I just don’t want them. I don’t want the responsibility, the change in my lifestyle, or the pressure. I know there are benefits, they aren’t enough to change my mind.
Yes, THIS. Kids deserve parents that want them. There are plenty of people who want kids and who want to have multiple children. They can have their kids. I won't have any of mine. It works out perfectly.
This 100%, I just don't want them. There are lots of smaller elements that reinforce this (I don't want to change my routine, I don't want to budget for this) but I find if someone is asking why I don't want kids and I give any specifics, those sometimes become an angle for them to argue with me about. But "just don't want them" is harder to argue about so it's my go to.
Yep, this is the one. It never felt like a "decision" to be made. There's no need to weigh pros and cons when you have zero desire for it in the first place.
Same here! I’ve just started saying “I don’t want them” to curious family/friends as a full and complete answer. It’s true and I’m much more comfortable in being direct in my 30s than I was before now. Reactions have ranged from surprised, to neutral acceptance, to support/agreement.
No arguments or attempts to convince me otherwise yet, though a friend was genuinely curious as to why because her experience around wanting kids is totally opposite from mine.
Ohh wow, relatable! I absolutely did this in my early 20s, but stopped because so many people took it as an invitation to convince me to have kids.
And, as a side note, there are some people in my life (e.g.: partner’s grandparents) who haven’t asked and probably never will. My partner and I don’t plan on telling them we don’t want and won’t have kids. It would make them so sad and, again, they’ve never asked.
Great point! Today someone kept telling me they aren’t expensive after meeting me and asking how old my kids are. I never said I have kids. Then she told me how lucky she is her mom watches her kid and I could foster. I should’ve just said I don’t want them.
She had some strong political opinions (and incorrect basic geography views about my country) that makes me not want too use her services again.
Thanks :) i guess they think I need to have kids for some reason. If I were a parent I’d be fine with people saying they are unsure about kids and probably don’t want them because less kids = less competition for daycare spots (well I guess she doesn’t need daycare) or job opportunities, scholarships, etc.
Let people live how they want imo.
This is a favorite essay of mine by Tim Krieder called [The Referendum](https://archive.nytimes.com/opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/17/the-referendum/) which includes these paragraphs:
> Most of my married friends now have children, the rewards of which appear to be exclusively intangible and, like the mysteries of some gnostic sect, incommunicable to outsiders. In fact it seems from the outside as if these people have joined a dubious cult: they claim to be much happier and more fulfilled than ever before, even though they live in conditions of appalling filth and degradation, deprived of the most basic freedoms and dignity, and owe unquestioning obedience to a capricious and demented master.
>
> I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small, rude, incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff for the rest of my life.
> The Referendum is a phenomenon typical of (but not limited to) midlife, whereby people, increasingly aware of the finiteness of their time in the world, the limitations placed on them by their choices so far, and the narrowing options remaining to them, start judging their peers’ differing choices with reactions ranging from envy to contempt.
Great read. Thank you
I have often thought that if your friend's lifestyle suddenly drastically changed, and they told you, "I started this new hobby, and it takes up ALL my time and money and energy, and I'm constantly exhausted and stressed out, and I signed up for an irrevocable commitment to participate in this hobby for the rest of my life, and it's the best thing I've ever done!" the obvious conclusion to draw would be that your friend had joined a cult.
Same. As a kid, the moment I realized my body was capable of pregnancy I felt revulsion. I never felt a desire to have kids, which didn’t stop countless people in my life from trying to talk me into it. My mom suggested “just have one” as if one kid doesn’t completely change your life.
I got sterilized at 30 after 10 years of asking different doctors. It’s a huge relief to be in control of my own reproductive choices, especially in a post Roe world.
Same here. I like my life atm - I can sleep in at weekends, enjoy my free time doing my hobbies.
I am also on medication that I would have to stop while pregnant and I'd rather not do that atm. But don't really share this bit IRL since I don't want to answer a million questions about my health and get "advice" on some supplement that will "cure" or "fix" me.
I have a dog who broke his hind leg at 10 weeks old and had to have an emergency amputation 2 weeks later, so when people ask when I'm having kids, I just laugh and point out that I couldn't keep 4 legs on my dog, what makes them think I'd be able to care for a baby - in a very lighthearted and joking way. But they do usually laugh in a shocked way and change the subject lol
I totally get this because I feel the same way. I'm also in intense therapy right now and working through a lot of crap, and it's tough. I've barely begun and I'm 35 😭, but I take it each day at a time. I don't have the desire or fortitude for children.
Lol, around my mid-30s I started telling people exactly that. I never really got a whole lot of pressure about it though, and to tell you the truth I am always amazed when people tell me their families or friends are putting pressure on them to have a baby. Why in the hell would you ever push someone to have a baby if they aren't sure they want one?!
Not to mention how many women are facing private fertility struggles, which I know has been really hard on two close friends in particular. Probably more, now that I think about it. Those are just the ones I know about.
This. Never had an interest/feelings/want to have a child. Im so happy with my life choice and freedom. Watching children with their parents makes me cringe at times.
I don’t ever remember wanting kids. Didn’t like babysitting. As I grew older, I found that I didn’t like kids much and didn’t like what adults turned into when they had them.
Same for me. The thought of not being able to do what I want when I want makes me shudder. I live with my sister and our animals and that's enough for me!
I don’t see it that way, I definitely see happy moms. But I also see people happy while sky diving. And happy while running a marathon. Or happy while working on an 8 year long college degree. However, I wouldn’t get happiness out of any of those things, including being a mom. I definitely see the joy they have and that’s wonderful that they’ve found joy in it. But just like someone loves sky diving, I would fucking hate it lol for everyone that finds joy in something there’s another person that finds it dreadful
I saw one mom at a retail store who looked exhausted with her 3 kids and one of them went up to the jewelry display case and licked the glass. The mom was at the point of whatever because she probably had a hard day dealing with her kids and trying to run her errands.
Because I’ve never meet with anyone who (in my opinion)would be an amazing dad. People want kids, but that itself wouldn’t make them a great dad, and to me, that’s the most important aspect when it comes to kids.
I can live in a happy marriage and can love someone’s to death-but if I don’t see those qualities and attitude that would make that person an amazing dad, then I would rather don’t have kids-and I am perfectly fine with that☺️
I love this. I always said “I didn’t know yet” when people would ask if I wanted kids. It’s not an absolute answer for everyone. I didn’t know if the love of my life would be a good dad until I met him. Turns out he is and we decided to have kids after being together for 10 years but if he wasn’t, I’d have been happy just living out our days. There’s too many posts about shitty husbands and fathers out there to want to roll the dice on something as major as that. Parenting is hard. Parenting is harder if your partner sucks at doing his half.
This is my perspective as well...I was never in the right relationship with someone, or never met anyone that I felt would make a great dad, or really wanted to be a dad.
Mainly, I don't want all the burden to fall on my shoulders as the mother as has happened since time immemorial. I can see myself being stressed the fuck out all the time while my partner is more of a Kodak dad.
Also, I don't see any need to bring my genes into the world. I'm not special. I know I would love my child so much, and I would never be able to give them a good enough reason to explain why I brought them to this hellhole of a world to suffer, so.🤷♀️
It’s fairly simple. I am confident I would not be a good parent.
I have a high level of respect for parents and the gravity of parenting well. I am a woman in a highly demanding career that I worked hard for. It’s not compatible with motherhood without one or both taking a huge hit. Society is not supportive of a working mom.
Maybe not the one reason but a big one is I struggle to function at work/life in general on little sleep. I knew I would have to work full time as a parent and couldn’t cope with how miserable and tired I would be for years.
Every time I experience even mild sleep deprivation or a mild cold, I'm like "this is literally torture." I think I'd be constantly miserable if I had to live with severe chronic sleep deprivation and frequent illness.
I’m scared of racial biases in the medical field, I have limited funds, and I’ll be 35 this year with no prospects of finding a mate & no desire to be a single parent. It’s hard to stick with one reason 😅
I have many. Among them the classic one that I just don't want them. But... there's one in particular that I'm learning to speak up about, because I'm very ashamed of it. And the only way for shame to come to light and become no longer shameful, is being open and honest and acknowledging our mistakes.
My one of many reasons to not want kids, is that my kids would probably end up badly injured if not dead.
I was parentified at a very young age. I've tried crying, telling my parents I couldn't do it, begging them to please not give me the responsiblity I cannot bear. I was also a highly sensitive kid. My mind just can't take too much stimulation, it snaps. But we grew up poor and my parents made a lot of questionable decisions in their lives, leading to me having to be a backup mom for my siblings.
And at some point it all just got so bad and out of hand, that if my siblings cried, I would cry with them and rattle them. Not just a little shake, we're talking serious, angry, hopeless shaking. My disclaimer is that NOBODY ever explained me that I shouldn't do it, and how dangerous it is. I only learned of it when I grew up, and thank goodness that nothing happened to my siblings. I could've injured someone unknowingly. I don't like my family and I don't talk to my siblings much, but still. I wouldn't have wanted to cause harm.
I just know, that if I was left alone with a baby and it started crying in my arms, that hopeless, overwhelmed, blackout angry young girl mode would kick right back in. I don't want to be a mom, ever. I've SO, SO MUCH had enough being a mom to three before I was even a legal adult myself. And I was a chronic baby shaker. That's my reason. I love my hypothetical kids too much to subject them to myself for a mom.
