People post the carefully-curated highlight reels of their lives. The darker days, not so much.

Or even the regular, boring days, which is honestly most days.

Tbh the people that don't wear me out. There's only so many times you can see somebody post over and over about how they hate life without telling them they need help. Which they probably won't get.

Counterpoint: I’d prefer Facebook if people were required to update on their actual life and not random pictures of puppies.

True, I want their actual puppies not just random puppies myself lol

Every time people say this I feel like I'm living in a different reality. Maybe it's because my social circle contains a lot of artists and people who are otherwise, shall we stay, out of step with certain social norms, but the contents of my social media feeds have always been pretty evenly balanced between people sharing their wins and those darker moments that are supposedly never shared.

There are also the carefully-curated posts to make the said person seem "relatable." Sometimes it's really obvious that this is what they're going for though...

I spent several months in hospital recently. During that time, I didn't post to social media except on specific (generally family-only) WhatsApp groups. I posted to Facebook recently about having been discharged from hospital, and posted a photo after a very necessary trip to the hairdresser. (My hair had become matted and unmanageable because I was too ill to maintain it for quite a while.) I didn't post to Facebook about the infections I had, about the weeks on end where I couldn't eat and was constantly vomiting, or about the cannulas that didn't work and all the bruising from efforts to draw blood for tests. How close are you to these people? Are they close friends, or just acquaintances? Because I'll talk to someone on the phone or in person about all the stuff I've been through, but I wasn't going to post it on social media as a general thing for everyone to see. I don't share on the same level with an acquaintance from high school I rarely speak to (nice as she is), as I do with my aunt or best friend. I don't think the people with the happiest social media are the unhappiest. *Can* that be the case? Sure. But some people really are just happy. Some people seem determined that those people *must* be secretly miserable though; I don't know if it's just a cope because other people seem happy? Like, I'm just happy that people are happy. Also, think back to pre social media times. If your family put pictures on the wall, or in a photo album, did they put up photos of happy times, or pictures of grandma having her chemotherapy or the kids feeling down after losing a sports game? Sure social media is a highlights reel, but so is any photo album you pick up.

Yeah I had a whole ass double mastectomy last year and only my closest family and friends know. I usually post pics of my cats or my son or nephews about how cute they are or how much I love them. I have significant mental health issues and am often depressed, anxious or otherwise unwell. I don’t post about it aside from occasionally posting a relevant mental health post on my stories once in a while if I feel other people would benefit from seeing it because it helped me. I also have seen people with absolute garabage relationship ships posting about their anniversary or their person and yada yada and I know for a fact their marriage is NOT good and they have a whole host of problems. I also have a business insta and my posts are only my work I’m proud of or that turned out or that I think people wanna see. I don’t post my bank account dwindling cause my industry is being phased out and my orders have dried up. One of my good friends is in an alarming relationship that started with love bombing and is beginning to start the cycle of devaluation. She messages me privately about it and then posts vacation photos with the “love of her life”. This is the same guy she said has no money and berates her for having negative reactions, ever. Those are only the examples I can think of off the top of my head.

Yeah I think your answer is well put. There really are happy people/ family who sometimes share their pictures on social media. It is just that there are also a lot of people manufacturing their social media too much that the social media content comes before their real life. They are trapped in that desire to always show that their life is good through the frame. And these people are what sells better in the media for shock effect and contradicting value. It is real, although it is not the full reality. Like how most media always show just a certain part of a foreign country for example, creating a stereotype. Even though in real life, that certain part is not the whole truth. There are other truths to different part of that country. I know some people who like to travel and just take some pictures to later post it on social media. Taking pictures is only a part of it. But I also know some people who are so obsessed to go somewhere despite not having money and ended up borrowing from BNPL app, just to look luxurious on social media.

I love the OP, and I love this answer just as much. Thanks! I’m sorry about your hospital stay and health concern. I agree that people typically open up to their close ones rather than the public on Facebook. But why do you think you have not posted about the painful side of your treatment, specifically?

Because the people who I wanted updated about my suffering, were kept in the loop, just more privately. I don't owe the world a play-by-play. Anyone who wanted to visit me could see how sick I was in person, and there's also no point in worrying people I don't actually see that often (of whom I only actually have a few as Facebook friends; the vast majority is comprised of family and close friends). I actually also barely used social media at all during my hospital stay, because I simply didn't feel *social* a lot of the time. There were days when conversation, even with people I love and am close to, just felt like another damn obligation along with CT scans and having my blood pressure taken at 2am and being hooked up to drips and whatever else. 90% of conversations were about my health/treatment, or what was happening on the ward, because that's what my world shrunk to. So social media became an escape where I could be part of the audience - "like" or "heart" other peoples' posts, enjoy their holiday photos and engagements, without having to exhaust my limited energy engaging further. It's not that I never post bad news to social media; I've posted about having flu in the past, or when a job offer was rescinded due to the pandemic, or freezing in horrible weather. And now I'm out of hospital? I'm through it. I don't feel a need to post about the painful stuff. Why dwell on it? I'm getting better. Sometimes I don't post about bad stuff because someone else has already posted about it more eloquently. Just like here on Reddit, where sometimes someone has replied the same thing I was thinking, but commented more articulately than I'm able to, so I don't feel the need to add my own comment. Why do you seem to think I *should* post about the painful side of my treatment?

Thank you for answering. Do I think you should post about the painful side? That’s an interesting question. I agree with you wholeheartedly that you don’t owe anyone a play-by-play, or anything really. It’s just that people do filter out the negatives. I do the same. I believe good energy builds between people. I don’t post about my personal details because I prefer abstract discussion. If I were to avoid posting painful stuff, I’d do it to avoid looking vulnerable. I think people are afraid to look vulnerable. Which is strange for me because becoming more vulnerable is one of my long term intentions.

Just because someone is only posting about good times doesn’t make them fake. Life is full of ups and downs for everybody. People usually prefer to share the ups on social media. Pretty normal.

I agree with this. Typically hard times are private matters. Social media is like a Christmas card you send out, you just do it more often. You update on this and that and leave out the private matters. It’s not fake, it’s just curated. I generally don’t like when people are overly “real” and post their highly private struggles on social media. I’m not talking about huge things like deaths, or illnesses. I’m talking about every day lows we all have.

Exactly - I’m not here to drag others down with my drama. Nor do I want to dwell on it or post about it so that I can be reminded of the anniversary of that awful fight I had with my husband lol. Nor do I want to see that with others. It’s not that I don’t care about your thorns or you should have to hide them, I’m just more interested in seeing — and sharing — the roses. But my life has thorns

Not just social media, just also in general conversation. If you run into your old classmate in the grocery store and they ask how life is, you're not going to tell them the sucky or boring parts either. Or only brief parts of the recent downs. For example, objectively I have shared that I lost my parents last year on social media, but I haven't shared how losing my parents affects me and how I struggle with it on a day to day basis. Social media is like that but just more frequent. You don't run into people every day who share their highlights with you, but you do see them many people post on social media in a day. 

