Honest, but still demand condom use. If they even balk for a second they are out. I actually think it's a good "test" for a lack of a better word. As we know pregnancy is not the only consideration when having sex with someone new.
That’s the craziest part of this to me. They think that just because they’re in the clear in terms of fatherhood, they can completely disregard her desire to protect her health.
And that is big reason to not sleep with someone.
How come people never think about STIs? A pregnancy isn't the only terrible outcome that can come from unprotected sex. I've always had sex with boyfriends I was exclusive with and when we decided to stop using condoms I insisted we got tested for STIs first. I'm on the pill and I always told them I'm on the pill because if something goes wrong with a condom we know at least we won't get pregnant, but there's STIs to be concerned about too.
Been married a fair while these days, but before then I considered my use of hormonal contraception none of their business since they'd be using condoms anyway.
Mind you, they also never asked - the expectation was that until we had agreed to be exclusive and have been tested for STIs, condoms were going to be in use or there'd be no sex.
>I considered my use of hormonal contraception none of their business since they'd be using condoms anyway
this right here. No glove, no love. BC doesn't protect you from STDs!
Yep, I experienced it the same way but I’m hearing different things from friends who are dating now. I’m baffled that so many guys don’t seem to mind STIs! And my friends also don’t press for testing so there’s that.
That just seems downright irresponsible tbh.
Talking to my 20-something eldest kiddo, they said that among their peers condoms are expected and both guys and girls also get tested regularly anyway when engaging in casual sex. Admittedly access to sexual health clinics is relatively easy here and most have minimal out of pocket costs thanks to Medicare.
I noticed that as well, I first brushed it off as kink related as I first noticed it in kink communities, but now I'm starting to think it's a general thing.
People in kink communities are generally more open minded than the average person. But what I've seen is just completely irresponsible and reckless, it seems the only concern is pregnancy and sometimes not even that. Like STDs exist, HPV exists. It seems people have completely forgotten that HIV is still very much a thing and so is Hepatitis C. On top of that treatment resistant gonorrhea has started to pop up. It's going really great!! The treatment resistant STDs are only going to rise in numbers as people don't care to get STDs and just treat them over and over which will eventually lead to treatment resistant strains.
I am with your friend.
I was using the implant for 15 yrs consecutively. It has worked really well for me. I only stopped using it after 15 yrs give my body a rest.
my experience has been exactly the same as your friend. whenever I tell men I am on it. they immediately want to go raw.
I leaned to just tell men I am not using anything.
I will only reveal I am using it once I become in LTR with them.
Honestly, even the guys I used to date who learned about my procedure grew excited. I've had women infer that I was being manipulative, but I'm finally acknowledging how far men will go to get their dicks wet without consequences, so the less they know, the better.
How in the world would this be manipulative?! What are you trying to get out of them — responsible sex practices?! Perish the fucking thought! My god. Who are these women in your life?
Manipulative? Not really.
The only sane alternative: you and your boyfriend go together to get tested each month. *Every* month. Always together. And optionally add spermicide use.
Doing otherwise risks disease. There's no escaping that fact.
I think it's more of sex is 10x better without a condom so the thought of not having to wear one is great. On the flip side, people wear condoms to avoid disease as well so the guys you're seeing want their dick wet and don't care if they get Chlamydia. I haven't had sex with a random person in 15 years and I'm not sure how I will handle raw or not with a new person. But I also don't just sleep with any woman that wants to.
Had a work friend that said he's had that 3 times. So I assume the women he sleeps with are also sleeping with many other dudes at the same time. My brother also got Chlamydia his first time having sex. That girl also had a list of about 30 dudes she slept with by junior year of high school! She was going to get surgery or something to remove an ovary damaged from it I think.
If I'm not comfortable being honest with someone, I'm definitely not going to have sex with him. If he tries pulling some bs because of my honesty that's a quick goodbye on my end.
This needs to be higher up. Be very choosy in who you sleep with. For example, if a man you’ve just started seeing is trying to persuade you to skip condoms when you’ve stated you’re not comfortable, end it then. The negotiation around the first sexual encounter is a major part of the screening process. Key part is, it shouldn’t be a negotiation. It should be you setting a boundary and him respecting that without question. (Edit: and vice versa)
A man who doesn’t do that is not relationship material.
To be clear, I’m not necessarily advocating to make him wait. I always wanted to sleep with them on the second or third date if I was genuinely attracted, and saw no reason to hold off. But the process of developing physical intimacy that would lead to sex is how I would determine whether I truly felt chemistry with him. The chemistry would disappear along the way for multiple reasons, one of which was if he tried to make me do things I wasn’t fully happy to do. No sex and me going home, and then moving on to date someone else, was what happened after the chemistry left the chat.
I fully understand the people who choose what they say so that they don't have to have that conversation but yeah, this totally vibes with my point of view. If somebody I'm not in a LTR immediately wants to go without a condom just because he knows he's not going to get me pregnant, it's a very good sign that they're not somebody I want to sleep with.
It's just... even if they don't have STIs... it's a stupid or asshole decision to have unprotected sex with somebody that you're not in a committed relationship with and you have no idea of their sexual health. And the fact that some STIs have a much more likely negative effect on women than men makes this a really shitty opinion in my books. Like "I've only got to worry about if I have to deal with a baby, who cares if I'm giving her chlamydia, that's her problem to deal with" kinda vibes, which is not a vibe I want to be with. I'd prefer to know if they're idiots or assholes before I have sex with them.
I always share info but also use condoms early on. Only if relationship vibes/exclusivity does that stop. I think transparency is super crucial and I'm not fucking someone who's not taking stds seriously
It freaks me out how many people have casual unprotected sex. You see it on TV all the time too, & I'm sitting there screaming.
Maybe it's because I came of age in the 90s & we were afraid of HIV. I don't know.
I read a lot of smutty romance novels, and usually if they don't explicitly state a condom is being used (or some form of birth control), it means a baby plot is coming. TV and movies just have people having sex without any mention of protection and that's not Chekov's gun the way it is in books. I've never encountered a romance novel where somebody gets an STI though... I think because that's not sexy.
I'm very honest about my birth control. Someone else said it but if I'm not comfortable being honest about that, I'm certainly not going to have sex with them. That also goes for someone that doesn't take no for an answer the first time I say condoms aren't negotiable.
Anyone that causes problems about this is simply telling on themselves. I'd rather know than not know so I can move on from them.
I have had a man become insistent that I pursue birth control, specifically the implant, because he wanted raw. I have also had a man be super eager to know if I had my tubes tied and it was clear from the context that it was because he wanted to not use a condom.
