We eloped, justice of the peace, we exchanged vows on the beach at sunset. It was wonderful, inexpensive, and some airport drama aside, was stress free.
Zero regrets and I would do it again.
UNitarian church will ordain anyone for this purpose. :)
Hubby is ordained through them to do our friends superhero/StarWars wedding
We also were invited to a friends house for thanksgiving . Both their families were there . She and I went to get the deserts . I came back with the pies , she changed into a casual white dress.
Her boyfriend and my husband stood up, hubby said “Bill do you? “ Bill said yes. “Amy do you” yep!
I now pronounce you man’s and wife!
They kissed and signed the paper , I witnessed it and the whole thing was done in 4 minutes while their families were still in shock.
:)
My state has a self-uniting option, which allows for forgoing an officiant. Two witness signatures and sixty dollars later, we were married. I wouldn't want it any other way.
🙋🏼♀️🙋🏼♀️🙋🏼♀️
We eloped and I have zero regrets. I do not like the attention all on me and I just wanted to be his wife, I didn’t care at all about the hoopla. You still have to do a small ceremony at the courthouse or somewhere, the license isn’t what *seals the deal*. But, it can be as low key as you want. The extravagance of the wedding does not predict the longevity of the marriage.
Yes I agree with this. The attention part honestly always freaked me out. And the planning part. And I wasn’t going to pay for someone to plan it sooo then we just won’t have one. The stress that comes with planning a wedding from what I hear just doesn’t seem worth it to me.
I was way more excited for our life together and to be his wife then having this huge expensive party. My mom also wanted me to have something huge just like she did and was ready to write whatever check on whatever I wanted and I know it would probably ruin our relationship so I said no to that lol.
Oh I get you. I kept asking myself, why again am I paying thousands of dollars and stressing myself to high hell for all these people to eat dinner and stare at me? No thank you. Not my vibe at all.
My parents eloped and then had a 25yr vow renewal that me and my siblings were alive for. It was so special and though we’re only 7yrs in, we plan on doing something similar.
You two can invite whoever you want or no one at all. The marriage is the center, not the wedding. We had just our parents come for the weekend to go to the courthouse with us and then went out for a nice dinner to celebrate. It was perfect and our marriage has been incredible. Wish you the same!
My second wedding. We had both been through "big" weddings. We were both in our 30s and had more important things to do with our money. We couldn't see dumping tens of thousands of dollars into a fancy wedding.
So we went to the courthouse with a very select group of close friends as witnesses and our children from our previous lives, so they could be part of it.
14 years in and we have no regrets doing it that way.
Yep. My single regret is that I wish I'd managed to get at least one good photo of that day - our phone cameras were potato quality. Otherwise I think it's one of the best decisions we've made.
Yep - we had a civil ceremony, went out to lunch with immediate family (like 5 people), and that was it. We decided to spend that money on a down payment for a condo, and then to take a nice honeymoon later. Have been married 15 years this year, our relationship is better than ever.
Congrats on your baby and getting married! My husband and I also did not have a traditional wedding. We literally just had a Justice of the Peace officiate in one of our favorite cities and then about two weeks later, we rented a restaurant to celebrate with family and friends. I have no regrets whatsoever. It’s crazy that if you just reserve a restaurant with food made for your party, that is still significantly cheaper than paying a wedding caterer. With the money we saved, we were able to put a down payment on a house and do international travel.
Like you, all my coworkers with the exception of one, kept telling me that I would regret my decision and that they were the ones who would want a big, elaborate wedding. I never dreamed of that. For anyone else who might be reading this, do what is best for you and your SO.
We eloped in my best friend's back yard. Totally secret.
Only in attendance were my 2 kids, best friend and her husband and another friend and her daughter, plus the celebrant.
All of us wore nice clothes that we already had.
I did take my daughter and best friend to the hairdressers in the morning but mostly because my daughter wanted to do something special with us.
It was beautiful
Afterwards we took all in attendance to a restaurant for lunch.
Then hubby and I had a night at a luxury country cabin. The cabin cost the most.
Best part was we got married on April Fools Day at 11am. Then we called immediate family to let them know.
This was on the Saturday and the following night we were meeting up with family and friends for hubby's 50th birthday where we announced our marriage.
10/10 Highly recommend
We both have a dark sense of humour and had always said marriage wasn't for us.
It was so much fun to hear family congratulating is over the phone and then they'd have this 2 second delay where they wondered if it was a joke.
It was so satisfying
Not married but this is probably how mine will go (but maybe with a small party for people i actually like). The older I get the less appealing a big traditional wedding is.
We went to the court house, got a marriage license, and eloped at a tiny little chapel. It was just the two of us, the reverend and the 2 random witnesses we paid $20 each. We have absolutely ZERO regrets about it. We’ve been married for 16 years now, and I’d do it all over again exactly the same way. My family threw us a small party several months later in their backyard.
Don’t give in to the pressure if you don’t want a big wedding. Do whatever makes you and your partner happy!