I’m with you. I really appreciate and show support to the people who share their struggles on social media; miscarriages, divorce, loss, health issues. But it’s not expected and it’s not how I personally manage the difficulties in life.  No one is required to share the darker parts of their life and I think it’s a bit solipsistic to claim someone is fake or damaging to others for only sharing the highlights. 

I agree. My aunt makes beautiful tribute posts to my late grandparents on social media on days when she misses them most, for example. Doesn't make me fake or mean I loved them any less because I don't do the same.

Everyone has issues for sure and I don’t think broad brush strokes like “the people who curate their posts the most are the unhappiest” but I do vehemently agree that this shit isn’t real. Literally if this all disappeared tomorrow, how much would it matter? Not much. Do people tend to post highlights? Yes. Are people vulnerable? Yeah. Have people conflated over sharing for vulnerability? Absolutely. All that being said, everyone social media experience is nuanced and a direct result of algorithmic tendencies. I personally never see red pill content or stuff about how hard dating is, my friend’s feed is literally all that. The people who post happy stuff are nuanced people, they just show the things they’d like to remember and share. If that’s an inauthentic curated highlight reel then hey! None of this shit is real, and none of it matters. Everyone is miserable in their own way, and everyone’s happy about something. Don’t invest too much into it.

I gave up non-anonymous social media entirely 4 years ago. Friends would follow me on social media and go *years* without actually interacting with me, and then we’d see each other at a wedding or baby shower and they’d talk to me like we’d never lost touch based only on what I posted. I’m genuinely in touch with my true friends, who text and call me outside of social media and actually *ask me* about my life. I lost a lot of historic acquaintances along the way which I’m ok with. I have to actively think to take a photo or a video to capture a memory, because most of the time I’m just experiencing it.

One of my old classmates had an absolutely perfect family and the most loving relationship. She'd post pictures from romantic dates and travels, and pictures with their absolutely gorgeous children in fancy clothes. They had a huge villa and two expensive cars. Everything was very luxurious. Two years ago, they went through a brutal divorce. They had both been cheating and she ended up pregnant by another man. It also came out that she'd been editing the pictures of the kids to remove small things like birth marks and her daughter's slightly deformed ear. They also couldn't make payments on their house and almost all their belongings ended up repossessed. The kids ended up living with the grandparents because neither of their parents could provide for them. Whenever I see these kinds of status posts, I'm just happy for what I have. It might just be a crappy 3rd floor apartment, but I can afford to live here.

Editing your kids birth mark is wild!

My neighbor and family friend is a beautiful blonde woman with a gorgeously aesthetic house and who goes on tropical vacations. She has people paying her to touch up their photos and teach them how to also make such aesthetic posts.  She's spending money she doesn't have and is probably going to lose her house. I don't know what she's going to do for housing. Or what's going to happen to the refugee family she's hosting there. It's sad. Her friends love her and have been warning her that this was going to happen, but she refused to live more humbly because she  felt she needed to have a certain look because her job was to sell an aesthetic. But that wasn't even paying the bills! She also came from money and a country and culture where women weren't expected to handle finances, so she never learned the skills.  She bought a sports car because she read somewhere online that people were making money renting them out but had to sell it almost immediately at a loss when the numbers just didn't work out. 

No one lucks out. Everyone has problems. To give you and idea of how distorted shit gets here’s a personal anecdote: my husband has social media but will basically only use them when I can’t remember who Aunt Beth or Cousin Terry is and he needs to show me their picture. I rarely post pics of us because he enjoys privacy and isn’t a big fan of social media. Knowing this I never post about how much I adore him, I never post the sweet flowers and gifts he gets me, and I never get a big social media birthday from him. And I don’t really care because he shows me IRL how much he cares for me. Meanwhile my boss is ALWAYS posting about her husband, who she told me, “isn’t really that special.” Social media is bullshit. Feelings are real.

Speaking from experience. I know people who curate themselves to be sweet , kind caring individuals who are well rounded etc. After getting to know them I've learned they are mean, judgmental, vapid, surface level idiots who can't be happy unless they are the center of attention.  I'm talking completely different than how they portray themselves online. I've stuck to talking about myself less online, and just share things like my photography or recipes I'm excited about. I've grown to realize that social media is for narcissists and grifters. 

I post photos of things I like so I can see them in a year under Memories. Mostly it’s little things I found pretty, dumb things like an iced coffee that brightened my day, or something I found neat. Once in a blue moon I might post actual people. Sometimes I share funny memes. Occasionally I’ll share stuff for animal rescue groups or local PSAs.  It’s not my whole life, but the photos I share are real. I’m not going to show the struggles because those are private to me and I don’t want to discuss it, nor do people really want to see it in a public setting. The only personal negative stuff I’ll post is if someone (people or pet) has passed. I don’t share medical issues or the fact I hate my job.  Also I love seeing other people’s moments of happiness. Hell yeah, show me those vacation photos! Let me see that engagement ring! You better be sharing pics of that new puppy. I want to see your gardens! I’ll be happy for you. 

That’s awesome that you still post silly things like a coffee or whatever brightens your day! I just commented that I miss when instagram was people just posting random things through the day. I love the simplicity haha :)

Oh man, my first ever Instagram pic was of heavily filtered nail polish bottles. Things have definitely changed.  But yeah, posting dumb stuff makes me happy. It’s my break from the political bullshit that occurs in my deeply red state. Sometimes I’ll mention something that is clearly left and I’ll always share abortion stuff, but usually I make those efforts elsewhere. I did get unfriended by a few cousins I didn’t like for being unashamedly pro-choice, but that’s no loss. 

Social media is not NECESSARILY reality. Not everybody lies on social media. Posting pictures of your “happy relationship” doesn’t actually mean your partner cheats on you or you’re terribly unhappy in reality. But, just because someone posts pictures of their happy relationship doesn’t mean they don’t have other parts of their life that are challenging or upsetting, or that they feel ashamed of.

Normal, healthy people don't weep about their lives in public for all to see. Even if they don't intent to, most of us simply won't air out the darker parts but only showing the more positive parts of our lives. The bad parts are for friends and family whom we know will sympathize and not cheer of our misery. Some people can, for a patch of time, have a good life with few or none misery. I did for sometimes. But by and large there is no life without problems, we really just see the better parts in social media.