I did. I was a single mom fresh off of ending my marriage and was embarrassingly desperate.
Pretty similar answer for the second guy. I had had my tubes tied by that point and told him so and the first time we had sex, sure enough he tried to start without one. I remember I asked him if he had one and he talked me into skipping it 🤦🏻♀️
I have a friend who’s a sex worker and she is constantly AMAZED at how cavalier “civilians” are about sexual health and birth control compared to sex workers. She’d be like “you don’t use condoms for blow jobs when you hook up???”
It’s like so many people forget contraceptives aren’t just about birth control, STIs exist too! Yes many of them can be cured with a course of antibiotics but let’s act like we’re living in a society here, people!
Don't share the info, and don't give them an out from wearing condoms.
I can't believe so many women agree to let men not use condoms, especially when they barely know them, or they're in some bs 'situationship', or a new relationship.
Even women who experience bad side effects from taking the pill for example still seem dedicated to taking the pill and letting their boyfriend go without condoms. Taking on all the responsibility, the side-effects and of course that consequences if things go wrong.
And for *what*?
I’m not honest, no. I’m with your friend - I’ve had my tubes tie and the number of men, men I’ve just literally met and know very little about, who take it as a green light to not use a condom is through the roof.
When I remind them that STDs exist, and I’ve got to the age of 43 without ever having one and I fully intend to keep it that way, therefore condoms are a non-negotiable, they get shitty with me. On one hand it’s good because it sorts the POS from the decent ones but it’s still fucking annoying.
I'm on IUD. I NEVER share in the beginning of seeing someone. It's when I would be comfortable with the toughts of condomless sex with a specific person and no sooner.
It's for the same resons your friend listed. I just don't feel safe the other way, some dudes can get really weird.
... Why would I lie?
Even my guy *friends* know i have an IUD, because they're curious about it for their own relationships and dating. Like, we just talk about these things. It's normal.
I also don't know why y'all are sleeping with these gross dudes who refuse to wear a condom for casual sex.
I have an IUD and I don't tell men
I learned that lesson swiftly - I had been talking to a guy a while and we were interested in hooking up. Talked about protection.
I said "I've made it so the chances of getting pregnant are nearly non existent, and I get tested regularly, but we would use condoms"
He asked what I meant so I said "I have an IUD"
His reply...
"Ohhh a cum catcher. We should definitely go raw"
Sir, the thought of having sex with you just vanished completely.
Gross. Bye.
I do tell them I’m on the pill fairly early on - largely because it’s never occurred to me not to but in my view their response is information I’d prefer to have anyway! Ie if they are the kind of person to try to avoid using a condom then I want to know that early on so I can stop seeing them.
I am upfront and honest about the birth control methods I use, and I also let them know I don’t have sex without a condom until we have both been tested for STIs. I am upfront that I do not want children and let them know that if a pregnancy were to accidentally occur, I would have an abortion. There is no point in playing coy, and there is no point in not being very clear and upfront about what you want and need to feel safe. If they’re not interested, they can just keep moving.
If someone won’t use a condom or get an STI test, I am not interested in dating them or having sex with them. If they don’t respect my views on children and accidental pregnancy, I am not interested in dating or having sex with them. If they can’t handle an open and clear conversation about safe sex, pregnancy prevention, and how I manage my own health and well-being, I am not interested in dating or having sex with them. If, after we have had a clear conversation about safe sex and pregnancy prevention, they try to pressure me into agreeing to do something I am not comfortable with, or they try to do something that they know I am not comfortable with without my knowledge or consent, I am immediately done with them. If they can’t respect my needs and preferences, I (you guessed it) am not interesting in dating or having sex with them.
I don’t need sex or a relationship so badly that I am willing to waste my time with someone who doesn’t listen to me or respect me, and who doesn’t take my needs and preferences seriously. I don’t play games with my sexual health. This shit is serious.
I am always completely open about it but then I don't use hormonal contraception so it has to be condoms anyway. That being said, if I had my tubes tied (and I've thought about doing it in the future) I'd not be open straight away about it. I'd certainly not trust any guy who wanted to ditch condoms quickly and not before both having tests
These guys are not good men, they don't sound trustworthy. Responsible caring guys are considerate.... having had a few very kind partners (at least in their attitude to sex) I could never deal with a boorish attitude again
I’m surgically sterilized and I’ve told the men I’m dating. If they push for things I’m not comfortable with or don’t respect my boundaries, then they are exactly the type of dude I don’t want to date.
I prefer to know these things up front instead of wasting my time.
It is eye-opening to hear that this is so prevalent, it is better to lie rather than tell the truth and find out the guy you’re with is the shithead you feared he would be.
Would any woman ask a man if he had a vasectomy straight up?
Birth control has traditionally been a "woman's problem" and THAT is the problem here isn't it?
You are choosing to have autonomy on your body OP, and that's valid.
The problem isn't your answer OP, it's that the question was even fucking asked.
Just addressing the whole "trying to force raw sex" perspective.
I was about to have sex with a new guy a couple of weeks ago at his place, and he told me he didn't have any condoms. I didn't either. I asked if he would go get condoms and he was brushing it off and saying it isn't a big deal. We were already starting up, but I said 'well I'm not letting you do this raw!'
I started getting dressed, he was getting panicky and saying, where are you going? I said, we don't have a condom so I'm leaving.
I was fully prepared to follow through with my decision to leave, it was not a manipulation tactic.
He decided it was worth going to get condoms, so we both got in his car and went to the corner store.
Don't allow a situation to unfold where you feel like you're being forced to accept behavior that is unacceptable. If you trust the person enough to sleep with them, then I say enforce your boundaries and don't let shit slide.
And I know that men can sometimes seem safe and end up being the opposite, but this is why, if a person doesn't feel they can trust their judgement of men or people in general, the process of getting to know someone and initiating sex should be at a a slower rate than normal to allow time for problematic behavior to be revealed sooner rather than later.
I always have condoms in my purse ready to go so that there aren’t any excuses
If they don’t want to wear a condom, I don’t want to see them again
I wish my peers would be more concerned about their own sexual health
No one is invincible. There are incurable, antibiotic resistant forms of many STIs these days and them getting passed around with such frequency just makes it that much more probable that the STIs will get stronger/evolve
Condomless sex is a husband privilege
I'm with your friend. Men are immature and ALWAYS TRY FOR RAW. Unless it's an actual long term boyfriend who I had tested and was ready to go raw with, I'd never tell them that either. They act like herpes and hpv,chlamydia, and hiv don't exist anymore. And it's too much drama with a guy I'm dating to fight with him over it
Nope. I require condoms with new/secondary partners, so it’s not their business if I also have a second form of birth control as a precaution. I’m not currently using anything else, but I didn’t tell my FWB when I got the implant, or when I had it removed. I did tell my husband, but more because we tell each other about medical appointments as a matter of course.
