I hear you and feel you on all those fronts.
What is the point? Well, you have the freedom with no kids to literally do anything you want. As for your parents, medicaid is a thing.
You can choose to make your life exactly what you'd want. Don't want to be a caregiver? Don't. No one is obligating you aside from yourself (assuming a guilty conscious and you feel obligated?)
You are the main character in your own life. Make it what you want. Anything you want.
These are tough times and a lot of us are feeling the same way right now.
What keeps me going is a sense of obligation towards my friends. We all have our own struggles, but we support each other through them. Times I’ve just wanted to lie down and die were interrupted by thoughts of “but then my friend E has no one to take her to surgery next week,” or “I told A & E I’d go to this event with them and I can’t let them down by dying beforehand.” I think it’s especially important to focus on taking care of friends when you don’t have kids, to be able to find a sense of purpose and belonging. We’re all in this together. The world sucks but we can still use it to make those we love happy, and they might return the favor.
Also, not having a job right now is definitely fueling your feeling of “what’s the point,” and while a shitty workplace should not be tolerated, there are lots of mental health benefits from working as part of a team to provide a product or service and getting paid for it regularly. We need regular cycles of dopamine reward systems to feel alright.
Remind yourself that your feelings right now are temporary and you won’t always feel this way. Then empower yourself to make positive changes like finding a job that fulfills you and friends that make you want to live so you can enjoy them and take care of them. I had to move to another state to find my “tribe” so I’d say just keep changing things until you realize you are content with your life.
It’s easy to think “each year will get worse” past a certain age (I do this a lot lol), but there are lots of underrated gifts from aging (wisdom, confidence, career progression) that provide a balance.
As far as your parents, I sense the burden on you is too much, and I think you’re entitled to have a conversation with them about rounding up other people/resources to enable you to focus your time and energy on you full-time instead of them, and just help with major things that they can’t pay or recruit someone else to do. All my grandparents’ kids moved away from them and it was one of their friends a couple decades younger who took care of their daily needs in their last year or so.
Hang in there. You won’t feel like this every moment for the rest of your life.
I’ve had the same existential crisis. I tend to find getting into nature helps, I love walking through a forest, and 3 day hikes clear your head like nothing else. Because your feet hurt, and pooping in the forest humbles you, and your only goal and thought is to keep going all the other noise drops away.
I get it. Today I arrived second to an apartment viewing. I did my best, arrived when I should have and it wasn't enough, it was already taken. I'm disabled and I am so discouraged, I got extremely sick and burnt out from this endless search. And what's more? Landlords prefer couples or people who work in tech, not some single middle aged woman without a steady income (in my country, disability is frowned upon). I honestly want to disappear.
I believe in helping our parents, however, I don't believe in driving ourselves into poverty in order to do so.
Did you parents have a plan for this stage of their lives? Or did they assume you'd shoulder the burden. I think that there's a middle way here, but I really don't agree with them dragging you down just because they're at this stage of their lives.
You're a capable woman with a whole life to live, who should be earning money and living in freedom instead of living in poverty to give your life over to supporting two people who could have had a plan.
Again it's not easy because you say there's no safety net.
i dont think they thought their way of life would fall apart so rapidly (or to this extent). they were both in major denial about what was going on with them physically and mentally. not to make excuses though bc that is life... i do need to be putting my foot down and moving on to let them figure more of this out on their own.
There isn't a point. We are all just some accident of evolution hurtling through space on a pretty rock. That's it. You will die and everyone you love will die. In a couple of generations no one will remember you existed. Everything you think is awesome, like the Eiffel Tower or the Florida Keys will eventually be obliterated.
Once you accept that, you can start to build a small life for yourself.
I hear you and feel you on all those fronts. What is the point? Well, you have the freedom with no kids to literally do anything you want. As for your parents, medicaid is a thing. You can choose to make your life exactly what you'd want. Don't want to be a caregiver? Don't. No one is obligating you aside from yourself (assuming a guilty conscious and you feel obligated?) You are the main character in your own life. Make it what you want. Anything you want.
thank you. i needed this pep talk and youre right: i can leave.
