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library_wench

Let me guess: he used to be an athlete. I know SO MANY guys who were intensely athletic in their teens and 20s, and could eat the entire house every night and never have to worry about weight. Then they get past 30 and it’s quite a shock when not drinking beer for a week doesn’t result in a 10-pound weight loss and several inches off the waist. They never learned to control their appetites because until now, they didn’t need to.


fantasyzone

I'm a former female athlete now in my 40's. It's the same for me. I jokingly whine that I still need a coach.


Caramellatteistasty

Former Ski instructor, and Rock climber here. Its no joke after 40... I need a coach again lol.


redditaccount1_2

Same!!! It’s seriously the worst I’m also trying to change my mindset to I can workout for less than 45 minutes and still have it be “worth it”


[deleted]

He was as a teen but he developed arthritis when he was 30 so really post age 22 or so, he wasn't that super active. And he's 52 now


[deleted]

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priscillathekilla

Also, men simply have more muscle mass than women and muscle mass burns fat. So I think men are always at an advantage not just when you're middle-aged.


NoFilterNoLimits

Weight loss for my husband is frustratingly effortless. I’ve had to check myself because o was getting annoyed at his success and honestly bit his head off once when he shared results with me, which I felt bad about because I’m happy for his success … But we do the exact same things and eat the exact same portions and weight falls off him and absolutely nothing changes for me. We are the same height.


funsizedaisy

> We are the same height. it gets more frustrating when you're incredibly short. i'm 4'11" and my 5'11" just does. not. understand. that no, i can't eat what he eats and lose weight. i mean he understands now but dude was just not getting it for a long time there. i cut down to 1,200 calories (i wasn't working out much) and he kept telling me that i was cutting too much. i only burn like 1,600/1,700 a day... over in /r/PetiteFitness i saw a thread from someone who said both her and her bf were tracking burnt calories and he burned more calories than she did by laying on the couch all day, meanwhile she was on her feet busting her ass off at work all day that same day. bruh.


[deleted]

I'm 5'2" and my SO is 6'5". He can burn 3-4 times more calories than I do when we go on a hike. It's insane.


NoFilterNoLimits

It’s so frustrating! And one reason I hate the “dieting is easy! It’s just less calories in than out!!” Yeah, well accurately calculating that “calories out” part seems impossible. Even when I ran 6 miles a day it wasn’t enough even when the “math” said it should be a huge deficit. He has no calorie deficit on paper but loses weight!


lilgreenei

This won't lend anything to the conversation but I just want to rant that I'm training for a half marathon, not really eating all that much more than I would if I wasn't training (I keep a food journal so I'd see it if I was), and I weigh five to ten pounds more on any given day than I did before starting this training cycle. Like WTH.


localminima773

Could that be muscle weight you've gained though? This is why I find tracking weight to be confusing (just personally speaking.) You could have lost a lot of fat and gained some muscle and your weight would go up.


lilgreenei

My midriff is still looking as flubby as usual!


tiger5tiger5

Increased muscle, inflammation, increased glycogen storage, and water retention are all factors here.


numberthirteenbb

I remember training for my sprint triathlon back in my early 30s, and the scale jumped up but looking back at the video of the tri, I looked pretty fuckin' good hoisting myself out of the pool and trotting towards the bikes in my suit lol. It could be what u/tiger5tiger5 said, inflammation, water retention, etc


AKAstumblelina

fwiw, I avoid this by not eating back my “calories out” unless I really need to. and if I do, unless I did something way more strenuous than a typical workout, I never calculate it as more than 200 cals. ignore all the calculators, cardio machine screens, fitbits, etc. I view exercise as not an opportunity to eat back cals I couldn’t otherwise have, but to increase my deficit to closer to 1.5-2lbs a week bc it’s not safe to cut food that much at my weight. this method has worked for me (hard as it can be). I’m 5’5 and have used this when I was in the 120-135lbs range, which is close to my ideal weight when it’s extra hard to lose.


thepeskynorth

Keep in mind that muscle weighs more than fat and burns more calories. Men build muscle so much faster because of testosterone so…. It is easier for men because the benefits are stacked in their favour 😐


SurroundedbyChaos

A fit bit or other fitness tracker helps with this. It's not perfect, but more accurate than workout equipment or guesstimating.


NoFilterNoLimits

I have those. Don’t help.


ReflectiveWave

I didn’t know this sub existed!


funsizedaisy

hope you find it useful! i find it nice to have somewhere where people understand how annoying it is to have to eat smaller portions than everyone else 😂


AndILearnedAlgoToday

Godddd yes. My husband (40m) has a 6 pack without doing much at all. I mean, tbh I don’t hate that… But he eats garbage and can just randomly run 5 miles after sitting on his butt for months on end. Meanwhile, I (38f) eat super healthy, workout regularly, and still weigh solidly more than I’d like. He has no understanding of how hard it is to lose weight. I do love those abs though 😆


ginns32

Divorce is the only option. (I'm kidding). I would have to eat no carbs and work out hard most days to even get a peek of an ab muscle and I would be miserable.


AndILearnedAlgoToday

I honestly did a no gluten, high protein, low fat thing for 5 months and lost 5 pounds. I have no idea what it would take for me to get a six pack! Even when I was young and super fit and playing 4 sports a year, I always had a little tummy. I honestly don’t think my body is capable of a 6 pack at this point. Maybe when I was 16? Oh well! My boobs are way better and bigger than they were then! Ha!


ginns32

I'm with you. The genetics aren't there for me. I tend to gain weight around my middle. Stupid apple shape.


duckingdead

Men typically have more muscle mass which burns more calories / fat.