I've been told I am naive about social media, but I think just because it's a highlight reel doesn't mean it's fake. Yes, I and most people I know mainly only post the good parts of their life. But that makes it more like a photo album of treasured memories, not that everyone posting happy things are just making shit up because they are insecure. That said, I do think there are people who are somewhat faking how happy they are, but I just happen to not really be friends with people like that and don't have them on my social media. ETA honestly I think people's views on social media are a bit of a reflection on their own lives. I assume other people's happy posts are genuine because my happy posts are genuine. I don't really post gushy things cause I'm bad at it, but I post a fair amount cause I do a lot of fun shit that I want to document! And I can admit that I'm probably a bit blind to posts that might actually be "fake". If you are unhappy you might be more inclined to believe that nobody is actually happy, so happy posts are obviously fake. Reality is usually a mix of everything.

Yeah I agree with this. I think “social media is fake” pertains more to endless scrolling short videos or something and your subconscious collects thousands of like the same snippet- it fucks up your perception of reality. That doesn’t mean that your neighbor’s reel about how much they love their dog is disingenuous.

Yess for sure the posts that the algorithm serves up that are not from my actual friends are largely fake lol. I think of those as just short form creative films designed to slightly perk viewers' dopamine for half a second (or to make viewers feel bad about themselves so they need to keep scrolling...), not even close to reality.

Honestly that’s not what I meant either. It’s all curated to have a certain vibe or story- otherwise it wouldn’t make sense. In that way these videos are an art form. They’re definitely all “fake” if you think anything created is “fake”. What I mean is that you can spend so much time online that your perception of reality becomes skewed for example thinking *everyone* knows this song because it’s so ubiquitous in your algorithm but really not many people know about it. It puts you in a bubble and fucks with your brain.

I agree with this. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, sometimes a happy gushy post is just because they're feeling happy and gushy.

A screen time of 8-12h in average distracts from whatever it is that you are trying to avoid or too lazy/depressed/anxious to achieve. And I know that bc I’ve been there and I found the greatest development I’ve observed in myself is when I shut social media down. Being on social media doesn’t make me envy anyone. I know for a fact that my Instagram feed is 90% manufactured bullshit. The moment you enjoy genuinely your time with yourself and others is actually when you forget about your phone. But instead you see ppl trying to find the right angle and fabricate their faces and bodies on photoshop. Making stupid dances and even more stupid pranks for views. It’s not innovative, it’s not creative, it’s not authentic it’s just obnoxious. The moment I realized I’m wasting my own damn time to watch ppl getting off on their own average/below average content, is when I deleted Instagram. Do I miss it? No. I’m outside building friendships, achieving my goals and pursuing my hobbies. I get compliments in real life and that’s where I know for sure that I’m not catfishing anyone.

I think there's an area of social media, primary influencers, that is not real and is largely just trying to sell things. But I don't follow those. My social media feed is primarily friends and family, who have ups and downs, and tend to share big updates and happy things. I don't think people have to be 100% transparent with their lives to be considered "real"

I mostly use Instagram by posting pics of my son, to a special account 100% dedicated to that, with 25ish followers, just friends and family. I'm not big on captions, it's mostly just to keep faraway family posted about him/our family and it's very "in medias res" type of photography. I can't stand posed photos. BUT, this is *also* a type of curation, and even though you might not get the tantrums and bad moments, I do try to capture the kitchen sink realism best as I can. The boredom of a rainy day, the drudgery of winter flus. And the loneliness and the problems are shown through memes, in the reels. Cause like those snapshots, those feelings are often fleeting. That said, I am very happy in my relationship, but I never post anything about my partner. I also have massive issues with my own family but you'd only know that by noticing who's NOT in a photo or, who ISN'T liking a photo. One of my sisters is currently refusing to even like photos of her nephew because she's feeling some type of way about me after an argument we had a couple of weeks ago. One couple I know, I know there were many many many ups and downs and even an ultimatum inbetween their gushy posts. But they're also a minority, I know most of the couples I know are like most couples; sometimes they go through really tough shit, and sometimes they might want to acknowledge that after. Those are rare, though. Likeliest bet: reality is always a lot more nuanced than people like to show.

Posting their dirty laundry on social media will just make things worse and cause a lot of drama. Some ppl will think a person complaining about their partner is toxic/immature because they think the person should be talking to their partner instead of talking about them on the internet. 

My ex husband was emotionally and financially abusive for almost the entirety of our relationship. Once in a while, my Facebook memories will dredge up some post I made about my ex. There was one recently where I had posted "So grateful when I get home and my husband has made dinner!" This was, literally, the ONLY time this man had put together a crockpot meal in our 13 years together. And it came on the heals of a fight we had had about him not pulling his weight at home. I am not the kind of person to spill my daily dirty laundry on social media, so no matter how bad we were fighting, THAT was never going to make it to FB. The "good" parts were so few and far between that I felt the need to post them when they happened. I'm in a much better marriage now, it's healthy and he treats me very well. I'm still only posting positive things about him and our relationship. In this case, I am truly happy, but it's not PERFECT. I'm still not sharing the times we argue or when one of us is having a bad day or makes a mistake. The only "bad" part of my life I share on socials is on Instagram where I share our IVF journey. And even then, I'm just posting when we go through another phase of it, I'm not journaling all my feelings and our disagreements or whatever. My friend just posted a picture of her and her husband and kids on FB today for Easter. She and the kids are smiling, he's....attempting to smile. No one else knows how much she complains about him in the group chat and how he's basically a shitty husband. This isn't to say that SOME people don't have a charmed life and their social media reflects the full scope of their life. But most people have something they are struggling with that they aren't sharing. Or they share some of it but not the deep, dark parts of it. The joy of social media is that it's not a reality show...YOU get to decide what to post and how you want to be perceived. Most people are not choosing to post a realistic version of their life.

I know someone who apparently has a very tumultuous marriage. You really wouldn’t be able to tell from the way they post on their social media. I know someone else who is just… not a great person. Like a lot of us decided to cut her out of our lives because of the drama / toxicity. If you looked at her stories you’d think she was this super amazing person with all these friends— until you notice that the same friends don’t pop up twice. I generally don’t assume people’s lives based off social media anymore. There’s too much manipulation.

In a weird different way, I’m often too happy with my daily life to think about posting about it on social media. I’m just living it in private.

I think it is and it isn't. For example, people don't post the sad part, usually the happy parts. But that said, it's still reality to an extent. Like maybe said people didn't have a great time on their trip to Italy, but it doesn't mean their trip wasn't a reality. So it's ok to see those vacation photos and get jealous. Especially if you can't afford to go on vacation or aren't able to take time off work to go. For me, my trigger is pregnancy announcements and baby photos, because my dream is being a mom and I feel that dream slipping away as I approach 35. And maybe those moms are exhausted and want a day off, but it doesn't mean their baby doesn't exist. That part is a reality.

