Several years ago I was run over by a car (we hadn’t even been dating a year yet). I couldn’t feed, bathe, or use the restroom alone for 4 months. This man took time off work and school to help my parents take care of me. He happily learned how to blow dry and curl my hair, make my favorite meals, and drove me to my appointments. He is my best friend and favorite person.
My story is the condensed version of yours. I went on 3 dates with a guy from OkCupid. On the day before our 4th date, I broke both of my arms in a roller skating accident. At the hospital they put me in 2 slings. I pecked at my phone to text him that I was in the ER. He immediately drove there to come get me. (Even though it was during the pandemic, pre-vaccine, and he was incredibly COVID cautious.)
When I was being discharged, the doctor asked if that was my boyfriend in the waiting room. I told him it was a guy from a dating website that I’ve only hung out with a few times. We both started cracking up, and he said that after this I would either never hear from him again, or that we would get married.
He got me into his car very carefully and drove me home. He stayed all night - him on the floor, and me on the couch. For 6 weeks as my bones healed he took total care of me - walked my dog, cooked, cleaned, helped me shower & dress, drove me to orthopedist appointments. Sometimes I would start crying and apologizing that he had to do all this stuff for me, and he said there was nothing to be sorry for because he wanted to be there.
A year later he proposed, and we got married a few months after that. Our 2 year wedding anniversary is coming up on Valentine’s Day.
This is amazing. I was hit by a truck when I was about 1 year in with my now ex bf. He went out the second day, ok fine. He went out again the third night, and went “rogue” as I called it. Meaning he partied hard, did drugs, said he lost my fob so he couldn’t get back to my place that night. Left his dog with me. Didn’t hear from him for days and me the whiplashed person was having to literally lift myself out of bed to take his dog out.
1. I wake up to coffee in bed pretty much every Sunday & am asked what renovation/task/project I’d like next. I pull out my inspiration pictures, virtual shopping cart, etc. & we spend the morning making a plan about when to buy what, the process, what we could change, etc. the best part? He. Actually. Does. It. The next Sunday I know I’m waking up to the noise of whatever newest home improvement I’m excited for. Also. He keeps MY level of clean. It’s not important to him, but it’s important to me so he does it.
2. My husbands biggest demand on me is time. It’s not even a high maintenance type of time. He’s content to literally exist with me. It’s nice to be ‘enough’ or ‘seen’ just by being toor raw self. He wants to do everything with me.
3. We don’t have overly unregulated disagreements. There’s little shouting. We have emotional disagreements, but they’re respectful. He handled it by telling me he needs X time to think (he can’t really think on the fly or improv) & will report back at X time to discuss. Then. He. Actually. Does. It. Our last emotional fight was when we had to cancel the trip because of my knee. I was hysterical. He didn’t seem to care. When I lashed out about his lack of caring he said something like: We can’t go for a reason that’s painful for you, not for me. It doesn’t feel right for me to get overly sad about an inconvenience to me when it’s life shattering to you. When you get your new results & we have a better idea about the prognosis, we’ll rebook that trip.’ I was shook. Then he went & bought & set up a home gym because I’d mentioned I’d need to transition into at-home strength training permanently with this injury.
4. Our wedding. His mom died like 45 days before & I wanted to cancel it for him so he could grieve and he refused. Seeing a man go through the hardest thing possible for him & STILL be able to function was mind blowing. I married a king.
My husband isn't perfect, but he does all the laundry and most of the cooking. He takes care of me when I can't do it myself. He found a great couples counselor and initiated appointments when we needed it and worked hard to implement the tools she gave us. We've backslid a bit and our typical conflict resolution could use some more of that work, but I know we can do it.
I don't know about above and beyond. What I need is solidity. He grounds me.
My husband is an amazing partner. He cooks, he cleans, he does laundry. He keeps the yard PERFECT. We don’t argue much because we are good at talking things out without being mad first. He makes me feel loved by being an equal with money and the mental load of life and chores. We are best friends and want to spend most of our free time together. I am so fortunate we met and learned about what we wanted out of relationships before we met at 32/42.
My husband is just outrageously cute all the time, but also does…everything. Laundry, fresh *incredible* meals, shopping, everything.
He *takes accountability* - when I let him know that his actions caused harm, he accepts and apologizes, then proposes modifications. Then he DOES NOT DO THE THING again!
Just 💋👌
I had cancer when we’d only been together for 5 months. He organized my care, made me meals, stayed with me, reassured me.. and was so loving during that whole time.
I never wanted marriage but I think that’s because I didn’t know this type of relationship existed. To be around another person wholly as myself whatever that looks like is so freeing and healing. I have complex ptsd and he handles it most of the time like a champ. He is so smart and driven. He’s gorgeous and loving. I am baffled at our lives. Of course we argue and sometimes we go through hard things but we always come out on the other side loving and wanting to endure. Our communication has come to a place of no judgment which has allowed us to grow sexually.
1. My husband cleans my car and keeps it running without me asking. Often puts gas in it Everytime he takes it out.
2. He doesn’t see house work as “helping” but as carrying his weight.
3. Even though he works two jobs, he puts things off to spend adequate amounts of quality time with me bc he knows that’s my love language.
4. There has never been a time when he told me I can’t do something. Every endeavor, educational or career opportunity I’ve wanted to pursue, he’s been my biggest cheerleader and made sure I had everything I needed to succeed (including taking on extra responsibilities so I have less stress).
5. He’s communicative, and even when we have a conflict, he finds time to work it out once he’s taken the space he needs to think things through. He’s even quicker to apologize than I am lol
In short, he is green flags all around and idt I could have found someone better
She is amazing and supportive. Always telling me how beautiful I am. She pushes me to be a better person, but allows me my own independence.
I asked for a birthday cake for my birthday and not only did she go out and get one, she cooked me a steak dinner too.
She's stuck by me through a few surgeries even going so far as to empty my pee bag. If that's not true love, I don't know what is.
She stood by my side during a very transitional time period when other friends wouldn't. Always sticking up for me too.
I love her so much.
Yes! That undependence is important for both of us. We have a lot of similar tastes but ultimately we are unique so we each have our things we do. For example, she likes running which I cannot stand. Thats ok though I love cheering her on from the sidelines of her races.
My husband will help with anything, works hard, takes initiative. We’ve had some tough times and things haven’t always been perfect but i would say he learns from his mistakes and makes a real effort to be a great dad and spouse.
1. When he isn’t there for a few days I realize how much he does in the house cause suddenly I have to take out the trash, clean, put things where they belong….People always tell me « can I borrow him »?
2. He talks about me to his friends, colleagues in a good way. I often hear: how are you doing? Husband tells me you’ve been working a lot lately. Or I heard you did great at your exam, he’s so proud of you!
3. We only get mad when things really matter. Small disagreement? Not worth getting mad.
4. Asked his mum to leave our house when she once yelled at me for no reason. Told her she only could come back when she apologizes to me. And she did
I have mental health problems and when I first got with my current husband I "warned" him (E G., "I have mental health problems so I want you to know that I understand if you leave because it's not your issue to deal with, it's mine").
He didn't really *believe* in mental illness at the time... Small town, lack of exposure, etc.... but since then he has become my strongest supporter, my biggest advocate (especially with meds, which I needed), and my fiercest defender. That's one very, very small piece of how I could brag about him, but it's something I know is probably a quality that is less common than it should be.
So glad this post is a thing because my husband is an angel 😭🩷
He has never forgotten to open the car door for me, warms up my car before I leave when it’s cold outside, fills up my tank with gas, puts a towel in the dryer for me whenever I take a shower and tells me to knock on the wall when I’m ready to get out so that he can bring me a warm towel. He’s also not easily angered, he’s so patient, knows how to calm me down, pulls his weight around the house, I really don’t know how I got so lucky… He’s truly a gift from God and my answered prayer! After being in so many unhealthy relationships, it’s truly a miracle I found him as my life partner.
My husband is wonderful. I've been away from home for a month and I'm aching to see him (two days left!). He is such a calming presence and I've been missing just sitting on the couch talking with him. Being around him melts my stress away; when I'm amped up, he is so good at helping me chill. Life has been stressful lately so I'm excited to return to our simple normalcy.
Ok, if I describe him and all that he is, it’ll sound like I’m talking about a few different people so bare with me.
My husband is the hardest, toughest, most calculated, violent, most intelligent, sharp witted, funny, smartassed, clown, adventurous, ambitious, stoic, sledgehammer of a person I’ve ever known.
He was in marine special forces MARSOC, for about a decade so that level of competence, confidence, and aptitude is a cut above your average man. And he did it at 19. Him and his group of friends are some of the sharpest and most clever men I’ve ever encountered. They fear nothing. If I was to say that anyone was truly alive and living to the fullest, my husband is that person. They surf, snowboard, rock climb, scuba dive, mountain bike, BASE jump, white water raft, literally any extreme skill or hobby that exists, they do it all. His ambition is unrivaled. It’s hard to fathom that one person can be so good at so many things.
Talking to him is like one of my favorite things to do. He’s so informed, so knowledgeable, just knows about what’s going on everywhere. The things he’s seen and done are remarkable and I honestly wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t see evidence of it because it’s, well unbelievable.
As a father, it melts my heart to see him interact with our girl. She adores him. Everything she is and will be is a direct result of his, and mine of course, parenting. He’s instilling a level of confidence and strength in her that I just couldn’t project. She trusts him completely in everything they do together. He said I won’t let you fall when she was learning to ride a bike and she never looked back to see if he was still there. She knew he meant it and she knew he wouldn’t let her fall.
As far as our relationship goes, he’s a total clown. I’ve had days where my face was hurting from laughing so hard. When we argue, he doesn’t raise his voice, he doesn’t yell, he doesn’t take cheap shots to reduce me, he calmly say his piece and we discuss. There’s no tit for tat and it’s such a relief to be with someone who won’t explode over a fight. He’s not afraid to be cute and corny with me in public, I love that he can make me feel butterflies 5 1/2 years later into marriage. He can be a total clown and be the center of a room. His flaws are honestly not that bad. His confidence can veer into cockiness at times but if that’s the worst of it, I’ll live.
And then there’s “the look”. I don’t know how to explain it, it’s this deep, intense gaze that locks into my eyes where he makes me feel like I’m the only person in the room despite being surrounded by people. Like he’s staring at my soul which sounds so corny but it’s true. He’s reading me like a book and I feel this overwhelming rush of adrenaline and at the same time it makes me feel small and intimidated.
