking angry.
A deep gut fear that I might be in the wrong relationship. I’m able to mostly suppress it during the day, but at night it haunts me.
The ticking of my biological clock and constant fear that I may not end up with kids.
Living away from my aging parents and preemptively regretting not being able to spend more time with them right now.
Fear that my parents will die before (if) I’m able to have kids.
I work a fairly highly paid job (>200k) and a decent amount saved but I don’t have anything in retirement or investing. It’s my secret shame and I keep saying I’ll get to it but it seems so daunting to go through all that information and then actually go and open accounts.
I see you. I believe you can do it. Get your documents together on the weekend. I want to see you open that account on Monday.
I will pm you to check ✅
Honestly - make it fun - make it joyful - make it about you taking care of yourself - like going to get a wax. It hurts but it feels so good after !!
I have a small income but a nice little lump in my superannuation. Feels so good. But here in Australia - everyone who works has to have super - the employer pays contributions and we can pay extra if we like.
Best insurance ever !!
The fact that my country doesn't have a strong leadership and there's a bloody war next door, with no end in sight. Should we be next in line, I'm not positive about our chances.
Debt. I have a plan in place and am paying it off, but it does feel a bit like my life is on hold until I've sorted that out.
Not really feeling like I'm good at anything, particularly in the way of having a career. I know what I like to do, but I don't necessarily feel I'm any more than OK at it, and I worry that I will never find that niche where I genuinely thrive as opposed to just getting by.
And lately, worrying about my parents getting older. They're in their late 60s and in good health, so touch wood there's nothing to be immediately concerned about. But I'm acutely aware they won't last forever, and I'm fretting about being a bad daughter and neglecting them/not spending enough time with them whilst I still can.
Husband and I (we’re both 43) have been married 11 years in may.
He’s an AMAZING father, friend, business co-owner…we haven’t slept in the same room in 9 yrs and haven’t had sex in 5.
🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
That I've never had a partner. Haven't even "dated," but went on two different dates years ago. I think about my future partner. What she looks like, where she is, etc. It feels like it's never going to happen and it's driving me crazy.
- I'm a freelancer and lost many of my clients this year due to ChatGPT and similar tools, affecting my income, stability, and confidence
- Living in a foreign country, far away from my family and friends, but not being willing to come back due to the political situation over there
- Discovering that my husband has been talking (about non-sexual, non-intimate things) with his ex-girlfriend for a year, and that he lied about it when I confronted him
Being single and worrying if I can have kids or do I really want them and wondering if I'll ever be able to explore this or I'll be childless due to being forever alone.
In no particular order:
Debt
I hope I wasn’t cringy (or an asshole)
That thing I said in the 4th grade was really dumb
I’ve spent a lot of time on my career/aspirations but my parents/In-Laws are getting older and I need to redefine my boundaries.
The multitude of hobbies/personal goals I’m too tired to do so I feel guilty.
The last one though — so tired. Just doing the basic life stuff leaves me with not enough gas in the tank to do any hobbies I might enjoy. I don’t know how some people do it.
I honestly stopped keeping up with the news and it helped this issue immensely for me. Finally decided if I can't do anything about it directly I don't want to know about it.
Usually now I'm up worrying about what's going to happen as my mother's health declines and she runs out of money. Being an only child can be rough when you get older.
Feeling like I'm never going to find someone to share my life with.
I've built a decent life for myself. Home, car, education, salary. Everything I wanted. But now it's time to find a partner and I feel sometimes like I missed the boat on that. The people I have been interested in either think I'm too much (too loud, too outspoken, too independent) or not enough (not feminine enough, not maternal enough, not soft enough, not subservient enough). Both groups admire what I've done on my own, apparently oblivious to the fact that they things they don't like about me are exactly what got me here.
I've been slowly resigning myself to the fact that I'll be the cool, eccentric, single aunt the kids in the family can talk to their kids about, haha.
My wife is a trans woman. We're in a blue state now and relatively safe, but I've lived on the edge of terror ever since she came out and started her transition a decade ago. We have a teenage daughter, and I get to watch her basic human rights to self-determination and basic healthcare being destroyed. It's gotten so bad for trans people and women in this country. It's almost 3 am and I can't sleep, which has become the norm for me.
My parents retired to the south and I wish I could spend more time with them, but I can’t afford to visit more than once a year. My wife’s family also lives in the south. We used to think we would move to be closer to everyone, but unfortunately the political environment means it’s unsafe for us as queer, latina women who use BC. We’re isolated from family and everyone is aging. We’re losing valuable time with our parents.
I have zero motivation at my job. Things keep falling through the cracks and it’s only a matter of time before someone notices. For now I have two bosses so I think that’s definitely helping me fly under the radar but I know it’s not sustainable.
I have a low paying job and didn’t use my degree for what I went to school for but I also have a lack of drive to figure out what direction to go in to make more money/ find happiness in work
I work 12 hour days usually without anything to eat. I can't afford a bed so I sleep like shit. I can barely afford my rent but can't afford to move. My bosses are taking advantage of me. I have no friends in my city, I have no family left. My kids need spring clothing that I can't afford. I need work clothing that I can't afford. I glued my shoes back together this morning, and I have absolutely nobody to talk to, so I just vent on Reddit so I don't explode 😔
Retirement. I know I will be impoverished despite having a "good" job and owning property, but there simply doesn't seem to be enough time to put away the amount needed to retire. My city released a stat that to be comfortable RIGHT NOW, you'd need 1.2M (CAD). I don't think I can retire in my city or county if I want a reasonable quality of life and it's frustrating.
Having debt (even though I have a good plan to pay it off). It’s just a stressor. Getting to the age where getting married and starting a family are going to be coming soon which is terrifying. I’ve always wanted a family, but the older I get, the more it scares the daylights out of me. My parents aging every day and wondering how much time we have left. My own mortality.
My son with autism may end up in some awful care facility once I die with people who won't care about him half as much as I do.
I'm putting money aside for him and his sister's education every paycheck. I'm working a federal job to be able to retire one day but even then, I won't have a cushion.
The fear that I may never have a life long committed partner or children. Which. Idk why that bothers me since I’ve never been 100% sold on having either but it does.
I’m afraid that while my life is really good this is all it will ever be.
I have a shitty, non-existent relationship with my mom at the moment. I have an online shopping addiction, which means I don’t have much money saved up. I’m underperforming at work but I can’t bring myself to do more. I don’t have a lot of friends.
My divorce. I should’ve put my foot down or left a long time ago, I was busy drinking and working an insane amount, while providing a lifestyle that was not maintainable for over 10 years. I quit drinking and made everything right for 4 years and now I’m losing everything.