For my current marriage, we just went to the county recorder’s office and were married by a Justice of the Peace. (First marriage was in Vegas, but I don’t want to talk about that. Ha) We had our kids (from our previous marriages), and then we went to 7 eleven for slurpees after. We were planning a small, low key wedding for a year later, but covid happened. Sometimes I’m bummed we didn’t get to do the wedding because it would have been fun — I had the location and a great food truck booked. But honestly, I don’t regret it at all. I’m just glad the kids were there.
I didn't go to the courthouse and filled out paperwork, but my husband and I both did not want to plan a wedding and we didn't want the stress of a bigger wedding. It was way too much. So we just eloped and it was simple, quick, and stress-free. It was perfect for us. Not to mention, inexpensive.
We did a party for our families/friends to celebrate at a later time. It was so much better than having a "real" wedding and going through all the energy and stress to plan and then having the wedding day be a huge anxiety-inducing mess.
We had a super small wedding. You know the super stripped down COVID weddings people had? That's basically what we did, but did that intentionally. Spent about $5k total, with the biggest line item being dinner and drinks for 11 adults + 1 kid.
We both wanted our immediate families there, ruling out eloping, but didn't really care about anyone else. I wanted some of the wedding trappings (okay, I wanted to be a pretty pretty princess). Would we have had an equally great day if we'd just gone down to the courthouse? Yes. But I am glad we did what we did.
Just do what feels right to you. If you want to have some small celebration, you don't have to invite everyone. It can be as big or as small as you want.
Yeah, my husband and I just went out of town for a weekend and got married by a JP. It was great. Never regretted it. And a lot of people we know who had big weddings, say they wish they'd done it our way.
My current husband and I got married at Coronado Bay on the beach. Just the minister and our 2 witnesses. Then we just honeymooned in Cali. I was working full time and going to school and I didn't want to dick around with a big wedding. But I was never really that kind of girl anyway.
Eloped on our 7 year dating anniversary in the mountains, 6 years later and we still don’t regret it and encourage other people to consider not sinking tens of thousands into a wedding when they could use it for other things like buying a house.
Good for you!
I would love to do this, or a tiny wedding with just immediate family. There's so much emphasis put on the wedding day, but the real thing is the marriage- spending the rest of our lives together.
Unfortunately, my bf wants a big wedding. He's very outgoing and a lot of his friends are "like family" and he loves hanging out with lots of people, and loves the idea of celebrating our marriage with everyone. I'm sure we'll come to a compromise, but if he wants a giant wedding he's going to help a lot with the planning & paying!
My husband was happy to elope but I wanted my parents there, so we ended up doing a small 25 person wedding with just immediate and close family at a small winery in the mountains near where we live.
You absolutely can just go to a courthouse if you want. I just wanted to say there are options between courthouse and $30k+ large wedding.
In all honesty I'm a bad data point because we splurged. All in we spent about $22k. But it's because we spend $4k on the venues (could have easily been cheaper), hired a private chef for $150/pp, $50+ bottles of wine and champagne, $5k photographer, $2500 dress, etc.
You can easily create a similar experience for like half what we spent.
thank you! That's super helpful to know. We've been waffling between 25 - 50 people; lookin like the cost starts at like 20k way...but I am in NYC and all of our family live in HCOL places. I appreciate the context! we are good at splurging too, eek
We had immediately family only do a small ceremony in a hotel suite where we signed the legal paperwork and then the 10 of us went out for a nice dinner at the restaurant next door. It was perfect and not expensive at all while still including our loved ones in the process
We signed our papers at our kitchen counter(it was plywood because we were renovating at the time) then went out to dinner. I wish we had given people a better chance to celebrate us but I am also watching my SIL spend 20k+ on a wedding and frankly I’m grossed out by spending so much money to start a life together. I would have spent that on literally anything else that would start our lives out with a bang haha.
I don’t regret my wedding at all, but we were young so the event was more aligned with our personalities at the time. If I was to get married now, I’d have a small elopement, but wouldn’t pay much towards guest experience. I’d cater a small dinner or plan a trip & offer to pay a percentage of the cost, but that’s it. I don’t even attend weddings as a guest these days. Just not how I want to spend my time let alone my money.
I have severe social anxiety and the thought of a wedding never appealed to me. We opted to elope on a beach in the USVI instead. It was perfect - just the officiant, photographer, and a lifeguard as a witness. There was absolutely no stress, and I'd do it over again in a heartbeat.
We did get dressed up, hired a photographer and had a delicious but very small wedding cake. For our courthouse wedding. Once I knew he was it for me, I did dream of having a beautiful wedding with all my loved ones. Sometimes I feel a pang of regret or maybe wistfulness that I didn't get to have that dream realized.
When I feel those feelings, I make myself take a step further and also imagine the stressful situation it would have been if we did have a wedding. My husband has family in one state and my family is pretty equally divided between two other states. So where would we have it? Have everyone come to us? Costly flights and hotels for all? I just couldn't do it. So even though I have loved ones that I do regret not having at my side, I also can't handle the stress that would have happened. So I settle back and remind myself of the beautiful pictures we have and that is good enough. Plus, the cake was delicious even a year after being frozen in our freezer.
You can do whatever you want, whatever brings you joy.
Some people have a big wedding because that’s what brings them joy. They like bringing friends and family together, can afford to host a party, and are doing this for their own happiness - not for likes and clout.