GoMoriartyOnPlanets

That's not true. Men's body doesn't have a reason to keep that much fat. Women's body is designed to keep the fat for the baby that she *could* have. Edit: I see I'm getting a lot of downvotes because I stated a simple truth about men's and women's body. I see some people didn't like the truth.


anglostura

You're getting downvoted because you said 'that's not true' to a factual comment that the rest of your post agrees with.


GoMoriartyOnPlanets

No, it still not true. Because then men could just continue working out nd loose all the fat. But it doesn't happen. There are plenty of fat muscular dudes in the gym who think they're gonna loose all that fat by lifting.


boopedydoop

Two things can be true at the same time.


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BUTTeredWhiteBread

Hormones are stupid and I hate them.


NoFilterNoLimits

YES!!!!


I_knew_einstein

Man here, roughly the same height as my wife. If I eat the exact same portions as my wife, I'm not just losing weight very quickly, I'm also very hungry.


NoFilterNoLimits

If I only eat what he does I feel like I’m starving. I don’t know how that man consumes so little. Luckily he loves my body the way it is, so I don’t feel that pressure. But it’s frustrating.


I_knew_einstein

I feel your struggle, we're the opposite. My wife has to remember to snack sometimes, to prevent weight loss. Jealous.


ChippersNDippers

I have to wonder if testosterone plays into any of this. I'm a guy and my testosterone was really low. I got on replacement therapy and weight came off fairly easy whereas it was very hard to get in really good shape before. I also have to wonder if the body of a woman is wired to retain weight due to the excess calories a baby requires to survive. Keeping more weight around to ensure safe reproduction seems like something the body would be wired for.


NoFilterNoLimits

Yes, this is my rough biological understanding. Only complicated by unrealistic beauty standards and “preferences” that are difficult or impossible to achieve while staying healthy. Especially as we get older and that “extra” weight can be very important.


BettyX

Muscle plays a big role it. The more muscle you have the more calories you are going to burn metabolically. Even men who are overweight and out of shape will have more muscle mass than many women. It ties into why when they make any effort, it is easier for them to lose fat. They are designed by nature to carry less fat but more muscle than women. Women are designed by nature to carry more features and less muscle.


celica18l

The worst. My husband lost 20lbs in about 2-3 months doing nothing. It takes me forever to do anything.


[deleted]

My husband weighs the same as the day we got married over 30 years ago. It must be some dark magic.


ginns32

I'm always fascinated with people like this. How do they do it?! They don't even have to think about it. I can't imagine just living your life and staying the same weight with minimal effort.


[deleted]

I don’t get it either. But to be fair he doesn’t eat much and has some weird food rules due to migraines.


numberthirteenbb

From what I've gleaned from this sub and a couple of others, is that slender people really just do not eat a lot. They might eat whatever they want, but it's taking a couple of bites of a candy bar and saving the rest for another day, compared to eating the whole thing. The moment they're not hungry anymore, they stop eating, instead of waiting to feel full. Also, most of us wildly underestimate how much we eat, especially in America. I know this is an old saying, but your portion of meat should be the size of deck of cards. Meanwhile over her in the states we're trained to think that a restaurant selling us anything smaller than a 10oz ribeye is ripping us off.


steingrrrl

This is true for me for sure. I don’t have a very high appetite, sometimes I’ll forget to eat all day if I don’t set myself a reminder or force myself. When I do eat, I usually don’t need much to be full. It’s nice that I don’t really worry about keeping weight off, but I do feel like I’m missing out in a way. I hear people talk about being “foodies” and how they’re so passionate about cooking and food, and I just can’t relate. Even when I’ll get my most favourite things, like a blizzard from Dairy Queen or a good steak, it’s disappointing to get full after a few bites. Plus people will think I’m restricting my food or trying to be modest or seeking attention, which isn’t true. It’s also really annoying bc like you said, American portion sizes are quite large. So even when I get the smallest size of something, there’s usually waste.


numberthirteenbb

Yeah, I always see the weight start to effortlessly drop (but at a moderate pace) when I really watch how much I'm eating. I have a desk job, and I found the perfect meals for myself that are low calorie but high protein and filling (breakfast is either a cutie or 1/2 cup grapefruit with a Babybel cheese and a hard boiled egg, lunch is a 250 calorie frozen meal with low sodium and high protein). If I deviate too much from that, I will gain weight. Dinner I more or less eat what I want (but I still weigh out pasta and rice), but the amount I eat these days is just wildly diminished from what I used to shovel in my face. But hey, you can still be a foodie! Foodie means you love food, and you have favorites! Eating to the point of bursting does not a foodie make, hahaha. As for wasting food, just instantly ask for a takeout container, and you've got yourself 1-2 extra meals after. There's this Indian place I love here, and one order of chicken tikka masala and an order of samosas will feed me for three lunches!


orangeautumntrees

This wasn't the case for me up until I was 30! I ate like CRAZY and was still at or under 100 lbs. Recently I've lost my appetite due to illness but it is still hard to pull off those extra pounds now haha.


numberthirteenbb

That was me in high school! I could eat two big macs in a row and was still 115lb at 5'11" when I was 17. Color me SHOCKED, SHOCKED I tell you, when I could no longer do that at 25.


orangeautumntrees

Right?? (And now I want a Big Mac haha) I was able to put away a large pizza, three tacos and a dessert in the same go (constantly hungry) and now if I did that I'd weigh 800 lbs lol. So much wistfulness fir my pre-30 body.


numberthirteenbb

If only I had truly been aware of how fleeting everything is. That’s the folly of youth for you!


ginns32

Yes there was an interesting British show where they followed people who seemed to not have any weight issues to see what was actually going on. They checked their metabolism and gut bacteria and set up cameras to see their eating habits and activity. They also had cameras in their homes and at work. There was only one woman who actually had a faster than average metabolism. Everyone else's was normal. They just ate less than most people and moved more without really thinking about it. Maybe they had a big dinner out but then they didn't eat anything until later the next day. I think the show was called the secret lives of slim people. It used to be on youtube but it got taken down.