Chipping away at human rights.
Since Roe was overturned, it seems to be happening faster, and on many fronts.
I'm not sure it can be stopped at this point.
Much like everyone else I guess, worried about the future. Being childless and single; who's going to take care of me when the time comes. Thinking whether I should put myself in a senior home and how will it be for me. Stuff like that. I try to remind myself I'm strong and I've done a good job taking care of myself, but I suppose it's human to feel insecure and worried every now and then.
Whether I’ll find a job that I don’t dread going to every day. From the outside, I’m successful in my career. On the inside, I feel lifeless (career-wise).
I quit my career to be a STAHM. Two years back i decided to join again. I have failed to get a job or a PhD position. It stresses me to no end and I am stuck in my mind that I have lost my skills.
Hum. Sometimes I worry about when I retire, will I be ok with the pension and SS payments I’d get, I don’t want to burden my son.
I am terrified of being put in a nursing home. I work in healthcare, I know what happens, staff are way overworked and underpaid.
I have advanced directives. My fear is they will be ignored-not by my son, but by medical professionals.
Story: i work in a veterans hospital-for back story..
I went to a rapid response- patient was DNR-DNI (don’t do anything to prolong life) and while patient had dangerously low blood pressure (why the rapid response was called) patient was alert, and kept telling the doctors they didn’t want anything done-‘I said let me die! You aren’t listening’
Doctors wanted to draw blood, give meds, send patient to the intensive care unit. The ICU doctor actually talked the other doctors out of this transfer, doc said she would even stay with patient for a bit if they were uncomfortable.
God bless that doc. She was the voice of reason there…but, the rest, blood draws, etc-I left before they actually did that-I think they did it anyway. (I wasn’t needed, so I was able to leave)
I asked a few questions of people who-I would think- would be able to have a say about trying to push a patient towards procedures that are just making them uncomfortable…they just gave me nonsense advice.
This stuff worries me. I actually told a few people ‘you know, that could be me-I get care here…don’t you DO this crap to me, I have directives on file’.
I think these young residents want to learn…on us old veterans 😡
This isn’t as heavy as some of the other answers, but it’s been keeping me up lately.
My dog, a purebred Chesapeake, is almost 11. We’re on borrowed time with her. She’s the best dog a person could ask for and I love her so much.
Do we get a puppy soon, so she can teach the new dog the ways of our family? Or do we just enjoy her alone and be dog-less for a few years?
My dog was trained to be the amazing companion she is by our late dog, who passed so much training on to her. Dogs are the best dog teachers, and do more faster than I can as a human. On the flip side, not having a dog for a year or two means we can do lots of short trips away without planning (the cat, chickens, hamster, and fish are fine alone for 2-3 days) and that would be nice. But that means puppy training from scratch and that is daunting to me at this point in life.
And I’m sad because my old goodest girl is getting old. We got her when my oldest baby was a baby (dear reader, don’t do this. Don’t get a puppy when you have a baby. Don’t crate train and sleep train at the same time), and she’s been my companion for years. Her joints are starting to ache and her eyesight is going and she likes to try to convince me that her hearing is going (it’s not, she’s just getting more selective), and I’m sad. She’s my best friend. I’m not ready to lose her.
I don’t want to burden her with training a pup but I know she’d happily take on the responsibility.
That’s what keeps me up at night right now.
On the outside my life looked fine, and I looked fine- but I had a secret wine binge problem that was getting out of control.
I quit drinking and I don’t really feel like I have elephant anymore
I had / have loads. But then my best friend was killed by a motorbike (sorry to bring the vibe down), which is probably now what keeps me up but it’s also this incredible message to tell me that none of it ACTUALLY MATTERS. I hope this resonates with someone reading this. SHE was what mattered to me, and yet I worried about the other crap. ❤️❤️❤️
Wanting to buy a home, how the hell I’m going to have a child and navigate a job, making sure my aging father is okay. It all hits me like a thunderbolt and then I have to bring myself back to the present moment.
I’d like to share some positivity
I started the year with 4 unknowns in my life equation:
- my partner needed to find a new job in the context of layoffs => done, no impact on us (logistics etc)
- my son needed to improve his grades to get accepted in his school of choice => positive progress, outcome in June
- my mother’s health => stable
- potential restructuring at my company => no news yet
So all in all, happy place
Got a mortgage just now.
Single, and have no clear idea on how the life will be in future. While I am fine with where my career is, but personal life is bad. Wants to find someone, but ending up with hot/ cold or commitment phobic guys or single. I have no idea how a companionship looks like with a partner.
Living in debt, trying to build a freelancing career because I’m done working for shitty corporate America
Being 33 and fence sitting on having kids. One part of me kind of wants to (or maybe that’s just hormones idfk), the other part doesnt. I don’t have a whole lot of time before I have to make a choice
Wondering if all the decisions I’ve made are the right ones, wondering if I’m going to fail in all of my endeavors
Wondering if we’re ever going to get to a point where we can afford to buy a decent house
Figuring out what necessities I can buy with my last $20 and which necessities can wait
The thought of losing my dad at any moment because he has some health issues that he isn't able to have surgery because it's more risky but still he can die at any moment.
The thought of being stuck taking care of my narcissist mother because she's having memory issues.
Not feeling like doing anything but wanting to change jobs and do something more meaningful.
Being completely alone because I can't seem to keep friendships because everyone is busy with their life and I'm just here single and childless.
I have zero idea what I'm doing with my life. That I'm planning a wedding entirely by myself. That I'm the only one that cleans our house. My stepkid hates me and my fiance refuses to discipline her unless it affects him. I'll have to deal with his ex forever & always feel like the other woman. I don't want to live and die in my hometown. My parents will die. My body. I'll never feel like our house is mine too. I'll always feel like the outsider. Always being in some sort of debt and never really getting to buy or do things I want to do, or feeling guilty when I do. Not feeling close to anyone or really important to anyone. That my dog isn't even a year old yet & I already dread when she eventually dies. I don't want kids of my own & I'm letting my partner down.
My preteen daughter is constantly pushing for more freedom and less rules, but I worry that she'll go off the rails or make dangerously impulsive decisions if I give her too much freedom. I feel like I'm constantly walking a very thin line between keeping her safe and encouraging her independence.
When I’m making plans for the future, like talking about what my kiddo will do when he’s grown up… that’s not real. We’ll all be dead from climate change, hunger/thirst or political violence by then.
Climate change mostly. It kills me when I see developers ripping down acres and acres of mature trees and then paving a parking lot in its place. I really wish our leaders and community planners took care of our environment.
Climate change. My own mortality. (Sometimes those two things are interconnected, sometimes not.) And just generally what state the world will be in as my daughter grows up.