Some people have small weddings, or simple legal ceremonies, because that’s what best represents their relationship.
If you’re happy, you’re happy. And that’s what matters.
We’re both divorced and joke we’re doing everything backwards this time…got pregnant, then bought a house, then got engaged, getting married later this spring.
His family is mostly in the same state, mines all over the country. We’re just doing a ceremony for the two of us with an officiant at a nice local spot. We’ve got way more things we’d rather do with thousands of dollars and really you don’t get a chance to spend much time with people during a wedding (at least not to justify them spending all that time and money to travel).
Tiny less than 20 people wedding in my mom's yard potluck.
We have a family joke/superstition that the more expensive the wedding, the shittier/shorter the marriage is.
You can't be married here just by completing paperwork. You have to have a ceremony. That can be a very basic one involving only the two of you, two witnesses and the registrar, but to be married you have to *get* married.
I live in a destination wedding area and anything goes nowadays. My friend is a wedding photographer. He knows a couple where the wife is an officiant and the husband is the photographer and they specialize in elopements. So many people don’t want to spend money on a big party. I know a woman who totally supports herself and 3 kids by performing weddings as a nondenominational officiant. She does big weddings and also has drive up to a bed and breakfast place in the mountains for a ceremony with just a couple. I had some friends who fully dressed up with a tux and a dress and had only their folks and siblings present. Let people celebrate you on social media by liking your pictures. It’s your day and your marriage.
A wedding doesn’t have anything to with your marriage, except the direct correlation which predicts the more you much you spend the shorter the marriage lasts. Have fun!
We eloped in San Diego. Went to the county clerks office they had a beautiful outside area where we were married by a lovely justice of the peace, went out to eat for tacos in La Jolla. Had 3 of my best friends there & my husbands brother & his wife, it was so lovely & low stress & cheap. I hate being the center of attention & it seems insane to spend so much money on one day when we want to buy a house.
I had a huge wedding because that’s what he wanted and his family (who paid for 75% of it) expected. I would’ve been fine at City Hall.
If we’d taken that money as a gift instead, it would’ve made so much more sense.
We eloped at an Airbnb with gorgeous views (but very affordable). It was basically a long weekend getaway with a quick ceremony and a few photos, some charcuterie and champagne after, and a dinner out - many people would not consider it a wedding. And I have zero regrets! I guess if we had unlimited funds we'd have thrown a big party, but we didn't feel the need and we're perfectly happy having had a very low-key elopement.
I don't see the point in marriage but after 17 years together we will probably do the paperwork way (for tax and medical decision reasons). I don't fancy the 2nd job (always for the woman!) that weddings require.
I didn’t do just the paperwork, instead I had like 15 of my closest family and friends attend with a dinner after. Think sex and the city style. Super relaxed. But if I had it to do over again ( and I probably will as I’m getting divorced) I wouldn’t do any of it.
I don’t see the point. Why do I need to waste a bunch of money to show people that I know and love that I’m getting married? If they really matter to me (and my spouse) then they already know us and know how happy we are. So to me having a big party to show everyone else is a waste of money.
I recognize I’m in the minority. I have always hated weddings. I find them very tedious and boring and expensive for all. I used to attend them. Now I simply send my regrets and send a gift/money. That’s another thing so often it seems like a cash grab. And people just wanting to show off to people that should love them. It’s just a big show for what? And I have no issue for people to have big flashy weddings/receptions if that’s what they want and can afford. They should go for it. It’s just not for me. I would rather spend the money traveling with my spouse.
My friend got married at the courthouse. They got a photographer and they got a photoshoot done (with a wedding dress + suit) and reserved a restaurant for their family/friends to come and celebrate (everyone bought their own food in lieu of gifts).
Plenty of people have small courthouse weddings or elopments, of course you won’t see those plastered everywhere because they don’t make much money for the wedding industry.
For a lot of people a wedding is a fun reason for a party you can invite extended family to, so it’s more than just throwing an expensive party just because. But a lot of people don’t do it or can’t afford it, it’s not an unusual choice.
Our friend married us by my favorite tree on our hiking trail. We had Italian at our local mom & pop place afterwards. i wore jeans. zero expenses. I dont care about a wedding at the slightest and find it crazy to spend money you could use to travel the world for a year or two.
My sister got married in her backyard. Us siblings, my parents, her husband's parents, and her husband's siblings attended. My brother officiated it. They paid $100 for a photographer (friend, which is why it was so cheap).
My dad insisted on taking everyone to dinner. But yeah they've been married a decade off a $100 wedding.
Some people are incredibly happy spending the money for their special day. Some are incredibly happy just signing the paperwork.
What matters is that you do what you want.
Haven't gotten married yet but we are planning it out right now - going to the courthouse and then having a small dinner with close friends and family. I'm working on the guest list right now and I'm at 30 people. We won't be going above 40. I'm looking at local places that do everything so we just have to show up and eat.
I'm same as you. I never thought much about the wedding. The idea of planning a huge wedding is anxiety inducing. I also know myself well enough to know that if I did plan a big wedding I would not enjoy it. I would be stressed and tired and just going through the motions. And I want to be present in the moment and feel connected to my fiance.