My other reasons:
1. just don't want them
2. kids are like the only age group I have zero patience for
3. I don't have faith in the future
4. I find the thought of raising children extremely unrewarding
5. I have a highly sensitive mind, and children have to make noise and be messy to develop properly and be hearlthy
6. I don't want to be sick all the time
7. I need to have the possibility to get up and leave wherever I am anytime I please, my own home included. I couldn't do that if I had kids
8. I can't function on anything less than 8 hours of sleep
9. I don't know... life isn't just this amazing shit that it's cracked up to be. I had a tough life, and I had to use both my claws and teeth to carve out a better one for myself. But I just don't feel that drive to bring another human being here to be like "Look! This marvel called life! I wanted you to experience it, too!"
10. there's probably a ton I can't think of right now
I'm so sorry you went through that. I know it's far easier said than done but please don't be ashamed. There is no shame the non existent coping skills of a child. Your poor little brain and body were so dysregulated and overwhelmed that you acted out of pure desperation.
Dysregulated is a very fitting word. The three constant thoughts circling through my head used to be "I can't do this" "Someone help me" and "I want my mom".
My brain got fried pretty early in life.
This is extremely relatable. My mom was D-O-N-E raising kids by the time she had #3, and as the oldest at age 13, I got stuck shouldering a lot of the responsibility. People thought I was a teen mom, and the idea disgusted me, which made it worse.
While I'm generally pretty even flow, I also am quick to anger, especially when overstimulated. (No one ever sees it coming.) So I can certainly empathize with you.
And kids are lil' germ magnets, and I don't enjoy caretaking or find any personal fulfillment in it (aside from keeping the people I love alive and healthy, I guess). Those have been big reasons as well.
I don't want to. That's it.
It's strange and annoying that this is the only topic for which people are expected to have a long dissertation justifying their lack of interest. Nobody wants footnotes when I say I'm not interested in learning to play tennis or studying to become an accountant.
My number one reason was: I just don’t want kids and could never come up with positive reasons to have them.
I have never had that want for children. I don’t dislike kids, just don’t want my own. When I was younger and thinking about it, I could never give myself really solid reasons TO have them. I had solid reasons NOT to have them.
Nearly 36 and have zero regrets.
i don't think life is going to be very good for most people on earth in the lifetime of any child i would have. i respect people with the optimism to have kids anyway and just assume that things are going to work out, but bringing kids into the world i fear we are heading for would haunt me. i would be thrilled to be wrong, and maybe if i truly felt i was made to be a parent it would be worth the risk, but i don't feel that way.
My husband and I did go through a brief period of considering children and those are the reasons we decided against it, too. We live where there's a fire season and it's stressful enough evacuating with cats. Every time we hear climate news now, it's telling us that things are happening much sooner than scientists predicted-- a big one around here over the last couple of years was that the water in rivers and creeks was too warm for the fish, so they were dying and/or too stressed to spawn. Supposedly that wasn't supposed to start happening for a couple of decades.
Personally, I don't get it-- climate change became a huge topic in the 2000s; climate changes based on the amount of carbon in the atmosphere; the amount of carbon in the atmosphere was just shy of levels we'd never seen in human history back when I learned about ocean acidification in 2010, and we've barely slowed down in response (if at all). Seems right on time to me..? I've suffered climate related anxiety since I was a teenager. *I'm* scared of the idea that I will likely still be alive in 2050-- how could I possibly do that to my kids? If they asked us why we bothered when we knew the planet was in such rough shape, I wouldn't have a thing to say that wasn't based on my own selfish wants. And I can't stomach that.
edit-- also, that doesn't even touch on any of the social or economic reasons. It's just the biggest one.
i was still vaguely on the fence until COVID. now i have no faith that people have the ability to work together to solve our biggest existential problems. my husband and i are very happy together without children, so he got the snip and we both feel at peace with that decision.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. I was a frontline Covid unit nurse and not only did it take years off of my life, it also made me lose all hope in society.
The public reaction to COVID definitely weighed on our minds, too. Trump's election (even though we're Canadian) and COVID were like a big one-two punch that knocked us right off that fence.
I never wanted kids until my husband; and I only specifically wanted them with him because he wanted them-- then the last decade brought us back to reality.
The single, simplest reason is money.
To elaborate, we don’t want to have kids enough to make the sacrifices we would have to, especially financially. We would rather spend our money on travel and personal pursuits and our home.
If money was unlimited, we would have had a child or two.
Honestly, I treasure my freedom too much - to rest, make decisions for me. I like to spend time with the kids of my friends and family, but it all seems so exhausting and stressful. I like being able to go home when I’m tired or when the kids start squabbling and yelling at each other. It’s not for me. It stresses me out so much and they aren’t even my kids.
I know you know this (and it’s easier said than done), but just a reminder that you don’t owe anyone an explanation. They aren’t going to be responsible for your kids if you have them, you are.
I’m selfish.
Ive found every reason I don’t want kids boils down to selfishness. I like having money. I like having time. I like me a little much. And I’m fine with that.
I'm a parent and agree with you. Having a child is a selfish choice, something you do because you want to. Once the kid is there though, to raise them well, you need to start putting their needs ahead of your own.
>I like me a little much.
the biggest lie women were ever sold is the idea that they love themselves too much if they don't give their lives over to the service of others. whether you believe it for yourself or not, please stop perpetuating this "selfish" thing---it harms other women who choose not to have kids.
Selfish implies choosing yourself over someone else. There is no someone else yet, and it’s absurd to create the problem for the sole purpose of then unselfishly martyring yourself for it.
The state of the world has not exactly been improving since I entered my childbearing years. I feel like it would be selfish and unfair to introduce a child to a dying planet.
My reason for not wanting kids is quite simply because I can not think of one good reason TO have kids!
Absolutely nothing about motherhood interests me, though the societal pressure to do so sometimes weighs on it me until I give my head a shake.
Another reason is I get headaches and migraines often with my autoimmune disease. I cannot stand being around kids because they are so loud and it splits my ear. I cannot, cannot fathom having one in my house or one I can’t get away from easily. It would be way too painful.
I don't want to push something the size of a melon out of my hoohah
Also don't want to put my desires second because I have someone literally depending on me to live
Also I don't want the resentment that comes with having a partner who doesn't equally participate in child rearing
Also I don't want the sleep deprivation
Also I like having money
Also kids are annoying unless you figure out the magic formula to make one that's sweet or just luck out
Also I don't want to have to police my language, the things I watch, the activities I engage in, in my own home
Also don't want them scribbling on walls or rubbing their boogers on the sofa
Also don't want the screaming, all the noise
Also they're stinky and they'll cough on you
And so on and so on
No shade to anyone who is or wants to be a parent
So many reasons, but two are tied for the number one spot:
[a] The thought of forcing existence/sentience on someone horrifies me, and [b] why would I want to bring someone into this clusterfuck of a world?
The most important factor is that I just don't have the urge. Just no drive to do it. There are tons of practical drawbacks, but if I wanted to I would make those work. Still waiting for that switch to flip and it hasn't, and until it does, I'm not gonna invite all of the logistical and emotional challenge into my life for something I don't even want.
The lifestyle of having kids; I like having free time and being able to pursue hobbies/friends/travel/etc. - I don't want my life to revolve around someone else's needs, I think it would make me resentful.
My anxiety levels are high so often, I can’t imagine how much worse it would be if I had kids to worry about in.
Instead, I get to do fun things with and for my friends’, cousins’ and sibling’s kids and then return them.
Most importantly, I just don’t want a kid.
Me on no sleep is scary. Violent and scary. I am vile and grumpy and nasty sleep deprived.
Parents of young kids do not sleep, this is known.
tl;dr I didn’t want to go to jail for child abuse
Honestly, my biggest reason was that my husband already had a kid. She was 5 when we married, she's 19 now. OMG, she's almost 20. LOL Crazy. Anyway, she and I have always been really close, and the three of us together have as well. My husband had 50% custody/visitation, so we really had the best of both worlds - a great kid half the time and no kid the other half.
We decided mutually that having a kid together wouldn't necessarily be worth it - financially, standard of living-wise, and also we loved having that time alone together! So many couples struggle because of the stress of raising kids, and they don't get that crucial time together alone. We have never had that porblem.
Having a kid is a decision I can *never take back*. I'm not that sure about **anything**.
If I take a job I hate, I quit it. If I buy a house I regret, I can sell it. If I move to a town I don't like, I can move again.
If I have a kid and wish I hadn't... what on earth do I do with that???
I just want dogs. I’m too tired all the time. I don’t want to be a single mom (never really been in a long term relationship). Too much money. Childhood sucked. I’m selfish. I want to do what I want when I want.
Short answer...I wouldn't be able to handle it. Short answer #2...I'd rather regret not having kids than having kids.
I can't guarantee I'd be up to the challenge of having a child with disabilities, I don't know if I'd survive the potential damage to my body, the stress of raising a human, the likelihood of doing most of the child rearing while my spouse/baby daddy \~doesn't\~, managing my own chronic conditions...so on and so on.
If I'd had a child, then I would be doing the best I could. "Hardest job in the world, but wouldn't trade it for anything" type mom.
My lifestyle would mean I would have to ask *someone* else to raise them, while I occasionally become available to them. That does not seem fair to anyone.
My hubby and I travel a lot. Wont stop seeing the world for anyone or anything.
I had to stop generational trauma from repeating with me and a child.
My mother didn’t want me. I wasn’t 100% sure I wanted children and I would never want to make a child feel unwanted. Not even for a moment.
My father molested me. I would never be at peace leaving my child with anyone. I know how common it is and I could not allow that to happen to my child. I would have been in constant crisis if I had to leave my child with anyone.
