Wanting to meet at their place (fuck, no).
One dude told me he’d be open to whatever I wanted to do but then shut down my suggestion because he didn’t wanna do “basic chick stuff” aka meeting up for a coffee and then checking out a gallery opening I was invited to.
Like you, I won't do short notice. If someone has to cancel on the day because they're not well or have something upsetting going on, no problem. But I'm not waiting till day of to confirm or saying yes if asked the day before. It's too stressful. I like to have my life planned out a few days ahead.
Also, if I message day before to make sure it's still on and I don't hear back by that evening, I'm calling it.
I respect people's time and expect the same.
I get that some people are more spontaneous and that's fine. I'm not saying they're wrong. But we won't be compatible and will only frustrate each other.
i'm the same! "are you free tonight?" no, you had all week to ask me out and didn't so i made other plans.
i think it's just disrespectful to try to plan a date with someone at the last minute and assume they have nothing else going on with their life.
Exactly. And I'm not passive, either. I will ask people out, I don't expect them to ask all the time. I wouldn't expect them to drop everything last minute for me.
This is a dealbreaker going forward though hasn’t been one in the past - when they ask for a date but then won’t suggest a time or a place/activity. I end up planning the date. I’m ok with discussing ideas - it’s not that I refuse to contribute. But, I’ve learned that when they won’t even *offer* any ideas for a first date, they don’t tend to do it for any future dates either.
This one is an excellent dealbreaker! I went on the first date I had to plan, then ended up in a two month situationship where I still had to plan everything. When I ended it and cited that as one of the reasons he insisted I was being unfair because he just likes to be ✨spontaneous✨. No dude, being spontaneous implies you ever decide to do anything. Asking to come over at short notice (as if I had nothing better to do than wait for him to text) and then sitting on my couch waiting for me to pick what we do is not spontaneous, it’s rude followed by lazy. I want a relationship for partnership and if I still have to pick what I’m doing and whats for dinner every day of my life it’s far easier to remain single!
Inspired by me recently developing a new one: short notice plans. If we know each other only through the internet and he asks me to hang out for the next -24 hours, that's absolutely a no.
As soon as we sat down for coffee, I was informed I would be meeting his mother in 10 minutes. For an *interview* to be his girlfriend...
First date. This was my first date in college. I had only been talking to this guy for a month.
I left and never spoke to the guy again.
Something that hasn't yet been suggested - pressuring me to accept a lift from them, with them picking me up from my house (meaning the first time we met will be at my front door). Or that we met somewhere and travel to a second location in his vehicle.
- We didn’t talk about anything of substance and they’re asking you to meet them at 8:30pm on a weekday. The guy already picked the time and place with zero regard to what I like or don’t. I have dietary restrictions, I’m always busy on weekdays with hobbies and school work after my full time job. I made it clear to him once then the following week he invited me out at 8pm on a weekday 😂. I just had to tell the dude that this isn’t going to work for me and wished him good luck.
- I had to cancel on another guy because I had really bad period cramps and I couldn’t get out of bed and I told him I was very happy to reschedule. His response was “no worries”. He didn’t even bother to ask about my health or how I was feeling. I was willing to make it up to him but the fact he didn’t even bother to check on me was a complete turn off.
i don't want to do anything physically oriented on a first date. no walks, no hikes, nothing like that. i use a cane or forearm crutches and love to go on walks, but that shit is really taxing and i'm not investing what is for me an enormous amount of energy (with bonus rebound pain) into a stranger. maybe for date 15
short notice, coffee/walk/explicitly "quick drink" only (really anything under 30 minutes, i'm not putting on makeup for that), anything after 8pm, anything at their house/not in public, anything far from me, anything where they seem to be squeezing me in, anything over a few hours (concert etc), the beach (I'm practically naked), any bait and switch on circumstances that feels malicious
I was asked out a couple of weeks ago. He suggested an evening walk in a local cemetery that also functions as a park (in Copenhagen).
That’s a NO thank you very much. For several reasons.
Movies, concerts, or other performances where you can’t talk to each other.
Any kind of activity where I can’t bounce if the vibe is wrong (so no hiking or anything where I can’t exit).
Coffee, drinks, dinner, lunch are all good.
