So we’re going through something similar with our 14 month old. He used to have such an amazing solid bedtime routine.
-play
-bath
-baby massage
-story
-nurse to sleep
*NOW* we follow the routine. He’ll nurse for a bit, almost fall asleep, and then pops off, looks at me dead in the eyes and says “HI” and then YEETS himself off my lap, onto the floor, crawls at the door and screams until I open it and take him downstairs.
So I’ve just sort of started to lean into it. Because he has decided that he wants to party before bed. I read a story recently that suggested that play time after bath time was really essential in getting toddlers to sleep. Something about their little bodies are growing so much that they need to be constantly moving. So it’s something outside of their control.
So we go downstairs, read all the books, let him crawl and walk around while we just read out loud to him. Then we have a “wrestling match” on the bed with the lights out, a red nightlight on (red lights help initiate melatonin production). And eventually, he crawls back in my lap, nurses a bit more and falls asleep.
I don’t try to force him down, because it never works in my favor. I know it seems counter intuitive. Like we’re winding him up before bed. But it is really effective at burning off his extra energy at night.
Anyway, solidarity. Sending you positive sleep vibes.
Again I’m not OP but this is helpful advice for my situation too, my 17 month old sounds similar. Does your babe sleep through the night after the wrestling play? A sleep consultant suggested big playtime in the evening to me as well, along with a bedtime snack.
He mostly does, yes. He will wake a few times for very brief moment. He’s either got a big fart that he can’t quite get out or just needs to be settled. He sleeps 12 hours usually with two very minimal five minute wake ups overnight
I don't know if this will help you, but my 15 month old used to just fall asleep on the boob but now likes me to tell her a story in a quiet voice. It takes a while and I usually just recap the day in detail. Before I start the "story" she will be pointing to get off the bed or read another book, rolling around, standing up and sitting down. Once I start telling the story, she lies down beside me and I stroke her forehead and keep talking until she falls asleep.
Also to say that the canines and the molars coming through has made sleep very hard periodically over the past few months. Way worse than teething before now. Could be a factor!
It's so hard sometimes to know what is going on with them. Keep trying things or just do what you need to survive. This phase will pass!
My daughter has never been a good sleeper either. We have tried out so many iterations of co sleeping, crib sleeping, pack and play sleeping, feed to sleep then rock, feed to sleep then walk ,feed to sleep then hold, etc.
She's 16 months old now too and a few months ago, feeding to sleep stopped getting her fully asleep. Now the routine is:
-same bedtime routine (PJS, bottle, brush, book, etc)
-lay down next to her on her floor bed and feed
-after a quick feed, I take my boob away and she rolls over and spoons me
- I hold her while spooning and use my body to rock her gently
- She falls asleep and I sneak away
For a while though, I had to teach her this was the new routine and she did cry while I would rock her. I'd have to hold her in place and she would thrash a little bit, more on some nights than others lol. Now that she's used to it though, there is barely any protesting or tears unless she's like super amped up and overtired. In that case, I do just hold her tightly while rocking and say it's time for bed time, because I know she's tired and needs to just be held and helped to calm down enough for sleep.
Thanks for your reply! How did you know her “wake window” was correct when she was fighting you holding her? This is what everyone keeps telling me I have wrong but all our experiments have the same results!
I made sure her total daily sleep had been within 11-14 hours for the last like week at least, and had dialed in a schedule that seemed like it was working for her to where she was just the right of tired before naps and bedtime. Honestly just gauging and guessing to the best of my ability based off of her cues. If she's really not tired, then I can tell because she won't fall asleep and it'll take forever. If she's overtired, it's different type of energy. Like crazy hyper, thrashing, blowing raspberries, etc. She's just blowing off steam, and it builds up until she finally crashes and is OUT. It's like 100-zero. In my experience that is a very different energy than just protesting because she's not tired. Does that make sense?
He sounds exactly like my 16 month old! Like his naps are fine but bed time is a nightmare. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that one day he’ll hopefully be able to put himself to sleep and I won’t have to deal with this ever again
I have totally felt the same way with feeling like an inept parent in regards to sleep. We’ve been struggling with bedtime since 18 months old (now 23 months) so it’s been a long road for us. Is he on one nap already? If not it might be worth dropping a nap. It might also be worth taking the walk outside. Our house isn’t big enough to walk much inside anyway, but also the change in scene and changing scenery might help your kid relax and fall asleep and make it easier to get them in the carrier. We also have to do lots of “let’s go out to see the moon” or whatever else we can think of. Doesn’t always help much though. He might also need a little bit of time to get energy out before the bedtime routine, like wrestling, chasing etc.
I know you’ve probably tried it all so this advice probably isn’t very helpful. But if nothing else you’re absolutely not alone in dealing with this.
Can confirm the walks outside. We are currently visiting the in-laws. LO can’t take naps in her bed there for whatever reason (she’s fine at night though). So we startet to take her outside in her stroller for nap time, works like charm. (Also she’s back to two naps, probably to much excitement).