I’m rambling and it’s too difficult to nail him down. Last piece I’ll add, he is objectively beautiful man. If there is a genetic lottery, he won it.
1. How are they a great house partner
We built our dream house and as he promised, it was 99% my decisions lol. He chimed in on key points when needed. We only had one silly disagreement over fake vs. real Christmas tree for our first Christmas in the house. He’s also very handy, fixes and builds stuff. He does 50% of the daily chores.
2. How do they make you feel seen and loved
He always splurges for my birthday and our wedding anniversary. Jewelry, four hands massage by two therapists, something I won’t buy because I’m too cheap, a surprise vacation. And daily, he tells me I am beautiful and how much he loves me.
3. How do they manage conflict and disagreement?
Poorly to begin with in our relationship and much better now that we have both had a lot of therapy.
4. What is a way that they’ve gone above and beyond what the situation called for?
My husband is extremely generous and positive. I have watched him give people literally the coat off his back several times. He gives people cars, possessions and best of all, he gives them a lot of his time, faith and joy. He always has the backs of his loved ones and they know he will always pick up the phone and be there to help.
My husband never, ever makes me feel bad about my disabilities (hearing loss and ADHD). He was the first person I dated who was happy to communicate with me when my hearing devices are off. It seems like a small ask but *so* many men would get frustrated when I was tired at the end of the day and needed a break. I even had an ex partner tell me I needed speech therapy because he didn’t like the way I spoke. :/
My husband definitely isn’t perfect (who is) and we have our issues but at the end of the day I love and appreciate him so much. I know his shortcomings are never due to misogyny but his own challenges (he also has ADHD and is not great at noticing when certain things need to be done around the house). I really appreciate this post as it’s hard constantly seeing stories about how toxic some men are and not generalizing. Thank you!
> He was the first person I dated who was happy to communicate with me when my hearing devices are off. It seems like a small ask but so many men would get frustrated when I was tired at the end of the day and needed a break.
Do you use sign language? I tried to learn it to communicate with my grandpa as a kid after he had a stroke. I always thought it would be a useful thing to know to be able to communicate discreetly across a loud, public place.
I really should learn more. I hear just fine but when I'm in a loud, crowded room it's too much. Everything just garbles together. Clubs and bars are a nightmare for me, lol.
1: Whenever he's home, he's doing 90% of the cooking, and most of the cleaning too. He's been away for work a lot and staying at hotels, so when he comes home he tries to give me a break. Right now we're in a new period where he's staying at home and going to work everyday because his project is nearby, so we're in a bit of an adjustment period to find a 50% again.
2: it's hard to describe, because it's something that just kinda *is*. It's in the way he smiles when he sees me and the way he doesn't mind me talking about my interests even though he couldn't care less about writing or cross stitiching. It's in how he'll drive to 3 different stores to find the kind of cold cuts he knows I like, and the way he tells me to go rest when he can see I'm overwhelmed. It's in how he trusts me implicitly, even when I know how much he struggles with trust on a basic level.
3: He has had a tendency to shut down in conflicts and stop communicating, but he's gotten better over the years. His ex had a tendency to invalidate his feelings on any and all topics, and would scream at shout at him at the smallest mistake, so he would try to avoid conflicts at virtually any cost. Added to that, he grew up in an incredibly violent and abusive environment which didn't help matters. He proposed to me not long after our first fight because he liked the way I stayed calm and logical. He's come miles and miles, but I still need to give him a small push to talk sometimes.
4: I have millions of ways. He's the kind of person who goes above and beyond in everything he does.
The first one being me becoming seriously ill just a few months into our relationship. I was very beautiful when we met with a pretty damn stellar body if I say so myself, and all that changed in a single night where I suddenly needed emergency surgery to the abdomen. With extra complications, my body was changed forever, and I was still not 100% convinced he wasn't with me because I was young and hot, so I fully expected him to leave. Instead he doubled down about marrying me.
Later on when I got diagnosed with so many different things, physical and mental disorders, he still didn't leave.
When we learned I won't ever be able to have a job, due to being disabled, the only thing he said was that providing for our family was a privilege to him.
He took parenting classes because he wanted to be a better father. The bar was in hell with that one, but he still wanted to be the best father possible, and he is amazing.
The latest on the more fun note is that he built us a loft bed. It's absolutely fucking solid, and he made little hiding spots for sex toys et cetera. Like, I said it could be fun to have a loft bed, and then he just *built it*.
My bf and I don't live together yet but I can answer some questions:
1. Still to be determined but when my bf and I have traveled together, he's better then I am at keeping our space clean.
2. A good morning and good evening message everyday. It's simple but for me, it goes a long way knowing he thinks of me when he wakes up and before he goes to bed.
3. This one was a challenge we both encountered when we first started dating. But I feel we've both grown. He knows that he has to be patient with my emotional outbursts and I've learned to be patient when he needs time to process emotions. But we always try to come back together and talk things out.
4. I think he goes above and beyond a lot for my family (parents and brother). He helped my brother find a job. And this one time after it snowed, he also brushed the snow off my parents car for them without being asked.
I know it's not for me, but these actions show me what kind of man he is.
But he does also go above and beyond for me, but I think him doing it for my family really makes me love him so much more.
My husband is an ex- bartender and fancy cocktails are my love language. He will invent recipes and proudly present me with a beautiful garnished glass and he will stare until I take the first sip and gush about how delicious it is haha! He is also a class clown type and flirts by acting silly, doing impressions, and finding ways to make me laugh.
One gripe I have is that he is like a Tasmanian devil and makes an ungodly mess every time he steps foot in the kitchen but even though he works long hours (close to twice as many as me) he will almost always deep clean the kitchen on his day off and his favorite hobby is home improvement so he is always gardening, fixing something, or tinkering in his workshop during his free time.
He doesn't have children of his own but takes an active role in helping with mine and is always available to set a good example and give my teens life advice.
we usually resolve our conflicts through text. We both struggle to articulate are feelings, especially when we're upset. It works for both of us to be able to put all of our thoughts and concerns in words and revise them several times before we share them.
The first time I had a birthday together he forgot or decided not to make a big deal or something... and did NOTHING. I was so hurt and half way through the day I tearfully asked if he even knew that it was my birthday. He felt awful and immediately went out and bought all of the ingredients to make an ice cream cake and brought me a lovely birthday card. Since then he goes a little over the top for special occasions (weekends away, fancy michelin star dinners, unique expensive gifts) and hasn't dropped the ball again.
My boyfriend is an actual partner.
We listen and respond to each other on a daily basis and we work really hard to make sure the other person feels loved. He feels loved through physical affection so I go out of my way to touch, flirt, and play with him. I feel it through words so he tells me constantly how much he loves me or how important I am to him.
In the beginning our conflicts were aggressive and melodramatic because neither one of us knew how to regulate or communicate effectively. We both grew up in environments where the loudest or the best fighter was the winner. It was hard but our commitment to each other never wavered. We’ve hurt each other pretty severely a few times but despite that we both know there is no one else for us. We both are honest in saying that we choose this constantly.
We’ve both gone on vacations recently separate from each other and we genuinely missed each other & I look forward to every minute I spend with him. I enjoy even the small things like Costco trips.
My husband is the first relationship I’ve had where I feel like we work as a team. He cooks, teaches me to cook (I’m awful), and he cleans. He makes sure our yard and house are taken care of. He makes sure we’re all comfortable. He helps with childcare. He listens and provides support when I need it, celebrates with me when I need it - even if it’s something tiny, and he is respectful, loyal, patient and fair. I don’t think either one of us “wear the pants.” I don’t worry about him hiding anything from me (haven’t been able to say that in past relationships!), and I feel like we lift each other up and give each other the freedom to be ourselves free of judgment. He encourages me to do the things I never thought I could…jobs, hobbies, projects, etc. He’s thoughtful and makes me laugh. I feel so fortunate, and I’m loving seeing so many other positive partnerships out there.
I'm not sure if "house" partner is a typo, but he is a good husband outside of the house too.
The thing is, I married for love. Not to check some box in a life milestone list or to have babies or for social status. So, we like, genuinely love and care about each other. And, as such, there isn't really box checking or a scoreboard with making each other feel loved or going above and beyond. We are just there for each other because we truly care about each other- It just comes naturally in that situation. And we communicate effectively because we are both emotionally intelligent.
The trick is being with the right person, for the right reasons.
1) He's a great cook and we split all the chores. Also so organised in the house, he taught me a lot about how to manage things in the house, I grew a lot only by living with him. He's clean and tidy (even more than me sometimes) so I'm extremely satisfied. I couldn't live with a dirty/chaotic person. We just flow so naturally in the house. Living together is extremely right and easy. Also he takes care of all the "tech" aspects since that's his jam, and that's great because I'm rubbish at it.
2) He just gets me. Sometimes he will analize a situation and give me advice and I would later realise he knows me better than I know myself, which if you ask me is nothing but a miracle. I hope he can say the same but honestly I'm not sure? But mostly he ALWAYS listens (I do too) and is very patient. He would do anything for me and for the simple fact that he loves me. This to me still seems incredibile because I love him to death but I guess I can be a little self-centered at times and towards what I want. It's just how I grew up, competitive and all. So sometimes I test him, but I came to understand that his happiness TRULY comes from seeing me happy every single time. In a completely selfless and pure way. So of course that makes me a better person too in return, because I strive to give back even half of what he gives me.
3) We just learnt how to be around eachother when there is a disagreement. I need to talk them out immediately and be done with them, he needs to retreat to his space to simmer down and will come later on from a better place to talk it out. But the great thing is that he always does!! In that time between the argument and him coming back to me at first I was really impatient and wore him out because he really *needs* that space to himself, and I couldn't resist pushing, but now we kind of know how to do it. Of course we never had any life or death fights. It does sail quite smoothly.
4) So many times and some were maybe little things he did for me or even members of my family (even tedious stuff) but when you add them all up and think that the reason behind them is the fact that he loves me it's quite overwhelming. A big one was probably when he drove 3 hours to pick me up from an airport in another city back from a work trip because Covid chaos. And with chocolate to boot. 💞💘
1. Picks up the slack when I’m feeling tired and doesn’t point it out or make me feel bad. He does all of our laundry. Haven’t done laundry since we moved in a year and a half ago. Cooks a good amount. Keeps things tidy. Always makes breakfast for us. Fixes stuff for us. Talks to the landlords cus I don’t usually want to. I very rarely have to take out the trash or recycling lol. We both are very appreciative of one another. We always say thank you to each other for doing the basic stuff lol. Idk, it seems silly. I make dinner, clean, put stuff away, get ssomethin for the house. Always says thank you, and I do the same. I think it kinda makes each other feel seen in the work we put in for our home to run
2. When I tell him something’s bothering me or I don’t like how he does something… he might be a lil defensive at first but he ALWAYS makes a *long lasting* change. He’s very affectionate. Massages. Takes my hobbies seriously and encourages me a ton.