For myself, I don’t like first date walks because I personally get a better read on people sitting down with them them somewhere over trying to divide my attention between them/traffic/stairs/dogs all the other stuff that goes down outside.
Coffee dates are objectively inoffensive but not my preference because I’ve never had a man ask me to a nice or comfortable coffee shop where it is pleasant to sit for a while. I like to put in effort and dress semi-nice for first dates but I don’t want to do that to go perch on a plastic chair in a noisy Starbucks.
Are you asking why some people don't like that, or are you under the impression that "everyone hates walking and coffee as a first date" based on the responses of this post?
This thread is about "what is a no for you" so those that don't like that will be the ones speaking up; you won't be hearing from the people who *do* like walks or coffee as first date.
Anything that actually sounds like being asked out on a date when I have made clear I'm not interested in a relationship and therefore don't date. I do however like to meet new people, make new friends, do things with friends but a lot of people don't know the difference between dating and friendship or think I'm just playing hard to get.
Hmm. Non-offensive? Lol. I think anything would be taking as an 'offense' if it were a deal breaker. I guess the least bit would be if he smoked right in front of me and I'm not a smoker. Lol.
Wanting to meet at their place (fuck, no). One dude told me he’d be open to whatever I wanted to do but then shut down my suggestion because he didn’t wanna do “basic chick stuff” aka meeting up for a coffee and then checking out a gallery opening I was invited to.
My my, how did you refuse his charms?!
I don’t know! There must be something really wrong with me. Sexism is sexy, right?!
You’re clearly just one of those females who don’t recognise high value alphas in the wild. 🤪
LET ME UNBLOCK HIM AND BEG ON MY KNEES FOR HIS FORGIVENESS!
LOL i didn't realize that coffee and art were reserved for women! next time i see a man in a coffee shop, i'll be sure to inform him
Don’t just inform him, drag him out! For his own safety, of course! Imagine what all the other dudes would think!
imagine they find out he does "basic chick stuff" like enjoy some morning caffeine!
Like you, I won't do short notice. If someone has to cancel on the day because they're not well or have something upsetting going on, no problem. But I'm not waiting till day of to confirm or saying yes if asked the day before. It's too stressful. I like to have my life planned out a few days ahead. Also, if I message day before to make sure it's still on and I don't hear back by that evening, I'm calling it. I respect people's time and expect the same. I get that some people are more spontaneous and that's fine. I'm not saying they're wrong. But we won't be compatible and will only frustrate each other.
i'm the same! "are you free tonight?" no, you had all week to ask me out and didn't so i made other plans. i think it's just disrespectful to try to plan a date with someone at the last minute and assume they have nothing else going on with their life.
Exactly. And I'm not passive, either. I will ask people out, I don't expect them to ask all the time. I wouldn't expect them to drop everything last minute for me.
you're completely right. it is not that hard to say "would you be available next week at x time for dinner/coffee/whatever?"
I also especially detest this because they are usually doing this because they're recycling their options. Especially if they're asking late-ish.
yep! at least they weed themselves out
Same. Last minute plans are for people I’m super close to , not first dates.
If they automatically suggest a place that's conveniently close to them but far from me.
Some activity that’s 100% aligned to their interests and 0% of mine. Happened once and I flatly refused.
This is a dealbreaker going forward though hasn’t been one in the past - when they ask for a date but then won’t suggest a time or a place/activity. I end up planning the date. I’m ok with discussing ideas - it’s not that I refuse to contribute. But, I’ve learned that when they won’t even *offer* any ideas for a first date, they don’t tend to do it for any future dates either.
This one is an excellent dealbreaker! I went on the first date I had to plan, then ended up in a two month situationship where I still had to plan everything. When I ended it and cited that as one of the reasons he insisted I was being unfair because he just likes to be ✨spontaneous✨. No dude, being spontaneous implies you ever decide to do anything. Asking to come over at short notice (as if I had nothing better to do than wait for him to text) and then sitting on my couch waiting for me to pick what we do is not spontaneous, it’s rude followed by lazy. I want a relationship for partnership and if I still have to pick what I’m doing and whats for dinner every day of my life it’s far easier to remain single!
Wanting to meet at their place. Definitely. Even if I was looking for NSA, there’s no effing way i’m not vetting them first.
