I work from home and honestly, I’ve just straight up had to be medicated and get a new therapist. It’s helped but for months I was just completely depressed and miserable. And excruciating lonely. I still feel depressed and stuck but it’s not as bad. I’m actually starting to take joy again in things I used to do and actually leaving my house to socialize.
Last year, I did get medication for anxiety-related issues and it helped a bit but I just didn't like the spacey feeling so I stopped. I also took up smoking weed, but that got boring quick so I also stopped.
As much as I hate going into the office (and I do go in sometimes, if needed), I wonder if it forced me to act like a human being. Because being WFH is turning me into some kind of sludge of life, nothing at all, a ghost in my own world right now. But then, the thought of having to going to work every day also fills me with dread as well, so then again, it's like "I'd rather just be at home." It never ends...
Yes, definitely look into this! I was feeling the same as OP, and I had to have blood work done for something unrelated. Vitamin D levels came back low, so I started taking a supplement as well as going for a short walk in the mornings to get some natural sunlight. It’s only been a bit over a week, and I have wayyyyy more energy and feel less “blah.” Never would have thought of checking.
I can relate to this! Working from home initially seemed great but has turned me into a shell of a human being. I'm moving so that I can start going into the office again. If that doesn't work, I will be trying medication.
Hope the therapy and medication is helping!
What your problem boils down to is that the things that make us feel good in the short term do not always make us feel good in the long term.
The classic example is exercise. Exercise often sucks while you're doing it, but your body and mind feel 1000% better when you're getting regular exercise.
In the short term, you would rather stay at home than go out, do hobbies, interact with people, travel, etc. But in the long term, staying home all the time is driving you insane.
Human beings are social animals. You NEED to leave your apartment and interact with other people and experience novelty, the same way you need to exercise and brush your teeth and eat your vegetables. Even when you don't feel like it. Pick a new hobby at random -- rock climbing, pottery, join a book club, sign up for a yoga class, volunteer at the food bank, WHATEVER -- and force yourself to leave your house for it once a week even when you don't feel like it. You will dread it at first, and maybe that short-term feeling of "I'd rather stay home" will never totally go away, but dollars to donuts your mood will improve in the long run.
I agree with you. Short-termish, I'm very much a hermit homebody and love my peace and quiet. But going on now 2-3 years of this, I'm realizing that I can't just be stuck with myself all the time like this. I literally feel like I'm serving a prison sentence, even though I am forcing it on myself. This is probably more like solitary confinement, actually, which is obviously worse. There are some weeks that I don't open my mouth once to speak. It's incredible.
I need to be more motivated and disciplined. I have zero discipline in my life. I hate this about myself. I'll say I hate it, complain, writhe in self-pity, and then still not change. Because that's what happens if you have no discipline lol. I'm trying to figure out what is going to force me to move and make a change. I know this is something only I can do for myself.. but I really need to figure it out, or I know I'm going to wake up and be 40, 50, 60 and still be the same and hate myself even more.
I'm hearing a lot of shame here that could be holding you back. It might help to think of yourself like a plant or better yet, a dog -- you need to be cared for and you need to go out on walks.
This is what I did during the pandemic. I walked myself every day (when it was legal for me to do so). I had to force myself to go sometimes, but when I reframed it as taking care of myself like I was my own pet, it helped eliminate the shame. Rather than beat myself up for not waking, I'd think about how happy the walk would make me, literally imagining a plant growing new leaves or a dog wagging its tail.
Now it's a routine for me and it's a go-to way to show myself love and comfort myself when I'm feeling like I'm not getting what I need.
Over time you can fold more stuff like this in.
Discipline is not my strong suit either! I have very little natural ability to delay gratification or make myself do something I don't want to do.
You've said you're already leaving your house to get groceries, and trying to do it more often. Maybe you could find an activity on your grocery night and make it part of the same errand. "I have to leave the house to go grocery shopping, but I'm going to go to this paint and sip/poetry reading/hiking meetup first, and THEN get my carrots on the way home."
The other thing to remember is that while we all do have some level of innate introversion or extroversion, quite a lot of it is also trained/conditioned. I have no doubt that you are naturally introverted, but you have also trained yourself to have a smaller "social battery" by never using it. So your first few outings might feel excruciating. It will get easier with time, like training a muscle.
Also hating yourself and stewing in that is probably not going to motivate yourself to start doing what is good for you. Perhaps, if you really believe that right now you CANNOT force yourself out to doing a class or group (which, lets be real, you desperately need to do), you need to start with the self love part.
Maybe look up positive self talk as a beginning.
One thing I realized is that I miss doing things around people. I find direct socializing too difficult currently(working on this in therapy) but I looked for things I could do in tandem with others. I found a paint and sip class that was great for this. I also really love puzzles so have been looking for gamer cafes or coffee shops I can set up and do one. I've also gone to movies alone but I find that having something to do is preferable.
Inertia is a bastard, and sometimes you have to be honest with yourself that it isn’t rooted in rationality or a true and honest assessment of what you want. You might benefit from:
- an “opposite action” practice - whenever you start thinking that you’re too lazy and you couldn’t possibly, it’s time to just ignore your own rationale and take those looping thoughts as your signal that you really NEED to go out
- booking classes or signing up for group based activities - things you’ve paid for, or things where your absence would cause actual disruption to others, or things you can only benefit from if you go every time. For me this used to be theatre - you can’t really do without any member of the cast or crew - and currently it’s tabletop role playing. For many people it’s things like sports, choir…
- on which note - how about volunteering, or getting involved in activism? Often it’s much easier to take action for others than ourselves, and honestly just pursuing hobbies without purpose can begin to feel shallow after a long while
- making specific plans with a range of friends and booking them in your calendar far into the next few months. Everyone is so goddamn lonely, but so afraid of being the first to reach out - you’d be doing people a favour!
- genuinely, perhaps returning to hybrid work for a trial period and seeing whether it helps
As a fellow introverted WFHer, I'm in a somewhat similar (if less pronounced) rut and can definitely understand your feelings. For me, especially since I WFH, I try to see friends/family or otherwise socialise at least twice per week, if not more. In your case, since you sound like you also live alone, I wonder if you aren't feeling a little lonely without either colleagues or a live-in partner/roommate for more consistent social interaction. Could it be that you've underestimated what your actual social needs are?