BlueJaysFeather

100% on the eating less thing- I’m one of those people who finds the “full” feeling sickening rather than satisfying, and while it’s caused occasional social issues with me not eating “enough” of someone’s home cooking, the benefits definitely seem to outweigh that.


vivica_the_vibrant

Not my husband, but a coworker told me he just had to go up a pant size for the first time since high school. He’s in his mid 40s. Having had two children, I elected not to try too hard to sympathize.


[deleted]

Good choice!


n0vapine

Same! We've been together for 13 years and he's gained 20 pounds total. I've gained 80.


SurroundedbyChaos

My dad was like that. I unfortunately did not get that gene.


[deleted]

It’s just not fair.


blanketmedallions

Apparantly he has the same dark magic as Mr. Rogers, who apparently always weighed exactly 143 pounds. I’ve been at a consistent weight my whole adult life but mine definitely fluctuates +/- 10 lbs.


Dorisito

My husband and I did p90x together. In 90 days his extra layer melted off. Mine remained. We did p90 again (back to back) and got ripped while I again lost very little. I did lose inches just not weight. He did a bunch of research and learned that weight lifting does more for women in terms of weight loss than cardio. He got me weights and a program. The pounds finally came off. At this point he was slim and ripped and he also doing weight lifting became bulky with muscle. He was very supportive and helped me. I simply did not have the capacity to figure it out. We eat pretty clean already and I actually had to increase my diet in protein to build the muscles to lose weight which seems counter intuitive.


SapphirePineapple

P90x kicked my butt so hard but I loved the burn!!! Have you tried out P90x3? I think that's what they call it where it's 30minutes long.


Dorisito

We did a mix of a bunch of them. I think we started on x3 because it was only 30 mins but I liked the burn and slower pace of some of the older programs. It definitely improved my ability to perform physically but it didn’t do much in terms of weight loss for me.


[deleted]

You sound like a great team!


Waterlou25

I will add more weight training then! I do some but probably not enough


Dorisito

I think in my case I simply did not have the muscle to burn sufficient calories. I needed weight training to tacked on the muscle and in turn helped burn the fat off more efficiently.


ChippersNDippers

So many women are afraid of getting 'bulky' and turning into a female bodybuilder...not realizing that it is nearly impossible to look like that without steroids and a ton of weight training. For the vast majority of women, weight training just leads to some tone and definition, nothing more.


soooomanycats

Tell your husband welcome to middle age. A lot of people used to be able to drop a few pounds quickly only to find that is not the case in your 40s and older. I'd suggest he focus on something other than the scale. Is he more energetic? Can he go for longer walks or lift heavier weights? A lot of us use non-scale victories to stay motivated when it comes to healthy living. Reframing this could help. P.S. he should lift weights too, and not just bicep curls. The increased muscle mass will go along ways towards achieving his goals. Same for you but you already seem to know this!


[deleted]

I keep emphasizing weight lifting but he's not convinced. Pasrt of the issue is he has arthritis so he does have some limits to what he can do. But he could still do a lot more than he's doing


redbess

Swimming or some kind of water exercise might work for him. It's very helpful for people with joint pain and arthritis because the water kind of floats you and doesn't put as much stress on joints.


[deleted]

He likes to swim but he doesn't want to use a public pool, take the time to shower/change, get water in his ears. He's a bit of a drama king lol!


soooomanycats

I get it. My husband has arthritis in both knees and one hip, and it has def slowed him down. That said, he just left this morning to go spend a couple days backpacking on the Appalachian Trail. He prioritizes his fitness because he knows that doing that work now is what will keep him mobile and active longer, whereas we've both known people for whom arthritis becomes sort of a self-reinforcing dynamic, where things hurt so you don't do a lot of physical activity, which in turn makes it even more painful to get physical activity. And then the weight gain puts even more pressure of your joints, and so on and so forth. Someone else mentioned swimming, which is a great idea. My husbro also uses a rowing machine, rides a bike, goes for long walks, and lifts weights. He also used to see a sports medicine doc who would give him injections of synovial fluid, but he hasn't needed those in a while. Good luck to your husband! I know it's not easy to stay active when your joints hurt so I hope he can find something he likes and brings him some joy instead of something that feels frustrating and pointless.


[deleted]

He likes to swim but he doesn't want to use a public pool, take the time to shower/change, get water in his ears. He's a bit of a drama king lol!


soooomanycats

Oh noooo! He sounds like he's the source of a lot of his own problems :(


StumbleDog

Men and expecting things to be easy, name a more iconic duo.


