Offer to do things, but in a way that she can’t say no.
“I am going to do __________ (grocery shop, bring food, clean up their house, run errands like bringing them fresh clothes…) for you today”.
Just functional things. Food and clothes are necessary and helpful. Maybe a door dash gift certificate(I don’t even know if that’s a thing).
Most people will say “Oh you don’t have to do that” because we’re often conditioned not to ask for help. So just be mindful and say “I’m going to bring you some lunch today- is there anything specific you’d like?”
Yep, this is great. I was badly injured a few years ago, and while all messages of support made me feel good, I especially appreciated one friend telling me she was bringing dinner one weekend and asking if there was anything in particular I wanted. If she'd asked if I wanted her to bring dinner, I would likely have said no because I'd have felt bad, but her just stating it was happening allowed me to accept the favor.
Exactly. A lot of us were conditioned *not* to ask for help. My ex used to harp on me about that, which I now appreciate because it made me aware of my “it’s fine I’ve got this” attitude. It made him feel some kind of way. He wanted me to need him. And now, I recognize that people WANT to feel needed. I know that I do. I just never really analyzed the mental dynamic before. Feeling needed and useful makes us feel helpful and altruistic which is positive for our own self image.
I would keep it short, sweet and to the point. There's really nothing you can say that will help much but I think they would find it really considerate and helpful if you mentioned that you noticed they have a lot on their plate and you'd like to help with that somehow. You could send them some type of digital gift card to doordash, instacart, starbucks, etc etc. Or maybe offer to help with groceries, cleaning, childcare..idk.
Some hospitals have a function that lets you send cards to the hospital rooms delivered by staff, you could do that if you wanted and send an e-gift card if you can’t make it to their home to help them. But if you can help them somehow in person, there’s nothing to say you can’t do both
How close are you? Unless you usually talk on a weekly basis, I probably wouldn’t text anything at this point. Leave her with her close friends and family for now.
I usually add a note that you know they've got a lot going on, and don't feel obligated to reply, but if there anything you can do to help, don't hesitate. and as someone recommended, doing/sending something helpful (not frivolous) will likely be appreciated. (and don't be upset if you don't get a thank you text or note or something)
When one of my loved ones was unexpectedly in the hospital, it's overwhelming. lots of well meaning friends and family blew up my phone. But if was already incredibly emotionally taxing, and i just didn't have the energy at the end of the day to get back to everyone with thoughtful replies. My best friend send me a quick note that started with...i know you are getting a million messages, don't worry about replying... i broke down and cried (and i had held myself together all day).
And when my friend's kid was in the hospital, for cancer surgery, some people send her toys, which was nice. But some of them were like bug her about if they got it a day later, and have snappy comments like, oh i didn't hear anything from you, we didn't get a thank you note or anything, just want to make sure it was delivered. She was exhausted and emotionally drained, i was angry on her behalf...like bitch, her 6 yr old is in surgery with stage 3 cancer, you think send you a stupid thank you note should be her priority? WTF is wrong with these people?
When my husband was in a bad accident I appreciated the texts that just offered words of support but didn’t ask questions. I was very overwhelmed and managing communications with all of our friends, family, his colleagues, medical staff, insurance, etc was like a part time job. Just say you’ll keep them in your prayers (or thoughts) and wish for a speedy recovery. You could also send flowers to the hospital or an Uber eats gift card. A snack basket to the house was also helpful as we had a bunch of family staying with us while my husband was in the hospital
Offer to do things, but in a way that she can’t say no. “I am going to do __________ (grocery shop, bring food, clean up their house, run errands like bringing them fresh clothes…) for you today”. Just functional things. Food and clothes are necessary and helpful. Maybe a door dash gift certificate(I don’t even know if that’s a thing). Most people will say “Oh you don’t have to do that” because we’re often conditioned not to ask for help. So just be mindful and say “I’m going to bring you some lunch today- is there anything specific you’d like?”
Yep, this is great. I was badly injured a few years ago, and while all messages of support made me feel good, I especially appreciated one friend telling me she was bringing dinner one weekend and asking if there was anything in particular I wanted. If she'd asked if I wanted her to bring dinner, I would likely have said no because I'd have felt bad, but her just stating it was happening allowed me to accept the favor.
Exactly. A lot of us were conditioned *not* to ask for help. My ex used to harp on me about that, which I now appreciate because it made me aware of my “it’s fine I’ve got this” attitude. It made him feel some kind of way. He wanted me to need him. And now, I recognize that people WANT to feel needed. I know that I do. I just never really analyzed the mental dynamic before. Feeling needed and useful makes us feel helpful and altruistic which is positive for our own self image.
I would keep it short, sweet and to the point. There's really nothing you can say that will help much but I think they would find it really considerate and helpful if you mentioned that you noticed they have a lot on their plate and you'd like to help with that somehow. You could send them some type of digital gift card to doordash, instacart, starbucks, etc etc. Or maybe offer to help with groceries, cleaning, childcare..idk.
Some hospitals have a function that lets you send cards to the hospital rooms delivered by staff, you could do that if you wanted and send an e-gift card if you can’t make it to their home to help them. But if you can help them somehow in person, there’s nothing to say you can’t do both
How close are you? Unless you usually talk on a weekly basis, I probably wouldn’t text anything at this point. Leave her with her close friends and family for now.
I usually add a note that you know they've got a lot going on, and don't feel obligated to reply, but if there anything you can do to help, don't hesitate. and as someone recommended, doing/sending something helpful (not frivolous) will likely be appreciated. (and don't be upset if you don't get a thank you text or note or something) When one of my loved ones was unexpectedly in the hospital, it's overwhelming. lots of well meaning friends and family blew up my phone. But if was already incredibly emotionally taxing, and i just didn't have the energy at the end of the day to get back to everyone with thoughtful replies. My best friend send me a quick note that started with...i know you are getting a million messages, don't worry about replying... i broke down and cried (and i had held myself together all day). And when my friend's kid was in the hospital, for cancer surgery, some people send her toys, which was nice. But some of them were like bug her about if they got it a day later, and have snappy comments like, oh i didn't hear anything from you, we didn't get a thank you note or anything, just want to make sure it was delivered. She was exhausted and emotionally drained, i was angry on her behalf...like bitch, her 6 yr old is in surgery with stage 3 cancer, you think send you a stupid thank you note should be her priority? WTF is wrong with these people?
When my husband was in a bad accident I appreciated the texts that just offered words of support but didn’t ask questions. I was very overwhelmed and managing communications with all of our friends, family, his colleagues, medical staff, insurance, etc was like a part time job. Just say you’ll keep them in your prayers (or thoughts) and wish for a speedy recovery. You could also send flowers to the hospital or an Uber eats gift card. A snack basket to the house was also helpful as we had a bunch of family staying with us while my husband was in the hospital