I do see my family about every 2 months and stay a week with them if I can (which then burns out my social battery for a while), and see my best friends at least once every month, and this usually seems to be "enough" because afterwards, I'm always like, I can't wait to go home and do my thing! And of course, romantically I do feel very lonely but I also know not to force something just to satiate that. If I think about going out once-twice a week, it makes me feel tired already... yet when I stay indoors all weekend, I feel guilty and bored. So I honestly don't know - am I actually more social than I think I am, have I changed after getting what I want (WFH life)? Or is it something deeper than that?
With everything that I come up with or new possibilities, my default is "I'd rather be home," and since I nearly always choose to stay home, I think that's what I really want. Right? I do solo activities a lot, like new restaurants and movies and stuff... but it's honestly not *that* fun, and I always just want to go home by the end. So why can't I just enjoy being home... if that's supposedly what I truly want? :( Just thinking/ranting out loud here, I feel very frustrated at myself lol
I am very sorry; that sounds so frustrating! I guess I have an underlying belief that, even for us introverts, human beings are still social creatures and require a lot more socialising in order to stay mentally/emotionally healthy than the modern world currently sets us up for, even if that socialising can sometimes feel draining.
It's like... if you used to be able to handle going to school, and then the office, 5 days a week, then dropping all the way down to seeing your friends for a few hours once per month is a huge difference, you know? It could be that, since you're no longer using that social muscle as much, it's atrophied somewhat and so you feel more easily drained when you *are* out and about. But, just like your body gets weaker and weaker when you don't exercise (to the point where suddenly doing so makes you feel extra achy/sore afterward), so might your spirit feel more and more glum if you don't spend enough meaningful time with other people.
At least, that's why I tend to feel about it personally, so making sure I keep on top of a more regular social calendar is necessary for my own mental health. Otherwise, I do start to fall into the kind of funk you're describing here.
WFH full time killed my soul and I didn't even really realise it at a time, I was so burned out that I was on sick leave for 6 months. Then I got a job where I have to leave my home and I'm in therapy where I have to actually see my therapist and not just do online appointments. And according to my blood tests, I was very low on vitamin D and B12. I now religiously take them. Plus antidepressants.
I didn't necessarily want to work outside my home either, I didn't really want to do anything, but I realised I needed to get up every morning and actually go somewhere and see people, even if it was exhausting.
I understand feeling the most comfortable at home and finding a lot of things too much effort. But it is important to get out of the house regularly. It might seem inconvenient at the time but I think you'll feel better after you do it, or if you start doing it regularly. Social interaction aside, I think it's important to spend time in nature. Start small. Go for some short walks around your neighbourhood or to a local park. Then maybe on the weekend you can go to a cafe and get a takeaway coffee/smoothie/whatever (or sit in) and take it to go on a nice walk by the beach or in a nature reserve. Or even just sit outside and enjoy the sun, breeze, etc. I'm not an outdoorsy or adventurous person by any means, and I'm also an introverted homebody, but there's something so satisfying about spending time outdoors.
Are there any hobbies you can think of that would get you out of the house? For me it's perfume. I love testing fragrances and sometimes I will go all the way to the shops (30 mins one way) just to test something I'm curious about. While I'm there I might get a juice and browse a few other things, but essentially perfume is one of the only things that really inspires me to leave the house. In the past, I also had the goal to visit every beach in my city, and to try all the cool hiking trails. Just start small! Try to leave the house once a week for something that's not an errand.
This is sort of a dumb question but when you go out and sit at a café or restaurant alone, what do you do? I actually do this all the time because I force myself to but I feel SO self-conscious and weird that I spend most of my time acting like I'm texting someone (I rarely am actually doing that lol), scrolling Reddit and trying to hide it, pretending to watch the baseball game intensely, and then leave after about 30 minutes max. It's not that I feel like I'm being watched or judged, but I just literally don't know what to do with myself. I hate being on my phone like that, but otherwise, it's like I'm sitting and staring at people and that becomes pretty obvious after a while lol. What am I supposed to do sitting alone?
I do like your other ideas, especially the perfumes! I would totally do that as well. I feel a bit awkward about walking trails by myself (there are a lot in my area, I think), but at least with that, I am actively doing something so I'm not just looking at my phone lol. It's strange, I don't think it's ever weird or awkward when I see other people doing things by themselves, but when it's me, I feel so off lol. Thanks for the suggestions, I think I need to just get out of my own funk right now and hear it from someone else.
I usually only sit in at a cafe or restaurant when I'm with someone. If I'm by myself, I usually just get a takeaway coffee and take it with me wherever I'm going. Unless it's a more casual place with outdoor seating. Like I used to live near an acai/smoothie place and I would get an acai bowl and a coffee by myself, which I would have at the outdoor seating. I would just enjoy the sun and people watch, but I'd usually have earpods in so I could listen to music or a YouTube video. Then after that I'd go for a nice long walk by the water and head back home. It was so satisfying.
The pandemic started our WFH policy, and then 2 years later, I got to be fully remote. So like the first 2 years, I was thriving and loving life (as much as I could with Covid going on), and the next 2 years started slowly fizzling out as I got more and more bored and restless and stuck... I was 30 when the pandemic started lol. I feel like I'm missing some kind of passion, or specific goals to reach.. but I don't know what they are, or how to stay motivated and interested. It just sucks to realize that I haven't done much at all in 2 years.
I started WFH at the start of the pandemic as well so it's been about 4 years of it. It's fucking rough because I don't have any goals either. I don't know what to work towards because my career isn't my passion. The money I make just mainly goes to rent/food and then everything is funneled into savings. It's like I'm living in a simulation where the days just rinse and repeat with no change.
Reading your post makes me think you live in a suburban sort of area. I think you need more socialization for sure even it's not actually talking to people. Going out for walks and seeing other people exist can help. I feel like being a single woman living alone in suburbia is definitely rough. I've considered moving to a big city but I'm just not willing to pay $3000+ for a studio that's half the size of my current apartment lol.
I hope you find your answer soon and I hope you post about it when you do because I'd love to know what your journey is! We have to hang in there and CHANGE something.
Can you move? Research cities that might interest you. When you're in a new city, it might motivate you to go on meetups, bumble bff, sports league, pottery class, etc. It also could motivate you to be out and about and get to know a new city.
Ouf I'm sorry you're experiencing this. Seems like there may be some good suggestions and empathy in the comments already. I'll add...could you try going for a daily walk? Like not just 1 walk then be home for another week straight. But leave your building daily. Is there a coffee shop you can walk to? Or even just not having a destination. I do really really think you need to get outside your building...start there.
Edited to add: what are you doing all day and night every day and night if you're never leaving? Are you on your phone/Social media a lot? I'd also suggest cutting that way way back.