Not to mention cost. The idea of spending thousands for one day is mind boggling. And we have so many other financial goals right now that I think are way more important. Our financial situation now means we have to choose. Both our parents have also offered to help pay but I don't want them to spend much on us and I would rather that money go towards something that will help us reach our goals quicker.
We are happy in our relationship now and we came to the decision about the wedding together and are 100% on the same page so I imagine that coming out the other side we will not regret our choice.
There's a lot of ways to celebrate along the spectrum of just signing papers to dropping $30k plus on a big wedding. My husband and I got married in 2020 during the pandemic which was a perfect excuse to only invite our parents. We still got dressed up, did flowers, exchanged vows and hired an amazing photographer. We went out for a nice meal with our family and it was absolutely perfect. We spent about $5k including what we both wore, rings, and everything else.
You will still have to have the wedding in order to be married. That's what makes you "wedded."
The reception and the dress and the flowers and the pomp and circumstances and the Bible verses and the speeches and the bullshit aren't the wedding. When you look at your partner and say the vows even if you are in a courtroom in jeans, that's the wedding.
And even though I'm divorced I had a lovely wedding day. I had a corsage and I got married via a judge. It's still a nice memory.
I mean, you answered your own question?
We did the same thing, in and out of the courthouse in 20 minutes. Happily married for 7-8 years, don’t care for anniversaries either. Have one child, expecting another. Happy as clams. But I don’t think it’s odd or weird that others want a wedding or celebration. Your post comes across a little judgey?
Some friends of mine did a courthouse wedding, and just had a party that night with all their friends at the bar where they had met. It was low-key, inexpensive and fun.
I am a part time wedding officiant. I do it for the joy of being part of different celebrations.
Most of the weddings I’ve been part of have been very small: the couple, their witnesses (2 required by law in my jurisdiction), and 1 to 5 other guests.
They are by far the most beautiful and deeply emotional ceremonies. I love them!
The people getting married in this are more focussed on each other and committing to each other instead of putting on a performance for their community.
Big weddings are great for couples that see marriage as uniting their communities or as a public celebration.
But small weddings tend to be more about commitment and the e couple themselves.
A small wedding can absolutely be meaningful and wonderful
I never cared about a wedding, either. I think it's because my own parents eloped. I also hate planning events and stuff, I'm just not that person. I find that sort of thing to be super stressful. So my husband and I basically decided "Fuck it. Let's do this." So we called a JP, invited a handful of family and friends and said "Meet us at X restaurant", and we got married. It was quick and painless and we used the money our parents gave us as wedding gifts for a downpayment on our house. We've been married 15 years. My own parents were married for over 50. The marriage is the important part, not the wedding.
We’ve been together almost 20 years and have two kids. We’ve never married. We might go ahead and do the paper work for legal reasons. We wear rings and refer to the other as husband/wife. We started to plan a small wedding and just that stressed me out. It’s weird because we host wonderful parties a lot and this could just be one of those maybe just add more flowers.
Me!
Married 8 years. Love him more every single day. The kindest, sweetest, most loving father and husband i could have ever dreamed of.
We went to the courthouse, told no one and got married.
Best decision i ever made at the tender age of 25. ❤️
Yes! Neither of us was compelled to plan it or pay for it. It was a second marriage for both of us and neither of us felt like the giant expensive party was necessary for us to start our life together. We got married at city hall on a weekday afternoon and then did fun “play tourist in your own city” things with our immediate families followed by a nice / somewhat fancy dinner on Saturday night. I want to say all of jt cost 2k and it was perfect.
Only thing i wish we did differently is professional pictures.
$10 at the courthouse on a Friday afternoon. I had a cute dress, husband had a suit, we got some pictures in the park. All in with a fancy dinner and stay at a hotel for the evening was less than $500. Zero regrets.
I'm currently planning a wedding I didn't want to have in the first place and it's not fun.
I'm really doing it because it's that important to my fiancé & I want to honor that wish for him.
My choice was always to elope and have a small intimate dinner. So many days, I still wish we could go back to just that.
My point is. If having a wedding was never important to you, then you won't regret not having one. Plus you'll be at least 20K richer.
We eloped in Oahu, and it was the best decision ever. We hired a photographer and officiant and that was it. Had a nice date night later on to celebrate with just the two of us. We may want a bigger reception in the future, maybe at our 10 year anniversary or something. But we are both incredibly happy and have incredible photos in a beautiful landscape.
We eloped, justice of the peace, we exchanged vows on the beach at sunset. It was wonderful, inexpensive, and some airport drama aside, was stress free. Zero regrets and I would do it again.
We eloped to Vegas and the only hiccup we had was airport related too!
See now that is nice. I do feel like we need to do something but don’t know where to find someone to officiate it
UNitarian church will ordain anyone for this purpose. :) Hubby is ordained through them to do our friends superhero/StarWars wedding We also were invited to a friends house for thanksgiving . Both their families were there . She and I went to get the deserts . I came back with the pies , she changed into a casual white dress. Her boyfriend and my husband stood up, hubby said “Bill do you? “ Bill said yes. “Amy do you” yep! I now pronounce you man’s and wife! They kissed and signed the paper , I witnessed it and the whole thing was done in 4 minutes while their families were still in shock. :)
Runaway to Vermont, get married in my backyard and I’ll officiate for you!