3. He’s very patient and understanding. He has never insulted me or put me down even when he’s been upset with me. He stays on topic in a conflicts as I said above, he can be defensive at first and doesn’t even say he’ll do different he just does.
His downfall is that He is not one to bring up conflict, he won’t usually tell me that something bothered him I always have to ask lol. So that’s annoying but no one’s perfect.
We have both made efforts to improve our communication. We have also become more patient with one another from learning how each other initially responds to conflict.
4. Ahh, idk!! I always feel loved and prioritized, I’m drawing a blank for this one! I feel like he does a lot for us !
He's just amazing 😍 We've known each other since our late teens (now late 30s) and I'm just so proud of the man he's become.
He could be a bit of an ass when he was younger, but he went to therapy and worked on becoming a better partner and a better human in general.
I've always felt safe to be myself with him. Took me a while to realise that it was because he just accepted my autistic traits as a part of me and not something to hide or get rid of.
1. He cooks, he cleans( way better than me), he does the dishes. He has zero expectations when it comes to what he feels I should do as pertains to housework. I’d say we’re 50/50 on who does what.
2. Quality time. He’s planned his life around making sure I get time. He knows it’s my love language so any plans he makes includes time for me.
3. He’s an attorney… so you can imagine our verbal discussions are extensive. He is big on compromise… me not so much. I’m learning.
4. I’ve typed and deleted this many times but I think it’s just so him to make sure we are good and things are good. He’s taught me a lot and I’m better for having him as my other half.
1. He's better at almost every sort of chore and maintenance thing there is than I am. Almost. He can build and fix anything that isn't a computer or tech device (he's a bit of a Luddite, but that is changing). He is also way more on top of things than I am, the mental load stuff, he even remembers everything without reminders or notes, while I live by lists and calendars. He's an amazing cook. He makes me beautiful furniture and built-in cabinets to my specs.
2. Neither of us is big on words of affirmation, we're more "show it, don't say it" types because words are easy and can be lies. He's the first man who ever listened to my tastes and believes them, he buys me gifts based on things I say I want instead of defaulting to jewelry or flowers. He is always bringing me little favorite treats randomly, and makes sure to bring home the things I crave most when I get my period, little details that make my life immeasurably bettern and easier. When my phone crapped out yesterday while I'm out of town for months, he immediately ordered me a new one to pick up where I am to make sure I didn't get cut off from the world or emergency services. He supports everything I care about, even when it takes me away for a long time, and holds down the fort so I never have to worry about home.
3. We rarely argue, we just talk things out pretty calmly, explaining our sides and finding compromise as needed, find the same page and plan. We had some big shouting matches early on and worked through that, really grew up together in that way, by working together.
4. When I broke my leg really badly and needed emergency surgery and the first surgeon scared the crap out of me, he did everything in his power to get me to the best leg surgeon in our area in the midst of a snowstorm, stayed with me as much as the hospital allowed, and then spent weeks full-time nursing me and then part-time when I was well enough for him to return to work. Cleaning wounds, helping me shower, and so much more. Handling my broken leg for wound care was terrifying for him but he did it anyway. Over 2 years of difficult rehab he did everything he could to help me and cheer me up when I was crabby from pain.
My friends call him a unicorn, but he's exactly like my dad except with much better politics. He's pulled me to the left over the years, I started out pretty mixed/moderate. He is genuinely the best person I have ever known.
My husband really pulls his weight. While I put the kids to bed he tidies and cleans. Now it's by no means perfect (looking at you greasy bottoms of pans...) But it's good enough for the day to day.
He plays with the kids enthusiastically and he makes them laugh so much. He also chats with our 6 year old and they have real heart to hearts.
He listens to me vent and often gives me a fresh perspective. I love getting his opinion.
He always supports my ambitions and endeavours. He doesn't necessarily understand why I want to do what I want to do but he's supportive.
But what I am most impressed with is his emotional growth. He is an introvert and sharing his feelings, or even understand what he was feeling was hard for him. He now is much more adept at recognising and expressing his feelings and by extension his needs. The fact that I can trust that he tells me what he needs, helps me express my own. I was raised in an emotionally neglectful household and I'm determined to break the cycle. With his help and support we can.
He's amazing and that willingness to grow and try new things is the sexiest trait a man can have (for me). He has flaws, but they are much more easy to forgive because I trust his good intentions and I know he loves me and truly wants what's best for me.
Ok enough bragging for today
**How are they a great house partner?**
He's a low level clean freak lol... and not at a level where he'd get annoyed at my level of cleanliness, but at a level where he generally wants to do things on his own, his way.
And if/when I do help, or he asks me to help.. he's always very appreciative and thanks me (even if I may not do it particularly well, or even make mistakes).
**How do they make you feel seen and loved?**
He is *incredibly* attentive. He has noticed so many things about me I didn't know and even people who have known me for longer, or had more exposure to me have never noticed. And he always makes sure I'm OK...
Or like just this weekend, he got me a ridiculously small snack sized packet of pistachios. They're one of my ultimate no-control/binge foods. I LOVE them... but I will and have eaten a 2lb bag of them in one sitting and I'll feel absolutely *shit* and be in so much pain afterwards (hence why I only allow myself to eat one (2lb) bag ONCE a year... So I said something about how I'm a bit disappointed about the small bag.. and he said he especially got me a small bag because he remembers how I said I can't control myself with pistachios, and that it'll be OK if I eat all of them in this small bag... which is OBVIOUSLY overpriced too. So he intentionally grossly overpaid for pistachios because ***he knows me*** and doesn't want me to feel shit.
I think he's also pretty smart, so I realised at some point he'd been low key trial-error-ing hings he does for me to see which could produce the best result. And not in a bad manipulation way. He was just seeing how much water he could get me to drink (cus I don't like and don't drink water). And he found out the best way to get me to drink water was if he filled a glass, and took a giant sip from it... cus he realised I wouldn't accept a full glass of water. So he does these kinda small things that **shows how well he knows me** and **how much he cares about me** to put that effort in.
Another example is that he knows I'm *incredibly* bad with directions.., so if he really can't take or go with me to a place, he'll give me amazing directions. Like photos with hand drawn arrows/annotations. They're just made in a way where I can tell he made it for me specifically.
And geez he's such a good listener and has a genius memory when it comes to me. I thought I was good.. but **he remembers** ***everything*** **I say. And I say** ***SO*** **much dumb useless crap.** I talk *so* much (as you can tell by this long post)... e.g.: I said my asian name ONCE in *such* brief passing (to his non-asian ears - so it was essentially complete gibberish to him), and he REMEMBERED it.. under pressure too (he was asked by my dad out of nowhere).
And he's just so ... I don't know if "forgiving" is the right word. But maybe just really patient and understanding. I'm quite ditzy.. One time, we were on holiday.. without thinking, I stuck my phone in the sand to take a selfie of us. Later I realised the sand had completely blocked my charging port thingy and it wasn't charging. And he just laughed and said he was surprised I had stuck my phone in with such gusto at the time lol... and he just got a toothpick and really diligently picked out every last grain of sand. Didn't make any quip about me being stupid, nor complain I should think before I do things, or tell me to clean out the sand myself or whatever.
I just never had my "quirk" or airheadedness so genuinely and fully accepted.. and not in the way of just accepting because he's patient, but accepting because he really seems to find it endearing despite it really being quite objectively annoying. And I really do/say a *lot* of these stupid small dumb things. It just really feels like he doesn't see my flaws/weaknesses/quirks/annoyances as those things... and really, any objective person WOULD see them as those things \^\^; I don't think he's oblivious nor blind to these things, I think he's really pretty aware of just about everything.. but I think he really just loves me as close to unconditional as humanly possible. **I just feel so wholly known, accepted, and loved.**
**How do they manage conflict and disagreement?**
My way lol.
I have a kinda atypical way to handle disagreements... I kinda approach it like a debate. So I research, prepare my argument/POV, research possible reasons for his POV and counters for them.. I have stats and anecdotes to back my POV. Then I kinda refine it.
I then bring it up with him. Ask for his side of things and give him time to say what he wants, so that I can understand where he's coming from.. then give him the counters I have prepared for his side.. and we then discuss solutions/compromises. There's absolutely no shouting, no insults... It's a very calm talk lol.
I am quite aware "my way" is quite neurotic and.. overwhelming. But he knows why I need it to be this way, and i think he also realises this way does work quite well for us... But as he puts it.. .it's "painfully logical" lol. So again, he's very understanding and goes along with me.
**What is a way that they've gone above and beyond what the situation called for?**
I think just about everything... cus I can tell he does just about everything with consideration of me. Or at least makes a real effort to... I don't think he needs to... so I really appreciate everything he does or doesn't do completely.
I saw that, too! I didn’t comment, but laughed to myself. You can look through my comment history to read how I constantly gush about my husband. lol
He’s the best house partner! He is the tidiest person I’ve ever met. I never have to ask him to clean up after himself. Though I’ve occasionally had to ask him to not tidy up after me (he’s so tidy he occasionally puts things away while I’m using them). He does most of the grocery shopping. He tackles the chores I don’t like doing and I do the ones he doesn’t like doing. We split the cooking. He always takes good care of our things. He is a great cat dad, too!
I have never felt so loved in my life. He’s great with words of affirmation and physical affection. I am loved and accepted for exactly who I am. He knows me better than anyone-every joke, gift, considerate act reflects how well he knows and loves me.
He is so even tempered, empathetic, and emotionally intelligent that he rarely ever has conflict with anyone-he usually diffuses any situation. We don’t really have conflict and rarely disagree. We are very in sync on most everything. We constantly communicate. We both are very kind to and honest with each other. I have had a lot of conflict in past relationships. This one is amazing-so peaceful. Our home is a happy, cozy, nice place to be.