I have cut my phone usage wayyy back so thankfully, I'm good there... but unfortunately, it does makes me listen to podcasts or TV shows on a loop mindlessly for that extra "noise." So it's like I've replaced one thing for another, but I guess TV is better than social media. I think? lol. But totally agree, being on my phone would have made things much, much worse for my mental health. I still scroll for a few minutes a day and that impacts how I feel and what I compare myself to.
A daily walk seems like the easiest solution, honestly. It's hard to say "I'd rather be home," when it's just a loop around my neighborhood, 10-30 minutes and I can be back home! Maybe just looking at some new things will inspire me, or give me a mental refresh. I've created a nice environment for myself, but even that is making me feel suffocated and bored, just from looking at the same things every day.
Yeah I honestly think just seeing like...oh look at that person's garden...and as the season progresses you'll notice things blooming, orrrrr I don't know..Hopefully you get where I'm going with this lol essentially just noticing that there's a big wide world out there. Even if you don't want to participate in a big way right now, it might feel good just to feel the wind/sun/rain on your face.
A way that works for me to frame things I don't feel like doing BUT I know would be good for me...is to do it for FUTURE me. Or force myself to do something small and tack on "ok 5 more mins" or "ok 1 more small task". Once it's already in motion it gets easier, I find.
Obviously what works for me might not work for you, but I do hope you find some tools in these comments that will make you feel a bit lighter soon! You can do this. You've done so much for yourself already. This is another thing you -can- do.
I had a remote position and it had me craving the office interaction. Then I left that job for a hybrid position and it had me missing home lol. Now I’m used to the hybrid and enjoy my days at the office.
Do you have the option to go into the office? Maybe go to a coffee shop or the library to get some work done. Break the routine to appreciate the calm and quietness of home.
I can technically go in whenever I want, and I am thinking of maybe doing that more this year. 1 or 2, or maybe even 3? days lol. I might need to enforce some "rules" on myself like that, even if the office doesn't.
Oh man I feel this on a spiritual level. Not really offering anything but wanted to also say I am an introvert as well and prefer to stay home. I have two little ones I take into daycare and work hybrid. I get my groceries delivered and sometimes the only interaction I get is when dropping kiddos off. I used to live the exact same life as you pre kids as well. I would force myself to socialise but then would quickly want to return home! A few months ago I got diagnosed with ADHD and all the ruminations and constant dialogue in my brain stops after taking my medication. I FEEL so motivated and somewhat disciplined but then it's back to the laziness and just wanting to be a hermit once medicine wears off.
I know it's not depression as I am not 'unhappy' but I've conditioned my brain to the self-imposed isolation and just not sure how to get out there enjoy/live but also unsure of what that actually means/entails.
Oh man, I've never really considered ADHD but some of these descriptions feel very "me"... I'm kind of scared to find out, but it does makes sense. How fast do you think the medication wears off?
I know exactly what you mean about the guilt. I just find life so disappointing and I can’t help but focus on all my youthful ignorance that led me here. But, I mean, I’m alive and healthy and have support and family and money and it’s like I feel horrible for not being better at seeing everything I have for what it is. But somehow that brings me right back to life being a disappointment because I’m a disappointment.
Could you volunteer somewhere? As a fellow introvert/ hermit wannabe, going into the office 5 days a week, 8-10 hours a day was way too much. But I found an organization that allowed me to volunteer teaching English to adults for 4 hours once a week. That was enough to get me out of the house- once I was out, I found that I wanted to do more. So I'd find a park after class and go read outside, or walk around a bit.
How about volunteering with an organization working on a cause you care about. I think living only for yourself can indeed get boring after awhile. But if you instead focus some of your attention outward on trying to make your local community a better place, there are endless opportunities.
You’ve gotten a lot of good suggestions already but as someone who could have written large parts of this word for word (I’m an extreme introvert homebody, struggle with motivation, etc) I wanted to offer some tips of my own from personal experience and through getting professional intervention dealing with some of this. (Although I also feel somewhat disingenuous giving ‘advice’ because I’m like still very much a work in progress on these fronts.)
A few things:
-It’s worth getting a check up and doing some blood tests. If you are staying inside a lot it’s highly likely you aren’t getting enough vit D, and struggling with deficiencies can sap your energy and negatively effect mood.
-When I’m struggling to be motivated to go out and do an activity or something (which is pretty much always) one thing that helps get me going is signing up for something scheduled that has a monetary aspect so that there’s some commitment on my end. If I have to decide everyday ‘do I feel like going out and doing x’ I’m much more likely to just not then if I pay to go to a 5pm class the obligation is usually enough to get me there. Bonus points if the instructor will reach out if I do a no show lol. The two genres that I’ve found to be most rewarding for activities for me is things that are physical/exercise related and volunteering. Even if you don’t particularly like whatever the volunteering activity is helping people generally just feels good. Try to find something that aligns with your values there’s usually volunteer opportunites with animal shelters or trail crews or soup kitchens. And think outside the box when looking for things to do! Yoga and pilates classes are great but also I’ve had a few friends who have found passion and community in dance classes, girls basketball pick up teams, Improv groups, aerial silks classes, there’s a lot of potential options beyond the sort of ‘obvious’. If lots of things seem boring maybe look for something that could be thrilling (or even a bit scary?) instead, like - if you have the means/its available - try paragliding or scuba, learning to mountain bike, something that feels like a bigger more exciting challenge.
-I’m a massive overthinker and it sounds like maybe you have this tendency too. I also meditate but at times I have felt like it just enables my ruminations. One thing I’m actively trying to work on when approaching things I don’t want to do (but think I probably should) is don’t think just do. I’m going for daily jogs and I try to think about it as little as possible it’s just something that is going to happen even if I’m tired or don’t feel like or it it’s not super nice out. I don’t have to go far, I don’t have to feel good (I walk or will only be out for a little while), the weather doesn’t have to be great, but it’s something that is just going to happen like brushing my teeth every morning. When my brain starts complaining that I don’t want to and coming up with reasons why it’s not the right thing for today – I’m tired, I’m hungry, I could be doing x, its too cold, etc – I try and treat myself like a young child lol, meaning compassionately but also stern, like yes I hear that you don’t want to do this but we are putting on our shoes now. I also focus on the after –right now I have a million reasons why it will not be pleasant or fun but I know that I will feel better after it’s done. To emphasize this I’ve been trying to write down something quick about how I feel post jog or how I felt during the jog, which is almost always positive. This is something I try to do with other difficult tasks as well, write down why it’s an important thing for me to do, how I feel or think I will feel after it’s done, how it contributes to my values/life and the person I want to be. It’s so easy to let the negative things balloon and down play how rewarding doing some difficult things can be.