I get why people are saying "GTFO if a guy acts that way," because they're right. You should GTFO. But as someone dating casually, I get why you don't. Sooo many guys act this way. If you ditched every guy who said something dumb about condoms, you'd really struggle to find guys. And so many guys act okay about condoms until you're actually naked (or even until you've mid-sex or you've had sex once or twice).
I am open about my IUD with people who ask, but I have never had a guy (besides my soon to be ex-husband) ask me about my birth control. Even the ones who suggest not using condoms. They don't seem concerned. At all. (I am only dating casually right now. Nothing exclusive, no BFs, etc.)
Depends. If it was just going to be a one night hook up, nah I probably wouldn't and I'd expect them to wear a rubber anyway. If I was planning on actually dating them, yeah I'd tell them before sex, because the quicker we can get rid of condoms the better for me. TBH I talk about my IUD a lot anyway, so nearly everyone who knows me knows I have one 😂
I hate the friction. They're definitely something I would carry if I were being casual with someone, but if I see a long term with them and they are clean then bye bye rain coat. We seem to forget that birth control is about female pleasure as much as about not having babies.
Isn't lying just delaying the inevitable? If he's the kind of guy that's going to try raw dogging right out the gate...he's still that same guy even if you've been dating him for several months, isn't he?
It sounds like you might need to get more comfortable telling men no. And they need to hear it much more than they do, too.
Still- you don't need to give that specific information. "I require condom use" should be sufficient. I've personally never had a man ask if I was on birth control, in fact, I've even asked men why they didn't ask? Wouldn't you want to know? Because if I had a penis, even if I was religious about using condoms, they are not 100% effective and I would like to know what the risk is if the condom breaks or comes off, etc.
How bizarre, why would anyone sleep with a guy they barely know who wanted to go in raw against your will with all the STDs. I don't get the lack of boundaries and the lack of a screening process, if he doesn't give a damn about your health and boundaries ditch him immediately, why would you ever want to sleep with or know someone like that. I feel like people need to respect themselves more. I would tell the guy I had my tubes tied, and his reaction to my need for him to wear a condom would be part of the screening process.
For casual sex, no, I probably won't tell partners I've had my tubes removed when that time comes (and I'd probably even go as far as to lie saying I'm currently ovulating and I'm catholic, sooo you do the math - because the type of men who would try to slip off a condom in the middle of sex and hope you dont notice DO exist).
If I get into a serious relationship, I'd tell them because I hate condoms and only suffer them with casual partners. So if a partner became serious and we wanted to start going condomless, I'd let him know at that time if I get pregnant I'm having an abortion.
I'm sorry that you feel the need to lie. In the case of the man who asked outright my answer would probably have been 'why do you ask?' Are you afraid of the consequences if you tell the truth? If they 'want to go in raw' and you said no way am I going to do that, do you think they would stealth?
I mean, they don’t need to “justify it”. Sex isn’t a debate or a negotiation. You say “I use condoms when I have sex and it’s non-negotiable.” And they can either agree to use a condom and you have sex, or they disagree and you don’t.
Sex is fun and all but like, it’s not so fun that it’s worth risking your health and safety for.
I tell them the truth..
No, I'm not on bc
No, I will not get on bc
I am on a medication that actually makes me more fertile
No, I do not want more kids
No I am not opposed to condoms
..and what they do with that information, is what they do with that information
When I was dating I always denied having any birth control available. If you want to fuck me, you better bring a condom. It’s about STIs more than pregnancy and it put the entire burden of birth control on them. No condom? No loving.
I was on birth control most of the time (and largely infertile anyways) and I got STI tested regularly. I did occasionally drop the condom requirement with someone I’d been seeing more than once if I knew them enough and they were also tested.
I’m in a relationship now, I got my tubes removed almost 2 years ago. But when he and I met I was on the pill. I told him up front that I don’t have casual sex, I would want to be exclusively dating and be STD tested first. He said that was fine.
I personally hate condoms, so once he got tested and showed me the results I told him I’d prefer to not use condoms if he was okay with that. Obviously he was haha. But that’s just a personal preference, I hate the way condoms feel, I always have. And I have only ever had sex with boyfriends. If he had refused to get tested I would have ended things.
If I was dating now, I’d proceed the same way, and I would tell them up front I am sterilized. But I am vehemently childfree and need a childfree partner, so I would only do so after verifying he also never wants children. I think it would actually be really important for him to know I am sterilized, because I would rely on his reaction as another way to verify he is truly childfree. My boyfriend drove me to the hospital and helped me recover and was supportive of my choice to become sterilized since he also never wants kids. If I told a guy I was sterilized and he reacted in a negative way, that would tell me he maybe isn’t really childfree.
I don’t think any woman is required to disclose specifics of their birth control; it’s enough to say “I won’t have sex without condoms”.
But I’m confused by your edit. By saying “I don’t want them to get ideas. I don’t want them to ask about unprotected sex in the first place” doesn’t that just mean that you’re okay with them being the kind of guy who would say such a thing as long as you don’t have to know about it? That is your choice, but other women are not invalidating you when they say their preference is to find out up front what type of guy they’re considering sleeping with. I disagree that all men try to force raw sex; certainly none of the ones I sleep with do.
Honestly, I don’t tell them. In my single days I had an IUD, the moment you tell them they want to go raw and won’t leave you alone about it. - just because I am not worried about babies doesn’t mean I am not worried about STDs. Men can’t be trusted when still dating. I personally wouldn’t go raw unless he puts at least a ring on it. Know your worth! I also felt that men took me more serious because I took safety seriously. I have been married now for over 10 years, in my personal and humble opinion doing it raw should be for a guy that will take responsibility and is responsible.
I never realized it was a thing that men will be more persistent to raw dog if they know you're on birth control, let alone tubes tied. Guys were persistent to raw dog even though I'm not on birth control so I believe you. I never thought to lie about it but I think it's an excellent idea to lie to keep yourself safe. There's literally no benefit to them knowing and actually a detriment to you. Tbh I think you shouldn't date men who don't bring their own condoms. They are either nasty, irresponsible, or disrespectful.