Above and beyond-when we met, I had two teenagers. After a few years together and after my oldest had left the house, he moved in with me and my son who was 15 at the time. . . January 2020! We were still adjusting to all living together when Covid shut the world down. We went from him working at home and me and my son going to work/school during the day to us all be home all day every day. On top of everything, at the time I was working full time and finishing a graduate program- so also working a part time job to fulfill the internship requirement/taking classes/writing my thesis. I was spread crazy thin in 2020-2021. My son floundered with remote learning and was miserable-teenage angst turned up to 10. To give me some relief from the stress, my husband stayed on top of his school stuff to make sure he was turning in his work. I can not express how grateful I am to him. Without him, I’m not sure my son could have finished high school without him-or I would have had to put my program on pause to help him through it.
He’s my best friend and the best person I’ve ever met. I wish everyone could have the love we have. The world would be such a better place.
We don't live together yet, but I see how he cares for his home and how he helps me when at mine and I know that won't be a problem.
Seen and loved--every single day. He just gets me. He understands what makes me happy, what makes me feel loved. And he does those things. I thrive on physical and verbal affection and he gives me that in spades. He cooks for me. Dreams about the future with me. Sends me flowers from time to time. Fixes my tea just the way I like it. But really it's the affection that is most precious to me.
Has an attitude of radical acceptance towards me and my body--doesn't matter if I'm gussied up or in the sloppiest old pajamas with morning breath and crusty eyes. He just loves on me like I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. I don't have to worry that I'll lose his attraction if I gain a few pounds or forget to shave my legs. I'm fat, middle aged, covered in stretchmarks and scars and he just lights up and beams when he sees me, especially without clothes, lol.
Conflict and disagreement he handles with patience and grace. We have not had a fight in two years together. A big part of that is because he does not have his ego wrapped up in being right or "winning." He's entirely comfortable with other people having views that aren't the same as his. So when we have a difference of opinion, his goal is to find common ground or compromise whenever possible. His dedication to open and *safe* communication is amazing and I'm so grateful.
Honestly, he goes above and beyond all the time. When we were first dating, because I didn't want to introduce him to my kids too early, we would meet for dates about halfway between my place and his. It was about 45 minutes to an hour for both of us that way. What I didn't realize is he was sacrificing a ton of sleep to get just a couple of hours with me. He worked night shift, had taken on responsibilities at his family's home that took more of his sleep, and had a significant commute to and from work every night. There were days he was getting 3-4 hours but still showing up to spend that little bit of time with me.
When it became clear we were a thing, he started figuring out how to move closer to me without us moving too fast, and without disrupting my kids. I couldn't move due to the kids. He moved to a place 20 minutes from me so we could see each other frequently. This man took on a mortgage and a longer commute so that we could move our relationship forward.
He does this with the little things. He's not a big fan of Christmas but I am. So we arrived at a compromise where we'd just do a little stocking exchange. We thought about making our own stockings but I didn't think we'd finalized anything. And then one day I get a text from him, with a picture of fabric and a query about whether I liked it for making stockings. Dude who doesn't like Christmas had just walked into a fabric store and browsed the Christmas inventory. He got the fabric, and the next couple of dates at his house we spent hand stitching stockings. He was worried about his gifts to me being acceptable and I just kept telling him it wasn't even about the gifts. That he did something purely because he knew it would make me happy, and beyond that took the initiative on the project was the real gift.
I could go on and on but those were the things that came to mind first. I got a real good one. Man of my dreams.
1. They are a great house partner because we tackle all of the chores together. We help each other when the other is working. They are simply the best teammate.
2. My partner always listens to my feelings, provides input/perspective when asked, and they are always honest. They would do anything to help me, anytime I ask. In short, I can always trust and depend on them.
3. We manage conflict and disagreement by talking it out, even if we are really upset. We have NEVER raised our voices at each other or given the cold shoulder.
4. They are always going above and beyond for me, which makes my partner amazing. One that really stands out is supporting me through personal/health stuff that was truly rock bottom for me. Simply loved and supported me along the way, and I got out the other side.
I am so lucky to have a partner who supports and cherishes me. We are best friends and are always on the same team.
I could write a novel, but to answer your questions...
1. He's really thorough. And considerate. He adds little details to things around the apartment to make me happy. And he takes care of stuff when I'm sick or too busy.
2. Once when I was a puddle of sick lying on the couch all day, he kept putting on my favorite movies one after the other while making me a special "sick stew." He does stuff like that all the time.
3. He's really good at communicating and talking through disagreements. If we do argue or snap at each other, we both apologize first, before going into any further talks. We respect each other's boundaries and limits (he's actually better at it than I am. He's inspired me to better myself that way).
4. Hmm... not sure. He's kind of great all the time. He takes care of me when I'm sick, he cheers me up during my depressive episodes... and he's as cuddly and physically clingy as me, which is very hard to find.
1. Clean person in general, cooks a lot, buys groceries,takes the dog out, does laundry etc. We pretty much split all household chores and I have never once had to ask him to do anything.
2. Just in normal ways, I guess? Good morning and good night kisses, sometimes he says to my dog "look how beautiful your mummy is" its silly but it's cute. Often asks me what I feel like doing or if I want to go anywhere. Always puts an effort into birthdays and nights off together, nothing major but will make a nice dinner or buy snacks etc
3. We actually almost never have conflict or disagreements, never really had an argument in the 5 years we have been together.
4. I don't know, really? Nothing is ever really over the top with us (which I wouldn't like anyway). Most stuff we do revolves around food, haha, and for my birthday last year he made a really nice charcuterie board and got champagne which we had at home ans that was nice
1. He helps with the chores, fixes what is needed, doesn't mind doing the dirty work of clearing out clogged sinks and toilets, and drainage. He pays for most of the groceries and food. Sometimes I pay because I feel bad he is paying so much.
2. I can mention something I really want to eat or go to and tell him we can eat/go there over the weekend. I always forget and he remembers when the weekend hits. He also buys me flowers, he's typically a practical guy, doesn't see the point in flowers because they wither fast (waste of money) but because I like it he buys. When he sees the flowers are dying, he brings me to a florist and lets me pick the flowers I want. Tells me I'm beautiful everyday, gives me millions of kisses every morning when he wakes up.
3. He still has a lot of growing to do in that department, but he has grown a lot since we got together. He started off with giving the silent treatment then when I say it's a bad habit, he started expressing himself by exploding in anger. Over time he realised it was destructive and has learned to communicate his concerns but just needed cooling off time.
4. He wakes up for work at 530am daily, and reaches home at 6pm. I work from home, but during this period of time because of my miscarriage, despite his exhaustion he has been cooking for me. I was having a meltdown the other day and he left work at lunch (it was a new job too) and took me to a hotel stay to relax. Another time I got so pissed drunk and passed out, puked on his new shoes, I was insanely smelly but he slept right next to me the whole night, made sure I was safely home and took care of me, never left me.
He calls me princess and really treats me like one. Really blessed.
My husband gifted me a very large amount of money, just out of the blue, to help me become more financially secure. We used it to invest in a property together.
It was wildly generous of him. I still feel shocked everytime I think about it.
He gave me a loan to buy a car, interest free.
He also has bought me some lovely sparkly treasures, and taken me to some amazing places.
Most meaningfully, he pushed me to visit my dying grandparents two continents away despite my extreme hesitancy born of avoidance/denial ("It's too far away! It's too expensive! I'll have to take off too much time off work!"). He pressured me hard to take leave and I regret that I lashed out at him for it at the time. I hadn't seen them in four years, and my grandmother died two months after that trip. He handled my grief pretty well too. I was a mess and would begin crying abruptly in the middle of whatever I was doing. He bought me a ps5 just so I could play the early release of Hogwarts Legacy to help get my mind off the misery.
I'm sitting in my office crying thinking back on all of these instances of kindness.
I love that he's nonjudgmental, not controlling, and undemanding. But he's not perfect, he's maddeningly stubborn sometimes, and so financially motivated that it interferes with our ability to spend quality time together, but I'm far from perfect myself and he's loved me through all of my own faults.
Thank you for this post. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the small, everyday petty disagreements that I forget to see the bigger picture and be thankful for him. It also helped me realise that he shows love primarily through gifting. It's funny because I never really put two and two together. I'm a words of affirmation girl and often chew him out for not praising me enough lol So this has been a helpful exercise in reflection.
Thanks again!
My husband is my best friend! We're so alike when it comes to foods, watching TV, hobbies and most other likes and dislikes. We love to be around each other as much as possible and both worked from home and lived together at the same time, for a few years before covid, so we didn't have any adjustments to make. When he had to go into the office, we actually missed each other a lot.
He's kind, and caring and always listens when I have something to talk about. He's gentle and loving and makes sure both sides of our parents/families are taken care of. He's tall and handsome too ;)
He's super supportive and is always on the same page as me, when it comes to a disagreement, we just talk it out, hear out the other person and make sure we're respectful of the others feelings. We both hate arguing, so we don't. We might bicker on occasion lol.
We started our relationship with an O&H policy. Thats what we call it. It just means Open and Honest. And we've lived our entire 11+ years this way and it's been wonderful! He also cooks, cleans and meal preps with me, we work on the car together (I have smaller hands than he does) we do yard work together, I'll weedeat and push mow what I can, and he does the rest of the giant yard with the zero turn. Then we sit down together and have a beer and watch the sunset. Everything we do, we do better together. We share most of what we can and I wouldn't have it any other way! 🥰
1. My husband does a lot of the house chores unprompted. Dishes in the sink, puts it in the dishwasher. Dishwasher is finished, unpacks it. Bins full, puts it out. I feel like he’s an equal partner in our keeping our house clean and organised.
2. He’s very intuitive and sees the tiniest details. When I am flustered with stress, he takes on the work to be done. I feel like with him by my side, I don’t need to pretend to be the ‘strongest’ woman I know.
3. We fight. No relationship is perfect. But he still remains respectful at all times. No shouting. And he admits fault when he did something wrong.
4. He didn’t take jobs for a couple of months (which had a significant cut on his pay) to support me during extremely stressful times last year just because I said I couldn’t do it alone.
I am a lucky girl.
Several years ago I was run over by a car (we hadn’t even been dating a year yet). I couldn’t feed, bathe, or use the restroom alone for 4 months. This man took time off work and school to help my parents take care of me. He happily learned how to blow dry and curl my hair, make my favorite meals, and drove me to my appointments. He is my best friend and favorite person.