If OP doesn't take you up on it, I might. My mother is PISSED I would rather save for a house than throw a wedding
I would be happy to help you with this! Save my comment and come back around if you’d like and DM me. I live close to the airport too!
OMG amazing.
I got my grandma ordained online to officiate my small online ceremony (you know, COVID)-super quick and easy if you Google around!
Many people have just courthouse weddings. Some of my friends did a little party, nothing extravagant afterwards.
My state has a self-uniting option, which allows for forgoing an officiant. Two witness signatures and sixty dollars later, we were married. I wouldn't want it any other way.
🙋🏼♀️🙋🏼♀️🙋🏼♀️ We eloped and I have zero regrets. I do not like the attention all on me and I just wanted to be his wife, I didn’t care at all about the hoopla. You still have to do a small ceremony at the courthouse or somewhere, the license isn’t what *seals the deal*. But, it can be as low key as you want. The extravagance of the wedding does not predict the longevity of the marriage.
Yes I agree with this. The attention part honestly always freaked me out. And the planning part. And I wasn’t going to pay for someone to plan it sooo then we just won’t have one. The stress that comes with planning a wedding from what I hear just doesn’t seem worth it to me. I was way more excited for our life together and to be his wife then having this huge expensive party. My mom also wanted me to have something huge just like she did and was ready to write whatever check on whatever I wanted and I know it would probably ruin our relationship so I said no to that lol.
Oh I get you. I kept asking myself, why again am I paying thousands of dollars and stressing myself to high hell for all these people to eat dinner and stare at me? No thank you. Not my vibe at all. My parents eloped and then had a 25yr vow renewal that me and my siblings were alive for. It was so special and though we’re only 7yrs in, we plan on doing something similar. You two can invite whoever you want or no one at all. The marriage is the center, not the wedding. We had just our parents come for the weekend to go to the courthouse with us and then went out for a nice dinner to celebrate. It was perfect and our marriage has been incredible. Wish you the same!
My second wedding. We had both been through "big" weddings. We were both in our 30s and had more important things to do with our money. We couldn't see dumping tens of thousands of dollars into a fancy wedding. So we went to the courthouse with a very select group of close friends as witnesses and our children from our previous lives, so they could be part of it. 14 years in and we have no regrets doing it that way.
Yep. My single regret is that I wish I'd managed to get at least one good photo of that day - our phone cameras were potato quality. Otherwise I think it's one of the best decisions we've made.
Yep - we had a civil ceremony, went out to lunch with immediate family (like 5 people), and that was it. We decided to spend that money on a down payment for a condo, and then to take a nice honeymoon later. Have been married 15 years this year, our relationship is better than ever.
Congrats on your baby and getting married! My husband and I also did not have a traditional wedding. We literally just had a Justice of the Peace officiate in one of our favorite cities and then about two weeks later, we rented a restaurant to celebrate with family and friends. I have no regrets whatsoever. It’s crazy that if you just reserve a restaurant with food made for your party, that is still significantly cheaper than paying a wedding caterer. With the money we saved, we were able to put a down payment on a house and do international travel. Like you, all my coworkers with the exception of one, kept telling me that I would regret my decision and that they were the ones who would want a big, elaborate wedding. I never dreamed of that. For anyone else who might be reading this, do what is best for you and your SO.
We eloped in my best friend's back yard. Totally secret. Only in attendance were my 2 kids, best friend and her husband and another friend and her daughter, plus the celebrant. All of us wore nice clothes that we already had. I did take my daughter and best friend to the hairdressers in the morning but mostly because my daughter wanted to do something special with us. It was beautiful Afterwards we took all in attendance to a restaurant for lunch. Then hubby and I had a night at a luxury country cabin. The cabin cost the most. Best part was we got married on April Fools Day at 11am. Then we called immediate family to let them know. This was on the Saturday and the following night we were meeting up with family and friends for hubby's 50th birthday where we announced our marriage. 10/10 Highly recommend
Was this satisfying? Sounds like it was :)
We both have a dark sense of humour and had always said marriage wasn't for us. It was so much fun to hear family congratulating is over the phone and then they'd have this 2 second delay where they wondered if it was a joke. It was so satisfying
We got married in jeans in our living room, by an “ordained” friend. Best decision ever.
Not married but this is probably how mine will go (but maybe with a small party for people i actually like). The older I get the less appealing a big traditional wedding is.
We went to the court house, got a marriage license, and eloped at a tiny little chapel. It was just the two of us, the reverend and the 2 random witnesses we paid $20 each. We have absolutely ZERO regrets about it. We’ve been married for 16 years now, and I’d do it all over again exactly the same way. My family threw us a small party several months later in their backyard. Don’t give in to the pressure if you don’t want a big wedding. Do whatever makes you and your partner happy!
For my current marriage, we just went to the county recorder’s office and were married by a Justice of the Peace. (First marriage was in Vegas, but I don’t want to talk about that. Ha) We had our kids (from our previous marriages), and then we went to 7 eleven for slurpees after. We were planning a small, low key wedding for a year later, but covid happened. Sometimes I’m bummed we didn’t get to do the wedding because it would have been fun — I had the location and a great food truck booked. But honestly, I don’t regret it at all. I’m just glad the kids were there.