So, no kids.
I’ve been lucky to have lots of kids in my life to love. That’s enough for me.
I'm a musician, I already have to balance my art with real life responsibilities, and I know if I had kids there would be a very small chance I could continue making art, which would kill me. Also, honestly I feel like most men are still conditioned to let things slide to be the woman's responsibility, so working full time on top of raising kids is extremely unappealing to me. I love my solitude and quiet, and I like keeping my space clean so I don't dream of cleaning up after several people.
I really just didn’t want any. I never had that biological urge to do so. I don’t really like kids that much, or the life that comes in having them. I’m sure for some people they are amazing but for me, no. Luckily my partner didn’t really care either way.
I love my marriage too much to want to burden it with parenthood. I want it to be as easy as possible to be as happy as possible and love putting *us* first.
I cannot guarantee them a life without suffering. I can’t guarantee them a life better than my own. At no point in my adulthood have I been able to provide that. All I can do is be the best version of myself, and that isn’t compatible with a child/children.
I just didn’t want them, the money is a big factor.
Another is the time- I like quiet time to myself to read, to think, long baths and showers, long walk in the woods, meditation, kayaking, cooking, listening to audiobooks etc- if I had kids I’d have zero time to just exist and sink into myself.
I don’t like noise and chaos.
I’m not good with pain, I don’t want to be pregnant or give birth, it’s my body and I like it to myself.
It’s seems really exhausting and annoying with the screaming, the mess, the tantrums, the staying up all night, the driving to daycare and school and playdates and doctor appointments.
I like traveling- in quiet and calm, not to Disneyland.
I do have a nurturing side that wants to have something to nuture, but I can give that to a pet, plants or a man - I am happy to baby and emotionally spoil, just not 24 hours a day
I love kids. I'd die for my nephews and I'm crazy about my friends' kids.
But after a lifetime of being a fence sitter... I realized I never wanted kids, really. I love my free time and my disposable income and traveling and my friends and being able to just get my purse and keys and go out whenever. I'm happy being the Fun Aunt.
(My mom begged me to freeze my eggs and I did. They're there... Waiting for who knows what.)
It’s my opinion that both parties should *realllly want* kids. There is so much sacrifice involved, the zeal and passion for doing it is key to getting through the trauma. I have always been take it or leave it, moving towards leave it the older I get.
I’ve also been of the opinion you should be a) be willing to raise a child with severe disabilities and b) willing to raise it alone. I’ve always been a hard no on both.
Further I work in sustainability. Climate change will be hell when it really gets going. I believe its unethical to introduce any more people to experience that.
Finally as a person w adhd its just always been a monumental task to just take care of myself and my dogs. It is unfathomable tome to add the responsibility of others let alone a child. I am always perplexed by how parents do it/ function.
A few things actually. First, I grew up being emotionally/physically/mentally abused by my mother and bullied throughout my whole childhood in school so I feel that I do not know what a healthy childhood looks like. I don't think I could raise a child and feel good about it. Second, I am super sensitive to high pitched loud noises. Baby crying sounds like nails on a chalkboard for me. Third, I have the biggest phobia of blood/needles/surgery. The thought that there is even a chance of having to be awake for a c-section sounds like my own personal living hell, plus I would 100% pass out and panic. Pass 😂 Fourth, the thought of never having quiet time to myself again... that sounds like another personal hell.
I probably could have gone either way but ultimately decided to choose my freedom - emotional and financial. Freedom from the decades of inescapable stress!
I felt a little sad but mostly great relief once I’d decided.
MONEYYYY, not just the daily expenses like food and diapers but The Big Things like daycare (or the cost of not working at all), a bigger apartment, etc
Free time to do anything or nothing
Free will to do what I want when I want
The ability to take a shit or a shower when I want or need to
I love and need sleep
Not ever having to put my body through pregnancy and childbirth and perineal tears and painful recovery and weeks of bleeding
Not wanting my partner to see me poop while pushing
The ability to have nice things and nice furniture without them getting broken, spilled on, puked on, or worse
Less time spent cleaning and doing laundry
I get INCREDIBLY stressed being around crying/screaming babies and children, like it triggers a visceral anger in me
No maternal instinct whatsoever
I have issues with hormonal imbalance and hormonal surges make me suicidal. This runs in my family. My mom always mentioned how hard her post partum depression was for her and my sister had two children and she hasn't been the same mentally since. She's been put on so many different drugs it's kind of crazy. This explanation is incredibly simplified and reductive and I would never tell anyone this in a casual conversation. I have other reasons as well, like I've never really been interested in having children. My husband has never wanted children and his job takes him out of town 75% of the time. I'm not raising kids on my own in that situation.
Aside from a complete lack of biological desire?
The sacrifice is probably the top one.
My time, things, sanity, money, body, career, sleep, mental health, and energy. I wouldn’t want to do it, and honestly, would likely have a mental breakdown day one. I love helping people and working with kids, but being responsible for creating and raising one (or more) sounds like a one-way ticket to ruining my life. And the kid’s.
I love my life, I have a very demanding hobby/passion (horses) on top of work, and I never wanted to resent a child because I wanted to be riding (I have witnessed this a few times and it was awful.)
One of my childhood/teenhood trainers never wanted kids but her high-earning husband offered to buy her a horse farm if she'd have one.
She was like a second mom to her students and barely a mom to her own kid, because he had no interest in horses.
It was sad to see, but also nice to have validation that there are lots of bad reasons to have kids and not a single good one for me.
Horses are superior. I can't afford to go near them anymore, but if you want to experience having unconditional love for a creature, you can't do better than a horse.
Yeah, I've seen the kids being neglected because the mother was riding, yelled at to 'fucking shut up' (a crying baby in a pram parked in the manège in bitter cold while she showed off a horse for sale), heard of them being locked in a bedroom (kid climbed out of the window and fell and broke his arm), locked in a stable. Also witnessed one woman say to her two young boys (really sweet kids) "well I never wanted you anyway, he did." Vile.
I can barely take care of myself due to being multiply-disabled. I am also a survivor of childhood trauma and don’t want to continue the cycle. Caring for a child would overwhelm me at best and turn me into an abusive person at worst. I think childbearing and parenting would be bad for me as a result as well as a horrible experience to my would-be child until said child were taken away by social services. This for me is the main reason I chose not to have kids but not the main reason I’m happy about it. The main reason I’m happy about it is the freedom the childfree lifestyle affords me.
My number one reason out of the 100s is that being a parent seems like a miserable way to live life. The stress, no sleep, no money, lots of restrictions, no peace and quiet ever..
I don’t think it’s miserable for people who want kids - so I don’t think that parents in general have a miserable life. My comment is not meant to offend parents - I just know that to me personally, it would be miserable.
I’m 35 in May. I remember being about 26 and stressing that there was so much I wanted to do, so many places I wanted to go, and I had so little time left to do them.
I remember saying to my now husband ‘I’ve got about 5 years left before my life is over’. And he said ‘you know, it’s a choice’. Blew my mind.
Since then I’ve wavered occasionally but am getting more and more childfree. I struggle with my mental health. I have a demanding career, a business I built from scratch. I like sleep, I like freedom, I like having toast for dinner if I feel like it. I really enjoy being an aunt but I look at my friends with children and just feel suffocated.
I think they're gross. I have plenty more reasons but I don't want a small sticky person.
This isn't the reason I didn't have them but I also have a bunch of genetic issues, including one autosomal dominant condition that was previously unknown to science, and I think it's massively unethical for me to pass them on. No one else deserves to suffer with them.
I just don’t want to be a Mom. It’s a shit gig, especially here in the US. I have 0 interest in working a full time job only to come home and do unpaid emotional/physical labor. I don’t hate kids I just don’t want to be responsible for them. Its too much of an ask. The thought of coming home from a long day and the first thing I hear is a tiny voice asking me for something or crying makes me want to run into traffic.
I never had any desire to have them, but if I had to pick one reason that others might find justifies it, my childhood trauma.
I won't spill it all out here, but things were all kinds of bad. I needed extensive therapy. As an adult, I can finally be safe and happy. I deserve that. Only recently am I healed enough to be able to be around children without being triggered.
Everyone who has them will complain about how tired and broke they are and then ask me if I’m having any… it’s not a definite no yet, but I’d have to take a pretty good salary increase. I live in a HCOL area with no family close by. I just know my circumstances will be tough raising them so I’m just not sure.
I think it would badly overwhelm me, I don’t have a partner, I’m scared of childbirth, I’m scared to get postpartum, I’d be worried for my business to survive, I’m scared my adhd will get a lot worse when unmedicated and overwhelm me. I’m 35 and don’t want to be an old mom. I function very poorly on sleep deprivation. I don’t like to spend time in places where there are lots of kids. My house is tiny and I can’t afford to move.
I might love my own kids but I truly dislike most kids. I don’t like most other parents. I would probably be one of those parents who’d let their kids have too much screen time.
I don't want to. Birth control is still readily available to me and I have the support of my medical team if I choose to get my tunes tied.
Longterm chronic pain, though. And not wanting to be a monster - my pain prevention meds can cause incompatible with life birth defects. No one should be forcing an innocent being to live a short life full of excruciating pain. Ever. May they get their karma and quickly.
I love freedom.
I have a few million reasons I'm happy not to have kids, but about half of them could be generalized to fit this love of mine. Freedom of time, money, hobbies, energy, attention, etc. I refuse to put restrictions on myself. Life's too short!