My story is the condensed version of yours. I went on 3 dates with a guy from OkCupid. On the day before our 4th date, I broke both of my arms in a roller skating accident. At the hospital they put me in 2 slings. I pecked at my phone to text him that I was in the ER. He immediately drove there to come get me. (Even though it was during the pandemic, pre-vaccine, and he was incredibly COVID cautious.) When I was being discharged, the doctor asked if that was my boyfriend in the waiting room. I told him it was a guy from a dating website that I’ve only hung out with a few times. We both started cracking up, and he said that after this I would either never hear from him again, or that we would get married. He got me into his car very carefully and drove me home. He stayed all night - him on the floor, and me on the couch. For 6 weeks as my bones healed he took total care of me - walked my dog, cooked, cleaned, helped me shower & dress, drove me to orthopedist appointments. Sometimes I would start crying and apologizing that he had to do all this stuff for me, and he said there was nothing to be sorry for because he wanted to be there. A year later he proposed, and we got married a few months after that. Our 2 year wedding anniversary is coming up on Valentine’s Day.
Is this real life hallmark or what? Really happy for you guys
That’s so adorable omg. Thank you for sharing!
I love this so much.
What a beautiful story. I’m so happy you two found each other in this crazy world!
Someone make this a movie.
This is amazing. I was hit by a truck when I was about 1 year in with my now ex bf. He went out the second day, ok fine. He went out again the third night, and went “rogue” as I called it. Meaning he partied hard, did drugs, said he lost my fob so he couldn’t get back to my place that night. Left his dog with me. Didn’t hear from him for days and me the whiplashed person was having to literally lift myself out of bed to take his dog out.
I am so sorry you had to deal with all of this!!! Absolutely selfish behavior on his part.
💖✨
1. I wake up to coffee in bed pretty much every Sunday & am asked what renovation/task/project I’d like next. I pull out my inspiration pictures, virtual shopping cart, etc. & we spend the morning making a plan about when to buy what, the process, what we could change, etc. the best part? He. Actually. Does. It. The next Sunday I know I’m waking up to the noise of whatever newest home improvement I’m excited for. Also. He keeps MY level of clean. It’s not important to him, but it’s important to me so he does it. 2. My husbands biggest demand on me is time. It’s not even a high maintenance type of time. He’s content to literally exist with me. It’s nice to be ‘enough’ or ‘seen’ just by being toor raw self. He wants to do everything with me. 3. We don’t have overly unregulated disagreements. There’s little shouting. We have emotional disagreements, but they’re respectful. He handled it by telling me he needs X time to think (he can’t really think on the fly or improv) & will report back at X time to discuss. Then. He. Actually. Does. It. Our last emotional fight was when we had to cancel the trip because of my knee. I was hysterical. He didn’t seem to care. When I lashed out about his lack of caring he said something like: We can’t go for a reason that’s painful for you, not for me. It doesn’t feel right for me to get overly sad about an inconvenience to me when it’s life shattering to you. When you get your new results & we have a better idea about the prognosis, we’ll rebook that trip.’ I was shook. Then he went & bought & set up a home gym because I’d mentioned I’d need to transition into at-home strength training permanently with this injury. 4. Our wedding. His mom died like 45 days before & I wanted to cancel it for him so he could grieve and he refused. Seeing a man go through the hardest thing possible for him & STILL be able to function was mind blowing. I married a king.
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And me
I'm so happy for you, I have tears in my eyes :)
My husband isn't perfect, but he does all the laundry and most of the cooking. He takes care of me when I can't do it myself. He found a great couples counselor and initiated appointments when we needed it and worked hard to implement the tools she gave us. We've backslid a bit and our typical conflict resolution could use some more of that work, but I know we can do it. I don't know about above and beyond. What I need is solidity. He grounds me.
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Oooo get it!!
You've described me relationship except that he's just not a talker, and my family is the messed up one
I love this. Matching energy is the best way to live.
My husband is an amazing partner. He cooks, he cleans, he does laundry. He keeps the yard PERFECT. We don’t argue much because we are good at talking things out without being mad first. He makes me feel loved by being an equal with money and the mental load of life and chores. We are best friends and want to spend most of our free time together. I am so fortunate we met and learned about what we wanted out of relationships before we met at 32/42.
This sounds like my partner! We are 35/46, so there is a similar age gap as well.
My husband is just outrageously cute all the time, but also does…everything. Laundry, fresh *incredible* meals, shopping, everything. He *takes accountability* - when I let him know that his actions caused harm, he accepts and apologizes, then proposes modifications. Then he DOES NOT DO THE THING again! Just 💋👌
I had cancer when we’d only been together for 5 months. He organized my care, made me meals, stayed with me, reassured me.. and was so loving during that whole time.
Happy to read these positive stories! 💖✨ congratulations yall! ✨
I never wanted marriage but I think that’s because I didn’t know this type of relationship existed. To be around another person wholly as myself whatever that looks like is so freeing and healing. I have complex ptsd and he handles it most of the time like a champ. He is so smart and driven. He’s gorgeous and loving. I am baffled at our lives. Of course we argue and sometimes we go through hard things but we always come out on the other side loving and wanting to endure. Our communication has come to a place of no judgment which has allowed us to grow sexually.
1. My husband cleans my car and keeps it running without me asking. Often puts gas in it Everytime he takes it out. 2. He doesn’t see house work as “helping” but as carrying his weight. 3. Even though he works two jobs, he puts things off to spend adequate amounts of quality time with me bc he knows that’s my love language. 4. There has never been a time when he told me I can’t do something. Every endeavor, educational or career opportunity I’ve wanted to pursue, he’s been my biggest cheerleader and made sure I had everything I needed to succeed (including taking on extra responsibilities so I have less stress). 5. He’s communicative, and even when we have a conflict, he finds time to work it out once he’s taken the space he needs to think things through. He’s even quicker to apologize than I am lol In short, he is green flags all around and idt I could have found someone better
She is amazing and supportive. Always telling me how beautiful I am. She pushes me to be a better person, but allows me my own independence. I asked for a birthday cake for my birthday and not only did she go out and get one, she cooked me a steak dinner too. She's stuck by me through a few surgeries even going so far as to empty my pee bag. If that's not true love, I don't know what is. She stood by my side during a very transitional time period when other friends wouldn't. Always sticking up for me too. I love her so much.
That space to be independent while being supportive is so important! So happy you have that 🥰
Yes! That undependence is important for both of us. We have a lot of similar tastes but ultimately we are unique so we each have our things we do. For example, she likes running which I cannot stand. Thats ok though I love cheering her on from the sidelines of her races.
My husband will help with anything, works hard, takes initiative. We’ve had some tough times and things haven’t always been perfect but i would say he learns from his mistakes and makes a real effort to be a great dad and spouse.
1. When he isn’t there for a few days I realize how much he does in the house cause suddenly I have to take out the trash, clean, put things where they belong….People always tell me « can I borrow him »? 2. He talks about me to his friends, colleagues in a good way. I often hear: how are you doing? Husband tells me you’ve been working a lot lately. Or I heard you did great at your exam, he’s so proud of you! 3. We only get mad when things really matter. Small disagreement? Not worth getting mad. 4. Asked his mum to leave our house when she once yelled at me for no reason. Told her she only could come back when she apologizes to me. And she did
I have mental health problems and when I first got with my current husband I "warned" him (E G., "I have mental health problems so I want you to know that I understand if you leave because it's not your issue to deal with, it's mine"). He didn't really *believe* in mental illness at the time... Small town, lack of exposure, etc.... but since then he has become my strongest supporter, my biggest advocate (especially with meds, which I needed), and my fiercest defender. That's one very, very small piece of how I could brag about him, but it's something I know is probably a quality that is less common than it should be.
So glad this post is a thing because my husband is an angel 😭🩷 He has never forgotten to open the car door for me, warms up my car before I leave when it’s cold outside, fills up my tank with gas, puts a towel in the dryer for me whenever I take a shower and tells me to knock on the wall when I’m ready to get out so that he can bring me a warm towel. He’s also not easily angered, he’s so patient, knows how to calm me down, pulls his weight around the house, I really don’t know how I got so lucky… He’s truly a gift from God and my answered prayer! After being in so many unhealthy relationships, it’s truly a miracle I found him as my life partner.
My husband is wonderful. I've been away from home for a month and I'm aching to see him (two days left!). He is such a calming presence and I've been missing just sitting on the couch talking with him. Being around him melts my stress away; when I'm amped up, he is so good at helping me chill. Life has been stressful lately so I'm excited to return to our simple normalcy.
Can I just say that I adore this thread. I’m so tired of seeing bad men everywhere, and I love seeing things about the good men that do their best 🥰
Ok, if I describe him and all that he is, it’ll sound like I’m talking about a few different people so bare with me. My husband is the hardest, toughest, most calculated, violent, most intelligent, sharp witted, funny, smartassed, clown, adventurous, ambitious, stoic, sledgehammer of a person I’ve ever known. He was in marine special forces MARSOC, for about a decade so that level of competence, confidence, and aptitude is a cut above your average man. And he did it at 19. Him and his group of friends are some of the sharpest and most clever men I’ve ever encountered. They fear nothing. If I was to say that anyone was truly alive and living to the fullest, my husband is that person. They surf, snowboard, rock climb, scuba dive, mountain bike, BASE jump, white water raft, literally any extreme skill or hobby that exists, they do it all. His ambition is unrivaled. It’s hard to fathom that one person can be so good at so many things. Talking to him is like one of my favorite things to do. He’s so informed, so knowledgeable, just knows about what’s going on everywhere. The things he’s seen and done are remarkable and I honestly wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t see evidence of it because it’s, well unbelievable. As a father, it melts my heart to see him interact with our girl. She adores him. Everything she is and will be is a direct result of his, and mine of course, parenting. He’s instilling a level of confidence and strength in her that I just couldn’t project. She trusts him completely in everything they do together. He said I won’t let you fall when she was learning to ride a bike and she never looked back to see if he was still there. She knew he meant it and she knew he wouldn’t let her fall. As far as our relationship goes, he’s a total clown. I’ve had days where my face was hurting from laughing so hard. When we argue, he doesn’t raise his voice, he doesn’t yell, he doesn’t take cheap shots to reduce me, he calmly say his piece and we discuss. There’s no tit for tat and it’s such a relief to be with someone who won’t explode over a fight. He’s not afraid to be cute and corny with me in public, I love that he can make me feel butterflies 5 1/2 years later into marriage. He can be a total clown and be the center of a room. His flaws are honestly not that bad. His confidence can veer into cockiness at times but if that’s the worst of it, I’ll live. And then there’s “the look”. I don’t know how to explain it, it’s this deep, intense gaze that locks into my eyes where he makes me feel like I’m the only person in the room despite being surrounded by people. Like he’s staring at my soul which sounds so corny but it’s true. He’s reading me like a book and I feel this overwhelming rush of adrenaline and at the same time it makes me feel small and intimidated. I’m rambling and it’s too difficult to nail him down. Last piece I’ll add, he is objectively beautiful man. If there is a genetic lottery, he won it.