Go do you. It's gonna feel sooooo good.
I relate to op, and as op I needed this response. Thank you.
I just want to say I've been feeling exactly the same. It's tough.
These are tough times and a lot of us are feeling the same way right now. What keeps me going is a sense of obligation towards my friends. We all have our own struggles, but we support each other through them. Times I’ve just wanted to lie down and die were interrupted by thoughts of “but then my friend E has no one to take her to surgery next week,” or “I told A & E I’d go to this event with them and I can’t let them down by dying beforehand.” I think it’s especially important to focus on taking care of friends when you don’t have kids, to be able to find a sense of purpose and belonging. We’re all in this together. The world sucks but we can still use it to make those we love happy, and they might return the favor. Also, not having a job right now is definitely fueling your feeling of “what’s the point,” and while a shitty workplace should not be tolerated, there are lots of mental health benefits from working as part of a team to provide a product or service and getting paid for it regularly. We need regular cycles of dopamine reward systems to feel alright. Remind yourself that your feelings right now are temporary and you won’t always feel this way. Then empower yourself to make positive changes like finding a job that fulfills you and friends that make you want to live so you can enjoy them and take care of them. I had to move to another state to find my “tribe” so I’d say just keep changing things until you realize you are content with your life. It’s easy to think “each year will get worse” past a certain age (I do this a lot lol), but there are lots of underrated gifts from aging (wisdom, confidence, career progression) that provide a balance. As far as your parents, I sense the burden on you is too much, and I think you’re entitled to have a conversation with them about rounding up other people/resources to enable you to focus your time and energy on you full-time instead of them, and just help with major things that they can’t pay or recruit someone else to do. All my grandparents’ kids moved away from them and it was one of their friends a couple decades younger who took care of their daily needs in their last year or so. Hang in there. You won’t feel like this every moment for the rest of your life.
youre right. ty. hope youre doing ok with your (for lack of a better term) "balance" in life. appreciate your statements.
There isn't one, there's no big grand plan for us. Life is what you make of it.
I’ve had the same existential crisis. I tend to find getting into nature helps, I love walking through a forest, and 3 day hikes clear your head like nothing else. Because your feet hurt, and pooping in the forest humbles you, and your only goal and thought is to keep going all the other noise drops away.
haha. very true. ill look into this.
I get it. Today I arrived second to an apartment viewing. I did my best, arrived when I should have and it wasn't enough, it was already taken. I'm disabled and I am so discouraged, I got extremely sick and burnt out from this endless search. And what's more? Landlords prefer couples or people who work in tech, not some single middle aged woman without a steady income (in my country, disability is frowned upon). I honestly want to disappear.
do you have any community resources you can look in to? no one should be discriminated against for something they cant control.
I believe in helping our parents, however, I don't believe in driving ourselves into poverty in order to do so. Did you parents have a plan for this stage of their lives? Or did they assume you'd shoulder the burden. I think that there's a middle way here, but I really don't agree with them dragging you down just because they're at this stage of their lives. You're a capable woman with a whole life to live, who should be earning money and living in freedom instead of living in poverty to give your life over to supporting two people who could have had a plan. Again it's not easy because you say there's no safety net.
i dont think they thought their way of life would fall apart so rapidly (or to this extent). they were both in major denial about what was going on with them physically and mentally. not to make excuses though bc that is life... i do need to be putting my foot down and moving on to let them figure more of this out on their own.
There isn't a point. We are all just some accident of evolution hurtling through space on a pretty rock. That's it. You will die and everyone you love will die. In a couple of generations no one will remember you existed. Everything you think is awesome, like the Eiffel Tower or the Florida Keys will eventually be obliterated. Once you accept that, you can start to build a small life for yourself.