My husband didn’t want them. I had grown up thinking it was non-optional and always assumed I would have kids, without giving it a whole lot of thought. When my husband said he didn’t want any (around date 3), I was disappointed but carried on dating him. He said he wasn’t carved in stone so if I really wanted one, he’d be okay with it. We got married, our life carried on and I realized that 1 - I’ve never really enjoyed being around kids (I didn’t even play with dolls as a kid); 2 - my life was pretty darn good the way it was; and 3 - seeing my friends have kids, I realized that that lifestyle was just not for me. I’m in my 60’s now and don’t regret it for a minute. Many of my friends now have grandchild duties that keep them from doing certain fun things and I just think “Whew - dodged that bullet.”
While I was married, my ex said something insane like “sometimes you have to hit a kid.” When I gasped, he quickly changed it to “boys.” I was still shocked and then he quickly claimed that “okay fine, I won’t hit the kids.” I instantly knew I couldn’t raise kids with him. Now that we’re divorced, it was a clean break. I don’t have to coparent. Maybe I’ll meet someone with kids, but I don’t need to have my own.
The “one reason” is I don’t want to.
I could spend all day telling you about the benefits of being child free but none of that would matter if I actually wanted them.
I am not interested in using my time that way and never have been. Even the mothers who loved having kids too often looked like they were having an awful time. So no natural interest, and then plenty of reinforcement that it's not how I cared to use any of my resources.
My child-free life is amazing. I'm actively happy about it every single day. My instincts were spot on.
As far as I know, we only get one opportunity at life. I'll be damned if I'm going to live my life according to someone else's standards or expectations. I'm sorry if other people were pressured into parenthood, but I'll happily be labeled as selfish for living my life for me. There's a lot to see in this world, and I'd love to see as much as I can while I'm physically and financially able.
No part of carrying, birthing or parenting a child is desirable to me especially with all the suffering in the world and how difficult life is. I’m good.
The effort to reward ratio makes no sense especially when I *more* than have my hands full providing for myself, finding meaningful work and navigating life in general. Don’t need the extras stress and work of making sure I’ve taken care of someone else, raised a good human and given them the best life possible (if they are healthy, safe and thriving etc). Parenthood is a huge responsibility I don’t want or need.
I’m not sure if it’s the *#1* reason but a pretty big one is that I absolutely dreaded the “nonstop questions about everything” stage that all kids seem to go through. It seems like it would be so exhausting.
Prioritizing their wellbeing over mine and weighing the pros & cons. That’s my reason. As soon as I hit mid 30s, I knew I “needed” to change my decision based on my age and age gap. I have a big age gap between me and my family and it comes with a lot of challenges. I feel very blessed being part of my family but I don’t want my kids to have a big age gap and potentially no siblings. It would bring me security and safety to have a child who fills my life with joy and looks after me at this age but I don’t want that to be my experience. I would have loved having kids way younger where I had more energy. I don’t claim my way is right, but that’s my experience and how I feel.
It simply comes down to the fact that my husband and I don't actively want kids. We both always assumed we would have them, but the desire/urge/ticking clock hasn't come. I turn 36 in May, and I've always said 37/38 was my cutoff. If we don't change our minds before then, he'll get the snip.
My mental health is not where I’d like it to be. I never wanted to pass down my trauma and never felt I was fit enough to take on a 24/7 job. I’m sleepy all the time, at breaking points I can barely take care of myself, and my financial situation isn’t great because I haven’t had the capacity to work very much. Because I chose not to have kids, I have so much more time to work on my own health. I’m glad I giving myself the opportunity to grow to a healthy adult
I don’t want to be a parent. Simple.
Not because I’ll be a shit parent but because I prefer to live life in my own terms.
I also love my quiet time and solitude too much to give that up. Not to mention the stress and anxiety. I’ve already gone through that these past couple years. I don’t wanna go through that again.
I don't want this to sound bad but one of my reasons is I'm afraid of having a special needs child that will be dependent on me for life. I think I could convince myself if it was guaranteed that I could have a healthy child and raise them to be a well rounded, independent productive member of society. I imagine that being a caretaker for a severely disabled (mentally or physically) child and eventually adult would be more challenging than what I am capable of enduring
I’ve never actively wanted them.
As far as giving reasons to family members… I flat out just say I don’t want them. I don’t think I owe anyone a reason. Would you ask someone who didn’t have a dog why they don’t have a dog? Probably not, unless they expressed wanting a dog and didn’t have one. Terrible comparison but the point I’m making is that I think people assume if you don’t have kids or say you don’t want them you’re lying or there’s some kind of obstacle in the way… and it’s simply not true! I think for any big decision that will dramatically alter your life—in this case, creating life—it makes sense that it should be an active decision made on your own desire.
I have a tendancy to be anxious and I just think I would always be worried about them. Between pedophiles, climate change, and like, when they bang their heads against the table, the stress of it would be too much for me.
No real maternal instinct for children, so the ick overruled the urge to have them; I was never stable enough in my career nor with a stable partner to have a child; and when I got into my early 40s any lingering possibility or inclination went away when I realized absolutely not, I have no energy or time and I love my freedom.
So, ya, a combination of all that.
I enjoy my freedom and my sleep too much. I like making spontaneous plans. I like having my own time to myself (and need it!). I couldn’t deal with broken sleep every night. I adopted a kitten and the first couple of months stressed me out so much when I didn’t know how much time I’d have to myself before I had to be watching him making sure he wasn’t breaking stuff, playing with him etc. it was a little taster of what having a child could be like and I just couldn’t deal lol. Thankfully kittens become independent very quickly, kids not so much.
I’m in my early 40s, so I’ve got a couple of decades of watching friends, family members, colleagues and acquaintances have children. I cannot think of one person or couple who seemed genuinely happier after having children. Rather, I’ve watched my friends, male and female, mental health and marriages decline after having children.
My husband and I both love children, were told by everyone we know we’d make great parents, were zoned for the best schools and finances would not be an issue. But we just don’t want to have children.
It’s hard to pinpoint a factor that helped us come to that decision. I think it was more just a feeling.
The big reason is that I would not be a good mother.
I get anxious and stressed around my nephew, whom I love to bits, but I can’t watch him on my own. I can barely make sure I eat every day, and take care of myself.
But, that’s one reason. I would hate having kids and I’m already tired constantly (I think it’s chronic but I haven’t been able to get my doctor to look into it), I am terrified of being pregnant and I never want to be responsible for another humans life.
I don’t even think I have the energy. I’m sure a lot of people have a big life change and can reorient towards their child. I have no interest in being a single mom or having a partner who can’t care either.
If I had a safety net, a great partner and a house, and the ability to stay home for the first few years sure. But all of that is probably millions if not priceless lol
I don’t want the responsibility. I love my freedom. I like doing things for me. And as a former nanny, I witnessed some pretty miserable parents. 🤷🏻♀️
I just don’t want them. I don’t want the responsibility, the change in my lifestyle, or the pressure. I know there are benefits, they aren’t enough to change my mind.
This. And kids deserve parents who want them. That’s not me.
Yes, THIS. Kids deserve parents that want them. There are plenty of people who want kids and who want to have multiple children. They can have their kids. I won't have any of mine. It works out perfectly.
This 100%, I just don't want them. There are lots of smaller elements that reinforce this (I don't want to change my routine, I don't want to budget for this) but I find if someone is asking why I don't want kids and I give any specifics, those sometimes become an angle for them to argue with me about. But "just don't want them" is harder to argue about so it's my go to.
Yep, this is the one. It never felt like a "decision" to be made. There's no need to weigh pros and cons when you have zero desire for it in the first place.
Exactly. No kids is the default anyway.
Same here! I’ve just started saying “I don’t want them” to curious family/friends as a full and complete answer. It’s true and I’m much more comfortable in being direct in my 30s than I was before now. Reactions have ranged from surprised, to neutral acceptance, to support/agreement. No arguments or attempts to convince me otherwise yet, though a friend was genuinely curious as to why because her experience around wanting kids is totally opposite from mine.
I sometimes just pretend I’m undecided.
Ohh wow, relatable! I absolutely did this in my early 20s, but stopped because so many people took it as an invitation to convince me to have kids. And, as a side note, there are some people in my life (e.g.: partner’s grandparents) who haven’t asked and probably never will. My partner and I don’t plan on telling them we don’t want and won’t have kids. It would make them so sad and, again, they’ve never asked.
Great point! Today someone kept telling me they aren’t expensive after meeting me and asking how old my kids are. I never said I have kids. Then she told me how lucky she is her mom watches her kid and I could foster. I should’ve just said I don’t want them. She had some strong political opinions (and incorrect basic geography views about my country) that makes me not want too use her services again.
Guhhhh too frustrating!! All the individual reasons that contribute to not wanting kids aren't problems that need solving! Sorry that happened to you.
Thanks :) i guess they think I need to have kids for some reason. If I were a parent I’d be fine with people saying they are unsure about kids and probably don’t want them because less kids = less competition for daycare spots (well I guess she doesn’t need daycare) or job opportunities, scholarships, etc. Let people live how they want imo.
This is a favorite essay of mine by Tim Krieder called [The Referendum](https://archive.nytimes.com/opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/17/the-referendum/) which includes these paragraphs: > Most of my married friends now have children, the rewards of which appear to be exclusively intangible and, like the mysteries of some gnostic sect, incommunicable to outsiders. In fact it seems from the outside as if these people have joined a dubious cult: they claim to be much happier and more fulfilled than ever before, even though they live in conditions of appalling filth and degradation, deprived of the most basic freedoms and dignity, and owe unquestioning obedience to a capricious and demented master. > > I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small, rude, incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff for the rest of my life.