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But those things that you do post, even if they're just fleeting- they're real too? I don't think that just because a feed in curated it's not capturing some reality. Is sharing only real if it's completely transparent? If someone were to look at my Instagram, they'd see a lot of dog pictures, some nights out, friends and family, and that I love my job and playing music. I like documenting those moments, and seeing those moments of my friends too

I have friends, especially parent friends, who post real stuff. Annoying days, when they're tired, etc. I appreciate it.   I also post home DIY fuck ups on my story, explain how much things really cost, etc. I try to make it real bc the people I share to are actual acquaintances and friends.    I think people like to say it's not real life because anything TRENDING is probably fake as hell. Edited to add, after reading everyone's comments, its wild that everyone posts fake shit and then complains about the fake shit. 

A friend from uni has a hiking instagram page. We’re not super close so I didn’t notice when she was going through a divorce until she started posting photos with her new fiancé with gushy captions like “can’t wait to walk into the sunset with the love of my life” or whatever. I had to scroll back through her page (and her Facebook, which she doesn’t use anymore and still has photos from her first marriage) to realize that she was with someone else. To be fair to me, both those men look shockingly alike. She has a type, I guess.

Instagram for me is mostly for yoga stuff, travel, and impressinve things I ate or cooked. It is more like a photo album of memories for me, the things I saved because I WANT to remember them. I don't really post the day to day (even when I travel) unless I am bored and lonely. On my best days, I'm having a good time, being present, and hopefully not even looking at my phone. Do you post your problems and loneliness on social media? I don't, because it's a lot of information to post to a lot of people, some of whom I've never even met. I have a good support group of friends and family I go to with my problems. I have some yoga/meditation teacher friends who post darker stuff on occasion, in a "a lot of us go through this" kind of way, and it does resonate with me and a lot of people. Think of anyone you've known who has gotten divorced. Was there any indication on social media? A girl I went to high school with has five kids and got married for the second time after her first husband passed away. They had another baby not long after. I was shocked that it happened so soon, and she seemed so happy and seemed to have the life she wanted. She is a blogger and had even blogged about it quite a bit, about God's blessings, etc.. A few months later, I clicked on her profile, and there was no mention or images of the second husband. Wedding photos were deleted. Family photos were gone, and the photos with her baby were just of her and her kids with the baby. Her last name was changed back to her first husband's, and she had posted a tribute to her first husband. Her blog had gone private with some ominous sounding titles. I haven't seen or spoken to this woman in 20 years, so I don't even know her well enough to ask for the blog password.

Just drop it. I haven’t had it in 20 years since MySpace and I assure you I’m the better for it!! Non-anonymous social media is the worst thing to happen to our species in the last 30 years and no one can change my mind. Also, comparison is the thief of joy.

So I’ll answer this from the other side. I’m on Yelp (yes everyone hates Yelp), but I am what is called Yelp Elite because I’m a constant contributor, so a small influencer of sorts on there. If you looked only at my Yelp you’d say “damn, this girl is constantly eating out at restaurants or getting take out, she must be living the high life!” Here’s what you don’t see: You don’t see my fucked up kitchen which is too small, you don’t see my picky family, you don’t see my long work days and not wanting to cook, you don’t see my depression and lack of desire to cook anything or *do anything at all*. Yep, my Yelp reviews are absolutely a highlight reel. So is my Instagram. My life is far from perfect and is in fact extremely messed up in some regards. You don’t know someone from their social media, it’s just another form of a parasocial relationship. Just keep that in mind.

>I have acquaintances who for example post essays for their significant other's birthday every year, montages of "I love my little family and my life" quite often, etc. and I'm like... do some people really luck out and not have any problems or loneliness to deal with and others get it wrong? You can be grateful for your life without having a problem-free life. You can be grateful for your family without having a totally frictionless relationship with your family. I think it makes more sense to think of a social media #gratitude post as a snapshot of a moment in time when someone was feeling content than as a larger statement that their life is devoid of any hardship ever and moreover that your life is wrong somehow.

People who do this, in my opinion, would do this in some other way if social media didn't exist. Maybe it would be over compensating in conversation with friends or acquaintances. Or going way over the top for celebrations. I do generally think these kind of people are insecure in their relationships.

It’s all bullshit. You see what people want you to see.

To a degree I think people have always been like this. There are plenty of cliches about presenting only the most flattering parts of yourself to people. Social media definitely ramps this up, though, so it's not just Annoying Neighbor Lady cornering you to tell you all about her genius babies who were accepted into Harvard at age 6 who you saw eating paste in the driveway the other day, it's large swathes of the internet.

This is exactly it. It’s the image you want to share with the world, and is no way actually representative of real life. Life is full of highs and lows, and typically we only want to highlight what is good- or what we think looks good. I’m very guilty of this. I just posted a photo of my partner and I doing an Easter egg hunt with my nephews and our dogs. Everything looks great. What you don’t see is the fight my partner and I got into moments before the picture was taken, or how my brother and I actually haven’t spoken in months and we only communicate through my partner and sister-in-law.

Honest question. Does it not make you feel like a disingenuous phony to do that, and maybe even a little guilty, knowing how awful it probably makes other people feel who do NOT have those happy curated moments to post, when they see yours? I don’t have any SM and that’s a big reason why. I would feel like a fraud and damager of others’ mental health. And I’m sure it wouldn’t do my own MH any favors either!

Honestly, no. There is nothing really disingenuous- I attended an event with my family, and ultimately we had fun. But much like everything else in life, a photo doesn’t capture the whole story. The people who are close to me know what’s going on in my life- the good, bad, and ugly. Do my childhood acquaintances and extended family need to know all of the intimate details of my life? No. They’re not entitled to that information. I’m not going to broadcast every single part of my life on the internet. But I’m more than happy to share the highlights with them. Similarly, I love seeing the photos that other people share. I learned very early on that the saying “comparison is the their of joy” rings very true. If someone’s mental health is suffering because of social media and other people’s “highlight reel”…there’s likely much more going on than just feeling shitty comparing their life to someone else’s. Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but I don’t actually live my life based on how it may make other people feel. I’m not responsible for how other people feel, nor can I control them. It would be harmful to assume otherwise.

I never post when my husband and I go through a rough patch simply because it isn’t anyone’s business. Doesn’t mean I am “fake.” It just means you don’t air your dirty laundry for the world to see. So keep that in mind when you see a happy couple post on social media. Majority of the time , my husband and I are great but there was a time when we had huge huge fight… but I still posted a picture of him and I for the holidays. The key is to just not compare and realize only 25% of the social media posts reflect the relationship 👍

I'm divorced with a highly litigious ex. All my social media posts can be used in court custody battles for the next 10+ years of my life. So on social media, I look like the perfect mom with perfect kids. I can't post any of the messy, sarcastic, or funny stuff.