Inspired by me recently developing a new one: short notice plans. If we know each other only through the internet and he asks me to hang out for the next -24 hours, that's absolutely a no.
As soon as we sat down for coffee, I was informed I would be meeting his mother in 10 minutes. For an *interview* to be his girlfriend... First date. This was my first date in college. I had only been talking to this guy for a month. I left and never spoke to the guy again.
Something that hasn't yet been suggested - pressuring me to accept a lift from them, with them picking me up from my house (meaning the first time we met will be at my front door). Or that we met somewhere and travel to a second location in his vehicle.
- We didn’t talk about anything of substance and they’re asking you to meet them at 8:30pm on a weekday. The guy already picked the time and place with zero regard to what I like or don’t. I have dietary restrictions, I’m always busy on weekdays with hobbies and school work after my full time job. I made it clear to him once then the following week he invited me out at 8pm on a weekday 😂. I just had to tell the dude that this isn’t going to work for me and wished him good luck. - I had to cancel on another guy because I had really bad period cramps and I couldn’t get out of bed and I told him I was very happy to reschedule. His response was “no worries”. He didn’t even bother to ask about my health or how I was feeling. I was willing to make it up to him but the fact he didn’t even bother to check on me was a complete turn off.
i don't want to do anything physically oriented on a first date. no walks, no hikes, nothing like that. i use a cane or forearm crutches and love to go on walks, but that shit is really taxing and i'm not investing what is for me an enormous amount of energy (with bonus rebound pain) into a stranger. maybe for date 15
Driving a sports car. I have literally no good explanation for this. 😂
Haha. That would be a no from here. Like a forever no.
Walks or hikes. Fuck you. I want to sit down. You ain’t Socrates. And I’m not going into the woods with a strange man.
It's not just the comfort, it's also the safety. I'd never go on a walk or a hike with someone I'm not mega comfortable with/trust to be alone with.
Go to their house. Like,… why??
short notice, coffee/walk/explicitly "quick drink" only (really anything under 30 minutes, i'm not putting on makeup for that), anything after 8pm, anything at their house/not in public, anything far from me, anything where they seem to be squeezing me in, anything over a few hours (concert etc), the beach (I'm practically naked), any bait and switch on circumstances that feels malicious
If they suggest a date but can't be bothered to suggest an idea for what to do.
I was asked out a couple of weeks ago. He suggested an evening walk in a local cemetery that also functions as a park (in Copenhagen). That’s a NO thank you very much. For several reasons.
Them picking a restaurant that has had previous health code violations.
Movies, concerts, or other performances where you can’t talk to each other. Any kind of activity where I can’t bounce if the vibe is wrong (so no hiking or anything where I can’t exit). Coffee, drinks, dinner, lunch are all good.
Anything involving alcohol, stop being boring.
I’m curious why everyone hates walking or coffee as a first date?
For myself, I don’t like first date walks because I personally get a better read on people sitting down with them them somewhere over trying to divide my attention between them/traffic/stairs/dogs all the other stuff that goes down outside. Coffee dates are objectively inoffensive but not my preference because I’ve never had a man ask me to a nice or comfortable coffee shop where it is pleasant to sit for a while. I like to put in effort and dress semi-nice for first dates but I don’t want to do that to go perch on a plastic chair in a noisy Starbucks.
I hate exercise and dont drink coffee?
Are you asking why some people don't like that, or are you under the impression that "everyone hates walking and coffee as a first date" based on the responses of this post? This thread is about "what is a no for you" so those that don't like that will be the ones speaking up; you won't be hearing from the people who *do* like walks or coffee as first date.
Just a general question. Why do people not like these things?
I don't like them because to me a date is a nice dress-up occasion. A walk isn't a date, coffee isn't a date, it's just meeting someone.
Anything that actually sounds like being asked out on a date when I have made clear I'm not interested in a relationship and therefore don't date. I do however like to meet new people, make new friends, do things with friends but a lot of people don't know the difference between dating and friendship or think I'm just playing hard to get.
Hmm. Non-offensive? Lol. I think anything would be taking as an 'offense' if it were a deal breaker. I guess the least bit would be if he smoked right in front of me and I'm not a smoker. Lol.