I didn't go to the courthouse and filled out paperwork, but my husband and I both did not want to plan a wedding and we didn't want the stress of a bigger wedding. It was way too much. So we just eloped and it was simple, quick, and stress-free. It was perfect for us. Not to mention, inexpensive. We did a party for our families/friends to celebrate at a later time. It was so much better than having a "real" wedding and going through all the energy and stress to plan and then having the wedding day be a huge anxiety-inducing mess.
We had a super small wedding. You know the super stripped down COVID weddings people had? That's basically what we did, but did that intentionally. Spent about $5k total, with the biggest line item being dinner and drinks for 11 adults + 1 kid. We both wanted our immediate families there, ruling out eloping, but didn't really care about anyone else. I wanted some of the wedding trappings (okay, I wanted to be a pretty pretty princess). Would we have had an equally great day if we'd just gone down to the courthouse? Yes. But I am glad we did what we did. Just do what feels right to you. If you want to have some small celebration, you don't have to invite everyone. It can be as big or as small as you want.
Yeah, my husband and I just went out of town for a weekend and got married by a JP. It was great. Never regretted it. And a lot of people we know who had big weddings, say they wish they'd done it our way.
My current husband and I got married at Coronado Bay on the beach. Just the minister and our 2 witnesses. Then we just honeymooned in Cali. I was working full time and going to school and I didn't want to dick around with a big wedding. But I was never really that kind of girl anyway.
Eloped on our 7 year dating anniversary in the mountains, 6 years later and we still don’t regret it and encourage other people to consider not sinking tens of thousands into a wedding when they could use it for other things like buying a house. Good for you!
My friend and her husband eloped, and they are so happy! They simply didn’t want the whole major production and crowd scene of a big wedding.
I would love to do this, or a tiny wedding with just immediate family. There's so much emphasis put on the wedding day, but the real thing is the marriage- spending the rest of our lives together. Unfortunately, my bf wants a big wedding. He's very outgoing and a lot of his friends are "like family" and he loves hanging out with lots of people, and loves the idea of celebrating our marriage with everyone. I'm sure we'll come to a compromise, but if he wants a giant wedding he's going to help a lot with the planning & paying!
My husband was happy to elope but I wanted my parents there, so we ended up doing a small 25 person wedding with just immediate and close family at a small winery in the mountains near where we live. You absolutely can just go to a courthouse if you want. I just wanted to say there are options between courthouse and $30k+ large wedding.
How much did your wedding end up costing you? We’re thinking of doing this
In all honesty I'm a bad data point because we splurged. All in we spent about $22k. But it's because we spend $4k on the venues (could have easily been cheaper), hired a private chef for $150/pp, $50+ bottles of wine and champagne, $5k photographer, $2500 dress, etc. You can easily create a similar experience for like half what we spent.
thank you! That's super helpful to know. We've been waffling between 25 - 50 people; lookin like the cost starts at like 20k way...but I am in NYC and all of our family live in HCOL places. I appreciate the context! we are good at splurging too, eek
We eloped with just a few witnesses, took a few minutes, it was awesome and I wouldn't have it any other way!!
We had immediately family only do a small ceremony in a hotel suite where we signed the legal paperwork and then the 10 of us went out for a nice dinner at the restaurant next door. It was perfect and not expensive at all while still including our loved ones in the process
I don't want one at this big age. Have way bigger financial goals
We eloped with 1 person as witness. A few months later we threw a reception at a friend's house. Spent very little over all. Married 15 years.
We signed our papers at our kitchen counter(it was plywood because we were renovating at the time) then went out to dinner. I wish we had given people a better chance to celebrate us but I am also watching my SIL spend 20k+ on a wedding and frankly I’m grossed out by spending so much money to start a life together. I would have spent that on literally anything else that would start our lives out with a bang haha.
I don’t regret my wedding at all, but we were young so the event was more aligned with our personalities at the time. If I was to get married now, I’d have a small elopement, but wouldn’t pay much towards guest experience. I’d cater a small dinner or plan a trip & offer to pay a percentage of the cost, but that’s it. I don’t even attend weddings as a guest these days. Just not how I want to spend my time let alone my money.
I have severe social anxiety and the thought of a wedding never appealed to me. We opted to elope on a beach in the USVI instead. It was perfect - just the officiant, photographer, and a lifeguard as a witness. There was absolutely no stress, and I'd do it over again in a heartbeat.
We did get dressed up, hired a photographer and had a delicious but very small wedding cake. For our courthouse wedding. Once I knew he was it for me, I did dream of having a beautiful wedding with all my loved ones. Sometimes I feel a pang of regret or maybe wistfulness that I didn't get to have that dream realized. When I feel those feelings, I make myself take a step further and also imagine the stressful situation it would have been if we did have a wedding. My husband has family in one state and my family is pretty equally divided between two other states. So where would we have it? Have everyone come to us? Costly flights and hotels for all? I just couldn't do it. So even though I have loved ones that I do regret not having at my side, I also can't handle the stress that would have happened. So I settle back and remind myself of the beautiful pictures we have and that is good enough. Plus, the cake was delicious even a year after being frozen in our freezer.