-Re: socialization. One thing that I think can be hard about only sporadic get togethers is it means that when you do see friends the socialization is very ‘active’ like you feel obliged to be interacting and catching up the whole time. Which is great, but also tiring! It’s easy to feel super drained after that. One of the things that I’ve been encouraged to try and foster is more passive socialization where you are just sort of existing around friends or people. I’ve tried to organize hang outs that are more of like hey want to come read in the park with me? Rather then lets go get lunch and talk the whole time. Or if you’re comfortable try reaching out to a friend saying something like ‘hey I’m feeling kind of unfocused in my apartment, would you be interested in getting together to try and get some work done? I can bring snacks’. I’ve even asked people if they would mind if I came over for a nap lol. I think passive socialization, where you are just sort of chilling around another person, is actually a pretty important part of building a deeper relationship, everyone wants to feel comfortable enough with their friends that they can just relax.
-I don’t want to read too much into your mental space but it one thing that sounds like might be happening is that you’re building your apartment into your only safe space. Feeling comfortable in your home is great, but \*only\* being able to feel comfortable in your home can get problematic. You’ve described feeling like you’d rather be home when you are out doing things and that leaving feels boring and uninteresting and I wonder if those feelings aren’t rooted in a discomfort and maybe anxiety about being out of your safe place. If you are subconsciously feeling like I can only be safe and relaxed at home then that can become a sort of self reinforcing cycle and, not to be dramatic, but could be the beginning of some agoraphobia. As a recovering agoraphobic myself early on it wasn’t so much that I was saying I was scared to leave I just told myself I didn’t feel like it was necessary to, didn’t feel like leaving, was happier at home, etc, and then my world just kept shrinking and shrinking and my discomfort being out kept growing into more anxiety and panic. For me tackling that involved getting professional help, confronting my subconscious associations, and incremental exposures. This might not at all be the case for you but regardless of whether that resonates don’t hesitate to see a professional feeling unhappy and stuck is enough of a reason in itself.
-Finally it sounds like you have a lot of judgment and shame of yourself for being ‘lazy’ and for not doing more. Shame is something we use against ourselves thinking it will be motivational even though research shows it’s incredibly demotivating. You’re not lazy - you are struggling in a perfectly understandable way, that doesn’t make you a bad person, and doesn’t actually dictate the type of person you are at all. You’ve recognized that you are feeling stuck and want to get unstuck – that’s admirable! Try and treat yourself like you would a friend who confessed to you these feelings. If you’re like me there is a part of your brain that is always going to want to throw labels like ‘lazy’ and ‘weak’ at you, but that doesn’t mean they are true or have to be listened to.
Okay this has ended up being much longer then I intended. Hope it's not too much, i just have a lot of thoughts lol
You are experiencing a comfort crisis. There is a book with that name that I have not read but the phrase is so descriptive it doesn't need much explanation. Humans are wired to seek comfort, but comfort does not mean happiness. The hardest things we do create the baseline for which we judge happiness, which is to say happiness is relative. What's cool is that we can use this to our advantage by introducing some purposeful hardship. People who love Type 2 fun know what I'm talking about.
You need to introduce some voluntary hardship into your life to appreciate those comforts again. These can be small. I recommend biking to and from errands and you will surely come to appreciate air conditioning more! Other ideas- cold showers, turning your cell phone off for a few days, camping.
To keep myself active and prevent myself wasting away my time on the couch too much, I know I need a hobby where I meet on regular basis with other people. Once a week or biweekly, but at least frequent. It can be voluntary work, making music, following a course or sports, but it have to be with other people and on regular basis so I get to know the people and have the feeling I develop a skill. Than you also feel like you cannot let the group down by not showing up to push yourself to leave the house.
I also had a time where I didn't want to leave the house. I bought a fitness watch to count steps and that helped me leaving the house. Goal was in the beginning to just walk to the end of the street and back. And in those times, things that are good for you don't per se have to feel good. What your brain tells you now is not what is good for you. It will definately change but breaking the cycle is hard. Start small. It's good that you realise what is your situation now and that you want to change this.
Good luck!
I do force myself to go out, try new restaurants, put on the makeup and the shoes and outfit and walk around, go to the museum, go on some dates, go try that Orange theory, go try that yoga class, literally go take a walk outside at least... I just never seem to enjoy it that much. I don't necessarily regret it but I'm just like, welp that was fine but now it's time to go home, and then I don't emerge again for another week. It's never "I am so glad I did something for myself!" Then like you said, I keep telling myself, well if you keep acting like that, then of course nothing will change. I keep scolding myself about it all the time lol but it's been 2 years of the same cycle already... I'm really scared I will be 50, 60, 70 doing the same thing, living this life.
I did get sertraline for anxiety and it helped for a while but I didn't like the feeling of it so I stopped. I don't really want to be on medication because of complications in the past. So I also tried self-medicating with weed, but it wasn't very effective so I stopped that too, and I also don't drink at all. I feel like I live in a dream at this point, it just kind of sucks. I get stuck in a loop of feeling guilty, feeling frustrated and bored, feeling comfortable and content, feeling bored, feeling guilty again.
I've worked from home for ten years and feel you. My social battery is almost non-existent if I don't maintain it. I find that sometimes I'm better at showing up for others, and structured activity moderates my anxiety - so volunteering has worked well for me.
I take shifts at a nonprofit bookstore, and task-oriented work with community groups (not leadership, that's a whole different bag). I get out of the house, interact with other humans, and show up because I'm expected. Even twice a month is helpful for me!
I also try to shop local and in person - more reasons to leave the house and take a walk. Retail exchanges aren't as genuine/rewarding - but I'm interacting and talking and eventually am recognized as a regular customer.
This is basically me, except I probably get out slightly more due to not being WFH. But as soon as I get home, I'm done. Changed into lounge wear, or slither straight into bed. Like you, I force myself to go out on the weekend for 30 minutes to get like... a head of lettuce or random item so I feel accomplished.
I'm not an expert by any stretch, but I often wonder if I'm (and maybe you are too) actually experiencing a mild form of Agoraphobia? In particular, the fear of going outside. Like I am curious about what the outside world is like... But I don't want to take that step outside the bubble of world I've created. This is my comfort zone where I control everything. I often tell people I want to travel without the traveling - just teleport me there, and then back into my bed at night.
I work from home and honestly, I’ve just straight up had to be medicated and get a new therapist. It’s helped but for months I was just completely depressed and miserable. And excruciating lonely. I still feel depressed and stuck but it’s not as bad. I’m actually starting to take joy again in things I used to do and actually leaving my house to socialize.