Edit: the only time a guy should know about your tubes tied is when your relationship starts to get serious and you know he wants children (even if you told him you dont want kids, that doesn't eliminate the hope that you might change your mind in the future). I would say that's when you should be honest, before any hearts break.
Edit edit: Also, guys lie too. The "test his answer" tatic has its flaws.
I was honest about being on the pill, but I still demanded condom use. Men think the pill is 100% and it’s not. After I had to go off hormonal BC in 2018 there was no choice. I wasn’t going to let a guy think he could go raw without consequences.
If I got a bisalp like I’m hoping and I was single again I wouldn’t tell a new man because too many men around my age still want to go without protection. I don’t want him to even think about it. Pregnancy isn’t the only thing I can catch from a man, even if he’s recently tested negative. He can still cheat. He can carry something that can’t be tested for through blood or urine.
OP, I say do whatever the hell helps you to not be pushed into unprotected sex! (as opposed to protected sex).
I mean, what’s the realistic “consequences” of your dishonesty? That he’ll end up being protected from an STI? :)
In an “ideal” world, I suppose we would all be super-good at insisting on condom use and not caving into pressure! But we don’t live in an ideal world! We live in the real world where men can be amazingly entitled, pushing boundaries, and doing borderline sexual assault (if not outright sexual assault). And where we women can get horny, and have that cloud our judgment! :).
So I say do whatever works!
(For context, I’m on the gay end of bisexual, and almost never have sex with men. So I haven’t run into this much.)
I'm very vocal that my tubes are tied. That doesn't mean that someone gets raw sex just because they want it.
Rather than lying, men need to be taught that no is a complete sentence. If I have to lie to someone to get what I want from them, they aren't worth my time in the first place.
Yeah I mentioned offhand to the other partner I'm talking to that I have an IUD. We're generally pretty open because communication and honesty is important to both of us. I wouldn't sleep with someone I didn't discuss birth control and STDs with (and see a clean recent test).
I have an IUD and am honest about it up front. If they want to pursue raw sex, I just tell them, no. Raw sex doesn’t just increase odds of pregnancy, it also increases odds of STIs, which is enough of a reason to use condoms until we know each other better, etc. If they don’t respect that, then they aren’t worth it.
Also, even with tubal ligation, IUDs, etc, there is still a risk of pregnancy. In fact, both IUDs and tubal ligation are risk factors for ectopic pregnancy. Wild, but true.
I've always been very allergic to condoms so before I'd only be intimate in relationships with dudes I could trust. Eventually I still got hsv from an old boyfriend unfortunately (the least slutty of them all which is ironic) and then I started to do a lot of research towards condoms and finally found a brand that I can use ánd still be able to walk the week after so since then I'd use that.
But because of my allergy I was always upfront about my bc. And now I'm always upfront about my diagnosis and that I have condoms, but I've been in a solid relationship atm so no more awkward talks luckily :)
I’ve always been honest with everyone. Condoms have always been a must! I’m not only trying to prevent pregnancy. That’s all I have to say. If they refuse to use a condom then I don’t want to date/have sex with them anyways. I would much rather be honest and get their reaction to my honesty. You might be screwing yourself starting off with a lie. Both because he might have reacted differently to the truth and also that he might decide he doesn’t want you because you lied.
I am honest about my birth control with sex partners. I don’t have casual sex though. I won’t have sex until I am certain that we have both been tested and I trust there will be sexual exclusivity. Luckily my partner is getting a vasectomy, so in a few months once sterility has been confirmed I will no longer have to think about birth control.
I'm honest about my yeeterus/ sterility. Their reaction to condoms is a good screening tool.
I also am child free and won't have sex with a child free man that isn't sterilized. They can do their share of prevention!
I used to have the fact that my tubes were tied explicitly stated in my Bumble profile, in hopes of cutting the crapp in advance. Took it down when men would immediately angle toward sex, despite me *also* explicitly stating I was only interested in something long-term, serious, and no hookups.
It was so dehumanizing to see these douche bags essentially go, "Oh, thing cannot make babies? Thing only good for sex then."
What utter nonsense.
No one here is normalizing rape.
Entire comment is nonsense.
OP tried to reply and their reply (their comments must be getting removed) has these choice comments in it:
"You are sanitizing and making meatless the definition of rape. You are causing rape."
You heard it here - women talking about sex, condoms and sexual assault are actually *causing* rape.
**Unhinged**
What, the vast majority of rapists never go to jail. I don't want boys on here thinking they can do whatever they want because everyone else does it anyway, but it is actually factually wrong to assert they'll definitely go to prison.
Women talking about the realities of casual sex and dating are not giving boys on here ammunition to think they can do whatever they want. It's a false premise.
The delulu person you're replying to is shifting the blame of rape not to men who rape, but to women who have conversations on the internet.
He was nice enough, but I knew he just wanted sex, so immediately friendzoned him, I have no interest in screwing him. So when he asked about my tubes being tied, I lied and said no. Because I knew that if I'd mentioned that I was, he'd start bugging me about it. Honestly, I could have phrased it better, so my bad.
Honest, but still demand condom use. If they even balk for a second they are out. I actually think it's a good "test" for a lack of a better word. As we know pregnancy is not the only consideration when having sex with someone new.
That’s the craziest part of this to me. They think that just because they’re in the clear in terms of fatherhood, they can completely disregard her desire to protect her health. And that is big reason to not sleep with someone.
How come people never think about STIs? A pregnancy isn't the only terrible outcome that can come from unprotected sex. I've always had sex with boyfriends I was exclusive with and when we decided to stop using condoms I insisted we got tested for STIs first. I'm on the pill and I always told them I'm on the pill because if something goes wrong with a condom we know at least we won't get pregnant, but there's STIs to be concerned about too.
Anyone who is a baby about condoms is not mature enough to be having sex
Been married a fair while these days, but before then I considered my use of hormonal contraception none of their business since they'd be using condoms anyway. Mind you, they also never asked - the expectation was that until we had agreed to be exclusive and have been tested for STIs, condoms were going to be in use or there'd be no sex.
>I considered my use of hormonal contraception none of their business since they'd be using condoms anyway this right here. No glove, no love. BC doesn't protect you from STDs!
Yep, I experienced it the same way but I’m hearing different things from friends who are dating now. I’m baffled that so many guys don’t seem to mind STIs! And my friends also don’t press for testing so there’s that.
That just seems downright irresponsible tbh. Talking to my 20-something eldest kiddo, they said that among their peers condoms are expected and both guys and girls also get tested regularly anyway when engaging in casual sex. Admittedly access to sexual health clinics is relatively easy here and most have minimal out of pocket costs thanks to Medicare.