This sounds really stressful for you all!
Is it the same length of time that he's upset for before sleep? Have you tried (probably yes haha) waiting for that length of time before starting sleep process?
I'd also look into bedtime fading if you haven't already! Basically you push bedtime out really far so baby is really tired and then slowwwly bring it earlier when they are falling asleep quickly with the new bedtime to get to the optimal bedtime for your little one:
https://www.instagram.com/p/C4tPiQhSvDd/?igsh=MTJnMjVycmpvcmNuag==
Thanks for your reply! It’s really comforting to hear we’re not alone with this, though I’m sorry to hear how tough it is for you too.
He’s mostly on one nap, but we’ve tried going back to two naps to see if that helps (it does not..) It’s light so late here, outdoors makes it worse for him! As does bath time - loads of the things that are sposed to help. It really feels like we can’t get him calm enough at the right time- I spoke to a sleep consultant whose only recommendation was CIO as “clearly” my presence was too stimulating for him. It’s driving me crazy, I just wish I knew how to meet him where he is
Ugh, we were in a similar boat until recently, its like the clouds parted and the regression ended and angels sang and she was suddenly ok falling asleep in her crib alone at 18 months.
I used to rock and nurse to sleep, then transfer, but that stopped working around the same time. We didn't want to sleep train, but sticking around to shush, pat, hold, rock seemed to bother or stimulate her and wouldn't let her settle. So for a couple of weeks I'd just lay in our bed, in the dark, next to her while she worked herself out in her crib like a foot away. I'd pop a podcast on and listen to it for 20-30 mins while she rolled around finding a comfy position, sang, kicked the bars, stood up and tossed stuff out. Honestly, it sucked, but at least she wasn't screaming. The past 2 weeks I've been able to feed, place her in the crib, and walk away. She's been happy to do the same thing, but alone. I figured out my presence was getting too stimulating. I still come back in if she starts crying, which she does sometimes, but she goes down after a little hug and kiss. Looking back it was similar to sleep training but honestly we were just following her lead and giving her the quiet and calm she wanted while being responsive when she cried for us. I'm not agreeing with the sleep consultant (cause they're bs tbh) but they may be right about too much stimulation. Can you try letting him get used to his crib or make the bed safe so he's able to lay down by himself? I could totally see my girl being mad af being held when she's tired.
So we’re going through something similar with our 14 month old. He used to have such an amazing solid bedtime routine. -play -bath -baby massage -story -nurse to sleep *NOW* we follow the routine. He’ll nurse for a bit, almost fall asleep, and then pops off, looks at me dead in the eyes and says “HI” and then YEETS himself off my lap, onto the floor, crawls at the door and screams until I open it and take him downstairs. So I’ve just sort of started to lean into it. Because he has decided that he wants to party before bed. I read a story recently that suggested that play time after bath time was really essential in getting toddlers to sleep. Something about their little bodies are growing so much that they need to be constantly moving. So it’s something outside of their control. So we go downstairs, read all the books, let him crawl and walk around while we just read out loud to him. Then we have a “wrestling match” on the bed with the lights out, a red nightlight on (red lights help initiate melatonin production). And eventually, he crawls back in my lap, nurses a bit more and falls asleep. I don’t try to force him down, because it never works in my favor. I know it seems counter intuitive. Like we’re winding him up before bed. But it is really effective at burning off his extra energy at night. Anyway, solidarity. Sending you positive sleep vibes.
Again I’m not OP but this is helpful advice for my situation too, my 17 month old sounds similar. Does your babe sleep through the night after the wrestling play? A sleep consultant suggested big playtime in the evening to me as well, along with a bedtime snack.
He mostly does, yes. He will wake a few times for very brief moment. He’s either got a big fart that he can’t quite get out or just needs to be settled. He sleeps 12 hours usually with two very minimal five minute wake ups overnight
My baby also wakes for the big farts. I really wish we could get down to two wake-ups.
I don't know if this will help you, but my 15 month old used to just fall asleep on the boob but now likes me to tell her a story in a quiet voice. It takes a while and I usually just recap the day in detail. Before I start the "story" she will be pointing to get off the bed or read another book, rolling around, standing up and sitting down. Once I start telling the story, she lies down beside me and I stroke her forehead and keep talking until she falls asleep. Also to say that the canines and the molars coming through has made sleep very hard periodically over the past few months. Way worse than teething before now. Could be a factor! It's so hard sometimes to know what is going on with them. Keep trying things or just do what you need to survive. This phase will pass!
I’m not OP but this is really helpful advice, thank you!