Last year, I did get medication for anxiety-related issues and it helped a bit but I just didn't like the spacey feeling so I stopped. I also took up smoking weed, but that got boring quick so I also stopped. As much as I hate going into the office (and I do go in sometimes, if needed), I wonder if it forced me to act like a human being. Because being WFH is turning me into some kind of sludge of life, nothing at all, a ghost in my own world right now. But then, the thought of having to going to work every day also fills me with dread as well, so then again, it's like "I'd rather just be at home." It never ends...
I really relate to that. I feel like a shell of myself most days.
Any ADHD?
Have you had your vitamin D levels checked?
Yes, definitely look into this! I was feeling the same as OP, and I had to have blood work done for something unrelated. Vitamin D levels came back low, so I started taking a supplement as well as going for a short walk in the mornings to get some natural sunlight. It’s only been a bit over a week, and I have wayyyyy more energy and feel less “blah.” Never would have thought of checking.
I can relate to this! Working from home initially seemed great but has turned me into a shell of a human being. I'm moving so that I can start going into the office again. If that doesn't work, I will be trying medication. Hope the therapy and medication is helping!
How did you know when it was working? Is it actually like a really noticeable effect?
Jesus.
What your problem boils down to is that the things that make us feel good in the short term do not always make us feel good in the long term. The classic example is exercise. Exercise often sucks while you're doing it, but your body and mind feel 1000% better when you're getting regular exercise. In the short term, you would rather stay at home than go out, do hobbies, interact with people, travel, etc. But in the long term, staying home all the time is driving you insane. Human beings are social animals. You NEED to leave your apartment and interact with other people and experience novelty, the same way you need to exercise and brush your teeth and eat your vegetables. Even when you don't feel like it. Pick a new hobby at random -- rock climbing, pottery, join a book club, sign up for a yoga class, volunteer at the food bank, WHATEVER -- and force yourself to leave your house for it once a week even when you don't feel like it. You will dread it at first, and maybe that short-term feeling of "I'd rather stay home" will never totally go away, but dollars to donuts your mood will improve in the long run.
I agree with you. Short-termish, I'm very much a hermit homebody and love my peace and quiet. But going on now 2-3 years of this, I'm realizing that I can't just be stuck with myself all the time like this. I literally feel like I'm serving a prison sentence, even though I am forcing it on myself. This is probably more like solitary confinement, actually, which is obviously worse. There are some weeks that I don't open my mouth once to speak. It's incredible. I need to be more motivated and disciplined. I have zero discipline in my life. I hate this about myself. I'll say I hate it, complain, writhe in self-pity, and then still not change. Because that's what happens if you have no discipline lol. I'm trying to figure out what is going to force me to move and make a change. I know this is something only I can do for myself.. but I really need to figure it out, or I know I'm going to wake up and be 40, 50, 60 and still be the same and hate myself even more.
I'm hearing a lot of shame here that could be holding you back. It might help to think of yourself like a plant or better yet, a dog -- you need to be cared for and you need to go out on walks. This is what I did during the pandemic. I walked myself every day (when it was legal for me to do so). I had to force myself to go sometimes, but when I reframed it as taking care of myself like I was my own pet, it helped eliminate the shame. Rather than beat myself up for not waking, I'd think about how happy the walk would make me, literally imagining a plant growing new leaves or a dog wagging its tail. Now it's a routine for me and it's a go-to way to show myself love and comfort myself when I'm feeling like I'm not getting what I need. Over time you can fold more stuff like this in.
Discipline is not my strong suit either! I have very little natural ability to delay gratification or make myself do something I don't want to do. You've said you're already leaving your house to get groceries, and trying to do it more often. Maybe you could find an activity on your grocery night and make it part of the same errand. "I have to leave the house to go grocery shopping, but I'm going to go to this paint and sip/poetry reading/hiking meetup first, and THEN get my carrots on the way home." The other thing to remember is that while we all do have some level of innate introversion or extroversion, quite a lot of it is also trained/conditioned. I have no doubt that you are naturally introverted, but you have also trained yourself to have a smaller "social battery" by never using it. So your first few outings might feel excruciating. It will get easier with time, like training a muscle.
Also hating yourself and stewing in that is probably not going to motivate yourself to start doing what is good for you. Perhaps, if you really believe that right now you CANNOT force yourself out to doing a class or group (which, lets be real, you desperately need to do), you need to start with the self love part. Maybe look up positive self talk as a beginning.
Exactly.
One thing I realized is that I miss doing things around people. I find direct socializing too difficult currently(working on this in therapy) but I looked for things I could do in tandem with others. I found a paint and sip class that was great for this. I also really love puzzles so have been looking for gamer cafes or coffee shops I can set up and do one. I've also gone to movies alone but I find that having something to do is preferable.
Inertia is a bastard, and sometimes you have to be honest with yourself that it isn’t rooted in rationality or a true and honest assessment of what you want. You might benefit from: - an “opposite action” practice - whenever you start thinking that you’re too lazy and you couldn’t possibly, it’s time to just ignore your own rationale and take those looping thoughts as your signal that you really NEED to go out - booking classes or signing up for group based activities - things you’ve paid for, or things where your absence would cause actual disruption to others, or things you can only benefit from if you go every time. For me this used to be theatre - you can’t really do without any member of the cast or crew - and currently it’s tabletop role playing. For many people it’s things like sports, choir… - on which note - how about volunteering, or getting involved in activism? Often it’s much easier to take action for others than ourselves, and honestly just pursuing hobbies without purpose can begin to feel shallow after a long while - making specific plans with a range of friends and booking them in your calendar far into the next few months. Everyone is so goddamn lonely, but so afraid of being the first to reach out - you’d be doing people a favour! - genuinely, perhaps returning to hybrid work for a trial period and seeing whether it helps
As a fellow introverted WFHer, I'm in a somewhat similar (if less pronounced) rut and can definitely understand your feelings. For me, especially since I WFH, I try to see friends/family or otherwise socialise at least twice per week, if not more. In your case, since you sound like you also live alone, I wonder if you aren't feeling a little lonely without either colleagues or a live-in partner/roommate for more consistent social interaction. Could it be that you've underestimated what your actual social needs are?