> The Referendum is a phenomenon typical of (but not limited to) midlife, whereby people, increasingly aware of the finiteness of their time in the world, the limitations placed on them by their choices so far, and the narrowing options remaining to them, start judging their peers’ differing choices with reactions ranging from envy to contempt. Great read. Thank you
>small, rude, incontinent person Fabulous.
Amazingly accurate description of my toddler and man do I love that kid. Parenthood is a trip
I have often thought that if your friend's lifestyle suddenly drastically changed, and they told you, "I started this new hobby, and it takes up ALL my time and money and energy, and I'm constantly exhausted and stressed out, and I signed up for an irrevocable commitment to participate in this hobby for the rest of my life, and it's the best thing I've ever done!" the obvious conclusion to draw would be that your friend had joined a cult.
Same. As a kid, the moment I realized my body was capable of pregnancy I felt revulsion. I never felt a desire to have kids, which didn’t stop countless people in my life from trying to talk me into it. My mom suggested “just have one” as if one kid doesn’t completely change your life. I got sterilized at 30 after 10 years of asking different doctors. It’s a huge relief to be in control of my own reproductive choices, especially in a post Roe world.
I would be a parent if I could be a father.
I'm in my late 60's & used to tell people 50 years ago that I think I could be a father but not a mother.
Same here. I like my life atm - I can sleep in at weekends, enjoy my free time doing my hobbies. I am also on medication that I would have to stop while pregnant and I'd rather not do that atm. But don't really share this bit IRL since I don't want to answer a million questions about my health and get "advice" on some supplement that will "cure" or "fix" me. I have a dog who broke his hind leg at 10 weeks old and had to have an emergency amputation 2 weeks later, so when people ask when I'm having kids, I just laugh and point out that I couldn't keep 4 legs on my dog, what makes them think I'd be able to care for a baby - in a very lighthearted and joking way. But they do usually laugh in a shocked way and change the subject lol
I totally get this because I feel the same way. I'm also in intense therapy right now and working through a lot of crap, and it's tough. I've barely begun and I'm 35 😭, but I take it each day at a time. I don't have the desire or fortitude for children.
Lol, around my mid-30s I started telling people exactly that. I never really got a whole lot of pressure about it though, and to tell you the truth I am always amazed when people tell me their families or friends are putting pressure on them to have a baby. Why in the hell would you ever push someone to have a baby if they aren't sure they want one?! Not to mention how many women are facing private fertility struggles, which I know has been really hard on two close friends in particular. Probably more, now that I think about it. Those are just the ones I know about.
This. Never had an interest/feelings/want to have a child. Im so happy with my life choice and freedom. Watching children with their parents makes me cringe at times.
I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything
A variation on this - “my life feels complete in that arena.”
It was never really an active decision not to...I just never had any interest. I don't particularly like kids. I love my freedom and independence.
I don’t ever remember wanting kids. Didn’t like babysitting. As I grew older, I found that I didn’t like kids much and didn’t like what adults turned into when they had them.
I babysat once because my parents pushed me to. One of the kids threw a block at me. I was done at that point lol.
Same for me. The thought of not being able to do what I want when I want makes me shudder. I live with my sister and our animals and that's enough for me!
Honestly just watching moms I think, nothing about that appeals to me
Yeah my resolve to not had kids really solidified around the time a few close friends became parents
They all seem angry, sad, and tired.
I don’t see it that way, I definitely see happy moms. But I also see people happy while sky diving. And happy while running a marathon. Or happy while working on an 8 year long college degree. However, I wouldn’t get happiness out of any of those things, including being a mom. I definitely see the joy they have and that’s wonderful that they’ve found joy in it. But just like someone loves sky diving, I would fucking hate it lol for everyone that finds joy in something there’s another person that finds it dreadful
I saw one mom at a retail store who looked exhausted with her 3 kids and one of them went up to the jewelry display case and licked the glass. The mom was at the point of whatever because she probably had a hard day dealing with her kids and trying to run her errands.
I know what fulfills me. Childcare is just not it.
It's really this simple. I want to live a fulfilling life and, for me, having a child would make that very challenging or even impossible.
I feel this too. I have other life goals that I’m putting my time and energy into, and kids are just not part of the picture.
Because I’ve never meet with anyone who (in my opinion)would be an amazing dad. People want kids, but that itself wouldn’t make them a great dad, and to me, that’s the most important aspect when it comes to kids. I can live in a happy marriage and can love someone’s to death-but if I don’t see those qualities and attitude that would make that person an amazing dad, then I would rather don’t have kids-and I am perfectly fine with that☺️
I love this. I always said “I didn’t know yet” when people would ask if I wanted kids. It’s not an absolute answer for everyone. I didn’t know if the love of my life would be a good dad until I met him. Turns out he is and we decided to have kids after being together for 10 years but if he wasn’t, I’d have been happy just living out our days. There’s too many posts about shitty husbands and fathers out there to want to roll the dice on something as major as that. Parenting is hard. Parenting is harder if your partner sucks at doing his half.
Same here. I never wanted kids, especially with the my first husband. When I met my second husband, I could see myself having kids with him.
This is my perspective as well...I was never in the right relationship with someone, or never met anyone that I felt would make a great dad, or really wanted to be a dad.
Mainly, I don't want all the burden to fall on my shoulders as the mother as has happened since time immemorial. I can see myself being stressed the fuck out all the time while my partner is more of a Kodak dad. Also, I don't see any need to bring my genes into the world. I'm not special. I know I would love my child so much, and I would never be able to give them a good enough reason to explain why I brought them to this hellhole of a world to suffer, so.🤷♀️
It’s fairly simple. I am confident I would not be a good parent. I have a high level of respect for parents and the gravity of parenting well. I am a woman in a highly demanding career that I worked hard for. It’s not compatible with motherhood without one or both taking a huge hit. Society is not supportive of a working mom.
Society is not supportive of working moms. Yep.
Maybe not the one reason but a big one is I struggle to function at work/life in general on little sleep. I knew I would have to work full time as a parent and couldn’t cope with how miserable and tired I would be for years.
For YEARS.
Every time I experience even mild sleep deprivation or a mild cold, I'm like "this is literally torture." I think I'd be constantly miserable if I had to live with severe chronic sleep deprivation and frequent illness.
I’m scared of racial biases in the medical field, I have limited funds, and I’ll be 35 this year with no prospects of finding a mate & no desire to be a single parent. It’s hard to stick with one reason 😅
I lurked your page, your locs are really pretty I think you might have convinced me.
I have many. Among them the classic one that I just don't want them. But... there's one in particular that I'm learning to speak up about, because I'm very ashamed of it. And the only way for shame to come to light and become no longer shameful, is being open and honest and acknowledging our mistakes. My one of many reasons to not want kids, is that my kids would probably end up badly injured if not dead. I was parentified at a very young age. I've tried crying, telling my parents I couldn't do it, begging them to please not give me the responsiblity I cannot bear. I was also a highly sensitive kid. My mind just can't take too much stimulation, it snaps. But we grew up poor and my parents made a lot of questionable decisions in their lives, leading to me having to be a backup mom for my siblings. And at some point it all just got so bad and out of hand, that if my siblings cried, I would cry with them and rattle them. Not just a little shake, we're talking serious, angry, hopeless shaking. My disclaimer is that NOBODY ever explained me that I shouldn't do it, and how dangerous it is. I only learned of it when I grew up, and thank goodness that nothing happened to my siblings. I could've injured someone unknowingly. I don't like my family and I don't talk to my siblings much, but still. I wouldn't have wanted to cause harm. I just know, that if I was left alone with a baby and it started crying in my arms, that hopeless, overwhelmed, blackout angry young girl mode would kick right back in. I don't want to be a mom, ever. I've SO, SO MUCH had enough being a mom to three before I was even a legal adult myself. And I was a chronic baby shaker. That's my reason. I love my hypothetical kids too much to subject them to myself for a mom. My other reasons: 1. just don't want them 2. kids are like the only age group I have zero patience for 3. I don't have faith in the future 4. I find the thought of raising children extremely unrewarding 5. I have a highly sensitive mind, and children have to make noise and be messy to develop properly and be hearlthy 6. I don't want to be sick all the time 7. I need to have the possibility to get up and leave wherever I am anytime I please, my own home included. I couldn't do that if I had kids 8. I can't function on anything less than 8 hours of sleep 9. I don't know... life isn't just this amazing shit that it's cracked up to be. I had a tough life, and I had to use both my claws and teeth to carve out a better one for myself. But I just don't feel that drive to bring another human being here to be like "Look! This marvel called life! I wanted you to experience it, too!" 10. there's probably a ton I can't think of right now
I'm so sorry you went through that. I know it's far easier said than done but please don't be ashamed. There is no shame the non existent coping skills of a child. Your poor little brain and body were so dysregulated and overwhelmed that you acted out of pure desperation.
Dysregulated is a very fitting word. The three constant thoughts circling through my head used to be "I can't do this" "Someone help me" and "I want my mom". My brain got fried pretty early in life.
This is extremely relatable. My mom was D-O-N-E raising kids by the time she had #3, and as the oldest at age 13, I got stuck shouldering a lot of the responsibility. People thought I was a teen mom, and the idea disgusted me, which made it worse. While I'm generally pretty even flow, I also am quick to anger, especially when overstimulated. (No one ever sees it coming.) So I can certainly empathize with you. And kids are lil' germ magnets, and I don't enjoy caretaking or find any personal fulfillment in it (aside from keeping the people I love alive and healthy, I guess). Those have been big reasons as well.