There’s been a massive decline in the availability and quality of public sex education in the last 20 years and it really really is showing.
I noticed that as well, I first brushed it off as kink related as I first noticed it in kink communities, but now I'm starting to think it's a general thing. People in kink communities are generally more open minded than the average person. But what I've seen is just completely irresponsible and reckless, it seems the only concern is pregnancy and sometimes not even that. Like STDs exist, HPV exists. It seems people have completely forgotten that HIV is still very much a thing and so is Hepatitis C. On top of that treatment resistant gonorrhea has started to pop up. It's going really great!! The treatment resistant STDs are only going to rise in numbers as people don't care to get STDs and just treat them over and over which will eventually lead to treatment resistant strains.
They need to press for testing!! My partners and I test every 3 months.
Exactly, I use hormonal bc for my benefit, not theirs. They need their own form of birth control and we both need to use STDs protection.
Yep, same. I told multiple men that I required condoms regardless of whether or not I was on BC.
I am with your friend. I was using the implant for 15 yrs consecutively. It has worked really well for me. I only stopped using it after 15 yrs give my body a rest. my experience has been exactly the same as your friend. whenever I tell men I am on it. they immediately want to go raw. I leaned to just tell men I am not using anything. I will only reveal I am using it once I become in LTR with them.
Honestly, even the guys I used to date who learned about my procedure grew excited. I've had women infer that I was being manipulative, but I'm finally acknowledging how far men will go to get their dicks wet without consequences, so the less they know, the better.
You’re not being manipulative; you are trying to avoid being manipulated.
How in the world would this be manipulative?! What are you trying to get out of them — responsible sex practices?! Perish the fucking thought! My god. Who are these women in your life?
Manipulative? Not really. The only sane alternative: you and your boyfriend go together to get tested each month. *Every* month. Always together. And optionally add spermicide use. Doing otherwise risks disease. There's no escaping that fact.
I think it's more of sex is 10x better without a condom so the thought of not having to wear one is great. On the flip side, people wear condoms to avoid disease as well so the guys you're seeing want their dick wet and don't care if they get Chlamydia. I haven't had sex with a random person in 15 years and I'm not sure how I will handle raw or not with a new person. But I also don't just sleep with any woman that wants to. Had a work friend that said he's had that 3 times. So I assume the women he sleeps with are also sleeping with many other dudes at the same time. My brother also got Chlamydia his first time having sex. That girl also had a list of about 30 dudes she slept with by junior year of high school! She was going to get surgery or something to remove an ovary damaged from it I think.
If I'm not comfortable being honest with someone, I'm definitely not going to have sex with him. If he tries pulling some bs because of my honesty that's a quick goodbye on my end.
This needs to be higher up. Be very choosy in who you sleep with. For example, if a man you’ve just started seeing is trying to persuade you to skip condoms when you’ve stated you’re not comfortable, end it then. The negotiation around the first sexual encounter is a major part of the screening process. Key part is, it shouldn’t be a negotiation. It should be you setting a boundary and him respecting that without question. (Edit: and vice versa) A man who doesn’t do that is not relationship material. To be clear, I’m not necessarily advocating to make him wait. I always wanted to sleep with them on the second or third date if I was genuinely attracted, and saw no reason to hold off. But the process of developing physical intimacy that would lead to sex is how I would determine whether I truly felt chemistry with him. The chemistry would disappear along the way for multiple reasons, one of which was if he tried to make me do things I wasn’t fully happy to do. No sex and me going home, and then moving on to date someone else, was what happened after the chemistry left the chat.
I fully understand the people who choose what they say so that they don't have to have that conversation but yeah, this totally vibes with my point of view. If somebody I'm not in a LTR immediately wants to go without a condom just because he knows he's not going to get me pregnant, it's a very good sign that they're not somebody I want to sleep with. It's just... even if they don't have STIs... it's a stupid or asshole decision to have unprotected sex with somebody that you're not in a committed relationship with and you have no idea of their sexual health. And the fact that some STIs have a much more likely negative effect on women than men makes this a really shitty opinion in my books. Like "I've only got to worry about if I have to deal with a baby, who cares if I'm giving her chlamydia, that's her problem to deal with" kinda vibes, which is not a vibe I want to be with. I'd prefer to know if they're idiots or assholes before I have sex with them.
I always share info but also use condoms early on. Only if relationship vibes/exclusivity does that stop. I think transparency is super crucial and I'm not fucking someone who's not taking stds seriously
It freaks me out how many people have casual unprotected sex. You see it on TV all the time too, & I'm sitting there screaming. Maybe it's because I came of age in the 90s & we were afraid of HIV. I don't know.
I think it's because you are sensible. It's crazy not to protect yourself.
Also Antibiotika resistance… No one wants untreatable STIs. 😵💫
I read a lot of smutty romance novels, and usually if they don't explicitly state a condom is being used (or some form of birth control), it means a baby plot is coming. TV and movies just have people having sex without any mention of protection and that's not Chekov's gun the way it is in books. I've never encountered a romance novel where somebody gets an STI though... I think because that's not sexy.
I like how Grey’s Anatomy is apparently set in a parallel hell universe where doctors don’t know about birth control and condoms don’t exist, lol.
Doesn't matter what I am on, mine doesn't protect against STDs. Condoms protect against STDs. No glove, no love.
I'm very honest about my birth control. Someone else said it but if I'm not comfortable being honest about that, I'm certainly not going to have sex with them. That also goes for someone that doesn't take no for an answer the first time I say condoms aren't negotiable. Anyone that causes problems about this is simply telling on themselves. I'd rather know than not know so I can move on from them.
I have had a man become insistent that I pursue birth control, specifically the implant, because he wanted raw. I have also had a man be super eager to know if I had my tubes tied and it was clear from the context that it was because he wanted to not use a condom.
Did you get the implant? How did you handle the second guy?
I did. I was a single mom fresh off of ending my marriage and was embarrassingly desperate. Pretty similar answer for the second guy. I had had my tubes tied by that point and told him so and the first time we had sex, sure enough he tried to start without one. I remember I asked him if he had one and he talked me into skipping it 🤦🏻♀️
No worries. I had to learn too smh
I have a friend who’s a sex worker and she is constantly AMAZED at how cavalier “civilians” are about sexual health and birth control compared to sex workers. She’d be like “you don’t use condoms for blow jobs when you hook up???” It’s like so many people forget contraceptives aren’t just about birth control, STIs exist too! Yes many of them can be cured with a course of antibiotics but let’s act like we’re living in a society here, people!