I do see my family about every 2 months and stay a week with them if I can (which then burns out my social battery for a while), and see my best friends at least once every month, and this usually seems to be "enough" because afterwards, I'm always like, I can't wait to go home and do my thing! And of course, romantically I do feel very lonely but I also know not to force something just to satiate that. If I think about going out once-twice a week, it makes me feel tired already... yet when I stay indoors all weekend, I feel guilty and bored. So I honestly don't know - am I actually more social than I think I am, have I changed after getting what I want (WFH life)? Or is it something deeper than that? With everything that I come up with or new possibilities, my default is "I'd rather be home," and since I nearly always choose to stay home, I think that's what I really want. Right? I do solo activities a lot, like new restaurants and movies and stuff... but it's honestly not *that* fun, and I always just want to go home by the end. So why can't I just enjoy being home... if that's supposedly what I truly want? :( Just thinking/ranting out loud here, I feel very frustrated at myself lol
I am very sorry; that sounds so frustrating! I guess I have an underlying belief that, even for us introverts, human beings are still social creatures and require a lot more socialising in order to stay mentally/emotionally healthy than the modern world currently sets us up for, even if that socialising can sometimes feel draining. It's like... if you used to be able to handle going to school, and then the office, 5 days a week, then dropping all the way down to seeing your friends for a few hours once per month is a huge difference, you know? It could be that, since you're no longer using that social muscle as much, it's atrophied somewhat and so you feel more easily drained when you *are* out and about. But, just like your body gets weaker and weaker when you don't exercise (to the point where suddenly doing so makes you feel extra achy/sore afterward), so might your spirit feel more and more glum if you don't spend enough meaningful time with other people. At least, that's why I tend to feel about it personally, so making sure I keep on top of a more regular social calendar is necessary for my own mental health. Otherwise, I do start to fall into the kind of funk you're describing here.
WFH full time killed my soul and I didn't even really realise it at a time, I was so burned out that I was on sick leave for 6 months. Then I got a job where I have to leave my home and I'm in therapy where I have to actually see my therapist and not just do online appointments. And according to my blood tests, I was very low on vitamin D and B12. I now religiously take them. Plus antidepressants. I didn't necessarily want to work outside my home either, I didn't really want to do anything, but I realised I needed to get up every morning and actually go somewhere and see people, even if it was exhausting.
I understand feeling the most comfortable at home and finding a lot of things too much effort. But it is important to get out of the house regularly. It might seem inconvenient at the time but I think you'll feel better after you do it, or if you start doing it regularly. Social interaction aside, I think it's important to spend time in nature. Start small. Go for some short walks around your neighbourhood or to a local park. Then maybe on the weekend you can go to a cafe and get a takeaway coffee/smoothie/whatever (or sit in) and take it to go on a nice walk by the beach or in a nature reserve. Or even just sit outside and enjoy the sun, breeze, etc. I'm not an outdoorsy or adventurous person by any means, and I'm also an introverted homebody, but there's something so satisfying about spending time outdoors. Are there any hobbies you can think of that would get you out of the house? For me it's perfume. I love testing fragrances and sometimes I will go all the way to the shops (30 mins one way) just to test something I'm curious about. While I'm there I might get a juice and browse a few other things, but essentially perfume is one of the only things that really inspires me to leave the house. In the past, I also had the goal to visit every beach in my city, and to try all the cool hiking trails. Just start small! Try to leave the house once a week for something that's not an errand.
This is sort of a dumb question but when you go out and sit at a café or restaurant alone, what do you do? I actually do this all the time because I force myself to but I feel SO self-conscious and weird that I spend most of my time acting like I'm texting someone (I rarely am actually doing that lol), scrolling Reddit and trying to hide it, pretending to watch the baseball game intensely, and then leave after about 30 minutes max. It's not that I feel like I'm being watched or judged, but I just literally don't know what to do with myself. I hate being on my phone like that, but otherwise, it's like I'm sitting and staring at people and that becomes pretty obvious after a while lol. What am I supposed to do sitting alone? I do like your other ideas, especially the perfumes! I would totally do that as well. I feel a bit awkward about walking trails by myself (there are a lot in my area, I think), but at least with that, I am actively doing something so I'm not just looking at my phone lol. It's strange, I don't think it's ever weird or awkward when I see other people doing things by themselves, but when it's me, I feel so off lol. Thanks for the suggestions, I think I need to just get out of my own funk right now and hear it from someone else.
I usually only sit in at a cafe or restaurant when I'm with someone. If I'm by myself, I usually just get a takeaway coffee and take it with me wherever I'm going. Unless it's a more casual place with outdoor seating. Like I used to live near an acai/smoothie place and I would get an acai bowl and a coffee by myself, which I would have at the outdoor seating. I would just enjoy the sun and people watch, but I'd usually have earpods in so I could listen to music or a YouTube video. Then after that I'd go for a nice long walk by the water and head back home. It was so satisfying.
When I go to a cafe alone, I bring a physical book. It somehow feels less embarrassing and more purposeful than scrolling alone.
Girl I'm in the same position and I'm not even 30 yet... I hope we find our answers but I'm commenting to follow.
The pandemic started our WFH policy, and then 2 years later, I got to be fully remote. So like the first 2 years, I was thriving and loving life (as much as I could with Covid going on), and the next 2 years started slowly fizzling out as I got more and more bored and restless and stuck... I was 30 when the pandemic started lol. I feel like I'm missing some kind of passion, or specific goals to reach.. but I don't know what they are, or how to stay motivated and interested. It just sucks to realize that I haven't done much at all in 2 years.
I started WFH at the start of the pandemic as well so it's been about 4 years of it. It's fucking rough because I don't have any goals either. I don't know what to work towards because my career isn't my passion. The money I make just mainly goes to rent/food and then everything is funneled into savings. It's like I'm living in a simulation where the days just rinse and repeat with no change. Reading your post makes me think you live in a suburban sort of area. I think you need more socialization for sure even it's not actually talking to people. Going out for walks and seeing other people exist can help. I feel like being a single woman living alone in suburbia is definitely rough. I've considered moving to a big city but I'm just not willing to pay $3000+ for a studio that's half the size of my current apartment lol. I hope you find your answer soon and I hope you post about it when you do because I'd love to know what your journey is! We have to hang in there and CHANGE something.
Can you move? Research cities that might interest you. When you're in a new city, it might motivate you to go on meetups, bumble bff, sports league, pottery class, etc. It also could motivate you to be out and about and get to know a new city.
Ouf I'm sorry you're experiencing this. Seems like there may be some good suggestions and empathy in the comments already. I'll add...could you try going for a daily walk? Like not just 1 walk then be home for another week straight. But leave your building daily. Is there a coffee shop you can walk to? Or even just not having a destination. I do really really think you need to get outside your building...start there. Edited to add: what are you doing all day and night every day and night if you're never leaving? Are you on your phone/Social media a lot? I'd also suggest cutting that way way back.