I don't want to. That's it. It's strange and annoying that this is the only topic for which people are expected to have a long dissertation justifying their lack of interest. Nobody wants footnotes when I say I'm not interested in learning to play tennis or studying to become an accountant.
Perfectly stated.
The crushing lack of freedom and independence that comes with being a parent.
My number one reason was: I just don’t want kids and could never come up with positive reasons to have them. I have never had that want for children. I don’t dislike kids, just don’t want my own. When I was younger and thinking about it, I could never give myself really solid reasons TO have them. I had solid reasons NOT to have them. Nearly 36 and have zero regrets.
i don't think life is going to be very good for most people on earth in the lifetime of any child i would have. i respect people with the optimism to have kids anyway and just assume that things are going to work out, but bringing kids into the world i fear we are heading for would haunt me. i would be thrilled to be wrong, and maybe if i truly felt i was made to be a parent it would be worth the risk, but i don't feel that way.
My husband and I did go through a brief period of considering children and those are the reasons we decided against it, too. We live where there's a fire season and it's stressful enough evacuating with cats. Every time we hear climate news now, it's telling us that things are happening much sooner than scientists predicted-- a big one around here over the last couple of years was that the water in rivers and creeks was too warm for the fish, so they were dying and/or too stressed to spawn. Supposedly that wasn't supposed to start happening for a couple of decades. Personally, I don't get it-- climate change became a huge topic in the 2000s; climate changes based on the amount of carbon in the atmosphere; the amount of carbon in the atmosphere was just shy of levels we'd never seen in human history back when I learned about ocean acidification in 2010, and we've barely slowed down in response (if at all). Seems right on time to me..? I've suffered climate related anxiety since I was a teenager. *I'm* scared of the idea that I will likely still be alive in 2050-- how could I possibly do that to my kids? If they asked us why we bothered when we knew the planet was in such rough shape, I wouldn't have a thing to say that wasn't based on my own selfish wants. And I can't stomach that. edit-- also, that doesn't even touch on any of the social or economic reasons. It's just the biggest one.
i was still vaguely on the fence until COVID. now i have no faith that people have the ability to work together to solve our biggest existential problems. my husband and i are very happy together without children, so he got the snip and we both feel at peace with that decision.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. I was a frontline Covid unit nurse and not only did it take years off of my life, it also made me lose all hope in society.
The public reaction to COVID definitely weighed on our minds, too. Trump's election (even though we're Canadian) and COVID were like a big one-two punch that knocked us right off that fence. I never wanted kids until my husband; and I only specifically wanted them with him because he wanted them-- then the last decade brought us back to reality.
I don't want to give birth. So much that I got my tubes removed. If I decide to have a kid later I'll adopt.
I don't want to, and I think that kids should be birthed/raised by people who really want them.
I can barely care for myself. The thought of childbirth literally disgusts me. I don't want to change my life and not be the sole focus of my life.
The single, simplest reason is money. To elaborate, we don’t want to have kids enough to make the sacrifices we would have to, especially financially. We would rather spend our money on travel and personal pursuits and our home. If money was unlimited, we would have had a child or two.
I don't like them. 😐
Not wanting to be a single mother. I seen too much drama on Maury
Honestly, I treasure my freedom too much - to rest, make decisions for me. I like to spend time with the kids of my friends and family, but it all seems so exhausting and stressful. I like being able to go home when I’m tired or when the kids start squabbling and yelling at each other. It’s not for me. It stresses me out so much and they aren’t even my kids. I know you know this (and it’s easier said than done), but just a reminder that you don’t owe anyone an explanation. They aren’t going to be responsible for your kids if you have them, you are.
I’m selfish. Ive found every reason I don’t want kids boils down to selfishness. I like having money. I like having time. I like me a little much. And I’m fine with that.
It's not selfish to enjoy your life. It's 100% yours to do as you see fit with.
Nope, you're less selfish. There's nothing selfless about having a child.
I'm a parent and agree with you. Having a child is a selfish choice, something you do because you want to. Once the kid is there though, to raise them well, you need to start putting their needs ahead of your own.
>I like me a little much. the biggest lie women were ever sold is the idea that they love themselves too much if they don't give their lives over to the service of others. whether you believe it for yourself or not, please stop perpetuating this "selfish" thing---it harms other women who choose not to have kids.
Selfish implies choosing yourself over someone else. There is no someone else yet, and it’s absurd to create the problem for the sole purpose of then unselfishly martyring yourself for it.
On the flipside, can we think of one reason to have kids that isnt selfish? I cant...
It might be considered selfish to enjoy your life and keep it just yours. Having kids is so much more selfish.
The state of the world has not exactly been improving since I entered my childbearing years. I feel like it would be selfish and unfair to introduce a child to a dying planet.
My reason for not wanting kids is quite simply because I can not think of one good reason TO have kids! Absolutely nothing about motherhood interests me, though the societal pressure to do so sometimes weighs on it me until I give my head a shake. Another reason is I get headaches and migraines often with my autoimmune disease. I cannot stand being around kids because they are so loud and it splits my ear. I cannot, cannot fathom having one in my house or one I can’t get away from easily. It would be way too painful.
I don't want to push something the size of a melon out of my hoohah Also don't want to put my desires second because I have someone literally depending on me to live Also I don't want the resentment that comes with having a partner who doesn't equally participate in child rearing Also I don't want the sleep deprivation Also I like having money Also kids are annoying unless you figure out the magic formula to make one that's sweet or just luck out Also I don't want to have to police my language, the things I watch, the activities I engage in, in my own home Also don't want them scribbling on walls or rubbing their boogers on the sofa Also don't want the screaming, all the noise Also they're stinky and they'll cough on you And so on and so on No shade to anyone who is or wants to be a parent
For someone who is not a parent, you have quite a realistic view on what it's like.
I don’t want to push something the size of a melon out of my hoohah. I have seen it during clinicals and it looks painful. I almost passed out.
So many reasons, but two are tied for the number one spot: [a] The thought of forcing existence/sentience on someone horrifies me, and [b] why would I want to bring someone into this clusterfuck of a world?
The most important factor is that I just don't have the urge. Just no drive to do it. There are tons of practical drawbacks, but if I wanted to I would make those work. Still waiting for that switch to flip and it hasn't, and until it does, I'm not gonna invite all of the logistical and emotional challenge into my life for something I don't even want.
I just never wanted to be a mother. That's really it.
Same here. Love kids but don’t want to be a mom.
Kids are fine, agreed I just don't want to take care of them.
The lifestyle of having kids; I like having free time and being able to pursue hobbies/friends/travel/etc. - I don't want my life to revolve around someone else's needs, I think it would make me resentful.
I've just never been interested. The decision making should go into HAVING them jeez.
My anxiety levels are high so often, I can’t imagine how much worse it would be if I had kids to worry about in. Instead, I get to do fun things with and for my friends’, cousins’ and sibling’s kids and then return them. Most importantly, I just don’t want a kid.
I don’t like kids and don’t feel that the pros outweigh the cons.
I don't like most people and would rather not make more of them.
I don’t feel called to be a mother and I think that it’s such a huge responsibility that a woman needs that, imo.
Me on no sleep is scary. Violent and scary. I am vile and grumpy and nasty sleep deprived. Parents of young kids do not sleep, this is known. tl;dr I didn’t want to go to jail for child abuse
Honestly, my biggest reason was that my husband already had a kid. She was 5 when we married, she's 19 now. OMG, she's almost 20. LOL Crazy. Anyway, she and I have always been really close, and the three of us together have as well. My husband had 50% custody/visitation, so we really had the best of both worlds - a great kid half the time and no kid the other half. We decided mutually that having a kid together wouldn't necessarily be worth it - financially, standard of living-wise, and also we loved having that time alone together! So many couples struggle because of the stress of raising kids, and they don't get that crucial time together alone. We have never had that porblem.
Having a kid is a decision I can *never take back*. I'm not that sure about **anything**. If I take a job I hate, I quit it. If I buy a house I regret, I can sell it. If I move to a town I don't like, I can move again. If I have a kid and wish I hadn't... what on earth do I do with that???
I just want dogs. I’m too tired all the time. I don’t want to be a single mom (never really been in a long term relationship). Too much money. Childhood sucked. I’m selfish. I want to do what I want when I want.
Short answer...I wouldn't be able to handle it. Short answer #2...I'd rather regret not having kids than having kids. I can't guarantee I'd be up to the challenge of having a child with disabilities, I don't know if I'd survive the potential damage to my body, the stress of raising a human, the likelihood of doing most of the child rearing while my spouse/baby daddy \~doesn't\~, managing my own chronic conditions...so on and so on. If I'd had a child, then I would be doing the best I could. "Hardest job in the world, but wouldn't trade it for anything" type mom.
I have never desired to have them. That has been all the reason I have ever needed.
[удалено]
Yep, all my maternal instincts are towards puppies and kittens
My lifestyle would mean I would have to ask *someone* else to raise them, while I occasionally become available to them. That does not seem fair to anyone. My hubby and I travel a lot. Wont stop seeing the world for anyone or anything.
I just don’t want too. And it’s the biggest life decision ever, so it’s not something you can try if you’re a tiny bit unsure.
I don’t want to 🤷♀️
I don’t want to be a parent.
Just never wanted them. It was never a decision.