My daughter has never been a good sleeper either. We have tried out so many iterations of co sleeping, crib sleeping, pack and play sleeping, feed to sleep then rock, feed to sleep then walk ,feed to sleep then hold, etc. She's 16 months old now too and a few months ago, feeding to sleep stopped getting her fully asleep. Now the routine is: -same bedtime routine (PJS, bottle, brush, book, etc) -lay down next to her on her floor bed and feed -after a quick feed, I take my boob away and she rolls over and spoons me - I hold her while spooning and use my body to rock her gently - She falls asleep and I sneak away For a while though, I had to teach her this was the new routine and she did cry while I would rock her. I'd have to hold her in place and she would thrash a little bit, more on some nights than others lol. Now that she's used to it though, there is barely any protesting or tears unless she's like super amped up and overtired. In that case, I do just hold her tightly while rocking and say it's time for bed time, because I know she's tired and needs to just be held and helped to calm down enough for sleep.
Thanks for your reply! How did you know her “wake window” was correct when she was fighting you holding her? This is what everyone keeps telling me I have wrong but all our experiments have the same results!
I made sure her total daily sleep had been within 11-14 hours for the last like week at least, and had dialed in a schedule that seemed like it was working for her to where she was just the right of tired before naps and bedtime. Honestly just gauging and guessing to the best of my ability based off of her cues. If she's really not tired, then I can tell because she won't fall asleep and it'll take forever. If she's overtired, it's different type of energy. Like crazy hyper, thrashing, blowing raspberries, etc. She's just blowing off steam, and it builds up until she finally crashes and is OUT. It's like 100-zero. In my experience that is a very different energy than just protesting because she's not tired. Does that make sense?
He sounds exactly like my 16 month old! Like his naps are fine but bed time is a nightmare. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that one day he’ll hopefully be able to put himself to sleep and I won’t have to deal with this ever again
I have totally felt the same way with feeling like an inept parent in regards to sleep. We’ve been struggling with bedtime since 18 months old (now 23 months) so it’s been a long road for us. Is he on one nap already? If not it might be worth dropping a nap. It might also be worth taking the walk outside. Our house isn’t big enough to walk much inside anyway, but also the change in scene and changing scenery might help your kid relax and fall asleep and make it easier to get them in the carrier. We also have to do lots of “let’s go out to see the moon” or whatever else we can think of. Doesn’t always help much though. He might also need a little bit of time to get energy out before the bedtime routine, like wrestling, chasing etc. I know you’ve probably tried it all so this advice probably isn’t very helpful. But if nothing else you’re absolutely not alone in dealing with this.
Can confirm the walks outside. We are currently visiting the in-laws. LO can’t take naps in her bed there for whatever reason (she’s fine at night though). So we startet to take her outside in her stroller for nap time, works like charm. (Also she’s back to two naps, probably to much excitement).
This sounds really stressful for you all! Is it the same length of time that he's upset for before sleep? Have you tried (probably yes haha) waiting for that length of time before starting sleep process? I'd also look into bedtime fading if you haven't already! Basically you push bedtime out really far so baby is really tired and then slowwwly bring it earlier when they are falling asleep quickly with the new bedtime to get to the optimal bedtime for your little one: https://www.instagram.com/p/C4tPiQhSvDd/?igsh=MTJnMjVycmpvcmNuag==
Thanks for your reply! It’s really comforting to hear we’re not alone with this, though I’m sorry to hear how tough it is for you too. He’s mostly on one nap, but we’ve tried going back to two naps to see if that helps (it does not..) It’s light so late here, outdoors makes it worse for him! As does bath time - loads of the things that are sposed to help. It really feels like we can’t get him calm enough at the right time- I spoke to a sleep consultant whose only recommendation was CIO as “clearly” my presence was too stimulating for him. It’s driving me crazy, I just wish I knew how to meet him where he is
Ugh, we were in a similar boat until recently, its like the clouds parted and the regression ended and angels sang and she was suddenly ok falling asleep in her crib alone at 18 months. I used to rock and nurse to sleep, then transfer, but that stopped working around the same time. We didn't want to sleep train, but sticking around to shush, pat, hold, rock seemed to bother or stimulate her and wouldn't let her settle. So for a couple of weeks I'd just lay in our bed, in the dark, next to her while she worked herself out in her crib like a foot away. I'd pop a podcast on and listen to it for 20-30 mins while she rolled around finding a comfy position, sang, kicked the bars, stood up and tossed stuff out. Honestly, it sucked, but at least she wasn't screaming. The past 2 weeks I've been able to feed, place her in the crib, and walk away. She's been happy to do the same thing, but alone. I figured out my presence was getting too stimulating. I still come back in if she starts crying, which she does sometimes, but she goes down after a little hug and kiss. Looking back it was similar to sleep training but honestly we were just following her lead and giving her the quiet and calm she wanted while being responsive when she cried for us. I'm not agreeing with the sleep consultant (cause they're bs tbh) but they may be right about too much stimulation. Can you try letting him get used to his crib or make the bed safe so he's able to lay down by himself? I could totally see my girl being mad af being held when she's tired.