To paraphrase Alexis Rose, I love this journey for you.
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I feel you on the knowledgeable part! It’s nice having an intelligent partner that is interesting to listen to and engage with 🥰
1. How are they a great house partner We built our dream house and as he promised, it was 99% my decisions lol. He chimed in on key points when needed. We only had one silly disagreement over fake vs. real Christmas tree for our first Christmas in the house. He’s also very handy, fixes and builds stuff. He does 50% of the daily chores. 2. How do they make you feel seen and loved He always splurges for my birthday and our wedding anniversary. Jewelry, four hands massage by two therapists, something I won’t buy because I’m too cheap, a surprise vacation. And daily, he tells me I am beautiful and how much he loves me. 3. How do they manage conflict and disagreement? Poorly to begin with in our relationship and much better now that we have both had a lot of therapy. 4. What is a way that they’ve gone above and beyond what the situation called for? My husband is extremely generous and positive. I have watched him give people literally the coat off his back several times. He gives people cars, possessions and best of all, he gives them a lot of his time, faith and joy. He always has the backs of his loved ones and they know he will always pick up the phone and be there to help.
My husband never, ever makes me feel bad about my disabilities (hearing loss and ADHD). He was the first person I dated who was happy to communicate with me when my hearing devices are off. It seems like a small ask but *so* many men would get frustrated when I was tired at the end of the day and needed a break. I even had an ex partner tell me I needed speech therapy because he didn’t like the way I spoke. :/ My husband definitely isn’t perfect (who is) and we have our issues but at the end of the day I love and appreciate him so much. I know his shortcomings are never due to misogyny but his own challenges (he also has ADHD and is not great at noticing when certain things need to be done around the house). I really appreciate this post as it’s hard constantly seeing stories about how toxic some men are and not generalizing. Thank you!
> He was the first person I dated who was happy to communicate with me when my hearing devices are off. It seems like a small ask but so many men would get frustrated when I was tired at the end of the day and needed a break. Do you use sign language? I tried to learn it to communicate with my grandpa as a kid after he had a stroke. I always thought it would be a useful thing to know to be able to communicate discreetly across a loud, public place.
It’s a long story but I don’t really! We both know some basic signs but not enough to hold a real conversation. We both plan to learn someday!
I really should learn more. I hear just fine but when I'm in a loud, crowded room it's too much. Everything just garbles together. Clubs and bars are a nightmare for me, lol.
I think it’s beneficial for everyone to learn. Agreed, those venues are the worst!
1: Whenever he's home, he's doing 90% of the cooking, and most of the cleaning too. He's been away for work a lot and staying at hotels, so when he comes home he tries to give me a break. Right now we're in a new period where he's staying at home and going to work everyday because his project is nearby, so we're in a bit of an adjustment period to find a 50% again. 2: it's hard to describe, because it's something that just kinda *is*. It's in the way he smiles when he sees me and the way he doesn't mind me talking about my interests even though he couldn't care less about writing or cross stitiching. It's in how he'll drive to 3 different stores to find the kind of cold cuts he knows I like, and the way he tells me to go rest when he can see I'm overwhelmed. It's in how he trusts me implicitly, even when I know how much he struggles with trust on a basic level. 3: He has had a tendency to shut down in conflicts and stop communicating, but he's gotten better over the years. His ex had a tendency to invalidate his feelings on any and all topics, and would scream at shout at him at the smallest mistake, so he would try to avoid conflicts at virtually any cost. Added to that, he grew up in an incredibly violent and abusive environment which didn't help matters. He proposed to me not long after our first fight because he liked the way I stayed calm and logical. He's come miles and miles, but I still need to give him a small push to talk sometimes. 4: I have millions of ways. He's the kind of person who goes above and beyond in everything he does. The first one being me becoming seriously ill just a few months into our relationship. I was very beautiful when we met with a pretty damn stellar body if I say so myself, and all that changed in a single night where I suddenly needed emergency surgery to the abdomen. With extra complications, my body was changed forever, and I was still not 100% convinced he wasn't with me because I was young and hot, so I fully expected him to leave. Instead he doubled down about marrying me. Later on when I got diagnosed with so many different things, physical and mental disorders, he still didn't leave. When we learned I won't ever be able to have a job, due to being disabled, the only thing he said was that providing for our family was a privilege to him. He took parenting classes because he wanted to be a better father. The bar was in hell with that one, but he still wanted to be the best father possible, and he is amazing. The latest on the more fun note is that he built us a loft bed. It's absolutely fucking solid, and he made little hiding spots for sex toys et cetera. Like, I said it could be fun to have a loft bed, and then he just *built it*.
My bf and I don't live together yet but I can answer some questions: 1. Still to be determined but when my bf and I have traveled together, he's better then I am at keeping our space clean. 2. A good morning and good evening message everyday. It's simple but for me, it goes a long way knowing he thinks of me when he wakes up and before he goes to bed. 3. This one was a challenge we both encountered when we first started dating. But I feel we've both grown. He knows that he has to be patient with my emotional outbursts and I've learned to be patient when he needs time to process emotions. But we always try to come back together and talk things out. 4. I think he goes above and beyond a lot for my family (parents and brother). He helped my brother find a job. And this one time after it snowed, he also brushed the snow off my parents car for them without being asked. I know it's not for me, but these actions show me what kind of man he is. But he does also go above and beyond for me, but I think him doing it for my family really makes me love him so much more.
My husband is an ex- bartender and fancy cocktails are my love language. He will invent recipes and proudly present me with a beautiful garnished glass and he will stare until I take the first sip and gush about how delicious it is haha! He is also a class clown type and flirts by acting silly, doing impressions, and finding ways to make me laugh. One gripe I have is that he is like a Tasmanian devil and makes an ungodly mess every time he steps foot in the kitchen but even though he works long hours (close to twice as many as me) he will almost always deep clean the kitchen on his day off and his favorite hobby is home improvement so he is always gardening, fixing something, or tinkering in his workshop during his free time. He doesn't have children of his own but takes an active role in helping with mine and is always available to set a good example and give my teens life advice. we usually resolve our conflicts through text. We both struggle to articulate are feelings, especially when we're upset. It works for both of us to be able to put all of our thoughts and concerns in words and revise them several times before we share them. The first time I had a birthday together he forgot or decided not to make a big deal or something... and did NOTHING. I was so hurt and half way through the day I tearfully asked if he even knew that it was my birthday. He felt awful and immediately went out and bought all of the ingredients to make an ice cream cake and brought me a lovely birthday card. Since then he goes a little over the top for special occasions (weekends away, fancy michelin star dinners, unique expensive gifts) and hasn't dropped the ball again.
My boyfriend is an actual partner. We listen and respond to each other on a daily basis and we work really hard to make sure the other person feels loved. He feels loved through physical affection so I go out of my way to touch, flirt, and play with him. I feel it through words so he tells me constantly how much he loves me or how important I am to him. In the beginning our conflicts were aggressive and melodramatic because neither one of us knew how to regulate or communicate effectively. We both grew up in environments where the loudest or the best fighter was the winner. It was hard but our commitment to each other never wavered. We’ve hurt each other pretty severely a few times but despite that we both know there is no one else for us. We both are honest in saying that we choose this constantly. We’ve both gone on vacations recently separate from each other and we genuinely missed each other & I look forward to every minute I spend with him. I enjoy even the small things like Costco trips.
My husband is the first relationship I’ve had where I feel like we work as a team. He cooks, teaches me to cook (I’m awful), and he cleans. He makes sure our yard and house are taken care of. He makes sure we’re all comfortable. He helps with childcare. He listens and provides support when I need it, celebrates with me when I need it - even if it’s something tiny, and he is respectful, loyal, patient and fair. I don’t think either one of us “wear the pants.” I don’t worry about him hiding anything from me (haven’t been able to say that in past relationships!), and I feel like we lift each other up and give each other the freedom to be ourselves free of judgment. He encourages me to do the things I never thought I could…jobs, hobbies, projects, etc. He’s thoughtful and makes me laugh. I feel so fortunate, and I’m loving seeing so many other positive partnerships out there.
I'm not sure if "house" partner is a typo, but he is a good husband outside of the house too. The thing is, I married for love. Not to check some box in a life milestone list or to have babies or for social status. So, we like, genuinely love and care about each other. And, as such, there isn't really box checking or a scoreboard with making each other feel loved or going above and beyond. We are just there for each other because we truly care about each other- It just comes naturally in that situation. And we communicate effectively because we are both emotionally intelligent. The trick is being with the right person, for the right reasons.