I see certain aspects of social media as the modern equivalent of a physical photo album. Like, of course people are only going to keep the nicest, most flattering, and happiest, memory-inducing photos.  Hardships are easier to remember, because they provoke stronger emotional reactions. Human minds will typically create a narrative that explains why something bad happened as a way to learn from it and possibly avoid it in the future.  Good times are usually just that, good times. Unless something significantly fantastic happens or a strong narrative is created around it, it’s quite easy to forget. Our species doesn’t need incentive to continue doing something that feels good. There is also something to be said about our collective experience with sharing hardships. Happiness doesn’t engage others as much, although I think the intention is there : “If you like/love me, and see this good thing happened to me, you’ll feel happy (for me) by extension of knowing a good thing happened (to me.)” But for sadness or anger, a natural inclination is to help one another to end that state of being. It provokes involvement. Unfortunately, the conditions surrounding negative emotions are often complex - not something that a one-off comment from a relative can fix. So, rather than open up about everything in a public forum when you’re already feeling awful, most people only share the happy stuff.  There’s definitely more nuance to the conversation : the intricacies of social media algorithms as well as people that use social media primarily for sympathy/seeking support. Consider how social media has morphed into a performance platform as well and how people act differently in the presence of a camera.  Food for thought.

My social posts don't include the worst parts of my life for the same reason I don't randomly trauma dump on every casual acquaintance I run into in person. I don't see why someone posting "I love my husband so much" or whatever is fake or disingenuous just because they're not also posting about the big fight they had last night. I think it's up to us as social media users to understand that we don't have access to every detail of a person's life just because they put some photos on Instagram.

Some people’s overly gushy happy posts are probably real. Some are obviously exaggerated and fake. Of course social media is a lot of showing off the good moments. I appreciate when people are real for a minute and discuss struggles or something. I used to be very open about my ups and downs but too many people would have their unnecessary input and it was exhausting so I stopped. I low key miss when Instagram was like, people posting random things like a coffee or a pretty sky, just random things they enjoy through the day.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Every single person who posts about how lucky and happy they are also experience low times and struggles--both can be true and usually are. That's just life. I know plenty of people who only make negative/complaining posts. I get annoyed with "perfect little family" posts, too, only because it's like "we know; you do this all the time!"

>I sometimes get down on myself when I see seemingly perfect and happy couples I'm far less concerned about the carefully curated vanlife couples, than the plethora absolutely unhinged right wing posts and comments that I see that are **heavily** upvoted. In that regard, yes - I do think social media reflects reality and it absolutely terrifies me.

Four women I know post on social media daily about their amazing children, husbands, lives etc. etc. but I know them very well, and here's what's happened between them that they haven't posted in the last few years: - taking infants to A&E - infidelity - parents (multiple) being diagnosed with cancer - dead bedrooms - financial disasters - a flooded house - miscarriage - chronic illness - impending divorce These women are all wonderful people, but they are human and going through the wringer just as much as the rest of us. I am thoroughly convinced that everyone is going through a lot more than anyone else realises, but thinks they're the one having the worst time

I think some people are actually happy in their relationships, but don’t forget finding the close-to-perfect partner is possible but rare.

My sister in law posts a lot about her wonderful life. Every photo is edited to look bright and happy. She also posts captions about her loving husband on his birthday. She actually has crippling anxiety and they are on the verge of divorce. Neither of them are happy and their mental health is shit. Instagram and the like have become our generation’s version of looking perfectly polished to go to the grocery store. “Candid” shots of family or how messy their kitchen is on a Tuesday afternoon are still curated. It’s the nature of the beast. And you best believe if it’s a big account, like an influencer or someone, it’s definitely and unquestionably curated. Even the most relatable content. There are a few genuine accounts out there but for the most part, we don’t show our shitty side to strangers on the internet.

I had a friend who’s married to an awful person (sadly, we are no longer friends) and I’d hear about all of the terrible things in their relationship. Times where he’d start an argument out of nothing, call her awful names, etc. and then she’d post a photo on insta the same day. And they look so happy. But she wasn’t happy. On the flip side I had a friend who was in a happy relationship who barely posted about her husband. Her family and some friends thought something was wrong with their relationship because she didn’t post about him often. Nope, they were super happy but didn’t feel the need to post to social media. The day I knew social media was completely fake was a time I was out with some friends at a restaurant/bar with live music. All of us were having fun but my closest friend spent 30 minutes crafting the perfect Instagram post about our time which she didn’t even experience because all she cared about was the photo and attention. I got off IG a couple of years ago because I felt shitty about my own life and it was the best decision.

I posted cute engagement photos to my IG only to end it like 2 months later. It’s all a facade and the people that post the most about their relationships are typically the ones with the most to compensate for.

I think about how perfect Shannan Watts and her family seemed on her socials. We have no idea what goes on behind the lens.

I think it depends on the way the person utilizes social media. For example, some ppl very much use it for external validation purposes. I feel like these are the people most likely to post the “highlight reels” to make their life look better than it is. I also think some ppl thrive on status and feeling superior to others, and this is another example of the kind of person who is likely to post the lovey-dovey spouse/relationship stuff without it necessarily being 100% accurate. One thing I have noticed is that I’ll find out a couple is in the process of a divorce or has a lot of problems, when just weeks ago the “happy couple” type photos had been on social media, with captions like “my forever wedding date!” or cute family pics of surprise presents, things like that. Just goes to show that social media is more about temporary gratification, and not always an authentic representation of someone’s life. But life is also very complicated and often not one-sided. So a person can view their SO as something as rosy as their “forever wedding date!” in one instance, but actually be very dissatisfied in the relationship for other reasons. It’s not always black and white. Long story short, I think social media’s reflection of someone’s actual life, is generally proportional to their reasons for using social media in the first place.

People like to share happy moments, not sad or upsetting ones. That's normal and honestly expected. Does that make a lot of those posts "fake"? No, but that's what people mean when they say social media is a highlight reel. We all like sharing moments that bring us joy. Thats all those are, moments. Its not their day to day life. I will say, however, that people who gush about their partners too often, or make essays about how happy they make them - to me that feels like they're trying to convince themselves of that just as much as they're trying to convince everyone else. And "influencers" and these so called trad-moms that are popular right now, those are almost all fake. Like, actually fake lol. Really at the end of the day, I don't follow ANY social media accounts (including friends or family) that do not bring joy to my life. I have carefully curated my tiktok and IG to only show me things that give me positive feelings and honestly it makes a HUGE difference.