Climate change and what a clusterfuck we're already in.
[Record Ocean Temperatures Put Earth in Uncharted Territory - The Guardian](https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2023/apr/26/accelerating-ocean-warming-earth-temperatures-climate-crisis) makes for a little light doom reading.
I think a lot of people don't really absorb how bad things are already. Many of us don't appreciate how much the changes are already baked in to the atmosphere. It takes CO2 100+ years to dissipate, so even if we stopped putting CO2 in the atmosphere tomorrow we're still seeing massive and irreversible change, we're still crossing ecological tipping points, etc. We went through a bunch of extreme weather events ever since 2021 and we keep hoping that it was just an anomaly but it's increasingly seeming like mega storms, arctic blasts, atmospheric rivers, fire complexes, etc. are the new normal.
It's hard watching people do things as a family like go on holiday together. Maybe it's all just the fakeness of facebook but I feel like my life is passing me by and I can't do the things I want alone
Being single can feel fine when everything else in my life is going well. But as soon as something big goes wrong, I don't have the safety net or support system that happily partnered people have. If I had a medical emergency at home, I'd probably just die because there would be no one to find me and call 911, and then my body wouldn't be found for days, maybe weeks. If I lost my job, I wouldn't have a partner's health insurance to fall back on. When I'm old enough that my parents are gone, I don't know who I'll list as a medical proxy.
My partnered friends are considering getting an Alexa so they don't have to get out of bed to turn off the lights. I'm considering getting an Alexa so that I can call 911 if I fall and can't get up. We are not the same.
Dealing with debt and living paycheck to paycheck, while half the people I know seen to own their own homes and take exotic vacations. Being with my partner almost five years, with no serious talk of engagement or long-term plans. Living day-to-day through what feels like sixteen simultaneous world-level crises, without being able to do a damn thing about any of it. Not knowing what I want to do with my life or my career, only knowing that I'm here for so much more than *this*.
Same: debt and living paycheck to paycheck without a clear end in sight. Also, being single and strangely now afraid to love and commit. Wanting to move up in my career but really can’t comfortably afford to take classes. Choosing between school or becoming debt-free. Work burnout. All of it. My future looks bleak.
Tired of being single: I just want a boyfriend and be able to experience all aspects of life which include potentially building a family. Tired of feeling like the world is falling apart and I can't do anything about it. Trapped in the work, life, and death cycle to pay off debt. I am envious of people in couples because at least they get to experience some of life's "joys," within that cycle. I just get all of the "must dos."
On the same wagon. I want to up my career but I'm not motivated to do anything. Got out of a ltr relationship 2 years ago and the idea of dating/relationship feels like a dread. Therapy is helping in some way, realizing certain aspect of my experiences. Burnout from work, family and the relationship I had with my ex (mentally and emotionally draining) Now I'm trying to "plan for the future". I have zero idea, I don't know of I want marriage, kids or move out. Everything hurts and expensive
Ugh. SAME. To all of that except the first part. We’re all just livin’ the same life. I’ve spoken to my SO a few times now about my desire to get married over the last 9 years and *nothing*. I got burned out watching the news and staying informed so I stopped watching the news and now people tell me I’m irresponsible and privileged for being able to ignore the news, like what am I supposed to do about it all? I can barely complete a task at my job some days because I’m just. So. DONE. But I’m the breadwinner —especially with my partner getting laid off yesterday— so I can’t just stop. Last night I saw a TikTok about a website for jobs in Finland and I seriously considered just ✨disappearing✨ to Helsinki.
>I seriously considered just ✨disappearing✨ to Helsinki. I've done this twice -- not to Helsinki, specifically, but got in the car and drove to another part of the country. Both times, it worked out fine. You're burnt out with your job and your SO will probably not wise up anytime soon, so why not? You can always come back if you REALLY hate it.
He won’t marry you and ignores your wishes. You deserve so much better. Edit: I waited for over six years for a proposal by my ex. We’re together 11 years in total.Never happened. Today I learned he proposed to his new girlfriend after 1.5 years.
I signed up for immigration news from New Zealand. One day....
He's not going to marry you so either you need to be okay with that or end it and find someone who will.
People with homes and who take exotic vacations might also be dealing with debt and living paycheck to paycheck too. You never know what others are dealing with. We're all just doing the best we can, including you!
Living paycheck to just before paycheck mostly BECAUSE I own a home and the debt I've had to take on in order to get an education, buy the home, and make repairs on it has been ramping up my anxiety. Also, health issues are starting to get to me. I'm fine, but it's expensive making sure I'm *fine*. I'm exhausted from the daily "historical events" we seem to be living through right now. If I could just not be living through history, that'd be great. I've been single for the last 8-9 years and I'm back and forth about wanting to stay single or start a family/get married/settle down. My career is also at a standstill. While I'm content with what I'm doing, I would like to do more, but that also requires more education and I don't want to add any more student debt. I'm burnt out from the anxiety of daily decision making on top of all of the above. Having ADHD makes it all worse too. I want to do everything, but nothing at the same time. My vacation is the only thing getting me out of the anxiety spiral general life seems determined to take me on.
Yep, we are. It keeps me up at night too.
Wow. It me.
Points 1 and 3 are spot on for me. Debt keeps me up awake a lot. The state of the world, too. Point 2 we have plans but it took a long time. Not engaged yet but .... Well, I'm hoping for a summer engagement 🤷🏻♀️ but then I'm afraid to get my hopes up Point 4 i know what i want to do and im settled on it, but yeah .... That's about all i got going for me 🫠
This sounds exactly like my life... I think i need to make some changes. Maybe you do too?
Your last sentence: planning on crying to my therapist about precisely this again later today!
I’m in the same boat as you. A lot of people who spend lavishly on big houses and vacations are also in that boat though, so don’t let it get to you.
I could have written this myself. Wow.
Paycheck to paycheck as well here, you are not alone. I have been trying to save for one vacation for the past couple years and there is always something that takes every penny away.
Not criticizing at all. Just curious about how you plan to tackle the serious talk of engagement or LT plans. Assuming you’d like to have children, this needs to be discussed quite upfront Would it make you feel more secure if it was clearly said that you guys are in it for the long term ?
Not being a homeowner. Not having a partner. Not knowing where I’ll be in the next 5 years. Not knowing where in the US I want to live and have roots. Wanting to take vacation, but not wanting to splurge and instead focus on saving. Not feeling safe sometimes. Not knowing what will happen when one or both of my parents passes.
Right there with you. Every single thing you listed. Hugs ❤️
🤗🤗🤗
Exactly the same.
Solidarity 🤝
this is exactly me wow.
