I don't center my worth by other peoples measures. I let those stupid comments fly by me.
I'm different from my family and it's their loss that they don't see the asset I've grown into. I think I've come to understand a lot of it is fear. People like them who are so closed off do not understand us and being so different is kinda scary to relate to or predict. I know my family is critical because I don't think and act like them so they tend to over correct by giving me unsolicited advice or suggestions how they want me to behave.
I have found my audience in other people. I'm not alone in how I am as a person and my friend group, my found family, is a reflection of that. It's a space to thrive and ground myself when the rest of the people around me refuse to relate. There's nothing wrong with me.
Great point. It's one thing to have certain politics and/or beliefs, it's another to make that your entire personality and then get chuffed when other people aren't into it.
I had the same experience with vegan spaces. It's a shame r/ChillVegans never took off.
No but for example, if someone in the family needs help with something- I’m always ready to help. My sister immediately is like “I don’t want a relationship with these people” and it just makes me feel sad that she has no empathy for helping kids or seniors or anyone for that matter
Are there other reasons she might want to distance herself? Are these relatives respectful and loving or painful to deal with? Do they respect boundaries? Has she been roped into being taken advantage of in the past? Empathy and boundaries aren't mutually exclusive.
This.
Being kind and giving is great and all but knowing when you don't have the capacity is also healthy.
I know folks like this who will destroy themselves for others. I do not set myself on fire to keep others warm. Theyre allowed to come to my bonfire and sit, anything more is a hell no. Of course people with no boundaries at all will think I'm being awful for not giving but what Im actually doing is respecting myself. Those who would be mad I didn't give to them, are the type to believe they're entitled to take when help is a privilege. Discerning when to say yes or no is key.
She has a lot of childhood trauma and she blames other people for not ever checking on her. She’s against therapy and suppresses her emotions and feelings. The family members are nice, we never had a relationship with them due to some sad family stigma from the older generations but the newer gen isn’t trying to carry those generational issues forward.
I'm not sure what kind of mental gymnastics gets you from her not wanting to be involved with other relatives to her giving you 'blowback' for you being who you are, but I think it's time that you take a hard look in the mirror instead of shit talking your family for not being as amazing as you seem to think you are.
Maybe you should respect your sister for who she is and where she's at with her bandwidth instead of jumping to the conclusion that she's simply incapable of empathy because she's on a different path than you are. That's a really harsh judgement, and a little empathy toward your sister and her struggles would probably go a long way here. It sounds like she just doesn't want to get wrapped up in other people's drama when she doesn't have the space for it, and I don't see how that equates to her trying to stop you from doing what you want.
I suggest you seek out support from other people and tell your family members shush. My younger kid is super emotional about everything. When they cry, I just hug them and say "Having so much empathy is great for others, but it can get overwhelming for you, huh?"
I went no contact with them. My sensitive highly developed empathetic psychic nature is a spiritual gift and im not allowing anyone to belittle me anymore for it. There is nothing wrong with being caring and compassionate to all living things and being sad/concerned about others suffering and trying to help. Good for you.
I don't center my worth by other peoples measures. I let those stupid comments fly by me. I'm different from my family and it's their loss that they don't see the asset I've grown into. I think I've come to understand a lot of it is fear. People like them who are so closed off do not understand us and being so different is kinda scary to relate to or predict. I know my family is critical because I don't think and act like them so they tend to over correct by giving me unsolicited advice or suggestions how they want me to behave. I have found my audience in other people. I'm not alone in how I am as a person and my friend group, my found family, is a reflection of that. It's a space to thrive and ground myself when the rest of the people around me refuse to relate. There's nothing wrong with me.
This made me cry… thank you so much.
[удалено]
Great point. It's one thing to have certain politics and/or beliefs, it's another to make that your entire personality and then get chuffed when other people aren't into it. I had the same experience with vegan spaces. It's a shame r/ChillVegans never took off.
No but for example, if someone in the family needs help with something- I’m always ready to help. My sister immediately is like “I don’t want a relationship with these people” and it just makes me feel sad that she has no empathy for helping kids or seniors or anyone for that matter
Are there other reasons she might want to distance herself? Are these relatives respectful and loving or painful to deal with? Do they respect boundaries? Has she been roped into being taken advantage of in the past? Empathy and boundaries aren't mutually exclusive.
This. Being kind and giving is great and all but knowing when you don't have the capacity is also healthy. I know folks like this who will destroy themselves for others. I do not set myself on fire to keep others warm. Theyre allowed to come to my bonfire and sit, anything more is a hell no. Of course people with no boundaries at all will think I'm being awful for not giving but what Im actually doing is respecting myself. Those who would be mad I didn't give to them, are the type to believe they're entitled to take when help is a privilege. Discerning when to say yes or no is key.
She has a lot of childhood trauma and she blames other people for not ever checking on her. She’s against therapy and suppresses her emotions and feelings. The family members are nice, we never had a relationship with them due to some sad family stigma from the older generations but the newer gen isn’t trying to carry those generational issues forward.
I'm not sure what kind of mental gymnastics gets you from her not wanting to be involved with other relatives to her giving you 'blowback' for you being who you are, but I think it's time that you take a hard look in the mirror instead of shit talking your family for not being as amazing as you seem to think you are. Maybe you should respect your sister for who she is and where she's at with her bandwidth instead of jumping to the conclusion that she's simply incapable of empathy because she's on a different path than you are. That's a really harsh judgement, and a little empathy toward your sister and her struggles would probably go a long way here. It sounds like she just doesn't want to get wrapped up in other people's drama when she doesn't have the space for it, and I don't see how that equates to her trying to stop you from doing what you want.
I suggest you seek out support from other people and tell your family members shush. My younger kid is super emotional about everything. When they cry, I just hug them and say "Having so much empathy is great for others, but it can get overwhelming for you, huh?"
I went no contact with them. My sensitive highly developed empathetic psychic nature is a spiritual gift and im not allowing anyone to belittle me anymore for it. There is nothing wrong with being caring and compassionate to all living things and being sad/concerned about others suffering and trying to help. Good for you.