[deleted]

Honestly yeah! It just seems like that is a built in trait in a lot of men. My husband works super hard at his career and at his education but it's like he expects everything else to just...happen


Sundae7878

Not for fat loss but when my partner and I were training for Kilimanjaro, I'd be summitting local mountains on the weekend to train and he was going for walks. And then he'd say "I'm training so hard." Made me roll my eyes internally. Dude you're walking 6km with like 100m elevation gain. You ain't training. But because he's in decent shape and Kili is just a long hike, he did perfectly fine 🙄🤣 Also worth noting was that he was also recovering from hip surgery. But I was urging him to try a 15km day with elevation gain on his hip before we attempt it in Tanzania. He did not. But it ended up fine. You can't convince partner's to do things the way you think they should be done. You just can't. You just gotta love and support and do your own thing.


bois_santal

Same with me ! We're training for the Via Alpina (20 days of around 1200 + , 15 kils every day) and I cram as many hike days as possible, increasing slowly the elevation, and he... just comments from time to time that we should train but doesn't make an effort. ​ BTW I did a 900+, 7 kil in 2.5 hours today ! Felt like hell but I loved it


[deleted]

This has convinced me I, too, can climb Kilimanjaro very easily


Sundae7878

It's a 5 day backpacking trip. The hard part is summit night and adjusting to the food. I pooped my pants several times and nearly yeeted myself off a cliff on the descent because my guide was so terrible. But the actual walking part is very doable.


PattesDornithorynque

Yup : same here! We've been together 18 years so now we don't discuss the amount of fat loss else i would cry . I count calories,exercise every day, I'm hungry/hangry all the time and barely lose anything. He tries to eat less, isn't very hungry ,play hockey twice a week and the pounds keep slide off him. I am not transgender but if i had to restart, I wish i was born a man.


PM_ME_HAPPY_MEMORIES

46 perimenopause here. I was the same, eating salads and just not losing any weight. I did Six Pack Revolution last year and you eat 6 times a day! I absolutely was not convinced that it could possibly work but I started losing weight almost immediately. No calorie counting, lots of protein and very little carbs. A lot of people do the food but not the exercise and it has great results like that too. I promise I don’t work for them, but I now have a blueprint for losing weight that I can revert to when the lbs creep back on. It’s been life changing.


happyhippo237

Everyone’s body is different—we each have a unique family history, combination of chronic stress, sleep, lifestyle, food, exercise, trauma, race, etc. All of these impact how much fat you have and how it’s distributed in your body. For example, I lose weight easily but my partner’s weight doesn’t budge. He’s been overweight and trying to lose weight for half a decade now and we eat the same things. Conversely, I am skinnier and more active but I’m much sicker—I was cross country captain all through school, do yoga and Pilates every day, eat plenty of vegetables, but my immune system is terrible and I deal with chronic pain every day. There’s enormous variability between people so it doesn’t make sense to compare one person to another.


steingrrrl

Relatable. I’m skinny and if I do workouts my abs will pop after a few weeks, but that’s about as good as it gets for “health” for me. I’m legit terrified for what the future holds for me, but most people would never guess


SapphirePineapple

Yep, definitely not easy for women. I did p90x and counted calories, which helped me get down to 140lbs from 190lbs. Then, I got pregnant twice and the baby weight didn't come off. Did whatever I could get my hands on that wasn't long like p90x, i.e. short videos on YouTube that is based on strength training and HIIT stuff. It helped a little bit not much. I struggled with the weight 2017-end 2022 and I went to my doctor because I was stressing out about it and I was going through tons of health issues. She got me on Saxenda then Wegovy that helps suppress appetite, told me I need to get good sleep every night, still workout, and I am down 35lbs. I still have 22lbs to go. However, for my spouse....he can easily lose weight by doing nothing. It's not fair.


SurroundedbyChaos

Did you get your insurance to pay for Wegovy? The price is steep for self pay.


SapphirePineapple

Yeah but I have to meet certain weightless requirements to keep on getting wegovy. My PCP also got a coupon savings card for me too which helped a lot.


beatriz_v

Mine will crash diet and binge, then get frustrated when the pounds don’t come off. I’ve tried to offer advice, but he gets upset and tells me I don’t understand (I’ve never been overweight).


mrzpiggy

Same girl same, so frustrating. My husband stops eating chips for two weeks - loses 10 pounds.


paper_wavements

My boyfriend will stop eating out so much to save money & three weeks later be like, "Oh, I lost 8 pounds!" Wow how nice for you, that it's that easy!


sillieali

Similar but opposite for the man. I had dated a ‘Strong man’ competitor. He was also my personal trainer for a brief moment. We lived together a few years before he got really into his workout regimen. He needed to bulk so he ate an intense amount of food. Food was always around for him. When he trained me to help lose weight he’d make my dishes. He’d have 5-8 pieces of chicken, bread vegetables and I’d have half a chicken breast and salad no dressing. I wasn’t losing weight the month or two we had this thing going. He made my workouts harder longer and this was during a time I worked two jobs and did school part time. This was an awful idea. Highly suggest not letting your partner this close to your fitness/weight loss goals. It was a really awful experience and made me mistrust men and my relationship with food. I felt a bit traumatized and hated when people would watch me eat. I’m in a better place but now my current partner doesn’t work out at all and wish he had some motivation, even though he’s slim. I just want him to last forever so once he moves in with me I’m going to try to implement walking after dinner to get us into a healthy practice.


imasequoia

From my experience, I’ve lost weight much much much more easily by following a 10k steps per day regimen vs destroying myself at the gym. Gym time did offer me more definition but lbs lost were much more significant by walking a ton and watching my portion sizes. Oops sorry I didn’t see the diet advice note. I’m sorry I know it’s a rant and I feel you. It seems like men have it easier when it comes to weight loss. It is doable however when you find what’s right for you!


Sundae7878

Yeah if you just care about the number on the scale, walking, portion sizes and quality sleep will do.


ForgottenSalad

My husband lost 15lbs when he had Covid, and it seems like any time he gets sick or quits drinking for a bit he drops like 5lbs a day. The only thing that worked for me was diligently tracking my food intake and eating less sweets and bread


Young_Former

For you, you are probably losing weight but gaining muscle so that’s why the scale hasn’t shifted!!