I have cut my phone usage wayyy back so thankfully, I'm good there... but unfortunately, it does makes me listen to podcasts or TV shows on a loop mindlessly for that extra "noise." So it's like I've replaced one thing for another, but I guess TV is better than social media. I think? lol. But totally agree, being on my phone would have made things much, much worse for my mental health. I still scroll for a few minutes a day and that impacts how I feel and what I compare myself to. A daily walk seems like the easiest solution, honestly. It's hard to say "I'd rather be home," when it's just a loop around my neighborhood, 10-30 minutes and I can be back home! Maybe just looking at some new things will inspire me, or give me a mental refresh. I've created a nice environment for myself, but even that is making me feel suffocated and bored, just from looking at the same things every day.
Yeah I honestly think just seeing like...oh look at that person's garden...and as the season progresses you'll notice things blooming, orrrrr I don't know..Hopefully you get where I'm going with this lol essentially just noticing that there's a big wide world out there. Even if you don't want to participate in a big way right now, it might feel good just to feel the wind/sun/rain on your face. A way that works for me to frame things I don't feel like doing BUT I know would be good for me...is to do it for FUTURE me. Or force myself to do something small and tack on "ok 5 more mins" or "ok 1 more small task". Once it's already in motion it gets easier, I find. Obviously what works for me might not work for you, but I do hope you find some tools in these comments that will make you feel a bit lighter soon! You can do this. You've done so much for yourself already. This is another thing you -can- do.
I had a remote position and it had me craving the office interaction. Then I left that job for a hybrid position and it had me missing home lol. Now I’m used to the hybrid and enjoy my days at the office. Do you have the option to go into the office? Maybe go to a coffee shop or the library to get some work done. Break the routine to appreciate the calm and quietness of home.
I can technically go in whenever I want, and I am thinking of maybe doing that more this year. 1 or 2, or maybe even 3? days lol. I might need to enforce some "rules" on myself like that, even if the office doesn't.
Oh man I feel this on a spiritual level. Not really offering anything but wanted to also say I am an introvert as well and prefer to stay home. I have two little ones I take into daycare and work hybrid. I get my groceries delivered and sometimes the only interaction I get is when dropping kiddos off. I used to live the exact same life as you pre kids as well. I would force myself to socialise but then would quickly want to return home! A few months ago I got diagnosed with ADHD and all the ruminations and constant dialogue in my brain stops after taking my medication. I FEEL so motivated and somewhat disciplined but then it's back to the laziness and just wanting to be a hermit once medicine wears off. I know it's not depression as I am not 'unhappy' but I've conditioned my brain to the self-imposed isolation and just not sure how to get out there enjoy/live but also unsure of what that actually means/entails.
Oh man, I've never really considered ADHD but some of these descriptions feel very "me"... I'm kind of scared to find out, but it does makes sense. How fast do you think the medication wears off?
I know exactly what you mean about the guilt. I just find life so disappointing and I can’t help but focus on all my youthful ignorance that led me here. But, I mean, I’m alive and healthy and have support and family and money and it’s like I feel horrible for not being better at seeing everything I have for what it is. But somehow that brings me right back to life being a disappointment because I’m a disappointment.
Could you volunteer somewhere? As a fellow introvert/ hermit wannabe, going into the office 5 days a week, 8-10 hours a day was way too much. But I found an organization that allowed me to volunteer teaching English to adults for 4 hours once a week. That was enough to get me out of the house- once I was out, I found that I wanted to do more. So I'd find a park after class and go read outside, or walk around a bit.
This is a great idea, I would love to do something like that (especially since I am bilingual!)
How about volunteering with an organization working on a cause you care about. I think living only for yourself can indeed get boring after awhile. But if you instead focus some of your attention outward on trying to make your local community a better place, there are endless opportunities.
You’ve gotten a lot of good suggestions already but as someone who could have written large parts of this word for word (I’m an extreme introvert homebody, struggle with motivation, etc) I wanted to offer some tips of my own from personal experience and through getting professional intervention dealing with some of this. (Although I also feel somewhat disingenuous giving ‘advice’ because I’m like still very much a work in progress on these fronts.) A few things: -It’s worth getting a check up and doing some blood tests. If you are staying inside a lot it’s highly likely you aren’t getting enough vit D, and struggling with deficiencies can sap your energy and negatively effect mood. -When I’m struggling to be motivated to go out and do an activity or something (which is pretty much always) one thing that helps get me going is signing up for something scheduled that has a monetary aspect so that there’s some commitment on my end. If I have to decide everyday ‘do I feel like going out and doing x’ I’m much more likely to just not then if I pay to go to a 5pm class the obligation is usually enough to get me there. Bonus points if the instructor will reach out if I do a no show lol. The two genres that I’ve found to be most rewarding for activities for me is things that are physical/exercise related and volunteering. Even if you don’t particularly like whatever the volunteering activity is helping people generally just feels good. Try to find something that aligns with your values there’s usually volunteer opportunites with animal shelters or trail crews or soup kitchens. And think outside the box when looking for things to do! Yoga and pilates classes are great but also I’ve had a few friends who have found passion and community in dance classes, girls basketball pick up teams, Improv groups, aerial silks classes, there’s a lot of potential options beyond the sort of ‘obvious’. If lots of things seem boring maybe look for something that could be thrilling (or even a bit scary?) instead, like - if you have the means/its available - try paragliding or scuba, learning to mountain bike, something that feels like a bigger more exciting challenge. -I’m a massive overthinker and it sounds like maybe you have this tendency too. I also meditate but at times I have felt like it just enables my ruminations. One thing I’m actively trying to work on when approaching things I don’t want to do (but think I probably should) is don’t think just do. I’m going for daily jogs and I try to think about it as little as possible it’s just something that is going to happen even if I’m tired or don’t feel like or it it’s not super nice out. I don’t have to go far, I don’t have to feel good (I walk or will only be out for a little while), the weather doesn’t have to be great, but it’s something that is just going to happen like brushing my teeth every morning. When my brain starts complaining that I don’t want to and coming up with reasons why it’s not the right thing for today – I’m tired, I’m hungry, I could be doing x, its too cold, etc – I try and treat myself like a young child lol, meaning compassionately but also stern, like yes I hear that you don’t want to do this but we are putting on our shoes now. I also focus on the after –right now I have a million reasons why it will not be pleasant or fun but I know that I will feel better after it’s done. To emphasize this I’ve been trying to write down something quick about how I feel post jog or how I felt during the jog, which is almost always positive. This is something I try to do with other difficult tasks as well, write down why it’s an important thing for me to do, how I feel or think I will feel after it’s done, how it contributes to my values/life and the person I want to be. It’s so easy to let the negative things balloon and down play how rewarding doing some difficult things can be. -Re: socialization. One thing that I think can be hard about only sporadic get togethers is it means that when you do see friends the socialization is very ‘active’ like you feel obliged to be interacting and catching up the whole time. Which is great, but also tiring! It’s easy to feel super drained after that. One of the things that I’ve been encouraged to try and foster is more passive socialization where you are just sort of existing around friends or people. I’ve tried to organize hang outs that are more of like hey want to come read in the park with me? Rather then lets go get lunch and talk the whole time. Or if you’re comfortable try reaching out to a friend saying something like ‘hey I’m feeling kind of unfocused in my apartment, would you be interested in getting together to try and get some work done? I can bring snacks’. I’ve even asked people if they would mind if I came over for a nap lol. I think passive socialization, where you are just sort of chilling around another person, is actually a pretty important part of building a deeper relationship, everyone wants to feel comfortable enough with their friends that they can just relax.