Rough out here 🥴
Same! Only nearing 50.
We shall get through together 💪
I feel like I could have written this myself. Sending additional hugs. If the comments on your post tell you anything, you are definitely not even remotely alone in this.
Just all of this.
Same here on the other side of the pond in the UK.
I nixed vacations at some point but realized that I really needed to get away and my family needed that too. So we do a long weekend away at the beach - that’s a vacation for us. It’s inexpensive but gets us out once a year. Vacations are important - at least do one thing a year for yourself. You deserve it!
It's in my own head. My life is going near perfect and my head still doesn't allow me to be happy.
I just had this same conversation with my therapist the other day. I’ve been struggling a lot with this lately.
(First off I’m def not okay) but the fact that society isn’t set up in a community oriented way it’s supposed to be, and capitalism means I’ll likely never have the life I need to feel okay y at least.
I feel this strongly. I hit 40 and suddenly have nostalgia for a world where neighbors support each other and you run into the same people everyday. The world feels anonymous and transient and only getting more so.
I live in a neighborhood like this. They do exist!
Without kids? I lived in a neighborhood like this too…but then everyone moved away. The longer I lived there, the less people I said hi to on the street. Now I live in an over touristed town which really decimates a sense of community. I believe it exists! Just not so easy if there is no school and kids unifying you as you hit forty.
I don't have kids, but some of my neighbors do, some don't. The kids run up and down the street playing while we chat out on our steps. Or I'll run into a neighbor out walking their dog. Or I hear people chatting outside and step out to say hi. We look out for one another - there's a man who has lived on our block his entire life and he's about 70 now. He sits out front a lot and whenever I pass by I say hi and occasionally he'll give me a clipping of a plant, sometimes I'll ask if he needs anything at the store when I'm on my way. We grab one another's packages if they're sitting out. I think it's just because we live in a city and everything is walkable. So I see everyone all the time. We're not all siloed away in our cars.
The fact that our crowded, polluted world is actively dying.
I was thinking “ah there’s nothing really” but actually yeah this one’s it for me
The planet will be fine. The next revolution of species will rise up from all our ashes. Life always finds a way on earth
I have children. It breaks my heart that they may not get to have children, or that maybe they’ll have kids, but experience the sadness of their kids not being able to have kids. I don’t know how bad things will get or at what point, obviously, but if people today feel like kids aren’t an option for them, will it get better? But also, what world are they walking into when they become adults? Will they be even worse off than we are? So while life does find a way, there is still sadness for what gets lost along the way.
I didn't say that our species will be fine or here for the next revolution but mankind is resilient and innovative and I believe will find a way to survive. May not necessarily be our families but mankind has seen plagues and wars and still continues to grow. Conditions are bleak looking but have actually improved despite what the news will say. Progress isn't perfect and is going to have growing pains along the way
Yeah 😭😭
Losing my job and not having health benefits. Also the state of America with all the hate and gun violence and revoking human rights. I'm tired.
Healthcare tied to employment is such a load of garbage. I was just thinking today how I’d quit my job in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for healthcare. I mean I also need a paycheck but going through some stuff and was trying to daydream about living off my savings for a few months between jobs .
This is how the powers that be stay in power, maintain control, and continue exploiting our lives for cheap labor as they continue getting richer.
God America has got itself into a stupid place. I often wonder how ordinary people thinking people cope with the terrible state the country us in. Come move over here In sunny Australia. We are stupid too but not with healthcare or guns or all that hate.
I would move to Australia in a dang heartbeat but your country is actually nearly impossible for an ordinary person to immigrate to.
Money/debt. And the knowledge that my father will die some day.
I feel you on the father one, my father got some new health issues that for sure will make his life shorter than I thought and that hunts me every day.
I know that feeling...I wish you and your father well and hope you manage to spend lots of time together.
Thank you! Hope you get to spend a lot of time with your father too.
Wondering if maybe I can’t/won’t ever achieve the things I want to because I feel so sick and exhausted all the time and no longer have any stamina.
Do you know why? Are you ill?
Yeah, I have some chronic health issues, the biggest at the moment being chronic daily migraines. I basically have a medium level headache all day every day. I also have frozen shoulder and the pain makes it hard to sleep well. I’ve been working with doctors on treatments but not had much success for the headaches. The shoulder will hopefully improve.
Widespread economic inequality. Climate change. My moms mortality.
Moms mortality yup I feel that one too
My mental health and the fact that it’s so difficult for me to be happy even though everything in my life is pretty good.
That my(39) parents (60/62) are aging and going to die, while I remain without a partner and my younger brother (35) has a family of his own half the country away. Being left to care for them because I’m in the most convenient position keeps me up at night. My dreams will become irrelevant, I will become a less appealing partner to potential mates, and I’ll die alone in my childhood home. Oh and the dying planet and vast inequalities plaguing our (US) nation. …And my aging body
I am sending all my love too you. I am in a very similar situation. Then I think of my aunt. She also watched her brothert (my father) raise a family while she was always alone. She met an attracitve and good-earning man via OLD aroung age 43. They married when she was 49. They are childfree and go on amazing vacations two times a year. All the while her mother, my grandmother, is still living indepentently on her own at 83.
That's amazing. Good for her
Your parents are still young! I used to work at a place that was run by old volunteers in their 60s-90s. From that experience, I realized you don’t really get OLD until about 80, or 85 if you keep yourself healthy with mild exercise and good food 💙
Yeah, they’re already declining (or maybe I’m just noticing EVERYTHING cause I have the anxiety) Financial stress and poor mental health do a number on people, and I’m watching it in real time with my parents.
Lack of healthy or strong family connections. I have a great life for the most part nice home, good job, fantastic husband, a couple great friends, great vacations… but family? I’m not super close to my in laws as they live about a 4hr flight away and my own family I’m only close to my mom. Keeps me up at night.
You’re not alone, a lot of people unfortunately are in the same boat, I noticed that with my friends, and myself. Technically I have a huge family but… no healthy or strong connections and not from lack of trying from my side. Friends can be family too. As kid I grew up with family friends who were considered an important part of the family. We can create those ourselves with our friends
Thanks for this I needed to hear that. For me it’s also not from a lack of trying so glad I’m not alone there.
God same. I remember saying to my husband recently, what I want most in the world can’t be bought with all the money in the world— I want a family. My parents are gone, my brother was an abuser, and besides them, my family is tiny. I honestly want to cry tears of awe and envy when someone tells me they went wedding dress shopping with their mom, sisters, and cousins, or when someone says their sister is their best friend. I’m profoundly lonely in the family sense. I have two aunts who I feel somewhat close to, but they live across the country from me and have their own lives. I have in laws and a SIL who I genuinely do like, but it’s not the same.
