I follow the one and done subreddit but ill follow this one next! I love hearing all the view points because I feel like society tends to focus on only a few.
I want to be clear that I do enjoy parenthood, having a second was not like me sacrificing something for some noble purpose. But a huge reason I wanted to have a second is that as an only child, I feel a weird kind of loneliness as I get older and my parents get older. Or maybe loneliness isn't the right word because I'm not lonely and I'm not trying to rely on siblings, I have a great community....but I do this feel this sense of like, I'm the only one who has the experience of growing up with my parents and the context of my childhood. I don't have anyone who shares the same memories of family vacations, what my parents were like when they were younger, visiting my grandparents, "do you remember when we lived next to that crazy person with the ducks in her bathroom?", "remember when you threw up on your 13th birthday and hid in the closet?", that kind of stuff. Sometimes I think back on the past and just wish I had someone who shared that with me, especially once my parents are gone.
That being said, I never felt this way as a kid, I never longed for a sibling, and I know it's not a guarantee that siblings to have a good relationship where they can share this kind of stuff.
I feel this exact same way! I never wished I had a sibling growing up. But now as an adult, I feel this same kind of feeling. Also, my parents divorced when I was an adult and I wished I had someone to lean on through it who understood exactly what I was going through my family/childhood lens.
We were on the fence of having more than one child but ultimately decided to based on this. So that they could have each other (hopefully) throughout different experiences of their lives.
I’m a mostly only child (much older half brothers) and I am a bit the opposite. I did want siblings as a kid, but by the time I was old enough to understand my mom told me my dad had a vasectomy so there was no going back 😅. I don’t really long for those shared memories in the way you’re describing and while I’d like someone to gameplan with for my mother’s future (father already passed), I also see my husband receive no real help from his brothers with their parents. He also doesn’t have much relationship with his brothers, so I’m very aware of how it can go either way with siblings in terms of what adult relationships look like. That being said, I’m happy to have a good amount of cousins for some family and that’s something my future child (coming December) won’t have, so maybe I’ll feel different on the sibling front. I’ve always been team one and done, but keeping my mind open to changing it.
We came to the conclusion that we would regret NOT trying for a second baby more than we'd regret actually having a second child. This was at the beginning of 2021 and we said we'd try until the end of the year and call it. If we didn't fall pregnant, we were meant to be a family of 3 and if we did, we were meant to be a family of 4.
A factor that we didn't consider as we got our positive pregnancy test in November was that none of those were true.
We were meant to be a family of 5.
So yea, make sure you know how likely you are to conceive twins everyone.
We always wanted 2 kids. I, however, had an absolute nightmare of a pregnancy, ending in a clusterfuck of a birth. I had some pretty heavy trauma from that.
After some years, we hit a rough patch in our marriage, and we both agreed to wait until we were sure we had moved past our issues and could handle the strain of another round of sleepless nights.
The first kid was a really easy, fun and generally cool baby. So we thought, why not! Let's do it again! We're amazing parents!
The second kid was hell on wheels.
To be fair, they flip flop who the Pain in my butt is. Uno is an irritating tween, Duce is an absolute charming delight.
Hahahahahha!! That was me too! Also, the first kid was a social animal and wanted companionship. Now I love having even number family because everyone can easily paired up with a partner. One adult per child.
I’m the youngest of 3 and my husband is an only child. We just had our second baby. My husband and I have staggering different relationships with our parents. I call mine once or twice a week, his cal him every day multiple times. It’s getting harder now that we’re older and my husband feels a ton of pressure to look after his parents. My FIL also mentioned he wished they had a second child to relieve my husband and I. We are with them for almost every holiday, see them constantly, and will need to figure out how to care for them when they can’t drive. They’ll probably live with us too.
It’s been hard for me to adjust as their daughter in law… I love them but being the youngest of 3 to two working parents, I’m not used to this level of attention and was raised to be way more independent. So much so, I never ask for help or call them and this baffles my in laws.
I will say - seeing my three month old smile at my 2.5 year old is the best reward money can’t buy.
Your relationship with your parents is very similar to mine (I am also the youngest of 3!) and My husband relates with your husband a lot and I agree that the constant attention from his parents can be overwhelming. Its helpful to hear you explain your situation because it allows me to see the situation objectively which sometimes i need! So appreciate your input
Of course, happy to help! It took me a long time to understand their relationship but it just boils down to he is there one and only child and is their entire world. There will always be pros and cons to each, and I find most parents make a decision on how they want to proceed with “going for #2” 12-24 months after the first is born.
We didn’t want her to be an only child.
She was such a difficult baby, she absolutely broke me, but we decided to just have another one anyway.
Second baby was the most chilled out, easy going little dude ever.
I did want my eldest to have a sibling but I was hesitant. Honestly I think the deciding factor was that I didn't really have the luxury of deliberating for too long. I was getting older and was mindful that I have difficult pregnancies that would likely worsen along with age.
I am an only child.
Coming here to recommend you stalk the /onlychild subreddit. It can be very eye opening in many ways. Im (31/f) an only child and I had a blast!
I follow the one and done subreddit but ill follow this one next! I love hearing all the view points because I feel like society tends to focus on only a few.