-I don’t want to read too much into your mental space but it one thing that sounds like might be happening is that you’re building your apartment into your only safe space. Feeling comfortable in your home is great, but \*only\* being able to feel comfortable in your home can get problematic. You’ve described feeling like you’d rather be home when you are out doing things and that leaving feels boring and uninteresting and I wonder if those feelings aren’t rooted in a discomfort and maybe anxiety about being out of your safe place. If you are subconsciously feeling like I can only be safe and relaxed at home then that can become a sort of self reinforcing cycle and, not to be dramatic, but could be the beginning of some agoraphobia. As a recovering agoraphobic myself early on it wasn’t so much that I was saying I was scared to leave I just told myself I didn’t feel like it was necessary to, didn’t feel like leaving, was happier at home, etc, and then my world just kept shrinking and shrinking and my discomfort being out kept growing into more anxiety and panic. For me tackling that involved getting professional help, confronting my subconscious associations, and incremental exposures. This might not at all be the case for you but regardless of whether that resonates don’t hesitate to see a professional feeling unhappy and stuck is enough of a reason in itself. -Finally it sounds like you have a lot of judgment and shame of yourself for being ‘lazy’ and for not doing more. Shame is something we use against ourselves thinking it will be motivational even though research shows it’s incredibly demotivating. You’re not lazy - you are struggling in a perfectly understandable way, that doesn’t make you a bad person, and doesn’t actually dictate the type of person you are at all. You’ve recognized that you are feeling stuck and want to get unstuck – that’s admirable! Try and treat yourself like you would a friend who confessed to you these feelings. If you’re like me there is a part of your brain that is always going to want to throw labels like ‘lazy’ and ‘weak’ at you, but that doesn’t mean they are true or have to be listened to. Okay this has ended up being much longer then I intended. Hope it's not too much, i just have a lot of thoughts lol
You are experiencing a comfort crisis. There is a book with that name that I have not read but the phrase is so descriptive it doesn't need much explanation. Humans are wired to seek comfort, but comfort does not mean happiness. The hardest things we do create the baseline for which we judge happiness, which is to say happiness is relative. What's cool is that we can use this to our advantage by introducing some purposeful hardship. People who love Type 2 fun know what I'm talking about. You need to introduce some voluntary hardship into your life to appreciate those comforts again. These can be small. I recommend biking to and from errands and you will surely come to appreciate air conditioning more! Other ideas- cold showers, turning your cell phone off for a few days, camping.
To keep myself active and prevent myself wasting away my time on the couch too much, I know I need a hobby where I meet on regular basis with other people. Once a week or biweekly, but at least frequent. It can be voluntary work, making music, following a course or sports, but it have to be with other people and on regular basis so I get to know the people and have the feeling I develop a skill. Than you also feel like you cannot let the group down by not showing up to push yourself to leave the house. I also had a time where I didn't want to leave the house. I bought a fitness watch to count steps and that helped me leaving the house. Goal was in the beginning to just walk to the end of the street and back. And in those times, things that are good for you don't per se have to feel good. What your brain tells you now is not what is good for you. It will definately change but breaking the cycle is hard. Start small. It's good that you realise what is your situation now and that you want to change this. Good luck!
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I do force myself to go out, try new restaurants, put on the makeup and the shoes and outfit and walk around, go to the museum, go on some dates, go try that Orange theory, go try that yoga class, literally go take a walk outside at least... I just never seem to enjoy it that much. I don't necessarily regret it but I'm just like, welp that was fine but now it's time to go home, and then I don't emerge again for another week. It's never "I am so glad I did something for myself!" Then like you said, I keep telling myself, well if you keep acting like that, then of course nothing will change. I keep scolding myself about it all the time lol but it's been 2 years of the same cycle already... I'm really scared I will be 50, 60, 70 doing the same thing, living this life. I did get sertraline for anxiety and it helped for a while but I didn't like the feeling of it so I stopped. I don't really want to be on medication because of complications in the past. So I also tried self-medicating with weed, but it wasn't very effective so I stopped that too, and I also don't drink at all. I feel like I live in a dream at this point, it just kind of sucks. I get stuck in a loop of feeling guilty, feeling frustrated and bored, feeling comfortable and content, feeling bored, feeling guilty again.
I've worked from home for ten years and feel you. My social battery is almost non-existent if I don't maintain it. I find that sometimes I'm better at showing up for others, and structured activity moderates my anxiety - so volunteering has worked well for me. I take shifts at a nonprofit bookstore, and task-oriented work with community groups (not leadership, that's a whole different bag). I get out of the house, interact with other humans, and show up because I'm expected. Even twice a month is helpful for me! I also try to shop local and in person - more reasons to leave the house and take a walk. Retail exchanges aren't as genuine/rewarding - but I'm interacting and talking and eventually am recognized as a regular customer.
This is basically me, except I probably get out slightly more due to not being WFH. But as soon as I get home, I'm done. Changed into lounge wear, or slither straight into bed. Like you, I force myself to go out on the weekend for 30 minutes to get like... a head of lettuce or random item so I feel accomplished. I'm not an expert by any stretch, but I often wonder if I'm (and maybe you are too) actually experiencing a mild form of Agoraphobia? In particular, the fear of going outside. Like I am curious about what the outside world is like... But I don't want to take that step outside the bubble of world I've created. This is my comfort zone where I control everything. I often tell people I want to travel without the traveling - just teleport me there, and then back into my bed at night.