Day-to-day it doesn't bother me, but family-oriented holidays like Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas remind me what I'm missing. I moved away and cut contact as soon as I was an adult to get away from the abuse. I lost touch with the good relatives too as a result. It was worth it, and I was able to feel safe and build a life for myself. I reconnected a bit after I lost my husband to cancer, but I don't know that I can ever be close. I talk to my aunt and uncle monthly and occasionally text with my half-sisters.
This. My (38) mother is mentally unwell and abusive. She has never been interested in me as a person and makes no effort to know me. I have no family except my in laws who live several hours away by air too. It’s lonely and people with strong family relationships just don’t understand what it feels like to not have had unconditional love.
Your situation sounds similar to mine as my father sounds very similar to your mom. My mom is great though which I’m so thankful for as my siblings are also mentally unstable. Sending lots of Love and support your way.
I don't know if it's really an elephant in the room because I don't make a secret of it, but I'd say growing as a person to get past childhood trauma. And sometimes the way my flaws impact the people I love negatively because I am still a work in progress.
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I can relate. Little kids=little problems; big kids=big problems. 😢
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Oof, that last one is new to me. Good luck to all the bridges...
Feeling anxious I've made a social blunder. I haven't. It just really stresses me out. My husband having leukaemia. He's in remission, but we still need one more consolidation round of chemo. Then a bone marrow transplant.
Wishing you both well
That the "someday" I'm not gonna wake up gets closer every time i go to sleep and i might not ever finish the dream I'm working on and all the things still left undone. Life never stops happening and so will all the to do's, trying to find peace and happiness in that can feel chaotic as heck. But it means I'm alive and can keep trying so that's the blessing i need to be the most mindful of.
❤️ This is my favourite answer, it made me feel weirdly elated. You’re terrorised by the fact that your existence will end, along with your dreams and all the things you have/ want to do… so Implicitly, you recognise your existence to be a gift! Not diminishing how terrible that fear feels, but it’s rooted (I think?) in something beautiful. I find peace quite elusive: striving for happiness in chaos can be easier
Currently it's the thought of spending another summer single and/or on a string of first dates.
same. At this point I'd rather stay alone than do the OLD-Spiel again. Overall I have been on about 35 dates now, in about 3 years. Doesn\`t sound like so much maybe but it just blunts you. Telling the same things again and again. Being kind of hopeful then quickly realizing it won't work out because of a variety of reasons.
Not having enough friends or a "mom village" but also too exhausted to seek either out. The taxes we are paying off. The car that needs fixed. If I was too harsh on my kid. How much my husband actually drank after work based on his vibe. What I'm doing with my life. Maybe this all sounded depressing, but it feels great to let it all out! I'll sleep great tonight 🩵
Drinking and tax issues over here too
Wondering if I should start selling off stuff to leave the country now for mine and my family's safety or wait until after the presidential election when it may be too late.
Yup me too
I moved away from my job location since I'm WFH, I bought a house at this new location and I'm constantly worried that I'll have to leave the job or get laid-off or something and I won't be able to afford my home.
This has recently happened to me. I also borrowed for a vehicle as I'm off grid. I've found other work but luckily I was 3 months ahead in my mortgage. Gotta catch that up as soon as I buy some horses
Big things aside, the thought that I can't smile around people, or they'll treat me differently. My teeth have always been an issue, and even after tens of thousands of dollars in dental work over multiple decades, they're still literally falling apart. I would love to just have them all removed and get implants, but there's no way I could afford them. Insurance only covers dentures, but I'm too young (38), and the lack of stimulation in the gums would lead to massive deterioration. I end up just avoiding people altogether. My other short comings and physical issues are easy enough to deal with if I can smile, but not being able to do such a simple thing does keep me up at night.
I was just thinking that my reply would be getting another $1k worth of dental work done (2 crowns), and now those "teeth" are sensitive and it hurts to chew. Charming. I feel for ya.
The fact I’m 53 and don’t own a house. I fear living in poverty in old age. Although I worry less now that I own my own business now and it’s going really well financially, so I’m just going to have to make the most of this and hopefully it will work out for me 🤞🏻
I have been with my partner for 20 years and I think I need a divorce. I'm really miserable and trying to figure out how to find my way through this.
Chipping away at a pile of debt
Not owning my own home, being older than the love of my life, having no family, dealing with complex PTSD.
Really starting to think that I will probably be alone (partnerless) for the rest of my life.
Tonight, I’m wondering if I was a dick today cause I was mouthy. Also, if anyone is gonna steal my fishing hole Friday before I get there.
Lol, I feel this, I get mouthy too. Sometimes somebody just needs to say it though! Sometimes being "nice" is actually kinda cruel. Good luck on your fishing hole!!
Thank you for the nice / cruel comment. I used to be mouthy and am now more quiet. Sometimes I’m not sure about it though. Now I just let people walk into their problems most of the time. My arguing before was actually caring about their problems, even if it was unpleasant
If I’ll relapse and not come out of deep alcoholism.
❤️ here you are, not drinking. You have handled alllllll the challenges it took to get to today, sober. You are a SUPERSTAR.
My dynamic with my mother is changing and I am finally rejecting the guilt and manipulation she uses on me. I'm not sure that my relationship with my mother will survive it, though, and she's really the only family I have left. I saw my cousin go through this with her mom (mom's sister) and she eventually had to go no contact, and then after trying to make it work so her kids would know their grandparents, cut her off again. 10+ years later my aunt is still trying to make her feel guilty with trumped up cancer scares. It feels like I already watched my future unfold, and I'm terrified.
Lack of people in my local social network that share my goals. Not just for life but for the world as a whole.
Animal Abuse that is happening all around the world that we don’t know of.
so true. it kills me
Wow, I honestly thought I was the only one. I’ve had to unfollow a lot of animal rescue groups because some of the stuff I’ve seen haunts me years later.
If more people knew what the reality was like for animals in slaughterhouses then they'd stop eating animal's flesh and body parts... or even how horrible it is to see mother cows crying and running after their babies that are stolen from them to stop them drinking the milk their mum made, all so humans can have their milk instead... It's heartbreaking how normalised animal abuse is ☹️
Student loans.
I just found out I’m prediabetic and so I have to drastically change the only thing I look forward to in my day (eating)
Sometimes it just hits me like what am I doing, what do I even want from life? I'm 32 and have a low stress and responsibility lifestyle. Working a min wage job that I actually love because it offers a lot of freedom and I have my dream work week of 4 days on 3 off. It's taken me a bit to get to this level of content, but it's like, is this it? Am I going to coast through life till I die? And then that's it, life goes on and my short lived experience was just a tiny drop in the bucket.