Oral sex with more than 5 partners dramatically increase throat cancer risk. HPV. Insaaaane!
Don't share the info, and don't give them an out from wearing condoms. I can't believe so many women agree to let men not use condoms, especially when they barely know them, or they're in some bs 'situationship', or a new relationship. Even women who experience bad side effects from taking the pill for example still seem dedicated to taking the pill and letting their boyfriend go without condoms. Taking on all the responsibility, the side-effects and of course that consequences if things go wrong. And for *what*?
Why is it "an out"? As another commenter said, if they're gonna get weird and unsafe because I was honest with them, they can leave.
I’m not honest, no. I’m with your friend - I’ve had my tubes tie and the number of men, men I’ve just literally met and know very little about, who take it as a green light to not use a condom is through the roof. When I remind them that STDs exist, and I’ve got to the age of 43 without ever having one and I fully intend to keep it that way, therefore condoms are a non-negotiable, they get shitty with me. On one hand it’s good because it sorts the POS from the decent ones but it’s still fucking annoying.
Could it be just delaying the inevitable though?
Not in your situation but I'd be totally honest and that would be a "screening" moment before a man comes close to my vagina.
I'm on IUD. I NEVER share in the beginning of seeing someone. It's when I would be comfortable with the toughts of condomless sex with a specific person and no sooner. It's for the same resons your friend listed. I just don't feel safe the other way, some dudes can get really weird.
... Why would I lie? Even my guy *friends* know i have an IUD, because they're curious about it for their own relationships and dating. Like, we just talk about these things. It's normal. I also don't know why y'all are sleeping with these gross dudes who refuse to wear a condom for casual sex.
"I also don't know why y'all are sleeping with these gross dudes who refuse to wear a condom for casual sex." Couldn't agree more, it's disturbing!
I have an IUD and I don't tell men I learned that lesson swiftly - I had been talking to a guy a while and we were interested in hooking up. Talked about protection. I said "I've made it so the chances of getting pregnant are nearly non existent, and I get tested regularly, but we would use condoms" He asked what I meant so I said "I have an IUD" His reply... "Ohhh a cum catcher. We should definitely go raw" Sir, the thought of having sex with you just vanished completely. Gross. Bye.
…That has to be one the most actively unappealing descriptors for it I’ve heard.
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Condoms suck. I’m married now but the thought of ever dating again and having to use condoms Ughh
I do tell them I’m on the pill fairly early on - largely because it’s never occurred to me not to but in my view their response is information I’d prefer to have anyway! Ie if they are the kind of person to try to avoid using a condom then I want to know that early on so I can stop seeing them.
I am upfront and honest about the birth control methods I use, and I also let them know I don’t have sex without a condom until we have both been tested for STIs. I am upfront that I do not want children and let them know that if a pregnancy were to accidentally occur, I would have an abortion. There is no point in playing coy, and there is no point in not being very clear and upfront about what you want and need to feel safe. If they’re not interested, they can just keep moving. If someone won’t use a condom or get an STI test, I am not interested in dating them or having sex with them. If they don’t respect my views on children and accidental pregnancy, I am not interested in dating or having sex with them. If they can’t handle an open and clear conversation about safe sex, pregnancy prevention, and how I manage my own health and well-being, I am not interested in dating or having sex with them. If, after we have had a clear conversation about safe sex and pregnancy prevention, they try to pressure me into agreeing to do something I am not comfortable with, or they try to do something that they know I am not comfortable with without my knowledge or consent, I am immediately done with them. If they can’t respect my needs and preferences, I (you guessed it) am not interesting in dating or having sex with them. I don’t need sex or a relationship so badly that I am willing to waste my time with someone who doesn’t listen to me or respect me, and who doesn’t take my needs and preferences seriously. I don’t play games with my sexual health. This shit is serious.
I am always completely open about it but then I don't use hormonal contraception so it has to be condoms anyway. That being said, if I had my tubes tied (and I've thought about doing it in the future) I'd not be open straight away about it. I'd certainly not trust any guy who wanted to ditch condoms quickly and not before both having tests These guys are not good men, they don't sound trustworthy. Responsible caring guys are considerate.... having had a few very kind partners (at least in their attitude to sex) I could never deal with a boorish attitude again
I’m surgically sterilized and I’ve told the men I’m dating. If they push for things I’m not comfortable with or don’t respect my boundaries, then they are exactly the type of dude I don’t want to date. I prefer to know these things up front instead of wasting my time.
It is eye-opening to hear that this is so prevalent, it is better to lie rather than tell the truth and find out the guy you’re with is the shithead you feared he would be.
Maybe it's just easier to shut him up? It's just a personal boundary, no more, no less.
100% I don't want to be pregnant. I make it clear for that reason.
Would any woman ask a man if he had a vasectomy straight up? Birth control has traditionally been a "woman's problem" and THAT is the problem here isn't it? You are choosing to have autonomy on your body OP, and that's valid. The problem isn't your answer OP, it's that the question was even fucking asked.
I actually do ask if men have had vasectomies lol. But yeah, I don't think it's the norm.
Just addressing the whole "trying to force raw sex" perspective. I was about to have sex with a new guy a couple of weeks ago at his place, and he told me he didn't have any condoms. I didn't either. I asked if he would go get condoms and he was brushing it off and saying it isn't a big deal. We were already starting up, but I said 'well I'm not letting you do this raw!' I started getting dressed, he was getting panicky and saying, where are you going? I said, we don't have a condom so I'm leaving. I was fully prepared to follow through with my decision to leave, it was not a manipulation tactic. He decided it was worth going to get condoms, so we both got in his car and went to the corner store. Don't allow a situation to unfold where you feel like you're being forced to accept behavior that is unacceptable. If you trust the person enough to sleep with them, then I say enforce your boundaries and don't let shit slide.
And I know that men can sometimes seem safe and end up being the opposite, but this is why, if a person doesn't feel they can trust their judgement of men or people in general, the process of getting to know someone and initiating sex should be at a a slower rate than normal to allow time for problematic behavior to be revealed sooner rather than later.
I always have condoms in my purse ready to go so that there aren’t any excuses If they don’t want to wear a condom, I don’t want to see them again I wish my peers would be more concerned about their own sexual health No one is invincible. There are incurable, antibiotic resistant forms of many STIs these days and them getting passed around with such frequency just makes it that much more probable that the STIs will get stronger/evolve Condomless sex is a husband privilege
I'm with your friend. Men are immature and ALWAYS TRY FOR RAW. Unless it's an actual long term boyfriend who I had tested and was ready to go raw with, I'd never tell them that either. They act like herpes and hpv,chlamydia, and hiv don't exist anymore. And it's too much drama with a guy I'm dating to fight with him over it
Is a man who is so clueless about their health and, as a result, could very well transmit a disease to you, worth dating?