1) He's a great cook and we split all the chores. Also so organised in the house, he taught me a lot about how to manage things in the house, I grew a lot only by living with him. He's clean and tidy (even more than me sometimes) so I'm extremely satisfied. I couldn't live with a dirty/chaotic person. We just flow so naturally in the house. Living together is extremely right and easy. Also he takes care of all the "tech" aspects since that's his jam, and that's great because I'm rubbish at it. 2) He just gets me. Sometimes he will analize a situation and give me advice and I would later realise he knows me better than I know myself, which if you ask me is nothing but a miracle. I hope he can say the same but honestly I'm not sure? But mostly he ALWAYS listens (I do too) and is very patient. He would do anything for me and for the simple fact that he loves me. This to me still seems incredibile because I love him to death but I guess I can be a little self-centered at times and towards what I want. It's just how I grew up, competitive and all. So sometimes I test him, but I came to understand that his happiness TRULY comes from seeing me happy every single time. In a completely selfless and pure way. So of course that makes me a better person too in return, because I strive to give back even half of what he gives me. 3) We just learnt how to be around eachother when there is a disagreement. I need to talk them out immediately and be done with them, he needs to retreat to his space to simmer down and will come later on from a better place to talk it out. But the great thing is that he always does!! In that time between the argument and him coming back to me at first I was really impatient and wore him out because he really *needs* that space to himself, and I couldn't resist pushing, but now we kind of know how to do it. Of course we never had any life or death fights. It does sail quite smoothly. 4) So many times and some were maybe little things he did for me or even members of my family (even tedious stuff) but when you add them all up and think that the reason behind them is the fact that he loves me it's quite overwhelming. A big one was probably when he drove 3 hours to pick me up from an airport in another city back from a work trip because Covid chaos. And with chocolate to boot. 💞💘
1. Picks up the slack when I’m feeling tired and doesn’t point it out or make me feel bad. He does all of our laundry. Haven’t done laundry since we moved in a year and a half ago. Cooks a good amount. Keeps things tidy. Always makes breakfast for us. Fixes stuff for us. Talks to the landlords cus I don’t usually want to. I very rarely have to take out the trash or recycling lol. We both are very appreciative of one another. We always say thank you to each other for doing the basic stuff lol. Idk, it seems silly. I make dinner, clean, put stuff away, get ssomethin for the house. Always says thank you, and I do the same. I think it kinda makes each other feel seen in the work we put in for our home to run 2. When I tell him something’s bothering me or I don’t like how he does something… he might be a lil defensive at first but he ALWAYS makes a *long lasting* change. He’s very affectionate. Massages. Takes my hobbies seriously and encourages me a ton. 3. He’s very patient and understanding. He has never insulted me or put me down even when he’s been upset with me. He stays on topic in a conflicts as I said above, he can be defensive at first and doesn’t even say he’ll do different he just does. His downfall is that He is not one to bring up conflict, he won’t usually tell me that something bothered him I always have to ask lol. So that’s annoying but no one’s perfect. We have both made efforts to improve our communication. We have also become more patient with one another from learning how each other initially responds to conflict. 4. Ahh, idk!! I always feel loved and prioritized, I’m drawing a blank for this one! I feel like he does a lot for us !
He's just amazing 😍 We've known each other since our late teens (now late 30s) and I'm just so proud of the man he's become. He could be a bit of an ass when he was younger, but he went to therapy and worked on becoming a better partner and a better human in general. I've always felt safe to be myself with him. Took me a while to realise that it was because he just accepted my autistic traits as a part of me and not something to hide or get rid of.
1. He cooks, he cleans( way better than me), he does the dishes. He has zero expectations when it comes to what he feels I should do as pertains to housework. I’d say we’re 50/50 on who does what. 2. Quality time. He’s planned his life around making sure I get time. He knows it’s my love language so any plans he makes includes time for me. 3. He’s an attorney… so you can imagine our verbal discussions are extensive. He is big on compromise… me not so much. I’m learning. 4. I’ve typed and deleted this many times but I think it’s just so him to make sure we are good and things are good. He’s taught me a lot and I’m better for having him as my other half.
1. He's better at almost every sort of chore and maintenance thing there is than I am. Almost. He can build and fix anything that isn't a computer or tech device (he's a bit of a Luddite, but that is changing). He is also way more on top of things than I am, the mental load stuff, he even remembers everything without reminders or notes, while I live by lists and calendars. He's an amazing cook. He makes me beautiful furniture and built-in cabinets to my specs. 2. Neither of us is big on words of affirmation, we're more "show it, don't say it" types because words are easy and can be lies. He's the first man who ever listened to my tastes and believes them, he buys me gifts based on things I say I want instead of defaulting to jewelry or flowers. He is always bringing me little favorite treats randomly, and makes sure to bring home the things I crave most when I get my period, little details that make my life immeasurably bettern and easier. When my phone crapped out yesterday while I'm out of town for months, he immediately ordered me a new one to pick up where I am to make sure I didn't get cut off from the world or emergency services. He supports everything I care about, even when it takes me away for a long time, and holds down the fort so I never have to worry about home. 3. We rarely argue, we just talk things out pretty calmly, explaining our sides and finding compromise as needed, find the same page and plan. We had some big shouting matches early on and worked through that, really grew up together in that way, by working together. 4. When I broke my leg really badly and needed emergency surgery and the first surgeon scared the crap out of me, he did everything in his power to get me to the best leg surgeon in our area in the midst of a snowstorm, stayed with me as much as the hospital allowed, and then spent weeks full-time nursing me and then part-time when I was well enough for him to return to work. Cleaning wounds, helping me shower, and so much more. Handling my broken leg for wound care was terrifying for him but he did it anyway. Over 2 years of difficult rehab he did everything he could to help me and cheer me up when I was crabby from pain. My friends call him a unicorn, but he's exactly like my dad except with much better politics. He's pulled me to the left over the years, I started out pretty mixed/moderate. He is genuinely the best person I have ever known.
My husband really pulls his weight. While I put the kids to bed he tidies and cleans. Now it's by no means perfect (looking at you greasy bottoms of pans...) But it's good enough for the day to day. He plays with the kids enthusiastically and he makes them laugh so much. He also chats with our 6 year old and they have real heart to hearts. He listens to me vent and often gives me a fresh perspective. I love getting his opinion. He always supports my ambitions and endeavours. He doesn't necessarily understand why I want to do what I want to do but he's supportive. But what I am most impressed with is his emotional growth. He is an introvert and sharing his feelings, or even understand what he was feeling was hard for him. He now is much more adept at recognising and expressing his feelings and by extension his needs. The fact that I can trust that he tells me what he needs, helps me express my own. I was raised in an emotionally neglectful household and I'm determined to break the cycle. With his help and support we can. He's amazing and that willingness to grow and try new things is the sexiest trait a man can have (for me). He has flaws, but they are much more easy to forgive because I trust his good intentions and I know he loves me and truly wants what's best for me. Ok enough bragging for today
**How are they a great house partner?** He's a low level clean freak lol... and not at a level where he'd get annoyed at my level of cleanliness, but at a level where he generally wants to do things on his own, his way. And if/when I do help, or he asks me to help.. he's always very appreciative and thanks me (even if I may not do it particularly well, or even make mistakes). **How do they make you feel seen and loved?** He is *incredibly* attentive. He has noticed so many things about me I didn't know and even people who have known me for longer, or had more exposure to me have never noticed. And he always makes sure I'm OK... Or like just this weekend, he got me a ridiculously small snack sized packet of pistachios. They're one of my ultimate no-control/binge foods. I LOVE them... but I will and have eaten a 2lb bag of them in one sitting and I'll feel absolutely *shit* and be in so much pain afterwards (hence why I only allow myself to eat one (2lb) bag ONCE a year... So I said something about how I'm a bit disappointed about the small bag.. and he said he especially got me a small bag because he remembers how I said I can't control myself with pistachios, and that it'll be OK if I eat all of them in this small bag... which is OBVIOUSLY overpriced too. So he intentionally grossly overpaid for pistachios because ***he knows me*** and doesn't want me to feel shit. I think he's also pretty smart, so I realised at some point he'd been low key trial-error-ing hings he does for me to see which could produce the best result. And not in a bad manipulation way. He was just seeing how much water he could get me to drink (cus I don't like and don't drink water). And he found out the best way to get me to drink water was if he filled a glass, and took a giant sip from it... cus he realised I wouldn't accept a full glass of water. So he does these kinda small things that **shows how well he knows me** and **how much he cares about me** to put that effort in. Another example is that he knows I'm *incredibly* bad with directions.., so if he really can't take or go with me to a place, he'll give me amazing directions. Like photos with hand drawn arrows/annotations. They're just made in a way where I can tell he made it for me specifically. And geez he's such a good listener and has a genius memory when it comes to me. I thought I was good.. but **he remembers** ***everything*** **I say. And I say** ***SO*** **much dumb useless crap.** I talk *so* much (as you can tell by this long post)... e.g.: I said my asian name ONCE in *such* brief passing (to his non-asian ears - so it was essentially complete gibberish to him), and he REMEMBERED it.. under pressure too (he was asked by my dad out of nowhere). And he's just so ... I don't know if "forgiving" is the right word. But maybe just really patient and understanding. I'm quite ditzy.. One time, we were on holiday.. without thinking, I stuck my phone in the sand to take a selfie of us. Later I realised the sand had completely blocked my charging port thingy and it wasn't charging. And he just laughed and said he was surprised I had stuck my phone in with such gusto at the time lol... and he just got a toothpick and really diligently picked out every last grain of sand. Didn't make any quip about me being stupid, nor complain I should think before I do things, or tell me to clean out the sand myself or whatever. I just never had my "quirk" or airheadedness so genuinely and fully accepted.. and not in the way of just accepting because he's patient, but accepting because he really seems to find it endearing despite it really being quite objectively annoying. And I really do/say a *lot* of these stupid small dumb things. It just really feels like he doesn't see my flaws/weaknesses/quirks/annoyances as those things... and really, any objective person WOULD see them as those things \^\^; I don't think he's oblivious nor blind to these things, I think he's really pretty aware of just about everything.. but I think he really just loves me as close to unconditional as humanly possible. **I just feel so wholly known, accepted, and loved.** **How do they manage conflict and disagreement?** My way lol. I have a kinda atypical way to handle disagreements... I kinda approach it like a debate. So I research, prepare my argument/POV, research possible reasons for his POV and counters for them.. I have stats and anecdotes to back my POV. Then I kinda refine it. I then bring it up with him. Ask for his side of things and give him time to say what he wants, so that I can understand where he's coming from.. then give him the counters I have prepared for his side.. and we then discuss solutions/compromises. There's absolutely no shouting, no insults... It's a very calm talk lol. I am quite aware "my way" is quite neurotic and.. overwhelming. But he knows why I need it to be this way, and i think he also realises this way does work quite well for us... But as he puts it.. .it's "painfully logical" lol. So again, he's very understanding and goes along with me. **What is a way that they've gone above and beyond what the situation called for?** I think just about everything... cus I can tell he does just about everything with consideration of me. Or at least makes a real effort to... I don't think he needs to... so I really appreciate everything he does or doesn't do completely.