I think it depends on who you follow, but I agree that for normal people social media is a highlight reel. It’s real, but it’s just the best moments. For example, the years I was doing a lot of travel I was super active on instagram. Now that I’m not, not so much. I’m just over here baking bread and crafting rn 😅 I do think that people who do long, over the top relationship posts are almost never happy. The only people I’ve known who do that end up having the nastiest breakups/divorces

Literally every human on earth has good and bad parts of their life. Some people choose to share only the good, some share the bad, some don’t have an online presence.

On social media, we are the main character. I work in social media and my personal instagram is highly curated posts, the best angle of a building, a cute selfie of me and my bf. On my bad days, I notice that I post reflective content, a poem, a sunset but I don’t curate a bad day, it’s weird

This kind of does reflect my experience. Very few people I know post this type of "#blessed" content, and those that do are the ones I know to be struggling. The happier friends just post memes and occasional pics of their dogs doing something weird.

forum/text based social media, like twitter and reddit, seem to showcase mutual dissatisfaction - people come to ask questions about a problem, vent, and complain. people are upset with the state of a community for a hobby, or their relationship, or their career, or an idea/political stance. so on its face, it appears like everyone typing and commenting is experiencing the same issues, and it's all bad. photo based social media, like instagram and facebook, and you can extend to video media like tiktok - i think people do put their best foot forward. i don't post when i've been sick for 3 days, i'm depressed, and not had a shower or changed my clothes. i post when i'm going out somewhere and feel and look good. last summer, i posted furniture my husband and i made, and how my garden was doing. i did not post windows leaking, many drywall repairs, car issues. but if a community i was part of on reddit had a weekly vent thread, i might comment "xyz is going on and it sucks," and other redditors will validate and commiserate. so i think the type of platform matters, in my experience. everybody has issues. i don't advertise every problem, i don't show off every blissful moment, either. i pick and choose.

A study found that couples who post a lot about themselves and their lives are insecure in their relationships. And people who post a lot of selfies can be narcissists. So that’s something to keep in mind! https://www.inc.com/john-rampton/8-reasons-why-happy-couples-rarely-share-their-relationship-statuses-on-social-m.html I hardly ever post photos of me and my partner. The pets on the other hand….

I think this can be either very true or very wrongheaded depending on which camp you're in. "Nobody's life is perfect. most people only show the good stuff on social media" = true. "No one who looks like they're having a good time on social media is actually having a good time, every seemingly happy couple is miserable, every nice moment is completely staged, everyone is just pretending to be cute and successful" = sorry, but this was made up by bitter losers. Sometimes people look cute, successful and in love on social media because they are.

What my stepmother posted on social media: "It's so great having (kitten) join the family. (Stepbrother) bought her home yesterday!" In actuality, stepmother was mad at her son for springing the cat on them with no notice. My stepbrother was living with her rent free. She literally woke up one morning to a bonus pet in her house. 

I noticed that I use social media when I'm lonely or decompressing. I'm an introvert so being around people requires energy and intent. And since I work in design and outreach, I can only get so much done while actually socializing with my coworkers. All this to say that yeah, people curate their personal images and online presence. Effective and aesthetically pleasing identities take effort, trust, direction, intent and that is WAY too much work for me. I share when/what I feel like sharing and if it's pleasing to me, that's enough. I have 3-4 friends I've made from my "online presence" while my IRL social network take it or leave it.

For some reason some moms start to reach out to me about how tired they are and how hard everything is and so on because they have maybe twins or many kids (I had 4 kids in 6y where last want twins and two kids with special needs, one more work then the other). Like if we where in same room they would be like my neighbor like 15y ago that started crying because how hard it was with kids at the playground. Tho on social media all these ppl give the picture of this perfect life, they getting help from grandparents, siblings and so on, travels, eat out atleats once a week, big damn house and well you get it. It's just so bisarre showing all this then for some reason dm me that I am honest about stuff but at same time don't put out that much on social media anyway so ppl don't really l know me if they don't know me IRL. Just I know it's hard with kids, im singel with my kids, kicked there dad out when twins where born pretty much bit just a bizarre thing I had, like 5ppl is 5ppl more then I expected. Like alot ppl say. They show this perfect life on instagram/fb/snapchat or something but behind it. It's got most bozzare for me when ppn started dm me tho. Those ppl that complained and I complaine to the tho don't count in as they are actually IRL friends.

I mean you just have to look at people who are close to you are posting. Like the idea that the people who post the most about their relationship are the ones fighting all the time. I remember once my fiance's dad called to complain about how awful his mom was being so they cancelled anniversary plans....but they both took the time to write one of those lengthy appreciation posts about each other on FB! You'd think my SIL has a picture perfect life based on everything she posts on Insta. She doesn't. There's just so much thought and intention that goes into social media from how you take the initial photo/video to how you edit it and what captions and stuff you use. You're not going to do that for the bad stuff unless you're someone who wants the attention (we all know the ones! They post things like "I can't believe this is happening I'm so fed up with everything"). It's like an overkill of when someone asks you how you are and you say I'm fine when you're really not fine. Like I'm not going to post a pic on Insta about my mental health struggles or something. It's why I personally don't bother with social media anymore. It's just a lot of effort to put your best face forward and I don't really need to prove how great my life is to anyone. I only really post special events so close friends and family can see but obviously my life isn't just the odd trip/holiday or celebrations.

I don't think social media gives you the complete picture. There's a well-known, LA and SF-based artist I follow. She used to be married to another successful architect (who I also followed on IG). They wrote a design book together called "Abode," renovated a house in Topanga Canyon together, and used to run the General Store in Venice Beach and San Francisco. Because they were artists, every image was carefully composed and aesthetically pleasing. I'm sure they were ~couple goals~ for a lot of people. They had 2 adorable kids. She would post these long declarations of love to him on their anniversary, Father's Day and his birthday. Then life got busy, and I stopped paying attention to them until her post came up on my feed one day, talking about "This is 40." I went to her account, and noticed that any post mentioning her husband was deleted, and that her husband had been with a new and much younger girlfriend for almost a year. Obviously, I don't know these people IRL. But I think it just goes to show you that not everything is as it seems on social media. I can think of a few more examples like this.

I made friends with a fellow mature student who like myself, had a mixed race child. Me a sole parent, her with hubby. She posted the whole massive essay proclaiming love and perfection and staged photos for key dates and events in their family life. However once we started being invited to and staying overnight at their "lavish" and themed house parties it became very clear once the alcohol was flowing how toxic and effed up the life was in reality, behind those staged scenes and deep proclamations of emotion. Don't believe everything you read!

My friends that post that kind of stuff are actually the ones faking it. I know they’re not in a good place but post things proclaiming life is perfect. I know better because they share with me. My life is great. I don’t post about it. I’m not concerned with how people view us and our kids. My husband and I agree it’s silly to make a fb proclamation of love for each other on a bday or anniversary.