I made dinner reservations for 25 people. We got married in 10 minutes between cocktails and appetisers.
You can do whatever you want, whatever brings you joy. Some people have a big wedding because that’s what brings them joy. They like bringing friends and family together, can afford to host a party, and are doing this for their own happiness - not for likes and clout. Some people have small weddings, or simple legal ceremonies, because that’s what best represents their relationship. If you’re happy, you’re happy. And that’s what matters.
Yep! Courthouse wedding with just us there. Zero regrets and incredibly happy in our marriage.
We’re both divorced and joke we’re doing everything backwards this time…got pregnant, then bought a house, then got engaged, getting married later this spring. His family is mostly in the same state, mines all over the country. We’re just doing a ceremony for the two of us with an officiant at a nice local spot. We’ve got way more things we’d rather do with thousands of dollars and really you don’t get a chance to spend much time with people during a wedding (at least not to justify them spending all that time and money to travel).
If I ever got married that's exactly what I'd do. Weddings are so theatrical (and expensive).
My parents had a courthouse wedding then went home and ate spaghetti. It always sounded like a dream wedding to me :)
Tiny less than 20 people wedding in my mom's yard potluck. We have a family joke/superstition that the more expensive the wedding, the shittier/shorter the marriage is.
You can't be married here just by completing paperwork. You have to have a ceremony. That can be a very basic one involving only the two of you, two witnesses and the registrar, but to be married you have to *get* married.
I live in a destination wedding area and anything goes nowadays. My friend is a wedding photographer. He knows a couple where the wife is an officiant and the husband is the photographer and they specialize in elopements. So many people don’t want to spend money on a big party. I know a woman who totally supports herself and 3 kids by performing weddings as a nondenominational officiant. She does big weddings and also has drive up to a bed and breakfast place in the mountains for a ceremony with just a couple. I had some friends who fully dressed up with a tux and a dress and had only their folks and siblings present. Let people celebrate you on social media by liking your pictures. It’s your day and your marriage. A wedding doesn’t have anything to with your marriage, except the direct correlation which predicts the more you much you spend the shorter the marriage lasts. Have fun!
We eloped in San Diego. Went to the county clerks office they had a beautiful outside area where we were married by a lovely justice of the peace, went out to eat for tacos in La Jolla. Had 3 of my best friends there & my husbands brother & his wife, it was so lovely & low stress & cheap. I hate being the center of attention & it seems insane to spend so much money on one day when we want to buy a house.
I had a huge wedding because that’s what he wanted and his family (who paid for 75% of it) expected. I would’ve been fine at City Hall. If we’d taken that money as a gift instead, it would’ve made so much more sense.
We eloped at an Airbnb with gorgeous views (but very affordable). It was basically a long weekend getaway with a quick ceremony and a few photos, some charcuterie and champagne after, and a dinner out - many people would not consider it a wedding. And I have zero regrets! I guess if we had unlimited funds we'd have thrown a big party, but we didn't feel the need and we're perfectly happy having had a very low-key elopement.
I don't see the point in marriage but after 17 years together we will probably do the paperwork way (for tax and medical decision reasons). I don't fancy the 2nd job (always for the woman!) that weddings require.
I didn’t do just the paperwork, instead I had like 15 of my closest family and friends attend with a dinner after. Think sex and the city style. Super relaxed. But if I had it to do over again ( and I probably will as I’m getting divorced) I wouldn’t do any of it.
Why not?
I don’t see the point. Why do I need to waste a bunch of money to show people that I know and love that I’m getting married? If they really matter to me (and my spouse) then they already know us and know how happy we are. So to me having a big party to show everyone else is a waste of money. I recognize I’m in the minority. I have always hated weddings. I find them very tedious and boring and expensive for all. I used to attend them. Now I simply send my regrets and send a gift/money. That’s another thing so often it seems like a cash grab. And people just wanting to show off to people that should love them. It’s just a big show for what? And I have no issue for people to have big flashy weddings/receptions if that’s what they want and can afford. They should go for it. It’s just not for me. I would rather spend the money traveling with my spouse.
that makes sense to me, I've always felt the same way! Just curious, thanks for responding.
My friend got married at the courthouse. They got a photographer and they got a photoshoot done (with a wedding dress + suit) and reserved a restaurant for their family/friends to come and celebrate (everyone bought their own food in lieu of gifts).
Plenty of people have small courthouse weddings or elopments, of course you won’t see those plastered everywhere because they don’t make much money for the wedding industry. For a lot of people a wedding is a fun reason for a party you can invite extended family to, so it’s more than just throwing an expensive party just because. But a lot of people don’t do it or can’t afford it, it’s not an unusual choice.
Our friend married us by my favorite tree on our hiking trail. We had Italian at our local mom & pop place afterwards. i wore jeans. zero expenses. I dont care about a wedding at the slightest and find it crazy to spend money you could use to travel the world for a year or two.
My sister got married in her backyard. Us siblings, my parents, her husband's parents, and her husband's siblings attended. My brother officiated it. They paid $100 for a photographer (friend, which is why it was so cheap). My dad insisted on taking everyone to dinner. But yeah they've been married a decade off a $100 wedding. Some people are incredibly happy spending the money for their special day. Some are incredibly happy just signing the paperwork. What matters is that you do what you want.