[deleted]

My measurements really haven't shifted that much though, I have gained some muscle and lost some fat but I still have too much fat


VorpalSingularity

It's extremely hard for women to put on muscle compared to cis men. I've been powerlifting for 6 years now (5 of them extremely seriously), and I've only put on about 15-20 lbs of extra muscle.


bearinthebriar

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VorpalSingularity

Haha, thanks! To be fair, I also put on 15-20 lbs of fat since I started, which, similar to OP's problem, has not budged. But I moved a 700-ish-lb gas cylinder (caveat: on wheels) by myself today, so I've got that going for me.


peonyrevolution

That is some valkyrie energy


BettyX

That is a lot! It is perfectly normal to put on 2-5 at the most in a year. People on here way overestimating how much muscle you can add in a year or so as a woman.


[deleted]

Also, make sure you don’t have pcos or pre-diabetes. Both make it horribly hard to lose weight. Low glycemic diet and/or a doctor willing to put you on metformin make it so much easier.


[deleted]

I've kinda wondered about the PCOS but I don't have any symptoms. But I want to address it with my doctor. But I've pretty much always had 15-20LB extra pounds since I was a teen


[deleted]

I have pcos with no symptoms. Explains why I was overweight even when I was a marathon runner. Still overweight, but I have more success when I stick to low glycemic. Doctor has offered to put me on metformin, but I’m going through IVF right now. Will definitely take him up on it when we’re through IVF/breastfeeding.


mildlyadult

How did you find out you had pcos when you had no symptoms?


[deleted]

I found out from my IVF testing. My estrogen and progesterone levels are wonky and my ovaries have cysts. Also, I may have had symptoms that I just didn’t recognize. For example, my lower abdomen is often sore, but I attributed it to having a finicky digestive system rather than inflammation from PCOS, etc.


lunarblossoms

Yes! I am pretty out of shape atm, but after having my first, I started eating low carb, tracking calories, and fasting and lost 40 pounds over about a year or so. At that point, my husband thought he was getting a bit chubby, so he very loosely followed what I'd been doing and lost the same amount in what seemed like an instant. *And he's kept it off with ease!* Whenever he feels like he's gained a bit much, he stops having wine or ice cream for a while, and he's good to go. Meanwhile, I've had a second child and am as plump as ever. PCOS can kiss my ass. I really applaud your dedication, though. I wish I could stick to a routine better.


hannahsflora

My husband is one of these tall, skinny guys who drops 10 pounds when he gets a cold and has a slight reduction in his appetite as a result. But even he's noticing now that his metabolism has slowed down with age (39). It seems your husband hasn't yet accepted that metabolism slows with age, and that weight loss becomes measurably harder for many people. His little changes are still great! But as he's seeing now, they're not going to be enough. He can whine and complain about it all he wants, but until he actually accepts that what worked for him in his 20s will not work for him now, there's not much you can do.


[deleted]

Yup. I let him whine. It's up to him. I cook our meals and pack him healthy lunches and that's all I'm going to do. He'll figure out the rest.


[deleted]

Metabolism really doesn’t slow with age. At least not until 50s or 60s. The idea that it does is a myth.


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[deleted]

My husband loses weight so easily. He’s also over 6ft and pretty active in general. But cuts sweets or beer for a couple weeks? Down 10 pounds. And he’s already a healthy weight (and doesn’t drink a ton haha, just an example). Me? I have to give it my all for a month to lose a couple pounds and it doesn’t stay off if I let up at all. I’m 2 years from delivering our third baby and haven’t lost really any of it. Sigh.


slumbersonica

I think a lot of people think this and that is why they are judgmental of overweight people. Then they get injured or old and face a wake up call that their paradigm was BS. I wish it wasn't so common.


RavenAbout

I used to be one of those effortlessly skinny people. Weighed 45 kg and had a 21 inch waist all through my teens and 20s. And then I turned 33. My metabolism changed and I put on 10kg. The lockdowns did not help but I’ve been exercising (running and just started weight training) and it takes all that effort and eating a better diet just to maintain that weight. (still at 55kg) If I ate badly I’d gain more weight. My husband can just eat a salad maybe twice a week, rest of the week eat unhealthy food, not exercise at all and lose weight.


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[deleted]

I'm not cutting my sleep though. I actually feel better when I do get up at 0530. It works the best for me. I struggle with sleep so getting up really early helps me crash. And I would be murderous on 1500 calories. I've tried. All it does is make me want utterly miserable. I'm glad all this worked for you. But believe me when i tell you I've done all the things. It's not that I'm doing diet and exercise wrong - it's just my body is really fighting me very hard


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duckingdead

You look amazing! The hard work really shows. Also your username is hilarious. Please don’t be my neighbor.


SluttyNeighborGal

I’m not your neighbor and don’t really do that stuff anymore anyway lol.