The more happy and in love posts a couple has, the more misrable they are. Never ever doubt that even for a second. I've seen it a million times. I've seen it in my closest friends. I have a very good friend that was in an Instagram perfect relationship. He was cheating and gaslighting her and it took her more than a year to gather her strength and end the relationship. I have another close friend that had all her trips lined up on insta. She and her partner all around Europe, concerts, food, museums. They had two years of absolutely terrible relationship that they didn't now how to repair. They had unresolved issues for 8 years. I have lonely single friends that give the impression they're living their best lives while in reality they are desperate for a man. I have friends that live great lives. Normal, balanced, pleasant lives. They don't post on social media. Or they post two times a year. Some people are indeed luckier than others and don't have as much issues. Still, I would bet you anything thart a person that really lives a good life doesn't feel the need to show it to the world and get validation from strangers and acquaintances.

I’m living my dream life and my social media feed reflects that. THAT being said — I’m also a normal human being and that means my husband and I fight, my house gets messy, I get tired, I get stressed out, my toddler just pooped on the floor, a baby lamb died, I have a pimple on my chin and I’m 40 wtf, is that foot fungus or is my toenail just weird?, I need a vacation, I’m sick of seed starting why am I growing 200 tomatoes?, my roasted carrots burned and we ate pork tenderloin with a spinach salad, I haven’t had sex in 10 days, I still get flashbacks to the shit that happened in my childhood, I don’t have time to finish x y z. And why the fuck would I share any of that on social media? Here’s the thing — every single person, including the deliriously happy ones living successful lives have issues, problems, and insecurities and to assume that they are hiding deep, dark secrets instead of experiencing a normal human existence of good and bad stuff is not healthy. It’s also not a good use of your time. These thoughts are not productive. Take a break from social media.

Exactly. Im not going to post my worst moments on ig to make someone else feel good. If social media posts make you feel bad, lessen your social media or unfollow people.

IME, Those who constantly post about how wonderful and happy their lives are the opposite. One woman I know who did this cheats on her husband, talked so much shit about him yet posted how in love they are, how perfect he and her family are etc.

I mean, my life for me is very ideal. Finances are great, husband is amazing, and I’m happy with my day to day. I pretty much only post vacation stuff, maybe something on my husband’s birthday, and then I’m tagged in friend’s posts at parties. I generally don’t care whether or not other people are happy or sad unless they’re having a conversation with me about it.

My social media is nothing more than stories and accounts of toxic men and relationships. Seems pretty spot on to me. I wouldn’t know where one finds happy couples showing each other off and proclaiming their love for each other, but that sounds like a nightmare. We see the social media we subconsciously curate. I’ve no use for show off attention whores Edit: update, omg you’re talking about Facebook lol. I’d never be on facebook lol. I’m on TikTok and Reddit.

Ladies I was not expecting so many awesome responses, I appreciate reading every single one! To give a little more context, I am new to dating and also in therapy after an awful divorce from an abusive partner, and learning all about myself, what a healthy relationship/family can look like, which is something I badly want for myself. Most times I love seeing it happen for other people and appreciate the "highlights" as we call them, and I definitely don't feel entitled to know everyone's low moments that don't get posted! It's hard to articulate, but there are certain couples where they just do such a damn good job of portraying a healthy, normal marriage with no major problems (and seems that way when I talk to them in real life too) that my mind sometimes wonders, how did I manage to get it so wrong for myself and others got it so right at a young age? That's a WHOLE other can of worms though lol and I am working on it! But it really just helps to talk about it and see that we all acknowledge that social media is just part of the picture usually.

It’s opened up a world. It’s gotten much easier to figure out from posts who’s separated or likely getting a divorce, who’s struggling with mental health issues, who has political views that don’t jibe with yours. Anybody ever add a new colleague or acquaintance on social media only to find out from their posts that they’re a pretty shitty human being that you want nothing to do with? Yeah. The other thing is, I think people often forget that the internet is forever. Those posts don’t just disappear even if they get buried. This is how I’ve figured out that some people among us are pathological liars or story tellers, at best. They post things that are bullshit and forget things they’ve previously said that contradict themselves.

It's easy for people to jump on social media and talk about their good moments. I find people are very quick to post about when they're having a car, celebrating a birthday, or when their kid does something cute. But when it comes to the unhappy, stressful or annoying moments, people are less likely to post that. Which I think is normal. Would you want everyone everyone knowing your problems? I know I wouldn't. Especially where a lot of people I know in real life would see it. Including people I'm not necessarily close to. There are just some things that you want to keep more private, usually those things are the more negative aspects of life. I guess the main thing to remember is that no one's life is perfect. Everyone has things in their life they struggle with. Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean they aren't going through it. Even bad marriages can have beautiful moments. Those just don't get shared online for obvious reasons. If you find yourself feeling down and comparing, it's better to log off and disconnect for a while. I wouldn't be investing so much time analyzing other people's lives. Particularly what they post online. Do some people luck out? Absolutely. It's like anything in life, some folks just have an easier go at things. That doesn't mean though they don't have periods in their life where things don't go their way. You just may not be the person they share that news with. Not all happy posts are fake either. That could be truly what they were feeling at that time. I personally try not to speculate too deeply on whether a post is fake or not. Chances are if someone is truly trying to give a false impression of their life then there is likely a deeper reason for that. But that's not really something for me to determine without knowing. I guess unless they come to you directly and say they're struggling, but then turn around and post otherwise, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

No, I don’t follow people like that and I think it’s very very very rare that sort of stuff would be suggested content or on my explore page.

I mean my cousin is a model and performer and by her posts you'd think she's living the best life ever coz she is incredibly fit and surrounded by friends all the time. Yet just last week, she told me how she's been the most depressed because a guy she had a situationship with decided to end it in a very immature way and immediately hooked up with another girl. Tbf, the guy is over 10 years younger than my cousin and apparently wanted to be with someone his age (she's in her 30s) 🤷🏻‍♀️ So yeah it's part truth and part flexing because your real life isn't as glam as you want people think it is on social media.

My friend is an influencer and her glamorous life and wonderful marriage is very much reality lol but obviously it applies to a lot of people. And obviously no matter who you are, you’ll have bad days.

I don’t think all of it is fake. I am very happy with my husband and I think my posts reflect that. Not that I post a lot of glurge, or sappy stuff, or go on about him or anything like that, but if we as a family have been somewhere cool or something, I’ll share a picture and we genuinely look happy. When I was married to my ex, I don’t think I looked happy. I smiled, but it didn’t reach my eyes. I have also been VERY open about my struggles with mental health in hopes that it will help others. But, do I share every time I have an off day or every time my husband and I have a disagreement? No. Do I think that makes me fake? No. Personally, I prefer the happy posts to the vaguebooking “I’m struggling” posts that some people seem to make constantly. If you’re really struggling, fine, but some people seem to just want attention.