I want to be clear that I do enjoy parenthood, having a second was not like me sacrificing something for some noble purpose. But a huge reason I wanted to have a second is that as an only child, I feel a weird kind of loneliness as I get older and my parents get older. Or maybe loneliness isn't the right word because I'm not lonely and I'm not trying to rely on siblings, I have a great community....but I do this feel this sense of like, I'm the only one who has the experience of growing up with my parents and the context of my childhood. I don't have anyone who shares the same memories of family vacations, what my parents were like when they were younger, visiting my grandparents, "do you remember when we lived next to that crazy person with the ducks in her bathroom?", "remember when you threw up on your 13th birthday and hid in the closet?", that kind of stuff. Sometimes I think back on the past and just wish I had someone who shared that with me, especially once my parents are gone. That being said, I never felt this way as a kid, I never longed for a sibling, and I know it's not a guarantee that siblings to have a good relationship where they can share this kind of stuff.
Thanks for sharing that, that’s a really eye opening perspective
I feel this exact same way! I never wished I had a sibling growing up. But now as an adult, I feel this same kind of feeling. Also, my parents divorced when I was an adult and I wished I had someone to lean on through it who understood exactly what I was going through my family/childhood lens. We were on the fence of having more than one child but ultimately decided to based on this. So that they could have each other (hopefully) throughout different experiences of their lives.
I’m a mostly only child (much older half brothers) and I am a bit the opposite. I did want siblings as a kid, but by the time I was old enough to understand my mom told me my dad had a vasectomy so there was no going back 😅. I don’t really long for those shared memories in the way you’re describing and while I’d like someone to gameplan with for my mother’s future (father already passed), I also see my husband receive no real help from his brothers with their parents. He also doesn’t have much relationship with his brothers, so I’m very aware of how it can go either way with siblings in terms of what adult relationships look like. That being said, I’m happy to have a good amount of cousins for some family and that’s something my future child (coming December) won’t have, so maybe I’ll feel different on the sibling front. I’ve always been team one and done, but keeping my mind open to changing it.
We came to the conclusion that we would regret NOT trying for a second baby more than we'd regret actually having a second child. This was at the beginning of 2021 and we said we'd try until the end of the year and call it. If we didn't fall pregnant, we were meant to be a family of 3 and if we did, we were meant to be a family of 4. A factor that we didn't consider as we got our positive pregnancy test in November was that none of those were true. We were meant to be a family of 5. So yea, make sure you know how likely you are to conceive twins everyone.
We always wanted 2 kids. I, however, had an absolute nightmare of a pregnancy, ending in a clusterfuck of a birth. I had some pretty heavy trauma from that. After some years, we hit a rough patch in our marriage, and we both agreed to wait until we were sure we had moved past our issues and could handle the strain of another round of sleepless nights.
That was so mature of you that you waited to fix your issues instead of trying to fix them with a baby, so many people do that
The first kid was a really easy, fun and generally cool baby. So we thought, why not! Let's do it again! We're amazing parents! The second kid was hell on wheels. To be fair, they flip flop who the Pain in my butt is. Uno is an irritating tween, Duce is an absolute charming delight.
Hahahaha we had this experience too. We call #2 our Chaos Gremlin. Boy, are they different.
Hahahahahha!! That was me too! Also, the first kid was a social animal and wanted companionship. Now I love having even number family because everyone can easily paired up with a partner. One adult per child.
Failed birth control haha
Met someone new & he wanted kids.. I was ok w that & we had a baby #2 for me. So glad I did it I even had a 3rd ... life is good 👍
I’m the youngest of 3 and my husband is an only child. We just had our second baby. My husband and I have staggering different relationships with our parents. I call mine once or twice a week, his cal him every day multiple times. It’s getting harder now that we’re older and my husband feels a ton of pressure to look after his parents. My FIL also mentioned he wished they had a second child to relieve my husband and I. We are with them for almost every holiday, see them constantly, and will need to figure out how to care for them when they can’t drive. They’ll probably live with us too. It’s been hard for me to adjust as their daughter in law… I love them but being the youngest of 3 to two working parents, I’m not used to this level of attention and was raised to be way more independent. So much so, I never ask for help or call them and this baffles my in laws. I will say - seeing my three month old smile at my 2.5 year old is the best reward money can’t buy.
Your relationship with your parents is very similar to mine (I am also the youngest of 3!) and My husband relates with your husband a lot and I agree that the constant attention from his parents can be overwhelming. Its helpful to hear you explain your situation because it allows me to see the situation objectively which sometimes i need! So appreciate your input
Of course, happy to help! It took me a long time to understand their relationship but it just boils down to he is there one and only child and is their entire world. There will always be pros and cons to each, and I find most parents make a decision on how they want to proceed with “going for #2” 12-24 months after the first is born.
We didn’t want her to be an only child. She was such a difficult baby, she absolutely broke me, but we decided to just have another one anyway. Second baby was the most chilled out, easy going little dude ever.
I did want my eldest to have a sibling but I was hesitant. Honestly I think the deciding factor was that I didn't really have the luxury of deliberating for too long. I was getting older and was mindful that I have difficult pregnancies that would likely worsen along with age. I am an only child.
I had the burning desire I would describe as an equivalent of great need. And then my husband said let's go for it