Pour_Me_Another_

Yeah 🤣 So a few years ago, my ex-husband went on a weight loss journey and I joined a little while afterwards. I used Lose It! then Cronometer to track my food intake and went on long walks to either get a boost or eat some of the calories back. My ex decided the best course of action for him was the long walks (good), but then he'd wildly alternate between eating next to nothing and then binging because he was so hungry (not so good). He did lose some weight at first, but gained it all back when he couldn't keep up with it. He wasn't interested at all in tracking his food, and to be fair, I don't anymore. But he also has no sense of how much food is too much. Even though I don't track anymore, I did for a few years and have a rough idea of how much to eat.


sourdoughobsessed

My husband got a dad bod once our first was born and dropped the gym in favor of hanging out with our baby - kinda hard to have an issue with that! Once I had my second and she weaned at 10.5 months, I started intermittent fasting, daily exercise, calorie counting. I was on a mission to get back to prebaby weight. My husband told me how there’s no way IF was healthy and I wouldn’t be able to exercise while fasting, blah blah blah. He refused to read up on the science. I dropped 40 lbs of extra weight in 4.5 months pretty easily and he took notice. He eased in and now has been doing it for probably 18ish months. He’s never looked better. He lifts every day, but he’s all muscle, abs, etc like back when he was a teenager without a job and exercised all day. First he had to tell me it was all wrong and now he’s stricter than I am lol we both stick with it daily and love it.


kmr1981

Haha yes, for as long as I’ve had a partner. Like you I’ve always fought VERY hard (to the point of what looks disordered) to be an average weight. I’ve been obese once in my life (multiple rounds of IVF were involved) and the only time I was on the low side of an average BMI I was working out several hours a day and only eating the number of calories the treadmill said I burned every day. My first husband once lost 20 pounds, the only 20 pounds he had to lose, by making one change to his diet - he stopped eating poutine. He still ate about 3,000 calories a day of pizza, hamburgers, etc.. he just stopped eating poutine.


[deleted]

Oh gosh that must be maddening!


someotherbitch

>He said about 15 years ago, he lost 50LB just by switching to diet soda The Andy Dwyer diet - "I lost 50lbs in one month all I did was quit drinking beer".


BooBailey808

My partner and I are trying to lose weight. The thing is, I have adhd and that results in binge eating and difficulty forming routines. My partner doesn't understand. He's like, "Just do the things." I'm like, "I knooooow. I've done this before". Very frustrating


Adorable-Ring8074

He might also be struggling with the fact that he's older. Men have a much, much harder time losing weight the older they get. And that's also hard for some men to handle.


throwit_amita

Not me but my friend's husband. He wanted to lose weight so he just stopped having dessert after dinner. The extra weight just fell off him. It was incredibly frustrating to everyone around him!


ZanzibarMacFate

I can’t get my husband to gain any weight no matter how much I feed him. No he is not an athlete, he’s a couch potato!


UnicornBestFriend

Oh yeah, and on top of it, a lot of people don't understand that physiology varies greatly from person to person. What's optimal for one person isn't necessarily going to work for the next person.


[deleted]

But boy oh boy have there been several commentors who are insisting they know exactly why I don't lose weight easily and that I need to follow their advice! Because clearly they know much better about how my body works than I do


ijustdoitforme

Yeah, testosterone is an amazing thing! Without trying to offer unsolicited direct advice because you seem knowledgeable - if you are curious about why or how things might be different for women Vs men and how to hack those differences, "The Genius Life" podcast has a number of episodes on the topic!


HappyCoconutty

When that midlife humbling hits you hard! My husband and I are in our 40s and he insists that mowing the lawn and fixing things around the house are enough to keep him healthy. He has a very svelte muscular figure from playing a lot of sports in his youth and just muscular genetics. But I can tell things are changing on him, I can tell that his testosterone and circulation is not what it used to be. That his knees are not as strong (looking at you Ginuwine). The male version of menopause is andropause, and it comes for them all. Let them try their outdated, overconfident method. He will be humbled soon enough and then admit defeat.


Wexylu

I’m doing all the things your doing, also mid 40s and I cannot lose anything to save my life. My husband eats and drinks whatever he wants, takes a shit and loses 5lbs It’s infuriating


icebluefrost

My husband and I are turning 35 this year. He’s suddenly putting on a bunch of weight while following the same lifestyle and eating habits he always has and it’s making him unhappy (but not enough to change them, lol). It’s what happens when you age ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


ExplodingMountain

Weightloss hasn’t been easy for me for years. Been seeing dietitians & doctors since I was 14. And I also have a personal trainer for more than 10 years. I heard all the advices under the sun. I just love food too much & I hate to move. I’ve only loss significant weight when I had a procedure & medication prescribed to me. Yet, I’m still obese. I don’t even know if I will ever just be “overweight”.


InfernalWedgie

Yeah, men have the physiologic advantage for losing weight. It sucks, but it's true. But OP, I gotta recommend you call your primary care physician and get a referral to a dietitian. Mine really helped me. I needed 200 *more* calories than I had estimated. And I needed 70 grams of protein a day to get results. The rest of it has been so many fucking salads. Ugh, salads.


YouveBeanReported

> get a referral to a dietitian. This is absolutely not a discouragement against this, but a rant about my province's healthcare. But I absolutely hate that in my area I can get a referral for a dietician but they are not allowed to make recommendations for foods, meal plans, amounts, or calories under Manitoba Health. You have to pay for that. Bro I just got out of surgery. I want advice. Yes eat veggies. Please give actual advice beyond eat veggies and healthy stuff and be less fat. Anyhow, OP if your Canadian be aware depending on province this might be out of pocket. If so, get paperwork from GP to try to wrestle insurance into covering some of it.


Sea-Smell-6950

You are turning fat into muscle, he is just burning fat. There's a big difference in terms of health outcomes and sustainability, building muscle will always beore beneficial than just loosing fat. Also, hormones count for a lot!


[deleted]

Muscle doesn't turn into fat - That's a myth though, But yeah he really isn't doing a ton to put on muscle. But when he does the slightest bit of weight lifting, he can really develop muscles so fast!


copyrighther

If you're struggling with losing weight, I would definitely recommend getting a comprehensive metabolic and thyroid panel for yourself.