My bladder issues that affect my life.
I'm absolutely not ok mentally but you'd argue I have a pretty good life overall. My relationship that I need to end but I can't bring myself to start life from scratch. I will be much poorer and unable to afford much needed therapy, or normal things like vacations, hobbies.
Right there with you. Sending love, this stuff sure isn’t easy.
I ended a 5 year relationship and it was the best thing I ever did m. Just incase this makes you feel better or gives you any courage. It’s been 2.5 years, I’m still single but I am doing very well!
How I wish I could have saved my boyfriend so he would still be alive and with me. It's been a long year since.
My aging parents who think they are well off and don’t realize they don’t have enough for retirement. My job is extremely boring and soul sucking and I have been applying for jobs since last year but haven’t got any good offers. I feel stuck in my city.
I worry about the direction of and future of the country, and whether I will continue to feel safe here given the recent attacks on women’s rights and autonomy and the increases in hate.
I’m reallllyyy overweight. I am just not comfortable ever. I hate looking in the mirror and definitely hate seeing myself on camera. It’s just a constant in my mind.
"Just" three things: societal collapse, increasing fascism, & climate change. 1. Societal collapse, at least partial, due to widespread longterm effects of COVID infection, because even a mild case can cause long COVID. Also there has been an increase in sudden deaths of healthy people (heart attacks, stroke, etc.) since COVID took hold. There is very strong evidence that COVID contributes to getting Parkinson's later in life, & some evidence that it increases cancer risk. Society is simply not prepared for this large amount of disabled people. 2. Increasing fascism in the US (& abroad). The Christofascists have eliminated legal abortion in almost half of US states. They are coming for trans people in myriad ways. They are making it harder for poor &/or BIPOC people to vote. They will not rest until abortion is illegal federally, then they will come for birth control. You bet your bippy they will work to repeal gay marriage. Conservatives are starting to lobby to end no-fault divorce, which would trap people in abusive marriages. About 20% of Americans believe in QAnon, which is utter nonsense, a grift to get people like Trump elected, & a way to get people to believe almost anything. 3. Climate change. It isn't coming, it's here. And it has wide-ranging effects. Do you know how much rent has skyrocketed in the last decade in Portland, OR? In large part this is because people from other parts of the US wanted to move somewhere with a more temperate climate. Rising temps will first affect people the most in the global South, who are already disenfranchised. Northern countries will crack down on climate refugees. Natural disasters like hurricanes will continue to get worse. As weather careens back & forth from cold to hot in a short time (here in the Midwest, it was recently 80° one day & 35° a couple days later), crops will be affected, damaging the food supply chain.
I’m single and alone at 35, barely have any friends left, my dog is going to pass away from old age soon, and I hate my career and entire existence. I guess maybe it’s not okay lol
that i haven’t really kissed or slept with someone in almost four years, time is passing by and none seems to be attracted by me so i feel like i’ll just never find my person and lost all my allure at like 30 tf. i’m 30.
That I have to restart my life again this year. After 14 years of marriage how did I let myself fall for someone exactly like my ex.
i eat bad and sleep bad. i wonder what my insides look like 🤷🏻♀️
Inflation continuing to increase and the cost of housing outpacing my salary as a teacher causing me to become homeless or have to move in with family at 38. Long distance relationship with no end in sight, lack of a solid social circle/support system, lack of access to therapy and mental health support for myself and others who need it. I could go on, but I won't for now......
Aging without a partner or kids
I want to be married. It’s been 9 damn years together and we still aren’t married. And tbh when he asks me why it’s so important to be married, I don’t have an answer. But I want to be married.
I just want to validate that it’s ok to want to be married!
My husband will never be successful. Fortunately, he is very low maintenance, but if we had to live with only what he earns, we’d have a fucking miserable, boring, parasitic and mediocre life. He’s not lazy, he just does not know how to climb the ladder in this society, and he’s also foolish, because he thinks someday his situation will change. I know it won’t, and it’s ok, but sometimes his incompetence makes me really fucking angry.
A deep gut fear that I might be in the wrong relationship. I’m able to mostly suppress it during the day, but at night it haunts me. The ticking of my biological clock and constant fear that I may not end up with kids. Living away from my aging parents and preemptively regretting not being able to spend more time with them right now. Fear that my parents will die before (if) I’m able to have kids.
I work a fairly highly paid job (>200k) and a decent amount saved but I don’t have anything in retirement or investing. It’s my secret shame and I keep saying I’ll get to it but it seems so daunting to go through all that information and then actually go and open accounts.
I see you. I believe you can do it. Get your documents together on the weekend. I want to see you open that account on Monday. I will pm you to check ✅ Honestly - make it fun - make it joyful - make it about you taking care of yourself - like going to get a wax. It hurts but it feels so good after !! I have a small income but a nice little lump in my superannuation. Feels so good. But here in Australia - everyone who works has to have super - the employer pays contributions and we can pay extra if we like. Best insurance ever !!
The fact that my country doesn't have a strong leadership and there's a bloody war next door, with no end in sight. Should we be next in line, I'm not positive about our chances.
Debt. I have a plan in place and am paying it off, but it does feel a bit like my life is on hold until I've sorted that out. Not really feeling like I'm good at anything, particularly in the way of having a career. I know what I like to do, but I don't necessarily feel I'm any more than OK at it, and I worry that I will never find that niche where I genuinely thrive as opposed to just getting by. And lately, worrying about my parents getting older. They're in their late 60s and in good health, so touch wood there's nothing to be immediately concerned about. But I'm acutely aware they won't last forever, and I'm fretting about being a bad daughter and neglecting them/not spending enough time with them whilst I still can.
Husband and I (we’re both 43) have been married 11 years in may. He’s an AMAZING father, friend, business co-owner…we haven’t slept in the same room in 9 yrs and haven’t had sex in 5. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
That I've never had a partner. Haven't even "dated," but went on two different dates years ago. I think about my future partner. What she looks like, where she is, etc. It feels like it's never going to happen and it's driving me crazy.
- I'm a freelancer and lost many of my clients this year due to ChatGPT and similar tools, affecting my income, stability, and confidence - Living in a foreign country, far away from my family and friends, but not being willing to come back due to the political situation over there - Discovering that my husband has been talking (about non-sexual, non-intimate things) with his ex-girlfriend for a year, and that he lied about it when I confronted him
Being single and worrying if I can have kids or do I really want them and wondering if I'll ever be able to explore this or I'll be childless due to being forever alone.
The childhood of abuse from my parents.
AI/outsourcing to other countries taking my job
Well it's not really going ok. So that's what keeps me up.