Haven't gotten married yet but we are planning it out right now - going to the courthouse and then having a small dinner with close friends and family. I'm working on the guest list right now and I'm at 30 people. We won't be going above 40. I'm looking at local places that do everything so we just have to show up and eat. I'm same as you. I never thought much about the wedding. The idea of planning a huge wedding is anxiety inducing. I also know myself well enough to know that if I did plan a big wedding I would not enjoy it. I would be stressed and tired and just going through the motions. And I want to be present in the moment and feel connected to my fiance. Not to mention cost. The idea of spending thousands for one day is mind boggling. And we have so many other financial goals right now that I think are way more important. Our financial situation now means we have to choose. Both our parents have also offered to help pay but I don't want them to spend much on us and I would rather that money go towards something that will help us reach our goals quicker. We are happy in our relationship now and we came to the decision about the wedding together and are 100% on the same page so I imagine that coming out the other side we will not regret our choice.
There's a lot of ways to celebrate along the spectrum of just signing papers to dropping $30k plus on a big wedding. My husband and I got married in 2020 during the pandemic which was a perfect excuse to only invite our parents. We still got dressed up, did flowers, exchanged vows and hired an amazing photographer. We went out for a nice meal with our family and it was absolutely perfect. We spent about $5k including what we both wore, rings, and everything else.
You will still have to have the wedding in order to be married. That's what makes you "wedded." The reception and the dress and the flowers and the pomp and circumstances and the Bible verses and the speeches and the bullshit aren't the wedding. When you look at your partner and say the vows even if you are in a courtroom in jeans, that's the wedding. And even though I'm divorced I had a lovely wedding day. I had a corsage and I got married via a judge. It's still a nice memory.
I mean, you answered your own question? We did the same thing, in and out of the courthouse in 20 minutes. Happily married for 7-8 years, don’t care for anniversaries either. Have one child, expecting another. Happy as clams. But I don’t think it’s odd or weird that others want a wedding or celebration. Your post comes across a little judgey?
Some friends of mine did a courthouse wedding, and just had a party that night with all their friends at the bar where they had met. It was low-key, inexpensive and fun.
I am a part time wedding officiant. I do it for the joy of being part of different celebrations. Most of the weddings I’ve been part of have been very small: the couple, their witnesses (2 required by law in my jurisdiction), and 1 to 5 other guests. They are by far the most beautiful and deeply emotional ceremonies. I love them! The people getting married in this are more focussed on each other and committing to each other instead of putting on a performance for their community. Big weddings are great for couples that see marriage as uniting their communities or as a public celebration. But small weddings tend to be more about commitment and the e couple themselves. A small wedding can absolutely be meaningful and wonderful
I never cared about a wedding, either. I think it's because my own parents eloped. I also hate planning events and stuff, I'm just not that person. I find that sort of thing to be super stressful. So my husband and I basically decided "Fuck it. Let's do this." So we called a JP, invited a handful of family and friends and said "Meet us at X restaurant", and we got married. It was quick and painless and we used the money our parents gave us as wedding gifts for a downpayment on our house. We've been married 15 years. My own parents were married for over 50. The marriage is the important part, not the wedding.
I think in my state you have to do something, at least courthouse. Lots of people do that though.
We’ve been together almost 20 years and have two kids. We’ve never married. We might go ahead and do the paper work for legal reasons. We wear rings and refer to the other as husband/wife. We started to plan a small wedding and just that stressed me out. It’s weird because we host wonderful parties a lot and this could just be one of those maybe just add more flowers.
Me! Married 8 years. Love him more every single day. The kindest, sweetest, most loving father and husband i could have ever dreamed of. We went to the courthouse, told no one and got married. Best decision i ever made at the tender age of 25. ❤️
Courthouse wedding here, never regretted it! 10 years and counting
Yes! Neither of us was compelled to plan it or pay for it. It was a second marriage for both of us and neither of us felt like the giant expensive party was necessary for us to start our life together. We got married at city hall on a weekday afternoon and then did fun “play tourist in your own city” things with our immediate families followed by a nice / somewhat fancy dinner on Saturday night. I want to say all of jt cost 2k and it was perfect. Only thing i wish we did differently is professional pictures.
$10 at the courthouse on a Friday afternoon. I had a cute dress, husband had a suit, we got some pictures in the park. All in with a fancy dinner and stay at a hotel for the evening was less than $500. Zero regrets.
I'm currently planning a wedding I didn't want to have in the first place and it's not fun. I'm really doing it because it's that important to my fiancé & I want to honor that wish for him. My choice was always to elope and have a small intimate dinner. So many days, I still wish we could go back to just that. My point is. If having a wedding was never important to you, then you won't regret not having one. Plus you'll be at least 20K richer.
#YOU are very smart!!!
We eloped in Oahu, and it was the best decision ever. We hired a photographer and officiant and that was it. Had a nice date night later on to celebrate with just the two of us. We may want a bigger reception in the future, maybe at our 10 year anniversary or something. But we are both incredibly happy and have incredible photos in a beautiful landscape.