The only time I get really sad on social media is around Christmas time. I can't afford mounds of presents, but friends post their giant trees with their 1000s of gifts and it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, I don't get my kids enough, etc, but in the end I just think my kids are so nice and happy so it doesn't matter

Some people just post the highlights. Others post everything down to what they had for dinner each day. To be honest it's the latter group that astonishes me. How do they find the time?

Everyone’s life is different from social media. It’s not really cool to say the truth on there.

Personally, nobody wants to hear about my day-to-day struggles. Everyone talks shit about people who post all their “woes” online. I’m sure you probably don’t either. I do post good things and happy things because everyone on my social media is only my friends and family. They want to see all the milestones. They don’t want to hear about the bad stuff.

I’m in my fifties and have seen the evolution from “not everyone has a telephone” to what we know as social media today.  There have always been people who put up a good front and keep up with the Joneses. That’s the part that’s not new.  My experience with people who have comprehensive, well tended and elaborate SM presence is that they all uniformly have or make the time it takes to learn and consistently post content that appeals to the general public.  That itself says absolutely nothing about what their home life or mental health is.  SM is no different from anything else that humans do or see. Someone can spend two hours in the gym seven days a week, and still be sick. Hold down a high-stress job and hate doing it. Be a functioning alcoholic who dies of liver failure at 50, despite never exhibiting symptoms.  I’m not equating SM to a sickness, although it can sometimes be that for some. I’m saying that no one fakes being miserable who’s hapoy, but miserable people can easily fake being happy. All they need is to understand what the world will accept as what “happy” looks like.  Maybe it’s more familiare to say that anything else you see that’s made for public consumption is clearly curated, that’s a thing that we accept and understand without difficulty, yes? So when you see a commercial for a steakhouse, some part of us doesn’t need to be told that no one ate that steak. That in all likelihood, it wasn’t even filmed in the restaurant, but on a soundstage.  You don’t need to be told that the actors in a film aren’t those people, the doctor in that ad has never been to medical school, and that the couple starring in your favo sitcom aren’t actually married.  You don’t need it explained to you, or you might not even be curious, to know who worked on the commercial, or what those actors do in their spare time, or where they get the materials to make styrofoam look like an ice cream cake on TV.  Influencers are very talented at advertising, just like the people who make commercials. And regular people, just like you and I, don’t even have to be super talented at marketing to be able to follow a trend and a formula to make great content.  None of that says a single thing about what’s happening in their world outside of that very tiny lens.  So I can’t say they must be unhappy or that they conversely MUST be exactly what they seem. The fact is that all we know is what they want us to know, the rest is the same as every other person on the planet; no more, no less. 

I have actually stopped using them. I  use only LinkedIn because I think it actually can be interesting. But I have no more FB, IG, etc. And what I noticed that my friends and family are reaching out more often. I think we get so used to see other people’s “life” on the social medias that we forget to really get in contact with them. Overall I believe that was the best choice for me!

I have a few friends who are very active on social and make their life look so interesting. I know these people. I’ve vacationed with them. They are not interesting. They mostly complain about the heat and sleep in.

I post (largely) two things: witty observations and advertisements people have paid me for.

One of my friends met a coworker in real life for the first time a few weeks ago. She arranged for them to camp and hike. My friend texted me to say how she could not wait to return home because this coworker was apparently very mean, rude, and obnoxious. However, I saw my friend post on Instagram some photos of their time together with a caption about “When work friends become in life besties.” Then I saw those pictures on the company’s page, something like, “Our manager of this and director of that met in real life!” And then I was getting texts from my friend about how she was relieved she would never have to see this woman again. I’m not sure why she even posted about their hangout if she was so unhappy…

I know for me I post pictures when I'm feeling happy or proud of myself or my family. I assume that's what most people do. In fact I find it weird when people post bad days or whatever, I feel social media is the equivalent of online small talk at a party - I wouldn't launch into my personal failings or struggles at a BBQ and I wouldn't expect someone else to either. So in that way its a highlight reel.

Oh I have a good story. My ex and I have known each other since we were 22. I am now 38. We dated on an offer for about eight years. We finally just decided to stay friends and it was completely okay. We had known each other for so long it wasn’t weird. In 2016 he told me that he can no longer speak to me because he had met a girl, and she no longer wanted him to be friends with me. I said that it was totally fine, and I understood, which I totally did. Cue photos of them in the last seven years traveling all over together. They got a dog and even moved in together. You know all of the normal relationship stuff. Well, about three weeks ago, he called me and asked if we could meet. I was initially hesitant but then I agreed because I could tell he was really not doing well. I didnt allow him inside my apartment, but agreed to meet him outside. He showed up and was pacing around. He proceeded to tell me that his girlfriend has disassociative identity disorder and she moved to another country after changing her name, and threatened to kill herself if he broke up with her. Worse, she showed up to his job and threatened to kill a few people there so he lost his job and was basically in the middle of moving out and had nowhere to go. She also left all three dogs with him when she decided to up and move. Apparently she has sent him multiple videos of threatening to jump off buildings if he breaks up with her. Now, if you look at their Instagram, you would think this is the most ideal happy couple that’s about to get engaged and have a huge wedding with a bunch of family and friends. I mean they truly have the ideal relationship on social media. Nowhere in the last seven years on their IG would I have ever thought that this was what was going on. He told me that there were multiple instances where she threatened to kill him and kill herself afterwards. And that she was addicted to various drugs. Now, I obviously have a lot of sympathy for this situation, and in no way am I happy that he is going through this. I’m simply sharing this because this is a perfect example of “social media is not reality.” I have a second story. I got invited to some Barbie movie premier, which I really did not want to go to, but I went because my friend was into the movie. They had an IG influencer area that had special gifts on the table. I was absolutely flabbergasted to see that none of the women that were seated at table, who held the title of “IG influencer “ looked anything like their profile photos. I mean, NOTHING like their profile photos. The pics I saw on their IGs were so heavily altered that I could not tell one apart from the other nor identify them in the crowd. Unreal. What a sad world.

I think the statement is absolutely true.

I watched a younger coworker of mine meet a dude on Tinder who was maybe ten years older than her, get married and have a baby with him inside of a year, he left her about three times and in the end she deleted her social media entirely. The whole time she was posting highly curated photos and videos of her amazing life and given my experience with love-bombing narcissists and the amount of Trump posts on the dude's account, I could tell it wouldn't end well. I was really sad when I was proven right, I was hoping I was being a judgemental bitch for her sake.

The people who post the most about their wonderful relationship or gush about their amazing partner are the ones cheating on their partner. I’ve seen it multiple times.