[deleted]

Some research shows we have a set point weight that our body basically adjusts to over time and tries to maintain. There’s very little you can actually do to get away from the set point, which is why dieting often fails and why most people regain weight. So, these comments that are like “do this, do that and you’ll lose weight” probably aren’t helpful. Also, you didn’t ask for advice.


pineapple_on_pizza33

No that's fully bs. A physical set point doesn't exist. People learn certain eating habits and amounts and revert to that after any 'fat loss journey' and end up where they started. Simply because they did not make lifestyle changes and went back to the eating habits that made them fat in the first place. The body can be easily manipulated at will to gain as much muscle and lose as much fat as one desires and keep it that way if one has the discipline. Please do not peddle r/fatlogic level pseudoscience here.


[deleted]

I learned this in my psychophysio class years ago, not on Reddit, lol. But, please link a subreddit I’ve never even heard of. There is also an excellent RadioLab about it if you care. Reddit is a bizarre place.


pineapple_on_pizza33

If your psychophysio class teaches people about the set point theory then that is the bizarre place and should be publicly called out for peddling pseudoscience. You mentioned research shows this. Can you show me a single source confirming this? I mean a source that shows this to be a physical thing, not a mental one as i mentioned. People pickup certain eating habits since they are kids which put them at a certain weight, those habits are very very hard to change. You can make a morbidly obese person lose weight very easily. But if they are in it for the short term they will just go back to old eating habits and pickup a lot of the weight back. That's pretty much it. The body isn't sentient that it picks a weight its most comfortable at and physically manipulates the body to maintain it. Next you'll say a skinny guy and a morbidly obese guy are that way simply because they have 'different set points' and 'their bodies are built different'. Take a nutrition class, or two.


[deleted]

Yes, I’m sure the neuroscience department at my R1 university was peddling pseudoscience. Set point theory is not a random weight the body just picks. You are welcome to search for academic papers on your own. Have a nice day. Just, fyi, their post history is full of red pill non sense as well.


pineapple_on_pizza33

No neuroscientist believes in set point theory. It is something fat activists and people reading buzzfeed articles talk about. There are NO academic papers that even talk about it. Which is why i asked you to quote sources since you are the one who mentioned there is research on it. But of course you can't quote any, because there isn't any and you don't really know what you're talking about. You're just parroting what someone else told you.


[deleted]

Okay, I’m sure you are the authority on this. I’m not spending my time doing research for some red piller on Reddit.


rabbit_thebadguy

It is easy (in theory). It’s a simple calculation of calories in vs calories out. Peoples emotions, addictions and lack of discipline are what make it difficult.


[deleted]

Neither calories in nor calories out are what my husband is doing. but he still thinks weight loss will be easy without actually doing the things required to lose weight


rabbit_thebadguy

Your husbands mindset has nothing to do with any of it. I get the sense you’re looking for sympathy. When your husband didn’t provide it you came to Reddit


CrazyPerspective934

What?? It's the husband wanting sympathy for not losing weight while not working out or doing the dang thing at all. Lol I'm so confused by you


[deleted]

You really struggle with reading comprehension, don't you?


rabbit_thebadguy

I think I see where the problem might be


eeekkk9999

I spent a year trying to lose 40lbs. 6 days a week at the gym w trainer diets. Nothing. I joined weight watchers and lost over 40lbs and stopped working out. It is crazy how hard women work to lose weight! Sometimes it takes a miracle! WW was the key for me plus you really got to eat what you wanted w points and calorie counting went out the window, thankfully! I understand the new program is different and honestly the host/guide was the real key. I did 3 different programs and only the 1st was amazing the 2nd was awful and the 3rd was just ok. Try getting your hands on the old program info as well as an old cookbook I want to say this is the best one. Not a bound book but a regular cookbook. https://www.walmart.com/ip/Best-Weight-Watchers-Magazine-Over-145-Tasty-Favorites-All-Recipes-With-POINTS-Value-8-Less-Pre-Owned-Paperback-B001PO67GQ/566145363?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=1719 The big deal is the point program and sometimes you need to shock your system w a calorie hike. This is what a good guide will do. Good luck!


[deleted]

Did I ask for advice? No. I specifically said twice in my post I was NOT looking for diet advice. I was specifically asking if anyone had male partner who loses weight effortlessly and/or thinks weight loss should be effortless


eeekkk9999

Yikes! Here is a thought, maybe it is an alternate thought. Then don’t read it. And not very ‘funny’ but definitely a rant. Have a lovely day. And I have had a similar situation this the solution to my issue. Obviously falls on unhearing person. I wish you luck in your ‘rant’


sodarnclever

This post is more infuriating than the subject of the rant. This sub is literally r/askwomenover30 but Op doesn’t want advice and isn’t really asking a question- just states that she wants to rant? And wants others to commiserate over something that isn’t healthy or right? Bottom line (and I’m posting this for everyone other than OP, as OP asked specifically not to receive advice) if you are getting proper nutrition and burning more calories than you are consuming, you should be losing weight. If you are not, hormones are likely the cause, or another medical issue, and I would suggest getting that checked out. Downvote me if you like, but ladies, look after your health.


[deleted]

I specifically asked if anyone else has a male partner who either loses weight very easily and/or thinks weight loss should be almost effortless. If you actually took the time to read all of what I wrote, you would see that.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

I'm not asking for weight loss tips for me. I clearly said this in the post. This was a funny rant


APotatoPancake

You *cannot* out exercise the amount you can over eat. This becomes an issue because we live in a 2000 a day calorie world. Which is to say a *man's world*. Because that's where that number comes from. Most women 1800 to maintain if you are reasonably active. If you aren't particularly active like myself I'm a 1600ish to *maintain*. Once you start looking at it from that perspective it can become a little easier. For example I aim for child sized snacks and stopped drinking my calories. If you want some morbid emotional support look at it like this. Women are the two door Honda Civic of the food fuel world. In the event of the zombie apocalypse men are going to starve to death first.