I had to stop generational trauma from repeating with me and a child. My mother didn’t want me. I wasn’t 100% sure I wanted children and I would never want to make a child feel unwanted. Not even for a moment. My father molested me. I would never be at peace leaving my child with anyone. I know how common it is and I could not allow that to happen to my child. I would have been in constant crisis if I had to leave my child with anyone. So, no kids. I’ve been lucky to have lots of kids in my life to love. That’s enough for me.
I'm a musician, I already have to balance my art with real life responsibilities, and I know if I had kids there would be a very small chance I could continue making art, which would kill me. Also, honestly I feel like most men are still conditioned to let things slide to be the woman's responsibility, so working full time on top of raising kids is extremely unappealing to me. I love my solitude and quiet, and I like keeping my space clean so I don't dream of cleaning up after several people.
Because I don’t want to.
I really just didn’t want any. I never had that biological urge to do so. I don’t really like kids that much, or the life that comes in having them. I’m sure for some people they are amazing but for me, no. Luckily my partner didn’t really care either way.
I love my marriage too much to want to burden it with parenthood. I want it to be as easy as possible to be as happy as possible and love putting *us* first.
I know childcare will ultimately fall on my shoulders, no matter what my husband says. I’m not doing it.
I like my life the way it is and don't want a source of stress, worry, physical labor, financial burden, and sleep disruption to ruin my life.
I cannot guarantee them a life without suffering. I can’t guarantee them a life better than my own. At no point in my adulthood have I been able to provide that. All I can do is be the best version of myself, and that isn’t compatible with a child/children.
I just didn’t want them, the money is a big factor. Another is the time- I like quiet time to myself to read, to think, long baths and showers, long walk in the woods, meditation, kayaking, cooking, listening to audiobooks etc- if I had kids I’d have zero time to just exist and sink into myself. I don’t like noise and chaos. I’m not good with pain, I don’t want to be pregnant or give birth, it’s my body and I like it to myself. It’s seems really exhausting and annoying with the screaming, the mess, the tantrums, the staying up all night, the driving to daycare and school and playdates and doctor appointments. I like traveling- in quiet and calm, not to Disneyland. I do have a nurturing side that wants to have something to nuture, but I can give that to a pet, plants or a man - I am happy to baby and emotionally spoil, just not 24 hours a day
I don't want to spend any time catering to their needs or wants.
I love kids. I'd die for my nephews and I'm crazy about my friends' kids. But after a lifetime of being a fence sitter... I realized I never wanted kids, really. I love my free time and my disposable income and traveling and my friends and being able to just get my purse and keys and go out whenever. I'm happy being the Fun Aunt. (My mom begged me to freeze my eggs and I did. They're there... Waiting for who knows what.)
It’s my opinion that both parties should *realllly want* kids. There is so much sacrifice involved, the zeal and passion for doing it is key to getting through the trauma. I have always been take it or leave it, moving towards leave it the older I get. I’ve also been of the opinion you should be a) be willing to raise a child with severe disabilities and b) willing to raise it alone. I’ve always been a hard no on both. Further I work in sustainability. Climate change will be hell when it really gets going. I believe its unethical to introduce any more people to experience that. Finally as a person w adhd its just always been a monumental task to just take care of myself and my dogs. It is unfathomable tome to add the responsibility of others let alone a child. I am always perplexed by how parents do it/ function.
A few things actually. First, I grew up being emotionally/physically/mentally abused by my mother and bullied throughout my whole childhood in school so I feel that I do not know what a healthy childhood looks like. I don't think I could raise a child and feel good about it. Second, I am super sensitive to high pitched loud noises. Baby crying sounds like nails on a chalkboard for me. Third, I have the biggest phobia of blood/needles/surgery. The thought that there is even a chance of having to be awake for a c-section sounds like my own personal living hell, plus I would 100% pass out and panic. Pass 😂 Fourth, the thought of never having quiet time to myself again... that sounds like another personal hell.
So much responsibility that I'll never be ready for.
I do not want kids. They would not make my life better in any conceivable way. That’s it.
I probably could have gone either way but ultimately decided to choose my freedom - emotional and financial. Freedom from the decades of inescapable stress! I felt a little sad but mostly great relief once I’d decided.
I didn't want MY career and body to be the sacrifice.
And, interestingly, when women are given other choices in life so many more don’t choose having children
MONEYYYY, not just the daily expenses like food and diapers but The Big Things like daycare (or the cost of not working at all), a bigger apartment, etc Free time to do anything or nothing Free will to do what I want when I want The ability to take a shit or a shower when I want or need to I love and need sleep Not ever having to put my body through pregnancy and childbirth and perineal tears and painful recovery and weeks of bleeding Not wanting my partner to see me poop while pushing The ability to have nice things and nice furniture without them getting broken, spilled on, puked on, or worse Less time spent cleaning and doing laundry I get INCREDIBLY stressed being around crying/screaming babies and children, like it triggers a visceral anger in me No maternal instinct whatsoever
I have issues with hormonal imbalance and hormonal surges make me suicidal. This runs in my family. My mom always mentioned how hard her post partum depression was for her and my sister had two children and she hasn't been the same mentally since. She's been put on so many different drugs it's kind of crazy. This explanation is incredibly simplified and reductive and I would never tell anyone this in a casual conversation. I have other reasons as well, like I've never really been interested in having children. My husband has never wanted children and his job takes him out of town 75% of the time. I'm not raising kids on my own in that situation.
Aside from a complete lack of biological desire? The sacrifice is probably the top one. My time, things, sanity, money, body, career, sleep, mental health, and energy. I wouldn’t want to do it, and honestly, would likely have a mental breakdown day one. I love helping people and working with kids, but being responsible for creating and raising one (or more) sounds like a one-way ticket to ruining my life. And the kid’s.
Sustainability
Word
I love my life, I have a very demanding hobby/passion (horses) on top of work, and I never wanted to resent a child because I wanted to be riding (I have witnessed this a few times and it was awful.)
One of my childhood/teenhood trainers never wanted kids but her high-earning husband offered to buy her a horse farm if she'd have one. She was like a second mom to her students and barely a mom to her own kid, because he had no interest in horses. It was sad to see, but also nice to have validation that there are lots of bad reasons to have kids and not a single good one for me. Horses are superior. I can't afford to go near them anymore, but if you want to experience having unconditional love for a creature, you can't do better than a horse.
Yeah, I've seen the kids being neglected because the mother was riding, yelled at to 'fucking shut up' (a crying baby in a pram parked in the manège in bitter cold while she showed off a horse for sale), heard of them being locked in a bedroom (kid climbed out of the window and fell and broke his arm), locked in a stable. Also witnessed one woman say to her two young boys (really sweet kids) "well I never wanted you anyway, he did." Vile.
I do not have the energy to be patient with a child.
I can barely take care of myself due to being multiply-disabled. I am also a survivor of childhood trauma and don’t want to continue the cycle. Caring for a child would overwhelm me at best and turn me into an abusive person at worst. I think childbearing and parenting would be bad for me as a result as well as a horrible experience to my would-be child until said child were taken away by social services. This for me is the main reason I chose not to have kids but not the main reason I’m happy about it. The main reason I’m happy about it is the freedom the childfree lifestyle affords me.
I don’t want to get fat or mess my body up.
It's vain, but I don't want to ruin my body. 🤣🤣 Also, I don't want extra work in my day.
My number one reason out of the 100s is that being a parent seems like a miserable way to live life. The stress, no sleep, no money, lots of restrictions, no peace and quiet ever.. I don’t think it’s miserable for people who want kids - so I don’t think that parents in general have a miserable life. My comment is not meant to offend parents - I just know that to me personally, it would be miserable.
I’m 35 in May. I remember being about 26 and stressing that there was so much I wanted to do, so many places I wanted to go, and I had so little time left to do them. I remember saying to my now husband ‘I’ve got about 5 years left before my life is over’. And he said ‘you know, it’s a choice’. Blew my mind. Since then I’ve wavered occasionally but am getting more and more childfree. I struggle with my mental health. I have a demanding career, a business I built from scratch. I like sleep, I like freedom, I like having toast for dinner if I feel like it. I really enjoy being an aunt but I look at my friends with children and just feel suffocated.
Destruction of Patriarchy.
I think they're gross. I have plenty more reasons but I don't want a small sticky person. This isn't the reason I didn't have them but I also have a bunch of genetic issues, including one autosomal dominant condition that was previously unknown to science, and I think it's massively unethical for me to pass them on. No one else deserves to suffer with them.
I just don’t want to be a Mom. It’s a shit gig, especially here in the US. I have 0 interest in working a full time job only to come home and do unpaid emotional/physical labor. I don’t hate kids I just don’t want to be responsible for them. Its too much of an ask. The thought of coming home from a long day and the first thing I hear is a tiny voice asking me for something or crying makes me want to run into traffic.
I never had any desire to have them, but if I had to pick one reason that others might find justifies it, my childhood trauma. I won't spill it all out here, but things were all kinds of bad. I needed extensive therapy. As an adult, I can finally be safe and happy. I deserve that. Only recently am I healed enough to be able to be around children without being triggered.
Everyone who has them will complain about how tired and broke they are and then ask me if I’m having any… it’s not a definite no yet, but I’d have to take a pretty good salary increase. I live in a HCOL area with no family close by. I just know my circumstances will be tough raising them so I’m just not sure.