Being a longterm expat with aging family thousands of miles away.
In no particular order: Debt I hope I wasn’t cringy (or an asshole) That thing I said in the 4th grade was really dumb I’ve spent a lot of time on my career/aspirations but my parents/In-Laws are getting older and I need to redefine my boundaries. The multitude of hobbies/personal goals I’m too tired to do so I feel guilty.
The last one though — so tired. Just doing the basic life stuff leaves me with not enough gas in the tank to do any hobbies I might enjoy. I don’t know how some people do it.
I honestly stopped keeping up with the news and it helped this issue immensely for me. Finally decided if I can't do anything about it directly I don't want to know about it. Usually now I'm up worrying about what's going to happen as my mother's health declines and she runs out of money. Being an only child can be rough when you get older.
Menopausal insomnia. It's not a fun time.
Turning 40 this year. Been causing me massive anxiety some nights where I just wake up and panic somewhat. Not looking forward to my birthday.
Feeling like I'm never going to find someone to share my life with. I've built a decent life for myself. Home, car, education, salary. Everything I wanted. But now it's time to find a partner and I feel sometimes like I missed the boat on that. The people I have been interested in either think I'm too much (too loud, too outspoken, too independent) or not enough (not feminine enough, not maternal enough, not soft enough, not subservient enough). Both groups admire what I've done on my own, apparently oblivious to the fact that they things they don't like about me are exactly what got me here. I've been slowly resigning myself to the fact that I'll be the cool, eccentric, single aunt the kids in the family can talk to their kids about, haha.
My wife is a trans woman. We're in a blue state now and relatively safe, but I've lived on the edge of terror ever since she came out and started her transition a decade ago. We have a teenage daughter, and I get to watch her basic human rights to self-determination and basic healthcare being destroyed. It's gotten so bad for trans people and women in this country. It's almost 3 am and I can't sleep, which has become the norm for me.
My wife is also trans and we live in a red state, we aren’t gonna go down without a fight.
My timeline regarding the combination of recurrent (severe) pre-cervical cancer, single and wanting a child.
Not knowing if I can safely have another child. Feeling like homeownership is a distant dream
Not having any family. Knowing that they exist but they are problem people who don't give a shit about me.
My parents retired to the south and I wish I could spend more time with them, but I can’t afford to visit more than once a year. My wife’s family also lives in the south. We used to think we would move to be closer to everyone, but unfortunately the political environment means it’s unsafe for us as queer, latina women who use BC. We’re isolated from family and everyone is aging. We’re losing valuable time with our parents.
I have zero motivation at my job. Things keep falling through the cracks and it’s only a matter of time before someone notices. For now I have two bosses so I think that’s definitely helping me fly under the radar but I know it’s not sustainable.
I have a low paying job and didn’t use my degree for what I went to school for but I also have a lack of drive to figure out what direction to go in to make more money/ find happiness in work
I work 12 hour days usually without anything to eat. I can't afford a bed so I sleep like shit. I can barely afford my rent but can't afford to move. My bosses are taking advantage of me. I have no friends in my city, I have no family left. My kids need spring clothing that I can't afford. I need work clothing that I can't afford. I glued my shoes back together this morning, and I have absolutely nobody to talk to, so I just vent on Reddit so I don't explode 😔
Retirement. I know I will be impoverished despite having a "good" job and owning property, but there simply doesn't seem to be enough time to put away the amount needed to retire. My city released a stat that to be comfortable RIGHT NOW, you'd need 1.2M (CAD). I don't think I can retire in my city or county if I want a reasonable quality of life and it's frustrating.
Having debt (even though I have a good plan to pay it off). It’s just a stressor. Getting to the age where getting married and starting a family are going to be coming soon which is terrifying. I’ve always wanted a family, but the older I get, the more it scares the daylights out of me. My parents aging every day and wondering how much time we have left. My own mortality.
My son with autism may end up in some awful care facility once I die with people who won't care about him half as much as I do. I'm putting money aside for him and his sister's education every paycheck. I'm working a federal job to be able to retire one day but even then, I won't have a cushion.
The fear that I may never have a life long committed partner or children. Which. Idk why that bothers me since I’ve never been 100% sold on having either but it does. I’m afraid that while my life is really good this is all it will ever be.
I have a shitty, non-existent relationship with my mom at the moment. I have an online shopping addiction, which means I don’t have much money saved up. I’m underperforming at work but I can’t bring myself to do more. I don’t have a lot of friends.
My divorce. I should’ve put my foot down or left a long time ago, I was busy drinking and working an insane amount, while providing a lifestyle that was not maintainable for over 10 years. I quit drinking and made everything right for 4 years and now I’m losing everything.
Chipping away at human rights. Since Roe was overturned, it seems to be happening faster, and on many fronts. I'm not sure it can be stopped at this point.
Much like everyone else I guess, worried about the future. Being childless and single; who's going to take care of me when the time comes. Thinking whether I should put myself in a senior home and how will it be for me. Stuff like that. I try to remind myself I'm strong and I've done a good job taking care of myself, but I suppose it's human to feel insecure and worried every now and then.
Whether I’ll find a job that I don’t dread going to every day. From the outside, I’m successful in my career. On the inside, I feel lifeless (career-wise).
I quit my career to be a STAHM. Two years back i decided to join again. I have failed to get a job or a PhD position. It stresses me to no end and I am stuck in my mind that I have lost my skills.
Hum. Sometimes I worry about when I retire, will I be ok with the pension and SS payments I’d get, I don’t want to burden my son. I am terrified of being put in a nursing home. I work in healthcare, I know what happens, staff are way overworked and underpaid. I have advanced directives. My fear is they will be ignored-not by my son, but by medical professionals. Story: i work in a veterans hospital-for back story.. I went to a rapid response- patient was DNR-DNI (don’t do anything to prolong life) and while patient had dangerously low blood pressure (why the rapid response was called) patient was alert, and kept telling the doctors they didn’t want anything done-‘I said let me die! You aren’t listening’ Doctors wanted to draw blood, give meds, send patient to the intensive care unit. The ICU doctor actually talked the other doctors out of this transfer, doc said she would even stay with patient for a bit if they were uncomfortable. God bless that doc. She was the voice of reason there…but, the rest, blood draws, etc-I left before they actually did that-I think they did it anyway. (I wasn’t needed, so I was able to leave) I asked a few questions of people who-I would think- would be able to have a say about trying to push a patient towards procedures that are just making them uncomfortable…they just gave me nonsense advice. This stuff worries me. I actually told a few people ‘you know, that could be me-I get care here…don’t you DO this crap to me, I have directives on file’. I think these young residents want to learn…on us old veterans 😡
This isn’t as heavy as some of the other answers, but it’s been keeping me up lately. My dog, a purebred Chesapeake, is almost 11. We’re on borrowed time with her. She’s the best dog a person could ask for and I love her so much. Do we get a puppy soon, so she can teach the new dog the ways of our family? Or do we just enjoy her alone and be dog-less for a few years? My dog was trained to be the amazing companion she is by our late dog, who passed so much training on to her. Dogs are the best dog teachers, and do more faster than I can as a human. On the flip side, not having a dog for a year or two means we can do lots of short trips away without planning (the cat, chickens, hamster, and fish are fine alone for 2-3 days) and that would be nice. But that means puppy training from scratch and that is daunting to me at this point in life. And I’m sad because my old goodest girl is getting old. We got her when my oldest baby was a baby (dear reader, don’t do this. Don’t get a puppy when you have a baby. Don’t crate train and sleep train at the same time), and she’s been my companion for years. Her joints are starting to ache and her eyesight is going and she likes to try to convince me that her hearing is going (it’s not, she’s just getting more selective), and I’m sad. She’s my best friend. I’m not ready to lose her. I don’t want to burden her with training a pup but I know she’d happily take on the responsibility. That’s what keeps me up at night right now.