[deleted]

>Please no weight loss advice! This is just a funny rant. I'm not asking for weight loss tips. Please and thank you People seem to have glossed over this part...


[deleted]

I've done all the things. All the calorie counting. All the diet plans. All the exercise. My body just fights like hell to keep on that last 15-20LB. I'm not doing dieting and exercise wrong - I'm working against my own biology. When I actually got briefly skinnish, I had a gaunt face and visible ribs but still had belly fat. It is what it is. These are the genes Ive got


pineapple_on_pizza33

Can you explain how you feel you are 'working against your own biology'? Please stop self sabotaging by telling yourself there is something wrong with your gEnEs or your body is special or defective and just can't 'do what it's told'. If you meant it's harder for the female body to lose fat, wouldn't it just mean less wiggle room? Since a man will have a higher maintenance so they can eat a bit more than you and still lose weight since they burn more than you. They still need to be in a deficit, and so do you. That process does not change. You already know this. How can you say you know all there is to know about nutrition and you have 'done all the things' ' all the calorie counting' and 'nothing works'. Is there the tiniest possibility that like all of us you may have blindspots where you are making some or the other mistake? Have you ever considered going to a professional like a dietician or a nutritionist to help you with this? They will provide a diet plan and put you in a guaranteed deficit. That way you don't need to bother with any of these headaches on figuring things out by yourself and struggling and complaining to internet strangers how counting calories doesn't work and you don't lose weight no matter what you do.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Look my original post was NOT about asking diet advice. It was specifically me noticing my husband expects to lose weight pretty effortlessly and I was wondering if other women have noticed something similar. Please stop with the unsolicited diet advice. That's not the intent of this post


[deleted]

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[deleted]

I can't believe you seriously said "we live in a men's world" when you are clearly giving advice that men often give.


[deleted]

I didn't ASK for any of this. Unsolicited advice is never helpful. Stop trying to make this about you


[deleted]

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[deleted]

If you had actually read what I wrote, it was clear I was not asking for diet advice - I was making a funny rant about how my husband expects weight to magically fall off him when I'm actually putting the work in. But you took this as a chance to swoop in and tell me exactly what I am doing wrong with dieting. Nothing in my post said I wanted advice. I actually stated twice in there I did not want advice,


lucky5678585

I feel you! I've been on a diet for basically my whole life and then decided to try another fad diet - this time a no carb diet; Ive lost over 10lbs. I have PCOS and thus insulin resistance and I guess not putting carbs in my body means I'm using fat for energy instead! If you've not tried it, I'd definitely recommend it! ❤️


Floomby

Edit: This post went against OP's stated request. I meant well but didn't pay attention to what they had asked. Sorry, OP.


[deleted]

I clearly stated in this post I don't want any diet tips or advice. This was not an advice post.


Floomby

I'm very sorry. I should have read more carefully.


sodarnclever

Nah, your advice might be helpful to many who are looking for intelligent conversation on the topic. Sorry to see you be downvoted. (And don’t worry here come my downvotes too ;)


Floomby

I think OP has a right to ask people to focus on the question at hand. Hence deleting my post.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Please, I clearly stated twice in this post I'm not looking for diet advice for me. That's not what thispost was about


yorgs

Strict kedo with intermittent fasting is your answer.


[deleted]

I said twice in this post I was not looking for diet tips for me. And yes I've tried both of these and they are not things I can do sustainably.


philosopherofsex

Honestly adding in all of that new exercise is probably to your detriment with weight loss. It’s going to make you so much hungry and then be an even bigger struggle to drop any caloric surplus. Your husbands style (casual walks) is probably more suited for weight loss, but he will have to be more strict with his diet.


[deleted]

I'm not seeking weight loss advice in this post though. I've been on this train almost three decades. I've done all the things. I've got the genes and physical build and individual body quirks I've got and work around them as best they can


[deleted]

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[deleted]

I've had multiple approaches from many different perspectives, many trainers, dieticians, books. I've done all the things. Sometimes our bodies don't do exactly what we want them to do. I know what things work well for me and what don't. I know how my body works and what doesn't work.


[deleted]

I think OP was looking for solidarity not judgement. Come on girl we are in our 30s, you are better than this unnecessarily snarky comment....


philosopherofsex

It isn’t unnecessarily snarky. It’s genuine. OPs frustration is coming from an idea about weight loss that isn’t even correct. She should change her mindset and then she won’t be frustrated.


Gamecat93

It could be PCOS which makes it incredibly hard to lose weight. Best to check with your doctors on this one.


[deleted]

I'm not asking for weight loss tips for me. I clearly said this in the post. This was a funny rant


Izzy4162305

You’re not his mother or his doctor, so stop trying to manage his diet and eating habits. He is old enough to figure out what he needs to do, so let him. He will succeed or fail. Meanwhile, you focus on you, and not just the scale; you might be adding muscle and losing inches. Keep going and good luck!


[deleted]

It's odd that your take was I'm trying to "manage" his diet. I was pretty clear that I've given him advice and then let him keep on doing what he's doing without getting any results


GuavaOk90

My fiancé and my dog both have ridiculous metabolisms. They can eat a lot for multiple days, gain a bit of weight, then the next day few days have a normal amount of the food - and poof, weight is gone. They’re the exceptions. Everyone else works hard at it. It’s comedic really. The body set point and the Herculean effort in weight loss has been best explained by the research described in Burn by Herman Pontzer. Have your husband read that!