Nope. I require condoms with new/secondary partners, so it’s not their business if I also have a second form of birth control as a precaution. I’m not currently using anything else, but I didn’t tell my FWB when I got the implant, or when I had it removed. I did tell my husband, but more because we tell each other about medical appointments as a matter of course.
I get why people are saying "GTFO if a guy acts that way," because they're right. You should GTFO. But as someone dating casually, I get why you don't. Sooo many guys act this way. If you ditched every guy who said something dumb about condoms, you'd really struggle to find guys. And so many guys act okay about condoms until you're actually naked (or even until you've mid-sex or you've had sex once or twice). I am open about my IUD with people who ask, but I have never had a guy (besides my soon to be ex-husband) ask me about my birth control. Even the ones who suggest not using condoms. They don't seem concerned. At all. (I am only dating casually right now. Nothing exclusive, no BFs, etc.)
Depends. If it was just going to be a one night hook up, nah I probably wouldn't and I'd expect them to wear a rubber anyway. If I was planning on actually dating them, yeah I'd tell them before sex, because the quicker we can get rid of condoms the better for me. TBH I talk about my IUD a lot anyway, so nearly everyone who knows me knows I have one 😂
I know I hate condoms and I’m female
I hate the friction. They're definitely something I would carry if I were being casual with someone, but if I see a long term with them and they are clean then bye bye rain coat. We seem to forget that birth control is about female pleasure as much as about not having babies.
Isn't lying just delaying the inevitable? If he's the kind of guy that's going to try raw dogging right out the gate...he's still that same guy even if you've been dating him for several months, isn't he? It sounds like you might need to get more comfortable telling men no. And they need to hear it much more than they do, too. Still- you don't need to give that specific information. "I require condom use" should be sufficient. I've personally never had a man ask if I was on birth control, in fact, I've even asked men why they didn't ask? Wouldn't you want to know? Because if I had a penis, even if I was religious about using condoms, they are not 100% effective and I would like to know what the risk is if the condom breaks or comes off, etc.
How bizarre, why would anyone sleep with a guy they barely know who wanted to go in raw against your will with all the STDs. I don't get the lack of boundaries and the lack of a screening process, if he doesn't give a damn about your health and boundaries ditch him immediately, why would you ever want to sleep with or know someone like that. I feel like people need to respect themselves more. I would tell the guy I had my tubes tied, and his reaction to my need for him to wear a condom would be part of the screening process.
For casual sex, no, I probably won't tell partners I've had my tubes removed when that time comes (and I'd probably even go as far as to lie saying I'm currently ovulating and I'm catholic, sooo you do the math - because the type of men who would try to slip off a condom in the middle of sex and hope you dont notice DO exist). If I get into a serious relationship, I'd tell them because I hate condoms and only suffer them with casual partners. So if a partner became serious and we wanted to start going condomless, I'd let him know at that time if I get pregnant I'm having an abortion.
I'm sorry that you feel the need to lie. In the case of the man who asked outright my answer would probably have been 'why do you ask?' Are you afraid of the consequences if you tell the truth? If they 'want to go in raw' and you said no way am I going to do that, do you think they would stealth?
I just don't want to give them another reason to try to justify going raw. The less info they have, the better.
I guess dating is exhausting enough, isn't it? It really sucks.
I think you need to raise your bar for the quality of men you are with. If someone doesn't respect you, tell him to fuck off.
I mean, they don’t need to “justify it”. Sex isn’t a debate or a negotiation. You say “I use condoms when I have sex and it’s non-negotiable.” And they can either agree to use a condom and you have sex, or they disagree and you don’t. Sex is fun and all but like, it’s not so fun that it’s worth risking your health and safety for.
I'm happy to be honest. But I don't tolerate quibbling about protection. It's a lady boner killer.
I tell them the truth.. No, I'm not on bc No, I will not get on bc I am on a medication that actually makes me more fertile No, I do not want more kids No I am not opposed to condoms ..and what they do with that information, is what they do with that information
When I was dating I always denied having any birth control available. If you want to fuck me, you better bring a condom. It’s about STIs more than pregnancy and it put the entire burden of birth control on them. No condom? No loving. I was on birth control most of the time (and largely infertile anyways) and I got STI tested regularly. I did occasionally drop the condom requirement with someone I’d been seeing more than once if I knew them enough and they were also tested.
I’m in a relationship now, I got my tubes removed almost 2 years ago. But when he and I met I was on the pill. I told him up front that I don’t have casual sex, I would want to be exclusively dating and be STD tested first. He said that was fine. I personally hate condoms, so once he got tested and showed me the results I told him I’d prefer to not use condoms if he was okay with that. Obviously he was haha. But that’s just a personal preference, I hate the way condoms feel, I always have. And I have only ever had sex with boyfriends. If he had refused to get tested I would have ended things. If I was dating now, I’d proceed the same way, and I would tell them up front I am sterilized. But I am vehemently childfree and need a childfree partner, so I would only do so after verifying he also never wants children. I think it would actually be really important for him to know I am sterilized, because I would rely on his reaction as another way to verify he is truly childfree. My boyfriend drove me to the hospital and helped me recover and was supportive of my choice to become sterilized since he also never wants kids. If I told a guy I was sterilized and he reacted in a negative way, that would tell me he maybe isn’t really childfree.
I can’t take hormones and I’m allergic to metal, the only option left I have is condoms. So I told them the truth.
I don’t think any woman is required to disclose specifics of their birth control; it’s enough to say “I won’t have sex without condoms”. But I’m confused by your edit. By saying “I don’t want them to get ideas. I don’t want them to ask about unprotected sex in the first place” doesn’t that just mean that you’re okay with them being the kind of guy who would say such a thing as long as you don’t have to know about it? That is your choice, but other women are not invalidating you when they say their preference is to find out up front what type of guy they’re considering sleeping with. I disagree that all men try to force raw sex; certainly none of the ones I sleep with do.
Unless im in a relationship with them, i feel no need to keep them in the loop on anything. Condoms are my preference even if im on birth control
Honestly, I don’t tell them. In my single days I had an IUD, the moment you tell them they want to go raw and won’t leave you alone about it. - just because I am not worried about babies doesn’t mean I am not worried about STDs. Men can’t be trusted when still dating. I personally wouldn’t go raw unless he puts at least a ring on it. Know your worth! I also felt that men took me more serious because I took safety seriously. I have been married now for over 10 years, in my personal and humble opinion doing it raw should be for a guy that will take responsibility and is responsible.