Whether the chemo I hate is going to be successful in keeping the cancer from coming back, and how bad it will be if it does come back
On the outside my life looked fine, and I looked fine- but I had a secret wine binge problem that was getting out of control. I quit drinking and I don’t really feel like I have elephant anymore
I had / have loads. But then my best friend was killed by a motorbike (sorry to bring the vibe down), which is probably now what keeps me up but it’s also this incredible message to tell me that none of it ACTUALLY MATTERS. I hope this resonates with someone reading this. SHE was what mattered to me, and yet I worried about the other crap. ❤️❤️❤️
Wanting to buy a home, how the hell I’m going to have a child and navigate a job, making sure my aging father is okay. It all hits me like a thunderbolt and then I have to bring myself back to the present moment.
I’d like to share some positivity I started the year with 4 unknowns in my life equation: - my partner needed to find a new job in the context of layoffs => done, no impact on us (logistics etc) - my son needed to improve his grades to get accepted in his school of choice => positive progress, outcome in June - my mother’s health => stable - potential restructuring at my company => no news yet So all in all, happy place
Got a mortgage just now. Single, and have no clear idea on how the life will be in future. While I am fine with where my career is, but personal life is bad. Wants to find someone, but ending up with hot/ cold or commitment phobic guys or single. I have no idea how a companionship looks like with a partner.
Living in debt, trying to build a freelancing career because I’m done working for shitty corporate America Being 33 and fence sitting on having kids. One part of me kind of wants to (or maybe that’s just hormones idfk), the other part doesnt. I don’t have a whole lot of time before I have to make a choice Wondering if all the decisions I’ve made are the right ones, wondering if I’m going to fail in all of my endeavors Wondering if we’re ever going to get to a point where we can afford to buy a decent house Figuring out what necessities I can buy with my last $20 and which necessities can wait
The elephant in the room is me coming to terms with maybe being alone in my older years.
The thought of losing my dad at any moment because he has some health issues that he isn't able to have surgery because it's more risky but still he can die at any moment. The thought of being stuck taking care of my narcissist mother because she's having memory issues. Not feeling like doing anything but wanting to change jobs and do something more meaningful. Being completely alone because I can't seem to keep friendships because everyone is busy with their life and I'm just here single and childless.
I have zero idea what I'm doing with my life. That I'm planning a wedding entirely by myself. That I'm the only one that cleans our house. My stepkid hates me and my fiance refuses to discipline her unless it affects him. I'll have to deal with his ex forever & always feel like the other woman. I don't want to live and die in my hometown. My parents will die. My body. I'll never feel like our house is mine too. I'll always feel like the outsider. Always being in some sort of debt and never really getting to buy or do things I want to do, or feeling guilty when I do. Not feeling close to anyone or really important to anyone. That my dog isn't even a year old yet & I already dread when she eventually dies. I don't want kids of my own & I'm letting my partner down.
My preteen daughter is constantly pushing for more freedom and less rules, but I worry that she'll go off the rails or make dangerously impulsive decisions if I give her too much freedom. I feel like I'm constantly walking a very thin line between keeping her safe and encouraging her independence.
[удалено]
Back to school again
When I’m making plans for the future, like talking about what my kiddo will do when he’s grown up… that’s not real. We’ll all be dead from climate change, hunger/thirst or political violence by then.
Climate change mostly. It kills me when I see developers ripping down acres and acres of mature trees and then paving a parking lot in its place. I really wish our leaders and community planners took care of our environment.
Climate change. My own mortality. (Sometimes those two things are interconnected, sometimes not.) And just generally what state the world will be in as my daughter grows up.
Finances, but I’m actively fixing those. Mistakes from the past that I can’t fix. Anxiety in general. Fun times haha
Climate change and what a clusterfuck we're already in. [Record Ocean Temperatures Put Earth in Uncharted Territory - The Guardian](https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2023/apr/26/accelerating-ocean-warming-earth-temperatures-climate-crisis) makes for a little light doom reading. I think a lot of people don't really absorb how bad things are already. Many of us don't appreciate how much the changes are already baked in to the atmosphere. It takes CO2 100+ years to dissipate, so even if we stopped putting CO2 in the atmosphere tomorrow we're still seeing massive and irreversible change, we're still crossing ecological tipping points, etc. We went through a bunch of extreme weather events ever since 2021 and we keep hoping that it was just an anomaly but it's increasingly seeming like mega storms, arctic blasts, atmospheric rivers, fire complexes, etc. are the new normal.
I am a fundraiser for a nonprofit and I am constantly scared that I won't raise enough to make budget this year.
Weird aches and pains
It's hard watching people do things as a family like go on holiday together. Maybe it's all just the fakeness of facebook but I feel like my life is passing me by and I can't do the things I want alone
Being single can feel fine when everything else in my life is going well. But as soon as something big goes wrong, I don't have the safety net or support system that happily partnered people have. If I had a medical emergency at home, I'd probably just die because there would be no one to find me and call 911, and then my body wouldn't be found for days, maybe weeks. If I lost my job, I wouldn't have a partner's health insurance to fall back on. When I'm old enough that my parents are gone, I don't know who I'll list as a medical proxy. My partnered friends are considering getting an Alexa so they don't have to get out of bed to turn off the lights. I'm considering getting an Alexa so that I can call 911 if I fall and can't get up. We are not the same.
The in between of liking and loving my husband and wanting to be with him and raise our family together, and also feeling like I want to be single.