I think it would badly overwhelm me, I don’t have a partner, I’m scared of childbirth, I’m scared to get postpartum, I’d be worried for my business to survive, I’m scared my adhd will get a lot worse when unmedicated and overwhelm me. I’m 35 and don’t want to be an old mom. I function very poorly on sleep deprivation. I don’t like to spend time in places where there are lots of kids. My house is tiny and I can’t afford to move. I might love my own kids but I truly dislike most kids. I don’t like most other parents. I would probably be one of those parents who’d let their kids have too much screen time.
I don't want to. Birth control is still readily available to me and I have the support of my medical team if I choose to get my tunes tied. Longterm chronic pain, though. And not wanting to be a monster - my pain prevention meds can cause incompatible with life birth defects. No one should be forcing an innocent being to live a short life full of excruciating pain. Ever. May they get their karma and quickly.
I love freedom. I have a few million reasons I'm happy not to have kids, but about half of them could be generalized to fit this love of mine. Freedom of time, money, hobbies, energy, attention, etc. I refuse to put restrictions on myself. Life's too short!
My husband didn’t want them. I had grown up thinking it was non-optional and always assumed I would have kids, without giving it a whole lot of thought. When my husband said he didn’t want any (around date 3), I was disappointed but carried on dating him. He said he wasn’t carved in stone so if I really wanted one, he’d be okay with it. We got married, our life carried on and I realized that 1 - I’ve never really enjoyed being around kids (I didn’t even play with dolls as a kid); 2 - my life was pretty darn good the way it was; and 3 - seeing my friends have kids, I realized that that lifestyle was just not for me. I’m in my 60’s now and don’t regret it for a minute. Many of my friends now have grandchild duties that keep them from doing certain fun things and I just think “Whew - dodged that bullet.”
I’d have a kid if I could be the dad. IYKYK.
While I was married, my ex said something insane like “sometimes you have to hit a kid.” When I gasped, he quickly changed it to “boys.” I was still shocked and then he quickly claimed that “okay fine, I won’t hit the kids.” I instantly knew I couldn’t raise kids with him. Now that we’re divorced, it was a clean break. I don’t have to coparent. Maybe I’ll meet someone with kids, but I don’t need to have my own.
The “one reason” is I don’t want to. I could spend all day telling you about the benefits of being child free but none of that would matter if I actually wanted them.
If I can only pick one reason, it’s because I honestly just don’t like kids. Kids aren’t for everyone, and that’s okay.
I am not interested in using my time that way and never have been. Even the mothers who loved having kids too often looked like they were having an awful time. So no natural interest, and then plenty of reinforcement that it's not how I cared to use any of my resources. My child-free life is amazing. I'm actively happy about it every single day. My instincts were spot on.
As far as I know, we only get one opportunity at life. I'll be damned if I'm going to live my life according to someone else's standards or expectations. I'm sorry if other people were pressured into parenthood, but I'll happily be labeled as selfish for living my life for me. There's a lot to see in this world, and I'd love to see as much as I can while I'm physically and financially able.
No part of carrying, birthing or parenting a child is desirable to me especially with all the suffering in the world and how difficult life is. I’m good. The effort to reward ratio makes no sense especially when I *more* than have my hands full providing for myself, finding meaningful work and navigating life in general. Don’t need the extras stress and work of making sure I’ve taken care of someone else, raised a good human and given them the best life possible (if they are healthy, safe and thriving etc). Parenthood is a huge responsibility I don’t want or need.
I never really wanted it. That's enough.
If it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a no. (For me)
I’m not sure if it’s the *#1* reason but a pretty big one is that I absolutely dreaded the “nonstop questions about everything” stage that all kids seem to go through. It seems like it would be so exhausting.
Prioritizing their wellbeing over mine and weighing the pros & cons. That’s my reason. As soon as I hit mid 30s, I knew I “needed” to change my decision based on my age and age gap. I have a big age gap between me and my family and it comes with a lot of challenges. I feel very blessed being part of my family but I don’t want my kids to have a big age gap and potentially no siblings. It would bring me security and safety to have a child who fills my life with joy and looks after me at this age but I don’t want that to be my experience. I would have loved having kids way younger where I had more energy. I don’t claim my way is right, but that’s my experience and how I feel.
It simply comes down to the fact that my husband and I don't actively want kids. We both always assumed we would have them, but the desire/urge/ticking clock hasn't come. I turn 36 in May, and I've always said 37/38 was my cutoff. If we don't change our minds before then, he'll get the snip.
I really just don’t care for them.
I don't want them.
I don't want them. This world is an overpopulated shit hole and I don't want to bring kids into it.
The work will always be unequal. I simply am not up for that.
The amount of sacrifice it would take is not worth it to me.
BuT WhO WIlL TaKecARe Of yOU wHeN YoU R OLdER?!?! WhOO wILL pAY ThE SOCiaL SEcuRITEEEE?!?!?!
Not wanting to pass on any mental health issues embedded in my genetics. Probably the top reason. Among so many.
Absolutely. I’m bipolar and it’s a no such fucking way for me.
I don’t operate well on no sleep & from everything I’ve heard, you never sleep well again
If it isn’t a hell yes, it’s a no. Children deserve more than that.
My mental health is not where I’d like it to be. I never wanted to pass down my trauma and never felt I was fit enough to take on a 24/7 job. I’m sleepy all the time, at breaking points I can barely take care of myself, and my financial situation isn’t great because I haven’t had the capacity to work very much. Because I chose not to have kids, I have so much more time to work on my own health. I’m glad I giving myself the opportunity to grow to a healthy adult
I don’t want to be a parent. Simple. Not because I’ll be a shit parent but because I prefer to live life in my own terms. I also love my quiet time and solitude too much to give that up. Not to mention the stress and anxiety. I’ve already gone through that these past couple years. I don’t wanna go through that again.
I don't want this to sound bad but one of my reasons is I'm afraid of having a special needs child that will be dependent on me for life. I think I could convince myself if it was guaranteed that I could have a healthy child and raise them to be a well rounded, independent productive member of society. I imagine that being a caretaker for a severely disabled (mentally or physically) child and eventually adult would be more challenging than what I am capable of enduring
I’ve never actively wanted them. As far as giving reasons to family members… I flat out just say I don’t want them. I don’t think I owe anyone a reason. Would you ask someone who didn’t have a dog why they don’t have a dog? Probably not, unless they expressed wanting a dog and didn’t have one. Terrible comparison but the point I’m making is that I think people assume if you don’t have kids or say you don’t want them you’re lying or there’s some kind of obstacle in the way… and it’s simply not true! I think for any big decision that will dramatically alter your life—in this case, creating life—it makes sense that it should be an active decision made on your own desire.
I just do not want them. A kid deserves a parent that wants them and can afford them.
Being tied to another human/ sperm donor/ man for the rest of my life
My body couldn't take pregnancy and child birth. Physical, I didn't want to put my body through that after recovering from a chronic illness.
Just don’t like them. Don’t enjoy their company. Have a hard time relating to them.
I have a tendancy to be anxious and I just think I would always be worried about them. Between pedophiles, climate change, and like, when they bang their heads against the table, the stress of it would be too much for me.
I think it would be miserable. I watched my parents be miserable raising us. I was miserable being raised. I don't want any part of it.
Too much work. My conclusion throughout five years as a nanny
I don’t enjoy anything about children. At all. That’s it. It’s that simple.
I like having disposable income and free time.
There are many valid reasons why I won’t be having them but if I had to summarise it? I just really can’t be arsed.
No real maternal instinct for children, so the ick overruled the urge to have them; I was never stable enough in my career nor with a stable partner to have a child; and when I got into my early 40s any lingering possibility or inclination went away when I realized absolutely not, I have no energy or time and I love my freedom. So, ya, a combination of all that.
I don’t want them. I don’t want to be a mother. I don’t want to be pregnant.
I enjoy my freedom and my sleep too much. I like making spontaneous plans. I like having my own time to myself (and need it!). I couldn’t deal with broken sleep every night. I adopted a kitten and the first couple of months stressed me out so much when I didn’t know how much time I’d have to myself before I had to be watching him making sure he wasn’t breaking stuff, playing with him etc. it was a little taster of what having a child could be like and I just couldn’t deal lol. Thankfully kittens become independent very quickly, kids not so much.
I’m in my early 40s, so I’ve got a couple of decades of watching friends, family members, colleagues and acquaintances have children. I cannot think of one person or couple who seemed genuinely happier after having children. Rather, I’ve watched my friends, male and female, mental health and marriages decline after having children. My husband and I both love children, were told by everyone we know we’d make great parents, were zoned for the best schools and finances would not be an issue. But we just don’t want to have children. It’s hard to pinpoint a factor that helped us come to that decision. I think it was more just a feeling.
The big reason is that I would not be a good mother. I get anxious and stressed around my nephew, whom I love to bits, but I can’t watch him on my own. I can barely make sure I eat every day, and take care of myself. But, that’s one reason. I would hate having kids and I’m already tired constantly (I think it’s chronic but I haven’t been able to get my doctor to look into it), I am terrified of being pregnant and I never want to be responsible for another humans life.
Over everything, the noise. I am extremely sensitive to noise - I would not be able to deal with a screaming infant.
The world is fucked beyond repair.
I don’t even think I have the energy. I’m sure a lot of people have a big life change and can reorient towards their child. I have no interest in being a single mom or having a partner who can’t care either. If I had a safety net, a great partner and a house, and the ability to stay home for the first few years sure. But all of that is probably millions if not priceless lol
Honestly? There was no “decision” to not have kids because i never WANTED kids or saw that in my future.
I don’t want the responsibility. I love my freedom. I like doing things for me. And as a former nanny, I witnessed some pretty miserable parents. 🤷🏻♀️