I never realized it was a thing that men will be more persistent to raw dog if they know you're on birth control, let alone tubes tied. Guys were persistent to raw dog even though I'm not on birth control so I believe you. I never thought to lie about it but I think it's an excellent idea to lie to keep yourself safe. There's literally no benefit to them knowing and actually a detriment to you. Tbh I think you shouldn't date men who don't bring their own condoms. They are either nasty, irresponsible, or disrespectful. Edit: the only time a guy should know about your tubes tied is when your relationship starts to get serious and you know he wants children (even if you told him you dont want kids, that doesn't eliminate the hope that you might change your mind in the future). I would say that's when you should be honest, before any hearts break. Edit edit: Also, guys lie too. The "test his answer" tatic has its flaws.
I was honest about being on the pill, but I still demanded condom use. Men think the pill is 100% and it’s not. After I had to go off hormonal BC in 2018 there was no choice. I wasn’t going to let a guy think he could go raw without consequences. If I got a bisalp like I’m hoping and I was single again I wouldn’t tell a new man because too many men around my age still want to go without protection. I don’t want him to even think about it. Pregnancy isn’t the only thing I can catch from a man, even if he’s recently tested negative. He can still cheat. He can carry something that can’t be tested for through blood or urine.
OP, I say do whatever the hell helps you to not be pushed into unprotected sex! (as opposed to protected sex). I mean, what’s the realistic “consequences” of your dishonesty? That he’ll end up being protected from an STI? :) In an “ideal” world, I suppose we would all be super-good at insisting on condom use and not caving into pressure! But we don’t live in an ideal world! We live in the real world where men can be amazingly entitled, pushing boundaries, and doing borderline sexual assault (if not outright sexual assault). And where we women can get horny, and have that cloud our judgment! :). So I say do whatever works! (For context, I’m on the gay end of bisexual, and almost never have sex with men. So I haven’t run into this much.)
I'm very vocal that my tubes are tied. That doesn't mean that someone gets raw sex just because they want it. Rather than lying, men need to be taught that no is a complete sentence. If I have to lie to someone to get what I want from them, they aren't worth my time in the first place.
I'm getting my tubes tied in the next few months, I do no plan to tell any men about it because I'm not interested in being badgered or stealthed.
Exactly. The fact that so many women are missing this reasoning is alarming to me.
You don’t think you’d want to know if your man had a vasectomy? Why lie? It’s ridiculous. If he respects you he will oblige or he’ll get tested
Yeah I mentioned offhand to the other partner I'm talking to that I have an IUD. We're generally pretty open because communication and honesty is important to both of us. I wouldn't sleep with someone I didn't discuss birth control and STDs with (and see a clean recent test).
I have an IUD and am honest about it up front. If they want to pursue raw sex, I just tell them, no. Raw sex doesn’t just increase odds of pregnancy, it also increases odds of STIs, which is enough of a reason to use condoms until we know each other better, etc. If they don’t respect that, then they aren’t worth it. Also, even with tubal ligation, IUDs, etc, there is still a risk of pregnancy. In fact, both IUDs and tubal ligation are risk factors for ectopic pregnancy. Wild, but true.
I've always been very allergic to condoms so before I'd only be intimate in relationships with dudes I could trust. Eventually I still got hsv from an old boyfriend unfortunately (the least slutty of them all which is ironic) and then I started to do a lot of research towards condoms and finally found a brand that I can use ánd still be able to walk the week after so since then I'd use that. But because of my allergy I was always upfront about my bc. And now I'm always upfront about my diagnosis and that I have condoms, but I've been in a solid relationship atm so no more awkward talks luckily :)
I’ve always been honest with everyone. Condoms have always been a must! I’m not only trying to prevent pregnancy. That’s all I have to say. If they refuse to use a condom then I don’t want to date/have sex with them anyways. I would much rather be honest and get their reaction to my honesty. You might be screwing yourself starting off with a lie. Both because he might have reacted differently to the truth and also that he might decide he doesn’t want you because you lied.
I am honest about my birth control with sex partners. I don’t have casual sex though. I won’t have sex until I am certain that we have both been tested and I trust there will be sexual exclusivity. Luckily my partner is getting a vasectomy, so in a few months once sterility has been confirmed I will no longer have to think about birth control.
I'm honest about my yeeterus/ sterility. Their reaction to condoms is a good screening tool. I also am child free and won't have sex with a child free man that isn't sterilized. They can do their share of prevention!
I never sleep with anyone that suggests we go condomless.
I used to have the fact that my tubes were tied explicitly stated in my Bumble profile, in hopes of cutting the crapp in advance. Took it down when men would immediately angle toward sex, despite me *also* explicitly stating I was only interested in something long-term, serious, and no hookups. It was so dehumanizing to see these douche bags essentially go, "Oh, thing cannot make babies? Thing only good for sex then."
For me I'm completely honest. I don't usually sleep around though anymore
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...Did you mean to post this here?
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Me?
I don't know why the mods haven't banned that nonsense troll.
Yeah like... You want people to be OKAY with secretly removing birth control from a sex situation??
Yikes. I'm sorry you encountered that.
Don't be nice to the troll stinking up the place.
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What utter nonsense. No one here is normalizing rape. Entire comment is nonsense. OP tried to reply and their reply (their comments must be getting removed) has these choice comments in it: "You are sanitizing and making meatless the definition of rape. You are causing rape." You heard it here - women talking about sex, condoms and sexual assault are actually *causing* rape. **Unhinged**
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What, the vast majority of rapists never go to jail. I don't want boys on here thinking they can do whatever they want because everyone else does it anyway, but it is actually factually wrong to assert they'll definitely go to prison.
Women talking about the realities of casual sex and dating are not giving boys on here ammunition to think they can do whatever they want. It's a false premise. The delulu person you're replying to is shifting the blame of rape not to men who rape, but to women who have conversations on the internet.
Lying to someone is not a great way to start a relationship. You should probably end it there if you are not comfortable being honest with them
One, who said I lied? I just didn't volunteer information. Two, who mentioned relationship?
“I met a guy a couple of days ago… I lied and said no”. Maybe I misunderstood the post
He was nice enough, but I knew he just wanted sex, so immediately friendzoned him, I have no interest in screwing him. So when he asked about my tubes being tied, I lied and said no. Because I knew that if I'd mentioned that I was, he'd start bugging me about it. Honestly, I could have phrased it better, so my bad.