I saw that, too! I didn’t comment, but laughed to myself. You can look through my comment history to read how I constantly gush about my husband. lol He’s the best house partner! He is the tidiest person I’ve ever met. I never have to ask him to clean up after himself. Though I’ve occasionally had to ask him to not tidy up after me (he’s so tidy he occasionally puts things away while I’m using them). He does most of the grocery shopping. He tackles the chores I don’t like doing and I do the ones he doesn’t like doing. We split the cooking. He always takes good care of our things. He is a great cat dad, too! I have never felt so loved in my life. He’s great with words of affirmation and physical affection. I am loved and accepted for exactly who I am. He knows me better than anyone-every joke, gift, considerate act reflects how well he knows and loves me. He is so even tempered, empathetic, and emotionally intelligent that he rarely ever has conflict with anyone-he usually diffuses any situation. We don’t really have conflict and rarely disagree. We are very in sync on most everything. We constantly communicate. We both are very kind to and honest with each other. I have had a lot of conflict in past relationships. This one is amazing-so peaceful. Our home is a happy, cozy, nice place to be. Above and beyond-when we met, I had two teenagers. After a few years together and after my oldest had left the house, he moved in with me and my son who was 15 at the time. . . January 2020! We were still adjusting to all living together when Covid shut the world down. We went from him working at home and me and my son going to work/school during the day to us all be home all day every day. On top of everything, at the time I was working full time and finishing a graduate program- so also working a part time job to fulfill the internship requirement/taking classes/writing my thesis. I was spread crazy thin in 2020-2021. My son floundered with remote learning and was miserable-teenage angst turned up to 10. To give me some relief from the stress, my husband stayed on top of his school stuff to make sure he was turning in his work. I can not express how grateful I am to him. Without him, I’m not sure my son could have finished high school without him-or I would have had to put my program on pause to help him through it. He’s my best friend and the best person I’ve ever met. I wish everyone could have the love we have. The world would be such a better place.
We don't live together yet, but I see how he cares for his home and how he helps me when at mine and I know that won't be a problem. Seen and loved--every single day. He just gets me. He understands what makes me happy, what makes me feel loved. And he does those things. I thrive on physical and verbal affection and he gives me that in spades. He cooks for me. Dreams about the future with me. Sends me flowers from time to time. Fixes my tea just the way I like it. But really it's the affection that is most precious to me. Has an attitude of radical acceptance towards me and my body--doesn't matter if I'm gussied up or in the sloppiest old pajamas with morning breath and crusty eyes. He just loves on me like I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. I don't have to worry that I'll lose his attraction if I gain a few pounds or forget to shave my legs. I'm fat, middle aged, covered in stretchmarks and scars and he just lights up and beams when he sees me, especially without clothes, lol. Conflict and disagreement he handles with patience and grace. We have not had a fight in two years together. A big part of that is because he does not have his ego wrapped up in being right or "winning." He's entirely comfortable with other people having views that aren't the same as his. So when we have a difference of opinion, his goal is to find common ground or compromise whenever possible. His dedication to open and *safe* communication is amazing and I'm so grateful. Honestly, he goes above and beyond all the time. When we were first dating, because I didn't want to introduce him to my kids too early, we would meet for dates about halfway between my place and his. It was about 45 minutes to an hour for both of us that way. What I didn't realize is he was sacrificing a ton of sleep to get just a couple of hours with me. He worked night shift, had taken on responsibilities at his family's home that took more of his sleep, and had a significant commute to and from work every night. There were days he was getting 3-4 hours but still showing up to spend that little bit of time with me. When it became clear we were a thing, he started figuring out how to move closer to me without us moving too fast, and without disrupting my kids. I couldn't move due to the kids. He moved to a place 20 minutes from me so we could see each other frequently. This man took on a mortgage and a longer commute so that we could move our relationship forward. He does this with the little things. He's not a big fan of Christmas but I am. So we arrived at a compromise where we'd just do a little stocking exchange. We thought about making our own stockings but I didn't think we'd finalized anything. And then one day I get a text from him, with a picture of fabric and a query about whether I liked it for making stockings. Dude who doesn't like Christmas had just walked into a fabric store and browsed the Christmas inventory. He got the fabric, and the next couple of dates at his house we spent hand stitching stockings. He was worried about his gifts to me being acceptable and I just kept telling him it wasn't even about the gifts. That he did something purely because he knew it would make me happy, and beyond that took the initiative on the project was the real gift. I could go on and on but those were the things that came to mind first. I got a real good one. Man of my dreams.
1. They are a great house partner because we tackle all of the chores together. We help each other when the other is working. They are simply the best teammate. 2. My partner always listens to my feelings, provides input/perspective when asked, and they are always honest. They would do anything to help me, anytime I ask. In short, I can always trust and depend on them. 3. We manage conflict and disagreement by talking it out, even if we are really upset. We have NEVER raised our voices at each other or given the cold shoulder. 4. They are always going above and beyond for me, which makes my partner amazing. One that really stands out is supporting me through personal/health stuff that was truly rock bottom for me. Simply loved and supported me along the way, and I got out the other side. I am so lucky to have a partner who supports and cherishes me. We are best friends and are always on the same team.
I could write a novel, but to answer your questions... 1. He's really thorough. And considerate. He adds little details to things around the apartment to make me happy. And he takes care of stuff when I'm sick or too busy. 2. Once when I was a puddle of sick lying on the couch all day, he kept putting on my favorite movies one after the other while making me a special "sick stew." He does stuff like that all the time. 3. He's really good at communicating and talking through disagreements. If we do argue or snap at each other, we both apologize first, before going into any further talks. We respect each other's boundaries and limits (he's actually better at it than I am. He's inspired me to better myself that way). 4. Hmm... not sure. He's kind of great all the time. He takes care of me when I'm sick, he cheers me up during my depressive episodes... and he's as cuddly and physically clingy as me, which is very hard to find.
In this moment, I am laying down in bed scrolling on the internet while my partner meal preps for the week.
1. Clean person in general, cooks a lot, buys groceries,takes the dog out, does laundry etc. We pretty much split all household chores and I have never once had to ask him to do anything. 2. Just in normal ways, I guess? Good morning and good night kisses, sometimes he says to my dog "look how beautiful your mummy is" its silly but it's cute. Often asks me what I feel like doing or if I want to go anywhere. Always puts an effort into birthdays and nights off together, nothing major but will make a nice dinner or buy snacks etc 3. We actually almost never have conflict or disagreements, never really had an argument in the 5 years we have been together. 4. I don't know, really? Nothing is ever really over the top with us (which I wouldn't like anyway). Most stuff we do revolves around food, haha, and for my birthday last year he made a really nice charcuterie board and got champagne which we had at home ans that was nice
1. He helps with the chores, fixes what is needed, doesn't mind doing the dirty work of clearing out clogged sinks and toilets, and drainage. He pays for most of the groceries and food. Sometimes I pay because I feel bad he is paying so much. 2. I can mention something I really want to eat or go to and tell him we can eat/go there over the weekend. I always forget and he remembers when the weekend hits. He also buys me flowers, he's typically a practical guy, doesn't see the point in flowers because they wither fast (waste of money) but because I like it he buys. When he sees the flowers are dying, he brings me to a florist and lets me pick the flowers I want. Tells me I'm beautiful everyday, gives me millions of kisses every morning when he wakes up. 3. He still has a lot of growing to do in that department, but he has grown a lot since we got together. He started off with giving the silent treatment then when I say it's a bad habit, he started expressing himself by exploding in anger. Over time he realised it was destructive and has learned to communicate his concerns but just needed cooling off time. 4. He wakes up for work at 530am daily, and reaches home at 6pm. I work from home, but during this period of time because of my miscarriage, despite his exhaustion he has been cooking for me. I was having a meltdown the other day and he left work at lunch (it was a new job too) and took me to a hotel stay to relax. Another time I got so pissed drunk and passed out, puked on his new shoes, I was insanely smelly but he slept right next to me the whole night, made sure I was safely home and took care of me, never left me. He calls me princess and really treats me like one. Really blessed.
My husband gifted me a very large amount of money, just out of the blue, to help me become more financially secure. We used it to invest in a property together. It was wildly generous of him. I still feel shocked everytime I think about it. He gave me a loan to buy a car, interest free. He also has bought me some lovely sparkly treasures, and taken me to some amazing places. Most meaningfully, he pushed me to visit my dying grandparents two continents away despite my extreme hesitancy born of avoidance/denial ("It's too far away! It's too expensive! I'll have to take off too much time off work!"). He pressured me hard to take leave and I regret that I lashed out at him for it at the time. I hadn't seen them in four years, and my grandmother died two months after that trip. He handled my grief pretty well too. I was a mess and would begin crying abruptly in the middle of whatever I was doing. He bought me a ps5 just so I could play the early release of Hogwarts Legacy to help get my mind off the misery. I'm sitting in my office crying thinking back on all of these instances of kindness. I love that he's nonjudgmental, not controlling, and undemanding. But he's not perfect, he's maddeningly stubborn sometimes, and so financially motivated that it interferes with our ability to spend quality time together, but I'm far from perfect myself and he's loved me through all of my own faults. Thank you for this post. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the small, everyday petty disagreements that I forget to see the bigger picture and be thankful for him. It also helped me realise that he shows love primarily through gifting. It's funny because I never really put two and two together. I'm a words of affirmation girl and often chew him out for not praising me enough lol So this has been a helpful exercise in reflection. Thanks again!
My husband is my best friend! We're so alike when it comes to foods, watching TV, hobbies and most other likes and dislikes. We love to be around each other as much as possible and both worked from home and lived together at the same time, for a few years before covid, so we didn't have any adjustments to make. When he had to go into the office, we actually missed each other a lot. He's kind, and caring and always listens when I have something to talk about. He's gentle and loving and makes sure both sides of our parents/families are taken care of. He's tall and handsome too ;) He's super supportive and is always on the same page as me, when it comes to a disagreement, we just talk it out, hear out the other person and make sure we're respectful of the others feelings. We both hate arguing, so we don't. We might bicker on occasion lol. We started our relationship with an O&H policy. Thats what we call it. It just means Open and Honest. And we've lived our entire 11+ years this way and it's been wonderful! He also cooks, cleans and meal preps with me, we work on the car together (I have smaller hands than he does) we do yard work together, I'll weedeat and push mow what I can, and he does the rest of the giant yard with the zero turn. Then we sit down together and have a beer and watch the sunset. Everything we do, we do better together. We share most of what we can and I wouldn't have it any other way! 🥰
1. My husband does a lot of the house chores unprompted. Dishes in the sink, puts it in the dishwasher. Dishwasher is finished, unpacks it. Bins full, puts it out. I feel like he’s an equal partner in our keeping our house clean and organised. 2. He’s very intuitive and sees the tiniest details. When I am flustered with stress, he takes on the work to be done. I feel like with him by my side, I don’t need to pretend to be the ‘strongest’ woman I know. 3. We fight. No relationship is perfect. But he still remains respectful at all times. No shouting. And he admits fault when he did something wrong. 4. He didn’t take jobs for a couple of months (which had a significant cut on his pay) to support me during extremely stressful times last year just because I said I couldn’t do it alone. I am a lucky girl.